1 00:00:02,601 --> 00:00:07,004 Oscar, Toby said he left my Girl Scout cookies on my chair. 2 00:00:07,439 --> 00:00:10,499 Have you seen them? Wait, I'm sitting on them. 3 00:00:10,776 --> 00:00:11,936 This is awesome. 4 00:00:12,010 --> 00:00:13,944 Thank you. It didn't even take that long. 5 00:00:14,012 --> 00:00:16,708 What's the difference between a chimichanga, 6 00:00:16,782 --> 00:00:19,444 a chalupa and a tostada? 7 00:00:19,718 --> 00:00:24,655 Call me back ASAP. It's urgent. 8 00:00:24,923 --> 00:00:29,417 Wait, this isn't funny. I don't talk like that. 9 00:00:29,494 --> 00:00:30,927 Say, "Me eat cookie." 10 00:00:31,363 --> 00:00:33,194 No. I won't say it. 11 00:00:33,265 --> 00:00:34,823 Why is everyone clumped around accounting? 12 00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:35,958 Break it up, you clique. 13 00:00:36,034 --> 00:00:39,026 It's Kevin as Cookie Monster from Sesame Street. 14 00:00:39,104 --> 00:00:41,038 Is that the program where all those puppets live in the barrio? 15 00:00:41,106 --> 00:00:42,573 Mmm-hmm. I love that show. 16 00:00:42,641 --> 00:00:45,201 This is Kevin. This is Kevin. 17 00:00:45,844 --> 00:00:47,778 Thank you. That is an amusing link. 18 00:00:47,846 --> 00:00:49,006 I'd like it sent to me, please. 19 00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:50,638 Me, too, Oscar, please send it to me. Yeah, totally. 20 00:00:50,715 --> 00:00:52,580 Yeah, me, too. 21 00:00:52,651 --> 00:00:54,676 Angela, this is inappropriate. 22 00:00:54,953 --> 00:00:56,750 This is my favorite day. 23 00:01:17,742 --> 00:01:19,539 It's Secretary's Day. 24 00:01:20,011 --> 00:01:23,310 And it is Erin's and my three-week anniversary, 25 00:01:23,381 --> 00:01:26,908 so perfect storm for a romantic gesture. 26 00:01:27,853 --> 00:01:30,549 Want to make sure the whole office remembers it's Secretary's Day. 27 00:01:30,622 --> 00:01:34,524 I sent an email blast, a text blast, a good old-fashioned talk blast. 28 00:01:34,593 --> 00:01:36,788 I sent a snail-mail blast a week ago, 29 00:01:36,862 --> 00:01:39,490 and a stern reminder via fax at 7:00 this morning, 30 00:01:39,564 --> 00:01:43,466 so people better step up and appreciate the crap out of Erin. 31 00:01:43,535 --> 00:01:44,559 Oh, thank you. 32 00:01:44,636 --> 00:01:45,728 I do. 33 00:01:47,939 --> 00:01:49,270 Thank you. 34 00:01:51,309 --> 00:01:54,836 If it wasn't for secretaries, I wouldn't have a stepmom. 35 00:01:55,447 --> 00:01:57,381 Welcome back. Hey, thanks. 36 00:01:57,449 --> 00:02:01,943 It's my first day back after maternity leave, and I miss Cece, of course. 37 00:02:02,287 --> 00:02:04,152 But we need the money. 38 00:02:04,523 --> 00:02:08,357 What was maternity leave like? Oh. How do I explain it? 39 00:02:09,327 --> 00:02:11,887 It rocked. It rocked my ass off. 40 00:02:13,632 --> 00:02:16,829 Oh. You couldn't have watered it? 41 00:02:16,902 --> 00:02:20,429 I literally did not know that existed until this moment. 42 00:02:20,939 --> 00:02:24,204 Well, I knew it existed, and I chose to let it die. 43 00:02:25,043 --> 00:02:26,476 It's nice to see you again, Dwight. 44 00:02:26,545 --> 00:02:27,637 Hello, Pam. 45 00:02:27,712 --> 00:02:30,476 I was just wondering what you had planned for Secretary's Day. 46 00:02:30,549 --> 00:02:32,312 I'm going to give Erin $15. 47 00:02:32,384 --> 00:02:37,014 I know that Erin would be so psyched if you took her out to lunch. 48 00:02:37,355 --> 00:02:38,617 A one-on-one lunch with Erin? 49 00:02:38,690 --> 00:02:41,090 Yeah. She really looks up to you. 50 00:02:41,159 --> 00:02:43,525 There's only so much we can do as her coworkers. 51 00:02:43,595 --> 00:02:47,156 Secretary's Day is really kind of a boss-secretary thing. 52 00:02:50,569 --> 00:02:53,129 She's kind of a rube. 53 00:02:53,204 --> 00:02:54,398 That's my girlfriend you're talking about. 54 00:02:54,472 --> 00:02:57,908 Okay. All right. All right. Okay, I'll take her to lunch. 55 00:02:57,976 --> 00:02:59,807 She's gonna be so psyched. 56 00:03:00,078 --> 00:03:02,239 Hi, Erin. Happy Secretary's Day. 57 00:03:02,314 --> 00:03:03,713 Well, happy boss's day. 58 00:03:03,882 --> 00:03:05,873 There wouldn't be a secretary if there was no boss. 59 00:03:05,951 --> 00:03:07,885 I wanted to know what your plans for lunch were, 60 00:03:07,953 --> 00:03:11,912 because I was hoping to ask you to lunch. 61 00:03:12,257 --> 00:03:15,090 I got a picture of you asking me to lunch. 62 00:03:15,460 --> 00:03:18,861 I was thinking we could go to Hayworth's, just the two of us. 63 00:03:18,930 --> 00:03:20,830 Well, Hayworth's is more business-casual, 64 00:03:20,899 --> 00:03:23,231 and they always screw up your order, so I'm... 65 00:03:23,301 --> 00:03:26,634 Oh. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that was a stupid suggestion. 66 00:03:26,705 --> 00:03:29,503 I was thinking someplace special, so I thought Hayworth's, but... 67 00:03:29,574 --> 00:03:30,905 Okay, well, we'll figure something out. 68 00:03:30,976 --> 00:03:32,637 Okay. 69 00:03:35,213 --> 00:03:36,510 Okay, let's go to Hayworth's. 70 00:03:36,581 --> 00:03:37,741 Okay! 71 00:03:38,683 --> 00:03:40,344 Have a cookie, Kev. 72 00:03:40,418 --> 00:03:43,854 Yeah, ha, ha, tray of cookies. I'm not falling for that. 73 00:03:44,255 --> 00:03:46,587 I brought those in. It's my birthday. 74 00:03:46,658 --> 00:03:48,819 That's some stone-cold narcissism right there. 75 00:03:48,893 --> 00:03:50,793 Man, Darryl, I'm sorry. 76 00:03:51,463 --> 00:03:53,556 Happy birthday. Thank you. 77 00:03:59,337 --> 00:04:02,067 They're making fun of Cookie Monster. I get that. 78 00:04:02,207 --> 00:04:06,007 But in a strange way, it feels like they're making fun of me. 79 00:04:06,978 --> 00:04:11,438 Oscar, did you eat some of my M&M's? The level... 80 00:04:11,516 --> 00:04:13,074 This is violent and offensive. 81 00:04:13,151 --> 00:04:14,345 Thank you. 82 00:04:14,819 --> 00:04:17,287 And it really makes me self-conscious about my voice. 83 00:04:17,355 --> 00:04:18,822 That's awful. 84 00:04:20,091 --> 00:04:21,718 I'm not crying. 85 00:04:21,793 --> 00:04:23,158 You have some food on your face. 86 00:04:23,228 --> 00:04:26,391 Do my hands feel sweaty to you? 87 00:04:26,731 --> 00:04:29,097 The beginning here has been a little bit of a fiasco. 88 00:04:29,334 --> 00:04:32,963 Either they don't respect me, or they respect me too much. 89 00:04:33,605 --> 00:04:36,768 And some of them still think that I'm the IT guy. 90 00:04:37,175 --> 00:04:39,803 This Cookie Monster thing is an opportunity to show people 91 00:04:39,878 --> 00:04:42,073 that I'm an authority figure. 92 00:04:44,616 --> 00:04:48,074 Hello, everyone. If I might have a moment of your time. 93 00:04:48,386 --> 00:04:50,752 It's come to my attention that people have been watching 94 00:04:50,822 --> 00:04:53,222 and laughing at a hurtful parody video. 95 00:04:53,291 --> 00:04:57,785 It is now forbidden to talk, joke about, or email this around. 96 00:04:58,063 --> 00:04:59,155 Yeah. 97 00:04:59,564 --> 00:05:02,055 And that's straight from corporate, so... 98 00:05:02,133 --> 00:05:04,761 Not to be scary, but, yeah, I would listen to me. 99 00:05:04,836 --> 00:05:06,360 And that's all. 100 00:05:15,647 --> 00:05:18,241 Would you mind if I listened to my book on tape? 101 00:05:18,316 --> 00:05:20,216 I'm kind of a bookworm. 102 00:05:20,719 --> 00:05:25,281 This is a novelization of the movie Precious, Based on the Book Push by Sapphire. 103 00:05:25,356 --> 00:05:28,814 I was thinking it would be fun to talk on the way over. 104 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:32,225 What decade would you have chosen to be a teenager? 105 00:05:34,332 --> 00:05:35,697 I don't know. 106 00:05:35,767 --> 00:05:37,462 I would have chosen the 1490s. 107 00:05:38,703 --> 00:05:40,534 'Cause America was discovered. 108 00:05:40,605 --> 00:05:41,629 Right. 109 00:05:44,676 --> 00:05:47,201 And then my last job was at a Taco Bell Express, 110 00:05:47,278 --> 00:05:51,647 but then it became a full Taco Bell and, I don't know, I couldn't keep up. 111 00:05:51,716 --> 00:05:55,049 My favorite part about being a receptionist is that I get to have my own desk. 112 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:58,180 At my foster home I never had a desk, so it's like... 113 00:05:58,256 --> 00:06:00,884 I don't mean that I didn't like my foster home. I did like it. 114 00:06:00,959 --> 00:06:02,790 I just didn't have a desk there. 115 00:06:02,861 --> 00:06:05,853 Did you have a favorite age? Or month? 116 00:06:07,365 --> 00:06:08,696 An age or month? 117 00:06:08,767 --> 00:06:12,703 Yeah, like a favorite month. Like, I liked April when I was seven. 118 00:06:12,771 --> 00:06:16,070 I've been trying. I've been trying to keep it going. 119 00:06:18,676 --> 00:06:21,167 Erin is just weird. 120 00:06:21,513 --> 00:06:23,481 How many pillows do you sleep on at night? 121 00:06:23,548 --> 00:06:25,948 So how are things going with Andy? 122 00:06:26,017 --> 00:06:28,281 He's the best boyfriend in the world. 123 00:06:29,220 --> 00:06:31,211 Tell me about him before I met him. 124 00:06:31,289 --> 00:06:32,756 Well, let's see... 125 00:06:35,093 --> 00:06:37,357 Andy plays the banjo. 126 00:06:37,428 --> 00:06:39,089 Yeah, I love that. 127 00:06:39,564 --> 00:06:44,263 Other than the fact that he dated Angela, I don't think he is a snappy dresser. 128 00:06:44,335 --> 00:06:45,461 What? 129 00:06:45,570 --> 00:06:48,300 I don't think he is the best dresser. Reminds me of Easter. 130 00:06:48,373 --> 00:06:52,434 Sorry. About Angela. Did you say he dated Angela? 131 00:06:53,011 --> 00:06:56,071 Mmm-hmm. You didn't know that? 132 00:06:56,147 --> 00:06:57,705 Here we go. Hot plate. 133 00:06:57,782 --> 00:06:58,806 Oh, okay. 134 00:06:58,883 --> 00:07:00,680 And your salad, miss. 135 00:07:01,953 --> 00:07:03,580 Why wouldn't he tell me that? 136 00:07:03,655 --> 00:07:04,883 I don't know. 137 00:07:05,390 --> 00:07:06,880 Probably didn't want you to have a mental image 138 00:07:06,958 --> 00:07:09,392 of him having sex with somebody else. 139 00:07:09,460 --> 00:07:10,484 They had sex? 140 00:07:10,562 --> 00:07:12,530 They were engaged, so... 141 00:07:14,499 --> 00:07:16,524 Okay, you know what, sir? 142 00:07:16,601 --> 00:07:17,659 Yes? 143 00:07:17,735 --> 00:07:20,499 Yeah, I asked for pickles on my burger, and there are only, like, five or six. 144 00:07:20,572 --> 00:07:21,937 Can I get some more pickles? 145 00:07:22,006 --> 00:07:24,201 Of course. I'll get you a bowl of pickles. 146 00:07:24,275 --> 00:07:25,469 Thank you. 147 00:07:25,710 --> 00:07:27,302 They were engaged? 148 00:07:27,378 --> 00:07:28,640 Mmm-hmm. 149 00:07:29,781 --> 00:07:30,907 Yeah. 150 00:07:32,617 --> 00:07:33,743 Uh-oh. 151 00:07:33,818 --> 00:07:34,978 Well... 152 00:07:39,657 --> 00:07:41,852 What are you doing? What are you doing? 153 00:07:41,926 --> 00:07:44,759 In the foster home, my hair was my room. 154 00:07:50,301 --> 00:07:53,202 Okay, okay, you know what? You know what? You know what? 155 00:07:53,271 --> 00:07:55,865 Everybody's looking at you right now. 156 00:08:00,078 --> 00:08:02,205 I'll have what she's having. 157 00:08:07,385 --> 00:08:10,081 Did you have a... Did you like your lunch? 158 00:08:10,154 --> 00:08:11,621 Did you have a good lunch? 159 00:08:12,957 --> 00:08:15,790 Did you like that? Did you enjoy your food? 160 00:08:15,860 --> 00:08:17,521 It was good. I liked my lunch. 161 00:08:21,065 --> 00:08:22,396 What's up? 162 00:08:22,634 --> 00:08:24,829 Her milk is coming in. She's getting uncomfortable. 163 00:08:24,903 --> 00:08:25,927 Dwight, don't be gross. 164 00:08:26,004 --> 00:08:27,835 No, no, he's right. 165 00:08:28,406 --> 00:08:31,671 Same thing happens with my cows if I don't tend them frequently enough. 166 00:08:31,743 --> 00:08:34,234 You gotta milk them, or else they'll moo like crazy. 167 00:08:34,312 --> 00:08:35,836 That's weird, my breast pump is missing. 168 00:08:35,914 --> 00:08:37,438 Have you seen my breast pump? 169 00:08:37,515 --> 00:08:39,142 All right, this is gonna traumatize me 170 00:08:39,217 --> 00:08:42,277 a hell of a lot more than you, believe me. 171 00:08:42,353 --> 00:08:46,016 You know what, Dwight? Let me just check the bathroom first. Okay? 172 00:08:46,090 --> 00:08:48,888 Really? Fine. Let your breasts explode. 173 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:50,791 Three squeezes and I would drain you. 174 00:08:50,862 --> 00:08:52,295 Mmm. 175 00:08:55,633 --> 00:08:57,464 Meredith! MEREDITH: I just like the way it feels. 176 00:08:57,535 --> 00:08:59,332 - What are you doing? - Just relax, okay? 177 00:08:59,404 --> 00:09:00,393 Relax? 178 00:09:00,471 --> 00:09:01,802 This is like the Cadillac of pumps. 179 00:09:01,873 --> 00:09:02,999 Give it back to me, now! 180 00:09:03,074 --> 00:09:05,099 Okay. I was just warming it up. 181 00:09:05,176 --> 00:09:06,336 That's... It's disgusting! 182 00:09:06,411 --> 00:09:07,605 It's not a big deal. 183 00:09:07,679 --> 00:09:09,010 It's not sterile! 184 00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:10,775 We're both girls. Who cares? 185 00:09:24,429 --> 00:09:27,557 So, how was lunch? 186 00:09:28,066 --> 00:09:29,397 Lunch was fine. 187 00:09:29,467 --> 00:09:33,028 Was it everything that you hoped and dreamed it might be? 188 00:09:33,805 --> 00:09:35,830 I don't know. It was lunch, Andy. 189 00:09:35,907 --> 00:09:38,569 Well, I know, I'm... That's what I'm... 190 00:09:39,310 --> 00:09:41,403 Just wondering... I mean... 191 00:09:43,548 --> 00:09:45,345 Erin, I think we're out of fax cover sheets. 192 00:09:45,416 --> 00:09:48,681 God, Oscar, will you keep your pants on? It's easy. 193 00:09:53,157 --> 00:09:56,149 My name is Kevin. I'm an accountant. 194 00:09:56,227 --> 00:09:57,455 You see? I did the voice. 195 00:09:57,528 --> 00:09:59,257 It's a little derivative. 196 00:09:59,330 --> 00:10:00,695 But parody is always derivative. 197 00:10:00,765 --> 00:10:02,756 It's not organic. Do you know what I mean? 198 00:10:02,834 --> 00:10:04,461 Jim does a really good one. Do yours. 199 00:10:04,535 --> 00:10:06,765 Oh, guys, I really refuse to participate. 200 00:10:06,838 --> 00:10:09,932 "Michael, can I have an advance on my paycheck, 201 00:10:10,008 --> 00:10:13,739 "because a Mrs. Fields Cookies just opened up at the mall!" 202 00:10:13,945 --> 00:10:17,472 Guys, why don't we leave the parodies to the pros at MADtv? 203 00:10:17,548 --> 00:10:21,279 "Sorry, Gabe, but that show hasn't been on in many cookies." 204 00:10:21,486 --> 00:10:22,578 Okay. 205 00:10:23,988 --> 00:10:26,081 Hey, can I have your attention, please? 206 00:10:26,157 --> 00:10:27,146 First of all, thanks to everyone 207 00:10:27,225 --> 00:10:30,524 for helping put this awesome party together, 208 00:10:30,595 --> 00:10:35,089 and a very special shout-out to the chair of the party planning committee, 209 00:10:35,633 --> 00:10:38,659 Miss Angela Martin. You have outdone yourself. 210 00:10:39,137 --> 00:10:40,229 Yeah, you know what? 211 00:10:40,304 --> 00:10:43,740 I think we can all agree that Angela's not so great, so... 212 00:10:43,808 --> 00:10:46,504 I'm saying the exact opposite. Angela is fantastic. 213 00:10:46,577 --> 00:10:48,101 No, no, no. 214 00:10:48,179 --> 00:10:49,510 Specific shout-out. 215 00:10:49,714 --> 00:10:50,908 Stop talking. 216 00:10:50,982 --> 00:10:56,579 Okay. As some of you may know, I have a very special connection to Secretary's Day 217 00:10:56,654 --> 00:11:01,751 in the form of that 115-pound moonbeam over there named Erin Hannon. 218 00:11:02,093 --> 00:11:05,290 To a lot of you she may just be the person who brings you your fax confirmations, 219 00:11:05,363 --> 00:11:08,298 but to me, she is my girlfriend, 220 00:11:09,033 --> 00:11:12,730 in addition to being the person who brings me my fax confirmations. 221 00:11:12,804 --> 00:11:16,831 So, I wrote a little ditty 222 00:11:18,009 --> 00:11:21,274 that I would like to play for all of you right now. 223 00:11:21,379 --> 00:11:26,840 It's a little tune called Secretary of Love. 224 00:11:27,718 --> 00:11:30,186 One, two, one, two, three... 225 00:11:31,589 --> 00:11:32,988 I know about Angela. 226 00:11:33,057 --> 00:11:34,456 I know that you were engaged to her 227 00:11:34,525 --> 00:11:35,583 and that you were sleeping with her. 228 00:11:35,660 --> 00:11:37,685 Michael told me. Oh, God. 229 00:11:38,830 --> 00:11:40,127 Erin, can we talk about this in private? 230 00:11:40,198 --> 00:11:43,827 I don't want it to be in private. Is it true or is it not? 231 00:11:46,604 --> 00:11:48,435 Yes. Who else did you sleep with? 232 00:11:48,506 --> 00:11:53,000 Did you sleep with Phyllis or Kelly or Pam? Maybe all together? 233 00:11:53,077 --> 00:11:54,066 No. No. No. No. 234 00:11:54,145 --> 00:11:56,272 Did everyone know? Was I the only one who didn't know? 235 00:11:56,347 --> 00:11:57,371 Yeah. Pretty much. 236 00:11:57,482 --> 00:11:58,471 Pretty much. Yeah. 237 00:11:58,616 --> 00:12:02,416 Who are you? I don't know you. Get away! 238 00:12:07,091 --> 00:12:08,615 I should probably get involved in this, 239 00:12:08,693 --> 00:12:12,925 but I think my energy is better spent on the Cookie Monster issue. 240 00:12:13,931 --> 00:12:17,867 Erin, you know, if I had been engaged to anybody before you, 241 00:12:17,935 --> 00:12:19,800 I would have told you. 242 00:12:20,671 --> 00:12:21,695 Thanks. 243 00:12:21,772 --> 00:12:24,832 So if you need anything, I'm right over there. 244 00:12:25,910 --> 00:12:31,940 "Hey, Erin, you look delicious! I mean, beautiful." 245 00:12:32,817 --> 00:12:36,184 Okay. Okay. There, I heard that. 246 00:12:36,254 --> 00:12:38,848 So, I'm sorry, Pam, but that's it. 247 00:12:39,257 --> 00:12:42,886 I'm going to have to suspend you without pay for two days. 248 00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:45,326 What? What do you mean, suspend me? 249 00:12:45,396 --> 00:12:46,829 I think you need to go a little easy. 250 00:12:46,898 --> 00:12:48,229 You can't just suspend someone from work. 251 00:12:48,299 --> 00:12:52,099 Yeah, you're right. You know what? You're suspended too, Jim. 252 00:12:55,406 --> 00:12:57,033 Okay. Fine. You too, Dwight. 253 00:12:57,108 --> 00:13:00,509 Wait, what? I was just slow-clapping your no-nonsense decision-making. 254 00:13:00,578 --> 00:13:03,069 I don't want to hear it. Suspended. 255 00:13:04,949 --> 00:13:07,850 "C" is for suspension. 256 00:13:10,588 --> 00:13:14,786 Why would that be something that you would talk about on Secretary's Day? 257 00:13:14,859 --> 00:13:18,158 Andy, she's not the easiest person in the world to have a conversation with. 258 00:13:18,229 --> 00:13:21,665 All right? And besides, who doesn't tell their girlfriend 259 00:13:21,732 --> 00:13:25,190 that they were engaged to someone who works four feet away from them? 260 00:13:25,269 --> 00:13:28,636 That's like... That's... That's like Mr. & Mrs. Smith crap. 261 00:13:28,706 --> 00:13:31,174 I was gonna tell her, just on my own time. 262 00:13:31,242 --> 00:13:34,643 You know what? I resent the implication that I would keep that secret. 263 00:13:34,712 --> 00:13:38,273 Everyone here knows that I can't and won't keep a secret. 264 00:13:40,017 --> 00:13:41,314 Who cares? 265 00:13:41,586 --> 00:13:46,489 I mean, it's not like I killed somebody. Big deal, right? 266 00:13:46,557 --> 00:13:48,457 This is gonna blow over in two seconds. 267 00:13:48,526 --> 00:13:50,960 She never asked me, so if you think about it, it's kind of... 268 00:13:51,028 --> 00:13:54,828 I probably should have told her, I guess. Everybody does stupid things. 269 00:13:56,834 --> 00:13:58,267 Psst. 270 00:13:58,336 --> 00:14:00,361 Hey. Erin. 271 00:14:01,472 --> 00:14:04,202 You want to talk to me, come to my desk. 272 00:14:14,485 --> 00:14:16,385 You embarrassed me earlier. 273 00:14:16,454 --> 00:14:18,547 Take it up with the chief of police. 274 00:14:18,656 --> 00:14:22,922 You think I want people remembering I had sensual relations with Andy? 275 00:14:23,027 --> 00:14:24,790 It's the kind of thing you wish you could have annulled. 276 00:14:24,862 --> 00:14:26,659 I want to throw up just thinking about it. 277 00:14:26,731 --> 00:14:29,097 I want to throw up just thinking about it. 278 00:14:29,166 --> 00:14:31,600 You are throwing up for the wrong reasons. 279 00:14:31,669 --> 00:14:34,263 I don't think this fax is going through. 280 00:14:34,805 --> 00:14:36,466 Oh... 281 00:14:36,540 --> 00:14:40,738 Is there a different... I guess put it through again, you know? 282 00:14:48,819 --> 00:14:49,877 Hey. 283 00:14:51,622 --> 00:14:54,489 You know, I was engaged before Jim. 284 00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:57,618 Really? 285 00:14:57,695 --> 00:14:59,526 Yeah. And he worked here, too. 286 00:15:00,564 --> 00:15:02,623 It was Andy, wasn't it? 287 00:15:02,700 --> 00:15:04,930 No, no, it wasn't Andy. It wasn't. 288 00:15:06,037 --> 00:15:07,698 It doesn't matter. 289 00:15:08,639 --> 00:15:11,437 It's not about who you've been with. 290 00:15:11,509 --> 00:15:12,942 It's about who you end up with. 291 00:15:14,512 --> 00:15:19,108 Sometimes the heart doesn't know what it wants until it finds what it wants. 292 00:15:25,222 --> 00:15:27,952 I hope you find what you're looking for. 293 00:15:31,395 --> 00:15:32,726 Thank you. 294 00:15:44,475 --> 00:15:47,672 So I can reprimand them, but I can't suspend them? 295 00:15:49,613 --> 00:15:52,275 Oh, I can't do either? Uh-huh. 296 00:15:52,350 --> 00:15:53,442 Fair enough. 297 00:15:54,618 --> 00:15:56,279 Hey, Toby. - I called Tallahassee. 298 00:15:56,354 --> 00:15:59,881 Now, he can ask you not to come in, but he can't dock your pay. It's not legal. 299 00:15:59,957 --> 00:16:01,185 Very interesting. 300 00:16:01,258 --> 00:16:03,692 I also learned some interesting things about how they structure their... 301 00:16:03,761 --> 00:16:05,661 Thanks, Toby. 302 00:16:05,730 --> 00:16:07,357 Hey, everyone. Hi. 303 00:16:08,899 --> 00:16:10,867 Quite an afternoon, huh? 304 00:16:10,935 --> 00:16:14,098 Cathartic, in a way. I'm glad that I got to share it with you. 305 00:16:14,438 --> 00:16:16,906 Makes you think about what's really important. 306 00:16:16,974 --> 00:16:20,705 It's not about showing you're in charge or flexing some sort of authority. 307 00:16:20,778 --> 00:16:22,643 It's about forgiveness. 308 00:16:22,713 --> 00:16:25,807 And, yes, I'm talking about you three in this desk clump right here. 309 00:16:25,883 --> 00:16:27,714 I think that if you were to apologize to me, 310 00:16:27,785 --> 00:16:30,049 then I would revoke your suspension. 311 00:16:30,121 --> 00:16:32,248 I don't think an apology is enough. 312 00:16:32,323 --> 00:16:37,090 I really think the only way for me to learn my lesson is to take my suspension. 313 00:16:37,528 --> 00:16:40,019 And I gotta take this bad attitude 314 00:16:40,097 --> 00:16:42,122 and I gotta go home and I got to adjust it. 315 00:16:42,199 --> 00:16:43,996 Oh, come on. I hope the suspension does that. 316 00:16:44,068 --> 00:16:45,695 Yeah. Prideful idiots. 317 00:16:45,770 --> 00:16:50,139 Watch how it's done. Gabriel, I apologize. 318 00:16:51,041 --> 00:16:52,201 Great. 319 00:16:53,511 --> 00:16:55,240 I kneel before you. 320 00:16:56,447 --> 00:16:58,813 Guys, I would even take a contrite look as an apology. 321 00:16:58,883 --> 00:17:02,410 Humbly taking your hand upon which I kiss to show my contrition. 322 00:17:04,522 --> 00:17:07,320 Guys, to... To err is human. 323 00:17:13,130 --> 00:17:15,428 Trust is the most important thing to me. 324 00:17:15,499 --> 00:17:17,091 Is your name Andy Bernard? 325 00:17:17,168 --> 00:17:19,102 What's your real name? Lionel Frankenstein? 326 00:17:19,170 --> 00:17:21,502 Will you stop walking for one second? 327 00:17:21,572 --> 00:17:24,040 That's it. There's no other secrets, okay? 328 00:17:25,075 --> 00:17:28,772 I mean, yeah, my chest is not naturally hairless, 329 00:17:28,846 --> 00:17:30,814 and my parents pay my credit card bill. 330 00:17:30,881 --> 00:17:33,213 How long were you guys together? 331 00:17:33,284 --> 00:17:34,478 A year. 332 00:17:35,386 --> 00:17:36,580 A year? 333 00:17:38,355 --> 00:17:39,788 You were together for a year? 334 00:17:39,857 --> 00:17:43,315 Yeah. But that's it. Now you know everything about me. 335 00:17:44,829 --> 00:17:47,821 I promise. And if I think of anything else... 336 00:17:49,033 --> 00:17:51,763 I think I have to be on my own for a little bit. 337 00:17:51,836 --> 00:17:56,967 Like that girl Precious in Precious, Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire. Okay? 338 00:17:58,075 --> 00:18:00,043 I didn't see that movie. 339 00:18:04,582 --> 00:18:06,846 That was ugly. I'm sorry that you had to see that. 340 00:18:06,917 --> 00:18:08,214 Well, do they still get paid? 341 00:18:08,285 --> 00:18:10,378 It's tacky to discuss finances. 342 00:18:10,454 --> 00:18:12,319 It's best to pretend that this never happened. 343 00:18:12,389 --> 00:18:14,084 Sounds like they just got to go home with pay. 344 00:18:14,158 --> 00:18:15,750 Yeah. Pathetic. 345 00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:18,053 Can I buy everyone coffees? 346 00:18:21,098 --> 00:18:22,861 Or cookies! 347 00:18:24,935 --> 00:18:25,959 - What was that? - So gross. 348 00:18:26,036 --> 00:18:27,162 Are you kidding me? 349 00:18:27,238 --> 00:18:29,263 Was that an impression? All right. 350 00:18:29,340 --> 00:18:34,744 "Guys, I'm now going to apologize for the mess that we're in, 351 00:18:35,379 --> 00:18:37,006 "because corporate told me to. 352 00:18:38,182 --> 00:18:41,242 "I just want you to know, I laugh like a crazy person." 353 00:18:41,318 --> 00:18:42,910 Okay, you gotta be able to... 354 00:18:42,987 --> 00:18:46,650 You gotta be able to laugh at yourself here. One of the gang. 355 00:18:46,724 --> 00:18:50,421 "I have to go back to the zoo to the stick insect exhibit." 356 00:18:50,494 --> 00:18:52,121 Yeah. 357 00:18:53,764 --> 00:18:57,200 "Ciao. " Right? "Ciao. 358 00:18:57,601 --> 00:19:00,695 "I say ciao 'cause I'm fancy from Tallahassee." 359 00:19:01,338 --> 00:19:04,136 Why don't we say ciao to the impressions? 360 00:19:04,208 --> 00:19:06,733 Ciao. 361 00:19:08,345 --> 00:19:09,812 Stick insect. 362 00:19:11,448 --> 00:19:13,473 God. 363 00:19:16,387 --> 00:19:17,479 Erin? Oh. 364 00:19:18,856 --> 00:19:19,914 Sorry. I thought everyone was gone. 365 00:19:19,990 --> 00:19:22,857 No, no. I was just watching Cookie Monster. It finally downloaded. 366 00:19:22,927 --> 00:19:23,985 Do you mind if I sit down? 367 00:19:24,061 --> 00:19:25,085 Yeah. 368 00:19:25,162 --> 00:19:26,424 What's... 369 00:19:28,432 --> 00:19:30,263 I can't trust Andy anymore. 370 00:19:30,334 --> 00:19:36,239 Oh, yeah. I'm sorry about that. I feel... I'm sorry I caused that. 371 00:19:36,307 --> 00:19:37,433 It's Andy's fault. 372 00:19:37,508 --> 00:19:40,500 Well, yeah. Yes. So... But I still feel sorry. 373 00:19:45,616 --> 00:19:49,052 You know what? I wouldn't worry about Angela. She's... 374 00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:51,688 She doesn't hold a candle to you, Erin. 375 00:19:51,755 --> 00:19:55,816 She's old enough to be your mom, for one thing, 376 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:59,623 and she's, like, three feet tall, 377 00:20:01,432 --> 00:20:05,163 And she wears pioneer women clothing, 378 00:20:05,235 --> 00:20:09,194 and I don't think she's ever pooped in her life. 379 00:20:09,773 --> 00:20:15,109 And Andy? You know... Come on. Andy, his butt looks big in those khakis. 380 00:20:15,179 --> 00:20:17,147 Oh, I like his butt. 381 00:20:18,582 --> 00:20:20,311 You said butt. 382 00:20:20,384 --> 00:20:21,646 You tricked me. 383 00:20:25,889 --> 00:20:27,618 You'd love... 384 00:20:27,691 --> 00:20:30,888 This... This guy in my neighborhood, Tom Dizemore. 385 00:20:31,228 --> 00:20:34,994 This is him. "Hey! Hey, Scott..." 386 00:20:35,065 --> 00:20:39,001 Sometimes telling someone something is hard. 387 00:20:41,005 --> 00:20:44,634 Well, at least somebody made her happy on Secretary's Day. 388 00:20:46,577 --> 00:20:49,444 Hey, Kevin, it's Oscar. I'm looking at the sheet you sent me, 389 00:20:49,513 --> 00:20:51,606 and I can't seem to find the column for shipping costs... 390 00:20:51,682 --> 00:20:55,743 I made the most brilliant retaliation video. 391 00:20:56,420 --> 00:20:58,581 It is so awesome. 392 00:20:58,922 --> 00:21:00,446 I don't get it. 393 00:21:00,591 --> 00:21:02,718 Yeah, I mean, the Count has a very distinct voice. 394 00:21:02,793 --> 00:21:03,919 Thank you. 395 00:21:03,994 --> 00:21:05,757 Yeah, "I want to count to 10." 396 00:21:05,829 --> 00:21:06,818 Yeah. 397 00:21:06,897 --> 00:21:08,023 But Oscar is an accountant, 398 00:21:08,098 --> 00:21:10,293 and the Count counts numbers. 399 00:21:10,367 --> 00:21:12,130 You're an accountant, too, so it doesn't... 400 00:21:12,202 --> 00:21:13,760 Why didn't you do Oscar the Grouch? 401 00:21:13,837 --> 00:21:15,395 That would have been funny. That would have been funny. 402 00:21:15,472 --> 00:21:18,532 But the Count is purple, and Oscar wears purple. 403 00:21:18,609 --> 00:21:23,808 Oh! Oh! I was just watching that. Did you do that, man? Oscar! 404 00:21:23,881 --> 00:21:28,375 And the Count! Nailed him. Nailed him! Good work, Cookie Monster. 405 00:21:28,585 --> 00:21:29,916 Thank you.