1
00:00:02,502 --> 00:00:03,794
Hey.

2
00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:09,926
Oh, what's this?

3
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:12,345
That is a demerit.

4
00:00:12,428 --> 00:00:14,471
"Jim Halpert. Tardiness."

5
00:00:15,306 --> 00:00:16,974
Oh. I love it, already.

6
00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:18,893
You've got to learn, Jim.
You are a second in command,

7
00:00:18,976 --> 00:00:20,352
but that does not
put you above the law.

8
00:00:20,436 --> 00:00:21,645
Oh, I understand.

9
00:00:21,729 --> 00:00:23,439
And I also have
lots of questions.

10
00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:26,275
Like,
what does a demerit mean?

11
00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:29,111
Let's put it this way. You do
not want to receive three of those.

12
00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:30,196
Lay it on me.

13
00:00:30,279 --> 00:00:32,239
Three demerits, and
you'll receive a citation.

14
00:00:32,323 --> 00:00:33,699
Now, that sounds serious.

15
00:00:33,783 --> 00:00:35,284
Oh, it is serious.

16
00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:38,162
Five citations, and you're
looking at a violation.

17
00:00:38,246 --> 00:00:40,706
Four of those, and you'll
receive a verbal warning.

18
00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:42,917
Keep it up, and you're
looking at a written warning.

19
00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:46,420
Two of those, that will
land you in a world of hurt,

20
00:00:46,504 --> 00:00:48,756
in the form of
a disciplinary review,

21
00:00:48,839 --> 00:00:52,008
written up by me, and placed on
the desk of my immediate superior.

22
00:00:52,093 --> 00:00:53,928
Which would be me.

23
00:00:54,428 --> 00:00:55,429
That is correct.

24
00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:58,432
Okay. I want a copy on my
desk by the end of the day

25
00:00:58,516 --> 00:01:02,686
or you will receive
a full desaggelation.

26
00:01:02,770 --> 00:01:04,897
What's a... What's that?

27
00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:08,693
Oh, you don't want to know.

28
00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:52,194
Hey, Phyllis.
Are you all right?

29
00:01:52,361 --> 00:01:54,529
I think I just got flashed.

30
00:01:55,906 --> 00:01:57,574
What? Really?

31
00:01:58,492 --> 00:01:59,701
In the parking lot.

32
00:01:59,785 --> 00:02:00,952
Oh, my God.

33
00:02:02,038 --> 00:02:03,289
Move!

34
00:02:04,999 --> 00:02:06,583
Okay,
I'll call the real police.

35
00:02:06,667 --> 00:02:09,086
What happened?
What can I do to help?

36
00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:10,337
Okay.

37
00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:13,382
I'll check the web.

38
00:02:14,592 --> 00:02:16,135
Thank you.

39
00:02:17,386 --> 00:02:18,387
The police are on it.

40
00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:20,598
They say they've
already had three calls.

41
00:02:21,557 --> 00:02:23,642
Can you tell us
what happened?

42
00:02:24,685 --> 00:02:28,480
I was walking to the building and
this man asked me for directions.

43
00:02:28,981 --> 00:02:31,733
And he was holding a map.

44
00:02:32,234 --> 00:02:36,734
And when I walked over,
he had it out on the map.

45
00:02:38,366 --> 00:02:40,868
Phyllis.
You're a married woman.

46
00:02:40,951 --> 00:02:44,412
The guy was just hanging
brain. I mean, what's all the fuss?

47
00:02:45,122 --> 00:02:47,124
If that's flashing,
then lock me up.

48
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:49,835
It's just, like, so creepy.
Yeah.

49
00:02:51,754 --> 00:02:53,088
What's happening?

50
00:02:53,172 --> 00:02:56,300
Oh, some guy exposed himself
to Phyllis in the parking lot.

51
00:02:57,426 --> 00:02:58,885
Really? Is she okay?

52
00:02:58,969 --> 00:03:02,097
Yeah. Bob Vance took
her for a walk to calm down.

53
00:03:02,181 --> 00:03:03,307
Okay.

54
00:03:06,435 --> 00:03:08,061
Phyllis, you say?

55
00:03:11,857 --> 00:03:13,483
What is so funny?

56
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:16,320
I mean,
did he even see Pam?

57
00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:18,823
Or, Karen from behind?

58
00:03:19,615 --> 00:03:21,241
I'm guessing not.

59
00:03:25,371 --> 00:03:26,914
I'm sorry.

60
00:03:29,792 --> 00:03:32,002
It's pretty funny
when you think about it.

61
00:03:32,086 --> 00:03:33,504
Not really. No.

62
00:03:33,587 --> 00:03:34,838
It's disgusting and demeaning.

63
00:03:34,922 --> 00:03:36,965
Oh, okay.

64
00:03:37,049 --> 00:03:39,468
Masters of comedy,
a guy dropped his pants.

65
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:41,387
Have you ever
been to the circus?

66
00:03:42,596 --> 00:03:43,722
Okay.

67
00:03:49,019 --> 00:03:50,228
He's back!

68
00:03:53,315 --> 00:03:54,441
Okay.

69
00:03:58,654 --> 00:04:01,198
Hey, what's going on?
There's a police car in the...

70
00:04:01,449 --> 00:04:02,575
What?

71
00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:06,620
What's going on?

72
00:04:06,704 --> 00:04:08,789
Oh, Phyllis got flashed.
It's...

73
00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:13,252
I don't think laughing about
it is an appropriate response.

74
00:04:13,335 --> 00:04:14,502
Oh, come on.

75
00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:16,380
We're laughing at Phyllis
but she's not even here.

76
00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:18,007
So, no harm, no foul.

77
00:04:18,257 --> 00:04:19,341
I don't think
the women in this office...

78
00:04:19,425 --> 00:04:20,801
Incidentally, where were
you during all of this?

79
00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:22,303
Maybe you're the flasher.

80
00:04:22,386 --> 00:04:25,055
I was at a parent-teacher
conference.

81
00:04:25,139 --> 00:04:27,057
Prove it.
Let's see your penis.

82
00:04:31,479 --> 00:04:33,689
I... You know...

83
00:04:34,857 --> 00:04:39,357
As that was coming out of my
mouth, I knew that it was wrong.

84
00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:43,949
In all the excitement,

85
00:04:44,658 --> 00:04:49,158
I forgot that my primary
goal is to keep people safe.

86
00:04:51,916 --> 00:04:55,502
Women can't have fun
if they don't feel safe.

87
00:04:56,504 --> 00:05:01,004
For example, Jan and I have a
safe word in case things go too far.

88
00:05:02,134 --> 00:05:03,718
Foliage.

89
00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:08,182
And if one of us says that
word, the other one has to stop.

90
00:05:11,685 --> 00:05:16,185
Although last time, she
pretended she didn't hear me.

91
00:05:17,358 --> 00:05:19,526
Michael, come over
after work tonight, okay?

92
00:05:19,610 --> 00:05:21,028
I miss your body.

93
00:05:22,196 --> 00:05:25,824
I don't know.
I feel... I drive a lot.

94
00:05:26,575 --> 00:05:28,535
I'm spending a fortune
on gas and tools.

95
00:05:28,619 --> 00:05:31,788
Okay. I'll give you $200. And if I get up
before you, I'll leave it on the dresser.

96
00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:33,999
That... I don't know.

97
00:05:34,083 --> 00:05:35,375
That makes me
kind of uncomfortable.

98
00:05:35,459 --> 00:05:37,169
$3007?

99
00:05:37,253 --> 00:05:38,837
Well... I don't know.

100
00:05:38,921 --> 00:05:40,047
Look, whatever.

101
00:05:40,130 --> 00:05:41,881
Just let my assistant know
if you're coming over

102
00:05:41,966 --> 00:05:43,133
So he can get more vodka.
Okay?

103
00:05:43,217 --> 00:05:45,427
- Hunter, are you on?
- You got it, Jan.

104
00:05:49,098 --> 00:05:51,809
The employees of this
office are very small and delicate.

105
00:05:51,892 --> 00:05:54,436
Deserve protection
from local pervs.

106
00:05:54,728 --> 00:05:56,771
Better a thousand
innocent men are locked up

107
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:58,691
than one guilty man
roam free.

108
00:06:00,150 --> 00:06:03,820
I am sick over this thing. Those
people out there are clearly afraid.

109
00:06:03,904 --> 00:06:06,197
And that can't happen.
Not in my house.

110
00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:09,410
Agreed. Let me show you
what I've been working on.

111
00:06:09,493 --> 00:06:11,161
There are
several penises there

112
00:06:11,245 --> 00:06:13,121
I'd love Phyllis
to run her eyes over.

113
00:06:13,205 --> 00:06:14,789
You know, see if we
can catch this pervert.

114
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:18,919
This is the last thing that Phyllis
needs to see right now, Dwight.

115
00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:20,254
Look at that one.

116
00:06:22,506 --> 00:06:24,257
Dwight,
are those your pants?

117
00:06:24,341 --> 00:06:25,842
That's a Polaroid.

118
00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:31,682
Attention, everybody. Dwight
has something he would like to say.

119
00:06:31,765 --> 00:06:34,309
Due to a recent
incident involving

120
00:06:34,393 --> 00:06:38,105
Phyllis, a man,
a map, and his penis,

121
00:06:38,188 --> 00:06:39,689
I think you know
what I'm referring to,

122
00:06:39,773 --> 00:06:44,273
Michael has authorized me to form
an emergency anti-flashing task force.

123
00:06:46,030 --> 00:06:49,116
Question. Won't that interfere
with your other task forces?

124
00:06:49,533 --> 00:06:52,911
Answer. No, because this
is being given priority one.

125
00:06:52,995 --> 00:06:54,746
This is a petition
for the business park

126
00:06:54,830 --> 00:06:56,540
to upgrade their
security cameras

127
00:06:56,624 --> 00:07:00,044
as well as install two
floodlights in the parking lot.

128
00:07:00,127 --> 00:07:02,212
And I know what
you're thinking.

129
00:07:02,296 --> 00:07:05,632
Won't that just shed
more light on the penises?

130
00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:07,384
But that is
a risk we have to take.

131
00:07:07,468 --> 00:07:09,386
Pam. You can draw, kind of.

132
00:07:09,470 --> 00:07:11,013
Why don't you work
with Phallus

133
00:07:11,096 --> 00:07:12,847
on drawing
a picture of the exposer

134
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:14,433
that I can post
around the community?

135
00:07:14,516 --> 00:07:15,517
Phallus?

136
00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:16,768
Phyllis. Sorry.

137
00:07:17,227 --> 00:07:20,688
I've got penises on the
brain. Back to work, everybody.

138
00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:30,824
I don't often miss Roy,
but I can tell you one thing.

139
00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:33,744
I wish someone had flashed me
when I was with Roy.

140
00:07:33,827 --> 00:07:36,663
Because that would have been
the ass-kicking of the year.

141
00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:39,416
Especially if it had been Jim.

142
00:07:41,251 --> 00:07:43,503
He would not have wanted me
to have seen Jim's...

143
00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:48,133
I'm...
I am saying a lot of things.

144
00:07:52,846 --> 00:07:54,764
I didn't really
get a good look.

145
00:07:54,848 --> 00:07:56,683
That's okay.

146
00:07:56,767 --> 00:07:58,143
I don't feel like
answering phones.

147
00:07:58,227 --> 00:08:01,313
Hey, did you guys see this
memo that Dwight sent out?

148
00:08:01,397 --> 00:08:03,899
"Women will be sent home
if they wear makeup

149
00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:06,360
"or heels exceeding
one-quarter inch.

150
00:08:06,443 --> 00:08:08,278
"Females are not allowed
to speak to strangers

151
00:08:08,362 --> 00:08:11,156
"unless given written
authorization by Dwight Schrute."

152
00:08:11,323 --> 00:08:12,407
This is ridiculous.

153
00:08:12,491 --> 00:08:15,952
Attention. I am removing
all bananas from the kitchen.

154
00:08:17,371 --> 00:08:21,333
Dwight, this memo that
you distributed is insulting.

155
00:08:21,417 --> 00:08:23,210
Desperate times call
for desperate measures.

156
00:08:23,293 --> 00:08:24,752
"Sleeves down to the wrists"?

157
00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:27,172
"Button-up collars
and muted colors."

158
00:08:27,256 --> 00:08:28,590
Nobody dresses like that.

159
00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:30,467
Okay.
You know something, Dwight?

160
00:08:30,551 --> 00:08:32,261
We are not the terrorists.

161
00:08:32,344 --> 00:08:35,680
Why don't you just take these
women, put them in a burlap sack,

162
00:08:35,764 --> 00:08:36,931
and hit them with a stick?

163
00:08:37,016 --> 00:08:38,142
Because that's
what you're doing.

164
00:08:38,225 --> 00:08:40,060
I celebrate these women.

165
00:08:40,144 --> 00:08:43,355
They deserve the right
to dress as they please.

166
00:08:43,439 --> 00:08:46,024
If Pam wants to show more
cleavage, she should be able to.

167
00:08:46,108 --> 00:08:47,651
I encourage that.

168
00:08:48,193 --> 00:08:49,444
Look, it's really simple.

169
00:08:49,528 --> 00:08:51,488
We just want you guys
to treat us with respect.

170
00:08:51,822 --> 00:08:54,658
See? That's what we're talking
about. Did you hear that, Dwight?

171
00:08:54,950 --> 00:08:57,744
Yes.
Did you hear that, Michael?

172
00:08:57,828 --> 00:08:58,912
No, Dwight. Respect.

173
00:08:58,996 --> 00:09:03,496
R-E-S-P-C-T.
Find out what it means to me.

174
00:09:03,959 --> 00:09:06,544
All right.
You know what? That's it.

175
00:09:06,628 --> 00:09:08,921
Conference room. Five minutes.
Women's appreciation.

176
00:09:09,006 --> 00:09:11,925
Wait a second. How are
you qualified for that?

177
00:09:12,009 --> 00:09:15,178
Oh, I don't know, James.
Did I come from a woman?

178
00:09:15,262 --> 00:09:17,138
Have I slept with a woman?
More than one?

179
00:09:17,222 --> 00:09:18,473
Less than three.

180
00:09:18,557 --> 00:09:19,933
That is not current.

181
00:09:20,017 --> 00:09:22,144
You know what? Why
doesn't Oscar run the meeting?

182
00:09:22,227 --> 00:09:23,311
He's a homosexual.

183
00:09:23,395 --> 00:09:25,271
Why don't you run the
meeting? You play with dolls.

184
00:09:25,355 --> 00:09:26,856
Those are
collectible action figures.

185
00:09:26,940 --> 00:09:28,316
And they're worth
more than your car.

186
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:31,528
You know what? I am
the expert. I will conduct it.

187
00:09:31,612 --> 00:09:33,155
I know the crap out of women.

188
00:09:33,238 --> 00:09:36,532
I would like to apologize

189
00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:39,411
for all the men who thought
this was a laughing matter.

190
00:09:39,495 --> 00:09:41,205
Are we still
discussing this?

191
00:09:41,288 --> 00:09:43,248
I say again,
what is the big deal?

192
00:09:43,332 --> 00:09:46,501
Nobody likes to be flashed.

193
00:09:46,585 --> 00:09:49,379
When Meredith flashed me
at that Christmas party,

194
00:09:49,463 --> 00:09:50,672
I nearly vomited.

195
00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:52,007
I don't remember doing that.

196
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:53,258
What a surprise.

197
00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:54,843
Okay. No catfights.
Please? Let's...

198
00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:56,720
My point is...

199
00:09:56,804 --> 00:09:58,806
My point is...

200
00:10:00,516 --> 00:10:05,016
A penis, when seen
in the right context,

201
00:10:05,604 --> 00:10:08,148
is the most
wonderful sight for a woman.

202
00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:10,692
But in the wrong context,
it is like a monster movie.

203
00:10:10,776 --> 00:10:12,402
Alien.

204
00:10:12,486 --> 00:10:14,362
What? Shut it. Shut up.

205
00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:19,280
Okay. So, what I want to engage
us in today is a hardcore discussion

206
00:10:19,827 --> 00:10:24,327
about women's problems
and issues and situations.

207
00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:27,876
Magazines and TV
shows and movies

208
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:32,460
portray women
as skinny, tall goddesses.

209
00:10:32,881 --> 00:10:37,343
Well, look around.
Are women like that?

210
00:10:37,427 --> 00:10:40,471
No. No, they are not.

211
00:10:41,932 --> 00:10:44,893
Even the hot ones
aren't really that skinny.

212
00:10:46,478 --> 00:10:47,479
So, what does that say?

213
00:10:47,855 --> 00:10:51,692
That says that you
women are up against it.

214
00:10:51,775 --> 00:10:53,526
And it is criminal.

215
00:10:53,610 --> 00:10:56,237
Society doesn't care.
Society sucks.

216
00:10:56,321 --> 00:10:59,657
I don't even consider myself
a part of society.

217
00:10:59,741 --> 00:11:03,536
F.Y.I. because I am so
angry over all of this.

218
00:11:03,620 --> 00:11:08,120
If it were up to me, you ladies
would be the fashion models.

219
00:11:09,293 --> 00:11:10,544
Yes, Andy.

220
00:11:10,627 --> 00:11:13,338
Then, the fashion models could
come here and work with me.

221
00:11:13,422 --> 00:11:15,799
What you're saying
is extremely misogynistic.

222
00:11:15,883 --> 00:11:16,884
Yes.

223
00:11:18,093 --> 00:11:19,219
Thank you.

224
00:11:19,803 --> 00:11:23,640
That was not necessary, but I
appreciated it. And it proves my point.

225
00:11:23,724 --> 00:11:25,308
Women can do anything.

226
00:11:25,392 --> 00:11:27,310
I'm saying that
you're being sexist.

227
00:11:27,394 --> 00:11:30,897
No. I'm being misogynistic.
That is insane.

228
00:11:30,981 --> 00:11:32,941
I am not being sexist.
That's the same thing.

229
00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:34,234
Michael.
Yes.

230
00:11:34,318 --> 00:11:35,610
When I got
my hair cut short,

231
00:11:35,694 --> 00:11:37,362
you asked me
if I was a lesbian.

232
00:11:38,155 --> 00:11:39,573
Because...

233
00:11:39,656 --> 00:11:41,407
That was one
possible explanation

234
00:11:41,491 --> 00:11:43,326
as to why
you got that haircut.

235
00:11:43,535 --> 00:11:46,538
And when we get mad, you
always ask us if we're on our periods.

236
00:11:46,622 --> 00:11:49,416
I have to know whether
you're serious or not.

237
00:11:49,499 --> 00:11:51,584
I wish I could menstruate.

238
00:11:51,919 --> 00:11:53,253
If I could menstruate,
I wouldn't have to deal

239
00:11:53,337 --> 00:11:55,547
with idiotic calendars
anymore.

240
00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:58,258
I'd just be able to count
down from my previous cycle.

241
00:11:58,675 --> 00:12:01,094
Plus, I'd be more in tune
with the moon and the tides.

242
00:12:01,261 --> 00:12:02,553
Can we just get back to work?

243
00:12:02,679 --> 00:12:03,930
Yes. Okay. Yes.

244
00:12:04,014 --> 00:12:05,640
This is not work talk.

245
00:12:05,724 --> 00:12:07,600
You're right. You're right.
And you know why?

246
00:12:07,684 --> 00:12:09,435
It's because of where we are.

247
00:12:09,519 --> 00:12:12,313
This is
a masculine environment.

248
00:12:12,397 --> 00:12:15,775
We need to find a place
where you feel comfortable.

249
00:12:15,859 --> 00:12:17,694
You know where
we're gonna go?

250
00:12:17,819 --> 00:12:19,695
Steamtown Mall.

251
00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:22,949
Frankly,
it's kind of insulting.

252
00:12:23,033 --> 00:12:26,077
But I have a bunch of stuff
I need to return in my car,

253
00:12:26,161 --> 00:12:28,788
so I can do that.

254
00:12:28,997 --> 00:12:31,499
Malls are just
awful and humiliating.

255
00:12:31,583 --> 00:12:33,001
They're just
store after store

256
00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:34,377
of these
horrible sales people

257
00:12:34,461 --> 00:12:37,464
making a big fuss out of an
adult shopping in a junior section.

258
00:12:38,465 --> 00:12:41,426
There are petite adults
who are sort of smaller

259
00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:46,306
who need to wear,
maybe, a kids' size 10.

260
00:12:47,057 --> 00:12:50,477
Okay! Let's go,
ladies of Dunder Mifflin.

261
00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:52,770
Hey, we should have
a calendar printed up.

262
00:12:52,854 --> 00:12:56,274
Pam, put that in
my good idea folder.

263
00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:57,901
Let's go!

264
00:12:57,985 --> 00:12:59,111
Are you finished
with the sketch?

265
00:12:59,194 --> 00:13:00,361
Yeah.

266
00:13:01,029 --> 00:13:02,822
Doesn't seem like the type.

267
00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:04,658
Phyllis got a good look.

268
00:13:08,912 --> 00:13:11,456
I plan on plastering this
pervert's face everywhere.

269
00:13:13,041 --> 00:13:15,501
You can run,
but you cannot hide.

270
00:13:19,589 --> 00:13:20,840
Meredith, slow down!

271
00:13:20,924 --> 00:13:23,092
We're not gonna get there
any faster if we're dead.

272
00:13:23,176 --> 00:13:25,344
Thanks. I know how to drive.

273
00:13:31,059 --> 00:13:33,644
Oh. Yeah.
You really shouldn't litter.

274
00:13:33,729 --> 00:13:35,564
My car. My rules.

275
00:13:40,235 --> 00:13:41,402
Hey, Jim.

276
00:13:42,612 --> 00:13:44,905
You want to go in
the women's bathroom??

277
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:46,950
No. Thank you, though.

278
00:13:47,034 --> 00:13:48,577
You aren't curious?

279
00:13:48,660 --> 00:13:50,953
Not really.
I've seen a bathroom before.

280
00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:54,791
Yeah, but,
it's every guy's fantasy.

281
00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:57,335
I think you mean
a girl's locker room.

282
00:13:57,419 --> 00:13:59,712
And in the fantasy,
there's usually girls in it.

283
00:14:00,255 --> 00:14:01,256
Yeah.

284
00:14:02,758 --> 00:14:04,009
I'm going in.

285
00:14:04,092 --> 00:14:05,301
Go crazy.

286
00:14:10,265 --> 00:14:13,351
Oh, my God.

287
00:14:13,435 --> 00:14:14,894
I really appreciate
your letting me work

288
00:14:14,978 --> 00:14:16,354
alongside you
so closely today.

289
00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:17,897
Of course you do, moonface.

290
00:14:17,981 --> 00:14:20,233
That's because you're a preppy
freak, you're the office pariah,

291
00:14:20,317 --> 00:14:21,443
and nobody likes you.

292
00:14:21,526 --> 00:14:24,695
So, start hanging these
all around the building.

293
00:14:29,868 --> 00:14:31,160
This guy looks
like a real deviant.

294
00:14:31,244 --> 00:14:32,245
No duh.

295
00:14:32,329 --> 00:14:34,414
That's why we've got to
catch him. Start hanging those.

296
00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:35,749
Aye, aye, Captain.

297
00:14:35,832 --> 00:14:37,708
More like, aye, aye, General.

298
00:14:38,418 --> 00:14:40,711
I don't think
she's gonna make it.

299
00:14:40,796 --> 00:14:42,422
Don't think
she's gonna make it!

300
00:14:45,842 --> 00:14:49,178
It's a little too tight.
I'm gonna find another spot.

301
00:14:50,764 --> 00:14:53,683
Many women are
competent drivers.

302
00:14:54,309 --> 00:14:56,019
Okay. Come on.

303
00:15:04,277 --> 00:15:06,112
This is what we know.

304
00:15:09,825 --> 00:15:11,993
Well, I stand corrected.
This is pretty cool.

305
00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:13,703
Yes.

306
00:15:13,787 --> 00:15:17,415
Hey, where did you decide
to take Karen tonight?

307
00:15:17,499 --> 00:15:18,583
Anna Maria's.

308
00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:19,709
What's the occasion?

309
00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:21,085
Six-month anniversary.

310
00:15:23,255 --> 00:15:24,756
What?

311
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,800
Nothing. I think,
we all kind of thought

312
00:15:26,883 --> 00:15:28,801
you guys were just,
like, hooking up.

313
00:15:28,885 --> 00:15:31,345
No. We've been
dating for six months.

314
00:15:32,681 --> 00:15:37,181
She might mention an e-mail
that I wrote a while back.

315
00:15:37,978 --> 00:15:39,854
Oh, right.
I remember that one.

316
00:15:39,938 --> 00:15:41,606
She read it to me.

317
00:15:41,690 --> 00:15:43,066
She said
she's not really ready

318
00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:44,651
to date somebody
in the office,

319
00:15:44,734 --> 00:15:46,777
but she really
likes you as a friend.

320
00:15:47,487 --> 00:15:49,238
I figured. That's cool.

321
00:15:49,322 --> 00:15:52,199
I wouldn't want to be in an
office relationship, anyway.

322
00:15:54,828 --> 00:15:58,456
All right.
I hope nobody's on a diet.

323
00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:00,917
Thanks, Michael.
Thank you, Michael.

324
00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:02,544
You're welcome.
You're welcome.

325
00:16:03,378 --> 00:16:05,588
Okay.

326
00:16:05,672 --> 00:16:07,298
So. Let's dish.

327
00:16:07,424 --> 00:16:09,050
What do you
want to dish about?

328
00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:12,179
Anything you guys want.
This is your time.

329
00:16:26,359 --> 00:16:28,152
What is a Pap smear?

330
00:16:28,236 --> 00:16:31,155
Or is it shmear
like cream cheese?

331
00:16:31,239 --> 00:16:32,949
Okay. New topic.

332
00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:35,243
Kelly, how are
things with Ryan?

333
00:16:35,327 --> 00:16:36,995
Awesome.

334
00:16:37,078 --> 00:16:40,331
Awful, I mean.
But, sometimes awesome.

335
00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:44,585
What... What do you
think of role-play?

336
00:16:44,711 --> 00:16:45,753
It can be fun.

337
00:16:45,837 --> 00:16:46,838
Yeah?

338
00:16:46,922 --> 00:16:49,758
Well, Jan has this
schoolgirl fantasy.

339
00:16:49,841 --> 00:16:51,509
That's a pretty common one.

340
00:16:51,593 --> 00:16:52,885
I just...

341
00:16:52,969 --> 00:16:55,096
I feel uncomfortable
wearing the dress.

342
00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:57,807
Okay. I'm gonna be
at the doll store.

343
00:16:59,142 --> 00:17:01,561
Sometimes the clothes at
GapKids are just too flashy.

344
00:17:01,645 --> 00:17:03,897
So, I am forced to go to
the American Girl store

345
00:17:03,980 --> 00:17:06,941
and order clothes for
large colonial dolls.

346
00:17:08,276 --> 00:17:09,610
Michael,
you shouldn't do anything

347
00:17:09,694 --> 00:17:11,278
that you're
uncomfortable with.

348
00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:14,616
Jan says anything that doesn't
scare us is not worth doing.

349
00:17:15,909 --> 00:17:18,828
I don't know. Maybe we're different
people. I like cuddling and spooning

350
00:17:18,912 --> 00:17:20,997
and she likes
videotaping us during sex.

351
00:17:21,081 --> 00:17:23,208
Oh, my God.

352
00:17:23,291 --> 00:17:26,294
And then, watching it back right
afterward to improve my form.

353
00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:28,421
That is not healthy behavior.

354
00:17:28,505 --> 00:17:30,507
No. It's not that bad.

355
00:17:30,590 --> 00:17:32,341
The worst part is
that she shows it

356
00:17:32,425 --> 00:17:34,427
to her therapist
and they discuss it.

357
00:17:34,511 --> 00:17:36,596
Michael, you need
to get out of this.

358
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:38,973
No.
She's just fooling around.

359
00:17:39,391 --> 00:17:40,725
It's a woman thing.

360
00:17:40,809 --> 00:17:43,269
No. Normal women
don't do stuff like that.

361
00:17:43,353 --> 00:17:44,645
This is bad.

362
00:17:54,656 --> 00:17:55,823
No.

363
00:17:55,907 --> 00:17:58,117
No, that's all right.
I'm okay. I'm okay.

364
00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:04,499
You guys,
what am I gonna do about Jan?

365
00:18:10,171 --> 00:18:11,255
Done.

366
00:18:12,007 --> 00:18:13,550
Read the pros first.

367
00:18:13,633 --> 00:18:18,133
Okay.
"Jan is smart, successful.

368
00:18:19,014 --> 00:18:21,224
"Good clothes. Hot.

369
00:18:21,474 --> 00:18:24,560
"Perfect skin. Nice butt."

370
00:18:24,644 --> 00:18:26,312
She does have
very nice clothes.

371
00:18:26,396 --> 00:18:28,523
Okay, okay. Cons?

372
00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:30,025
Cons.

373
00:18:30,108 --> 00:18:32,068
"Wears too much makeup.

374
00:18:32,152 --> 00:18:34,946
"Breasts not anything
to write home about.

375
00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:36,656
"Insecure about body.

376
00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:38,283
“I'm unhappy
when I'm with her.

377
00:18:38,408 --> 00:18:40,118
"Flat-chested."
What was the last one?

378
00:18:40,201 --> 00:18:42,244
She's totally flat.
Shrunken chesticles.

379
00:18:42,329 --> 00:18:44,372
No. The one before that.

380
00:18:44,456 --> 00:18:46,207
“I'm unhappy
when I'm with her."

381
00:18:47,542 --> 00:18:48,543
Michael.

382
00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:50,712
You shouldn't be with someone
who doesn't make you happy.

383
00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:52,630
I'm happy sometimes.

384
00:18:55,675 --> 00:18:57,760
When we scrapbook.

385
00:18:57,844 --> 00:19:00,263
Or right towards
the end of having sex.

386
00:19:00,347 --> 00:19:02,724
Look, most relationships
have their rough patches.

387
00:19:02,807 --> 00:19:05,059
You just have to push
through it sometimes.

388
00:19:05,143 --> 00:19:06,144
Yeah. That's smart.

389
00:19:06,227 --> 00:19:07,228
Maybe.

390
00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:09,814
But it sounds like you're
just wrong for each other.

391
00:19:09,898 --> 00:19:11,482
That sounds good, too.

392
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:16,613
I don't know who's right.
I just don't.

393
00:19:16,696 --> 00:19:17,863
I don't know. I don't know.

394
00:19:17,947 --> 00:19:20,157
I bet you know.
Don't think. Just answer.

395
00:19:20,241 --> 00:19:21,492
What do you want
to do about Jan?

396
00:19:21,576 --> 00:19:23,160
I want to break up
with Jan.

397
00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:25,080
Wow!

398
00:19:26,164 --> 00:19:28,291
I want to break up with Jan.

399
00:19:29,876 --> 00:19:31,711
My mom taught me that.

400
00:19:32,837 --> 00:19:33,838
Wow!

401
00:19:33,922 --> 00:19:37,216
I cannot believe this
yogurt has no calories.

402
00:19:37,300 --> 00:19:39,051
No one said
it has no calories.

403
00:19:39,135 --> 00:19:40,845
Oh, hey, guys.

404
00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:44,015
I want to do
something nice for you,

405
00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:47,644
because you did something
so nice for me earlier.

406
00:19:47,727 --> 00:19:49,019
I want you to go in there.

407
00:19:49,104 --> 00:19:51,356
I want you to buy one item,
on me.

408
00:19:51,439 --> 00:19:54,859
As a thank you.
Come on. Get in here.

409
00:19:54,943 --> 00:19:57,862
Let's face it. Most guys are from
the Dark Ages. They're cavemen.

410
00:19:57,946 --> 00:20:01,324
And they like a woman
to be showing her cleavage

411
00:20:01,408 --> 00:20:03,827
and to be wearing
eight-inch heels.

412
00:20:03,910 --> 00:20:08,410
And to be wearing
see-through underpants.

413
00:20:09,499 --> 00:20:12,627
But for me,

414
00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:17,173
a woman looks best when
she is just absolutely naked.

415
00:20:22,220 --> 00:20:24,513
This is so great, huh?

416
00:20:27,183 --> 00:20:29,018
We should do this
much more often.

417
00:20:29,102 --> 00:20:31,854
I think we hang out
an appropriate amount of time.

418
00:20:35,316 --> 00:20:37,484
What are you doing in here?
This is the woman's room.

419
00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:38,611
You're in here.

420
00:20:38,695 --> 00:20:40,446
I pay for that privilege.

421
00:20:46,911 --> 00:20:48,162
Okay.

422
00:20:48,246 --> 00:20:49,622
I'm a pretty normal guy.

423
00:20:49,706 --> 00:20:51,499
I do one weird thing.

424
00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:54,127
I like to goin the women's
room for number two.

425
00:20:54,210 --> 00:20:57,504
I've been caught several
times, and I have paid dearly.

426
00:21:01,468 --> 00:21:03,928
You don't want anything?
My treat.

427
00:21:04,637 --> 00:21:07,348
Some panties, or...

428
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:11,769
Like, a thong or
G-string, T-back?

429
00:21:11,853 --> 00:21:15,314
Get a nice bra.
Padded bra.

430
00:21:15,398 --> 00:21:18,317
See-through? Push-up?
Lace? Thigh-high?

431
00:21:18,401 --> 00:21:20,152
Bustier?
Anything. It's just...

432
00:21:20,236 --> 00:21:24,198
You know what? I would love to
buy you a fresh set of underwear.

433
00:21:25,909 --> 00:21:29,162
Phyllis?
What do you think? Too much?

434
00:21:29,245 --> 00:21:31,038
Jim's gonna love it.

435
00:21:36,878 --> 00:21:39,171
I'm kind of in between
boyfriends right now,

436
00:21:39,255 --> 00:21:41,757
so I don't need
anything sexy.

437
00:21:42,509 --> 00:21:44,010
But I do need
some new hand towels.

438
00:21:44,093 --> 00:21:46,011
I figure I can
cut up this robe.

439
00:21:46,679 --> 00:21:48,097
Slower.

440
00:21:49,307 --> 00:21:51,017
Slower.

441
00:21:51,810 --> 00:21:54,854
Meredith. Slow it up.

442
00:21:56,147 --> 00:21:57,982
Oh, no.

443
00:21:59,609 --> 00:22:01,569
It's Jan. What do I do?

444
00:22:01,653 --> 00:22:03,905
Answer it.
Don't answer it.

445
00:22:07,534 --> 00:22:08,952
Okay. It stopped.

446
00:22:09,410 --> 00:22:11,203
Oh, crap.

447
00:22:25,844 --> 00:22:27,637
That is pretty cool.

448
00:22:32,851 --> 00:22:36,354
Michael? You know how
to change a wheel, right?

449
00:22:37,355 --> 00:22:39,690
Yeah. Yep.

450
00:22:41,609 --> 00:22:43,360
Can somebody
grab me the lever?

451
00:22:43,444 --> 00:22:44,987
And [ will...

452
00:22:45,071 --> 00:22:46,697
Here. Meredith?

453
00:22:46,781 --> 00:22:48,157
Why don't you put
your hazards on?

454
00:22:48,241 --> 00:22:50,826
Yeah. Get your
hazards on for safety.

455
00:22:52,287 --> 00:22:53,663
Let's see.

456
00:22:55,498 --> 00:22:59,998
There we go!
Good. Yes. We have the...

457
00:23:01,838 --> 00:23:03,548
All right.

458
00:23:03,631 --> 00:23:05,257
I think I've got it.

459
00:23:09,178 --> 00:23:11,889
Do you have a Crescent?
A Crescent-Allen?

460
00:23:11,973 --> 00:23:14,225
I don't think we really
need that, Michael.

461
00:23:14,309 --> 00:23:16,811
You know what?
I'm going to...

462
00:23:16,895 --> 00:23:21,395
You take care of that.
I'm gonna do traffic detail.

463
00:23:21,608 --> 00:23:24,360
You know?
I changed a tire today.

464
00:23:24,444 --> 00:23:26,612
All by myself.

465
00:23:26,696 --> 00:23:28,280
This bathrobe's
already coming in handy.

466
00:23:28,364 --> 00:23:30,199
Coming!

467
00:23:35,663 --> 00:23:36,664
Think we'll find him?

468
00:23:36,748 --> 00:23:40,001
Yeah, I do.
Because justice never rests.

469
00:23:40,543 --> 00:23:41,544
Halvsies?

470
00:23:41,628 --> 00:23:43,588
No. Wholesies.

471
00:23:46,007 --> 00:23:47,425
Listen, man.
I really appreciate

472
00:23:47,508 --> 00:23:49,426
you letting me shadow you
today. I feel like I learned a lot.

473
00:23:49,510 --> 00:23:50,594
Natch.

474
00:23:51,596 --> 00:23:55,516
Yep. If you don't mind, I think
I'll hang up some of these posters

475
00:23:55,600 --> 00:24:00,100
around my neighborhood,
schools, post office, et cetera.

476
00:24:00,855 --> 00:24:02,147
You know?

477
00:24:02,231 --> 00:24:04,107
I may have
underestimated you.

478
00:24:04,192 --> 00:24:06,277
You're not a total ass.

479
00:24:14,619 --> 00:24:18,039
Okay. I am really
going to do this.

480
00:24:18,122 --> 00:24:19,540
Good luck, Michael.

481
00:24:19,624 --> 00:24:21,042
You know what?
I need my girls with me.

482
00:24:21,125 --> 00:24:22,668
Pam, Karen, even Phyllis.
Come on.

483
00:24:22,752 --> 00:24:24,295
Let's do this.

484
00:24:25,088 --> 00:24:26,589
Let's do it.

485
00:24:29,425 --> 00:24:31,510
Okay. Remember. Be strong.

486
00:24:38,184 --> 00:24:39,810
I love you guys.

487
00:24:41,145 --> 00:24:42,271
No,
I'm getting her voicemail.

488
00:24:42,355 --> 00:24:43,773
Don't leave a...

489
00:24:43,856 --> 00:24:45,232
Hey, Jan. It's me. Michael.

490
00:24:45,316 --> 00:24:48,777
I'm just calling to say that I
think we need a little break.

491
00:24:49,028 --> 00:24:50,029
Permanently.

492
00:24:50,279 --> 00:24:54,779
And, I know everybody says
this, but I want to remain friends.

493
00:24:57,286 --> 00:25:01,786
Or, at least, business
associates who get along.

494
00:25:02,208 --> 00:25:05,502
Oh. Just so you know,
it's not me. It's you.

495
00:25:08,756 --> 00:25:11,049
Okay, buddy.
Somebody just walked in.

496
00:25:11,134 --> 00:25:14,011
I have to go.
So, I'll talk to you later.

497
00:25:16,806 --> 00:25:19,266
Michael. I was...

498
00:25:20,476 --> 00:25:24,976
I was really unhappy with
our conversation earlier. And ...

499
00:25:25,106 --> 00:25:27,691
I just... I couldn't
stop thinking about it,

500
00:25:27,775 --> 00:25:29,943
so I decided that I
would drive down here

501
00:25:30,028 --> 00:25:32,447
and apologize
to you in person.

502
00:25:34,032 --> 00:25:35,408
So...

503
00:25:41,372 --> 00:25:42,706
I'm sorry.

504
00:25:44,792 --> 00:25:46,168
Thank you.

505
00:25:47,712 --> 00:25:50,089
So, we're good?

506
00:25:50,965 --> 00:25:52,591
Abso-fruitly.

507
00:25:52,675 --> 00:25:54,593
Oh. Hold on. Sorry.

508
00:25:54,677 --> 00:25:55,719
No.

509
00:25:55,803 --> 00:25:57,346
Wait a second.

510
00:25:59,474 --> 00:26:01,684
Oh. It's from you.

511
00:26:04,645 --> 00:26:05,979
Want to grab some dinner?

512
00:26:06,064 --> 00:26:07,190
Hey, Jan. It's me. Michael.

513
00:26:07,273 --> 00:26:08,357
Yeah.
Okay.

514
00:26:08,441 --> 00:26:10,985
I'm just calling to say that I
think we need a little break.

515
00:26:11,069 --> 00:26:12,236
Permanently.

516
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:15,531
And, I know
everybody says this,

517
00:26:15,615 --> 00:26:17,158
but I want to remain friends.

518
00:26:17,241 --> 00:26:18,617
Maybe some Italian.

519
00:26:19,410 --> 00:26:21,912
Or, at least,
business associates...

520
00:26:21,996 --> 00:26:23,205
Chinese?

521
00:26:23,289 --> 00:26:24,290
...get along.

522
00:26:24,373 --> 00:26:26,583
Oh. Just so you know,
it's not me. It's you.

523
00:26:26,667 --> 00:26:29,044
Okay, buddy...

524
00:26:37,011 --> 00:26:41,181
Any man who says he totally
understands women is a fool.

525
00:26:42,100 --> 00:26:44,060
Because they are
un-understandable.

526
00:26:44,894 --> 00:26:47,813
There's a wishing
fountain at the mall,

527
00:26:47,897 --> 00:26:51,025
and I threw a coin in
for every woman in the world

528
00:26:51,109 --> 00:26:52,693
and made a wish.

529
00:26:52,777 --> 00:26:54,945
I wished for Jan
to get over me.

530
00:26:55,613 --> 00:26:58,449
I wished for
Phyllis a plasma TV.

531
00:26:58,533 --> 00:27:01,953
I wished for Pam
to gain courage.

532
00:27:02,578 --> 00:27:07,078
I wished for Angela a heart
and for Kelly a brain.

533
00:27:07,834 --> 00:27:10,253
Michael. How can you
appreciate women so much

534
00:27:10,336 --> 00:27:12,087
but also dump one of them?

535
00:27:13,256 --> 00:27:17,176
You mean,
how can I be so illogical

536
00:27:17,260 --> 00:27:21,305
and flighty and unpredictable
and emotional?

537
00:27:23,683 --> 00:27:27,144
Well, maybe I learned
something from women after all.

538
00:27:31,315 --> 00:27:33,525
Dunder Mifflin Paper /
Sex Predator Hotline.

539
00:27:33,609 --> 00:27:36,153
This is Dwight Schrute.
Hey, Dwight. It's Jim.

540
00:27:36,237 --> 00:27:38,364
Jim, what are you doing?
I'm busy.

541
00:27:38,447 --> 00:27:40,782
No. You're not.
I'm looking right at you.

542
00:27:41,576 --> 00:27:42,994
I'm hanging up.
Don't.

543
00:27:44,453 --> 00:27:46,455
I have information
about the sex predator.

544
00:27:47,874 --> 00:27:50,668
You have information
about the sex predator?

545
00:27:50,793 --> 00:27:52,419
I saw him two minutes ago.

546
00:27:52,545 --> 00:27:54,171
Where?

547
00:27:54,255 --> 00:27:56,799
In the women's bathroom,
above the sink.

548
00:28:03,556 --> 00:28:05,641
Anti-flashing task force!

549
00:28:06,184 --> 00:28:07,810
Above the sink.

550
00:28:08,186 --> 00:28:10,855
Above the sink.

551
00:28:19,488 --> 00:28:20,822
Pam!