1 00:00:02,950 --> 00:00:05,640 - Could you sign my expense report? - No way, no how. 2 00:00:05,765 --> 00:00:08,877 Expense reports are a day-to-day item. That is Jim's now. 3 00:00:09,002 --> 00:00:11,677 I am exclusively big picture, epic. 4 00:00:20,051 --> 00:00:21,051 Sign this. 5 00:00:21,887 --> 00:00:24,189 Where's the "please"? We're not animals. 6 00:00:24,362 --> 00:00:25,110 Sign it. 7 00:00:25,457 --> 00:00:26,779 Not without a "please." 8 00:00:28,274 --> 00:00:29,031 Idiot. 9 00:00:33,612 --> 00:00:36,535 - I have a complaint about Jim. - That is not big picture. 10 00:00:37,493 --> 00:00:39,842 I would like to file a huge, 11 00:00:39,967 --> 00:00:42,289 enormous, massive complaint 12 00:00:42,414 --> 00:00:45,339 about the tallest guy in our office. 13 00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:54,220 Jim won't sign my expense report. 14 00:00:54,528 --> 00:00:56,472 That is not... Okay... 15 00:00:56,642 --> 00:00:58,557 - That is day-to-day. - No, that his huge. 16 00:00:58,727 --> 00:01:01,727 You're trying to trick me. Get out, get out, get out... 17 00:01:05,525 --> 00:01:08,223 - I'd like to lodge a complaint. - I'm sorry to hear about that. 18 00:01:08,348 --> 00:01:10,112 - Who is this about? - You! 19 00:01:10,629 --> 00:01:14,001 Just want to let you know I take complaints very seriously. 20 00:01:15,112 --> 00:01:17,534 - When did this happen? - One minute ago. 21 00:01:17,917 --> 00:01:20,160 - And how do you feel? - Angry. 22 00:01:20,285 --> 00:01:22,332 - All right. Did he hit you? - No. 23 00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:24,014 - Did you cry? - No. 24 00:01:24,139 --> 00:01:25,878 - Did you feel like crying? - No. 25 00:01:26,046 --> 00:01:27,794 I'm gonna write, "held back tears." 26 00:01:28,218 --> 00:01:30,464 Wait, stop writing that. That is not true. 27 00:01:30,635 --> 00:01:32,774 If you stop crying, I'll stop writing it. 28 00:01:34,221 --> 00:01:36,471 I deserved that promotion, not Jim. 29 00:01:38,965 --> 00:01:41,870 Makes me want to put him in a triangle choke hold 30 00:01:41,995 --> 00:01:45,715 and force him down to the ground and just keep pressing and pressing. 31 00:01:46,733 --> 00:01:49,380 And then flip him over and then put him in a hammer lock. 32 00:01:49,505 --> 00:01:52,433 And he's gasping, he's panting. Every last breath. 33 00:01:52,558 --> 00:01:54,355 And the crowd is going crazy. 34 00:01:55,335 --> 00:01:56,835 I emerge victorious! 35 00:01:58,214 --> 00:02:00,911 $18,000 and a chance at the title. 36 00:02:03,103 --> 00:02:04,755 Jim wants you to keep it down. 37 00:02:08,004 --> 00:02:10,464 - Feygnasse Team - 38 00:02:10,632 --> 00:02:13,509 - La Fabrique - 39 00:02:14,093 --> 00:02:16,386 Collioure mpm 40 00:02:19,349 --> 00:02:21,348 Jarick 41 00:02:23,436 --> 00:02:24,851 do_Ob 42 00:02:26,272 --> 00:02:27,604 Sk0r 43 00:02:28,942 --> 00:02:30,565 yomoy 44 00:02:31,736 --> 00:02:33,695 The Ni.Knight 45 00:02:37,980 --> 00:02:39,910 The Office 6x03 - The Promotion - 46 00:02:40,079 --> 00:02:42,302 Everyone, now would be a good time to freshen up, 47 00:02:42,427 --> 00:02:45,422 because I'd like everyone to meet in the conference room in five minutes. 48 00:02:45,547 --> 00:02:48,022 I suggest that you bring a snack, we may be in there for a while. 49 00:02:49,288 --> 00:02:50,712 Can I talk to you in my office? 50 00:02:51,119 --> 00:02:53,257 Sure, but could I first talk to you in my office? 51 00:02:57,274 --> 00:02:58,824 Can I also be a boss? 52 00:02:59,306 --> 00:03:02,106 It doesn't take a genius to know that any organization thrives 53 00:03:02,231 --> 00:03:03,931 when it has two leaders. 54 00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:07,387 Go ahead, name a country that doesn't have two presidents. 55 00:03:07,512 --> 00:03:10,042 A boat that sets sail without two captains. 56 00:03:10,279 --> 00:03:11,650 Where would catholicism be 57 00:03:11,818 --> 00:03:12,937 without the popes? 58 00:03:13,446 --> 00:03:14,672 I have noticed that... 59 00:03:14,797 --> 00:03:15,640 Welcome. 60 00:03:17,103 --> 00:03:19,960 I've noticed we've been having a lot of conference room meetings. 61 00:03:20,085 --> 00:03:22,985 And I'm wondering if perhaps those are a bit... 62 00:03:23,455 --> 00:03:24,490 Disruptive. 63 00:03:24,923 --> 00:03:26,666 I don't think they are. 64 00:03:26,791 --> 00:03:29,082 I think the meetings are very important. 65 00:03:29,595 --> 00:03:31,084 Maybe we should talk specifics. 66 00:03:31,402 --> 00:03:32,402 Let's do. 67 00:03:33,110 --> 00:03:35,297 Yesterday, we had a meeting about planets. 68 00:03:36,002 --> 00:03:37,822 Well, to be fair, Jim... 69 00:03:38,446 --> 00:03:39,446 James... 70 00:03:40,045 --> 00:03:41,045 Jimothy... 71 00:03:41,431 --> 00:03:43,121 To be fair, Jimothy, the... 72 00:03:43,246 --> 00:03:45,640 That sounds weird. Are you okay with being called Jim? 73 00:03:45,810 --> 00:03:46,556 I am. 74 00:03:47,146 --> 00:03:50,496 Jim, to be fair, the conversation wasn't about planets. 75 00:03:50,749 --> 00:03:54,649 At first, we were talking about introducing a line of toilet paper. 76 00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:57,986 And what part of the human body does one use toilet paper upon? 77 00:03:59,491 --> 00:04:02,228 So you draw a line from there to the other planets, 78 00:04:02,353 --> 00:04:05,619 and I think by the end, we all learned a little bit about how small we are. 79 00:04:05,789 --> 00:04:08,263 - Yes, I agree... - Because it's a big universe, 80 00:04:08,388 --> 00:04:11,333 and we're all just little, tiny specks of dust. 81 00:04:11,765 --> 00:04:15,070 I just think that maybe they're eating large amounts of the day. 82 00:04:15,195 --> 00:04:17,423 You know what eats a large amount of the day are naps. 83 00:04:17,548 --> 00:04:19,707 You go to sleep, it's light out, you wake up, it's dark. 84 00:04:19,832 --> 00:04:22,406 That's the whole day. Where did that day go? 85 00:04:22,531 --> 00:04:23,781 I have no idea. 86 00:04:24,614 --> 00:04:25,987 You mean on a weekend. 87 00:04:29,776 --> 00:04:31,407 I think our goal should be 88 00:04:31,532 --> 00:04:34,856 we don't have meetings unless they're absolutely essential. 89 00:04:35,716 --> 00:04:37,894 - No more meetings this week. - Really? 90 00:04:38,534 --> 00:04:41,530 - You just agree to that? - I can be very surprising. 91 00:04:48,394 --> 00:04:49,412 What's going on? 92 00:04:49,717 --> 00:04:52,017 I need to fit into my wedding dress. 93 00:04:52,797 --> 00:04:54,647 However, I'm also pregnant. 94 00:04:58,264 --> 00:05:01,927 It's a myth that women have to gain more than nine pounds in a pregnancy? 95 00:05:02,095 --> 00:05:04,137 Look at these actresses. Some of them lose weight. 96 00:05:06,870 --> 00:05:09,015 Did you guys register for wedding gifts? 97 00:05:09,186 --> 00:05:12,086 We did, but mostly because people expect us to. 98 00:05:13,058 --> 00:05:15,273 We're also accepting other gifts... 99 00:05:15,441 --> 00:05:17,041 not on the registry... 100 00:05:18,808 --> 00:05:19,958 However much. 101 00:05:20,306 --> 00:05:24,106 It's awkward asking people for money, but we could really use it. 102 00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:27,350 Why doesn't Crate & Barrel let you register 103 00:05:27,475 --> 00:05:29,562 for a toaster full of cash? 104 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:31,663 Perfect. I hate registries. 105 00:05:31,946 --> 00:05:32,749 Good. 106 00:05:32,918 --> 00:05:36,252 My cousin makes the most amazing, romantic birdhouse mailboxes. 107 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:39,671 I know I shouldn't tell you, but you'll still be surprised. 108 00:05:40,189 --> 00:05:41,841 You're not registered for a birdhouse? 109 00:05:42,584 --> 00:05:43,758 No, we're not. 110 00:05:44,093 --> 00:05:44,863 Good. 111 00:05:53,199 --> 00:05:55,599 Okay, I thought I saw people missing. 112 00:05:56,149 --> 00:05:58,440 Just focus-grouping a product expansion idea to these folks. 113 00:05:59,045 --> 00:06:00,483 - Got one of each. - Really? 114 00:06:00,653 --> 00:06:03,653 Stanley, what was the last thing Michael said before I came? 115 00:06:03,823 --> 00:06:05,360 You don't need to answer that. 116 00:06:06,242 --> 00:06:08,435 "If you don't smell this, you're fired." 117 00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:11,536 I thought we agreed to not take up people's time with meetings like these. 118 00:06:11,904 --> 00:06:14,154 What do you mean by "these people"? 119 00:06:14,959 --> 00:06:17,044 This is a conference room meeting. 120 00:06:17,169 --> 00:06:19,413 Everybody, I think that Jim has gone insane, 121 00:06:19,538 --> 00:06:22,380 because he thinks that my office is a conference room. 122 00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:24,007 That's not what I meant. 123 00:06:24,177 --> 00:06:26,513 No offense, but when push comes to shove, 124 00:06:26,638 --> 00:06:29,222 what I want is more important than what you want. 125 00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:31,224 - I disagree. - What do you guys think? 126 00:06:31,392 --> 00:06:33,110 Can I go back to my desk now? 127 00:06:33,235 --> 00:06:35,353 Great. Guys, can I just have a moment with Michael? 128 00:06:35,521 --> 00:06:38,563 You don't need to go anywhere. Anything that Jim has to say to me, 129 00:06:38,688 --> 00:06:40,942 he can say in front of these types of people. 130 00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:42,798 That is not what I said, 131 00:06:42,923 --> 00:06:44,435 and, also, I am co-manager, 132 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:47,822 meaning you are not the only manager. I am also a co-manager. 133 00:06:47,992 --> 00:06:50,369 - That's not what Wallace told. - That's exactly what he told. 134 00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:52,318 That is not the way I heard it. 135 00:06:52,830 --> 00:06:54,167 I love rivalries... 136 00:06:54,292 --> 00:06:57,142 Michael or Jim, Paris or Nicole, Heidi or L.C. 137 00:06:57,424 --> 00:06:58,554 It's so much fun. 138 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:00,967 But I guess if I'm really thinking about it 139 00:07:01,092 --> 00:07:02,958 and answering your question honestly, 140 00:07:03,083 --> 00:07:04,518 I'd have to go with L.C. 141 00:07:04,643 --> 00:07:07,493 Heidi's a bad friend, and her skin is terrible. 142 00:07:07,618 --> 00:07:10,474 It is one thing, me giving you the co-manager title. 143 00:07:10,599 --> 00:07:13,014 It is another thing, you bossing me around. 144 00:07:13,184 --> 00:07:14,858 I'm not. I'm trying to do my job, 145 00:07:14,983 --> 00:07:18,186 which is sharing your job, so maybe we should just call David. 146 00:07:18,936 --> 00:07:21,675 No, we will not call David Wallace. I will call David Wallace. 147 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:23,964 David Wallace is on line two for you guys. 148 00:07:24,089 --> 00:07:26,319 Or Davidwill call us on line two. Why don't we just... 149 00:07:27,029 --> 00:07:28,990 Hey, David. You got Jim here. 150 00:07:29,159 --> 00:07:31,038 This is Michael, senior co-manager. 151 00:07:31,163 --> 00:07:32,163 Hey, guys, 152 00:07:32,907 --> 00:07:35,647 I'm calling, because, unfortunately, 153 00:07:36,202 --> 00:07:38,862 we will not be able to give out cost of living raises 154 00:07:38,987 --> 00:07:40,792 this year, and I know people expect it. 155 00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:44,921 However, there just is only a small amount of money for each branch, 156 00:07:45,091 --> 00:07:48,332 so we're leaving it up to the managers to decide how to distribute it. 157 00:07:48,457 --> 00:07:49,559 Got it, Dave. 158 00:07:49,684 --> 00:07:52,534 Sounds like your classic big-picture decision. 159 00:07:52,807 --> 00:07:55,352 Which will clearly affect the day-to-day well-being of employees. 160 00:07:55,477 --> 00:07:57,889 - It's probably a little of both. - Which is it more of? 161 00:07:58,014 --> 00:07:58,977 Excuse me? 162 00:07:59,147 --> 00:08:02,259 I know that I'm very new at this, but I have a very good perspective. 163 00:08:02,418 --> 00:08:04,325 Wait, I'm sorry. Michael, are you... 164 00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:05,692 Are you texting me? 165 00:08:07,169 --> 00:08:09,294 I thought maybe we could talk after this is over. 166 00:08:09,419 --> 00:08:11,466 Look, I need you both to take care of this. 167 00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:13,736 This is not going to be a problem, is it? 168 00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:15,996 - Nope, not at all. - No, it will not be. 169 00:08:16,121 --> 00:08:17,204 I am on top of it. 170 00:08:17,616 --> 00:08:19,332 - Thanks a lot. - Talk to you later. 171 00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:21,550 You didn't let me say good-bye. 172 00:08:22,993 --> 00:08:25,086 All right, I am looking forward to this. 173 00:08:25,717 --> 00:08:28,423 - You don't have to lie. - I hate that we have to do this. 174 00:08:29,133 --> 00:08:30,982 I think we work much better separately. 175 00:08:31,107 --> 00:08:34,721 When I am irritated and I look at you, I don't see you anymore. 176 00:08:35,652 --> 00:08:36,681 All I can see 177 00:08:36,851 --> 00:08:38,767 is how big and gross the pores on your nose are. 178 00:08:39,147 --> 00:08:40,026 All right. 179 00:08:40,151 --> 00:08:41,354 Let's get started. 180 00:08:50,482 --> 00:08:52,530 Hey, why haven't we ever... 181 00:08:52,916 --> 00:08:53,916 We have. 182 00:08:58,170 --> 00:09:00,914 There's no easy way to do this. I say... 183 00:09:01,039 --> 00:09:04,709 we add 1.5% to their paychecks and don't say anything about it. 184 00:09:05,217 --> 00:09:07,250 Like break in in the middle of the night 185 00:09:07,375 --> 00:09:10,106 - and change the numbers on payroll? - We can do it during the day. 186 00:09:10,231 --> 00:09:11,841 It doesn't have to be that dramatic. 187 00:09:13,213 --> 00:09:15,208 You know what would help is 188 00:09:15,333 --> 00:09:17,597 a pros and cons list for our options. 189 00:09:18,139 --> 00:09:20,683 Don't take this the wrong way. Are you gonna take this the wrong way? 190 00:09:21,642 --> 00:09:24,104 - It's hard to tell so far. - You use your brain too much. 191 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,022 Are you advocating that I use it less? 192 00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:29,192 Sometimes the smartest people don't think at all. 193 00:09:29,368 --> 00:09:31,861 - You just came up with that. - As I was saying it. 194 00:09:32,595 --> 00:09:35,726 Okay, so for the 1.5% increase, pro: 195 00:09:35,851 --> 00:09:37,158 everyone gets a little bit. 196 00:09:37,336 --> 00:09:38,993 Con: you look like a nerd. 197 00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:41,788 Con: no one gets as much as they did last year. 198 00:09:41,965 --> 00:09:45,159 Pro: you get to share your list with the other nerds. 199 00:09:45,284 --> 00:09:47,127 Pro: no favoritism. 200 00:09:47,303 --> 00:09:49,405 Con: you unzip your pants, 201 00:09:49,530 --> 00:09:51,923 and you find that there's a calculator down there. 202 00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:55,143 I've been studying Michael for years, 203 00:09:55,268 --> 00:09:58,314 and I've condensed what I've learned into this chart. 204 00:09:58,439 --> 00:10:00,023 How Michael spends his time. 205 00:10:00,148 --> 00:10:02,908 As you can see, we have procrastinating and distracting others, 206 00:10:03,033 --> 00:10:05,933 and this tiny sliver here is critical thinking. 207 00:10:07,359 --> 00:10:09,529 I made it bigger, so that you could see it. 208 00:10:12,983 --> 00:10:16,197 I heard that you were registered, but I didn't hear where. 209 00:10:16,641 --> 00:10:19,357 I don't think we registered anywhere. 210 00:10:20,665 --> 00:10:22,065 We just want cash. 211 00:10:22,517 --> 00:10:23,567 Like money? 212 00:10:25,419 --> 00:10:26,666 You want my money? 213 00:10:28,287 --> 00:10:29,711 Will you take a check? 214 00:10:31,723 --> 00:10:32,491 Cool. 215 00:10:35,063 --> 00:10:37,594 In the memo line, I'm gonna write, 216 00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:40,180 "To love's eternal glory. " 217 00:10:42,718 --> 00:10:43,975 Wait till Monday. 218 00:10:45,487 --> 00:10:46,914 Is this what I've become? 219 00:10:47,581 --> 00:10:48,781 Materialistic? 220 00:10:49,299 --> 00:10:50,299 Shallow? 221 00:10:51,175 --> 00:10:52,475 I feel horrible. 222 00:10:53,561 --> 00:10:54,331 Look! 223 00:10:54,638 --> 00:10:56,088 "Mrs. Pam Halpert!" 224 00:10:57,267 --> 00:10:59,843 That's the first time I've seen it in writing. 225 00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:04,168 You know, the more I think about it, the more I think, 226 00:11:04,293 --> 00:11:06,026 we should give it to the salesmen. 227 00:11:06,151 --> 00:11:09,135 - That will not go over well. - I know. I just think it seems smart 228 00:11:09,260 --> 00:11:10,876 to keep the salesmen happy. 229 00:11:11,001 --> 00:11:13,253 Of course I know that this might come off as biased, 230 00:11:13,378 --> 00:11:15,798 so you know what? Let us... 231 00:11:15,975 --> 00:11:18,262 Are you gonna make another pro and con list? 232 00:11:18,387 --> 00:11:20,687 - I'm gonna kill myself. - I'm not gonna stop thinking. 233 00:11:21,152 --> 00:11:22,638 I could not do that, Jim. 234 00:11:22,763 --> 00:11:24,856 I can see it in your crusty little eyes 235 00:11:24,981 --> 00:11:27,117 that you are going to make everything perfect. 236 00:11:27,242 --> 00:11:29,392 If I can just think this through, 237 00:11:30,055 --> 00:11:32,339 if I could just think it exactly right, 238 00:11:32,856 --> 00:11:34,789 I can make this perfect. 239 00:11:35,657 --> 00:11:37,391 Then I can go down every avenue, 240 00:11:37,516 --> 00:11:39,113 every avenue off of that avenue, 241 00:11:39,779 --> 00:11:41,245 and then another avenue. 242 00:11:41,370 --> 00:11:43,535 - And then another... - You've a lot of strengths. 243 00:11:43,711 --> 00:11:45,452 I do? Tell me what they are. 244 00:11:45,671 --> 00:11:47,254 I think that you are able 245 00:11:47,379 --> 00:11:49,624 to take constructive criticism very well. 246 00:11:50,514 --> 00:11:52,543 That... I am not known for that. 247 00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:54,337 There is a reason why I'm here. 248 00:11:54,513 --> 00:11:56,589 You went over my head to Wallace. 249 00:11:56,765 --> 00:11:58,925 It's because you also have a lot of weaknesses. 250 00:11:59,862 --> 00:12:03,846 Why don't you tell me what those are? Why don't you enliven me? 251 00:12:04,023 --> 00:12:06,015 You're not good at making tough decisions. 252 00:12:07,049 --> 00:12:08,375 At thinking out the options, 253 00:12:08,500 --> 00:12:10,544 and then stating that decision very clearly, 254 00:12:10,669 --> 00:12:12,438 especially when it's an unpopular decision. 255 00:12:12,615 --> 00:12:14,348 Here's a tough decision for you. 256 00:12:14,473 --> 00:12:17,508 You suck. You suck. Is that clear enough for you? 257 00:12:17,828 --> 00:12:18,806 Maybe, 258 00:12:19,169 --> 00:12:20,725 I'm here for a reason, 259 00:12:20,850 --> 00:12:22,782 because I might have some good ideas, too. 260 00:12:23,128 --> 00:12:25,159 I've been sitting out there, learning a lot, 261 00:12:25,336 --> 00:12:27,094 and maybe I can just bring something 262 00:12:27,219 --> 00:12:28,454 different to the table. 263 00:12:28,631 --> 00:12:29,938 OK, Skippy, here we go. 264 00:12:30,063 --> 00:12:32,959 Why don't you run yourself out there and tell them? 265 00:12:33,982 --> 00:12:35,162 You call it. 266 00:12:41,432 --> 00:12:43,024 This had better be terrible. 267 00:12:43,395 --> 00:12:45,785 Could I have everyone's attention? I have some tough news, 268 00:12:45,910 --> 00:12:47,963 so I'm gonna give it to you straight. 269 00:12:48,088 --> 00:12:50,821 Truth is, we only have so much money for raises this year, 270 00:12:50,946 --> 00:12:53,896 so the simple fact is some people will get raises and some people won't. 271 00:12:54,519 --> 00:12:55,898 Now, what we've decided is, 272 00:12:56,075 --> 00:12:58,526 we are gonna give those raises to the sales staff. 273 00:12:58,927 --> 00:13:00,194 Wait. Seriously? 274 00:13:01,098 --> 00:13:03,307 You guys are smart, so I'm just leveling with you. 275 00:13:03,432 --> 00:13:06,167 - I'm trying to treat you like adults. - Thank you, Jim, for... 276 00:13:06,696 --> 00:13:08,328 thinking that we're smart people. 277 00:13:08,504 --> 00:13:10,170 But I do not understand. 278 00:13:10,295 --> 00:13:13,249 If we're such smart adults, then why don't we get raises? 279 00:13:13,669 --> 00:13:16,940 Excellent question, genius. 'Cause Jim wants to give the raises 280 00:13:17,065 --> 00:13:18,880 to his friends and the people he sleeps with. 281 00:13:19,456 --> 00:13:21,104 Easy. That's not it at all. 282 00:13:21,229 --> 00:13:24,467 Really what it is is about the money the sales staff brings into the office. 283 00:13:24,592 --> 00:13:26,728 - What's going on? - Jim is only giving raises 284 00:13:26,853 --> 00:13:28,093 to the salesmen. 285 00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:30,892 - Why are you being such a jerk? - Hold on, kelly. 286 00:13:31,277 --> 00:13:33,881 Would it help you to know that Jim thinks you're smart? 287 00:13:34,435 --> 00:13:36,472 How is that gonna repair Ryan's car? 288 00:13:36,597 --> 00:13:38,900 This is ridiculous! How could he do this to us? 289 00:13:39,428 --> 00:13:41,277 You know what? You'd be getting the raise... 290 00:13:41,581 --> 00:13:44,030 What about all these people? How is it fair to them? 291 00:13:45,564 --> 00:13:48,603 We work as hard as the sales people. We deserve raises. 292 00:13:49,178 --> 00:13:50,900 They don't get 'em if we don't get 'em. 293 00:13:51,025 --> 00:13:52,605 My kid needs shoes! 294 00:13:52,730 --> 00:13:55,015 You want to tell him he doesn't get shoes? 295 00:13:55,140 --> 00:13:56,759 Her kid needs shoes, Jim! 296 00:13:57,236 --> 00:13:58,260 What the hell? 297 00:14:01,806 --> 00:14:03,006 I'm just gonna 298 00:14:03,304 --> 00:14:04,304 rewind 299 00:14:04,863 --> 00:14:06,712 and back off a bit. 300 00:14:15,192 --> 00:14:16,392 That was good. 301 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:17,660 That was good. 302 00:14:17,785 --> 00:14:18,832 Okay, all right. 303 00:14:18,957 --> 00:14:21,401 Well, we all know it's hard to be a boss, right? 304 00:14:21,727 --> 00:14:23,820 You know what? Look around you. 305 00:14:24,267 --> 00:14:26,045 These are your best friends. 306 00:14:26,170 --> 00:14:27,670 These are the people 307 00:14:27,795 --> 00:14:30,827 who will open their hearts to you. 308 00:14:31,003 --> 00:14:32,662 They all have 309 00:14:32,984 --> 00:14:35,123 heart-ons for you, 310 00:14:35,856 --> 00:14:37,306 and that is a gift. 311 00:14:38,060 --> 00:14:39,459 So in terms of gifts, 312 00:14:39,584 --> 00:14:41,492 we should be giving each other gifts. 313 00:14:41,617 --> 00:14:44,966 Angela, yes, lend Oscar a cup of sugar. 314 00:14:45,142 --> 00:14:46,884 What are you talking about? 315 00:14:47,061 --> 00:14:49,443 We just need to hear your plan for our raise. 316 00:14:49,568 --> 00:14:50,396 My plan... 317 00:14:51,846 --> 00:14:53,490 A man... Panama. 318 00:14:54,676 --> 00:14:57,395 - That's not how that goes. - You're not saying anything. 319 00:14:57,571 --> 00:14:58,938 At least, Jim was direct 320 00:14:59,234 --> 00:15:01,232 when he was telling us his dumbass plan. 321 00:15:01,673 --> 00:15:02,887 What's happening? 322 00:15:03,012 --> 00:15:05,361 Are we getting a raise, yes or no? 323 00:15:05,537 --> 00:15:07,655 Let me get this clear. Does everybody want a raise? 324 00:15:08,670 --> 00:15:10,615 All right, everyone wants a raise. 325 00:15:10,740 --> 00:15:13,426 What we're going to do is go into here, 326 00:15:13,551 --> 00:15:15,496 and we will not come out until we do. 327 00:15:16,167 --> 00:15:17,498 That gives us no information. 328 00:15:17,674 --> 00:15:20,674 This isn't a game, you know? It's our livelihood! 329 00:15:23,711 --> 00:15:25,629 What about a raise based on merit? 330 00:15:26,810 --> 00:15:28,810 Rank each person individually. 331 00:15:29,113 --> 00:15:30,313 Piece of cake. 332 00:15:30,549 --> 00:15:33,026 - Ryan, obviously the best. - Well, obviously. 333 00:15:33,151 --> 00:15:35,341 Too bad he's a temp, he doesn't count. Let's get started. 334 00:15:35,466 --> 00:15:36,982 Are you making a... 335 00:15:37,107 --> 00:15:38,807 I'm numbering the paper. 336 00:15:39,023 --> 00:15:40,585 - Just... - I don't understand 337 00:15:40,710 --> 00:15:42,515 how they can even consider 338 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:45,470 giving money to some people and not the rest of us. 339 00:15:45,595 --> 00:15:47,259 We're not gonna see the checks. 340 00:15:47,384 --> 00:15:49,795 - We're in accounting. - I am so pissed at this company. 341 00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:50,920 And Jim. 342 00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:53,532 Who said that? 343 00:15:54,086 --> 00:15:55,394 I think it was Creed. 344 00:16:01,039 --> 00:16:02,762 It's going really well, actually. 345 00:16:02,887 --> 00:16:05,616 Each Boston Baked Bean represents half a percent raise, 346 00:16:05,741 --> 00:16:08,798 we each got 24 beans, so the idea is you place the bean 347 00:16:09,195 --> 00:16:11,892 on the picture of who you think deserv... 348 00:16:12,017 --> 00:16:12,941 Who's that? 349 00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:16,597 - He's not a part of this. - Just wanted to draw a picture of him. 350 00:16:17,902 --> 00:16:20,333 - Your move. - All right, who to pick? 351 00:16:21,434 --> 00:16:23,316 - Who to pick? - Here we go. 352 00:16:23,726 --> 00:16:24,726 I... 353 00:16:26,066 --> 00:16:27,191 will skip a turn. 354 00:16:27,611 --> 00:16:29,777 You're gonna still have to play that bean. 355 00:16:29,949 --> 00:16:31,203 I need more time. 356 00:16:38,151 --> 00:16:41,539 Wallace sent an e-mail about a meeting. He wants you both to respond. 357 00:16:59,516 --> 00:17:02,286 People are starting to notice how terrible Jim is. 358 00:17:02,757 --> 00:17:03,807 It's great. 359 00:17:04,108 --> 00:17:06,300 Eventually, they'll rise up and revolt. 360 00:17:06,610 --> 00:17:09,396 My only hope is that they do it sooner rather than later. 361 00:17:09,521 --> 00:17:11,571 If the people here were our founding fathers, 362 00:17:11,696 --> 00:17:14,518 the Revolutionary War would have been delayed ten years, 363 00:17:14,643 --> 00:17:17,115 because Stanley Washington was napping, 364 00:17:18,690 --> 00:17:21,832 Phyllis Hancock was still signing the declaration, 365 00:17:23,012 --> 00:17:26,024 Kevin Jefferson was distracted by a butterfly. 366 00:17:26,547 --> 00:17:27,552 Come on in. 367 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:29,330 That's right. 368 00:17:29,455 --> 00:17:30,796 Come in, feast your eyes. 369 00:17:31,230 --> 00:17:33,064 They determine our worth 370 00:17:33,637 --> 00:17:35,734 by putting beans upon our faces. 371 00:17:36,974 --> 00:17:39,347 Things were not this bad when just Michael was manager. 372 00:17:39,518 --> 00:17:41,740 - What are you doing? - What does a bean mean? 373 00:17:41,865 --> 00:17:43,267 Why aren't there any beans 374 00:17:43,435 --> 00:17:46,285 on this very old, frizzy-haired picture of me? 375 00:17:46,632 --> 00:17:48,232 What does a bean mean? 376 00:17:50,138 --> 00:17:52,693 - I was trying to be unbiased. - What does a bean mean? 377 00:17:52,865 --> 00:17:54,831 - Please explain it to Kevin. - Why can't you? 378 00:17:54,956 --> 00:17:58,159 - My time is valuable as yours. - Not according to the beans. 379 00:17:58,284 --> 00:18:00,284 This is how you make this important decision? 380 00:18:00,744 --> 00:18:01,944 There's no way 381 00:18:02,249 --> 00:18:05,016 that Stanley gets more beans than me. That is ridiculous. 382 00:18:06,265 --> 00:18:07,815 This is how it works. 383 00:18:08,214 --> 00:18:10,253 It's not so much that I might not get a raise. 384 00:18:10,424 --> 00:18:11,591 It's just demeaning. 385 00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:13,948 Thank you. That is exactly... 386 00:18:14,304 --> 00:18:16,866 By the way, I would also like a raise. 387 00:18:16,991 --> 00:18:18,213 I would, too. 388 00:18:18,579 --> 00:18:19,958 Are we idiots? 389 00:18:22,745 --> 00:18:25,609 What right does Jim have to claim authority? 390 00:18:26,285 --> 00:18:28,271 Is he as good a salesman as I? 391 00:18:28,557 --> 00:18:29,557 Is he as 392 00:18:29,819 --> 00:18:31,315 matronly as Phyllis? 393 00:18:31,912 --> 00:18:35,268 There are moments where we can affect change. 394 00:18:36,153 --> 00:18:38,485 For a few seconds, every decade, 395 00:18:39,367 --> 00:18:40,504 we exist, 396 00:18:41,477 --> 00:18:44,537 and these are those seconds. Let us storm his castle. 397 00:18:44,708 --> 00:18:46,204 Come on... Tick. 398 00:18:46,909 --> 00:18:48,356 Let's get him... Tock. 399 00:18:49,184 --> 00:18:50,379 Let's get Jim! 400 00:18:50,715 --> 00:18:51,535 Tick. 401 00:18:52,013 --> 00:18:54,077 And drag Jim out of his office... Tock. 402 00:18:54,202 --> 00:18:55,631 Take his keys away from him. 403 00:18:55,803 --> 00:18:57,633 Tick... That's a clock. 404 00:18:57,805 --> 00:18:59,552 The time is getting very close. 405 00:18:59,723 --> 00:19:00,970 It's now or never. 406 00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:02,402 What say you? 407 00:19:04,046 --> 00:19:05,057 I say no. 408 00:19:05,229 --> 00:19:07,768 No, I mean, what do you say to my plan? 409 00:19:16,343 --> 00:19:18,060 What does a bean mean? 410 00:19:22,692 --> 00:19:23,744 How you doing? 411 00:19:24,727 --> 00:19:27,255 On a scale of one to ten, I'd say I'm about a four. 412 00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:29,326 What are you usually? 413 00:19:29,451 --> 00:19:30,294 Six. 414 00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:31,167 You? 415 00:19:31,533 --> 00:19:34,007 Usually a ten, but I'm feeling like a zero. 416 00:19:34,675 --> 00:19:37,423 A performance-based raise sounded like a good idea, right? 417 00:19:37,595 --> 00:19:39,091 I know, I know. 418 00:19:39,263 --> 00:19:40,718 We tried to find the fairest way. 419 00:19:40,890 --> 00:19:41,844 Yes, we did. 420 00:19:46,567 --> 00:19:47,433 What? 421 00:19:49,776 --> 00:19:51,176 Nothing. I just... 422 00:19:51,301 --> 00:19:53,281 I used to have to do this part alone, 423 00:19:53,406 --> 00:19:54,956 and it was the worst. 424 00:19:58,170 --> 00:19:59,945 I've something I would like to give you. 425 00:20:03,893 --> 00:20:06,082 Michael's my only friend left in the office. 426 00:20:07,408 --> 00:20:08,617 Except Pam... 427 00:20:10,081 --> 00:20:11,020 I think. 428 00:20:11,930 --> 00:20:13,158 Is she still upset? 429 00:20:15,026 --> 00:20:17,429 You cannot just keep avoiding us like this! 430 00:20:21,620 --> 00:20:22,870 You're welcome. 431 00:20:25,138 --> 00:20:26,230 What's in here? 432 00:20:46,841 --> 00:20:48,419 Just pretend we're not here. 433 00:20:51,637 --> 00:20:53,335 You're looking for cash for the wedding? 434 00:20:53,503 --> 00:20:55,629 I mean, if it's all the same for you. 435 00:20:55,797 --> 00:20:58,754 Question for you. Would you guys rather have $100 now 436 00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:01,092 or $5,000 a year from now? 437 00:21:01,262 --> 00:21:02,660 $100 now for sure. 438 00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:05,252 'Cause you just give me $50 to cover the broker fee, 439 00:21:05,377 --> 00:21:07,879 I put in 100 of my own money as the gift... 440 00:21:09,728 --> 00:21:11,478 The hundred. I'll just take the hundred. 441 00:21:12,458 --> 00:21:14,439 Instead of $5,000 a year from now? 442 00:21:16,354 --> 00:21:17,704 How sure is this? 443 00:21:18,069 --> 00:21:19,473 The guy has an algorithm 444 00:21:19,598 --> 00:21:23,281 to determine the winner of any given college basketball game. 445 00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:30,690 Don't tell Jim.