1 00:00:41,808 --> 00:00:44,470 [Man Narrating] As the 21st century began... 2 00:00:44,577 --> 00:00:48,104 human evolution was at a turning point. 3 00:00:48,214 --> 00:00:53,151 Natural selection, the process by which the strongest, the smartest... 4 00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:56,814 the fastest reproduced in greater numbers than the rest... 5 00:00:56,923 --> 00:01:00,757 a process which had once favored the noblest traits of man... 6 00:01:00,860 --> 00:01:03,260 now began to favor different traits. 7 00:01:03,363 --> 00:01:05,263 [Reporter] The Joey Buttafuoco case- 8 00:01:05,365 --> 00:01:09,165 Most science fiction of the day predicted a future that was more civilized... 9 00:01:09,269 --> 00:01:11,362 and more intelligent. 10 00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:15,498 But as time went on, things seemed to be heading in the opposite direction. 11 00:01:15,608 --> 00:01:17,576 A dumbing down. 12 00:01:17,677 --> 00:01:19,702 How did this happen? 13 00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:23,078 Evolution does not necessarily reward intelligence. 14 00:01:23,183 --> 00:01:25,708 With no natural predators to thin the herd... 15 00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:29,118 it began to simply reward those who reproduced the most... 16 00:01:29,222 --> 00:01:33,352 and left the intelligent to become an endangered species. 17 00:01:34,527 --> 00:01:38,987 Having kids is such an important decision. 18 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:40,532 We're just waiting for the right time. 19 00:01:40,633 --> 00:01:42,965 It's not something you want to rush into, obviously. 20 00:01:43,069 --> 00:01:44,969 No way. 21 00:01:45,071 --> 00:01:47,471 Oh, shit, I'm pregnant again! 22 00:01:47,574 --> 00:01:50,668 Shit! I got too many damn kids! 23 00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:54,008 - I thought you was on the pill or some shit! - Hell, no! 24 00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:56,082 Shit! I must've been thinkin' of Brittany. 25 00:01:56,182 --> 00:01:58,309 Brittany? No, you didn't! 26 00:01:58,418 --> 00:02:01,478 - There's no way we could have a child now. - Mm-mm. 27 00:02:01,588 --> 00:02:03,556 Not with the market the way it is, no. 28 00:02:03,656 --> 00:02:05,988 God, no. That just wouldn't make any sense. 29 00:02:06,092 --> 00:02:09,027 Come on over here, bitch! He don't care about you! 30 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:11,791 Yeah? Well, there must be somethin' he likes over here. 31 00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:15,163 - She don't mean nothin' to me, baby! - Clevon! 32 00:02:15,268 --> 00:02:18,328 Oh, shit. It wasn't me! It wasn't me! 33 00:02:18,438 --> 00:02:21,737 Well, we finally decided to have children... 34 00:02:21,841 --> 00:02:25,868 and I'm not pointing fingers, but it's not going well. 35 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,879 And this is helping. 36 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:31,075 I'm just saying that before I have in vitro, maybe you should be willing to- 37 00:02:31,184 --> 00:02:33,084 It's always me, right? 38 00:02:33,186 --> 00:02:36,553 Well, it's not my sperm count. 39 00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:39,216 Yeah! Yeah! I'm gonna fuck all y'all! 40 00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:41,088 That's my boy! 41 00:02:41,194 --> 00:02:43,492 Whoo! Whoo! 42 00:02:45,398 --> 00:02:47,298 Clevon is lucky to be alive. 43 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:49,732 He attempted to jump a Jet Ski from a lake... 44 00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:53,067 into a swimming pool and impaled his crotch on an iron gate. 45 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:55,232 But thanks to recent advances in stem cell research... 46 00:02:55,341 --> 00:02:58,310 and the fine work of Doctors Krinski and Altschuler... 47 00:02:58,411 --> 00:03:00,606 Clevon should regain full reproductive function. 48 00:03:00,713 --> 00:03:02,613 Get your hands off my junk! 49 00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:09,947 Unfortunately, Trevor passed away from a heart attack... 50 00:03:10,056 --> 00:03:12,149 while masturbating... 51 00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:15,352 to produce sperm for artificial insemination. 52 00:03:15,461 --> 00:03:17,361 But I have some eggs frozen... 53 00:03:17,463 --> 00:03:21,160 so just as soon as the right guy comes along, you know- 54 00:03:23,269 --> 00:03:25,294 [Clevon Shouting] 55 00:03:25,405 --> 00:03:27,896 [Narrator] And so it went for generations... 56 00:03:28,007 --> 00:03:30,805 although few, if any, seemed to notice. 57 00:03:30,910 --> 00:03:36,678 But in the year 2005, in a military base just outside of Washington, D.C... 58 00:03:36,783 --> 00:03:40,719 a simple army librarian was unknowingly... 59 00:03:40,820 --> 00:03:44,722 about to change the entire course of human history. 60 00:03:44,824 --> 00:03:46,587 Come on, asshole! Go on! Take him to jail! 61 00:03:50,863 --> 00:03:52,490 Hey, Bauers. 62 00:03:52,599 --> 00:03:55,090 This is Peterson, your new replacement. 63 00:03:55,201 --> 00:03:59,069 - My what? I'm gettin' replaced? - Yeah, they didn't tell you? 64 00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:01,265 - No. - Some new assignment. 65 00:04:01,374 --> 00:04:03,672 They're being all weird and hush-hush about it. 66 00:04:03,776 --> 00:04:06,609 I don't want a new assignment. I tell Sergeant Metsler that every time. 67 00:04:06,713 --> 00:04:10,479 - I'm good at this. - Good at what? Sittin' on ass? 68 00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:13,177 No one ever comes in here. 69 00:04:13,286 --> 00:04:16,517 Yeah, I know. It's perfect for me. No one bothers me. I can't screw up. 70 00:04:16,623 --> 00:04:19,683 If I can just stay in here another eight years, I get my pension. 71 00:04:19,792 --> 00:04:22,920 I'm all set. Can you just get me out of this? 72 00:04:23,029 --> 00:04:25,759 No way. Not this time. It's coming from high up. 73 00:04:25,865 --> 00:04:30,234 Jesus. I don't understand. Why me? 74 00:04:30,336 --> 00:04:33,965 Every time Metsler says, "Lead, follow, or get out of the way," I get out of the way. 75 00:04:34,073 --> 00:04:37,702 When he says that, you're not supposed to choose "get out of the way." 76 00:04:37,810 --> 00:04:41,871 It's supposed to embarrass you into leading or at least following. 77 00:04:41,981 --> 00:04:43,846 That doesn't embarrass me. 78 00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:45,850 Look, Joe. You don't have a choice. 79 00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,783 You're just gonna have to follow. 80 00:04:47,887 --> 00:04:50,355 Like, follow me upstairs, like, now. 81 00:04:50,456 --> 00:04:54,222 Right now? Shouldn't I train this guy? 82 00:04:54,327 --> 00:04:58,525 I think he can figure out how to sit on his ass and watch TV all day. Let's go. 83 00:05:05,605 --> 00:05:08,665 [Man] Gentlemen, meet Joe Bauers... 84 00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:11,903 our first subject for the Human Hibernation Experiment. 85 00:05:12,011 --> 00:05:13,945 Now, as you know, throughout the years... 86 00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:16,515 many of our best pilots, soldiers and military leaders... 87 00:05:16,616 --> 00:05:18,811 often go their entire careers without ever seeing battle. 88 00:05:18,918 --> 00:05:23,651 With the Human Hibernation Project, we will be able to save our best men... 89 00:05:23,756 --> 00:05:26,691 frozen in their prime, for use when they are needed most. 90 00:05:26,793 --> 00:05:30,524 Joe, here, is not one of our best men. 91 00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:35,260 Mr. Bauers was chosen primarily for how remarkably average he is. 92 00:05:35,368 --> 00:05:40,032 Extremely average in every category. Remarkable, truly. 93 00:05:40,139 --> 00:05:42,903 The most average person in our entire armed forces. 94 00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:45,534 Additionally, he has no family, is unmarried... 95 00:05:45,645 --> 00:05:47,943 is an only child, and both parents are deceased... 96 00:05:48,047 --> 00:05:51,710 making him an ideal candidate, with no one to ask any nosy questions... 97 00:05:51,818 --> 00:05:53,877 should something go wrong with the experiment. 98 00:05:53,986 --> 00:05:58,548 We had a little less luck in finding a female researcher's dream within our ranks... 99 00:05:58,658 --> 00:06:02,719 and were forced to look into the private sector. 100 00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:06,287 This is Rita. Like Joe, she has no immediate family. 101 00:06:06,399 --> 00:06:09,129 Rita agreed to participate in this experiment... 102 00:06:09,235 --> 00:06:13,296 in exchange for dropping of certain criminal charges and a small fee. 103 00:06:13,406 --> 00:06:17,103 We did, however, have to come to an arrangement with her pimp... 104 00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:21,237 a gentleman who goes by the name Upgrayedd, which he spells thusly- 105 00:06:22,849 --> 00:06:27,013 With two D's, as he says, for a double dose of this pimping. 106 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,350 Upgrayedd agreed to loan us Rita for exactly one year... 107 00:06:29,455 --> 00:06:32,788 and keep quiet on the matter, in exchange for certain leeways... 108 00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:36,123 with the local authorities in running his pimp game. 109 00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:40,393 First, however, there was the difficult challenge of gaining his trust. 110 00:06:41,667 --> 00:06:44,329 Collins, could we skip to the technicals, please? 111 00:06:44,437 --> 00:06:46,735 Sure. Let me just finish here. 112 00:06:46,839 --> 00:06:51,139 You see, a pimp's love is very different from that of a square. 113 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,269 Collins! 114 00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:57,048 Fine. We'll move on. 115 00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:59,948 It is a fascinating world though. 116 00:07:12,965 --> 00:07:14,956 Jesus, Collins. 117 00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:19,361 Yeah, that's- [Clears Throat] 118 00:07:20,706 --> 00:07:23,436 Anyway, the experiment in which these two subjects... 119 00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:25,534 are to be placed into a dry freeze... 120 00:07:25,645 --> 00:07:27,977 for exactly one year is set to begin tomorrow. 121 00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:30,275 As you know, this is highly classified. 122 00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:35,514 However, if successful, we believe humans can be stored indefinitely. 123 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:45,753 So this is kinda crazy, huh? 124 00:07:45,865 --> 00:07:49,392 - What unit are you with? - Oh, I ain't in the service. 125 00:07:49,502 --> 00:07:52,369 Oh, private sector. Okay. 126 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:56,966 - So, uh, what do you do? - A little of this, a little of that. 127 00:07:57,076 --> 00:07:59,271 Wow, that's great. 128 00:07:59,378 --> 00:08:02,211 You know, I really envy people that can make a living that way- 129 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,340 doing a little of this and a little of that. 130 00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:09,251 I, uh, had a neighbor, Glen. He used to make chainsaw sculptures... 131 00:08:09,355 --> 00:08:11,255 and then he'd sell 'em at the flea market. 132 00:08:11,357 --> 00:08:13,257 Yeah. 133 00:08:15,194 --> 00:08:18,129 So, uh, you an artist or somethin'? 134 00:08:19,398 --> 00:08:22,333 - Uh, yeah. - You do paintings or- 135 00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:24,903 - Yeah, paintings. - Okay, great. 136 00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:29,168 - Mm-hmm. - What do you paint mostly? 137 00:08:30,810 --> 00:08:35,338 I don't know, just... people and fruit and shit. 138 00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:40,613 Wow. Well, must be great to be able to make a living doing something you love. 139 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:43,348 [Scoffs] Yeah. It's not all it's cracked up to be. 140 00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:45,117 - [Door Opens] - [Collins] Who wants to go first? 141 00:08:45,224 --> 00:08:47,715 Me. 142 00:08:52,398 --> 00:08:55,765 - [Machinery Whirring] - What the f- Oh, hell, no. Uh-uh. 143 00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:59,565 Hey, no. You probably don't want to do that with the I.V.s attached and all. 144 00:08:59,672 --> 00:09:02,766 - What's the matter? - Man, Upgrayedd didn't tell me they'd be putting me... 145 00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,968 in no damn coffin with tubes and shit! 146 00:09:05,077 --> 00:09:08,069 Oh, no, don't worry about it. It'll be safe. Trust me. 147 00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:09,738 Who's Upgrayedd? 148 00:09:09,849 --> 00:09:11,817 He's my boyfriend. 149 00:09:13,152 --> 00:09:15,120 Man, how do you know this shit's safe? 150 00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:17,121 These guys know what they're doing. Don't worry. 151 00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:19,987 They've tested it on dogs and everything. 152 00:09:20,092 --> 00:09:22,959 What happens is, the drugs will kick in, we drift off to sleep... 153 00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:25,053 we wake up in a year, you'll be paintin' again. 154 00:09:25,164 --> 00:09:27,155 - It'll be fine. - All right. 155 00:09:27,266 --> 00:09:31,168 Upgrayedd. That's an interesting name. Is he Dutch? 156 00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:35,838 See, 'cause I knew this, uh, Dutch exchange student. 157 00:09:35,942 --> 00:09:37,466 His name was Untgrad. 158 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,602 Okay, my niggas, we're almost set here. 159 00:09:39,712 --> 00:09:42,510 Just go ahead and lie down. Relax. 160 00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:46,618 [Equipment Beeping] 161 00:09:51,791 --> 00:09:53,588 See you in a year. 162 00:09:53,693 --> 00:09:56,355 [Narrator] The Human Hibernation Project... 163 00:09:56,462 --> 00:09:59,488 was one of the army's most ambitious experiments... 164 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:02,432 and one of its most secretive. 165 00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:04,969 But it was not immune from human error. 166 00:10:07,807 --> 00:10:09,707 Freeze! 167 00:10:09,809 --> 00:10:11,709 [Groans] 168 00:10:18,351 --> 00:10:22,082 Soon after Collins's arrest and the massive scandal that followed... 169 00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:24,952 the base was closed. 170 00:10:25,057 --> 00:10:29,756 It hadn't even been a year, and the entire project was simply forgotten. 171 00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:35,897 Things looked bleak for Joe, but they were even worse for mankind. 172 00:10:36,002 --> 00:10:39,267 As Joe and Rita lay dormant, the years passed... 173 00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:43,399 and mankind became stupider at a frightening rate. 174 00:10:52,084 --> 00:10:55,884 Some had high hopes that genetic engineering... 175 00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:57,979 would correct this trend in evolution. 176 00:10:58,090 --> 00:11:01,253 But sadly, the greatest minds and resources... 177 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:06,229 were focused on conquering hair loss and prolonging erections. 178 00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:08,698 [Orangutan Chattering] 179 00:11:08,801 --> 00:11:14,239 Meanwhile, the population exploded, and intelligence continued to decline... 180 00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:18,936 until humanity was incapable of solving even its most basic problems. 181 00:11:19,045 --> 00:11:24,039 Like garbage, which had been stacked for centuries with no plan whatsoever... 182 00:11:24,150 --> 00:11:29,019 leading to the Great Garbage Avalanche of 2505... 183 00:11:29,121 --> 00:11:34,457 which would set in motion the events that would change the world forever. 184 00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:37,529 [Backup Warning Beeping] 185 00:12:08,494 --> 00:12:11,258 - Hold on. - [Man On TV] Next, on The Violence Channel... 186 00:12:11,363 --> 00:12:13,593 an all-new Ow! My Balls! 187 00:12:19,772 --> 00:12:22,104 [Screaming] 188 00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:29,946 - All right. [Chuckling] - [Beeping] 189 00:12:30,049 --> 00:12:32,415 - [Snarling] - [Screaming] 190 00:12:32,518 --> 00:12:34,850 [Chuckling] 191 00:12:34,954 --> 00:12:36,854 [Groans] 192 00:12:36,956 --> 00:12:39,447 [Man Watching TV] That guy got hit in the balls. 193 00:12:39,558 --> 00:12:42,083 Ow, my balls! 194 00:12:42,194 --> 00:12:45,960 - [Groans] - [Man On TV Screaming] 195 00:12:46,065 --> 00:12:47,965 Huh? 196 00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:50,968 [Groaning] 197 00:12:51,070 --> 00:12:55,598 - [TV: Tires Squealing, Man Screaming] - [Man Watching TV Laughs] 198 00:12:55,708 --> 00:12:58,199 - [Joe] Where's- - Hold on. Shut up! 199 00:13:00,913 --> 00:13:02,813 [Man Laughing] 200 00:13:02,915 --> 00:13:04,883 [Tires Squealing] 201 00:13:10,656 --> 00:13:12,954 - Where's Officer Collins? - Shut up! 202 00:13:13,058 --> 00:13:16,687 [Man On TV] Next week on Ow! My Balls! Hormel goes to Paris! 203 00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:21,529 - Are we on base? - I'm gonna base your ass on my fist. 204 00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:25,070 In your face, ass! Shut up. 205 00:13:25,171 --> 00:13:27,298 I'm sorry. It's just- Where am I? 206 00:13:27,406 --> 00:13:29,601 Shut up! I told you already! 207 00:13:29,708 --> 00:13:31,642 [Flushes] 208 00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:39,979 Yeah! Wouldn't shut up! 209 00:13:40,085 --> 00:13:41,746 Come in here and not shut up. 210 00:13:41,854 --> 00:13:45,415 Yeah, you were like, "I'm not shuttin' up," and I was like- 211 00:14:00,606 --> 00:14:03,006 [Narrator] Unaware of what year it was... 212 00:14:03,108 --> 00:14:06,100 Joe wandered the streets, desperate for help. 213 00:14:06,212 --> 00:14:08,578 But the English language had deteriorated... 214 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:13,778 into a hybrid of hillbilly, valley girl, inner-city slang and various grunts. 215 00:14:13,886 --> 00:14:17,322 - Joe was able to understand them... - [Indistinct] 216 00:14:17,423 --> 00:14:20,790 but when he spoke in an ordinary voice... 217 00:14:20,893 --> 00:14:23,487 he sounded pompous and faggy to them. 218 00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:43,079 [Man On P.A.] Paging Doc- [Slurring] 219 00:14:46,685 --> 00:14:49,620 Report to, uh- 220 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:54,125 Dr. Lueboo... 221 00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:55,454 uh, report. 222 00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:58,428 - Your floor-Your floor is now clean. - [Beeping] 223 00:14:58,530 --> 00:15:00,760 Your floor- Your floor is now clean. 224 00:15:00,866 --> 00:15:03,232 Your floor- Your floor is now clean. 225 00:15:03,335 --> 00:15:08,466 Hi, uh, I was in an army experiment, and I'm not feeling so well. 226 00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:11,168 I think it might have been the drugs they had me on. 227 00:15:11,277 --> 00:15:13,404 I've been hallucinating. 228 00:15:13,512 --> 00:15:15,980 My head is just killin' me. 229 00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:19,107 My-My-My joints are all achy and I- 230 00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:22,753 Is this a hospital or- 231 00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:26,985 - Actually, I don't even know where I am. - [Beeps] 232 00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:29,322 [Electronic Voice] Please proceed to the diagnostic area on the right... 233 00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:33,762 - and have a healthy day! - Oh. Thanks. 234 00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:35,629 Thank you! 235 00:15:46,745 --> 00:15:50,841 Uh, 'scuse me. I think this might be Gatorade or somethin'. 236 00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:53,851 - I was just looking for some regular water. - Water? 237 00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:56,979 - Yeah. - You mean like in the toilet? What for? 238 00:15:57,089 --> 00:15:59,990 You know, just to drink. 239 00:16:01,927 --> 00:16:04,157 [Laughing] 240 00:16:04,263 --> 00:16:08,063 [Continues Laughing] 241 00:16:08,167 --> 00:16:10,032 - ## [Electronic Tune] - [Electronic Voice] You've got hepatitis! 242 00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:12,899 Oh, is someone not feeling well? 243 00:16:13,005 --> 00:16:16,566 Your illness is very important to us. 244 00:16:16,675 --> 00:16:19,542 - [Man] Next. - [Electronic Voice] Welcome to the Healthmaster Inferno... 245 00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:21,670 - powered by Jormi Technology. - Uh, this goes in your mouth. 246 00:16:21,780 --> 00:16:27,218 This one goes in your ear. And this one goes in your butt. 247 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,183 Come on. 248 00:16:31,290 --> 00:16:34,191 - Hurry up, asshole! - Come on! 249 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,225 - [Beeping] - Shit. Hang on a second. 250 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:42,433 This one- No. 251 00:16:42,534 --> 00:16:44,365 - Hey, come on. - Uh- 252 00:16:44,470 --> 00:16:47,667 - Hurry up! - This one. This one goes in your mouth. 253 00:16:50,042 --> 00:16:51,942 Come on! 254 00:16:57,483 --> 00:17:00,509 [Electronic Voice] Thank you for waiting. Dr. Lexus will be with you shortly. 255 00:17:06,058 --> 00:17:08,856 That's a weird misprint. 256 00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:14,063 Hey. How's it hang, ese? 257 00:17:14,166 --> 00:17:17,863 Yeah. Right. Well, not so good, you know. 258 00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:20,962 I don't really know what's going on, but I'm seein' things. 259 00:17:21,073 --> 00:17:23,974 I think it might be because of these drugs the army put me on. 260 00:17:24,076 --> 00:17:27,773 But, if you could, uh, just get me well enough to get back to base- 261 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,542 Right. Kick ass. 262 00:17:30,649 --> 00:17:33,777 Well, don't wanna sound like a dick or nothin'... 263 00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:36,719 but, uh, it says on your chart that you're fucked up. 264 00:17:36,822 --> 00:17:40,314 You talk like a fag, and your shit's all retarded. 265 00:17:40,426 --> 00:17:44,795 What I'd do is just like, like, you know... 266 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:48,333 like, you know what I mean? Like- [Chuckles] 267 00:17:48,434 --> 00:17:52,700 - No, I'm serious here. - [Chuckles] Don't worry, scrot. 268 00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:55,831 Now there are plenty of 'tards out there living really kick-ass lives. 269 00:17:55,941 --> 00:17:59,308 My first wife was 'tarded. She's a pilot now. 270 00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:03,279 I need for you to be serious for a second here, okay? I need help. 271 00:18:03,382 --> 00:18:05,145 There's that fag talk we talked about. 272 00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:09,084 All right, so that'll be... this many dollars. 273 00:18:09,188 --> 00:18:13,249 And if you could just go ahead and, like, put your tattoo in that shit. 274 00:18:13,358 --> 00:18:17,294 That's weird. This thing has the same misprint as that magazine. 275 00:18:17,396 --> 00:18:21,457 - What are the odds of- - Where's your tattoo? Tattoo? 276 00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:24,331 Why don't you have this? 277 00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:28,939 Oh, God. 278 00:18:31,610 --> 00:18:34,101 - Where's your tattoo? - Oh, my God. 279 00:18:34,213 --> 00:18:36,681 Why come you don't have a tattoo? 280 00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:41,343 - [Joe] Oh, my God! - You're not unscannable, are you? 281 00:18:42,588 --> 00:18:44,783 Oh, my God! 282 00:18:44,890 --> 00:18:48,326 - You're unscannable. - [Alarm Wailing] 283 00:18:48,427 --> 00:18:51,225 - Unscannable! - No! No, you don't understand! 284 00:18:51,330 --> 00:18:53,890 You gotta let me talk to someone in the army! Wait a second. 285 00:18:53,999 --> 00:18:56,832 They're all dead. Everybody I know's dead! 286 00:18:56,935 --> 00:18:58,664 Oh, my God! Oh! 287 00:18:58,770 --> 00:19:00,635 - [Screaming] - [Screaming] 288 00:19:00,739 --> 00:19:03,902 - No! Stop! Calm down! - Calm down! Calm down! 289 00:19:04,009 --> 00:19:06,170 - How'd this happen? - How did it happen? 290 00:19:06,278 --> 00:19:09,509 - [Alarm Continues] - Your floor is now clean. 291 00:19:09,615 --> 00:19:11,879 Your floor is now clean. 292 00:19:32,271 --> 00:19:36,207 [Narrator] Joe had awakened to a world in crisis. 293 00:19:36,308 --> 00:19:39,539 The economy was in a state of deep neglect. 294 00:19:39,645 --> 00:19:43,103 A great dust bowl had ravaged food supplies. 295 00:19:43,215 --> 00:19:48,050 And the number one movie in the country was called Ass. 296 00:19:48,153 --> 00:19:49,745 [All Laughing] 297 00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:52,983 And that's all it was for 90 minutes. 298 00:19:53,091 --> 00:19:55,059 [Movie: Farting] 299 00:19:55,160 --> 00:20:00,257 It won eight Oscars that year, including best screenplay. 300 00:20:04,336 --> 00:20:07,430 [Electronic Voice] Enjoy your Extra Big-Ass Fries. 301 00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:10,531 You didn't gimme no fries. I got an empty box. 302 00:20:10,642 --> 00:20:13,475 Would you like another Extra Big-Ass Fries? 303 00:20:13,579 --> 00:20:15,274 I said I didn't get any. 304 00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:17,245 [Electronic Voice] Thank you. Your account has been charged. 305 00:20:17,349 --> 00:20:19,249 Your balance is zero. 306 00:20:19,351 --> 00:20:22,843 - What? Oh, no. No! - Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase. 307 00:20:22,955 --> 00:20:24,855 - [Beeping] - I'm sorry you're having trouble. 308 00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:27,482 - Come on! My kids are starvin'. - I'm sorry you're having trouble. 309 00:20:27,593 --> 00:20:29,891 [Buzzes] 310 00:20:29,995 --> 00:20:32,486 This should help you calm down. 311 00:20:32,598 --> 00:20:35,465 Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase. 312 00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:40,766 Your kids are starving. Carl's Jr. believes no child should go hungry. 313 00:20:40,872 --> 00:20:45,832 You are an unfit mother. Your children will be placed in the custody of Carl's Jr. 314 00:20:45,944 --> 00:20:48,970 Carl's Jr. "Fuck you. I'm eating." 315 00:20:50,315 --> 00:20:52,146 Welcome to Carl's Jr. 316 00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:55,846 Would you like to try our Extra Big-Ass Taco... 317 00:20:55,954 --> 00:20:58,514 now with more molecules? 318 00:20:58,624 --> 00:21:01,616 Hey! Is this particular individual the unfit mother? 319 00:21:01,727 --> 00:21:05,663 - Me? No. - Okay. This particular individual is unscannable. 320 00:21:09,034 --> 00:21:11,298 Listen, I can explain, okay? I was in an army experiment. 321 00:21:14,206 --> 00:21:16,800 Wait a second. There's the other pod from the army experiment. 322 00:21:16,908 --> 00:21:19,172 There was a girl. She was from the same experiment. 323 00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:22,645 - Yeah, that's enough of your bullshit, sir. - [Groaning] 324 00:21:22,748 --> 00:21:24,773 [Narrator] Joe was arrested for not paying his hospital bill... 325 00:21:24,883 --> 00:21:28,319 and not having his U.P.C. tattoo. 326 00:21:28,420 --> 00:21:33,722 He would soon discover that in the future, justice was not only blind... 327 00:21:33,825 --> 00:21:37,625 but had become rather retarded as well. 328 00:21:37,729 --> 00:21:40,698 You shut up! Now- [Clears Throat] 329 00:21:42,401 --> 00:21:45,131 I'm fixin' to commensurate this trial here. 330 00:21:45,237 --> 00:21:49,867 We gonna see if we can't come up with a verdict up in here. 331 00:21:49,975 --> 00:21:54,139 Now, since y'all say you ain't got no money... 332 00:21:54,246 --> 00:21:57,579 we have "proprietarily" obtained for you... 333 00:21:57,683 --> 00:22:01,517 one of them court-appointed lawyers. 334 00:22:01,620 --> 00:22:06,648 So, put your hands together and give it up for Frito Pendejo. 335 00:22:06,758 --> 00:22:08,487 You're my lawyer? 336 00:22:08,593 --> 00:22:12,927 Says here you, uh, robbed a hospital? 337 00:22:13,031 --> 00:22:15,431 - Why'd you do that? - Yeah. I'm not guilty. 338 00:22:15,534 --> 00:22:18,332 - That's not what the other lawyer said. - What do you mean what the- 339 00:22:18,437 --> 00:22:20,405 Listen, you gotta get me on the stand, okay? 340 00:22:20,505 --> 00:22:23,497 I can explain everything. We can take 'em to your house, show 'em the pod. 341 00:22:23,608 --> 00:22:25,872 Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! 342 00:22:25,977 --> 00:22:29,413 Now, prosecutor, why you think he done it? 343 00:22:29,514 --> 00:22:32,540 Okay, number one, Your Honor, just look at him. 344 00:22:32,651 --> 00:22:35,085 [All Laughing] 345 00:22:35,187 --> 00:22:38,179 - He talks like a fag too. - [Laughing Continues] 346 00:22:38,290 --> 00:22:41,987 And "B," we've got all this, like, evidence... 347 00:22:42,094 --> 00:22:45,029 of how, like, this guy didn't even pay at the hospital. 348 00:22:45,130 --> 00:22:48,065 And I heard that he doesn't even have his tattoo. 349 00:22:48,166 --> 00:22:50,430 - [Crowd Grumbling] - I know! 350 00:22:50,535 --> 00:22:54,062 And I'm all, "You've gotta be shittin' me." But check this out, man. 351 00:22:54,172 --> 00:22:57,073 Judge should be like, "Guilty." Peace. 352 00:22:57,175 --> 00:22:59,769 [Crowd Cheering] 353 00:23:02,180 --> 00:23:05,479 - Objection! - What are you objectifyin' on? 354 00:23:05,584 --> 00:23:07,848 - Come on. Just get me on the stand. - Okay. 355 00:23:08,887 --> 00:23:11,617 - Um, Your Honor? - Hmm? 356 00:23:11,723 --> 00:23:13,554 I object... 357 00:23:13,658 --> 00:23:17,651 that this guy also broke my apartment to shit. 358 00:23:17,763 --> 00:23:19,754 - Yeah. - What? 359 00:23:19,865 --> 00:23:24,393 And you know what else? I object that he's not gonna have any money to pay me... 360 00:23:24,503 --> 00:23:27,631 after he pays back all the money he stole from the hospital! 361 00:23:27,739 --> 00:23:29,730 Don't say I stole. You're my lawyer. 362 00:23:29,841 --> 00:23:31,775 And I object. 363 00:23:31,877 --> 00:23:35,745 I object that he interrupted me while I was watching Ow! My Balls! 364 00:23:35,847 --> 00:23:40,307 - [All Booing] - That is not okay! And I rest my case! 365 00:23:40,419 --> 00:23:42,819 Your Honor, I'm pretty sure we have a mistrial here, sir. 366 00:23:42,921 --> 00:23:46,288 - I'm gonna mistrial my foot up your ass, you don't shut up. - [All Laughing] 367 00:23:46,391 --> 00:23:48,859 - Please, listen. - "Please, listen." 368 00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:50,689 - [All Laughing] - I didn't steal anything. 369 00:23:50,796 --> 00:23:52,696 I was part of an army experiment- 370 00:23:52,798 --> 00:23:55,790 [Narrator] Joe stated his case logically and passionately... 371 00:23:55,901 --> 00:24:00,998 but his perceived effeminate voice only drew big gales of stupid laughter. 372 00:24:01,106 --> 00:24:02,767 - Guilty! - [Crowd Cheering] 373 00:24:02,874 --> 00:24:07,504 Without adequate legal representation, Joe was given a stiff sentence. 374 00:24:07,612 --> 00:24:12,311 Meanwhile, Rita had awakened to find that the world's oldest profession... 375 00:24:12,417 --> 00:24:15,654 was a lot easier when the world is populated by morons. 376 00:24:15,689 --> 00:24:16,518 was a lot easier when the world is populated by morons. 377 00:24:16,621 --> 00:24:20,352 [Female Voice] Welcome to AOL, Time Warner, Taco Bell, U.S. Government long distance. 378 00:24:20,459 --> 00:24:22,825 Please say the name of the person you wish to call. 379 00:24:22,928 --> 00:24:24,759 Upgrayedd. 380 00:24:25,897 --> 00:24:30,459 There are 9,726 listings for Upgrayedd. 381 00:24:30,569 --> 00:24:32,833 Please deposit $2,000 to begin connection. 382 00:24:32,938 --> 00:24:34,838 - Man, what? - Oh, yeah, baby. 383 00:24:34,940 --> 00:24:37,408 Hey, look, can you just- can you wait a second, please? 384 00:24:37,509 --> 00:24:41,878 Oh, yeah, baby. I can wait so good. 385 00:24:42,914 --> 00:24:44,848 Really? 386 00:24:46,151 --> 00:24:48,483 Think, uh-You think maybe you could wait a day? 387 00:24:48,587 --> 00:24:50,714 Baby, I can wait two days. 388 00:24:50,822 --> 00:24:55,384 Huh. That's good, 'cause I charge by the hour. 389 00:24:55,494 --> 00:24:59,430 Oh, yeah? Well, you gonna be glad you waited, baby. 390 00:24:59,531 --> 00:25:01,431 Thank you very much, young man. 391 00:25:03,702 --> 00:25:05,363 What the fuck? 392 00:25:05,470 --> 00:25:07,995 Goddamn, shit's changed in a year. 393 00:25:10,008 --> 00:25:11,908 What are we doin' here? 394 00:25:12,010 --> 00:25:14,501 Okay, sir, we're engaged in procuring your tattoo. 395 00:25:17,516 --> 00:25:20,679 [Electronic Voice] Welcome to the Identity Processing Program of America. 396 00:25:20,785 --> 00:25:25,449 Please insert your forearm into the forearm receptacle. 397 00:25:26,558 --> 00:25:28,458 - Thank you. - [Mechanical Whirring] 398 00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:32,519 Please speak your name as it appears on your current federal identity card- 399 00:25:32,631 --> 00:25:36,032 - Document number G24L8. - I'm not sure if- 400 00:25:36,134 --> 00:25:40,127 You have entered the name "Not Sure." Is this correct, Not Sure? 401 00:25:40,238 --> 00:25:42,138 - No, it's not correct. - [Dings] 402 00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:45,835 Thank you. "Not" is correct. Is "Sure" correct? 403 00:25:45,944 --> 00:25:47,969 - No, it's not. My name is Joe- - [Beeping] 404 00:25:48,079 --> 00:25:49,910 You've already confirmed your first name is Not. 405 00:25:50,015 --> 00:25:53,644 - Please confirm your last name, "Sure." - My- 406 00:25:53,752 --> 00:25:56,152 - My last name is not Sure. - [Dings] 407 00:25:56,254 --> 00:25:58,882 - Thank you, Not Sure. - No. What I mean is my name is Joe. 408 00:25:58,990 --> 00:26:04,326 Confirmation is complete. Please wait while I tattoo your new identity on your arm. 409 00:26:06,431 --> 00:26:09,264 - Wait a second. Can we start over? Can I cancel this? - [Buzzing] 410 00:26:09,367 --> 00:26:11,801 Can we cancel this and just go back to the beginning? 411 00:26:11,903 --> 00:26:15,134 They're gonna tat- Ow. Could I speak to your supervisor? 412 00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:18,266 - Ow! - Please hold still for your photograph. 413 00:26:19,945 --> 00:26:23,403 - [Whirring] - [Beeping] 414 00:26:27,786 --> 00:26:30,346 Oh, that's fuckin' great. 415 00:26:32,891 --> 00:26:34,791 Okay, sir... 416 00:26:34,893 --> 00:26:39,227 now we will begin to proceed to obtain your I.Q. and "apitude" tests. 417 00:26:39,331 --> 00:26:41,265 What for? 418 00:26:41,366 --> 00:26:45,598 Okay, sir, this is to figure out what your "aptude's" good at... 419 00:26:45,704 --> 00:26:50,835 and get you a jail job while you're being a particular individual in jail. 420 00:26:50,942 --> 00:26:53,877 [Electronic Voice] If you have one bucket that holds two gallons... 421 00:26:53,979 --> 00:26:56,539 and another bucket that holds five gallons... 422 00:26:56,648 --> 00:26:59,412 how many buckets do you have? 423 00:27:01,353 --> 00:27:03,253 Two? 424 00:27:03,355 --> 00:27:05,323 Thank you. 425 00:27:13,098 --> 00:27:16,033 ## [Man Singing] 426 00:27:25,243 --> 00:27:28,508 ## [Continues] 427 00:27:45,296 --> 00:27:47,264 'Too. 428 00:27:53,004 --> 00:27:55,199 ## [Continues] 429 00:27:58,209 --> 00:28:00,370 [No Audible Dialogue] 430 00:28:06,551 --> 00:28:09,679 ## [Ends] 431 00:28:09,788 --> 00:28:12,450 [Narrator] Desperate and scared... 432 00:28:12,557 --> 00:28:15,355 Joe used his superior intelligence... 433 00:28:15,460 --> 00:28:18,361 to come up with the best escape plan he could think of. 434 00:28:18,463 --> 00:28:24,095 Hi. Excuse me. I'm actually supposed to be getting out of prison today, sir. 435 00:28:25,303 --> 00:28:27,362 Yeah. 436 00:28:27,472 --> 00:28:30,407 You're in the wrong line, dumb ass. Over there. 437 00:28:30,508 --> 00:28:33,807 I'm sorry. I am being a big dumb ass. Sorry. 438 00:28:33,912 --> 00:28:35,573 Hey, uh, let this dumb ass through. 439 00:28:37,282 --> 00:28:39,250 [Beeping] 440 00:28:42,587 --> 00:28:45,147 [Warning Buzzer Buzzing] 441 00:28:45,256 --> 00:28:47,224 [Door Closes] 442 00:28:52,630 --> 00:28:55,326 - 'Too. - Yeah. Got it. 443 00:28:55,433 --> 00:28:57,628 [Beeping] 444 00:28:57,736 --> 00:29:03,106 Uh, yeah, I don't see you in here. So, you're gonna have to, uh, stay in prison. 445 00:29:03,208 --> 00:29:05,108 Could you check again? 446 00:29:05,210 --> 00:29:08,270 'Cause, I was, you know- I was definitely in prison, okay? 447 00:29:08,379 --> 00:29:12,315 I got sat on my face and everything. Maybe check those files back there? 448 00:29:18,890 --> 00:29:23,156 - [Alarm Blaring] - [Electronic Voice] "Excape." "Excape." 449 00:29:23,261 --> 00:29:25,821 "Excape." "Excape." 450 00:29:25,930 --> 00:29:29,696 "Excape." "Excape." 451 00:29:32,604 --> 00:29:35,038 ## [Man Singing] 452 00:29:42,447 --> 00:29:44,677 ## [Ends] 453 00:29:47,051 --> 00:29:48,951 [Man] The Masturbation Network. 454 00:29:49,053 --> 00:29:52,545 Keepin' America 'batin' for 300 years. 455 00:29:52,657 --> 00:29:55,353 - And now, Sweet Bang Tube. - [Squeaking On TV] 456 00:29:55,460 --> 00:30:00,227 - Oh, yeah, give me some. Cut me a piece. - [Squeaking Continues] 457 00:30:00,331 --> 00:30:02,322 - Oh, yeah, that's- - [Knocking] 458 00:30:02,433 --> 00:30:04,333 Go away! 'Batin'! 459 00:30:04,435 --> 00:30:06,335 [Knocking Continues] 460 00:30:06,437 --> 00:30:08,632 Damn it. 461 00:30:08,740 --> 00:30:11,231 - [Knocking] - All right. 462 00:30:13,244 --> 00:30:16,179 Hey. Hey, get out of here. Hey, get out of here! 463 00:30:16,281 --> 00:30:20,377 No, wait, listen. You let me, an innocent man, get thrown in jail. 464 00:30:20,485 --> 00:30:23,852 So? Shut up, 'cause you broke my house. 465 00:30:23,955 --> 00:30:26,890 Hey, I could have you disbarred- disbarred- for what you did to me. 466 00:30:26,991 --> 00:30:29,653 Then maybe you'd go to jail for not havin' any money. 467 00:30:29,761 --> 00:30:31,854 Oh, really? 468 00:30:31,963 --> 00:30:35,262 Yeah, really. Now, look. Okay, here's the deal. 469 00:30:35,366 --> 00:30:37,357 I've been thinking. It's been 500 years. 470 00:30:37,468 --> 00:30:40,437 Someone has to have invented a way to travel back in time by now. 471 00:30:40,538 --> 00:30:43,439 You know, I think they were pretty close even in my day. You know? 472 00:30:43,541 --> 00:30:45,441 - With Einstein and guys like that? - Uh-huh. 473 00:30:45,543 --> 00:30:48,103 - You know, scientists? You know? - Uh. 474 00:30:49,447 --> 00:30:51,347 A time machine, for time travel. 475 00:30:51,449 --> 00:30:54,077 - Do they have one? - What? 476 00:30:56,287 --> 00:30:58,278 [Tires Squealing, Car Crashing In Distance] 477 00:30:58,389 --> 00:31:02,291 Jesus. I knew that was too much to hope for. 478 00:31:03,394 --> 00:31:05,521 No, no, they got a time machine. 479 00:31:05,630 --> 00:31:07,530 - They do? - Yeah. 480 00:31:07,632 --> 00:31:09,532 - Are-Are-Are you sure? - Yeah. 481 00:31:09,634 --> 00:31:13,468 - Can it get me back to 2005? - Oh, yeah, but it's, like, really expensive. 482 00:31:13,571 --> 00:31:16,802 And it breaks all the time 'cause some smart guy made it a long time ago. 483 00:31:16,908 --> 00:31:19,069 I don't care. Just get me there, okay? 484 00:31:19,177 --> 00:31:20,644 - Well- - Please! 485 00:31:20,745 --> 00:31:23,976 Listen, I- I- I "supersize" with you... 486 00:31:24,082 --> 00:31:26,846 but didn't you go to jail for not havin' enough money? 487 00:31:26,951 --> 00:31:31,081 Okay, how about this? You get me to the time machine, and when I get back... 488 00:31:31,189 --> 00:31:33,180 I open a savings account in your name. 489 00:31:33,291 --> 00:31:35,816 That way, 500 years later, it'll be worth billions. 490 00:31:35,927 --> 00:31:37,451 - Billions! - 'Cause? 491 00:31:37,562 --> 00:31:40,395 'Cause of the interest, it'll be worth billions of dollars. 492 00:31:40,498 --> 00:31:43,058 - Oh, I- I like money. - Yeah. 493 00:31:43,167 --> 00:31:46,159 - How many billions? - Like, 10. 494 00:31:46,271 --> 00:31:49,434 Yeah, suck one. Time machine costs, like, 20. 495 00:31:49,540 --> 00:31:52,338 Yeah? Okay. Uh, 30, Frito. 496 00:31:52,443 --> 00:31:55,606 Thirty billion dollars. 497 00:31:55,713 --> 00:32:00,150 Thirty billion. So if you gave me 30 billion... 498 00:32:00,251 --> 00:32:02,242 and the time machine's 20- 499 00:32:02,353 --> 00:32:04,287 What's the minus of 30 and 20? 500 00:32:04,389 --> 00:32:07,119 Uh, it's, uh- it's 80, Frito. 501 00:32:07,225 --> 00:32:09,750 It's $80 billion. That's a mighty big minus, isn't it? 502 00:32:09,861 --> 00:32:13,592 - Yeah. I like money though. - [Man] Police! Open the door! 503 00:32:13,698 --> 00:32:15,859 - [Banging On Door] - We're looking for an "excaped" individual. 504 00:32:15,967 --> 00:32:19,562 - This particular individual's name is Not Sure. - Eighty billion. 505 00:32:19,671 --> 00:32:23,664 Oh, um, he- He's... somewhere else. 506 00:32:23,775 --> 00:32:28,109 - You got something I can wear? - Yeah. There's Pro-Wear on the top, assorted in the middle. 507 00:32:28,212 --> 00:32:30,339 [Policeman] A Coke machine in the vicinity caught his tattoo. 508 00:32:30,448 --> 00:32:33,212 Seemed to be heading for this particular "domistile." 509 00:32:33,318 --> 00:32:35,718 - [Banging] - Okay, sir, we're comin' in. 510 00:32:35,820 --> 00:32:38,118 - No, you can't come in. - Can too! 511 00:32:38,222 --> 00:32:40,281 - Come on! - All right, let's go get my billions. 512 00:32:40,391 --> 00:32:42,484 [Banging Continues] 513 00:32:42,593 --> 00:32:46,654 Oh, okay, one more thing. We gotta go find this girl, Rita, first, okay? 514 00:32:46,764 --> 00:32:49,528 - Is she bangin'? - Yeah, sure, she is. 515 00:32:49,634 --> 00:32:51,534 That wasn't really part of the deal. 516 00:32:51,636 --> 00:32:55,538 - Okay, I'll, uh, throw in another couple billion, all right? - I like money. 517 00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:58,700 Okay, her pod's up here on the right. She shouldn't be far away, I hope. 518 00:32:58,810 --> 00:33:03,577 Mmm, girl. Oh, yeah? So when we gonna do it? 519 00:33:03,681 --> 00:33:07,014 'Cause you been chargin' me by the hour, and it's been, like, three days. 520 00:33:07,118 --> 00:33:11,111 Oh, yeah. Soon, baby, soon. Hey, you know what? 521 00:33:11,222 --> 00:33:13,850 Why don't you come back tomorrow? 522 00:33:13,958 --> 00:33:16,586 - Yeah, yeah, baby, yeah! - Yeah? 523 00:33:16,694 --> 00:33:19,857 When I finally utilize you, you gonna be paying me. 524 00:33:19,964 --> 00:33:23,422 That's right. Whatever you say, sir. 525 00:33:23,534 --> 00:33:26,002 - Hey, you still on the clock! - Yeah, girl. 526 00:33:26,104 --> 00:33:29,232 - Thank you! - Rita! 527 00:33:29,340 --> 00:33:33,208 Rita! It's me, Joe, from the experiment. Get in the car! Come on. 528 00:33:33,311 --> 00:33:35,609 Oh, yeah! What the hell, man? 529 00:33:35,713 --> 00:33:37,613 Just get in the car. I'll explain everything. 530 00:33:37,715 --> 00:33:40,206 - Where we going? - Just get in the car. 531 00:33:40,318 --> 00:33:42,479 - Trust me. - What happened to those army guys? 532 00:33:45,356 --> 00:33:47,847 - [Siren Blaring] - Wait a minute. You got cops after you? 533 00:33:47,959 --> 00:33:51,588 - Yeah. - And you made me get in the car? I got two strikes, asshole! 534 00:33:51,696 --> 00:33:54,164 Frito, take a right here. Right, right! 535 00:33:54,265 --> 00:33:56,233 Into that dust storm, Frito. 536 00:34:02,407 --> 00:34:04,466 [Joe] They must have just forgotten about us. 537 00:34:04,575 --> 00:34:07,976 [Rita] It's been 500 years? Oh, hell, no! 538 00:34:08,079 --> 00:34:12,277 Upgrayedd is gonna kill me! He gets mad when I'm a day late with his money! 539 00:34:12,383 --> 00:34:14,476 So, you owe your boyfriend money? 540 00:34:14,585 --> 00:34:17,076 Well, yeah, he's sort of my manager too. 541 00:34:17,188 --> 00:34:20,988 You know, he helps me sell the paintings and shit. 542 00:34:21,092 --> 00:34:26,428 Look, Rita, you gotta understand that Upgrayedd's been dead for a long time now. 543 00:34:26,531 --> 00:34:29,329 - Yeah, man, but you said there was a time machine, right? - Yeah. 544 00:34:29,434 --> 00:34:32,961 Yeah, there's a time machine now that can take us back to the past... 545 00:34:33,071 --> 00:34:35,471 but there was no time machine back then, so- 546 00:34:35,573 --> 00:34:38,508 Upgrayedd don't care where the time machine is. Now, then, last week- 547 00:34:38,609 --> 00:34:41,578 He will find a way to come get his money! 548 00:34:41,679 --> 00:34:44,773 - All I'm saying is you don't have to worry about it- - You know what? 549 00:34:44,882 --> 00:34:47,442 Last time you told me not to worry was 500 goddamn years ago... 550 00:34:47,552 --> 00:34:49,918 when you were trying to tell me to get into some coffin. 551 00:34:50,021 --> 00:34:52,012 - Look, Rita, I don't know how this happened, okay? - [Buzzing] 552 00:34:52,123 --> 00:34:55,422 But I'm doing everything I can to get us back there, okay? I promise you. 553 00:34:55,526 --> 00:34:59,087 [Electronic Voice] You are harboring a fugitive by the name of Not Sure. 554 00:34:59,197 --> 00:35:02,826 Please, pull over and wait for the police to incarcerate your passenger. 555 00:35:02,934 --> 00:35:05,835 - Hell, no. You know what? Let me outta here. - Thank you for your help. 556 00:35:05,937 --> 00:35:08,167 If you don't have one of these, they're gonna throw you in jail. 557 00:35:08,272 --> 00:35:11,264 You don't want to get thrown in the jails here. I've been in them. 558 00:35:11,375 --> 00:35:14,105 They're bad. You're better off being with us, as bad as that sounds. 559 00:35:14,212 --> 00:35:18,205 - What are you doing? Why are we slowing down? - Turned off my battery. 560 00:35:22,653 --> 00:35:26,111 Look, how far is it? Can we just take a cab or something? 561 00:35:26,224 --> 00:35:29,853 [Machine-gun Fire] 562 00:35:29,961 --> 00:35:31,223 Oh, shit. 563 00:35:37,435 --> 00:35:39,062 [Explosion] 564 00:35:39,170 --> 00:35:41,798 Oh! Oh, shit! 565 00:35:41,906 --> 00:35:44,136 - [Cheering] - Yeah! 566 00:35:44,242 --> 00:35:47,541 What the hell's wrong with you? That's your car. 567 00:35:48,746 --> 00:35:52,477 [Frito] Oh, hell, yeah! He's on fire! 568 00:35:52,583 --> 00:35:54,380 Come on! Let's get out of here. 569 00:36:03,861 --> 00:36:05,852 [Rita] Hey, how much farther is it? 570 00:36:07,165 --> 00:36:09,998 Uh, it's, like, far. 571 00:36:10,101 --> 00:36:13,537 Man, I could really go for a Starbucks, you know? 572 00:36:13,638 --> 00:36:17,199 Yeah, well, I really don't think we have time for a hand job, Joe. 573 00:36:20,311 --> 00:36:22,871 ## [Singing] 574 00:36:22,980 --> 00:36:25,972 Man, he don't seem too bright. You sure he knows where he's going? 575 00:36:26,083 --> 00:36:28,278 I sure hope so. He's our only chance. 576 00:36:28,386 --> 00:36:31,913 - ## [Continues] - How'd you hook up with this guy, anyway? 577 00:36:32,023 --> 00:36:36,289 He's my lawyer. And he's not a very good one either. 578 00:36:36,394 --> 00:36:38,954 [Joe] He's a goddamned idiot. 579 00:36:39,063 --> 00:36:43,864 There's a shuttle down in the Costco. It'll drop us right by the time machine. 580 00:37:02,153 --> 00:37:05,850 Jesus Christ. Oh, look. One more thing. 581 00:37:05,957 --> 00:37:09,358 He thinks he's gonna get billions of dollars if he takes us there. 582 00:37:09,460 --> 00:37:13,590 So if he mentions anything about a savings account, just play along, okay? 583 00:37:13,698 --> 00:37:15,598 Yeah, what if this time machine don't work? 584 00:37:15,700 --> 00:37:18,999 Then I'll spend the rest of my life trying to fix it. 585 00:37:23,774 --> 00:37:29,303 Welcome to Costco. I love you. Welcome to Costco. I love you. 586 00:37:30,414 --> 00:37:32,780 Welcome to Costco. I love you. 587 00:37:32,883 --> 00:37:34,783 - [Goats Bleating] - [Duck Quacking] 588 00:37:34,885 --> 00:37:38,685 Shuttle's down there in electronics, about an hour from here. 589 00:37:46,631 --> 00:37:48,963 [Rita] We've been walking forever. You sure you know where you're going? 590 00:37:49,066 --> 00:37:52,558 Yeah, I know this place pretty good. I went to law school here. 591 00:37:52,670 --> 00:37:54,604 In Costco? 592 00:37:54,705 --> 00:37:57,105 Yeah. I couldn't believe it myself. 593 00:37:57,208 --> 00:38:00,871 Luckily, my dad was an alumnus and pulled some strings. 594 00:38:02,313 --> 00:38:05,111 Hey, come on, Joe. I already told you... 595 00:38:05,216 --> 00:38:08,310 we'd all like a hand job, but we don't have time for it. 596 00:38:18,062 --> 00:38:19,962 [Woman] Hey, baby, wanna go out? 597 00:38:20,064 --> 00:38:22,624 Wanna go out, honey? 598 00:38:29,340 --> 00:38:31,968 Shuttle comes every few minutes. Shouldn't be long. 599 00:38:32,076 --> 00:38:35,807 - Do I got time to use the bathroom? - [Laughing] 600 00:38:35,913 --> 00:38:37,904 [Imitates Farting, Chuckles] 601 00:38:38,015 --> 00:38:40,711 - [Frito] Uh, the toilet. - Be right back. 602 00:38:41,619 --> 00:38:44,087 Yeah, back that thing up. 603 00:38:44,188 --> 00:38:46,486 - Hey, you mind if I pound on that, Joe? - What? 604 00:38:46,590 --> 00:38:48,421 - I like having sex with chicks. - Yeah? 605 00:38:48,526 --> 00:38:50,426 - Yeah. - I think everybody does, Frito. 606 00:38:50,528 --> 00:38:53,895 Not like I do. Like when you get it like this, sideways. 607 00:38:53,998 --> 00:38:56,523 Then you just, like, back it up. And then you- 608 00:38:56,634 --> 00:38:58,829 - That's real good. - Then you- Oh, yeah! 609 00:38:58,936 --> 00:39:01,029 Stop! You're gonna get us caught, okay? 610 00:39:01,138 --> 00:39:03,038 - [Alarm Blaring] - [Electronic Voice] Warning! Warning! 611 00:39:03,140 --> 00:39:05,665 Costco has detected a dangerous fugitive in aisle 16,702. 612 00:39:05,776 --> 00:39:08,210 Hey! What about Rita? We can't just leave her here. 613 00:39:08,312 --> 00:39:10,542 I don't care. Come on! 614 00:39:10,648 --> 00:39:15,017 - [Sirens Wailing] - Oh, shit. Wait a second. What are we gonna do? 615 00:39:15,119 --> 00:39:17,053 Wait, okay, I know. Here's what we do. 616 00:39:17,154 --> 00:39:19,918 We go to the time machine, then when I get back to the past... 617 00:39:20,024 --> 00:39:21,958 I tell her not to do the experiment. 618 00:39:22,059 --> 00:39:24,254 - Then she won't even be here. That'll work, right? - Uh- 619 00:39:24,362 --> 00:39:26,330 - No, wait. - [Electronic Voice] Please stand clear of the doors. 620 00:39:26,430 --> 00:39:29,228 She already is here. That must mean I didn't go back in time, right? 621 00:39:29,333 --> 00:39:32,530 - Uh- - No, wait, hold on. It just means I haven't done it yet. 622 00:39:32,636 --> 00:39:35,434 Okay, so I go back and I tell her not to do the experiment. 623 00:39:35,539 --> 00:39:38,099 Then I won't have to do it either because she won't be here. 624 00:39:38,209 --> 00:39:40,609 - Then I won't have to come back and save her, right? - I- 625 00:39:40,711 --> 00:39:43,373 - But then, wait. Why am I still here? - Uh- 626 00:39:43,481 --> 00:39:45,449 Goddamn, how does this time travel work? 627 00:39:45,549 --> 00:39:49,417 - Please stand clear. - [Policeman] Freeze! Hands up! Don't move! 628 00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:52,216 - Put your hands up! - Don't move! Freeze! 629 00:40:02,366 --> 00:40:05,426 Look, if you guys are taking me back to that jail... 630 00:40:05,536 --> 00:40:08,266 just go ahead and shoot me, 'cause there's no way- 631 00:40:08,372 --> 00:40:11,637 Ow! Fuck! Ow! Ow! 632 00:40:11,742 --> 00:40:16,236 - What? - Ow! Ow. Ow. Ow. 633 00:40:16,347 --> 00:40:18,281 - [Policeman] What? - [Spraying] 634 00:40:18,382 --> 00:40:20,612 - [Joe] Ow! God! Hey, stop! - Damn it. 635 00:40:22,553 --> 00:40:26,250 - [Joe] What is this? - [Policeman] Okay, sir, this is the White House. 636 00:40:26,357 --> 00:40:28,655 - What are we doing at the White House? - What? 637 00:40:28,759 --> 00:40:31,057 - [Spraying] - Ow! Ow! Goddamn! 638 00:40:31,162 --> 00:40:34,620 [Narrator] It turned out the results of Joe's I.Q. test... 639 00:40:34,732 --> 00:40:38,828 had caught the attention of the highest levels of government. 640 00:40:38,936 --> 00:40:43,100 Okay, wait a minute. I'm the smartest guy in the world? Says who? 641 00:40:43,207 --> 00:40:45,300 The I.Q. test you took in prison. 642 00:40:45,409 --> 00:40:48,173 You got the highest score in history. Brought to you by Carl's Jr. 643 00:40:48,279 --> 00:40:51,180 Yeah, dumb ass, you're even smarter than President Camacho. 644 00:40:51,282 --> 00:40:54,046 That's how come he's making you secretary of interior. 645 00:40:54,151 --> 00:40:56,119 Okay, so who are you? 646 00:40:56,220 --> 00:40:57,949 I'm the secretary of energy. 647 00:40:58,055 --> 00:41:00,717 He won a contest. Got to be a cabinet member. 648 00:41:00,825 --> 00:41:04,625 I'm the secretary of state. Brought to you by Carl's Jr. 649 00:41:04,728 --> 00:41:07,993 - Why do you keep saying that? - 'Cause they pay me every time I do. 650 00:41:08,098 --> 00:41:11,966 It's a really good way to make money. You're so smart, why don't you know that? 651 00:41:12,069 --> 00:41:13,627 [All Chuckling] 652 00:41:13,737 --> 00:41:16,297 - He's the secretary of defense. - Hi. 653 00:41:16,407 --> 00:41:19,376 And, uh, funbags over there is the attorney general. 654 00:41:19,477 --> 00:41:21,809 [Whispers] Hi. 655 00:41:21,912 --> 00:41:24,073 And that's the secretary of education. 656 00:41:26,150 --> 00:41:29,517 He's kinda stupid, but he's President Camacho's stepbrother. 657 00:41:29,620 --> 00:41:31,850 Still, he does a pretty good job, eh? 658 00:41:31,956 --> 00:41:35,517 You know, I think there's been some kind of mistake... 659 00:41:35,626 --> 00:41:39,084 'cause the test I took was real, real easy. 660 00:41:39,196 --> 00:41:43,189 I'm not the smartest guy in the world. Okay? 661 00:41:47,505 --> 00:41:51,464 Okay, even if that were true, I can't be the secretary of the interior. 662 00:41:51,575 --> 00:41:55,033 - I don't even know what it is. - [Secretary of State] You better find out. 663 00:41:55,145 --> 00:41:58,012 - Sit down. It's President Camacho. - Hey, hey, hey, yo... 664 00:41:58,115 --> 00:42:02,074 I gotta take care of some "bidness," baby, so I need y'all to wait outside. 665 00:42:02,186 --> 00:42:07,123 [Narrator] Dwayne Elizondo Camacho, five-time Ultimate Smackdown Champion... 666 00:42:07,224 --> 00:42:11,183 porn superstar, and president of the United States... 667 00:42:11,295 --> 00:42:14,696 had called a special summit with the smartest man in the world. 668 00:42:14,798 --> 00:42:17,426 - So you smart, huh? - No, no. 669 00:42:20,871 --> 00:42:24,034 - I thought your head would be bigger. - [Muttering] 670 00:42:27,011 --> 00:42:29,138 Goddamn. 671 00:42:29,246 --> 00:42:31,612 - It look like a peanut. - [All Laughing] 672 00:42:31,715 --> 00:42:33,649 Let's get you sworn in. 673 00:42:41,725 --> 00:42:44,694 ## [Rock Instrumental] 674 00:42:48,532 --> 00:42:51,899 [Announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, the president of America! 675 00:42:52,002 --> 00:42:54,095 [Crowd Cheering] 676 00:42:55,506 --> 00:42:57,974 [Announcer] President Camacho! 677 00:42:59,009 --> 00:43:01,773 [Laughing] Shut up. 678 00:43:01,879 --> 00:43:05,940 - Shut up. Sit your monkey ass down. - ## [Ends] 679 00:43:06,050 --> 00:43:07,608 Chill out. 680 00:43:11,855 --> 00:43:13,288 Shit. 681 00:43:15,593 --> 00:43:18,756 I know shit's bad right now with all that starvin' bullshit. 682 00:43:18,862 --> 00:43:20,598 And the dust storms. And we runnin' out of French fries and burrito coverings. 683 00:43:20,633 --> 00:43:23,431 And the dust storms. And we runnin' out of French fries and burrito coverings. 684 00:43:23,534 --> 00:43:25,161 [Man] Yeah! 685 00:43:25,269 --> 00:43:28,170 - But I got a solution. - That's what you said last time, dipshit! 686 00:43:28,272 --> 00:43:30,172 I got a solution. You're a dick! 687 00:43:30,274 --> 00:43:32,868 - South Carolina, "whassup?" - [All Cheering] 688 00:43:40,317 --> 00:43:43,548 That's what I thought! 689 00:43:46,357 --> 00:43:49,622 Now, I understand everyone's shit's emotional right now... 690 00:43:49,727 --> 00:43:52,252 but listen up. 691 00:43:52,363 --> 00:43:55,127 I got a three-point plan to fix everything. 692 00:43:55,232 --> 00:43:56,722 [Man] Break it down, Camacho! 693 00:43:56,834 --> 00:44:02,033 Number one, we got this guy, Not Sure. 694 00:44:02,139 --> 00:44:06,974 - Number two, he's got a higher I.Q. than any man alive. - [Cheering] 695 00:44:07,077 --> 00:44:11,377 - And number three, he's gonna fix everything. - [Applause] 696 00:44:11,482 --> 00:44:14,713 I give you my word as president. 697 00:44:14,818 --> 00:44:17,343 He'll fix the problems with all the dead crops. 698 00:44:17,454 --> 00:44:19,854 He's gonna make 'em grow again. 699 00:44:19,957 --> 00:44:24,917 - Crops? - And that ain't all. I give you my word. 700 00:44:25,029 --> 00:44:26,894 ## [Electric Guitar] 701 00:44:26,997 --> 00:44:30,057 He's gonna fix the dust storms too. 702 00:44:31,802 --> 00:44:34,396 I give you my word. 703 00:44:34,505 --> 00:44:38,032 He's gonna fix the "ecomony." 704 00:44:38,142 --> 00:44:40,042 ## [Electric Guitar Continues] 705 00:44:40,144 --> 00:44:42,908 And he's so smart... 706 00:44:43,013 --> 00:44:48,212 - he's gonna do it all in one week. - [Crowd Cheering] 707 00:44:48,318 --> 00:44:51,879 [Narrator] President Camacho stood before the world and promised everyone... 708 00:44:51,989 --> 00:44:55,584 that Joe would solve all their problems. 709 00:44:55,693 --> 00:44:59,857 He would not only end the dust bowl and heal the economy... 710 00:44:59,963 --> 00:45:02,591 but he would cure acne and carsickness as well. 711 00:45:02,700 --> 00:45:04,964 And if he didn't... 712 00:45:05,069 --> 00:45:07,560 President Camacho made another promise. 713 00:45:07,671 --> 00:45:11,300 He would kick Joe's smart balls all the way up to the roof of his smart mouth. 714 00:45:11,408 --> 00:45:15,572 - And then, he would throw his brainy ass back in jail. - [Shouting] 715 00:45:19,983 --> 00:45:22,178 I should, uh, be honest with you, Mr. President. 716 00:45:22,286 --> 00:45:24,413 I don't know how to be secretary of anything. 717 00:45:24,521 --> 00:45:25,988 I mean, I've never even voted, actually. 718 00:45:26,090 --> 00:45:28,888 I don't know what the secretary of the interior even is. 719 00:45:28,992 --> 00:45:33,656 Come on, scrot. Don't be a pussy. It beats jail, don't it? 720 00:45:33,764 --> 00:45:38,098 Besides, you do a kick-ass job... 721 00:45:38,202 --> 00:45:40,432 you get a full presidential pardon. 722 00:45:40,537 --> 00:45:42,437 - No jail time. [Laughing] - Yeah? 723 00:45:42,539 --> 00:45:46,168 Fuck, yeah! Now gimme a beer. 724 00:45:46,276 --> 00:45:48,335 And get you one too. 725 00:45:50,247 --> 00:45:52,579 [Laughing] 726 00:45:54,218 --> 00:45:56,243 Shit! [Laughing] 727 00:45:56,353 --> 00:45:58,821 Hold on, vato! 728 00:45:58,922 --> 00:46:00,651 - Whoo! - [Engine Revving] 729 00:46:00,758 --> 00:46:03,852 [Laughing] 730 00:46:21,245 --> 00:46:23,372 - Do somethin' smart. - Yeah. 731 00:46:24,748 --> 00:46:28,377 Uh, okay. Uh- 732 00:46:28,485 --> 00:46:31,545 - I'll, uh- - [Door Opens] 733 00:46:31,655 --> 00:46:35,216 - Hey, we found that lawyer you wanted. - Oh, okay. Great, thanks. 734 00:46:35,325 --> 00:46:40,319 Uh, right now, I'm going to, uh, you know, confer with my counsel. 735 00:46:40,430 --> 00:46:42,295 You understand? So I'll be right back. 736 00:46:42,399 --> 00:46:45,766 Gotta go, uh, work on some crop stuff, get that taken care of. 737 00:46:45,869 --> 00:46:50,533 - Hopefully get it worked out by the time we get back here. - Sounds pretty smart. 738 00:46:50,641 --> 00:46:52,609 Wait here, okay? Wait there. 739 00:46:52,709 --> 00:46:55,542 Dude, this is trepidatious. You got me a room at the White House. 740 00:46:55,646 --> 00:46:57,614 Everyone gets laid at the White House. Everyone. 741 00:46:57,714 --> 00:46:59,341 - Yeah? - Yeah. 742 00:46:59,449 --> 00:47:02,885 I'm real glad you're happy to be here, Frito, but I brought you here to help me. 743 00:47:02,986 --> 00:47:05,648 I don't know the first thing about growin' crops... 744 00:47:05,756 --> 00:47:07,986 much less the goddamn "ecomony." 745 00:47:08,091 --> 00:47:10,025 Econ-Economy. 746 00:47:10,127 --> 00:47:13,062 Let's see. Growin' crops- 747 00:47:13,163 --> 00:47:16,826 No, I just need you to tell me how to get to the time machine. 748 00:47:16,934 --> 00:47:21,098 Oh, that's easy. You go down by the museum and stuff. 749 00:47:21,205 --> 00:47:23,230 It's, like- It's, like, by the museum... 750 00:47:23,340 --> 00:47:25,934 sort of, but, well, actually, not really. 751 00:47:26,043 --> 00:47:30,571 More like- But on the street. You go, um- Wait. Let me start over. 752 00:47:30,681 --> 00:47:32,546 Okay, you know where the time machine is? 753 00:47:32,649 --> 00:47:35,618 Hey. Just draw me a map, okay? 754 00:47:35,719 --> 00:47:38,347 You still want the money? 755 00:47:38,455 --> 00:47:41,288 Oh. If I had some money and a room at the White House... 756 00:47:41,391 --> 00:47:46,294 - I would be like, "It's mine, all night!" - Listen. Cut it out! 757 00:47:46,396 --> 00:47:49,194 Listen, I told these people that you were smart, okay? 758 00:47:49,299 --> 00:47:51,529 - So act smart! - Smart like you? 759 00:47:51,635 --> 00:47:55,127 [With Effeminate Voice] "Oh, I gotta go to the time machine. I wanna go home." 760 00:47:55,239 --> 00:47:58,037 - I don't talk like that. - "I don't talk like that." 761 00:47:58,141 --> 00:48:00,075 Shit, I thought there was two of you. 762 00:48:00,177 --> 00:48:01,974 [Laughs] See? 763 00:48:02,079 --> 00:48:04,639 [Secretary of Defense] Doesn't look that big, is it? 764 00:48:04,748 --> 00:48:07,876 Okay. Let's go take a look at those crops. 765 00:48:07,985 --> 00:48:11,978 Especially the ones, uh, you know, out around the museum area. 766 00:48:13,590 --> 00:48:16,286 All right? Hey, come on! 767 00:48:18,228 --> 00:48:22,790 Now, you either lead, follow, or get out of the way. All right? 768 00:48:22,900 --> 00:48:26,233 Whoa. Did you just make that up? 769 00:48:26,336 --> 00:48:29,271 Yes, I did. Now look... 770 00:48:29,373 --> 00:48:31,967 I also need help finding this girl named Rita, like, immediately... 771 00:48:32,075 --> 00:48:34,475 - and Frito will give you a hand with it. - Why? 772 00:48:36,213 --> 00:48:41,344 Well, because, uh, you know, she'd be an essential... integral... asset... 773 00:48:41,451 --> 00:48:46,252 you know, for our team, for us to, you know, utilize. 774 00:48:47,891 --> 00:48:51,759 [All Laughing] 775 00:48:52,896 --> 00:48:55,797 Utilize her! Utilize her! 776 00:48:55,899 --> 00:48:57,992 [Secretary of State] Utilize! 777 00:48:58,101 --> 00:49:01,161 - [Laughing] - Hey, uh, but you're gonna bring her here, right? 778 00:49:01,271 --> 00:49:03,967 Oh, yeah. Butt first! 779 00:49:04,074 --> 00:49:06,008 [All Laughing] 780 00:49:06,109 --> 00:49:08,812 - [Secretary of Defense] Utilize her! - Okay. 781 00:49:14,451 --> 00:49:17,818 Dang! May I approach your benches? 782 00:49:23,427 --> 00:49:26,055 Uh, yeah. This sucks pretty bad. 783 00:49:26,163 --> 00:49:28,996 Frito, why don't you come over here and, uh, take a look at this? 784 00:49:29,099 --> 00:49:32,535 Come on. Hustle over here, buddy. I wanna figure this out. 785 00:49:32,636 --> 00:49:36,436 See, uh, just not a lot of moisture. Have you got the map? 786 00:49:36,540 --> 00:49:38,508 - Oh, yeah. - Discreetly. 787 00:49:42,846 --> 00:49:45,610 - It's right there. - I see it. I see it. 788 00:49:45,716 --> 00:49:48,276 Stand up with me. 789 00:49:48,385 --> 00:49:52,253 Yo, Mr. Secretary Not Sure. They found that whore you wanted. 790 00:49:52,356 --> 00:49:55,348 Hey, that may be how you refer to women in the future, but come on. 791 00:49:55,459 --> 00:49:59,725 No, sir. Turns out she charged some guy a lotta money and didn't put out. 792 00:49:59,830 --> 00:50:01,821 Don't worry though. We'll get her out... 793 00:50:01,932 --> 00:50:05,231 on a work-release whorin' license as long as you're doin' her. 794 00:50:05,335 --> 00:50:08,532 Get your hands off me. What do you think I'm gonna do, run through the field? 795 00:50:08,638 --> 00:50:10,970 What the fuck are you all starin' at? 796 00:50:11,074 --> 00:50:13,099 - Joe? - That's Not Sure, ma'am. 797 00:50:13,210 --> 00:50:17,112 - Secretary Not Sure. - Secretary? Secretary of what? 798 00:50:17,214 --> 00:50:21,810 Say, would you guys mind if we had a little moment together? Alone? 799 00:50:21,918 --> 00:50:26,321 You know, in the bushes? 800 00:50:28,058 --> 00:50:29,992 Oh, man. 801 00:50:31,028 --> 00:50:34,464 [All Laughing] 802 00:50:38,568 --> 00:50:42,129 - Fuck her, Joe! - Hey, you want us to come along, make sure she puts out? 803 00:50:42,239 --> 00:50:44,264 No, thanks. I can handle it. Yeah. 804 00:50:44,374 --> 00:50:47,605 I thought you was in jail. How'd you get to be the secretary of interior? 805 00:50:47,711 --> 00:50:50,009 Just keep walking. I'll explain everything. 806 00:50:58,789 --> 00:51:00,757 Okay. Get ready to run. 807 00:51:03,226 --> 00:51:05,854 - What? - Oh, goddamn it. 808 00:51:05,962 --> 00:51:08,760 Way to go, Frito. You know what? Just make a run for it anyways. 809 00:51:08,865 --> 00:51:10,799 We'll ask for directions on the way. 810 00:51:10,901 --> 00:51:14,064 No way. I spent the last two days looking for it. It ain't easy to find. 811 00:51:14,171 --> 00:51:17,140 Damn it. I can't go back to jail, and I sure can't solve these problems. 812 00:51:17,240 --> 00:51:20,368 All's I know is I better find Upgrayedd before he finds me. 813 00:51:20,477 --> 00:51:23,844 Listen to me. Upgrayedd cannot find you, okay? It's impossible! 814 00:51:23,947 --> 00:51:26,677 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah! And even if Upgrayedd... 815 00:51:26,783 --> 00:51:28,774 could somehow magically travel through time... 816 00:51:28,885 --> 00:51:32,321 we got secret service guys with huge guns protecting us, okay? 817 00:51:32,422 --> 00:51:34,322 So don't worry. You're safe. 818 00:51:34,424 --> 00:51:37,587 And you know what? It's none of my business, but when we get back... 819 00:51:37,694 --> 00:51:40,322 you and Upgrayedd should seriously think about couples counseling, okay? 820 00:51:40,430 --> 00:51:44,867 And you should also think about maybe finding an art manager who's not also your boyfriend. 821 00:51:44,968 --> 00:51:49,064 Hey! She's not puttin' out? 822 00:51:49,172 --> 00:51:53,302 Uh, no, she is. We, uh-We already did it. 823 00:51:53,410 --> 00:51:55,901 Yeah. He was great. 824 00:51:58,115 --> 00:52:01,778 Okay. Hey, a couple of us guys were wonderin', uh... 825 00:52:01,885 --> 00:52:03,853 if we'd go family-style on her. 826 00:52:06,389 --> 00:52:09,847 Uh, yeah, probably not right now. 827 00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:13,418 We should focus on the crops. So let's get back to work. Maybe later. 828 00:52:20,537 --> 00:52:22,232 What the hell is this? 829 00:52:25,142 --> 00:52:29,010 - Tastes like Gatorade. - [Rita] Is that that Brawndo stuff? 830 00:52:29,112 --> 00:52:32,843 [Joe] They're watering crops with a sports drink? 831 00:52:34,518 --> 00:52:37,248 [Narrator] Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator had come to replace water... 832 00:52:37,354 --> 00:52:39,515 virtually everywhere. 833 00:52:39,623 --> 00:52:41,818 Water, the basic component of all life... 834 00:52:41,925 --> 00:52:44,917 had been deemed a threat to Brawndo's profit margin. 835 00:52:45,028 --> 00:52:48,520 The solution came during the budget crisis of 2330... 836 00:52:48,632 --> 00:52:53,467 when the Brawndo Corporation simply bought the F.D.A... 837 00:52:53,570 --> 00:52:55,037 and the F.C.C... 838 00:52:55,138 --> 00:52:57,368 enabling them to say, do and sell... 839 00:52:57,474 --> 00:52:59,374 anything they wanted. 840 00:53:04,414 --> 00:53:07,042 Joe didn't know any of this... 841 00:53:07,150 --> 00:53:11,143 but he did see a problem that he might actually be able to solve. 842 00:53:11,254 --> 00:53:15,816 - [Indistinct] - With his options running out, Joe took a bold step. 843 00:53:15,926 --> 00:53:18,053 He would not get out of the way. 844 00:53:18,161 --> 00:53:21,028 This time, he would lead. 845 00:53:21,131 --> 00:53:23,156 For the last time, I'm pretty sure... 846 00:53:23,266 --> 00:53:26,235 what's killing the crops is this Brawndo stuff. 847 00:53:26,336 --> 00:53:29,100 But Brawndo's got what plants crave. It's got electrolytes. 848 00:53:29,206 --> 00:53:31,265 So wait a minute. What you're saying... 849 00:53:31,374 --> 00:53:35,174 is that you want us to put water on the crops. 850 00:53:35,278 --> 00:53:38,304 - Yes. - Water. Like out the toilet? 851 00:53:38,415 --> 00:53:42,408 Well, I mean, it doesn't have to be out of the toilet, but, yeah, that's the idea. 852 00:53:42,519 --> 00:53:45,852 - But Brawndo's got what plants crave. - It's got electrolytes. 853 00:53:45,956 --> 00:53:47,924 Okay, look. 854 00:53:48,024 --> 00:53:51,516 The plants aren't growing, so I'm pretty sure that the Brawndo's not working. 855 00:53:51,628 --> 00:53:56,292 Now, I'm no botanist, but I do know that if you put water on plants, they grow. 856 00:53:56,399 --> 00:54:00,096 Well, I've never seen no plants grow out of no toilet. 857 00:54:00,203 --> 00:54:03,468 Hey, that's good. You sure you ain't the smartest guy in the world? 858 00:54:03,573 --> 00:54:07,532 - [Chuckling] - You wanna solve this problem. I wanna get my pardon. 859 00:54:07,644 --> 00:54:11,603 So why don't we just try it, okay, and not worry about what plants crave? 860 00:54:11,715 --> 00:54:14,183 Brawndo's got what plants crave. 861 00:54:14,284 --> 00:54:16,809 - Goddamn it. - Yeah, it's got electrolytes. 862 00:54:16,920 --> 00:54:19,354 What are electrolytes? Do you even know? 863 00:54:19,456 --> 00:54:22,220 It's what they use to make Brawndo. 864 00:54:22,325 --> 00:54:24,953 Yeah, but why do they use them to make Brawndo? 865 00:54:25,061 --> 00:54:27,621 'Cause Brawndo's got electrolytes. 866 00:54:30,634 --> 00:54:35,071 [Narrator] After several hours, Joe finally gave up on logic and reason... 867 00:54:35,171 --> 00:54:38,231 and simply told the cabinet that he could talk to plants... 868 00:54:38,341 --> 00:54:40,969 and that they wanted water. 869 00:54:42,078 --> 00:54:44,410 He made believers out of everyone. 870 00:54:44,514 --> 00:54:48,075 Joe didn't know it, but the beloved electrolytes... 871 00:54:48,184 --> 00:54:52,143 were salts that had been building up in the topsoil over the decades... 872 00:54:52,255 --> 00:54:54,985 killing plants and leading to the dust bowl. 873 00:54:55,091 --> 00:55:00,825 As secretary of the interior, Joe ordered all crops to be switched to water... 874 00:55:00,930 --> 00:55:06,061 promising that, over time, plants would grow and the dust bowl would end. 875 00:55:06,169 --> 00:55:10,196 He was on the fast track to a full presidential pardon. 876 00:55:10,307 --> 00:55:13,435 - Or so it seemed. - [All Shouting] 877 00:55:14,544 --> 00:55:18,446 Man, I hope somethin' grows fast. 878 00:55:18,548 --> 00:55:20,539 Yeah. So we can haul our ass back home. 879 00:55:20,650 --> 00:55:24,245 Man. You really think those people would have starved to death? 880 00:55:25,789 --> 00:55:30,419 I don't know. I mean, how did the world ever get like this? 881 00:55:30,527 --> 00:55:34,395 You know things are bad when they're comin' to me for answers. 882 00:55:34,497 --> 00:55:37,261 - It's a weird feeling being smarter than everyone. - Mm-hmm. 883 00:55:37,367 --> 00:55:39,597 - I'm not used to it. - Yeah. Me neither. 884 00:55:42,339 --> 00:55:46,070 You think Einstein walked around thinkin' everyone was a bunch of dumb shits? 885 00:55:46,176 --> 00:55:48,736 Yeah. Hadn't thought of that. 886 00:55:48,845 --> 00:55:52,975 - Now you know why he built that bomb. - Yeah. 887 00:55:55,385 --> 00:55:57,580 Hey, Joe, listen. Those cops- 888 00:55:57,687 --> 00:55:59,951 - Oh, hey. I'm sorry about that. - No. No. 889 00:56:00,056 --> 00:56:03,082 They said that you got me a pardon. 890 00:56:03,193 --> 00:56:06,219 You know, if you hadn't done that, I'd still be in jail right now, so... 891 00:56:07,530 --> 00:56:10,158 I guess I owe you one. 892 00:56:12,369 --> 00:56:15,930 You know, you don't have to sleep on the floor if you don't want to. 893 00:56:17,340 --> 00:56:21,504 Oh. No. I'm- I'm all right. Yeah. 894 00:56:21,611 --> 00:56:25,672 Besides, you know, I don't think Upgrayedd would be too happy about that. 895 00:56:25,782 --> 00:56:27,443 You in bed with a stranger. 896 00:56:29,185 --> 00:56:31,449 - [Snickers] - Yeah. 897 00:56:31,554 --> 00:56:34,250 [Laughing] 898 00:56:34,357 --> 00:56:36,188 I know. I know. 899 00:56:36,292 --> 00:56:38,192 [Laughing Continues] 900 00:56:38,294 --> 00:56:43,288 [Joe] Yeah. Oh, boy. 901 00:56:51,241 --> 00:56:53,801 Oh, shit. It's Upgrayedd. 902 00:56:53,910 --> 00:56:56,344 [Joe] Oh, shit. It's not Upgrayedd. 903 00:56:56,446 --> 00:56:58,744 [Narrator] Given enough time, Joe's plan might have worked. 904 00:56:58,848 --> 00:57:01,180 But when the Brawndo stock suddenly dropped to zero... 905 00:57:01,284 --> 00:57:03,718 leaving half the population unemployed... 906 00:57:03,820 --> 00:57:07,517 dumb, angry mobs took to the streets, rioting and looting... 907 00:57:07,624 --> 00:57:09,558 and screaming for Joe's head. 908 00:57:09,659 --> 00:57:12,355 An emergency cabinet meeting was called... 909 00:57:12,462 --> 00:57:14,794 with the C.E.O. of the Brawndo Corporation. 910 00:57:14,898 --> 00:57:17,366 How come nobody's buying Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator? 911 00:57:17,467 --> 00:57:19,833 Aw, shit. Half the country works for Brawndo. 912 00:57:19,936 --> 00:57:22,700 Not anymore! The stock has dropped to zero... 913 00:57:22,806 --> 00:57:24,967 and the computer did that auto-layoff thing to everybody. 914 00:57:25,074 --> 00:57:27,634 - We're all unemployed! - You think that makes the "ecomony" suck? 915 00:57:27,744 --> 00:57:31,805 - Why is this happening? - I think it's because we switched to water, but- 916 00:57:31,915 --> 00:57:34,406 - You mean this is all your fault? - What? 917 00:57:34,517 --> 00:57:38,351 Yeah, this is your fault. This shit started happening when we switched to water! 918 00:57:38,455 --> 00:57:42,357 Brought to you by Carl's Jr. Brought to you by Carl's Jr. Brought to you by Carl's Jr. 919 00:57:45,094 --> 00:57:46,891 [Announcer] Fox News. 920 00:57:50,133 --> 00:57:53,193 He tried taking water from toilets... 921 00:57:53,303 --> 00:57:57,239 but it's Secretary Not Sure who finds himself in the toilet now. 922 00:57:57,340 --> 00:57:59,240 And as history pulls down its pants... 923 00:57:59,342 --> 00:58:02,607 and prepares to lower its ass on Not Sure's head... 924 00:58:02,712 --> 00:58:06,705 it will be Daddy Justice who will be crapping on him this time. 925 00:58:06,816 --> 00:58:11,014 We now go live to Violence Channel correspondent Formica Davis... 926 00:58:11,120 --> 00:58:14,988 at the Extreme Court with highlights on today's trial. 927 00:58:17,494 --> 00:58:21,692 Thank you, Velveeta. Well, it started off boring and slow... 928 00:58:21,798 --> 00:58:25,359 with Not Sure trying to bullshit everyone with a bunch of smart talk. 929 00:58:25,468 --> 00:58:29,564 [With Effeminate Voice] Blah, blah, blah. You gotta believe me! 930 00:58:29,672 --> 00:58:31,663 [Normal Voice] That part of the trial sucked. 931 00:58:31,774 --> 00:58:34,436 But then, the chief "J" just went off. 932 00:58:34,544 --> 00:58:36,569 He said, "Man, whatever. 933 00:58:36,679 --> 00:58:39,273 The guy's guilty as shit. We all know that." 934 00:58:39,382 --> 00:58:43,148 And he sentenced his ass to one night of Rehabilitation. 935 00:58:43,253 --> 00:58:45,813 Hey, rehabilitation? One night? 936 00:58:45,922 --> 00:58:47,822 Doesn't sound so bad. 937 00:58:47,924 --> 00:58:49,789 Not so bad, huh? 938 00:58:49,893 --> 00:58:53,158 Here's some highlights from last week's Rehabilitation. 939 00:58:53,263 --> 00:58:55,561 [Crowd Cheering] 940 00:58:57,000 --> 00:58:58,968 [Engine Revving] 941 00:59:04,140 --> 00:59:07,234 [Formica] And who could forget that wonderful finish... 942 00:59:07,343 --> 00:59:09,834 by Rehab Officer Tylenol Jones? 943 00:59:09,946 --> 00:59:13,643 [Chuckling] And tomorrow night looks even more better. 944 00:59:13,750 --> 00:59:18,153 Word is that Beef Supreme himself might come out of retirement. 945 00:59:18,254 --> 00:59:20,950 Wow. Thank you, Formica. 946 00:59:22,425 --> 00:59:25,417 So you think you can escape again like you did last time? 947 00:59:25,528 --> 00:59:28,326 - No. They pretty much fixed that. - How? 948 00:59:28,431 --> 00:59:30,695 They chained me to a big rock. 949 00:59:32,101 --> 00:59:34,001 - [Rita] Oh. - Yeah. 950 00:59:34,103 --> 00:59:36,298 Look, Rita, get Frito. 951 00:59:36,406 --> 00:59:39,534 Get him to take you back to the time machine without me. Don't wait. 952 00:59:39,642 --> 00:59:43,669 No. You could have split on me before, but you didn't. 953 00:59:43,780 --> 00:59:47,181 Look, you wanna pay me back? Just go back, okay? 954 00:59:47,283 --> 00:59:49,843 Tell people to read books. 955 00:59:49,953 --> 00:59:52,046 Tell people to stay in school, you know. 956 00:59:52,155 --> 00:59:55,682 Tell people to just use their brains or something. 957 00:59:55,792 --> 00:59:58,989 I think maybe the world got like this because of people like me. 958 00:59:59,095 --> 01:00:03,691 I never did anything with my life. At least you were an artist, you know? 959 01:00:03,800 --> 01:00:06,360 - So just go back and- - [Guard] Visit's over! 960 01:00:09,339 --> 01:00:12,797 And Rita, whatever you do, keep painting, okay? 961 01:00:14,344 --> 01:00:16,312 Good luck, Joe. 962 01:00:21,684 --> 01:00:23,345 [Groans] 963 01:00:23,519 --> 01:00:26,386 [Announcer] Okay, that's five down and one more to go. 964 01:00:26,489 --> 01:00:30,186 Are you ready for a monster-truck duel to the death? 965 01:00:30,293 --> 01:00:33,820 Yeah! Let's give it up for the Guitar Army. 966 01:00:33,930 --> 01:00:35,830 ## [Rock] 967 01:00:35,932 --> 01:00:37,900 [Announcer] Okay, we're gonna do this shit. 968 01:00:38,001 --> 01:00:41,164 But first, to lead us in our Natural Anthem... 969 01:00:41,270 --> 01:00:46,037 the star of Ow! My Balls! Hormel Chavez! 970 01:00:46,142 --> 01:00:49,077 Thank you. Thank you. 971 01:00:49,178 --> 01:00:54,172 - [Man] Hey! Come here! - ## [Singing Patriotic Song] 972 01:00:54,283 --> 01:00:57,844 - Come here! - ## [Continues] 973 01:00:57,954 --> 01:00:59,854 - [Groans] - [Announcer] Right in the balls! 974 01:00:59,956 --> 01:01:04,757 - [All Laughing] - That's just how that shit went on TV! 975 01:01:04,861 --> 01:01:09,093 [Announcer] This execution is brought to you by Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator. 976 01:01:09,198 --> 01:01:11,098 - After you've killed someone... - [Knocking] 977 01:01:11,200 --> 01:01:13,134 - your body needs electrolytes. - Yeah. 978 01:01:13,236 --> 01:01:16,535 So, my car's out front... 979 01:01:16,639 --> 01:01:18,903 whenever you want me to take you... 980 01:01:19,008 --> 01:01:21,238 to the time machine. 981 01:01:21,344 --> 01:01:23,278 Thanks, Frito. 982 01:01:23,379 --> 01:01:25,472 - Yeah. - [Announcer] I can't hear you! 983 01:01:25,581 --> 01:01:28,778 That's a real bummer about Joe, huh? 984 01:01:28,885 --> 01:01:31,479 - [Announcer] I can't hear you! - Yeah. 985 01:01:31,587 --> 01:01:37,048 Oh! Can you turn this up? I love Rehabilitation. 986 01:01:48,571 --> 01:01:53,031 [Announcer] Okay. Let's meet our rehabilitation officers for tonight. 987 01:01:53,142 --> 01:01:56,441 With a combined record of 62 kills... 988 01:01:56,546 --> 01:02:01,381 please welcome Vinny Mawumba in the Dildozer! 989 01:02:07,190 --> 01:02:12,958 And his brother Bobby Mawumba in the Ass Blaster! 990 01:02:13,062 --> 01:02:15,030 I get a truck too, right? 991 01:02:15,131 --> 01:02:17,861 Yeah. Here it comes. 992 01:02:17,967 --> 01:02:20,492 [Engine Sputtering] 993 01:02:22,805 --> 01:02:25,774 [Guards Chuckling] 994 01:02:27,510 --> 01:02:29,478 Get in. 995 01:02:33,983 --> 01:02:36,349 You still got the chain attached. 996 01:02:38,554 --> 01:02:41,114 - [Guard] Door won't shut. - What about the chain? 997 01:02:41,224 --> 01:02:43,192 - We could break it. - No. He could escape. 998 01:02:43,292 --> 01:02:46,853 - I got an idea. Let's put it in the trunk. - Yeah. That'll work. 999 01:02:50,433 --> 01:02:53,994 - [Guard] Who's smart now? - [Announcer] Let's bring out our criminal. 1000 01:02:54,103 --> 01:02:57,231 He tried to ruin the country by pouring toilet water on crops. 1001 01:02:57,340 --> 01:02:59,740 He cost millions of people their jobs. 1002 01:02:59,842 --> 01:03:03,175 Let's get ready to rehabilitate Not Sure! 1003 01:03:04,847 --> 01:03:08,578 [All Laughing] 1004 01:03:15,191 --> 01:03:17,557 Never would have guessed this is how I was gonna die. 1005 01:03:17,660 --> 01:03:20,561 [Announcer] Are you ready for some car-on-car action? 1006 01:03:20,663 --> 01:03:22,631 Yes. 1007 01:03:23,733 --> 01:03:26,566 - I can't watch this. - This is- 1008 01:03:26,669 --> 01:03:31,163 This is gonna be so sad. I hope I don't cry. 1009 01:03:32,975 --> 01:03:36,877 Holy shit! Frito, come here! Look! 1010 01:03:36,979 --> 01:03:39,447 He was right. The water- it worked. 1011 01:03:39,549 --> 01:03:42,177 Frito, can you get me over there? 1012 01:03:43,152 --> 01:03:45,052 Yes. 1013 01:03:45,154 --> 01:03:48,146 No, you fuckin' moron. To the Rehabilitation place. 1014 01:03:48,257 --> 01:03:50,282 - Uh, this way. - Yeah! 1015 01:03:54,864 --> 01:03:56,764 Come on, Frito. Hurry! 1016 01:03:56,866 --> 01:03:59,892 [Announcer] And now the dude that everybody came here to see... 1017 01:04:00,002 --> 01:04:03,597 - Yeah! - the only undefeated officer ever in history... 1018 01:04:03,706 --> 01:04:07,233 coming out of retirement just to pound Not Sure's ass... 1019 01:04:07,343 --> 01:04:12,303 driving the biggest, hugest correctional vehicle ever built in history- 1020 01:04:12,415 --> 01:04:16,283 bigger than the Dildozer, bigger than the Ass Blaster... 1021 01:04:16,385 --> 01:04:20,412 bigger and huger than everything ever before in history- 1022 01:04:20,523 --> 01:04:23,458 the brand-new Assdozer! 1023 01:04:23,559 --> 01:04:26,255 - Give it up for Beef Supreme! - ## [Rock] 1024 01:04:29,832 --> 01:04:31,732 Oh! 1025 01:04:37,740 --> 01:04:39,674 Oh! 1026 01:04:54,056 --> 01:04:57,321 [Announcer] Oh, shit. I think it was too big, huh? 1027 01:04:57,426 --> 01:04:59,917 We seem to be "experimenting"... 1028 01:05:00,029 --> 01:05:03,328 some "techmological" differences... 1029 01:05:03,432 --> 01:05:05,332 so, uh, shit. 1030 01:05:05,434 --> 01:05:08,801 Frito, look! 1031 01:05:08,905 --> 01:05:11,100 - It's working everywhere! - Huh. 1032 01:05:11,207 --> 01:05:15,268 [Announcer] Well, shit. That's a big pile of rocks. 1033 01:05:15,378 --> 01:05:18,506 - Kinda reminds me of this one time that I was- - Man. 1034 01:05:18,614 --> 01:05:20,639 - Hey! - Oh, oh, okay. 1035 01:05:20,750 --> 01:05:22,945 - Get this shit started! - We're gonna start without Beef Supreme. 1036 01:05:23,052 --> 01:05:26,783 Let the rehabilitation begin! 1037 01:05:36,332 --> 01:05:38,892 - [Engine Stalls] - Oh, shit. 1038 01:05:39,001 --> 01:05:41,902 - Come on. Come on. - [Engine Cranking] 1039 01:05:42,004 --> 01:05:44,472 [Rita] Come on, Frito. Hurry! 1040 01:05:47,109 --> 01:05:49,805 - Oh! - [Engine Starts] 1041 01:05:54,517 --> 01:05:56,041 Goddamn it. 1042 01:05:58,454 --> 01:06:02,322 - Yeah! - Jesus, that was close. 1043 01:06:04,827 --> 01:06:07,728 Mr. President! Mr. President, I need to talk to you. 1044 01:06:07,830 --> 01:06:10,025 You gotta stop this thing. He was right about the water. 1045 01:06:10,132 --> 01:06:13,033 We passed some crops on the way here. They're growing. 1046 01:06:13,135 --> 01:06:15,035 I didn't see no crops. 1047 01:06:16,172 --> 01:06:17,867 [Announcer] They're circling around. 1048 01:06:17,974 --> 01:06:20,499 They're gonna do the Malachi Crunch on him! 1049 01:06:23,145 --> 01:06:26,546 - This is an illegal move, okay? So don't tell nobody. - Oh! 1050 01:06:47,370 --> 01:06:50,362 [Announcer] So, uh-So the winner is, uh- 1051 01:06:52,174 --> 01:06:55,371 - [Announcer] You gotta be shittin' me. - Did he win? 1052 01:06:58,247 --> 01:07:00,442 Uh-oh. Look. 1053 01:07:02,318 --> 01:07:06,049 [Announcer] Holy shit! It's Beef Supreme! 1054 01:07:06,155 --> 01:07:08,783 ## [Rock] 1055 01:07:13,396 --> 01:07:15,159 [Announcer] Beef Supreme! Yeah! Yeah! 1056 01:07:15,264 --> 01:07:19,530 Hey, Frito. Frito, you remember those crops we saw off the road... 1057 01:07:19,635 --> 01:07:22,263 - right by the Starbucks? - Uh-huh. 1058 01:07:22,371 --> 01:07:26,467 - Hey. Wanna make some money? - I like money. 1059 01:07:40,689 --> 01:07:44,989 Hey, um, the, uh- the main screen is malfunctioning... 1060 01:07:45,094 --> 01:07:47,619 and they gonna need you outside immediately. 1061 01:07:50,833 --> 01:07:53,859 There's a bunch of whores in the hallway. 1062 01:07:57,039 --> 01:07:59,530 Come on, Frito. Hurry. 1063 01:08:00,609 --> 01:08:02,702 Can't believe you like money too. 1064 01:08:02,812 --> 01:08:05,303 - We should hang out. - Totally. 1065 01:08:30,639 --> 01:08:32,664 [Announcer] He's behind the truck! 1066 01:08:34,777 --> 01:08:37,541 - Yes! Yes! - [Mouthing Words] 1067 01:08:38,914 --> 01:08:40,973 - He's behind the fucking truck! - He's over there! 1068 01:08:41,083 --> 01:08:43,142 [Announcer] Behind the truck, stupid! 1069 01:08:53,462 --> 01:08:55,054 Look! 1070 01:08:57,266 --> 01:09:00,827 Shit. That's a good deal. 1071 01:09:00,936 --> 01:09:05,430 - [Frito] Extra foam. - I got a bunch of money too. 1072 01:09:05,541 --> 01:09:08,169 - Forgot what it was for. - Huh. 1073 01:09:09,445 --> 01:09:13,245 - You think it was for lattes? - Yeah. Probably. 1074 01:09:13,349 --> 01:09:17,615 - [Frito] You like money and sex? You're trippin' me out. - What the fuck? 1075 01:09:19,855 --> 01:09:22,085 - Yeah! - Yeah! 1076 01:09:31,734 --> 01:09:35,602 - Just hold on, okay? Everyone just take it easy, okay? - [Crowd Booing] 1077 01:09:35,704 --> 01:09:37,604 Can I just say something here? 1078 01:09:40,009 --> 01:09:42,944 I don't even know what I'm guilty of here. 1079 01:09:43,045 --> 01:09:46,947 I never said that I was the smartest person on earth. You people did. 1080 01:09:47,049 --> 01:09:50,712 I didn't know that you'd lose your jobs and all your money... 1081 01:09:50,819 --> 01:09:52,946 and I'm very sorry that that happened. 1082 01:09:53,055 --> 01:09:55,080 But I'm tellin' you... 1083 01:09:55,191 --> 01:09:57,557 if you put water on the crops, it might actually- 1084 01:09:57,660 --> 01:10:00,652 No, it will work. I promise you! 1085 01:10:00,763 --> 01:10:05,166 You just have to believe me. I just wanted to help you. That's all. 1086 01:10:05,267 --> 01:10:10,102 So you can try and shoot me. You can try and run me over, whatever. 1087 01:10:10,206 --> 01:10:13,664 But I just want you to ask yourselves one question first. 1088 01:10:14,877 --> 01:10:17,402 Do you really want to live in a world... 1089 01:10:17,513 --> 01:10:21,005 where you try to blow up the one person that's tryin' to help you? 1090 01:10:27,556 --> 01:10:31,754 [All Laughing] 1091 01:10:31,860 --> 01:10:34,090 Hold on. Just hold on. 1092 01:10:47,042 --> 01:10:49,169 [Indistinct] 1093 01:10:55,484 --> 01:10:57,679 Oh, man. That was great. 1094 01:10:57,786 --> 01:11:01,449 Hey, was I wearing pants when we went in there? 1095 01:11:01,557 --> 01:11:04,958 Shit. What do I look like, a pants goblin? 1096 01:11:05,060 --> 01:11:08,393 Wait. This reminds me of something. 1097 01:11:08,497 --> 01:11:11,364 Uh, "Rehabil-Rehabilate- 1098 01:11:11,467 --> 01:11:14,664 - Rehabilation." - Why do you keep trying to read that word? 1099 01:11:14,770 --> 01:11:18,297 - You a fag? - I'll fag your face! 1100 01:11:26,949 --> 01:11:29,975 - Come on, Frito. - Yeah. I don't think so. 1101 01:11:31,353 --> 01:11:33,821 Oh, yeah. 1102 01:12:15,331 --> 01:12:19,791 This guy just got his ass a pardon! 1103 01:12:19,902 --> 01:12:23,463 [All Cheering] 1104 01:12:27,810 --> 01:12:29,573 [Laughing] Yeah! 1105 01:12:29,745 --> 01:12:32,646 ## [Rock] 1106 01:12:43,859 --> 01:12:47,295 Man, Rita. I mean, I don't know what to say. 1107 01:12:47,396 --> 01:12:50,661 You saved my life. No one's ever done anything like that for me. 1108 01:12:50,766 --> 01:12:52,666 Yeah, well... 1109 01:12:52,768 --> 01:12:55,794 you were looking out for the whole world so, you know... 1110 01:12:55,904 --> 01:12:59,601 - I thought someone should look out for you too. - Thanks. 1111 01:13:01,210 --> 01:13:03,576 I can't believe I'm even saying this, but... 1112 01:13:03,679 --> 01:13:05,670 even though these people tried to kill me... 1113 01:13:05,781 --> 01:13:09,239 - you know, I think I'm actually gonna kinda miss 'em. - Yeah. 1114 01:13:09,351 --> 01:13:12,184 Frito- he's gonna give us a ride back to the time machine. 1115 01:13:12,287 --> 01:13:15,518 I just, uh- I hope he's okay to drive. 1116 01:13:16,959 --> 01:13:20,087 It's you. Oh, man, I really love your show. 1117 01:13:20,195 --> 01:13:22,493 Thank you so much. 1118 01:13:22,598 --> 01:13:27,763 - Uh, Joe, I'm not going. - What? 1119 01:13:29,571 --> 01:13:33,439 I had some pretty bad habits back there that I don't want to fall into again. 1120 01:13:33,542 --> 01:13:35,510 Maybe it's time I got a new start. 1121 01:13:35,611 --> 01:13:39,741 Besides, they offered me a pretty good job at Starbucks here. 1122 01:13:39,848 --> 01:13:42,510 - I'm gonna be a C.E.O. - At Starbucks? 1123 01:13:42,618 --> 01:13:45,451 - Yeah. - Yeah? You're still gonna paint though, right? 1124 01:13:47,122 --> 01:13:50,523 Yeah. Sure. 1125 01:13:50,626 --> 01:13:52,457 I guess this is good-bye then. 1126 01:13:54,329 --> 01:13:56,559 [Camacho] Hey, hey, hey, hey! 1127 01:13:56,665 --> 01:13:59,134 I got a couple presidential decrees to make! 1128 01:13:59,169 --> 01:14:00,829 I got a couple presidential decrees to make! 1129 01:14:00,936 --> 01:14:05,168 Not Sure, get your ass up here, wherever you is. 1130 01:14:05,274 --> 01:14:07,674 [Crowd Cheering] 1131 01:14:07,776 --> 01:14:10,006 Let me get that little peanut head up here. 1132 01:14:10,112 --> 01:14:12,876 Yo. Yo. [Laughs] 1133 01:14:12,981 --> 01:14:14,915 I have decided... 1134 01:14:15,017 --> 01:14:17,542 to make this man- 1135 01:14:17,653 --> 01:14:20,588 the man who solved all our problems- 1136 01:14:21,924 --> 01:14:24,586 I have decided to make him... 1137 01:14:24,693 --> 01:14:26,991 my new vice president. 1138 01:14:27,095 --> 01:14:29,427 [All Cheering] 1139 01:14:29,531 --> 01:14:32,762 Mr. President, thanks. That's real cool of you, sir... 1140 01:14:32,868 --> 01:14:36,736 - but I can't accept it, sir. - What? Why? 1141 01:14:36,839 --> 01:14:41,572 - You know, I gotta get home. - But we still got all these problems. 1142 01:14:41,677 --> 01:14:44,669 Look, you know, you're just gonna have to solve 'em yourselves. 1143 01:14:44,780 --> 01:14:47,248 - How? - Think about it, you know? 1144 01:14:47,349 --> 01:14:50,409 You're just gonna have to figure it out like we did with the crops. 1145 01:14:50,519 --> 01:14:55,047 But how are we gonna figure out about the garbage "ambulanches" and the "comony"? 1146 01:14:55,157 --> 01:15:00,993 And what about the nuc- "nucular" reactor in Florida? 1147 01:15:01,096 --> 01:15:03,564 It's broke and leaky and something's happening. 1148 01:15:03,665 --> 01:15:09,035 - I thought it was in Georgia. - Georgia's in Florida, dumb ass. 1149 01:15:09,137 --> 01:15:12,197 Hey. Hey, I know. Let's put toilet water on it. Huh? 1150 01:15:12,307 --> 01:15:15,367 - Yeah! - Good, good. That's a good idea. 1151 01:15:15,477 --> 01:15:18,173 - [Minister of Defense] Like we did on the crops. - Come on, vato. 1152 01:15:18,280 --> 01:15:20,578 Hey, you can't leave. 1153 01:15:20,682 --> 01:15:26,621 Whatever happened to all that "lead, follow, or get outta the way" shit, huh? 1154 01:15:37,399 --> 01:15:41,802 I guess I just can't get outta the way anymore, can I? You know what? 1155 01:15:41,904 --> 01:15:44,805 - Forget about the time machine. - Yeah! 1156 01:15:44,907 --> 01:15:47,467 [All Cheering] 1157 01:15:48,844 --> 01:15:52,245 That ride sucks anyways. 1158 01:15:52,347 --> 01:15:54,474 Ride? 1159 01:15:57,953 --> 01:16:00,421 [Male Voice] Welcome to the Time Masheen. 1160 01:16:00,522 --> 01:16:05,016 We are going to take you back, first to the year 1939... 1161 01:16:05,127 --> 01:16:07,618 when Charlie Chaplin and his evil Nazi regime... 1162 01:16:07,729 --> 01:16:10,789 enslaved Europe and tried to take over the world. 1163 01:16:10,899 --> 01:16:13,493 So you knew this thing was just a ride the whole time? 1164 01:16:13,602 --> 01:16:17,094 Yeah. You thought you could really travel through time, huh? 1165 01:16:17,205 --> 01:16:19,571 - Yeah, I guess I did. - Yeah. 1166 01:16:19,675 --> 01:16:22,610 For the smartest guy in the world, you're pretty dumb sometimes. 1167 01:16:22,711 --> 01:16:27,614 - So why didn't you tell us? - 'Cause I like money. I'm sorry. 1168 01:16:27,716 --> 01:16:31,516 But if it's not a real time machine, there wouldn't have been any money. 1169 01:16:31,620 --> 01:16:35,112 You know, 'cause I can't go back in time and open a savings account. 1170 01:16:35,223 --> 01:16:38,158 Uh, uh, uh- 1171 01:16:38,260 --> 01:16:41,024 Yeah. Don't worry about it. It's okay. 1172 01:16:42,564 --> 01:16:44,498 Well, I guess we're stuck here. 1173 01:16:44,600 --> 01:16:49,697 [Male Voice] But then an even greater force emerged- the "UN." 1174 01:16:49,805 --> 01:16:53,842 And the "UN" un-nazied the world forever. 1175 01:16:53,877 --> 01:16:54,103 And the "UN" un-nazied the world forever. 1176 01:16:54,276 --> 01:16:57,768 [Narrator] And so, after serving a short term as vice president... 1177 01:16:57,879 --> 01:17:01,178 Joe was elected the president of America. 1178 01:17:01,283 --> 01:17:03,444 Frito became vice president... 1179 01:17:03,552 --> 01:17:06,715 and Rita, the former prostitute, became first lady. 1180 01:17:06,822 --> 01:17:10,314 Today I step into the shoes of a great man... 1181 01:17:10,425 --> 01:17:14,555 a man by the name of Dwayne Elizondo... 1182 01:17:14,663 --> 01:17:18,656 Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho. 1183 01:17:18,767 --> 01:17:22,897 [Narrator] Under President Not Sure's leadership, a new era dawned. 1184 01:17:23,005 --> 01:17:26,839 You know, there was a time in this country... 1185 01:17:26,942 --> 01:17:31,208 when smart people were considered cool. 1186 01:17:31,313 --> 01:17:34,248 Well, maybe not cool, but smart people did things... 1187 01:17:34,349 --> 01:17:38,410 like build ships and pyramids, and they even went to the moon. 1188 01:17:38,520 --> 01:17:40,044 [Man] Yeah! 1189 01:17:42,190 --> 01:17:46,388 And there was a time in this country, a long time ago... 1190 01:17:46,495 --> 01:17:48,895 when reading wasn't just for fags... 1191 01:17:48,997 --> 01:17:51,261 and neither was writing. 1192 01:17:51,366 --> 01:17:55,462 People wrote books and movies, movies that had stories... 1193 01:17:55,570 --> 01:17:59,870 so you cared whose ass it was and why it was farting. 1194 01:17:59,975 --> 01:18:03,433 And I believe that time can come again! 1195 01:18:03,545 --> 01:18:05,479 [All Cheering] 1196 01:18:15,357 --> 01:18:18,952 [All Chanting] Not Sure, Not Sure, Not Sure! 1197 01:18:22,798 --> 01:18:24,766 [Narrator] Joe and Rita had three children... 1198 01:18:24,866 --> 01:18:27,664 the three smartest kids in the world. 1199 01:18:28,804 --> 01:18:31,295 Vice President Frito took eight wives... 1200 01:18:31,406 --> 01:18:33,840 and had a total of 32 kids- 1201 01:18:33,942 --> 01:18:37,173 thirty-two of the dumbest kids ever to walk the earth. 1202 01:18:42,417 --> 01:18:45,580 Okay, so maybe Joe didn't save mankind... 1203 01:18:45,687 --> 01:18:48,121 but he got the ball rolling... 1204 01:18:48,223 --> 01:18:52,023 and that's pretty good for an average guy. 1205 01:23:51,926 --> 01:23:54,622 I'm gonna go find this ho.