1 00:00:41,162 --> 00:00:43,833 As the 21st century began... 2 00:00:43,933 --> 00:00:47,464 human evolution was at a turning point. 3 00:00:47,574 --> 00:00:52,515 Natural selection, the process by which the strongest, the smartest... 4 00:00:52,615 --> 00:00:56,176 the fastest reproduced in greater numbers than the rest... 5 00:00:56,286 --> 00:01:00,117 a process which had once favored the noblest traits of man... 6 00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:02,628 now began to favor different traits. 7 00:01:02,728 --> 00:01:04,628 The joey Buttafuoco case 8 00:01:04,728 --> 00:01:08,529 Most science fiction of the day predicted a future that was more civilized... 9 00:01:08,629 --> 00:01:10,730 and more intelligent. 10 00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:14,861 But as time went on, things seemed to be heading in the opposite direction. 11 00:01:14,971 --> 00:01:16,941 A dumbing down. 12 00:01:17,041 --> 00:01:19,072 How did this happen? 13 00:01:19,182 --> 00:01:22,443 Evolution does not necessarily reward intelligence. 14 00:01:22,553 --> 00:01:25,073 With no natural predators to thin the herd... 15 00:01:25,183 --> 00:01:28,484 it began to simply reward those who reproduced the most... 16 00:01:28,594 --> 00:01:32,725 and left the intelligent to become an endangered species. 17 00:01:33,896 --> 00:01:38,357 Having kids is such an important decision. 18 00:01:38,467 --> 00:01:39,947 We're just waiting for the right time. 19 00:01:40,007 --> 00:01:42,338 It's not something you want to rush into, obviously. 20 00:01:42,438 --> 00:01:44,339 No way. 21 00:01:44,449 --> 00:01:46,849 Oh, shit, I'm pregnant again! 22 00:01:46,949 --> 00:01:50,040 Shit! I got too many damn kids! 23 00:01:50,150 --> 00:01:53,381 I thought you was on the pill or some shit! Hell, no! 24 00:01:53,491 --> 00:01:55,461 Shit! I must've been thinkin' of Brittany. 25 00:01:55,562 --> 00:01:57,682 Brittany? No, you didn't! 26 00:01:57,792 --> 00:02:00,853 There's no way we could have a child now. Mm-mm. 27 00:02:00,963 --> 00:02:02,933 Not with the market the way it is, no. 28 00:02:03,033 --> 00:02:05,364 God, no. That just wouldn't make any sense. 29 00:02:05,474 --> 00:02:08,405 Come on over here, bitch! He don't care about you! 30 00:02:08,505 --> 00:02:11,176 Yeah? Well, there must be somethin' he likes over here. 31 00:02:11,276 --> 00:02:14,547 She don't mean nothin' to me, baby! Clevon! 32 00:02:14,647 --> 00:02:17,707 Oh, shit. It wasn't me! It wasn't me! 33 00:02:17,817 --> 00:02:21,118 Well, we finally decided to have children... 34 00:02:21,228 --> 00:02:25,249 and I'm not pointing fingers, but it's not going well. 35 00:02:25,359 --> 00:02:27,260 And this is helping. 36 00:02:27,370 --> 00:02:30,461 I'm just saying that before I have in vitro, maybe you should be willing to 37 00:02:30,571 --> 00:02:32,471 It's always me, right? 38 00:02:32,571 --> 00:02:35,942 Well, it's not my sperm count. 39 00:02:36,042 --> 00:02:38,603 Yeah! Yeah! I'm gonna fuck all y'all! 40 00:02:38,713 --> 00:02:40,473 That's my boy! 41 00:02:40,583 --> 00:02:42,884 Whoo! Whoo! 42 00:02:44,785 --> 00:02:46,685 Clevon is lucky to be alive. 43 00:02:46,795 --> 00:02:49,126 He attempted to jump a jet Ski from a lake... 44 00:02:49,226 --> 00:02:52,457 into a swimming pool and impaled his crotch on an iron gate. 45 00:02:52,567 --> 00:02:54,687 But thanks to recent advances in stem cell research... 46 00:02:54,737 --> 00:02:57,708 and the fine work of Doctors Krinski and Altschuler... 47 00:02:57,808 --> 00:02:59,999 Clevon should regain full reproductive function. 48 00:03:00,109 --> 00:03:02,009 Get your hands off my junk! 49 00:03:06,250 --> 00:03:09,341 Unfortunately, Trevor passed away from a heart attack... 50 00:03:09,451 --> 00:03:11,542 while masturbating... 51 00:03:11,652 --> 00:03:14,752 to produce sperm for artificial insemination. 52 00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:16,763 But I have some eggs frozen... 53 00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:20,564 so just as soon as the right guy comes along, you know 54 00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:27,296 And so it went for generations... 55 00:03:27,406 --> 00:03:30,207 although few, if any, seemed to notice. 56 00:03:30,317 --> 00:03:36,078 But in the year 2005, in a military base just outside of Washington, D.C... 57 00:03:36,188 --> 00:03:40,119 a simple army librarian was unknowingly... 58 00:03:40,229 --> 00:03:44,130 about to change the entire course of human history. 59 00:03:44,230 --> 00:03:45,991 Come on, asshole! Go on! Take him to jail! 60 00:03:50,272 --> 00:03:51,902 Hey, Bauers. 61 00:03:52,002 --> 00:03:54,503 This is Peterson, your new replacement. 62 00:03:54,613 --> 00:03:58,474 My what? I'm gettin' replaced? Yeah, they didn't tell you? 63 00:03:58,584 --> 00:04:00,675 No. Some new assignment. 64 00:04:00,785 --> 00:04:03,085 They're being all weird and hush-hush about it. 65 00:04:03,185 --> 00:04:06,016 I don't want a new assignment. I tell Sergeant Metsler that every time. 66 00:04:06,126 --> 00:04:09,887 I'm good at this. Good at what? Sittin' on ass? 67 00:04:09,997 --> 00:04:12,588 No one ever comes in here. 68 00:04:12,698 --> 00:04:15,929 Yeah, I know. It's perfect for me. No one bothers me. I can't screw up. 69 00:04:16,039 --> 00:04:19,099 If I can just stay in here another eight years, I get my pension. 70 00:04:19,209 --> 00:04:22,340 I'm all set. Can you just get me out of this? 71 00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:25,171 No way. Not this time. It's coming from high up. 72 00:04:25,281 --> 00:04:29,652 Jesus. I don't understand. Why me? 73 00:04:29,752 --> 00:04:33,383 Every time Metsler says, "Lead, follow, or get out of the way," I get out of the way. 74 00:04:33,493 --> 00:04:37,124 When he says that, you're not supposed to choose "get out of the way." 75 00:04:37,234 --> 00:04:41,295 It's supposed to embarrass you into leading or at least following. 76 00:04:41,405 --> 00:04:43,266 That doesn't embarrass me. 77 00:04:43,376 --> 00:04:45,276 Look, Joe. You don't have a choice. 78 00:04:45,376 --> 00:04:47,207 You're just gonna have to follow. 79 00:04:47,307 --> 00:04:49,778 Like, follow me upstairs, like, now. 80 00:04:49,878 --> 00:04:53,649 Right now? Shouldn't I train this guy? 81 00:04:53,749 --> 00:04:57,950 I think he can figure out how to sit on his ass and watch TV all day. Let's go. 82 00:05:05,032 --> 00:05:08,092 Gentlemen, meet Joe Bauers... 83 00:05:08,202 --> 00:05:11,333 our first subject for the Human Hibernation Experiment. 84 00:05:11,443 --> 00:05:13,374 Now, as you know, throughout the years... 85 00:05:13,474 --> 00:05:15,944 many of our best pilots, soldiers and military leaders... 86 00:05:16,044 --> 00:05:18,325 of ten go their entire careers without ever seeing battle. 87 00:05:18,345 --> 00:05:23,086 With the Human Hibernation Project, we will be able to save our best men... 88 00:05:23,186 --> 00:05:26,127 frozen in their prime, for use when they are needed most. 89 00:05:26,227 --> 00:05:29,958 Joe, here, is not one of our best men. 90 00:05:30,068 --> 00:05:34,699 Mr. Bauers was chosen primarily for how remarkably average he is. 91 00:05:34,799 --> 00:05:39,471 Extremely average in every category. Remarkable, truly. 92 00:05:39,571 --> 00:05:42,341 The most average person in our entire armed forces. 93 00:05:42,441 --> 00:05:44,972 Additionally, he has no family, is unmarried... 94 00:05:45,082 --> 00:05:47,383 is an only child, and both parents are deceased... 95 00:05:47,483 --> 00:05:51,154 making him an ideal candidate, with no one to ask any nosy questions... 96 00:05:51,254 --> 00:05:53,314 should something go wrong with the experiment. 97 00:05:53,424 --> 00:05:57,986 We had a little less luck in finding a female researcher's dream within our ranks... 98 00:05:58,096 --> 00:06:02,157 and were forced to look into the private sector. 99 00:06:02,267 --> 00:06:05,728 This is Rita. Like Joe, she has no immediate family. 100 00:06:05,838 --> 00:06:08,568 Rita agreed to participate in this experiment... 101 00:06:08,678 --> 00:06:12,739 in exchange for dropping of certain criminal charges and a small fee. 102 00:06:12,849 --> 00:06:16,550 We did, however, have to come to an arrangement with her pimp... 103 00:06:16,660 --> 00:06:20,682 a gentleman who goes by the name Upgrayedd, which he spells thusly- 104 00:06:22,292 --> 00:06:26,463 With two D's, as he says, for a double dose of this pimping. 105 00:06:26,573 --> 00:06:28,804 Upgrayedd agreed to loan us Rita for exactly one year... 106 00:06:28,904 --> 00:06:32,235 and keep quiet on the matter, in exchange for certain leeways... 107 00:06:32,345 --> 00:06:35,575 with the local authorities in running his pimp game. 108 00:06:35,675 --> 00:06:39,847 First, however, there was the difficult challenge of gaining his trust. 109 00:06:41,117 --> 00:06:43,778 Collins, could we skip to the technicals, please? 110 00:06:43,888 --> 00:06:46,188 Sure. Let me just finish here. 111 00:06:46,288 --> 00:06:50,589 You see, a pimp's love is very different from that of a square. 112 00:06:50,699 --> 00:06:52,720 Collins! 113 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:56,501 Fine. We'll move on. 114 00:06:56,611 --> 00:06:59,402 It is a fascinating world though. 115 00:07:12,425 --> 00:07:14,416 Jesus, Collins. 116 00:07:15,826 --> 00:07:18,827 Yeah, that's 117 00:07:20,167 --> 00:07:22,898 Anyway, the experiment in which these two subjects... 118 00:07:23,008 --> 00:07:24,999 are to be placed into a dry freeze... 119 00:07:25,109 --> 00:07:27,439 for exactly one year is set to begin tomorrow. 120 00:07:27,549 --> 00:07:29,740 As you know, this is highly classified. 121 00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:34,981 However, if successful, we believe humans can be stored indefinitely. 122 00:07:41,763 --> 00:07:45,224 So this is kinda crazy, huh? 123 00:07:45,334 --> 00:07:48,865 What unit are you with? Oh, I ain't in the service. 124 00:07:48,975 --> 00:07:51,836 Oh, private sector. Okay. 125 00:07:51,946 --> 00:07:56,437 So, uh, what do you do? A little of this, a little of that. 126 00:07:56,547 --> 00:07:58,747 Wow, that's great. 127 00:07:58,847 --> 00:08:01,688 You know, I really envy people that can make a living that way 128 00:08:01,788 --> 00:08:03,819 doing a little of this and a little of that. 129 00:08:03,929 --> 00:08:08,730 I, uh, had a neighbor, Glen. He used to make chainsaw sculptures... 130 00:08:08,830 --> 00:08:10,731 and then he'd sell 'em at the flea market. 131 00:08:10,831 --> 00:08:12,731 Yeah. 132 00:08:14,672 --> 00:08:17,602 So, uh, you an artist or somethin'? 133 00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:21,814 Uh, yeah. You do paintings or 134 00:08:21,914 --> 00:08:24,384 Yeah, paintings. Okay, great. 135 00:08:25,985 --> 00:08:28,645 Mm-hmm. What do you paint mostly? 136 00:08:30,296 --> 00:08:34,817 I don't know, just... people and fruit and shit. 137 00:08:34,927 --> 00:08:40,098 Wow. Well, must be great to be able to make a living doing something you love. 138 00:08:40,208 --> 00:08:42,829 Yeah. It's not all it's cracked up to be. 139 00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:44,600 Who wants to go first? 140 00:08:44,710 --> 00:08:47,200 Me. 141 00:08:51,881 --> 00:08:55,252 What the f Oh, hell, no. Uh-uh. 142 00:08:55,352 --> 00:08:59,053 Hey, no. You probably don't want to do that with the I.V.s attached and all. 143 00:08:59,163 --> 00:09:02,254 What's the matter? Man, Upgrayedd didn't tell me they'd be putting me... 144 00:09:02,364 --> 00:09:04,455 in no damn coffin with tubes and shit! 145 00:09:04,565 --> 00:09:07,556 Oh, no, don't worry about it. It'll be safe. Trust me. 146 00:09:07,676 --> 00:09:09,226 Who's Upgrayedd? 147 00:09:09,336 --> 00:09:11,307 He's my boyfriend. 148 00:09:12,647 --> 00:09:14,617 Man, how do you know this shit's safe? 149 00:09:14,717 --> 00:09:16,618 These guys know what they're doing. Don't worry. 150 00:09:16,718 --> 00:09:19,479 They've tested it on dogs and everything. 151 00:09:19,589 --> 00:09:22,450 What happens is, the drugs will kick in, we drift off to sleep... 152 00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:24,550 we wake up in a year, you'll be paintin' again. 153 00:09:24,660 --> 00:09:26,651 It'll be fine. All right. 154 00:09:26,761 --> 00:09:30,662 Upgrayedd. That's an interesting name. Is he Dutch? 155 00:09:32,002 --> 00:09:35,333 See, 'cause I knew this, uh, Dutch exchange student. 156 00:09:35,443 --> 00:09:36,963 His name was Untgrad. 157 00:09:37,073 --> 00:09:39,104 Okay, my niggas, we're almost set here. 158 00:09:39,214 --> 00:09:42,015 Just go ahead and lie down. Relax. 159 00:09:51,297 --> 00:09:53,088 See you in a year. 160 00:09:53,198 --> 00:09:55,858 The Human Hibernation Project... 161 00:09:55,968 --> 00:09:58,989 was one of the army's most ambitious experiments... 162 00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:01,940 and one of its most secretive. 163 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:04,471 But it was not immune from human error. 164 00:10:07,311 --> 00:10:09,212 Freeze! 165 00:10:17,864 --> 00:10:21,595 Soon after Collins's arrest and the massive scandal that followed... 166 00:10:21,695 --> 00:10:24,466 the base was closed. 167 00:10:24,566 --> 00:10:29,267 It hadn't even been a year, and the entire project was simply forgotten. 168 00:10:31,648 --> 00:10:35,409 Things looked bleak for Joe, but they were even worse for mankind. 169 00:10:35,519 --> 00:10:38,780 As Joe and Rita lay dormant, the years passed... 170 00:10:38,890 --> 00:10:42,911 and mankind became stupider at a frightening rate. 171 00:10:51,603 --> 00:10:55,404 Some had high hopes that genetic engineering... 172 00:10:55,504 --> 00:10:57,495 would correct this trend in evolution. 173 00:10:57,615 --> 00:11:00,776 But sadly, the greatest minds and resources... 174 00:11:00,886 --> 00:11:05,747 were focused on conquering hair loss and prolonging erections. 175 00:11:08,328 --> 00:11:13,759 Meanwhile, the population exploded, and intelligence continued to decline... 176 00:11:13,869 --> 00:11:18,460 until humanity was incapable of solving even its most basic problems. 177 00:11:18,570 --> 00:11:23,562 Like garbage, which had been stacked for centuries with no plan whatsoever... 178 00:11:23,682 --> 00:11:28,543 Leading to the Great Garbage Avalanche of 2505... 179 00:11:28,653 --> 00:11:33,984 which would set in motion the events that would change the world forever. 180 00:12:08,033 --> 00:12:10,794 Hold on. Next, on The Violence Channel... 181 00:12:10,904 --> 00:12:13,135 an all-new Ow! My Balls! 182 00:12:25,618 --> 00:12:29,489 All right. 183 00:12:36,501 --> 00:12:38,991 That guy got hit in the balls. 184 00:12:39,101 --> 00:12:41,632 Ow, my balls! 185 00:12:45,613 --> 00:12:47,514 Huh? 186 00:12:55,256 --> 00:12:57,746 Where's- Hold on. Shut up! 187 00:13:10,210 --> 00:13:12,510 Where's Officer Collins? Shut up! 188 00:13:12,610 --> 00:13:16,241 Next week on Ow! My Balls!, Hormel goes to Paris! 189 00:13:16,351 --> 00:13:21,083 Are we on base? I'm gonna base your ass on my fist. 190 00:13:21,193 --> 00:13:24,634 In your face, ass! Shut up. 191 00:13:24,734 --> 00:13:26,854 I'm sorry. It's just- Where am I? 192 00:13:26,964 --> 00:13:29,165 Shut up! I told you already! 193 00:13:36,377 --> 00:13:39,537 Yeah! Wouldn't shut up! 194 00:13:39,647 --> 00:13:41,308 Come in here and not shut up. 195 00:13:41,418 --> 00:13:44,979 Yeah, you were like, "I'm not shuttin' up," and I was like- 196 00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:02,574 Unaware of what year it was... 197 00:14:02,674 --> 00:14:05,674 Joe wandered the streets, desperate for help. 198 00:14:05,784 --> 00:14:08,145 But the English language had deteriorated... 199 00:14:08,255 --> 00:14:13,346 into a hybrid of hillbilly, valley girl, inner-city slang and various grunts. 200 00:14:13,456 --> 00:14:16,897 Joe was able to understand them... 201 00:14:16,997 --> 00:14:20,368 but when he spoke in an ordinary voice... 202 00:14:20,468 --> 00:14:23,059 he sounded pompous and faggy to them. 203 00:14:39,293 --> 00:14:42,654 Paging Doc 204 00:14:46,265 --> 00:14:49,206 Report to, uh- 205 00:14:49,306 --> 00:14:53,707 Dr. Lueboo... 206 00:14:53,807 --> 00:14:55,037 uh, report. 207 00:14:55,147 --> 00:14:58,008 Your floor Your floor is now clean. 208 00:14:58,118 --> 00:15:00,349 Your floor- Your floor is now clean. 209 00:15:00,449 --> 00:15:02,819 Your floor- Your floor’s now clean. 210 00:15:02,919 --> 00:15:08,051 Hi, uh, I was in an army experiment, and I'm not feeling so well. 211 00:15:08,161 --> 00:15:10,752 I think it might have been the drugs they had me on. 212 00:15:10,862 --> 00:15:12,992 I've been hallucinating. 213 00:15:13,102 --> 00:15:15,573 My head is just killin' me. 214 00:15:15,673 --> 00:15:18,694 My-My-My joints are all achy and I- 215 00:15:20,444 --> 00:15:22,345 Is this a hospital or- 216 00:15:22,445 --> 00:15:26,576 Actually, I don't even know where I am. 217 00:15:26,686 --> 00:15:28,916 Please proceed to the diagnostic area on the right... 218 00:15:29,016 --> 00:15:33,358 and have a healthy day! Oh. Thanks. 219 00:15:33,458 --> 00:15:35,218 Thank you! 220 00:15:46,341 --> 00:15:50,442 Uh, 'scuse me. I think this might be Gatorade or somethin'. 221 00:15:50,552 --> 00:15:53,453 I was just looking for some regular water. Water? 222 00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:56,574 Yeah. You mean like in the toilet? What for? 223 00:15:56,684 --> 00:15:59,594 You know, just to drink. 224 00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:09,637 You've got hepatitis! 225 00:16:09,737 --> 00:16:12,498 Oh, is someone not feeling well? 226 00:16:12,608 --> 00:16:16,169 Your illness is very important to us. 227 00:16:16,279 --> 00:16:19,150 - Next. - Welcome to the Health master Inferno... 228 00:16:19,250 --> 00:16:21,280 powered by Jormi Technology. Uh, this goes In your mouth. 229 00:16:21,390 --> 00:16:26,822 This one goes in your ear. And this one goes in your butt. 230 00:16:29,592 --> 00:16:30,793 Come on. 231 00:16:30,903 --> 00:16:33,803 Hurry up, asshole! Come on! 232 00:16:35,604 --> 00:16:37,835 Shit. Hang on a second. 233 00:16:39,605 --> 00:16:42,046 This one no. 234 00:16:42,146 --> 00:16:43,976 Hey, come on. Uh- 235 00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:47,277 Hurry up! This one. This one goes in your mouth. 236 00:16:49,658 --> 00:16:51,558 Come on! 237 00:16:57,100 --> 00:17:00,120 Thank you for waiting. Dr. Lexus will be with you shortly. 238 00:17:05,672 --> 00:17:08,473 That's a weird misprint. 239 00:17:09,813 --> 00:17:13,684 Hey. How's it hang, ese? 240 00:17:13,784 --> 00:17:17,485 Yeah. Right. Well, not so good, you know. 241 00:17:17,595 --> 00:17:20,586 I don't really know what's going on, but I'm seein' things. 242 00:17:20,696 --> 00:17:23,597 I think it might be because of these drugs the army put me on. 243 00:17:23,697 --> 00:17:27,398 But, if you could, uh, just get me well enough to get back to base- 244 00:17:27,508 --> 00:17:30,168 Right. Kick ass. 245 00:17:30,268 --> 00:17:33,399 Well, don't wanna sound like a dick or nothin'... 246 00:17:33,509 --> 00:17:36,340 but, uh, it says on your chart that you're fucked up. 247 00:17:36,450 --> 00:17:39,941 You talk like a fag, and your shit's all retarded. 248 00:17:40,051 --> 00:17:44,422 What I 'd do is just like, like, you know... 249 00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:47,963 like, you know what I mean? Like- 250 00:17:48,063 --> 00:17:52,334 No, I'm serious here. Don't worry, scrot. 251 00:17:52,434 --> 00:17:55,465 Now there are plenty of' tards out there living really kick-ass lives. 252 00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:58,936 My first wife was 'tarded. She's a pilot now. 253 00:17:59,046 --> 00:18:02,907 I need for you to be serious for a second here, okay? I need help. 254 00:18:03,017 --> 00:18:04,778 There's that fag talk we talked about. 255 00:18:04,888 --> 00:18:08,719 All right, so that'll be... this many dollars. 256 00:18:08,819 --> 00:18:12,880 And if you could just go ahead and, like, put your tattoo in that shit. 257 00:18:12,990 --> 00:18:16,931 That's weird. This thing has the same misprint as that magazine. 258 00:18:17,031 --> 00:18:21,092 What are the odds of- Where's your tattoo? Tattoo? 259 00:18:21,202 --> 00:18:23,973 Why don't you have this? 260 00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:28,574 Oh, God. 261 00:18:31,254 --> 00:18:33,745 Where's your tattoo? Oh, my God. 262 00:18:33,855 --> 00:18:36,326 Why come you don't have a tattoo? 263 00:18:37,926 --> 00:18:40,987 Oh, my God! You're not unscannable, are you? 264 00:18:42,227 --> 00:18:44,428 Oh, my God! 265 00:18:44,538 --> 00:18:47,969 You're unscannable. 266 00:18:48,069 --> 00:18:50,870 Unscannable! No! No, you don't understand! 267 00:18:50,980 --> 00:18:53,540 You gotta let me talk to someone in the army! Wait a second. 268 00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:56,481 They're all dead. Everybody I know's dead! 269 00:18:56,581 --> 00:18:58,312 Oh, my God! Oh! 270 00:19:00,382 --> 00:19:03,553 No! Stop! Calm down! Calm down! Calm down! 271 00:19:03,653 --> 00:19:05,824 How'd this happen? How did it happen? 272 00:19:05,924 --> 00:19:09,155 Your floor is now clean. 273 00:19:09,265 --> 00:19:11,525 Your floor is now clean. 274 00:19:31,931 --> 00:19:35,862 Joe had awakened to a world in crisis. 275 00:19:35,962 --> 00:19:39,192 The economy was in a state of deep neglect. 276 00:19:39,302 --> 00:19:42,763 A great dust bowl had ravaged food supplies. 277 00:19:42,873 --> 00:19:47,715 And the number one movie in the country was called Ass. 278 00:19:49,515 --> 00:19:52,646 And that's all it was for 90 minutes. 279 00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:59,918 It won eight Oscars that year, including best screenplay. 280 00:20:03,999 --> 00:20:07,100 Enjoy your Extra Big-Ass Fries. 281 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:10,201 You didn't gimme no fries. I got an empty box. 282 00:20:10,311 --> 00:20:13,141 Would you like another Extra Big-Ass Fries? 283 00:20:13,241 --> 00:20:14,942 I said I didn't get any. 284 00:20:15,052 --> 00:20:16,912 Thank you. Your account has been charged. 285 00:20:17,012 --> 00:20:18,913 Your balance is zero. 286 00:20:19,023 --> 00:20:22,514 What? Oh, no. No! Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase. 287 00:20:22,624 --> 00:20:24,524 I'm sorry you're having trouble. 288 00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:27,155 Come on! My kids are starvin'. I'm sorry you're having trouble. 289 00:20:29,666 --> 00:20:32,156 This should help you calm down. 290 00:20:32,266 --> 00:20:35,137 Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase. 291 00:20:35,237 --> 00:20:40,439 Your kids are starving. Carl's Jr. believes no child should go hungry. 292 00:20:40,549 --> 00:20:45,510 You are an unfit mother. Your children will be placed in the custody of Carl's Jr. 293 00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:48,651 Carl's Jr. "Fuck you. I'm eating." 294 00:20:49,991 --> 00:20:51,822 Welcome to Carl's Jr. 295 00:20:51,932 --> 00:20:55,523 Would you like to try our Extra Big-Ass Taco... 296 00:20:55,633 --> 00:20:58,193 now with more molecules? 297 00:20:58,303 --> 00:21:01,294 Hey! Is this particular individual the unfit mother? 298 00:21:01,404 --> 00:21:05,345 Me? No. Okay. This particular individual is unscannable. 299 00:21:08,716 --> 00:21:10,997 Listen, I can explain, okay? I was in an army experiment. 300 00:21:13,887 --> 00:21:16,488 Wait a second. There's the other pod from the army experiment. 301 00:21:16,588 --> 00:21:18,859 There was a girl. She was from the same experiment. 302 00:21:18,959 --> 00:21:22,330 Yeah, that's enough of your bullshit, sir. 303 00:21:22,430 --> 00:21:24,470 Joe was arrested for not paying his hospital bill... 304 00:21:24,570 --> 00:21:28,001 and not having his U.P.C.. tattoo. 305 00:21:28,111 --> 00:21:33,413 He would soon discover that in the future, justice was not only blind... 306 00:21:33,513 --> 00:21:37,314 but had become rather retarded as well. 307 00:21:37,414 --> 00:21:40,384 You shut up! Now 308 00:21:42,095 --> 00:21:44,826 I'm fixin' to commensurate this trial here. 309 00:21:44,926 --> 00:21:49,557 We gonna see if we can't come up with a verdict up in here. 310 00:21:49,667 --> 00:21:53,828 Now, since y'all say you ain't got no money... 311 00:21:53,938 --> 00:21:57,269 we have "proprietarily" obtained for you... 312 00:21:57,379 --> 00:22:01,210 one of them court-appointed lawyers. 313 00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:06,341 So, put your hands together and give it up for Frito Pendejo. 314 00:22:06,451 --> 00:22:08,182 You're my lawyer? 315 00:22:08,292 --> 00:22:12,623 Says here you, uh, robbed a hospital? 316 00:22:12,733 --> 00:22:15,134 Why'd you do that? Yeah. I'm not guilty. 317 00:22:15,234 --> 00:22:18,034 That's not what the other lawyer said. What do you mean what the 318 00:22:18,134 --> 00:22:20,105 Listen, you gotta get me on the stand, okay? 319 00:22:20,205 --> 00:22:23,196 I can explain everything. We can take 'em to your house, show 'em the pod. 320 00:22:23,306 --> 00:22:25,576 Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! 321 00:22:25,676 --> 00:22:29,117 Now, prosecutor, why you think he done it? 322 00:22:29,217 --> 00:22:32,248 Okay, number one, Your Honor, just look at him. 323 00:22:34,889 --> 00:22:37,880 He talks like a fag too. 324 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:41,691 And "B," we've got all this, like, evidence... 325 00:22:41,801 --> 00:22:44,731 of how, like, this guy didn't even pay at the hospital. 326 00:22:44,841 --> 00:22:47,772 And I heard that he doesn't even have his tattoo. 327 00:22:47,872 --> 00:22:50,143 I know! 328 00:22:50,243 --> 00:22:53,774 And I'm all, "You've gotta be shittin' me." But check this out, man. 329 00:22:53,884 --> 00:22:56,785 Judge should be like, "Guilty." Peace. 330 00:23:01,896 --> 00:23:05,187 Objection! What are you objectifyin' on? 331 00:23:05,297 --> 00:23:07,557 Come on. just get me on the stand. Okay. 332 00:23:08,598 --> 00:23:11,328 Um, Your Honor? Hmm? 333 00:23:11,438 --> 00:23:13,269 I object... 334 00:23:13,369 --> 00:23:17,370 that this guy also broke my apartment to shit. 335 00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:19,471 Yeah. What? 336 00:23:19,581 --> 00:23:24,112 And you know what else? I object that he's not gonna have any money to pay me... 337 00:23:24,222 --> 00:23:27,353 after he pays back all the money he stole from the hospital! 338 00:23:27,453 --> 00:23:29,453 Don't say I stole. You're my lawyer. 339 00:23:29,563 --> 00:23:31,494 And I object. 340 00:23:31,594 --> 00:23:35,465 I object that he interrupted me while I was watching Ow! My Balls! 341 00:23:35,565 --> 00:23:40,026 That is not okay! And I rest my case! 342 00:23:40,136 --> 00:23:42,537 Your Honor, I'm pretty sure we have a mistrial here, sir. 343 00:23:42,647 --> 00:23:46,008 I'm gonna mistrial my foot up your ass, you don't shut up. 344 00:23:46,118 --> 00:23:48,578 Please, listen. "Please, listen." 345 00:23:48,688 --> 00:23:50,409 I didn't steal anything. 346 00:23:50,519 --> 00:23:52,419 I was part ofan army experiment 347 00:23:52,519 --> 00:23:55,520 Joe stated his case logically and passionately... 348 00:23:55,630 --> 00:24:00,722 but his perceived effeminate voice only drew big gales of stupid laughter. 349 00:24:00,832 --> 00:24:02,492 Guilty! 350 00:24:02,602 --> 00:24:07,233 Without adequate legal representation, Joe was given a stif fsentence. 351 00:24:07,343 --> 00:24:12,045 Meanwhile, Rita had awakened to find that the world's oldest profession... 352 00:24:12,145 --> 00:24:15,384 was a lot easier when the world is populated by morons. 353 00:24:15,385 --> 00:24:16,246 Was a lot easier when the world is populated by morons. 354 00:24:16,356 --> 00:24:20,087 Welcome to AOL, Time Warner, Taco Bell, U.S. Government long distance. 355 00:24:20,187 --> 00:24:22,557 Please say the name of the person you wish to call. 356 00:24:22,657 --> 00:24:24,488 Upgrayedd. 357 00:24:25,628 --> 00:24:30,189 There are 9,726 listings for Upgrayedd. 358 00:24:30,299 --> 00:24:32,570 Please deposit $2,000 to begin connection. 359 00:24:32,670 --> 00:24:34,570 Man, what? Oh, yeah, baby. 360 00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:37,141 Hey, look, can you just can you wait a second, please? 361 00:24:37,241 --> 00:24:41,612 Oh, yeah, baby. I can wait so good. 362 00:24:42,653 --> 00:24:44,583 Really? 363 00:24:45,893 --> 00:24:48,224 Think, uh You think maybe you could wait a day? 364 00:24:48,324 --> 00:24:50,455 Baby, I can wait two days. 365 00:24:50,565 --> 00:24:55,126 Huh. That's good, 'cause I charge by the hour. 366 00:24:55,236 --> 00:24:59,177 Oh, yeah? Well, you gonna be glad you waited, baby. 367 00:24:59,277 --> 00:25:01,177 Thank you very much, young man. 368 00:25:03,448 --> 00:25:05,109 What the fuck? 369 00:25:05,219 --> 00:25:07,739 God damn, shit's changed in a year. 370 00:25:09,750 --> 00:25:11,650 What are we doin' here? 371 00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:14,251 Okay, sir, we're engaged in procuring your tattoo. 372 00:25:17,262 --> 00:25:20,423 Welcome to the Identity Processing Program of America. 373 00:25:20,533 --> 00:25:25,194 Please insert your forearm into the forearm receptacle. 374 00:25:26,304 --> 00:25:28,205 Thank you. 375 00:25:28,315 --> 00:25:32,266 Please speak your name as it appears on your current federal identity card 376 00:25:32,386 --> 00:25:35,787 Document number G24L8. I'm not sure if- 377 00:25:35,887 --> 00:25:39,878 You have entered the name "Not Sure." Is this correct, Not Sure? 378 00:25:39,988 --> 00:25:41,888 No, it's not correct. 379 00:25:41,998 --> 00:25:45,589 Thank you. "Not" is correct. Is "Sure" correct? 380 00:25:45,699 --> 00:25:47,720 No, it's not. My name is Joe 381 00:25:47,830 --> 00:25:49,710 You've already confirmed your first name is Not. 382 00:25:49,770 --> 00:25:53,401 Please confirm your last name, ""Sure." My 383 00:25:53,511 --> 00:25:55,912 My last name is not Sure. 384 00:25:56,012 --> 00:25:58,643 Thank you, Not Sure. No. What I mean is my name is Joe. 385 00:25:58,753 --> 00:26:04,084 Confirmation is complete. Please wait while I tattoo your new identity on your arm. 386 00:26:06,195 --> 00:26:09,025 Wait a second. Can we start over? Can I cancel this? 387 00:26:09,125 --> 00:26:11,566 Can we cancel this and just go back to the beginning? 388 00:26:11,666 --> 00:26:14,897 They're gonna tattoo. Could I speak to your supervisor? 389 00:26:15,007 --> 00:26:18,028 Ow! Please hold still for your photograph. 390 00:26:27,550 --> 00:26:30,111 Oh, that's fuckin' great. 391 00:26:32,662 --> 00:26:34,562 Okay, sir... 392 00:26:34,662 --> 00:26:38,993 now we will begin to proceed to obtain your I.Q and "apitude" tests. 393 00:26:39,103 --> 00:26:41,034 What for? 394 00:26:41,134 --> 00:26:45,365 Okay, sir, this is to figure out what your "aptude's" good at... 395 00:26:45,475 --> 00:26:50,606 and get you a jail job while you're being a particular individual in jail. 396 00:26:50,716 --> 00:26:53,647 If you have one bucket that holds two gallons... 397 00:26:53,747 --> 00:26:56,308 and another bucket that holds five gallons... 398 00:26:56,418 --> 00:26:59,189 how many buckets do you have? 399 00:27:01,129 --> 00:27:03,030 Two? 400 00:27:03,130 --> 00:27:05,100 Thank you. 401 00:27:45,081 --> 00:27:47,051 'Too. 402 00:28:09,577 --> 00:28:12,248 Desperate and scared... 403 00:28:12,348 --> 00:28:15,149 Joe used his superior intelligence... 404 00:28:15,259 --> 00:28:18,160 to come up with the best escape plan he could think of. 405 00:28:18,260 --> 00:28:23,891 Hi. Excuse me. I'm actually supposed to be getting out of prison today, sir. 406 00:28:25,101 --> 00:28:27,162 Yeah. 407 00:28:27,272 --> 00:28:30,203 You're in the wrong line, dumb ass. Over there. 408 00:28:30,303 --> 00:28:33,604 I'm sorry. I am being a big dumb ass. Sorry. 409 00:28:33,714 --> 00:28:35,374 Hey, uh, let this dumb ass through. 410 00:28:52,439 --> 00:28:55,129 'Too. Yeah. Got it. 411 00:28:57,540 --> 00:29:02,911 Uh, yeah, I don't see you in here. So, you're gonna have to, uh, stay in prison. 412 00:29:03,011 --> 00:29:04,912 Could you check again? 413 00:29:05,022 --> 00:29:08,083 'Cause, I was, you know I was definitely in prison, okay? 414 00:29:08,183 --> 00:29:12,124 I got sat on my face and everything. Maybe check those files back there? 415 00:29:18,706 --> 00:29:22,967 ""Excape. " ""Excape." 416 00:29:23,077 --> 00:29:25,637 ""Excape. " ""Excape." 417 00:29:25,747 --> 00:29:29,508 ""Excape. " ""Excape." 418 00:29:46,873 --> 00:29:48,773 The Masturbation Network. 419 00:29:48,873 --> 00:29:52,364 Keepin' America 'batin' for 300 years. 420 00:29:52,474 --> 00:29:55,175 And now, Sweet Bang Tube. 421 00:29:55,285 --> 00:30:00,046 Oh, yeah, give me some. Cut me a piece. 422 00:30:00,156 --> 00:30:02,147 Oh, yeah, that's- 423 00:30:02,257 --> 00:30:04,158 Go away! 'Batin'! 424 00:30:06,258 --> 00:30:08,459 Damn it. 425 00:30:08,569 --> 00:30:11,059 All right. 426 00:30:13,070 --> 00:30:16,001 Hey. Hey, get out of here. Hey, get out of here! 427 00:30:16,111 --> 00:30:20,202 No, wait, listen. You let me, an innocent man, get thrown in jail. 428 00:30:20,312 --> 00:30:23,683 So? Shut up, 'cause you broke my house. 429 00:30:23,783 --> 00:30:26,723 Hey, I could have you disbarred disbarred for what you did to me. 430 00:30:26,823 --> 00:30:29,484 Then maybe you'd go to jail for not havin' any money. 431 00:30:29,594 --> 00:30:31,685 Oh, really? 432 00:30:31,795 --> 00:30:35,096 Yeah, really. Now, look. Okay, here's the deal. 433 00:30:35,196 --> 00:30:37,186 I've been thinking. It's been 500 years. 434 00:30:37,296 --> 00:30:40,267 Someone has to have invented a way to travel back in time by now. 435 00:30:40,367 --> 00:30:43,268 You know, I think they were pretty close even in my day. You know? 436 00:30:43,378 --> 00:30:45,278 With Einstein and guys like that? Uh-huh. 437 00:30:45,378 --> 00:30:47,939 You know, scientists? You know? Uh. 438 00:30:49,279 --> 00:30:51,180 A time machine, for time travel. 439 00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:53,911 Do they have one? What? 440 00:30:58,222 --> 00:31:02,133 Jesus. I knew that was too much to hope for. 441 00:31:03,233 --> 00:31:05,364 No, no, they got a time machine. 442 00:31:05,474 --> 00:31:07,374 They do? Yeah. 443 00:31:07,474 --> 00:31:09,375 Are-Are-Are you sure? Yeah. 444 00:31:09,475 --> 00:31:13,306 Can it get me back to 2005? Oh, yeah, but it's, like, really expensive. 445 00:31:13,416 --> 00:31:16,647 And it breaks all the time 'cause some smart guy made it a long time ago. 446 00:31:16,747 --> 00:31:18,907 I don't care. Just get me there, okay? 447 00:31:19,017 --> 00:31:20,488 Well- Please! 448 00:31:20,588 --> 00:31:23,819 Listen, II- I "supersize" with you... 449 00:31:23,929 --> 00:31:26,689 but didn't you go to jail for not havin' enough money? 450 00:31:26,799 --> 00:31:30,930 Okay, how about this? You get me to the time machine, and when I get back... 451 00:31:31,030 --> 00:31:33,031 I open a savings account in your name. 452 00:31:33,141 --> 00:31:35,662 That way, 500 years later, it'll be worth billions. 453 00:31:35,772 --> 00:31:37,302 Billions! 'Cause? 454 00:31:37,412 --> 00:31:40,243 'Cause of the interest, it'll be worth billions of dollars. 455 00:31:40,343 --> 00:31:42,904 Oh, I I like money. Yeah. 456 00:31:43,014 --> 00:31:46,004 How many billions? Like, 10. 457 00:31:46,124 --> 00:31:49,285 Yeah, suck one. Time machine costs, like, 20. 458 00:31:49,395 --> 00:31:52,186 Yeah? Okay. Uh, 30, Frito. 459 00:31:52,296 --> 00:31:55,457 Thirty billion dollars. 460 00:31:55,567 --> 00:32:00,008 Thirty billion. So if you gave me 30 billion... 461 00:32:00,108 --> 00:32:02,099 and the time machine's 20- 462 00:32:02,209 --> 00:32:04,139 What's the minus of 30 and 20? 463 00:32:04,239 --> 00:32:06,970 Uh, it's, uh- it's 80, Frito. 464 00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:09,611 It's $80 billion. That's a mighty big minus, isn't it? 465 00:32:09,721 --> 00:32:13,452 - Yeah. I like money though. - Police! Open the door! 466 00:32:13,552 --> 00:32:15,712 We're looking for an "excaped" individual. 467 00:32:15,822 --> 00:32:19,423 This particular individual's name is Not Sure. Eighty billion. 468 00:32:19,533 --> 00:32:23,524 Oh, um, he- He's... somewhere else. 469 00:32:23,634 --> 00:32:27,965 You got something I can wear? Yeah. There's Pro-Wear on the top, assorted in the middle. 470 00:32:28,076 --> 00:32:30,196 A Coke machine in the vicinity caught his tattoo. 471 00:32:30,306 --> 00:32:33,077 Seemed to be heading for this particular "domistile." 472 00:32:33,177 --> 00:32:35,578 Okay, sir, we're comin' in. 473 00:32:35,688 --> 00:32:37,978 No, you can't come in. Can too! 474 00:32:38,088 --> 00:32:40,149 Come on! All right, let's go get my billions. 475 00:32:42,459 --> 00:32:46,520 Oh, okay, one more thing. We gotta go find this girl, Rita, first, okay? 476 00:32:46,630 --> 00:32:49,391 Is she bangin'? Yeah, sure, she is. 477 00:32:49,501 --> 00:32:51,402 That wasn't really part of the deal. 478 00:32:51,502 --> 00:32:55,403 Okay, I'll, uh, throw in another couple billion, all right? I like money. 479 00:32:55,513 --> 00:32:58,574 Okay, her pod's up here on the right. She shouldn't be far away, I hope. 480 00:32:58,684 --> 00:33:03,445 Mmm, girl. Oh, yeah? So when we gonna do it? 481 00:33:03,555 --> 00:33:06,886 'Cause you been chargin' me by the hour, and it's been, like, three days. 482 00:33:06,986 --> 00:33:10,987 Oh, yeah. Soon, baby, soon. Hey, you know what? 483 00:33:11,097 --> 00:33:13,728 Why don't you come back tomorrow? 484 00:33:13,828 --> 00:33:16,458 Yeah, yeah, baby, yeah! Yeah? 485 00:33:16,568 --> 00:33:19,729 When I finally utilize you, you gonna be paying me. 486 00:33:19,839 --> 00:33:23,300 That's right. What ever you say, sir. 487 00:33:23,410 --> 00:33:25,881 Hey, you still on the clock! Yeah, girl. 488 00:33:25,981 --> 00:33:29,112 Thank you! Rita! 489 00:33:29,222 --> 00:33:33,083 Rita! It's me, Joe, from the experiment. Get in the car! Come on. 490 00:33:33,193 --> 00:33:35,483 Oh, yeah! What the hell, man? 491 00:33:35,593 --> 00:33:37,494 Just get in the car. I'll explain everything. 492 00:33:37,594 --> 00:33:40,085 Where we going? - just get in the car. 493 00:33:40,195 --> 00:33:42,355 Trust me. What happened to those army guys? 494 00:33:45,236 --> 00:33:47,727 Wait a minute. You got cops after you? 495 00:33:47,837 --> 00:33:51,468 Yeah. And you made me get in the car? I got two strikes, asshole! 496 00:33:51,578 --> 00:33:54,048 Frito, take a right here. Right, right! 497 00:33:54,148 --> 00:33:56,119 Into that dust storm, Frito. 498 00:34:02,290 --> 00:34:04,351 They must have just forgotten about us. 499 00:34:04,461 --> 00:34:07,862 It's been 500 years? Oh, hell, no! 500 00:34:07,962 --> 00:34:12,163 Upgrayedd is gonna kill me! He gets mad when I'm a day late with his money! 501 00:34:12,273 --> 00:34:14,364 So, you owe your boyfriend money? 502 00:34:14,474 --> 00:34:16,964 Well, yeah, he's sort of my manager too. 503 00:34:17,074 --> 00:34:20,875 You know, he helps me sell the paintings and shit. 504 00:34:20,985 --> 00:34:26,317 Look, Rita, you gotta understand that Upgrayedd's been dead for a long time now. 505 00:34:26,427 --> 00:34:29,218 Yeah, man, but you said there was a time machine, right? Yeah. 506 00:34:29,328 --> 00:34:32,858 Yeah, there's a time machine now that can take us back to the past... 507 00:34:32,969 --> 00:34:35,369 but there was no time machine back then, so- 508 00:34:35,469 --> 00:34:38,400 Upgrayedd don't care where the time machine is. Now, then, last week- 509 00:34:38,500 --> 00:34:41,471 He will find a way to come get his money! 510 00:34:41,571 --> 00:34:44,672 All I'm saying is you don't have to worry about it You know what? 511 00:34:44,782 --> 00:34:47,342 Last time you told me not to worry was 500 Goddamn years ago... 512 00:34:47,452 --> 00:34:49,813 when you were trying to tell me to get into some coffin. 513 00:34:49,923 --> 00:34:51,914 Look, Rita, I don't know how this happened, okay? 514 00:34:52,024 --> 00:34:55,324 But I'm doing everything I can to get us back there, okay? I promise you. 515 00:34:55,424 --> 00:34:58,985 You are harboring a fugitive by the name of "Not Sure." 516 00:34:59,095 --> 00:35:02,726 Please, pull over and wait for the police to incarcerate your passenger. 517 00:35:02,836 --> 00:35:05,737 Hell, no. You know what? Let me outta here. Thank you for your help. 518 00:35:05,837 --> 00:35:08,068 If you don't have one of these, they're gonna throw you in jail. 519 00:35:08,178 --> 00:35:11,169 You don't want to get thrown' in the jails here. I've been in them. 520 00:35:11,279 --> 00:35:14,009 They're bad. You're better off being with us, as bad as that sounds. 521 00:35:14,119 --> 00:35:18,110 What are you doing? Why are we slowing down? Turned off my battery. 522 00:35:22,562 --> 00:35:26,023 Look, how far is it? Can we just take a cab or something? 523 00:35:29,874 --> 00:35:31,134 Oh, shit. 524 00:35:39,086 --> 00:35:41,707 Oh! Oh, shit! 525 00:35:41,817 --> 00:35:44,047 Yeah! 526 00:35:44,157 --> 00:35:47,458 What the hell's wrong with you? That's your car. 527 00:35:48,659 --> 00:35:52,389 Oh, hell, yeah! He's on fire! 528 00:35:52,500 --> 00:35:54,300 Come on! Let's get out of here. 529 00:36:03,782 --> 00:36:05,773 Hey, how much farther is it? 530 00:36:07,083 --> 00:36:09,914 Uh, it's, like, far. 531 00:36:10,024 --> 00:36:13,455 Man, I could really go for a Star bucks, you know? 532 00:36:13,555 --> 00:36:17,116 Yeah, well, I really don't think we have time for a hand job, Joe. 533 00:36:22,908 --> 00:36:25,898 Man, he don't seem too bright. You sure he knows where he's going? 534 00:36:26,008 --> 00:36:28,199 I sure hope so. He's our only chance. 535 00:36:28,309 --> 00:36:31,840 How'd you hook up with this guy, anyway? 536 00:36:31,950 --> 00:36:36,211 He's my lawyer. And he's not a very good one either. 537 00:36:36,321 --> 00:36:38,882 He's a Goddamned idiot. 538 00:36:38,992 --> 00:36:43,793 There's a shuttle down in the Costco. It'll drop us right by the time machine. 539 00:37:02,088 --> 00:37:05,789 Jesus Christ. Oh, look. One more thing. 540 00:37:05,889 --> 00:37:09,290 He thinks he's gonna get billions of dollars if he takes us there. 541 00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:13,531 So if he mentions anything about a savings account, just play along, okay? 542 00:37:13,631 --> 00:37:15,531 Yeah, what if this time machine don't work? 543 00:37:15,641 --> 00:37:18,932 Then I'll spend the rest of my life trying to fix it. 544 00:37:23,714 --> 00:37:29,245 Welcome to Costco. I love you. Welcome to Costco. I love you. 545 00:37:30,355 --> 00:37:32,726 Welcome to Costco. I love you. 546 00:37:34,827 --> 00:37:38,628 Shuttle's down there in electronics, about an hour from here. 547 00:37:46,580 --> 00:37:48,910 We've been walking forever. You sure you know where you're going? 548 00:37:49,010 --> 00:37:52,501 Yeah, I know this place pretty good. I went to law school here. 549 00:37:52,621 --> 00:37:54,552 In Costco? 550 00:37:54,652 --> 00:37:57,052 Yeah. I couldn't believe it myself. 551 00:37:57,152 --> 00:38:00,823 Luckily, my dad was an alumnus and pulled some strings. 552 00:38:02,264 --> 00:38:05,065 Hey, come on, Joe. I already told you... 553 00:38:05,165 --> 00:38:08,265 we'd all like a handjob, but we don't have time for it. 554 00:38:18,018 --> 00:38:19,918 Hey, baby, wanna go out? 555 00:38:20,018 --> 00:38:22,579 Wanna go out, honey? 556 00:38:29,301 --> 00:38:31,922 Shuttle comes every few minutes. Shouldn't be long. 557 00:38:32,032 --> 00:38:35,763 Do I got time to use the bathroom? 558 00:38:37,973 --> 00:38:40,674 Uh, the toilet. Be right back. 559 00:38:41,574 --> 00:38:44,045 Yeah, back that thing up. 560 00:38:44,145 --> 00:38:46,445 Hey, you mind if I pound on that, Joe? What? 561 00:38:46,555 --> 00:38:48,386 I like having sex with chicks. Yeah? 562 00:38:48,486 --> 00:38:50,387 Yeah. I think everybody does, Frito. 563 00:38:50,487 --> 00:38:53,857 Not like I do. Like when you get it like this, sideways. 564 00:38:53,957 --> 00:38:56,488 Then you just, like, back it up. And then you 565 00:38:56,598 --> 00:38:58,789 That's real good. Then you Oh, yeah! 566 00:38:58,899 --> 00:39:00,989 Stop! You're gonna get us caught, okay? 567 00:39:01,099 --> 00:39:03,000 Warning! Warning! 568 00:39:03,110 --> 00:39:05,631 Costco has detected a dangerous fugitive in aisle 16,702. 569 00:39:05,741 --> 00:39:08,181 Hey! What about Rita? We can't just leave her here. 570 00:39:08,281 --> 00:39:10,512 I don't care. Come on! 571 00:39:10,612 --> 00:39:14,983 Oh, shit. Wait a second. What are we gonna do? 572 00:39:15,083 --> 00:39:17,024 Wait, okay, I know. Here's what we do. 573 00:39:17,124 --> 00:39:19,884 We go to the time machine, then when I get back to the past... 574 00:39:19,994 --> 00:39:21,925 I tell her not to do the experiment. 575 00:39:22,025 --> 00:39:24,225 Then she won't even be here. That'll work, right? Uh- 576 00:39:24,335 --> 00:39:26,306 - No, wait. - Please stand clear of the doors. 577 00:39:26,406 --> 00:39:29,197 She already is here. That must mean I didn't go back in time, right? 578 00:39:29,307 --> 00:39:32,508 Uh-No, wait, hold on. It just means I haven't done it yet. 579 00:39:32,608 --> 00:39:35,408 Okay, so I go back and I tell her not to do the experiment. 580 00:39:35,508 --> 00:39:38,069 Then I won't have to do it either because she won't be here. 581 00:39:38,179 --> 00:39:40,580 Then I won't have to come back and save her, right? I- 582 00:39:40,690 --> 00:39:43,350 But then, wait. Why am I still here? Uh- 583 00:39:43,461 --> 00:39:45,421 Goddamn, how does this time travel work? 584 00:39:45,521 --> 00:39:49,392 - Please stand clear. - Freeze! Hands up! Don't move! 585 00:39:49,502 --> 00:39:52,193 Put your hands up! Don't move! Freeze! 586 00:40:02,346 --> 00:40:05,406 Look, if you guys are taking me back to that jail... 587 00:40:05,516 --> 00:40:08,247 just go ahead and shoot me, 'cause there's no way- 588 00:40:08,357 --> 00:40:11,618 Ow! Fuck! Ow! Ow! 589 00:40:11,728 --> 00:40:16,219 What? Ow! Ow. Ow. Ow. 590 00:40:16,329 --> 00:40:18,270 What? 591 00:40:18,370 --> 00:40:20,600 Ow! God! Hey, stop! Damn it. 592 00:40:22,541 --> 00:40:26,242 - What is this? - Okay, sir, this is the White House. 593 00:40:26,342 --> 00:40:28,642 What are we doing at the White House? What? 594 00:40:28,742 --> 00:40:31,043 Ow! Ow! Goddamn! 595 00:40:31,153 --> 00:40:34,614 It turned out the results of Joe's I.Q. test... 596 00:40:34,724 --> 00:40:38,815 had caught the attention of the highest levels of government. 597 00:40:38,925 --> 00:40:43,096 Okay, wait a minute. I'm the smartest guy in the world? Says who? 598 00:40:43,196 --> 00:40:45,297 The I.Q test you took in prison. 599 00:40:45,397 --> 00:40:48,168 You got the highest score in history. Brought to you by Carl's Jr. 600 00:40:48,268 --> 00:40:51,178 Yeah, dumb ass, you're even smarter than President Camacho. 601 00:40:51,278 --> 00:40:54,039 That's how come he's making you secretary of interior. 602 00:40:54,149 --> 00:40:56,110 Okay, so who are you? 603 00:40:56,220 --> 00:40:57,940 I'm the secretary of energy. 604 00:40:58,050 --> 00:41:00,711 He won a contest. Got to be a cabinet member. 605 00:41:00,821 --> 00:41:04,622 I'm the secretary of state. Brought to you by Carl's Jr. 606 00:41:04,722 --> 00:41:07,993 Why do you keep saying that? 'Cause they pay me every time I do. 607 00:41:08,093 --> 00:41:11,964 It's a really good way to make money. You're so smart, why don't you know that? 608 00:41:13,734 --> 00:41:16,295 He's the secretary of defense. Hi. 609 00:41:16,405 --> 00:41:19,376 And, uh, fun bags over there is the attorney general. 610 00:41:19,476 --> 00:41:21,806 Hi. 611 00:41:21,917 --> 00:41:24,077 And that's the secretary of education. 612 00:41:26,158 --> 00:41:29,519 He's kinda stupid, but he's President Camacho's step brother. 613 00:41:29,629 --> 00:41:31,859 Still, he does a pretty good job, eh? 614 00:41:31,959 --> 00:41:35,520 You know, I think there's been some kind of mistake... 615 00:41:35,630 --> 00:41:39,091 'cause the test I took was real, real easy. 616 00:41:39,201 --> 00:41:43,192 I'm not the smartest guy in the world. Okay? 617 00:41:47,513 --> 00:41:51,474 Okay, even if that were true, I can't be the secretary of the interior. 618 00:41:51,584 --> 00:41:55,045 - I don't even know what it is. - You better find out. 619 00:41:55,155 --> 00:41:58,026 Sit down. It's President Camacho. Hey, hey, hey, yo... 620 00:41:58,126 --> 00:42:02,087 I gotta take care of some "bidness," baby, so I need y'all to wait outside. 621 00:42:02,197 --> 00:42:07,138 Dwayne Elizondo Camacho, five-time Ultimate Smackdown Champion... 622 00:42:07,238 --> 00:42:11,200 porn superstar, and president of the United States... 623 00:42:11,310 --> 00:42:14,710 had called a special summit with the smartest man in the world. 624 00:42:14,810 --> 00:42:17,441 So you smart, huh? No, no. 625 00:42:20,892 --> 00:42:24,053 I thought your head would be bigger. 626 00:42:27,034 --> 00:42:29,154 Goddamn. 627 00:42:29,264 --> 00:42:31,635 It look like a peanut. 628 00:42:31,735 --> 00:42:33,665 Let's get you sworn in. 629 00:42:48,559 --> 00:42:51,920 Ladies and Gentlemen, the president of America! 630 00:42:55,531 --> 00:42:58,002 President Camacho! 631 00:42:59,032 --> 00:43:01,803 Shut up. 632 00:43:01,903 --> 00:43:05,974 Shut up. Sit your monkey ass down. 633 00:43:06,084 --> 00:43:07,634 Chill out. 634 00:43:11,886 --> 00:43:13,316 Shit. 635 00:43:15,627 --> 00:43:18,787 I know shit's bad right now with all that starvin' bullshit. 636 00:43:18,897 --> 00:43:20,627 And the dust storms. And we runnin' out of French fries and burrito coverings. 637 00:43:20,628 --> 00:43:23,469 And the dust storms. And we runnin' out of French fries and burrito coverings. 638 00:43:23,569 --> 00:43:25,199 Yeah! 639 00:43:25,299 --> 00:43:28,210 But I got a solution. That's what you said last time, dipshit! 640 00:43:28,310 --> 00:43:30,210 I got a solution. You're a dick! 641 00:43:30,310 --> 00:43:32,901 South Carolina, "whassup??"' 642 00:43:40,353 --> 00:43:43,584 That's what I thought! 643 00:43:46,395 --> 00:43:49,666 Now, I understand everyone's shit's emotional right now... 644 00:43:49,766 --> 00:43:52,296 but listen up. 645 00:43:52,406 --> 00:43:55,167 I got a three-point plan to fix everything. 646 00:43:55,277 --> 00:43:56,767 Break it down, Camacho! 647 00:43:56,877 --> 00:44:02,079 Number one, we got this guy, Not Sure. 648 00:44:02,179 --> 00:44:07,020 Number two, he's got a higher I.Q. than any man alive. 649 00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:11,421 And number three, he's gonna fix everything. 650 00:44:11,531 --> 00:44:14,762 I give you my word as president. 651 00:44:14,862 --> 00:44:17,393 He'll fix the problems with all the dead crops. 652 00:44:17,503 --> 00:44:19,904 He's gonna make 'em grow again. 653 00:44:20,004 --> 00:44:24,965 Crops? And that ain't all. I give you my word. 654 00:44:27,045 --> 00:44:30,106 He's gonna fix the dust storms too. 655 00:44:31,857 --> 00:44:34,447 I give you my word. 656 00:44:34,557 --> 00:44:38,088 He's gonna fix the "ecomony." 657 00:44:40,199 --> 00:44:42,960 And he's so smart... 658 00:44:43,070 --> 00:44:48,271 he's gonna do it all in one week. 659 00:44:48,371 --> 00:44:51,932 President Camacho stood before the world and promised everyone... 660 00:44:52,042 --> 00:44:55,643 that Joe would solve all their problems. 661 00:44:55,753 --> 00:44:59,914 He would not only end the dust bowl and heal the economy... 662 00:45:00,024 --> 00:45:02,655 but he would cure acne and car sickness as well. 663 00:45:02,765 --> 00:45:05,025 And if he didn't... 664 00:45:05,125 --> 00:45:07,626 President Camacho made another promise. 665 00:45:07,736 --> 00:45:11,367 He would kick Joe's smart balls all the way up to the roof of his smart mouth. 666 00:45:11,467 --> 00:45:15,638 And then, he would throw his brainy ass back in jail. 667 00:45:20,049 --> 00:45:22,240 I should, uh, be honest with you, Mr. President. 668 00:45:22,350 --> 00:45:24,481 I don't know how to be secretary of anything. 669 00:45:24,591 --> 00:45:26,151 I mean, I've never even voted, actually. 670 00:45:26,161 --> 00:45:28,952 I don't know what the secretary of the interior even is. 671 00:45:29,062 --> 00:45:33,723 Come on, scrot. Don't be a pussy. It beats jail, don't it? 672 00:45:33,833 --> 00:45:38,164 Besides, you do a kick-ass job... 673 00:45:38,274 --> 00:45:40,505 you get a full presidential pardon. 674 00:45:40,605 --> 00:45:42,505 No jail time. Yeah? 675 00:45:42,605 --> 00:45:46,236 Fuck, yeah! Now gimme a beer. 676 00:45:46,346 --> 00:45:48,407 And get you one too. 677 00:45:54,288 --> 00:45:56,319 Shit! 678 00:45:56,429 --> 00:45:58,900 Hold on, vato! 679 00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:00,730 Whoo! 680 00:46:21,326 --> 00:46:23,456 Do somethin' smart. Yeah. 681 00:46:24,827 --> 00:46:28,457 Uh, okay. Uh- 682 00:46:28,568 --> 00:46:31,628 I'll, uh- 683 00:46:31,738 --> 00:46:35,299 Hey, we found that lawyer you wanted. Oh, okay. Great, thanks. 684 00:46:35,409 --> 00:46:40,401 Uh, right now, I'm going to, uh, you know, confer with my counsel. 685 00:46:40,521 --> 00:46:42,381 You understand? So I'll be right back. 686 00:46:42,481 --> 00:46:45,852 Gotta go, uh, work on some crop stuff, get that taken care of. 687 00:46:45,952 --> 00:46:50,623 Hopefully get it worked out by the time we get back here. Sounds pretty smart. 688 00:46:50,733 --> 00:46:52,694 Wait here, okay? Wait there. 689 00:46:52,794 --> 00:46:55,635 Dude, this is trepidatious. You got me a room at the White House. 690 00:46:55,735 --> 00:46:57,705 Everyone gets laid at the White House. Everyone. 691 00:46:57,805 --> 00:46:59,436 Yeah? Yeah. 692 00:46:59,536 --> 00:47:02,977 I'm real glad you're happy to be here, Frito, but I brought you here to help me. 693 00:47:03,077 --> 00:47:05,737 I don't know the first thing about growin' crops... 694 00:47:05,847 --> 00:47:08,078 much less the Goddamn "ecomony." 695 00:47:08,188 --> 00:47:10,118 Econ-Economy. 696 00:47:10,219 --> 00:47:13,159 Let's see. Growin' crops 697 00:47:13,259 --> 00:47:16,920 No, I just need you to tell me how to get to the time machine. 698 00:47:17,030 --> 00:47:21,191 Oh, that's easy. You go down by the museum and stuff. 699 00:47:21,301 --> 00:47:23,332 It's, like- It's, like, by the museum... 700 00:47:23,442 --> 00:47:26,033 sort of, but, well, actually, not really. 701 00:47:26,143 --> 00:47:30,674 More like But on the street. You go, um Wait. Let me start over. 702 00:47:30,784 --> 00:47:32,644 Okay, you know where the time machine is? 703 00:47:32,744 --> 00:47:35,715 Hey. just draw me a map, okay? 704 00:47:35,815 --> 00:47:38,446 You still want the money? 705 00:47:38,556 --> 00:47:41,387 Oh. If I had some money and a room at the White House... 706 00:47:41,497 --> 00:47:46,398 I would be like, "It's mine, all night!" Listen. Cut it out! 707 00:47:46,498 --> 00:47:49,299 Listen, I told these people that you were smart, okay? 708 00:47:49,399 --> 00:47:51,629 So act smart! Smart like you? 709 00:47:51,739 --> 00:47:55,230 "Oh, I gotta go to the time machine. I wanna go home." 710 00:47:55,340 --> 00:47:58,141 I don't talk like that. "I don't talk like that." 711 00:47:58,251 --> 00:48:00,182 Shit, I thought there was two of you. 712 00:48:00,282 --> 00:48:02,082 See? 713 00:48:02,182 --> 00:48:04,743 Doesn't look that big, is it? 714 00:48:04,853 --> 00:48:07,984 Okay. Let's go take a look at those crops. 715 00:48:08,094 --> 00:48:12,085 Especially the ones, uh, you know, out around the museum area. 716 00:48:13,705 --> 00:48:16,396 All right? Hey, come on! 717 00:48:18,337 --> 00:48:22,908 Now, you either lead, follow, or get out of the way. All right? 718 00:48:23,018 --> 00:48:26,349 Whoa. Did you just make that up? 719 00:48:26,449 --> 00:48:29,389 Yes, I did. Now look... 720 00:48:29,489 --> 00:48:32,129 I also need help finding this girl named Rita, like, immediately... 721 00:48:32,190 --> 00:48:34,591 and Frito will give you a hand with it. Why? 722 00:48:36,331 --> 00:48:41,463 Well, because, uh, you know, she'd be an essential... integral... asset... 723 00:48:41,573 --> 00:48:46,374 you know, for our team, for us to, you know, utilize. 724 00:48:53,016 --> 00:48:55,916 Utilize her! Utilize her! 725 00:48:56,016 --> 00:48:58,117 Utilize! 726 00:48:58,227 --> 00:49:01,288 Hey, uh, but you're gonna bring her here, right? 727 00:49:01,398 --> 00:49:04,089 Oh, yeah. Butt first! 728 00:49:06,229 --> 00:49:08,940 Utilize her! Okay. 729 00:49:14,581 --> 00:49:17,942 Dang! May I approach your benches? 730 00:49:23,554 --> 00:49:26,184 Uh, yeah. This sucks pretty bad. 731 00:49:26,294 --> 00:49:29,125 Frito, why don't you come over here and, uh, take a look at this? 732 00:49:29,225 --> 00:49:32,666 Come on. Hustle over here, buddy. I wanna figure this out. 733 00:49:32,766 --> 00:49:36,567 See, uh, just not a lot of moisture. Have you got the map? 734 00:49:36,677 --> 00:49:38,638 Oh, yeah. Discreetly. 735 00:49:42,979 --> 00:49:45,750 It's right there. I see it. I see it. 736 00:49:45,850 --> 00:49:48,410 Stand up with me. 737 00:49:48,520 --> 00:49:52,391 Yo, Mr. Secretary Not Sure. They found that whore you wanted. 738 00:49:52,491 --> 00:49:55,482 Hey, that may be how you refer to women in the future, but come on. 739 00:49:55,592 --> 00:49:59,863 No, sir. Turns out she charged some guy a lotta money and didn't put out. 740 00:49:59,973 --> 00:50:01,964 Don't worry though. We'll get her out... 741 00:50:02,074 --> 00:50:05,375 on a work-release whorin' license as long as you're doin' her. 742 00:50:05,475 --> 00:50:08,676 Get your hands off me. What do you think I'm gonna do, run through the field? 743 00:50:08,776 --> 00:50:11,116 What the fuck are you all starin' at? 744 00:50:11,216 --> 00:50:13,237 - Joe? That's Not Sure, ma'am. 745 00:50:13,357 --> 00:50:17,258 Secretary Not Sure. Secretary? Secretary of what? 746 00:50:17,358 --> 00:50:21,959 Say, would you guys mind if we had a little moment together? Alone? 747 00:50:22,059 --> 00:50:26,470 You know, in the bushes? 748 00:50:28,201 --> 00:50:30,141 Oh, man. 749 00:50:38,714 --> 00:50:42,275 Fuck her, Joe! Hey, you want us to come along, make sure she puts out? 750 00:50:42,385 --> 00:50:44,415 No, thanks. I can handle it. Yeah. 751 00:50:44,525 --> 00:50:47,756 I thought you was in jail. How'd you get to be the secretary of Interior? 752 00:50:47,866 --> 00:50:50,157 Just keep walking. I'll explain everything. 753 00:50:58,939 --> 00:51:00,909 Okay. Get ready to run. 754 00:51:03,380 --> 00:51:06,011 What? Oh, Goddamn it. 755 00:51:06,121 --> 00:51:08,922 Way to go, Frito. You know what? Just make a run for it anyways. 756 00:51:09,022 --> 00:51:10,952 We'll ask for directions on the way. 757 00:51:11,062 --> 00:51:14,223 No way. I spent the last two days looking for it. It ain't easy to find. 758 00:51:14,333 --> 00:51:17,304 Damn it. I can't go back to jail, and I sure can't solve these problems. 759 00:51:17,404 --> 00:51:20,525 All's I know is I better find Upgrayedd before he finds me. 760 00:51:20,635 --> 00:51:24,006 Listen to me. Upgrayedd cannot find you, okay? It's impossible! 761 00:51:24,106 --> 00:51:26,836 Oh, yeah? Yeah! And even if Upgrayedd... 762 00:51:26,946 --> 00:51:28,937 could somehow magically travel through time... 763 00:51:29,047 --> 00:51:32,488 we got secret service guys with huge guns protecting us, okay? 764 00:51:32,588 --> 00:51:34,488 So don't worry. You're safe. 765 00:51:34,588 --> 00:51:37,749 And you know what? It's none of my business, but when we get back... 766 00:51:37,859 --> 00:51:40,490 you and Upgrayedd should seriously think about couples counseling, okay? 767 00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:45,031 And you should also think about maybe finding an art manager who's not also your boyfriend. 768 00:51:45,131 --> 00:51:49,232 Hey! She's not puttin'out? 769 00:51:49,342 --> 00:51:53,473 Uh, no, she is. We, uh We already did it. 770 00:51:53,583 --> 00:51:56,074 Yeah. He was great. 771 00:51:58,285 --> 00:52:01,946 Okay. Hey, a couple of us guys were wonderin', uh... 772 00:52:02,056 --> 00:52:04,026 if we'd go family-style on her. 773 00:52:06,557 --> 00:52:10,018 Uh, yeah, probably not right now. 774 00:52:10,138 --> 00:52:13,589 We should focus on the crops. So let's get back to work. Maybe later. 775 00:52:20,711 --> 00:52:22,411 What the hell is this? 776 00:52:25,322 --> 00:52:29,193 - Tastes like Gatorade. - Is that that Brawndo stuff? 777 00:52:29,293 --> 00:52:33,024 They're watering crops with a sports drink? 778 00:52:34,694 --> 00:52:37,425 Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator had come to replace water... 779 00:52:37,535 --> 00:52:39,696 virtually everywhere. 780 00:52:39,806 --> 00:52:41,996 Water, the basic component of all life... 781 00:52:42,106 --> 00:52:45,097 had been deemed a threat to Brawndo's profit margin. 782 00:52:45,207 --> 00:52:48,708 The solution came during the budget crisis of 2330... 783 00:52:48,818 --> 00:52:53,649 when the Brawndo Corporation simply bought the F.D.A... 784 00:52:53,759 --> 00:52:55,220 and the F.C.C... 785 00:52:55,320 --> 00:52:57,550 enabling them to say, do and sell... 786 00:52:57,660 --> 00:52:59,561 anything they wanted. 787 00:53:04,602 --> 00:53:07,233 Joe didn't know any of this... 788 00:53:07,343 --> 00:53:11,334 but he did see a problem that he might actually be able to solve. 789 00:53:11,444 --> 00:53:16,005 With his options running out, Joe took a bold step. 790 00:53:16,115 --> 00:53:18,246 He would not get out of the way. 791 00:53:18,356 --> 00:53:21,217 This time, he would lead. 792 00:53:21,327 --> 00:53:23,347 For the last time, I'm pretty sure... 793 00:53:23,457 --> 00:53:26,428 what's killing the crops is this Brawndo stuff. 794 00:53:26,528 --> 00:53:29,299 But Brawndo's got what plants crave. It's got electrolytes. 795 00:53:29,399 --> 00:53:31,459 So wait a minute. What you're saying... 796 00:53:31,569 --> 00:53:35,370 is that you want us to put water on the crops. 797 00:53:35,470 --> 00:53:38,501 Yes. Water. Like out the toilet? 798 00:53:38,611 --> 00:53:42,602 Well, I mean, it doesn't have to be out of the toilet, but, yeah, that's the idea. 799 00:53:42,712 --> 00:53:46,053 But Brawndo's got what plants crave. It's got electrolytes. 800 00:53:46,153 --> 00:53:48,124 Okay, look. 801 00:53:48,224 --> 00:53:51,715 The plants aren't growing, so I'm pretty sure that the Brawndo's not working. 802 00:53:51,825 --> 00:53:56,496 Now, I'm no botanist, but I do know that if you put water on plants, they grow. 803 00:53:56,596 --> 00:54:00,297 Well, I've never seen no plants grow out of no toilet. 804 00:54:00,407 --> 00:54:03,668 Hey, that's good. You sure you ain't the smartest guy in the world? 805 00:54:03,778 --> 00:54:07,739 You wanna solve this problem. I wanna get my pardon. 806 00:54:07,849 --> 00:54:11,810 So why don't we just try it, okay, and not worry about what plants crave? 807 00:54:11,920 --> 00:54:14,391 Brawndo's got what plants crave. 808 00:54:14,491 --> 00:54:17,011 Goddamn it. Yeah, it's got electrolytes. 809 00:54:17,131 --> 00:54:19,562 What are electrolytes? Do you even know? 810 00:54:19,662 --> 00:54:22,433 It's what they use to make Brawndo. 811 00:54:22,533 --> 00:54:25,163 Yeah, but why do they use them to make Brawndo? 812 00:54:25,273 --> 00:54:27,834 'Cause Brawndo's got electrolytes. 813 00:54:30,845 --> 00:54:35,286 After several hours, Joe finally gave up on logic and reason... 814 00:54:35,386 --> 00:54:38,447 and simply told the cabinet that he could talk to plants... 815 00:54:38,557 --> 00:54:41,178 and that they wanted water. 816 00:54:42,288 --> 00:54:44,629 He made believers out of everyone. 817 00:54:44,729 --> 00:54:48,290 Joe didn't know it, but the beloved electrolytes... 818 00:54:48,400 --> 00:54:52,361 were salts that had been building up in the topsoil over the decades... 819 00:54:52,471 --> 00:54:55,201 killing plants and leading to the dust bowl. 820 00:54:55,311 --> 00:55:01,043 As secretary of the interior, Joe ordered all crops to be switched to water... 821 00:55:01,153 --> 00:55:06,284 promising that, over time, plants would grow and the dust bowl would end. 822 00:55:06,384 --> 00:55:10,415 He was on the fast track to a full presidential pardon. 823 00:55:10,525 --> 00:55:13,656 Or so it seemed. 824 00:55:14,767 --> 00:55:18,668 Man, I hope somethin' grows fast. 825 00:55:18,768 --> 00:55:20,758 Yeah. So we can haul our ass back home. 826 00:55:20,878 --> 00:55:24,469 Man. You really think those people would have starved to death? 827 00:55:26,009 --> 00:55:30,641 I don't know. I mean, how did the world ever get like this? 828 00:55:30,751 --> 00:55:34,622 You know things are bad when they're comin' to me for answers. 829 00:55:34,722 --> 00:55:37,493 It's a weird feeling being smarter than everyone. Mm-hmm. 830 00:55:37,593 --> 00:55:39,823 I'm not used to it. Yeah. Me neither. 831 00:55:42,564 --> 00:55:46,305 You think Einstein walked around thinkin' everyone was a bunch of dumb shits? 832 00:55:46,405 --> 00:55:48,966 Yeah. Hadn't thought of that. 833 00:55:49,076 --> 00:55:53,207 Now you know why he built that bomb. Yeah. 834 00:55:55,617 --> 00:55:57,818 Hey, Joe, listen. Those cops 835 00:55:57,918 --> 00:56:00,189 Oh, hey. I'm sorry about that. No. No. 836 00:56:00,289 --> 00:56:03,319 They said that you got me a pardon. 837 00:56:03,429 --> 00:56:06,450 You know, if you hadn't done that, I'd still be in jail right now, so... 838 00:56:07,771 --> 00:56:10,391 I guess I owe you one. 839 00:56:12,602 --> 00:56:16,173 You know, you don't have to sleep on the floor if you don't want to. 840 00:56:17,583 --> 00:56:21,744 Oh. No. I'm- I'm all right. Yeah. 841 00:56:21,854 --> 00:56:25,915 Besides, you know, I don't think Upgrayedd would be too happy about that. 842 00:56:26,025 --> 00:56:27,686 You in bed with a stranger. 843 00:56:29,426 --> 00:56:31,687 Yeah. 844 00:56:34,598 --> 00:56:36,428 I know. I know. 845 00:56:38,539 --> 00:56:43,530 Yeah. Oh, boy. 846 00:56:51,492 --> 00:56:54,053 Oh, shit. It's Upgrayedd. 847 00:56:54,163 --> 00:56:56,593 Oh, shit. It's not Upgrayedd. 848 00:56:56,693 --> 00:56:58,994 Given enough time, Joe's plan might have worked. 849 00:56:59,094 --> 00:57:01,435 But when the Brawndo stock suddenly dropped to zero... 850 00:57:01,535 --> 00:57:03,965 Leaving half the population unemployed... 851 00:57:04,075 --> 00:57:07,766 dumb, angry mobs took to the streets, rioting and looting... 852 00:57:07,876 --> 00:57:09,807 and screaming for Joe's head. 853 00:57:09,907 --> 00:57:12,608 An emergency cabinet meeting was called... 854 00:57:12,718 --> 00:57:15,048 with the C.E.O. of the Brawndo Corporation. 855 00:57:15,148 --> 00:57:17,619 How come nobody's buying Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator? 856 00:57:17,719 --> 00:57:20,090 Aw, shit. Half the country works for Brawndo. 857 00:57:20,190 --> 00:57:22,960 Not anymore! The stock has dropped to zero... 858 00:57:23,060 --> 00:57:25,300 and the computer did that auto-layoff thing to everybody. 859 00:57:25,331 --> 00:57:27,892 We're all unemployed! You think that makes the "ecomony" suck? 860 00:57:28,002 --> 00:57:32,063 Why is this happening? I think it's because we switched to water, but- 861 00:57:32,173 --> 00:57:34,663 You mean this is all your fault? What? 862 00:57:34,773 --> 00:57:38,615 Yeah, this is your fault. This shit started happening when we switched to water! 863 00:57:38,715 --> 00:57:42,616 Brought to you by Carl's Jr. Brought to you by Carl's Jr. Brought to you by Carl's Jr. 864 00:57:45,356 --> 00:57:47,157 Fox News. 865 00:57:50,398 --> 00:57:53,458 He tried taking water from toilets... 866 00:57:53,568 --> 00:57:57,499 but it's Secretary Not Sure who finds himself in the toilet now. 867 00:57:57,610 --> 00:57:59,510 And as history pulls down its pants... 868 00:57:59,610 --> 00:58:02,871 and prepares to lower its ass on Not Sure's head... 869 00:58:02,981 --> 00:58:06,972 it will be Daddy justice who will be crapping on him this time. 870 00:58:07,082 --> 00:58:11,283 We now go live to Violence Channel correspondent Formica Davis... 871 00:58:11,393 --> 00:58:15,254 at the Extreme Court with highlights on today's trial. 872 00:58:17,765 --> 00:58:21,966 Thank you, Velveeta. Well, it started off boring and slow... 873 00:58:22,066 --> 00:58:25,627 with Not Sure trying to bullshit everyone with a bunch of smart talk. 874 00:58:25,737 --> 00:58:29,838 Blah, blah, blah. You gotta believe me! 875 00:58:29,948 --> 00:58:31,939 That part of the trial sucked. 876 00:58:32,049 --> 00:58:34,709 But then, the chief "j" just went off. 877 00:58:34,819 --> 00:58:36,840 He said, "" Man, whatever. 878 00:58:36,950 --> 00:58:39,551 The guy's guilty as shit. We all know that." 879 00:58:39,661 --> 00:58:43,422 And he sentenced his ass to one night of Rehabilitation. 880 00:58:43,532 --> 00:58:46,092 Hey, rehabilitation? One night? 881 00:58:46,202 --> 00:58:48,103 Doesn't sound so bad. 882 00:58:48,203 --> 00:58:50,063 Not so bad, huh? 883 00:58:50,173 --> 00:58:53,434 Here's some highlights from last week's Rehabilitation. 884 00:59:04,427 --> 00:59:07,518 And who could forget that wonderful finish... 885 00:59:07,628 --> 00:59:10,119 by Rehab Officer Tylenol Jones? 886 00:59:10,229 --> 00:59:13,930 And tomorrow night looks even more better. 887 00:59:14,040 --> 00:59:18,441 Word is that Beef Supreme himself might come out of retirement. 888 00:59:18,541 --> 00:59:21,242 Wow. Thank you, Formica. 889 00:59:22,712 --> 00:59:25,703 So you think you can escape again like you did last time? 890 00:59:25,813 --> 00:59:28,614 No. They pretty much fixed that. How? 891 00:59:28,724 --> 00:59:30,984 They chained me to a big rock. 892 00:59:32,395 --> 00:59:34,295 Oh. Yeah. 893 00:59:34,395 --> 00:59:36,586 Look, Rita, get Frito. 894 00:59:36,696 --> 00:59:39,827 Get him to take you back to the time machine without me. Don't wait. 895 00:59:39,937 --> 00:59:43,958 No. You could have split on me before, but you didn't. 896 00:59:44,078 --> 00:59:47,479 Look, you wanna pay me back? Just go back, okay? 897 00:59:47,579 --> 00:59:50,139 Tell people to read books. 898 00:59:50,249 --> 00:59:52,340 Tell people to stay in school, you know. 899 00:59:52,450 --> 00:59:55,981 Tell people to just use their brains or something. 900 00:59:56,091 --> 00:59:59,282 I think maybe the world got like this because of people like me. 901 00:59:59,392 --> 01:00:03,993 I never did anything with my life. At least you were an artist, you know? 902 01:00:04,103 --> 01:00:06,664 So just go back and- Visit's over! 903 01:00:09,634 --> 01:00:13,095 And Rita, whatever you do, keep painting, okay? 904 01:00:14,646 --> 01:00:16,616 Good luck, Joe. 905 01:00:23,818 --> 01:00:26,689 Okay, that's five down and one more to go. 906 01:00:26,789 --> 01:00:30,490 Are you ready for a monster-truck duel to the death? 907 01:00:30,600 --> 01:00:34,131 Yeah! Let's give it up for the Guitar Army. 908 01:00:36,241 --> 01:00:38,212 Okay, we're gonna do this shit. 909 01:00:38,312 --> 01:00:41,473 But first, to lead us in our Natural Anthem... 910 01:00:41,583 --> 01:00:46,344 the star of Ow! My Balls! Hormel Chavez! 911 01:00:46,454 --> 01:00:49,385 Thank you. Thank you. 912 01:00:49,485 --> 01:00:54,486 Hey! Come here! 913 01:00:54,596 --> 01:00:58,157 Come here! 914 01:00:58,267 --> 01:01:00,168 Right in the balls! 915 01:01:00,268 --> 01:01:05,069 That's just how that shit went on TV! 916 01:01:05,179 --> 01:01:09,410 This execution is brought to you by Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator. 917 01:01:09,510 --> 01:01:11,411 After you've killed someone... 918 01:01:11,521 --> 01:01:13,451 your body needs electrolytes. Yeah. 919 01:01:13,551 --> 01:01:16,852 So, my car's out front... 920 01:01:16,952 --> 01:01:19,223 whenever you want me to take you... 921 01:01:19,323 --> 01:01:21,553 to the time machine. 922 01:01:21,663 --> 01:01:23,594 Thanks, Frito. 923 01:01:23,694 --> 01:01:25,795 - Yeah. - I can't hear you! 924 01:01:25,905 --> 01:01:29,095 That's a real bummer about Joe, huh? 925 01:01:29,205 --> 01:01:31,796 I can't hear you! Yeah. 926 01:01:31,906 --> 01:01:37,368 Oh! Can you turn this up? I love Rehabilitation. 927 01:01:48,901 --> 01:01:53,362 Okay. Let's meet our rehabilitation officers for tonight. 928 01:01:53,472 --> 01:01:56,773 With a combined record of 6.2 kills... 929 01:01:56,873 --> 01:02:01,714 please welcome Vinny Mawumba in the Dildozer! 930 01:02:07,526 --> 01:02:13,287 And his brother Bobby Mawumba in the Ass Blaster! 931 01:02:13,397 --> 01:02:15,368 I get a truck too, right? 932 01:02:15,468 --> 01:02:18,198 Yeah. Here it comes. 933 01:02:27,851 --> 01:02:29,811 Get in. 934 01:02:34,323 --> 01:02:36,683 You still got the chain attached. 935 01:02:38,894 --> 01:02:41,454 Door won't shut. What about the chain? 936 01:02:41,565 --> 01:02:43,535 We could break it. No. He could escape. 937 01:02:43,635 --> 01:02:47,196 I got an idea. Let's put it in the trunk. Yeah. That'll work. 938 01:02:50,777 --> 01:02:54,338 - Who's smart now? - Let's bring out our criminal. 939 01:02:54,448 --> 01:02:57,579 He tried to ruin the country by pouring toilet water on crops. 940 01:02:57,689 --> 01:03:00,089 He cost millions of people their jobs. 941 01:03:00,189 --> 01:03:03,520 Let's get ready to rehabilitate Not Sure! 942 01:03:15,543 --> 01:03:17,904 Never would have guessed this is how I was gonna die. 943 01:03:18,014 --> 01:03:20,915 Are you ready for some car-on-car action? 944 01:03:21,015 --> 01:03:22,985 Yes. 945 01:03:24,086 --> 01:03:26,916 I can't watch this. This is- 946 01:03:27,017 --> 01:03:31,518 This is gonna be so sad. I hope I don't cry. 947 01:03:33,328 --> 01:03:37,229 Holy shit! Frito, come here! Look! 948 01:03:37,329 --> 01:03:39,800 He was right. The water it worked. 949 01:03:39,900 --> 01:03:42,531 Frito, can you get me over there? 950 01:03:43,511 --> 01:03:45,411 Yes. 951 01:03:45,511 --> 01:03:48,502 No, you fuckin' moron. To the Rehabilitation place. 952 01:03:48,612 --> 01:03:50,643 Uh, this way. Yeah! 953 01:03:55,224 --> 01:03:57,124 Come on, Frito. Hurry! 954 01:03:57,225 --> 01:04:00,255 And now the dude that everybody came here to see... 955 01:04:00,365 --> 01:04:03,956 Yeah! the only undefeated officer ever in history... 956 01:04:04,066 --> 01:04:07,597 coming out of retirement just to pound Not Sure's ass... 957 01:04:07,707 --> 01:04:12,669 driving the biggest, hugest correctional vehicle ever built in history- 958 01:04:12,779 --> 01:04:16,650 bigger than the Dildozer, bigger than the Ass Blaster... 959 01:04:16,750 --> 01:04:20,781 bigger and huger than everything ever before in history- 960 01:04:20,891 --> 01:04:23,822 the brand-new Assdozer! 961 01:04:23,922 --> 01:04:26,622 Give it up for Beef Supreme! 962 01:04:30,203 --> 01:04:32,104 Oh! 963 01:04:38,115 --> 01:04:40,046 Oh! 964 01:04:54,430 --> 01:04:57,700 Oh, shit. I think it was too big, huh? 965 01:04:57,801 --> 01:05:00,291 We seem to be "experimenting"... 966 01:05:00,401 --> 01:05:03,702 some "techmological" differences... 967 01:05:03,812 --> 01:05:05,713 so, uh, shit. 968 01:05:05,813 --> 01:05:09,184 Frito, look! 969 01:05:09,284 --> 01:05:11,484 It's working everywhere! Huh. 970 01:05:11,584 --> 01:05:15,645 Well, shit. That's a big pile of rocks. 971 01:05:15,755 --> 01:05:18,886 Kinda reminds me of this one time that I was- Man. 972 01:05:18,996 --> 01:05:21,017 Hey! Oh, oh, okay. 973 01:05:21,137 --> 01:05:23,327 Get this shit started! We're gonna start without Beef Supreme. 974 01:05:23,437 --> 01:05:27,168 Let the rehabilitation begin! 975 01:05:36,721 --> 01:05:39,281 Oh, shit. 976 01:05:39,391 --> 01:05:42,292 Come on. Come on. 977 01:05:42,392 --> 01:05:44,863 Come on, Frito. Hurry! 978 01:05:47,494 --> 01:05:50,194 Oh! 979 01:05:54,906 --> 01:05:56,436 Goddamn it. 980 01:05:58,847 --> 01:06:02,718 Yeah! - Jesus, that was close. 981 01:06:05,218 --> 01:06:08,119 Mr. President! Mr. President, I need to talk to you. 982 01:06:08,229 --> 01:06:10,429 You gotta stop this thing. He was right about the water. 983 01:06:10,530 --> 01:06:13,430 We passed some crops on the way here. They're growing. 984 01:06:13,531 --> 01:06:15,431 I didn't see no crops. 985 01:06:16,571 --> 01:06:18,262 They're circling around. 986 01:06:18,372 --> 01:06:20,892 They're gonna do the Malachi Crunch on him! 987 01:06:23,543 --> 01:06:26,944 This is an illegal move, okay? So don't tell nobody. Oh! 988 01:06:47,780 --> 01:06:50,770 So, uh So the winner is, uh- 989 01:06:52,581 --> 01:06:55,782 You gotta be shittin' me. Did he win? 990 01:06:58,652 --> 01:07:00,853 Uh-oh. Look. 991 01:07:02,723 --> 01:07:06,454 Holy shit! It's Beef Supreme! 992 01:07:13,806 --> 01:07:15,567 Beef Supreme! Yeah! Yeah! 993 01:07:15,677 --> 01:07:19,948 Hey, Frito. Frito, you remember those crops we saw off the road... 994 01:07:20,048 --> 01:07:22,679 right by the Star bucks? Uh-huh. 995 01:07:22,789 --> 01:07:26,880 Hey. Wanna make some money? I like money. 996 01:07:41,104 --> 01:07:45,405 Hey, um, the, uh the main screen is malfunctioning... 997 01:07:45,515 --> 01:07:48,035 and they gonna need you outside immediately. 998 01:07:51,256 --> 01:07:54,277 There's a bunch of whores in the hallway. 999 01:07:57,458 --> 01:07:59,959 Come on, Frito. Hurry. 1000 01:08:01,029 --> 01:08:03,129 Can't believe you like money too. 1001 01:08:03,239 --> 01:08:05,730 We should hang out. Totally. 1002 01:08:31,067 --> 01:08:33,097 He's behind the truck! 1003 01:08:35,208 --> 01:08:37,979 Yes! Yes! 1004 01:08:39,349 --> 01:08:41,410 He's behind the fucking truck! He's over there! 1005 01:08:41,520 --> 01:08:43,580 Behind the truck, stupid! 1006 01:08:53,903 --> 01:08:55,493 Look! 1007 01:08:57,704 --> 01:09:01,265 Shit. That's a good deal. 1008 01:09:01,375 --> 01:09:05,876 Extra foam. I got a bunch of money too. 1009 01:09:05,986 --> 01:09:08,607 Forgot what it was for. Huh. 1010 01:09:09,887 --> 01:09:13,688 You think it was for lattes? Yeah. Probably. 1011 01:09:13,788 --> 01:09:18,059 You like money and sex? You're trippin' me out. What the fuck? 1012 01:09:20,300 --> 01:09:22,530 Yeah! Yeah! 1013 01:09:32,183 --> 01:09:36,054 - Just hold on, okay? Everyone just take it easy, okay? 1014 01:09:36,154 --> 01:09:38,055 Can I just say something here? 1015 01:09:40,455 --> 01:09:43,396 I don't even know what I'm guilty of here. 1016 01:09:43,496 --> 01:09:47,397 I never said that I was the smartest person on earth. You people did. 1017 01:09:47,497 --> 01:09:51,168 I didn't know that you'd lose your jobs and all your money... 1018 01:09:51,268 --> 01:09:53,399 and I'm very sorry that that happened. 1019 01:09:53,509 --> 01:09:55,539 But I'm tellin' you... 1020 01:09:55,649 --> 01:09:58,010 if you put water on the crops, it might actually 1021 01:09:58,120 --> 01:10:01,111 No, it will work. I promise you! 1022 01:10:01,221 --> 01:10:05,622 You just have to believe me. I just wanted to help you. That's all. 1023 01:10:05,722 --> 01:10:10,563 So you can try and shoot me. You can try and run me over, whatever. 1024 01:10:10,663 --> 01:10:14,124 But I just want you to ask yourselves one question first. 1025 01:10:15,334 --> 01:10:17,865 Do you really want to live in a world... 1026 01:10:17,975 --> 01:10:21,466 where you try to blow up the one person that's tryin' to help you? 1027 01:10:32,329 --> 01:10:34,559 Hold on. just hold on. 1028 01:10:55,955 --> 01:10:58,146 Oh, man. That was great. 1029 01:10:58,256 --> 01:11:01,917 Hey, was I wearing pants when we went in there? 1030 01:11:02,027 --> 01:11:05,428 Shit. What do I look like, a pants goblin? 1031 01:11:05,538 --> 01:11:08,869 Wait. This reminds me of something. 1032 01:11:08,969 --> 01:11:11,839 Uh, "" Rehabil-Rehabilate- 1033 01:11:11,939 --> 01:11:15,140 Rehabilation." Why do you keep trying to read that word? 1034 01:11:15,250 --> 01:11:18,771 You a fag? I'll fag your face! 1035 01:11:27,423 --> 01:11:30,454 Come on, Frito. Yeah. I don't think so. 1036 01:11:31,835 --> 01:11:34,305 Oh, yeah. 1037 01:12:15,826 --> 01:12:20,287 This guy just got his ass a pardon! 1038 01:12:28,309 --> 01:12:30,070 Yeah! 1039 01:12:44,354 --> 01:12:47,795 Man, Rita. I mean, I don't know what to say. 1040 01:12:47,895 --> 01:12:51,166 You saved my life. No one's ever done anything like that for me. 1041 01:12:51,266 --> 01:12:53,166 Yeah, well... 1042 01:12:53,266 --> 01:12:56,297 you were looking out for the whole world so, you know... 1043 01:12:56,407 --> 01:13:00,108 I thought someone should look out for you too. Thanks. 1044 01:13:01,718 --> 01:13:04,079 I can't believe I'm even saying this, but... 1045 01:13:04,179 --> 01:13:06,179 even though these people tried to kill me... 1046 01:13:06,290 --> 01:13:09,740 you know, I think I'm actually gonna kinda miss' em. Yeah. 1047 01:13:09,860 --> 01:13:12,691 Frito he's gonna give us a ride back to the time machine. 1048 01:13:12,791 --> 01:13:16,022 I just, uh I hope he's okay to drive. 1049 01:13:17,462 --> 01:13:20,593 It's you. Oh, man, I really love your show. 1050 01:13:20,703 --> 01:13:23,004 Thank you so much. 1051 01:13:23,104 --> 01:13:28,275 Uh, Joe, I'm not going. What? 1052 01:13:30,086 --> 01:13:33,947 I had some pretty bad habits back there that I don't want to fall into again. 1053 01:13:34,057 --> 01:13:36,027 Maybe it's time I got a new start. 1054 01:13:36,127 --> 01:13:40,258 Besides, they offered me a pretty good job at Star bucks here. 1055 01:13:40,359 --> 01:13:43,029 I'm gonna be a C.E.O. At Star bucks? 1056 01:13:43,129 --> 01:13:45,970 Yeah. Yeah? You're still gonna paint though, right? 1057 01:13:47,640 --> 01:13:51,041 Yeah. Sure. 1058 01:13:51,141 --> 01:13:52,972 I guess this is good-bye then. 1059 01:13:54,842 --> 01:13:57,073 Hey, hey, hey, hey! 1060 01:13:57,183 --> 01:13:59,653 I got a couple presidential decrees to make! 1061 01:13:59,654 --> 01:14:01,374 I got a couple presidential decrees to make! 1062 01:14:01,454 --> 01:14:05,685 Not Sure, get your ass up here, wherever you is. 1063 01:14:08,296 --> 01:14:10,526 Let me get that little peanut head up here. 1064 01:14:10,637 --> 01:14:13,397 Yo. Yo. 1065 01:14:13,507 --> 01:14:15,438 I have decided... 1066 01:14:15,538 --> 01:14:18,068 to make this man- 1067 01:14:18,179 --> 01:14:21,109 the man who solved all our problems 1068 01:14:22,450 --> 01:14:25,110 I have decided to make him... 1069 01:14:25,220 --> 01:14:27,521 my new vice president. 1070 01:14:30,062 --> 01:14:33,293 Mr. President, thanks. That's real cool of you, sir... 1071 01:14:33,393 --> 01:14:37,264 but I can't accept it, sir. What? Why? 1072 01:14:37,364 --> 01:14:42,105 You know, I gotta get home. But we still got all these problems. 1073 01:14:42,205 --> 01:14:45,196 Look, you know, you're just gonna have to solve 'em yourselves. 1074 01:14:45,316 --> 01:14:47,776 How? Think about it, you know? 1075 01:14:47,876 --> 01:14:50,937 You're just gonna have to figure it out like we did with the crops. 1076 01:14:51,047 --> 01:14:55,578 But how are we gonna figure out about the garbage "ambulanches"and the "comony"? 1077 01:14:55,688 --> 01:15:01,530 And what about the nuc- "nucular" reactor in Florida? 1078 01:15:01,630 --> 01:15:04,101 It's broke and leaky and something's happening. 1079 01:15:04,201 --> 01:15:09,572 I thought it was in Georgia. Georgia's in Florida, dumb ass. 1080 01:15:09,672 --> 01:15:12,733 Hey. Hey, I know. Let's put toilet water on it. Huh? 1081 01:15:12,843 --> 01:15:15,904 Yeah! Good, good. That's a good idea. 1082 01:15:16,014 --> 01:15:18,715 Like we did on the crops. Come on, vato. 1083 01:15:18,825 --> 01:15:21,115 Hey, you can't leave. 1084 01:15:21,225 --> 01:15:27,167 Whatever happened to all that "lead, follow, or get outta the way" shit, huh? 1085 01:15:37,940 --> 01:15:42,351 I guess I just can't get outta the way anymore, can I? You know what? 1086 01:15:42,451 --> 01:15:45,352 Forget about the time machine. Yeah! 1087 01:15:49,393 --> 01:15:52,794 That ride sucks anyways. 1088 01:15:52,894 --> 01:15:55,024 Ride? 1089 01:15:58,505 --> 01:16:00,976 Welcome to the Time Masheen. 1090 01:16:01,076 --> 01:16:05,567 We are going to take you back, first to the year 1939... 1091 01:16:05,677 --> 01:16:08,168 when Charlie Chaplin and his evil Nazi regime... 1092 01:16:08,278 --> 01:16:11,338 enslaved Europe and tried to take over the world. 1093 01:16:11,448 --> 01:16:14,049 So you knew this thing was just a ride the whole time? 1094 01:16:14,159 --> 01:16:17,650 Yeah. You thought you could really travel through time, huh? 1095 01:16:17,760 --> 01:16:20,131 Yeah, I guess I did. Yeah. 1096 01:16:20,231 --> 01:16:23,172 For the smartest guy in the world, you're pretty dumb sometimes. 1097 01:16:23,272 --> 01:16:28,173 So why didn't you tell us? 'Cause I like money. I'm sorry. 1098 01:16:28,273 --> 01:16:32,074 But if it's not a real time machine, there wouldn't have been any money. 1099 01:16:32,184 --> 01:16:35,675 You know, 'cause I can't go back in time and open a savings account. 1100 01:16:35,785 --> 01:16:38,716 Uh, uh, uh- 1101 01:16:38,826 --> 01:16:41,586 Yeah. Don't worry about it. It's okay. 1102 01:16:43,127 --> 01:16:45,057 Well, I guess we're stuck here. 1103 01:16:45,167 --> 01:16:50,259 But then an even greater force emerged the "UN." 1104 01:16:50,369 --> 01:16:54,409 And the "UN" un-nazied the world forever. 1105 01:16:54,410 --> 01:16:54,670 And the "UN" un-nazied the world forever. 1106 01:16:54,840 --> 01:16:58,331 And so, after serving a short term as vice president... 1107 01:16:58,441 --> 01:17:01,742 Joe was elected the president of America. 1108 01:17:01,852 --> 01:17:04,012 Frito became vice president... 1109 01:17:04,122 --> 01:17:07,283 and Rita, the former prostitute, became first lady. 1110 01:17:07,393 --> 01:17:10,884 Today I step into the shoes of a great man... 1111 01:17:10,994 --> 01:17:15,125 a man by the name of Dwayne Elizondo... 1112 01:17:15,235 --> 01:17:19,226 Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho. 1113 01:17:19,336 --> 01:17:23,467 Under President Not Sure's leadership, a new era dawned. 1114 01:17:23,577 --> 01:17:27,408 You know, there was a time in this country... 1115 01:17:27,519 --> 01:17:31,780 when smart people were considered cool. 1116 01:17:31,890 --> 01:17:34,820 Well, maybe not cool, but smart people did things... 1117 01:17:34,920 --> 01:17:38,992 like build ships and pyramids, and they even went to the moon. 1118 01:17:39,102 --> 01:17:40,622 Yeah! 1119 01:17:42,773 --> 01:17:46,964 And there was a time in this country, a long time ago... 1120 01:17:47,074 --> 01:17:49,474 when reading wasn't just for fags... 1121 01:17:49,574 --> 01:17:51,845 and neither was writing. 1122 01:17:51,945 --> 01:17:56,046 People wrote books and movies, movies that had stories... 1123 01:17:56,156 --> 01:18:00,457 so you cared whose ass it was and why it was farting. 1124 01:18:00,557 --> 01:18:04,018 And I believe that time can come again! 1125 01:18:15,941 --> 01:18:19,542 Not Sure, Not Sure, Not Sure! 1126 01:18:23,383 --> 01:18:25,354 Joe and Rita had three children... 1127 01:18:25,454 --> 01:18:28,255 the three smartest kids in the world. 1128 01:18:29,395 --> 01:18:31,886 Vice President Frito took eight wives... 1129 01:18:31,996 --> 01:18:34,436 and had a total of 32 kids- 1130 01:18:34,536 --> 01:18:37,767 thirty-two of the dumbest kids ever to walk the earth. 1131 01:18:43,008 --> 01:18:46,179 Okay, so maybe Joe didn't save mankind... 1132 01:18:46,279 --> 01:18:48,720 but he got the ball rolling... 1133 01:18:48,820 --> 01:18:52,621 and that's pretty good for an average guy. 1134 01:23:52,600 --> 01:23:55,301 I'm gonna go find this ho.