1
00:00:04,607 --> 00:00:06,525
Hey, Brian, you got a sec?
2
00:00:06,559 --> 00:00:08,493
Yeah. I know
what you're gonna say.
3
00:00:08,528 --> 00:00:09,961
It's-- it's all right.
4
00:00:09,996 --> 00:00:11,830
No, I heard you got in trouble.
5
00:00:11,864 --> 00:00:13,415
- I feel awful.
- It's fine.
6
00:00:13,449 --> 00:00:14,916
It was my first slipup
7
00:00:14,951 --> 00:00:16,952
in nine years of miking you.
[Phone rings]
8
00:00:16,986 --> 00:00:18,670
Dunder Mifflin.
This is Erin.
9
00:00:18,704 --> 00:00:20,005
Well, thanks
for being a good friend.
10
00:00:20,039 --> 00:00:22,740
Sure, anytime.
Uh, how about you and Jim?
11
00:00:22,758 --> 00:00:26,978
- Everything squared away?
- Yeah, mostly.
12
00:00:27,013 --> 00:00:28,947
Pam, phone call.
13
00:00:28,981 --> 00:00:31,967
Um, hey, say hi to Alyssa.
14
00:00:32,001 --> 00:00:33,668
- Will do.
- Okay. Thank you.
15
00:00:33,719 --> 00:00:35,921
Sure.
16
00:00:35,955 --> 00:00:39,174
- Hey, boomguy.
- Oh, hey, Meredith.
17
00:00:39,225 --> 00:00:40,458
When are you gonna boom me?
18
00:00:40,476 --> 00:00:42,127
Listen,
they're cracking down on us
19
00:00:42,161 --> 00:00:43,445
talking to the subjects.
20
00:00:43,479 --> 00:00:45,797
It's a lame rule,
but, you know, I wanna--
21
00:00:45,815 --> 00:00:48,817
- I'll see you later.
- Got it.
22
00:00:56,576 --> 00:00:59,528
[Cheerful music]
23
00:01:14,429 --> 00:01:16,753
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
24
00:01:19,765 --> 00:01:22,500
Hey, so I hear
you're bringing in some people
25
00:01:22,518 --> 00:01:24,519
to interview for the sales job?
26
00:01:24,554 --> 00:01:26,521
That's right,
a couple of old friends.
27
00:01:26,556 --> 00:01:28,056
Ballers only.
28
00:01:28,107 --> 00:01:30,392
Must be this cool to ride.
29
00:01:30,443 --> 00:01:33,111
Well, uh, see, you raised it.
30
00:01:33,145 --> 00:01:34,279
Oh, did I?
31
00:01:34,313 --> 00:01:35,897
Oh, yes, I did.
32
00:01:35,948 --> 00:01:38,182
Wallace is letting me hire
a junior sales associate
33
00:01:38,201 --> 00:01:40,351
to sit at Jim's desk
while he's away in Philly.
34
00:01:40,369 --> 00:01:43,705
Finally I'll have someone
at my desk clump who gets me.
35
00:01:43,739 --> 00:01:45,991
It's like, "really, Jim?
36
00:01:46,025 --> 00:01:47,492
You don't understand
the difference
37
00:01:47,526 --> 00:01:49,544
between a slaughterhouse
and a rendering plant?
38
00:01:49,579 --> 00:01:51,379
Uh, remind me not to lend you
39
00:01:51,414 --> 00:01:53,331
any dead cows or horses."
40
00:01:53,365 --> 00:01:54,583
Wow.
41
00:01:54,634 --> 00:01:56,218
You know what, man?
I deserve this job.
42
00:01:56,252 --> 00:01:57,335
Mm-hmm.
43
00:01:57,369 --> 00:01:58,720
I scored
Stone and Son Suit Warehouse
44
00:01:58,754 --> 00:02:00,005
with you, and God knows,
45
00:02:00,039 --> 00:02:01,473
to get the Scranton White Pages
with Jan,
46
00:02:01,507 --> 00:02:03,207
I went above and beyond--
47
00:02:03,226 --> 00:02:04,726
and under.
48
00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:06,210
You know what?
49
00:02:06,229 --> 00:02:08,430
You're gonna get
your interview, okay?
50
00:02:08,481 --> 00:02:09,898
I know
that you're going head-to-head
51
00:02:09,932 --> 00:02:11,049
against some real superstars,
52
00:02:11,067 --> 00:02:13,018
but you got
a really good chance.
53
00:02:13,052 --> 00:02:14,853
Clark has no chance.
54
00:02:14,887 --> 00:02:17,489
I mean, he's up against
my buddy Rolf, for God's sake.
55
00:02:17,523 --> 00:02:19,491
Guy goes fishing
with hand grenades.
56
00:02:19,525 --> 00:02:21,693
And Trevor--
he'll make you laugh so hard,
57
00:02:21,727 --> 00:02:23,328
you'll puke your pants.
58
00:02:23,362 --> 00:02:24,579
This sucks, you know?
59
00:02:24,614 --> 00:02:26,248
You put in
12 grueling weeks at a company,
60
00:02:26,282 --> 00:02:27,398
and what do they do?
61
00:02:27,416 --> 00:02:29,084
They make you compete
for a promotion,
62
00:02:29,118 --> 00:02:30,285
like an animal.
63
00:02:30,336 --> 00:02:31,736
You know, I thought
this was an office,
64
00:02:31,754 --> 00:02:34,089
not the thunderdome.
65
00:02:34,123 --> 00:02:36,258
Big changes coming
to the old desk clump.
66
00:02:36,292 --> 00:02:39,761
No longer a Pam-Jim alliance
against Dwight.
67
00:02:39,795 --> 00:02:43,381
Now it is Dwight
and a friend axis against Pam.
68
00:02:43,415 --> 00:02:45,350
You could've just called that
an alliance too, right?
69
00:02:45,384 --> 00:02:47,936
I chose my words
very carefully.
70
00:02:47,970 --> 00:02:51,306
Things are a little delicate
with me and Pam right now.
71
00:02:51,357 --> 00:02:53,174
And if my working in Philly
72
00:02:53,209 --> 00:02:55,043
is gonna end up
doubling the Dwight in her life,
73
00:02:55,077 --> 00:02:57,612
that's only gonna make
things worse.
74
00:02:57,647 --> 00:03:00,448
[Sighs]
75
00:03:02,902 --> 00:03:04,653
You interviewing
for the sales job too?
76
00:03:04,704 --> 00:03:06,705
No. You're interviewing
for it.
77
00:03:06,739 --> 00:03:07,989
I'm getting it.
78
00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:09,374
Well, I wouldn't be
so sure about that.
79
00:03:09,408 --> 00:03:10,909
I mean, I've been working here
12 weeks.
80
00:03:10,943 --> 00:03:12,610
That's a full season
of Homeland.
81
00:03:12,628 --> 00:03:14,612
A ton of things can happen
in that amount of time,
82
00:03:14,630 --> 00:03:15,914
as we've seen.
83
00:03:15,948 --> 00:03:17,182
I'm Rolf.
84
00:03:17,216 --> 00:03:18,667
Rolf Ahl.
85
00:03:18,718 --> 00:03:20,168
Rolf Ahl?
86
00:03:20,219 --> 00:03:22,170
Sounds kinda like Roald Dahl.
87
00:03:22,221 --> 00:03:23,338
Go to hell.
88
00:03:23,389 --> 00:03:24,756
There he is.
89
00:03:24,790 --> 00:03:26,141
- Hey.
- Come on, buddy.
90
00:03:26,175 --> 00:03:28,643
Let's do this.
Sorry, Rolf goes first.
91
00:03:28,678 --> 00:03:29,978
You don't compare.
92
00:03:30,012 --> 00:03:31,513
When you're
with the R-O-L-F
93
00:03:31,564 --> 00:03:35,016
you're literally
rolling on the laughing floor.
94
00:03:35,067 --> 00:03:36,601
[Laughs] Nice.
95
00:03:36,635 --> 00:03:38,937
Rolf is my best friend,
96
00:03:38,971 --> 00:03:41,272
and he is the man.
97
00:03:41,306 --> 00:03:44,159
Cool, calm, and collected 24/7.
98
00:03:44,193 --> 00:03:46,578
Just try and rattle Rolf.
I dare you.
99
00:03:46,612 --> 00:03:48,580
Such a sweet guy.
100
00:03:48,614 --> 00:03:50,115
When are you talking
to David Wallace?
101
00:03:50,149 --> 00:03:51,282
I'm talking to him
this afternoon,
102
00:03:51,316 --> 00:03:52,617
but don't get your hopes up.
103
00:03:52,651 --> 00:03:54,202
Too late.
My hopes are up.
104
00:03:54,253 --> 00:03:55,403
Last week, my company in Philly
105
00:03:55,438 --> 00:03:56,638
lost a big investor,
so we're scrambling
106
00:03:56,672 --> 00:03:57,856
to find new funding.
107
00:03:57,890 --> 00:04:00,208
Luckily, my partners
have a fix--
108
00:04:00,259 --> 00:04:03,161
me asking the boss
of the company I'm abandoning
109
00:04:03,179 --> 00:04:06,097
to give us
a gigantic influx of cash.
110
00:04:06,132 --> 00:04:09,300
So... problem solved.
111
00:04:09,334 --> 00:04:10,568
Thanks, guys.
112
00:04:10,603 --> 00:04:12,103
And this chair's
gonna be yours.
113
00:04:12,138 --> 00:04:13,438
And this desk.
Ha!
114
00:04:13,472 --> 00:04:14,639
I'm on the phone.
I'm on the phone.
115
00:04:14,673 --> 00:04:16,141
No doy!
116
00:04:16,175 --> 00:04:19,110
I'm just gonna
call you back. Thanks.
117
00:04:19,145 --> 00:04:20,478
[Dwight knocking on desk]
118
00:04:20,512 --> 00:04:22,513
I hope you like
Norwegian black metal,
119
00:04:22,531 --> 00:04:24,566
because I don't do earbuds.
120
00:04:24,617 --> 00:04:26,851
[Laughs] No earbuds!
121
00:04:26,869 --> 00:04:30,238
[Both laugh]
122
00:04:30,289 --> 00:04:31,623
I'm sure he's just nervous.
123
00:04:31,657 --> 00:04:33,575
[Sighs] It's fine.
124
00:04:33,626 --> 00:04:36,745
It's just a seating arrangement.
Doesn't matter.
125
00:04:39,932 --> 00:04:41,633
So I've got your resume here
126
00:04:41,667 --> 00:04:43,701
but it's not
telling me everything.
127
00:04:43,719 --> 00:04:45,387
Well, a lot
of that information is private.
128
00:04:45,421 --> 00:04:47,672
How do I know you're qualified
to evaluate me?
129
00:04:47,706 --> 00:04:49,340
Well, I'm the one
offering the job.
130
00:04:49,374 --> 00:04:50,558
What are your credentials?
131
00:04:50,593 --> 00:04:52,060
I've worked here for 12 years.
132
00:04:52,094 --> 00:04:53,377
I won salesman of the year.
133
00:04:53,396 --> 00:04:54,813
I'm an assistant
to the regional manager.
134
00:04:54,847 --> 00:04:56,231
I think I've heard
everything I need to hear.
135
00:04:56,265 --> 00:04:58,216
Wait, wait, wait, no, I mean,
if you need to know more,
136
00:04:58,234 --> 00:05:00,101
you can call David Wallace.
I'm sure he'd give a reference.
137
00:05:00,152 --> 00:05:03,438
Thank you, Dwight.
I'll be in touch.
138
00:05:04,940 --> 00:05:06,658
Well, they can't
all be winners.
139
00:05:06,692 --> 00:05:09,477
But Trevor's next,
and he's a real professional.
140
00:05:09,512 --> 00:05:12,697
You say, "jump,"
and he says, "on who?"
141
00:05:12,731 --> 00:05:16,201
He loves to jump on people,
that Trevor.
142
00:05:16,235 --> 00:05:17,585
What makes you think you'd be
143
00:05:17,620 --> 00:05:19,287
an effective paper salesman?
144
00:05:19,338 --> 00:05:21,206
Ooh, okay.
145
00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:23,425
Didn't see that one coming.
146
00:05:23,459 --> 00:05:24,926
Can I take a 20 on that?
147
00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:26,795
Maybe we can circle
back around to it.
148
00:05:26,846 --> 00:05:28,379
Well,
it's a pretty basic question
149
00:05:28,413 --> 00:05:30,215
for a potential paper salesman.
150
00:05:30,249 --> 00:05:32,217
Pass.
Next one.
151
00:05:32,251 --> 00:05:33,551
All right.
152
00:05:33,585 --> 00:05:35,720
Do you see yourself
as more of a team player
153
00:05:35,754 --> 00:05:37,105
or a self-starter?
154
00:05:37,139 --> 00:05:39,858
No, no, and no.
155
00:05:41,127 --> 00:05:42,727
There were only two options.
156
00:05:42,761 --> 00:05:44,646
Checkmate.
157
00:05:44,697 --> 00:05:47,782
You win this one, my friend.
158
00:05:47,817 --> 00:05:51,319
Do you validate parking?
159
00:05:51,370 --> 00:05:52,704
This is a bus transfer.
160
00:05:52,738 --> 00:05:55,707
[Chuckles]
Nothing gets by this guy.
161
00:05:58,744 --> 00:06:00,444
Hey, Jim, do you mind
162
00:06:00,463 --> 00:06:02,046
if I look over these price
sheets before my interview?
163
00:06:02,081 --> 00:06:03,081
Sure, yeah, go ahead.
164
00:06:03,115 --> 00:06:05,750
Thanks, dude.
165
00:06:09,255 --> 00:06:12,006
You-- you sure it's okay?
'Cause you're kinda--
166
00:06:12,057 --> 00:06:13,558
Yeah, absolutely.
167
00:06:13,592 --> 00:06:15,393
Do people like
sitting next to you?
168
00:06:15,427 --> 00:06:16,678
You're clean, right?
169
00:06:16,729 --> 00:06:18,596
- Oh, Dove Men.
- Nice.
170
00:06:18,630 --> 00:06:21,766
Music. Do you listen to it
in earbuds?
171
00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:24,302
You don't listen to it at all
because we're at work,
172
00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:26,104
not a Florence
And The Machine concert, so--
173
00:06:26,138 --> 00:06:29,774
Yeah, could I just have
a minute to prepare for this?
174
00:06:29,808 --> 00:06:31,526
Sure, yeah.
Do whatever you need to do.
175
00:06:32,745 --> 00:06:36,247
Right after you
do one thing for me.
176
00:06:36,282 --> 00:06:37,999
I need you
to breathe in my face.
177
00:06:38,033 --> 00:06:39,167
Why?
178
00:06:39,201 --> 00:06:41,586
I need you to breathe
in my face right now.
179
00:06:41,620 --> 00:06:43,838
[Exhales]
180
00:06:43,873 --> 00:06:45,823
What are we working with,
peppermint or wintergreen?
181
00:06:45,841 --> 00:06:46,958
Wintergreen.
182
00:06:46,992 --> 00:06:49,043
- I knew it, I knew it.
- Yeah, good nose.
183
00:06:49,094 --> 00:06:50,044
I looked at you coming around,
184
00:06:50,095 --> 00:06:51,296
and I said, "wintergreen."
185
00:06:51,330 --> 00:06:52,847
I can't hire Clark.
186
00:06:52,882 --> 00:06:54,665
Yeah, he looks like a Schrute,
187
00:06:54,683 --> 00:06:56,034
but he thinks like a Halpert
188
00:06:56,068 --> 00:06:58,770
and he acts like a Beesly.
189
00:06:58,804 --> 00:07:00,138
Okay, here's one.
190
00:07:00,172 --> 00:07:02,273
A customer who ordered
enough paper to qualify
191
00:07:02,308 --> 00:07:03,641
for a volume discount now wants
192
00:07:03,676 --> 00:07:05,109
to return half the stock.
193
00:07:05,144 --> 00:07:06,895
You can't rebate
the sales price
194
00:07:06,946 --> 00:07:09,314
or credit for future purchases
195
00:07:09,348 --> 00:07:12,951
because you brokered the deal
for a third party.
196
00:07:12,985 --> 00:07:14,702
That's just
a classic no-win situation.
197
00:07:14,737 --> 00:07:17,038
- Thank you.
- So I'd Kobayashi Maru it.
198
00:07:17,072 --> 00:07:20,291
Damn it!
Perfect answer, again.
199
00:07:20,326 --> 00:07:21,960
- Yep.
- Think, Dwight, think.
200
00:07:21,994 --> 00:07:24,162
You have a ream
of 16-bond...
201
00:07:24,196 --> 00:07:25,496
- You know what, Dwight?
- ...and anoth--
202
00:07:25,530 --> 00:07:28,249
This interview's over,
and I get the job.
203
00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:31,502
I just Kobayashi Maru'd
the whole process.
204
00:07:31,536 --> 00:07:33,171
- No.
- Yeah.
205
00:07:33,205 --> 00:07:34,422
Star Trek rules.
206
00:07:34,473 --> 00:07:36,558
It does, but still no.
207
00:07:36,592 --> 00:07:38,509
Come on, man.
I mean, did Trevor do that?
208
00:07:38,543 --> 00:07:40,178
Did Rolf do that?
209
00:07:40,212 --> 00:07:42,213
Oh, you think
they're my only friends?
210
00:07:42,231 --> 00:07:43,714
I've got way more friends
than that,
211
00:07:43,732 --> 00:07:45,850
and they're all better
than the losers who work here.
212
00:07:45,884 --> 00:07:51,673
[All murmuring]
213
00:07:53,993 --> 00:07:57,328
This is not natural.
214
00:08:01,998 --> 00:08:04,266
Just don't wanna
make assumptions
215
00:08:04,333 --> 00:08:05,934
based on people's
physical appearances.
216
00:08:05,968 --> 00:08:07,686
Of course not.
But does physical appearance
217
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:08,720
include smell?
218
00:08:08,754 --> 00:08:10,438
They smell so bad.
219
00:08:10,473 --> 00:08:12,891
If I ever get that bad,
you'd tell me, right?
220
00:08:12,925 --> 00:08:14,993
Meredith,
I tell you all the time.
221
00:08:15,027 --> 00:08:18,446
[Chuckles]
Walked right into that one.
222
00:08:18,481 --> 00:08:21,032
Next up, my cousin Mose.
223
00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:22,784
Mose could make
a great paper salesman.
224
00:08:22,818 --> 00:08:24,319
He's got a natural
fear of paper,
225
00:08:24,370 --> 00:08:25,737
which would motivate him
to get as much of it
226
00:08:25,771 --> 00:08:27,272
out of this office as possible.
227
00:08:27,290 --> 00:08:29,991
I've got big expectations,
Mose-wise.
228
00:08:30,026 --> 00:08:32,794
What quality would make you
a good sales associate?
229
00:08:32,828 --> 00:08:34,346
People person.
230
00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:36,414
It says here on your resume
that you spent
231
00:08:36,448 --> 00:08:39,467
the last 15 years
as a sales rep for Dow Chemical.
232
00:08:39,502 --> 00:08:40,652
That's right.
233
00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:42,254
You know
we live together, right?
234
00:08:42,288 --> 00:08:44,172
- Yes.
- And I've never seen you
235
00:08:44,223 --> 00:08:46,258
go to work, ever.
236
00:08:46,292 --> 00:08:47,492
Okay.
237
00:08:47,526 --> 00:08:50,562
So why is this on your resume?
238
00:08:54,650 --> 00:08:55,650
[Door slams]
239
00:09:14,153 --> 00:09:16,087
So how'd you guys
hear about the position?
240
00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:17,422
My-- my mom.
241
00:09:17,456 --> 00:09:19,841
Dwight called my house,
but he didn't realize
242
00:09:19,875 --> 00:09:21,676
that I had already moved out,
243
00:09:21,711 --> 00:09:23,712
because my mom
and I are quarrelling
244
00:09:23,763 --> 00:09:26,398
because I-I can't
stay out of her stuff.
245
00:09:26,432 --> 00:09:27,882
Dwight's my cousin,
246
00:09:27,934 --> 00:09:29,768
so I overhead him
telling my brother Mose
247
00:09:29,802 --> 00:09:32,020
about the job opportunity
in the shower.
248
00:09:32,054 --> 00:09:34,022
You were in the shower
or he was in the shower?
249
00:09:34,056 --> 00:09:35,473
Everyone was in the shower.
250
00:09:35,507 --> 00:09:37,025
It's a cow shower,
so there's, like
251
00:09:37,059 --> 00:09:39,361
a ton of people in there.
252
00:09:39,395 --> 00:09:40,895
So you guys
all know Dwight already?
253
00:09:40,947 --> 00:09:42,347
I was his babysitter,
254
00:09:42,365 --> 00:09:44,316
and then we dated for a while.
255
00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:46,184
He was a passionate lover
256
00:09:46,202 --> 00:09:48,320
and the sweetest little baby.
257
00:09:48,354 --> 00:09:50,521
I knew you looked familiar.
258
00:09:50,539 --> 00:09:52,657
You used to pick up Dwight
from school.
259
00:09:52,691 --> 00:09:55,043
You went to X-Men school too?
260
00:09:55,077 --> 00:09:56,378
[Exhales]
261
00:09:56,412 --> 00:09:57,963
X-Men school?
262
00:09:57,997 --> 00:09:59,714
When I was young,
I spent several years
263
00:09:59,749 --> 00:10:02,000
at a private school
where I was told
264
00:10:02,034 --> 00:10:04,502
I would be taught to harness
my mutant abilities.
265
00:10:04,536 --> 00:10:06,204
Turned out it was a conman
266
00:10:06,222 --> 00:10:09,307
copying Charles Xavier's
school for gifted youngsters
267
00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:11,009
from the X-Men comic books.
268
00:10:11,043 --> 00:10:14,679
Took me years
to figure out that it was con.
269
00:10:14,713 --> 00:10:17,082
Some people
never figured it out.
270
00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:18,600
Oh, I have a few powers.
271
00:10:18,651 --> 00:10:19,884
Night hearing.
272
00:10:19,902 --> 00:10:21,903
Dogs understand where I point.
273
00:10:21,937 --> 00:10:24,222
And our training included
picking carrots,
274
00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:27,993
scrubbing tubs,
sewing imitation levi's.
275
00:10:28,027 --> 00:10:29,694
A lot of telemarketing.
276
00:10:30,896 --> 00:10:32,897
I don't wanna sit near
any of those people
277
00:10:32,915 --> 00:10:34,282
for the next 20 years.
278
00:10:34,333 --> 00:10:35,784
Someone say something.
279
00:10:35,835 --> 00:10:37,168
I said something when they were
280
00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:38,236
thinking of hiring Jim.
281
00:10:38,254 --> 00:10:39,337
Didn't work then.
282
00:10:39,338 --> 00:10:41,538
Now look what he's doing to us.
283
00:10:41,674 --> 00:10:43,291
Yeah, Jim,
this is all your fault.
284
00:10:43,342 --> 00:10:45,093
- How is it my fault?
- Here's an exercise
285
00:10:45,127 --> 00:10:46,411
for you, Jim.
286
00:10:46,429 --> 00:10:49,297
Imagine there are
consequences to your actions.
287
00:10:49,348 --> 00:10:51,099
Imagine the whole world
does not
288
00:10:51,133 --> 00:10:53,184
revolve around this.
289
00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:54,886
There are others.
290
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:57,255
But it's Dwight who's
bringing in all the weirdos.
291
00:10:57,273 --> 00:10:58,857
Yeah, but, Jim,
Dwight's a weirdo.
292
00:10:58,891 --> 00:11:01,226
We can't blame a weirdo
for bringing in weirdos.
293
00:11:01,260 --> 00:11:03,645
We can blame a normal
for creating a situation
294
00:11:03,696 --> 00:11:06,064
where a weirdo was allowed
to bring in weirdos.
295
00:11:06,098 --> 00:11:07,649
Hey, I'm the one who has to sit
296
00:11:07,700 --> 00:11:09,767
next to this weirdo
when Jim's away.
297
00:11:09,785 --> 00:11:11,903
I'm in a position
where I'm rooting for Nate,
298
00:11:11,937 --> 00:11:15,623
and that just feels wrong.
299
00:11:15,658 --> 00:11:17,625
[Sighs] Forget it.
300
00:11:17,660 --> 00:11:19,828
I need to work on my mural.
301
00:11:19,879 --> 00:11:22,964
I have some pointy trees
that I need to round off.
302
00:11:31,173 --> 00:11:33,122
Yeah, Jim? I thought
our call was for later.
303
00:11:33,278 --> 00:11:35,462
Yeah, this is actually
about the new sales guy.
304
00:11:35,497 --> 00:11:37,831
Dwight has brought in
a bunch of real weirdos.
305
00:11:37,866 --> 00:11:40,084
And I was wondering
if I could have some input--
306
00:11:40,118 --> 00:11:41,919
This is Dwight Schrute.
Who am I speaking to?
307
00:11:41,953 --> 00:11:43,587
And don't lie.
I can tell if you're lying.
308
00:11:43,621 --> 00:11:44,788
Hey, Dwight.
It's David.
309
00:11:44,839 --> 00:11:46,507
- David.
- Jim says he'd like
310
00:11:46,541 --> 00:11:48,792
some say in the hiring process.
311
00:11:48,843 --> 00:11:51,128
Really?
That's interesting.
312
00:11:51,179 --> 00:11:52,930
'Cause I was thinking
that since
313
00:11:52,964 --> 00:11:54,465
Jim is only here part-time,
314
00:11:54,516 --> 00:11:57,101
he might not be as invested
in the decision making process
315
00:11:57,135 --> 00:11:58,852
as someone like me
who's here every day
316
00:11:58,887 --> 00:12:00,554
and, frankly,
killing it lately.
317
00:12:00,588 --> 00:12:02,022
I was just thinking
that because this person
318
00:12:02,056 --> 00:12:04,691
is gonna be sitting
at my desk, near my wife--
319
00:12:04,726 --> 00:12:05,893
- Jim, another thing.
320
00:12:05,927 --> 00:12:07,227
Since we are gonna have to hire
321
00:12:07,261 --> 00:12:09,646
this junior sales associate
to cover for you,
322
00:12:09,681 --> 00:12:10,981
I am going to have to pay you
323
00:12:11,032 --> 00:12:14,568
only for the days
that you actually work.
324
00:12:14,602 --> 00:12:17,270
- Oh. Um--
- Yeah.
325
00:12:17,288 --> 00:12:20,040
Okay. I can't say
that that's not fair.
326
00:12:20,074 --> 00:12:21,375
Sounds fair to me, David.
327
00:12:21,409 --> 00:12:23,043
And I know we have
a call scheduled for later--
328
00:12:23,077 --> 00:12:24,628
Oh, yeah, so we'll just
do that later.
329
00:12:24,662 --> 00:12:26,163
No. Why not do it now?
330
00:12:26,214 --> 00:12:28,281
Yeah. What's up, Jim?
331
00:12:28,299 --> 00:12:30,050
Uh--
[Clears throat]
332
00:12:30,084 --> 00:12:32,469
well, it's about Athlead.
333
00:12:32,504 --> 00:12:33,620
I'm sorry.
Does Dwight have to be
334
00:12:33,638 --> 00:12:34,721
on this part of the phone call?
335
00:12:34,756 --> 00:12:36,223
I'd love to be
in the loop, David.
336
00:12:36,257 --> 00:12:39,176
It's okay.
Go ahead, Jim.
337
00:12:39,227 --> 00:12:41,261
There's a very
exciting opportunity
338
00:12:41,295 --> 00:12:43,230
- to be a core investor--
- Okay.
339
00:12:43,264 --> 00:12:44,681
Jim, I'm gonna
have to stop you right there.
340
00:12:44,732 --> 00:12:47,634
Yes, okay. Bye.
341
00:12:50,438 --> 00:12:51,855
[Whispers] I'd love to invest.
342
00:12:51,906 --> 00:12:52,990
No, thanks.
343
00:12:53,024 --> 00:12:54,975
I'd like to give you
$100 million.
344
00:12:54,993 --> 00:12:56,610
[Snickers]
345
00:12:56,644 --> 00:13:01,248
[Phone ringing]
346
00:13:03,535 --> 00:13:06,753
Why you make trees into bushes?
347
00:13:06,788 --> 00:13:09,322
You don't make paper
from bushes.
348
00:13:09,340 --> 00:13:11,925
Hide, they're giving out
jobs upstairs.
349
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:13,210
Why don't you go up
and get one?
350
00:13:13,261 --> 00:13:15,161
Thank you.
351
00:13:15,180 --> 00:13:17,464
Yeah.
352
00:13:21,502 --> 00:13:23,387
[Hand dryer whirring]
353
00:13:23,438 --> 00:13:26,190
Whoops.
354
00:13:32,814 --> 00:13:35,232
It's dense, like bread.
355
00:13:37,202 --> 00:13:38,619
[Chip crunches]
356
00:13:40,622 --> 00:13:42,122
Dwight, you can't
just hire someone
357
00:13:42,156 --> 00:13:43,907
- 'cause they're your friend.
- I'm not.
358
00:13:43,958 --> 00:13:45,659
These people are the best
of the best.
359
00:13:45,693 --> 00:13:48,212
I find talent an attractive
quality in a friend.
360
00:13:48,246 --> 00:13:49,563
They're freaks, Dwight.
361
00:13:49,597 --> 00:13:52,216
All your friends
are weirdos and freaks.
362
00:13:52,250 --> 00:13:53,834
You know who else was a freak?
363
00:13:53,868 --> 00:13:55,469
Spiderman.
364
00:13:55,503 --> 00:13:57,037
And he was also a hero.
365
00:13:57,055 --> 00:13:58,922
Your friends
are like Spiderman,
366
00:13:58,957 --> 00:14:00,874
if he had gotten bitten
by a spider
367
00:14:00,892 --> 00:14:04,177
and then got really into
masturbating.
368
00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:06,430
Man, how cool is it gonna be
when I start working here?
369
00:14:06,481 --> 00:14:07,848
Paintball fights at lunch.
370
00:14:07,882 --> 00:14:09,766
Mandatory paintball.
371
00:14:09,817 --> 00:14:11,068
Uh, Wolf, please report
to the parking lot
372
00:14:11,102 --> 00:14:12,936
for mandatory paintball
at lunch.
373
00:14:12,987 --> 00:14:14,220
Wolf is hilarious.
374
00:14:14,239 --> 00:14:15,822
He has executed me
over 100 times
375
00:14:15,857 --> 00:14:17,024
at point-blank range.
376
00:14:17,058 --> 00:14:18,859
Half of 'em,
we were on the same team.
377
00:14:18,893 --> 00:14:21,745
Oh, my God.
How I screamed.
378
00:14:21,779 --> 00:14:23,229
Ah, that goof.
379
00:14:23,248 --> 00:14:26,583
Sell me this piece of paper.
380
00:14:26,618 --> 00:14:27,751
Watch this.
381
00:14:27,785 --> 00:14:28,969
Do you want this paper?
382
00:14:29,003 --> 00:14:30,087
I sure do.
383
00:14:30,121 --> 00:14:32,055
It's not very good.
384
00:14:32,090 --> 00:14:33,674
I will pay you
whatever it takes.
385
00:14:33,708 --> 00:14:35,208
I think I wanna keep it now.
386
00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:37,410
It must be pretty special
if you want it so bad.
387
00:14:37,428 --> 00:14:38,812
No, you have lots
of other pieces of paper
388
00:14:38,846 --> 00:14:39,963
that are just like it.
389
00:14:40,014 --> 00:14:41,081
So here, just take my money.
390
00:14:41,099 --> 00:14:42,149
Stop trying to get
my paper, buddy.
391
00:14:42,183 --> 00:14:43,600
Okay, read my lips.
It's over.
392
00:14:43,635 --> 00:14:45,018
Okay, good.
393
00:14:45,053 --> 00:14:46,103
That was great.
394
00:14:46,137 --> 00:14:48,138
So, wow.
395
00:14:48,189 --> 00:14:49,523
You're still at the 570 number?
396
00:14:49,557 --> 00:14:51,024
- I am.
- Okay.
397
00:14:51,059 --> 00:14:52,643
Good, good, good.
398
00:14:52,677 --> 00:14:54,645
[Sighs]
399
00:14:54,696 --> 00:14:56,930
I have eight years experience
400
00:14:56,948 --> 00:14:59,950
selling electronics
in Sanyo store
401
00:14:59,984 --> 00:15:01,735
in downtown Tokyo.
402
00:15:01,769 --> 00:15:03,086
I was a doctor.
403
00:15:03,121 --> 00:15:04,571
And I have a business degree
404
00:15:04,605 --> 00:15:08,025
from Tokyo University.
405
00:15:08,059 --> 00:15:12,713
This isn't gonna work out.
406
00:15:12,747 --> 00:15:15,448
Thank you.
[Chuckles]
407
00:15:18,219 --> 00:15:21,972
Nate is a proven entity,
but not without his handicaps...
408
00:15:22,006 --> 00:15:24,457
hearing, vision,
basic cognition.
409
00:15:24,475 --> 00:15:27,678
Trevor is great,
but I saw no fire in him today.
410
00:15:27,729 --> 00:15:30,013
And this is a guy
who loves to start fires.
411
00:15:30,064 --> 00:15:32,649
Troy is literally
one of a kind,
412
00:15:32,684 --> 00:15:34,267
and he's a goblin, or a hobbit,
413
00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:36,937
or a kobold,
which is a type of gremlin.
414
00:15:36,971 --> 00:15:38,772
And yet I'm hesitant.
415
00:15:38,806 --> 00:15:41,775
Why I can't I pull the trigger
on any of them?
416
00:15:41,809 --> 00:15:45,495
[Groaning] No, no, no.
417
00:15:45,530 --> 00:15:47,614
I just need to tell them.
418
00:15:47,648 --> 00:15:49,199
I just need to tell them.
419
00:15:49,250 --> 00:15:52,285
[Knock at door]
420
00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:54,338
Do you need to be changed?
421
00:15:54,372 --> 00:15:56,206
I do that myself now.
422
00:15:56,257 --> 00:15:57,374
Mm.
423
00:15:57,425 --> 00:15:59,343
Are you going
to make a decision soon?
424
00:15:59,377 --> 00:16:01,294
I've been double-parked
for five hours.
425
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:03,347
I'm wondering if I should
move my car.
426
00:16:03,381 --> 00:16:05,048
No, you've been towed by now.
427
00:16:05,099 --> 00:16:07,500
They tow after
about 45 minutes.
428
00:16:07,518 --> 00:16:08,835
Well, the joke's on them.
429
00:16:08,853 --> 00:16:11,138
I live right next
to the tow yard.
430
00:16:11,172 --> 00:16:14,307
All they did
was save me some gas.
431
00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:16,693
Hey, man, we get
how difficult this is.
432
00:16:16,728 --> 00:16:18,145
And no matter who you choose,
433
00:16:18,179 --> 00:16:19,479
we're still gonna
be your friend.
434
00:16:19,513 --> 00:16:21,231
Yeah, whether it's me
or Troy Underbridge,
435
00:16:21,282 --> 00:16:22,849
or Gabor, or Melvina--
436
00:16:22,867 --> 00:16:24,184
Or none of you.
[Chuckles]
437
00:16:24,202 --> 00:16:25,569
Yeah. You'd bring us
all down here,
438
00:16:25,620 --> 00:16:27,187
put us through the wringer,
and then choose none of us.
439
00:16:27,205 --> 00:16:29,239
Can you imagine
how insulting that would be?
440
00:16:29,290 --> 00:16:31,357
The contempt
that a person like that
441
00:16:31,376 --> 00:16:33,210
would have to have for you.
442
00:16:33,244 --> 00:16:35,495
I wish I could hire all of you.
443
00:16:35,529 --> 00:16:38,415
I could start Monday.
444
00:16:42,549 --> 00:16:44,008
Psst, Jim?
445
00:16:44,588 --> 00:16:47,524
Jim?
446
00:16:47,558 --> 00:16:49,860
Jim, turn around.
447
00:16:49,894 --> 00:16:52,062
Jim, turn around.
Jim, turn around.
448
00:16:52,096 --> 00:16:54,948
Ahh, I love staring off
in one direction.
449
00:16:54,983 --> 00:16:57,267
If I'm not looking south,
I'm not livin'.
450
00:16:57,285 --> 00:16:58,986
That's what I always say.
451
00:17:01,155 --> 00:17:04,124
Just act natural.
452
00:17:04,158 --> 00:17:06,443
[Grunts]
453
00:17:10,665 --> 00:17:13,500
And I was thinking
it's only fair that you
454
00:17:13,551 --> 00:17:15,502
help make this decision
since they'll be sitting
455
00:17:15,553 --> 00:17:18,055
at your desk,
next to your wife.
456
00:17:18,089 --> 00:17:19,956
But you know I wouldn't hire
any of these all-stars.
457
00:17:19,974 --> 00:17:21,591
Aah!
458
00:17:21,625 --> 00:17:24,344
God, that sucks!
Aah!
459
00:17:24,395 --> 00:17:25,512
What are you gonna do?
460
00:17:25,563 --> 00:17:27,297
- I mean, it's your call.
- Nope.
461
00:17:27,315 --> 00:17:29,632
Your friends not turning out
to be as great as you thought?
462
00:17:29,650 --> 00:17:30,817
Not even Gabor?
463
00:17:30,852 --> 00:17:32,319
I guess I just have
higher standards
464
00:17:32,353 --> 00:17:34,738
for my work colleagues
than for my friends.
465
00:17:34,772 --> 00:17:36,473
I just couldn't
picture any of them
466
00:17:36,491 --> 00:17:38,108
in the old gold and gray.
467
00:17:38,142 --> 00:17:39,276
I knew it.
468
00:17:39,310 --> 00:17:40,994
You designed a uniform
for Dunder Mifflin.
469
00:17:41,029 --> 00:17:43,980
Summer. Winter.
470
00:17:43,998 --> 00:17:48,118
Jungle. Formal.
471
00:17:48,152 --> 00:17:49,536
Well, I, for one, was amazed
472
00:17:49,587 --> 00:17:51,621
at how qualified
everyone was. You?
473
00:17:51,655 --> 00:17:53,173
- Yes. Thank you.
- Amazed.
474
00:17:53,207 --> 00:17:55,342
And I gotta say,
this was a tough decision.
475
00:17:55,376 --> 00:17:58,378
And we had to go with
none of you.
476
00:17:58,429 --> 00:18:00,881
- I'm sorry?
- What?
477
00:18:00,932 --> 00:18:03,683
This is such bullcrap!
478
00:18:03,718 --> 00:18:05,435
Well, you know,
Wallace put me in charge,
479
00:18:05,470 --> 00:18:06,603
so you have no say.
480
00:18:06,637 --> 00:18:08,805
Wow.
So much crap.
481
00:18:08,839 --> 00:18:11,174
It's just a load of BC.
482
00:18:11,192 --> 00:18:13,610
How could you do this to them?
483
00:18:13,644 --> 00:18:15,062
- Too much now.
- Okay.
484
00:18:15,113 --> 00:18:17,847
Do we get our resumes back
or do you keep them?
485
00:18:17,865 --> 00:18:20,183
Because I only have the one,
486
00:18:20,201 --> 00:18:21,868
and I have a chili recipe
on the back
487
00:18:21,903 --> 00:18:23,737
that I really wanna keep.
488
00:18:23,788 --> 00:18:25,855
Okay, this is an outrage.
489
00:18:25,873 --> 00:18:28,024
Ugh!
You know what?
490
00:18:28,042 --> 00:18:29,692
This is Jim Halpert's
home address,
491
00:18:29,710 --> 00:18:30,827
in case you guys wanna
492
00:18:30,861 --> 00:18:32,162
toilet paper his house
or whatever.
493
00:18:32,196 --> 00:18:33,997
That seems inconsiderate.
494
00:18:34,031 --> 00:18:36,133
No. We get it.
495
00:18:36,167 --> 00:18:39,086
Thanks so much
for the opportunity, Dwight.
496
00:18:39,137 --> 00:18:41,838
Don't open any suspicious
packages you may receive.
497
00:18:41,872 --> 00:18:43,757
No, wait.
Do open them.
498
00:18:43,808 --> 00:18:45,759
Totally safe.
499
00:18:45,810 --> 00:18:47,594
Guys, it wasn't up to me.
500
00:18:47,645 --> 00:18:50,647
Rolf, come on.
Guys, it wasn't my choice!
501
00:18:50,681 --> 00:18:52,099
I would've hired all of you!
502
00:18:52,150 --> 00:18:54,267
Gabor, Gabor.
503
00:18:54,318 --> 00:18:55,718
Well, my day's shot.
504
00:18:55,736 --> 00:18:57,104
Yeah, it's that weird hour
where it's too late
505
00:18:57,155 --> 00:18:59,055
to start a slow roast
and too early for a Swanson's.
506
00:18:59,073 --> 00:19:01,358
I got it.
Paintball.
507
00:19:01,392 --> 00:19:02,442
Oh, that sounds awesome.
508
00:19:02,493 --> 00:19:03,777
Can we wait
till I get off work?
509
00:19:03,828 --> 00:19:05,862
[Yells] And what are we
supposed to do until then?
510
00:19:05,896 --> 00:19:07,614
- Okay.
- Let's just go, you guys.
511
00:19:07,665 --> 00:19:10,733
Yeah. No limit
on weapons class, right?
512
00:19:16,174 --> 00:19:19,176
All right.
I think that went well.
513
00:19:22,430 --> 00:19:24,347
So, uh, if you just
take a look at this,
514
00:19:24,382 --> 00:19:26,049
and then that'll print out--
hey.
515
00:19:26,083 --> 00:19:27,300
Meet your new desk mate.
516
00:19:27,351 --> 00:19:29,419
- What's up, good-lookin'?
- Oh, cool.
517
00:19:29,437 --> 00:19:30,971
Hey, Clark.
518
00:19:31,022 --> 00:19:33,023
Trust me, this is the least
of all evils.
519
00:19:33,057 --> 00:19:34,858
It took me all day
to pull this off,
520
00:19:34,892 --> 00:19:36,560
so you should be thrilled,
considering.
521
00:19:36,594 --> 00:19:38,195
Yeah, I guess.
522
00:19:38,229 --> 00:19:41,097
I mean, I kinda liked
my old desk mate.
523
00:19:41,115 --> 00:19:42,816
Okay.
524
00:19:42,867 --> 00:19:44,201
I'm really sorry
I told the guys
525
00:19:44,235 --> 00:19:46,236
I'd be there
for the board meeting.
526
00:19:46,270 --> 00:19:47,437
Of course.
527
00:19:47,455 --> 00:19:48,455
I'll call you when I get there.
528
00:19:48,489 --> 00:19:49,606
All right. Bye.
529
00:19:49,624 --> 00:19:50,624
All right.
Take care of my wife.
530
00:19:50,658 --> 00:19:51,774
I will be back.
531
00:19:51,792 --> 00:19:53,577
[Computer chimes]
532
00:19:54,068 --> 00:19:55,678
_
533
00:19:55,679 --> 00:19:59,528
_
534
00:20:01,385 --> 00:20:03,286
They say that everyone
outgrows their friends
535
00:20:03,304 --> 00:20:04,855
at some point in their lives.
536
00:20:04,889 --> 00:20:07,474
Well, I just outgrew them all
537
00:20:07,508 --> 00:20:10,510
in the span of three hours.
538
00:20:10,545 --> 00:20:11,928
Hey, Pam,
I'm going to the kitchen.
539
00:20:11,962 --> 00:20:13,930
- You want anything?
- I'm good.
540
00:20:13,964 --> 00:20:15,232
Oh, hey, I'll take a coffee.
541
00:20:15,266 --> 00:20:16,466
Oh, I'm sorry.
542
00:20:16,484 --> 00:20:19,569
You gotta be
this cool for coffee.
543
00:20:25,076 --> 00:20:26,643
[Scoffs]
544
00:20:28,829 --> 00:20:30,080
Hey, Dwight.
545
00:20:30,114 --> 00:20:32,365
Wanna haze the new guy?
546
00:20:32,416 --> 00:20:33,833
Who, me?
547
00:20:33,868 --> 00:20:35,802
Us.
548
00:20:35,836 --> 00:20:38,121
Absolutely, I do.
549
00:20:38,155 --> 00:20:40,123
[Giggles] Okay.
550
00:20:40,157 --> 00:20:43,460
Okay, here.
551
00:20:43,494 --> 00:20:46,129
Okay, so the next time
he goes to the bathroom,
552
00:20:46,163 --> 00:20:47,997
I'll distract him,
you take that.
553
00:20:48,015 --> 00:20:50,100
Okay, yeah,
I know what to do. Okay.
554
00:20:50,134 --> 00:20:52,502
Oh, that's great.
[Shushes]
555
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:55,171
[Laughs]
556
00:20:58,976 --> 00:21:00,176
- Aah!
- No!
557
00:21:00,194 --> 00:21:02,529
Welcome to the club, pig!
[Laughs]
558
00:21:02,563 --> 00:21:06,283
- No, Dwight!
- Aah!
559
00:21:06,317 --> 00:21:07,651
No, it does matter who ends up
560
00:21:07,685 --> 00:21:09,452
sitting next to Pam
when I'm gone.
561
00:21:09,487 --> 00:21:11,371
The people around you
are basically
562
00:21:11,405 --> 00:21:13,556
who you end up
spending your life with.
563
00:21:13,591 --> 00:21:15,492
I mean, because of where
my desk was,
564
00:21:15,526 --> 00:21:17,544
I spent all those years
looking at Pam,
565
00:21:17,578 --> 00:21:19,045
and I fell in love.
566
00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:23,699
So, that stuff matters.
Definitely does.
567
00:21:26,717 --> 00:21:30,409
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com