1 00:00:03,655 --> 00:00:05,179 [beeping] 2 00:00:05,179 --> 00:00:08,443 SHIP COMPUTER: Planet crust-- 59.6% silica. 3 00:00:08,443 --> 00:00:12,055 Again with the silica. It's always silica. 4 00:00:12,055 --> 00:00:14,884 SHIP COMPUTER: Scan complete. Minimal resources detected. 5 00:00:14,884 --> 00:00:16,886 Planet has low potential. 6 00:00:16,886 --> 00:00:19,149 Looks like my decision's made for me. 7 00:00:19,149 --> 00:00:21,282 Navigation, set course for home. 8 00:00:22,326 --> 00:00:24,502 [creature squeals] 9 00:00:24,502 --> 00:00:26,287 ROGER: What the? 10 00:00:26,287 --> 00:00:28,463 [dramatic music plays] 11 00:00:28,463 --> 00:00:32,336 - [roars] - Aah! 12 00:00:32,336 --> 00:00:36,906 ♪ 13 00:00:36,906 --> 00:00:39,343 [laughs] Aah! 14 00:00:39,343 --> 00:00:41,867 [screaming] 15 00:00:43,478 --> 00:00:45,262 [screeches] 16 00:00:45,262 --> 00:00:48,439 Aah! 17 00:00:48,439 --> 00:00:50,615 [glass shatters] 18 00:00:50,615 --> 00:00:52,878 ♪ 19 00:00:52,878 --> 00:00:55,359 [screaming] 20 00:00:55,359 --> 00:01:02,540 ♪ 21 00:01:15,684 --> 00:01:18,078 [coughs] 22 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,688 SHIP COMPUTER: Fuel core not found. 23 00:01:19,688 --> 00:01:21,211 Switching to reserve power. 24 00:01:21,211 --> 00:01:23,909 Reserve power sufficient for orbital launch. 25 00:01:23,909 --> 00:01:25,259 That's good news. 26 00:01:25,259 --> 00:01:26,173 SHIP COMPUTER: Reserve power depleted 27 00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:27,957 by orbital launch calculations. 28 00:01:27,957 --> 00:01:29,524 [ship powers down] 29 00:01:29,524 --> 00:01:31,395 That's bad design. 30 00:01:31,395 --> 00:01:33,267 [sighs] 31 00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:35,138 I gotta find that fuel core. 32 00:01:35,138 --> 00:01:38,446 [coyotes howling] 33 00:01:38,446 --> 00:01:40,578 ♪ 34 00:01:40,578 --> 00:01:44,365 [vehicle approaches] 35 00:01:44,365 --> 00:01:46,149 Can't let the inhabitants see me. 36 00:01:46,149 --> 00:01:48,543 - [wind whistles] - Shit. 37 00:01:48,543 --> 00:01:50,893 Salutations, fellow traveler. 38 00:01:50,893 --> 00:01:54,201 Well, you don't look like you're from around here. 39 00:01:54,201 --> 00:01:56,594 You must be a hobo! 40 00:01:56,594 --> 00:02:00,511 A poor hobo wandering the desert like an Israelite. 41 00:02:00,511 --> 00:02:04,428 I'm Freddy Underwood, Bible salesman and good Samaritan. 42 00:02:04,428 --> 00:02:06,430 And you're coming with me. 43 00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:08,432 - I don't want to. - I insist. 44 00:02:09,955 --> 00:02:12,044 So you're taking me prisoner? 45 00:02:12,044 --> 00:02:14,351 FREDDY UNDERWOOD: I'm taking you for a hot meal. 46 00:02:14,351 --> 00:02:16,440 So you're gonna eat me, then? 47 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:18,877 [laughs] I don't eat hobos! 48 00:02:18,877 --> 00:02:20,792 Not since the Great Depression. 49 00:02:20,792 --> 00:02:22,316 [laughs] 50 00:02:22,316 --> 00:02:24,883 [whistling] 51 00:02:24,883 --> 00:02:27,538 BROADCASTER: As reports come in of a large crash 52 00:02:27,538 --> 00:02:30,193 somewhere in the desert of what some are saying was 53 00:02:30,193 --> 00:02:32,848 an unidentified flying object. 54 00:02:36,417 --> 00:02:39,681 I'm not much for news unless it's the good news. 55 00:02:39,681 --> 00:02:42,466 Used to be a preacher. Preached the good book. 56 00:02:42,466 --> 00:02:46,340 Then something happened. Now I sell the good book! 57 00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:51,997 Don't believe in it anymore because of what happened. 58 00:02:51,997 --> 00:02:54,217 And here we are! 59 00:02:54,217 --> 00:02:56,828 Grandma Macadoo's boarding house. 60 00:02:56,828 --> 00:02:58,134 You're gonna like her. 61 00:02:58,134 --> 00:02:59,875 - She's a warm, earthy woman... - [door opens] 62 00:02:59,875 --> 00:03:02,399 FREDDY UNDERWOOD: ...but saltier than Lot's wife! 63 00:03:02,399 --> 00:03:06,142 I got a hungry one for you, young Miss Macadoo. 64 00:03:06,142 --> 00:03:08,797 Little guy with long arms, huh? 65 00:03:08,797 --> 00:03:10,364 I dropped a dirty sex book 66 00:03:10,364 --> 00:03:12,453 on the far side of my claw-foot tub. 67 00:03:12,453 --> 00:03:17,327 If you can reach it, I'll give ya a big plate of chipped beef. 68 00:03:17,327 --> 00:03:19,155 Ah, he's runnin' away. 69 00:03:19,155 --> 00:03:22,854 Grandma, this jackrabbit's head's all mushy! 70 00:03:22,854 --> 00:03:25,335 Ew. Gross! 71 00:03:26,989 --> 00:03:29,296 Can I make his head all mushy? 72 00:03:29,992 --> 00:03:33,735 [dramatic music plays] 73 00:03:33,735 --> 00:03:36,259 [sniffing] 74 00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:38,305 [sniffs, screeches] 75 00:03:40,394 --> 00:03:41,960 [sniffs] 76 00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:47,531 [growls] 77 00:03:47,531 --> 00:03:51,231 ♪ 78 00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,058 [old-timey music plays] 79 00:03:53,058 --> 00:03:55,365 Oh good, I'm up! 80 00:03:55,365 --> 00:04:01,893 ♪ 81 00:04:01,893 --> 00:04:04,940 Rip Van Winkle rises! 82 00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:06,942 I need to go. 83 00:04:06,942 --> 00:04:08,160 Suit yourself. 84 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:10,250 [stomach growls] 85 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,948 Ha ha! Someone smells that chipped beef. 86 00:04:12,948 --> 00:04:14,558 Chipped beef again? 87 00:04:14,558 --> 00:04:16,125 What did think you were getting, Luis? 88 00:04:16,125 --> 00:04:17,605 A salad?! 89 00:04:17,605 --> 00:04:19,302 [Southern accent] None for me, please. 90 00:04:19,302 --> 00:04:20,956 Watching my figure. 91 00:04:20,956 --> 00:04:23,480 Screen stars have to stay trim. 92 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:26,353 I'm Roslyn Jenkins, not that you know the name yet. [chuckles] 93 00:04:26,353 --> 00:04:28,920 I'm in New Mexico for a brief respite. 94 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,053 Then I'm off to be a young ingenue for 95 00:04:31,053 --> 00:04:33,098 Metro Goldwyn and Mayer. 96 00:04:33,098 --> 00:04:35,057 You've been here nine years. 97 00:04:35,057 --> 00:04:36,624 You're 60, right? 98 00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:38,234 I'm not 60! 99 00:04:38,234 --> 00:04:40,628 It's this damn dry air. 100 00:04:40,628 --> 00:04:43,065 Uncle Cosworth, you joining us? 101 00:04:43,065 --> 00:04:46,242 Soon as I get this old girl loaded. 102 00:04:46,242 --> 00:04:49,506 Uncle Cosworth is one of the last living Civil War veterans. 103 00:04:49,506 --> 00:04:51,726 He liked shooting so much, he fought for both sides. 104 00:04:51,726 --> 00:04:54,816 Clifton! Put your little club down and eat something. 105 00:04:54,816 --> 00:04:57,514 ♪ 106 00:04:57,514 --> 00:05:00,865 You know, I heard on the radio that some people think 107 00:05:00,865 --> 00:05:03,738 they saw a Martian spaceship last night. 108 00:05:03,738 --> 00:05:06,349 Ya listen to my radio, ya pay me a nickel! 109 00:05:06,349 --> 00:05:08,917 I'll tell you something. As a crop duster-- 110 00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:11,659 I'm a crop duster. I spend a lot of time in the air. 111 00:05:11,659 --> 00:05:13,704 And I've seen my fair share of things in the sky 112 00:05:13,704 --> 00:05:15,445 that I cannot explain. 113 00:05:15,445 --> 00:05:17,360 Once I saw what appeared to be a black bird, 114 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,449 but it had the body of a mouse. 115 00:05:19,449 --> 00:05:21,451 And it was nighttime! 116 00:05:21,451 --> 00:05:23,671 Sounds like a bat to me, friend. 117 00:05:23,671 --> 00:05:25,020 A what?! 118 00:05:25,020 --> 00:05:26,717 [chuckles] 119 00:05:26,717 --> 00:05:29,241 I also fought in the Spanish-American War 120 00:05:29,241 --> 00:05:31,243 in 1898. 121 00:05:31,243 --> 00:05:33,376 Tremendous war. 122 00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:35,552 I don't know what it was about, 123 00:05:35,552 --> 00:05:38,903 but I'm sure we were the good guys. 124 00:05:38,903 --> 00:05:41,166 Luis, you don't know when that airplane 125 00:05:41,166 --> 00:05:42,994 is gonna drop like a stone. 126 00:05:42,994 --> 00:05:44,953 You need to be at peace with the big bearded man 127 00:05:44,953 --> 00:05:46,128 in the clouds. 128 00:05:46,128 --> 00:05:48,043 You need a Bible. 129 00:05:48,043 --> 00:05:50,132 But you don't believe in the Bible. 130 00:05:50,132 --> 00:05:52,177 Some big bearded man in the clouds? 131 00:05:52,177 --> 00:05:53,962 I'm not an idiot! 132 00:05:53,962 --> 00:05:56,399 But you can't afford to take chances. 133 00:05:56,399 --> 00:05:59,837 And I'd believe the Bible if I could, trust that, but I can't. 134 00:05:59,837 --> 00:06:02,187 I'm locked out of the gates 135 00:06:02,187 --> 00:06:04,015 because of all of those hobos I ate. 136 00:06:04,015 --> 00:06:07,018 [laughing] 137 00:06:07,018 --> 00:06:10,674 And if you make new chipped beef inside the old chipped beef, 138 00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:13,460 you never have to wash the pot! 139 00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:17,638 But do I make my debut in comedy or tragedy? 140 00:06:17,638 --> 00:06:20,031 I mean, I can do both equal-- 141 00:06:20,031 --> 00:06:22,338 Clifton! It's dead already! 142 00:06:22,338 --> 00:06:25,036 GRANDMA MACADOO: All done? 143 00:06:25,036 --> 00:06:27,691 I suppose that means you'll be hitting the road? 144 00:06:27,691 --> 00:06:29,389 [vehicle approaches] 145 00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:30,781 [suspenseful music plays] 146 00:06:30,781 --> 00:06:34,698 ♪ 147 00:06:34,698 --> 00:06:36,047 [pound on door] 148 00:06:38,615 --> 00:06:41,096 Evening, madam. I'm with the OSS. 149 00:06:41,096 --> 00:06:43,664 Wait, sorry, the CIA. 150 00:06:43,664 --> 00:06:45,753 They just changed the name on us. 151 00:06:45,753 --> 00:06:47,885 I'm Agent Avery Bullock. 152 00:06:47,885 --> 00:06:51,019 Wait, sorry, Avery Bullock Senior. 153 00:06:51,019 --> 00:06:53,717 I just had a son, and he changed my name on me. 154 00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:55,763 Hello, citizens! 155 00:06:55,763 --> 00:06:57,678 I'm sure you've all heard about a crash 156 00:06:57,678 --> 00:06:59,375 that happened last night, 157 00:06:59,375 --> 00:07:02,378 and maybe you've even heard it was a UFO. 158 00:07:02,378 --> 00:07:05,903 [laughs] A UFO? Can you imagine? 159 00:07:05,903 --> 00:07:07,949 Do you want to know what it really was? 160 00:07:07,949 --> 00:07:09,777 A weather balloon. 161 00:07:09,777 --> 00:07:12,562 A common, everyday, you've-seen-it-a-thousand-times 162 00:07:12,562 --> 00:07:13,868 weather balloon. 163 00:07:13,868 --> 00:07:16,044 What is a weather balloon? 164 00:07:16,044 --> 00:07:18,002 It's a type of balloon. 165 00:07:18,002 --> 00:07:22,354 If it was just a balloon, why is the OSS here? 166 00:07:22,354 --> 00:07:24,356 "Why is the CIA here?" 167 00:07:24,356 --> 00:07:27,142 What's that thing you're carrying? 168 00:07:27,142 --> 00:07:29,623 It's a tool for capturing weather balloons. 169 00:07:29,623 --> 00:07:33,017 Now that I've answered all your questions flawlessly, 170 00:07:33,017 --> 00:07:34,715 I have a question. 171 00:07:34,715 --> 00:07:37,892 Have you seen any suspicious characters around? 172 00:07:37,892 --> 00:07:39,502 Suspicious how? 173 00:07:39,502 --> 00:07:42,505 Just suspicious. Not an alien or anything, 174 00:07:42,505 --> 00:07:46,509 but maybe gray or green skin, maybe tentacles. 175 00:07:46,509 --> 00:07:48,729 Assistance in finding someone like that 176 00:07:48,729 --> 00:07:50,382 would be greatly appreciated. 177 00:07:50,382 --> 00:07:55,257 And any resistance would be greatly unappreciated. 178 00:07:55,257 --> 00:07:58,782 Mister, I know for a fact that every one of us 179 00:07:58,782 --> 00:08:00,784 has seen a suspicious character... 180 00:08:02,917 --> 00:08:05,267 ...in the mirror! 181 00:08:05,267 --> 00:08:07,051 [laughter] 182 00:08:07,051 --> 00:08:11,099 Well, I'll leave you to your joyless laughter. 183 00:08:11,099 --> 00:08:13,318 Is it only six of you for dinner? 184 00:08:13,318 --> 00:08:15,103 You better believe it! 185 00:08:15,103 --> 00:08:18,454 Then why are there seven plates? 186 00:08:18,454 --> 00:08:19,977 [gasps] 187 00:08:21,892 --> 00:08:23,198 [whimpers] 188 00:08:23,198 --> 00:08:25,287 BULLOCK: Do I hear the frightened whimpering 189 00:08:25,287 --> 00:08:27,855 of a nasty little weather balloon in there? 190 00:08:27,855 --> 00:08:30,858 [door creaks] 191 00:08:31,119 --> 00:08:33,556 [suspenseful music plays] 192 00:08:33,556 --> 00:08:34,731 [door creaks] 193 00:08:34,731 --> 00:08:37,560 ♪ 194 00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:38,909 [light switch clicks] 195 00:08:40,955 --> 00:08:42,391 Well, this didn't work. 196 00:08:42,391 --> 00:08:44,393 I beg your pardon, madam. 197 00:08:44,393 --> 00:08:47,265 Wait, you think I'm a woman? But I look ridiculous. 198 00:08:47,265 --> 00:08:49,746 I've seen more fetching women, sure, 199 00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:52,880 but you're no more homely than your very homely twin sister 200 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:54,969 I saw out in the dining room. 201 00:08:54,969 --> 00:08:58,189 Because I look just like Grandma Macadoo. 202 00:08:58,189 --> 00:09:00,888 Get out of my way! Chipped beef, chipped beef! 203 00:09:00,888 --> 00:09:02,411 - [all gasp] - What in the twinly name 204 00:09:02,411 --> 00:09:03,934 of Jacob and Esau! 205 00:09:03,934 --> 00:09:06,763 I'm back from the bathroom, everybody, me, 206 00:09:06,763 --> 00:09:08,896 Grandma Macadoo's sister. 207 00:09:08,896 --> 00:09:11,899 Grandma Macadoo? 208 00:09:11,899 --> 00:09:14,728 Why did you all say there were only six of you here? 209 00:09:14,728 --> 00:09:16,207 Oh, no! 210 00:09:16,207 --> 00:09:18,079 They couldn't hear you over the sound of your stomach 211 00:09:18,079 --> 00:09:19,515 smelling the chipped beef! 212 00:09:19,515 --> 00:09:21,082 I'll get you a bowl. 213 00:09:21,082 --> 00:09:23,432 The secret to chipped beef is the creaminess, 214 00:09:23,432 --> 00:09:26,696 and the secret to my creaminess is horse milk. 215 00:09:26,696 --> 00:09:29,917 Sure, horse milk tastes like grass and smells like a horse, 216 00:09:29,917 --> 00:09:32,659 and cow milk is way better in every way imaginable, 217 00:09:32,659 --> 00:09:35,357 but I don't have a cow and I do have a horse. 218 00:09:35,357 --> 00:09:37,315 [tires squeal] 219 00:09:37,315 --> 00:09:40,318 Or I did, before I chipped it up and beefed it. 220 00:09:41,711 --> 00:09:44,192 It's like I'm looking in a mirror. 221 00:09:44,192 --> 00:09:46,673 Hobo? That's you, right? 222 00:09:46,673 --> 00:09:49,240 - Somehow? - [all gasp] 223 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:53,244 One of the greatest acting performances I've ever seen! 224 00:09:53,244 --> 00:09:56,421 You simply became Grandma Macadoo. 225 00:09:56,421 --> 00:10:00,687 What makes my disguise so effective on humans? 226 00:10:00,687 --> 00:10:04,212 Well, it's time I came clean about what I am-- 227 00:10:04,212 --> 00:10:05,517 - a big ol' alien. - Whoa, whoa, whoa! 228 00:10:05,517 --> 00:10:07,128 - Stop talking! - No, no, no, not our business! 229 00:10:07,128 --> 00:10:09,826 Let me explain something to you, magical hobo. 230 00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:12,742 We all came to the middle of nowhere for a reason. 231 00:10:12,742 --> 00:10:14,831 We don't talk about the past 232 00:10:14,831 --> 00:10:17,225 or who poisoned what daddy where 233 00:10:17,225 --> 00:10:20,010 or why the well water went smelly. 234 00:10:20,010 --> 00:10:21,751 And don't ask me about stealing my airplane, 235 00:10:21,751 --> 00:10:23,710 which doomed my squadron. 236 00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:25,668 I'm always joking about what I did, 237 00:10:25,668 --> 00:10:27,627 but it really actually truly happened. 238 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,367 I did it! I ate 'em! 239 00:10:29,367 --> 00:10:32,544 Can you, uh, do me like you did Granny? 240 00:10:32,544 --> 00:10:35,896 I used to preach the good book. Now I sell it! 241 00:10:35,896 --> 00:10:38,768 - [all gasp] - Do me! 242 00:10:38,768 --> 00:10:40,248 I'm a fresh young thing, 243 00:10:40,248 --> 00:10:42,511 and my gorgeous little face looks like a river map. 244 00:10:42,511 --> 00:10:45,470 I want to become a star by sitting here in the corner! 245 00:10:45,470 --> 00:10:47,342 Hey! 246 00:10:47,342 --> 00:10:50,301 It was brother against brother, which was tough 247 00:10:50,301 --> 00:10:53,391 because I didn't have a brother, so I had to shoot my sister! 248 00:10:53,391 --> 00:10:54,741 [gunshot] 249 00:10:54,741 --> 00:10:57,308 [laughs] 250 00:10:57,308 --> 00:11:00,224 I like to fart a big load of dust onto some crops, 251 00:11:00,224 --> 00:11:02,357 then go to town and pay a man and a lady 252 00:11:02,357 --> 00:11:04,576 to watch me have sex with my plane. 253 00:11:04,576 --> 00:11:07,579 Boy, this magical hobo was listening to everything I said! 254 00:11:07,579 --> 00:11:09,277 Can you become anyone else? 255 00:11:09,277 --> 00:11:10,887 I don't know anyone else. 256 00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:13,542 What if we went into town, met some other people? 257 00:11:13,542 --> 00:11:15,283 It's the Green Chile Festival! 258 00:11:15,283 --> 00:11:17,198 I should get going, actually. 259 00:11:17,198 --> 00:11:19,113 I have to find my spaceship's fuel core. 260 00:11:19,113 --> 00:11:21,071 - La, la, la, la, la, la, la! - Try this. 261 00:11:21,071 --> 00:11:23,334 Trust me. 262 00:11:23,334 --> 00:11:24,422 [swallows] 263 00:11:24,422 --> 00:11:25,728 Phew. 264 00:11:25,728 --> 00:11:28,165 Town. Chiles. Now. 265 00:11:28,165 --> 00:11:31,168 [up-tempo music plays] 266 00:11:31,168 --> 00:11:32,343 [engine starts] 267 00:11:32,343 --> 00:11:37,740 ♪ 268 00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:42,223 ♪ In a town in Sweden by a stream so clear and cool♪ 269 00:11:42,223 --> 00:11:44,355 ♪ Some boys were sitting, fishing♪ 270 00:11:44,355 --> 00:11:47,184 ♪ When they should have been in school♪ 271 00:11:47,184 --> 00:11:49,578 ♪ They couldn't read or write a word♪ 272 00:11:49,578 --> 00:11:52,624 ♪ But happiness they found ♪ 273 00:11:52,624 --> 00:11:54,975 ♪ In a little song they heard ♪ 274 00:11:54,975 --> 00:11:56,933 ♪ Here's how it would sound ♪ 275 00:11:56,933 --> 00:11:58,761 ♪ Hut-sut rawlson on the rillerah♪ 276 00:11:58,761 --> 00:12:01,721 ♪ And a brawla, brawla sooit ♪ 277 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,635 ♪ Hut-sut rawlson on the rillerah♪ 278 00:12:03,635 --> 00:12:06,813 ♪ And a brawla sooit ♪ 279 00:12:06,813 --> 00:12:07,988 What's that? 280 00:12:07,988 --> 00:12:10,033 Tent revival? 281 00:12:10,033 --> 00:12:12,470 Is there something in there I can put inside me 282 00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:17,171 or put myself inside or maybe, I don't know, rub on myself? 283 00:12:17,171 --> 00:12:21,479 PREACHER: I was there, in the field, a man of clay, 284 00:12:21,479 --> 00:12:24,700 my heart and mind still mired in the frantic decadence 285 00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:27,094 and sin of this modern life. 286 00:12:27,094 --> 00:12:31,185 "Green chili this," and "peepshow that," 287 00:12:31,185 --> 00:12:36,320 when out of the sky it fell. 288 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:38,061 [all gasp] 289 00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:40,803 It exploded into the ground, 290 00:12:40,803 --> 00:12:43,066 and I went to it. 291 00:12:43,066 --> 00:12:46,026 My mind was made clear! 292 00:12:46,026 --> 00:12:48,898 My heart became full with the Lord! 293 00:12:48,898 --> 00:12:52,597 My hair became very easy to comb! 294 00:12:52,597 --> 00:12:55,426 My teeth fell out and landed on the ground 295 00:12:55,426 --> 00:12:57,951 with a pretty little pitter-pat! 296 00:12:57,951 --> 00:13:01,955 And a voice whispered, and I knew, I understood 297 00:13:01,955 --> 00:13:06,742 that it was a sacred piece of Heaven's wall! 298 00:13:06,742 --> 00:13:08,613 I must touch it! 299 00:13:08,613 --> 00:13:09,745 [gunshot] 300 00:13:09,745 --> 00:13:11,138 [all gasp] 301 00:13:11,138 --> 00:13:13,793 Only I may touch the relic! 302 00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,838 MAN: Praise be! 303 00:13:15,838 --> 00:13:19,755 Now, we have all heard tell of an alien in our midst, 304 00:13:19,755 --> 00:13:21,496 but I say to you this-- 305 00:13:21,496 --> 00:13:24,760 it is not an alien that has come to us 306 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:27,458 - but an angel! - MAN: Hallelujah! 307 00:13:27,458 --> 00:13:29,547 WOMAN: Amen! 308 00:13:29,547 --> 00:13:32,115 [suspenseful music plays] 309 00:13:32,115 --> 00:13:36,511 ♪ 310 00:13:36,511 --> 00:13:38,382 Oh! 311 00:13:38,382 --> 00:13:41,646 Lord, thank you for this sacred chunk. 312 00:13:41,646 --> 00:13:45,912 Let no man sunder me from my godly chunk. 313 00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:48,001 Ta-da! Whoa, whoa, whoa! 314 00:13:48,001 --> 00:13:51,221 It's me! It's me! The angel! I'm here for that! 315 00:13:51,221 --> 00:13:54,877 [hisses] You don't look like an angel! 316 00:13:54,877 --> 00:13:57,749 Where are your wings?! 317 00:13:57,749 --> 00:14:00,274 I tuck 'em into my robes when I'm not flying. 318 00:14:00,274 --> 00:14:02,537 - Where's your halo? - Also tucked. 319 00:14:02,537 --> 00:14:04,495 Most of these things are for flying only, 320 00:14:04,495 --> 00:14:06,715 and it's immediate tuck-time on landing. 321 00:14:06,715 --> 00:14:09,500 MAN: Looks like she's wearing a piece of the tent! 322 00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:12,373 - Can we see you fly? - I'd rather not. 323 00:14:12,373 --> 00:14:14,854 Maybe I'll just shoot you, to be safe. 324 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,638 I saw him fly! 325 00:14:16,638 --> 00:14:18,118 [all gasp] 326 00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:21,208 It was the most beautiful thing I ever saw. 327 00:14:21,208 --> 00:14:23,601 It brought tears to these Southern eyes. 328 00:14:23,601 --> 00:14:26,300 And as I looked upon that flying angel, 329 00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:29,259 I said to myself, "Be strong, Roslyn! 330 00:14:29,259 --> 00:14:32,872 Because whether it was poison or not, Daddy is gone, 331 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:35,222 and if you just sit on your tuffet, 332 00:14:35,222 --> 00:14:37,789 you'll never get to brush your hair at the pink vanity 333 00:14:37,789 --> 00:14:38,921 - of Hollywoodland." - All right, that's plenty. 334 00:14:38,921 --> 00:14:40,444 - Huh? - I'm the angel, 335 00:14:40,444 --> 00:14:41,881 is the main takeaway, 336 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:44,231 and I'm here for that piece of our beautiful wall. 337 00:14:44,231 --> 00:14:46,407 There's a big hole near the gate, 338 00:14:46,407 --> 00:14:48,757 and s-sinners are wiggling through. 339 00:14:48,757 --> 00:14:51,629 Saint Peter's Gate? 340 00:14:51,629 --> 00:14:52,239 Yep. 341 00:14:52,239 --> 00:14:54,023 It is an angel! 342 00:14:54,023 --> 00:14:56,199 I saw him fly, too! 343 00:14:56,199 --> 00:14:59,376 I think I saw him eat a big cheeseburger across the street! 344 00:14:59,376 --> 00:15:02,031 [all shouting] 345 00:15:02,031 --> 00:15:03,163 [cheers and applause] 346 00:15:03,163 --> 00:15:04,642 Well, I guess I should be going, 347 00:15:04,642 --> 00:15:06,993 but God thanks you for your assistance! 348 00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:09,430 WOMAN: Will we get into Heaven for this? 349 00:15:09,430 --> 00:15:11,606 Boy, you guys sure are excited about Heaven. 350 00:15:11,606 --> 00:15:13,434 What's it like? 351 00:15:13,434 --> 00:15:16,089 - It's nice. - ALL: Ooh! 352 00:15:16,089 --> 00:15:19,005 It's very nice. 353 00:15:19,005 --> 00:15:20,702 ALL: Ooh! 354 00:15:20,702 --> 00:15:23,748 Yeah, there's, like, the wall and-- and the gate, obviously. 355 00:15:23,748 --> 00:15:25,359 I already mentioned those. 356 00:15:25,359 --> 00:15:27,796 - WOMAN: What's inside the wall? - Oh, it's got everything. 357 00:15:27,796 --> 00:15:30,016 There's a-a tent just like this, 358 00:15:30,016 --> 00:15:32,932 and, um... oh, they've got green chilies. 359 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:36,326 As above, so below! 360 00:15:36,326 --> 00:15:38,938 Who wants a kiss from a real angel? 361 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:41,723 Form a line! 362 00:15:41,723 --> 00:15:43,986 Kiss line canceled! Everyone, link arms 363 00:15:43,986 --> 00:15:47,772 and form a Heaven's wall here on Earth with your bodies! 364 00:15:47,772 --> 00:15:49,165 You should see a doctor, 365 00:15:49,165 --> 00:15:51,646 tell him God said "Radiation poisoning." 366 00:15:53,039 --> 00:15:54,475 Aah! 367 00:15:54,475 --> 00:15:56,390 Looks like someone was hoping to get back to Heaven, 368 00:15:56,390 --> 00:16:00,394 but I'm afraid I'm going to have to take you someplace... 369 00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:02,874 South of that. 370 00:16:03,658 --> 00:16:06,748 [dramatic music plays] 371 00:16:06,748 --> 00:16:09,011 You're a clever one, gray man. 372 00:16:09,011 --> 00:16:11,100 But I'm a clever gray man, too. 373 00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:13,929 I realized you were no angel. 374 00:16:13,929 --> 00:16:16,062 Because I didn't have the wings. 375 00:16:16,062 --> 00:16:19,804 Ha! I didn't know for sure until you just confirmed it. 376 00:16:19,804 --> 00:16:23,939 And now I'm taking you to a new secret facility in Nevada. 377 00:16:23,939 --> 00:16:26,898 It's called Area 51-- state-of-the-art. 378 00:16:26,898 --> 00:16:29,814 Makes Area 50 look like Area 49. 379 00:16:29,814 --> 00:16:32,339 - Will I like it there? - Oh, you'll love it! 380 00:16:32,339 --> 00:16:34,906 Unless you don't like being dissected alive, 381 00:16:34,906 --> 00:16:36,778 in which case, you'll hate it. 382 00:16:36,778 --> 00:16:38,040 What's that? A weather balloon? 383 00:16:40,651 --> 00:16:42,827 No, it's a friend. 384 00:16:42,827 --> 00:16:44,873 ♪ 385 00:16:44,873 --> 00:16:47,180 I can't see anything with all this safe 386 00:16:47,180 --> 00:16:49,182 and harmless crop dust! 387 00:16:50,835 --> 00:16:52,663 - What the?! - [glass shatters] 388 00:16:52,663 --> 00:16:55,449 ♪ 389 00:16:55,449 --> 00:16:57,929 Great plan, gang. 390 00:16:57,929 --> 00:17:00,236 I mean, I almost died, but good plan. 391 00:17:00,236 --> 00:17:03,631 Good not great. Now, where's our getaway car? 392 00:17:05,807 --> 00:17:07,461 Okay, this plan sucks, gang. 393 00:17:09,854 --> 00:17:11,073 [gasps] 394 00:17:11,073 --> 00:17:13,162 This is all the getaway we need. 395 00:17:13,162 --> 00:17:16,165 I'm going to get you alien scum. 396 00:17:16,165 --> 00:17:18,515 Where is it?! I know it's one of you! 397 00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:19,995 We'll never tell! 398 00:17:19,995 --> 00:17:21,953 And you can't take all of us! 399 00:17:21,953 --> 00:17:23,346 I'm taking all of you. 400 00:17:23,346 --> 00:17:25,000 A-kazza-kazza-whaaa? 401 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,176 I don't know which one of you is the alien. 402 00:17:27,176 --> 00:17:30,527 I mean, I feel pretty confident it's one of the twins, 403 00:17:30,527 --> 00:17:33,748 but I'm taking you all to Area 51 anyway. 404 00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:35,358 Uncle Cosworth, do something! 405 00:17:35,358 --> 00:17:38,796 One Bull Run Special coming up! 406 00:17:40,146 --> 00:17:41,321 Okay that's not happening. 407 00:17:41,321 --> 00:17:43,584 I can't let you take them. 408 00:17:43,584 --> 00:17:46,239 It's me. I'm the one you want. 409 00:17:46,239 --> 00:17:48,763 Don't say anything mean about my body. 410 00:17:51,766 --> 00:17:53,724 - [all cheer] - Hallelujah! 411 00:17:53,724 --> 00:17:57,206 I cracked that man! I daddied him! 412 00:17:57,206 --> 00:17:58,947 Clifton, I can't believe 413 00:17:58,947 --> 00:18:01,384 you were hiding behind that cactus the whole time, 414 00:18:01,384 --> 00:18:03,560 especially since you're also standing right there. 415 00:18:05,388 --> 00:18:06,694 [screams] 416 00:18:06,694 --> 00:18:08,130 [all scream] 417 00:18:08,130 --> 00:18:10,132 UNCLE COSWORTH: Sweet mother of pearl! 418 00:18:10,132 --> 00:18:11,873 Kill me! Do it! 419 00:18:11,873 --> 00:18:14,136 [growling] 420 00:18:14,136 --> 00:18:15,442 I wronged you. 421 00:18:15,442 --> 00:18:18,184 I killed your, I want to say, little lover? 422 00:18:18,184 --> 00:18:19,707 W-Was it a-- Was it a sex friend? 423 00:18:19,707 --> 00:18:22,275 [screeches] 424 00:18:22,275 --> 00:18:25,060 It was your young. I was afraid of that. 425 00:18:25,060 --> 00:18:28,716 But before you righteously murder me, can I say something? 426 00:18:28,716 --> 00:18:30,413 You and me are a lot alike. 427 00:18:30,413 --> 00:18:33,677 Fellow travelers. Strangers on a strange planet. 428 00:18:33,677 --> 00:18:36,289 A strange planet full of strange humans! 429 00:18:36,289 --> 00:18:38,987 They do weird stuff. Like clapping. 430 00:18:38,987 --> 00:18:41,816 They enjoy a thing so they gather to look at the thing 431 00:18:41,816 --> 00:18:43,731 and slap their hands together? 432 00:18:43,731 --> 00:18:45,298 Big loud slappy clomps? 433 00:18:45,298 --> 00:18:46,386 Dumb. 434 00:18:46,386 --> 00:18:48,127 In a way the computer was right. 435 00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:50,433 This planet has low potential. 436 00:18:50,433 --> 00:18:53,088 But then I got to thinking about the green chili pepper. 437 00:18:53,088 --> 00:18:57,266 Full of high quantities of capsaicin, which is a poison. 438 00:18:57,266 --> 00:18:58,572 But what you can't tell 439 00:18:58,572 --> 00:19:00,835 from your scanning tripod on the moon, 440 00:19:00,835 --> 00:19:04,665 is that this poison is also really spicy and flavorful. 441 00:19:04,665 --> 00:19:07,189 - Get where I'm going with this? - [chatters] 442 00:19:07,189 --> 00:19:08,451 The people! 443 00:19:08,451 --> 00:19:10,584 They're like the green chili peppers. 444 00:19:10,584 --> 00:19:13,326 The things inside them that they think are poison-- 445 00:19:13,326 --> 00:19:16,372 their dark secrets and their troubled pasts-- 446 00:19:16,372 --> 00:19:19,070 just make them spicy and flavorful. 447 00:19:22,248 --> 00:19:24,163 I told you we were a lot alike. 448 00:19:25,686 --> 00:19:27,470 He's waking up. That's my cue! 449 00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:30,169 [screeching] 450 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:31,909 Heh-heh-heh. 451 00:19:35,086 --> 00:19:38,742 Tell everyone what you saw here today if you want. 452 00:19:38,742 --> 00:19:41,136 Who would ever believe you? 453 00:19:41,136 --> 00:19:43,443 [laughs] 454 00:19:45,749 --> 00:19:47,925 [alien speaking alien gibberish] 455 00:19:52,365 --> 00:19:53,844 He... 456 00:19:53,844 --> 00:19:55,411 He didn't say goodbye. 457 00:19:55,411 --> 00:19:57,805 To keep you safe, my friends. 458 00:19:57,805 --> 00:19:59,546 I don't want you to know too much. 459 00:19:59,546 --> 00:20:01,765 Do you think he was the alien 460 00:20:01,765 --> 00:20:03,506 the government was looking for? 461 00:20:03,506 --> 00:20:05,595 Hmm, maybe they don't know enough. 462 00:20:05,595 --> 00:20:12,689 ♪ 463 00:20:24,571 --> 00:20:28,966 NARRATOR: And so Roger sets off to travel this new world, 464 00:20:28,966 --> 00:20:31,621 seeking only his pleasure and amusement, 465 00:20:31,621 --> 00:20:34,058 perhaps righting a wrong if he has time 466 00:20:34,058 --> 00:20:35,843 and it's not a big hassle. 467 00:20:35,843 --> 00:20:39,629 All the while being pursued by an intelligence agent, 468 00:20:39,629 --> 00:20:41,457 his smart-alecky bald son, 469 00:20:41,457 --> 00:20:45,722 and a vengeful shape-shifting alien who seeks to destroy him. 470 00:20:45,722 --> 00:20:47,855 His date with destiny and the Smith family 471 00:20:47,855 --> 00:20:51,511 still decades in front of him, he is... 472 00:20:51,511 --> 00:20:52,860 The Fellow Traveler. 473 00:20:52,860 --> 00:20:56,080 And these are his stories. 474 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,126 Bye. Have a great time.