(BABY CRYING)
That is the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my whole life!
It certainly is. Who sent it?
Oh! That's strange. It doesn't say.
Where could it have come from?
I don't like it. It's staring at me.
Oh, it's probably one of Uncle Arthur's little jokes.
Well, I don't think it's funny at all.
(CLAUDIA GRUNTS)
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(BREATHING)
(HEART PULSATING)
(DOOR CREAKING)
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(FOOTSTEPS PATTERING)
(PANTING)
CLAUDIA'S MOTHER: Darling, I'm just going to have a shower.
(HISSING)
RICHARD: Be there in a minute.
(CLOCK CHIMING)
(PANTING)
(FOOTSTEPS PATTERING)
(GRUNTING)
(PANTING)
(RICHARD WHISTLING)
Claudia, I told you not to leave your toys lying about.
Good God! You are hideous.
Claudia.
CLAUDIA: What?
I have a bone to pick you with you, young lady.
We had an agreement, didn't we?
Didn't we?
CLAUDIA: But, Daddy, I didn't leave it there.
In a civilized society, our word is our bond.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Just because it's your birthday,
that doesn't mean that you can relinquish all...
(SCREAMING)
(PANTING)
(DOOR CREAKING)
CLAUDIA'S MOTHER: Richard?
Richard, what was that?
(DOOR CREAKING)
(PANTING)
(WATER RUNNING)
(SCREAMING)
(CRASHING)
(PANTING)
(SNIGGERING)
(LAUGHING FIENDISHLY)
(MUSIC BOX PLAYING)
(GRUNTING)
You killed my mommy and daddy.
And now you're pissing your pants!
You're pissing your pants! You're pissing your pants!
(SCREAMING)
Wake up! You're pissing your pants!
ANNOUNCER: And now, ladies and gentlemen,
what you've all been waiting for
Shitface!
And the greatest ventriloquist in all of England:
the psychotic Psychs!
(CROWD CHEERING)
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(PEOPLE WHISTLING)
This grotesque abomination...
He ain't even anatomically correct.
(CROWD LAUGHING)
Don't laugh.
It's a serious condition.
(CROWD GUFFAWING)
Six years ago, I found it in a cemetery back in the States.
Little fucker tried to rip me throat out.
I was trying to give you a hug.
(ALL LAUGHING)
GLEN: I don't know much about myself.
I know I'm an orphan.
I know I'm a freak.
And, of course, I know that I'm Japanese.
But why do I have such terrible nightmares?
Filled with hate and blood and guts.
I'm not like that at all.
I wouldn't even hurt a fly.
Oh, there he goes, back to his family.
Oh, I envy him.
Sometimes I wonder about my own parents.
Were they Zen masters?
Did they serve the emperor?
Oh, sometimes I wonder what my mom and dad were really like.
(WIND HOWLING)
MAN: So, you don't believe in Santa Claus?
Well, trust me, honey, tonight I'm going to make you believe.
You wait and see what Santa is bringing you, you naughty girl.
No, I can hear you fine. You're not breakin' up.
Sheila, I just said you're not breakin' up.
Oh.
You're breaking up with me?
Wait, you're breakin' up with me on Christmas Eve?
Sheila, you have got to be fuckin' kidding me!
Sheila!
Well, that's just great.
(THUDDING)
(ELECTRONIC BUZZING)
(ELECTRONIC VOICE CHATTERING)
(YELLS)
God!
(ELECTRONIC BUZZING)
(SCREAMING)
(GASPS)
I knew it!
You're not real.
(CHOKING)
TIFFANY: You were never real.
You know what that kind of disappointment
can do to somebody?
Do you have any idea
how that can fuck with your mind?
Fuck with your mind! Fuck with your mind!
(LAUGHING)
CHUCKY: Fuck with your mind! Fuck with your mind!
Fuck with your mind!
Chucky is broke again.
This is bloody ridiculous.
DIRECTOR: Cut! Cut! Cut!
(BELL RINGING)
Kill the snow.
Get off me.
Tony, what was that?
I'm sorry, it's... it's...
This is unprofessional, and I can't work like this!
No, Jason, I'm sorry. No, Jason. Please wait.
We're here in Hollywood, where production is underway
on the new horror flick, Chucky Goes Psycho.
The film tells the urban legend of Chucky and Tiffany,
two dolls supposedly possessed by serial killers.
The dolls were found at the scene
of a string of real-life murders
which remain unsolved to this day.
Hey, you guys, I think, uh, Tiffany's left arm is loose again.
(GASPS)
Yeah, uh, I'm looking for Jennifer.
Does anyone have a 20 on Jennifer?
MAN ON RADIO: Check the catering truck.
Mmm.
Jennifer. I got you a Skinny Quick.
Oh, uh...
Miss Tilly, we're ready for you on set.
JOAN: Jennifer, I am so proud of you.
For what?
For sticking to your diet.
Oh, thank you.
What's going on in the world today?
Julia Roberts is getting $25 million for her next film.
Julia Roberts.
I'm so tired of hearing about Julia Roberts.
You know, I should have played Erin Brockovich.
I could have done it without a Wonderbra.
Julia stole that part right out from under me.
And you know how she did it?
She slept with the director.
That's what I think.
Jennifer, you know that's not true.
How come I don't ever get any of the good roles anymore?
How come nobody takes me seriously?
Nice tits.
Thank you.
(MAN LAUGHING)
Look at me. I'm an Oscar nominee, for Christ's sake.
Now I'm fucking a puppet.
I've got no fan mail, no paparazzi, no stalkers.
Well, there must be something I'm right for?
JOAN: Let's see.
Uh... Oh.
Hip-hop superstar turned director, Redman,
is still looking for the right actress
to take the female lead in his upcoming Bible epic.
Well, that sounds good. What's the role?
(LAUGHS)
The Virgin Mary.
What's so funny?
Nothing.
It's perfect.
It's just what I need to reinvent myself.
The Virgin Mary.
I always loved the way she wore robes
and her hair off her face, kind of like this.
Joan, Joan, get Morty on the phone
and tell him I need to take a meeting with this Redman.
Right away.
Okay.
That's a wrap for Access Hollywood.
Reporting from Hollywood, where, as you can see,
Chucky and Tiffany are alive and well.
You can catch their movie in theaters next Halloween.
Thank you, Chucky.
Fuck you very much.
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
(GASPS)
I'm no orphan after all!
Well,
you were shit last night.
You are going to have to be more scary.
Scary?
Uh-huh.
Let's rehearse, shall we, all right?
(GASPS)
(RAT SQUEAKING)
(GLEN PANTING)
Oh.
Hello.
Look, you got to learn
to tap into your killer instincts, mate,
give in to your natural impulses.
Or else I'm going to have to, uh,
(CLICKING)
fire you.
(SCREAMS)
(GLEN PANTING)
Hey!
PSYCHS: Hey!
Come here!
(ENGINE STARTING)
Come here!
REDMAN: "Mary, you are truly a vision of unsullied innocence,
"unique among all women,
"as pure as the virgin snow.
"But I ask, what is troubling you?"
"Joseph, husband, there has been a miracle.
"As I stand before you, I must tell you
"I am with child. "
"But, Mary, how could this be?
"In accordance with God's wishes,
"we have never lain together as man and wife. "
"Yes, it is true.
"And I beg you that you believe me when I tell you
"I have never lain with any man at all.
"Do you believe me, Joseph? Do you?"
Do you?
Yes. Yes, I do.
Uh, you were great. You were super.
Thank you, thank you, Mr. Man.
Oh, can I call you Red?
Listen, there's a whole lot of different ways I could do it.
Not just the way you saw.
I could do it faster, I could do it slower.
I could... I could do it as a rap.
Uh, no, no, no, no.
You already showed me a side of the character
that, uh, I've never seen before.
Oh, thank you.
But I think I'm going to have to go with my first choice.
Thanks for comin' by anyway.
I mean, really, I'm a huge, huge fan.
I really want to work with you one day. We should call...
Um, excuse me, I hope you don't mind my asking,
but who is your first choice?
Julia Roberts.
But thanks for comin' by, anyway.
Um, listen, listen, Red.
Um, I've been giving a lot of thought to this project,
and I have a lot of interesting ideas
about the character.
And I was thinkin' maybe
you would like to discuss it in a more intimate setting.
Just the two of us.
Oh. Oh, well,
I didn't know you were that passionate about the role.
Oh, yes, I'm very passionate.
Mmm.
So, shall we say my place?
8:00?
(WHOOPS)
(GRUNTING)
(THUMPING)
(PANTING)
(SCREAMING)
Pardon me, sir.
GLEN: Oh. Oh.
Uh, sorry.
Sorry, sir.
Don't mind me.
Excuse me.
Oh, dear.
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
(GLEN GASPS)
Mom?
(GASPS)
Dad?
I've dreamed of this moment all my life.
I know this must come as quite a shock.
It's going to be an adjustment for all of us.
Look, I still have the necklace you left me.
I've always wanted to know, what do these words mean?
Is it our family motto?
Please say something.
It's because of the way I look, isn't it?
For pity's sake, please wake up.
(GASPS)
"Wake up"?
(CHANTING)
"Awake. "
(CRASHING)
(GLASS SHATTERING)
(GASPS)
(SIGHING)
Tiff?
Chucky?
(EXCLAIMS)
Who the hell are you?
Shitface.
(SNICKERING)
Now, what kind of a name is that?
Where are your mother and father?
Judging from that face, my guess is they're hidin'.
Shut up, you asshole.
Well, come on. It looks like the kid fell off the ugly tree
and hit every branch on the way down.
(LAUGHING)
I mean, you got to feel bad for the parents.
I wonder what they must look like.
(LAUGHING)
Whoa.
(GASPS)
Oh, my God.
(SPEAKING JAPANESE)
What? No.
We, uh... You didn't... We didn't...
(EXCLAIMING)
Sweetface, come to Mommy.
(GROANING)
(THUDDING)
What's... What's going on?
Where are we?
In Hollywood.
I saw you on the telly.
Chucky, Chucky, wake up.
Look at us. We've had makeovers.
We're movie stars.
(DOOR OPENING)
(GASPS)
Shit. Barbie mode.
TONY: No, they're puppets.
They don't walk and talk by themselves.
Listen, if you want them to work,
I'm going to have to take them apart.
(GROANS)
Is Mommy ill?
The courts thought so.
(WHIRRING)
(GROANING)
(DRILL WHIRRING)
(GASPS)
Heads up!
(GASPS)
They're stark raving mad!
(BOTH MOANING)
(GASPS)
Hey, you're pissin' your pants.
Chucky, she just had an accident.
You mean, "he" had an accident.
Don't look at me.
See, what did I tell you?
A beautiful little girl.
What? Are you blind? That's my boy.
Yeah.
He just hasn't had his growth spurt, yet.
Don't worry about it, Son.
You're a late bloomer, that's all.
And it's high time that you had a real name.
Let's see.
I think I'm going to call you
Glen.
(GASPS)
TIFFANY: Glen?
What kind of a name is that for a girl?
Don't listen to him, honey. From now on, your name is
Glenda.
(DOOR OPENING)
(ALL GASPING)
Run, Glenda.
Jeez, what a mess.
Ugh.
(SIGHS)
There you are, Mr. Goodbar.
(MOANING)
TIFFANY: Jennifer Tilly.
Hello.
Hey.
(CHUCKLING)
Oh, my God. You look so real.
(LAUGHING)
JENNIFER: You are cuter than my last boyfriend.
I think we make a lovely couple.
(SCREAMING)
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
Jennifer. Miss Tilly, were you having an affair with him?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Pete Peters, Celebrities Revealed.
Jennifer, what did you see?
What, you want me to draw you a picture?
Would you?
Somebody give her a piece of paper.
Look, I'm not gonna draw you a picture, okay?
PETERS: Oh, don't feel bad.
You're an actress not an artist.
What were you doin' when you saw the body?
No comment.
Jennifer, I love you. I...
Jennifer, I love you.
Is it true that you and Redman are in talks
about you starring in his new movie?
JENNIFER: Yes. As a matter of fact, that is true. I have...
Can I have your autograph?
Okay, sure.
(REPORTERS CHATTERING)
Hey, hold on, you forgot the head.
Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.
Jennifer, how old are you really?
Paparazzi scumbag!
PETERS: What year were you born?
Give us the exact date.
I want to sit up front with you.
Sure.
(REPORTERS CHATTERING)
PETERS: What are you hiding?
Hey, you okay?
Yeah, I am now.
We're on the boulevard
We're cruisin' in my car
See all the fellows turn to look and see
(BELCHING)
So, are you a pair of ninja assassins?
Huh?
Are you hit men for the yakuza?
We're not from Japan.
We're from Jersey.
Just think, Jennifer Tilly is playing me in a movie.
It's absolutely perfect casting.
But that voice!
I know, she sounds just like an angel.
Now, I've got it all figured out.
I'm going to transfer my soul into Jennifer
and you're going to transfer your soul into Redman.
I'm down with that.
We'll ditch these plastic bodies once and for all,
and we'll be Hollywood's hottest couple.
What about me?
Don't worry, Glenda.
I've got that figured out, too.
You're going to be a real live girl.
Boy.
How?
Well, I'm not getting pregnant again, I'll tell you that much.
My mother always told me,
"Once is a blessing. Twice is a curse. "
Well, that would explain your sister.
The only sensible option is a surrogate mother.
Hey.
Jennifer, I have something important...
Yeah, hold on a second, sweetheart.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
JENNIFER: What are you doing?
I'm busy.
I do have a life, you know.
Turn on the news.
Were you having an affair?
ANNOUNCER: The actress discovered the victim's body.
As of yet, there is no official confirmation
as to whether or not Miss Tilly is a suspect.
Jesus!
JENNIFER: Can you believe this?
Are you okay?
(SIGHING)
I've had better days.
Um, listen, Joan, I need you to do something for me.
I need you to get me a bottle of champagne
and bring it by my house.
JOAN: What for?
Well,
I've got a big night tonight.
Tonight?
With who?
Redman.
Jennifer, what are you up to?
Thank you, Joan.
Oh, come on, Stan, it's just business.
He'll be out of there by midnight.
Oh, my God, she's a complete slut.
(DOG BARKING)
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
Nighty-night, Glenda. Sleep tight.
Leave it on.
Oh, sweetie, there's nothing to be scared of.
Your daddy and I will be right here.
Why do you kill people?
Excuse me?
Why do you kill?
(BOTH STUTTERING)
It's a hobby, really. It helps us relax.
Am I going to be a killer?
Of course. It's been a family tradition for generations.
But violence is bad, isn't it?
They said so on TV.
Not "violence. "
"Violins. " Violins are bad.
That screeching music's gonna ruin the goddamn country.
Chucky, Glenda's right.
It's time we owned up to it.
We have a problem with killing.
I don't have "a problem" with killing.
I like a little killing now and then.
What's wrong with that?
Killing is an addiction, like any other drug.
But we're parents now.
We have to set a good example.
(GASPS)
Oh, let's quit, Chucky, right now.
Cold turkey.
You have got to be kidding.
Promise me, Chucky, no more killing.
No.
Chucky? No, no.
No more killing. No, no.
We can't do it anymore. No, no.
A thousand times no.
We have the future to think of. We have a child!
Fine!
All right, already. I promise.
Thank you, doll baby.
You're a sweetheart.
Now we really will be the perfect family.
(THUDDING)
Did you hear that?
Maybe you should forget the director
and fuck the exterminator instead.
So, how do I look?
Never mind.
Jennifer, this is beneath you.
JOAN: Think about what you're doing.
What are people gonna say?
Who cares what people say?
But don't you see how evil this is?
I don't wanna hear it.
You're prostituting yourself
so you can play the Virgin Mary.
Joan, I don't wanna hear it.
Oh, this is so evil.
You're going to hell. No.
Hell would be ending up on Celebrity Fear Factor
in a worm-eating contest with Anna Nicole Smith.
(CORK POPPING)
Which you'd win.
(CAR HONKING)
He's here.
Let yourself out the back.
And while you're at it,
why don't you leave your key on the counter?
What are you saying?
Well, you think I'm so disgusting.
You think I'm going to hell.
I'm only trying to survive here, Joan.
God knows I wouldn't want to drag you down with me.
I'm saying you're fired.
Cut 'em up
(KEYS JINGLING)
I'm gonna hit that ass
(HUMMING)
Now, in artificial insemination, timing is everything.
So you'll have to hurry.
That shouldn't be a problem for you.
Yeah, yeah, just don't let that player get into her pants.
I don't want him touching my woman
till I'm him and you're her.
Right.
Hey.
Aren't you going to give me a hand here?
(DOOR CLOSING)
Mmm.
Too tall.
Hey, lezbos.
Done her.
(EXCLAIMING)
Here we go.
Come to papa.
(GATE CREAKING)
(JENNIFER AND REDMAN GIGGLING)
Cheers.
You know, I wasn't bullshittin' when I told you I was a fan.
Oh, That's so sweet, Redman.
Which of my films is your favorite?
That movie when you and that chick was makin' out.
Oh, Bound. Everybody likes that one.
You still in touch with homegirl?
Gina? Yeah.
Oh, yeah, sure, we're friends.
Wow. Close friends.
Whoa.
Very close friends.
Maybe, the three of us
could hang out together some time.
You know, I would really like that a lot.
Okay. I'll see if I can make it happen.
Bottoms up, baby.
BOTH: Skol.
Redman, um,
I was wondering what's it gonna take
to make you see me as a virgin.
Well, you tell me.
(MOANING)
(CAMERA CLICKING)
PETERS: A masturbating midget?
(PANTING)
(SIGHING)
(CHUCKLING)
(CLICKING)
Get it, mini-meat.
(LAUGHING)
Whoa.
(CAMERA CLICKING)
Oh, sweet Jesus, God bless the little people.
(CLICKING)
(MOANING)
I don't know if I can do this.
(SIGHING) Why not?
What will people say?
Man, fuck what people say.
Know what I'm saying? This was meant to be, baby, for real.
Know how I know?
Because the man upstairs told me so.
Really?
Hell, yeah.
Look, Mel Gibson ain't the only one
God's been talkin' to in Hollywood.
And He personally told me that you was my Virgin.
Well, I guess...
(CAMERA CLICKING)
What the hell?
Pig.
And you...
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Where's your self-respect?
You know what my mother used to say about dirty girls?
She said, "You can always smell it
"on girls who sell it. "
Um, by the way, Miss Tilly, can I have your autograph?
I'm a big fan.
(SCREAMING)
What am I supposed to do with this?
(SCREAMING)
(PANTING)
Now, Miss Tilly, I know you're frightened.
You're probably even wondering
if you've gone completely insane.
But I promise you, tomorrow you're going to wake up,
and this will all seem just like a bad dream.
In the meantime, we can do this the easy way
or the hard way.
(CHUCKLING)
It's really up to you.
(SCREAMING)
No wonder her career's in trouble.
(TIFFANY AND CHUCKY GRUNTING)
CHUCKY: Check it out, Tiff.
Look at the size of his feet.
You know what they say.
TIFFANY: Fuck, she's fat.
(PANTING)
I can't believe it. She's not even pregnant yet.
Paparazzi scumbag.
(HUMMING)
Uh, looks like you've got everything under control.
I'll just leave you to it.
(LAUGHS)
Motherhood is so beautiful.
(SNIFFS)
No.
(SCREAMING)
No.
(ALL LAUGHING)
No.
(GASPS)
(CHUCKY EXCLAIMS)
(SCREAMS)
(SHUSHING)
Sorry, just messin' with you.
What time is it?
Time to get dressed.
We are going to have our own boys' night out, just you and me.
How does that sound?
Where are we going?
Hunting.
I can't see anything.
Maybe we should slow down?
No! You're doing great.
(CAR HORN BLARING)
(MUSIC PLAYING ON CAR STEREO)
Son of a bitch!
(CAR HORN HONKING)
Up yours, asshole!
What?
Not you, Son. Come on, floor it!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(CHUCKY CHUCKLING)
CHUCKY: Oops! I did it again.
(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)
(CHUCKY LAUGHING)
Jesus Christ!
No!
(SCREAMING)
(LAUGHING)
(GROANING)
Attaboy!
No, I didn't.
And I thought you weren't ready.
Kid, you're a fuckin' natural!
But he... he hit the shelf.
And don't worry about your mother.
It will be our little secret.
(GROANING)
Say "cheese. "
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(SIGHS)
(GROANS)
Good morning.
Oh. Hi.
We must have really got wired last night.
Yeah.
Redman, did we...
You don't... You don't remember?
No. It's all a blur.
What about you?
I kind of remember you screamin' a lot.
Oh, yeah, I seem to remember that, too.
You know, I tend to have that effect on women.
Really?
Yeah.
(GASPS)
Wait, I do remember
I had the strangest dream.
I dreamt my guardian angel came to me.
She had the sweetest voice I have ever heard.
She told me to respect myself.
And then she asked for my autograph.
Let's see.
"Step Number One: Admit I have an addiction. "
Okay, check.
"Step Number Two:
"Give myself over to a higher power. "
Whatever.
(MUMBLING)
Oh. Here we go.
"Step Number Nine:
"The recovering addict must make amends
"to anyone he or she has harmed. "
Hmm.
(BEEPING)
(PHONE RINGING)
RUTH: Hello?
Good morning.
Is this Ruth Bailey?
Speaking.
The widow of Robert Bailey?
Yes. Who is this?
Mrs. Bailey, my name is Tiffany Ray.
Um, you don't know me,
but a few years ago, I killed your husband.
And I am so very, very sorry.
What is this, some kind of sick joke?
Oh, no, I'm completely serious.
But I want you to know I'm in recovery now
and I have put all of that behind me.
I don't know who you are...
(SOBBING)
Thank you, Mrs. Bailey.
Have a nice day.
(CONTINUES SOBBING)
I feel better already.
Morning, Stan.
Hey, wasn't there something important
you wanted to tell me?
Well, uh,
the thing is, Jennifer...
(COUGHING)
(VOMITING)
I'm sorry.
I don't know what's gotten into me.
Um, so you were saying...
Forget it.
Okay.
Now, let's see.
What should we do today?
I'm pregnant.
Redman, I said I'm pregnant.
Congratulations.
Who is the baby's daddy?
Don't even look at me.
Well, I haven't slept with anyone else
to advance my career lately.
Who are you kidding?
It's true, Redman. Look,
I know I come off all slutty,
but that's... that's for my image. It's just...
Do you think anyone would cast me
in these sexpot roles
if they knew I hadn't been laid in a year?
I haven't even slept with my driver yet
and I think he really likes me.
Hey, that's all very touchin' and shit.
But I'm telling you, it can't be me.
Why not?
I had a vasectomy as soon as I got to Hollywood.
I ain't no idiot.
Well, then, that's impossible. I...
Hey, Jennifer,
I hate to break it to you.
But I can't hire you if you're pregnant.
That is ridiculous.
The character is pregnant.
Yeah, I know,
but I have a very specific vision of Mary.
And what can I say?
She gots to be hot.
That pig!
(QUAVERING)
MAN ON PHONE: Recovery Hotline.
Yes, I'm in recovery.
And I'm afraid I'm going to have a slip.
(SOBS)
Can you get to a meeting?
No, it's really not an option.
I just freak everybody out.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
We're not here to judge you.
What's your name?
Tiffany.
Listen to me, Tiffany.
I know exactly what you are going through.
You do?
Yes, I... I do.
In fact, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.
Just last week, I had a slip.
Really?
Yes.
And believe you me, it was not pretty.
It never is, is it?
In fact, it took me 3 hours just to clean up the mess.
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, God, don't remind me.
(CHUCKLES)
But I'm not beating myself up over it.
You know why, Tiffany?
Why?
Because Rome wasn't built in a day.
(EXCLAIMS)
You're right.
You are absolutely right.
(PHONE RINGING)
JENNIFER: Hello? Speaking.
Well, who's this?
All right, I know.
I understand who you are.
I just don't know how you got my phone number.
Because it is a private, unlisted phone number.
Pete Peters?
Yeah, I saw him yesterday.
No, I don't have any relationship with him.
He is a firking paparazzi
that is trying to get pictures of me
in compromising positions.
Yeah, I'm with Redman.
Redman, he's a director.
Oh, yeah. Well, he's a rapper, too.
He is a rapper-director, okay?
He's a hyphenate.
Bye-bye.
Jennifer...
Do you mind? I'm on the phone.
(GROANING)
(LAUGHING)
There's been another murder.
What? No, I told you where I was.
I was right here all night with Redman.
What? I don't...
You're not telling me I'm a suspect.
All right, I'll be fine.
I'm on my way.
I'm leaving.
You can let yourself out.
By the way, Redman, drop dead.
(GLASS SHATTERS)
(LAUGHING)
TIFFANY: Oh, Glenda.
Glenda, honey. Everything is okay.
It was just a little slip.
There's no need to tell your daddy.
It will be our little secret, okay?
Okay? Shh.
FEMALE ANNOUNCER ON TV: It's D- day here at San Quentin.
Who would have thought it would ever come to this?
They're executing Martha Stewart this morning.
I don't think I can take nine months of this shit.
Silly Chucky.
It is a voodoo pregnancy.
It's accelerated.
How accelerated?
MAN ON RADIO: It is 102.7, KllSFM,
LA's number one hit music station.
Ryan Seacrest in the morning.
Ellen K., I don't know if I can take it.
What's on the way?
WOMAN ON RADIO: We have bad weather on the way in LA, Hollywood,
and surrounding area.
MALE ANNOUNCER: Now, we're not used to bad weather.
No, we're not.
I'm not quite sure how that's going to affect my whole vibe.
(CHATTERING)
(GLASS SHATTERS)
(JENNIFER SCREAMING)
Oh.
(SCREAMING)
JOAN: This is Joan.
Joan. Joan, I'm...
I'm... I'm fat.
You're not fat.
No, I am fat. I'm... I'm huge!
For the love of Mary, I'm pregnant.
Oh, my God.
No, I should have listened to you, Joan.
You said it was evil and I was going to hell.
You're right, and now God is punishing me.
Oh, God. Is it Redman's?
No, it's definitely not Redman's.
What? What?
It's definitely not Redman's.
What an asshole.
W- What makes you say that?
Say what?
That Redman is an asshole.
I didn't say it, you did.
No, I didn't.
So he's not an asshole?
Yes, he is.
Joan, will you please stop doing that?
Doing what?
Imitating me. I do not sound like that.
Oh, yes, you do. I do.
Joan, will you shut up?
There's something really wrong with me!
I'm pregnant. I don't...
(JENNIFER SCREAMS)
Jennifer, what's wrong?
(GRUNTING)
Nothing. Nothing, I'm fine.
I heard you scream.
I can still hear you screaming!
(JENNIFER SCREAMING)
(CHUCKY GROWLING)
Oh. Oh, I mean, it's just...
Well, Bound is on cable.
Gina Gershon is fingering me.
TIFFANY: I love this movie. Don't you?
(BOTH SCREAMING)
Jennifer.
Yeah, uh-huh, that's really interesting,
but I've got to go. Bye.
Jennifer.
Too tight?
Yes.
Ain't no such thing.
What are you doing? Stop it.
What the hell is going on in here?
She, um, came on to me.
Help me! Somebody help me!
Shut her up, asshole.
JENNIFER: Help me! Somebody help me!
Somebody help me!
What the hell is this?
We had an agreement, Chucky.
We decided, for the sake of our child
we weren't going to do this shit anymore!
No, you decided.
Just like you decided our son was a girl.
He is a girl!
CHUCKY: He is a boy, God damn it!
And he is the most promising killer
I have ever seen.
You should have been there, Tiff.
You would have been so proud of him.
I want a girl!
CHUCKY: I want a boy!
You are tearing me apart!
What about what I want?
What?
Doesn't what I want mean anything at all?
Oh.
Okay, interesting. Tell us.
What do you want, Sweetface?
I think I want to be a boy.
Yes! In your face, lady!
But being a girl would be nice, too.
Hmm.
Well, which is it?
I'm not sure.
Sometimes I feel like a boy.
Sometimes I feel like a girl.
Can't I be both?
Well, some people...
Uh-uh! No way.
But one thing I do know for sure.
I don't want to be a killer.
(BOTH EXCLAIM)
Glenda. Glen. Whatever.
I'm so proud of you.
No matter what happens,
we'll deal with it together, as a family.
Okay, Okasan.
Wait a minute.
I'm not going to let you poison our son's mind
with your touchy-feely, 12-step bullshit.
If you two don't want to kill anymore,
that's your loss.
But don't look down your noses at me.
I'm not ashamed to be a killer.
I'm proud of it.
It is not an addiction.
It is a choice.
And it is not something
that you should have to hide in a closet!
Whoa!
(BOTH GASPING)
(GRUNTING)
GLEN: Oh.
Oh, dear.
Oh, God.
Well, well, well.
Looks like Miss High and Mighty
ain't so perfect after all.
It was just a little slip.
Rome wasn't built in a day, you know.
Besides, the fucker really had it coming.
Well, what about my body?
I'll take care of it.
Jennifer, I love you. Jennifer, I love you.
(PHONE RINGS)
I love you.
This is Stan.
Hello, it's Jennifer.
TIFFANY: Stan, baby, I need your body.
I'll be right there.
Jennifer, if anything happens to me,
I want you to know...
(CHOKING)
(LAUGHING)
TIFFANY: They really do make a cute couple,
don't you think?
It's like my mother always said...
Christ!
Enough with your mother, already.
I killed that bitch 20 years ago
and she still won't shut up.
(GROANING)
There, there. It won't be long now.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(EXCLAIMS)
JOAN: Jennifer!
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
(MUFFLED SCREAMING)
Jennifer!
Who is it?
JOAN: Jennifer.
It's that nosy bitch, Joan.
(THUMPING ON DOOR)
I'll take care of her.
I wouldn't want you
to violate your delicate sensibilities.
(JENNIFER GRUNTING)
JOAN: Jennifer!
(LOCK CLICKING)
(ALARM BEEPS)
Jennifer.
Jennifer!
(CHUCKY EXCLAIMING)
Jennifer.
(GRUNTING)
JOAN: Oh, my God.
Jennifer.
Look out behind you!
JENNIFER: Joan!
(SCREAMING)
No!
(JOAN SCREAMING)
Dang!
Look, I'm not going to give you crap.
Nobody is perfect, Tiff.
I got a few skeletons in the closet myself.
(SCREAMING)
See?
Well, come on, Tiff.
How long did it take to build Rome, anyway?
(SOBBING)
Tiff.
(SOBBING)
(LAUGHING)
(EXCLAIMS)
Glen?
Guess again, Daddy.
Glenda?
That's my name.
Don't you wear it out.
Oh, shit.
What did I miss?
Oh, nothing much. I just fired Joan.
(LAUGHING FIENDISHLY)
Looks like you win after all, Tiff.
Congratulations.
GLEN: Oh, you both win.
I'm a real lady-killer
if you catch my drift.
I'm a bona fide bonus baby.
(LAUGHING)
Jesus Christ, Chucky, what did you do to him?
CHUCKY: What did I do?
Hmm.
At least I spent time with the kid.
Glen, wake up.
Stop it, Mommy.
You'll wrinkle my dress.
Oh, and how do you like it?
I made it meself.
Like mother, like daughter, right?
(LAUGHING)
Like mother, like daughter.
Get it? "Mother and daughter. "
(LAUGHING)
I said, wake up! Right now.
(GASPS)
Mom? Dad?
(GASPS)
What am I?
(SCREAMING)
Push, Miss Tilly. Push.
I am pushing, you little star-fucker!
Pay no attention to little Miss Potty Mouth.
She's hormonal.
My God. It's coming.
I can see its little head.
(SCREECHING)
(BABY CRYING)
What is it? What is it?
It's a boy.
A boy.
Oh, thank God.
JENNIFER: Give me my baby.
I want my baby.
(CRYING)
(SCREAMING)
(EXCLAIMS)
Chucky, Chucky, uh, well, we're not done here yet.
What?
Jennifer isn't done.
We've got another one here!
TIFFANY: Push, Jennifer! Push! Push, push.
Push it out! Push!
(BABY CRYING)
What's this one?
(PANTING)
It's a girl.
Groovy.
Ai, yai, yai, yai, yai.
Chucky, it's time.
(CHANTING)
Give me the power, I beg of you.
Chucky, first he has to choose.
I beg your pardon.
I'm sorry. She has to choose.
We don't have time for this shit!
Wait, Chucky.
We have a son and a daughter.
Glen and Glenda.
Don't you get it?
Maybe they don't have to choose.
(SIREN WAILING)
Help!
Hurry, Chucky! Do the chant.
TIFFANY: Chucky, do it now!
Help us!
Chucky, what are you standing there for?
Do the chant!
(JENNIFER HOWLING)
(TIFFANY SHOUTING)
(CRYING)
What are you waiting for? Do it!
TIFFANY: Do the chant!
(CHATTERING)
Do it!
Everybody just shut up!
(CHATTERING STOPS)
I have had it! That's it!
There is a limit to how much I can take.
What are you talking about?
Look around you, Tiff. This is nuts.
And I have a very high tolerance for nuts.
If this is what it takes to be human,
then I would rather take my chances
as a supernaturally possessed doll.
It's less complicated.
You can't be serious?
As a heart attack.
Think about it.
What is so great about being human, anyway?
You get sick. You get old.
You can't get it up anymore.
I'm not lookin' forward to that.
But I want to be Jennifer Tilly.
I want to be a star.
And I don't want to be your chauffeur.
As a doll, I'm fucking infamous.
I'm one of the most notorious slashers in history.
And I don't want to give that up.
I am Chucky, the killer doll!
And I dig it!
I have everything I want:
a beautiful wife,
a multi-talented kid.
This is who I am, Tiff.
This is me.
Chucky, I don't know
what the fuck you're talking about.
I don't know who the fuck you are anymore.
But it's not enough for me.
I want more.
What are you sayin'?
It's over.
You've got to get out of here, Sweetface.
I'm leaving you, Chucky, and I'm taking the kid.
Nobody leaves me.
Nobody!
No!
Jennifer,
(GROANING)
I love...
Stan, tell me. Tell me.
I love...
JENNIFER: What?
(SOBBING)
Jesus.
(BABY CRYING)
(JENNIFER SOBBING)
Oh, my God.
My babies. Give me my babies.
(SIREN WAILING)
I just want to know where they are.
They're fine, Jennifer.
They're in the maternity ward.
All right, was that so hard?
The important thing to think about now is getting well
so you can get on with your life and your career.
I don't care about my career.
I want my babies.
I'm working on it, Jennifer, but you're not making it easy.
I already talked to the cops.
They cleared me.
They know you're not a killer.
They didn't say you were mentally competent.
Now what do you expect, after the story you told them?
It's true.
Yeah, well, I suggest from now on you keep that to yourself.
Hmm?
We'll talk later.
Try to get some sleep.
(SIGHS)
(PANTING)
(GASPING)
(JENNIFER GROANING)
Wish me luck, Sweetface.
Mommy is going to be a star.
(GASPING)
(GRUNTING)
I can't think of a thing to say.
Fuck it!
(CHANTING)
Give me the power, I beg of you.
Switch! Switch!
TIFFANY: Switch! Switch! Switch!
(GROANS)
Nobody leaves me. Nobody.
(TIFFANY GROANING)
(GRUNTING)
Okasan.
I want you to be a good girl
or boy. Whatever.
Don't make the same mistakes your mom and dad made.
Especially your dad.
(EXCLAIMING)
(GROANS)
Let's go.
(SCREAMS)
(PANTING)
Glenda?
No, Dad! It's me! Your boy!
Your chip off the old block!
(GROANING)
Are you proud of me now, Daddy?
Are you?
(STUTTERING)
Attaboy, kid. Attaboy.
(GLEN SOBBING)
There, there.
It's all right.
It's going to be all right.
There, there.
(GLEN CRYING)
It's all right.
(CHILDREN CHATTERING)
Yesterday, she gave Dana Shelton a bloody nose
and took pictures of it for Show and Tell.
She called the cat the "C" word.
And I'm pretty sure she's been taking money from my purse.
That's ridiculous.
Glen, he is an angel.
An absolute dream.
But Glenda,
she's a bad girl, Miss Tilly.
A very bad girl.
I'm not listening to this.
Oh, I hate that thing.
Some of the kids really want to see her.
Miss Tilly.
What?
I'm afraid of her.
Oh, Fulvia, it's only a doll.
I was talking about Glenda.
Fulvia,
just exactly what are you trying to say?
I can't work here anymore.
What?
I'm sorry, I just can't.
If you only saw the way she looks at me,
with such hate.
All right, Fulvia, if that's what you want.
We'll miss you.
Thank you, Miss Tilly. God bless.
Hmm.
(SCREAMING)
(GRUNTING)
(SIGHING)
God bless.
(SNIFFING)
(JENNIFER LAUGHING)
Just a little slip.
(PANTS)
Rome wasn't built in a day, you know.
We all have our little setbacks.
I'm not a bad person. I just do bad things.
(SHUSHING)
(CHILDREN CHATTERING)
GLEN: Mom got her wish.
She's a bright shining star.
Now we're the perfect family.
I've learned a lot about myself.
I know I'm not alone.
I know I'm not a freak.
And even though we had our differences,
I know my dad really loved me.
Oh, Glen.
Glen, sweetheart, come over here.
Here, sweetheart, look.
Here's another one.
Who is it from, Mommy?
I don't know.
Hmm, let's see. Oh, it doesn't say.
Strange. It doesn't say who it is.
Bye, sweetheart. Don't run so fast.
You're going to trip.
JENNIFER: So anyway, he determined that he was going to go off...
(GLEN SCREAMS)
(CHUCKY LAUGHING FIENDISHLY)
(SCREAMING)
One way or another, I'm gonna find ya
I'm gonna get ya, get ya, get ya, get ya
One way or another, I'm gonna win ya
I'm gonna get ya, get ya, get ya, get ya
One way or another I'm gonna see ya
I'm gonna meet ya, meet ya, meet ya, meet ya
One day maybe next week, I'm gonna meet ya
I'm gonna meet ya, I'll meet ya
I will drive past your house
And if the lights are all down
I'll see who's around
One way or another, I'm gonna find ya
I'm gonna get ya, get ya, get ya, get ya
One way or another, I'm gonna win ya
I'm gonna get ya, get ya, get ya, get ya
And if the lights are all down
I'll see who's around
One way or another, I'm gonna lose ya
I'm gonna give you the slip
I'll slip out of here for another I'm gonna lose ya
I'm gonna trick ya, I'll trick ya
One way or another, I'm gonna lose ya
I'm gonna trick ya, trick ya, trick ya, trick ya
One way or another, I'm gonna lose ya
I'm gonna give you the slip
I'll walk down the mall, stand over by the wall
Where I can see it all, find out who you call
Lead you to the supermarket checkout
Some specials and rat food
Get lost in the crowd
One way or another
Where I can see it all, find out who ya call
One way or another
Some specials and rat food get lost in the crowd
One way or another
Where I can see it all, find out who you call
Some specials and rat food get lost in the crowd
TIFFANY: I just love this movie. Don't you?
Let's hit the street tonight we got a brand new ride
We got a beat that's tight me and my boy inside
Let's ride till the wheels fall off
All the ladies scream and shout
All the fellas ball
'Cause we're going to the club tonight
Man, I'm buyin' up the bar once I get inside
East coast west coast
Show love from the north to the south
Everybody, cut it up, cut it up
Cut it up, cut it up
Cut it up, yeah
Cut it up, cut it up, cut it up
Cut it up, cut it up
Cut 'em up
Ooh, look at the big-time stunner
Cruising down Mulholland in the new Hummer
You know it was stolen you know I stay rollin'
Me and my boy-boy we ride like soldiers
Big Chucky ooh, I'm so lucky
I'm a murdering psychopath that's why they can't touch me
I'm iller than M.J.'s Thriller see the scar on my face
Like Pacino I'm a killer
Cut it up, cut it up
Cut it up, yeah, cut it up
Cut it up, cut it up
Cut 'em up
Whoever thought that I was a joke I slit their throat
Then drink a rum and coke
I get movies and I'm iller than ever tougher than leather
And way more clever
Everybody in the club feelin' this, Big Chucky
with his son and of course his missus
So beware if you've got a flat tire, I swear Jason, Freddy Kreuger
and even Michael Myer cut it up
Cut it up, cut it up
Cut it up, yeah
Cut it up, cut it up, cut it up
Cut it up, cut it up
Cut 'em up
CHUCKY: I can't think of a thing to say.
Fuck it!
(CHUCKY LAUGHING FIENDISHLY)
Oh, God!