1
00:00:00,448 --> 00:00:04,248
Everybody, everybody,
listen up.
I need your ideas now.

2
00:00:04,319 --> 00:00:06,753
Ideas, please,
right now. Go, go!
Come on!

3
00:00:06,821 --> 00:00:08,448
Michael, we don't know
what you're talking about.

4
00:00:08,523 --> 00:00:10,388
Wet cement outside.
It's drying fast.

5
00:00:10,458 --> 00:00:14,121
Come on, this is a lifelong
dream. What do I write?
What do I write?

6
00:00:14,195 --> 00:00:15,822
Michael, you could
put your initials in it.

7
00:00:15,897 --> 00:00:17,455
M.G.S. No.

8
00:00:17,532 --> 00:00:22,629
Some idiot named Mark
Greg Schputnick will claim
credit for it. I don't...

9
00:00:22,704 --> 00:00:24,569
That is true.
Once in a lifetime
opportunity, people.

10
00:00:24,639 --> 00:00:25,697
Come on!
PHYLLIS: Well...

11
00:00:25,774 --> 00:00:27,674
Here we go! Yes?

12
00:00:27,742 --> 00:00:29,039
When I was
a little girl...

13
00:00:29,110 --> 00:00:30,907
(GIGGLING)
MICHAEL: Okay.

14
00:00:30,979 --> 00:00:33,311
Okay, do it! Come on,
great! Let's hear it!

15
00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:34,905
We found some wet cement...

16
00:00:34,983 --> 00:00:37,042
It's drying, it's drying.
...in the park in
our neighborhood...

17
00:00:37,118 --> 00:00:38,176
All right,
come on!

18
00:00:38,253 --> 00:00:39,743
Come on, Phyllis!
What did we write?

19
00:00:39,821 --> 00:00:41,379
Oh! Come on!

20
00:00:41,456 --> 00:00:43,447
Here it is.
You draw a picture.
No!

21
00:00:43,525 --> 00:00:45,083
'Cause that says so
much more than words.

22
00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:46,184
No, no!

23
00:00:46,261 --> 00:00:47,250
Come on, give me
something good!

24
00:00:47,328 --> 00:00:48,420
Okay, I was
watching E!

25
00:00:48,496 --> 00:00:50,760
And I saw
Will Smith outside
the Chinese Theater,

26
00:00:50,832 --> 00:00:51,958
and, oh, my God,
he looked so good.

27
00:00:52,033 --> 00:00:53,193
Pam, translate.

28
00:00:53,268 --> 00:00:55,964
She's talking about the
handprints that celebrities
make in the cement.

29
00:00:56,037 --> 00:00:57,095
I love it!

30
00:00:57,172 --> 00:00:58,764
If you were a real star,
you'd put your face in it.

31
00:00:58,840 --> 00:00:59,829
I love it more!

32
00:00:59,908 --> 00:01:00,932
Michael, that
doesn't seem safe...

33
00:01:01,009 --> 00:01:03,204
I love it!

34
00:01:03,545 --> 00:01:04,569
(LAUGHS)

35
00:01:04,646 --> 00:01:05,908
Come on, let's go!
DWIGHT: Come on!

36
00:01:06,381 --> 00:01:08,941
(ALL LAUGHING)

37
00:01:09,551 --> 00:01:13,385
We are here today
not to immortalize
a man, but an idea.

38
00:01:14,556 --> 00:01:16,023
Maybe the idea
of a man.

39
00:01:16,091 --> 00:01:17,319
Hurry, please.

40
00:01:17,392 --> 00:01:19,326
Greatness is
only skin deep,
some people say.

41
00:01:19,394 --> 00:01:20,827
Can you breathe?
Well, that's not true.

42
00:01:20,895 --> 00:01:21,919
Other people believe
it's deep down inside.

43
00:01:21,996 --> 00:01:23,088
Hold your breath.

44
00:01:23,164 --> 00:01:24,256
And in this case,
that's also not true.

45
00:01:24,332 --> 00:01:26,425
Ready? And...

46
00:01:26,501 --> 00:01:27,559
DWIGHT: Go!

47
00:01:27,635 --> 00:01:29,125
F'orce it in as
deep as you can.

48
00:01:29,204 --> 00:01:30,967
MICHAEL: (MUF'F'LED)
That's what she said.

49
00:01:31,039 --> 00:01:34,736
MICHAEL: Today's a very special day for me. And
it's really not about me.

50
00:01:34,809 --> 00:01:38,301
It's about my grandkids.
It's about my great-grandkids.

51
00:01:38,746 --> 00:01:41,681
I can come back here
when I'm 100,

52
00:01:41,749 --> 00:01:45,276
and I can find that
piece of cement and say,

53
00:01:45,353 --> 00:01:49,084
"That's me. Look, kids.
Your daddy left
that face hole."

54
00:01:50,291 --> 00:01:52,759
I don't know.
It's a good feeling.

55
00:02:14,215 --> 00:02:15,239
Okay.

56
00:02:15,850 --> 00:02:16,908
Adjective.

57
00:02:18,453 --> 00:02:21,149
"Tall."
No, no, "Nice."

58
00:02:22,223 --> 00:02:24,817
Good one. Okay.
You ready?

59
00:02:24,893 --> 00:02:25,882
Mmm-hmm.

60
00:02:26,461 --> 00:02:30,591
"The tall man entered
the nice building,

61
00:02:30,665 --> 00:02:34,533
"to visit a
very nice man.

62
00:02:35,537 --> 00:02:41,442
"'Sit down, Mr. Smith.
Can I interest you in
any good cat food?"'

63
00:02:41,509 --> 00:02:43,067
(LAUGHS)

64
00:02:43,144 --> 00:02:45,135
It's a man eating cat food!

65
00:02:45,213 --> 00:02:46,976
ANDY: What about
a cat eating man food?

66
00:02:47,715 --> 00:02:50,115
Andy and Angela
seem very happy.

67
00:02:50,185 --> 00:02:53,052
I hope nothing horrible
ever happens to them.

68
00:02:59,527 --> 00:03:03,930
Yeah, I slept over at
a friend's house, and...

69
00:03:04,232 --> 00:03:08,293
I forgot my contact
solution, so I had to
wear my back-up glasses.

70
00:03:10,738 --> 00:03:11,727
Shut up.

71
00:03:12,307 --> 00:03:13,968
All right,
everybody.

72
00:03:14,108 --> 00:03:18,272
Oh, my God.
Pam, those make
you look so ugly.

73
00:03:18,980 --> 00:03:21,540
Pam, in order to
get hotter, you
take glasses off.

74
00:03:21,616 --> 00:03:23,584
You're moving in
the wrong direction.

75
00:03:23,651 --> 00:03:25,346
I don't have my contacts...

76
00:03:25,486 --> 00:03:27,283
I can't even hear you.

77
00:03:27,422 --> 00:03:30,050
It's just noise
coming out of
an ugly scientist.

78
00:03:30,558 --> 00:03:33,686
Everybody, we're
gonna have a little
brainstorming session

79
00:03:33,761 --> 00:03:35,160
in the conference room.

80
00:03:35,230 --> 00:03:36,857
Energize.

81
00:03:37,932 --> 00:03:39,866
You know what
would energize me?

82
00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:43,196
If you,
Pamela Morgan Beesly...

83
00:03:43,304 --> 00:03:44,328
Don't you,
don't you...

84
00:03:44,405 --> 00:03:46,703
If you propose to me
during a Michael meeting,
I will say no.

85
00:03:46,774 --> 00:03:49,299
Well, it's too late,
because I'm proposing

86
00:03:49,377 --> 00:03:52,574
that you get me a cup
of coffee, which would
energize me greatly

87
00:03:52,647 --> 00:03:54,376
and make me
the happiest man
in the world.

88
00:03:54,449 --> 00:03:58,977
Everybody, so
how are we going to
energize our office?

89
00:03:59,053 --> 00:04:01,613
I mean, I haven't done
anything since Christmas.

90
00:04:01,689 --> 00:04:05,125
Pam clearly has
just given up trying.

91
00:04:05,193 --> 00:04:07,388
So what we need to do is
we need to get things going.

92
00:04:07,462 --> 00:04:11,728
We need to get percolating
a little bit. Anybody have
any ideas what we could do?

93
00:04:11,799 --> 00:04:13,630
Any suggestions?
Yes, Andy?

94
00:04:13,701 --> 00:04:17,660
What if we changed
our outgoing answering
machine message

95
00:04:17,739 --> 00:04:21,607
so it just had
a little more zing
and a little more pep?

96
00:04:21,676 --> 00:04:25,009
Zing and pep. Those are
the kind of words we're
looking for. Yes, Jim.

97
00:04:25,079 --> 00:04:27,980
What about if we did
an even newer
voicemail message

98
00:04:28,049 --> 00:04:29,983
that had even
more zing and pep?

99
00:04:30,051 --> 00:04:33,020
Now we're cooking,
I like this.
Maybe a whole theme.

100
00:04:33,087 --> 00:04:35,146
Like a rap... A rap rhyme.
An urban thing.

101
00:04:35,223 --> 00:04:38,522
An urban... Yeah, Stanley,
you want to help
us out with that?

102
00:04:38,626 --> 00:04:39,752
Stanley!
Earth to Stanley.

103
00:04:39,827 --> 00:04:40,851
Not me.

104
00:04:40,928 --> 00:04:43,863
Yes, you. Come on, Stanley,
put your little game down

105
00:04:43,931 --> 00:04:45,091
and join the group.

106
00:04:45,166 --> 00:04:46,224
No.

107
00:04:46,301 --> 00:04:47,495
Stanley, we're having...

108
00:04:47,568 --> 00:04:48,660
Leave me alone, damn it.

109
00:04:48,736 --> 00:04:50,397
We're having
a brainstorm session.

110
00:04:50,471 --> 00:04:51,995
Did I stutter?

111
00:04:58,513 --> 00:05:02,005
Good. This is good.
I'm going to grab
a glass of water.

112
00:05:08,189 --> 00:05:09,781
Can I talk to you a second?

113
00:05:09,857 --> 00:05:11,256
(GROANS) What?

114
00:05:12,860 --> 00:05:17,160
I really think that you need
to address what happened
with Stanley this morning.

115
00:05:17,231 --> 00:05:20,462
(SIGHS) What are
you blabbering about?
Nothing happened.

116
00:05:20,535 --> 00:05:23,504
Well, you know,
Stanley was openly
insubordinate.

117
00:05:23,571 --> 00:05:24,833
That, in the conference room?

118
00:05:24,906 --> 00:05:26,100
Yeah.

119
00:05:26,174 --> 00:05:28,802
We were joshing
around, the two of us.

120
00:05:28,876 --> 00:05:30,741
And he said,
"Did I stutter?"

121
00:05:30,812 --> 00:05:34,009
(STUTTERING)
And I said,
"What, dawg?"

122
00:05:34,082 --> 00:05:37,245
It was joking,
Toby, all right?

123
00:05:37,318 --> 00:05:38,546
He didn't seem
like he was joking.

124
00:05:38,619 --> 00:05:41,383
Well, you don't get it,
because Stanley is
a beautiful,

125
00:05:41,456 --> 00:05:43,856
sassy, powerful black man,

126
00:05:43,925 --> 00:05:46,018
and you're you.

127
00:05:46,094 --> 00:05:48,722
If you had any friends,
you would understand.

128
00:05:48,796 --> 00:05:52,527
F'riends joke with one another.
"Hey, you're poor."

129
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:56,900
"Well, hey, your mama's dead."
That's what friends do.

130
00:05:56,971 --> 00:05:59,166
It's... You're so white.

131
00:06:00,408 --> 00:06:02,740
All right. Well...

132
00:06:02,810 --> 00:06:06,268
If you really believe
that Stanley was joking...

133
00:06:06,347 --> 00:06:07,336
MICHAEL: Mmm-hmm.

134
00:06:07,715 --> 00:06:08,909
Why don't we
go ask him now?

135
00:06:08,983 --> 00:06:10,951
Okay, I will.

136
00:06:11,018 --> 00:06:12,883
I'm not feeling very
well right now, though.

137
00:06:12,954 --> 00:06:16,355
My stomach hurts,
so I may be going
home early today.

138
00:06:17,225 --> 00:06:19,853
You know, Michael,
sometimes my daughter's
stomach hurts

139
00:06:19,927 --> 00:06:21,360
when there's
a mean girl at school.

140
00:06:21,429 --> 00:06:26,128
Well, sometimes
my stomach hurts when
you come into my office.

141
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,532
So it's probably
psychological.

142
00:06:31,506 --> 00:06:35,465
AND Y: You meet a lot of ladies
driving an Xterra, because
you pull up to a stoplight

143
00:06:35,543 --> 00:06:40,105
and look over, and there's
an Xterra next to you, they're
always driven by chicks.

144
00:06:40,181 --> 00:06:41,671
So there's your icebreaker.

145
00:06:41,916 --> 00:06:42,905
(GRUNTS)

146
00:06:43,551 --> 00:06:44,575
Scratch!

147
00:06:44,652 --> 00:06:46,142
That's
a racing stripe.

148
00:06:46,754 --> 00:06:47,812
Bumper's sagging.

149
00:06:47,889 --> 00:06:49,584
Hmm. I doubt
that very much.

150
00:06:49,657 --> 00:06:52,820
This car is crap.
I will buy it for
next to nothing.

151
00:06:52,894 --> 00:06:53,918
How next to?

152
00:06:53,995 --> 00:06:55,121
Well, here are
your options.

153
00:06:55,196 --> 00:06:58,324
You can sell it for parts,
drive it off a cliff,

154
00:06:59,066 --> 00:07:03,799
you can donate it to
a person that you'd like to
see die in a car crash, or

155
00:07:03,871 --> 00:07:06,999
you can sell it to me
and I'll use it as I would
a wagon on my farm.

156
00:07:07,074 --> 00:07:09,338
It will be towed
by a donkey.

157
00:07:09,410 --> 00:07:11,275
I have to pick
one of those?
Yes.

158
00:07:11,345 --> 00:07:12,437
Can you go over
those options again?

159
00:07:12,513 --> 00:07:13,639
You know what?

160
00:07:13,714 --> 00:07:17,980
You knock $1,500 off the
price right now and I will
take it off your hands.

161
00:07:18,052 --> 00:07:19,349
It's gotta be now.

162
00:07:19,420 --> 00:07:20,478
Well, I had the
Blue Book value...

163
00:07:20,555 --> 00:07:21,783
Seal the deal.
Let's do it.

164
00:07:21,856 --> 00:07:24,882
Let's do this thing.
Three, two, one.

165
00:07:25,026 --> 00:07:26,425
Can I think about it?

166
00:07:26,494 --> 00:07:27,859
F'ive, four, three,
two, now.

167
00:07:27,929 --> 00:07:29,226
Let me think about it.

168
00:07:29,297 --> 00:07:30,992
Now. Now.
Say it. Do it now.

169
00:07:31,132 --> 00:07:32,121
Thinking about it.
Thinking.

170
00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:33,224
Do it now! Do it.
Shake my hand.

171
00:07:33,301 --> 00:07:35,565
You will sell me this car.
Shake my hand.

172
00:07:35,636 --> 00:07:37,228
Yeah, all right!

173
00:07:41,676 --> 00:07:43,200
What?

174
00:07:43,277 --> 00:07:46,542
I see that you
gave me that form

175
00:07:46,647 --> 00:07:49,377
that I asked you to give me,
Stanley the manly.

176
00:07:49,450 --> 00:07:52,476
So thank you for that.
I guess we are
back to normal.

177
00:07:52,553 --> 00:07:54,384
What are you talking about?

178
00:07:54,455 --> 00:07:59,620
Well, you know, the thing
that you said earlier
that you didn't mean.

179
00:08:01,128 --> 00:08:04,222
And that I forgive you for.
The whole thing's
silly, isn't it?

180
00:08:04,298 --> 00:08:07,734
F'riends don't need
to apologize to friends,
as far as I'm concerned.

181
00:08:07,802 --> 00:08:08,928
So we are cool.

182
00:08:09,003 --> 00:08:11,403
I am not going
to apologize to you.

183
00:08:11,606 --> 00:08:13,870
It's like I used
to tell my wife.

184
00:08:13,941 --> 00:08:18,674
"I do not apologize unless
I think I'm wrong, and if you
don't like it, you can leave."

185
00:08:18,746 --> 00:08:23,615
And I say the same thing
to my current wife, and I'll
say it to my next one, too.

186
00:08:23,851 --> 00:08:26,513
Jim is in charge of Stanley
only in sales-related matters.

187
00:08:26,587 --> 00:08:29,021
Hence the green line.
Green for money.

188
00:08:29,090 --> 00:08:31,888
Sales, get it?
There is
this yellow zigzag

189
00:08:31,959 --> 00:08:34,484
that does give Ryan
the authority to
discipline Stanley.

190
00:08:34,562 --> 00:08:35,551
Great.

191
00:08:35,630 --> 00:08:36,790
However,
in so doing,

192
00:08:36,864 --> 00:08:40,800
it zigs past your name,
hence zagging you
and making you appear weak.

193
00:08:40,968 --> 00:08:44,131
Thus the yellow color.
Yellow for cowardly.

194
00:08:44,205 --> 00:08:45,570
What's the pink?

195
00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:46,732
Menstrual cycles.

196
00:08:47,375 --> 00:08:48,501
Okay.

197
00:08:48,843 --> 00:08:53,542
Is there anybody up here,
anybody at all,
that can deal with this

198
00:08:53,614 --> 00:08:55,047
other than me...
You.

199
00:08:55,182 --> 00:09:00,552
Well, there is the
emergency disaster mode
for the org chart.

200
00:09:00,621 --> 00:09:06,253
This gives me full
authority over every single
person in the office.

201
00:09:06,327 --> 00:09:07,453
I never said
you could do that.

202
00:09:07,528 --> 00:09:08,995
All you have
to do is say it.

203
00:09:09,063 --> 00:09:10,325
Okay, I'll think about it.

204
00:09:10,398 --> 00:09:11,888
Say it. Just do it.

205
00:09:11,966 --> 00:09:17,199
Don't think, say it. Do it.
F'ive, four, three, two...

206
00:09:17,271 --> 00:09:20,707
Do it. Give me
control, Michael.

207
00:09:24,145 --> 00:09:28,411
(WHISPERS) I promise to
give authority back to you
when this crisis is over.

208
00:09:28,482 --> 00:09:30,040
Do it, Michael.

209
00:09:31,452 --> 00:09:32,817
Do it. Hey.

210
00:09:34,021 --> 00:09:36,353
This office needs
a strongman.

211
00:09:37,325 --> 00:09:38,553
Say it.

212
00:09:40,528 --> 00:09:41,893
No.
So...

213
00:09:43,164 --> 00:09:47,328
All right, well then,
you're gonna have to
deal with this yourself.

214
00:09:53,541 --> 00:09:56,840
Hey, Pam. I really
like your glasses.

215
00:09:56,911 --> 00:09:58,435
Oh, thanks.

216
00:09:58,512 --> 00:10:02,107
All the girlfriends
that I've ever had
have worn glasses.

217
00:10:02,183 --> 00:10:03,980
Oh, okay.

218
00:10:04,051 --> 00:10:06,042
Yeah, it's kind of
a turn-on for me,
actually.

219
00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:07,109
I should probably
get back to...

220
00:10:07,188 --> 00:10:08,212
Like librarians.

221
00:10:08,289 --> 00:10:09,620
...entering the...

222
00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:11,385
Could you just say,

223
00:10:11,459 --> 00:10:13,188
"These are due
back Thursday"?

224
00:10:13,260 --> 00:10:14,284
No.

225
00:10:21,702 --> 00:10:23,067
(PHONE RINGS)

226
00:10:27,074 --> 00:10:30,771
Dunder Mifflin.
This is Pam.
Okay, go ahead.

227
00:10:34,181 --> 00:10:35,978
A lot of jazz cats are blind,

228
00:10:36,083 --> 00:10:39,348
but they can play the piano
like nobody's business.

229
00:10:39,787 --> 00:10:44,781
I'd like to put the piano
in front of Pam without her
glasses and see what happens.

230
00:10:45,159 --> 00:10:46,888
I'd also like to
see her topless.

231
00:10:51,532 --> 00:10:52,726
Mike.
Hey.

232
00:10:52,900 --> 00:10:54,629
I'm very busy here, man.
Darryl...

233
00:10:54,702 --> 00:10:55,691
(MICHAEL CLEARS THROAT)

234
00:10:56,704 --> 00:10:58,262
Have you ever been in a gang?

235
00:10:58,339 --> 00:10:59,431
Why?

236
00:10:59,507 --> 00:11:02,135
It's an advice question, and

237
00:11:02,209 --> 00:11:05,770
if you don't want to
talk about it, I completely
understand. It's...

238
00:11:05,846 --> 00:11:07,711
No, no, no.
I know it's very,
very personal.

239
00:11:07,782 --> 00:11:08,908
No...

240
00:11:10,918 --> 00:11:11,907
I have.

241
00:11:11,986 --> 00:11:14,318
I knew it. Okay.

242
00:11:14,388 --> 00:11:16,117
Who are we
talking about here?

243
00:11:16,257 --> 00:11:17,918
Crips, Bloods?
Both.

244
00:11:17,992 --> 00:11:18,981
God.

245
00:11:19,060 --> 00:11:21,290
Yeah, them
and the Latin Kings.

246
00:11:21,362 --> 00:11:24,263
The Warriors, Newsies.
Okay.

247
00:11:24,331 --> 00:11:26,299
Okay, so dig this.

248
00:11:27,401 --> 00:11:30,837
You're on the street
and one of your gang
disses you.

249
00:11:30,905 --> 00:11:32,770
Oh, my goodness.
Yeah, right.

250
00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:35,206
So what do you do to
get him to make it right?

251
00:11:35,276 --> 00:11:40,771
Well, see, in the gang world,
we use something
called "F'luffy fingers."

252
00:11:42,216 --> 00:11:43,274
What is that?

253
00:11:43,350 --> 00:11:45,978
That's where if somebody
really gets in your face,

254
00:11:46,053 --> 00:11:48,544
you know, you just
start tickling them.

255
00:11:51,325 --> 00:11:52,690
Really?
Yeah.

256
00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:54,591
And he starts tickling you.

257
00:11:54,662 --> 00:11:57,324
You know, pretty soon
you're laughing and hugging.

258
00:11:57,398 --> 00:11:59,628
Before you know it,
you've forgotten
the whole thing.

259
00:11:59,700 --> 00:12:03,466
Y'all can just go to
church together and
get an ice cream cone.

260
00:12:03,537 --> 00:12:06,062
I would have
never thought that

261
00:12:07,374 --> 00:12:09,205
gangs would be
tickling each other.

262
00:12:09,276 --> 00:12:11,176
Well, it's effective.

263
00:12:21,155 --> 00:12:25,524
I think it's self-explanatory.
Hey, Jim! Come
here for a second.

264
00:12:25,593 --> 00:12:28,027
Can you answer me something
as a true Eagles fan?

265
00:12:28,095 --> 00:12:29,756
Oh, boy.

266
00:12:29,830 --> 00:12:31,923
How do you live with
a franchise this bad?

267
00:12:31,999 --> 00:12:33,694
On a wing
and a prayer, mostly.

268
00:12:33,768 --> 00:12:35,565
(LAUGHS) All right,
whatever you say.

269
00:12:35,636 --> 00:12:37,467
Listen, while I have
you here with Toby,

270
00:12:37,571 --> 00:12:40,506
I need to give you
a formal warning about
your job performance.

271
00:12:40,608 --> 00:12:42,235
(CHUCKLES)
A formal warning?

272
00:12:42,977 --> 00:12:46,344
It's actually not a joke.
I know how you spend
your time here.

273
00:12:46,413 --> 00:12:48,574
I know how little you
care about your job.

274
00:12:48,649 --> 00:12:50,810
And honestly, if you spent
as much time selling

275
00:12:50,885 --> 00:12:53,718
as you do goofing around
with Dwight and hanging
out at reception,

276
00:12:53,788 --> 00:12:56,518
we wouldn't be having
this conversation.

277
00:12:56,991 --> 00:13:00,119
I'm sorry, is this because
I talked to Wallace
about your website?

278
00:13:00,194 --> 00:13:02,321
Because I really didn't
mean to go over your head.

279
00:13:02,396 --> 00:13:04,728
This has nothing to
do with that, all right?

280
00:13:04,832 --> 00:13:08,063
I always appreciate
constructive criticism
about my job performance.

281
00:13:08,135 --> 00:13:09,659
I thrive on it.

282
00:13:10,137 --> 00:13:12,128
I'm sorry, then do
you mind explaining
it a little better?

283
00:13:12,206 --> 00:13:13,332
'Cause I'm not
sure what's really...

284
00:13:13,407 --> 00:13:15,272
Whoa. Don't get
all defensive, all right?

285
00:13:15,342 --> 00:13:16,969
It's just a warning.

286
00:13:17,044 --> 00:13:20,571
If you want the details,
Toby can provide them.
You take it easy, all right?

287
00:13:20,815 --> 00:13:24,251
I'd say all the goofing
around at Pam's desk

288
00:13:24,318 --> 00:13:27,754
and hanging out with Pam
has finally caught up to him.

289
00:13:28,722 --> 00:13:30,485
You know, with Pam.

290
00:13:34,562 --> 00:13:37,156
Hey, what happened?
What did Ryan want?

291
00:13:37,231 --> 00:13:38,698
Oh, we were just

292
00:13:38,766 --> 00:13:41,360
talking about
bureaucratic stuff.

293
00:13:41,435 --> 00:13:42,925
Because you're
very important.

294
00:13:43,003 --> 00:13:44,027
Yeah.

295
00:13:50,277 --> 00:13:53,269
(DWIGHT IMITATING
AND Y'S SINGING)

296
00:13:53,347 --> 00:13:56,578
Oh, what's Dwight up to?
Oh, probably nothing.

297
00:13:56,650 --> 00:13:58,675
(CONTINUES IMITATION)

298
00:13:58,752 --> 00:13:59,741
(DWIGHT EXCLAIMS)

299
00:14:01,722 --> 00:14:04,088
What the hell
is this all about?

300
00:14:05,693 --> 00:14:07,456
You're flipping
my car for profit.

301
00:14:07,528 --> 00:14:09,086
It's my car now.

302
00:14:09,163 --> 00:14:13,725
I gave you a deal
based on what you said to me.

303
00:14:13,801 --> 00:14:18,170
Yeah, well, seller beware.
Now if you'll excuse me,

304
00:14:18,239 --> 00:14:22,175
I've got to monitor
a three-way bidding war
for my car on eBay.

305
00:14:23,544 --> 00:14:25,944
I've got a Mad Lib for you.

306
00:14:26,013 --> 00:14:30,006
"A stupid, idiotic numbskull

307
00:14:30,084 --> 00:14:34,077
"named Andy Bernard
sold his Xterra

308
00:14:34,154 --> 00:14:38,181
"to a smart and capable
man named Dwight.

309
00:14:38,259 --> 00:14:41,854
"This is shaping up to be
an awesome day for Dwight."

310
00:14:54,708 --> 00:15:00,340
Okay, everybody. Shh.
Listen up. Earlier today,
Stanley sassed me,

311
00:15:00,414 --> 00:15:03,679
and Toby gave me
some suggestions on
how to discipline him.

312
00:15:03,751 --> 00:15:06,549
They did not work,
obviously, because
they were stupid.

313
00:15:06,620 --> 00:15:10,317
So I am now going
to fake fire him.

314
00:15:11,158 --> 00:15:12,182
What does that mean?

315
00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:14,250
It's like a mock execution.

316
00:15:14,361 --> 00:15:16,352
That's not a good idea.
Yes, it is a good idea.

317
00:15:16,430 --> 00:15:18,591
It's the only possible
solution I have left.

318
00:15:18,666 --> 00:15:19,997
Well, you can
actually fire him.

319
00:15:20,067 --> 00:15:21,159
No...

320
00:15:22,269 --> 00:15:23,258
I've had enough of you.

321
00:15:23,337 --> 00:15:24,599
Why are you telling us this?

322
00:15:24,672 --> 00:15:28,438
Because I want you to
behave as if I'm actually
firing him, Oscar, okay?

323
00:15:28,509 --> 00:15:30,977
Michael, if you
hadn't told us this,

324
00:15:31,045 --> 00:15:33,707
then we would've
thought that you were
actually firing him.

325
00:15:33,781 --> 00:15:38,377
I'm not firing him!
I will need you to
act like I am firing him.

326
00:15:38,452 --> 00:15:42,752
Just... What I'm going to do
is I'm going to pretend
that I'm firing him.

327
00:15:42,890 --> 00:15:46,053
And I need you to act
like I am firing him.
Do you get that?

328
00:15:46,226 --> 00:15:47,955
Do you get it?
I'm teaching him
a lesson.

329
00:15:48,095 --> 00:15:50,928
He needs to learn humility,
all right? That's all I'm...

330
00:15:51,031 --> 00:15:53,864
Okay, here he comes.
Let's just play-act.

331
00:15:56,270 --> 00:15:59,034
Stanley, may I talk
to you for a second?

332
00:16:05,412 --> 00:16:08,575
Stanley Hudson,
you are fired.

333
00:16:15,889 --> 00:16:17,447
Are you serious?

334
00:16:17,992 --> 00:16:20,460
I am serious.
We are all serious.

335
00:16:21,795 --> 00:16:23,524
You are fired
like a heart attack.

336
00:16:23,597 --> 00:16:26,964
You're firing me
over three words?

337
00:16:27,034 --> 00:16:29,093
Yes.
Have you lost your mind?

338
00:16:29,169 --> 00:16:32,468
(SIGHS)
Do you think I'm gonna
let you do this to me?

339
00:16:32,539 --> 00:16:35,372
I've watched you screw
up this office for 10 years,

340
00:16:35,442 --> 00:16:38,605
and I'm filing a lawsuit,
and I'm gonna tell them
about every stupid thing

341
00:16:38,679 --> 00:16:40,010
you've ever done
up in this office.

342
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:41,240
All right, okay.

343
00:16:41,315 --> 00:16:43,977
You know what?
Now you know how I feel.

344
00:16:45,352 --> 00:16:46,842
This was a fake firing.

345
00:16:48,088 --> 00:16:51,387
Lesson learned.
Good work, everybody.
Very nice.

346
00:16:51,458 --> 00:16:52,789
So I'm not fired.

347
00:16:52,860 --> 00:16:54,987
(SIGHS) That's it.

348
00:16:55,062 --> 00:16:57,189
And...

349
00:16:57,264 --> 00:16:58,731
Do you have anything
to say to me?

350
00:16:58,799 --> 00:17:00,790
Ooh, yes, I do.

351
00:17:01,935 --> 00:17:05,200
You are out of your damn
little pea-sized mind.

352
00:17:05,272 --> 00:17:09,868
What is wrong with you?
Do you have any sense at all?

353
00:17:09,943 --> 00:17:12,605
Do you have any idea
how to run an office?

354
00:17:12,679 --> 00:17:16,012
Every day you do
something stupider than
you did the day before.

355
00:17:16,083 --> 00:17:19,416
And I think,
"There's no possible
way he can top that."

356
00:17:19,486 --> 00:17:22,683
But what do you do?
You find a way,
damn it, to top it.

357
00:17:22,756 --> 00:17:24,121
You are a
professional idiot...

358
00:17:24,191 --> 00:17:25,852
Hey, stop it!

359
00:17:27,294 --> 00:17:28,761
Okay, everybody out.

360
00:17:28,829 --> 00:17:30,660
JIM: Who?
Yeah, everybody
except Stanley.

361
00:17:39,139 --> 00:17:40,163
Let's go.

362
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:41,935
I can't find my glasses.
Okay, you know what?

363
00:17:42,009 --> 00:17:45,240
Why don't you take
my hand and leave them,
and let's get out of here.

364
00:17:45,312 --> 00:17:46,711
Okay, okay.

365
00:17:49,216 --> 00:17:50,410
(EXCLAIMS)

366
00:17:50,484 --> 00:17:54,944
It's Michael versus
Stanley, and it is
the clash of the titans.

367
00:17:55,022 --> 00:17:59,015
In one corner,
you have Michael,
and he is mad.

368
00:17:59,093 --> 00:18:02,859
And then in the other
corner, you have Stanley,
and he's mad.

369
00:18:04,198 --> 00:18:05,961
So that's about it.

370
00:18:26,220 --> 00:18:28,211
I don't understand why
you keep picking on me.

371
00:18:28,288 --> 00:18:29,277
Oh, for the love of God.

372
00:18:29,356 --> 00:18:30,618
You just

373
00:18:30,691 --> 00:18:35,253
do, and I don't know
why, so please
help me understand.

374
00:18:35,329 --> 00:18:41,029
F'ine. Here it is.
You are a person
I do not respect.

375
00:18:41,101 --> 00:18:44,298
The things you say,
your actions,
your methods and style,

376
00:18:44,371 --> 00:18:47,932
everything you would do,
I would do it
the opposite way.

377
00:18:51,812 --> 00:18:53,473
Well, Stanley,

378
00:18:53,547 --> 00:18:56,243
maybe you are feeling
that you don't respect me

379
00:18:56,316 --> 00:18:58,443
because you don't
know me very well.

380
00:18:58,519 --> 00:19:01,249
Michael, I've known
you a very long time,

381
00:19:01,421 --> 00:19:05,517
and the more I've gotten
to know you, the less
I've come to respect you.

382
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:08,193
Any other theories?

383
00:19:14,501 --> 00:19:16,833
All right, you
don't respect me.

384
00:19:17,971 --> 00:19:19,438
I accept that.

385
00:19:21,008 --> 00:19:22,600
But listen to me.

386
00:19:22,676 --> 00:19:27,978
You can't talk to me that
way in this office, you just
can't. I am your boss.

387
00:19:29,650 --> 00:19:31,675
Can't allow it.

388
00:19:31,752 --> 00:19:32,776
F'air enough.

389
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:45,460
I am a good person,
and sometimes good people
don't get no respect.

390
00:19:45,532 --> 00:19:46,965
Rodney Dangerfield.

391
00:19:48,435 --> 00:19:52,030
(IMITATING DANGERF'IELD)
"Hey, I don't get no respect.
No respect at all.

392
00:19:52,973 --> 00:19:56,306
"When I was in the sandbox
as a kid, I got no respect.

393
00:19:57,644 --> 00:20:00,078
"My wife likes
to talk after sex.

394
00:20:00,147 --> 00:20:04,106
"So she called me from
a hotel room, said,
'I don't respect you.'

395
00:20:04,184 --> 00:20:05,481
(SCOF'F'S)

396
00:20:05,552 --> 00:20:06,985
"Thoughtless.

397
00:20:08,956 --> 00:20:12,619
"You know what
don't get no respect?
Airplane food.

398
00:20:13,293 --> 00:20:17,024
"Why don't they just
make the plane
out of the airline food?

399
00:20:19,900 --> 00:20:24,894
"My wife don't get no
respect. So... Take her,
please, for example.

400
00:20:27,140 --> 00:20:30,473
"If you don't get no respect,
you might be a redneck."

401
00:20:31,945 --> 00:20:35,574
"Respect is nice."
Borat.

402
00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:43,249
"What's the deal
with Grape-Nuts?
No grapes, no nuts.

403
00:20:44,925 --> 00:20:46,586
"I don't get no respect."

404
00:20:48,695 --> 00:20:52,859
So I'm thinking
as a reward for
our loyal clients

405
00:20:52,933 --> 00:20:57,302
that we contact their
assistants and we find
out where they live,

406
00:20:57,371 --> 00:21:02,468
and then, we go to their
houses in the middle
of summer and go caroling.

407
00:21:02,542 --> 00:21:09,175
It is a summer Christmas
sale-e-bration, and we'll call
it, "A summer sales-a-lot."

408
00:21:10,751 --> 00:21:12,878
F'eedback, anybody?
Stanley?

409
00:21:14,154 --> 00:21:16,918
Has potential to be
your best idea yet.

410
00:21:18,825 --> 00:21:20,292
That's the dumbest
thing I ever heard.

411
00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:21,918
(SIGHS) Damn it, Phyllis.

412
00:21:21,995 --> 00:21:24,293
All right, everybody
out except Phyllis.