1 00:00:39,562 --> 00:00:42,233 [Man Narrating] As the 21st century began... 2 00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:45,864 human evolution was at a turning point. 3 00:00:45,974 --> 00:00:50,915 Natural selection, the process by which the strongest, the smartest... 4 00:00:51,015 --> 00:00:54,576 the fastest reproduced in greater numbers than the rest... 5 00:00:54,686 --> 00:00:58,517 a process which had once favored the noblest traits of man... 6 00:00:58,627 --> 00:01:01,028 now began to favor different traits. 7 00:01:01,128 --> 00:01:03,028 [ Reporter] The joey Buttafuoco case 8 00:01:03,128 --> 00:01:06,929 Most science fiction of the day predicted a future that was more civilized... 9 00:01:07,029 --> 00:01:09,130 and more intelligent. 10 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:13,261 But as time went on, things seemed to be heading in the opposite direction. 11 00:01:13,371 --> 00:01:15,341 A dumbing down. 12 00:01:15,441 --> 00:01:17,472 How did this happen? 13 00:01:17,582 --> 00:01:20,843 Evolution does not necessarily reward intelligence. 14 00:01:20,953 --> 00:01:23,473 With no natural predators to thin the herd... 15 00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:26,884 it began to simply reward those who reproduced the most... 16 00:01:26,994 --> 00:01:31,125 and left the intelligent to become an endangered species. 17 00:01:32,296 --> 00:01:36,757 Having kids is such an important decision. 18 00:01:36,867 --> 00:01:38,307 We're just waiting for the right time. 19 00:01:38,407 --> 00:01:40,738 It's not something you want to rush into, obviously. 20 00:01:40,838 --> 00:01:42,739 No way. 21 00:01:42,849 --> 00:01:45,249 Oh, shit, I'm pregnant again! 22 00:01:45,349 --> 00:01:48,440 Shit! I got too many damn kids! 23 00:01:48,550 --> 00:01:51,781 I thought you was on the pill or some shit! Hell, no! 24 00:01:51,891 --> 00:01:53,861 Shit! I must've been thinkin' of Brittany. 25 00:01:53,962 --> 00:01:56,082 Brittany?. No, you didn't! 26 00:01:56,192 --> 00:01:59,253 There's no way we could have a child now. Mm-mm. 27 00:01:59,363 --> 00:02:01,333 Not with the market the way it is, no. 28 00:02:01,433 --> 00:02:03,764 God, no. That just wouldn't make any sense. 29 00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:06,805 Come on over here, bitch! He don't care about you! 30 00:02:06,905 --> 00:02:09,576 Yeah?. Well, there must be somethin' he likes over here. 31 00:02:09,676 --> 00:02:12,947 She don't mean nothin' to me, baby! Clevon! 32 00:02:13,047 --> 00:02:16,107 Oh, shit. It wasn't me! It wasn't me! 33 00:02:16,217 --> 00:02:19,518 Well, we finally decided to have children... 34 00:02:19,628 --> 00:02:23,649 and I'm not pointing fingers, but it's not going well. 35 00:02:23,759 --> 00:02:25,660 And this is helping. 36 00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:28,861 I'm just saying that before I have in vitro, maybe you should bewilling to 37 00:02:28,971 --> 00:02:30,871 It's always me, right?. 38 00:02:30,971 --> 00:02:34,342 Well, it's not my sperm count. 39 00:02:34,442 --> 00:02:37,003 Yeah! Yeah! I'm gonna fuck all y'all! 40 00:02:37,113 --> 00:02:38,873 That's my boy! 41 00:02:38,983 --> 00:02:41,284 Whoo! Whoo! 42 00:02:43,185 --> 00:02:45,085 Clevon is lucky to be alive. 43 00:02:45,195 --> 00:02:47,526 He attempted to jump a jet Ski from a lake... 44 00:02:47,626 --> 00:02:50,857 into a swimming pool and impaled his crotch on an iron gate. 45 00:02:50,967 --> 00:02:53,027 But thanks to recent advances in stem cell research... 46 00:02:53,137 --> 00:02:56,108 and the fine work of Doctors Krinski and Altschuler... 47 00:02:56,208 --> 00:02:58,399 Clevon should regain full reproductive function. 48 00:02:58,509 --> 00:03:00,409 Get your hands off my junk! 49 00:03:04,650 --> 00:03:07,741 Unfortunately, Trevor passed away from a heart attack... 50 00:03:07,851 --> 00:03:09,942 while masturbating... 51 00:03:10,052 --> 00:03:13,152 to produce sperm for artificial insemination. 52 00:03:13,262 --> 00:03:15,163 But I have some eggs frozen... 53 00:03:15,263 --> 00:03:18,964 so just as soon as the right guy comes along, you know 54 00:03:21,065 --> 00:03:23,095 [ Clevon Shouting] 55 00:03:23,205 --> 00:03:25,696 [ Narrator] And so it went for generations... 56 00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:28,607 although few, if any, seemed to notice. 57 00:03:28,717 --> 00:03:34,478 But in the year 2005, in a military base just outside of Washington, D.C.... 58 00:03:34,588 --> 00:03:38,519 a simple army librarian was unknowingly... 59 00:03:38,629 --> 00:03:42,530 about to change the entire course of human history. 60 00:03:42,630 --> 00:03:44,391 Come on, asshole! Go on! Take him to jail! 61 00:03:48,672 --> 00:03:50,302 Hey, Bauers. 62 00:03:50,402 --> 00:03:52,903 This is Peterson, your new replacement. 63 00:03:53,013 --> 00:03:56,874 My what?. I'm gettin' replaced?. Yeah, they didn't tell you?. 64 00:03:56,984 --> 00:03:59,075 No. Some new assignment. 65 00:03:59,185 --> 00:04:01,485 They're being all weird and hush-hush about it. 66 00:04:01,585 --> 00:04:04,416 I don't want a new assignment. I tell Sergeant Metsler that every time. 67 00:04:04,526 --> 00:04:08,287 I'm good at this. Good at what?. Sittin' on ass?. 68 00:04:08,397 --> 00:04:10,988 No one ever comes in here. 69 00:04:11,098 --> 00:04:14,329 Yeah, I know. It's perfect for me. No one bothers me. I can't screw up. 70 00:04:14,439 --> 00:04:17,499 Ifl can just stay in here another eight years, I get my pension. 71 00:04:17,609 --> 00:04:20,740 I'm all set. Can you just get me out of this?. 72 00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:23,571 No way. Not this time. It's coming from high up. 73 00:04:23,681 --> 00:04:28,052 Jesus. I don't understand. Why me?. 74 00:04:28,152 --> 00:04:31,783 Every time Metsler says, "Lead, follow, or get out of the way," I get out of the way. 75 00:04:31,893 --> 00:04:35,524 When he says that, you're not supposed to choose "get out of the way." 76 00:04:35,634 --> 00:04:39,695 It's supposed to embarrass you into leading or at least following. 77 00:04:39,805 --> 00:04:41,666 That doesn't embarrass me. 78 00:04:41,776 --> 00:04:43,676 Look,joe. You don't have a choice. 79 00:04:43,776 --> 00:04:45,607 You're just gonna have to follow. 80 00:04:45,707 --> 00:04:48,178 Like, follow me upstairs, like, now. 81 00:04:48,278 --> 00:04:52,049 Right now?. Shouldn't I train this guy?. 82 00:04:52,149 --> 00:04:56,350 I think he can figure out how to sit on his ass and watch TV all day. Let's go. 83 00:05:03,432 --> 00:05:06,492 [Man ] Gentlemen, meet joe Bauers... 84 00:05:06,602 --> 00:05:09,733 our first subject for the Human Hibernation Experiment. 85 00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:11,774 Now, as you know, throughout the years... 86 00:05:11,874 --> 00:05:14,344 many of our best pilots, soldiers and military leaders... 87 00:05:14,444 --> 00:05:16,645 of ten go their entire careers without ever seeing battle. 88 00:05:16,745 --> 00:05:21,486 With the Human Hibernation Project, we will be able to save our best men... 89 00:05:21,586 --> 00:05:24,527 frozen in their prime, for use when they are needed most. 90 00:05:24,627 --> 00:05:28,358 Joe, here, is not one of our best men. 91 00:05:28,468 --> 00:05:33,099 Mr. Bauers was chosen primarily for how remarkably average he is. 92 00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:37,871 Extremely average in every category. Remarkable, truly. 93 00:05:37,971 --> 00:05:40,741 The most average person in our entire armed forces. 94 00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:43,372 Additionally, he has no family, is unmarried... 95 00:05:43,482 --> 00:05:45,783 is an only child, and both parents are deceased... 96 00:05:45,883 --> 00:05:49,554 making him an ideal candidate, with no one to ask any nosy questions... 97 00:05:49,654 --> 00:05:51,714 should something go wrong with the experiment. 98 00:05:51,824 --> 00:05:56,386 We had a little less luck in finding a female researcher's dream within our ranks... 99 00:05:56,496 --> 00:06:00,557 and were forced to look into the private sector. 100 00:06:00,667 --> 00:06:04,128 This is Rita. Like joe, she has no immediate family. 101 00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:06,968 Rita agreed to participate in this experiment... 102 00:06:07,078 --> 00:06:11,139 in exchange for dropping of certain criminal charges and a small fee. 103 00:06:11,249 --> 00:06:14,950 We did, however, have to come to an arrangement with her pimp... 104 00:06:15,060 --> 00:06:19,082 a gentleman who goes by the name Upgrayedd, which he spells thusly- 105 00:06:20,692 --> 00:06:24,863 With two D's, as he says, for a double dose of this pimping. 106 00:06:24,973 --> 00:06:27,204 Upgrayedd agreed to loan us Rita for exactly one year... 107 00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:30,635 and keep quiet on the matter, in exchange for certain leeways... 108 00:06:30,745 --> 00:06:33,975 with the local authorities in running his pimp game. 109 00:06:34,075 --> 00:06:38,247 First, however, there was the difficult challenge of gaining his trust. 110 00:06:39,517 --> 00:06:42,178 Collins, could we skip to the technicals, please? 111 00:06:42,288 --> 00:06:44,588 Sure. Let me just finish here. 112 00:06:44,688 --> 00:06:48,989 You see, a pimp's love is very different from that of a square. 113 00:06:49,099 --> 00:06:51,120 Collins! 114 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:54,901 Fine. We'll move on. 115 00:06:55,011 --> 00:06:57,802 It is a fascinating world though. 116 00:07:10,825 --> 00:07:12,816 Jesus, Collins. 117 00:07:14,226 --> 00:07:17,227 Yeah, that's [ Clears Throat ] 118 00:07:18,567 --> 00:07:21,298 Anyway, the experiment in which these two subjects... 119 00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:23,399 are to be placed into a dry freeze... 120 00:07:23,509 --> 00:07:25,839 for exactly one year is set to begin tomorrow. 121 00:07:25,949 --> 00:07:28,140 As you know, this is highly classified. 122 00:07:28,250 --> 00:07:33,381 However, if successful, we believe humans can be stored indefinitely. 123 00:07:40,163 --> 00:07:43,624 So this is kinda crazy, huh?. 124 00:07:43,734 --> 00:07:47,265 What unit are you with?. Oh, I ain't in the service. 125 00:07:47,375 --> 00:07:50,236 Oh, private sector. Okay. 126 00:07:50,346 --> 00:07:54,837 So, uh, what do you do?. A little of this, a little of that. 127 00:07:54,947 --> 00:07:57,147 Wow, that's great. 128 00:07:57,247 --> 00:08:00,088 You know, I really envy people that can make a living that way 129 00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:02,219 doing a little of this and a little of that. 130 00:08:02,329 --> 00:08:07,130 I, uh, had a neighbor, Glen. He used to make chainsaw sculptures... 131 00:08:07,230 --> 00:08:09,131 and then he'd sell 'em at the flea market. 132 00:08:09,231 --> 00:08:11,131 Yeah. 133 00:08:13,072 --> 00:08:16,002 So, uh, you an artist or somethin'?. 134 00:08:17,273 --> 00:08:20,214 Uh, yeah. You do paintings or 135 00:08:20,314 --> 00:08:22,784 Yeah, paintings. Okay, great. 136 00:08:24,385 --> 00:08:27,045 Mm-hmm. What do you paint mostly?. 137 00:08:28,696 --> 00:08:33,217 I don't know, just... people and fruit and shit. 138 00:08:33,327 --> 00:08:38,498 Wow. Well, must be great to be able to make a living doing something you love. 139 00:08:38,608 --> 00:08:41,229 [ Scoffs ] Yeah. It's not all it's cracked up to be. 140 00:08:41,339 --> 00:08:43,000 [ Door Opens ] [ Collins ] Who wants to go first? 141 00:08:43,110 --> 00:08:45,600 Me. 142 00:08:50,281 --> 00:08:53,652 [ Machinery Whirring] What the f Oh, hell, no. Uh-uh. 143 00:08:53,752 --> 00:08:57,453 Hey, no. You probably don't want to do that with the I.V.s attached and all. 144 00:08:57,563 --> 00:09:00,654 What's the matter?. Man, Upgrayedd didn't tell me they'd be putting me... 145 00:09:00,764 --> 00:09:02,855 in no damn coffin with tubes and shit! 146 00:09:02,965 --> 00:09:05,956 Oh, no, don't worry about it. It'll be safe. Trust me. 147 00:09:06,076 --> 00:09:07,626 Who's Upgrayedd?. 148 00:09:07,736 --> 00:09:09,707 He's my boyfriend. 149 00:09:11,047 --> 00:09:13,017 Man, how doyou know this shit's safe?. 150 00:09:13,117 --> 00:09:15,018 These guys know what they're doing. Don't worry. 151 00:09:15,118 --> 00:09:17,879 They've tested it on dogs and everything. 152 00:09:17,989 --> 00:09:20,850 What happens is, the drugs will kick in, we drift off to sleep... 153 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,950 we wake up in a year, you'll be paintin' again. 154 00:09:23,060 --> 00:09:25,051 It'll be fine. All right. 155 00:09:25,161 --> 00:09:29,062 Upgrayedd. That's an interesting name. Is he Dutch?. 156 00:09:30,402 --> 00:09:33,733 See, 'cause I knew this, uh, Dutch exchange student. 157 00:09:33,843 --> 00:09:35,363 His name was Untgrad. 158 00:09:35,473 --> 00:09:37,504 Okay, my niggas, we're almost set here. 159 00:09:37,614 --> 00:09:40,415 Just go ahead and lie down. Relax. 160 00:09:41,545 --> 00:09:44,516 [ Equipment Beeping ] 161 00:09:49,697 --> 00:09:51,488 See you in a year. 162 00:09:51,598 --> 00:09:54,258 [Narrator] The Human Hibernation Project... 163 00:09:54,368 --> 00:09:57,389 was one of the army's most ambitious experiments... 164 00:09:57,499 --> 00:10:00,340 and one of its most secretive. 165 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:02,871 But it was not immune from human error. 166 00:10:05,711 --> 00:10:07,612 Freeze! 167 00:10:07,712 --> 00:10:09,612 [ Groans ] 168 00:10:16,264 --> 00:10:19,995 Soon after Collins 's arrest and the massive scandal that followed... 169 00:10:20,095 --> 00:10:22,866 the base was closed. 170 00:10:22,966 --> 00:10:27,667 It hadn't even been a year, and the entire project was simply forgotten. 171 00:10:30,048 --> 00:10:33,809 Things looked bleak for joe, but they were even worse for mankind. 172 00:10:33,919 --> 00:10:37,180 As joe and Rita lay dormant, the years passed... 173 00:10:37,290 --> 00:10:41,311 and mankind became stupider at a frightening rate. 174 00:10:50,003 --> 00:10:53,804 Some had high hopes that genetic engineering... 175 00:10:53,904 --> 00:10:55,895 would correct this trend in evolution. 176 00:10:56,015 --> 00:10:59,176 But sadly, the greatest minds and resources... 177 00:10:59,286 --> 00:11:04,147 were focused on conquering hair loss and prolonging erections. 178 00:11:04,257 --> 00:11:06,617 [ Orangutan Chattering ] 179 00:11:06,728 --> 00:11:12,159 Meanwhile, the population exploded, and intelligence continued to decline... 180 00:11:12,269 --> 00:11:16,860 until humanity was incapable of solving even its most basic problems. 181 00:11:16,970 --> 00:11:21,962 Like garbage, which had been stacked for centuries with no plan whatsoever... 182 00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:26,943 Leading to the Great Garbage Avalanche of 2505... 183 00:11:27,053 --> 00:11:32,384 which would set in motion the events that would change the world forever. 184 00:11:32,494 --> 00:11:35,455 [ Backup Warning Beeping ] 185 00:12:06,433 --> 00:12:09,194 Hold on. [ Man On TV] Next, on The Violence Channel... 186 00:12:09,304 --> 00:12:11,535 an all-new Ow! My Balls! 187 00:12:17,716 --> 00:12:20,047 [ Screaming ] 188 00:12:24,018 --> 00:12:27,889 All right. [ Chuckling ] [ Beeping ] 189 00:12:27,989 --> 00:12:30,360 [ Snarling ] [ Screaming ] 190 00:12:30,460 --> 00:12:32,800 [ Chuckling ] 191 00:12:32,900 --> 00:12:34,801 [ Groans ] 192 00:12:34,901 --> 00:12:37,391 [ Man Watching TV] That guy got hit in the balls. 193 00:12:37,501 --> 00:12:40,032 Ow, my balls! 194 00:12:40,142 --> 00:12:43,913 [ Groans ] [ Man On TV Screaming ] 195 00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:45,914 Huh?. 196 00:12:46,014 --> 00:12:48,914 [ Groaning ] 197 00:12:49,025 --> 00:12:53,546 [TV. Tires Squealing, Man Screaming] [ Man Watching TV Laughs ] 198 00:12:53,656 --> 00:12:56,146 [joe ] Where's- Hold on. Shut up! 199 00:12:58,867 --> 00:13:00,768 [ Man Laughing] 200 00:13:00,868 --> 00:13:02,838 [ Tires Squealing ] 201 00:13:08,610 --> 00:13:10,910 Where's Officer Collins?. Shut up! 202 00:13:11,010 --> 00:13:14,641 [ Man On TV] Next week on Ow! My Balls!, Hormel goes to Paris! 203 00:13:14,751 --> 00:13:19,483 Are we on base?. I'm gonna base your ass on my fist. 204 00:13:19,593 --> 00:13:23,034 In your face, ass! Shut up. 205 00:13:23,134 --> 00:13:25,254 I'm sorry. It's just- Where am I? 206 00:13:25,364 --> 00:13:27,565 Shut up! I told you already! 207 00:13:27,665 --> 00:13:29,605 [ Flushes ] 208 00:13:34,777 --> 00:13:37,937 Yeah! Wouldn't shut up! 209 00:13:38,047 --> 00:13:39,708 Come in here and not shut up. 210 00:13:39,818 --> 00:13:43,379 Yeah,you were like, "I'm not shuttin'up, "and I was like- 211 00:13:58,573 --> 00:14:00,974 [ Narrator] Unaware of what year it was... 212 00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:04,074 Joe wandered the streets, desperate for help. 213 00:14:04,184 --> 00:14:06,545 But the English language had deteriorated... 214 00:14:06,655 --> 00:14:11,746 into a hybrid of hillbilly, valley girl, inner-city slang and various grunts. 215 00:14:11,856 --> 00:14:15,297 Joe was able to understand them... [ Indistinct ] 216 00:14:15,397 --> 00:14:18,768 but when he spoke in an ordinary voice... 217 00:14:18,868 --> 00:14:21,459 he sounded pompous and faggy to them. 218 00:14:37,693 --> 00:14:41,054 [ Man On P.A. ] Paging Doc[ Slurring ] 219 00:14:44,665 --> 00:14:47,606 Report to, uh- 220 00:14:47,706 --> 00:14:52,107 Dr. Lueboo... 221 00:14:52,207 --> 00:14:53,437 uh, report. 222 00:14:53,547 --> 00:14:56,408 Your floor Your floor is now clean. [ Beeping ] 223 00:14:56,518 --> 00:14:58,749 Your floor- Your floor is now clean. 224 00:14:58,849 --> 00:15:01,219 Your floor- Your flooris now clean. 225 00:15:01,319 --> 00:15:06,451 Hi, uh, I was in an army experiment, and I'm not feeling so well. 226 00:15:06,561 --> 00:15:09,152 I think it might have been the drugs they had me on. 227 00:15:09,262 --> 00:15:11,392 I've been hallucinating. 228 00:15:11,502 --> 00:15:13,973 My head is just killin' me. 229 00:15:14,073 --> 00:15:17,094 My-My-My joints are all achy and l- 230 00:15:18,844 --> 00:15:20,745 Is this a hospital or- 231 00:15:20,845 --> 00:15:24,976 Actually, I don't even know where I am. [ Beeps ] 232 00:15:25,086 --> 00:15:27,316 [ Electronic Voice ] Please proceed to the diagnostic area on the right... 233 00:15:27,416 --> 00:15:31,758 and have a healthy day! Oh. Thanks. 234 00:15:31,858 --> 00:15:33,618 Thank you! 235 00:15:44,741 --> 00:15:48,842 U h, 'scuse me. I think this might be Gatorade or somethin'. 236 00:15:48,952 --> 00:15:51,853 I was just looking for some regular water. Water?. 237 00:15:51,953 --> 00:15:54,974 Yeah. You mean like in the toilet?. What for?. 238 00:15:55,084 --> 00:15:57,994 You know,just to drink. 239 00:15:59,925 --> 00:16:02,156 [ Laughing ] 240 00:16:02,266 --> 00:16:06,067 [ Continues Laughing ] 241 00:16:06,167 --> 00:16:08,037 [Electronic Tune ] [Electronic Voice ] You've got hepatitis! 242 00:16:08,137 --> 00:16:10,898 Oh, is someone not feeling well? 243 00:16:11,008 --> 00:16:14,569 Your illness is very important to us. 244 00:16:14,679 --> 00:16:17,550 [ Man ] Next. [ Electronic Voice ] Welcome to the Health master Inferno... 245 00:16:17,650 --> 00:16:19,680 powered byjormi Technology. U h, this goes i n your mouth. 246 00:16:19,790 --> 00:16:25,222 This one goes in your ear. And this one goes in your butt. 247 00:16:27,992 --> 00:16:29,193 Come on. 248 00:16:29,303 --> 00:16:32,203 Hurry up, asshole! Come on! 249 00:16:34,004 --> 00:16:36,235 [ Beeping] Shit. Hang on a second. 250 00:16:38,005 --> 00:16:40,446 This oneNo. 251 00:16:40,546 --> 00:16:42,376 Hey, come on. Uh- 252 00:16:42,486 --> 00:16:45,677 Hurry up! This one. This one goes in your mouth. 253 00:16:48,058 --> 00:16:49,958 Come on! 254 00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:58,520 [ Electronic Voice ] Thank you for waiting. Dr. Lexus will be with you shortly. 255 00:17:04,072 --> 00:17:06,873 That's a weird misprint. 256 00:17:08,213 --> 00:17:12,084 Hey. How's it hang, ese? 257 00:17:12,184 --> 00:17:15,885 Yeah. Right. Well, not so good, you know. 258 00:17:15,995 --> 00:17:18,986 I don't really know what's going on, but I'm seein' things. 259 00:17:19,096 --> 00:17:21,997 I think it might be because of these drugs the army put me on. 260 00:17:22,097 --> 00:17:25,798 But, if you could, uh,just get me well enough to get back to base- 261 00:17:25,908 --> 00:17:28,568 Right. Kick ass. 262 00:17:28,668 --> 00:17:31,799 Well, don't wanna sound like a dick or nothin'... 263 00:17:31,909 --> 00:17:34,740 but, uh, it says on your chart that you're fucked up. 264 00:17:34,850 --> 00:17:38,341 You talk like a fag, and your shit's all retarded. 265 00:17:38,451 --> 00:17:42,822 What I 'd do is just like, like, you know... 266 00:17:42,922 --> 00:17:46,363 Iike,you know what I mean? Like- [ Chuckles ] 267 00:17:46,463 --> 00:17:50,734 No, I'm serious here. [ Chuckles ] Don't worry, scrot. 268 00:17:50,834 --> 00:17:53,865 Now there are plenty of'tards out there living really kick-ass lives. 269 00:17:53,975 --> 00:17:57,336 My first wife was 'tarded. She's a pilot now. 270 00:17:57,446 --> 00:18:01,307 I need for you to be serious for a second here, okay?. I need help. 271 00:18:01,417 --> 00:18:03,178 There's that fag talk we talked about. 272 00:18:03,288 --> 00:18:07,119 All right, so that'll be... this many dollars. 273 00:18:07,219 --> 00:18:11,280 And if you could just go ahead and, like, put your tattoo in that shit. 274 00:18:11,390 --> 00:18:15,331 That's weird. This thing has the same misprint as that magazine. 275 00:18:15,431 --> 00:18:19,492 What are the odds of- Where's your tattoo?. Tattoo?. 276 00:18:19,602 --> 00:18:22,373 Why don't you have this? 277 00:18:25,073 --> 00:18:26,974 Oh, God. 278 00:18:29,654 --> 00:18:32,145 Where's your tattoo? Oh, my God. 279 00:18:32,255 --> 00:18:34,726 Why come you don't have a tattoo? 280 00:18:36,326 --> 00:18:39,387 [joe ] Oh, my God! You're not unscannable, are you? 281 00:18:40,627 --> 00:18:42,828 Oh, my God! 282 00:18:42,938 --> 00:18:46,369 You're unscannable. [ Alarm Wailing ] 283 00:18:46,469 --> 00:18:49,270 Unscannable! No! No, you don't understand! 284 00:18:49,380 --> 00:18:51,940 You gotta let me talk to someone in the army! Wait a second. 285 00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:54,881 They're all dead. Everybody I know's dead! 286 00:18:54,981 --> 00:18:56,712 Oh, my God! Oh! 287 00:18:56,822 --> 00:18:58,682 [ Screaming ] [ Screaming ] 288 00:18:58,782 --> 00:19:01,953 No! Stop! Calm down! Calm down! Calm down! 289 00:19:02,053 --> 00:19:04,224 How'd this happen?. How did it happen?. 290 00:19:04,324 --> 00:19:07,555 [Alarm Continues ] Your floor is now clean. 291 00:19:07,665 --> 00:19:09,925 Your floor is now clean. 292 00:19:30,331 --> 00:19:34,262 [ Narrator ] Joe had awakened to a world in crisis. 293 00:19:34,362 --> 00:19:37,592 The economy was in a state of deep neglect. 294 00:19:37,702 --> 00:19:41,163 A great dust bowl had ravaged food supplies. 295 00:19:41,273 --> 00:19:46,115 And the number one movie in the country was called Ass. 296 00:19:46,215 --> 00:19:47,805 [ All Laughing ] 297 00:19:47,915 --> 00:19:51,046 And that's all it was for 90 minutes. 298 00:19:51,156 --> 00:19:53,117 [ Movie: Farting ] 299 00:19:53,227 --> 00:19:58,318 It won eight Oscars that year, including best screenplay. 300 00:20:02,399 --> 00:20:05,500 [ Electronic Voice ] Enjoy your Extra Big-Ass Fries. 301 00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:08,601 You didn't gimme no fries. I got an empty box. 302 00:20:08,711 --> 00:20:11,541 Would you like another Extra Big-Ass Fries?. 303 00:20:11,641 --> 00:20:13,342 I said I didn't get any. 304 00:20:13,452 --> 00:20:15,312 [Electronic Voice ] Thank you. Your account has been charged. 305 00:20:15,412 --> 00:20:17,313 Your balance is zero. 306 00:20:17,423 --> 00:20:20,914 What?. Oh, no. No! Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase. 307 00:20:21,024 --> 00:20:22,924 [ Beeping ] I'm sorry you're having trouble. 308 00:20:23,024 --> 00:20:25,555 Come on! My kids are starvin'. I'm sorry you're having trouble. 309 00:20:25,665 --> 00:20:27,966 [ Buzzes ] 310 00:20:28,066 --> 00:20:30,556 This should help you calm down. 311 00:20:30,666 --> 00:20:33,537 Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase. 312 00:20:33,637 --> 00:20:38,839 Your kids are starving. Carl's jr. believes no child should go hungry. 313 00:20:38,949 --> 00:20:43,910 You are an unfit mother. Your children will be placed in the custody of Carl's jr. 314 00:20:44,020 --> 00:20:47,051 Carl's jr. "Fuck you. I'm eating." 315 00:20:48,391 --> 00:20:50,222 Welcome to Carl's jr. 316 00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:53,923 Would you like to try our Extra Big-Ass Taco... 317 00:20:54,033 --> 00:20:56,593 now with more molecules?. 318 00:20:56,703 --> 00:20:59,694 Hey! Is this particular individual the unfit mother? 319 00:20:59,804 --> 00:21:03,745 Me?. No. Okay. This particular individual is unscannable. 320 00:21:07,116 --> 00:21:09,377 Listen, I can explain, okay?. I was in an army experiment. 321 00:21:12,287 --> 00:21:14,888 Wait a second. There's the other pod from the army experiment. 322 00:21:14,988 --> 00:21:17,259 There was a girl. She was from the same experiment. 323 00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:20,730 Yeah, that's enough of your bullshit, sir. [ Groaning ] 324 00:21:20,830 --> 00:21:22,860 [ Narrator]joe was arrested for not paying his hospital bill... 325 00:21:22,970 --> 00:21:26,401 and not having his U.P.C.. tattoo. 326 00:21:26,511 --> 00:21:31,813 He would soon discover that in the future,justice was not only blind... 327 00:21:31,913 --> 00:21:35,714 but had become rather retarded as well. 328 00:21:35,814 --> 00:21:38,784 You shut up! Now [ Clears Throat ] 329 00:21:40,495 --> 00:21:43,226 I'm fixin' to commensurate this trial here. 330 00:21:43,326 --> 00:21:47,957 We gonna see if we can't come up with a verdict up in here. 331 00:21:48,067 --> 00:21:52,228 Now, since y'all say you ain't got no money... 332 00:21:52,338 --> 00:21:55,669 we have "proprietarily" obtained for you... 333 00:21:55,779 --> 00:21:59,610 one of them court-appointed lawyers. 334 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:04,741 So, put your hands together and give it up for Frito Pendejo. 335 00:22:04,851 --> 00:22:06,582 You're my lawyer?. 336 00:22:06,692 --> 00:22:11,023 Says here you, uh, robbed a hospital?. 337 00:22:11,133 --> 00:22:13,534 Why'd you do that?. Yeah. I 'm not guilty. 338 00:22:13,634 --> 00:22:16,434 That's not what the other lawyer said. What do you mean what the 339 00:22:16,534 --> 00:22:18,505 Listen, you gotta get me on the stand, okay?. 340 00:22:18,605 --> 00:22:21,596 I can explain everything. We can take 'em to your house, show 'em the pod. 341 00:22:21,706 --> 00:22:23,976 Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! 342 00:22:24,076 --> 00:22:27,517 Now, prosecutor, why you think he done it? 343 00:22:27,617 --> 00:22:30,648 Okay, number one, Your Honor, just look at him. 344 00:22:30,758 --> 00:22:33,189 [ All Laughing ] 345 00:22:33,289 --> 00:22:36,280 He talks like a fag too. [ Laughing Continues ] 346 00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:40,091 And "B," we've got all this, like, evidence... 347 00:22:40,201 --> 00:22:43,131 of how, like, this guy didn't even pay at the hospital. 348 00:22:43,241 --> 00:22:46,172 And I heard that he doesn't even have his tattoo. 349 00:22:46,272 --> 00:22:48,543 [ Crowd Grumbling] I know! 350 00:22:48,643 --> 00:22:52,174 And I'm all, "You've gotta be shittin' me." But check this out, man. 351 00:22:52,284 --> 00:22:55,185 Judge should be like, "Guilty." Peace. 352 00:22:55,285 --> 00:22:57,875 [ Crowd Cheering ] 353 00:23:00,296 --> 00:23:03,587 Objection! What are you objectifyin' on?. 354 00:23:03,697 --> 00:23:05,957 Come on.just get me on the stand. Okay. 355 00:23:06,998 --> 00:23:09,728 Um, Your Honor?. Hmm?. 356 00:23:09,838 --> 00:23:11,669 I object... 357 00:23:11,769 --> 00:23:15,770 that this guy also broke my apartment to shit. 358 00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:17,871 Yeah. What?. 359 00:23:17,981 --> 00:23:22,512 And you know what else?. I object that he's not gonna have any money to pay me... 360 00:23:22,622 --> 00:23:25,753 after he pays back all the money he stole from the hospital! 361 00:23:25,853 --> 00:23:27,853 Don't say I stole. You're my lawyer. 362 00:23:27,963 --> 00:23:29,894 And I object. 363 00:23:29,994 --> 00:23:33,865 I object that he interrupted me while I was watching Ow! My Balls! 364 00:23:33,965 --> 00:23:38,426 [ All Booing ] That is not okay! And I rest my case! 365 00:23:38,536 --> 00:23:40,937 Your Honor, I'm pretty sure we have a mistrial here, sir. 366 00:23:41,047 --> 00:23:44,408 I'm gonna mistrial my foot up your ass, you don't shut up. [ All Laughing ] 367 00:23:44,518 --> 00:23:46,978 Please, listen. "Please, listen." 368 00:23:47,088 --> 00:23:48,809 [ All Laughing ] I didn't steal anything. 369 00:23:48,919 --> 00:23:50,819 I was part ofan army experiment 370 00:23:50,919 --> 00:23:53,920 [Narrator] Joe statedhis case logicallyandpassionately... 371 00:23:54,030 --> 00:23:59,122 but his perceived effeminate voice only drew big gales ofstupid laughter. 372 00:23:59,232 --> 00:24:00,892 Guilty! [ Crowd Cheering ] 373 00:24:01,002 --> 00:24:05,633 Without adequate legal representation, Joe was given a stiffsentence. 374 00:24:05,743 --> 00:24:10,445 Meanwhile, Rita had awakened to find that the world's oldest profession... 375 00:24:10,545 --> 00:24:13,785 was a lot easier when the world is populated by morons. 376 00:24:13,785 --> 00:24:14,646 was a lot easier when the world is populated by morons. 377 00:24:14,756 --> 00:24:18,487 [ Female Voice ] Welcome to AOL, Time Warner, Taco Bell, U.S. Government long distance. 378 00:24:18,587 --> 00:24:20,957 Please say the name of the person you wish to call. 379 00:24:21,057 --> 00:24:22,888 Upgrayedd. 380 00:24:24,028 --> 00:24:28,589 There are 9,726 listings for Upgrayedd. 381 00:24:28,699 --> 00:24:30,970 Please deposit $2,000 to begin connection. 382 00:24:31,070 --> 00:24:32,970 Man, what?. Oh, yeah, baby. 383 00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:35,541 Hey, look, can you just can you wait a second, please?. 384 00:24:35,641 --> 00:24:40,012 Oh, yeah, baby. I can wait so good. 385 00:24:41,053 --> 00:24:42,983 Really?. 386 00:24:44,293 --> 00:24:46,624 Think, uh You think maybe you could wait a day?. 387 00:24:46,724 --> 00:24:48,855 Baby, I can wait two days. 388 00:24:48,965 --> 00:24:53,526 Huh. That's good, 'cause I charge by the hour. 389 00:24:53,636 --> 00:24:57,577 Oh, yeah?. Well, you gonna be glad you waited, baby. 390 00:24:57,677 --> 00:24:59,577 Thank you very much, young man. 391 00:25:01,848 --> 00:25:03,509 What the fuck?. 392 00:25:03,619 --> 00:25:06,139 God damn, shit's changed in a year. 393 00:25:08,150 --> 00:25:10,050 What are we doin' here?. 394 00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:12,651 Okay, sir, we're engaged in procuring your tattoo. 395 00:25:15,662 --> 00:25:18,823 [ Electronic Voice ] Welcome to the Identity Processing Program of America. 396 00:25:18,933 --> 00:25:23,594 Please insert your forearm into the forearm receptacle. 397 00:25:24,704 --> 00:25:26,605 Thank you. [Mechanical Whirring] 398 00:25:26,715 --> 00:25:30,666 Please speak your name as it appears on your current federal identity card 399 00:25:30,786 --> 00:25:34,187 Document number G24L8. I'm not sure if- 400 00:25:34,287 --> 00:25:38,278 You have entered the name "Not Sure." Is this correct, Not Sure?. 401 00:25:38,388 --> 00:25:40,288 No, it's not correct. [ Dings ] 402 00:25:40,398 --> 00:25:43,989 Thank you. "Not" is correct. Is "Sure" correct?. 403 00:25:44,099 --> 00:25:46,120 No, it's not. My name is joe [ Beeping] 404 00:25:46,230 --> 00:25:48,070 You've already confirmed your first name is Not. 405 00:25:48,170 --> 00:25:51,801 Please confirm your last name, ""Sure." My 406 00:25:51,911 --> 00:25:54,312 My last name is not Sure. [ Dings ] 407 00:25:54,412 --> 00:25:57,043 Thank you, Not Sure. No. What I mean is my name is joe. 408 00:25:57,153 --> 00:26:02,484 Confirmation is complete. Please wait while I tattoo your new identity on your arm. 409 00:26:04,595 --> 00:26:07,425 Wait a second. Can we start over?. Can I cancel this?. [ Buzzing ] 410 00:26:07,525 --> 00:26:09,966 Can we cancel this and just go back to the beginning?. 411 00:26:10,066 --> 00:26:13,297 They're gonna tattoo. Could I speak to your supervisor?. 412 00:26:13,407 --> 00:26:16,428 Ow! Please hold still for your photograph. 413 00:26:18,108 --> 00:26:21,569 [ Whirring ] [ Beeping ] 414 00:26:25,950 --> 00:26:28,511 Oh, that's fuckin' great. 415 00:26:31,062 --> 00:26:32,962 Okay, sir... 416 00:26:33,062 --> 00:26:37,393 now we will begin to proceed to obtain your I.Q and "apitude" tests. 417 00:26:37,503 --> 00:26:39,434 What for?. 418 00:26:39,534 --> 00:26:43,765 Okay, sir, this is to figure out what your "aptude's" good at... 419 00:26:43,875 --> 00:26:49,006 and get you a jail job while you're being a particular individual in jail. 420 00:26:49,116 --> 00:26:52,047 [ Electronic Voice ] If you have one bucket that holds two gallons... 421 00:26:52,147 --> 00:26:54,708 and another bucket that holds five gallons... 422 00:26:54,818 --> 00:26:57,589 how many buckets do you have?. 423 00:26:59,529 --> 00:27:01,430 Two?. 424 00:27:01,530 --> 00:27:03,500 Thank you. 425 00:27:11,272 --> 00:27:14,213 [Man Singing] 426 00:27:23,425 --> 00:27:26,686 [ Continues ] 427 00:27:43,481 --> 00:27:45,451 'Too. 428 00:27:51,193 --> 00:27:53,383 [ Continues ] 429 00:27:56,394 --> 00:27:58,565 [ No Audible Dialogue ] 430 00:28:04,746 --> 00:28:07,867 [ Ends ] 431 00:28:07,977 --> 00:28:10,648 [ Narrator] Desperate and scared... 432 00:28:10,748 --> 00:28:13,549 Joe used his superior intelligence... 433 00:28:13,659 --> 00:28:16,560 to come up with the best escape plan he could think of. 434 00:28:16,660 --> 00:28:22,291 Hi. Excuse me. I 'm actually supposed to be getting out of prison today, sir. 435 00:28:23,501 --> 00:28:25,562 Yeah. 436 00:28:25,672 --> 00:28:28,603 You're in the wrong line, dumb ass. Over there. 437 00:28:28,703 --> 00:28:32,004 I'm sorry. I am being a big dumb ass. Sorry. 438 00:28:32,114 --> 00:28:33,774 Hey, uh, let this dumb ass through. 439 00:28:35,485 --> 00:28:37,455 [ Beeping ] 440 00:28:40,786 --> 00:28:43,347 [ Warning Buzzer Buzzing ] 441 00:28:43,457 --> 00:28:45,427 [ Door Closes ] 442 00:28:50,839 --> 00:28:53,529 'Too. Yeah. Got it. 443 00:28:53,639 --> 00:28:55,830 [ Beeping ] 444 00:28:55,940 --> 00:29:01,311 Uh, yeah, I don't see you in here. So, you're gonna have to, uh, stay in prison. 445 00:29:01,411 --> 00:29:03,312 Could you check again?. 446 00:29:03,422 --> 00:29:06,483 'Cause, I was, you know I was definitely in prison, okay?. 447 00:29:06,583 --> 00:29:10,524 I got sat on my face and everything. Maybe check those files back there?. 448 00:29:17,106 --> 00:29:21,367 [Alarm Blaring] [ Electronic Voice ] ""Excape. " ""Excape. " 449 00:29:21,477 --> 00:29:24,037 ""Excape. " ""Excape. " 450 00:29:24,147 --> 00:29:27,908 ""Excape. " ""Excape. " 451 00:29:30,819 --> 00:29:33,250 [ Man Singing ] 452 00:29:40,662 --> 00:29:42,892 [ Ends ] 453 00:29:45,273 --> 00:29:47,173 [ Man ] The Masturbation Network. 454 00:29:47,273 --> 00:29:50,764 Keepi n' America 'bati n' for 3 00 years. 455 00:29:50,874 --> 00:29:53,575 And now, Sweet Bang Tube. [ Squeaking On TV ] 456 00:29:53,685 --> 00:29:58,446 Oh, yeah, give me some. Cut me a piece. [ Squeaking Continues ] 457 00:29:58,556 --> 00:30:00,547 Oh,yeah, that's- [ Knocking] 458 00:30:00,657 --> 00:30:02,558 Go away! 'Batin'! 459 00:30:02,658 --> 00:30:04,558 [ Knocking Continues ] 460 00:30:04,658 --> 00:30:06,859 Damn it. 461 00:30:06,969 --> 00:30:09,459 [ Knocking] All right. 462 00:30:11,470 --> 00:30:14,401 Hey. Hey, get out of here. Hey, get out of here! 463 00:30:14,511 --> 00:30:18,602 No, wait, listen. You let me, an innocent man, get thrown in jail. 464 00:30:18,712 --> 00:30:22,083 So?. Shut up, 'cause you broke my house. 465 00:30:22,183 --> 00:30:25,123 Hey, I could have you disbarred disbarred for what you did to me. 466 00:30:25,223 --> 00:30:27,884 Then maybe you'd go to jail for not havin' any money. 467 00:30:27,994 --> 00:30:30,085 Oh, really?. 468 00:30:30,195 --> 00:30:33,496 Yeah, really. Now, look. Okay, here's the deal. 469 00:30:33,596 --> 00:30:35,586 I've been thinking. It's been 500 years. 470 00:30:35,696 --> 00:30:38,667 Someone has to have invented a way to travel back in time by now. 471 00:30:38,767 --> 00:30:41,668 You know, I think they were pretty close even in my day. You know?. 472 00:30:41,778 --> 00:30:43,678 With Einstein and guys like that?. Uh-huh. 473 00:30:43,778 --> 00:30:46,339 You know, scientists?. You know?. Uh. 474 00:30:47,679 --> 00:30:49,580 A time machine, for time travel. 475 00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:52,311 Do they have one? What?. 476 00:30:54,521 --> 00:30:56,512 [Tires Squealing, Car Crashing In Distance ] 477 00:30:56,622 --> 00:31:00,533 Jesus. I knew that was too much to hope for. 478 00:31:01,633 --> 00:31:03,764 No, no, they got a time machine. 479 00:31:03,874 --> 00:31:05,774 They do?. Yeah. 480 00:31:05,874 --> 00:31:07,775 Are-Are-Are you sure?. Yeah. 481 00:31:07,875 --> 00:31:11,706 Can it get me back to 2005?. Oh, yeah, but it's, like, really expensive. 482 00:31:11,816 --> 00:31:15,047 And it breaks all the time 'cause some smart guy made it a long time ago. 483 00:31:15,147 --> 00:31:17,307 I don't care. Just get me there, okay?. 484 00:31:17,417 --> 00:31:18,888 Well- Please! 485 00:31:18,988 --> 00:31:22,219 Listen, II- I "supersize" with you... 486 00:31:22,329 --> 00:31:25,089 but didn't you go to jail fornot havin'enough money? 487 00:31:25,199 --> 00:31:29,330 Okay, how about this?. You get me to the time machine, and when I get back... 488 00:31:29,430 --> 00:31:31,431 I open a savings account in your name. 489 00:31:31,541 --> 00:31:34,062 That way, 500 years later, it'll be worth billions. 490 00:31:34,172 --> 00:31:35,702 Billions! 'Cause?. 491 00:31:35,812 --> 00:31:38,643 'Cause of the interest, it'll be worth billions of dollars. 492 00:31:38,743 --> 00:31:41,304 Oh, I I like money. Yeah. 493 00:31:41,414 --> 00:31:44,404 How many billions?. Like, 10. 494 00:31:44,524 --> 00:31:47,685 Yeah, suck one. Time machine costs, like, 20. 495 00:31:47,795 --> 00:31:50,586 Yeah?. Okay. Uh, 30, Frito. 496 00:31:50,696 --> 00:31:53,857 Thirty billion dollars. 497 00:31:53,967 --> 00:31:58,408 Thirty billion. So if you gave me 30 billion... 498 00:31:58,508 --> 00:32:00,499 and the time machine's 20- 499 00:32:00,609 --> 00:32:02,539 What's the minus of 30 and 20?. 500 00:32:02,639 --> 00:32:05,370 Uh, it's, uh- it's 80, Frito. 501 00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:08,011 It's $80 billion. That's a mighty big minus, isn't it? 502 00:32:08,121 --> 00:32:11,852 Yeah. I like money though. [ Man ] Police! Open the door! 503 00:32:11,952 --> 00:32:14,112 [ Banging On Door] We're looking for an "excaped" individual. 504 00:32:14,222 --> 00:32:17,823 This particular individual's name is Not Sure. Eighty billion. 505 00:32:17,933 --> 00:32:21,924 Oh, um, he- He's... somewhere else. 506 00:32:22,034 --> 00:32:26,365 You got something I can wear?. Yeah. There's Pro-Wear on the top, assorted in the middle. 507 00:32:26,476 --> 00:32:28,596 [Policeman ] A Coke machine in the vicinity caught his tattoo. 508 00:32:28,706 --> 00:32:31,477 Seemed to be heading for this particular "domistile." 509 00:32:31,577 --> 00:32:33,978 [ Banging ] Okay, sir, we're comin' in. 510 00:32:34,088 --> 00:32:36,378 No, you can't come in. Can too! 511 00:32:36,488 --> 00:32:38,549 Come on! All right, let's go get my billions. 512 00:32:38,659 --> 00:32:40,749 [ Banging Continues ] 513 00:32:40,859 --> 00:32:44,920 Oh, okay, one more thing. We gotta go find this girl, Rita, first, okay?. 514 00:32:45,030 --> 00:32:47,791 Is she bangin'?. Yeah, sure, she is. 515 00:32:47,901 --> 00:32:49,802 That wasn't really part of the deal. 516 00:32:49,902 --> 00:32:53,803 Okay, I'll, uh, throw in another couple billion, all right?. I like money. 517 00:32:53,913 --> 00:32:56,974 Okay, her pod's up here on the right. She shouldn't be far away, I hope. 518 00:32:57,084 --> 00:33:01,845 Mmm, girl. Oh,yeah? So when we gonna do it? 519 00:33:01,955 --> 00:33:05,286 'Cause you been chargin' me by the hour, and it's been, like, three days. 520 00:33:05,386 --> 00:33:09,387 Oh, yeah. Soon, baby, soon. Hey, you know what?. 521 00:33:09,497 --> 00:33:12,128 Why don't you come back tomorrow?. 522 00:33:12,228 --> 00:33:14,858 Yeah, yeah, baby, yeah! Yeah?. 523 00:33:14,968 --> 00:33:18,129 When I finally utilize you, you gonna be paying me. 524 00:33:18,239 --> 00:33:21,700 That's right. What ever you say, sir. 525 00:33:21,810 --> 00:33:24,281 Hey, you still on the clock! Yeah, girl. 526 00:33:24,381 --> 00:33:27,512 Thank you! Rita! 527 00:33:27,622 --> 00:33:31,483 Rita! It's me,joe, from the experiment. Get in the car! Come on. 528 00:33:31,593 --> 00:33:33,883 Oh, yeah! What the hell, man?. 529 00:33:33,993 --> 00:33:35,894 Just get in the car. I'll explain everything. 530 00:33:35,994 --> 00:33:38,485 Where we going?. -just get in the car. 531 00:33:38,595 --> 00:33:40,755 Trust me. What happened to those army guys? 532 00:33:43,636 --> 00:33:46,127 [Siren Blaring] Wait a minute. You got cops after you?. 533 00:33:46,237 --> 00:33:49,868 Yeah. And you made me get in the car?. I got two strikes, asshole! 534 00:33:49,978 --> 00:33:52,448 Frito, take a right here. Right, right! 535 00:33:52,548 --> 00:33:54,519 Into that dust storm, Frito. 536 00:34:00,690 --> 00:34:02,751 [joe ] They must have just forgotten about us. 537 00:34:02,861 --> 00:34:06,262 [ Rita ] It's been 500 years? Oh, hell, no! 538 00:34:06,362 --> 00:34:10,563 Upgrayedd is gonna kill me! He gets mad when I'm a day late with his money! 539 00:34:10,673 --> 00:34:12,764 So, you owe your boyfriend money?. 540 00:34:12,874 --> 00:34:15,364 Well, yeah, he's sort of my manager too. 541 00:34:15,474 --> 00:34:19,275 You know, he helps me sell the paintings and shit. 542 00:34:19,385 --> 00:34:24,717 Look, Rita, you gotta understand that Upgrayedd's been dead for a long time now. 543 00:34:24,827 --> 00:34:27,618 Yeah, man, but you said there was a time machine, right?. Yeah. 544 00:34:27,728 --> 00:34:31,258 Yeah, there's a time machine now that can take us back to the past... 545 00:34:31,369 --> 00:34:33,769 but there was no time machine back then, so- 546 00:34:33,869 --> 00:34:36,800 Upgrayedd don't care where the time machine is. Now, then, last week- 547 00:34:36,900 --> 00:34:39,871 He will find a way to come get his money! 548 00:34:39,971 --> 00:34:43,072 All I'm saying is you don't have to worry about it You know what?. 549 00:34:43,182 --> 00:34:45,742 Last time you told me not to worry was 500 Goddamn years ago... 550 00:34:45,852 --> 00:34:48,213 when you were trying to tell me to get into some coffin. 551 00:34:48,323 --> 00:34:50,314 Look, Rita, I don't know how this happened, okay?. [ Buzzing] 552 00:34:50,424 --> 00:34:53,724 But I'm doing everything I can to get us back there, okay?. I promise you. 553 00:34:53,824 --> 00:34:57,385 [ Electronic Voice ] You are harboring a fugitive by the name of "Not Sure." 554 00:34:57,495 --> 00:35:01,126 Please, pull over and wait for the police to incarcerate your passenger. 555 00:35:01,236 --> 00:35:04,137 Hell, no. You know what?. Let me outta here. Thank you for your help. 556 00:35:04,237 --> 00:35:06,468 If you don't have one of these, they're gonna throw you in jail. 557 00:35:06,578 --> 00:35:09,569 You don't want to get thrown' in the jails here. I've been in them. 558 00:35:09,679 --> 00:35:12,409 They're bad. You're better off being with us, as bad as that sounds. 559 00:35:12,519 --> 00:35:16,510 What are you doing?. Why are we slowing down?. Turned off my battery. 560 00:35:20,962 --> 00:35:24,423 Look, how far is it?. Can we just take a cab or something?. 561 00:35:24,533 --> 00:35:28,164 [Machine-gun Fire ] 562 00:35:28,274 --> 00:35:29,534 Oh, shit. 563 00:35:35,746 --> 00:35:37,376 [ Explosion ] 564 00:35:37,486 --> 00:35:40,107 Oh! Oh, shit! 565 00:35:40,217 --> 00:35:42,447 [ Cheering ] Yeah! 566 00:35:42,557 --> 00:35:45,858 What the hell's wrong with you? That's your car. 567 00:35:47,059 --> 00:35:50,789 [ Frito ] Oh, hell,yeah! He's on fire! 568 00:35:50,900 --> 00:35:52,700 Come on! Let's get out of here. 569 00:36:02,182 --> 00:36:04,173 [ Rita ] Hey, how much farther is it? 570 00:36:05,483 --> 00:36:08,314 Uh, it's, like, far. 571 00:36:08,424 --> 00:36:11,855 Man, I could really go for a Star bucks, you know?. 572 00:36:11,955 --> 00:36:15,516 Yeah, well, I really don't think we have time for a hand job,joe. 573 00:36:18,637 --> 00:36:21,198 [ Singing ] 574 00:36:21,308 --> 00:36:24,298 Man, he don't seem too bright. You sure he knows where he's going? 575 00:36:24,408 --> 00:36:26,599 I sure hope so. He's our only chance. 576 00:36:26,709 --> 00:36:30,240 [ Continues ] How'd you hook up with this guy, anyway?. 577 00:36:30,350 --> 00:36:34,611 He's my lawyer. And he's not a very good one either. 578 00:36:34,721 --> 00:36:37,282 [joe ] He's a Goddamned idiot. 579 00:36:37,392 --> 00:36:42,193 There's a shuttle down in the Costco. It'll drop us right by the time machine. 580 00:37:00,488 --> 00:37:04,189 Jesus Christ. Oh, look. One more thing. 581 00:37:04,289 --> 00:37:07,690 He thinks he's gonna get billions of dollars ifhe takes us there. 582 00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:11,931 So if he mentions anything about a savings account,just play along, okay?. 583 00:37:12,031 --> 00:37:13,931 Yeah, what ifthis time machine don'twork?. 584 00:37:14,041 --> 00:37:17,332 Then I'll spend the rest ofmy life trying to fix it. 585 00:37:22,114 --> 00:37:27,645 Welcome to Costco. I love you. Welcome to Costco. I love you. 586 00:37:28,755 --> 00:37:31,126 Welcome to Costco. I love you. 587 00:37:31,226 --> 00:37:33,127 [ Goats Bleating] [ Duck Quacking] 588 00:37:33,227 --> 00:37:37,028 Shuttle's down there in electronics, about an hour from here. 589 00:37:44,980 --> 00:37:47,310 [ Rita ] We've been walking forever. You sure you know where you're going?. 590 00:37:47,410 --> 00:37:50,901 Yeah, I know this place pretty good. I went to law school here. 591 00:37:51,021 --> 00:37:52,952 In Costco?. 592 00:37:53,052 --> 00:37:55,452 Yeah. I couldn't believe it myself. 593 00:37:55,552 --> 00:37:59,223 Luckily, my dad was an alumnus and pulled some strings. 594 00:38:00,664 --> 00:38:03,465 Hey, come on,joe. I already told you... 595 00:38:03,565 --> 00:38:06,665 we'd all like a handjob, but we don't have time for it. 596 00:38:16,418 --> 00:38:18,318 [ Woman ] Hey, baby, wanna go out? 597 00:38:18,418 --> 00:38:20,979 Wanna go out, honey? 598 00:38:27,701 --> 00:38:30,322 Shuttle comes every few minutes. Shouldn't be long. 599 00:38:30,432 --> 00:38:34,163 Do I got time to use the bathroom?. [ Laughing ] 600 00:38:34,273 --> 00:38:36,263 [ Imitates Farting, Chuckles ] 601 00:38:36,373 --> 00:38:39,074 [Frito ] Uh, the toilet. Be right back. 602 00:38:39,974 --> 00:38:42,445 Yeah, back that thing up. 603 00:38:42,545 --> 00:38:44,845 Hey, you mind if I pound on that,joe?. What?. 604 00:38:44,955 --> 00:38:46,786 I like having sex with chicks. Yeah?. 605 00:38:46,886 --> 00:38:48,787 Yeah. I think everybody does, Frito. 606 00:38:48,887 --> 00:38:52,257 Not like I do. Like when you get it like this, sideways. 607 00:38:52,357 --> 00:38:54,888 Then you just, like, back it up. And then you 608 00:38:54,998 --> 00:38:57,189 That's real good. Then you Oh,yeah! 609 00:38:57,299 --> 00:38:59,389 Stop! You're gonna get us caught, okay?. 610 00:38:59,499 --> 00:39:01,400 [Alarm Blaring] [ Electronic Voice ] Warning! Warning! 611 00:39:01,510 --> 00:39:04,031 Costco has detected a dangerous fugitive in aisle 16,702. 612 00:39:04,141 --> 00:39:06,581 Hey! What about Rita?. We can't just leave her here. 613 00:39:06,681 --> 00:39:08,912 I don't care. Come on! 614 00:39:09,012 --> 00:39:13,383 [ Sirens Wailing ] Oh, shit. Wait a second. What are we gonna do?. 615 00:39:13,483 --> 00:39:15,424 Wait, okay, I know. Here's what we do. 616 00:39:15,524 --> 00:39:18,284 We go to the time machine, then when I get back to the past... 617 00:39:18,394 --> 00:39:20,325 I tell her not to do the experiment. 618 00:39:20,425 --> 00:39:22,625 Then she won't even be here. That'll work, right?. Uh- 619 00:39:22,735 --> 00:39:24,706 No, wait. [Electronic Voice ] Please stand clear of the doors. 620 00:39:24,806 --> 00:39:27,597 She already is here. That must mean I didn't go back in time, right?. 621 00:39:27,707 --> 00:39:30,908 Uh- No, wait, hold on. It just means I haven't done it yet. 622 00:39:31,008 --> 00:39:33,808 Okay, so I go back and I tell her not to do the experiment. 623 00:39:33,908 --> 00:39:36,469 Then I won't have to do it either because she won't be here. 624 00:39:36,579 --> 00:39:38,980 Then I won't have to come back and save her, right?. I- 625 00:39:39,090 --> 00:39:41,750 But then, wait. Why am I still here?. Uh- 626 00:39:41,861 --> 00:39:43,821 Goddamn, how does this time travel work?. 627 00:39:43,921 --> 00:39:47,792 Please stand clear. [ Policeman ] Freeze! Hands up! Don't move! 628 00:39:47,902 --> 00:39:50,593 Put your hands up! Don't move! Freeze! 629 00:40:00,746 --> 00:40:03,806 Look, if you guys are taking me back to that jail... 630 00:40:03,916 --> 00:40:06,647 just go ahead and shoot me, 'cause there's no way- 631 00:40:06,757 --> 00:40:10,018 Ow! Fuck! Ow! Ow! 632 00:40:10,128 --> 00:40:14,619 What?. Ow! Ow. Ow. Ow. 633 00:40:14,729 --> 00:40:16,670 [ Policeman ] What? [ Spraying] 634 00:40:16,770 --> 00:40:19,000 [joe ] Ow! God! Hey, stop! Damn it. 635 00:40:20,941 --> 00:40:24,642 [joe ] What is this? [ Policeman ] Okay, sir, this is the White House. 636 00:40:24,742 --> 00:40:27,042 What are we doing at the White House? What? 637 00:40:27,142 --> 00:40:29,443 [ Spraying ] Ow! Ow! Goddamn! 638 00:40:29,553 --> 00:40:33,014 [ Narrator] It turned out the results of joe's I.Q. test... 639 00:40:33,124 --> 00:40:37,215 had caught the attention of the highest levels of government. 640 00:40:37,325 --> 00:40:41,496 Okay, wait a minute. I'm the smartest guy in the world?. Says who?. 641 00:40:41,596 --> 00:40:43,697 The I.Q test you took in prison. 642 00:40:43,797 --> 00:40:46,568 You got the highest score in history. Brought to you by Carl's jr. 643 00:40:46,668 --> 00:40:49,578 Yeah, dumb ass,you're even smarter than President Camacho. 644 00:40:49,678 --> 00:40:52,439 That's how come he's making you secretary of interior. 645 00:40:52,549 --> 00:40:54,510 Okay, so who are you?. 646 00:40:54,620 --> 00:40:56,340 I'm the secretary of energy. 647 00:40:56,450 --> 00:40:59,111 He won a contest. Got to be a cabinet member. 648 00:40:59,221 --> 00:41:03,022 I'm the secretary of state. Brought to you by Carl's jr. 649 00:41:03,122 --> 00:41:06,393 Why do you keep saying that?. 'Cause they pay me every time I do. 650 00:41:06,493 --> 00:41:10,364 It's a really good way to make money. You're so smart, why don't you know that?. 651 00:41:10,464 --> 00:41:12,024 [ All Chuckling ] 652 00:41:12,134 --> 00:41:14,695 He's the secretary of defense. Hi. 653 00:41:14,805 --> 00:41:17,776 And, uh, fun bags over there is the attorney general. 654 00:41:17,876 --> 00:41:20,206 [ Whispers ] Hi. 655 00:41:20,317 --> 00:41:22,477 And that's the secretary of education. 656 00:41:24,558 --> 00:41:27,919 He's kinda stupid, but he's President Camacho's step brother. 657 00:41:28,029 --> 00:41:30,259 Still, he does a pretty good job,eh? 658 00:41:30,359 --> 00:41:33,920 You know, I think there's been some kind of mistake... 659 00:41:34,030 --> 00:41:37,491 'cause the test I took was real, real easy. 660 00:41:37,601 --> 00:41:41,592 I'm not the smartest guy in the world. Okay?. 661 00:41:45,913 --> 00:41:49,874 Okay, even if that were true, I can't be the secretary of the interior. 662 00:41:49,984 --> 00:41:53,445 I don't even know what it is. [Secretary of State ] You better find out. 663 00:41:53,555 --> 00:41:56,426 Sit down. It's President Camacho. Hey, hey, hey, yo... 664 00:41:56,526 --> 00:42:00,487 I gotta take care of some "bidness, "baby, so I need y'all to wait outside. 665 00:42:00,597 --> 00:42:05,538 [ Narrator] Dwayne Elizondo Camacho, five-time Ultimate Smackdown Champion... 666 00:42:05,638 --> 00:42:09,600 porn superstar, and president of the United States... 667 00:42:09,710 --> 00:42:13,110 had called a special summit with the smartest man in the world. 668 00:42:13,210 --> 00:42:15,841 So you smart, huh?. No, no. 669 00:42:19,292 --> 00:42:22,453 I thought your head would be bigger. [ Muttering ] 670 00:42:25,434 --> 00:42:27,554 Goddamn. 671 00:42:27,664 --> 00:42:30,035 It look like a peanut. [ All Laughing ] 672 00:42:30,135 --> 00:42:32,065 Let's get you sworn in. 673 00:42:40,148 --> 00:42:43,118 [Rock lnstrumental] 674 00:42:46,959 --> 00:42:50,320 [Announcer] Ladies and Gentlemen, the president of America! 675 00:42:50,430 --> 00:42:52,521 [ Crowd Cheering] 676 00:42:53,931 --> 00:42:56,402 [Announcer] President Camacho! 677 00:42:57,432 --> 00:43:00,203 [ Laughing ] Shut up. 678 00:43:00,303 --> 00:43:04,374 Shut up. Sit your monkey ass down. [ Ends ] 679 00:43:04,484 --> 00:43:06,034 Chill out. 680 00:43:10,286 --> 00:43:11,716 Shit. 681 00:43:14,027 --> 00:43:17,187 I know shit's bad right now with all that starvin' bullshit. 682 00:43:17,297 --> 00:43:19,028 And the dust storms. And we runnin' out of French fries and burrito coverings. 683 00:43:19,028 --> 00:43:21,869 And the dust storms. And we runnin' out of French fries and burrito coverings. 684 00:43:21,969 --> 00:43:23,599 [ Man ] Yeah! 685 00:43:23,699 --> 00:43:26,610 But I got a solution. That's what you said last time, dipshit! 686 00:43:26,710 --> 00:43:28,610 I got a solution. You're a dick! 687 00:43:28,710 --> 00:43:31,301 South Carolina, "whassup??"' [ All Cheering ] 688 00:43:38,753 --> 00:43:41,984 That's what I thought! 689 00:43:44,795 --> 00:43:48,066 Now, I understand everyone's shit's emotional right now... 690 00:43:48,166 --> 00:43:50,696 but listen up. 691 00:43:50,806 --> 00:43:53,567 I got a three-point plan to fix everything. 692 00:43:53,677 --> 00:43:55,167 [Man ] Break it down, Camacho! 693 00:43:55,277 --> 00:44:00,479 Number one, we got this guy, Not Sure. 694 00:44:00,579 --> 00:44:05,420 Number two, he's got a higher I.Q. than any man alive. [ Cheering ] 695 00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:09,821 And number three, he's gonna fix everything. [Applause ] 696 00:44:09,931 --> 00:44:13,162 I give you my word as president. 697 00:44:13,262 --> 00:44:15,793 He'll fix the problems with all the dead crops. 698 00:44:15,903 --> 00:44:18,304 He's gonna make 'em grow again. 699 00:44:18,404 --> 00:44:23,365 Crops?. And that ain't all. I give you my word. 700 00:44:23,475 --> 00:44:25,345 [ Electric Guitar] 701 00:44:25,445 --> 00:44:28,506 He's gonna fix the dust storms too. 702 00:44:30,257 --> 00:44:32,847 I give you my word. 703 00:44:32,957 --> 00:44:36,488 He's gonna fix the "ecomony." 704 00:44:36,598 --> 00:44:38,499 [ Electric Guitar Continues ] 705 00:44:38,599 --> 00:44:41,360 And he's so smart... 706 00:44:41,470 --> 00:44:46,671 he's gonna do it all in one week. [ Crowd Cheering ] 707 00:44:46,771 --> 00:44:50,332 [ Narrator] President Camacho stood before the world and promised everyone... 708 00:44:50,442 --> 00:44:54,043 that joe would solve all their problems. 709 00:44:54,153 --> 00:44:58,314 He would not only end the dust bowl and heal the economy... 710 00:44:58,424 --> 00:45:01,055 but he would cure acne and car sickness as well. 711 00:45:01,165 --> 00:45:03,425 And if he didn't... 712 00:45:03,525 --> 00:45:06,026 President Camacho made another promise. 713 00:45:06,136 --> 00:45:09,767 He would kick joe's smart balls all the way up to the roof of his smart mouth. 714 00:45:09,867 --> 00:45:14,038 And then, he would throw his brainy ass back in jail. [ Shouti ng ] 715 00:45:18,449 --> 00:45:20,640 I should, uh, be honest with you, Mr. President. 716 00:45:20,750 --> 00:45:22,881 I don't know how to be secretary of anything. 717 00:45:22,991 --> 00:45:24,451 I mean, I've never even voted, actually. 718 00:45:24,561 --> 00:45:27,352 I don't know what the secretary of the interior even is. 719 00:45:27,462 --> 00:45:32,123 Come on, scrot. Don't be a pussy. It beats jail, don't it?. 720 00:45:32,233 --> 00:45:36,564 Besides, you do a kick-ass job... 721 00:45:36,674 --> 00:45:38,905 you get a full presidential pardon. 722 00:45:39,005 --> 00:45:40,905 No jail time. [ Laughing ] Yeah?. 723 00:45:41,005 --> 00:45:44,636 Fuck, yeah! Now gimme a beer. 724 00:45:44,746 --> 00:45:46,807 And get you one too. 725 00:45:48,717 --> 00:45:51,048 [ Laughing ] 726 00:45:52,688 --> 00:45:54,719 Shit! [ Laughing ] 727 00:45:54,829 --> 00:45:57,300 Hold on, vato! 728 00:45:57,400 --> 00:45:59,130 Whoo! [Engine Revving] 729 00:45:59,230 --> 00:46:02,331 [ Laughing ] 730 00:46:19,726 --> 00:46:21,856 Do somethin' smart. Yeah. 731 00:46:23,227 --> 00:46:26,857 Uh, okay. Uh- 732 00:46:26,968 --> 00:46:30,028 I'll, uh- [ Door Opens ] 733 00:46:30,138 --> 00:46:33,699 Hey, we found that lawyer you wanted. Oh, okay. Great, thanks. 734 00:46:33,809 --> 00:46:38,801 Uh, right now, I'm going to, uh,you know, confer with my counsel. 735 00:46:38,921 --> 00:46:40,781 You understand? So I'll be right back. 736 00:46:40,881 --> 00:46:44,252 Gotta go, uh, work on some crop stuff, get that taken care of. 737 00:46:44,352 --> 00:46:49,023 Hopefully get it worked out by the time we get back here. Sounds pretty smart. 738 00:46:49,133 --> 00:46:51,094 Wait here, okay?. Wait there. 739 00:46:51,194 --> 00:46:54,035 Dude, this is trepidatious. You got me a room at the White House. 740 00:46:54,135 --> 00:46:56,105 Everyone gets laid at the White House. Everyone. 741 00:46:56,205 --> 00:46:57,836 Yeah?. Yeah. 742 00:46:57,936 --> 00:47:01,377 I'm real glad you're happy to be here, Frito, but I brought you here to help me. 743 00:47:01,477 --> 00:47:04,137 I don't know the first thing about growin' crops... 744 00:47:04,247 --> 00:47:06,478 much less the Goddamn "ecomony." 745 00:47:06,588 --> 00:47:08,518 Econ-Economy. 746 00:47:08,619 --> 00:47:11,559 Let's see. Growin' crops 747 00:47:11,659 --> 00:47:15,320 No, I just need you to tell me how to get to the time machine. 748 00:47:15,430 --> 00:47:19,591 Oh, that's easy. You go down by the museum and stuff. 749 00:47:19,701 --> 00:47:21,732 It's, like- It's, like, by the museum... 750 00:47:21,842 --> 00:47:24,433 sort of, but, well, actually, not really. 751 00:47:24,543 --> 00:47:29,074 More like But on the street. You go, um Wait. Let me start over. 752 00:47:29,184 --> 00:47:31,044 Okay, you know where the time machine is?. 753 00:47:31,144 --> 00:47:34,115 Hey. just draw me a map, okay?. 754 00:47:34,215 --> 00:47:36,846 You still want the money?. 755 00:47:36,956 --> 00:47:39,787 Oh. If I had some money and a room at the White House... 756 00:47:39,897 --> 00:47:44,798 I would be like, "It's mine, all night!" Listen. Cut it out! 757 00:47:44,898 --> 00:47:47,699 Listen, I told these people that you were smart, okay?. 758 00:47:47,799 --> 00:47:50,029 So act smart! Smart like you?. 759 00:47:50,139 --> 00:47:53,630 [ With Effeminate Voice ] "Oh, I gotta go to the time machine. I wanna go home. " 760 00:47:53,740 --> 00:47:56,541 I don't talk like that. "I don't talk like that." 761 00:47:56,651 --> 00:47:58,582 Shit, I thought there was two of you. 762 00:47:58,682 --> 00:48:00,482 [ Laughs ] See?. 763 00:48:00,582 --> 00:48:03,143 [ Secretary of Defense ] Doesn't look that big, is it? 764 00:48:03,253 --> 00:48:06,384 Okay. Let's go take a look at those crops. 765 00:48:06,494 --> 00:48:10,485 Especially the ones, uh, you know, out around the museum area. 766 00:48:12,105 --> 00:48:14,796 All right?. Hey, come on! 767 00:48:16,737 --> 00:48:21,308 Now, you either lead, follow, or get out of the way. All right?. 768 00:48:21,418 --> 00:48:24,749 Whoa. Did you just make that up?. 769 00:48:24,849 --> 00:48:27,789 Yes, I did. Now look... 770 00:48:27,889 --> 00:48:30,480 I also need help finding this girl named Rita, like, immediately... 771 00:48:30,590 --> 00:48:32,991 and Frito will give you a hand with it. Why?. 772 00:48:34,731 --> 00:48:39,863 Well, because, uh, you know, she'd be an essential... integral... asset... 773 00:48:39,973 --> 00:48:44,774 you know, for our team, for us to,you know, utilize. 774 00:48:46,414 --> 00:48:50,275 [ All Laughing ] 775 00:48:51,416 --> 00:48:54,316 Utilize her! Utilize her! 776 00:48:54,416 --> 00:48:56,517 [Secretary of State ] Utilize! 777 00:48:56,627 --> 00:48:59,688 [ Laughing ] Hey, uh, but you're gonna bring her here, right?. 778 00:48:59,798 --> 00:49:02,489 Oh, yeah. Butt first! 779 00:49:02,599 --> 00:49:04,529 [ All Laughing ] 780 00:49:04,629 --> 00:49:07,340 [Secretary of Defense ] Utilize her! Okay. 781 00:49:12,981 --> 00:49:16,342 Dang! May I approach your benches?. 782 00:49:21,954 --> 00:49:24,584 Uh, yeah. This sucks pretty bad. 783 00:49:24,694 --> 00:49:27,525 Frito, why don't you come over here and, uh, take a look at this? 784 00:49:27,625 --> 00:49:31,066 Come on. Hustle over here, buddy. I wanna figure this out. 785 00:49:31,166 --> 00:49:34,967 See, uh, just not a lot of moisture. Have you got the map?. 786 00:49:35,077 --> 00:49:37,038 Oh, yeah. Discreetly. 787 00:49:41,379 --> 00:49:44,150 It's right there. I see it. I see it. 788 00:49:44,250 --> 00:49:46,810 Stand up with me. 789 00:49:46,920 --> 00:49:50,791 Yo, Mr. Secretary Not Sure. They found that whore you wanted. 790 00:49:50,891 --> 00:49:53,882 Hey, that may be how you refer to women in the future, but come on. 791 00:49:53,992 --> 00:49:58,263 No, sir. Turns out she charged some guy a lotta money and didn't put out. 792 00:49:58,373 --> 00:50:00,364 Don't worry though. We'll get her out... 793 00:50:00,474 --> 00:50:03,775 on a work-release whorin' license as long as you're doin' her. 794 00:50:03,875 --> 00:50:07,076 Get your hands off me. What do you think I'm gonna do, run through the field?. 795 00:50:07,176 --> 00:50:09,516 What the fuck are you all starin' at?. 796 00:50:09,616 --> 00:50:11,637 -joe?. That's Not Sure, ma'am. 797 00:50:11,757 --> 00:50:15,658 Secretary Not Sure. Secretary?. Secretary of what?. 798 00:50:15,758 --> 00:50:20,359 Say, would you guys mind if we had a little moment together?. Alone?. 799 00:50:20,459 --> 00:50:24,870 You know, in the bushes? 800 00:50:26,601 --> 00:50:28,541 Oh, man. 801 00:50:29,572 --> 00:50:33,013 [ All Laughing ] 802 00:50:37,114 --> 00:50:40,675 Fuck her,joe! Hey, you want us to come along, make sure she puts out?. 803 00:50:40,785 --> 00:50:42,815 No, thanks. I can handle it. Yeah. 804 00:50:42,925 --> 00:50:46,156 I thought you was in jail. How'd you get to be the secretary of Interior?. 805 00:50:46,266 --> 00:50:48,557 Just keep walking. I'll explain everything. 806 00:50:57,339 --> 00:50:59,309 Okay. Get ready to run. 807 00:51:01,780 --> 00:51:04,411 What? Oh, Goddamn it. 808 00:51:04,521 --> 00:51:07,322 Way to go, Frito. You know what?. Just make a run for it anyways. 809 00:51:07,422 --> 00:51:09,352 We'll ask for directions on the way. 810 00:51:09,462 --> 00:51:12,623 No way. I spent the last two days looking for it. It ain't easy to find. 811 00:51:12,733 --> 00:51:15,704 Damn it. I can't go back to jail, and I sure can't solve these problems. 812 00:51:15,804 --> 00:51:18,925 All's I know is I better find Upgrayedd before he finds me. 813 00:51:19,035 --> 00:51:22,406 Listen to me. Upgrayedd cannot find you, okay?. It's impossible! 814 00:51:22,506 --> 00:51:25,236 Oh, yeah?. Yeah! And even if Upgrayedd... 815 00:51:25,346 --> 00:51:27,337 could somehow magically travel through time... 816 00:51:27,447 --> 00:51:30,888 we got secret service guys with huge guns protecting us, okay?. 817 00:51:30,988 --> 00:51:32,888 So don't worry. You're safe. 818 00:51:32,988 --> 00:51:36,149 And you know what?. It's none of my business, but when we get back... 819 00:51:36,259 --> 00:51:38,890 you and Upgrayedd should seriously think about couples counseling, okay?. 820 00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:43,431 And you should also think about maybe finding an art manager who's not also your boyfriend. 821 00:51:43,531 --> 00:51:47,632 Hey! She's not puttin'out? 822 00:51:47,742 --> 00:51:51,873 Uh, no, she is. We, uh We already did it. 823 00:51:51,983 --> 00:51:54,474 Yeah. He was great. 824 00:51:56,685 --> 00:52:00,346 Okay. Hey, a couple of us guys were wonderin', uh... 825 00:52:00,456 --> 00:52:02,426 if we'd go family-style on her. 826 00:52:04,957 --> 00:52:08,418 Uh, yeah, probably not right now. 827 00:52:08,538 --> 00:52:11,989 We should focus on the crops. So let's get back to work. Maybe later. 828 00:52:19,111 --> 00:52:20,811 What the hell is this?. 829 00:52:23,722 --> 00:52:27,593 Tastes like Gatorade. [ Rita ] Is that that Brawndo stuff? 830 00:52:27,693 --> 00:52:31,424 [joe ] They're watering crops with a sports drink? 831 00:52:33,094 --> 00:52:35,825 [ Narrator] Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator had come to replace water... 832 00:52:35,935 --> 00:52:38,096 virtually everywhere. 833 00:52:38,206 --> 00:52:40,396 Water, the basic component of all life... 834 00:52:40,506 --> 00:52:43,497 had been deemed a threat to Brawndo's profit margin. 835 00:52:43,607 --> 00:52:47,108 The solution came during the budget crisis of 2330... 836 00:52:47,218 --> 00:52:52,049 when the Brawndo Corporation simply bought the F.D.A.... 837 00:52:52,159 --> 00:52:53,620 and the F.C.C..... 838 00:52:53,720 --> 00:52:55,950 enabling them to say, do and sell... 839 00:52:56,060 --> 00:52:57,961 anything they wanted. 840 00:53:03,002 --> 00:53:05,633 Joe didn't know any of this... 841 00:53:05,743 --> 00:53:09,734 but he did see a problem that he might actually be able to solve. 842 00:53:09,844 --> 00:53:14,405 [ Indistinct ] With his options running out, Joe took a bold step. 843 00:53:14,515 --> 00:53:16,646 He would not get out of the way. 844 00:53:16,756 --> 00:53:19,617 This time, he would lead. 845 00:53:19,727 --> 00:53:21,747 For the last time, I'm pretty sure... 846 00:53:21,857 --> 00:53:24,828 what's killing the crops is this Brawndo stuff. 847 00:53:24,928 --> 00:53:27,699 But Brawndo's got what plants crave. It's got electrolytes. 848 00:53:27,799 --> 00:53:29,859 So wait a minute. What you're saying... 849 00:53:29,969 --> 00:53:33,770 is that you want us to put water on the crops. 850 00:53:33,870 --> 00:53:36,901 Yes. Water. Like out the toilet?. 851 00:53:37,011 --> 00:53:41,002 Well, I mean, it doesn't have to be out of the toilet, but, yeah, that's the idea. 852 00:53:41,112 --> 00:53:44,453 But Brawndo's got what plants crave. It's got electrolytes. 853 00:53:44,553 --> 00:53:46,524 Okay, look. 854 00:53:46,624 --> 00:53:50,115 The plants aren't growing, so I'm pretty sure that the Brawndo's not working. 855 00:53:50,225 --> 00:53:54,896 Now, I'm no botanist, but I do know that if you put water on plants, they grow. 856 00:53:54,996 --> 00:53:58,697 Well, I've never seen no plants grow out of no toilet. 857 00:53:58,807 --> 00:54:02,068 Hey, that's good. You sure you ain't the smartest guy in the world?. 858 00:54:02,178 --> 00:54:06,139 [ Chuckling ] You wanna solve this problem. I wanna get my pardon. 859 00:54:06,249 --> 00:54:10,210 So why don't we just try it, okay, and not worry about what plants crave?. 860 00:54:10,320 --> 00:54:12,791 Brawndo's got what plants crave. 861 00:54:12,891 --> 00:54:15,411 Goddamn it. Yeah, it's got electrolytes. 862 00:54:15,531 --> 00:54:17,962 What are electrolytes?. Do you even know?. 863 00:54:18,062 --> 00:54:20,833 It's what they use to make Brawndo. 864 00:54:20,933 --> 00:54:23,563 Yeah, but why do they use them to make Brawndo?. 865 00:54:23,673 --> 00:54:26,234 'Cause Brawndo's got electrolytes. 866 00:54:29,245 --> 00:54:33,686 [ Narrator] After several hours, Joe finally gave up on logic and reason... 867 00:54:33,786 --> 00:54:36,847 and simply told the cabinet that he could talk to plants... 868 00:54:36,957 --> 00:54:39,578 and that they wanted water. 869 00:54:40,688 --> 00:54:43,029 He made believers out of everyone. 870 00:54:43,129 --> 00:54:46,690 Joe didn't know it, but the beloved electrolytes... 871 00:54:46,800 --> 00:54:50,761 were salts that had been building up in the topsoil over the decades... 872 00:54:50,871 --> 00:54:53,601 killing plants and leading to the dust bowl. 873 00:54:53,711 --> 00:54:59,443 As secretary of the interior, Joe ordered all crops to be switched to water... 874 00:54:59,553 --> 00:55:04,684 promising that, over time, plants would grow and the dust bowl would end. 875 00:55:04,784 --> 00:55:08,815 He was on the fast track to a full presidential pardon. 876 00:55:08,925 --> 00:55:12,056 Or so it seemed. [ Al I Shouti ng ] 877 00:55:13,167 --> 00:55:17,068 Man, I hope somethin' grows fast. 878 00:55:17,168 --> 00:55:19,158 Yeah. So we can haul our ass back home. 879 00:55:19,278 --> 00:55:22,869 Man. You really think those people would have starved to death?. 880 00:55:24,409 --> 00:55:29,041 I don't know. I mean, how did the world ever get like this?. 881 00:55:29,151 --> 00:55:33,022 You know things are bad when they're comin' to me for answers. 882 00:55:33,122 --> 00:55:35,893 It's a weird feeling being smarter than everyone. Mm-hmm. 883 00:55:35,993 --> 00:55:38,223 I'm not used to it. Yeah. Me neither. 884 00:55:40,964 --> 00:55:44,705 You think Einstein walked around thinkin' everyone was a bunch of dumb shits?. 885 00:55:44,805 --> 00:55:47,366 Yeah. Hadn't thought of that. 886 00:55:47,476 --> 00:55:51,607 Now you know why he built that bomb. Yeah. 887 00:55:54,017 --> 00:55:56,218 Hey,joe, listen. Those cops 888 00:55:56,318 --> 00:55:58,589 Oh, hey. I'm sorry about that. No. No. 889 00:55:58,689 --> 00:56:01,719 They said that you got me a pardon. 890 00:56:01,829 --> 00:56:04,850 You know, if you hadn't done that, I'd still be in jail right now, so... 891 00:56:06,171 --> 00:56:08,791 I guess I owe you one. 892 00:56:11,002 --> 00:56:14,573 You know, you don't have to sleep on the floor if you don't want to. 893 00:56:15,983 --> 00:56:20,144 Oh. No. I'm- I'm all right. Yeah. 894 00:56:20,254 --> 00:56:24,315 Besides, you know, I don't think Upgrayedd would be too happy about that. 895 00:56:24,425 --> 00:56:26,086 You in bed with a stranger. 896 00:56:27,826 --> 00:56:30,087 [ Snickers ] Yeah. 897 00:56:30,197 --> 00:56:32,898 [ Laughing ] 898 00:56:32,998 --> 00:56:34,828 I know. I know. 899 00:56:34,938 --> 00:56:36,839 [Laughing Continues ] 900 00:56:36,939 --> 00:56:41,930 [joe ] Yeah. Oh, boy. 901 00:56:49,892 --> 00:56:52,453 Oh, shit. It's Upgrayedd. 902 00:56:52,563 --> 00:56:54,993 [joe ] Oh, shit. It's not Upgrayedd. 903 00:56:55,093 --> 00:56:57,394 [ Narrator] Given enough time, Joe's plan might have worked. 904 00:56:57,494 --> 00:56:59,835 But when the Brawndo stock suddenly dropped to zero... 905 00:56:59,935 --> 00:57:02,365 Leaving half the population unemployed... 906 00:57:02,475 --> 00:57:06,166 dumb, angry mobs took to the streets, rioting and looting... 907 00:57:06,276 --> 00:57:08,207 and screaming for joe's head. 908 00:57:08,307 --> 00:57:11,008 An emergency cabinet meeting was called... 909 00:57:11,118 --> 00:57:13,448 with the C.E.O. of the Brawndo Corporation. 910 00:57:13,548 --> 00:57:16,019 How come nobody's buying Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator?. 911 00:57:16,119 --> 00:57:18,490 Aw, shit. Half the country works for Brawndo. 912 00:57:18,590 --> 00:57:21,360 Not anymore! The stock has dropped to zero... 913 00:57:21,460 --> 00:57:23,621 and the computer did that auto-layoff thing to everybody. 914 00:57:23,731 --> 00:57:26,292 We're all unemployed! You think that makes the "ecomony" suck?. 915 00:57:26,402 --> 00:57:30,463 Why is this happening?. I think it's because we switched to water, but- 916 00:57:30,573 --> 00:57:33,063 You mean this is all your fault?. What?. 917 00:57:33,173 --> 00:57:37,015 Yeah, this is your fault. This shit started happening when we switched to water! 918 00:57:37,115 --> 00:57:41,016 Brought to you by Carl's jr. Brought to you by Carl's jr. Brought to you by Carl's jr. 919 00:57:43,756 --> 00:57:45,557 [Announcer] Fox News. 920 00:57:48,798 --> 00:57:51,858 He tried taking water from toilets... 921 00:57:51,968 --> 00:57:55,899 but it's Secretary Not Sure who finds himself in the toilet now. 922 00:57:56,010 --> 00:57:57,910 And as history pulls down its pants... 923 00:57:58,010 --> 00:58:01,271 and prepares to lower its ass on Not Sure's head... 924 00:58:01,381 --> 00:58:05,372 it will be Daddy justice who will be crapping on him this time. 925 00:58:05,482 --> 00:58:09,683 We now go live to Violence Channel correspondent Formica Davis... 926 00:58:09,793 --> 00:58:13,654 at the Extreme Court with highlights on today's trial. 927 00:58:16,165 --> 00:58:20,366 Thank you, Velveeta. Well, it started off boring and slow... 928 00:58:20,466 --> 00:58:24,027 with Not Sure trying to bullshit everyone with a bunch of smart talk. 929 00:58:24,137 --> 00:58:28,238 [ With Effeminate Voice ] Blah, blah, blah. You gotta believe me! 930 00:58:28,348 --> 00:58:30,339 [ Normal Voice ] That part of the trial sucked. 931 00:58:30,449 --> 00:58:33,109 But then, the chief "j" just went off. 932 00:58:33,219 --> 00:58:35,240 He said, ""Man, whatever. 933 00:58:35,350 --> 00:58:37,951 The guy's guilty as shit. We all know that. " 934 00:58:38,061 --> 00:58:41,822 And he sentenced his ass to one night of Rehabilitation. 935 00:58:41,932 --> 00:58:44,492 Hey, rehabilitation?. One night?. 936 00:58:44,602 --> 00:58:46,503 Doesn't sound so bad. 937 00:58:46,603 --> 00:58:48,463 Not so bad, huh?. 938 00:58:48,573 --> 00:58:51,834 Here's some highlights from last week's Rehabilitation. 939 00:58:51,944 --> 00:58:54,245 [ Crowd Cheering] 940 00:58:55,685 --> 00:58:57,646 [ Engine Revving] 941 00:59:02,827 --> 00:59:05,918 [ Formica ] And who could forget that wonderful finish... 942 00:59:06,028 --> 00:59:08,519 by Rehab Officer Tylenol jones? 943 00:59:08,629 --> 00:59:12,330 [ Chuckl i ng ] And tomorrow night looks even more better. 944 00:59:12,440 --> 00:59:16,841 Word is that Beef Supreme himself might come out of retirement. 945 00:59:16,941 --> 00:59:19,642 Wow. Thank you, Formica. 946 00:59:21,112 --> 00:59:24,103 So you think you can escape again like you did last time?. 947 00:59:24,213 --> 00:59:27,014 No. They pretty much fixed that. How?. 948 00:59:27,124 --> 00:59:29,384 They chained me to a big rock. 949 00:59:30,795 --> 00:59:32,695 [Rita ] Oh. Yeah. 950 00:59:32,795 --> 00:59:34,986 Look, Rita, get Frito. 951 00:59:35,096 --> 00:59:38,227 Get him to take you back to the time machine without me. Don't wait. 952 00:59:38,337 --> 00:59:42,358 No. You could have split on me before, but you didn't. 953 00:59:42,478 --> 00:59:45,879 Look, you wanna pay me back?. Just go back, okay?. 954 00:59:45,979 --> 00:59:48,539 Tell people to read books. 955 00:59:48,649 --> 00:59:50,740 Tell people to stay in school, you know. 956 00:59:50,850 --> 00:59:54,381 Tell people to just use their brains or something. 957 00:59:54,491 --> 00:59:57,682 I think maybe the world got like this because of people like me. 958 00:59:57,792 --> 01:00:02,393 I never did anything with my life. At least you were an artist, you know?. 959 01:00:02,503 --> 01:00:05,064 So just go back and- [ Guard] Visit's over! 960 01:00:08,034 --> 01:00:11,495 And Rita, whatever you do, keep painting, okay?. 961 01:00:13,046 --> 01:00:15,016 Good luck,joe. 962 01:00:20,388 --> 01:00:22,048 [ Groans ] 963 01:00:22,218 --> 01:00:25,089 [Announcer] Okay, that's five down and one more to go. 964 01:00:25,189 --> 01:00:28,890 Are you ready for a monster-truck duel to the death? 965 01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:32,531 Yeah! Let's give it up for the Guitar Army. 966 01:00:32,641 --> 01:00:34,541 [ Rock ] 967 01:00:34,641 --> 01:00:36,612 [Announcer] Okay, we're gonna do this shit. 968 01:00:36,712 --> 01:00:39,873 But first, to lead us in our Natural Anthem... 969 01:00:39,983 --> 01:00:44,744 the star of Ow! My Balls! Hormel Chavez! 970 01:00:44,854 --> 01:00:47,785 Thank you. Thank you. 971 01:00:47,885 --> 01:00:52,886 [ Man ] Hey! Come here! [ Singing Patriotic Song ] 972 01:00:52,996 --> 01:00:56,557 Come here! [ Continues ] 973 01:00:56,667 --> 01:00:58,568 [ Groans ] [Announcer] Right in the balls! 974 01:00:58,668 --> 01:01:03,469 [ All Laughing ] That's just how that shit went on TV! 975 01:01:03,579 --> 01:01:07,810 [ Announcer] This execution is brought to you by Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator. 976 01:01:07,910 --> 01:01:09,811 After you've killed someone... [ Knocking] 977 01:01:09,921 --> 01:01:11,851 your body needs electrolytes. Yeah. 978 01:01:11,951 --> 01:01:15,252 So, my car's out front... 979 01:01:15,352 --> 01:01:17,623 whenever you want me to take you... 980 01:01:17,723 --> 01:01:19,953 to the time machine. 981 01:01:20,063 --> 01:01:21,994 Thanks, Frito. 982 01:01:22,094 --> 01:01:24,195 Yeah. [Announcer] I can't hear you! 983 01:01:24,305 --> 01:01:27,495 That's a real bummer about joe, huh?. 984 01:01:27,605 --> 01:01:30,196 [Announcer] I can't hear you! Yeah. 985 01:01:30,306 --> 01:01:35,768 Oh! Can you turn this up? I love Rehabilitation. 986 01:01:47,301 --> 01:01:51,762 [Announcer] Okay. Let's meet our rehabilitation officers for tonight. 987 01:01:51,872 --> 01:01:55,173 With a combined record of 6.2 kills... 988 01:01:55,273 --> 01:02:00,114 please welcome Vinny Mawumba in the Dildozer! 989 01:02:05,926 --> 01:02:11,687 And his brother Bobby Mawumba in the Ass Blaster! 990 01:02:11,797 --> 01:02:13,768 I get a truck too, right?. 991 01:02:13,868 --> 01:02:16,598 Yeah. Here it comes. 992 01:02:16,698 --> 01:02:19,229 [ Engine Sputtering ] 993 01:02:21,540 --> 01:02:24,510 [ Guards Chuckling ] 994 01:02:26,251 --> 01:02:28,211 Get in. 995 01:02:32,723 --> 01:02:35,083 You still got the chain attached. 996 01:02:37,294 --> 01:02:39,854 [ Guard] Door won't shut. What about the chain?. 997 01:02:39,965 --> 01:02:41,935 We could break it. No. He could escape. 998 01:02:42,035 --> 01:02:45,596 I got an idea. Let's put it in the trunk. Yeah. That'll work. 999 01:02:49,177 --> 01:02:52,738 [ Guard] Who's smart now? [Announcer] Let's bring out our criminal. 1000 01:02:52,848 --> 01:02:55,979 He tried to ruin the country by pouring toilet water on crops. 1001 01:02:56,089 --> 01:02:58,489 He cost millions ofpeople their jobs. 1002 01:02:58,589 --> 01:03:01,920 Let's get ready to rehabilitate Not Sure! 1003 01:03:03,591 --> 01:03:07,322 [ All Laughing ] 1004 01:03:13,943 --> 01:03:16,304 Never would have guessed this is how I was gonna die. 1005 01:03:16,414 --> 01:03:19,315 [Announcer] Are you ready for some car-on-car action? 1006 01:03:19,415 --> 01:03:21,385 Yes. 1007 01:03:22,486 --> 01:03:25,316 I can't watch this. This is- 1008 01:03:25,417 --> 01:03:29,918 This is gonna be so sad. I hope I don't cry. 1009 01:03:31,728 --> 01:03:35,629 Holy shit! Frito, come here! Look! 1010 01:03:35,729 --> 01:03:38,200 He was right. The water it worked. 1011 01:03:38,300 --> 01:03:40,931 Frito, can you get me over there?. 1012 01:03:41,911 --> 01:03:43,811 Yes. 1013 01:03:43,911 --> 01:03:46,902 No, you fuckin' moron. To the Rehabilitation place. 1014 01:03:47,012 --> 01:03:49,043 Uh, this way. Yeah! 1015 01:03:53,624 --> 01:03:55,524 Come on, Frito. Hurry! 1016 01:03:55,625 --> 01:03:58,655 [Announcer]And now the dude that everybody came here to see... 1017 01:03:58,765 --> 01:04:02,356 Yeah! the only undefeated officer ever in history... 1018 01:04:02,466 --> 01:04:05,997 coming out of retirement just to pound Not Sure's ass... 1019 01:04:06,107 --> 01:04:11,069 driving the biggest, hugest correctional vehicle ever built in history- 1020 01:04:11,179 --> 01:04:15,050 bigger than the Dildozer, bigger than the Ass Blaster... 1021 01:04:15,150 --> 01:04:19,181 bigger and huger than everything ever before in history- 1022 01:04:19,291 --> 01:04:22,222 the brand-new Assdozer! 1023 01:04:22,322 --> 01:04:25,022 Give it up for Beef Supreme! [ Rock ] 1024 01:04:28,603 --> 01:04:30,504 Oh! 1025 01:04:36,515 --> 01:04:38,446 Oh! 1026 01:04:52,830 --> 01:04:56,100 [Announcer] Oh, shit. I think it was too big, huh? 1027 01:04:56,201 --> 01:04:58,691 We seem to be "experimenting"... 1028 01:04:58,801 --> 01:05:02,102 some "techmological" differences... 1029 01:05:02,212 --> 01:05:04,113 so, uh, shit. 1030 01:05:04,213 --> 01:05:07,584 Frito, look! 1031 01:05:07,684 --> 01:05:09,884 I t's working everywhere! Huh. 1032 01:05:09,984 --> 01:05:14,045 [Announcer] Well, shit. That's a big pile of rocks. 1033 01:05:14,155 --> 01:05:17,286 Kinda reminds me of this one time that I was- Man. 1034 01:05:17,396 --> 01:05:19,417 Hey! Oh, oh, okay. 1035 01:05:19,537 --> 01:05:21,727 Get this shit started! We're gonna start without Beef Supreme. 1036 01:05:21,837 --> 01:05:25,568 Let the rehabilitation begin! 1037 01:05:35,121 --> 01:05:37,681 [ Engine Stalls ] Oh, shit. 1038 01:05:37,791 --> 01:05:40,692 Come on. Come on. [ Engine Cranking ] 1039 01:05:40,792 --> 01:05:43,263 [ Rita ] Come on, Frito. Hurry! 1040 01:05:45,894 --> 01:05:48,594 Oh! [ Engine Starts ] 1041 01:05:53,306 --> 01:05:54,836 Goddamn it. 1042 01:05:57,247 --> 01:06:01,118 Yeah! -jesus, that was close. 1043 01:06:03,618 --> 01:06:06,519 Mr. President! Mr. President, I need to talk to you. 1044 01:06:06,629 --> 01:06:08,820 You gotta stop this thing. He was right about the water. 1045 01:06:08,930 --> 01:06:11,830 We passed some crops on the wayhere. They're growing. 1046 01:06:11,931 --> 01:06:13,831 I didn't see no crops. 1047 01:06:14,971 --> 01:06:16,662 [Announcer] They're circling around. 1048 01:06:16,772 --> 01:06:19,292 They're gonna do the Malachi Crunch on him! 1049 01:06:21,943 --> 01:06:25,344 This is an illegal move, okay? So don't tell nobody. Oh! 1050 01:06:46,180 --> 01:06:49,170 [Announcer] So, uh So the winner is, uh- 1051 01:06:50,981 --> 01:06:54,182 [Announcer] You gotta be shittin' me. Did he win?. 1052 01:06:57,052 --> 01:06:59,253 Uh-oh. Look. 1053 01:07:01,123 --> 01:07:04,854 [Announcer] Holy shit! It's Beef Supreme! 1054 01:07:04,965 --> 01:07:07,595 [ Rock ] 1055 01:07:12,206 --> 01:07:13,967 [Announcer] Beef Supreme! Yeah! Yeah! 1056 01:07:14,077 --> 01:07:18,348 Hey, Frito. Frito, you remember those crops we saw off the road... 1057 01:07:18,448 --> 01:07:21,079 right by the Star bucks?. Uh-huh. 1058 01:07:21,189 --> 01:07:25,280 Hey. Wanna make some money?. I like money. 1059 01:07:39,504 --> 01:07:43,805 Hey, um, the, uh the main screen is malfunctioning... 1060 01:07:43,915 --> 01:07:46,435 and they gonna need you outside immediately. 1061 01:07:49,656 --> 01:07:52,677 There's a bunch of whores in the hallway. 1062 01:07:55,858 --> 01:07:58,359 Come on, Frito. Hurry. 1063 01:07:59,429 --> 01:08:01,529 Can't believe you like money too. 1064 01:08:01,639 --> 01:08:04,130 We should hang out. Totally. 1065 01:08:29,467 --> 01:08:31,497 [Announcer] He's behind the truck! 1066 01:08:33,608 --> 01:08:36,379 Yes! Yes! [ Mouthing Words ] 1067 01:08:37,749 --> 01:08:39,810 He's behind the fucking truck! He's over there! 1068 01:08:39,920 --> 01:08:41,980 [Announcer] Behind the truck, stupid! 1069 01:08:52,303 --> 01:08:53,893 Look! 1070 01:08:56,104 --> 01:08:59,665 Shit. That's a good deal. 1071 01:08:59,775 --> 01:09:04,276 [ Frito ] Extra foam. I got a bunch of money too. 1072 01:09:04,386 --> 01:09:07,007 Forgot what it was for. Huh. 1073 01:09:08,287 --> 01:09:12,088 You think it was for lattes?. Yeah. Probably. 1074 01:09:12,188 --> 01:09:16,459 [ Frito ] You like moneyand sex? You're trippin'me out. What the fuck?. 1075 01:09:18,700 --> 01:09:20,930 Yeah! Yeah! 1076 01:09:30,583 --> 01:09:34,454 -just hold on, okay?. Everyone just take it easy, okay?. [ Crowd Booing ] 1077 01:09:34,554 --> 01:09:36,455 Can I just say something here?. 1078 01:09:38,855 --> 01:09:41,796 I don't even know what I'm guilty of here. 1079 01:09:41,896 --> 01:09:45,797 I never said that I was the smartest person on earth. You people did. 1080 01:09:45,897 --> 01:09:49,568 I didn't know that you'd lose your jobs and all your money... 1081 01:09:49,668 --> 01:09:51,799 and I'm very sorry that that happened. 1082 01:09:51,909 --> 01:09:53,939 But I'm tellin' you... 1083 01:09:54,049 --> 01:09:56,410 if you put water on the crops, it might actually 1084 01:09:56,520 --> 01:09:59,511 No, it will work. I promise you! 1085 01:09:59,621 --> 01:10:04,022 You just have to believe me. I just wanted to help you. That's all. 1086 01:10:04,122 --> 01:10:08,963 So you can try and shoot me. You can try and run me over, whatever. 1087 01:10:09,063 --> 01:10:12,524 But I just want you to ask yourselves one question first. 1088 01:10:13,734 --> 01:10:16,265 Do you really want to live in a world... 1089 01:10:16,375 --> 01:10:19,866 where you try to blow up the one person that's tryin' to help you?. 1090 01:10:26,418 --> 01:10:30,619 [ All Laughing ] 1091 01:10:30,729 --> 01:10:32,959 Hold on.just hold on. 1092 01:10:45,913 --> 01:10:48,033 [ Indistinct ] 1093 01:10:54,355 --> 01:10:56,546 Oh, man. That was great. 1094 01:10:56,656 --> 01:11:00,317 Hey, was I wearing pants when we went in there?. 1095 01:11:00,427 --> 01:11:03,828 Shit. What do I look like, a pants goblin?. 1096 01:11:03,938 --> 01:11:07,269 Wait. This reminds me of something. 1097 01:11:07,369 --> 01:11:10,239 Uh, ""Rehabil-Rehabilate- 1098 01:11:10,339 --> 01:11:13,540 Rehabilation." Why do you keep trying to read that word?. 1099 01:11:13,650 --> 01:11:17,171 You a fag?. I'll fag your face! 1100 01:11:25,823 --> 01:11:28,854 Come on, Frito. Yeah. I don't think so. 1101 01:11:30,235 --> 01:11:32,705 Oh, yeah. 1102 01:12:14,226 --> 01:12:18,687 This guy just got his ass a pardon! 1103 01:12:18,797 --> 01:12:22,358 [ All Cheering ] 1104 01:12:26,709 --> 01:12:28,470 [ Laughing ] Yeah! 1105 01:12:28,640 --> 01:12:31,541 [Rock] 1106 01:12:42,754 --> 01:12:46,195 Man, Rita. I mean, I don't know what to say. 1107 01:12:46,295 --> 01:12:49,566 You saved my life. No one's ever done anything like that for me. 1108 01:12:49,666 --> 01:12:51,566 Yeah, well... 1109 01:12:51,666 --> 01:12:54,697 you were looking out for the whole world so, you know... 1110 01:12:54,807 --> 01:12:58,508 I thought someone should look out for you too. Thanks. 1111 01:13:00,118 --> 01:13:02,479 I can't believe I'm even saying this, but... 1112 01:13:02,579 --> 01:13:04,579 even though these people tried to kill me... 1113 01:13:04,690 --> 01:13:08,140 you know, I think I'm actually gonna kinda miss'em. Yeah. 1114 01:13:08,260 --> 01:13:11,091 Frito he's gonna give us a ride back to the time machine. 1115 01:13:11,191 --> 01:13:14,422 I just, uh I hope he's okay to drive. 1116 01:13:15,862 --> 01:13:18,993 It's you. Oh, man, I really love your show. 1117 01:13:19,103 --> 01:13:21,404 Thank you so much. 1118 01:13:21,504 --> 01:13:26,675 Uh,joe, I'm not going. What?. 1119 01:13:28,486 --> 01:13:32,347 I had some pretty bad habits back there that I don't want to fall into again. 1120 01:13:32,457 --> 01:13:34,427 Maybe it's time I got a new start. 1121 01:13:34,527 --> 01:13:38,658 Besides, they offered me a pretty good job at Star bucks here. 1122 01:13:38,759 --> 01:13:41,429 I'm gonna be a C.E.O. At Star bucks?. 1123 01:13:41,529 --> 01:13:44,370 Yeah. Yeah?. You're still gonna paint though, right?. 1124 01:13:46,040 --> 01:13:49,441 Yeah. Sure. 1125 01:13:49,541 --> 01:13:51,372 I guess this is good-bye then. 1126 01:13:53,242 --> 01:13:55,473 [ Camacho ] Hey, hey, hey, hey! 1127 01:13:55,583 --> 01:13:58,054 I got a couple presidential decrees to make! 1128 01:13:58,054 --> 01:13:59,744 I got a couple presidential decrees to make! 1129 01:13:59,854 --> 01:14:04,085 Not Sure, get your ass up here, wherever you is. 1130 01:14:04,195 --> 01:14:06,596 [ Crowd Cheering ] 1131 01:14:06,696 --> 01:14:08,926 Let me get that little peanut head up here. 1132 01:14:09,037 --> 01:14:11,797 Yo. Yo. [ Laughs ] 1133 01:14:11,907 --> 01:14:13,838 I have decided... 1134 01:14:13,938 --> 01:14:16,468 to make this man- 1135 01:14:16,579 --> 01:14:19,509 the man who solved all our problems 1136 01:14:20,850 --> 01:14:23,510 I have decided to make him... 1137 01:14:23,620 --> 01:14:25,921 my new vice president. 1138 01:14:26,021 --> 01:14:28,352 [ All Cheering ] 1139 01:14:28,462 --> 01:14:31,693 Mr. President, thanks. That's real cool of you, sir... 1140 01:14:31,793 --> 01:14:35,664 but I can't accept it, sir. What?. Why?. 1141 01:14:35,764 --> 01:14:40,505 You know, I gotta get home. But we still got all these problems. 1142 01:14:40,605 --> 01:14:43,596 Look, you know, you're just gonna have to solve 'em yourselves. 1143 01:14:43,716 --> 01:14:46,176 How?. Think about it, you know?. 1144 01:14:46,276 --> 01:14:49,337 You're just gonna have to figure it out like we did with the crops. 1145 01:14:49,447 --> 01:14:53,978 But how are we gonna figure out about the garbage "ambulanches"and the "comony"? 1146 01:14:54,088 --> 01:14:59,930 And what about the nuc- "nucular" reactor in Florida? 1147 01:15:00,030 --> 01:15:02,501 I t's broke and leaky and something's happening. 1148 01:15:02,601 --> 01:15:07,972 I thought it was in Georgia. Georgia's in Florida, dumb ass. 1149 01:15:08,072 --> 01:15:11,133 Hey. Hey, I know. Let's put toilet water on it. Huh?. 1150 01:15:11,243 --> 01:15:14,304 Yeah! Good, good. That's a good idea. 1151 01:15:14,414 --> 01:15:17,115 [Minister of Defense ] Like we did on the crops. Come on, vato. 1152 01:15:17,225 --> 01:15:19,515 Hey, you can't leave. 1153 01:15:19,625 --> 01:15:25,567 Whatever happened to all that "lead, follow, or get outta the way" shit, huh?. 1154 01:15:36,340 --> 01:15:40,751 I guess I just can't get outta the way anymore, can I?. You know what?. 1155 01:15:40,851 --> 01:15:43,752 Forget about the time machine. Yeah! 1156 01:15:43,852 --> 01:15:46,412 [ All Cheering ] 1157 01:15:47,793 --> 01:15:51,194 That ride sucks anyways. 1158 01:15:51,294 --> 01:15:53,424 Ride?. 1159 01:15:56,905 --> 01:15:59,376 [Male Voice ] Welcome to the Time Masheen. 1160 01:15:59,476 --> 01:16:03,967 We are going to take you back, first to the year 1939... 1161 01:16:04,077 --> 01:16:06,568 when Charlie Chaplin and his evil Nazi regime... 1162 01:16:06,678 --> 01:16:09,738 enslaved Europe and tried to take over the world. 1163 01:16:09,848 --> 01:16:12,449 So you knew this thing was just a ride the whole time? 1164 01:16:12,559 --> 01:16:16,050 Yeah. You thought you could really travel through time, huh?. 1165 01:16:16,160 --> 01:16:18,531 Yeah, I guess I did. Yeah. 1166 01:16:18,631 --> 01:16:21,572 For the smartest guy in the world, you're pretty dumb sometimes. 1167 01:16:21,672 --> 01:16:26,573 So why didn't you tell us?. 'Cause I like money. I'm sorry. 1168 01:16:26,673 --> 01:16:30,474 But if it's not a real time machine, there wouldn't have been any money. 1169 01:16:30,584 --> 01:16:34,075 You know, 'cause I can't go back in time and open a savings account. 1170 01:16:34,185 --> 01:16:37,116 Uh, uh, uh- 1171 01:16:37,226 --> 01:16:39,986 Yeah. Don't worry about it. It's okay. 1172 01:16:41,527 --> 01:16:43,457 Well, I guess we're stuck here. 1173 01:16:43,567 --> 01:16:48,659 [Male Voice ] But then an even greater force emerged the "UN. " 1174 01:16:48,769 --> 01:16:52,810 And the "UN" un-nazied the world forever. 1175 01:16:52,810 --> 01:16:53,070 And the "UN" un-nazied the world forever. 1176 01:16:53,240 --> 01:16:56,731 [ Narrator] And so, after serving a short term as vice president... 1177 01:16:56,841 --> 01:17:00,142 Joe was elected the president of America. 1178 01:17:00,252 --> 01:17:02,412 Frito became vice president... 1179 01:17:02,522 --> 01:17:05,683 and Rita, the former prostitute, became first lady. 1180 01:17:05,793 --> 01:17:09,284 Today I step into the shoes of a great man... 1181 01:17:09,394 --> 01:17:13,525 a man by the name of Dwayne Elizondo... 1182 01:17:13,635 --> 01:17:17,626 Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho. 1183 01:17:17,736 --> 01:17:21,867 [ Narrator] Under President Not Sure's leadership, a new era dawned. 1184 01:17:21,977 --> 01:17:25,808 You know, there was a time in this country... 1185 01:17:25,919 --> 01:17:30,180 when smart people were considered cool. 1186 01:17:30,290 --> 01:17:33,220 Well, maybe not cool, but smart people did things... 1187 01:17:33,320 --> 01:17:37,392 Iike build ships and pyramids, and they even went to the moon. 1188 01:17:37,502 --> 01:17:39,022 [ Man ] Yeah! 1189 01:17:41,173 --> 01:17:45,364 And there was a time in this country, a long time ago... 1190 01:17:45,474 --> 01:17:47,874 when reading wasn't just for fags... 1191 01:17:47,974 --> 01:17:50,245 and neither was writing. 1192 01:17:50,345 --> 01:17:54,446 People wrote books and movies, movies that had stories... 1193 01:17:54,556 --> 01:17:58,857 so you cared whose ass it was and why it was farting. 1194 01:17:58,957 --> 01:18:02,418 And I believe that time can come again! 1195 01:18:02,528 --> 01:18:04,459 [ All Cheering ] 1196 01:18:14,341 --> 01:18:17,942 [ All Chanting ] Not Sure, Not Sure, Not Sure! 1197 01:18:21,783 --> 01:18:23,754 [Narrator] Joe and Rita had three children... 1198 01:18:23,854 --> 01:18:26,655 the three smartest kids in the world. 1199 01:18:27,795 --> 01:18:30,286 Vice President Frito took eight wives... 1200 01:18:30,396 --> 01:18:32,836 and had a total of 32 kids- 1201 01:18:32,936 --> 01:18:36,167 thirty-two of the dumbest kids ever to walk the earth. 1202 01:18:41,408 --> 01:18:44,579 Okay, so maybe joe didn't save mankind... 1203 01:18:44,679 --> 01:18:47,120 but he got the ball rolling... 1204 01:18:47,220 --> 01:18:51,021 and that's pretty good for an average guy. 1205 01:23:51,000 --> 01:23:53,701 I'm gonna go find this ho.