1 00:00:03,869 --> 00:00:05,268 Vancouver Court Hotel, how may I help you? 2 00:00:05,337 --> 00:00:07,430 Hello, Vancouver, this is Michael Scott 3 00:00:07,506 --> 00:00:09,940 calling from the United States of America. 4 00:00:10,008 --> 00:00:12,101 I have a reservation in your fair city 5 00:00:12,177 --> 00:00:14,645 from February 12th to the 19th. 6 00:00:14,846 --> 00:00:16,245 First week of the Olympics. 7 00:00:16,314 --> 00:00:17,679 Well, we're looking forward to having you, 8 00:00:17,749 --> 00:00:19,341 so let me just pull up your information here. 9 00:00:19,418 --> 00:00:20,442 Oki-doke. 10 00:00:20,519 --> 00:00:22,214 Uh, I don't seem to have it, sir. 11 00:00:22,621 --> 00:00:23,645 What? 12 00:00:23,722 --> 00:00:25,053 I'm not seeing anything under confirmation... 13 00:00:25,123 --> 00:00:27,182 No. No. Could it be under "affirmation?" 14 00:00:27,259 --> 00:00:28,283 'Cause you have thousands of those. 15 00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:30,191 We're just trying to look it up right now. 16 00:00:30,262 --> 00:00:32,423 You did get the e-vite to my barbeque. 17 00:00:32,497 --> 00:00:33,930 Come on, Dwight. Michael. 18 00:00:33,999 --> 00:00:37,025 Sir, a lot of people are trying to get last-minute reservations 19 00:00:37,102 --> 00:00:38,626 at hotels here for the Olympics, 20 00:00:38,703 --> 00:00:40,193 but we've been fully booked for months. 21 00:00:40,272 --> 00:00:44,072 Well, I have been booked for three years, so you should have that. 22 00:00:44,142 --> 00:00:46,633 I have always heard that British Columbia is a very nice place, 23 00:00:46,711 --> 00:00:49,339 but I'm not getting that from this conversation. 24 00:00:49,414 --> 00:00:53,714 Wait, I got it! Confirmation code, X-V-2-R-D-M. 25 00:00:54,986 --> 00:00:56,044 Oh. 26 00:00:56,121 --> 00:00:57,588 Here it is. Yeah. Oh. 27 00:00:57,656 --> 00:00:58,714 Uh-huh. Thank you. 28 00:00:58,790 --> 00:01:01,088 Seven nights in our street-view economy single. 29 00:01:01,159 --> 00:01:02,319 That's it. Yeah. 30 00:01:02,394 --> 00:01:05,488 We changed systems a while back. I do apologize. 31 00:01:05,597 --> 00:01:06,723 Okay. Okay. 32 00:01:06,798 --> 00:01:08,197 How may I help you, Mr. Scott? 33 00:01:08,266 --> 00:01:11,599 All right. I would like to cancel my reservation, please. 34 00:01:11,670 --> 00:01:13,535 There is a cancellation fee for this, sir. 35 00:01:13,605 --> 00:01:15,698 Okay, put it on my card. 36 00:01:36,728 --> 00:01:38,889 Today, Jo Bennett, the CEO from Sabre 37 00:01:38,964 --> 00:01:41,660 is coming to see us here for the first time. 38 00:01:42,234 --> 00:01:45,533 She bought us sight unseen, like a mail-order bride, 39 00:01:45,704 --> 00:01:48,832 so she's gotta be kind of nervous. I mean, are we ugly? 40 00:01:48,907 --> 00:01:51,740 Are we smart? Are we cool? Are we too cool? 41 00:01:52,043 --> 00:01:53,806 Do we speak English? 42 00:01:58,717 --> 00:02:00,708 Why, hello! 43 00:02:00,785 --> 00:02:01,979 This is Michael Scott, 44 00:02:02,053 --> 00:02:03,611 co-regional manager of this branch. 45 00:02:03,688 --> 00:02:04,882 Pleasure to meet you, Miss Bennett. 46 00:02:04,956 --> 00:02:06,548 Uh, that's Mrs. Bennett, sweetheart. 47 00:02:06,625 --> 00:02:08,923 My husband and I are divorced but I kept the "missus" 48 00:02:08,994 --> 00:02:11,258 just to piss off the new wife. Oh. 49 00:02:11,329 --> 00:02:13,388 Well, let's take a gander around this place. 50 00:02:13,465 --> 00:02:15,057 These sure are pretty dogs. 51 00:02:15,133 --> 00:02:16,896 They love a good crotch. 52 00:02:17,168 --> 00:02:18,430 They sure do. 53 00:02:18,503 --> 00:02:19,993 You should take that as a compliment. 54 00:02:20,071 --> 00:02:21,470 Oh, I do. 55 00:02:24,075 --> 00:02:25,565 Hello. Hello. 56 00:02:25,911 --> 00:02:28,436 Do you always stay seated when a lady enters the room? 57 00:02:28,513 --> 00:02:29,844 I am treating you the same as a man, 58 00:02:29,915 --> 00:02:31,644 for whom I would also not stand. 59 00:02:31,716 --> 00:02:34,617 Unless it was the president, or Judge Judy. 60 00:02:35,987 --> 00:02:37,181 I like that. 61 00:02:37,255 --> 00:02:39,086 - This is Accounting. - Uh-huh. 62 00:02:39,157 --> 00:02:40,181 Hi. 63 00:02:40,258 --> 00:02:41,350 Good-looking group. 64 00:02:41,426 --> 00:02:43,792 Over here is Meredith Palmer, Creed Bratton. 65 00:02:43,862 --> 00:02:45,420 Another couple of heartbreakers. 66 00:02:45,497 --> 00:02:46,987 Who's this tall drink of sun tea? 67 00:02:47,065 --> 00:02:50,557 That is Jim Halpert. He is the co-regional manager of this office. 68 00:02:50,635 --> 00:02:52,159 I thought this guy was the manager. 69 00:02:52,237 --> 00:02:55,138 Oh, he is. He's the co-manager. That's the other co-manager. 70 00:02:55,206 --> 00:02:56,798 Two guys doing one job? 71 00:02:58,109 --> 00:02:59,872 We gotta do something about that. 72 00:03:02,714 --> 00:03:04,272 I've got some Valentine's cards 73 00:03:04,349 --> 00:03:07,113 for my co-workers and my bro-workers. 74 00:03:07,185 --> 00:03:08,652 No. No. 75 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:09,914 What? No candy? 76 00:03:10,322 --> 00:03:12,017 Valentine's Day. Right around the corner. 77 00:03:12,090 --> 00:03:14,957 Erin and I have been on zero dates. 78 00:03:15,026 --> 00:03:16,857 So I got her a Valentine's Day card, 79 00:03:16,928 --> 00:03:19,055 but I didn't want to seem too eager, 80 00:03:19,130 --> 00:03:21,121 so I got cards for everyone in the whole office 81 00:03:21,199 --> 00:03:23,167 to kind of dilute it a little bit. 82 00:03:23,234 --> 00:03:25,327 Look alive. 83 00:03:25,403 --> 00:03:27,564 Jeez, you gave me a paper cut on my throat. 84 00:03:27,806 --> 00:03:29,671 Yeah, I have this thing about men cutting 85 00:03:29,741 --> 00:03:31,675 or threatening to cut my throat. 86 00:03:31,743 --> 00:03:33,608 Don't try to cut my throat. 87 00:03:33,678 --> 00:03:37,170 Jo, I don't know how things work in Florida, which from your description 88 00:03:37,248 --> 00:03:40,308 sounds like a colorful, lawless swamp, 89 00:03:40,552 --> 00:03:44,352 but here it takes two men to do one job, 90 00:03:44,823 --> 00:03:46,450 where in Florida, it might take 91 00:03:46,524 --> 00:03:48,685 one very strong woman to do such a job. 92 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:50,125 Whoa. Whoa. 93 00:03:50,395 --> 00:03:53,660 I'll take over. Um, what we're doing here, 94 00:03:53,732 --> 00:03:56,064 Michael handles more of the big picture stuff, 95 00:03:56,134 --> 00:03:58,534 and I handle more of the day-to-day stuff. 96 00:03:58,603 --> 00:03:59,900 Yeah. - So, together... 97 00:03:59,971 --> 00:04:01,666 I think I understand. All right. 98 00:04:01,740 --> 00:04:03,731 Each of you is doing half a job. 99 00:04:03,808 --> 00:04:05,400 No. And sometimes I can hardly handle that. 100 00:04:06,678 --> 00:04:09,579 Now this is knucklehead talk. I'm not going to abide it, you know. 101 00:04:09,648 --> 00:04:13,106 You can't give me gravy and tell me it's jelly, 'cause gravy ain't sweet. 102 00:04:13,184 --> 00:04:14,879 Is it, Jim? I don't think so. 103 00:04:14,953 --> 00:04:16,045 Michael? 104 00:04:16,121 --> 00:04:17,179 Forget the question. 105 00:04:17,322 --> 00:04:19,654 I think one of you should return to Sales, 106 00:04:19,724 --> 00:04:21,749 and the other one will be a manager. 107 00:04:21,826 --> 00:04:24,852 I humbly accept the management position. 108 00:04:24,929 --> 00:04:26,021 Why would you just automatically get it? 109 00:04:26,097 --> 00:04:30,090 Because, well, Jim, where I'm from, there are two types of folk, 110 00:04:30,168 --> 00:04:33,968 those who ain't and those who are knee-high on a grasshopper. 111 00:04:34,472 --> 00:04:37,873 Which type ain't you ain't? Y'all come back now. 112 00:04:39,744 --> 00:04:41,644 Do you even know what that means? Yes. 113 00:04:41,713 --> 00:04:43,874 Well, I'm gonna let this marinate. So you can go. 114 00:04:43,948 --> 00:04:45,006 Um... 115 00:04:45,083 --> 00:04:46,846 You can go on. Yeah. 116 00:04:48,753 --> 00:04:52,689 I'm Jolene Bennett, Jo for short. I'm a breast cancer survivor, 117 00:04:52,757 --> 00:04:54,884 close personal friends with Nancy Pelosi, 118 00:04:54,959 --> 00:04:57,587 and Truman Capote and I slept with three of the same guys. 119 00:04:57,729 --> 00:05:00,289 When I was a little girl, I was terrified to fly, 120 00:05:00,365 --> 00:05:02,333 and now I have my own pilot's license. 121 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:04,334 I am CEO of Sabre International 122 00:05:04,402 --> 00:05:08,099 and I sell the best damn printers and all-in-one machines Korea can make. 123 00:05:08,173 --> 00:05:09,197 Pleased to meet you. 124 00:05:09,407 --> 00:05:10,567 Traffic jam. 125 00:05:10,642 --> 00:05:12,610 Uh-oh. Traffic jam on route three. 126 00:05:14,045 --> 00:05:15,672 Twenty people dead in a pileup. 127 00:05:15,747 --> 00:05:17,738 There's blood everywhere. 128 00:05:18,183 --> 00:05:20,583 Um, I got you a Valentine's card. 129 00:05:20,652 --> 00:05:22,176 You did? Yeah. 130 00:05:23,588 --> 00:05:25,078 A bird and a dog! 131 00:05:25,156 --> 00:05:26,919 Yeah, well, it's Snoopy and Woodstock. 132 00:05:26,991 --> 00:05:28,049 You named them? 133 00:05:28,126 --> 00:05:29,525 Uh, Charles Schulz did. 134 00:05:30,328 --> 00:05:31,317 I thought it was relevant 135 00:05:31,396 --> 00:05:33,489 'cause I got you all those birds for Christmas, remember? 136 00:05:33,565 --> 00:05:37,262 Yeah, I do remember. Oh, they love each other. 137 00:05:37,335 --> 00:05:39,735 Oh, look at that. They sure do. I hadn't noticed. 138 00:05:40,338 --> 00:05:42,067 Oh, it smells really good, too. 139 00:05:42,140 --> 00:05:43,505 Yeah, it's Roger Federer for Men. 140 00:05:43,575 --> 00:05:45,065 I sprayed some in there. 141 00:05:45,143 --> 00:05:48,010 Andy, whoa! Thank you very much. 142 00:05:48,079 --> 00:05:49,876 It's got pheromones in it. 143 00:05:50,148 --> 00:05:51,513 - Hey. - Hi. 144 00:05:52,350 --> 00:05:56,480 Just choosing seats, not getting married. Chop, chop, little onion. 145 00:05:56,654 --> 00:05:58,485 Jo, there's books in my chair. 146 00:05:58,556 --> 00:05:59,921 That's right, darling. 147 00:05:59,991 --> 00:06:03,222 Now you're the proud new owner of a Sabre handbook, 148 00:06:03,294 --> 00:06:05,125 and my autobiography. 149 00:06:05,230 --> 00:06:08,631 Now, you all must be in a tizzy. I can see it on your faces. 150 00:06:08,700 --> 00:06:11,965 I mean, what's going on now? I mean, who owns Dunder Mifflin? 151 00:06:12,036 --> 00:06:14,869 Right? I mean, Sabre? What's that? 152 00:06:15,373 --> 00:06:19,332 Some company we never heard of from down in Tallahassee? 153 00:06:19,410 --> 00:06:22,038 I mean, where is that? Near Mars? 154 00:06:22,113 --> 00:06:23,910 No, we know. Texas. 155 00:06:24,349 --> 00:06:26,840 Now, Dunder Mifflin has an arm's reach 156 00:06:26,918 --> 00:06:29,512 into all these small businesses all over the northeast, 157 00:06:29,687 --> 00:06:32,087 and now we're gonna take that arm 158 00:06:32,457 --> 00:06:36,791 and we're going to start selling printers. 159 00:06:36,861 --> 00:06:38,294 I could manage my way around that. 160 00:06:38,363 --> 00:06:40,194 They're the easiest-to-use printers in the market. 161 00:06:40,265 --> 00:06:42,756 I will try to manage my excitement. 162 00:06:43,668 --> 00:06:46,865 I have been saying the word "manager" a lot, 163 00:06:46,938 --> 00:06:50,032 so whenever Jo thinks manager, she thinks of me. 164 00:06:51,643 --> 00:06:53,611 Camel cigarettes did the same thing with Joe Camel 165 00:06:53,678 --> 00:06:55,578 by making him look like a penis. 166 00:06:55,647 --> 00:06:58,411 I can't even go near a cigarette now 167 00:06:58,483 --> 00:07:00,974 without thinking of a penis, and vice versa. 168 00:07:01,653 --> 00:07:03,746 I think that's it. So we're all good. 169 00:07:03,822 --> 00:07:05,619 Okay. Thanks, y'all. 170 00:07:13,798 --> 00:07:15,163 Oh, my God. 171 00:07:15,700 --> 00:07:19,363 I guess Andy likes me. I never thought of him in that way. 172 00:07:19,571 --> 00:07:21,368 But I guess in most romantic comedies, 173 00:07:21,439 --> 00:07:22,929 the guy you're supposed to be with is the one 174 00:07:23,007 --> 00:07:24,702 that you never thought of in that way. 175 00:07:24,776 --> 00:07:28,576 You might have even thought he was annoying or possibly homosexual. 176 00:07:28,847 --> 00:07:30,246 So check this out. 177 00:07:30,315 --> 00:07:32,749 According to the handbook, you could make more money 178 00:07:32,817 --> 00:07:34,409 as a salesman than as a manager. 179 00:07:34,485 --> 00:07:36,544 They have all these incentive programs. 180 00:07:36,621 --> 00:07:38,179 I ran your numbers from last year. 181 00:07:38,256 --> 00:07:40,087 This is way more than I make now. 182 00:07:40,158 --> 00:07:42,319 I don't think I'm gonna miss being manager. 183 00:07:42,393 --> 00:07:44,190 You know how some people say they're not in it for the money? 184 00:07:44,262 --> 00:07:46,127 Well, with all due respect to this job, 185 00:07:46,197 --> 00:07:48,358 I think I'm definitely in it for the money. 186 00:07:48,433 --> 00:07:50,298 And, quite honestly, the women. 187 00:07:51,336 --> 00:07:52,701 Hey. Got a second? 188 00:07:52,770 --> 00:07:53,862 Sure. All right. 189 00:07:53,938 --> 00:07:56,736 You here to tell me that you think I would be a better manager, 190 00:07:56,808 --> 00:07:59,333 and that you are sorry for being such a jerk? 191 00:07:59,410 --> 00:08:00,934 Actually, yeah. 192 00:08:02,113 --> 00:08:03,944 What? Exactly that. 193 00:08:04,015 --> 00:08:08,418 I think that you absolutely deserve the manager position more than I do. 194 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:11,988 What? Really? Yeah. 195 00:08:12,690 --> 00:08:14,624 Wow! Wow! 196 00:08:16,394 --> 00:08:18,191 Hello, Oscar. 197 00:08:18,263 --> 00:08:19,457 Michael, reading. 198 00:08:19,530 --> 00:08:20,554 What are you reading? 199 00:08:20,632 --> 00:08:21,656 The Atlantic. 200 00:08:21,733 --> 00:08:23,928 Oh, that is my favorite ocean. I love it. 201 00:08:24,002 --> 00:08:28,063 I'm so happy right now. No, I can't keep it a secret any longer. 202 00:08:28,373 --> 00:08:29,670 Jim's stepping down to salesman. 203 00:08:29,741 --> 00:08:32,005 I am going to be the sole manager once again. 204 00:08:32,076 --> 00:08:34,044 I should step into Sales myself. 205 00:08:34,112 --> 00:08:36,478 Why? Is there an untapped gay market? 206 00:08:36,948 --> 00:08:39,143 Sabre has no caps on commissions. 207 00:08:39,217 --> 00:08:41,344 He can make a lot more money in Sales. 208 00:08:46,858 --> 00:08:48,120 Where did you get that information? 209 00:08:48,192 --> 00:08:50,592 Manual. Manuel who? 210 00:08:51,296 --> 00:08:54,197 Mmm-hmm. Well, according to the manual, 211 00:08:54,265 --> 00:08:56,495 there is no cap on commissions. 212 00:08:56,567 --> 00:08:58,330 I have been hustled. 213 00:09:00,538 --> 00:09:01,869 Son of a bitch. 214 00:09:01,940 --> 00:09:03,805 This is... Pardon me. 215 00:09:03,875 --> 00:09:05,570 Speak of the devil. We were just talking about you. 216 00:09:05,643 --> 00:09:07,076 Have a seat. Okay. 217 00:09:07,145 --> 00:09:10,205 Now, Jim here is thinking about taking himself 218 00:09:10,281 --> 00:09:11,942 out of the running for being manager. Yep. 219 00:09:12,016 --> 00:09:16,077 Oh, really? That is so sweet of you! 220 00:09:16,854 --> 00:09:20,722 But I cannot accept, because I have been thinking about it, 221 00:09:21,192 --> 00:09:23,183 and I think I want to go back to Sales. 222 00:09:23,261 --> 00:09:24,489 Really? - Really? 223 00:09:24,562 --> 00:09:26,393 Yeah, you can take the man out of the salesman, 224 00:09:26,464 --> 00:09:28,659 but you can't take the sales out of salesman. 225 00:09:28,733 --> 00:09:30,428 Well, I think you're both being a little too modest. 226 00:09:30,501 --> 00:09:34,267 No, I really, really think Michael is better at being manager 227 00:09:34,339 --> 00:09:35,829 for so many reasons. Mmm-mmm. 228 00:09:35,907 --> 00:09:41,038 No. I think I would be bad. I would sleep in my office... 229 00:09:41,112 --> 00:09:43,137 Okay... And I would sexually harass people. 230 00:09:43,214 --> 00:09:45,114 Why would you do that? I'm turning myself in right now. 231 00:09:45,183 --> 00:09:48,380 You know, Michael, you have more experience in sales and management, 232 00:09:48,453 --> 00:09:50,148 so I'm going to defer to your judgment. 233 00:09:50,221 --> 00:09:51,245 Thank you. 234 00:09:51,322 --> 00:09:53,813 I think you will become the salesman, 235 00:09:53,891 --> 00:09:56,086 and congratulations, 236 00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:58,685 you're gonna be the new manager of this branch. 237 00:09:59,197 --> 00:10:01,427 That's great. Congratulations. 238 00:10:01,799 --> 00:10:04,700 Have fun signing my commission checks, boss. 239 00:10:08,940 --> 00:10:12,307 Michael marked his heights. He's grown. 240 00:10:18,649 --> 00:10:22,915 Bobcat, this is Dragon. Listen, he's been promoted to sole manager. 241 00:10:23,321 --> 00:10:27,655 We have got to step this up. Meet me behind the dumpster in 90 seconds. 242 00:10:28,059 --> 00:10:29,856 Eighty-nine, 88... 243 00:10:30,628 --> 00:10:32,095 You're 20 minutes late. 244 00:10:33,164 --> 00:10:35,598 Um, I was at another dumpster. 245 00:10:35,733 --> 00:10:38,167 Just admit you lost track of time. 246 00:10:38,436 --> 00:10:42,133 Ryan and I have been meeting up to work on our diabolical plot against Jim. 247 00:10:42,206 --> 00:10:44,800 Ryan is always late for our meetings. 248 00:10:45,410 --> 00:10:47,173 I wish I had a lair. 249 00:10:48,012 --> 00:10:49,479 Did you see Saw? 250 00:10:49,547 --> 00:10:52,107 Of course I seesaw. Mose and I seesaw all the time. 251 00:10:52,183 --> 00:10:54,981 No, the movie. Did you see the movie Saw? 252 00:10:55,353 --> 00:10:59,050 Oh. Yeah. Great film. Almost as fun as going on a seesaw. 253 00:10:59,123 --> 00:11:02,024 Okay. The reason these movies are so popular... Mmm-hmm. 254 00:11:02,126 --> 00:11:04,856 ...is the element of psychological torment. 255 00:11:05,096 --> 00:11:08,156 I like where you're going with this. Continue. 256 00:11:08,366 --> 00:11:11,335 Could we lure him into an old warehouse or something? 257 00:11:11,402 --> 00:11:13,131 I have an old barn. It's kind of smelly. Yes. 258 00:11:13,204 --> 00:11:15,035 But that might be a plus. And then what? Okay. 259 00:11:15,106 --> 00:11:17,199 We do what they did in Saw. 260 00:11:20,678 --> 00:11:23,169 I mean, we don't kill him, obviously. 261 00:11:23,247 --> 00:11:24,236 I have a mask. 262 00:11:24,315 --> 00:11:25,373 Okay, that's your idea? 263 00:11:25,450 --> 00:11:27,281 Exactly like in the movie? 264 00:11:27,351 --> 00:11:30,184 That is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard in my life. 265 00:11:30,254 --> 00:11:31,744 Well, suggest something else then. Don't just... 266 00:11:31,823 --> 00:11:33,120 Are you supposed to cut his leg off? 267 00:11:33,191 --> 00:11:34,453 Don't just criticize my idea! Think! 268 00:11:34,525 --> 00:11:36,652 You think of something then. 269 00:11:38,029 --> 00:11:41,624 Michael, I'm worried that not all your toys are gonna fit on your new desk. 270 00:11:41,699 --> 00:11:42,961 How is that possible? 271 00:11:43,034 --> 00:11:45,696 Well, in your old office, there were all those ledges and extra space. 272 00:11:45,770 --> 00:11:48,603 No excuses, Erin, come on. Make it happen. 273 00:11:49,273 --> 00:11:51,173 You know, I actually think that I should get back to work. 274 00:11:51,242 --> 00:11:54,336 Jim asked me to do some stuff, and he's manager. 275 00:11:55,813 --> 00:11:57,747 Oh, yeah, fine, fine. Leave it here. 276 00:11:57,815 --> 00:11:58,907 Okay. All right. 277 00:11:58,983 --> 00:12:00,746 I have to make some sales anyway. 278 00:12:00,818 --> 00:12:03,810 Who should I call with my magic sales fingers? 279 00:12:09,660 --> 00:12:11,127 Michael Scott, Head of Sales. 280 00:12:11,195 --> 00:12:14,631 You gotta do something, man. You can't just sit there. 281 00:12:19,237 --> 00:12:21,797 The new IT guy. Nick. 282 00:12:21,873 --> 00:12:22,931 Nick. 283 00:12:23,007 --> 00:12:25,976 I think he's the key. He's very trusting. He's looking for friends. 284 00:12:26,043 --> 00:12:28,238 He's been given an awesome amount of power, 285 00:12:28,312 --> 00:12:30,075 and does not know how to wield it. 286 00:12:30,148 --> 00:12:31,410 Like Frodo. 287 00:12:31,983 --> 00:12:36,420 Why don't you just let me handle the Tolkien references, okay, dumb jock? 288 00:12:36,787 --> 00:12:39,847 Well, I think he can be corrupted. Like Gollum. 289 00:12:40,591 --> 00:12:44,220 Smeagol was corrupted and became Gollum. 290 00:12:44,762 --> 00:12:47,526 I might start a diabolical plot against him after this one. 291 00:12:49,267 --> 00:12:50,529 Who's hungry? 292 00:12:50,601 --> 00:12:51,659 What is that? 293 00:12:51,736 --> 00:12:54,227 It's ants on a log. Michael would always have me bring them in at 2:30 294 00:12:54,305 --> 00:12:56,205 and say, "Who's hungry?" 295 00:12:56,274 --> 00:12:58,606 Oh. I'm fine. Thank you, though. 296 00:12:59,210 --> 00:13:01,041 Do you want me to spin you in your chair and make you dizzy? 297 00:13:01,112 --> 00:13:02,306 Why would I want to do that? 298 00:13:02,380 --> 00:13:05,144 It's a thinking technique. All the top executives do it. 299 00:13:05,216 --> 00:13:08,515 It keeps the brain moving, and a spinning brain's a working brain. 300 00:13:08,586 --> 00:13:11,578 For now I'm just gonna go back to work here. 301 00:13:11,656 --> 00:13:13,021 Oh, sure. Yeah, thank you. 302 00:13:13,090 --> 00:13:14,284 Well... 303 00:13:15,893 --> 00:13:19,852 It will be a pleasure doing business with you. Thanks. Bye, bye. 304 00:13:23,301 --> 00:13:27,032 I just got a new account. The gentlemen's club in Carbondale. 305 00:13:27,104 --> 00:13:30,972 It is called Curves. I went by there the other day, 306 00:13:31,475 --> 00:13:34,535 saw some of the women walking in. Not really my cup of tea. 307 00:13:34,612 --> 00:13:36,705 Actually, Kevin, you might like it. 308 00:13:36,781 --> 00:13:37,839 Nice. 309 00:13:38,249 --> 00:13:42,083 You know, we really don't announce out loud our sales that much. 310 00:13:42,153 --> 00:13:44,280 Why not? It's part of the sales experience. 311 00:13:44,355 --> 00:13:46,585 It's not really 1992 anymore. 312 00:13:46,657 --> 00:13:47,749 Okay. 313 00:13:50,494 --> 00:13:52,655 "You brighten my day with the sound of your voice. 314 00:13:52,730 --> 00:13:55,927 "You bring so much laughter and love. You're everything to me, 315 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:58,434 "and I was so blessed when God sent you here to me." 316 00:13:58,502 --> 00:13:59,594 Jeez Louise. 317 00:13:59,670 --> 00:14:01,194 I know. Obsessed with me much? 318 00:14:01,272 --> 00:14:02,330 Well, everyone got one. 319 00:14:02,406 --> 00:14:04,135 What did yours say? 320 00:14:04,609 --> 00:14:07,373 "Friends are worth sharing a dog house with." 321 00:14:07,445 --> 00:14:11,006 It's no wonder that Andy gave Kelly such a romantic card. 322 00:14:11,115 --> 00:14:12,810 I can't compete with her. 323 00:14:12,883 --> 00:14:17,115 That girl can sing and dance and gets all of her clothes at the mall. 324 00:14:17,755 --> 00:14:21,247 And I feel like such a fool for thinking that Andy was only going after one girl, 325 00:14:21,492 --> 00:14:25,292 because Andy Bernard is a playboy. And why shouldn't he be? 326 00:14:26,030 --> 00:14:27,622 He's got it all. 327 00:14:31,002 --> 00:14:32,970 There he is. The IT guy. 328 00:14:34,238 --> 00:14:35,671 I see you discovered the break room. 329 00:14:35,740 --> 00:14:36,764 Yep. 330 00:14:36,841 --> 00:14:39,173 I imagine one of the best things about being an IT guy is, 331 00:14:39,243 --> 00:14:41,507 you get to know everyone's computer passwords. 332 00:14:41,579 --> 00:14:43,376 No, I actually don't. 333 00:14:44,715 --> 00:14:46,945 Listen, I know you have to say that, 334 00:14:47,018 --> 00:14:48,713 but we got a little problem here. 335 00:14:48,786 --> 00:14:51,220 There is an employee named Jim Halpert, 336 00:14:51,289 --> 00:14:53,052 and he's doing some terrible things. Okay? 337 00:14:53,124 --> 00:14:57,083 He's molesting people via the Internet, and we need to stop him. 338 00:14:58,062 --> 00:14:59,654 I think that you should call the cops. 339 00:14:59,730 --> 00:15:02,028 No, the cops called us. 340 00:15:02,933 --> 00:15:07,768 So I'm gonna need you to give me the password to Jim Halpert's computer. 341 00:15:07,972 --> 00:15:09,405 I don't know what to tell you, man. I'm sorry. 342 00:15:09,473 --> 00:15:11,031 I just can't give out his password like that. 343 00:15:11,108 --> 00:15:15,841 Nick, we can make things very difficult for you. 344 00:15:17,882 --> 00:15:20,442 Are you threatening me? 345 00:15:20,518 --> 00:15:21,576 Threatening you? 346 00:15:23,688 --> 00:15:24,712 No. 347 00:15:35,900 --> 00:15:38,528 What is that smell? Do you smell that? 348 00:15:39,070 --> 00:15:42,836 What is that? Like a sulfur deposit under here? 349 00:15:42,907 --> 00:15:44,704 Michael, stop. 350 00:15:44,775 --> 00:15:46,640 No, I'm serious. We don't have to put up... 351 00:15:47,812 --> 00:15:49,803 Is it the dogs? Michael. 352 00:15:49,947 --> 00:15:52,245 You know what? We don't have to deal with this. 353 00:15:52,316 --> 00:15:54,546 I am going to google sulfur maps. 354 00:15:54,618 --> 00:15:55,949 Michael, it's Phyllis. 355 00:15:58,289 --> 00:15:59,779 No, this is geological. 356 00:15:59,857 --> 00:16:02,655 I sent an email out to everyone in this area 357 00:16:02,727 --> 00:16:04,718 that this might be a side effect 358 00:16:04,795 --> 00:16:07,059 to my new allergy medication I'm on. 359 00:16:07,131 --> 00:16:09,099 Are you kidding me? No. 360 00:16:12,436 --> 00:16:13,869 And you guys are okay with this? 361 00:16:13,938 --> 00:16:15,462 She sent an email. 362 00:16:15,539 --> 00:16:16,699 I did. 363 00:16:34,592 --> 00:16:36,082 It's not 'cause of the smell. 364 00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:38,424 I'm just expecting a nose bleed. 365 00:16:40,965 --> 00:16:42,023 Oh, my God. 366 00:16:46,303 --> 00:16:47,600 You scared me. 367 00:16:47,671 --> 00:16:49,229 I'm sorry. I thought you saw me. 368 00:16:49,306 --> 00:16:52,366 I didn't see you. And you were there all along. 369 00:16:54,211 --> 00:16:57,772 Well, warmed it up for you, so it should be good to go. 370 00:16:58,249 --> 00:17:00,240 Cool. Thanks. Bye, Andy. 371 00:17:05,990 --> 00:17:07,514 That was weird. 372 00:17:07,625 --> 00:17:10,924 No, it ain't. We all saw the valentine you gave her. 373 00:17:11,028 --> 00:17:12,689 I don't even know what that card said. 374 00:17:12,763 --> 00:17:15,288 Believe me, if I got that card, 375 00:17:15,366 --> 00:17:18,767 we'd be in the bathroom doing it right now. 376 00:17:24,642 --> 00:17:25,734 Hey. 377 00:17:26,377 --> 00:17:27,469 Hey. 378 00:17:27,778 --> 00:17:31,179 You know, it's funny. I used to stand in here and wish I was out there. 379 00:17:31,248 --> 00:17:32,977 Now I'm out there, and I wish I was in here. 380 00:17:33,050 --> 00:17:34,483 Well, the grass is always greener. 381 00:17:34,552 --> 00:17:37,282 Yeah, except there's no grass out there. 382 00:17:38,055 --> 00:17:40,080 It's just a farty dirt-patch. 383 00:17:40,157 --> 00:17:41,283 Well, it's what you wanted. 384 00:17:41,358 --> 00:17:45,055 I really need my job back. We made a terrible mistake here. 385 00:17:45,162 --> 00:17:47,926 For the record, I fought this. All right? 386 00:17:47,998 --> 00:17:50,432 And now, I'm not really sure what we do. 387 00:17:51,869 --> 00:17:53,962 We make a poster that says, "Happy Opposite Day" 388 00:17:54,038 --> 00:17:56,700 and she sees it on the way out. That's stupid. 389 00:17:56,774 --> 00:18:01,234 Oh, I wish we had one of those amnesia flashlights from Men In Black. 390 00:18:01,579 --> 00:18:05,276 Hey. What was that movie where their boss was within earshot 391 00:18:05,349 --> 00:18:07,783 and they could have just gone and talked to her? 392 00:18:07,852 --> 00:18:09,342 Lethal Weapon? That's it. 393 00:18:09,420 --> 00:18:10,978 I think we should do it the Lethal Weapon way. 394 00:18:11,322 --> 00:18:14,291 You two are grown-assed men. What do I have to do? 395 00:18:14,358 --> 00:18:15,757 Fire you and get two people in here 396 00:18:15,826 --> 00:18:16,952 who don't need so much management? 397 00:18:17,027 --> 00:18:18,051 Ah! 398 00:18:18,128 --> 00:18:19,857 What I... Michael's saying that he's better 399 00:18:19,930 --> 00:18:21,056 at being a manager, and I agree. 400 00:18:21,131 --> 00:18:23,361 I'm just... He's a better people person, weirdly. 401 00:18:23,434 --> 00:18:25,902 And weirdly, I'm a good dog person, right, guys? 402 00:18:25,970 --> 00:18:27,938 Come on. See? They love me. 403 00:18:28,005 --> 00:18:30,872 Fine. I don't care which one of you does which job, 404 00:18:30,941 --> 00:18:33,808 just stop meeting with me to talk about it. 405 00:18:35,012 --> 00:18:36,274 All right. All right. 406 00:18:36,347 --> 00:18:37,712 Oh. 407 00:18:37,781 --> 00:18:42,275 I gotta take this. Yeah. Finish walking my dogs for me. 408 00:18:42,686 --> 00:18:46,122 And don't ride them. A lot of people try to ride them. 409 00:18:50,661 --> 00:18:52,492 Excuse me, everyone, please check your emails. 410 00:18:52,563 --> 00:18:54,758 I just sent you the following message, 411 00:18:54,832 --> 00:18:57,767 "Coworkers, you may have received a valentine from me. 412 00:18:57,835 --> 00:19:00,702 "Please understand this does not mean that I like you in any way." 413 00:19:00,771 --> 00:19:03,205 You don't even like us as friends? 414 00:19:03,474 --> 00:19:06,568 Phyllis, you guys are, like, my closest friends. 415 00:19:06,777 --> 00:19:08,938 I just mean I don't like-like you. 416 00:19:09,013 --> 00:19:10,071 What are we, five? 417 00:19:10,147 --> 00:19:11,774 "Please don't read into this card. 418 00:19:11,849 --> 00:19:14,477 "Yours in professionalism, Nard Dog." 419 00:19:14,919 --> 00:19:16,978 Um, why did I just receive a mass email from you 420 00:19:17,054 --> 00:19:18,521 that said that you don't like me? 421 00:19:18,589 --> 00:19:21,114 Do you realize how hard that makes me like you, Andy? 422 00:19:21,191 --> 00:19:23,591 It's not... That wasn't... 423 00:19:25,729 --> 00:19:27,560 I like someone else. 424 00:19:27,631 --> 00:19:28,689 Who? 425 00:19:30,968 --> 00:19:32,868 It's not... 426 00:19:34,638 --> 00:19:36,265 Whether or not... 427 00:19:39,677 --> 00:19:40,735 Who? What? 428 00:19:40,811 --> 00:19:43,803 Yeah, I guess Andy never liked Kelly. 429 00:19:44,448 --> 00:19:45,574 How about that? 430 00:19:48,485 --> 00:19:50,009 It smells good in here. 431 00:19:50,087 --> 00:19:54,524 It sure does. Okay, we have your space heater, your humidifier, 432 00:19:54,592 --> 00:19:58,221 your dehumidifier, your fan, your foot fan and your food dehydrator. 433 00:19:58,295 --> 00:20:00,820 Erin, what about my keyboard? 434 00:20:04,301 --> 00:20:05,427 Ah. 435 00:20:06,704 --> 00:20:08,433 So good to be home. 436 00:20:10,908 --> 00:20:12,034 How about a little Bossa Nova? 437 00:20:24,955 --> 00:20:26,217 He looks happy. 438 00:20:27,257 --> 00:20:28,383 Yep. 439 00:20:28,826 --> 00:20:33,092 Well, well, well. Hmm. Boss for... 440 00:20:33,163 --> 00:20:34,687 What was it? Oh. 441 00:20:34,798 --> 00:20:39,030 Four-and-a-half hours. New record. Low. 442 00:20:39,770 --> 00:20:42,136 Previous record, Henry Rostin. 443 00:20:42,206 --> 00:20:43,935 Boss for nine years, four months. 444 00:20:44,008 --> 00:20:46,476 And he only left because he had family matters to attend to, 445 00:20:46,543 --> 00:20:48,101 and he... What? 446 00:20:53,951 --> 00:20:55,179 Michael! 447 00:20:58,188 --> 00:21:01,021 I can't help but think that something we did made this possible. 448 00:21:01,091 --> 00:21:05,551 Jim dug his own grave, but maybe we provided the shovel. 449 00:21:05,863 --> 00:21:10,163 Temp, I like that. I'm gonna engrave that into a piece of wood. 450 00:21:10,501 --> 00:21:11,968 Care to celebrate with a drink? 451 00:21:12,036 --> 00:21:13,435 I would love to. 452 00:21:17,241 --> 00:21:18,265 Why not? 453 00:21:18,342 --> 00:21:20,173 Because martini bars are pretentious. 454 00:21:20,244 --> 00:21:21,734 No, thank you. I'm sorry that I don't want 455 00:21:21,812 --> 00:21:23,279 farm-boy swill like you do, you know? 456 00:21:23,347 --> 00:21:25,247 It is not farm-boy swill. I will show you. 457 00:21:25,315 --> 00:21:27,374 It is beet vodka and it is delicious. 458 00:21:27,451 --> 00:21:30,113 I'm not interested in anything I have to make myself.