1
00:01:38,494 --> 00:01:40,553
What was going on there, huh?
2
00:01:40,763 --> 00:01:42,663
We thought
you were sleeping, Daddy.
3
00:01:42,866 --> 00:01:46,131
How can I sleep with two
Twinkie burglars roaming around?
4
00:01:46,336 --> 00:01:48,201
Can we watch
Dragon Tales, please?
5
00:01:48,404 --> 00:01:50,998
Yeah. Why not, why not?
6
00:01:52,675 --> 00:01:54,540
Which one of these
turns on the TV?
7
00:02:09,692 --> 00:02:11,489
Honey, I think you
just opened the garage.
8
00:02:11,694 --> 00:02:13,491
I'm just planning ahead. I know.
9
00:02:15,098 --> 00:02:19,398
- P-yew! Was that a stinky-dink bug?
- Good job.
10
00:02:19,602 --> 00:02:21,365
Whatever happened
to the good old days...
11
00:02:21,571 --> 00:02:24,233
...when you pulled the knob
and on came the boob tube?
12
00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:27,102
The O'Doyles got
a universal remote control.
13
00:02:27,310 --> 00:02:29,369
One clicker controls everything.
14
00:02:29,579 --> 00:02:32,548
Makes life a lot easier
for old people like you.
15
00:02:33,483 --> 00:02:35,610
Well, whoop-de-do
for the O'Doyles.
16
00:02:35,818 --> 00:02:36,785
- Tree house?
17
00:02:36,986 --> 00:02:39,284
I don't know. Ask your father.
18
00:02:39,489 --> 00:02:40,751
Ask me what?
19
00:02:40,957 --> 00:02:44,688
Do you think you'll have time
to finish building the tree house ever?
20
00:02:44,894 --> 00:02:48,853
Yeah, Dad. It's kind of been
halfway done for two months now.
21
00:02:49,465 --> 00:02:54,300
All right. I want to, it's just I got a lot
of things going on at work right now.
22
00:02:54,504 --> 00:02:58,804
But as soon as I'm done, I'm on it.
I promise. Hang in there.
23
00:03:00,977 --> 00:03:04,469
Hey, look at Sundance
wrestle his duck.
24
00:03:05,281 --> 00:03:07,215
Oh, no, that's not wrestling.
25
00:03:07,417 --> 00:03:11,217
That's something you shouldn't
know about for another 10 to 30 years.
26
00:03:11,421 --> 00:03:13,651
Ten for you. Thirty for you.
27
00:03:17,060 --> 00:03:19,324
Hey, Michael? I'll see you tonight
at the swim meet?
28
00:03:19,529 --> 00:03:21,087
Swim meet.
29
00:03:22,165 --> 00:03:24,463
- I gotta go to that?
- Yes.
30
00:03:24,667 --> 00:03:28,797
- I'm kidding you. I'll be there. Okay?
- All right. I love you, Michael.
31
00:03:29,005 --> 00:03:31,132
Forever and ever, babe.
32
00:03:31,841 --> 00:03:33,103
Mr. Newman.
33
00:03:33,309 --> 00:03:35,334
Kevin O'Doyle.
Yeah. Always a pleasure.
34
00:03:35,545 --> 00:03:38,776
What kind of stereo you got
in that blue piece of shit?
35
00:03:38,982 --> 00:03:41,143
You know what?
I never checked, Kevin.
36
00:03:41,351 --> 00:03:43,785
Yeah, well, my father's stereo
is a Bose.
37
00:03:43,987 --> 00:03:46,785
Your father's stereo blows?
That's too bad.
38
00:03:46,990 --> 00:03:50,517
No! I said... That's not what I said!
39
00:03:50,727 --> 00:03:53,924
His father's stereo blows!
40
00:03:57,233 --> 00:03:59,861
Come on! Pay the man, let's go!
41
00:04:06,209 --> 00:04:08,268
- Good morning, Mr. Newman.
- Good morning.
42
00:04:08,478 --> 00:04:09,911
- Good morning, Mr. Newman.
- Hello.
43
00:04:10,113 --> 00:04:12,206
- Good morning, Mr. Newman.
- Hi.
44
00:04:13,216 --> 00:04:15,047
Good morning, Mr. Newman.
45
00:04:15,251 --> 00:04:16,912
- Good morning, Mr. Newman.
- Man, Alice...
46
00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:20,317
...I was stuck in traffic for an hour
and a half. When's the meeting?
47
00:04:21,524 --> 00:04:23,651
- It started already.
- What?
48
00:04:24,427 --> 00:04:25,689
Can I go to the bathroom?
49
00:04:25,895 --> 00:04:28,489
Go to the bathroom.
I told you, you don't have to ask me.
50
00:04:35,738 --> 00:04:37,763
Well, the interesting thing,
Prince Habeeboo...
51
00:04:37,974 --> 00:04:40,807
...is that the building codes
in Manhattan will allow us...
52
00:04:41,010 --> 00:04:43,001
- Michael.
- Sorry I'm late, sir.
53
00:04:43,212 --> 00:04:46,340
Some moron in a red Lamborghini
parked in my spot so...
54
00:04:46,549 --> 00:04:49,746
Prince Habeeboo
drive red Lamborghini.
55
00:04:50,620 --> 00:04:53,384
Red Lamborghini?
I meant blue Ferrari.
56
00:04:54,090 --> 00:04:56,354
Is this one of your partners?
57
00:04:56,559 --> 00:04:58,584
Actually, Michael
is just an associate.
58
00:04:58,795 --> 00:05:01,093
But he is one of our brightest
young architects.
59
00:05:01,297 --> 00:05:02,264
Thank you.
60
00:05:02,465 --> 00:05:04,490
Walk His Majesty
through our design concept.
61
00:05:04,700 --> 00:05:06,395
With pleasure.
62
00:05:07,203 --> 00:05:09,728
- Prince Haboobee...
- Habeeboo!
63
00:05:10,406 --> 00:05:12,431
Prince Habeeboo.
64
00:05:12,642 --> 00:05:15,133
Habeeboo. I thought I said that.
65
00:05:15,344 --> 00:05:18,006
When Mr. Ammer explained to me
the type of man you are...
66
00:05:18,214 --> 00:05:22,048
...a visionary who prides himself
on originality...
67
00:05:22,251 --> 00:05:27,052
...I said to myself, "Let's smash
the mold and redefine elegance."
68
00:05:27,256 --> 00:05:29,520
So I present to you your restaurant.
69
00:05:29,725 --> 00:05:31,215
Where is... Where's bar?
70
00:05:31,427 --> 00:05:35,090
Bar is... Here's the bar.
Now, the waterfall...
71
00:05:35,298 --> 00:05:36,356
Make bar longer.
72
00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:41,531
Okay. We could cut
into the atrium a little bit.
73
00:05:41,737 --> 00:05:46,265
No atrium. Just make bar longer
for Prince Habeeboo.
74
00:05:46,476 --> 00:05:47,443
Really?
75
00:05:49,612 --> 00:05:51,739
- Still itchy?
- You got it.
76
00:05:53,049 --> 00:05:56,314
And put big drain in floor
for wet T-shirt contest.
77
00:05:56,519 --> 00:05:58,043
Now, you're kidding me, right?
78
00:05:58,254 --> 00:06:00,279
Boob water's gotta
go someplace, Michael.
79
00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:03,857
Let's just take out the atrium and
run with that and there's your drain.
80
00:06:04,060 --> 00:06:07,552
- God.
- I love it. It is simply awesome.
81
00:06:08,131 --> 00:06:13,091
Yeah. Basically you want me to design
you an Arabian hoochie house?
82
00:06:13,302 --> 00:06:15,770
How dare you compare
Prince Habeeboo's Bikini Hut...
83
00:06:15,972 --> 00:06:17,906
...to this hoochie house?
- This idea's...
84
00:06:18,107 --> 00:06:20,473
...got nothing to do
with hoochies, Michael.
85
00:06:20,676 --> 00:06:22,166
It's like opposite of hoochie.
86
00:06:22,378 --> 00:06:24,175
No disrespect,
Prince Hubbida Hubbida.
87
00:06:24,380 --> 00:06:26,109
- Hubba Bubba.
- Habeeboo!
88
00:06:26,315 --> 00:06:29,409
Habeeboo!
Hubba Bubba is chewing gum.
89
00:06:29,619 --> 00:06:31,052
Prince Habeeboo's
not chewing gum.
90
00:06:31,254 --> 00:06:35,816
Prince Habeeboo, we will...
I will make this happen.
91
00:06:37,593 --> 00:06:38,560
John Ammer's office.
92
00:06:38,761 --> 00:06:41,730
I hope that atrium idea didn't take
too long to configure, Michael.
93
00:06:41,931 --> 00:06:44,695
Oh, there'll be other Junes
in my life, sir.
94
00:06:44,901 --> 00:06:49,463
See that parking garage
over there on 56?
95
00:06:49,772 --> 00:06:54,038
Watsuhita wants to knock it down
and build a luxury hotel.
96
00:06:54,243 --> 00:06:55,767
- You got the commission?
- Not yet.
97
00:06:55,978 --> 00:07:01,041
I just need someone to come up
with a design proposal. Intrigued?
98
00:07:02,952 --> 00:07:04,146
Hell, yes.
99
00:07:04,353 --> 00:07:07,481
I'm Fourth of July-ing with the kids.
When I get back, I'm all over it.
100
00:07:07,690 --> 00:07:12,059
Great. Have a great Fourth of July
with the kids. I'll put Swardson on it.
101
00:07:12,261 --> 00:07:16,061
No, no. Absolutely not.
I... l... Can't it just wait three days?
102
00:07:16,265 --> 00:07:19,063
These guys are Japanese.
They can't wait for their fish to cook.
103
00:07:21,637 --> 00:07:23,798
I guess I could talk to my wife.
104
00:07:24,006 --> 00:07:26,668
Great. See you later at happy hour
with Prince Habadabee.
105
00:07:27,343 --> 00:07:31,177
My son has a swim meet tonight
that I have to get to s...
106
00:07:31,380 --> 00:07:33,143
I'm just messing with you.
We're good.
107
00:07:38,354 --> 00:07:40,822
Yeah, Ben!
108
00:07:49,098 --> 00:07:53,694
That's my boy! That's my boy!
Kid, you were great!
109
00:07:54,136 --> 00:07:55,660
You're not my dad.
110
00:07:56,606 --> 00:07:59,268
- As far as you know.
- What?
111
00:08:00,643 --> 00:08:02,508
I was just joking.
112
00:08:02,712 --> 00:08:05,772
Is he really my dad?
113
00:08:05,982 --> 00:08:09,315
Come on, come on! Yes, Ben.
Yes, you did it!
114
00:08:09,518 --> 00:08:10,712
Honey, you were so great.
115
00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:14,378
Whoa, what are you, half a dolphin
or something? That was incredible.
116
00:08:14,590 --> 00:08:16,353
You just got here, Dad. I saw you.
117
00:08:17,460 --> 00:08:19,951
What do you mean I just got here?
Why are you saying that?
118
00:08:20,162 --> 00:08:22,130
I saw you. You jumped in there,
you swam here.
119
00:08:22,331 --> 00:08:25,926
- Then what stroke was he doing, Dad?
- He was doing the shut-up.
120
00:08:27,403 --> 00:08:30,804
Hey. Good thing is,
Daddy was here to see you finish.
121
00:08:31,007 --> 00:08:32,031
He didn't see me finish.
122
00:08:32,241 --> 00:08:34,471
He was hanging out
with Ping Woo for some reason.
123
00:08:34,677 --> 00:08:37,111
- Yeah, what was that about, huh?
- The kid was drowning.
124
00:08:37,313 --> 00:08:38,439
I'm gonna let him drown?
125
00:08:39,315 --> 00:08:40,942
Nobody goes drowning in my pool.
126
00:08:41,150 --> 00:08:43,710
How you doing? Bill Herlihy.
Ben's coach. You must be Dad.
127
00:08:43,919 --> 00:08:46,581
Michael Speedo...
Michael Newman. Sorry.
128
00:08:47,089 --> 00:08:49,751
Big Ben, that was great progress
out there, huh?
129
00:08:49,959 --> 00:08:52,792
Just remember, right arm out,
head turns left. Left arm out...
130
00:08:52,995 --> 00:08:55,623
Head turns right. I know.
I just forgot at the end.
131
00:08:55,831 --> 00:08:56,855
Well, that's all right.
132
00:08:57,066 --> 00:09:00,365
You master that, people are gonna
think you're a half a dolphin out there.
133
00:09:00,569 --> 00:09:02,628
- Really?
- Yeah.
134
00:09:03,506 --> 00:09:04,905
Cute.
135
00:09:05,574 --> 00:09:07,735
Hello? Mr. Ammer.
136
00:09:15,851 --> 00:09:18,615
Ben, honey, slow down.
It's not a race.
137
00:09:18,821 --> 00:09:20,516
That's his second one
in five minutes.
138
00:09:20,723 --> 00:09:22,418
Keeps eating more and more.
139
00:09:22,625 --> 00:09:25,526
He's like a machine.
He can't still be hungry.
140
00:09:25,728 --> 00:09:29,220
He's not. He's just doing whatever
Michael's doing. It's driving me crazy.
141
00:09:29,432 --> 00:09:33,095
Everything Michael's been doing lately
is very unhealthy for him.
142
00:09:33,302 --> 00:09:35,668
He's gonna kill himself.
143
00:09:36,439 --> 00:09:39,033
Like a signature building
we're talking about.
144
00:09:39,241 --> 00:09:40,640
Oh, my God.
145
00:09:42,478 --> 00:09:44,036
Scared the crap out of me.
146
00:09:44,647 --> 00:09:47,013
Dad, how much longer
are you gonna live?
147
00:09:48,017 --> 00:09:50,611
- One minute.
- One minute?
148
00:09:50,820 --> 00:09:52,913
- Daddy's gonna die in one minute!
- Oh, no, honey.
149
00:09:53,122 --> 00:09:54,487
Don't worry. I'm not dying.
150
00:09:54,690 --> 00:09:58,558
I'm gonna live for 200 years.
Is that long enough for you and me?
151
00:09:59,128 --> 00:10:02,859
- Promise?
- I promise. Swear. Come here.
152
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:05,827
You son of a bitch!
153
00:10:06,035 --> 00:10:08,799
Hey! There are families here!
154
00:10:09,004 --> 00:10:11,336
Show some respect,
you pieces of shit!
155
00:10:12,074 --> 00:10:14,838
Go home and watch VH1, old man.
156
00:10:15,044 --> 00:10:17,877
Don't light another damn one!
157
00:10:19,181 --> 00:10:21,706
Benjamin. Benjamin.
What am I holding?
158
00:10:21,917 --> 00:10:24,715
A quarter. Now, Grandma
does not let me eat ice cream...
159
00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:26,512
...because of my diabetes.
- True.
160
00:10:26,722 --> 00:10:30,385
But she says nothing, however,
about a tasty quarter.
161
00:10:30,826 --> 00:10:32,088
Okay.
162
00:10:34,296 --> 00:10:35,888
All right. All right.
163
00:10:36,098 --> 00:10:39,829
Very quickly, please, count to three
because it tastes terrible.
164
00:10:40,035 --> 00:10:43,368
One, two, three.
165
00:10:45,007 --> 00:10:46,634
Are you shitting me?
166
00:10:46,842 --> 00:10:49,606
First he's eating like his father,
now you're talking like him?
167
00:10:49,812 --> 00:10:52,178
- Ben.
- Don't you ever say that again.
168
00:10:52,381 --> 00:10:55,714
- Sorry, Grandma.
- How do you do that, Grandpa?
169
00:10:56,085 --> 00:10:58,781
A good magician
never reveals his secrets.
170
00:10:58,988 --> 00:11:01,582
Your daddy has wanted to know
how I've done that trick...
171
00:11:01,791 --> 00:11:02,917
...since he was your age.
172
00:11:03,125 --> 00:11:04,524
Isn't that true, son?
173
00:11:04,727 --> 00:11:07,059
Hey, Michael.
Michael, who are you talking to?
174
00:11:07,263 --> 00:11:10,255
Jesus. I'm talking to my boss, Ma.
Take it easy.
175
00:11:10,466 --> 00:11:12,127
Oh, yeah?
Well, tell him to get a life.
176
00:11:12,334 --> 00:11:14,564
You got family here.
You're busy. Come on.
177
00:11:14,770 --> 00:11:16,101
My mother says hello.
178
00:11:16,305 --> 00:11:18,535
Oh, he's such a big boy, isn't he?
179
00:11:18,741 --> 00:11:22,074
On his big cell phone. Big boy.
180
00:11:22,278 --> 00:11:27,614
That's it. Get some sleep. Thank you,
Mr. Ammer. All right. Good night.
181
00:11:27,817 --> 00:11:30,251
- Are you done? Can we relax now?
- Sorry.
182
00:11:31,887 --> 00:11:34,321
Eat me, grandpa!
183
00:11:34,757 --> 00:11:35,815
You're dead.
184
00:11:36,492 --> 00:11:39,757
- Oh, shit!
- Yeah, you better run!
185
00:11:39,962 --> 00:11:41,759
I kicked your father's ass
in high school!
186
00:11:41,964 --> 00:11:43,295
Now I'm gonna kick yours!
187
00:11:43,499 --> 00:11:46,229
I hate that man.
188
00:11:46,535 --> 00:11:48,662
Okay, good night, you two cowboys.
189
00:11:48,871 --> 00:11:51,362
- Reach for the sky, Pocahontas.
- No, back to bed.
190
00:11:51,574 --> 00:11:55,169
Come on. Pocahontas is off duty.
I'm out of here.
191
00:11:58,147 --> 00:12:00,342
You getting sick, sheriff?
192
00:12:00,783 --> 00:12:02,842
I don't got time to be sick, so no.
193
00:12:03,052 --> 00:12:05,919
I need to watch this documentary
on Asian architecture.
194
00:12:06,121 --> 00:12:08,851
Well, you gotta get some rest
sometime, sweetheart.
195
00:12:09,058 --> 00:12:11,322
Besides, the woodland creatures
will laugh at you...
196
00:12:11,527 --> 00:12:14,121
...if you collapse trying
to put up the tent this weekend.
197
00:12:15,231 --> 00:12:18,758
Yeah. I forgot to tell you.
198
00:12:19,201 --> 00:12:21,294
We gotta postpone
the camping trip.
199
00:12:22,004 --> 00:12:23,869
Ammer put me on a project.
200
00:12:24,073 --> 00:12:26,473
It's due Tuesday. If I don't finish,
I'm off it, so...
201
00:12:26,675 --> 00:12:28,836
The kids have been talking
about camping all year.
202
00:12:29,044 --> 00:12:30,136
Think I don't know that?
203
00:12:30,346 --> 00:12:32,610
It's just every choice I make,
everything I do...
204
00:12:32,815 --> 00:12:34,715
...I disappoint somebody.
205
00:12:34,917 --> 00:12:37,511
Make sure you don't keep
disappointing the wrong people.
206
00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:40,245
I'm not out drinking or gambling
or hitting on chicks.
207
00:12:40,456 --> 00:12:43,220
I'm working my ass off
so my family can have a better life...
208
00:12:43,425 --> 00:12:45,188
...than I dreamed of
when I was a kid.
209
00:12:45,728 --> 00:12:49,323
The only way for that to happen
is for me to watch this stinking show!
210
00:12:49,532 --> 00:12:51,363
So relax, hon.
211
00:12:54,904 --> 00:12:56,394
Are you kidding me?
212
00:12:56,605 --> 00:12:59,631
Will you give me a break one time?
213
00:13:00,109 --> 00:13:03,670
Damn it! The O'Doyles got
a stinking universal remote control.
214
00:13:03,879 --> 00:13:05,710
We're gonna have one too.
215
00:13:05,915 --> 00:13:07,678
I'm sick of this.
216
00:13:12,288 --> 00:13:14,756
You want me to open
the garage for you?
217
00:13:27,736 --> 00:13:28,703
Closed.
218
00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:32,407
Closed.
219
00:13:34,243 --> 00:13:35,210
Open.
220
00:13:35,411 --> 00:13:37,743
Bed Bath & Beyond it is.
221
00:13:43,118 --> 00:13:44,745
Hey, man?
222
00:13:44,954 --> 00:13:47,889
You guys got any universal
remote controls in there?
223
00:13:48,090 --> 00:13:50,957
- For a shower curtain or a bathmat?
- For a television.
224
00:13:51,794 --> 00:13:54,092
I don't think so.
Maybe for a blanket?
225
00:13:54,296 --> 00:13:55,888
You got a remote for a blanket?
226
00:13:56,632 --> 00:13:59,066
Sorry, I don't work here.
I'm waiting for my friends.
227
00:13:59,268 --> 00:14:00,633
You're kidding me.
228
00:14:00,836 --> 00:14:03,862
Actually, yes. I don't have any friends.
Will you be my friend?
229
00:14:08,010 --> 00:14:09,637
Wow, man.
230
00:14:12,615 --> 00:14:15,379
Bed. Bed.
231
00:14:15,584 --> 00:14:18,348
Bath. Bath.
232
00:14:18,554 --> 00:14:20,249
Bed.
233
00:14:22,424 --> 00:14:25,086
So tired of my life.
234
00:14:30,799 --> 00:14:31,993
Beyond?
235
00:15:09,038 --> 00:15:10,869
Sorry to sneak up on you. I just...
236
00:15:11,073 --> 00:15:13,371
You guys got a universal
remote control back here?
237
00:15:15,744 --> 00:15:19,009
Something stinks
like stale french fries.
238
00:15:20,382 --> 00:15:22,350
All right, that's probably me.
239
00:15:22,551 --> 00:15:25,349
You know, fast food
shortens your life.
240
00:15:25,554 --> 00:15:26,782
Yeah, that's what I heard.
241
00:15:26,989 --> 00:15:30,152
But the way my life's been going
lately, that ain't such a bad thing.
242
00:15:30,359 --> 00:15:32,520
You're looking
for a universal remote control?
243
00:15:32,728 --> 00:15:35,162
Yeah. Just one device
to do it all for me...
244
00:15:35,364 --> 00:15:39,494
...make my life a little easier,
quicker, not so damn complicated.
245
00:15:39,702 --> 00:15:43,138
I'm not supposed to do this,
but you seem like a good guy.
246
00:15:43,338 --> 00:15:44,965
Hey. Somebody noticed. Thank you.
247
00:15:45,174 --> 00:15:47,233
I'm gonna show you a remote
we just got in...
248
00:15:47,443 --> 00:15:50,003
...that's probably the most advanced
piece of technology...
249
00:15:50,212 --> 00:15:51,304
...we have in this place.
250
00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:54,410
- Sounds sweet.
- It is sweet.
251
00:15:54,616 --> 00:15:59,246
The latest, greatest universal remote
not even on the market yet.
252
00:15:59,455 --> 00:16:04,188
I guess the O'Doyles' remote can bite
my advanced-technological ass then.
253
00:16:04,393 --> 00:16:06,884
I don't know the O'Doyles...
254
00:16:08,097 --> 00:16:09,758
...but they can bite it hard.
255
00:16:09,965 --> 00:16:11,330
Yeah.
256
00:16:11,533 --> 00:16:12,932
Come in the back with me.
257
00:16:13,435 --> 00:16:14,959
Okay.
258
00:16:15,938 --> 00:16:18,168
This is... This is very nice of you.
259
00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:21,507
- What's your name, anyways?
- Call me Morty.
260
00:16:21,710 --> 00:16:23,007
Morty, I'm Michael Newman.
261
00:16:23,412 --> 00:16:25,471
Michael Newman.
262
00:16:27,316 --> 00:16:29,216
I'm about to rock your world.
263
00:16:29,651 --> 00:16:30,845
Okay.
264
00:16:40,195 --> 00:16:43,995
I gotta be honest with you. This place
looks bigger from the outside.
265
00:16:44,199 --> 00:16:45,962
Just kidding.
266
00:16:47,369 --> 00:16:48,734
Hey, hey.
267
00:17:07,856 --> 00:17:09,653
I think maybe there in the middle?
268
00:17:22,771 --> 00:17:24,739
Sneaky.
269
00:17:30,012 --> 00:17:32,242
Where's the box?
Does it come with directions?
270
00:17:32,447 --> 00:17:33,971
Not necessary.
271
00:17:34,183 --> 00:17:37,744
Just point, click.
272
00:17:37,953 --> 00:17:40,080
Eventually, it will program itself.
273
00:17:42,991 --> 00:17:43,980
How much is this thing?
274
00:17:44,193 --> 00:17:46,684
Because I ain't exactly
Thurston Howell, you know?
275
00:17:46,895 --> 00:17:50,194
Lucky for you, it's not
in the bar-code system yet.
276
00:17:50,399 --> 00:17:53,664
So I'm gonna have
to just give it to you.
277
00:17:53,869 --> 00:17:56,303
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's the catch here, man?
278
00:17:56,505 --> 00:17:59,941
Want me to take my shirt off for you?
Because I don't play for that team.
279
00:18:00,142 --> 00:18:02,838
Hey. Man, get out of here.
280
00:18:03,679 --> 00:18:05,010
Why are you doing this, then?
281
00:18:05,214 --> 00:18:08,945
Because good guys need a break
every once in a while.
282
00:18:09,952 --> 00:18:11,146
Take it.
283
00:18:11,987 --> 00:18:12,954
Enjoy.
284
00:18:15,891 --> 00:18:17,119
All right.
285
00:18:17,326 --> 00:18:19,624
Only one thing
you need to know, Michael.
286
00:18:19,828 --> 00:18:22,490
This item is nonreturnable.
287
00:18:22,698 --> 00:18:26,225
Why would I wanna return something
I got for free?
288
00:18:47,623 --> 00:18:50,490
Twinkie. You don't need it.
You don't need it, man.
289
00:18:50,692 --> 00:18:53,991
You do need a Yodel, though.
Okay. Good job.
290
00:18:54,496 --> 00:18:57,021
Let's see what you got, mate.
291
00:19:04,473 --> 00:19:08,739
Look at me, turning my own TV on.
I'm a freaking whiz kid.
292
00:19:09,878 --> 00:19:11,778
- Residential architecture...
293
00:19:11,980 --> 00:19:13,845
- So I talked to the kids.
- Oh, yeah?
294
00:19:14,049 --> 00:19:16,882
They're very understanding about
not going camping this weekend.
295
00:19:17,085 --> 00:19:19,849
- Great.
- They could have a sleepover instead.
296
00:19:20,055 --> 00:19:22,319
That's a great idea.
Thank you, thank you.
297
00:19:22,524 --> 00:19:25,152
Thanks for being
so cool about this too.
298
00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:27,794
- Can I ask you something?
- Yes.
299
00:19:27,996 --> 00:19:31,955
After you do all this work and become
a big player at your company...
300
00:19:32,167 --> 00:19:34,465
...do you think you're gonna
have more time for us...
301
00:19:34,670 --> 00:19:37,195
...or are things just gonna get
even more out of control?
302
00:19:37,406 --> 00:19:40,273
Wait. When I get to that place
and become a boss...
303
00:19:40,475 --> 00:19:43,137
...a millionaire, a big shot,
the first thing I'm gonna do...
304
00:19:43,345 --> 00:19:46,007
...is hire a bunch of idiots just like me
to do all my work.
305
00:19:46,214 --> 00:19:49,411
So then you, me and the kids
can do whatever the hell we want.
306
00:19:49,618 --> 00:19:51,552
You just gotta give me some time.
307
00:19:53,922 --> 00:19:55,753
Don't give me that look.
308
00:19:55,958 --> 00:19:59,291
I'm just saying, give me some support.
All right?
309
00:19:59,494 --> 00:20:01,758
I love you. Go to sleep.
310
00:20:01,964 --> 00:20:05,024
- Just think about it, Michael.
- Absolutely.
311
00:20:05,233 --> 00:20:06,427
And stop with the Yodels.
312
00:20:06,635 --> 00:20:08,830
- You're gonna wake up 400 pounds.
- Okay.
313
00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:25,116
Hey, hey, hey. Keep it down, dude.
Everybody's sleeping.
314
00:20:27,489 --> 00:20:28,649
You gotta poop again?
315
00:20:29,291 --> 00:20:32,021
Why don't you do the humpy-pumpy
on the duck, okay?
316
00:20:33,428 --> 00:20:38,388
Will you just hold it in for five minutes
and keep the freaking volume down?
317
00:21:04,192 --> 00:21:05,386
I guess when you combine...
318
00:21:05,594 --> 00:21:08,995
...mass quantities of cough syrup
with Yodels...
319
00:21:09,197 --> 00:21:11,358
...you get acid.
320
00:21:15,203 --> 00:21:16,534
Go.
321
00:21:24,513 --> 00:21:26,811
Hey, you said you gotta go.
Go already, man.
322
00:21:33,388 --> 00:21:35,219
Sniffy Longdroppings, today.
323
00:22:06,321 --> 00:22:07,913
Holy motherfu...!
324
00:22:10,158 --> 00:22:12,285
Yeah, I mean, you're right.
In the short run...
325
00:22:12,494 --> 00:22:14,962
...plastic surgery is a hassle.
326
00:22:15,163 --> 00:22:17,495
But six months later...
327
00:22:17,699 --> 00:22:19,360
...l'm gonna have a face
and a body...
328
00:22:19,568 --> 00:22:21,934
...that's gonna get me to places
where I wanna be.
329
00:22:24,039 --> 00:22:27,099
Oh, my mother, typical,
you know, she says:
330
00:22:27,309 --> 00:22:30,472
"Oh, this procedure is too risky."
331
00:22:30,679 --> 00:22:34,046
If Samantha wanted her cheekbones
shaved down, I think I'd freak out too.
332
00:22:34,249 --> 00:22:37,377
I know, but I just think, you know,
they're too Slavic.
333
00:22:37,586 --> 00:22:39,213
You should get some work done.
334
00:22:39,421 --> 00:22:42,857
Then maybe Michael
will wanna hang out with you too.
335
00:22:44,659 --> 00:22:48,117
Morning, Michael.
You're looking very crappy today.
336
00:22:48,330 --> 00:22:51,390
Morning, Janine,
you're looking very Slavic.
337
00:22:52,968 --> 00:22:56,665
You're just jealous because Donna
and I are going to the gym...
338
00:22:56,872 --> 00:22:58,965
...and all the guys
are gonna be hitting on us.
339
00:23:03,545 --> 00:23:06,378
Michael knows
he's my one and only.
340
00:23:06,581 --> 00:23:07,809
Forever and ever, babe.
341
00:23:08,617 --> 00:23:11,916
Sorry about last night.
And I love you. I'm s...
342
00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:14,588
Oh, my God. I want that so bad.
343
00:23:14,789 --> 00:23:19,692
A husband that I can kiss and love
and give juice to.
344
00:23:19,895 --> 00:23:23,661
You've already cheated on three
different husbands with their brothers.
345
00:23:23,865 --> 00:23:26,663
I think you've given enough juice
to everybody.
346
00:23:28,203 --> 00:23:29,864
Love juice.
347
00:23:30,338 --> 00:23:32,772
You know way too much about me.
348
00:23:32,974 --> 00:23:35,875
I should never have done
that Montel Williams show.
349
00:23:36,077 --> 00:23:37,942
Even Montel Williams
thinks you're crazy...
350
00:23:38,146 --> 00:23:39,477
...and he's seen a lot of shit.
351
00:23:40,048 --> 00:23:42,676
I was desperate for companionship!
352
00:23:42,884 --> 00:23:44,613
All of my husbands...
353
00:23:44,819 --> 00:23:47,287
All of them
have emotionally abandoned me.
354
00:23:47,489 --> 00:23:51,255
They went to work. You had sex
with their unemployed brothers.
355
00:23:51,459 --> 00:23:53,427
- You're a horndog.
- Michael.
356
00:23:53,628 --> 00:23:55,755
- Okay, sweetie. Calm it down.
- No, no!
357
00:23:55,964 --> 00:23:59,365
I have had self-esteem issues
since I was a kid.
358
00:23:59,568 --> 00:24:03,561
I had a rabbit named Pepper.
And that rabbit abandoned me too!
359
00:24:03,772 --> 00:24:06,366
Even the rabbit did! Even the rabb...
360
00:24:12,514 --> 00:24:13,538
Don't look at me!
361
00:24:14,182 --> 00:24:16,150
- What's wrong with me?
- Bunny rabbit, bunny...
362
00:24:19,354 --> 00:24:22,790
Here's the pitch to Matsui.
A deep drive.
363
00:24:22,991 --> 00:24:25,221
Ožh, my, it's out of here!
364
00:24:25,427 --> 00:24:30,364
A two-run shot into the right-field
seats for Hideki Matsui.
365
00:24:31,366 --> 00:24:32,765
I'm sorry. What was that?
366
00:24:32,968 --> 00:24:35,596
She has so many problems.
Why do you have to be so mean?
367
00:24:37,239 --> 00:24:39,867
I don't know, l... Hello.
368
00:24:41,676 --> 00:24:43,337
I gotta go.
369
00:24:47,315 --> 00:24:49,510
Yeah, good RoboDog.
370
00:24:49,718 --> 00:24:52,186
And he can bark
in over six different languages.
371
00:24:52,387 --> 00:24:54,082
It's so cool.
372
00:24:54,289 --> 00:24:57,053
Yeah, it's much cooler
than your stupid, human dog.
373
00:24:57,259 --> 00:25:00,126
Hey, Dad, see Kevin's
new robot dog?
374
00:25:00,328 --> 00:25:02,057
Yeah, yeah. Very nice.
375
00:25:02,264 --> 00:25:05,859
"Very nice"? This thing
is worth more than your car.
376
00:25:07,769 --> 00:25:11,034
- Not anymore it ain't.
- RoboDog!
377
00:25:18,013 --> 00:25:19,913
Hey, hey, hey.
378
00:25:20,115 --> 00:25:24,484
Okay. Is this some sort
of reality show? Are you the host?
379
00:25:24,686 --> 00:25:27,086
Morty? Where are the cameras?
380
00:25:27,289 --> 00:25:32,056
Got everybody in on it, huh?
Sundance did very well also.
381
00:25:33,194 --> 00:25:37,392
All right, America! Have your laugh!
I'm an idiot!
382
00:25:37,966 --> 00:25:40,059
Donna, I'm gonna get you!
383
00:25:40,268 --> 00:25:41,929
Fast-forward.
384
00:25:43,638 --> 00:25:45,435
Nobody's laughing at you, Michael.
385
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:51,078
You wanted a universal remote control
that remote-controls your universe.
386
00:25:52,213 --> 00:25:55,580
Yeah, but what controls
my dance skills?
387
00:26:03,458 --> 00:26:04,618
Oh, Morty likes it too.
388
00:26:06,861 --> 00:26:08,761
Michael, just hit menu.
389
00:26:09,631 --> 00:26:10,757
On the remote?
390
00:26:10,965 --> 00:26:14,628
No, the menu at the Red Lobster.
Yes, on the remote.
391
00:26:20,542 --> 00:26:21,804
Where are we?
392
00:26:26,247 --> 00:26:28,545
- Go, Michael, go!
- Ožne Mississippi. Two Mississippi.
393
00:26:28,750 --> 00:26:31,719
- What have I got here?
- Two, three.
394
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:34,411
Cough syrup's kicking in again.
395
00:26:34,622 --> 00:26:37,785
- We have a boy!
- Is it gonna work?
396
00:26:37,992 --> 00:26:39,118
What is this?
397
00:26:39,327 --> 00:26:41,921
- All right, I love you, Michael.
- Your life menu.
398
00:26:42,897 --> 00:26:44,728
My life has a commentary?
399
00:26:44,933 --> 00:26:47,231
It's chock-full of goodies.
400
00:26:47,435 --> 00:26:50,165
- Click it.
- Click it.
401
00:26:51,573 --> 00:26:54,064
This is last Tuesday.
402
00:26:54,275 --> 00:26:58,268
Michael was eagerly awaiting
the arrival of his lunch order.
403
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:00,038
Who's that, James Earl Jones?
404
00:27:00,248 --> 00:27:02,739
James Earl
does a lot of voice-over work.
405
00:27:02,951 --> 00:27:05,283
But his anticipation
quickly turned to dismay...
406
00:27:05,487 --> 00:27:08,081
... as he realized Alice
had brought him a cheeseburger...
407
00:27:08,289 --> 00:27:10,120
... instead of a hamburger
as he requested.
408
00:27:10,325 --> 00:27:12,350
A cheeseburger?
I said a hamburger.
409
00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:13,720
She always does this to me.
410
00:27:13,928 --> 00:27:16,829
Michael considered demanding
that Alice scrape the cheese off...
411
00:27:17,031 --> 00:27:18,055
... but decided not to...
412
00:27:18,266 --> 00:27:19,824
... fearing that Alice may spit in...
413
00:27:20,034 --> 00:27:23,595
... or otherwise defile
the burger in some manner.
414
00:27:23,805 --> 00:27:25,432
A wise decision...
415
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:29,701
... for that was exactly
what Alice was planning to do.
416
00:27:31,112 --> 00:27:33,342
- Are you kidding me?
- Sneaky.
417
00:27:33,548 --> 00:27:35,778
My God.
418
00:27:39,421 --> 00:27:41,514
What else we got here?
419
00:27:43,091 --> 00:27:45,559
- "Making of"?
- Just click.
420
00:27:46,594 --> 00:27:49,563
Hey, hey, psychedelic.
Where are we?
421
00:27:51,099 --> 00:27:53,090
Is this a porno or something?
422
00:27:53,301 --> 00:27:55,667
Oh, Ted. Oh, Teddy!
423
00:27:55,870 --> 00:27:57,132
Is that my parents?
424
00:27:57,338 --> 00:27:59,704
They're making you.
Like bunny rabbits.
425
00:27:59,908 --> 00:28:02,604
- That's the spot.
- Smack my heinie!
426
00:28:02,811 --> 00:28:06,042
Change the channel!
How do you do this?
427
00:28:07,348 --> 00:28:08,747
I can't see.
428
00:28:08,950 --> 00:28:12,010
- What happened?
- What...?
429
00:28:12,220 --> 00:28:16,657
The floor is so mushy and slippery.
Feels good on my feet.
430
00:28:16,858 --> 00:28:19,986
Check it out.
You hit the fast-forward button.
431
00:28:20,195 --> 00:28:22,755
I believe we're sometime
after your conception.
432
00:28:22,964 --> 00:28:25,296
Okay, very good, Mrs. Newman.
433
00:28:25,500 --> 00:28:28,594
No! We're in my mother's vagina?
434
00:28:28,803 --> 00:28:31,499
Again. And push.
435
00:28:31,706 --> 00:28:34,539
- It's a girl.
- It's a girl!
436
00:28:34,742 --> 00:28:37,734
- Oh, It's a girl. Thank you so much.
- Thank you for that.
437
00:28:37,946 --> 00:28:40,414
Wait a minute.
I'm sorry, it might be a boy.
438
00:28:40,615 --> 00:28:42,515
What do you mean, "might be"?
What is that?
439
00:28:42,717 --> 00:28:43,911
Maybe that's a penis.
440
00:28:44,118 --> 00:28:46,678
Maybe that's a pe...? That's a penis.
That's my penis.
441
00:28:46,888 --> 00:28:50,016
Can I see that?
Can you bring that a little closer?
442
00:28:50,225 --> 00:28:51,192
See?
443
00:28:51,626 --> 00:28:53,651
- That's a tiny schmeckel.
- Yeah?
444
00:28:53,862 --> 00:28:55,329
- We have a boy!
- We have a boy!
445
00:28:55,530 --> 00:28:59,796
Your mother must have
some superpower eyesight...
446
00:29:00,001 --> 00:29:02,936
...because I didn't see anything.
447
00:29:03,137 --> 00:29:04,331
Let's get out of here.
448
00:29:06,608 --> 00:29:08,576
So if you think about it...
449
00:29:08,776 --> 00:29:12,303
...I can reexperience
any part of my life I want to.
450
00:29:12,514 --> 00:29:14,038
It's amazing.
451
00:29:15,250 --> 00:29:18,583
What happened?
Oh, God, what did I do?
452
00:29:18,786 --> 00:29:20,879
Hello? How do I get you
back here, pal?
453
00:29:22,156 --> 00:29:23,123
Gotcha.
454
00:29:24,359 --> 00:29:25,986
I'm not freaked out enough?
455
00:29:26,194 --> 00:29:28,025
It's simple. Think of a time
and a place...
456
00:29:28,229 --> 00:29:30,789
...hit rewind, and you're there.
457
00:29:31,933 --> 00:29:34,424
Time and a place. Time and a place.
458
00:29:40,275 --> 00:29:43,301
Oh, my God. Lake Winnipesaukee.
459
00:29:43,778 --> 00:29:46,008
That's me in the Jets shirt.
460
00:29:46,214 --> 00:29:47,875
Go, little me, go!
461
00:29:51,286 --> 00:29:53,254
Good hands! Nice hands.
462
00:29:53,454 --> 00:29:54,682
Michael!
463
00:29:55,189 --> 00:29:59,489
Michael, dinner's almost ready.
Invite your friends if you want to.
464
00:30:00,094 --> 00:30:03,530
So any of you wanna come
by my tent for some supper?
465
00:30:03,731 --> 00:30:06,666
Or we could eat at my Winnebago
and watch Three's Company.
466
00:30:09,404 --> 00:30:10,996
Three's Company.
467
00:30:11,539 --> 00:30:13,837
That's humiliating.
468
00:30:15,710 --> 00:30:19,669
Mom, why can't we camp in an RV
like every other family?
469
00:30:19,881 --> 00:30:21,712
Oh, come on.
You call that camping?
470
00:30:21,916 --> 00:30:24,510
How can you get close to nature
in a tin can like that?
471
00:30:24,719 --> 00:30:28,211
Plus, it's more fun to have
to keep each other warm at night.
472
00:30:28,756 --> 00:30:30,348
Don't you know it.
473
00:30:39,500 --> 00:30:42,230
- No cupcakes yet.
- But I'm starving.
474
00:30:42,437 --> 00:30:44,701
I agree with you, Michael.
You know how hungry I am?
475
00:30:44,906 --> 00:30:47,898
I am so hungry, I could eat this.
476
00:30:48,109 --> 00:30:50,577
Oh, this is where
the quarter trick started.
477
00:30:57,118 --> 00:30:58,710
How the heck did he do that?
478
00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:02,083
Oh, it's a trick coin
you buy at a magic shop.
479
00:31:02,290 --> 00:31:04,315
I just couldn't let him know
I knew that.
480
00:31:04,525 --> 00:31:05,992
That's sweet.
481
00:31:06,194 --> 00:31:09,129
Now, I gotta get back to work,
so hit play.
482
00:31:17,171 --> 00:31:20,766
It's a very powerful device.
Use it with caution.
483
00:31:20,975 --> 00:31:22,408
Okay.
484
00:31:23,945 --> 00:31:24,934
Who are you?
485
00:31:25,747 --> 00:31:27,237
You know who I am.
486
00:31:28,282 --> 00:31:29,408
Morty?
487
00:31:29,617 --> 00:31:32,108
If you have any questions...
488
00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:34,312
...call me.
489
00:31:42,764 --> 00:31:47,599
No, Linda, I think Stacy gets
the most-beautiful-feet award.
490
00:31:47,802 --> 00:31:49,326
You wanted to see me?
491
00:31:49,537 --> 00:31:52,597
Michael. Look, I'm heading out to
the Hamptons in a couple of minutes.
492
00:31:52,807 --> 00:31:53,933
I'm counting on you.
493
00:31:54,142 --> 00:31:56,201
This hotel project? It's a big fish.
494
00:31:56,411 --> 00:32:00,279
You reel it in for me
and it's "Howdy, partner."
495
00:32:03,751 --> 00:32:05,150
Okay. Thank you.
496
00:32:05,353 --> 00:32:09,084
Screw it up, though, and it's
"Back to the mailroom, atrium boy."
497
00:32:11,693 --> 00:32:12,990
Mr. Ammer, Denise just called.
498
00:32:13,194 --> 00:32:16,561
She's gotta go to rehab again,
so she can't make it to the Hamptons.
499
00:32:16,764 --> 00:32:18,994
I'm gonna be alone
on the Fourth of July?
500
00:32:19,367 --> 00:32:22,097
Mr. Ammer, if you need female
companionship this weekend...
501
00:32:22,303 --> 00:32:24,794
...my wife's friend Janine, wow.
502
00:32:26,340 --> 00:32:29,571
Really? What's she like?
503
00:32:30,244 --> 00:32:35,011
Let's just say
she will eat you up, sir.
504
00:32:37,151 --> 00:32:38,709
Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt...
505
00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:41,047
...but this is kind of important.
- Okay.
506
00:32:42,957 --> 00:32:45,016
- Go to the bathroom.
- Okay.
507
00:32:56,237 --> 00:32:59,263
Dude! You suck so bad.
508
00:32:59,474 --> 00:33:01,533
Do not. Hey, Dad.
509
00:33:01,743 --> 00:33:03,506
How you doing, buddy?
Playing some catch?
510
00:33:03,711 --> 00:33:07,545
Actually, we're playing some drop,
because Ben hasn't caught one yet.
511
00:33:07,749 --> 00:33:09,512
Darn it.
512
00:33:23,498 --> 00:33:25,693
You're a regular Derek Jeter
yourself, O'Doyle.
513
00:33:26,067 --> 00:33:28,558
- Love you, kid.
- Love you too, Dad.
514
00:33:29,337 --> 00:33:31,862
Mommy!
515
00:33:32,673 --> 00:33:35,335
No, I know. Well, I thought
she should've gotten voted off.
516
00:33:35,543 --> 00:33:37,977
But did you see her Kate Spade
handbag? It was gorgeous.
517
00:33:38,179 --> 00:33:40,807
Wait, hold on a second, Trudy.
I gotta say hi to your son.
518
00:33:41,015 --> 00:33:45,042
- I told your parents to come for dinner.
- Really? That sounds good.
519
00:33:45,253 --> 00:33:47,653
It'd be fun for them to be here
for the sleepover.
520
00:33:49,423 --> 00:33:51,152
Okay, so great. Yeah.
521
00:33:51,359 --> 00:33:53,759
We'll see you guys later.
Okay, bye-bye.
522
00:33:53,961 --> 00:33:57,089
It's not gonna kill you to eat dinner
with your family, sweetie.
523
00:33:57,298 --> 00:34:00,131
I know, I just gotta build
an entire model tonight.
524
00:34:01,469 --> 00:34:04,927
- I'm the leader!
- No, I'm the leader!
525
00:34:06,908 --> 00:34:08,842
Go say hi to Daddy. Go on.
526
00:34:11,846 --> 00:34:14,314
I can't take a whole night of this.
527
00:34:14,515 --> 00:34:17,814
- And I'm not going to.
- Q, R, S, T, U...
528
00:34:23,891 --> 00:34:25,290
Cool.
529
00:34:25,493 --> 00:34:28,690
I can skip chapters.
530
00:34:34,502 --> 00:34:35,833
What a family.
531
00:34:37,538 --> 00:34:41,304
All right, let's get dinner
over with. Next.
532
00:34:41,509 --> 00:34:42,942
Next.
533
00:34:43,144 --> 00:34:46,170
Everyone's done but you, buddy.
Let's go.
534
00:34:48,249 --> 00:34:50,615
Will you stop already?
535
00:34:50,818 --> 00:34:54,686
Oh, boy, Dad's quarter trick.
I can't wait not to see it.
536
00:34:56,657 --> 00:34:58,454
Alone in my basement at last.
537
00:34:58,659 --> 00:35:02,720
Should I do my work
and become partner now? I think so.
538
00:35:04,365 --> 00:35:06,230
Let's get to it.
539
00:35:07,034 --> 00:35:08,501
- Michael?
- Yo.
540
00:35:08,703 --> 00:35:10,261
We don't wanna interrupt.
541
00:35:10,471 --> 00:35:12,302
We're taking off.
Thanks for a great night.
542
00:35:12,506 --> 00:35:14,167
You had a fun time
hanging out with me?
543
00:35:14,375 --> 00:35:16,309
That was... We did good, right?
544
00:35:16,878 --> 00:35:18,368
- Good night, honey.
- Love you.
545
00:35:18,946 --> 00:35:23,076
My schmeckel got bigger now that
I'm older, just so you guys know that.
546
00:35:23,284 --> 00:35:25,684
It couldn't have gotten any smaller.
547
00:35:26,487 --> 00:35:27,579
Yeah, yeah.
548
00:35:27,788 --> 00:35:30,882
It looked like a little Tic Tac.
549
00:35:31,092 --> 00:35:34,152
Yeah, come here,
I'll freshen your breath.
550
00:35:35,363 --> 00:35:36,796
- Bye, you guys.
- Bye, sweetie.
551
00:35:36,998 --> 00:35:38,898
Good night, sweetie.
552
00:35:41,469 --> 00:35:43,027
Great dinner, honey.
553
00:35:43,237 --> 00:35:45,501
See? Was that so bad?
554
00:35:45,706 --> 00:35:47,571
Kidding me? I had fun.
555
00:35:47,775 --> 00:35:51,506
Good for you. Can you watch the gang
for 10 minutes while I clean up?
556
00:35:51,712 --> 00:35:54,010
Can't you? I just...
I got so much stuff to do here.
557
00:35:54,215 --> 00:35:55,614
Oh, you got stuff to do?
558
00:35:55,816 --> 00:35:58,250
I got ghost stories, charades,
the dishes...
559
00:35:58,452 --> 00:36:01,216
...and then I gotta sew the duck's head
back on for Sundance...
560
00:36:01,422 --> 00:36:03,049
...and fix his butthole.
561
00:36:03,257 --> 00:36:04,349
Way to go, champ.
562
00:36:05,893 --> 00:36:07,758
I wish I had time to do all that stuff.
563
00:36:07,962 --> 00:36:09,395
Give me a break, Michael.
564
00:36:09,597 --> 00:36:11,565
You're a big boy.
You set your own priorities.
565
00:36:11,766 --> 00:36:14,132
I'm asking for 10 minutes,
not for, like, a whole day.
566
00:36:14,335 --> 00:36:15,700
You don't have to do that much.
567
00:36:15,903 --> 00:36:18,701
How big a deal is that?
I am so tired of having this argument.
568
00:36:26,547 --> 00:36:29,277
I skipped the whole fight.
569
00:36:32,353 --> 00:36:33,820
Babe?
570
00:36:35,289 --> 00:36:37,587
- I can't sleep.
- You can't?
571
00:36:37,792 --> 00:36:39,384
I feel bad that we keep arguing.
572
00:36:39,593 --> 00:36:42,721
I know. Don't be upset, okay?
573
00:36:42,930 --> 00:36:46,297
- I was a jerk.
- You are a jerk.
574
00:36:46,500 --> 00:36:48,058
- I love you.
- I love you too.
575
00:36:49,236 --> 00:36:51,227
- Yes. That smells good.
- What?
576
00:36:53,808 --> 00:36:55,867
Michael. Stop it.
The sleepover will catch us.
577
00:36:56,077 --> 00:36:58,170
They ain't gonna hear us. Come on.
578
00:36:58,946 --> 00:37:01,938
Okay. Quietly try
and coax me into it.
579
00:37:02,149 --> 00:37:04,140
I gotta get back to work.
Can't we just do it?
580
00:37:04,352 --> 00:37:06,320
No, we can't just do it.
Honey, come on.
581
00:37:06,854 --> 00:37:10,585
I mean, I don't have any new moves
for you. It's the same stuff.
582
00:37:10,791 --> 00:37:13,487
Just think of last time and use that.
583
00:37:13,694 --> 00:37:16,322
I like the old moves. Come on.
584
00:37:17,898 --> 00:37:18,865
All right.
585
00:37:19,066 --> 00:37:21,034
This time you be Sundance,
I'll be the duck.
586
00:37:21,235 --> 00:37:24,636
- Yeah?
- But you gotta massage me first.
587
00:37:24,839 --> 00:37:28,138
Great, I love giving massages.
588
00:37:33,180 --> 00:37:35,648
Massaging away here.
589
00:37:37,785 --> 00:37:40,845
Oh, that feels good.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
590
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:55,733
- We did it?
- Well, you did.
591
00:37:57,271 --> 00:37:59,967
I didn't want the whole thing
to go that fast.
592
00:38:00,174 --> 00:38:02,472
I don't think anybody did.
593
00:38:02,877 --> 00:38:05,243
Yeah. I'll get you next time.
594
00:38:05,446 --> 00:38:07,073
Thanks.
595
00:38:08,049 --> 00:38:10,108
So we good for tomorrow?
596
00:38:11,752 --> 00:38:13,379
What are you talking about?
597
00:38:13,587 --> 00:38:14,815
At dinner.
598
00:38:15,022 --> 00:38:18,514
You said we'd go to lunch tomorrow
and pick out your dad's birthday gift.
599
00:38:21,462 --> 00:38:22,929
Dad's gift is...
600
00:38:23,130 --> 00:38:26,930
- Of course. I said so, so I'll be there.
- Okay.
601
00:38:27,768 --> 00:38:30,134
- Need another massage or anything?
- Oh, go away.
602
00:38:30,337 --> 00:38:32,202
I gotta go work.
603
00:38:33,574 --> 00:38:35,735
Hey, Morty. It's Michael Newman.
604
00:38:35,943 --> 00:38:38,411
Yeah, can I talk to you for a minute?
605
00:38:40,214 --> 00:38:42,808
Hang on for a second,
someone's at my door.
606
00:38:45,786 --> 00:38:48,687
- Hello, Michael.
- Where'd you come from?
607
00:38:49,390 --> 00:38:51,085
You don't wanna know.
608
00:38:53,694 --> 00:38:56,026
- Can we take a walk?
- Sure.
609
00:38:57,765 --> 00:39:01,166
It's simple. You must
have been on autopilot.
610
00:39:01,368 --> 00:39:02,460
Autopilot?
611
00:39:02,670 --> 00:39:05,230
That's what happens to you
when you fast-forward.
612
00:39:05,439 --> 00:39:07,373
- Okay.
- Yeah. I'll show you.
613
00:39:07,575 --> 00:39:08,974
Here.
614
00:39:12,713 --> 00:39:15,705
See? That's you on autopilot.
615
00:39:15,916 --> 00:39:18,476
The lights are on
but nobody's home.
616
00:39:18,686 --> 00:39:20,916
The remote lets your mind
skip around...
617
00:39:21,122 --> 00:39:23,716
...but your body actually stays put
for the boring stuff.
618
00:39:23,924 --> 00:39:26,950
We should go to lunch tomorrow
and pick out your dad's birthday gift.
619
00:39:27,161 --> 00:39:28,753
Sounds good.
620
00:39:28,963 --> 00:39:30,123
So she did tell me.
621
00:39:30,331 --> 00:39:33,323
I'm having conversations
on autopilot, then.
622
00:39:33,534 --> 00:39:36,094
You're not gonna be
the life of the party, but yes.
623
00:39:36,303 --> 00:39:38,567
Everyone goes on autopilot
now and then.
624
00:39:38,772 --> 00:39:41,639
The big difference
is now you've got a nifty remote...
625
00:39:41,842 --> 00:39:44,174
...to help you decide when.
626
00:39:44,378 --> 00:39:46,278
This thing is the best.
627
00:39:46,881 --> 00:39:50,339
By the way, your wife?
Absolutely gorgeous.
628
00:39:50,551 --> 00:39:55,113
- She is, isn't she?
- Perfect face. Tight, rocking body.
629
00:39:56,390 --> 00:39:57,357
You okay?
630
00:39:58,826 --> 00:40:01,158
- Amazing.
- What is?
631
00:40:01,362 --> 00:40:03,421
She fell for a schlub like you.
632
00:40:03,631 --> 00:40:05,223
I'm a schlub?
633
00:40:05,432 --> 00:40:08,367
I don't know about that, pal.
I see a good-looking man right there.
634
00:40:10,104 --> 00:40:13,267
You wanna see what a stud
I used to be? Yeah?
635
00:40:13,474 --> 00:40:15,738
All right, let's take a look
at some of the girls...
636
00:40:15,943 --> 00:40:18,537
...I used to fool around with
before I met Donna.
637
00:40:28,322 --> 00:40:30,347
Is that a man or a woman?
638
00:40:30,558 --> 00:40:32,492
It's a woman.
639
00:40:35,896 --> 00:40:37,796
What is this, Animal Planet?
640
00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:42,034
- Stop.
- Yes.
641
00:40:44,205 --> 00:40:50,075
Sometimes it's better to keep
certain memories just in your head.
642
00:40:50,277 --> 00:40:51,869
So I've learned, Morty.
643
00:40:52,079 --> 00:40:53,979
Good night. Thank you.
644
00:40:54,481 --> 00:40:56,244
Good night, Michael.
645
00:41:04,625 --> 00:41:08,061
I'm getting sick, man.
Fast-forward me till I'm better.
646
00:41:09,597 --> 00:41:12,998
Michael, honey, wake up.
You'll be late for work.
647
00:41:13,634 --> 00:41:16,694
What? It's Monday already?
648
00:41:25,879 --> 00:41:28,006
Are you kidding me?
No more phlegm?
649
00:41:28,215 --> 00:41:29,842
I skipped an entire cold?
650
00:41:30,050 --> 00:41:32,541
Thanks to you, baby! I love you!
651
00:41:32,753 --> 00:41:34,277
No more Tylenol!
652
00:41:34,488 --> 00:41:36,456
I don't remember doing
any work this weekend.
653
00:41:38,993 --> 00:41:40,620
But apparently I did.
654
00:41:41,161 --> 00:41:44,597
- Bad news. There's no hot water.
- What? I gotta take a shower.
655
00:41:44,798 --> 00:41:47,232
Well, you're gonna freeze
your bun-buns off.
656
00:41:48,202 --> 00:41:50,500
It's all good.
657
00:41:57,244 --> 00:41:59,178
Yes! Look at me.
658
00:41:59,380 --> 00:42:03,407
All showered and dressed
and looking sexy.
659
00:42:03,617 --> 00:42:05,312
I like that. L...
660
00:42:06,020 --> 00:42:08,284
Did you smoke crack, Daddy?
661
00:42:08,856 --> 00:42:11,916
Just watch your toons and have
a great day with Mommy today, okay?
662
00:42:15,095 --> 00:42:18,121
Eating cupcakes like your old man.
Right here, baby.
663
00:42:18,332 --> 00:42:19,890
- Dad?
- Yes, sir?
664
00:42:20,100 --> 00:42:22,625
Are you gonna have to work late
again tonight?
665
00:42:23,470 --> 00:42:26,906
- Unfortunately, yes.
- Is there anything we can do to help?
666
00:42:27,675 --> 00:42:31,042
Well, I'm gonna be partner soon, and
I'm gonna need new building designs.
667
00:42:31,245 --> 00:42:33,907
So if you guys have any cool ideas,
draw them up for me.
668
00:42:34,114 --> 00:42:35,581
- Okay.
- Rock 'n' roll.
669
00:42:35,783 --> 00:42:38,752
- I get the paper.
- I got the crayons.
670
00:42:44,525 --> 00:42:46,993
Would you stop talking
and fix the sewer?
671
00:43:06,747 --> 00:43:10,012
You're on it now, yeah. Yeah.
672
00:43:10,217 --> 00:43:13,948
Traffic, traffic, no more traffic.
673
00:43:16,223 --> 00:43:17,884
Wait a sec!
674
00:43:20,761 --> 00:43:23,195
Here we go! Mama!
675
00:43:23,397 --> 00:43:26,958
Yeah! That's what
I'm talking about, baby!
676
00:43:29,670 --> 00:43:32,867
You look a little pale there, pal.
Let me fix that.
677
00:43:37,044 --> 00:43:40,980
Oh, look at you now.
You're all yellow from the scurvy.
678
00:43:41,181 --> 00:43:42,205
Captain.
679
00:43:44,952 --> 00:43:49,582
Don't get the Hulk angry.
You won't like him when he's angry.
680
00:44:00,401 --> 00:44:01,561
Oh, there's Barney.
681
00:44:01,769 --> 00:44:05,068
I love you, you love me
682
00:44:05,272 --> 00:44:09,572
That jogger had giant boobies
683
00:44:09,977 --> 00:44:14,209
Okay. Let's get you that tan
you been searching for.
684
00:44:14,415 --> 00:44:16,076
That's it. That's it.
685
00:44:16,283 --> 00:44:20,276
Check out Julio Iglesias... Pretty.
686
00:44:23,056 --> 00:44:27,117
- Looking good, Mr. Newman.
- Really? Thank you very much, Judy.
687
00:44:27,327 --> 00:44:31,058
- Finish?
- Did I finish? I believe I finished.
688
00:44:31,265 --> 00:44:34,701
- Let's see here. Look at that.
- Very impressive, Michael.
689
00:44:34,902 --> 00:44:38,861
Yeah, the river in the lobby.
This is actually pretty good, man.
690
00:44:39,540 --> 00:44:41,371
Where did you find the time
to get a tan?
691
00:44:42,876 --> 00:44:45,868
- I guess I can do it all, sir.
- You can do it all.
692
00:44:46,513 --> 00:44:50,609
All right, all right, everybody.
It's sexual-harassment-speech day.
693
00:44:51,985 --> 00:44:54,146
Now, anyone can be a victim
of sexual harassment:
694
00:44:54,354 --> 00:44:58,814
Blue collar, white collar,
a woman, a man.
695
00:44:59,026 --> 00:45:01,290
Even the office slut.
696
00:45:01,495 --> 00:45:03,929
Not that I'm mentioning any names...
697
00:45:04,131 --> 00:45:05,359
...Stacy.
698
00:45:08,869 --> 00:45:12,999
Here we go. Sexual harassment
can come in many forms.
699
00:45:14,441 --> 00:45:17,899
You see, what is hilarious to some,
could be offensive to others.
700
00:45:18,612 --> 00:45:22,412
Let me try to give you a real-life
example because I'm sure I've done it.
701
00:45:24,117 --> 00:45:27,644
Like the day I said, "You want
a promotion, break out the lotion."
702
00:45:27,855 --> 00:45:30,517
I was technically engaged
in sexual harassment.
703
00:45:31,291 --> 00:45:34,749
Hilarious sexual harassment,
if you ask me.
704
00:45:39,666 --> 00:45:44,467
Now, there is also
homosexual harassment.
705
00:45:44,671 --> 00:45:47,435
Now, this is like when
one dude comes up to another...
706
00:45:47,641 --> 00:45:50,041
...and says something cheeky.
- This will be good.
707
00:46:13,901 --> 00:46:15,163
Proceed.
708
00:46:21,108 --> 00:46:23,474
I don't know about you Americans...
709
00:46:23,677 --> 00:46:26,908
...but to me there is no doubt...
710
00:46:27,114 --> 00:46:29,981
...lchiro is the greatest of all time.
711
00:46:30,183 --> 00:46:31,741
Yeah, he's incredible.
712
00:46:31,952 --> 00:46:34,011
You gotta admit,
you can always count on Matsui.
713
00:46:34,221 --> 00:46:35,848
Oh, Matsui.
714
00:46:36,056 --> 00:46:39,514
Well, if you guys love Ichiro and
Matsui so much, let's order them both.
715
00:46:41,028 --> 00:46:42,757
I'll eat anything.
716
00:46:42,963 --> 00:46:46,364
- Excuse us for a moment.
- Absolutely, Mr. Watsuhita.
717
00:46:46,567 --> 00:46:48,660
See you guys in a bit.
718
00:46:48,869 --> 00:46:52,930
Ichiro and Matsui are baseball players.
You just insulted their national heroes.
719
00:46:53,140 --> 00:46:55,665
I'm going to the bathroom
to slit my wrists.
720
00:46:55,876 --> 00:46:57,571
I'll be here.
721
00:47:13,827 --> 00:47:14,987
These morons are so boring.
722
00:47:15,195 --> 00:47:17,356
They make me wanna
chop my own dick off.
723
00:47:18,665 --> 00:47:20,462
That hotel design?
I'd like to rip it up.
724
00:47:20,667 --> 00:47:23,261
Egghead watched a bad documentary
on Asian architecture.
725
00:47:23,470 --> 00:47:25,199
Who needs a stupid river
in the lobby?
726
00:47:25,405 --> 00:47:27,396
Let's build more rooms
and maximize profits.
727
00:47:27,608 --> 00:47:29,200
Eat as fast as you can.
728
00:47:29,409 --> 00:47:30,706
Then we can get out of here...
729
00:47:30,911 --> 00:47:33,812
...and do Jell-O shots at America's
greatest cultural achievement:
730
00:47:34,014 --> 00:47:35,038
T.G.I. Friday's.
731
00:47:35,248 --> 00:47:36,738
T.G.I. Friday's!
732
00:47:40,354 --> 00:47:44,085
- All right, Michael, save us.
- I'm all over it, baby.
733
00:47:45,425 --> 00:47:49,293
Before we order, I was looking
at our proposal. You know what?
734
00:47:49,496 --> 00:47:53,125
After getting to know you a little bit,
I realize this is not what you're about.
735
00:47:53,333 --> 00:47:56,598
In fact, let's just throw it out, all right?
Start from scratch.
736
00:47:56,803 --> 00:47:59,670
The river in the lobby idea,
what an egghead move.
737
00:47:59,873 --> 00:48:03,707
Let's just keep the plans simple, forget
all the niceties, maximize our revenue.
738
00:48:03,910 --> 00:48:06,003
That's what it's all about anyways,
the profits.
739
00:48:06,213 --> 00:48:09,444
But do me a favor. Just give us
your account and your trust.
740
00:48:09,650 --> 00:48:12,915
That way we can get the hell out
of this dump, go to T.G.I. Friday's...
741
00:48:13,120 --> 00:48:15,850
...do some Jell-O shots
till this guy pukes up a lung.
742
00:48:17,658 --> 00:48:18,818
Fuck, yeah.
743
00:48:22,462 --> 00:48:24,191
That's what I'm talking about.
744
00:48:30,537 --> 00:48:32,004
Yes, yes!
745
00:48:32,205 --> 00:48:36,164
The king is home! Hello, hello!
746
00:48:37,344 --> 00:48:41,371
How can you goons sleep
when you know I got you presents?
747
00:48:41,581 --> 00:48:43,014
- You did?
- What is it?
748
00:48:43,216 --> 00:48:47,312
What is it? Well, if you bring
your tushies downstairs, we'll find out.
749
00:48:48,321 --> 00:48:50,186
I'm coming. I'm coming.
750
00:48:50,390 --> 00:48:54,326
Honey, get your sweet little buns
downstairs too. Come on, come on!
751
00:48:57,898 --> 00:48:59,957
Come and get them.
752
00:49:00,834 --> 00:49:03,894
- Awesome! No way!
- Yeah, yeah.
753
00:49:04,671 --> 00:49:08,163
- It must have cost a million dollars!
- That's chump change now.
754
00:49:08,375 --> 00:49:09,569
You guys deserve the best...
755
00:49:09,776 --> 00:49:12,176
...and that's what you're gonna get
from now on, okay?
756
00:49:12,379 --> 00:49:13,676
What's all this?
757
00:49:13,880 --> 00:49:15,973
Look who's here.
You guys wanna ride these bikes?
758
00:49:16,183 --> 00:49:18,174
- Yeah!
- Let's take them outside!
759
00:49:18,385 --> 00:49:20,649
Wake the O'Doyles,
let them see what you got.
760
00:49:24,624 --> 00:49:28,025
These are the coolest bikes
in the whole town.
761
00:49:28,228 --> 00:49:30,662
Kevin O'Doyle's gonna shit himself.
762
00:49:30,864 --> 00:49:34,231
- Don't think I forgot my beautiful wife.
- Oh, my gosh.
763
00:49:34,434 --> 00:49:38,302
It's not a bike or a cowboy hat,
but you're gonna like this, I hope.
764
00:49:38,672 --> 00:49:42,005
- Oh, Michael, it's beautiful.
- I heard you talking to my mother.
765
00:49:42,209 --> 00:49:44,439
- I love it!
- You look good, baby.
766
00:49:44,644 --> 00:49:47,841
I got myself a celebratory cigar too.
Why not?
767
00:49:48,048 --> 00:49:49,606
What are we celebrating?
768
00:49:49,816 --> 00:49:54,116
"What are we celebrating?"
We're healthy, we got a great family...
769
00:49:54,321 --> 00:49:56,585
...l'm Ammer's newest partner...
770
00:49:56,790 --> 00:50:00,191
Oh, my God, you're kidding!
Honey, congratulations!
771
00:50:00,393 --> 00:50:03,624
I knew it! I knew you'd be psyched!
I love it! I love you!
772
00:50:03,830 --> 00:50:06,094
I single-handedly landed
the Watsuhita account.
773
00:50:06,299 --> 00:50:08,665
That's incredible.
I knew it was gonna be a great day.
774
00:50:08,869 --> 00:50:11,770
- I heard our song on the radio.
- We have a song?
775
00:50:12,339 --> 00:50:16,776
Honey. The song that was playing
during our first kiss.
776
00:50:18,845 --> 00:50:20,779
Come on. You're kidding me, right?
777
00:50:22,616 --> 00:50:27,644
I know our song. Our song. Of course
I know our song. Our song is...
778
00:50:27,854 --> 00:50:30,152
What the hell was that song?
779
00:50:32,159 --> 00:50:34,093
I remember this place.
780
00:50:34,294 --> 00:50:37,195
And... Oh, my God.
781
00:50:37,397 --> 00:50:40,161
Wolverine's goofy cousin.
782
00:50:40,901 --> 00:50:45,929
But look at you. Wow.
You are out of his league, aren't you?
783
00:50:48,642 --> 00:50:50,269
Oh, yeah, the notes.
784
00:50:50,477 --> 00:50:52,468
Smooth, buddy.
785
00:50:58,318 --> 00:50:59,979
Oh, look at her.
786
00:51:01,521 --> 00:51:05,457
What's gonna happen?
You got an answer to that?
787
00:51:08,695 --> 00:51:12,187
Okay. Seal the deal, pal.
788
00:51:19,673 --> 00:51:22,437
All she's thinking about is,
"I am not kissing that beard.
789
00:51:22,642 --> 00:51:24,303
Absolutely not,
that's gonna hurt me."
790
00:51:25,045 --> 00:51:26,808
Wait a minute.
791
00:51:29,716 --> 00:51:32,014
Yeah, Newman. Get it.
792
00:51:33,787 --> 00:51:35,448
Yeah.
793
00:51:39,125 --> 00:51:40,615
Donna!
794
00:51:40,827 --> 00:51:43,455
Donna. Oh, my God.
795
00:51:44,264 --> 00:51:45,891
I'm so horny now.
796
00:51:46,099 --> 00:51:49,796
Oh, God, I'm not.
Get me out of here.
797
00:51:51,972 --> 00:51:56,602
"Linger" by The Cranberries
was playing during our first juicy kiss.
798
00:51:56,810 --> 00:52:00,268
And, my God, you looked beautiful
in that pink sweater you were wearing.
799
00:52:00,480 --> 00:52:02,141
Honey, you remember
what I was wearing?
800
00:52:02,349 --> 00:52:04,317
Of course. I remember
what Janine was wearing.
801
00:52:04,517 --> 00:52:06,747
She scared the shit out of me then.
802
00:52:10,257 --> 00:52:11,884
I love you.
803
00:52:12,092 --> 00:52:14,788
I love you too, honey.
804
00:52:25,572 --> 00:52:27,631
Hi, Mr. Newman.
805
00:52:28,174 --> 00:52:30,438
Right this way, Michael.
806
00:52:31,745 --> 00:52:35,078
Hey, my new star. Congratulations.
Sit down, big guy.
807
00:52:35,282 --> 00:52:36,840
All right.
808
00:52:37,050 --> 00:52:39,484
I am a little tired.
809
00:52:39,686 --> 00:52:42,018
The family was up late
last night celebrating.
810
00:52:42,222 --> 00:52:45,055
You really knocked one out of the park
last night, didn't you?
811
00:52:45,258 --> 00:52:46,384
Hey, you were great too.
812
00:52:46,593 --> 00:52:48,823
All you gotta do is draw up
the construction plans.
813
00:52:49,029 --> 00:52:51,122
If Watsuhita commits
to the bulk of the funds...
814
00:52:51,331 --> 00:52:53,629
...l'm looking at my new partner.
815
00:52:56,636 --> 00:52:58,433
I thought I was already your partner.
816
00:52:59,172 --> 00:53:00,639
Whoa, cowboy.
817
00:53:00,840 --> 00:53:03,638
I said, "Land the Watsuhita account,
you'll get promoted."
818
00:53:03,843 --> 00:53:08,246
- I didn't mean right this second.
- But I already told my wife, sir.
819
00:53:08,448 --> 00:53:10,780
I spent money I don't have.
820
00:53:10,984 --> 00:53:13,885
To do these documents
is gonna take me months.
821
00:53:14,554 --> 00:53:16,579
Then you better get started.
822
00:53:24,030 --> 00:53:25,895
Wow, I just got a big headache!
823
00:53:27,600 --> 00:53:30,626
- Was I hit by a train or something?
- I didn't see anything.
824
00:53:30,837 --> 00:53:35,137
I forgot to tell you. I hung out
with your friend Janine this weekend.
825
00:53:35,342 --> 00:53:39,301
I hope she's doing your brother
right now, you big-headed buffoon.
826
00:53:49,222 --> 00:53:50,655
No, no, no. You got more.
827
00:53:53,126 --> 00:53:54,923
Yeah.
828
00:53:56,896 --> 00:54:00,764
Anyway, the sooner
you get back to work...
829
00:54:00,967 --> 00:54:02,832
...the sooner you'll be partnerized.
830
00:54:03,036 --> 00:54:05,436
- I taste shit.
- You do?
831
00:54:06,172 --> 00:54:11,667
Stacy! Did you put shit in my lunch?
832
00:54:12,846 --> 00:54:14,711
I'm gonna get going now, sir.
833
00:54:14,914 --> 00:54:17,007
Stacy!
834
00:54:22,822 --> 00:54:24,790
Have you considered
the consequences...
835
00:54:24,991 --> 00:54:27,289
...of the thing
you're thinking about doing?
836
00:54:27,827 --> 00:54:30,193
Yeah. What are you saying,
I shouldn't do it?
837
00:54:30,397 --> 00:54:34,231
It's your life. What you do with
the remote is your decision, Michael.
838
00:54:34,434 --> 00:54:38,530
I know, so, I mean,
we're talking a couple of months here.
839
00:54:38,738 --> 00:54:41,263
I fast-forward through it,
what am I gonna miss?
840
00:54:41,474 --> 00:54:43,237
Thirty arguments and a haircut?
841
00:54:43,777 --> 00:54:45,506
Remember the leprechaun?
842
00:54:46,546 --> 00:54:49,310
The one from the cereal ad.
843
00:54:50,784 --> 00:54:53,844
"They're magically delicious."
That guy?
844
00:54:54,054 --> 00:54:57,683
He's always chasing the pot of gold
at the end of the rainbow.
845
00:54:57,891 --> 00:55:01,622
But when he gets there
at the end of the day...
846
00:55:03,129 --> 00:55:05,359
...it's just corn flakes.
847
00:55:11,738 --> 00:55:13,501
- Michael.
- Yes.
848
00:55:13,706 --> 00:55:17,836
- You don't understand the metaphor?
- I won't do it, all right.
849
00:55:34,260 --> 00:55:35,818
- Dad?
- Yeah.
850
00:55:36,029 --> 00:55:39,396
- We have some designs for you.
- It's not a good time, man.
851
00:55:39,599 --> 00:55:41,590
Maybe they'll help you
finish quicker.
852
00:55:41,801 --> 00:55:44,326
All right. You want me to look at it?
Let me see.
853
00:55:44,971 --> 00:55:48,099
The ceiling's too high,
the hallway's too narrow...
854
00:55:48,308 --> 00:55:50,538
...stairway placement
makes no sense at all.
855
00:55:50,743 --> 00:55:53,143
- What the hell's this room made of?
- Pizza.
856
00:55:53,346 --> 00:55:56,713
Well, it's stupid. Next.
What is yours made of?
857
00:55:57,183 --> 00:56:00,914
- Pickles.
- Oh, don't be a baby.
858
00:56:01,121 --> 00:56:04,181
Michael, have you lost your mind?
He's 7 years old.
859
00:56:04,390 --> 00:56:06,790
If he wants a playroom made of pizza,
then why not?
860
00:56:06,993 --> 00:56:10,190
Maybe he's gotta grow up sometime
and get the hell off Fantasy Island.
861
00:56:10,396 --> 00:56:13,661
Hey, pizza boy.
Life ain't about being creative.
862
00:56:13,867 --> 00:56:17,166
It's about kissing ass, playing it safe,
making your boss a lot of money...
863
00:56:17,370 --> 00:56:20,271
...in hopes one day he might throw you
a stinking bone. All right?
864
00:56:20,473 --> 00:56:22,168
Yes, sir.
865
00:56:22,609 --> 00:56:24,338
Ammer didn't make you partner,
did he?
866
00:56:26,479 --> 00:56:29,277
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
867
00:56:29,883 --> 00:56:32,147
But we'll get through this, okay?
I promise.
868
00:56:32,552 --> 00:56:35,146
Jeez! Man, that's all we ever do
is get through it.
869
00:56:35,355 --> 00:56:37,516
When is it gonna end?
870
00:56:54,007 --> 00:56:55,269
Pretty sweet, eh?
871
00:56:55,475 --> 00:56:58,308
Two queen beds, full kitchen,
steam shower...
872
00:56:58,511 --> 00:57:00,672
...and satellite TV
with surround sound.
873
00:57:01,814 --> 00:57:05,477
Why are you always trying to hurt me?
One day I'm gonna hurt you back.
874
00:57:05,685 --> 00:57:08,677
Michael Newman,
I didn't know you smoked cigars.
875
00:57:08,888 --> 00:57:10,515
And now's the time.
876
00:57:10,723 --> 00:57:12,281
No, Kathy, this isn't mine.
877
00:57:12,492 --> 00:57:16,019
I took it out of Kevin's hands.
Yeah, he was smoking like a chimney.
878
00:57:16,229 --> 00:57:17,526
No, I wasn't!
879
00:57:17,730 --> 00:57:19,493
I think I smell marijuana in it.
880
00:57:19,699 --> 00:57:22,998
Kevin O'Doyle, you get your ass
in this house right now!
881
00:57:23,203 --> 00:57:24,363
I hate you.
882
00:57:24,571 --> 00:57:28,007
Are you deaf? Move it!
I don't wanna have to ask you again!
883
00:57:28,208 --> 00:57:30,199
Dope is for dopes, buddy!
884
00:57:30,410 --> 00:57:32,310
Get your ass in this house!
885
00:57:34,547 --> 00:57:36,139
We don't have
any other choice, guys.
886
00:57:36,349 --> 00:57:40,547
- No fair! I don't wanna return my bike!
- We have to, honey.
887
00:57:40,753 --> 00:57:43,517
- But Daddy gave them to us!
- Because he loves you.
888
00:57:43,723 --> 00:57:45,987
Unfortunately, there was
a mix-up at Daddy's work.
889
00:57:46,192 --> 00:57:48,092
We need to bring
the bikes back for now.
890
00:57:48,294 --> 00:57:51,491
But I already told Kevin O'Doyle
I got a new bike.
891
00:57:51,698 --> 00:57:54,462
Well, we can paint my old bike
and make it look new.
892
00:57:54,667 --> 00:57:58,501
That's a girl's bike.
All the kids will make fun of me.
893
00:57:58,905 --> 00:58:01,373
No!
894
00:58:02,775 --> 00:58:04,367
I wanna keep my bike!
895
00:58:04,577 --> 00:58:06,841
I can't take this anymore.
896
00:58:07,046 --> 00:58:08,707
Fast-forward me to my promotion.
897
00:58:14,220 --> 00:58:15,710
So here's to Michael Newman...
898
00:58:15,922 --> 00:58:18,914
...the greatest partner
I could ever dream of.
899
00:58:19,292 --> 00:58:20,919
Hear, hear!
900
00:58:21,394 --> 00:58:25,421
Thank you. Thank you, guys.
My family thanks you.
901
00:58:25,632 --> 00:58:28,897
I'm gonna do the best I can
and I won't let you down, I promise.
902
00:58:29,102 --> 00:58:30,763
Yeah!
903
00:58:31,437 --> 00:58:34,736
- Congratulations, Mr. Newman.
- This is great. Thank you.
904
00:58:34,941 --> 00:58:36,431
How's it feel, killer?
905
00:58:36,643 --> 00:58:39,441
- Feels incredible, sir.
- Well, you earned it. I'm telling you.
906
00:58:39,646 --> 00:58:41,807
Not just because of that
Watsuhita project either.
907
00:58:42,015 --> 00:58:45,746
For helping me pick up the slack
now I'm spending time with my lady.
908
00:58:45,952 --> 00:58:47,442
Hey, Dinkie.
909
00:58:48,121 --> 00:58:51,022
Are you kidding me? You guys have
been dating a couple months now?
910
00:58:51,224 --> 00:58:53,488
That's pretty huge for this one.
911
00:58:55,995 --> 00:58:57,986
No, the first few months were easy.
912
00:58:58,197 --> 00:59:00,461
It was the one-year hump
that was the tough part.
913
00:59:00,667 --> 00:59:04,728
Her inappropriate weekend
with my brother in Cabo...
914
00:59:04,937 --> 00:59:06,734
...well, that was
a potential speed bump.
915
00:59:06,939 --> 00:59:09,874
But, well, Dr. Bergman helped us
work through it, didn't he, honey?
916
00:59:10,076 --> 00:59:11,668
How's he doing for you and Donna?
917
00:59:12,178 --> 00:59:15,341
Dr. Bergman. What do you mean?
918
00:59:15,548 --> 00:59:18,745
Oh, you know what, sweetie?
It's none of our business.
919
00:59:18,951 --> 00:59:21,852
Let's let Michael bask in his glory.
Cheers.
920
00:59:22,055 --> 00:59:24,523
Bask away, partner.
921
00:59:25,291 --> 00:59:27,851
Took that bastard
a year to promote me?
922
00:59:29,395 --> 00:59:31,329
What else did I miss?
923
00:59:31,631 --> 00:59:33,929
- Shit.
- Need something, Mr. Newman?
924
00:59:34,100 --> 00:59:36,933
- Who are you?
- Kirsten, your assistant.
925
00:59:37,136 --> 00:59:38,728
What happened to Alice?
926
00:59:38,938 --> 00:59:41,372
She moved to Accounting.
Couldn't handle your hours.
927
00:59:41,941 --> 00:59:45,138
And she prefers to be called Alan now.
Remember?
928
00:59:48,981 --> 00:59:50,539
No.
929
00:59:51,050 --> 00:59:53,348
No.
930
00:59:53,553 --> 00:59:56,784
No! And who the hell's
Dr. Bergman?
931
00:59:57,523 --> 01:00:00,549
And I feel like Michael's making
no effort to connect with me at all.
932
01:00:00,760 --> 01:00:03,524
No, no. I want to. I want to.
It's... I'm on autopilot.
933
01:00:03,730 --> 01:00:06,699
"I'm on autopilot."
More like auto-zombie.
934
01:00:06,899 --> 01:00:08,196
Good one, Donna.
935
01:00:09,302 --> 01:00:12,396
- "Good one, Donna"?
- Michael, relax.
936
01:00:12,605 --> 01:00:15,199
Who is this bigmouth?
Why can't you and I just talk?
937
01:00:15,408 --> 01:00:18,468
Why? Because there is no talking
to you. You're never home to talk to.
938
01:00:18,678 --> 01:00:21,647
And when you are, you're just sitting
there staring off into space.
939
01:00:21,848 --> 01:00:23,076
What do you want from me?
940
01:00:23,282 --> 01:00:25,477
This is what happens.
He's gonna answer his phone.
941
01:00:27,387 --> 01:00:30,015
What the heck happened?
I didn't even touch the remote.
942
01:00:30,223 --> 01:00:32,214
Great, you gonna start watching TV
at dinner?
943
01:00:32,425 --> 01:00:33,892
Oh, can we?
944
01:00:34,460 --> 01:00:37,520
Samantha. My little angel.
Look at you.
945
01:00:37,730 --> 01:00:39,220
Look how long your hair's getting.
946
01:00:39,432 --> 01:00:41,491
When did you grow up?
Ben, get over here.
947
01:00:41,701 --> 01:00:43,430
Don't worry.
I'm not gonna work tonight.
948
01:00:43,636 --> 01:00:45,695
Watch Dragon Tales together.
What do you say?
949
01:00:45,905 --> 01:00:49,397
Dragon Tales is for babies, Dad.
I wanna watch CSI.
950
01:00:49,609 --> 01:00:51,509
Yeah, CSI.
951
01:00:51,711 --> 01:00:53,736
It's the episode
when they find the lady's arm.
952
01:00:53,946 --> 01:00:58,178
What happened? I missed
the whole Dragon Tales era?
953
01:01:03,723 --> 01:01:05,384
Whoa, hey, hello.
954
01:01:06,826 --> 01:01:08,987
What are you doing?
Come here! Give me my Twinkie!
955
01:01:09,195 --> 01:01:10,719
Get back here,
you freaking gremlin!
956
01:01:10,930 --> 01:01:13,626
Don't yell at Peanut because
he found your Twinkie stash.
957
01:01:13,833 --> 01:01:15,300
Who's Peanut? Where's Sundance?
958
01:01:15,501 --> 01:01:18,129
Don't mention Sundance.
The kids just stopped crying.
959
01:01:18,337 --> 01:01:19,770
About what? Why?
What happened?
960
01:01:22,308 --> 01:01:23,741
He died?
961
01:01:27,413 --> 01:01:32,043
Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no.
962
01:01:32,251 --> 01:01:35,482
The stupid idiot and soft fur.
963
01:01:35,688 --> 01:01:38,816
- Daddy held it in so long.
- He was the best dog!
964
01:01:39,025 --> 01:01:41,550
He's finally letting himself feel it.
965
01:01:41,761 --> 01:01:45,959
One night when the duck's head
was off...
966
01:01:46,165 --> 01:01:48,861
...he tried to hump my leg
and I didn't let him...
967
01:01:49,068 --> 01:01:51,628
...and I should've and I'm sorry.
968
01:01:51,838 --> 01:01:56,104
- What an idiot.
- It's okay, it's okay.
969
01:01:56,509 --> 01:01:58,807
What the heck did I do?
970
01:01:59,011 --> 01:02:01,980
I love you. Do you still love me?
971
01:02:04,383 --> 01:02:06,647
Oh, Michael.
972
01:02:06,853 --> 01:02:08,718
It's been...
973
01:02:08,921 --> 01:02:10,513
I'm really confused.
974
01:02:10,723 --> 01:02:14,523
No, no, no. I'll change, okay?
I'll be a better man, I promise.
975
01:02:14,727 --> 01:02:17,821
Don't go, don't go.
I'll stop working so much, okay?
976
01:02:18,030 --> 01:02:21,295
I'll be with you. Just stay with me.
977
01:02:21,501 --> 01:02:25,437
Oh, my God, it didn't take the duck
long to get over Sundance.
978
01:02:26,138 --> 01:02:29,596
It's a little deviant,
but it's kind of turning me on.
979
01:02:29,809 --> 01:02:32,437
Yeah, well, let's kiss and make up.
980
01:02:47,560 --> 01:02:50,324
No. No!
981
01:02:50,530 --> 01:02:52,657
It's not my fault.
982
01:02:52,865 --> 01:02:55,561
It jumped on its own.
I didn't even hit the button.
983
01:02:55,768 --> 01:02:57,167
Not even close.
984
01:03:00,339 --> 01:03:01,704
Yes?
985
01:03:05,211 --> 01:03:07,736
- You scared...
- Honey, what's going on down there?
986
01:03:07,947 --> 01:03:12,077
It's all right! L...
There was a mouse! I killed it!
987
01:03:12,285 --> 01:03:16,244
It's dead! But it broke the table first!
988
01:03:16,455 --> 01:03:20,050
- How did you get in here?
- I had a feeling you wanted to see me.
989
01:03:20,259 --> 01:03:22,193
I'm freaking out.
This thing, it's broken.
990
01:03:22,395 --> 01:03:24,886
It's just... It's fast-forwarding
on its own now.
991
01:03:25,097 --> 01:03:27,122
It's not a malfunction, it's a feature.
992
01:03:27,333 --> 01:03:31,167
It's using its memory
to execute your preferences.
993
01:03:31,370 --> 01:03:33,201
It remembers stuff?
What do you mean?
994
01:03:33,406 --> 01:03:37,035
It's an advanced piece of equipment,
like TiVo.
995
01:03:37,543 --> 01:03:39,204
You could call it MeVo.
996
01:03:39,412 --> 01:03:42,438
I fast-forwarded through sex one time,
I don't wanna skip it forever.
997
01:03:42,648 --> 01:03:44,275
I like sex. It feels good.
998
01:03:44,483 --> 01:03:48,681
Correct me if I'm wrong, but you
fast-forwarded through an entire year.
999
01:03:48,888 --> 01:03:50,412
That's a lot of sex.
1000
01:03:50,623 --> 01:03:54,184
Put it all together,
that's like 30 minutes' worth for you.
1001
01:03:54,393 --> 01:03:56,759
Oh, no, no. So what,
everything I fast-forwarded...
1002
01:03:56,963 --> 01:03:59,295
...it's gonna do it on its own now?
- Pretty much.
1003
01:03:59,498 --> 01:04:01,625
No more showering, no more traffic.
1004
01:04:01,834 --> 01:04:04,359
No more arguing.
No more sickness.
1005
01:04:04,570 --> 01:04:05,969
This is bad, this is bad.
1006
01:04:06,172 --> 01:04:08,163
You take it back,
I'm deactivating my service.
1007
01:04:08,374 --> 01:04:11,400
I quit, I quit. Thanks for everything,
all right, but l...
1008
01:04:13,813 --> 01:04:14,802
Yeah.
1009
01:04:21,087 --> 01:04:24,614
You... This is not...
1010
01:04:27,827 --> 01:04:29,089
Don't be mean.
1011
01:04:32,665 --> 01:04:33,723
Nice hat.
1012
01:04:34,467 --> 01:04:36,765
No, no, no.
1013
01:04:39,805 --> 01:04:44,174
Get away from me. Just get away.
Get away. Leave me alone.
1014
01:04:44,377 --> 01:04:48,211
Is this a stickup?
Or are you just happy?
1015
01:04:50,149 --> 01:04:51,980
Yeah? I'm gonna
take my clothes off, then...
1016
01:04:52,184 --> 01:04:53,776
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
1017
01:04:53,986 --> 01:04:56,819
There's only one place left
for it to pop up.
1018
01:04:58,357 --> 01:05:01,952
Oh. No, no, I don't want that.
Come on, man.
1019
01:05:02,161 --> 01:05:06,359
I told you,
this item is nonreturnable.
1020
01:05:07,566 --> 01:05:10,558
- Come on, just take it.
- Until we meet again.
1021
01:05:10,770 --> 01:05:15,673
Don't do that. Come on, Morty.
How do I get it to stop fast-forwarding?
1022
01:05:18,444 --> 01:05:20,844
Morning, sweetie.
1023
01:05:21,981 --> 01:05:23,608
You wanna shower first?
1024
01:05:23,816 --> 01:05:27,547
Yeah. No! I can't shower
because then I'll fast-forward.
1025
01:05:27,753 --> 01:05:30,551
And if I fast-forward, who knows
how long I'll fast-forward for.
1026
01:05:30,756 --> 01:05:33,657
How's this? I'm gonna rough it today,
like in the Old West. Okay?
1027
01:05:33,859 --> 01:05:36,453
Donna, I wanna tell you
what's going on right now so bad...
1028
01:05:36,662 --> 01:05:39,961
...but it might lead to an argument.
We can't argue because off I'll go.
1029
01:05:40,166 --> 01:05:41,793
So just know there is a problem.
1030
01:05:42,001 --> 01:05:44,799
I tried to get rid of the problem,
it almost ended up in my ass.
1031
01:05:45,004 --> 01:05:47,097
I'm gonna go to work
and try to figure this out.
1032
01:05:47,306 --> 01:05:48,933
You're going to work
in your bathrobe?
1033
01:05:49,141 --> 01:05:51,200
Honey. We can't argue, okay?
No more arguing.
1034
01:05:51,410 --> 01:05:53,844
You're right. I'm wrong. All the time.
You want a kiss?
1035
01:05:54,046 --> 01:05:56,742
- I'll take a kiss.
- I can't. If I give you a kiss...
1036
01:05:56,949 --> 01:05:59,850
...it might lead to something else,
then... three minutes goes by.
1037
01:06:00,052 --> 01:06:02,213
You're laying there disappointed,
I'm smiling.
1038
01:06:02,421 --> 01:06:05,720
I wanna be with you every minute
of my life, that's why I gotta leave now.
1039
01:06:05,925 --> 01:06:07,517
Have a great day!
1040
01:06:07,727 --> 01:06:12,221
Ožnce again, Michael left Donna
in bed confused and unsatisfied.
1041
01:06:12,431 --> 01:06:14,023
Shut up, James Earl Jones!
1042
01:06:14,233 --> 01:06:17,168
No, you shut up, big mouth!
1043
01:07:10,022 --> 01:07:11,956
Michael!
1044
01:07:12,158 --> 01:07:13,955
Mr. Ammer is here
1045
01:07:14,627 --> 01:07:18,461
Your first day as a partner, you come
to work in a fricking bathrobe?
1046
01:07:18,664 --> 01:07:21,155
I did. I did.
1047
01:07:21,367 --> 01:07:24,825
John, I just feel we should
stop wasting our energy...
1048
01:07:25,037 --> 01:07:28,302
...on corporate brown-nosing and
worrying who's got the better suit.
1049
01:07:28,507 --> 01:07:31,101
Armani, Calvin Klein, who cares?
1050
01:07:31,310 --> 01:07:34,473
Let's concentrate
on what really matters, the work.
1051
01:07:36,549 --> 01:07:38,813
That's the craziest thing
I've ever heard.
1052
01:07:40,886 --> 01:07:43,150
But goddamn it, you're right.
1053
01:07:46,892 --> 01:07:50,293
Life-changing. I feel freer.
1054
01:07:50,629 --> 01:07:51,994
Yeah... Keep the pants on.
1055
01:07:52,798 --> 01:07:54,959
Sexual harassment, eh?
1056
01:07:55,601 --> 01:07:57,501
Speaking of life-changing...
1057
01:07:57,703 --> 01:08:02,697
...there's something, or actually
someone, I'd like to talk to you about.
1058
01:08:04,310 --> 01:08:06,141
- Janine.
- Everything okay?
1059
01:08:06,345 --> 01:08:08,973
Michael, Janine and I decided
to drop out of the rat race...
1060
01:08:09,181 --> 01:08:10,546
...slow down, move to Morocco.
1061
01:08:10,749 --> 01:08:13,274
- Morocco?
- Morocco.
1062
01:08:13,953 --> 01:08:14,920
Okay.
1063
01:08:15,120 --> 01:08:17,953
Eric Lamensoff will assume
my day-to-day responsibilities...
1064
01:08:18,157 --> 01:08:20,318
...and I'd like you to take his job.
1065
01:08:21,093 --> 01:08:25,757
But Eric Lamensoff is the head
of the whole international division.
1066
01:08:25,965 --> 01:08:27,956
- I've been your partner one day.
- So?
1067
01:08:28,167 --> 01:08:30,931
Every account you worked on
turned into gold.
1068
01:08:31,136 --> 01:08:32,694
You know, I wouldn't be surprised...
1069
01:08:32,905 --> 01:08:35,203
...if one day you ended up
being our CEO.
1070
01:08:36,342 --> 01:08:39,140
Hey, I would love
for that to happen, but...
1071
01:08:39,345 --> 01:08:42,314
No! No, no, no!
I don't want a promotion!
1072
01:08:42,514 --> 01:08:45,347
No!
1073
01:08:49,922 --> 01:08:52,720
Michael, you have a phone call.
1074
01:08:52,925 --> 01:08:54,017
Michael Newman.
1075
01:08:57,730 --> 01:08:58,856
Word up, big guy.
1076
01:08:59,064 --> 01:09:02,522
Ten years ago you told me
you wanted to be CEOž.
1077
01:09:02,735 --> 01:09:06,068
Great news.
Eric Lamensoff killed himself.
1078
01:09:06,272 --> 01:09:08,866
So you better stop with the junk food,
Mr. Chairman...
1079
01:09:09,074 --> 01:09:11,406
... or you'll end up
killing yourself too.
1080
01:09:14,980 --> 01:09:17,346
Opening virtual blinds.
1081
01:09:17,549 --> 01:09:22,179
Ten years?
How much worse can things get?
1082
01:09:38,003 --> 01:09:40,528
Oh, my God, I'm a fat guy!
1083
01:09:40,739 --> 01:09:42,206
Look at me.
1084
01:09:48,280 --> 01:09:51,181
What is this? This is titties.
1085
01:09:51,884 --> 01:09:53,909
I got juicy titties!
1086
01:09:54,119 --> 01:09:55,848
What... What is that?
1087
01:09:56,055 --> 01:09:59,786
Oh, God, no.
1088
01:10:00,326 --> 01:10:01,816
Just take me home.
1089
01:10:08,600 --> 01:10:11,967
This is 1010 WINS news.
February 5th, 2017.
1090
01:10:12,171 --> 01:10:14,435
Britney Spears
had her 23rd baby today.
1091
01:10:14,640 --> 01:10:18,007
Proud father Kevin Federline says
he's now considering getting a job.
1092
01:10:18,210 --> 01:10:21,543
Also, Michael Jackson,
the first man to clone himself...
1093
01:10:21,747 --> 01:10:24,443
... is now suing himself
for molesting himself.
1094
01:10:38,263 --> 01:10:39,662
Donna!
1095
01:10:40,566 --> 01:10:42,295
Donna!
1096
01:10:51,477 --> 01:10:52,535
Can I help you?
1097
01:10:54,079 --> 01:10:57,742
- Hey, Dad.
- "Hey, Dad"?
1098
01:10:57,950 --> 01:11:00,885
Ben? That's you?
1099
01:11:01,086 --> 01:11:04,180
Look how big you got.
You're enormous.
1100
01:11:04,757 --> 01:11:08,523
Look who's talking, Captain Twinkie
of the S.S. Fat-Ass!
1101
01:11:08,727 --> 01:11:10,217
Really good for my self-esteem.
1102
01:11:10,429 --> 01:11:12,829
Maybe if you would take me
to Pilates like you said...
1103
01:11:13,032 --> 01:11:15,057
...people wouldn't think
I was Rosie O'Donnell!
1104
01:11:15,267 --> 01:11:16,791
Come on, I love you!
1105
01:11:17,002 --> 01:11:19,835
- Bring me back the Twinkies!
- You're so cruel!
1106
01:11:20,039 --> 01:11:22,405
Will you please stop yelling?
It is so embarrassing.
1107
01:11:22,608 --> 01:11:25,702
- Is that my daughter?
- Mom, I'm going to Derek's!
1108
01:11:25,911 --> 01:11:29,472
That's you, Samantha?
When did you get boobs?
1109
01:11:29,815 --> 01:11:32,409
The same time you did, Dad.
Now can I go?
1110
01:11:32,618 --> 01:11:34,848
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Who the hell's this Derek guy?
1111
01:11:35,054 --> 01:11:38,217
My boyfriend, the hottest boy
in school, hello?
1112
01:11:38,424 --> 01:11:40,392
He's gonna be hot
when I burn his house down.
1113
01:11:40,592 --> 01:11:42,560
Get your ass upstairs,
put normal clothes on.
1114
01:11:42,761 --> 01:11:45,594
- Why are you so mean to me?
- Get them on now!
1115
01:11:45,798 --> 01:11:47,857
- And wipe off all that makeup!
- Right!
1116
01:11:50,335 --> 01:11:51,996
Is Peanut dead too?
1117
01:11:53,205 --> 01:11:55,765
This one's got the duck
doing all the work.
1118
01:11:58,610 --> 01:12:00,339
Donna. Donna.
1119
01:12:01,947 --> 01:12:03,437
Goddamn it.
1120
01:12:03,649 --> 01:12:06,709
Look how gorgeous you look.
I'm so scared.
1121
01:12:06,919 --> 01:12:09,979
- Knock, knock, gang.
- Hey, sweetie.
1122
01:12:15,994 --> 01:12:17,154
What's going on?
1123
01:12:17,362 --> 01:12:19,125
Donna and I were gonna get
hot chocolate.
1124
01:12:19,331 --> 01:12:21,561
- You want us to bring you one?
- You cheating on me?
1125
01:12:21,767 --> 01:12:23,359
With Johnny G-String over here?
1126
01:12:23,569 --> 01:12:25,628
Come on. Time-out.
I thought we were past that.
1127
01:12:25,838 --> 01:12:29,069
No, no, no, we're past this argument.
No, you're right, no big deal.
1128
01:12:29,274 --> 01:12:32,038
Hey, it's just that you don't
mess with another man's wife!
1129
01:12:32,244 --> 01:12:34,212
Michael! Stop it! Stop it, Michael!
1130
01:12:34,413 --> 01:12:36,381
It was your decision to move out!
So stay out!
1131
01:12:36,582 --> 01:12:38,311
Get off me!
You sticking up for him?
1132
01:12:38,517 --> 01:12:41,145
Go away! Go away, I hate you!
1133
01:12:41,353 --> 01:12:43,878
- We can't argue! Donna, please!
- I hate you! I hate you!
1134
01:12:44,923 --> 01:12:46,322
Oh, man!
1135
01:12:46,525 --> 01:12:48,550
You hate me?
1136
01:12:51,597 --> 01:12:55,363
No. No.
1137
01:12:55,567 --> 01:12:58,127
Ten years, you're not finished yet?
1138
01:12:58,504 --> 01:13:03,271
Morty! Why did you do this to me?
1139
01:13:03,475 --> 01:13:05,739
You did this to yourself, Michael.
1140
01:13:05,944 --> 01:13:08,344
No. No, I didn't wanna
waste all that time.
1141
01:13:08,547 --> 01:13:09,946
I didn't wanna lose Donna!
1142
01:13:10,149 --> 01:13:11,878
The remote goes by your behavior.
1143
01:13:12,084 --> 01:13:15,576
Every time you had a conflict
between work and home, work won.
1144
01:13:15,787 --> 01:13:17,277
- No, not true.
- Lie to your wife.
1145
01:13:17,489 --> 01:13:20,083
Lie to yourself.
But you cannot lie to the remote.
1146
01:13:20,292 --> 01:13:24,194
The remote is lie-proof, so you can't
change what already happened.
1147
01:13:24,396 --> 01:13:26,330
But you're still a young man.
1148
01:13:26,532 --> 01:13:29,194
A young, fat man.
You could win Donna back.
1149
01:13:29,401 --> 01:13:31,460
So that's what I'll do.
1150
01:13:31,670 --> 01:13:33,467
Go for it, tubs.
1151
01:13:34,406 --> 01:13:38,809
I saw what you did to the duck.
Very good. Nice work.
1152
01:13:54,793 --> 01:13:56,488
You'll feel that in a second.
1153
01:13:56,962 --> 01:14:00,261
All right, please,
please just read my note.
1154
01:14:00,465 --> 01:14:03,229
- Hate you! I hate you! I hate you!
1155
01:14:13,946 --> 01:14:16,107
Michael, are you awake?
1156
01:14:17,449 --> 01:14:21,044
Michael, honey. Are you awake?
1157
01:14:23,055 --> 01:14:24,955
Donna.
1158
01:14:27,593 --> 01:14:30,061
Where'd all my fat go?
1159
01:14:32,731 --> 01:14:36,326
It was just a dream?
A terrible, terrible dream.
1160
01:14:36,535 --> 01:14:38,560
What's that, Michael?
You had a bad dream?
1161
01:14:38,770 --> 01:14:41,068
Did a fuzzy dog push me over?
1162
01:14:42,975 --> 01:14:45,170
Oh, Shaggy the miracle dog?
1163
01:14:45,377 --> 01:14:47,470
Yeah, if he hadn't knocked you
on your noggin...
1164
01:14:47,679 --> 01:14:51,080
...you wouldn't have had the CAT scan
that found the cancer before it spread.
1165
01:14:51,283 --> 01:14:52,716
I have cancer?
1166
01:14:52,918 --> 01:14:54,749
No, you had cancer.
1167
01:14:54,953 --> 01:14:57,183
You're the only person
to gain weight during chemo.
1168
01:14:57,389 --> 01:14:59,380
That's probably what caused
your heart attack.
1169
01:14:59,591 --> 01:15:00,853
Heart attack?
1170
01:15:01,059 --> 01:15:03,050
I thought they weaned you
off the morphine.
1171
01:15:03,795 --> 01:15:05,422
Okay, Mr. Junk Food...
1172
01:15:05,631 --> 01:15:08,225
...since the injury,
you haven't been healthy a full day.
1173
01:15:08,433 --> 01:15:10,799
When exactly did I hurt my head?
1174
01:15:11,770 --> 01:15:15,137
When was it? Like, six years ago?
1175
01:15:15,340 --> 01:15:20,710
Six more years! No! No!
It skipped all my sickness.
1176
01:15:20,912 --> 01:15:22,880
I'm gonna ask them
to cut back on painkillers.
1177
01:15:23,081 --> 01:15:24,639
Donna, don't go.
1178
01:15:26,318 --> 01:15:27,979
What's this?
1179
01:15:30,522 --> 01:15:34,549
That's not bad
for your third liposuction.
1180
01:15:35,794 --> 01:15:37,659
One more tummy tuck
should take care of it.
1181
01:15:38,730 --> 01:15:41,460
Oh, it looks like a tongue...
1182
01:15:41,667 --> 01:15:43,259
...licking.
1183
01:15:44,369 --> 01:15:47,827
Look, I should go.
Bill's waiting for me downstairs.
1184
01:15:48,040 --> 01:15:49,940
- So I'll probably...
- Bill?
1185
01:15:50,142 --> 01:15:52,508
You're still with Speedo Torpedo?
1186
01:15:52,711 --> 01:15:55,339
Whatever happened
to "forever and ever," honey?
1187
01:15:55,547 --> 01:15:57,674
"Forever and ever"?
1188
01:15:57,883 --> 01:16:01,216
Look, Michael, I'm trying to have
a civilized relationship with you...
1189
01:16:01,420 --> 01:16:02,751
...for the kids' sake.
1190
01:16:02,954 --> 01:16:05,582
I really wanna be friends,
but I can't do that if you...
1191
01:16:05,791 --> 01:16:07,452
Would you stop flapping that thing?
1192
01:16:07,659 --> 01:16:10,423
It's my flap, I'll do
whatever the hell I want with it!
1193
01:16:12,331 --> 01:16:13,355
You done?
1194
01:16:15,334 --> 01:16:17,495
Look, Bill's my husband.
1195
01:16:17,703 --> 01:16:20,501
Please learn to accept that.
I really have to go.
1196
01:16:20,706 --> 01:16:23,038
Husband? Donna?
1197
01:16:23,241 --> 01:16:28,838
No. Donna. Donna. Donna!
1198
01:16:29,414 --> 01:16:32,076
Welcome to Newman Architecture.
1199
01:16:32,284 --> 01:16:34,912
Building a better world for all of us.
1200
01:16:35,120 --> 01:16:37,281
Architect of the year, 2018.
1201
01:16:37,489 --> 01:16:40,014
All your dreams came true,
huh, moron?
1202
01:16:40,225 --> 01:16:43,058
Dad. Hey, how you feeling?
1203
01:16:44,963 --> 01:16:48,626
- Benjamin. Look at that.
- Look... What?
1204
01:16:48,834 --> 01:16:52,998
Your face. Your skinny face.
You're shaving now, huh, kid?
1205
01:16:53,205 --> 01:16:57,733
Your entire ass is gone.
What happened? Good for you.
1206
01:16:57,943 --> 01:17:02,380
Right, my ass. Why don't
we talk about it in my office.
1207
01:17:05,217 --> 01:17:07,378
My old office.
1208
01:17:10,622 --> 01:17:13,819
The architect. How did this happen?
1209
01:17:14,025 --> 01:17:18,086
- Mom said you were still a little loopy.
- No, no, no. I'm feeling terrific.
1210
01:17:18,296 --> 01:17:21,891
The weight. How did you do it?
Staple treatment like your old man?
1211
01:17:22,100 --> 01:17:24,159
Wanna have a flap fight?
You gotta see this...
1212
01:17:24,369 --> 01:17:27,861
No. Just working out with Bill
five times a week. Same as always.
1213
01:17:33,178 --> 01:17:38,480
That's a looker.
Blondie, big lips. Chesty.
1214
01:17:38,683 --> 01:17:39,911
Is that your girl?
1215
01:17:40,719 --> 01:17:42,744
No, that's your daughter Samantha.
1216
01:17:43,188 --> 01:17:44,621
Of course it is.
1217
01:17:44,823 --> 01:17:47,451
And you better
always take care of her...
1218
01:17:47,659 --> 01:17:51,459
...and make sure nobody touches her
except you.
1219
01:17:52,397 --> 01:17:55,525
Pop, I'm just getting ready
for this meeting.
1220
01:17:56,935 --> 01:17:59,961
Okay. Absolutely.
I'll take off for you.
1221
01:18:01,907 --> 01:18:05,775
I'd like to spend more time together.
All of us.
1222
01:18:05,977 --> 01:18:08,036
Take you out for ice cream.
How's that?
1223
01:18:08,413 --> 01:18:10,278
I know your mother won't come...
1224
01:18:10,482 --> 01:18:14,612
...but you, Samantha,
Grandpa, Grandma.
1225
01:18:15,020 --> 01:18:16,317
That'd be nice, huh?
1226
01:18:17,956 --> 01:18:20,390
I knew something
was funny with you today.
1227
01:18:20,592 --> 01:18:24,119
Papa, take a seat.
Let me get you a water, okay?
1228
01:18:25,464 --> 01:18:27,591
What are we sitting for?
1229
01:18:28,834 --> 01:18:32,770
- Here you go, Pop, drink this.
- All right. Drink some water.
1230
01:18:34,773 --> 01:18:36,570
There, I had my water.
What's going on?
1231
01:18:39,878 --> 01:18:41,641
Grandpa died, Dad.
1232
01:18:44,783 --> 01:18:47,013
He died a while back now.
1233
01:18:51,456 --> 01:18:55,517
No, no, no.
1234
01:18:55,727 --> 01:18:58,093
Don't say that.
1235
01:18:58,897 --> 01:19:01,627
Where was I?
1236
01:19:01,833 --> 01:19:03,130
You're crying?
1237
01:19:04,236 --> 01:19:06,329
What happened?
1238
01:19:07,372 --> 01:19:12,036
Nothing. You know,
he just got old. That's life.
1239
01:19:12,244 --> 01:19:16,112
- Shit.
- You're born and you live and you die.
1240
01:19:17,449 --> 01:19:18,746
Man, I gotta go.
1241
01:19:18,950 --> 01:19:21,077
Hey, hang on.
Susie, push my next meeting.
1242
01:19:21,286 --> 01:19:23,550
No, no, do your meeting.
It's fine. I'm just dizzy.
1243
01:19:23,755 --> 01:19:26,485
- Why are you crying?
- I'm dizzy from the operation.
1244
01:19:26,691 --> 01:19:30,354
- You're gonna make me cry, Dad.
- You don't... You don't have to go.
1245
01:19:34,599 --> 01:19:36,863
You look... You look good.
1246
01:19:37,068 --> 01:19:38,968
It's all right. Goodbye.
1247
01:19:54,119 --> 01:19:55,780
Come on.
1248
01:19:55,987 --> 01:19:57,318
Come on.
1249
01:19:57,522 --> 01:19:59,581
It won't take you there.
1250
01:20:00,125 --> 01:20:01,592
Take me where?
1251
01:20:02,360 --> 01:20:05,193
To the moment he died.
You weren't there.
1252
01:20:05,597 --> 01:20:07,656
Of course I wasn't.
1253
01:20:09,401 --> 01:20:11,733
Can you take me
to the last time I saw him, please?
1254
01:20:15,340 --> 01:20:18,867
Hey, Dad. Sorry to bug you.
1255
01:20:19,077 --> 01:20:22,444
Would you mind looking
at my shopping mall design again?
1256
01:20:22,647 --> 01:20:23,909
This one is cheaper.
1257
01:20:24,115 --> 01:20:27,141
But if you check this out...
1258
01:20:27,352 --> 01:20:30,378
...you'll see it has
a much better natural flow...
1259
01:20:30,589 --> 01:20:33,615
Cheaper one, like I said.
Now, just let me do my e-mail.
1260
01:20:35,594 --> 01:20:37,687
Yeah. Yeah, you're right, Dad.
1261
01:20:37,896 --> 01:20:40,865
He ain't right. You're a schmuck!
Look at it!
1262
01:20:41,399 --> 01:20:42,388
Surprise.
1263
01:20:42,601 --> 01:20:44,933
Hey, Grandpa.
1264
01:20:45,370 --> 01:20:47,895
Oh, my God.
1265
01:20:51,710 --> 01:20:54,201
When did you get so handsome?
1266
01:20:54,412 --> 01:20:56,812
So, Michael, I had a wonderful idea.
1267
01:20:57,015 --> 01:20:59,415
Your mother's playing canasta
with her friends tonight.
1268
01:20:59,618 --> 01:21:01,984
I thought,
"What a great opportunity."
1269
01:21:02,187 --> 01:21:05,247
You, me and Ben should go
and have a boys' night out.
1270
01:21:05,457 --> 01:21:07,891
- Can't.
- What do you mean you can't?
1271
01:21:08,093 --> 01:21:09,253
You have to eat sometime.
1272
01:21:09,461 --> 01:21:11,861
We could go,
we could whistle at pretty girls.
1273
01:21:12,063 --> 01:21:14,327
- I'm down for that.
- See? He's down.
1274
01:21:14,532 --> 01:21:16,591
I don't know what it means,
but he's down.
1275
01:21:16,801 --> 01:21:20,237
- Hey. Please.
- Don't give me that finger.
1276
01:21:25,276 --> 01:21:27,403
I'll make you a deal.
1277
01:21:27,612 --> 01:21:31,946
If you come, I'll show you
the quarter trick.
1278
01:21:32,150 --> 01:21:34,516
- Will you look at the man?
- I'll tell you the secret.
1279
01:21:34,719 --> 01:21:36,619
No, Dad.
1280
01:21:36,821 --> 01:21:38,083
Don't you wanna know how l...?
1281
01:21:38,289 --> 01:21:40,757
I know how you do the stupid trick.
I've always known.
1282
01:21:40,959 --> 01:21:42,256
Can you let me do my work?
1283
01:21:46,831 --> 01:21:48,492
You've always known.
1284
01:21:48,700 --> 01:21:50,167
You're pathetic.
1285
01:21:51,169 --> 01:21:52,693
Okay.
1286
01:21:55,373 --> 01:21:57,933
I'm so sorry I barged in.
1287
01:21:58,343 --> 01:22:00,436
I love you, son.
1288
01:22:03,248 --> 01:22:05,113
See you later, Grandpa, I love you.
1289
01:22:05,316 --> 01:22:06,908
Dad.
1290
01:22:07,585 --> 01:22:09,348
Pop.
1291
01:22:09,554 --> 01:22:11,249
Pop.
1292
01:22:35,313 --> 01:22:37,372
I love you, son.
1293
01:22:41,386 --> 01:22:43,445
I love you, son.
1294
01:22:45,156 --> 01:22:47,181
I love you, son.
1295
01:22:53,164 --> 01:22:55,359
I love you too, Dad.
1296
01:23:00,638 --> 01:23:02,435
I'll miss you.
1297
01:23:04,809 --> 01:23:06,174
You know that.
1298
01:23:09,848 --> 01:23:11,509
Goodbye.
1299
01:23:37,342 --> 01:23:39,708
I'm sorry about your father.
1300
01:23:40,145 --> 01:23:44,104
Taking him wasn't something
I wanted to do.
1301
01:23:44,849 --> 01:23:46,282
What do you mean "taking him"?
1302
01:23:46,484 --> 01:23:48,076
I'm an angel, Michael.
1303
01:23:48,620 --> 01:23:50,281
An angel?
1304
01:23:51,189 --> 01:23:53,714
I thought an angel was
supposed to protect people.
1305
01:23:53,925 --> 01:23:55,984
I'm the angel of death.
1306
01:23:57,929 --> 01:24:00,727
Your dad, it was his time.
1307
01:24:02,333 --> 01:24:04,301
You bastard.
1308
01:24:12,043 --> 01:24:13,908
All right, leave me alone.
Leave me alone.
1309
01:24:14,112 --> 01:24:17,570
You had your fun.
Just take me to a good place.
1310
01:24:33,565 --> 01:24:38,161
And now, everybody, it's time
for Mr. Newman to say a few words.
1311
01:24:38,770 --> 01:24:40,328
Yay, Michael!
1312
01:24:42,373 --> 01:24:45,137
Go get them, Michael! Speech!
1313
01:24:47,946 --> 01:24:50,437
Wedding cake. Wedding cake.
1314
01:24:51,216 --> 01:24:54,014
Okay, where's the groom?
Show your face.
1315
01:24:54,219 --> 01:24:55,811
Hi, Dad.
1316
01:24:56,521 --> 01:25:00,150
Ben. I didn't miss
my son's wedding.
1317
01:25:00,358 --> 01:25:04,795
Wow, this is terrific, buddy.
Who's the lucky lady?
1318
01:25:05,430 --> 01:25:08,024
Very funny, Mr. Newman.
1319
01:25:10,902 --> 01:25:12,369
Aunt Peggy, is that you?
1320
01:25:13,938 --> 01:25:15,872
God, you got old.
1321
01:25:17,842 --> 01:25:23,178
No, no. L... She... I'm just playing.
She knows that.
1322
01:25:29,020 --> 01:25:30,317
Ma.
1323
01:25:34,425 --> 01:25:36,825
Ben's wife...
1324
01:25:37,462 --> 01:25:38,724
...welcome to the family.
1325
01:25:38,930 --> 01:25:40,090
Thank you.
1326
01:25:40,298 --> 01:25:43,096
Congratulations.
Let's have the best night, okay?
1327
01:25:53,077 --> 01:25:57,673
Look at you, Ma. You look amazing.
1328
01:25:59,350 --> 01:26:03,013
Michael, you haven't kissed me
like that since you were a little boy.
1329
01:26:03,221 --> 01:26:06,554
You are the best, Ma.
You know I know that, right?
1330
01:26:06,758 --> 01:26:09,921
Oh, darling, that's so sweet.
1331
01:26:10,595 --> 01:26:14,395
You know, Michael, your father
would've loved to be here.
1332
01:26:14,599 --> 01:26:16,066
I know, Ma.
1333
01:26:16,935 --> 01:26:19,961
Okay? I'm just glad you're here.
1334
01:26:20,738 --> 01:26:26,108
Me too, bubbala. Me too. Me too.
It's beautiful. Beautiful.
1335
01:26:26,577 --> 01:26:27,942
Beautiful. Look at her.
1336
01:26:28,613 --> 01:26:30,604
Donna, my favorite.
1337
01:26:31,449 --> 01:26:33,781
You're such a schmuck
for letting her go.
1338
01:26:33,985 --> 01:26:37,079
But don't let me ruin your evening.
I'll talk to you later.
1339
01:26:37,288 --> 01:26:39,256
Christina.
1340
01:26:42,060 --> 01:26:44,893
Michael, you've been so generous
taking care of all this...
1341
01:26:45,096 --> 01:26:46,256
...and the kids' honeymoon.
1342
01:26:46,464 --> 01:26:48,557
- Absolutely.
- Thank you so much.
1343
01:26:48,766 --> 01:26:52,964
Of course. Ben's wife
seems like a nice kid, huh?
1344
01:26:53,171 --> 01:26:56,106
- I think she's wonderful.
- Definite keeper.
1345
01:26:56,307 --> 01:26:59,834
Here's one you might remember
from The Cranberries.
1346
01:27:05,183 --> 01:27:07,777
Out of all the songs, huh?
1347
01:27:09,420 --> 01:27:11,354
Bill, since it's our son's wedding...
1348
01:27:11,556 --> 01:27:14,457
...do you mind if I dance
with my ex-husband for a minute?
1349
01:27:14,659 --> 01:27:16,923
- Not at all.
- Thank you.
1350
01:27:17,128 --> 01:27:19,688
Just have her back by midnight,
all right, champ?
1351
01:27:19,897 --> 01:27:21,091
You got it, Bill.
1352
01:27:33,344 --> 01:27:35,710
Why does he have
a bathing suit on?
1353
01:27:37,415 --> 01:27:39,576
Nice Speedo, buddy.
1354
01:27:51,596 --> 01:27:53,461
Still smelling good, huh?
1355
01:27:53,664 --> 01:27:56,155
After all these years.
1356
01:27:57,869 --> 01:27:59,336
Are you happy?
1357
01:27:59,537 --> 01:28:02,267
Of course I'm happy,
our son just got married.
1358
01:28:02,473 --> 01:28:07,137
Not about that. Are you happy
about where our lives ended up?
1359
01:28:07,345 --> 01:28:10,212
"Ended." It's not over yet.
1360
01:28:10,415 --> 01:28:14,078
- That's my Donna.
- It's true.
1361
01:28:15,586 --> 01:28:17,213
That Samantha?
1362
01:28:17,822 --> 01:28:22,156
Hey. What are you doing?
Put a sweater on. Cover them up.
1363
01:28:23,161 --> 01:28:24,560
What is with you?
1364
01:28:26,531 --> 01:28:28,396
Just kidding, I...
1365
01:28:28,599 --> 01:28:31,432
Just not used to seeing you
all grown-up like this.
1366
01:28:32,437 --> 01:28:37,374
Okay, well, if that's your way of telling
me that I look pretty, then thank you.
1367
01:28:37,909 --> 01:28:39,342
Let's go get some cake.
1368
01:28:39,544 --> 01:28:41,444
- I'll race you there, Dad. Come on.
- Okay.
1369
01:28:43,147 --> 01:28:44,774
"Dad"?
1370
01:28:47,285 --> 01:28:48,582
Michael, are you okay?
1371
01:28:51,189 --> 01:28:54,716
Is there a doctor?
We need a doctor here!
1372
01:28:57,829 --> 01:28:59,126
Michael!
1373
01:28:59,330 --> 01:29:02,094
- Dad!
- Dad!
1374
01:29:04,102 --> 01:29:05,797
It's just corn flakes.
1375
01:29:31,129 --> 01:29:33,893
One dance, you pop an artery.
1376
01:29:35,166 --> 01:29:39,296
Why'd you make me
waste my entire life?
1377
01:29:39,504 --> 01:29:41,597
You were fast-forwarding
through your life...
1378
01:29:41,806 --> 01:29:44,172
...long before you ever met me.
1379
01:29:44,375 --> 01:29:46,434
You lived the life you chose,
big shot.
1380
01:29:47,311 --> 01:29:49,404
This is not the life I wanted.
1381
01:29:49,614 --> 01:29:51,013
It is.
1382
01:29:56,254 --> 01:29:57,448
Looks like it is.
1383
01:30:01,325 --> 01:30:04,453
Hey. You're up. How you feeling?
1384
01:30:06,397 --> 01:30:09,332
I feel better
now that you guys are here.
1385
01:30:09,534 --> 01:30:11,798
Samantha's been here
like 36 hours straight.
1386
01:30:12,003 --> 01:30:15,370
She said she wouldn't leave
the hospital until you woke up.
1387
01:30:16,340 --> 01:30:20,367
- Why'd you do that?
- Because. You're my father.
1388
01:30:20,978 --> 01:30:23,446
I thought Bill was your father.
1389
01:30:24,182 --> 01:30:26,309
I have two fathers.
1390
01:30:27,285 --> 01:30:31,949
One of them told me he was gonna
live till he was 200. Remember?
1391
01:30:33,858 --> 01:30:36,292
You both really need
to get some sleep.
1392
01:30:36,494 --> 01:30:38,689
And I got a plane to catch.
1393
01:30:39,430 --> 01:30:42,126
Big Ben's gotta go
on his honeymoon.
1394
01:30:42,800 --> 01:30:45,394
Actually, I just canceled
the honeymoon.
1395
01:30:45,603 --> 01:30:49,471
Kensington deal might fall through,
so I gotta go do damage control.
1396
01:30:49,674 --> 01:30:51,471
- Julie and I can go to Italy anytime.
- No.
1397
01:30:51,676 --> 01:30:52,904
It's not that big a deal.
1398
01:30:53,110 --> 01:30:55,340
- That's not fair to your wife.
- Dad...
1399
01:30:55,546 --> 01:30:58,481
...she gets it. Keeping
the business going is more important.
1400
01:30:58,683 --> 01:31:01,447
Guys, I'm sorry. You're gonna
have to leave. He needs his rest.
1401
01:31:01,652 --> 01:31:02,812
All right. Bye, Dad.
1402
01:31:04,121 --> 01:31:05,884
Bye, Daddy.
1403
01:31:17,335 --> 01:31:19,098
Get this off of me.
1404
01:31:23,641 --> 01:31:25,370
Whoa, whoa!
1405
01:31:25,576 --> 01:31:28,101
Hey, fella, you're a long way
from walking out of here.
1406
01:31:28,312 --> 01:31:29,779
I gotta see my son.
1407
01:31:29,981 --> 01:31:32,381
You're not going anywhere.
Now, get back into the bed.
1408
01:31:33,150 --> 01:31:35,209
- Isn't that Colin Farrell?
- Where?
1409
01:31:41,292 --> 01:31:42,657
Michael.
1410
01:31:42,860 --> 01:31:46,296
Those machines
are keeping you alive.
1411
01:31:46,497 --> 01:31:48,965
I gotta talk to my boy.
1412
01:31:55,906 --> 01:31:58,136
- Michael, stop.
- No.
1413
01:32:00,878 --> 01:32:03,870
Michael, it doesn't have to end now.
1414
01:32:12,523 --> 01:32:14,457
Ben!
1415
01:32:26,604 --> 01:32:27,798
Ben!
1416
01:32:36,547 --> 01:32:39,345
Ben!
1417
01:32:41,285 --> 01:32:44,686
Ben!
1418
01:32:47,224 --> 01:32:49,283
Dad? Dad?
1419
01:32:49,860 --> 01:32:51,851
Dad, what are you doing?
1420
01:32:52,063 --> 01:32:54,190
Are you okay?
1421
01:32:54,899 --> 01:32:58,460
- Oh, my God.
- Help! Help!
1422
01:32:58,669 --> 01:33:00,660
- Dad! Dad!
- Help!
1423
01:33:00,871 --> 01:33:02,429
Ben, Ben.
1424
01:33:06,510 --> 01:33:09,274
Family. Family. Family.
1425
01:33:09,480 --> 01:33:10,538
What?
1426
01:33:10,748 --> 01:33:15,117
Family. Family. Family comes first.
1427
01:33:15,686 --> 01:33:17,381
Family comes first.
1428
01:33:17,588 --> 01:33:19,715
Honeymoon. Honeymoon.
1429
01:33:20,191 --> 01:33:23,354
Honeymoon. I love you.
1430
01:33:25,162 --> 01:33:27,687
Samantha. Samantha.
1431
01:33:27,898 --> 01:33:32,198
I didn't make 200, but I love you.
1432
01:33:32,403 --> 01:33:34,234
I love you.
1433
01:33:34,972 --> 01:33:38,066
Bill, Bill, Bill.
1434
01:34:03,601 --> 01:34:05,592
I'm sorry.
1435
01:34:09,373 --> 01:34:10,840
Michael.
1436
01:34:11,041 --> 01:34:15,205
The note you wrote her,
it's in your pocket.
1437
01:34:29,627 --> 01:34:32,289
Forever and ever, babe.
1438
01:34:39,003 --> 01:34:40,470
It's time to go.
1439
01:35:15,506 --> 01:35:19,602
- Where am I?
- You're in Bed Bath & Beyond, sir.
1440
01:35:19,810 --> 01:35:21,300
I was just watching you sleep.
1441
01:35:21,512 --> 01:35:23,912
You looked like you were having
a crazy dream.
1442
01:35:24,114 --> 01:35:25,081
What?
1443
01:35:25,282 --> 01:35:28,945
You're not supposed to lay
in the beds, but I do sometimes.
1444
01:35:31,922 --> 01:35:34,117
I'm back in the store?
1445
01:35:37,661 --> 01:35:41,153
I'm young again. I'm young again.
1446
01:35:41,365 --> 01:35:43,333
Well, I mean,
you're not "young" young.
1447
01:35:43,534 --> 01:35:45,365
I'm young.
You're kind of on the back nine.
1448
01:35:45,569 --> 01:35:48,868
No, no. No. I'm just teeing off, baby.
1449
01:35:49,073 --> 01:35:50,506
Look at you.
1450
01:35:50,708 --> 01:35:54,371
You want a friend? You want a friend?
I'll be your friend, baby.
1451
01:35:54,578 --> 01:35:57,172
I'll be your friend. I'll be your...
1452
01:35:58,549 --> 01:36:00,915
Oh, my God!
1453
01:36:04,421 --> 01:36:06,946
Yes, my crappy car!
1454
01:36:07,157 --> 01:36:10,524
You mediocre, middle-class
piece of shit!
1455
01:36:10,728 --> 01:36:12,491
I love you!
1456
01:36:21,672 --> 01:36:25,540
Pop, Pop. Pop.
There he is. There he is.
1457
01:36:25,743 --> 01:36:27,938
- What's wrong? What happened?
- Nothing's wrong.
1458
01:36:28,145 --> 01:36:31,080
Everything's incredible, Ma.
I just wanted to tell you I love you.
1459
01:36:31,282 --> 01:36:32,806
- I love you.
- I love you so much.
1460
01:36:33,017 --> 01:36:36,316
You gotta tell me how you do
the quarter trick, it's driving me crazy.
1461
01:36:36,520 --> 01:36:38,249
A magician never reveals
his secrets.
1462
01:36:38,455 --> 01:36:40,923
However, if you invite us over
for dinner more...
1463
01:36:41,125 --> 01:36:44,583
You come over tomorrow night, and
the night after that. Any time you want.
1464
01:36:44,795 --> 01:36:47,787
- Stop, I'm gonna have a heart attack.
- No, I have the heart attacks.
1465
01:36:47,998 --> 01:36:50,831
Thank you so much for giving
birth to me, I know it hurt. Okay?
1466
01:36:51,035 --> 01:36:54,493
You have no idea. But, honey, please,
stay off the bong pipe.
1467
01:36:54,705 --> 01:36:56,866
I can't promise you that.
1468
01:36:58,509 --> 01:37:02,172
Okay. I'm up.
1469
01:37:02,379 --> 01:37:04,142
What do you think?
1470
01:37:05,349 --> 01:37:08,045
If you massage me first.
1471
01:37:08,252 --> 01:37:10,345
Okay, let's go to sleep.
1472
01:37:26,570 --> 01:37:30,631
Mom, wake up!
There's a crazy noise downstairs.
1473
01:37:34,578 --> 01:37:35,806
What the heck is going on?
1474
01:37:36,280 --> 01:37:38,578
Hey, do you mind?
I am trying to concentrate.
1475
01:37:38,782 --> 01:37:40,511
Here I am, staying up all night...
1476
01:37:40,718 --> 01:37:44,119
...trying to come up with activities
for our Fourth of July camping trip...
1477
01:37:44,321 --> 01:37:45,618
...but you won't let me think!
1478
01:37:45,823 --> 01:37:49,919
You want time to think? Why don't you
think about the fact that you just wo...
1479
01:37:52,663 --> 01:37:53,789
What did you just say?
1480
01:37:53,998 --> 01:37:56,831
Yes, you heard me.
If you keep up this weird attitude...
1481
01:37:57,034 --> 01:38:00,231
...I won't be able to work for a year
and have to plan 10 more vacations.
1482
01:38:00,437 --> 01:38:03,065
- That make you happy?
- Did you eat a bad Yodel?
1483
01:38:03,273 --> 01:38:04,297
Give me those big lips.
1484
01:38:06,577 --> 01:38:09,410
- What's going on down here?
- Ben. Ben!
1485
01:38:09,613 --> 01:38:10,978
Come here. Oh, my God.
1486
01:38:11,181 --> 01:38:13,615
I missed you, I missed you.
Look at you, boy.
1487
01:38:13,817 --> 01:38:16,877
I'm gonna finish the tree house.
We're gonna sleep in it next weekend.
1488
01:38:17,087 --> 01:38:20,056
From now on, we're gonna exercise
and I'm not gonna wear a Speedo.
1489
01:38:20,257 --> 01:38:21,281
- All right!
- All right.
1490
01:38:21,492 --> 01:38:24,825
And you. Nice jump! I love you.
1491
01:38:25,029 --> 01:38:27,759
One day, you are gonna be
the hottest chick alive.
1492
01:38:27,965 --> 01:38:29,364
But you still gotta have brains.
1493
01:38:29,566 --> 01:38:31,466
So tomorrow I'm gonna
teach you calculus.
1494
01:38:31,669 --> 01:38:32,863
You know calculus?
1495
01:38:33,070 --> 01:38:35,436
I knew you'd call me on that.
Your mom will teach you.
1496
01:38:35,639 --> 01:38:38,369
Now, get your rest, because tomorrow
we're going camping!
1497
01:38:38,575 --> 01:38:40,304
I know! It's gonna be the best!
1498
01:38:40,511 --> 01:38:43,139
- Put a sweater on! Don't take it off!
- Okay, Daddy.
1499
01:38:43,347 --> 01:38:44,871
Oh, and Sundance!
1500
01:38:45,082 --> 01:38:49,485
Doggie years go by very quick,
so it's time to enjoy the real thing.
1501
01:38:51,455 --> 01:38:53,719
Yeah, go get some, baby.
1502
01:39:08,772 --> 01:39:11,741
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
1503
01:39:13,077 --> 01:39:16,046
No. Go to Sundance, not the duck.
1504
01:39:21,518 --> 01:39:23,509
They told me at the pet store
it was a female.
1505
01:39:23,721 --> 01:39:25,086
They lied to me, I guess.
1506
01:39:27,357 --> 01:39:30,554
- You staying downstairs tonight?
- Why? That's getting you going?
1507
01:39:31,662 --> 01:39:35,655
It's Fourth of July,
I'm gonna celebrate with my wife.
1508
01:39:35,866 --> 01:39:40,360
Take my time, massage her,
make sure she is fully satisfied.
1509
01:39:40,571 --> 01:39:44,507
But you know, it isn't
the Fourth of July, it's only the second.
1510
01:39:44,708 --> 01:39:48,200
That's even better.
Happy second of July, honey.
1511
01:39:48,412 --> 01:39:50,209
- Think I like this holiday.
- Yeah?
1512
01:39:50,414 --> 01:39:52,882
I'm gonna go change
into my Pocahontas costume.
1513
01:39:53,083 --> 01:39:56,883
- I'll see you upstairs.
- I'll bring the duck.
1514
01:39:57,087 --> 01:40:00,887
Okay, I gotta call my dad
and tell him to get the old tent ready.
1515
01:40:22,913 --> 01:40:26,144
"Like I said,
'Good guys need a break.'
1516
01:40:26,917 --> 01:40:30,148
I know you'll do
the right thing this time.
1517
01:40:30,354 --> 01:40:32,822
Love, Morty.
1518
01:40:33,290 --> 01:40:34,655
P. S:
1519
01:40:34,858 --> 01:40:38,589
Your wife's rocking body
still drives me crazy."
1520
01:40:39,296 --> 01:40:41,423
Okay, Morty.
1521
01:41:04,588 --> 01:41:07,113
Hey, who wants
to have a pillow fight?