1 00:00:40,818 --> 00:00:43,480 As the 21st century began... 2 00:00:43,587 --> 00:00:47,114 human evolution was at a turning point. 3 00:00:47,224 --> 00:00:52,161 Natural selection, the process by which the strongest, the smartest... 4 00:00:52,263 --> 00:00:55,824 the fastest reproduced in greater numbers than the rest... 5 00:00:55,932 --> 00:00:59,766 a process which had once favored the noblest traits of man... 6 00:00:59,870 --> 00:01:02,270 now began to favor different traits. 7 00:01:02,373 --> 00:01:04,273 The Joey Buttafuoco case... 8 00:01:04,375 --> 00:01:08,175 Most science fiction of the day predicted a future that was more civilized... 9 00:01:08,279 --> 00:01:10,372 and more intelligent. 10 00:01:10,481 --> 00:01:14,508 But as time went on, things seemed to be heading in the opposite direction. 11 00:01:14,618 --> 00:01:16,586 A dumbing down. 12 00:01:16,686 --> 00:01:18,711 How did this happen? 13 00:01:18,823 --> 00:01:22,088 Evolution does not necessarily reward intelligence. 14 00:01:22,193 --> 00:01:24,717 With no natural predators to thin the herd... 15 00:01:24,829 --> 00:01:28,128 it began to simply reward those who reproduced the most... 16 00:01:28,232 --> 00:01:32,362 and left the intelligent to become an endangered species. 17 00:01:33,537 --> 00:01:37,997 Having kids is such an important decision. 18 00:01:38,109 --> 00:01:39,542 We're just waiting for the right time. 19 00:01:39,643 --> 00:01:41,975 It's not something you want to rush into, obviously. 20 00:01:42,079 --> 00:01:43,979 No way. 21 00:01:44,081 --> 00:01:46,481 Oh, shit, I'm pregnant again! 22 00:01:46,584 --> 00:01:49,678 Shit! I got too many damn kids! 23 00:01:49,787 --> 00:01:53,018 - I thought you was on the pill or some shit! - Hell, no! 24 00:01:53,124 --> 00:01:55,092 Shit! I must've been thinkin' of Brittany. 25 00:01:55,192 --> 00:01:57,319 Brittany? No, you didn't! 26 00:01:57,428 --> 00:02:00,488 - There's no way we could have a child now. - Mm-mm. 27 00:02:00,598 --> 00:02:02,566 Not with the market the way it is, no. 28 00:02:02,666 --> 00:02:04,998 God, no. That just wouldn't make any sense. 29 00:02:05,102 --> 00:02:08,037 Come on over here, bitch! He don't care about you! 30 00:02:08,139 --> 00:02:10,801 Yeah? Well, there must be somethin' he likes over here. 31 00:02:10,908 --> 00:02:14,173 - She don't mean nothin' to me, baby! - Clevon! 32 00:02:14,278 --> 00:02:17,338 Oh, shit. It wasn't me! It wasn't me! 33 00:02:17,448 --> 00:02:20,747 Well, we finally decided to have children... 34 00:02:20,851 --> 00:02:24,878 and I'm not pointing fingers, but it's not going well. 35 00:02:24,989 --> 00:02:26,889 And this is helping. 36 00:02:26,991 --> 00:02:30,161 I'm just saying that before I have in vitro, maybe you should be willing to... 37 00:02:30,194 --> 00:02:32,094 It's always me, right? 38 00:02:32,196 --> 00:02:35,563 Well, it's not my sperm count. 39 00:02:35,666 --> 00:02:38,226 Yeah! Yeah! I'm gonna fuck all y'all! 40 00:02:38,335 --> 00:02:40,098 That's my boy! 41 00:02:40,204 --> 00:02:42,502 Whoo! Whoo! 42 00:02:44,408 --> 00:02:46,308 Clevon is lucky to be alive. 43 00:02:46,410 --> 00:02:48,742 He attempted to jump a Jet Ski from a lake... 44 00:02:48,846 --> 00:02:52,077 into a swimming pool and impaled his crotch on an iron gate. 45 00:02:52,183 --> 00:02:54,242 But thanks to recent advances in stem cell research... 46 00:02:54,351 --> 00:02:57,320 and the fine work of Doctors Krinski and Altschuler... 47 00:02:57,421 --> 00:02:59,616 Clevon should regain full reproductive function. 48 00:02:59,723 --> 00:03:01,623 Get your hands off my junk! 49 00:03:05,863 --> 00:03:08,957 Unfortunately, Trevor passed away from a heart attack... 50 00:03:09,066 --> 00:03:11,159 while masturbating... 51 00:03:11,268 --> 00:03:14,362 to produce sperm for artificial insemination. 52 00:03:14,471 --> 00:03:16,371 But I have some eggs frozen... 53 00:03:16,473 --> 00:03:20,170 so just as soon as the right guy comes along, you know... 54 00:03:24,415 --> 00:03:26,906 And so it went for generations... 55 00:03:27,017 --> 00:03:29,815 although few, if any, seemed to notice. 56 00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:35,688 But in the year 2005, in a military base just outside of Washington, D.C... 57 00:03:35,793 --> 00:03:39,730 a simple army librarian was unknowingly... 58 00:03:39,830 --> 00:03:43,732 about to change the entire course of human history. 59 00:03:43,834 --> 00:03:45,597 Come on, asshole! Go on! Take him to jail! 60 00:03:49,873 --> 00:03:51,500 Hey, Bauers. 61 00:03:51,609 --> 00:03:54,100 This is Peterson, your new replacement. 62 00:03:54,211 --> 00:03:58,079 - My what? I'm gettin' replaced? - Yeah, they didn't tell you? 63 00:03:58,182 --> 00:04:00,275 - No. - Some new assignment. 64 00:04:00,385 --> 00:04:02,682 They're being all weird and hush-hush about it. 65 00:04:02,786 --> 00:04:05,705 I don't want a new assignment. I tell Sergeant Metsler that every time. 66 00:04:05,723 --> 00:04:09,489 - I'm good at this. - Good at what? Sittin' on ass? 67 00:04:09,593 --> 00:04:12,187 No one ever comes in here. 68 00:04:12,296 --> 00:04:15,527 Yeah, I know. It's perfect for me. No one bothers me. I can't screw up. 69 00:04:15,633 --> 00:04:18,693 If I can just stay in here another eight years, I get my pension. 70 00:04:18,802 --> 00:04:21,930 I'm all set. Can you just get me out of this? 71 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:24,769 No way. Not this time. It's coming from high up. 72 00:04:24,875 --> 00:04:29,244 Jesus. I don't understand. Why me? 73 00:04:29,346 --> 00:04:32,975 Every time Metsler says, "Lead, follow, or get out of the way," I get out of the way. 74 00:04:33,083 --> 00:04:36,713 When he says that, you're not supposed to choose "get out of the way." 75 00:04:36,820 --> 00:04:40,881 It's supposed to embarrass you into leading or at least following. 76 00:04:40,991 --> 00:04:42,856 That doesn't embarrass me. 77 00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:44,860 Look, Joe. You don't have a choice. 78 00:04:44,962 --> 00:04:46,793 You're just gonna have to follow. 79 00:04:46,897 --> 00:04:49,365 Like, follow me upstairs, like, now. 80 00:04:49,466 --> 00:04:53,232 Right now? Shouldn't I train this guy? 81 00:04:53,337 --> 00:04:57,535 I think he can figure out how to sit on his ass and watch TV all day. Let's go. 82 00:05:04,615 --> 00:05:07,675 Gentlemen, meet Joe Bauers... 83 00:05:07,785 --> 00:05:10,913 our first subject for the Human Hibernation Experiment. 84 00:05:11,021 --> 00:05:12,955 Now, as you know, throughout the years... 85 00:05:13,057 --> 00:05:15,525 many of our best pilots, soldiers and military leaders... 86 00:05:15,626 --> 00:05:17,821 often go their entire careers without ever seeing battle. 87 00:05:17,928 --> 00:05:22,662 With the Human Hibernation Project, we will be able to save our best men... 88 00:05:22,766 --> 00:05:25,701 frozen in their prime, for use when they are needed most. 89 00:05:25,803 --> 00:05:29,534 Joe, here, is not one of our best men. 90 00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:34,270 Mr. Bauers was chosen primarily for how remarkably average he is. 91 00:05:34,379 --> 00:05:39,043 Extremely average in every category. Remarkable, truly. 92 00:05:39,149 --> 00:05:41,913 The most average person in our entire armed forces. 93 00:05:42,020 --> 00:05:44,544 Additionally, he has no family, is unmarried... 94 00:05:44,655 --> 00:05:46,954 is an only child, and both parents are deceased... 95 00:05:47,057 --> 00:05:50,720 making him an ideal candidate, with no one to ask any nosy questions... 96 00:05:50,828 --> 00:05:52,888 should something go wrong with the experiment. 97 00:05:52,996 --> 00:05:57,558 We had a little less luck in finding a female researcher's dream within our ranks... 98 00:05:57,668 --> 00:06:01,729 and were forced to look into the private sector. 99 00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:05,297 This is Rita. Like Joe, she has no immediate family. 100 00:06:05,410 --> 00:06:08,139 Rita agreed to participate in this experiment... 101 00:06:08,245 --> 00:06:12,306 in exchange for dropping of certain criminal charges and a small fee. 102 00:06:12,417 --> 00:06:16,113 We did, however, have to come to an arrangement with her pimp... 103 00:06:16,220 --> 00:06:20,247 a gentleman who goes by the name Upgrayedd, which he spells thusly... 104 00:06:21,859 --> 00:06:26,023 With two D's, as he says, for a double dose of this pimping. 105 00:06:26,130 --> 00:06:28,424 Upgrayedd agreed to loan us Rita for exactly one year... 106 00:06:28,465 --> 00:06:31,798 and keep quiet on the matter, in exchange for certain leeways... 107 00:06:31,903 --> 00:06:35,133 with the local authorities in running his pimp game. 108 00:06:35,239 --> 00:06:39,403 First, however, there was the difficult challenge of gaining his trust. 109 00:06:40,677 --> 00:06:43,339 Collins, could we skip to the technicals, please? 110 00:06:43,448 --> 00:06:45,746 Sure. Let me just finish here. 111 00:06:45,849 --> 00:06:50,149 You see, a pimp's love is very different from that of a square. 112 00:06:50,254 --> 00:06:52,279 Collins! 113 00:06:53,590 --> 00:06:56,058 Fine. We'll move on. 114 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,958 It is a fascinating world though. 115 00:07:11,975 --> 00:07:13,967 Jesus, Collins. 116 00:07:15,380 --> 00:07:18,371 Yeah, that's... 117 00:07:19,716 --> 00:07:22,446 Anyway, the experiment in which these two subjects... 118 00:07:22,553 --> 00:07:24,544 are to be placed into a dry freeze... 119 00:07:24,655 --> 00:07:26,987 for exactly one year is set to begin tomorrow. 120 00:07:27,090 --> 00:07:29,285 As you know, this is highly classified. 121 00:07:29,394 --> 00:07:34,525 However, if successful, we believe humans can be stored indefinitely. 122 00:07:41,305 --> 00:07:44,763 So this is kinda crazy, huh? 123 00:07:44,876 --> 00:07:48,402 - What unit are you with? - Oh, I ain't in the service. 124 00:07:48,513 --> 00:07:51,379 Oh, private sector. Okay. 125 00:07:51,482 --> 00:07:55,976 - So, uh, what do you do? - A little of this, a little of that. 126 00:07:56,086 --> 00:07:58,282 Wow, that's great. 127 00:07:58,388 --> 00:08:01,221 You know, I really envy people that can make a living that way... 128 00:08:01,325 --> 00:08:03,350 Doing a little of this and a little of that. 129 00:08:03,460 --> 00:08:08,262 I, uh, had a neighbor, Glen. He used to make chainsaw sculptures... 130 00:08:08,365 --> 00:08:10,266 and then he'd sell 'em at the flea market. 131 00:08:10,367 --> 00:08:12,268 Yeah. 132 00:08:14,204 --> 00:08:17,139 So, uh, you an artist or somethin'? 133 00:08:18,408 --> 00:08:21,343 - Uh, yeah. - You do paintings or... 134 00:08:21,446 --> 00:08:23,914 - Yeah, paintings. - Okay, great. 135 00:08:25,516 --> 00:08:28,178 - Mm-hmm. - What do you paint mostly? 136 00:08:29,821 --> 00:08:34,348 I don't know, just... people and fruit and shit. 137 00:08:34,459 --> 00:08:39,623 Wow. Well, must be great to be able to make a living doing something you love. 138 00:08:39,731 --> 00:08:42,358 Yeah. It's not all it's cracked up to be. 139 00:08:42,467 --> 00:08:44,128 Who wants to go first? 140 00:08:44,234 --> 00:08:46,725 Me. 141 00:08:51,408 --> 00:08:54,776 What the f... Oh, hell, no. Uh-uh. 142 00:08:54,878 --> 00:08:58,575 Hey, no. You probably don't want to do that with the I.V.s attached and all. 143 00:08:58,683 --> 00:09:01,811 What's the matter? - Man, Upgrayedd didn't tell me they'd be putting me... 144 00:09:01,885 --> 00:09:03,979 in no damn coffin with tubes and shit! 145 00:09:04,087 --> 00:09:07,080 Oh, no, don't worry about it. It'll be safe. Trust me. 146 00:09:07,190 --> 00:09:08,748 Who's Upgrayedd? 147 00:09:08,860 --> 00:09:10,827 He's my boyfriend. 148 00:09:12,162 --> 00:09:14,131 Man, how do you know this shit's safe? 149 00:09:14,232 --> 00:09:16,192 These guys know what they're doing. Don't worry. 150 00:09:16,234 --> 00:09:18,997 They've tested it on dogs and everything. 151 00:09:19,102 --> 00:09:21,970 What happens is, the drugs will kick in, we drift off to sleep... 152 00:09:22,073 --> 00:09:24,063 we wake up in a year, you'll be paintin' again. 153 00:09:24,174 --> 00:09:26,166 - It'll be fine. - All right. 154 00:09:26,276 --> 00:09:30,179 Upgrayedd. That's an interesting name. Is he Dutch? 155 00:09:31,516 --> 00:09:34,848 See, 'cause I knew this, uh, Dutch exchange student. 156 00:09:34,952 --> 00:09:36,477 His name was Untgrad. 157 00:09:36,587 --> 00:09:38,612 Okay, my niggas, we're almost set here. 158 00:09:38,723 --> 00:09:41,520 Just go ahead and lie down. Relax. 159 00:09:50,802 --> 00:09:52,598 See you in a year. 160 00:09:52,704 --> 00:09:55,366 The Human Hibernation Project... 161 00:09:55,472 --> 00:09:58,499 was one of the army's most ambitious experiments... 162 00:09:58,609 --> 00:10:01,442 and one of its most secretive. 163 00:10:01,546 --> 00:10:03,979 But it was not immune from human error. 164 00:10:06,818 --> 00:10:08,717 Freeze! 165 00:10:17,362 --> 00:10:21,092 Soon after Collins's arrest and the massive scandal that followed... 166 00:10:21,199 --> 00:10:23,963 the base was closed. 167 00:10:24,067 --> 00:10:28,767 It hadn't even been a year, and the entire project was simply forgotten. 168 00:10:31,142 --> 00:10:34,907 Things looked bleak for Joe, but they were even worse for mankind. 169 00:10:35,013 --> 00:10:38,277 As Joe and Rita lay dormant, the years passed... 170 00:10:38,383 --> 00:10:42,409 and mankind became stupider at a frightening rate. 171 00:10:51,094 --> 00:10:54,895 Some had high hopes that genetic engineering... 172 00:10:54,998 --> 00:10:56,990 would correct this trend in evolution. 173 00:10:57,100 --> 00:11:00,264 But sadly, the greatest minds and resources... 174 00:11:00,370 --> 00:11:05,240 were focused on conquering hair loss and prolonging erections. 175 00:11:07,812 --> 00:11:13,250 Meanwhile, the population exploded, and intelligence continued to decline... 176 00:11:13,351 --> 00:11:17,946 until humanity was incapable of solving even its most basic problems. 177 00:11:18,056 --> 00:11:23,049 Like garbage, which had been stacked for centuries with no plan whatsoever... 178 00:11:23,161 --> 00:11:28,029 leading to the Great Garbage Avalanche of 2505... 179 00:11:28,131 --> 00:11:33,468 which would set in motion the events that would change the world forever. 180 00:12:07,505 --> 00:12:10,268 - Hold on. - Next, on The Violence Channel... 181 00:12:10,373 --> 00:12:12,604 an all-new Ow! My Balls! 182 00:12:25,088 --> 00:12:28,957 All right. 183 00:12:35,967 --> 00:12:38,458 That guy got hit in the balls. 184 00:12:38,568 --> 00:12:41,094 Ow, my balls! 185 00:12:45,076 --> 00:12:46,976 Huh? 186 00:12:54,719 --> 00:12:57,210 - Where's... - Hold on. Shut up! 187 00:13:09,666 --> 00:13:11,964 - Where's Officer Collins? - Shut up! 188 00:13:12,069 --> 00:13:15,697 Next week on Ow! My Balls! Hormel goes to Paris! 189 00:13:15,807 --> 00:13:20,539 - Are we on base? - I'm gonna base your ass on my fist. 190 00:13:20,645 --> 00:13:24,081 In your face, ass! Shut up. 191 00:13:24,182 --> 00:13:26,309 I'm sorry. It's just... Where am I? 192 00:13:26,416 --> 00:13:28,612 Shut up! I told you already! 193 00:13:35,827 --> 00:13:38,989 Yeah! Wouldn't shut up! 194 00:13:39,096 --> 00:13:40,757 Come in here and not shut up. 195 00:13:40,865 --> 00:13:44,426 Yeah, you were like, "I'm not shuttin' up," and I was like... 196 00:13:59,617 --> 00:14:02,016 Unaware of what year it was... 197 00:14:02,119 --> 00:14:05,111 Joe wandered the streets, desperate for help. 198 00:14:05,223 --> 00:14:07,589 But the English language had deteriorated... 199 00:14:07,692 --> 00:14:12,789 into a hybrid of hillbilly, valley girl, inner-city slang and various grunts. 200 00:14:12,897 --> 00:14:16,333 Joe was able to understand them... 201 00:14:16,434 --> 00:14:19,801 but when he spoke in an ordinary voice... 202 00:14:19,904 --> 00:14:22,497 he sounded pompous and faggy to them. 203 00:14:38,723 --> 00:14:42,090 Paging Doc... 204 00:14:45,695 --> 00:14:48,631 Report to, uh... 205 00:14:48,733 --> 00:14:53,135 Dr. Lueboo... 206 00:14:53,236 --> 00:14:54,465 uh, report. 207 00:14:54,572 --> 00:14:57,438 Your floor-Your floor is now clean. 208 00:14:57,541 --> 00:14:59,771 Your floor... Your floor is now clean. 209 00:14:59,876 --> 00:15:02,242 Your floor... Your floor is now clean. 210 00:15:02,345 --> 00:15:07,477 Hi, uh, I was in an army experiment, and I'm not feeling so well. 211 00:15:07,585 --> 00:15:10,178 I think it might have been the drugs they had me on. 212 00:15:10,288 --> 00:15:12,415 I've been hallucinating. 213 00:15:12,522 --> 00:15:14,990 My head is just killin' me. 214 00:15:15,092 --> 00:15:18,117 My-My-My joints are all achy and I... 215 00:15:19,864 --> 00:15:21,764 Is this a hospital or... 216 00:15:21,866 --> 00:15:25,996 Actually, I don't even know where I am. 217 00:15:26,103 --> 00:15:28,333 Please proceed to the diagnostic area on the right... 218 00:15:28,439 --> 00:15:32,773 - and have a healthy day! - Oh. Thanks. 219 00:15:32,877 --> 00:15:34,640 Thank you! 220 00:15:45,756 --> 00:15:49,851 Uh, 'scuse me. I think this might be Gatorade or somethin'. 221 00:15:49,961 --> 00:15:52,862 - I was just looking for some regular water. - Water? 222 00:15:52,964 --> 00:15:55,990 - Yeah. - You mean like in the toilet? What for? 223 00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:59,001 You know, just to drink. 224 00:16:07,178 --> 00:16:09,042 You've got hepatitis! 225 00:16:09,146 --> 00:16:11,910 Oh, is someone not feeling well? 226 00:16:12,016 --> 00:16:15,577 Your illness is very important to us. 227 00:16:15,685 --> 00:16:18,553 Next. - Welcome to the Healthmaster Inferno... 228 00:16:18,656 --> 00:16:20,681 - powered by Jormi Technology. - Uh, this goes in your mouth. 229 00:16:20,791 --> 00:16:26,228 This one goes in your ear. And this one goes in your butt. 230 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:30,194 Come on. 231 00:16:30,301 --> 00:16:33,202 - Hurry up, asshole! - Come on! 232 00:16:35,006 --> 00:16:37,236 Shit. Hang on a second. 233 00:16:39,010 --> 00:16:41,444 This one... No. 234 00:16:41,545 --> 00:16:43,376 - Hey, come on. - Uh... 235 00:16:43,481 --> 00:16:46,678 - Hurry up! - This one. This one goes in your mouth. 236 00:16:49,053 --> 00:16:50,953 Come on! 237 00:16:56,494 --> 00:16:59,520 Thank you for waiting. Dr. Lexus will be with you shortly. 238 00:17:05,069 --> 00:17:07,867 That's a weird misprint. 239 00:17:09,206 --> 00:17:13,074 Hey. How's it hang, ese? 240 00:17:13,177 --> 00:17:16,874 Yeah. Right. Well, not so good, you know. 241 00:17:16,981 --> 00:17:19,973 I don't really know what's going on, but I'm seein' things. 242 00:17:20,084 --> 00:17:22,985 I think it might be because of these drugs the army put me on. 243 00:17:23,087 --> 00:17:26,784 But, if you could, uh, just get me well enough to get back to base... 244 00:17:26,891 --> 00:17:29,553 Right. Kick ass. 245 00:17:29,659 --> 00:17:32,788 Well, don't wanna sound like a dick or nothin'... 246 00:17:32,897 --> 00:17:35,730 but, uh, it says on your chart that you're fucked up. 247 00:17:35,833 --> 00:17:39,325 You talk like a fag, and your shit's all retarded. 248 00:17:39,437 --> 00:17:43,806 What I'd do is just like, like, you know... 249 00:17:43,908 --> 00:17:47,344 like, you know what I mean? Like... 250 00:17:47,445 --> 00:17:51,711 - No, I'm serious here. - Don't worry, scrot. 251 00:17:51,816 --> 00:17:54,842 Now there are plenty of 'tards out there living really kick-ass lives. 252 00:17:54,951 --> 00:17:58,319 My first wife was 'tarded. She's a pilot now. 253 00:17:58,422 --> 00:18:02,290 I need for you to be serious for a second here, okay? I need help. 254 00:18:02,393 --> 00:18:04,156 There's that fag talk we talked about. 255 00:18:04,261 --> 00:18:08,095 All right, so that'll be... this many dollars. 256 00:18:08,199 --> 00:18:12,260 And if you could just go ahead and, like, put your tattoo in that shit. 257 00:18:12,369 --> 00:18:16,305 That's weird. This thing has the same misprint as that magazine. 258 00:18:16,407 --> 00:18:20,468 - What are the odds of... - Where's your tattoo? Tattoo? 259 00:18:20,578 --> 00:18:23,342 Why don't you have this? 260 00:18:26,050 --> 00:18:27,950 Oh, God. 261 00:18:30,621 --> 00:18:33,111 - Where's your tattoo? - Oh, my God. 262 00:18:33,224 --> 00:18:35,692 Why come you don't have a tattoo? 263 00:18:37,294 --> 00:18:40,354 - Oh, my God! - You're not unscannable, are you? 264 00:18:41,599 --> 00:18:43,794 Oh, my God! 265 00:18:43,901 --> 00:18:47,337 You're unscannable. 266 00:18:47,438 --> 00:18:50,236 - Unscannable! - No! No, you don't understand! 267 00:18:50,341 --> 00:18:52,901 You gotta let me talk to someone in the army! Wait a second. 268 00:18:53,009 --> 00:18:55,843 They're all dead. Everybody I know's dead! 269 00:18:55,946 --> 00:18:57,675 Oh, my God! Oh! 270 00:18:59,750 --> 00:19:02,913 - No! Stop! Calm down! - Calm down! Calm down! 271 00:19:03,019 --> 00:19:05,181 - How'd this happen? - How did it happen? 272 00:19:05,289 --> 00:19:08,520 Your floor is now clean. 273 00:19:08,626 --> 00:19:10,890 Your floor is now clean. 274 00:19:31,282 --> 00:19:35,218 Joe had awakened to a world in crisis. 275 00:19:35,319 --> 00:19:38,550 The economy was in a state of deep neglect. 276 00:19:38,656 --> 00:19:42,114 A great dust bowl had ravaged food supplies. 277 00:19:42,226 --> 00:19:47,061 And the number one movie in the country was called Ass. 278 00:19:48,866 --> 00:19:51,994 And that's all it was for 90 minutes. 279 00:19:54,171 --> 00:19:59,268 It won eight Oscars that year, including best screenplay. 280 00:20:03,348 --> 00:20:06,441 Enjoy your Extra Big-Ass Fries. 281 00:20:06,550 --> 00:20:09,542 You didn't gimme no fries. I got an empty box. 282 00:20:09,653 --> 00:20:12,486 Would you like another Extra Big-Ass Fries? 283 00:20:12,590 --> 00:20:14,286 I said I didn't get any. 284 00:20:14,391 --> 00:20:16,256 Thank you. Your account has been charged. 285 00:20:16,361 --> 00:20:18,260 Your balance is zero. 286 00:20:18,363 --> 00:20:21,855 What? Oh, no. No! - Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase. 287 00:20:21,966 --> 00:20:23,866 I'm sorry you're having trouble. 288 00:20:23,968 --> 00:20:26,721 - Come on! My kids are starvin'. - I'm sorry you're having trouble. 289 00:20:29,006 --> 00:20:31,498 This should help you calm down. 290 00:20:31,609 --> 00:20:34,477 Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase. 291 00:20:34,578 --> 00:20:39,777 Your kids are starving. Carl's Jr. believes no child should go hungry. 292 00:20:39,883 --> 00:20:44,843 You are an unfit mother. Your children will be placed in the custody of Carl's Jr. 293 00:20:44,955 --> 00:20:47,981 Carl's Jr. "Fuck you. I'm eating." 294 00:20:49,326 --> 00:20:51,157 Welcome to Carl's Jr. 295 00:20:51,262 --> 00:20:54,857 Would you like to try our Extra Big-Ass Taco... 296 00:20:54,965 --> 00:20:57,525 now with more molecules? 297 00:20:57,635 --> 00:21:00,627 Hey! Is this particular individual the unfit mother? 298 00:21:00,738 --> 00:21:04,674 - Me? No. - Okay. This particular individual is unscannable. 299 00:21:08,046 --> 00:21:10,381 Listen, I can explain, okay? I was in an army experiment. 300 00:21:13,217 --> 00:21:15,811 Wait a second. There's the other pod from the army experiment. 301 00:21:15,919 --> 00:21:18,183 There was a girl. She was from the same experiment. 302 00:21:18,289 --> 00:21:21,656 Yeah, that's enough of your bullshit, sir. 303 00:21:21,759 --> 00:21:23,886 Joe was arrested for not paying his hospital bill... 304 00:21:23,894 --> 00:21:27,330 and not having his U.P.C. tattoo. 305 00:21:27,432 --> 00:21:32,733 He would soon discover that in the future, justice was not only blind... 306 00:21:32,836 --> 00:21:36,637 but had become rather retarded as well. 307 00:21:36,740 --> 00:21:39,709 You shut up! Now... 308 00:21:41,412 --> 00:21:44,142 I'm fixin' to commensurate this trial here. 309 00:21:44,248 --> 00:21:48,878 We gonna see if we can't come up with a verdict up in here. 310 00:21:48,986 --> 00:21:53,150 Now, since y'all say you ain't got no money... 311 00:21:53,257 --> 00:21:56,590 we have "proprietarily" obtained for you... 312 00:21:56,694 --> 00:22:00,528 one of them court-appointed lawyers. 313 00:22:00,631 --> 00:22:05,659 So, put your hands together and give it up for Frito Pendejo. 314 00:22:05,769 --> 00:22:07,498 You're my lawyer? 315 00:22:07,604 --> 00:22:11,939 Says here you, uh, robbed a hospital? 316 00:22:12,042 --> 00:22:14,442 - Why'd you do that? - Yeah. I'm not guilty. 317 00:22:14,545 --> 00:22:17,424 - That's not what the other lawyer said. - What do you mean what the... 318 00:22:17,448 --> 00:22:19,416 Listen, you gotta get me on the stand, okay? 319 00:22:19,516 --> 00:22:22,561 I can explain everything. We can take 'em to your house, show 'em the pod. 320 00:22:22,619 --> 00:22:24,883 Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! 321 00:22:24,988 --> 00:22:28,424 Now, prosecutor, why you think he done it? 322 00:22:28,525 --> 00:22:31,551 Okay, number one, Your Honor, just look at him. 323 00:22:34,198 --> 00:22:37,190 He talks like a fag too. 324 00:22:37,301 --> 00:22:40,998 And "B," we've got all this, like, evidence... 325 00:22:41,105 --> 00:22:44,040 of how, like, this guy didn't even pay at the hospital. 326 00:22:44,142 --> 00:22:47,076 And I heard that he doesn't even have his tattoo. 327 00:22:47,177 --> 00:22:49,442 I know! 328 00:22:49,546 --> 00:22:53,073 And I'm all, "You've gotta be shittin' me." But check this out, man. 329 00:22:53,183 --> 00:22:56,084 Judge should be like, "Guilty." Peace. 330 00:23:01,191 --> 00:23:04,490 - Objection! - What are you objectifyin' on? 331 00:23:04,595 --> 00:23:06,859 - Come on. Just get me on the stand. - Okay. 332 00:23:07,899 --> 00:23:10,629 - Um, Your Honor? - Hmm? 333 00:23:10,734 --> 00:23:12,565 I object... 334 00:23:12,669 --> 00:23:16,663 that this guy also broke my apartment to shit. 335 00:23:16,774 --> 00:23:18,765 - Yeah. - What? 336 00:23:18,876 --> 00:23:23,404 And you know what else? I object that he's not gonna have any money to pay me... 337 00:23:23,514 --> 00:23:26,642 after he pays back all the money he stole from the hospital! 338 00:23:26,750 --> 00:23:28,741 Don't say I stole. You're my lawyer. 339 00:23:28,852 --> 00:23:30,786 And I object. 340 00:23:30,888 --> 00:23:34,756 I object that he interrupted me while I was watching Ow! My Balls! 341 00:23:34,858 --> 00:23:39,319 That is not okay! And I rest my case! 342 00:23:39,430 --> 00:23:41,831 Your Honor, I'm pretty sure we have a mistrial here, sir. 343 00:23:41,933 --> 00:23:45,300 I'm gonna mistrial my foot up your ass, you don't shut up. 344 00:23:45,402 --> 00:23:47,870 - Please, listen. - "Please, listen." 345 00:23:47,971 --> 00:23:49,700 I didn't steal anything. 346 00:23:49,807 --> 00:23:51,707 I was part of an army experiment... 347 00:23:51,809 --> 00:23:54,801 Joe stated his case logically and passionately... 348 00:23:54,912 --> 00:24:00,009 but his perceived effeminate voice only drew big gales of stupid laughter. 349 00:24:00,118 --> 00:24:01,779 Guilty! 350 00:24:01,885 --> 00:24:06,516 Without adequate legal representation, Joe was given a stiff sentence. 351 00:24:06,623 --> 00:24:11,323 Meanwhile, Rita had awakened to find that the world's oldest profession... 352 00:24:11,428 --> 00:24:14,665 was a lot easier when the world is populated by morons. 353 00:24:14,700 --> 00:24:15,529 Was a lot easier when the world is populated by morons. 354 00:24:15,632 --> 00:24:19,363 Welcome to AOL, Time Warner, Taco Bell, U.S. Government long distance. 355 00:24:19,470 --> 00:24:21,836 Please say the name of the person you wish to call. 356 00:24:21,939 --> 00:24:23,770 Upgrayedd. 357 00:24:24,908 --> 00:24:29,470 There are 9,726 listings for Upgrayedd. 358 00:24:29,580 --> 00:24:31,844 Please deposit $2,000 to begin connection. 359 00:24:31,949 --> 00:24:33,849 - Man, what? - Oh, yeah, baby. 360 00:24:33,951 --> 00:24:36,420 Hey, look, can you just... Can you wait a second, please? 361 00:24:36,521 --> 00:24:40,890 Oh, yeah, baby. I can wait so good. 362 00:24:41,925 --> 00:24:43,859 Really? 363 00:24:45,163 --> 00:24:47,494 Think, uh-You think maybe you could wait a day? 364 00:24:47,598 --> 00:24:49,726 Baby, I can wait two days. 365 00:24:49,833 --> 00:24:54,396 Huh. That's good, 'cause I charge by the hour. 366 00:24:54,505 --> 00:24:58,442 Oh, yeah? Well, you gonna be glad you waited, baby. 367 00:24:58,543 --> 00:25:00,443 Thank you very much, young man. 368 00:25:02,714 --> 00:25:04,375 What the fuck? 369 00:25:04,481 --> 00:25:07,006 Goddamn, shit's changed in a year. 370 00:25:09,020 --> 00:25:10,920 What are we doin' here? 371 00:25:11,022 --> 00:25:13,512 Okay, sir, we're engaged in procuring your tattoo. 372 00:25:16,527 --> 00:25:19,690 Welcome to the Identity Processing Program of America. 373 00:25:19,796 --> 00:25:24,460 Please insert your forearm into the forearm receptacle. 374 00:25:25,570 --> 00:25:27,470 Thank you. 375 00:25:27,572 --> 00:25:31,530 Please speak your name as it appears on your current federal identity card... 376 00:25:31,642 --> 00:25:35,044 - Document number G24L8. - I'm not sure if... 377 00:25:35,145 --> 00:25:39,139 You have entered the name "Not Sure." Is this correct, Not Sure? 378 00:25:39,249 --> 00:25:41,150 No, it's not correct. 379 00:25:41,251 --> 00:25:44,846 Thank you. "Not" is correct. Is "Sure" correct? 380 00:25:44,956 --> 00:25:46,981 No, it's not. My name is Joe... 381 00:25:47,090 --> 00:25:48,921 You've already confirmed your first name is Not. 382 00:25:49,027 --> 00:25:52,655 - Please confirm your last name, "Sure." - My... 383 00:25:52,764 --> 00:25:55,164 My last name is not Sure. 384 00:25:55,265 --> 00:25:57,894 - Thank you, Not Sure. - No. What I mean is my name is Joe. 385 00:25:58,001 --> 00:26:03,338 Confirmation is complete. Please wait while I tattoo your new identity on your arm. 386 00:26:05,442 --> 00:26:08,275 Wait a second. Can we start over? Can I cancel this? 387 00:26:08,378 --> 00:26:10,813 Can we cancel this and just go back to the beginning? 388 00:26:10,914 --> 00:26:14,145 They're gonna tat... Ow. Could I speak to your supervisor? 389 00:26:14,252 --> 00:26:17,278 - Ow! - Please hold still for your photograph. 390 00:26:26,798 --> 00:26:29,357 Oh, that's fuckin' great. 391 00:26:31,903 --> 00:26:33,803 Okay, sir... 392 00:26:33,905 --> 00:26:38,238 now we will begin to proceed to obtain your I.Q. and "apitude" tests. 393 00:26:38,343 --> 00:26:40,277 What for? 394 00:26:40,378 --> 00:26:44,609 Okay, sir, this is to figure out what your "aptude's" good at... 395 00:26:44,716 --> 00:26:49,847 and get you a jail job while you're being a particular individual in jail. 396 00:26:49,953 --> 00:26:52,888 If you have one bucket that holds two gallons... 397 00:26:52,990 --> 00:26:55,550 and another bucket that holds five gallons... 398 00:26:55,660 --> 00:26:58,423 how many buckets do you have? 399 00:27:00,365 --> 00:27:02,264 Two? 400 00:27:02,367 --> 00:27:04,334 Thank you. 401 00:27:44,307 --> 00:27:46,275 'Too. 402 00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:11,462 Desperate and scared... 403 00:28:11,568 --> 00:28:14,367 Joe used his superior intelligence... 404 00:28:14,472 --> 00:28:17,373 to come up with the best escape plan he could think of. 405 00:28:17,475 --> 00:28:23,107 Hi. Excuse me. I'm actually supposed to be getting out of prison today, sir. 406 00:28:24,314 --> 00:28:26,373 Yeah. 407 00:28:26,484 --> 00:28:29,418 You're in the wrong line, dumb ass. Over there. 408 00:28:29,519 --> 00:28:32,818 I'm sorry. I am being a big dumb ass. Sorry. 409 00:28:32,924 --> 00:28:34,585 Hey, uh, let this dumb ass through. 410 00:28:51,641 --> 00:28:54,338 - 'Too. - Yeah. Got it. 411 00:28:56,748 --> 00:29:02,118 Uh, yeah, I don't see you in here. So, you're gonna have to, uh, stay in prison. 412 00:29:02,220 --> 00:29:04,120 Could you check again? 413 00:29:04,222 --> 00:29:07,282 'Cause, I was, you know... I was definitely in prison, okay? 414 00:29:07,391 --> 00:29:11,327 I got sat on my face and everything. Maybe check those files back there? 415 00:29:17,902 --> 00:29:22,168 "Excape." "Excape." 416 00:29:22,273 --> 00:29:24,833 "Excape." "Excape." 417 00:29:24,941 --> 00:29:28,708 "Excape." "Excape." 418 00:29:46,063 --> 00:29:47,962 The Masturbation Network. 419 00:29:48,065 --> 00:29:51,557 Keepin' America 'batin' for 300 years. 420 00:29:51,668 --> 00:29:54,365 And now, Sweet Bang Tube. 421 00:29:54,472 --> 00:29:59,238 Oh, yeah, give me some. Cut me a piece. 422 00:29:59,342 --> 00:30:01,334 Oh, yeah, that's... 423 00:30:01,445 --> 00:30:03,344 Go away! 'Batin'! 424 00:30:05,449 --> 00:30:07,643 Damn it. 425 00:30:07,752 --> 00:30:10,243 All right. 426 00:30:12,255 --> 00:30:15,191 Hey. Hey, get out of here. Hey, get out of here! 427 00:30:15,293 --> 00:30:19,389 No, wait, listen. You let me, an innocent man, get thrown in jail. 428 00:30:19,497 --> 00:30:22,864 So? Shut up, 'cause you broke my house. 429 00:30:22,967 --> 00:30:25,901 Hey, I could have you disbarred... Disbarred... for what you did to me. 430 00:30:26,002 --> 00:30:28,664 Then maybe you'd go to jail for not havin' any money. 431 00:30:28,773 --> 00:30:30,866 Oh, really? 432 00:30:30,975 --> 00:30:34,273 Yeah, really. Now, look. Okay, here's the deal. 433 00:30:34,377 --> 00:30:36,369 I've been thinking. It's been 500 years. 434 00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:39,448 Someone has to have invented a way to travel back in time by now. 435 00:30:39,549 --> 00:30:42,451 You know, I think they were pretty close even in my day. You know? 436 00:30:42,552 --> 00:30:44,453 - With Einstein and guys like that? - Uh-huh. 437 00:30:44,554 --> 00:30:47,114 - You know, scientists? You know? - Uh. 438 00:30:48,458 --> 00:30:50,359 A time machine, for time travel. 439 00:30:50,460 --> 00:30:53,089 - Do they have one? - What? 440 00:30:57,401 --> 00:31:01,302 Jesus. I knew that was too much to hope for. 441 00:31:02,406 --> 00:31:04,533 No, no, they got a time machine. 442 00:31:04,642 --> 00:31:06,542 - They do? - Yeah. 443 00:31:06,644 --> 00:31:08,544 - Are-Are-Are you sure? - Yeah. 444 00:31:08,646 --> 00:31:12,480 - Can it get me back to 2005? - Oh, yeah, but it's, like, really expensive. 445 00:31:12,582 --> 00:31:15,814 And it breaks all the time 'cause some smart guy made it a long time ago. 446 00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:18,081 I don't care. Just get me there, okay? 447 00:31:18,189 --> 00:31:19,656 - Well... - Please! 448 00:31:19,756 --> 00:31:22,988 Listen, I... I... I "supersize" with you... 449 00:31:23,094 --> 00:31:25,858 but didn't you go to jail for not havin' enough money? 450 00:31:25,962 --> 00:31:30,093 Okay, how about this? You get me to the time machine, and when I get back... 451 00:31:30,201 --> 00:31:32,192 I open a savings account in your name. 452 00:31:32,303 --> 00:31:34,828 That way, 500 years later, it'll be worth billions. 453 00:31:34,939 --> 00:31:36,462 - Billions! - 'Cause? 454 00:31:36,574 --> 00:31:39,407 'Cause of the interest, it'll be worth billions of dollars. 455 00:31:39,509 --> 00:31:42,070 - Oh, I... I like money. - Yeah. 456 00:31:42,179 --> 00:31:45,171 - How many billions? - Like, 10. 457 00:31:45,283 --> 00:31:48,445 Yeah, suck one. Time machine costs, like, 20. 458 00:31:48,552 --> 00:31:51,349 Yeah? Okay. Uh, 30, Frito. 459 00:31:51,455 --> 00:31:54,618 Thirty billion dollars. 460 00:31:54,725 --> 00:31:59,161 Thirty billion. So if you gave me 30 billion... 461 00:31:59,262 --> 00:32:01,254 and the time machine's 20... 462 00:32:01,364 --> 00:32:03,299 What's the minus of 30 and 20? 463 00:32:03,401 --> 00:32:06,131 Uh, it's, uh... It's 80, Frito. 464 00:32:06,237 --> 00:32:08,761 It's $80 billion. That's a mighty big minus, isn't it? 465 00:32:08,873 --> 00:32:12,604 - Yeah. I like money though. - Police! Open the door! 466 00:32:12,710 --> 00:32:14,871 We're looking for an "excaped" individual. 467 00:32:14,979 --> 00:32:18,573 - This particular individual's name is Not Sure. - Eighty billion. 468 00:32:18,683 --> 00:32:22,675 Oh, um, he... He's... somewhere else. 469 00:32:22,787 --> 00:32:27,120 You got something I can wear? - Yeah. There's Pro-Wear on the top, assorted in the middle. 470 00:32:27,224 --> 00:32:29,351 A Coke machine in the vicinity caught his tattoo. 471 00:32:29,460 --> 00:32:32,223 Seemed to be heading for this particular "domistile." 472 00:32:32,330 --> 00:32:34,730 Okay, sir, we're comin' in. 473 00:32:34,831 --> 00:32:37,129 - No, you can't come in. - Can too! 474 00:32:37,234 --> 00:32:39,293 - Come on! - All right, let's go get my billions. 475 00:32:41,605 --> 00:32:45,666 Oh, okay, one more thing. We gotta go find this girl, Rita, first, okay? 476 00:32:45,776 --> 00:32:48,540 - Is she bangin'? - Yeah, sure, she is. 477 00:32:48,646 --> 00:32:50,546 That wasn't really part of the deal. 478 00:32:50,648 --> 00:32:54,550 Okay, I'll, uh, throw in another couple billion, all right? - I like money. 479 00:32:54,652 --> 00:32:57,711 Okay, her pod's up here on the right. She shouldn't be far away, I hope. 480 00:32:57,822 --> 00:33:02,589 Mmm, girl. Oh, yeah? So when we gonna do it? 481 00:33:02,692 --> 00:33:06,026 'Cause you been chargin' me by the hour, and it's been, like, three days. 482 00:33:06,130 --> 00:33:10,123 Oh, yeah. Soon, baby, soon. Hey, you know what? 483 00:33:10,233 --> 00:33:12,862 Why don't you come back tomorrow? 484 00:33:12,969 --> 00:33:15,598 - Yeah, yeah, baby, yeah! - Yeah? 485 00:33:15,705 --> 00:33:18,869 When I finally utilize you, you gonna be paying me. 486 00:33:18,975 --> 00:33:22,434 That's right. Whatever you say, sir. 487 00:33:22,546 --> 00:33:25,014 - Hey, you still on the clock! - Yeah, girl. 488 00:33:25,116 --> 00:33:28,244 - Thank you! - Rita! 489 00:33:28,351 --> 00:33:32,220 Rita! It's me, Joe, from the experiment. Get in the car! Come on. 490 00:33:32,323 --> 00:33:34,621 Oh, yeah! What the hell, man? 491 00:33:34,725 --> 00:33:36,625 Just get in the car. I'll explain everything. 492 00:33:36,727 --> 00:33:39,218 - Where we going? - Just get in the car. 493 00:33:39,330 --> 00:33:41,491 - Trust me. - What happened to those army guys? 494 00:33:44,367 --> 00:33:46,859 Wait a minute. You got cops after you? 495 00:33:46,971 --> 00:33:50,600 Yeah. - And you made me get in the car? I got two strikes, asshole! 496 00:33:50,708 --> 00:33:53,176 Frito, take a right here. Right, right! 497 00:33:53,276 --> 00:33:55,245 Into that dust storm, Frito. 498 00:34:01,419 --> 00:34:03,478 They must have just forgotten about us. 499 00:34:03,587 --> 00:34:06,988 It's been 500 years? Oh, hell, no! 500 00:34:07,091 --> 00:34:11,289 Upgrayedd is gonna kill me! He gets mad when I'm a day late with his money! 501 00:34:11,395 --> 00:34:13,488 So, you owe your boyfriend money? 502 00:34:13,597 --> 00:34:16,088 Well, yeah, he's sort of my manager too. 503 00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:20,000 You know, he helps me sell the paintings and shit. 504 00:34:20,104 --> 00:34:25,440 Look, Rita, you gotta understand that Upgrayedd's been dead for a long time now. 505 00:34:25,543 --> 00:34:28,341 Yeah, man, but you said there was a time machine, right? - Yeah. 506 00:34:28,446 --> 00:34:31,973 Yeah, there's a time machine now that can take us back to the past... 507 00:34:32,083 --> 00:34:34,483 but there was no time machine back then, so... 508 00:34:34,585 --> 00:34:37,520 Upgrayedd don't care where the time machine is. Now, then, last week... 509 00:34:37,621 --> 00:34:40,590 He will find a way to come get his money! 510 00:34:40,690 --> 00:34:43,785 - All I'm saying is you don't have to worry about it... - You know what? 511 00:34:43,894 --> 00:34:46,480 Last time you told me not to worry was 500 goddamn years ago... 512 00:34:46,564 --> 00:34:48,930 when you were trying to tell me to get into some coffin. 513 00:34:49,033 --> 00:34:51,077 Look, Rita, I don't know how this happened, okay? 514 00:34:51,135 --> 00:34:54,434 But I'm doing everything I can to get us back there, okay? I promise you. 515 00:34:54,538 --> 00:34:58,099 You are harboring a fugitive by the name of Not Sure. 516 00:34:58,209 --> 00:35:01,838 Please, pull over and wait for the police to incarcerate your passenger. 517 00:35:01,946 --> 00:35:04,907 - Hell, no. You know what? Let me outta here. - Thank you for your help. 518 00:35:04,949 --> 00:35:07,179 If you don't have one of these, they're gonna throw you in jail. 519 00:35:07,284 --> 00:35:10,276 You don't want to get thrown in the jails here. I've been in them. 520 00:35:10,387 --> 00:35:13,181 They're bad. You're better off being with us, as bad as that sounds. 521 00:35:13,224 --> 00:35:17,217 - What are you doing? Why are we slowing down? - Turned off my battery. 522 00:35:21,665 --> 00:35:25,123 Look, how far is it? Can we just take a cab or something? 523 00:35:28,973 --> 00:35:30,235 Oh, shit. 524 00:35:38,182 --> 00:35:40,810 Oh! Oh, shit! 525 00:35:40,918 --> 00:35:43,148 Yeah! 526 00:35:43,254 --> 00:35:46,553 What the hell's wrong with you? That's your car. 527 00:35:47,758 --> 00:35:51,489 Oh, hell, yeah! He's on fire! 528 00:35:51,595 --> 00:35:53,392 Come on! Let's get out of here. 529 00:36:02,873 --> 00:36:04,864 Hey, how much farther is it? 530 00:36:06,177 --> 00:36:09,010 Uh, it's, like, far. 531 00:36:09,113 --> 00:36:12,549 Man, I could really go for a Starbucks, you know? 532 00:36:12,650 --> 00:36:16,211 Yeah, well, I really don't think we have time for a hand job, Joe. 533 00:36:21,992 --> 00:36:24,984 Man, he don't seem too bright. You sure he knows where he's going? 534 00:36:25,095 --> 00:36:27,290 I sure hope so. He's our only chance. 535 00:36:27,398 --> 00:36:30,925 How'd you hook up with this guy, anyway? 536 00:36:31,035 --> 00:36:35,301 He's my lawyer. And he's not a very good one either. 537 00:36:35,406 --> 00:36:37,966 He's a goddamned idiot. 538 00:36:38,075 --> 00:36:42,876 There's a shuttle down in the Costco. It'll drop us right by the time machine. 539 00:37:01,165 --> 00:37:04,862 Jesus Christ. Oh, look. One more thing. 540 00:37:04,969 --> 00:37:08,370 He thinks he's gonna get billions of dollars if he takes us there. 541 00:37:08,472 --> 00:37:12,602 So if he mentions anything about a savings account, just play along, okay? 542 00:37:12,710 --> 00:37:14,610 Yeah, what if this time machine don't work? 543 00:37:14,712 --> 00:37:18,011 Then I'll spend the rest of my life trying to fix it. 544 00:37:22,786 --> 00:37:28,315 Welcome to Costco. I love you. Welcome to Costco. I love you. 545 00:37:29,426 --> 00:37:31,792 Welcome to Costco. I love you. 546 00:37:33,897 --> 00:37:37,697 Shuttle's down there in electronics, about an hour from here. 547 00:37:45,643 --> 00:37:47,975 We've been walking forever. You sure you know where you're going? 548 00:37:48,078 --> 00:37:51,570 Yeah, I know this place pretty good. I went to law school here. 549 00:37:51,683 --> 00:37:53,616 In Costco? 550 00:37:53,717 --> 00:37:56,117 Yeah. I couldn't believe it myself. 551 00:37:56,220 --> 00:37:59,883 Luckily, my dad was an alumnus and pulled some strings. 552 00:38:01,325 --> 00:38:04,123 Hey, come on, Joe. I already told you... 553 00:38:04,228 --> 00:38:07,322 we'd all like a hand job, but we don't have time for it. 554 00:38:17,075 --> 00:38:18,974 Hey, baby, wanna go out? 555 00:38:19,077 --> 00:38:21,636 Wanna go out, honey? 556 00:38:28,353 --> 00:38:30,980 Shuttle comes every few minutes. Shouldn't be long. 557 00:38:31,089 --> 00:38:34,819 Do I got time to use the bathroom? 558 00:38:37,027 --> 00:38:39,723 - Uh, the toilet. - Be right back. 559 00:38:40,631 --> 00:38:43,100 Yeah, back that thing up. 560 00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:45,498 - Hey, you mind if I pound on that, Joe? - What? 561 00:38:45,602 --> 00:38:47,433 - I like having sex with chicks. - Yeah? 562 00:38:47,538 --> 00:38:49,438 - Yeah. - I think everybody does, Frito. 563 00:38:49,540 --> 00:38:52,907 Not like I do. Like when you get it like this, sideways. 564 00:38:53,011 --> 00:38:55,535 Then you just, like, back it up. And then you... 565 00:38:55,646 --> 00:38:57,841 - That's real good. - Then you... Oh, yeah! 566 00:38:57,948 --> 00:39:00,041 Stop! You're gonna get us caught, okay? 567 00:39:00,150 --> 00:39:02,050 Warning! Warning! 568 00:39:02,152 --> 00:39:04,677 Costco has detected a dangerous fugitive in aisle 16,702. 569 00:39:04,788 --> 00:39:07,223 Hey! What about Rita? We can't just leave her here. 570 00:39:07,324 --> 00:39:09,554 I don't care. Come on! 571 00:39:09,660 --> 00:39:14,029 Oh, shit. Wait a second. What are we gonna do? 572 00:39:14,132 --> 00:39:16,065 Wait, okay, I know. Here's what we do. 573 00:39:16,166 --> 00:39:18,930 We go to the time machine, then when I get back to the past... 574 00:39:19,037 --> 00:39:20,970 I tell her not to do the experiment. 575 00:39:21,071 --> 00:39:23,266 - Then she won't even be here. That'll work, right? - Uh... 576 00:39:23,374 --> 00:39:25,342 - No, wait. - Please stand clear of the doors. 577 00:39:25,442 --> 00:39:28,241 She already is here. That must mean I didn't go back in time, right? 578 00:39:28,345 --> 00:39:31,542 Uh... - No, wait, hold on. It just means I haven't done it yet. 579 00:39:31,648 --> 00:39:34,447 Okay, so I go back and I tell her not to do the experiment. 580 00:39:34,551 --> 00:39:37,111 Then I won't have to do it either because she won't be here. 581 00:39:37,221 --> 00:39:39,682 Then I won't have to come back and save her, right? - I... 582 00:39:39,723 --> 00:39:42,385 - But then, wait. Why am I still here? - Uh... 583 00:39:42,493 --> 00:39:44,461 Goddamn, how does this time travel work? 584 00:39:44,561 --> 00:39:48,429 - Please stand clear. - Freeze! Hands up! Don't move! 585 00:39:48,533 --> 00:39:51,228 - Put your hands up! - Don't move! Freeze! 586 00:40:01,378 --> 00:40:04,438 Look, if you guys are taking me back to that jail... 587 00:40:04,549 --> 00:40:07,279 just go ahead and shoot me, 'cause there's no way... 588 00:40:07,384 --> 00:40:10,650 Ow! Fuck! Ow! Ow! 589 00:40:10,754 --> 00:40:15,248 - What? - Ow! Ow. Ow. Ow. 590 00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:17,294 What? 591 00:40:17,394 --> 00:40:19,624 - Ow! God! Hey, stop! - Damn it. 592 00:40:21,566 --> 00:40:25,262 - What is this? - Okay, sir, this is the White House. 593 00:40:25,370 --> 00:40:27,668 - What are we doing at the White House? - What? 594 00:40:27,771 --> 00:40:30,069 Ow! Ow! Goddamn! 595 00:40:30,174 --> 00:40:33,632 It turned out the results of Joe's I.Q. test... 596 00:40:33,745 --> 00:40:37,840 had caught the attention of the highest levels of government. 597 00:40:37,949 --> 00:40:42,112 Okay, wait a minute. I'm the smartest guy in the world? Says who? 598 00:40:42,220 --> 00:40:44,312 The I.Q. test you took in prison. 599 00:40:44,421 --> 00:40:47,185 You got the highest score in history. Brought to you by Carl's Jr. 600 00:40:47,291 --> 00:40:50,192 Yeah, dumb ass, you're even smarter than President Camacho. 601 00:40:50,294 --> 00:40:53,059 That's how come he's making you secretary of interior. 602 00:40:53,163 --> 00:40:55,132 Okay, so who are you? 603 00:40:55,233 --> 00:40:56,962 I'm the secretary of energy. 604 00:40:57,067 --> 00:40:59,729 He won a contest. Got to be a cabinet member. 605 00:40:59,837 --> 00:41:03,637 I'm the secretary of state. Brought to you by Carl's Jr. 606 00:41:03,740 --> 00:41:07,005 - Why do you keep saying that? - 'Cause they pay me every time I do. 607 00:41:07,110 --> 00:41:10,979 It's a really good way to make money. You're so smart, why don't you know that? 608 00:41:12,749 --> 00:41:15,309 - He's the secretary of defense. - Hi. 609 00:41:15,420 --> 00:41:18,388 And, uh, funbags over there is the attorney general. 610 00:41:18,489 --> 00:41:20,821 Hi. 611 00:41:20,924 --> 00:41:23,086 And that's the secretary of education. 612 00:41:25,163 --> 00:41:28,530 He's kinda stupid, but he's President Camacho's stepbrother. 613 00:41:28,633 --> 00:41:30,862 Still, he does a pretty good job, eh? 614 00:41:30,968 --> 00:41:34,529 You know, I think there's been some kind of mistake... 615 00:41:34,639 --> 00:41:38,096 'cause the test I took was real, real easy. 616 00:41:38,208 --> 00:41:42,202 I'm not the smartest guy in the world. Okay? 617 00:41:46,517 --> 00:41:50,477 Okay, even if that were true, I can't be the secretary of the interior. 618 00:41:50,587 --> 00:41:54,046 - I don't even know what it is. - You better find out. 619 00:41:54,157 --> 00:41:57,025 - Sit down. It's President Camacho. - Hey, hey, hey, yo... 620 00:41:57,127 --> 00:42:01,086 I gotta take care of some "bidness," baby, so I need y'all to wait outside. 621 00:42:01,199 --> 00:42:06,135 Dwayne Elizondo Camacho, five-time Ultimate Smackdown Champion... 622 00:42:06,236 --> 00:42:10,195 porn superstar, and president of the United States... 623 00:42:10,308 --> 00:42:13,708 had called a special summit with the smartest man in the world. 624 00:42:13,810 --> 00:42:16,438 - So you smart, huh? - No, no. 625 00:42:19,883 --> 00:42:23,047 I thought your head would be bigger. 626 00:42:26,024 --> 00:42:28,151 Goddamn. 627 00:42:28,258 --> 00:42:30,624 It look like a peanut. 628 00:42:30,727 --> 00:42:32,661 Let's get you sworn in. 629 00:42:47,544 --> 00:42:50,911 Ladies and gentlemen, the president of America! 630 00:42:54,519 --> 00:42:56,987 President Camacho! 631 00:42:58,021 --> 00:43:00,785 Shut up. 632 00:43:00,892 --> 00:43:04,952 Shut up. Sit your monkey ass down. 633 00:43:05,063 --> 00:43:06,620 Chill out. 634 00:43:10,867 --> 00:43:12,300 Shit. 635 00:43:14,605 --> 00:43:17,768 I know shit's bad right now with all that starvin' bullshit. 636 00:43:17,874 --> 00:43:19,610 And the dust storms. And we runnin' out of French fries and burrito coverings. 637 00:43:19,646 --> 00:43:22,443 And the dust storms. And we runnin' out of French fries and burrito coverings. 638 00:43:22,547 --> 00:43:24,173 Yeah! 639 00:43:24,282 --> 00:43:27,183 - But I got a solution. - That's what you said last time, dipshit! 640 00:43:27,285 --> 00:43:29,185 I got a solution. You're a dick! 641 00:43:29,287 --> 00:43:31,880 South Carolina, "whassup?" 642 00:43:39,329 --> 00:43:42,560 That's what I thought! 643 00:43:45,370 --> 00:43:48,634 Now, I understand everyone's shit's emotional right now... 644 00:43:48,740 --> 00:43:51,264 but listen up. 645 00:43:51,376 --> 00:43:54,140 I got a three-point plan to fix everything. 646 00:43:54,244 --> 00:43:55,734 Break it down, Camacho! 647 00:43:55,847 --> 00:44:01,046 Number one, we got this guy, Not Sure. 648 00:44:01,152 --> 00:44:05,986 Number two, he's got a higher I.Q. than any man alive. 649 00:44:06,089 --> 00:44:10,389 And number three, he's gonna fix everything. 650 00:44:10,495 --> 00:44:13,726 I give you my word as president. 651 00:44:13,830 --> 00:44:16,356 He'll fix the problems with all the dead crops. 652 00:44:16,466 --> 00:44:18,867 He's gonna make 'em grow again. 653 00:44:18,970 --> 00:44:23,930 - Crops? - And that ain't all. I give you my word. 654 00:44:26,009 --> 00:44:29,069 He's gonna fix the dust storms too. 655 00:44:30,815 --> 00:44:33,408 I give you my word. 656 00:44:33,518 --> 00:44:37,044 He's gonna fix the "ecomony." 657 00:44:39,157 --> 00:44:41,921 And he's so smart... 658 00:44:42,025 --> 00:44:47,224 he's gonna do it all in one week. 659 00:44:47,330 --> 00:44:50,891 President Camacho stood before the world and promised everyone... 660 00:44:51,002 --> 00:44:54,596 that Joe would solve all their problems. 661 00:44:54,706 --> 00:44:58,869 He would not only end the dust bowl and heal the economy... 662 00:44:58,975 --> 00:45:01,603 but he would cure acne and carsickness as well. 663 00:45:01,713 --> 00:45:03,976 And if he didn't... 664 00:45:04,082 --> 00:45:06,573 President Camacho made another promise. 665 00:45:06,683 --> 00:45:10,313 He would kick Joe's smart balls all the way up to the roof of his smart mouth. 666 00:45:10,420 --> 00:45:14,585 And then, he would throw his brainy ass back in jail. 667 00:45:18,995 --> 00:45:21,190 I should, uh, be honest with you, Mr. President. 668 00:45:21,299 --> 00:45:23,426 I don't know how to be secretary of anything. 669 00:45:23,533 --> 00:45:25,000 I mean, I've never even voted, actually. 670 00:45:25,103 --> 00:45:27,900 I don't know what the secretary of the interior even is. 671 00:45:28,004 --> 00:45:32,668 Come on, scrot. Don't be a pussy. It beats jail, don't it? 672 00:45:32,777 --> 00:45:37,110 Besides, you do a kick-ass job... 673 00:45:37,215 --> 00:45:39,445 you get a full presidential pardon. 674 00:45:39,549 --> 00:45:41,449 - No jail time. - Yeah? 675 00:45:41,551 --> 00:45:45,181 Fuck, yeah! Now gimme a beer. 676 00:45:45,288 --> 00:45:47,348 And get you one too. 677 00:45:53,231 --> 00:45:55,256 Shit! 678 00:45:55,365 --> 00:45:57,833 Hold on, vato! 679 00:45:57,934 --> 00:45:59,663 Whoo! 680 00:46:20,258 --> 00:46:22,385 - Do somethin' smart. - Yeah. 681 00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:27,390 Uh, okay. Uh... 682 00:46:27,497 --> 00:46:30,558 I'll, uh... 683 00:46:30,667 --> 00:46:34,229 - Hey, we found that lawyer you wanted. - Oh, okay. Great, thanks. 684 00:46:34,337 --> 00:46:39,332 Uh, right now, I'm going to, uh, you know, confer with my counsel. 685 00:46:39,443 --> 00:46:41,308 You understand? So I'll be right back. 686 00:46:41,411 --> 00:46:44,779 Gotta go, uh, work on some crop stuff, get that taken care of. 687 00:46:44,881 --> 00:46:49,545 Hopefully get it worked out by the time we get back here. - Sounds pretty smart. 688 00:46:49,654 --> 00:46:51,621 Wait here, okay? Wait there. 689 00:46:51,722 --> 00:46:54,555 Dude, this is trepidatious. You got me a room at the White House. 690 00:46:54,659 --> 00:46:56,661 Everyone gets laid at the White House. Everyone. 691 00:46:56,727 --> 00:46:58,353 - Yeah? - Yeah. 692 00:46:58,462 --> 00:47:01,897 I'm real glad you're happy to be here, Frito, but I brought you here to help me. 693 00:47:01,998 --> 00:47:04,660 I don't know the first thing about growin' crops... 694 00:47:04,769 --> 00:47:06,998 much less the goddamn "ecomony." 695 00:47:07,104 --> 00:47:09,038 Econ-Economy. 696 00:47:09,140 --> 00:47:12,074 Let's see. Growin' crops... 697 00:47:12,175 --> 00:47:15,838 No, I just need you to tell me how to get to the time machine. 698 00:47:15,947 --> 00:47:20,110 Oh, that's easy. You go down by the museum and stuff. 699 00:47:20,218 --> 00:47:22,243 It's, like... It's, like, by the museum... 700 00:47:22,353 --> 00:47:24,946 sort of, but, well, actually, not really. 701 00:47:25,056 --> 00:47:29,583 More like... But on the street. You go, um... Wait. Let me start over. 702 00:47:29,694 --> 00:47:31,558 Okay, you know where the time machine is? 703 00:47:31,661 --> 00:47:34,631 Hey. Just draw me a map, okay? 704 00:47:34,731 --> 00:47:37,360 You still want the money? 705 00:47:37,467 --> 00:47:40,300 Oh. If I had some money and a room at the White House... 706 00:47:40,404 --> 00:47:45,306 - I would be like, "It's mine, all night!" - Listen. Cut it out! 707 00:47:45,409 --> 00:47:48,207 Listen, I told these people that you were smart, okay? 708 00:47:48,311 --> 00:47:50,542 - So act smart! - Smart like you? 709 00:47:50,648 --> 00:47:54,140 "Oh, I gotta go to the time machine. I wanna go home." 710 00:47:54,252 --> 00:47:57,049 - I don't talk like that. - "I don't talk like that." 711 00:47:57,154 --> 00:47:59,088 Shit, I thought there was two of you. 712 00:47:59,190 --> 00:48:00,987 See? 713 00:48:01,092 --> 00:48:03,652 Doesn't look that big, is it? 714 00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:06,888 Okay. Let's go take a look at those crops. 715 00:48:06,998 --> 00:48:10,990 Especially the ones, uh, you know, out around the museum area. 716 00:48:12,602 --> 00:48:15,299 All right? Hey, come on! 717 00:48:17,240 --> 00:48:21,803 Now, you either lead, follow, or get out of the way. All right? 718 00:48:21,913 --> 00:48:25,245 Whoa. Did you just make that up? 719 00:48:25,348 --> 00:48:28,284 Yes, I did. Now look... 720 00:48:28,386 --> 00:48:30,980 I also need help finding this girl named Rita, like, immediately... 721 00:48:31,088 --> 00:48:33,488 - and Frito will give you a hand with it. - Why? 722 00:48:35,226 --> 00:48:40,357 Well, because, uh, you know, she'd be an essential... integral... asset... 723 00:48:40,464 --> 00:48:45,265 you know, for our team, for us to, you know, utilize. 724 00:48:51,908 --> 00:48:54,810 Utilize her! Utilize her! 725 00:48:54,911 --> 00:48:57,005 Utilize! 726 00:48:57,114 --> 00:49:00,174 Hey, uh, but you're gonna bring her here, right? 727 00:49:00,283 --> 00:49:02,980 Oh, yeah. Butt first! 728 00:49:05,122 --> 00:49:07,824 - Utilize her! - Okay. 729 00:49:13,464 --> 00:49:16,831 Dang! May I approach your benches? 730 00:49:22,440 --> 00:49:25,068 Uh, yeah. This sucks pretty bad. 731 00:49:25,176 --> 00:49:28,009 Frito, why don't you come over here and, uh, take a look at this? 732 00:49:28,112 --> 00:49:31,548 Come on. Hustle over here, buddy. I wanna figure this out. 733 00:49:31,649 --> 00:49:35,449 See, uh, just not a lot of moisture. Have you got the map? 734 00:49:35,553 --> 00:49:37,521 - Oh, yeah. - Discreetly. 735 00:49:41,858 --> 00:49:44,623 - It's right there. - I see it. I see it. 736 00:49:44,729 --> 00:49:47,289 Stand up with me. 737 00:49:47,398 --> 00:49:51,266 Yo, Mr. Secretary Not Sure. They found that whore you wanted. 738 00:49:51,369 --> 00:49:54,360 Hey, that may be how you refer to women in the future, but come on. 739 00:49:54,472 --> 00:49:58,738 No, sir. Turns out she charged some guy a lotta money and didn't put out. 740 00:49:58,843 --> 00:50:00,834 Don't worry though. We'll get her out... 741 00:50:00,945 --> 00:50:04,244 on a work-release whorin' license as long as you're doin' her. 742 00:50:04,347 --> 00:50:07,544 Get your hands off me. What do you think I'm gonna do, run through the field? 743 00:50:07,651 --> 00:50:09,983 What the fuck are you all starin' at? 744 00:50:10,087 --> 00:50:12,111 - Joe? - That's Not Sure, ma'am. 745 00:50:12,223 --> 00:50:16,125 - Secretary Not Sure. - Secretary? Secretary of what? 746 00:50:16,227 --> 00:50:20,823 Say, would you guys mind if we had a little moment together? Alone? 747 00:50:20,931 --> 00:50:25,334 You know, in the bushes? 748 00:50:27,071 --> 00:50:29,004 Oh, man. 749 00:50:37,581 --> 00:50:41,142 Fuck her, Joe! - Hey, you want us to come along, make sure she puts out? 750 00:50:41,252 --> 00:50:43,277 No, thanks. I can handle it. Yeah. 751 00:50:43,387 --> 00:50:46,618 I thought you was in jail. How'd you get to be the secretary of interior? 752 00:50:46,724 --> 00:50:49,022 Just keep walking. I'll explain everything. 753 00:50:57,802 --> 00:50:59,770 Okay. Get ready to run. 754 00:51:02,239 --> 00:51:04,867 - What? - Oh, goddamn it. 755 00:51:04,975 --> 00:51:07,773 Way to go, Frito. You know what? Just make a run for it anyways. 756 00:51:07,878 --> 00:51:09,812 We'll ask for directions on the way. 757 00:51:09,914 --> 00:51:13,077 No way. I spent the last two days looking for it. It ain't easy to find. 758 00:51:13,184 --> 00:51:16,153 Damn it. I can't go back to jail, and I sure can't solve these problems. 759 00:51:16,253 --> 00:51:19,381 All's I know is I better find Upgrayedd before he finds me. 760 00:51:19,490 --> 00:51:22,857 Listen to me. Upgrayedd cannot find you, okay? It's impossible! 761 00:51:22,959 --> 00:51:25,690 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah! And even if Upgrayedd... 762 00:51:25,796 --> 00:51:27,787 could somehow magically travel through time... 763 00:51:27,898 --> 00:51:31,333 we got secret service guys with huge guns protecting us, okay? 764 00:51:31,435 --> 00:51:33,335 So don't worry. You're safe. 765 00:51:33,437 --> 00:51:36,600 And you know what? It's none of my business, but when we get back... 766 00:51:36,706 --> 00:51:39,335 you and Upgrayedd should seriously think about couples counseling, okay? 767 00:51:39,443 --> 00:51:43,880 And you should also think about maybe finding an art manager who's not also your boyfriend. 768 00:51:43,980 --> 00:51:48,077 Hey! She's not puttin' out? 769 00:51:48,185 --> 00:51:52,315 Uh, no, she is. We, uh-We already did it. 770 00:51:52,423 --> 00:51:54,914 Yeah. He was great. 771 00:51:57,128 --> 00:52:00,791 Okay. Hey, a couple of us guys were wonderin', uh... 772 00:52:00,898 --> 00:52:02,866 if we'd go family-style on her. 773 00:52:05,402 --> 00:52:08,859 Uh, yeah, probably not right now. 774 00:52:08,973 --> 00:52:12,431 We should focus on the crops. So let's get back to work. Maybe later. 775 00:52:19,550 --> 00:52:21,245 What the hell is this? 776 00:52:24,155 --> 00:52:28,023 - Tastes like Gatorade. - Is that that Brawndo stuff? 777 00:52:28,125 --> 00:52:31,856 They're watering crops with a sports drink? 778 00:52:33,531 --> 00:52:36,261 Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator had come to replace water... 779 00:52:36,367 --> 00:52:38,528 virtually everywhere. 780 00:52:38,636 --> 00:52:40,831 Water, the basic component of all life... 781 00:52:40,938 --> 00:52:43,930 had been deemed a threat to Brawndo's profit margin. 782 00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:47,533 The solution came during the budget crisis of 2330... 783 00:52:47,645 --> 00:52:52,480 when the Brawndo Corporation simply bought the F.D.A... 784 00:52:52,583 --> 00:52:54,051 and the F.C.C... 785 00:52:54,151 --> 00:52:56,381 enabling them to say, do and sell... 786 00:52:56,487 --> 00:52:58,387 anything they wanted. 787 00:53:03,427 --> 00:53:06,055 Joe didn't know any of this... 788 00:53:06,163 --> 00:53:10,156 but he did see a problem that he might actually be able to solve. 789 00:53:10,267 --> 00:53:14,829 With his options running out, Joe took a bold step. 790 00:53:14,939 --> 00:53:17,066 He would not get out of the way. 791 00:53:17,174 --> 00:53:20,041 This time, he would lead. 792 00:53:20,144 --> 00:53:22,169 For the last time, I'm pretty sure... 793 00:53:22,279 --> 00:53:25,248 what's killing the crops is this Brawndo stuff. 794 00:53:25,350 --> 00:53:28,113 But Brawndo's got what plants crave. It's got electrolytes. 795 00:53:28,219 --> 00:53:30,278 So wait a minute. What you're saying... 796 00:53:30,387 --> 00:53:34,188 is that you want us to put water on the crops. 797 00:53:34,291 --> 00:53:37,317 - Yes. - Water. Like out the toilet? 798 00:53:37,428 --> 00:53:41,421 Well, I mean, it doesn't have to be out of the toilet, but, yeah, that's the idea. 799 00:53:41,532 --> 00:53:44,865 - But Brawndo's got what plants crave. - It's got electrolytes. 800 00:53:44,969 --> 00:53:46,937 Okay, look. 801 00:53:47,037 --> 00:53:50,529 The plants aren't growing, so I'm pretty sure that the Brawndo's not working. 802 00:53:50,641 --> 00:53:55,306 Now, I'm no botanist, but I do know that if you put water on plants, they grow. 803 00:53:55,412 --> 00:53:59,109 Well, I've never seen no plants grow out of no toilet. 804 00:53:59,216 --> 00:54:02,481 Hey, that's good. You sure you ain't the smartest guy in the world? 805 00:54:02,586 --> 00:54:06,545 You wanna solve this problem. I wanna get my pardon. 806 00:54:06,657 --> 00:54:10,616 So why don't we just try it, okay, and not worry about what plants crave? 807 00:54:10,728 --> 00:54:13,196 Brawndo's got what plants crave. 808 00:54:13,297 --> 00:54:15,822 - Goddamn it. - Yeah, it's got electrolytes. 809 00:54:15,933 --> 00:54:18,367 What are electrolytes? Do you even know? 810 00:54:18,469 --> 00:54:21,234 It's what they use to make Brawndo. 811 00:54:21,338 --> 00:54:23,966 Yeah, but why do they use them to make Brawndo? 812 00:54:24,074 --> 00:54:26,634 'Cause Brawndo's got electrolytes. 813 00:54:29,647 --> 00:54:34,084 After several hours, Joe finally gave up on logic and reason... 814 00:54:34,184 --> 00:54:37,244 and simply told the cabinet that he could talk to plants... 815 00:54:37,354 --> 00:54:39,982 and that they wanted water. 816 00:54:41,091 --> 00:54:43,423 He made believers out of everyone. 817 00:54:43,527 --> 00:54:47,089 Joe didn't know it, but the beloved electrolytes... 818 00:54:47,197 --> 00:54:51,156 were salts that had been building up in the topsoil over the decades... 819 00:54:51,268 --> 00:54:53,999 killing plants and leading to the dust bowl. 820 00:54:54,104 --> 00:54:59,838 As secretary of the interior, Joe ordered all crops to be switched to water... 821 00:54:59,943 --> 00:55:05,074 promising that, over time, plants would grow and the dust bowl would end. 822 00:55:05,182 --> 00:55:09,210 He was on the fast track to a full presidential pardon. 823 00:55:09,320 --> 00:55:12,448 Or so it seemed. 824 00:55:13,557 --> 00:55:17,460 Man, I hope somethin' grows fast. 825 00:55:17,561 --> 00:55:19,552 Yeah. So we can haul our ass back home. 826 00:55:19,663 --> 00:55:23,258 Man. You really think those people would have starved to death? 827 00:55:24,802 --> 00:55:29,432 I don't know. I mean, how did the world ever get like this? 828 00:55:29,540 --> 00:55:33,408 You know things are bad when they're comin' to me for answers. 829 00:55:33,510 --> 00:55:36,274 - It's a weird feeling being smarter than everyone. - Mm-hmm. 830 00:55:36,381 --> 00:55:38,610 - I'm not used to it. - Yeah. Me neither. 831 00:55:41,352 --> 00:55:45,083 You think Einstein walked around thinkin' everyone was a bunch of dumb shits? 832 00:55:45,189 --> 00:55:47,749 Yeah. Hadn't thought of that. 833 00:55:47,859 --> 00:55:51,988 - Now you know why he built that bomb. - Yeah. 834 00:55:54,399 --> 00:55:56,593 Hey, Joe, listen. Those cops... 835 00:55:56,700 --> 00:55:58,965 - Oh, hey. I'm sorry about that. - No. No. 836 00:55:59,069 --> 00:56:02,095 They said that you got me a pardon. 837 00:56:02,206 --> 00:56:05,232 You know, if you hadn't done that, I'd still be in jail right now, so... 838 00:56:06,543 --> 00:56:09,172 I guess I owe you one. 839 00:56:11,382 --> 00:56:14,943 You know, you don't have to sleep on the floor if you don't want to. 840 00:56:16,353 --> 00:56:20,517 Oh. No. I'm... I'm all right. Yeah. 841 00:56:20,624 --> 00:56:24,685 Besides, you know, I don't think Upgrayedd would be too happy about that. 842 00:56:24,796 --> 00:56:26,457 You in bed with a stranger. 843 00:56:28,198 --> 00:56:30,463 Yeah. 844 00:56:33,370 --> 00:56:35,201 I know. I know. 845 00:56:37,307 --> 00:56:42,302 Yeah. Oh, boy. 846 00:56:50,254 --> 00:56:52,814 Oh, shit. It's Upgrayedd. 847 00:56:52,924 --> 00:56:55,357 Oh, shit. It's not Upgrayedd. 848 00:56:55,460 --> 00:56:57,758 Given enough time, Joe's plan might have worked. 849 00:56:57,861 --> 00:57:00,194 But when the Brawndo stock suddenly dropped to zero... 850 00:57:00,297 --> 00:57:02,731 leaving half the population unemployed... 851 00:57:02,834 --> 00:57:06,530 dumb, angry mobs took to the streets, rioting and looting... 852 00:57:06,637 --> 00:57:08,572 and screaming for Joe's head. 853 00:57:08,672 --> 00:57:11,368 An emergency cabinet meeting was called... 854 00:57:11,476 --> 00:57:13,807 with the C.E.O. of the Brawndo Corporation. 855 00:57:13,911 --> 00:57:16,379 How come nobody's buying Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator? 856 00:57:16,481 --> 00:57:18,847 Aw, shit. Half the country works for Brawndo. 857 00:57:18,950 --> 00:57:21,713 Not anymore! The stock has dropped to zero... 858 00:57:21,819 --> 00:57:23,980 and the computer did that auto-layoff thing to everybody. 859 00:57:24,087 --> 00:57:26,647 - We're all unemployed! - You think that makes the "ecomony" suck? 860 00:57:26,758 --> 00:57:30,818 - Why is this happening? - I think it's because we switched to water, but... 861 00:57:30,928 --> 00:57:33,419 - You mean this is all your fault? - What? 862 00:57:33,530 --> 00:57:37,364 Yeah, this is your fault. This shit started happening when we switched to water! 863 00:57:37,468 --> 00:57:41,370 Brought to you by Carl's Jr. Brought to you by Carl's Jr. Brought to you by Carl's Jr. 864 00:57:44,107 --> 00:57:45,904 Fox News. 865 00:57:49,147 --> 00:57:52,206 He tried taking water from toilets... 866 00:57:52,316 --> 00:57:56,253 but it's Secretary Not Sure who finds himself in the toilet now. 867 00:57:56,353 --> 00:57:58,254 And as history pulls down its pants... 868 00:57:58,355 --> 00:58:01,621 and prepares to lower its ass on Not Sure's head... 869 00:58:01,725 --> 00:58:05,718 it will be Daddy Justice who will be crapping on him this time. 870 00:58:05,829 --> 00:58:10,027 We now go live to Violence Channel correspondent Formica Davis... 871 00:58:10,133 --> 00:58:14,002 at the Extreme Court with highlights on today's trial. 872 00:58:16,507 --> 00:58:20,705 Thank you, Velveeta. Well, it started off boring and slow... 873 00:58:20,812 --> 00:58:24,372 with Not Sure trying to bullshit everyone with a bunch of smart talk. 874 00:58:24,481 --> 00:58:28,578 Blah, blah, blah. You gotta believe me! 875 00:58:28,685 --> 00:58:30,677 That part of the trial sucked. 876 00:58:30,787 --> 00:58:33,449 But then, the chief "J" just went off. 877 00:58:33,558 --> 00:58:35,583 He said, "Man, whatever. 878 00:58:35,692 --> 00:58:38,286 The guy's guilty as shit. We all know that." 879 00:58:38,395 --> 00:58:42,161 And he sentenced his ass to one night of Rehabilitation. 880 00:58:42,266 --> 00:58:44,826 Hey, rehabilitation? One night? 881 00:58:44,936 --> 00:58:46,836 Doesn't sound so bad. 882 00:58:46,938 --> 00:58:48,802 Not so bad, huh? 883 00:58:48,906 --> 00:58:52,171 Here's some highlights from last week's Rehabilitation. 884 00:59:03,153 --> 00:59:06,248 And who could forget that wonderful finish... 885 00:59:06,356 --> 00:59:08,847 by Rehab Officer Tylenol Jones? 886 00:59:08,960 --> 00:59:12,656 And tomorrow night looks even more better. 887 00:59:12,764 --> 00:59:17,166 Word is that Beef Supreme himself might come out of retirement. 888 00:59:17,267 --> 00:59:19,963 Wow. Thank you, Formica. 889 00:59:21,438 --> 00:59:24,430 So you think you can escape again like you did last time? 890 00:59:24,541 --> 00:59:27,340 - No. They pretty much fixed that. - How? 891 00:59:27,444 --> 00:59:29,709 They chained me to a big rock. 892 00:59:31,114 --> 00:59:33,014 - Oh. - Yeah. 893 00:59:33,116 --> 00:59:35,311 Look, Rita, get Frito. 894 00:59:35,420 --> 00:59:38,548 Get him to take you back to the time machine without me. Don't wait. 895 00:59:38,655 --> 00:59:42,682 No. You could have split on me before, but you didn't. 896 00:59:42,794 --> 00:59:46,195 Look, you wanna pay me back? Just go back, okay? 897 00:59:46,296 --> 00:59:48,856 Tell people to read books. 898 00:59:48,966 --> 00:59:51,059 Tell people to stay in school, you know. 899 00:59:51,169 --> 00:59:54,695 Tell people to just use their brains or something. 900 00:59:54,806 --> 00:59:58,003 I think maybe the world got like this because of people like me. 901 00:59:58,109 --> 01:00:02,704 I never did anything with my life. At least you were an artist, you know? 902 01:00:02,814 --> 01:00:05,373 - So just go back and... - Visit's over! 903 01:00:08,353 --> 01:00:11,810 And Rita, whatever you do, keep painting, okay? 904 01:00:13,358 --> 01:00:15,325 Good luck, Joe. 905 01:00:22,532 --> 01:00:25,400 Okay, that's five down and one more to go. 906 01:00:25,502 --> 01:00:29,199 Are you ready for a monster-truck duel to the death? 907 01:00:29,307 --> 01:00:32,833 Yeah! Let's give it up for the Guitar Army. 908 01:00:34,946 --> 01:00:36,913 Okay, we're gonna do this shit. 909 01:00:37,015 --> 01:00:40,177 But first, to lead us in our Natural Anthem... 910 01:00:40,283 --> 01:00:45,051 the star of Ow! My Balls! Hormel Chavez! 911 01:00:45,156 --> 01:00:48,090 Thank you. Thank you. 912 01:00:48,191 --> 01:00:53,186 Hey! Come here! 913 01:00:53,296 --> 01:00:56,857 Come here! 914 01:00:56,968 --> 01:00:58,868 Right in the balls! 915 01:00:58,970 --> 01:01:03,770 That's just how that shit went on TV! 916 01:01:03,875 --> 01:01:08,106 This execution is brought to you by Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator. 917 01:01:08,211 --> 01:01:10,111 After you've killed someone... 918 01:01:10,213 --> 01:01:12,148 - your body needs electrolytes. - Yeah. 919 01:01:12,250 --> 01:01:15,549 So, my car's out front... 920 01:01:15,652 --> 01:01:17,917 whenever you want me to take you... 921 01:01:18,021 --> 01:01:20,251 to the time machine. 922 01:01:20,358 --> 01:01:22,291 Thanks, Frito. 923 01:01:22,392 --> 01:01:24,486 - Yeah. - I can't hear you! 924 01:01:24,594 --> 01:01:27,791 That's a real bummer about Joe, huh? 925 01:01:27,899 --> 01:01:30,493 - I can't hear you! - Yeah. 926 01:01:30,600 --> 01:01:36,061 Oh! Can you turn this up? I love Rehabilitation. 927 01:01:47,584 --> 01:01:52,045 Okay. Let's meet our rehabilitation officers for tonight. 928 01:01:52,155 --> 01:01:55,454 With a combined record of 62 kills... 929 01:01:55,560 --> 01:02:00,395 please welcome Vinny Mawumba in the Dildozer! 930 01:02:06,204 --> 01:02:11,972 And his brother Bobby Mawumba in the Ass Blaster! 931 01:02:12,075 --> 01:02:14,044 I get a truck too, right? 932 01:02:14,145 --> 01:02:16,875 Yeah. Here it comes. 933 01:02:26,524 --> 01:02:28,492 Get in. 934 01:02:32,996 --> 01:02:35,363 You still got the chain attached. 935 01:02:37,567 --> 01:02:40,127 - Door won't shut. - What about the chain? 936 01:02:40,238 --> 01:02:42,205 - We could break it. - No. He could escape. 937 01:02:42,305 --> 01:02:45,866 - I got an idea. Let's put it in the trunk. - Yeah. That'll work. 938 01:02:49,447 --> 01:02:53,008 - Who's smart now? - Let's bring out our criminal. 939 01:02:53,116 --> 01:02:56,244 He tried to ruin the country by pouring toilet water on crops. 940 01:02:56,354 --> 01:02:58,753 He cost millions of people their jobs. 941 01:02:58,855 --> 01:03:02,189 Let's get ready to rehabilitate Not Sure! 942 01:03:14,205 --> 01:03:16,571 Never would have guessed this is how I was gonna die. 943 01:03:16,673 --> 01:03:19,575 Are you ready for some car-on-car action? 944 01:03:19,676 --> 01:03:21,645 Yes. 945 01:03:22,747 --> 01:03:25,580 - I can't watch this. - This is... 946 01:03:25,682 --> 01:03:30,176 This is gonna be so sad. I hope I don't cry. 947 01:03:31,988 --> 01:03:35,890 Holy shit! Frito, come here! Look! 948 01:03:35,992 --> 01:03:38,461 He was right. The water... it worked. 949 01:03:38,563 --> 01:03:41,190 Frito, can you get me over there? 950 01:03:42,165 --> 01:03:44,066 Yes. 951 01:03:44,167 --> 01:03:47,160 No, you fuckin' moron. To the Rehabilitation place. 952 01:03:47,270 --> 01:03:49,295 - Uh, this way. - Yeah! 953 01:03:53,878 --> 01:03:55,778 Come on, Frito. Hurry! 954 01:03:55,880 --> 01:03:58,906 And now the dude that everybody came here to see... 955 01:03:59,015 --> 01:04:02,611 - Yeah! - the only undefeated officer ever in history... 956 01:04:02,719 --> 01:04:06,247 coming out of retirement just to pound Not Sure's ass... 957 01:04:06,357 --> 01:04:11,316 driving the biggest, hugest correctional vehicle ever built in history... 958 01:04:11,429 --> 01:04:15,296 Bigger than the Dildozer, bigger than the Ass Blaster... 959 01:04:15,399 --> 01:04:19,425 bigger and huger than everything ever before in history... 960 01:04:19,537 --> 01:04:22,471 The brand-new Assdozer! 961 01:04:22,572 --> 01:04:25,269 Give it up for Beef Supreme! 962 01:04:28,845 --> 01:04:30,746 Oh! 963 01:04:36,753 --> 01:04:38,687 Oh! 964 01:04:53,070 --> 01:04:56,334 Oh, shit. I think it was too big, huh? 965 01:04:56,440 --> 01:04:58,931 We seem to be "experimenting"... 966 01:04:59,043 --> 01:05:02,341 some "techmological" differences... 967 01:05:02,446 --> 01:05:04,345 so, uh, shit. 968 01:05:04,448 --> 01:05:07,814 Frito, look! 969 01:05:07,919 --> 01:05:10,114 - It's working everywhere! - Huh. 970 01:05:10,221 --> 01:05:14,281 Well, shit. That's a big pile of rocks. 971 01:05:14,392 --> 01:05:17,520 - Kinda reminds me of this one time that I was... - Man. 972 01:05:17,627 --> 01:05:19,652 - Hey! - Oh, oh, okay. 973 01:05:19,764 --> 01:05:21,959 - Get this shit started! - We're gonna start without Beef Supreme. 974 01:05:22,066 --> 01:05:25,797 Let the rehabilitation begin! 975 01:05:35,346 --> 01:05:37,906 Oh, shit. 976 01:05:38,014 --> 01:05:40,915 Come on. Come on. 977 01:05:41,017 --> 01:05:43,486 Come on, Frito. Hurry! 978 01:05:46,123 --> 01:05:48,819 Oh! 979 01:05:53,531 --> 01:05:55,054 Goddamn it. 980 01:05:57,468 --> 01:06:01,336 - Yeah! - Jesus, that was close. 981 01:06:03,840 --> 01:06:06,742 Mr. President! Mr. President, I need to talk to you. 982 01:06:06,843 --> 01:06:09,137 You gotta stop this thing. He was right about the water. 983 01:06:09,146 --> 01:06:12,046 We passed some crops on the way here. They're growing. 984 01:06:12,149 --> 01:06:14,048 I didn't see no crops. 985 01:06:15,186 --> 01:06:16,880 They're circling around. 986 01:06:16,988 --> 01:06:19,513 They're gonna do the Malachi Crunch on him! 987 01:06:22,159 --> 01:06:25,560 - This is an illegal move, okay? So don't tell nobody. - Oh! 988 01:06:46,384 --> 01:06:49,375 So, uh-So the winner is, uh... 989 01:06:51,188 --> 01:06:54,385 - You gotta be shittin' me. - Did he win? 990 01:06:57,260 --> 01:06:59,456 Uh-oh. Look. 991 01:07:01,332 --> 01:07:05,063 Holy shit! It's Beef Supreme! 992 01:07:12,410 --> 01:07:14,173 Beef Supreme! Yeah! Yeah! 993 01:07:14,277 --> 01:07:18,544 Hey, Frito. Frito, you remember those crops we saw off the road... 994 01:07:18,648 --> 01:07:21,277 - right by the Starbucks? - Uh-huh. 995 01:07:21,385 --> 01:07:25,481 - Hey. Wanna make some money? - I like money. 996 01:07:39,703 --> 01:07:44,003 Hey, um, the, uh... the main screen is malfunctioning... 997 01:07:44,108 --> 01:07:46,633 and they gonna need you outside immediately. 998 01:07:49,847 --> 01:07:52,873 There's a bunch of whores in the hallway. 999 01:07:56,053 --> 01:07:58,544 Come on, Frito. Hurry. 1000 01:07:59,623 --> 01:08:01,715 Can't believe you like money too. 1001 01:08:01,826 --> 01:08:04,317 - We should hang out. - Totally. 1002 01:08:29,653 --> 01:08:31,678 He's behind the truck! 1003 01:08:33,791 --> 01:08:36,554 Yes! Yes! 1004 01:08:37,928 --> 01:08:40,013 - He's behind the fucking truck! - He's over there! 1005 01:08:40,097 --> 01:08:42,156 Behind the truck, stupid! 1006 01:08:52,476 --> 01:08:54,068 Look! 1007 01:08:56,280 --> 01:08:59,841 Shit. That's a good deal. 1008 01:08:59,950 --> 01:09:04,444 - Extra foam. - I got a bunch of money too. 1009 01:09:04,555 --> 01:09:07,183 - Forgot what it was for. - Huh. 1010 01:09:08,459 --> 01:09:12,259 - You think it was for lattes? - Yeah. Probably. 1011 01:09:12,363 --> 01:09:16,629 - You like money and sex? You're trippin' me out. - What the fuck? 1012 01:09:18,869 --> 01:09:21,099 - Yeah! - Yeah! 1013 01:09:30,748 --> 01:09:34,616 Just hold on, okay? Everyone just take it easy, okay? 1014 01:09:34,718 --> 01:09:36,618 Can I just say something here? 1015 01:09:39,023 --> 01:09:41,958 I don't even know what I'm guilty of here. 1016 01:09:42,059 --> 01:09:45,961 I never said that I was the smartest person on earth. You people did. 1017 01:09:46,063 --> 01:09:49,726 I didn't know that you'd lose your jobs and all your money... 1018 01:09:49,833 --> 01:09:51,960 and I'm very sorry that that happened. 1019 01:09:52,069 --> 01:09:54,095 But I'm tellin' you... 1020 01:09:54,205 --> 01:09:56,571 if you put water on the crops, it might actually... 1021 01:09:56,674 --> 01:09:59,666 No, it will work. I promise you! 1022 01:09:59,777 --> 01:10:04,180 You just have to believe me. I just wanted to help you. That's all. 1023 01:10:04,281 --> 01:10:09,116 So you can try and shoot me. You can try and run me over, whatever. 1024 01:10:09,220 --> 01:10:12,678 But I just want you to ask yourselves one question first. 1025 01:10:13,891 --> 01:10:16,416 Do you really want to live in a world... 1026 01:10:16,527 --> 01:10:20,019 where you try to blow up the one person that's tryin' to help you? 1027 01:10:30,874 --> 01:10:33,104 Hold on. Just hold on. 1028 01:10:54,498 --> 01:10:56,694 Oh, man. That was great. 1029 01:10:56,800 --> 01:11:00,463 Hey, was I wearing pants when we went in there? 1030 01:11:00,571 --> 01:11:03,972 Shit. What do I look like, a pants goblin? 1031 01:11:04,074 --> 01:11:07,407 Wait. This reminds me of something. 1032 01:11:07,511 --> 01:11:10,378 "Uh," Rehabil-Rehabilate... 1033 01:11:10,481 --> 01:11:13,678 - "Rehabilation." - Why do you keep trying to read that word? 1034 01:11:13,785 --> 01:11:17,311 - You a fag? - I'll fag your face! 1035 01:11:25,963 --> 01:11:28,989 - Come on, Frito. - Yeah. I don't think so. 1036 01:11:30,367 --> 01:11:32,835 Oh, yeah. 1037 01:12:14,345 --> 01:12:18,805 This guy just got his ass a pardon! 1038 01:12:26,824 --> 01:12:28,588 Yeah! 1039 01:12:42,874 --> 01:12:46,309 Man, Rita. I mean, I don't know what to say. 1040 01:12:46,411 --> 01:12:49,675 You saved my life. No one's ever done anything like that for me. 1041 01:12:49,781 --> 01:12:51,680 Yeah, well... 1042 01:12:51,783 --> 01:12:54,809 you were looking out for the whole world so, you know... 1043 01:12:54,918 --> 01:12:58,615 - I thought someone should look out for you too. - Thanks. 1044 01:13:00,224 --> 01:13:02,590 I can't believe I'm even saying this, but... 1045 01:13:02,694 --> 01:13:04,684 even though these people tried to kill me... 1046 01:13:04,796 --> 01:13:08,253 you know, I think I'm actually gonna kinda miss 'em. - Yeah. 1047 01:13:08,365 --> 01:13:11,198 Frito... he's gonna give us a ride back to the time machine. 1048 01:13:11,301 --> 01:13:14,532 I just, uh... I hope he's okay to drive. 1049 01:13:15,973 --> 01:13:19,102 It's you. Oh, man, I really love your show. 1050 01:13:19,209 --> 01:13:21,507 Thank you so much. 1051 01:13:21,612 --> 01:13:26,777 - Uh, Joe, I'm not going. - What? 1052 01:13:28,585 --> 01:13:32,453 I had some pretty bad habits back there that I don't want to fall into again. 1053 01:13:32,557 --> 01:13:34,524 Maybe it's time I got a new start. 1054 01:13:34,625 --> 01:13:38,756 Besides, they offered me a pretty good job at Starbucks here. 1055 01:13:38,862 --> 01:13:41,524 - I'm gonna be a C.E.O. - At Starbucks? 1056 01:13:41,632 --> 01:13:44,466 - Yeah. - Yeah? You're still gonna paint though, right? 1057 01:13:46,136 --> 01:13:49,537 Yeah. Sure. 1058 01:13:49,640 --> 01:13:51,471 I guess this is good-bye then. 1059 01:13:53,343 --> 01:13:55,573 Hey, hey, hey, hey! 1060 01:13:55,679 --> 01:13:58,148 I got a couple presidential decrees to make! 1061 01:13:58,183 --> 01:13:59,843 I got a couple presidential decrees to make! 1062 01:13:59,951 --> 01:14:04,182 Not Sure, get your ass up here, wherever you is. 1063 01:14:06,790 --> 01:14:09,020 Let me get that little peanut head up here. 1064 01:14:09,127 --> 01:14:11,890 Yo. Yo. 1065 01:14:11,995 --> 01:14:13,929 I have decided... 1066 01:14:14,032 --> 01:14:16,556 to make this man... 1067 01:14:16,667 --> 01:14:19,603 The man who solved all our problems... 1068 01:14:20,938 --> 01:14:23,600 I have decided to make him... 1069 01:14:23,707 --> 01:14:26,005 my new vice president. 1070 01:14:28,545 --> 01:14:31,776 Mr. President, thanks. That's real cool of you, sir... 1071 01:14:31,883 --> 01:14:35,750 - but I can't accept it, sir. - What? Why? 1072 01:14:35,853 --> 01:14:40,586 - You know, I gotta get home. - But we still got all these problems. 1073 01:14:40,692 --> 01:14:43,683 Look, you know, you're just gonna have to solve 'em yourselves. 1074 01:14:43,795 --> 01:14:46,263 - How? - Think about it, you know? 1075 01:14:46,363 --> 01:14:49,423 You're just gonna have to figure it out like we did with the crops. 1076 01:14:49,534 --> 01:14:54,061 But how are we gonna figure out about the garbage "ambulanches" and the "comony"? 1077 01:14:54,172 --> 01:15:00,008 And what about the nuc... "nucular" reactor in Florida? 1078 01:15:00,110 --> 01:15:02,578 It's broke and leaky and something's happening. 1079 01:15:02,679 --> 01:15:08,049 - I thought it was in Georgia. - Georgia's in Florida, dumb ass. 1080 01:15:08,151 --> 01:15:11,212 Hey. Hey, I know. Let's put toilet water on it. Huh? 1081 01:15:11,321 --> 01:15:14,381 - Yeah! - Good, good. That's a good idea. 1082 01:15:14,491 --> 01:15:17,187 - Like we did on the crops. - Come on, vato. 1083 01:15:17,295 --> 01:15:19,592 Hey, you can't leave. 1084 01:15:19,696 --> 01:15:25,635 Whatever happened to all that "lead, follow, or get outta the way" shit, huh? 1085 01:15:36,413 --> 01:15:40,816 I guess I just can't get outta the way anymore, can I? You know what? 1086 01:15:40,918 --> 01:15:43,819 - Forget about the time machine. - Yeah! 1087 01:15:47,859 --> 01:15:51,259 That ride sucks anyways. 1088 01:15:51,361 --> 01:15:53,488 Ride? 1089 01:15:56,968 --> 01:15:59,436 Welcome to the Time Masheen. 1090 01:15:59,536 --> 01:16:04,030 We are going to take you back, first to the year 1939... 1091 01:16:04,142 --> 01:16:06,633 when Charlie Chaplin and his evil Nazi regime... 1092 01:16:06,743 --> 01:16:09,804 enslaved Europe and tried to take over the world. 1093 01:16:09,913 --> 01:16:12,507 So you knew this thing was just a ride the whole time? 1094 01:16:12,617 --> 01:16:16,109 Yeah. You thought you could really travel through time, huh? 1095 01:16:16,219 --> 01:16:18,585 - Yeah, I guess I did. - Yeah. 1096 01:16:18,690 --> 01:16:21,625 For the smartest guy in the world, you're pretty dumb sometimes. 1097 01:16:21,726 --> 01:16:26,629 - So why didn't you tell us? - 'Cause I like money. I'm sorry. 1098 01:16:26,731 --> 01:16:30,531 But if it's not a real time machine, there wouldn't have been any money. 1099 01:16:30,635 --> 01:16:34,127 You know, 'cause I can't go back in time and open a savings account. 1100 01:16:34,237 --> 01:16:37,173 Uh, uh, uh... 1101 01:16:37,275 --> 01:16:40,038 Yeah. Don't worry about it. It's okay. 1102 01:16:41,578 --> 01:16:43,512 Well, I guess we're stuck here. 1103 01:16:43,614 --> 01:16:48,711 But then an even greater force emerged... the "UN." 1104 01:16:48,820 --> 01:16:52,856 And the "UN" un-nazied the world forever. 1105 01:16:52,891 --> 01:16:53,118 And the "UN" un-nazied the world forever. 1106 01:16:53,291 --> 01:16:56,783 And so, after serving a short term as vice president... 1107 01:16:56,893 --> 01:17:00,192 Joe was elected the president of America. 1108 01:17:00,298 --> 01:17:02,458 Frito became vice president... 1109 01:17:02,567 --> 01:17:05,729 and Rita, the former prostitute, became first lady. 1110 01:17:05,837 --> 01:17:09,329 Today I step into the shoes of a great man... 1111 01:17:09,439 --> 01:17:13,569 a man by the name of Dwayne Elizondo... 1112 01:17:13,678 --> 01:17:17,670 Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho. 1113 01:17:17,782 --> 01:17:21,911 Under President Not Sure's leadership, a new era dawned. 1114 01:17:22,020 --> 01:17:25,854 You know, there was a time in this country... 1115 01:17:25,957 --> 01:17:30,223 when smart people were considered cool. 1116 01:17:30,328 --> 01:17:33,262 Well, maybe not cool, but smart people did things... 1117 01:17:33,363 --> 01:17:37,425 like build ships and pyramids, and they even went to the moon. 1118 01:17:37,534 --> 01:17:39,058 Yeah! 1119 01:17:41,204 --> 01:17:45,402 And there was a time in this country, a long time ago... 1120 01:17:45,510 --> 01:17:47,910 when reading wasn't just for fags... 1121 01:17:48,011 --> 01:17:50,276 and neither was writing. 1122 01:17:50,380 --> 01:17:54,477 People wrote books and movies, movies that had stories... 1123 01:17:54,584 --> 01:17:58,885 so you cared whose ass it was and why it was farting. 1124 01:17:58,990 --> 01:18:02,447 And I believe that time can come again! 1125 01:18:14,372 --> 01:18:17,966 Not Sure, Not Sure, Not Sure! 1126 01:18:21,813 --> 01:18:23,780 Joe and Rita had three children... 1127 01:18:23,880 --> 01:18:26,679 the three smartest kids in the world. 1128 01:18:27,819 --> 01:18:30,310 Vice President Frito took eight wives... 1129 01:18:30,420 --> 01:18:32,855 and had a total of 32 kids... 1130 01:18:32,956 --> 01:18:36,187 Thirty-two of the dumbest kids ever to walk the earth. 1131 01:18:41,431 --> 01:18:44,595 Okay, so maybe Joe didn't save mankind... 1132 01:18:44,701 --> 01:18:47,136 but he got the ball rolling... 1133 01:18:47,238 --> 01:18:51,038 and that's pretty good for an average guy.