1 00:00:01,958 --> 00:00:03,525 ♪♪ 2 00:00:03,655 --> 00:00:08,008 Class, meet our new student, Snot Lonstein! 3 00:00:08,138 --> 00:00:09,226 Now, don't treat him any differently 4 00:00:09,357 --> 00:00:11,446 because he's Jewish and poor, 5 00:00:11,576 --> 00:00:14,971 or because his thirsty mom gave me big skank vibes. 6 00:00:15,102 --> 00:00:15,928 Okay? 7 00:00:16,059 --> 00:00:17,104 Go sit down, honey. 8 00:00:17,234 --> 00:00:19,106 I'm also allergic to nuts. 9 00:00:19,236 --> 00:00:21,717 Well, lucky for you, you clearly don't have any. 10 00:00:21,847 --> 00:00:25,503 I mean, the wayI'm just dunkin' on you up here. 11 00:00:25,634 --> 00:00:26,983 TEACHER: Everybody, take out pencils 12 00:00:27,157 --> 00:00:29,377 and practice your letters! 13 00:00:35,992 --> 00:00:37,733 Whoa, you can't even afford a penthil? 14 00:00:37,863 --> 00:00:39,213 My grandma has one. 15 00:00:39,343 --> 00:00:41,258 I'm supposed to get it when she dies. 16 00:00:41,389 --> 00:00:44,131 But I'm good -- Mine never runs out of ink. 17 00:00:44,261 --> 00:00:47,264 Well, if it does, I have bigger problems. 18 00:00:47,395 --> 00:00:48,352 You can have one of mine. 19 00:00:48,483 --> 00:00:50,137 -Thanks! -I got you, pal. 20 00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:51,181 From here on out, 21 00:00:51,312 --> 00:00:53,053 it's gonna be you and me forever. 22 00:00:53,183 --> 00:00:56,317 Wow, that's a weird thing to sayto someone you've just met, 23 00:00:56,447 --> 00:00:58,841 but thanks again! 24 00:00:58,971 --> 00:01:00,582 ♪♪ 25 00:01:00,712 --> 00:01:01,800 Thanks. 26 00:01:01,931 --> 00:01:03,367 I blew most of my tokens on Skee-ball. 27 00:01:03,498 --> 00:01:05,152 And the rest were taken from me at gunpoint 28 00:01:05,282 --> 00:01:06,109 in the men's room. 29 00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:07,284 I got you, pal. 30 00:01:07,415 --> 00:01:08,981 Hey, need any Steve Bucks? 31 00:01:09,112 --> 00:01:10,505 Check out the sick new re-design. 32 00:01:10,635 --> 00:01:11,810 Oh! 33 00:01:12,159 --> 00:01:15,075 You fixed that typo that said, "In Steve We Thrust." 34 00:01:15,205 --> 00:01:16,076 Yep! 35 00:01:16,206 --> 00:01:18,513 And, as always, you can trade these in 36 00:01:18,643 --> 00:01:21,733 for whatever you need from me --food, cash, 37 00:01:21,864 --> 00:01:25,737 some of those Glade plug-insyou like to pass off as cologne. 38 00:01:25,868 --> 00:01:26,738 Thanks. 39 00:01:26,869 --> 00:01:28,436 A little dab of "Hawaiian Breeze" 40 00:01:28,566 --> 00:01:30,525 behind my ear not only smells great, 41 00:01:30,655 --> 00:01:34,224 it's also the closest I'll ever get to the Caribbean. 42 00:01:34,355 --> 00:01:36,008 Hey, want to kick my ass at Frogger? 43 00:01:36,139 --> 00:01:37,009 Can't. 44 00:01:37,140 --> 00:01:38,315 My mom asked me to pick up dinner, 45 00:01:38,446 --> 00:01:40,100 so I got to hit up Burrito Barn. 46 00:01:40,230 --> 00:01:41,797 If I throw up on the salad bar, 47 00:01:41,927 --> 00:01:44,365 they usuallytoss it all in the dumpster. 48 00:01:44,495 --> 00:01:47,846 Then it's just me versus the crows. 49 00:01:47,977 --> 00:01:49,848 Well, I don't want to step on your dinner plans, 50 00:01:49,979 --> 00:01:51,850 but why don't you guys come eat at our house? 51 00:01:51,981 --> 00:01:54,375 Like in the basement? From a trough? 52 00:01:54,505 --> 00:01:56,594 No, at the kitchen table with us. 53 00:01:56,725 --> 00:01:59,119 Like the family on the TV show Dinosaurs? 54 00:01:59,249 --> 00:02:00,772 No way! 55 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,603 ♪♪ 56 00:02:05,734 --> 00:02:08,258 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A.♪ 57 00:02:08,389 --> 00:02:12,262 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 58 00:02:12,393 --> 00:02:15,135 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face♪ 59 00:02:15,265 --> 00:02:19,661 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race♪ 60 00:02:21,228 --> 00:02:24,709 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say♪ 61 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:27,277 -♪ Good --♪ -♪ Good morning, U.S.A.♪ 62 00:02:27,408 --> 00:02:28,409 Aah! 63 00:02:29,888 --> 00:02:32,891 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A.♪ 64 00:02:33,109 --> 00:02:35,372 ♪♪ 65 00:02:35,503 --> 00:02:38,288 I gotta say Francine, your salad dressing is amazing. 66 00:02:38,419 --> 00:02:40,072 I can't stop eating it! 67 00:02:40,203 --> 00:02:42,074 I don't even care if it goes straight to my ass! 68 00:02:42,205 --> 00:02:44,164 So sweet of you to say that. 69 00:02:44,294 --> 00:02:46,818 My mom makes everything from scratch. 70 00:02:46,949 --> 00:02:48,124 Come on, eat up! 71 00:02:48,255 --> 00:02:49,517 I'm actually pretty good, Steve. 72 00:02:49,647 --> 00:02:51,823 Right. A to-go plate. 73 00:02:51,954 --> 00:02:53,216 Hearts of palm, 74 00:02:53,347 --> 00:02:54,696 fruit leather -- 75 00:02:54,826 --> 00:02:56,611 How you doing on Easter egg coloring kits? 76 00:02:56,741 --> 00:02:58,178 Steve, I don't think they need -- 77 00:02:58,308 --> 00:02:59,483 STEVE: Mom, don't make this weird! 78 00:02:59,614 --> 00:03:00,528 They have nothing! 79 00:03:00,658 --> 00:03:01,964 [rustling] 80 00:03:02,094 --> 00:03:04,314 So...Esther, 81 00:03:04,445 --> 00:03:07,404 Steve says Snot's birthday is coming up. 82 00:03:07,535 --> 00:03:08,623 Where da party at? 83 00:03:08,753 --> 00:03:10,755 Probably Pervert Park -- it's always empty. 84 00:03:10,886 --> 00:03:13,193 Except for the pervs. But it's free! 85 00:03:13,323 --> 00:03:16,544 Although, with the pervs comes an emotional price. 86 00:03:16,674 --> 00:03:19,373 Nonsense. Have your party here. 87 00:03:19,503 --> 00:03:22,245 We have a pool, a barbecue, almost no pervs. 88 00:03:22,376 --> 00:03:24,247 KLAUS: Almost! 89 00:03:24,378 --> 00:03:27,076 -Thanks, Steve. -Please. 90 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,730 You would do the same thing for me 91 00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:31,994 if the Salvation Army shoe were on the other foot. 92 00:03:32,124 --> 00:03:34,301 ♪♪ 93 00:03:34,431 --> 00:03:36,738 [sighing] Ahh! Orange Julius. 94 00:03:36,868 --> 00:03:38,435 Proof God loves us. 95 00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:39,871 Hey, Roger, where'd you get that? 96 00:03:40,002 --> 00:03:41,351 Secret menu, baby. 97 00:03:41,482 --> 00:03:46,008 Go to any Orange Julius and ask for it "Julius Style," 98 00:03:46,138 --> 00:03:48,576 and they'll just give you a big bowl of chicken gizzards. 99 00:03:48,706 --> 00:03:50,534 Have you ever considered modeling? 100 00:03:50,665 --> 00:03:52,493 -Every day. -I think you all 101 00:03:52,623 --> 00:03:55,713 have what it takes to be models. 102 00:03:55,844 --> 00:03:58,107 Mall fashion show? What a joke. 103 00:03:58,238 --> 00:03:59,369 -[laughter] -KLAUS: Oh, this is incredible. 104 00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:01,371 -This is so incredible -Whoo! 105 00:04:01,502 --> 00:04:02,938 Jeff is excited! 106 00:04:03,068 --> 00:04:03,982 You guys are idiots. 107 00:04:04,113 --> 00:04:05,375 Those are just flyers 108 00:04:05,506 --> 00:04:06,942 for a lame mall fashion show. 109 00:04:07,072 --> 00:04:08,813 I'm gonna be a super model. 110 00:04:08,944 --> 00:04:10,250 Aah! What the hell?! 111 00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:11,816 Is anyone else seeing this? 112 00:04:11,947 --> 00:04:17,561 ♪♪ 113 00:04:17,735 --> 00:04:23,524 ♪♪ 114 00:04:23,654 --> 00:04:24,568 -Aah! -[grunts] 115 00:04:24,699 --> 00:04:26,962 -[thuds] -[groaning] 116 00:04:27,092 --> 00:04:28,485 [grunting] There's no room! 117 00:04:28,616 --> 00:04:31,619 Th-There's no -- It doesn't work that way. 118 00:04:31,749 --> 00:04:33,490 [splash] 119 00:04:33,621 --> 00:04:35,405 You almost killed me! 120 00:04:35,536 --> 00:04:37,146 Now slap this out of my hand. 121 00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,279 -Why? -Models can't drink this stuff. 122 00:04:39,409 --> 00:04:41,498 We're gonna be on strict diets. 123 00:04:41,629 --> 00:04:43,979 Riiiight after this. 124 00:04:45,589 --> 00:04:47,461 [gulps] Ahh. 125 00:04:47,591 --> 00:04:48,549 [burps] 126 00:04:48,679 --> 00:04:50,290 Now we're models. 127 00:04:52,727 --> 00:04:55,033 ♪♪ 128 00:04:55,164 --> 00:04:57,340 I just want to be a single dad with a cush job 129 00:04:57,471 --> 00:04:58,863 selling live bait. 130 00:04:58,994 --> 00:05:00,822 What? Oh, sorry, Barry. 131 00:05:00,952 --> 00:05:02,954 I just can't get over Snot's pants. 132 00:05:03,085 --> 00:05:06,044 -[game beeps] -BARRY: They really showcase that poppin' apple bottom. 133 00:05:06,175 --> 00:05:09,178 No. How did he suddenly afford new pants? 134 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,093 I hope he's not camming again. 135 00:05:11,223 --> 00:05:12,877 Although, he is very good at it. 136 00:05:13,008 --> 00:05:15,576 SNOT: Ugh! You beat me again! 137 00:05:15,706 --> 00:05:17,317 Oh, game over, huh? 138 00:05:17,447 --> 00:05:18,622 Need some Steve Bucks? 139 00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:21,277 Nah, I'm good. But I am hungry. 140 00:05:21,408 --> 00:05:24,976 Let's get some pizza. On me. 141 00:05:25,107 --> 00:05:26,804 Snot never pays for pizza. 142 00:05:26,935 --> 00:05:28,415 Where is all this money coming from? 143 00:05:28,545 --> 00:05:30,982 Who cares? Just be happy for him. 144 00:05:31,113 --> 00:05:32,506 Oh, sure. Absolutely. 145 00:05:32,636 --> 00:05:34,377 No one's rooting for that guy more than me. 146 00:05:34,508 --> 00:05:36,118 But what the hell? 147 00:05:36,248 --> 00:05:38,468 Could we maybe just sit in silence, Steve? 148 00:05:38,599 --> 00:05:41,428 I have a ripping headache, we're talking in circles, 149 00:05:41,558 --> 00:05:45,649 and I just really want to focus on waiting for the pizza. 150 00:05:47,651 --> 00:05:49,697 Wow, two large Wallet Busters? 151 00:05:49,827 --> 00:05:51,394 And here are some tubs of our delicious 152 00:05:51,525 --> 00:05:53,004 new dipping sauce. 153 00:05:53,135 --> 00:05:54,397 I'm sorry, Mr. Snot. 154 00:05:54,528 --> 00:05:57,400 I'm a really big fan of your mom's sauce. 155 00:05:57,531 --> 00:05:59,359 Would you mind giving me your autograph? 156 00:05:59,489 --> 00:06:00,577 Sure. 157 00:06:00,708 --> 00:06:02,449 Might as well get used to it. 158 00:06:02,579 --> 00:06:04,799 [pen scribbles] 159 00:06:04,929 --> 00:06:07,279 "Snot's Mom's Mom Sauce?" 160 00:06:07,410 --> 00:06:08,368 Yes! 161 00:06:08,498 --> 00:06:11,283 Finally, a big get for Carl! 162 00:06:11,414 --> 00:06:14,504 I quit, Danny! I'll see your ass in hell! 163 00:06:14,635 --> 00:06:15,592 What's going on, Snot? 164 00:06:15,723 --> 00:06:17,377 Ugh, guys, can we please 165 00:06:17,507 --> 00:06:19,422 not make a big deal out of this? 166 00:06:19,553 --> 00:06:21,032 We're loaded! 167 00:06:21,163 --> 00:06:23,470 My mom started selling her own dressing, 168 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,385 and Pizza Overlord is using it 169 00:06:25,515 --> 00:06:29,911 as their new dipping sauce in every location! 170 00:06:32,522 --> 00:06:34,655 No, no, mine. 171 00:06:38,528 --> 00:06:39,442 Hmm. 172 00:06:39,573 --> 00:06:41,749 It's just like my mom's dressing. 173 00:06:41,879 --> 00:06:44,316 This is my mom's dressing! 174 00:06:44,447 --> 00:06:45,927 Yeah. It's my mom's take on it. 175 00:06:46,057 --> 00:06:47,624 [laughs] Okay. 176 00:06:47,755 --> 00:06:52,368 A-And I guess "Ice Ice Baby" is just Vanilla Ice's take 177 00:06:52,499 --> 00:06:53,848 on Queen's "Under Pressure"? 178 00:06:53,978 --> 00:06:56,764 Yeah. My mom took something and made it better, 179 00:06:56,894 --> 00:06:58,548 just like Vanilla Ice did. 180 00:06:58,679 --> 00:07:02,552 Well, Mr. A1A, Mr. Beachfront Avenue, 181 00:07:02,683 --> 00:07:05,860 this dressing your mom made is no "brand-new invention." 182 00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:07,601 Yay! 183 00:07:07,731 --> 00:07:11,126 Now work in the line "grab a hold of me tightly." 184 00:07:11,256 --> 00:07:13,911 Look, all I know is, things are going well for us, 185 00:07:14,042 --> 00:07:16,436 and I won't have to mooch off of you anymore. 186 00:07:16,566 --> 00:07:19,917 In fact, you can have all your Steve Bucks back! 187 00:07:20,048 --> 00:07:21,745 Oh, now you don't need me 188 00:07:21,876 --> 00:07:24,313 because yourmom stole mymom's dressing? 189 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,228 Ha! That's really great, Snot. 190 00:07:27,534 --> 00:07:31,407 So...logistically, how do those Steve Bucks work? 191 00:07:31,538 --> 00:07:34,236 Do you give them back to him in exchange for money? 192 00:07:34,366 --> 00:07:37,021 Couldn't he just give you the money in the first place? 193 00:07:37,152 --> 00:07:38,936 You know what? It's not my business. 194 00:07:41,896 --> 00:07:44,464 PRINCIPAL LEWIS: Listen up, fools! 195 00:07:44,594 --> 00:07:46,901 It's Taco Tuesday, and Snot Lonstein is no longer 196 00:07:47,031 --> 00:07:48,685 the poorest person in school. 197 00:07:48,816 --> 00:07:51,166 Let's give it up for Mr. Ames, 198 00:07:51,296 --> 00:07:52,559 the math teacher. 199 00:07:52,689 --> 00:07:54,474 Don't you look at me, you bitch. 200 00:07:54,604 --> 00:07:57,477 One plus one equals... you poor. 201 00:07:57,607 --> 00:07:58,956 Where is Snot? 202 00:07:59,087 --> 00:08:01,132 Probably at home crying, trying to write me 203 00:08:01,263 --> 00:08:02,699 an apology letter, feeling all -- 204 00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:03,700 Whoa! 205 00:08:03,831 --> 00:08:05,485 Jewish Jaden Smith! 206 00:08:05,615 --> 00:08:06,921 [hover-board whirs] 207 00:08:07,051 --> 00:08:09,576 -I love your mom's sauce! -[camera shutter clicks] 208 00:08:09,706 --> 00:08:12,230 Oh, if it isn't the little sauce prince. 209 00:08:12,361 --> 00:08:14,624 Surprised you're not at home, covered in sauce, 210 00:08:14,755 --> 00:08:15,625 making out with your mom. 211 00:08:15,756 --> 00:08:17,453 Oh, you're still hung up on that? 212 00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:19,368 Yeah, I'm still hung up on it. 213 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:20,717 I'm also thinking about hanging up 214 00:08:20,848 --> 00:08:22,719 my birthday party planning apron. 215 00:08:22,850 --> 00:08:25,809 Oh, you thought I was still having it at your house? 216 00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:27,289 No. 217 00:08:27,419 --> 00:08:29,596 We're recreating the Bellagio fountains 218 00:08:29,726 --> 00:08:32,381 on the rooftop of the Langley W. hotel. 219 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,470 But what about our plan to use my house? 220 00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:37,473 How about the guests park on your lawn 221 00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:40,389 and the shuttle bus drivers can shit in your bathroom. 222 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:41,695 Does that work for you? 223 00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:43,610 Snotter, what's up, young bull? 224 00:08:43,740 --> 00:08:46,047 Is this little chicken head giving you problems? 225 00:08:46,177 --> 00:08:47,657 Oh, hey, while I'm looking out for you, 226 00:08:47,788 --> 00:08:49,441 can I borrow your hover-board? 227 00:08:49,572 --> 00:08:51,661 Losing that gout battle today. 228 00:08:51,792 --> 00:08:53,620 Keep it. I got three more at home. 229 00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:56,448 Yo-ho! Check me out, skanks! 230 00:08:56,579 --> 00:08:59,060 Lewis is ridin' dirty! 231 00:08:59,190 --> 00:09:01,541 [grunts] 232 00:09:01,671 --> 00:09:04,892 [muffled] I'm gonna go over here now. 233 00:09:05,022 --> 00:09:10,550 ♪♪ 234 00:09:10,724 --> 00:09:15,990 ♪♪ 235 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:21,778 ♪♪ 236 00:09:21,909 --> 00:09:24,694 Okay, I'll say it. That was flawless. 237 00:09:24,825 --> 00:09:26,696 I don't know how notto nail it. 238 00:09:26,827 --> 00:09:29,525 So easy to do things when we're beautiful. 239 00:09:29,656 --> 00:09:31,571 If you guys are done sucking each other off -- 240 00:09:31,701 --> 00:09:33,616 which is, of course, a huge part of modeling -- 241 00:09:33,747 --> 00:09:36,706 I can tell you we're nowhere near mall fashion show level. 242 00:09:36,837 --> 00:09:37,664 What do you know about it? 243 00:09:37,794 --> 00:09:39,535 I yank it to Voguemagazine 244 00:09:39,666 --> 00:09:41,493 every day -- no days off! 245 00:09:41,624 --> 00:09:43,931 [indistinct whispering] 246 00:09:46,063 --> 00:09:48,326 Okay, we agree. You're the expert. 247 00:09:48,457 --> 00:09:51,765 [sighs] So, everyone, great job barely eating. 248 00:09:51,895 --> 00:09:54,289 I think we deserve a treat. Jeff? 249 00:09:54,419 --> 00:09:58,293 Snack wagon! Laxatives and cotton balls. 250 00:09:58,423 --> 00:09:59,729 [scoffs] I can't. 251 00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:01,078 I had two cotton balls today already. 252 00:10:01,209 --> 00:10:02,384 I'm disgusting. 253 00:10:02,514 --> 00:10:04,168 Roger, how do you eat everything 254 00:10:04,299 --> 00:10:05,517 and not gain any weight? 255 00:10:05,648 --> 00:10:08,782 Good genes, I guess. Hashtag blessed. 256 00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:13,656 [whispered] Hashtag tapeworm. 257 00:10:13,787 --> 00:10:15,571 Focus! 258 00:10:15,702 --> 00:10:17,268 Sure, we're killing it in this attic, 259 00:10:17,399 --> 00:10:19,836 but we need to practice working a crowd 260 00:10:19,967 --> 00:10:21,272 before our big gig at the mall. 261 00:10:21,403 --> 00:10:23,927 They need to be discerning, sophisticated... 262 00:10:24,058 --> 00:10:26,800 a crowd of taste-makers. 263 00:10:26,930 --> 00:10:29,716 The Chimdale Used Jet-Ski Show is this weekend. 264 00:10:29,846 --> 00:10:31,152 That... 265 00:10:31,282 --> 00:10:32,849 is what we are doing. 266 00:10:32,980 --> 00:10:34,416 ♪♪ 267 00:10:34,546 --> 00:10:37,375 ♪ Who makes Mom Sauce?♪ 268 00:10:37,506 --> 00:10:40,422 I make Mom Sauce! 269 00:10:40,552 --> 00:10:43,730 ♪ Snot's Mom's Mom Sauce♪ 270 00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:45,906 ♪ On vegetables and pizza crust♪ 271 00:10:46,036 --> 00:10:48,343 You'll love my mom's sauce. 272 00:10:48,473 --> 00:10:50,606 They do! 273 00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:52,869 Snot's Mom's Mom Sauce. 274 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,784 That name sucks the big one! 275 00:10:54,915 --> 00:10:56,133 I think it's cute. 276 00:10:56,264 --> 00:10:59,833 Her mom name is Snot's Mom, and as his mom, 277 00:10:59,963 --> 00:11:01,878 she's made this sauce for everyone. 278 00:11:02,009 --> 00:11:03,663 It's a mom-friendly sauce. 279 00:11:03,793 --> 00:11:05,795 Gah! They stole your recipe. 280 00:11:05,926 --> 00:11:07,405 Why aren't you more upset? 281 00:11:07,536 --> 00:11:10,191 Snot's mom didn't steal anything from me. 282 00:11:10,321 --> 00:11:13,237 My salad dressing recipe? 283 00:11:13,368 --> 00:11:16,197 Sure, Esther! Let me get my recipe book. 284 00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:18,765 Ai-del-de, de, da-da 285 00:11:18,895 --> 00:11:21,245 Found my recipe card. Ready? 286 00:11:21,376 --> 00:11:24,466 Partially hydrogenated oil... 287 00:11:24,596 --> 00:11:28,775 Of course I've never made homemade dressing! 288 00:11:28,905 --> 00:11:30,385 Who has time for that? 289 00:11:30,515 --> 00:11:33,693 I put in a full eight hours of HGTV a day. 290 00:11:33,823 --> 00:11:36,870 All this time, our family dressing was just 291 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,393 Newman's Own Ranch? 292 00:11:38,523 --> 00:11:40,482 But how -- I-I-I don't -- 293 00:11:40,612 --> 00:11:43,659 Just let it go, Steve. It's not our recipe. 294 00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:45,879 The good news is, you have nothing to be 295 00:11:46,009 --> 00:11:47,054 mad at Snot about. 296 00:11:47,184 --> 00:11:48,838 -[machine whirs] -What the -- 297 00:11:48,969 --> 00:11:50,971 My mom's homemade window pane! 298 00:11:51,101 --> 00:11:53,713 Yeaaah, about that. 299 00:11:56,672 --> 00:11:58,500 MUSIC BOX VOICE: Congratulations! 300 00:11:58,630 --> 00:12:03,244 You made the cut to Snot's Bellagio bash at the W-- 301 00:12:03,374 --> 00:12:05,942 [sniffs] This isn't water at all. 302 00:12:06,073 --> 00:12:08,728 It's Glow by Jennifer Lopez. 303 00:12:08,858 --> 00:12:10,860 That's a nice touch. 304 00:12:10,991 --> 00:12:15,822 ♪♪ 305 00:12:15,996 --> 00:12:19,608 Remember, we are here to learn how to work a crowd. 306 00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:22,263 So keep it tight, but also very loose. 307 00:12:22,393 --> 00:12:23,481 Go! 308 00:12:23,612 --> 00:12:29,009 ♪♪ 309 00:12:29,183 --> 00:12:34,797 ♪♪ 310 00:12:34,928 --> 00:12:38,627 Now I know how scary it is to be a record. 311 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,672 I wonder... 312 00:12:40,803 --> 00:12:46,722 ♪ My baby loves that chicken noodle soup♪ 313 00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:48,768 ♪ Waitin' in long lines♪ 314 00:12:48,898 --> 00:12:51,771 ♪ For that newly invented chicken soup♪ 315 00:12:51,901 --> 00:12:58,342 ♪ Got to get that sweet, sweet, sweet sugary soup♪ 316 00:12:58,473 --> 00:13:00,518 ♪♪ 317 00:13:00,649 --> 00:13:02,912 -[engine revs] -[people scream] 318 00:13:03,043 --> 00:13:05,915 I'm modeling! 319 00:13:06,046 --> 00:13:09,571 ♪♪ 320 00:13:09,701 --> 00:13:10,920 [stomach growls] 321 00:13:11,051 --> 00:13:12,792 [groans] 322 00:13:12,922 --> 00:13:14,924 Work it, Stan! 323 00:13:15,055 --> 00:13:17,144 Make us want to bang that thing! 324 00:13:17,274 --> 00:13:19,929 ♪♪ 325 00:13:20,060 --> 00:13:21,975 Yes, yes! 326 00:13:22,105 --> 00:13:23,585 [all gasp] 327 00:13:23,715 --> 00:13:25,717 WOMAN: Sir, you can't bang that Sea-Doo! 328 00:13:25,848 --> 00:13:27,328 [crowd exclaims] 329 00:13:27,458 --> 00:13:31,027 ♪♪ 330 00:13:31,158 --> 00:13:34,465 Check it out! I've got a hologram of Prince! 331 00:13:34,596 --> 00:13:37,904 ♪ Tiny, little sexual guy♪ 332 00:13:38,034 --> 00:13:39,253 Uh! 333 00:13:39,383 --> 00:13:43,474 As you can see, this party is pretty crunked. 334 00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:45,041 Steve! 335 00:13:45,172 --> 00:13:46,303 I'm glad you made it! 336 00:13:46,434 --> 00:13:48,088 Things were a little weird the other day. 337 00:13:48,218 --> 00:13:49,741 I wasn't sure you were coming. 338 00:13:49,872 --> 00:13:51,831 [chuckles] What? I wouldn't miss this. 339 00:13:51,961 --> 00:13:53,006 [helicopter blades whir] 340 00:13:53,136 --> 00:13:54,834 ♪♪ 341 00:13:54,964 --> 00:13:56,487 [people scream] 342 00:13:56,618 --> 00:13:57,749 What the hell?! 343 00:13:57,880 --> 00:13:59,795 [quietly] Happy birthday. 344 00:13:59,926 --> 00:14:01,971 Nobody steals recipes from Paul Newman 345 00:14:02,102 --> 00:14:03,059 and gets away with it. 346 00:14:03,190 --> 00:14:04,756 What? Who are you? 347 00:14:04,887 --> 00:14:07,934 We're Newman's Own Copyright Protection Unit. 348 00:14:08,064 --> 00:14:09,849 ♪♪ 349 00:14:09,979 --> 00:14:11,894 [whirring continues] 350 00:14:12,025 --> 00:14:14,375 Where are you taking my mom?! 351 00:14:14,505 --> 00:14:17,073 To Newman's Own Women's Own Prison. 352 00:14:17,204 --> 00:14:18,858 Oh, no! No, no, no. 353 00:14:18,988 --> 00:14:20,163 You -- You can't take her! 354 00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:22,209 You're just supposed to take her money. 355 00:14:22,339 --> 00:14:23,863 Her son has no one else! 356 00:14:23,993 --> 00:14:25,560 One step ahead of you. 357 00:14:25,690 --> 00:14:28,171 Child Protective Services? Yeah, we got a pickup for you. 358 00:14:28,302 --> 00:14:30,086 No! Don't call them! 359 00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:32,175 ♪♪ 360 00:14:32,306 --> 00:14:33,785 [sobbing] Mom! 361 00:14:33,916 --> 00:14:35,875 My Shmuley! 362 00:14:36,005 --> 00:14:39,139 Noooooo! 363 00:14:39,269 --> 00:14:43,012 Honey, are you the abandoned child? 364 00:14:43,143 --> 00:14:45,101 I guess so. 365 00:14:45,232 --> 00:14:48,104 I haven't really had time to process it. 366 00:14:48,235 --> 00:14:50,324 We are Child Protective Services, 367 00:14:50,454 --> 00:14:53,022 and you need to get on the ground! 368 00:14:54,110 --> 00:14:56,069 [gags] Wait a minute. 369 00:14:56,199 --> 00:14:58,332 Are you Lindsay Lohan? 370 00:14:58,462 --> 00:15:00,856 That's right. Don't do drugs. 371 00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:03,685 [gagging] 372 00:15:03,815 --> 00:15:05,817 ♪♪ 373 00:15:05,948 --> 00:15:07,863 [tires screech] 374 00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:09,865 What were you thinking?! 375 00:15:09,996 --> 00:15:11,258 I didn't know this would happen. 376 00:15:11,388 --> 00:15:13,564 I just wanted things to go back to normal, 377 00:15:13,695 --> 00:15:16,480 when Snot was poor, and he looked at me like a god. 378 00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:23,270 Hmm. Not sure I like the way he feels in my arms. 379 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:26,360 Yeah, that's awkward as hell. You're right, honey. 380 00:15:26,490 --> 00:15:27,927 We should do that wine cellar instead. 381 00:15:28,057 --> 00:15:29,580 STEVE: We'll give him a home. 382 00:15:29,711 --> 00:15:32,583 Steve! What are you doing here? 383 00:15:32,714 --> 00:15:34,934 I told you, it's you and me forever. 384 00:15:35,064 --> 00:15:37,501 Now come to Stevie! 385 00:15:37,632 --> 00:15:39,068 Hmm. 386 00:15:39,199 --> 00:15:40,243 Let me just -- 387 00:15:40,374 --> 00:15:42,854 Nope. Wow. You are sort of awkward. 388 00:15:42,985 --> 00:15:44,508 H-Have you had a scoliosis screening? 389 00:15:44,639 --> 00:15:46,946 Yep. Got it bad. 390 00:15:47,076 --> 00:15:49,949 First off, thank you for choosing adoption. 391 00:15:50,079 --> 00:15:51,298 Most couples, 392 00:15:51,428 --> 00:15:54,083 especially smoking-hot ones like yourselves, 393 00:15:54,214 --> 00:15:56,259 insist on having biological children. 394 00:15:56,390 --> 00:15:59,132 Um, we're not a couple. I'm a child. 395 00:15:59,262 --> 00:16:01,917 You think that six could bag this dime? 396 00:16:02,048 --> 00:16:04,050 Steve Smith... 397 00:16:04,180 --> 00:16:06,052 [gasps] What a coincidence. 398 00:16:06,182 --> 00:16:07,967 Says here you're the reason Snot's here 399 00:16:08,097 --> 00:16:09,707 -in the first place. -What? 400 00:16:09,838 --> 00:16:12,710 Steve tipped off Newman's Own about your mom's dressing. 401 00:16:12,841 --> 00:16:15,191 So they arrested her and turned you over to us. 402 00:16:15,322 --> 00:16:16,976 I knew it. 403 00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:20,675 You couldn't stand seeing me and my mom on top for once, 404 00:16:20,805 --> 00:16:24,548 so you made sure we lost everything we ever had! 405 00:16:24,679 --> 00:16:27,203 That's not true! A-And you still have me! 406 00:16:27,334 --> 00:16:29,118 You're dead to me. 407 00:16:30,206 --> 00:16:32,252 So...if you two aren't dating, 408 00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:33,993 does that mean you're single? 409 00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:36,560 Who are you asking? 410 00:16:36,691 --> 00:16:38,998 Whoever wants to answer. 411 00:16:41,957 --> 00:16:44,003 ♪♪ 412 00:16:44,133 --> 00:16:46,918 I'm so sorry for everything, Mrs. Lonstein. 413 00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:49,051 I'm sure Snot told you what happened. 414 00:16:49,182 --> 00:16:51,097 No. Is he okay? 415 00:16:51,227 --> 00:16:53,012 I used my phone time to get on Loveline. 416 00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:56,189 Dr. Drew has amazing advice on dating prison guards. 417 00:16:56,319 --> 00:16:58,017 He says, "Do it. Get some if you can." 418 00:16:58,147 --> 00:17:00,758 That's, uh... good advice. 419 00:17:00,889 --> 00:17:02,064 [sobs] 420 00:17:02,195 --> 00:17:04,153 Are you okay? 421 00:17:04,284 --> 00:17:07,939 When I said I hadn't talked to Snot, 422 00:17:08,070 --> 00:17:10,159 that was a little bit of a fib. 423 00:17:10,290 --> 00:17:11,465 Ya dead, suckah! 424 00:17:11,595 --> 00:17:14,685 -[grunts] -Cover the camera! 425 00:17:14,816 --> 00:17:16,035 You separated this family! 426 00:17:16,165 --> 00:17:17,384 And I'm gonna do the same thing 427 00:17:17,514 --> 00:17:19,299 to your body and your dick. 428 00:17:19,429 --> 00:17:20,909 Aah! Aah, aah! 429 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,041 -[shiv clatters] -[groans] 430 00:17:22,171 --> 00:17:23,825 I need another shiv. 431 00:17:23,955 --> 00:17:26,523 Please, remember the oath you took as a prison guard 432 00:17:26,654 --> 00:17:28,047 and protect my dick! 433 00:17:28,177 --> 00:17:30,614 You want this shiv,it's gonna cost you two bottles. 434 00:17:30,745 --> 00:17:32,529 [glass clinks] 435 00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:34,183 What the hell is that? 436 00:17:34,314 --> 00:17:36,968 Mrs. Lonstein's toilet wine. Everybody loves it. 437 00:17:37,099 --> 00:17:38,796 You make wine in a toilet? 438 00:17:38,927 --> 00:17:40,102 I do! 439 00:17:40,233 --> 00:17:43,192 I also make dark chocolate in my underwear. 440 00:17:43,323 --> 00:17:44,933 That's just a gross joke. 441 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,022 You got to laugh to stay sane in here. 442 00:17:47,153 --> 00:17:49,633 By the way, the warden would like a case of your toilet wine 443 00:17:49,764 --> 00:17:51,070 for his son's christening. 444 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,289 Yeah? Then tell him I want a sushi pizza. 445 00:17:53,420 --> 00:17:55,726 You want a sushi pizza? I can get you one. 446 00:17:55,857 --> 00:17:57,641 People will do anything for my toilet wine. 447 00:17:57,772 --> 00:17:59,295 Huge pass on the fish pizza, 448 00:17:59,426 --> 00:18:02,733 but I have an idea how to get you out of prison. 449 00:18:02,864 --> 00:18:04,300 [bottle clinks] 450 00:18:04,431 --> 00:18:05,867 [woman grunting] 451 00:18:05,997 --> 00:18:07,999 [clink] 452 00:18:08,130 --> 00:18:11,351 ♪♪ 453 00:18:11,525 --> 00:18:15,224 ♪♪ 454 00:18:15,355 --> 00:18:19,228 WOMAN: Nobody steals my Lonstein's Toilet Wine. 455 00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:21,230 Lonstein's Toilet Wine. 456 00:18:21,361 --> 00:18:23,580 It's okay to drink from the toilet. 457 00:18:23,711 --> 00:18:25,191 NARRATOR: Lonstein's Toilet Wineis a division 458 00:18:25,321 --> 00:18:27,802 of Newman's Own Industries. 459 00:18:27,932 --> 00:18:30,761 Isn't that yourmom's fancy wine? 460 00:18:30,892 --> 00:18:33,242 You must be so rich. 461 00:18:33,373 --> 00:18:34,983 Actually, no. 462 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,637 My mom had to give it all to Newman's Own 463 00:18:36,767 --> 00:18:37,681 to get out of jail. 464 00:18:37,812 --> 00:18:39,205 So you're notrich? 465 00:18:39,335 --> 00:18:42,643 -Yeah, he is. -Ooh! 466 00:18:42,773 --> 00:18:44,340 Is this real money? 467 00:18:44,471 --> 00:18:46,125 Well, it's more a currency of friendship. 468 00:18:46,255 --> 00:18:47,909 You guys are chodes. 469 00:18:48,039 --> 00:18:50,129 But just in case George Soros follows through 470 00:18:50,259 --> 00:18:52,566 on his scheme to destabilize the dollar. 471 00:18:54,698 --> 00:18:56,178 Soros, aye? 472 00:18:56,309 --> 00:18:58,354 Have I been too generous with these? 473 00:18:58,485 --> 00:19:01,488 I'm still mad at you, Steve. 474 00:19:01,618 --> 00:19:03,272 But you are a hoot. 475 00:19:03,403 --> 00:19:05,622 I'm so sorry for everything I did. 476 00:19:05,753 --> 00:19:07,363 I was just scared of losing you. 477 00:19:07,494 --> 00:19:08,582 Scared? 478 00:19:08,712 --> 00:19:10,671 I thought you were jealous that, for once, 479 00:19:10,801 --> 00:19:12,281 Ihad more money than you. 480 00:19:12,412 --> 00:19:15,719 No! I thought I was gonna lose your friendship. 481 00:19:15,850 --> 00:19:18,157 See, I've always been your sugar daddy, 482 00:19:18,287 --> 00:19:20,289 and when you got your own sugar, 483 00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:23,162 I was worried you wouldn't want to hangout with daddy anymore. 484 00:19:23,292 --> 00:19:26,643 That's crazy! You'll always be my daddy. 485 00:19:26,774 --> 00:19:28,645 I know everyone says this, 486 00:19:28,776 --> 00:19:32,693 but kids really do talk different these days. 487 00:19:32,823 --> 00:19:33,868 Friends? 488 00:19:33,998 --> 00:19:35,261 Best friends. 489 00:19:35,391 --> 00:19:37,741 Oh, look! It's nutless and lisp boy. 490 00:19:37,872 --> 00:19:40,483 Were -- Were you our kindergarten teacher? 491 00:19:40,614 --> 00:19:41,876 I don't know. 492 00:19:42,006 --> 00:19:44,270 Is your mom still a skank? 493 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,359 Enjoy your food. 494 00:19:46,489 --> 00:19:48,274 [both groan] 495 00:19:48,404 --> 00:19:53,714 ♪♪ 496 00:19:53,844 --> 00:19:55,281 Okay. 497 00:19:55,411 --> 00:19:57,152 It's all led up to this. 498 00:19:57,283 --> 00:19:58,893 Everyone looks amazing. 499 00:19:59,023 --> 00:20:01,939 And we got here by making healthy choices. 500 00:20:02,070 --> 00:20:05,552 [weakly] Whoo! Time to own the runway. 501 00:20:05,682 --> 00:20:08,903 -[stomach grumbles] -Roger, are you okay? 502 00:20:09,033 --> 00:20:11,427 Just a nervous tummy for the big show. 503 00:20:13,299 --> 00:20:16,258 Let's do this, you beautiful bitches. 504 00:20:16,389 --> 00:20:19,130 ♪♪ 505 00:20:19,261 --> 00:20:22,264 [cheers and applause] 506 00:20:22,395 --> 00:20:23,874 [camera shutter clicks] 507 00:20:24,005 --> 00:20:26,486 [thud] 508 00:20:26,616 --> 00:20:27,791 [woman screams] 509 00:20:27,922 --> 00:20:29,489 [worm growls] 510 00:20:30,794 --> 00:20:32,796 -Ew! -Ew! 511 00:20:34,145 --> 00:20:36,713 -♪ So shine bright♪ -[cheers and applause] 512 00:20:36,844 --> 00:20:39,368 ♪ Tonight♪ 513 00:20:39,499 --> 00:20:42,545 -♪ You and I♪ [camera shutters click] 514 00:20:42,676 --> 00:20:46,419 -♪ We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky ♪-Work it, you slimy bitch. 515 00:20:46,549 --> 00:20:50,814 ♪ Eye to eye♪ 516 00:20:50,945 --> 00:20:52,773 Ohh, baby. 517 00:20:52,903 --> 00:20:55,254 I see why you got the cover. 518 00:20:55,384 --> 00:20:56,516 [knocks on door] 519 00:20:56,646 --> 00:20:58,779 Klaus, are you in there with a spank mag again? 520 00:20:58,909 --> 00:21:00,259 It's Vogue, you Neanderthal! 521 00:21:00,389 --> 00:21:02,391 [groans] 522 00:21:02,522 --> 00:21:04,393 Bye! Have a beautiful time! 523 00:21:06,482 --> 00:21:08,223 --Captions by VITAC--