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00:00:03,869 --> 00:00:05,268
Vancouver Court
Hotel, how may I help you?
2
00:00:05,337 --> 00:00:07,430
Hello, Vancouver,
this is Michael Scott
3
00:00:07,506 --> 00:00:09,940
calling from
the United States of America.
4
00:00:10,008 --> 00:00:12,101
I have a reservation
in your fair city
5
00:00:12,177 --> 00:00:14,645
from February 12th
to the 19th.
6
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First week of the Olympics.
7
00:00:16,314 --> 00:00:17,679
Well, we're looking forward
to having you,
8
00:00:17,749 --> 00:00:19,341
so let me just pull up
your information here.
9
00:00:19,418 --> 00:00:20,442
Oki-doke.
10
00:00:20,519 --> 00:00:22,214
Uh, I don't seem
to have it, sir.
11
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What?
12
00:00:23,722 --> 00:00:25,053
I'm not seeing anything
under confirmation...
13
00:00:25,123 --> 00:00:27,182
No. No. Could it be under "affirmation?"
14
00:00:27,259 --> 00:00:28,283
'Cause you have
thousands of those.
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We're just trying to
look it up right now.
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00:00:30,262 --> 00:00:32,423
You did get the
e-vite to my barbeque.
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00:00:32,497 --> 00:00:33,930
Come on, Dwight.
Michael.
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00:00:33,999 --> 00:00:37,025
Sir, a lot of people are
trying to get last-minute reservations
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00:00:37,102 --> 00:00:38,626
at hotels here
for the Olympics,
20
00:00:38,703 --> 00:00:40,193
but we've been
fully booked for months.
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00:00:40,272 --> 00:00:44,072
Well, I have been booked for three
years, so you should have that.
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00:00:44,142 --> 00:00:46,633
I have always heard that British
Columbia is a very nice place,
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00:00:46,711 --> 00:00:49,339
but I'm not getting that
from this conversation.
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Wait, I got it! Confirmation
code, X-V-2-R-D-M.
25
00:00:54,986 --> 00:00:56,044
Oh.
26
00:00:56,121 --> 00:00:57,588
Here it is. Yeah.
Oh.
27
00:00:57,656 --> 00:00:58,714
Uh-huh.
Thank you.
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Seven nights in our
street-view economy single.
29
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That's it.
Yeah.
30
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We changed systems a
while back. I do apologize.
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Okay.
Okay.
32
00:01:06,798 --> 00:01:08,197
How may I
help you, Mr. Scott?
33
00:01:08,266 --> 00:01:11,599
All right. I would like to
cancel my reservation, please.
34
00:01:11,670 --> 00:01:13,535
There is a cancellation fee
for this, sir.
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00:01:13,605 --> 00:01:15,698
Okay, put it on my card.
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Today, Jo Bennett,
the CEO from Sabre
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is coming to see us
here for the first time.
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She bought us sight unseen,
like a mail-order bride,
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so she's gotta be kind
of nervous. I mean, are we ugly?
40
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Are we smart? Are we cool?
Are we too cool?
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Do we speak English?
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Why, hello!
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00:02:00,785 --> 00:02:01,979
This is
Michael Scott,
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00:02:02,053 --> 00:02:03,611
co-regional manager
of this branch.
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00:02:03,688 --> 00:02:04,882
Pleasure to meet you,
Miss Bennett.
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00:02:04,956 --> 00:02:06,548
Uh, that's Mrs. Bennett,
sweetheart.
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00:02:06,625 --> 00:02:08,923
My husband and I are divorced
but I kept the "missus"
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00:02:08,994 --> 00:02:11,258
just to piss off the new wife. Oh.
49
00:02:11,329 --> 00:02:13,388
Well, let's
take a gander around this place.
50
00:02:13,465 --> 00:02:15,057
These sure are
pretty dogs.
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They love a good crotch.
52
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They sure do.
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You should take that
as a compliment.
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Oh, I do.
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Hello.
Hello.
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Do you always stay seated
when a lady enters the room?
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I am treating you
the same as a man,
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for whom I would
also not stand.
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Unless it was the
president, or Judge Judy.
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I like that.
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- This is Accounting.
- Uh-huh.
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00:02:39,157 --> 00:02:40,181
Hi.
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00:02:40,258 --> 00:02:41,350
Good-looking group.
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00:02:41,426 --> 00:02:43,792
Over here is Meredith
Palmer, Creed Bratton.
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00:02:43,862 --> 00:02:45,420
Another couple
of heartbreakers.
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00:02:45,497 --> 00:02:46,987
Who's this tall
drink of sun tea?
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00:02:47,065 --> 00:02:50,557
That is Jim Halpert. He is the
co-regional manager of this office.
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00:02:50,635 --> 00:02:52,159
I thought this guy
was the manager.
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00:02:52,237 --> 00:02:55,138
Oh, he is. He's the co-manager.
That's the other co-manager.
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Two guys doing one job?
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00:02:58,109 --> 00:02:59,872
We gotta do something
about that.
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00:03:02,714 --> 00:03:04,272
I've got some
Valentine's cards
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00:03:04,349 --> 00:03:07,113
for my co-workers
and my bro-workers.
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00:03:07,185 --> 00:03:08,652
No. No.
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00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:09,914
What? No candy?
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00:03:10,322 --> 00:03:12,017
Valentine's Day.
Right around the corner.
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00:03:12,090 --> 00:03:14,957
Erin and I have been
on zero dates.
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So I got her a
Valentine's Day card,
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00:03:16,928 --> 00:03:19,055
but I didn't want
to seem too eager,
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00:03:19,130 --> 00:03:21,121
so I got cards for
everyone in the whole office
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00:03:21,199 --> 00:03:23,167
to kind of dilute
it a little bit.
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Look alive.
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00:03:25,403 --> 00:03:27,564
Jeez, you gave me
a paper cut on my throat.
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00:03:27,806 --> 00:03:29,671
Yeah, I have this thing
about men cutting
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00:03:29,741 --> 00:03:31,675
or threatening
to cut my throat.
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00:03:31,743 --> 00:03:33,608
Don't try to
cut my throat.
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00:03:33,678 --> 00:03:37,170
Jo, I don't know how things work in
Florida, which from your description
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00:03:37,248 --> 00:03:40,308
sounds like a colorful,
lawless swamp,
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00:03:40,552 --> 00:03:44,352
but here it takes
two men to do one job,
90
00:03:44,823 --> 00:03:46,450
where in Florida,
it might take
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00:03:46,524 --> 00:03:48,685
one very strong
woman to do such a job.
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00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:50,125
Whoa. Whoa.
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00:03:50,395 --> 00:03:53,660
I'll take over. Um,
what we're doing here,
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00:03:53,732 --> 00:03:56,064
Michael handles more of
the big picture stuff,
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00:03:56,134 --> 00:03:58,534
and I handle more of
the day-to-day stuff.
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00:03:58,603 --> 00:03:59,900
Yeah.
- So, together...
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00:03:59,971 --> 00:04:01,666
I think I understand.
All right.
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00:04:01,740 --> 00:04:03,731
Each of you is
doing half a job.
99
00:04:03,808 --> 00:04:05,400
No. And sometimes
I can hardly handle that.
100
00:04:06,678 --> 00:04:09,579
Now this is knucklehead talk. I'm
not going to abide it, you know.
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00:04:09,648 --> 00:04:13,106
You can't give me gravy and tell me
it's jelly, 'cause gravy ain't sweet.
102
00:04:13,184 --> 00:04:14,879
Is it, Jim? I don't think so.
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00:04:14,953 --> 00:04:16,045
Michael?
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00:04:16,121 --> 00:04:17,179
Forget the question.
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00:04:17,322 --> 00:04:19,654
I think one of you
should return to Sales,
106
00:04:19,724 --> 00:04:21,749
and the other one
will be a manager.
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00:04:21,826 --> 00:04:24,852
I humbly accept
the management position.
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00:04:24,929 --> 00:04:26,021
Why would you just
automatically get it?
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00:04:26,097 --> 00:04:30,090
Because, well, Jim, where I'm
from, there are two types of folk,
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those who ain't and those who
are knee-high on a grasshopper.
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00:04:34,472 --> 00:04:37,873
Which type ain't you ain't?
Y'all come back now.
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00:04:39,744 --> 00:04:41,644
Do you even know what that means? Yes.
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00:04:41,713 --> 00:04:43,874
Well, I'm gonna let this
marinate. So you can go.
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00:04:43,948 --> 00:04:45,006
Um...
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00:04:45,083 --> 00:04:46,846
You can go on.
Yeah.
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00:04:48,753 --> 00:04:52,689
I'm Jolene Bennett, Jo for short.
I'm a breast cancer survivor,
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00:04:52,757 --> 00:04:54,884
close personal friends
with Nancy Pelosi,
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00:04:54,959 --> 00:04:57,587
and Truman Capote and I slept
with three of the same guys.
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00:04:57,729 --> 00:05:00,289
When I was a little girl,
I was terrified to fly,
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00:05:00,365 --> 00:05:02,333
and now I have my
own pilot's license.
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00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:04,334
I am CEO of
Sabre International
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00:05:04,402 --> 00:05:08,099
and I sell the best damn printers and
all-in-one machines Korea can make.
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00:05:08,173 --> 00:05:09,197
Pleased to meet you.
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00:05:09,407 --> 00:05:10,567
Traffic jam.
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00:05:10,642 --> 00:05:12,610
Uh-oh. Traffic jam
on route three.
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00:05:14,045 --> 00:05:15,672
Twenty people
dead in a pileup.
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00:05:15,747 --> 00:05:17,738
There's blood everywhere.
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00:05:18,183 --> 00:05:20,583
Um, I got you
a Valentine's card.
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00:05:20,652 --> 00:05:22,176
You did?
Yeah.
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00:05:23,588 --> 00:05:25,078
A bird and a dog!
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00:05:25,156 --> 00:05:26,919
Yeah, well, it's Snoopy and Woodstock.
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00:05:26,991 --> 00:05:28,049
You named them?
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00:05:28,126 --> 00:05:29,525
Uh, Charles Schulz did.
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00:05:30,328 --> 00:05:31,317
I thought it was relevant
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00:05:31,396 --> 00:05:33,489
'cause I got you all those
birds for Christmas, remember?
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00:05:33,565 --> 00:05:37,262
Yeah, I do remember.
Oh, they love each other.
137
00:05:37,335 --> 00:05:39,735
Oh, look at that. They
sure do. I hadn't noticed.
138
00:05:40,338 --> 00:05:42,067
Oh, it smells
really good, too.
139
00:05:42,140 --> 00:05:43,505
Yeah, it's
Roger Federer for Men.
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00:05:43,575 --> 00:05:45,065
I sprayed
some in there.
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00:05:45,143 --> 00:05:48,010
Andy, whoa!
Thank you very much.
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00:05:48,079 --> 00:05:49,876
It's got pheromones
in it.
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00:05:50,148 --> 00:05:51,513
- Hey.
- Hi.
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00:05:52,350 --> 00:05:56,480
Just choosing seats, not getting
married. Chop, chop, little onion.
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00:05:56,654 --> 00:05:58,485
Jo, there's books
in my chair.
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00:05:58,556 --> 00:05:59,921
That's right, darling.
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00:05:59,991 --> 00:06:03,222
Now you're the proud new
owner of a Sabre handbook,
148
00:06:03,294 --> 00:06:05,125
and my autobiography.
149
00:06:05,230 --> 00:06:08,631
Now, you all must be in a tizzy.
I can see it on your faces.
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00:06:08,700 --> 00:06:11,965
I mean, what's going on now? I
mean, who owns Dunder Mifflin?
151
00:06:12,036 --> 00:06:14,869
Right? I mean, Sabre?
What's that?
152
00:06:15,373 --> 00:06:19,332
Some company we never heard
of from down in Tallahassee?
153
00:06:19,410 --> 00:06:22,038
I mean, where is that?
Near Mars?
154
00:06:22,113 --> 00:06:23,910
No, we know. Texas.
155
00:06:24,349 --> 00:06:26,840
Now, Dunder Mifflin
has an arm's reach
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00:06:26,918 --> 00:06:29,512
into all these small businesses
all over the northeast,
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00:06:29,687 --> 00:06:32,087
and now we're gonna
take that arm
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00:06:32,457 --> 00:06:36,791
and we're going to
start selling printers.
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00:06:36,861 --> 00:06:38,294
I could manage my
way around that.
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00:06:38,363 --> 00:06:40,194
They're the easiest-to-use
printers in the market.
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00:06:40,265 --> 00:06:42,756
I will try to
manage my excitement.
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00:06:43,668 --> 00:06:46,865
I have been saying
the word "manager" a lot,
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00:06:46,938 --> 00:06:50,032
so whenever Jo thinks
manager, she thinks of me.
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00:06:51,643 --> 00:06:53,611
Camel cigarettes did the
same thing with Joe Camel
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00:06:53,678 --> 00:06:55,578
by making him
look like a penis.
166
00:06:55,647 --> 00:06:58,411
I can't even go
near a cigarette now
167
00:06:58,483 --> 00:07:00,974
without thinking of
a penis, and vice versa.
168
00:07:01,653 --> 00:07:03,746
I think that's it.
So we're all good.
169
00:07:03,822 --> 00:07:05,619
Okay.
Thanks, y'all.
170
00:07:13,798 --> 00:07:15,163
Oh, my God.
171
00:07:15,700 --> 00:07:19,363
I guess Andy likes me. I never
thought of him in that way.
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00:07:19,571 --> 00:07:21,368
But I guess in most
romantic comedies,
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00:07:21,439 --> 00:07:22,929
the guy you're supposed
to be with is the one
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00:07:23,007 --> 00:07:24,702
that you never
thought of in that way.
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00:07:24,776 --> 00:07:28,576
You might have even thought he was
annoying or possibly homosexual.
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00:07:28,847 --> 00:07:30,246
So check this out.
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00:07:30,315 --> 00:07:32,749
According to the handbook,
you could make more money
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00:07:32,817 --> 00:07:34,409
as a salesman
than as a manager.
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00:07:34,485 --> 00:07:36,544
They have all these
incentive programs.
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00:07:36,621 --> 00:07:38,179
I ran your numbers
from last year.
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00:07:38,256 --> 00:07:40,087
This is way more
than I make now.
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00:07:40,158 --> 00:07:42,319
I don't think I'm gonna
miss being manager.
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00:07:42,393 --> 00:07:44,190
You know how some people say
they're not in it for the money?
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00:07:44,262 --> 00:07:46,127
Well, with all due
respect to this job,
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00:07:46,197 --> 00:07:48,358
I think I'm definitely
in it for the money.
186
00:07:48,433 --> 00:07:50,298
And, quite honestly,
the women.
187
00:07:51,336 --> 00:07:52,701
Hey. Got a second?
188
00:07:52,770 --> 00:07:53,862
Sure.
All right.
189
00:07:53,938 --> 00:07:56,736
You here to tell me that you
think I would be a better manager,
190
00:07:56,808 --> 00:07:59,333
and that you are sorry
for being such a jerk?
191
00:07:59,410 --> 00:08:00,934
Actually, yeah.
192
00:08:02,113 --> 00:08:03,944
What?
Exactly that.
193
00:08:04,015 --> 00:08:08,418
I think that you absolutely deserve
the manager position more than I do.
194
00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:11,988
What? Really?
Yeah.
195
00:08:12,690 --> 00:08:14,624
Wow! Wow!
196
00:08:16,394 --> 00:08:18,191
Hello, Oscar.
197
00:08:18,263 --> 00:08:19,457
Michael, reading.
198
00:08:19,530 --> 00:08:20,554
What are you reading?
199
00:08:20,632 --> 00:08:21,656
The Atlantic.
200
00:08:21,733 --> 00:08:23,928
Oh, that is my favorite
ocean. I love it.
201
00:08:24,002 --> 00:08:28,063
I'm so happy right now. No, I
can't keep it a secret any longer.
202
00:08:28,373 --> 00:08:29,670
Jim's stepping
down to salesman.
203
00:08:29,741 --> 00:08:32,005
I am going to be the
sole manager once again.
204
00:08:32,076 --> 00:08:34,044
I should step
into Sales myself.
205
00:08:34,112 --> 00:08:36,478
Why? Is there an
untapped gay market?
206
00:08:36,948 --> 00:08:39,143
Sabre has no caps
on commissions.
207
00:08:39,217 --> 00:08:41,344
He can make a lot
more money in Sales.
208
00:08:46,858 --> 00:08:48,120
Where did you get
that information?
209
00:08:48,192 --> 00:08:50,592
Manual.
Manuel who?
210
00:08:51,296 --> 00:08:54,197
Mmm-hmm. Well, according to the manual,
211
00:08:54,265 --> 00:08:56,495
there is no cap
on commissions.
212
00:08:56,567 --> 00:08:58,330
I have been hustled.
213
00:09:00,538 --> 00:09:01,869
Son of a bitch.
214
00:09:01,940 --> 00:09:03,805
This is...
Pardon me.
215
00:09:03,875 --> 00:09:05,570
Speak of the devil. We
were just talking about you.
216
00:09:05,643 --> 00:09:07,076
Have a seat.
Okay.
217
00:09:07,145 --> 00:09:10,205
Now, Jim here is thinking
about taking himself
218
00:09:10,281 --> 00:09:11,942
out of the running
for being manager. Yep.
219
00:09:12,016 --> 00:09:16,077
Oh, really?
That is so sweet of you!
220
00:09:16,854 --> 00:09:20,722
But I cannot accept, because
I have been thinking about it,
221
00:09:21,192 --> 00:09:23,183
and I think I want
to go back to Sales.
222
00:09:23,261 --> 00:09:24,489
Really?
- Really?
223
00:09:24,562 --> 00:09:26,393
Yeah, you can take the man
out of the salesman,
224
00:09:26,464 --> 00:09:28,659
but you can't take
the sales out of salesman.
225
00:09:28,733 --> 00:09:30,428
Well, I think you're both
being a little too modest.
226
00:09:30,501 --> 00:09:34,267
No, I really, really think
Michael is better at being manager
227
00:09:34,339 --> 00:09:35,829
for so many reasons.
Mmm-mmm.
228
00:09:35,907 --> 00:09:41,038
No. I think I would be bad.
I would sleep in my office...
229
00:09:41,112 --> 00:09:43,137
Okay... And I would
sexually harass people.
230
00:09:43,214 --> 00:09:45,114
Why would you do that? I'm
turning myself in right now.
231
00:09:45,183 --> 00:09:48,380
You know, Michael, you have more
experience in sales and management,
232
00:09:48,453 --> 00:09:50,148
so I'm going to defer
to your judgment.
233
00:09:50,221 --> 00:09:51,245
Thank you.
234
00:09:51,322 --> 00:09:53,813
I think you will
become the salesman,
235
00:09:53,891 --> 00:09:56,086
and congratulations,
236
00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:58,685
you're gonna be the new
manager of this branch.
237
00:09:59,197 --> 00:10:01,427
That's great.
Congratulations.
238
00:10:01,799 --> 00:10:04,700
Have fun signing my
commission checks, boss.
239
00:10:08,940 --> 00:10:12,307
Michael marked his heights.
He's grown.
240
00:10:18,649 --> 00:10:22,915
Bobcat, this is Dragon. Listen,
he's been promoted to sole manager.
241
00:10:23,321 --> 00:10:27,655
We have got to step this up. Meet
me behind the dumpster in 90 seconds.
242
00:10:28,059 --> 00:10:29,856
Eighty-nine, 88...
243
00:10:30,628 --> 00:10:32,095
You're 20 minutes late.
244
00:10:33,164 --> 00:10:35,598
Um, I was
at another dumpster.
245
00:10:35,733 --> 00:10:38,167
Just admit you lost
track of time.
246
00:10:38,436 --> 00:10:42,133
Ryan and I have been meeting up
to work on our diabolical plot against Jim.
247
00:10:42,206 --> 00:10:44,800
Ryan is always late
for our meetings.
248
00:10:45,410 --> 00:10:47,173
I wish I had a lair.
249
00:10:48,012 --> 00:10:49,479
Did you see Saw?
250
00:10:49,547 --> 00:10:52,107
Of course I seesaw. Mose
and I seesaw all the time.
251
00:10:52,183 --> 00:10:54,981
No, the movie. Did
you see the movie Saw?
252
00:10:55,353 --> 00:10:59,050
Oh. Yeah. Great film. Almost
as fun as going on a seesaw.
253
00:10:59,123 --> 00:11:02,024
Okay. The reason these movies
are so popular... Mmm-hmm.
254
00:11:02,126 --> 00:11:04,856
...is the element of
psychological torment.
255
00:11:05,096 --> 00:11:08,156
I like where you're
going with this. Continue.
256
00:11:08,366 --> 00:11:11,335
Could we lure him into an
old warehouse or something?
257
00:11:11,402 --> 00:11:13,131
I have an old barn.
It's kind of smelly. Yes.
258
00:11:13,204 --> 00:11:15,035
But that might be a
plus. And then what? Okay.
259
00:11:15,106 --> 00:11:17,199
We do what they
did in Saw.
260
00:11:20,678 --> 00:11:23,169
I mean, we don't
kill him, obviously.
261
00:11:23,247 --> 00:11:24,236
I have a mask.
262
00:11:24,315 --> 00:11:25,373
Okay, that's your idea?
263
00:11:25,450 --> 00:11:27,281
Exactly like in the movie?
264
00:11:27,351 --> 00:11:30,184
That is the most idiotic thing
I have ever heard in my life.
265
00:11:30,254 --> 00:11:31,744
Well, suggest something
else then. Don't just...
266
00:11:31,823 --> 00:11:33,120
Are you supposed
to cut his leg off?
267
00:11:33,191 --> 00:11:34,453
Don't just criticize my idea! Think!
268
00:11:34,525 --> 00:11:36,652
You think of
something then.
269
00:11:38,029 --> 00:11:41,624
Michael, I'm worried that not all your
toys are gonna fit on your new desk.
270
00:11:41,699 --> 00:11:42,961
How is that possible?
271
00:11:43,034 --> 00:11:45,696
Well, in your old office, there were
all those ledges and extra space.
272
00:11:45,770 --> 00:11:48,603
No excuses, Erin, come on.
Make it happen.
273
00:11:49,273 --> 00:11:51,173
You know, I actually think
that I should get back to work.
274
00:11:51,242 --> 00:11:54,336
Jim asked me to do some
stuff, and he's manager.
275
00:11:55,813 --> 00:11:57,747
Oh, yeah, fine, fine.
Leave it here.
276
00:11:57,815 --> 00:11:58,907
Okay. All right.
277
00:11:58,983 --> 00:12:00,746
I have to make
some sales anyway.
278
00:12:00,818 --> 00:12:03,810
Who should I call with
my magic sales fingers?
279
00:12:09,660 --> 00:12:11,127
Michael Scott,
Head of Sales.
280
00:12:11,195 --> 00:12:14,631
You gotta do something, man.
You can't just sit there.
281
00:12:19,237 --> 00:12:21,797
The new IT guy. Nick.
282
00:12:21,873 --> 00:12:22,931
Nick.
283
00:12:23,007 --> 00:12:25,976
I think he's the key. He's very
trusting. He's looking for friends.
284
00:12:26,043 --> 00:12:28,238
He's been given an
awesome amount of power,
285
00:12:28,312 --> 00:12:30,075
and does not know
how to wield it.
286
00:12:30,148 --> 00:12:31,410
Like Frodo.
287
00:12:31,983 --> 00:12:36,420
Why don't you just let me handle the
Tolkien references, okay, dumb jock?
288
00:12:36,787 --> 00:12:39,847
Well, I think he can be
corrupted. Like Gollum.
289
00:12:40,591 --> 00:12:44,220
Smeagol was corrupted
and became Gollum.
290
00:12:44,762 --> 00:12:47,526
I might start a diabolical
plot against him after this one.
291
00:12:49,267 --> 00:12:50,529
Who's hungry?
292
00:12:50,601 --> 00:12:51,659
What is that?
293
00:12:51,736 --> 00:12:54,227
It's ants on a log. Michael would
always have me bring them in at 2:30
294
00:12:54,305 --> 00:12:56,205
and say, "Who's hungry?"
295
00:12:56,274 --> 00:12:58,606
Oh. I'm fine.
Thank you, though.
296
00:12:59,210 --> 00:13:01,041
Do you want me to spin you in
your chair and make you dizzy?
297
00:13:01,112 --> 00:13:02,306
Why would I
want to do that?
298
00:13:02,380 --> 00:13:05,144
It's a thinking technique.
All the top executives do it.
299
00:13:05,216 --> 00:13:08,515
It keeps the brain moving, and a
spinning brain's a working brain.
300
00:13:08,586 --> 00:13:11,578
For now I'm just gonna
go back to work here.
301
00:13:11,656 --> 00:13:13,021
Oh, sure.
Yeah, thank you.
302
00:13:13,090 --> 00:13:14,284
Well...
303
00:13:15,893 --> 00:13:19,852
It will be a pleasure doing
business with you. Thanks. Bye, bye.
304
00:13:23,301 --> 00:13:27,032
I just got a new account. The
gentlemen's club in Carbondale.
305
00:13:27,104 --> 00:13:30,972
It is called Curves. I
went by there the other day,
306
00:13:31,475 --> 00:13:34,535
saw some of the women walking
in. Not really my cup of tea.
307
00:13:34,612 --> 00:13:36,705
Actually, Kevin,
you might like it.
308
00:13:36,781 --> 00:13:37,839
Nice.
309
00:13:38,249 --> 00:13:42,083
You know, we really don't announce
out loud our sales that much.
310
00:13:42,153 --> 00:13:44,280
Why not? It's part of
the sales experience.
311
00:13:44,355 --> 00:13:46,585
It's not really
1992 anymore.
312
00:13:46,657 --> 00:13:47,749
Okay.
313
00:13:50,494 --> 00:13:52,655
"You brighten my day with
the sound of your voice.
314
00:13:52,730 --> 00:13:55,927
"You bring so much laughter and
love. You're everything to me,
315
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:58,434
"and I was so blessed when
God sent you here to me."
316
00:13:58,502 --> 00:13:59,594
Jeez Louise.
317
00:13:59,670 --> 00:14:01,194
I know.
Obsessed with me much?
318
00:14:01,272 --> 00:14:02,330
Well, everyone got one.
319
00:14:02,406 --> 00:14:04,135
What did yours say?
320
00:14:04,609 --> 00:14:07,373
"Friends are worth sharing
a dog house with."
321
00:14:07,445 --> 00:14:11,006
It's no wonder that Andy gave
Kelly such a romantic card.
322
00:14:11,115 --> 00:14:12,810
I can't
compete with her.
323
00:14:12,883 --> 00:14:17,115
That girl can sing and dance and
gets all of her clothes at the mall.
324
00:14:17,755 --> 00:14:21,247
And I feel like such a fool for thinking
that Andy was only going after one girl,
325
00:14:21,492 --> 00:14:25,292
because Andy Bernard is a
playboy. And why shouldn't he be?
326
00:14:26,030 --> 00:14:27,622
He's got it all.
327
00:14:31,002 --> 00:14:32,970
There he is.
The IT guy.
328
00:14:34,238 --> 00:14:35,671
I see you discovered
the break room.
329
00:14:35,740 --> 00:14:36,764
Yep.
330
00:14:36,841 --> 00:14:39,173
I imagine one of the best
things about being an IT guy is,
331
00:14:39,243 --> 00:14:41,507
you get to know everyone's
computer passwords.
332
00:14:41,579 --> 00:14:43,376
No, I actually don't.
333
00:14:44,715 --> 00:14:46,945
Listen, I know you
have to say that,
334
00:14:47,018 --> 00:14:48,713
but we got
a little problem here.
335
00:14:48,786 --> 00:14:51,220
There is an employee
named Jim Halpert,
336
00:14:51,289 --> 00:14:53,052
and he's doing some
terrible things. Okay?
337
00:14:53,124 --> 00:14:57,083
He's molesting people via the
Internet, and we need to stop him.
338
00:14:58,062 --> 00:14:59,654
I think that you
should call the cops.
339
00:14:59,730 --> 00:15:02,028
No, the cops called us.
340
00:15:02,933 --> 00:15:07,768
So I'm gonna need you to give me the
password to Jim Halpert's computer.
341
00:15:07,972 --> 00:15:09,405
I don't know what to
tell you, man. I'm sorry.
342
00:15:09,473 --> 00:15:11,031
I just can't give out
his password like that.
343
00:15:11,108 --> 00:15:15,841
Nick, we can make things
very difficult for you.
344
00:15:17,882 --> 00:15:20,442
Are you threatening me?
345
00:15:20,518 --> 00:15:21,576
Threatening you?
346
00:15:23,688 --> 00:15:24,712
No.
347
00:15:35,900 --> 00:15:38,528
What is that smell?
Do you smell that?
348
00:15:39,070 --> 00:15:42,836
What is that? Like a
sulfur deposit under here?
349
00:15:42,907 --> 00:15:44,704
Michael, stop.
350
00:15:44,775 --> 00:15:46,640
No, I'm serious.
We don't have to put up...
351
00:15:47,812 --> 00:15:49,803
Is it the dogs?
Michael.
352
00:15:49,947 --> 00:15:52,245
You know what? We don't
have to deal with this.
353
00:15:52,316 --> 00:15:54,546
I am going to
google sulfur maps.
354
00:15:54,618 --> 00:15:55,949
Michael, it's Phyllis.
355
00:15:58,289 --> 00:15:59,779
No, this is geological.
356
00:15:59,857 --> 00:16:02,655
I sent an email out to
everyone in this area
357
00:16:02,727 --> 00:16:04,718
that this might be
a side effect
358
00:16:04,795 --> 00:16:07,059
to my new allergy
medication I'm on.
359
00:16:07,131 --> 00:16:09,099
Are you kidding me?
No.
360
00:16:12,436 --> 00:16:13,869
And you guys are
okay with this?
361
00:16:13,938 --> 00:16:15,462
She sent an email.
362
00:16:15,539 --> 00:16:16,699
I did.
363
00:16:34,592 --> 00:16:36,082
It's not 'cause
of the smell.
364
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:38,424
I'm just expecting
a nose bleed.
365
00:16:40,965 --> 00:16:42,023
Oh, my God.
366
00:16:46,303 --> 00:16:47,600
You scared me.
367
00:16:47,671 --> 00:16:49,229
I'm sorry.
I thought you saw me.
368
00:16:49,306 --> 00:16:52,366
I didn't see you. And
you were there all along.
369
00:16:54,211 --> 00:16:57,772
Well, warmed it up for you,
so it should be good to go.
370
00:16:58,249 --> 00:17:00,240
Cool. Thanks.
Bye, Andy.
371
00:17:05,990 --> 00:17:07,514
That was weird.
372
00:17:07,625 --> 00:17:10,924
No, it ain't. We all saw
the valentine you gave her.
373
00:17:11,028 --> 00:17:12,689
I don't even know
what that card said.
374
00:17:12,763 --> 00:17:15,288
Believe me,
if I got that card,
375
00:17:15,366 --> 00:17:18,767
we'd be in the bathroom
doing it right now.
376
00:17:24,642 --> 00:17:25,734
Hey.
377
00:17:26,377 --> 00:17:27,469
Hey.
378
00:17:27,778 --> 00:17:31,179
You know, it's funny. I used to stand
in here and wish I was out there.
379
00:17:31,248 --> 00:17:32,977
Now I'm out there,
and I wish I was in here.
380
00:17:33,050 --> 00:17:34,483
Well, the grass
is always greener.
381
00:17:34,552 --> 00:17:37,282
Yeah, except there's
no grass out there.
382
00:17:38,055 --> 00:17:40,080
It's just a farty dirt-patch.
383
00:17:40,157 --> 00:17:41,283
Well, it's what
you wanted.
384
00:17:41,358 --> 00:17:45,055
I really need my job back. We
made a terrible mistake here.
385
00:17:45,162 --> 00:17:47,926
For the record, I
fought this. All right?
386
00:17:47,998 --> 00:17:50,432
And now, I'm not
really sure what we do.
387
00:17:51,869 --> 00:17:53,962
We make a poster that says,
"Happy Opposite Day"
388
00:17:54,038 --> 00:17:56,700
and she sees it on the
way out. That's stupid.
389
00:17:56,774 --> 00:18:01,234
Oh, I wish we had one of those
amnesia flashlights from Men In Black.
390
00:18:01,579 --> 00:18:05,276
Hey. What was that movie where
their boss was within earshot
391
00:18:05,349 --> 00:18:07,783
and they could have just
gone and talked to her?
392
00:18:07,852 --> 00:18:09,342
Lethal Weapon?
That's it.
393
00:18:09,420 --> 00:18:10,978
I think we should do it
the Lethal Weapon way.
394
00:18:11,322 --> 00:18:14,291
You two are grown-assed men.
What do I have to do?
395
00:18:14,358 --> 00:18:15,757
Fire you and get
two people in here
396
00:18:15,826 --> 00:18:16,952
who don't need so
much management?
397
00:18:17,027 --> 00:18:18,051
Ah!
398
00:18:18,128 --> 00:18:19,857
What I... Michael's
saying that he's better
399
00:18:19,930 --> 00:18:21,056
at being a manager,
and I agree.
400
00:18:21,131 --> 00:18:23,361
I'm just... He's a better
people person, weirdly.
401
00:18:23,434 --> 00:18:25,902
And weirdly, I'm a good
dog person, right, guys?
402
00:18:25,970 --> 00:18:27,938
Come on. See?
They love me.
403
00:18:28,005 --> 00:18:30,872
Fine. I don't care which
one of you does which job,
404
00:18:30,941 --> 00:18:33,808
just stop meeting with me
to talk about it.
405
00:18:35,012 --> 00:18:36,274
All right.
All right.
406
00:18:36,347 --> 00:18:37,712
Oh.
407
00:18:37,781 --> 00:18:42,275
I gotta take this. Yeah.
Finish walking my dogs for me.
408
00:18:42,686 --> 00:18:46,122
And don't ride them. A lot
of people try to ride them.
409
00:18:50,661 --> 00:18:52,492
Excuse me, everyone,
please check your emails.
410
00:18:52,563 --> 00:18:54,758
I just sent you
the following message,
411
00:18:54,832 --> 00:18:57,767
"Coworkers, you may have
received a valentine from me.
412
00:18:57,835 --> 00:19:00,702
"Please understand this does not
mean that I like you in any way."
413
00:19:00,771 --> 00:19:03,205
You don't even
like us as friends?
414
00:19:03,474 --> 00:19:06,568
Phyllis, you guys are,
like, my closest friends.
415
00:19:06,777 --> 00:19:08,938
I just mean I don't
like-like you.
416
00:19:09,013 --> 00:19:10,071
What are we, five?
417
00:19:10,147 --> 00:19:11,774
"Please don't read
into this card.
418
00:19:11,849 --> 00:19:14,477
"Yours in professionalism,
Nard Dog."
419
00:19:14,919 --> 00:19:16,978
Um, why did I just receive
a mass email from you
420
00:19:17,054 --> 00:19:18,521
that said that
you don't like me?
421
00:19:18,589 --> 00:19:21,114
Do you realize how hard
that makes me like you, Andy?
422
00:19:21,191 --> 00:19:23,591
It's not... That wasn't...
423
00:19:25,729 --> 00:19:27,560
I like someone else.
424
00:19:27,631 --> 00:19:28,689
Who?
425
00:19:30,968 --> 00:19:32,868
It's not...
426
00:19:34,638 --> 00:19:36,265
Whether or not...
427
00:19:39,677 --> 00:19:40,735
Who? What?
428
00:19:40,811 --> 00:19:43,803
Yeah, I guess Andy
never liked Kelly.
429
00:19:44,448 --> 00:19:45,574
How about that?
430
00:19:48,485 --> 00:19:50,009
It smells good in here.
431
00:19:50,087 --> 00:19:54,524
It sure does. Okay, we have your
space heater, your humidifier,
432
00:19:54,592 --> 00:19:58,221
your dehumidifier, your fan, your
foot fan and your food dehydrator.
433
00:19:58,295 --> 00:20:00,820
Erin, what about
my keyboard?
434
00:20:04,301 --> 00:20:05,427
Ah.
435
00:20:06,704 --> 00:20:08,433
So good to be home.
436
00:20:10,908 --> 00:20:12,034
How about a little
Bossa Nova?
437
00:20:24,955 --> 00:20:26,217
He looks happy.
438
00:20:27,257 --> 00:20:28,383
Yep.
439
00:20:28,826 --> 00:20:33,092
Well, well, well.
Hmm. Boss for...
440
00:20:33,163 --> 00:20:34,687
What was it? Oh.
441
00:20:34,798 --> 00:20:39,030
Four-and-a-half hours.
New record. Low.
442
00:20:39,770 --> 00:20:42,136
Previous record,
Henry Rostin.
443
00:20:42,206 --> 00:20:43,935
Boss for nine years,
four months.
444
00:20:44,008 --> 00:20:46,476
And he only left because he
had family matters to attend to,
445
00:20:46,543 --> 00:20:48,101
and he... What?
446
00:20:53,951 --> 00:20:55,179
Michael!
447
00:20:58,188 --> 00:21:01,021
I can't help but think that
something we did made this possible.
448
00:21:01,091 --> 00:21:05,551
Jim dug his own grave, but
maybe we provided the shovel.
449
00:21:05,863 --> 00:21:10,163
Temp, I like that. I'm
gonna engrave that into a piece of wood.
450
00:21:10,501 --> 00:21:11,968
Care to celebrate
with a drink?
451
00:21:12,036 --> 00:21:13,435
I would love to.
452
00:21:17,241 --> 00:21:18,265
Why not?
453
00:21:18,342 --> 00:21:20,173
Because martini bars
are pretentious.
454
00:21:20,244 --> 00:21:21,734
No, thank you. I'm
sorry that I don't want
455
00:21:21,812 --> 00:21:23,279
farm-boy swill
like you do, you know?
456
00:21:23,347 --> 00:21:25,247
It is not farm-boy swill.
I will show you.
457
00:21:25,315 --> 00:21:27,374
It is beet vodka
and it is delicious.
458
00:21:27,451 --> 00:21:30,113
I'm not interested in
anything I have to make myself.