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00:00:02,467 --> 00:00:04,367
Attention, everyone!
2
00:00:04,436 --> 00:00:06,370
Jim and I, on behalf of
the Party Planning Committee
3
00:00:06,438 --> 00:00:08,372
have an... Too loud.
Too, too loud. Too loud.
4
00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:12,809
But effective. Look. On behalf
of Jim and I, Merry Christmas.
5
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Merry Christmas.
6
00:00:15,781 --> 00:00:17,078
Merry Christmas. Good.
7
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My diabolical plot is
on hold for Christmas.
8
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My heart just melts with the
sound of children singing.
9
00:00:27,893 --> 00:00:31,829
Not really. I'm just tired. The
days are short. I don't know.
10
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Maybe I'm depressed.
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It is time to
unveil the tree.
12
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Hey, Rockefeller Center!
13
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Yeah.
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Uh, I've actually
been to Rock Center
15
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and this is
nothing like that.
16
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This is all we have.
Ugh!
17
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Nope, it's not "ugh."
18
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It is office
camaraderie.
19
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It is warm feelings.
20
00:00:47,746 --> 00:00:49,543
Why don't we talk more
about it instead of doing it?
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Thirty, 29, 28...
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Why would you start so high? 27...
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Three, two, one.
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...26...
25
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Ooh!
26
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You didn't decorate it.
27
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No.
Exactly.
28
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We didn't, because we think it
would be better to do it together.
29
00:01:02,694 --> 00:01:04,559
Everyone. Why would
you wrap it in a sheet
30
00:01:04,629 --> 00:01:06,688
if you're not
covering anything up?
31
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Is... Is it fake?
Pam.
32
00:01:08,867 --> 00:01:13,895
Yes! We are unveiling an
artificial tree that will never die.
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Yes. Like the spirit of Christmas.
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And we're supposed
to applaud you
35
00:01:17,542 --> 00:01:19,533
for taking a giant
diaper off a fake tree?
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This was a successful
unveiling! Go back to work!
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Merry Christmas.
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Hello. Sorry, guys.
Sorry, guys.
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I'm not sure I've earned the
right to make announcements yet,
40
00:01:51,576 --> 00:01:53,942
but whoever is giving me
the 12 Days of Christmas
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as my Secret Santa,
42
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please stop. I can't take it
anymore. My cat killed a turtledove.
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00:02:01,987 --> 00:02:05,423
The French hens have started
pulling out my hair to make a nest.
44
00:02:05,490 --> 00:02:07,151
Please stop.
45
00:02:07,225 --> 00:02:09,250
What psycho would
send that as a gift?
46
00:02:13,298 --> 00:02:16,324
I begged Dwight and Jim to
give me Erin for Secret Santa,
47
00:02:16,401 --> 00:02:18,733
and I decided to give Erin
the 12 Days of Christmas.
48
00:02:18,803 --> 00:02:19,963
Bowtie time.
49
00:02:20,038 --> 00:02:24,031
Is it my fault that the first eight
days there's basically 30 birds?
50
00:02:24,476 --> 00:02:25,773
Ho! Ho! Ho!
51
00:02:25,844 --> 00:02:30,508
Merry Christmas, boys and
girls. It's me, Santa Claus.
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Hey, Santa.
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They finally let you do it. Yeah.
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Congrats, Phyl.
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It's so edgy.
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I have been wanting
to be Santa for years.
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I believe I have
the right temperament
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and the figure to
do the job well.
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00:02:42,561 --> 00:02:46,827
I slipped a note to Jim 11 weeks
ago, and he said I could do it.
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It's been a long journey.
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But I'm Santa Claus!
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So, Santa, what can we
expect from this party?
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It's going to be a very jolly
time if you've been good.
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What if you've been bad?
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Then nothing but
a lump of coal for you.
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00:03:07,452 --> 00:03:09,215
What if you've been
really, really bad?
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00:03:09,287 --> 00:03:11,517
More evil than
strictly wrong.
68
00:03:11,590 --> 00:03:14,081
Hey, Creed? We covered it. Lump of coal.
69
00:03:14,159 --> 00:03:15,217
Yeah.
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00:03:15,493 --> 00:03:16,517
For the past several weeks,
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00:03:16,595 --> 00:03:19,462
my Secret Santa has been
giving me pieces of a machine
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00:03:19,531 --> 00:03:21,192
that I've been
attempting to assemble.
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00:03:21,266 --> 00:03:25,259
I'm suspicious of this, because
I had the exact same idea
74
00:03:25,537 --> 00:03:27,732
for catching Osama bin Laden.
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00:03:27,839 --> 00:03:31,104
I would simply send him
a different piece each day.
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He would assemble
it to find himself
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in jail!
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You know, Oscar, every
time I make this lasagna
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people ask me if
it's a family recipe,
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00:03:42,053 --> 00:03:45,250
but really, I just get
the recipe from the box.
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00:03:46,157 --> 00:03:47,488
That's funny.
82
00:03:47,559 --> 00:03:51,256
Is it funny? I thought it was
more interesting than funny.
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00:03:57,235 --> 00:03:58,930
I think my water
just broke.
84
00:03:59,004 --> 00:04:00,335
That's too funny.
85
00:04:00,639 --> 00:04:02,766
Oscar and
the warehouse guy.
86
00:04:03,108 --> 00:04:06,134
Go, Oscar!
Go, gay warehouse guy!
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00:04:07,379 --> 00:04:09,506
Here's Santa!
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00:04:09,981 --> 00:04:13,314
Hey, little girl, what
would you like for Christmas?
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00:04:13,485 --> 00:04:17,251
Ooh! You have been a very
naughty girl, I see.
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00:04:17,322 --> 00:04:19,449
Michael, we already
have a Santa. Phyllis.
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00:04:19,858 --> 00:04:21,883
What the hell is going on?
92
00:04:23,395 --> 00:04:25,693
Phyllis, Jim?
Phyllis is Santa?
93
00:04:26,031 --> 00:04:27,089
Yeah.
Phyllis.
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00:04:27,165 --> 00:04:28,632
Yeah. I told her a long
time ago she could do it.
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00:04:28,700 --> 00:04:29,860
Take it back.
That is absurd.
96
00:04:29,934 --> 00:04:30,992
No. I'm not gonna
do that.
97
00:04:31,069 --> 00:04:32,536
No, Jim, come on!
98
00:04:32,604 --> 00:04:33,764
I think she's
doing a good job.
99
00:04:33,838 --> 00:04:36,568
Lately, there have been serious rumors
that our company's going bankrupt,
100
00:04:36,641 --> 00:04:38,632
so David Wallace asked me
to keep morale high.
101
00:04:39,144 --> 00:04:41,874
So I asked around about what
people wanted with Christmas,
102
00:04:42,113 --> 00:04:44,172
and I told them
to get creative.
103
00:04:44,282 --> 00:04:47,945
And they didn't really
get creative, exactly.
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00:04:48,253 --> 00:04:51,484
Secret Santa, karaoke, food,
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00:04:51,823 --> 00:04:54,883
kind of the usual thing that
we do here, which is great.
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00:04:54,959 --> 00:04:56,688
And people usually
argue about food,
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00:04:56,761 --> 00:04:58,922
so I told everybody
to bring their favorites.
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00:04:59,230 --> 00:05:01,357
I made an organized
signup sheet for karaoke
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00:05:01,433 --> 00:05:03,560
so that there was no fighting
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and no crying.
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I'm doing a good job, I think,
because this year,
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I care.
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It's weird. I know.
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00:05:17,148 --> 00:05:19,844
It's insane! A woman
Santa? Where does it stop?
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00:05:19,918 --> 00:05:23,479
No! Jim, this may be the last
Christmas that we have here.
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Doesn't it make you
a tiny bit anxious,
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00:05:26,391 --> 00:05:28,723
me not playing Santa?
Come on!
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00:05:29,661 --> 00:05:31,629
I'm not gonna go tell Phyllis
that she can't be Santa.
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00:05:31,696 --> 00:05:35,393
Fine. Then do it anonymously.
Ransom-note style. You can...
120
00:05:36,234 --> 00:05:37,792
You know what?
I have a bunch of letters
121
00:05:37,869 --> 00:05:39,359
cut out of magazines
in my desk.
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00:05:39,437 --> 00:05:40,461
You can use those.
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00:05:40,538 --> 00:05:42,130
If this were Russia,
yeah, sure,
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everybody would
go to one Santa,
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and there would be
a line around the block,
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and once
you sat on her lap
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and she asked you
what you wanted,
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00:05:48,246 --> 00:05:50,646
you would say,
probably, freedom,
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00:05:50,782 --> 00:05:54,343
at which point the KGB would
arrest you and send you to Siberia.
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00:05:54,419 --> 00:05:57,149
It's a good thing
Russia doesn't exist anymore.
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00:05:57,322 --> 00:05:58,311
Name?
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00:05:58,623 --> 00:05:59,612
Kelly.
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00:06:00,458 --> 00:06:02,517
And what would you
like for Christmas?
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00:06:02,594 --> 00:06:05,222
I would like the
photographer, please, Santa.
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00:06:05,296 --> 00:06:06,285
We'll talk.
136
00:06:07,799 --> 00:06:10,768
So far, people really seem
to like the party this year.
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00:06:10,835 --> 00:06:13,133
We took some chances
and it's working out.
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00:06:13,705 --> 00:06:17,141
Ho, ho, ho!
Ho, ho, ho!
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00:06:17,575 --> 00:06:22,945
Why pay more to sit next to
old Trannie Claus over there
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00:06:23,014 --> 00:06:24,914
when you can sit
on my lap?
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00:06:24,983 --> 00:06:29,545
Phyllis is only pretending to
be a man. I'm the real thing!
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Sit down on my lap
and there will be no doubt!
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00:06:32,524 --> 00:06:33,548
Okay.
Okay.
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00:06:33,625 --> 00:06:36,185
No, it's not,
like, penis-wise.
145
00:06:36,261 --> 00:06:38,456
Hello, little boy!
What's your name?
146
00:06:38,863 --> 00:06:41,058
Michael, it's me, Kevin.
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00:06:41,132 --> 00:06:43,100
Phyllis says
I'm too big for her lap.
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00:06:43,168 --> 00:06:49,073
Oh, I am so sorry that Phyllis
hates you and hates your body,
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00:06:49,607 --> 00:06:51,973
but Santa
remembers a reindeer
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00:06:52,043 --> 00:06:55,274
that was just a tiny
bit different as well.
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00:06:55,346 --> 00:06:56,938
When can I sit
on your lap?
152
00:06:57,015 --> 00:06:59,643
Right now!
Come on over here, big boy!
153
00:07:00,885 --> 00:07:03,012
There we go!
Oh, my God.
154
00:07:04,556 --> 00:07:06,581
That's really
comfortable.
155
00:07:08,626 --> 00:07:10,685
What would you like for
Christmas, little boy?
156
00:07:13,731 --> 00:07:17,064
I don't know. I didn't know
you were gonna ask me that.
157
00:07:17,135 --> 00:07:19,535
Well, what did you think
was going to happen?
158
00:07:19,604 --> 00:07:23,563
I didn't know. Nobody's ever
let me sit on their lap before.
159
00:07:23,641 --> 00:07:26,132
All right,
just say some toys, please.
160
00:07:26,211 --> 00:07:27,906
Can you give me
some choices?
161
00:07:28,146 --> 00:07:30,171
'Cause I really don't want
to mess up on this list.
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00:07:30,248 --> 00:07:32,216
Damn it, Kevin.
Come on.
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00:07:32,851 --> 00:07:35,479
What about if I tell you
the things I don't want?
164
00:07:35,553 --> 00:07:37,680
Okay, get off!
Get off! Off!
165
00:07:39,123 --> 00:07:41,091
Oh, God!
166
00:07:41,159 --> 00:07:43,093
I didn't even get to
tell you what I wanted.
167
00:07:43,161 --> 00:07:44,685
Okay, you know
what you get?
168
00:07:44,762 --> 00:07:47,060
You get a thousand helium
balloons attached to you
169
00:07:47,131 --> 00:07:49,395
so Santa doesn't have
to go through this again.
170
00:07:49,968 --> 00:07:51,026
Awesome.
171
00:07:51,102 --> 00:07:52,091
Foot's asleep.
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00:07:52,170 --> 00:07:54,536
Oh, God. My whole leg.
173
00:07:56,007 --> 00:07:56,996
Oh, God.
174
00:07:58,610 --> 00:07:59,599
Oh, God.
175
00:08:07,118 --> 00:08:08,551
All right, that's better.
Who's next?
176
00:08:09,220 --> 00:08:10,278
Well?
177
00:08:10,355 --> 00:08:12,016
I'm trying, Phyllis.
You're Santa.
178
00:08:12,156 --> 00:08:14,124
The only Santa.
That's what I want.
179
00:08:14,192 --> 00:08:17,559
You promised me this. Don't
make me get Bob involved.
180
00:08:17,896 --> 00:08:19,261
What would Bob do?
181
00:08:19,330 --> 00:08:21,264
Never mind.
I shouldn't have said that.
182
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:23,792
Check it out.
183
00:08:24,402 --> 00:08:27,166
In fourth grade, Bronwyn
Reinhart stabbed me with a pencil,
184
00:08:27,238 --> 00:08:28,227
scarred me for life.
185
00:08:28,373 --> 00:08:29,362
Oh!
186
00:08:29,841 --> 00:08:30,830
Oh, yeah, I see it.
187
00:08:32,010 --> 00:08:33,637
Yeah, so I know
how it feels.
188
00:08:33,711 --> 00:08:34,905
Does it hurt?
189
00:08:35,013 --> 00:08:36,139
It stings a lot.
190
00:08:37,015 --> 00:08:38,004
Hmm.
191
00:08:38,650 --> 00:08:41,244
I keep trying to figure out
who's sending me these gifts.
192
00:08:41,319 --> 00:08:42,411
I know, right?
193
00:08:42,487 --> 00:08:44,421
So far no one
will admit to it.
194
00:08:44,489 --> 00:08:46,582
Is it you?
195
00:08:50,828 --> 00:08:51,920
Yeah!
196
00:08:54,666 --> 00:08:56,258
Totally.
I admit it. It's me.
197
00:08:56,334 --> 00:08:57,562
Seriously?
198
00:08:58,236 --> 00:08:59,396
Seriously?
199
00:08:59,504 --> 00:09:02,371
Are you serious?
Is... What... Is it you?
200
00:09:03,141 --> 00:09:04,574
When you're...
I don't... Are you...
201
00:09:04,642 --> 00:09:05,734
Oh, no, no, no. I'm saying...
Are you asking...
202
00:09:05,810 --> 00:09:06,799
I'm saying, are...
I don't...
203
00:09:07,178 --> 00:09:08,907
It's you... No...
Is it...
204
00:09:09,247 --> 00:09:13,741
Yeah. Totally serious. I'm
your Secret Santa. Busted!
205
00:09:15,586 --> 00:09:16,985
There he is.
206
00:09:17,422 --> 00:09:18,411
Hey, man.
Hey.
207
00:09:18,589 --> 00:09:20,250
Is Matt around?
I've got his check.
208
00:09:20,825 --> 00:09:24,283
Matt is on a delivery. Just
leave it here. I'll take it.
209
00:09:24,362 --> 00:09:26,592
I'll just wait for him.
210
00:09:27,665 --> 00:09:28,654
You'll wait?
211
00:09:29,500 --> 00:09:31,468
You're gonna wait to give a
guy you don't know his check?
212
00:09:31,869 --> 00:09:33,302
Spirit of Christmas.
213
00:09:33,371 --> 00:09:34,929
Right. Christmas.
214
00:09:36,074 --> 00:09:37,837
Matt's a pretty good-looking
dude, don't you think?
215
00:09:37,909 --> 00:09:40,275
I'll just leave
it here with you.
216
00:09:40,345 --> 00:09:41,835
All right,
thank you.
217
00:09:45,149 --> 00:09:46,741
Come here!
Come here! Come here!
218
00:09:46,818 --> 00:09:49,480
I'm doing something
over here. Come on! Ah!
219
00:09:49,554 --> 00:09:50,578
Ho! Ho! Ho!
220
00:09:50,655 --> 00:09:52,555
Come on, I need
this. Come over here!
221
00:09:52,623 --> 00:09:53,681
Just sit down!
222
00:09:53,758 --> 00:09:54,918
No, no, no,
no, no, no!
223
00:09:54,993 --> 00:09:56,255
Is everything okay?
Yeah. Yeah.
224
00:09:56,327 --> 00:09:57,555
Ryan and I are
just having some fun.
225
00:09:57,628 --> 00:09:58,720
Can I just talk to
you for a second? Yeah.
226
00:09:58,796 --> 00:10:00,627
No, now.
Okay, what?
227
00:10:01,065 --> 00:10:03,226
You can't yell out,
"I need this, I need this,"
228
00:10:03,301 --> 00:10:05,132
as you pin down
an employee on your lap.
229
00:10:05,203 --> 00:10:07,194
Okay. You know what, Jim?
230
00:10:07,338 --> 00:10:10,466
With two Santas in the room,
things get ruthless.
231
00:10:10,541 --> 00:10:12,133
Yeah. Do you understand?
You forced my hand.
232
00:10:12,210 --> 00:10:14,075
Michael, it's Phyllis.
We want Phyllis as Santa.
233
00:10:14,145 --> 00:10:16,875
Do we? Do we?
Is that what we want?
234
00:10:16,948 --> 00:10:18,313
Why don't we
take a vote on it?
235
00:10:18,383 --> 00:10:19,372
Great.
236
00:10:19,450 --> 00:10:20,849
Hey! Okay, everybody.
237
00:10:21,052 --> 00:10:23,919
The office is being pulled
apart. I realize that.
238
00:10:23,988 --> 00:10:26,889
There are traditions at stake.
239
00:10:26,958 --> 00:10:28,550
And there are women...
Who wants Phyllis as Santa?
240
00:10:28,626 --> 00:10:31,652
No, no, no! Wait! No!
There are other choices.
241
00:10:31,796 --> 00:10:34,856
There's information that we...
Are you kidding me, Kevin?
242
00:10:34,932 --> 00:10:36,399
After you almost killed me?
243
00:10:36,467 --> 00:10:39,129
Michael, I had you.
I just want to try Phyllis.
244
00:10:39,203 --> 00:10:42,400
And if you want Michael
as Santa, raise your hand.
245
00:10:44,175 --> 00:10:45,267
Can I get you
some punch?
246
00:10:45,343 --> 00:10:48,608
I... No, I'll get some punch.
That looks delicious.
247
00:10:50,615 --> 00:10:51,843
Michael!
248
00:10:54,852 --> 00:10:55,944
Excuse me.
249
00:10:56,020 --> 00:10:58,386
Whoever has been sending me
the parts to this gun,
250
00:10:58,456 --> 00:11:01,391
I think you sent me a gear
instead of a trigger.
251
00:11:01,459 --> 00:11:03,427
How do you know it's a gun?
252
00:11:03,494 --> 00:11:05,086
What else does it look like?
253
00:11:06,397 --> 00:11:08,024
Not a gun.
254
00:11:08,099 --> 00:11:09,657
Well, I don't have
all the pieces yet.
255
00:11:10,001 --> 00:11:14,404
Well, unless the missing piece
is a gun, you don't have a gun.
256
00:11:16,007 --> 00:11:17,338
Not a gun.
257
00:11:18,176 --> 00:11:22,169
In the North Pole, I spend many
nights alone tinkering with toys.
258
00:11:22,380 --> 00:11:27,647
So today, let's put a twinkle
in old Kris Kringle's eye.
259
00:11:28,386 --> 00:11:30,149
Let the party begin!
260
00:11:36,828 --> 00:11:39,888
I don't ask for much for
Christmas. I really don't.
261
00:11:39,964 --> 00:11:43,957
It's not like I am begging
people to buy me diamonds
262
00:11:45,169 --> 00:11:47,330
and broach pendants.
263
00:11:47,772 --> 00:11:48,830
Oh!
264
00:11:48,973 --> 00:11:52,739
"Buy me something expensive, or I'm
gonna kill myself." That's not...
265
00:11:52,810 --> 00:11:56,075
I don't care about that!
All I want to be is Santa.
266
00:11:56,414 --> 00:12:00,009
And you want to take that
away from me, fine.
267
00:12:00,685 --> 00:12:01,947
Go ahead.
268
00:12:02,453 --> 00:12:03,886
But when
you need my help
269
00:12:03,955 --> 00:12:05,354
because I am
ruining everything,
270
00:12:05,423 --> 00:12:06,515
don't look at me!
271
00:12:10,661 --> 00:12:11,855
Behold,
272
00:12:13,097 --> 00:12:14,564
Jesus Christ.
273
00:12:14,732 --> 00:12:18,964
And I bring to you
glad Christmas tidings.
274
00:12:19,036 --> 00:12:22,563
I want to remind everyone
the true meaning of Christmas.
275
00:12:23,407 --> 00:12:26,399
Those of you who wish
to join me, that's great.
276
00:12:26,477 --> 00:12:27,739
I am excited by that,
277
00:12:28,045 --> 00:12:29,672
and those of you who don't,
278
00:12:29,747 --> 00:12:32,238
I forgive you,
but I never forget.
279
00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:35,717
Wow, Michael. This must be
obvious how wrong this is.
280
00:12:36,220 --> 00:12:37,448
The Antichrist.
281
00:12:37,522 --> 00:12:38,716
Okay, you can't...
282
00:12:39,290 --> 00:12:40,882
Look, you cannot
push religion.
283
00:12:40,958 --> 00:12:42,823
But I can push
drugs in here.
284
00:12:42,894 --> 00:12:44,054
Is that what you're saying? No.
285
00:12:44,128 --> 00:12:46,653
Well, you have to pick one
or the other. Your choice.
286
00:12:46,731 --> 00:12:49,427
Pick your poison. Get back
to me. In the meantime,
287
00:12:49,500 --> 00:12:52,992
I am going to spread my
goodness all over this company!
288
00:12:54,172 --> 00:12:56,402
Hello, workers.
289
00:12:56,874 --> 00:12:59,104
Salt of the earth.
290
00:12:59,677 --> 00:13:03,135
Listen to what
I am saying unto you.
291
00:13:03,481 --> 00:13:06,314
I am Jesus.
292
00:13:07,418 --> 00:13:10,581
Okay, I need everybody
to stop what you're doing
293
00:13:10,655 --> 00:13:12,145
and watch this.
294
00:13:12,757 --> 00:13:15,419
Thank you, Darryl.
Thank you, my son.
295
00:13:16,294 --> 00:13:19,263
Everyone, I have heard
your cries for rest,
296
00:13:19,764 --> 00:13:23,200
and I am inviting you
up to our Christmas party,
297
00:13:23,301 --> 00:13:25,895
where you can eat
and drink and have fun.
298
00:13:26,037 --> 00:13:30,269
Hell, yeah. Let's go,
y'all. Thanks, Mike.
299
00:13:36,881 --> 00:13:42,285
Everyone, everyone, please welcome
our friends from the warehouse.
300
00:13:42,553 --> 00:13:46,148
I command thee to mingle
and make merriment.
301
00:13:46,357 --> 00:13:49,793
Libations and food,
please, enjoy.
302
00:13:50,294 --> 00:13:51,283
Enjoy.
303
00:13:52,830 --> 00:13:53,819
That was
very nice of you.
304
00:13:54,131 --> 00:13:56,895
Yes, actually nicer than
Santa. Jesus doesn't judge.
305
00:13:57,101 --> 00:13:58,830
The only problem is
we only have food for us.
306
00:13:59,337 --> 00:14:01,202
So would've loved
a heads up on this.
307
00:14:01,272 --> 00:14:04,332
Well, would've loved to have been
the central gift-giving figure,
308
00:14:04,408 --> 00:14:07,400
but I guess neither of us is
getting what we want, right?
309
00:14:08,879 --> 00:14:11,848
Look, I can barely pretend
to like the people up here.
310
00:14:12,216 --> 00:14:14,047
What am I supposed
to say to Artie?
311
00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:17,851
Hey, Phyllis?
312
00:14:17,922 --> 00:14:21,323
Could you not reveal to Erin
that I'm her secret Santa?
313
00:14:21,392 --> 00:14:23,223
All right, sweetie, I'll
just tell her it's Michael.
314
00:14:23,294 --> 00:14:24,386
Okay.
315
00:14:25,196 --> 00:14:27,858
Santa, if you were a woman,
I'd kiss you.
316
00:14:32,903 --> 00:14:34,962
Are either of you guys
friends with,
317
00:14:35,239 --> 00:14:37,469
or ever hang out with
any cleaning ladies?
318
00:14:38,542 --> 00:14:41,511
Um, I have to find a new one,
'cause mine died.
319
00:14:41,679 --> 00:14:43,510
First training session
is free.
320
00:14:43,581 --> 00:14:46,641
I'll show you the ropes, and get
you on track with the nutrition side.
321
00:14:47,218 --> 00:14:49,209
My goal is
to look like you,
322
00:14:49,287 --> 00:14:51,619
like a big, white, you.
323
00:14:51,989 --> 00:14:56,119
How do I feel about the warehouse
guys showing up at our Christmas party?
324
00:14:56,694 --> 00:14:58,685
Well, I could tell you,
325
00:14:59,196 --> 00:15:01,221
or I could show you.
326
00:15:02,433 --> 00:15:03,730
This is how I feel.
327
00:15:10,408 --> 00:15:13,400
I saw
three ships come sailing in
328
00:15:13,644 --> 00:15:14,736
Have you
talked to him?
329
00:15:14,812 --> 00:15:15,870
What?
330
00:15:16,681 --> 00:15:17,773
Matt.
331
00:15:17,848 --> 00:15:19,076
Is it
that obvious?
332
00:15:21,252 --> 00:15:22,514
No. Hey.
333
00:15:24,255 --> 00:15:25,279
Hmm.
334
00:15:25,356 --> 00:15:29,554
Good pâté, right? Oscar
made it. Have you met Oscar?
335
00:15:30,294 --> 00:15:31,283
I don't think so.
336
00:15:31,362 --> 00:15:33,091
Hey, Oscar, come here.
337
00:15:37,335 --> 00:15:41,567
Oscar, this is Matt,
and Matt loves your pâté.
338
00:15:42,506 --> 00:15:43,734
I had some.
339
00:15:43,808 --> 00:15:44,968
Oscar's pâté's great.
340
00:15:46,377 --> 00:15:49,642
I could eat it all day,
every day. Mmm.
341
00:15:52,049 --> 00:15:54,108
How come the good ones
are never straight, right?
342
00:15:56,954 --> 00:15:58,387
Oscar likes biking,
343
00:15:58,956 --> 00:16:04,258
and classical movies,
French films mostly, right?
344
00:16:04,328 --> 00:16:05,317
Mmm...
Yeah?
345
00:16:06,430 --> 00:16:08,955
Okay. That's all I'm
gonna say. Classical music.
346
00:16:09,767 --> 00:16:12,827
And new music. Radiohead.
347
00:16:14,305 --> 00:16:15,863
I like Radiohead.
348
00:16:17,141 --> 00:16:19,234
We should all go
to a concert together.
349
00:16:19,443 --> 00:16:20,467
Are we still doing
that thing
350
00:16:20,544 --> 00:16:22,944
where we take new people
to the office to a concert?
351
00:16:23,013 --> 00:16:24,640
Okay, Pam.
Okay.
352
00:16:25,449 --> 00:16:26,473
Look. Pigs
in a blanket.
353
00:16:29,787 --> 00:16:31,755
So, Victor, is it?
354
00:16:35,059 --> 00:16:36,651
Yeah. Victor.
355
00:16:36,727 --> 00:16:38,024
Nice meeting you.
356
00:16:38,095 --> 00:16:39,084
Nice to meet you.
357
00:16:39,330 --> 00:16:43,664
Yes. They're the only two gay guys
I know. But they should be together.
358
00:16:44,769 --> 00:16:47,567
So, guys, this is
more like finger food.
359
00:16:47,638 --> 00:16:50,004
Uh-oh! A lasagna.
Look out, Garfield.
360
00:16:50,941 --> 00:16:52,374
Uh-oh! What
does that mean?
361
00:16:52,443 --> 00:16:53,603
Oh, they call me
Garfield.
362
00:16:53,677 --> 00:16:56,805
I've never seen a lasagna
and not eaten the whole pan.
363
00:16:56,881 --> 00:16:57,905
I wish you wouldn't.
364
00:16:57,982 --> 00:17:00,075
Oh, well,
I can't help myself.
365
00:17:00,151 --> 00:17:01,812
Can you imagine
what it's like for me,
366
00:17:01,886 --> 00:17:03,717
that it has that power
over me?
367
00:17:03,788 --> 00:17:04,777
I gotta have some.
368
00:17:05,322 --> 00:17:07,517
Sorry, guys.
Everybody get some?
369
00:17:07,958 --> 00:17:09,289
I got mine.
Okay.
370
00:17:10,027 --> 00:17:12,996
All right, I just got out of
the restroom, and it stinks.
371
00:17:13,164 --> 00:17:14,461
The warehouse
needs to go.
372
00:17:14,532 --> 00:17:16,363
Okay, wait. How do you know
it's someone from the warehouse
373
00:17:16,434 --> 00:17:17,958
who stunk up
the bathroom?
374
00:17:18,035 --> 00:17:20,162
They stink up the bathroom
with their smelly poos,
375
00:17:20,271 --> 00:17:22,068
because they don't eat
as quality food as us
376
00:17:22,139 --> 00:17:23,834
'cause they're poor.
It's science.
377
00:17:23,908 --> 00:17:25,603
That is so offensive
378
00:17:25,976 --> 00:17:27,204
and thought out.
379
00:17:27,711 --> 00:17:30,407
Maybe if we just took some
time to try to get to know them,
380
00:17:30,481 --> 00:17:33,211
rather than constantly
complaining... Garfield! Garfield!
381
00:17:33,284 --> 00:17:36,048
Garfield!
Garfield! Garfield!
382
00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:37,178
Do it, girl.
383
00:17:37,254 --> 00:17:39,950
That woman is a beast.
Garfield! Garfield!
384
00:17:40,024 --> 00:17:42,288
Garfield! Garfield...
385
00:17:42,359 --> 00:17:45,021
Yeah!
386
00:17:46,063 --> 00:17:50,966
I am so very glad that you joined
us here on this festive occasion.
387
00:17:51,101 --> 00:17:52,398
You look like Gandalf.
388
00:17:52,470 --> 00:17:55,462
No, I'm Jesus, and we're
celebrating my birthday.
389
00:17:55,539 --> 00:17:57,029
Seriously, though, Mike,
you should take that off, man.
390
00:17:57,107 --> 00:17:59,132
It's offensive, even to me.
391
00:18:06,584 --> 00:18:07,778
Merry Christmas, Creed.
392
00:18:07,852 --> 00:18:09,877
Thanks, Santa.
I love it.
393
00:18:10,187 --> 00:18:12,587
And he doesn't
even know what it is.
394
00:18:12,656 --> 00:18:15,124
And it's probably terrible,
so save the receipt.
395
00:18:15,192 --> 00:18:16,591
Get the receipt, Creed.
396
00:18:16,660 --> 00:18:20,152
This just arrived from the
Dunder Mifflin North Pole branch.
397
00:18:20,231 --> 00:18:23,029
We don't have a North
Pole branch. Idiot!
398
00:18:23,133 --> 00:18:27,900
Uh-oh! What's Dwight
gonna get? What is it?
399
00:18:28,372 --> 00:18:29,396
Yes!
400
00:18:29,473 --> 00:18:31,441
Oh, yes! It's space garbage.
401
00:18:31,509 --> 00:18:34,171
Dwight's gonna be able
to build himself a friend.
402
00:18:34,245 --> 00:18:36,440
Deck the halls
with crappy gifts
403
00:18:36,514 --> 00:18:40,712
And Stanley, ho, ho, ho,
you've been very good this year.
404
00:18:40,784 --> 00:18:41,842
I have.
405
00:18:41,919 --> 00:18:43,887
Yeah, except for
cheating on your wife.
406
00:18:43,954 --> 00:18:46,718
Adultery's a sin. Look it
up in the Bible, people.
407
00:18:46,790 --> 00:18:47,814
What'd he get?
408
00:18:47,892 --> 00:18:49,792
He got scented candles.
409
00:18:50,227 --> 00:18:52,957
Well, that's appropriate. A
lot of fire where you're going.
410
00:18:53,030 --> 00:18:54,463
Better get used to it.
411
00:18:54,532 --> 00:18:57,194
You're going to H-E-L-L,
double hockey sticks.
412
00:18:57,268 --> 00:18:58,462
Going to hell, Stanley.
413
00:18:58,536 --> 00:18:59,662
Amen.
414
00:19:00,070 --> 00:19:02,698
And this brings us
to you, little one.
415
00:19:02,940 --> 00:19:05,773
I can't see from here, people.
Somebody shout it out.
416
00:19:05,843 --> 00:19:07,640
Don't make me get up.
417
00:19:08,312 --> 00:19:11,406
It's fabric.
I really wanted this.
418
00:19:11,615 --> 00:19:15,210
That's fantastic! You can make
another dress that goes past your feet.
419
00:19:15,286 --> 00:19:16,446
Andy, was this you?
420
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:17,544
It's a secret.
421
00:19:17,621 --> 00:19:20,146
No, Andy had Erin.
- It was a secret.
422
00:19:20,224 --> 00:19:21,486
- Michael!
- You...
423
00:19:21,559 --> 00:19:24,119
What? Was I not
supposed to say?
424
00:19:24,428 --> 00:19:25,452
What? Turn it back on.
425
00:19:25,529 --> 00:19:26,518
No.
426
00:19:35,606 --> 00:19:36,800
Yes, Michael.
What is so urgent?
427
00:19:36,874 --> 00:19:39,274
David, guess who I am
sitting here dressed as.
428
00:19:39,343 --> 00:19:42,039
I'm not going to guess. You
can tell me, or I will hang up.
429
00:19:42,112 --> 00:19:45,047
I will give you a hint.
His last name is Christ.
430
00:19:45,115 --> 00:19:48,778
He has the power of flight.
He can heal leopards.
431
00:19:48,852 --> 00:19:49,876
Michael...
432
00:19:49,954 --> 00:19:51,683
I am Jesus, David,
and you know why?
433
00:19:51,755 --> 00:19:56,158
Because Phyllis, a woman,
has uslurped my role as Santa.
434
00:19:56,226 --> 00:19:57,215
Michael...
What?
435
00:19:57,294 --> 00:19:59,558
This is a very,
very bad time.
436
00:19:59,630 --> 00:20:02,190
Really? What's going on?
437
00:20:03,701 --> 00:20:05,328
Stephanie,
can you hop off, please?
438
00:20:05,402 --> 00:20:06,630
Sure, David.
439
00:20:06,704 --> 00:20:10,162
What the hell? How rude!
Does she do that all the time?
440
00:20:10,441 --> 00:20:12,033
Do you want me off
this call too, Michael?
441
00:20:12,109 --> 00:20:15,442
Hey, what? Get off!
Get off the phone!
442
00:20:18,082 --> 00:20:21,245
Listen, I shouldn't tell you
this, but the company has a buyer.
443
00:20:21,318 --> 00:20:23,809
The board will have no
choice but to approve,
444
00:20:23,887 --> 00:20:26,151
and they are going
to clean house.
445
00:20:26,223 --> 00:20:27,451
What does that mean?
446
00:20:27,725 --> 00:20:29,215
I'll be fired.
447
00:20:29,293 --> 00:20:31,818
Well, can't Alan protect you?
448
00:20:31,895 --> 00:20:33,419
Alan will be out, too.
All of us.
449
00:20:36,066 --> 00:20:37,158
All of us?
450
00:20:38,702 --> 00:20:40,761
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
451
00:20:42,272 --> 00:20:44,001
I'm sorry you can't be Santa.
452
00:20:44,074 --> 00:20:46,702
I do have to go.
Goodbye, Michael.
453
00:20:48,679 --> 00:20:51,341
Earlier today,
this office needed a Santa.
454
00:20:51,415 --> 00:20:56,546
And then it needed a second
Santa. And then it needed a Jesus.
455
00:20:58,222 --> 00:20:59,450
And now,
456
00:21:00,958 --> 00:21:02,687
it needs a Michael.
457
00:21:04,161 --> 00:21:06,959
And that's one suit
Phyllis cannot fit into.
458
00:21:08,832 --> 00:21:11,323
Hey, how's everybody doing?
459
00:21:12,036 --> 00:21:14,596
Not great. You heckled
Santa for an hour and a half.
460
00:21:14,672 --> 00:21:16,765
That was a different guy.
That was Jesus.
461
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:19,104
Jesus sort of
ruined the party.
462
00:21:19,209 --> 00:21:20,836
Hurt, petulant Jesus.
463
00:21:20,911 --> 00:21:23,243
Are you serious?
That is so offensive.
464
00:21:24,581 --> 00:21:26,481
You know what's
even more offensive,
465
00:21:26,550 --> 00:21:31,578
is bailing on this party because
some jerk ruined the first part of it.
466
00:21:32,923 --> 00:21:34,584
Dwight, come here.
467
00:21:35,192 --> 00:21:37,854
Here's my debit card. I want you
to go pick up a bunch of pizzas
468
00:21:37,928 --> 00:21:39,020
and meet me in
the conference room.
469
00:21:39,096 --> 00:21:40,154
What's your pin number?
470
00:21:40,230 --> 00:21:42,095
I don't want to say.
471
00:21:42,399 --> 00:21:44,629
But it's fun
to stay at the...
472
00:21:46,904 --> 00:21:48,701
It's fun to stay at the...
473
00:21:48,772 --> 00:21:51,673
Where?
Holiday Inn. I don't...
474
00:21:57,548 --> 00:22:00,312
I thought that
you would like it.
475
00:22:00,384 --> 00:22:01,817
It was a little much, Andy.
476
00:22:02,486 --> 00:22:04,977
Well, it's the thought
that counts.
477
00:22:05,055 --> 00:22:06,716
What were you thinking?
478
00:22:08,759 --> 00:22:12,786
I suppose a gentleman might
throw in the towel at this point.
479
00:22:15,099 --> 00:22:16,896
Guess what.
Not gonna happen.
480
00:22:17,234 --> 00:22:21,227
You know what? Christmas
isn't about Santa or Jesus.
481
00:22:21,505 --> 00:22:22,767
It's about the workplace.
482
00:22:22,906 --> 00:22:24,737
The exact opposite of
what you just said is true.
483
00:22:24,808 --> 00:22:28,175
See, that's exactly
something that Jim would say,
484
00:22:28,245 --> 00:22:29,473
and I love him for it.
485
00:22:29,546 --> 00:22:32,174
All of you feel
like my family.
486
00:22:32,583 --> 00:22:38,044
Ryan, you are my son, and
Pam, you're my wife, and Jim...
487
00:22:39,289 --> 00:22:43,225
And Angela and Phyllis,
you are my grandmas.
488
00:22:43,360 --> 00:22:48,423
And Oscar, you just
moved in next door
489
00:22:49,633 --> 00:22:51,157
because of urban renewal.
490
00:22:52,569 --> 00:22:55,732
And Stanley,
you're our mailman.
491
00:22:56,540 --> 00:22:59,532
And I can't help but look at all
of your wonderful, beautiful faces
492
00:22:59,610 --> 00:23:01,373
and think, "How could
they do this to us?"
493
00:23:01,445 --> 00:23:02,434
What?
494
00:23:02,513 --> 00:23:03,639
How could we do
what to you?
495
00:23:03,714 --> 00:23:05,807
That's not... Never... Nothing.
- Why would we...
496
00:23:05,883 --> 00:23:07,077
We deserve to know.
497
00:23:07,151 --> 00:23:08,277
I didn't
say anything!
498
00:23:08,352 --> 00:23:09,614
We're going out of business!
499
00:23:09,686 --> 00:23:10,710
What?
What?
500
00:23:10,788 --> 00:23:11,777
You are kidding me.
501
00:23:11,855 --> 00:23:12,913
Wait, wait, wait.
Who said that?
502
00:23:12,990 --> 00:23:14,787
David told me on the phone.
David told me.
503
00:23:14,858 --> 00:23:15,984
When?
When did he tell you, today?
504
00:23:16,059 --> 00:23:19,927
Earlier today,
he said we have been sold.
505
00:23:19,997 --> 00:23:21,055
What?
506
00:23:22,566 --> 00:23:24,534
- Dwight! Jesus.
- Come on!
507
00:23:24,868 --> 00:23:27,598
Michael, wait.
So they said we are sold.
508
00:23:27,671 --> 00:23:29,571
David is gone, Alan is
gone. We're all gone.
509
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,107
Okay, but we
haven't gone under.
510
00:23:31,175 --> 00:23:33,200
We've been sold, and that can
mean many different things.
511
00:23:33,277 --> 00:23:35,541
It's hard for me to
imagine a scenario
512
00:23:35,612 --> 00:23:38,172
where Meredith Palmer keeps her
job and David Wallace does not.
513
00:23:38,248 --> 00:23:39,943
No offense, Meredith.
No, I get it.
514
00:23:40,017 --> 00:23:41,245
Did he say anything
about the warehouse?
515
00:23:41,318 --> 00:23:43,479
No, but he's always held
you guys in high regard.
516
00:23:43,620 --> 00:23:46,054
You two are
the worst bosses!
517
00:23:46,156 --> 00:23:48,249
You are. You never
know anything.
518
00:23:48,325 --> 00:23:50,293
It's like the blind leading the
blind. "Guess, guess, guess."
519
00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:52,351
Relax.
Okay, I can still fire you.
520
00:23:52,429 --> 00:23:55,296
We better get some answers soon, or
it's gonna get real litigious up in here.
521
00:23:55,365 --> 00:23:58,027
Like, you're gonna sue?
Who're you gonna sue? For what?
522
00:23:58,101 --> 00:24:00,092
You have no idea. The law
protects the plaintiffs.
523
00:24:00,170 --> 00:24:01,159
I'll call him.
I'll call David.
524
00:24:01,371 --> 00:24:03,430
No you won't, because he's
not picking up his phone.
525
00:24:03,507 --> 00:24:07,341
Yes, I will, because I always
know how to get through to him.
526
00:24:08,011 --> 00:24:10,571
He told me where
his kids go to school.
527
00:24:10,647 --> 00:24:13,172
I call the school. I tell
them I'm the pediatrician.
528
00:24:13,250 --> 00:24:17,016
They patch me through to his
secretary. I use my little girl voice.
529
00:24:17,087 --> 00:24:18,247
Ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom.
530
00:24:18,889 --> 00:24:20,049
Hey, sweetie,
what is it?
531
00:24:20,123 --> 00:24:22,614
It's not sweetie.
It's Michael Scott.
532
00:24:22,693 --> 00:24:24,661
What the hell? Stephanie,
could you hop off, please?
533
00:24:24,728 --> 00:24:26,559
Michael, I have never...
534
00:24:26,630 --> 00:24:27,654
David...
...never, ever...
535
00:24:27,731 --> 00:24:28,993
David, you are
on speakerphone
536
00:24:29,066 --> 00:24:31,796
with the entire branch
and the warehouse.
537
00:24:31,869 --> 00:24:33,769
Hi, David.
- Hey, David.
538
00:24:34,171 --> 00:24:35,229
Hi, everyone.
539
00:24:35,305 --> 00:24:37,466
David, they do not believe me
540
00:24:38,008 --> 00:24:40,841
when you told me
that everyone was canned.
541
00:24:41,178 --> 00:24:42,736
You weren't supposed
to tell anyone, Michael.
542
00:24:42,813 --> 00:24:44,303
Well, I think
we're past that now.
543
00:24:44,381 --> 00:24:45,939
I am not supposed...
544
00:24:46,016 --> 00:24:48,075
Okay, fine.
Guys, I was really
545
00:24:48,151 --> 00:24:49,982
only talking
about Alan, myself,
546
00:24:50,053 --> 00:24:51,816
and a few other
execs you don't know.
547
00:24:51,889 --> 00:24:54,289
Oh, my God.
David, that's horrible.
548
00:24:54,358 --> 00:24:58,954
How about us? It's Meredith. By the
way, your wife is a very lucky woman.
549
00:24:59,263 --> 00:25:02,426
Look, they're buying the
company for the distribution.
550
00:25:02,499 --> 00:25:05,366
You guys are the only thing
about this company that works.
551
00:25:05,435 --> 00:25:06,561
So congratulations.
552
00:25:06,637 --> 00:25:07,661
We're not fired?
553
00:25:07,738 --> 00:25:09,171
No. Congratulations.
554
00:25:09,239 --> 00:25:10,900
All right!
Yeah!
555
00:25:12,242 --> 00:25:13,539
Come on!
556
00:25:13,610 --> 00:25:14,838
It's a Christmas miracle!
557
00:25:15,112 --> 00:25:16,204
Yeah!
558
00:25:20,050 --> 00:25:22,041
Walk a lonely road
559
00:25:22,119 --> 00:25:25,282
Only one that
I have ever known
560
00:25:25,789 --> 00:25:27,916
Don't know where it goes
561
00:25:27,991 --> 00:25:31,085
But it's all to me
and I walk alone
562
00:25:32,296 --> 00:25:33,820
It's true.
Yes.
563
00:25:33,897 --> 00:25:35,865
We all walk alone.
Jim.
564
00:25:37,334 --> 00:25:39,359
Jim.
- Come on. Shall we?
565
00:25:40,971 --> 00:25:42,029
Jim.
566
00:25:43,106 --> 00:25:48,043
My shadow's the only one
That walks beside me
567
00:25:52,916 --> 00:25:53,905
Take it away, Andy.
568
00:26:13,036 --> 00:26:14,094
Wow.
569
00:26:17,074 --> 00:26:19,474
Yeah. That was the idea.
Thank you.
570
00:26:19,543 --> 00:26:21,443
Awesome.
Thanks, man.
571
00:26:23,780 --> 00:26:28,740
Christmas tree
Thou leaves are so unchanging
572
00:26:28,819 --> 00:26:30,218
Of course!
573
00:26:32,055 --> 00:26:33,420
You got it?
574
00:26:34,257 --> 00:26:35,349
What is that?
575
00:26:35,425 --> 00:26:36,483
I have no idea.
576
00:26:38,462 --> 00:26:41,158
Well, maybe those will help.
577
00:26:41,231 --> 00:26:42,960
Michael, please.
Come on.
578
00:26:44,401 --> 00:26:45,527
Sorry.
Sure.
579
00:26:45,602 --> 00:26:46,591
Nice to meet you, Oscar.
580
00:26:46,670 --> 00:26:47,659
Nice to meet you, Mark.
581
00:26:47,738 --> 00:26:49,706
It's Matt.
Right, Matt.
582
00:26:51,908 --> 00:26:53,398
I know what
I'm doing, Pam.
583
00:27:00,450 --> 00:27:02,179
Oh, man!
584
00:27:03,420 --> 00:27:05,012
I can use this
for so many nuts.
585
00:27:05,088 --> 00:27:07,955
Macadamias,
Brazil nuts, pecans,
586
00:27:08,025 --> 00:27:11,256
almonds, clams, snails.
587
00:27:14,131 --> 00:27:15,325
Not in front of the kid.
588
00:27:16,099 --> 00:27:17,464
This is a great party.
589
00:27:18,602 --> 00:27:21,537
Did you buy the company just
to save your Christmas party?
590
00:27:21,605 --> 00:27:24,335
I promise I will never buy a
company without telling you first.
591
00:27:29,246 --> 00:27:30,543
Hi, Santa.
592
00:27:30,614 --> 00:27:31,842
Hi, Michael.
593
00:27:35,552 --> 00:27:36,644
Okay.
594
00:27:38,622 --> 00:27:39,884
I'd like to make a wish.
595
00:27:40,524 --> 00:27:41,548
What?
596
00:27:42,192 --> 00:27:47,528
I would like an Xbox and a TV
that's compatible with an Xbox.
597
00:27:50,367 --> 00:27:51,857
And I'm sorry.
598
00:27:54,871 --> 00:27:59,001
An Xbox it is, because I've
decided you're a good boy.
599
00:28:00,043 --> 00:28:02,773
Scott, what in the hell
is going on here?
600
00:28:02,846 --> 00:28:04,677
No, no, no. We worked it
out. You called Bob? Phyllis!
601
00:28:04,748 --> 00:28:07,182
I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
It was earlier today.
602
00:28:07,250 --> 00:28:08,376
Okay.
603
00:28:08,885 --> 00:28:09,977
Hi, sweetheart.
You okay, baby?
604
00:28:10,053 --> 00:28:11,145
I'm good, baby.
605
00:28:11,221 --> 00:28:13,485
Oh, God.
Get a room, Santas.
606
00:28:13,790 --> 00:28:14,779
Fresh nut?
607
00:28:14,925 --> 00:28:16,688
I don't mind if I do.
Thank you.
608
00:28:20,897 --> 00:28:22,831
Thank you, Santa.
609
00:28:22,899 --> 00:28:24,230
Okay, happy holidays.
610
00:28:25,335 --> 00:28:27,565
It's real slippery out here.
611
00:28:30,874 --> 00:28:32,671
Oh, my God.
612
00:28:32,742 --> 00:28:34,175
Twelve drummers drumming.
613
00:28:47,557 --> 00:28:50,390
Merry Christmas, Erin.
Take it away, boys!