1
00:00:03,114 --> 00:00:05,116
Hey, Jim. Jim! Come here.
2
00:00:06,201 --> 00:00:07,702
Do you know who that is?
3
00:00:07,786 --> 00:00:08,786
No.
4
00:00:08,870 --> 00:00:09,997
Look at him. Look at him.
5
00:00:10,081 --> 00:00:11,123
T-shirt, jeans.
6
00:00:11,207 --> 00:00:13,627
Is it you? [LAUGHS] I am flattered.
7
00:00:14,878 --> 00:00:16,004
That's Johnny Depp.
8
00:00:16,088 --> 00:00:18,799
Where'd you take that?
In my condo complex.
9
00:00:18,883 --> 00:00:21,177
Oh, my God, that's right!
I read in People magazine
10
00:00:21,261 --> 00:00:23,388
that he was looking for a
two-bedroom condo in Scranton.
11
00:00:23,472 --> 00:00:24,890
I'm flipping out, man.
12
00:00:24,974 --> 00:00:26,726
Well, you remember my idea
for the fourth Pirates movie.
13
00:00:26,810 --> 00:00:27,977
Sure. That they should do one.
14
00:00:28,061 --> 00:00:32,608
Hey, Jim, Jim, where
do I find the Black Pearl?
15
00:00:32,692 --> 00:00:34,778
Who's that? Captain Jack Sparrow.
16
00:00:34,862 --> 00:00:36,654
Captain Jack Sparrow, Jim.
17
00:00:36,738 --> 00:00:38,241
John Dillinger.
18
00:00:39,242 --> 00:00:40,994
No, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow.
19
00:00:41,078 --> 00:00:42,580
Cap'n Crunch.
20
00:00:42,746 --> 00:00:44,583
Okay. Okay.
21
00:00:44,833 --> 00:00:46,667
Screw you, Halpert.
22
00:00:46,751 --> 00:00:50,047
You know, it's not easy
getting excited about stuff.
23
00:00:50,256 --> 00:00:52,425
Remember how you felt when you
thought you'd seen Roger Clemens?
24
00:00:52,509 --> 00:00:53,510
At the Yankees game.
25
00:00:53,594 --> 00:00:54,803
Yeah. Well, it wasn't him.
26
00:00:54,887 --> 00:00:57,307
I had a little better
reason to believe that…
27
00:00:58,308 --> 00:00:59,934
You're right. You're right.
28
00:01:00,686 --> 00:01:02,479
Well, you're not right,
because Johnny Depp…
29
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,690
-I know. I know!
-…in your condo complex?
30
00:01:04,774 --> 00:01:08,571
It also explains why the name
on his mailbox was M. Schulman.
31
00:01:12,201 --> 00:01:13,827
M. Night Schulman?
32
00:01:37,232 --> 00:01:38,232
First up,
33
00:01:38,316 --> 00:01:41,027
the Lost and Found has gone missing.
34
00:01:41,111 --> 00:01:42,864
It itself is lost,
35
00:01:42,948 --> 00:01:45,825
so please try not to lose
anything until we find it.
36
00:01:45,909 --> 00:01:48,453
[EXCLAIMS] Pet day. If you don't
have a pet please don't feel like…
37
00:01:48,537 --> 00:01:50,832
When are we getting to sales topics?
38
00:01:50,916 --> 00:01:53,376
Yeah. What about those leads?
Did you hear anything from corporate?
39
00:01:53,460 --> 00:01:55,379
Ah, yes, the leads.
40
00:01:55,463 --> 00:01:57,715
The leads that Sabre has spent $50,000
41
00:01:57,799 --> 00:02:01,553
to get from a market research
company are not here yet.
42
00:02:01,637 --> 00:02:02,930
PHYLLIS: Man. MICHAEL: But will be…
43
00:02:03,014 --> 00:02:05,516
DWIGHT: Damn it! No, no,
no. No. Meeting's not over.
44
00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:07,936
But is there anything
relevant to the sales staff here?
45
00:02:08,020 --> 00:02:09,813
No sales topic, per se.
46
00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:12,775
Well, then no Andy Bernard, per se.
47
00:02:12,859 --> 00:02:14,237
PHYLLIS: I agree.
48
00:02:14,362 --> 00:02:16,447
Dwight? Sorry. Michael,
I got calls to make.
49
00:02:16,531 --> 00:02:18,491
I would like your
undivided attention, please.
50
00:02:18,575 --> 00:02:21,036
You couldn't handle
my undivided attention.
51
00:02:22,539 --> 00:02:25,876
Over the last few weeks,
things have been changing here.
52
00:02:26,711 --> 00:02:30,506
Sabre says it is our duty
to support the sales team,
53
00:02:30,590 --> 00:02:33,176
and the salesmen are
letting it go to their heads.
54
00:02:33,261 --> 00:02:34,929
I think it's kind of screwed up,
55
00:02:35,013 --> 00:02:36,639
because the way this place used to work
56
00:02:36,723 --> 00:02:39,935
was make friends first,
make sales second,
57
00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:42,814
make love third, in no particular order.
58
00:02:45,026 --> 00:02:46,026
[KNOCK ON DOOR] [CLEARS THROAT]
59
00:02:46,110 --> 00:02:48,404
Listen, Michael,
60
00:02:48,654 --> 00:02:50,573
about what happened earlier.
61
00:02:50,657 --> 00:02:51,866
MICHAEL: Yeah?
62
00:02:51,950 --> 00:02:53,661
When I was asking about the leads.
63
00:02:53,745 --> 00:02:54,870
Mmm-hmm.
64
00:02:54,954 --> 00:02:56,582
Is there any news on the leads?
65
00:02:57,750 --> 00:02:58,833
Is that all you have to say to me?
66
00:02:58,917 --> 00:03:01,588
Yeah. You got any news on the leads?
67
00:03:02,339 --> 00:03:03,339
Okay, I tell you what.
68
00:03:03,423 --> 00:03:05,550
I'm going out on a very
important sales call.
69
00:03:05,634 --> 00:03:08,011
You get any news about
the leads, you try me.
70
00:03:08,095 --> 00:03:10,640
All of my numbers. All
six of my numbers, okay?
71
00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:12,685
Including the car phone!
72
00:03:14,479 --> 00:03:15,854
All right, Dwight out!
73
00:03:15,939 --> 00:03:17,565
Salesman is King.
74
00:03:17,649 --> 00:03:20,362
As the best salesman, I am King of Kings.
75
00:03:21,112 --> 00:03:23,699
Oh, you say Jesus is King of Kings?
76
00:03:23,783 --> 00:03:27,495
Well, what does that say to
you about how I think of myself?
77
00:03:31,542 --> 00:03:32,876
[CLEARS THROAT]
78
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,837
Do you not answer emails anymore?
79
00:03:34,921 --> 00:03:38,717
Because I have emailed you four
times asking you to come to my desk.
80
00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:40,803
Honey, if I don't have
time to answer an email,
81
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:44,099
I definitely don't have time
to walk over to your desk.
82
00:03:44,183 --> 00:03:46,018
Wow, wowie, wowie.
83
00:03:46,519 --> 00:03:48,980
Congratulations. It's a big check.
84
00:03:50,565 --> 00:03:51,775
Oh, sorry, one second.
85
00:03:51,859 --> 00:03:53,277
MICHAEL: Stop sexting Pam.
86
00:03:53,361 --> 00:03:54,611
I'm trying to congratulate you.
87
00:03:54,695 --> 00:03:58,074
This is actually a
big potential sale, so…
88
00:03:58,158 --> 00:03:59,910
You're writing your memoirs over there?
89
00:03:59,994 --> 00:04:01,329
You writing your name over there?
90
00:04:01,413 --> 00:04:02,581
Well, it's a pretty big check.
91
00:04:02,665 --> 00:04:04,374
It's good, you know, with the kid.
92
00:04:04,458 --> 00:04:06,711
Okay. Don't gloat. Here's the thing.
93
00:04:06,795 --> 00:04:09,005
This kind of money can corrupt people.
94
00:04:09,297 --> 00:04:11,258
All right, here we go. "Michael."
95
00:04:11,342 --> 00:04:13,845
MICHAEL: I'm just saying that… "Michael."
96
00:04:16,432 --> 00:04:17,432
Great.
97
00:04:17,516 --> 00:04:20,561
Teddy, nice. Let me just… Let
me write that down real quick.
98
00:04:20,645 --> 00:04:22,815
Pencil. Give me a pencil.
99
00:04:24,567 --> 00:04:28,071
Hang on, Teddy. I'm making a sale.
100
00:04:28,155 --> 00:04:29,364
Mmm-hmm. Sales.
101
00:04:29,448 --> 00:04:30,449
Mmm-hmm.
102
00:04:30,533 --> 00:04:31,784
There's other pencils in this office.
103
00:04:31,868 --> 00:04:33,202
Give me…
104
00:04:46,803 --> 00:04:48,388
Honey and jelly sandwich time.
105
00:04:48,472 --> 00:04:49,681
Mike.
106
00:04:49,765 --> 00:04:51,809
Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
107
00:04:51,893 --> 00:04:54,646
Look at that. That's…
I know who did that.
108
00:04:54,730 --> 00:04:57,608
[EXHALES] You saw who did
this and you didn't stop them?
109
00:04:57,692 --> 00:05:00,236
Didn't have to see. It
was sales, I can feel it.
110
00:05:00,695 --> 00:05:02,448
They are out of control.
111
00:05:02,907 --> 00:05:04,700
The sales department smashed my sandwich.
112
00:05:04,784 --> 00:05:06,828
Yes. All of them.
113
00:05:06,912 --> 00:05:08,789
Together. It's a conspiracy.
114
00:05:09,665 --> 00:05:10,666
Listen to me, Mike.
115
00:05:10,750 --> 00:05:12,794
You gotta do something about them.
116
00:05:12,878 --> 00:05:13,878
You don't get it.
117
00:05:13,962 --> 00:05:16,508
You need to get back on top.
118
00:05:17,091 --> 00:05:19,385
That's what she said.
That's what she said.
119
00:05:19,469 --> 00:05:20,888
Yeah. Yeah.
120
00:05:22,473 --> 00:05:24,809
Something came for you, Michael.
121
00:05:24,893 --> 00:05:26,018
Thank you very much.
122
00:05:26,102 --> 00:05:27,437
What'd you get?
123
00:05:27,562 --> 00:05:29,398
Uh, it's just the stupid
leads. JIM: All right!
124
00:05:29,482 --> 00:05:31,358
About time. Yeah! Me likey!
125
00:05:31,442 --> 00:05:34,321
Yeah, finally, Michael.
Hand them over, numbnuts.
126
00:05:35,322 --> 00:05:38,701
But seriously, I mean, it's
your job to give us those leads.
127
00:05:38,785 --> 00:05:40,120
All right.
128
00:05:40,621 --> 00:05:43,542
Then I guess I should
give them out. Hold on.
129
00:05:45,293 --> 00:05:47,170
You know what I'm thinking?
130
00:05:47,254 --> 00:05:49,631
I'm thinking that I have
something that you want.
131
00:05:49,715 --> 00:05:52,010
You guys are acting
like you own this place,
132
00:05:52,094 --> 00:05:53,261
and you don't.
133
00:05:53,345 --> 00:05:56,223
Not even Sabre owns
this place. It's a rental.
134
00:05:56,307 --> 00:05:58,058
I'm kind of sick of the
attitude around here.
135
00:05:58,142 --> 00:05:59,978
I'm sick of the cocky walk.
136
00:06:00,062 --> 00:06:03,984
I am sick of you throwing
your paycheck in my face.
137
00:06:04,276 --> 00:06:06,988
I am sick of your uppity attitude, Jim.
138
00:06:08,531 --> 00:06:12,327
I think I am not going
to give these to you.
139
00:06:12,411 --> 00:06:13,703
KEVIN: Yes! MEREDITH: Yeah!
140
00:06:13,787 --> 00:06:15,414
We need those leads, Michael.
141
00:06:15,498 --> 00:06:18,209
That's our job, Michael. Michael!
142
00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:23,549
GABE: Michael, we spent a
lot of money on those leads.
143
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:24,717
You have to give them out.
144
00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:27,304
Then we are just
rewarding their bad behavior.
145
00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:30,266
Okay, just imagine
146
00:06:30,350 --> 00:06:33,520
that instead of going to
jail for murdering someone,
147
00:06:33,938 --> 00:06:35,898
you got an ice cream cone.
148
00:06:35,982 --> 00:06:38,652
If that were the case,
then in the summertime,
149
00:06:38,736 --> 00:06:42,407
everyone would go around killing people
150
00:06:43,491 --> 00:06:45,702
for the pleasure of an ice cream cone.
151
00:06:45,786 --> 00:06:48,830
Michael, I don't want
to incentivize murder,
152
00:06:48,914 --> 00:06:50,625
but we've tried to make it clear
153
00:06:50,709 --> 00:06:53,044
that our policy emphasizes sales staff.
154
00:06:53,128 --> 00:06:55,381
They act like I have no power.
155
00:06:55,590 --> 00:06:57,384
But you do. You are in charge…
156
00:06:57,468 --> 00:06:59,135
-Thank you.
-…of supporting the sales staff.
157
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:00,972
You are required to hand
out those leads, Michael.
158
00:07:01,056 --> 00:07:02,181
Mmm-hmm.
159
00:07:02,265 --> 00:07:06,103
Well, if that is what I am
required to do, I will do exactly that.
160
00:07:06,187 --> 00:07:07,854
Okay, good. Exactly that.
161
00:07:07,938 --> 00:07:09,691
Good. Exactly that.
162
00:07:09,775 --> 00:07:11,193
Why do you keep repeating…
163
00:07:13,446 --> 00:07:16,532
Hello. May I have
everyone's attention, please?
164
00:07:16,784 --> 00:07:18,827
Gabe has instructed
me to hand out the leads,
165
00:07:18,911 --> 00:07:22,582
so I am going to give
the leads to King Creed.
166
00:07:22,749 --> 00:07:26,837
What? What are you… And to King Meredith!
167
00:07:26,921 --> 00:07:28,171
They aren't sales people.
168
00:07:28,256 --> 00:07:30,425
And to King Angela.
169
00:07:30,509 --> 00:07:33,888
Because today we are
all kings and queens.
170
00:07:34,472 --> 00:07:35,974
What the hell do you think you're doing?
171
00:07:36,058 --> 00:07:38,560
I am giving them the leads, Phyllis.
172
00:07:43,483 --> 00:07:45,236
Hey. Hey.
173
00:07:45,403 --> 00:07:47,572
So I'm gonna go ahead
and save you some time,
174
00:07:47,656 --> 00:07:50,700
and tell you that no one's
gonna go along with this.
175
00:07:50,784 --> 00:07:51,869
But you knew that, right?
176
00:07:51,953 --> 00:07:52,995
Mmm-hmm.
177
00:07:53,079 --> 00:07:57,042
All right. So, why don't you just
give me my share of the leads,
178
00:07:57,376 --> 00:07:59,378
and I'll start making some calls?
179
00:07:59,462 --> 00:08:00,588
Okay.
180
00:08:04,552 --> 00:08:06,095
Hey, all right. All right.
181
00:08:07,472 --> 00:08:08,640
[GROANS]
182
00:08:09,266 --> 00:08:11,060
These aren't leads. What are they?
183
00:08:11,144 --> 00:08:13,604
[CLICKS TONGUE] Oh,
right. Those are clues,
184
00:08:13,688 --> 00:08:15,565
and within each clue is a lesson.
185
00:08:15,649 --> 00:08:18,151
You learn a lesson,
and then you find a lead.
186
00:08:18,235 --> 00:08:21,739
The leads are scattered
all over the industrial park.
187
00:08:21,823 --> 00:08:24,785
I'm trying to make your kids respect you,
188
00:08:24,869 --> 00:08:28,206
because a father needs
to respect his boss,
189
00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:31,585
and kids don't respect the father
who doesn't respect the boss.
190
00:08:31,669 --> 00:08:33,128
Do you understand that line of logic?
191
00:08:33,212 --> 00:08:34,422
I don't even think you understand it.
192
00:08:34,506 --> 00:08:36,258
I do understand it.
193
00:08:37,092 --> 00:08:38,552
This one's a map.
194
00:08:38,636 --> 00:08:39,637
Or is it?
195
00:08:40,889 --> 00:08:42,183
[EXHALES]
196
00:08:43,809 --> 00:08:47,063
How the tables have turned
! I see you got my email.
197
00:08:48,982 --> 00:08:50,859
Are you gonna give me the leads or not?
198
00:08:50,943 --> 00:08:53,446
I'll give you the leads.
But you know what?
199
00:08:54,448 --> 00:08:56,908
It's gonna cost you some clerical work.
200
00:08:56,992 --> 00:08:59,120
What are these for? It doesn't matter.
201
00:08:59,204 --> 00:09:00,746
Fill them out. All of them.
202
00:09:00,830 --> 00:09:03,166
And when you're done, you
can watch me shred them.
203
00:09:03,250 --> 00:09:04,626
Right.
204
00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:06,611
I want to watch The Kardashians, okay?
205
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,381
I don't want to watch Bored
To Death. It's mindless!
206
00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:09,675
Kardashians is a good show. It is…
207
00:09:09,759 --> 00:09:10,801
Thank you, Stanley!
No, you don't even know!
208
00:09:10,885 --> 00:09:12,261
How would he even know The Kardashians?
209
00:09:12,345 --> 00:09:14,806
It's about a family, a real-life
family. No, Stanley, do you…
210
00:09:14,890 --> 00:09:16,474
PAM: Hey, baby, what's up?
211
00:09:16,558 --> 00:09:19,311
I am currently reading incoherent riddles
212
00:09:19,395 --> 00:09:22,232
on blue index cards
to find vital information
213
00:09:22,316 --> 00:09:26,029
that Michael has hidden all
over the office. How are you?
214
00:09:26,404 --> 00:09:29,032
Nothing but vomit and diapers over here.
215
00:09:29,116 --> 00:09:31,160
Oh, my God. I couldn't envy you more.
216
00:09:31,244 --> 00:09:34,414
Having a baby is as
exhausting as they say it is.
217
00:09:34,748 --> 00:09:37,627
Having two babies, that's just unfair.
218
00:09:38,253 --> 00:09:39,670
How about this one?
219
00:09:39,754 --> 00:09:42,382
"When arrogant salesmen
are mean to my face,
220
00:09:42,466 --> 00:09:45,344
"a certain manager will
go to his moppy place."
221
00:09:45,428 --> 00:09:47,138
He means his mopey place.
222
00:09:47,222 --> 00:09:50,100
It's under that street lamp that
he thinks was in Casablanca.
223
00:09:50,184 --> 00:09:51,269
God, I love you.
224
00:09:51,602 --> 00:09:55,357
Today I turned an office
crisis into a teachable moment.
225
00:09:55,775 --> 00:10:00,363
A lesser manager would have
screwed this day up royally.
226
00:10:00,447 --> 00:10:03,493
I can imagine some yokel
sitting behind his desk saying,
227
00:10:03,577 --> 00:10:06,370
"Oh, yeah, take a lead. Learn nothing."
228
00:10:06,454 --> 00:10:08,791
Some people shouldn't
be in this business.
229
00:10:11,168 --> 00:10:13,755
Hey. I guess you probably
won't give me your leads
230
00:10:13,839 --> 00:10:15,424
since I'm a jerk salesman.
231
00:10:15,508 --> 00:10:18,136
Yeah. I basically wish you were dead.
232
00:10:19,513 --> 00:10:20,722
[WHISPERS] I hid the leads.
233
00:10:20,806 --> 00:10:21,974
Where?
234
00:10:28,107 --> 00:10:29,317
Colder.
235
00:10:32,070 --> 00:10:33,488
Colder.
236
00:10:36,492 --> 00:10:37,660
Warmer.
237
00:10:39,288 --> 00:10:40,497
Warmer.
238
00:10:41,373 --> 00:10:44,794
Colder. Colder. Warmer.
239
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:48,341
Warmer. Warmer!
240
00:10:49,091 --> 00:10:51,345
Hot! Hotter.
241
00:10:52,387 --> 00:10:54,515
Burning hot! Lower.
242
00:10:55,141 --> 00:10:56,433
Are you… Lower.
243
00:10:56,517 --> 00:10:57,978
Are you sure?
244
00:10:58,896 --> 00:11:00,481
Lower.
245
00:11:02,525 --> 00:11:03,526
[LAUGHS]
246
00:11:06,822 --> 00:11:08,323
What are you doing, idiot?
247
00:11:08,407 --> 00:11:10,451
Michael's stupid scavenger hunt.
248
00:11:10,535 --> 00:11:13,623
Scavenger hunt? Here.
I can solve it. Give it.
249
00:11:14,415 --> 00:11:15,958
"The treasure you
seek is in the parking lot
250
00:11:16,042 --> 00:11:18,086
"under the first president"?
251
00:11:18,170 --> 00:11:19,380
Lincoln.
252
00:11:19,546 --> 00:11:20,756
[SIGHS]
253
00:11:21,132 --> 00:11:22,800
The prankster is getting pranked.
254
00:11:22,884 --> 00:11:23,885
[LAUGHS]
255
00:11:23,969 --> 00:11:25,763
It involves you, too.
256
00:11:26,389 --> 00:11:27,389
The leads are in?
257
00:11:27,473 --> 00:11:28,557
[DOOR OPENS]
258
00:11:28,641 --> 00:11:29,893
Michael?
259
00:11:30,852 --> 00:11:32,980
Michael, you were supposed to
tell me when the leads came in.
260
00:11:33,064 --> 00:11:37,110
Well, big shot, if you
want to find your leads,
261
00:11:37,194 --> 00:11:39,571
go to the man who never breeds.
262
00:11:40,865 --> 00:11:41,824
Kevin.
263
00:11:41,908 --> 00:11:43,159
Damn it!
264
00:11:43,243 --> 00:11:46,163
Kevin! Give me those leads.
Where are they? Come on!
265
00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:48,165
You are never going to find them.
266
00:11:48,250 --> 00:11:50,460
Really? I'm going to enjoy this.
267
00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:52,463
Give me the leads! Where are my leads?
268
00:11:52,547 --> 00:11:53,505
Give me the leads!
269
00:11:53,589 --> 00:11:54,840
I'm still enjoying it!
270
00:11:54,924 --> 00:11:56,134
Where are they?
271
00:11:56,218 --> 00:11:58,595
They're in the trash.
They're in the trash.
272
00:11:58,679 --> 00:11:59,846
[COUGHING]
273
00:11:59,931 --> 00:12:01,725
The trash. It's code.
274
00:12:02,350 --> 00:12:04,478
All right, Meredith. Take off your dress.
275
00:12:04,562 --> 00:12:05,562
Okey-dokey.
276
00:12:05,646 --> 00:12:06,855
No, dear God, no.
277
00:12:06,939 --> 00:12:09,359
It's in the trashcan. In the kitchen.
278
00:12:10,027 --> 00:12:11,946
MEREDITH: It's coming off either way.
279
00:12:21,583 --> 00:12:22,959
Clean sack.
280
00:12:23,669 --> 00:12:25,545
What… I emptied it in the dumpster.
281
00:12:25,629 --> 00:12:27,799
It had Toby's baba ghanoush.
282
00:12:28,550 --> 00:12:31,595
If we don't patronize the
only Syrian restaurant in town,
283
00:12:31,679 --> 00:12:35,225
there'll be nothing left but pan pizzas
284
00:12:35,309 --> 00:12:37,436
and, you know, make-your-own-salads.
285
00:12:44,153 --> 00:12:45,112
It's empty!
286
00:12:45,196 --> 00:12:46,405
Wait. What day is today?
287
00:12:46,490 --> 00:12:49,242
Tonight is Ghost Whisperer, so Friday.
288
00:12:49,326 --> 00:12:53,831
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! No, no, no!
289
00:12:55,125 --> 00:12:56,376
Hey, hey!
290
00:12:56,794 --> 00:12:59,464
Wait! Wait!
291
00:13:01,299 --> 00:13:04,261
Okay, you know what? Let's
just go to the dump, start looking.
292
00:13:04,345 --> 00:13:06,472
Ryan, come on. Shotgun in my car.
293
00:13:06,556 --> 00:13:08,391
Michael, why would we all go to the dump?
294
00:13:08,475 --> 00:13:10,936
Why? Because I am not going to call Sabre
295
00:13:11,020 --> 00:13:14,941
and say, "Hi! You know those
very valuable, expensive leads
296
00:13:15,025 --> 00:13:16,651
"that you gave us earlier today?
297
00:13:16,735 --> 00:13:18,487
"Well, because of a
screw-up by a staff member,
298
00:13:18,571 --> 00:13:19,905
"they're now in the city dump."
299
00:13:19,989 --> 00:13:22,159
Not your staff, Michael. You.
300
00:13:22,243 --> 00:13:23,869
Well, that's not the
way it's gonna sound.
301
00:13:23,953 --> 00:13:26,289
Here's what we'll do. We'll go
to the dump, we'll look around,
302
00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:28,082
then we'll all go out and get pizza,
303
00:13:28,166 --> 00:13:30,335
maybe catch a movie, late-night drink,
304
00:13:30,419 --> 00:13:31,795
some more pizza, call
it a night. What do you…
305
00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:34,758
Does it have to be pizza?
Could we go for a falafel?
306
00:13:34,842 --> 00:13:35,800
Really?
307
00:13:35,884 --> 00:13:37,970
I'm not going. You did this, not us.
308
00:13:38,054 --> 00:13:42,309
Okay, no. You encouraged it.
You were complicit. Complicit.
309
00:13:43,102 --> 00:13:44,186
You were all successories.
310
00:13:44,270 --> 00:13:46,230
That sounds fun, mucking
around in the dump.
311
00:13:46,314 --> 00:13:47,690
I wish I could go. You can.
312
00:13:47,774 --> 00:13:49,777
I can't. You know that.
313
00:13:49,861 --> 00:13:52,238
Okay, fine, I get it.
I'll just go by myself.
314
00:13:52,656 --> 00:13:53,991
I'll go, Michael.
315
00:13:55,659 --> 00:13:57,370
'Cause you'll just screw it up.
316
00:14:02,710 --> 00:14:03,961
[EXHALES]
317
00:14:11,679 --> 00:14:13,807
This place has gone to hell.
318
00:14:17,854 --> 00:14:19,981
You know, Dwight, there was a
time you'd be pinching yourself
319
00:14:20,065 --> 00:14:22,943
to have the opportunity to
look through a dump with me.
320
00:14:23,027 --> 00:14:25,029
Yeah, well, the acorn becomes the oak.
321
00:14:25,113 --> 00:14:28,867
Yeah. Well, sometimes
the acorn just stays an acorn.
322
00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:30,661
If you don't believe
me, look in my gutters.
323
00:14:30,745 --> 00:14:33,415
You're adorable. You need to go for it.
324
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:36,711
I'm gonna be, like, mad at you
if you don't… Yeah, whatever.
325
00:14:40,007 --> 00:14:41,883
[EXCLAIMS] Can't wait
for this day to be over.
326
00:14:41,967 --> 00:14:43,886
Why? Just all the drama.
327
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:45,346
What drama?
328
00:14:45,430 --> 00:14:46,933
Between the…
329
00:14:47,642 --> 00:14:49,268
Us and you guys.
330
00:14:50,646 --> 00:14:51,646
It's unnecessary, right?
331
00:14:51,730 --> 00:14:52,730
So unnecessary.
332
00:14:52,814 --> 00:14:55,068
Good. Thank God you said that.
333
00:14:55,526 --> 00:14:56,777
You know, maybe if the salesmen
334
00:14:56,861 --> 00:14:58,697
weren't acting like such a
bunch of stuck-up losers,
335
00:14:58,781 --> 00:15:02,159
then this day wouldn't be so
bad. Did you ever think of that?
336
00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:06,038
I have new baby pictures.
337
00:15:06,122 --> 00:15:07,207
Jim.
338
00:15:07,291 --> 00:15:08,250
[SCOFFS]
339
00:15:08,334 --> 00:15:11,254
Don't use your cute
baby to make us like you.
340
00:15:11,338 --> 00:15:12,839
She's wearing a Onesie.
341
00:15:13,674 --> 00:15:14,884
Stop it.
342
00:15:17,679 --> 00:15:19,055
If we act nice now,
343
00:15:19,139 --> 00:15:21,516
then we're rewarding
them for treating us poorly.
344
00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:22,643
Didn't we kind of start it?
345
00:15:22,727 --> 00:15:24,520
Mmm. I think you're
remembering that wrong.
346
00:15:24,604 --> 00:15:25,772
ANDY: Yeah. PHYLLIS:
I don't know about this.
347
00:15:25,856 --> 00:15:27,566
I mean, I think we
should hold our ground.
348
00:15:27,650 --> 00:15:30,236
The company's changed, and if
they don't like it, they can leave.
349
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:33,574
I mean, a lot of their work
can be done from India.
350
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:36,035
Can we at least all agree
that this is uncomfortable,
351
00:15:36,119 --> 00:15:38,664
and maybe heading for something bad?
352
00:15:39,206 --> 00:15:40,540
All those who agree say "aye."
353
00:15:40,624 --> 00:15:41,667
ALL: Aye.
354
00:15:41,751 --> 00:15:44,151
All those opposed? I don't
think we need opposed.
355
00:15:44,671 --> 00:15:46,424
You've changed, man.
356
00:15:46,882 --> 00:15:49,636
Oh, why, 'cause I have a
shot at a 100K commission?
357
00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:52,180
Since when do you care about money?
358
00:15:52,264 --> 00:15:54,308
When I first met you, you
were a wide-eyed innocent.
359
00:15:54,392 --> 00:15:56,603
Hey, there is nothing I can
do about my wide-set eyes.
360
00:15:56,687 --> 00:15:58,939
No, no, no, I'm talking about
your personality, Dwight!
361
00:15:59,023 --> 00:16:02,444
Okay, when I first met
you, I had a lot of job offers.
362
00:16:02,694 --> 00:16:05,989
And I had an offer from Ivan Schotsky.
363
00:16:06,073 --> 00:16:08,785
The Ivan Schotsky. If I
had assistant managed him…
364
00:16:08,869 --> 00:16:09,869
Assistant to the managed him.
365
00:16:09,953 --> 00:16:11,663
Oh, that's low!
366
00:16:11,747 --> 00:16:14,250
I would be number two
right now at a Home Depot!
367
00:16:14,334 --> 00:16:15,334
Yeah. Okay?
368
00:16:15,418 --> 00:16:17,003
'Cause they promote from within!
369
00:16:17,087 --> 00:16:19,506
Instead I had to follow
you. You're going nowhere.
370
00:16:19,590 --> 00:16:22,260
You think you would have
done better without me. Really?
371
00:16:22,344 --> 00:16:25,013
I hitched my wagon
to a horse with no legs.
372
00:16:25,097 --> 00:16:29,227
Wow! Okay! Man!
373
00:16:30,771 --> 00:16:32,856
When I think about all the time
374
00:16:32,940 --> 00:16:35,401
that I wasted being your friend!
375
00:16:35,486 --> 00:16:36,736
I shouldn't have been hanging out
376
00:16:36,820 --> 00:16:38,238
watching karate movies with you!
377
00:16:38,322 --> 00:16:39,573
Kung fu movies!
378
00:16:39,657 --> 00:16:40,783
You know what I should have been doing?
379
00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:43,537
I should have been out at
bars finding my soul mate,
380
00:16:43,621 --> 00:16:45,289
finding my wife, making babies.
381
00:16:45,373 --> 00:16:48,376
Nice babies you're making
with the floozies at the bars!
382
00:16:48,460 --> 00:16:50,295
That's my wife you're talking about, man!
383
00:16:50,379 --> 00:16:53,299
Your made-up wife who doesn't exist?
384
00:16:54,968 --> 00:16:56,052
You watch it!
385
00:16:56,136 --> 00:17:00,642
If I'd wanted to hit you, I would
have hit you. Don't do it! No, no.
386
00:17:01,518 --> 00:17:04,188
You just made an enemy
with the wrong guy, Dwight.
387
00:17:09,569 --> 00:17:11,906
Wait. Timeout, timeout, timeout!
388
00:17:15,119 --> 00:17:16,578
Time-in. No!
389
00:17:18,248 --> 00:17:20,834
Don't… Don't even think about that.
390
00:17:26,341 --> 00:17:27,592
Stop it!
391
00:17:27,676 --> 00:17:30,263
Give me that. That's my spool!
392
00:17:31,472 --> 00:17:33,850
What's the least we can
do to make this okay?
393
00:17:33,934 --> 00:17:35,727
I'll text Pam. She's
really good at this stuff.
394
00:17:35,811 --> 00:17:38,857
Yeah. I'll text Erin. She's
really good at this stuff, too.
395
00:17:39,774 --> 00:17:42,778
I mean, I guess we could give
them some of our new commissions.
396
00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:44,905
That is a dangerous precedent.
397
00:17:44,989 --> 00:17:47,283
Pam texted back saying
we could give them all iPods.
398
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:50,454
If they don't have an iPod by
now, they really don't want one.
399
00:17:50,538 --> 00:17:53,083
All right. Then we're back to cash.
400
00:17:53,667 --> 00:17:54,709
And I gotta say,
401
00:17:54,793 --> 00:17:56,669
if giving a small percentage
of our commissions
402
00:17:56,753 --> 00:17:58,756
is gonna smooth
all this over, I'm for it.
403
00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:00,716
Okay, fine, cash it is.
404
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:02,344
Erin just texted me back.
405
00:18:02,428 --> 00:18:04,931
"People love shells
from faraway beaches."
406
00:18:05,849 --> 00:18:07,100
[SIGHING]
407
00:18:07,476 --> 00:18:09,686
Okay, Dwight. All right, Dwight.
408
00:18:09,770 --> 00:18:12,982
Here we go! Here we go! Oh, God!
409
00:18:13,066 --> 00:18:14,067
Oh.
410
00:18:17,071 --> 00:18:18,615
[GROANS IN DISGUST]
411
00:18:20,284 --> 00:18:21,785
[BOTH PANTING]
412
00:18:26,583 --> 00:18:27,834
[EXHALES]
413
00:18:29,837 --> 00:18:31,588
We're never gonna
find those leads, are we?
414
00:18:31,672 --> 00:18:32,758
No.
415
00:18:44,481 --> 00:18:46,149
Amazing, isn't it?
416
00:18:46,942 --> 00:18:49,736
No other animal on Earth could do this.
417
00:18:49,820 --> 00:18:52,866
Maybe beavers. But not like this.
418
00:18:56,788 --> 00:19:00,417
So, how about, guys, 1 %
commission a month instead of 2%?
419
00:19:00,501 --> 00:19:01,626
What do you think… No.
420
00:19:01,710 --> 00:19:03,588
No, we agreed 2% for the quarter. Yes.
421
00:19:03,672 --> 00:19:06,048
Okay. Hey, everybody.
422
00:19:06,132 --> 00:19:07,634
Nice spread. We get it.
423
00:19:07,718 --> 00:19:09,761
You eat like royalty. No, no.
424
00:19:09,845 --> 00:19:12,223
This is a representation of how we feel,
425
00:19:12,307 --> 00:19:14,560
and how we feel is really sorry.
426
00:19:14,644 --> 00:19:17,313
Yeah. We wanted to bring you
in and make a peace offering.
427
00:19:17,397 --> 00:19:20,651
Yeah, we wanted to
do the right thing, so…
428
00:19:21,110 --> 00:19:23,321
Way to go, guys. This…
429
00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:25,740
This was an integrity move.
430
00:19:25,824 --> 00:19:28,035
Yeah. When we walked in here,
431
00:19:28,286 --> 00:19:31,080
we were all prepared
to tell you to go to hell.
432
00:19:31,164 --> 00:19:32,749
Do you have any pastries without fruit?
433
00:19:32,833 --> 00:19:35,545
Yes, we do. Eclairs.
434
00:19:37,797 --> 00:19:40,091
Well, you better be
happy, taking 2% of our
435
00:19:40,175 --> 00:19:42,637
2% milk! What I forgot for the coffee.
436
00:19:42,721 --> 00:19:43,763
Yeah, treats, Stanley.
437
00:19:43,847 --> 00:19:45,807
They've accepted our
simple offer of treats only,
438
00:19:45,891 --> 00:19:47,143
nothing more.
439
00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:53,443
This is nice. All of us back together.
440
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:55,653
This?
441
00:19:56,070 --> 00:19:57,280
Why would somebody throw that out?
442
00:19:57,364 --> 00:19:59,282
[RAZZING] Waste.
443
00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:00,534
[SIGHS]
444
00:20:02,537 --> 00:20:03,580
Hey.
445
00:20:04,497 --> 00:20:06,917
You know who'd like this? Phyllis.
446
00:20:07,209 --> 00:20:08,210
Purple much?
447
00:20:08,294 --> 00:20:09,421
Yeah, she does.
448
00:20:10,172 --> 00:20:12,884
She loves purple. Does it stink?
449
00:20:13,593 --> 00:20:14,719
Yeah.
450
00:20:15,762 --> 00:20:18,306
You know what would
be a great picture here?
451
00:20:18,390 --> 00:20:21,727
Just this whole dump, and
in the middle, one flower.
452
00:20:21,811 --> 00:20:23,188
Mmm-hmm. That's it.
453
00:20:23,772 --> 00:20:24,857
Wow.
454
00:20:26,150 --> 00:20:30,989
And the caption would read… "Hope grows."
455
00:20:32,157 --> 00:20:33,701
"In a dump."
456
00:20:37,247 --> 00:20:38,999
[HORN HONKING]
457
00:20:39,083 --> 00:20:40,126
[WHOOPING]
458
00:20:40,210 --> 00:20:41,836
Is the good news that
you found our leads?
459
00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:43,087
No. Better.
460
00:20:43,171 --> 00:20:44,506
We have an awesome beanbag chair
461
00:20:44,590 --> 00:20:45,841
that's perfect for the break room.
462
00:20:45,925 --> 00:20:48,511
[EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST] I'm
never gonna sit on that disgusting seat.
463
00:20:48,595 --> 00:20:51,055
Yeah, damn right you're not,
'cause it's for me and Michael only!
464
00:20:51,139 --> 00:20:55,103
Yeah! Yeah!
465
00:20:58,732 --> 00:21:00,318
It's freezing out here.
466
00:21:00,402 --> 00:21:01,486
Yeah!
467
00:21:05,032 --> 00:21:06,200
I have warm blood.
468
00:21:06,951 --> 00:21:09,329
Oh, wow. Thank you.
469
00:21:11,249 --> 00:21:12,583
[CHUCKLES]
470
00:21:14,210 --> 00:21:16,380
You're the nicest person I've ever met.
471
00:21:27,978 --> 00:21:29,187
[HUMMING]