1
00:00:08,090 --> 00:00:09,341
[Sighs]
I'm having second thoughts
2
00:00:09,375 --> 00:00:11,426
about one
of the shirts I packed.
3
00:00:11,477 --> 00:00:13,979
The blue one with the stripes.
4
00:00:14,013 --> 00:00:16,181
I'm sure it's fine.
It's a blue shirt.
5
00:00:16,215 --> 00:00:18,650
Well, yeah, but I'm wondering
if it's too blue.
6
00:00:18,684 --> 00:00:23,855
Like, am I making
a statement with the blueness?
7
00:00:23,889 --> 00:00:27,091
I am leaving early today
for Philly,
8
00:00:27,109 --> 00:00:30,829
because tomorrow is
the first day of my new job.
9
00:00:30,863 --> 00:00:33,315
So I figure
I'd get in at 5:00,
10
00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:35,867
check into a hotel
at about 6:00
11
00:00:35,902 --> 00:00:37,652
so I can get a real good night
12
00:00:37,703 --> 00:00:40,522
of restless sleep
and nervous puking.
13
00:00:40,556 --> 00:00:42,073
Uh, excuse me.
Trying to get work done.
14
00:00:42,107 --> 00:00:44,209
Some people don't care
about Jim's new sports job
15
00:00:44,243 --> 00:00:45,877
in Phila-whatever.
16
00:00:45,912 --> 00:00:48,580
So you know my job
has something to do with sports,
17
00:00:48,614 --> 00:00:51,282
but you don't know the end
of the word "Philadelphia"?
18
00:00:51,300 --> 00:00:52,651
Philadelphia.
19
00:00:52,685 --> 00:00:54,669
From the Greek philia,
meaning "love,"
20
00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:56,638
and adelph,
meaning "Adolf."
21
00:00:56,672 --> 00:00:57,973
"The city
that loves Adolf."
22
00:00:58,007 --> 00:01:00,008
Good luck
with your new enterprise.
23
00:01:00,059 --> 00:01:01,726
And don't wear
the blue striped shirt.
24
00:01:01,761 --> 00:01:05,230
It makes your neck
look like an old mop handle.
25
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:08,850
Oh...
Hey, guys,
26
00:01:08,901 --> 00:01:10,902
the Christmas party is today.
27
00:01:10,937 --> 00:01:12,687
Merry Christmas, everyone!
28
00:01:12,738 --> 00:01:14,239
- No.
- Is it?
29
00:01:14,273 --> 00:01:15,490
- I mean,
it says "X-mas party,"
30
00:01:15,524 --> 00:01:17,859
but I think we all know
what that's code for.
31
00:01:17,910 --> 00:01:20,195
So we're not gonna have
a Christmas party this year?
32
00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:22,163
Angela, how could you
do this to us?
33
00:01:22,198 --> 00:01:24,082
Oh, right, like I'm responsible
34
00:01:24,116 --> 00:01:26,117
'cause I'm in charge
of the party planning committee.
35
00:01:26,151 --> 00:01:27,919
Well, you are
the one in charge of it.
36
00:01:27,954 --> 00:01:30,154
Don't blame me
for something we all forgot.
37
00:01:30,172 --> 00:01:32,874
Yeah, let's not blame her
for something we all forgot.
38
00:01:32,925 --> 00:01:36,160
I didn't realize how many of
Angela's opinions I agreed with,
39
00:01:36,178 --> 00:01:37,996
until she tried
to have my kneecap shattered
40
00:01:38,014 --> 00:01:39,431
for sleeping with her husband.
41
00:01:39,465 --> 00:01:42,784
She makes a lot
of very sound points.
42
00:01:42,818 --> 00:01:44,019
I knew the party was today,
43
00:01:44,053 --> 00:01:46,104
but nobody asked me to plan it,
so I didn't.
44
00:01:46,138 --> 00:01:47,806
Hmm, funny how that works.
45
00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:49,507
[Scoffs] We're out there
46
00:01:49,525 --> 00:01:51,476
sweating our balls off
every day,
47
00:01:51,510 --> 00:01:52,777
bustin' our balls.
48
00:01:52,812 --> 00:01:54,446
We deserve a Christmas party!
49
00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:56,347
Well, then, why don't we
just get some liquor
50
00:01:56,365 --> 00:01:59,701
- and those mini-cupcakes?
- Mini-cupcakes?
51
00:01:59,735 --> 00:02:02,621
As in the mini version
of regular cupcakes,
52
00:02:02,655 --> 00:02:05,373
which is already
a mini version of cake?
53
00:02:05,408 --> 00:02:07,876
Honestly, where does it end
with you people?
54
00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:10,528
What about an authentic
Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas?
55
00:02:10,546 --> 00:02:12,330
Drink some gluhwein,
56
00:02:12,364 --> 00:02:13,882
enjoy some hasenpfeffer.
57
00:02:13,916 --> 00:02:16,551
Enjoy Christmas
with Saint Nicolas'
58
00:02:16,585 --> 00:02:19,370
rural German companion,
Belsnickel.
59
00:02:19,388 --> 00:02:22,424
Yes!
That, that, that!
60
00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:24,926
We're definitely doing that.
Are we all in agreement?
61
00:02:24,977 --> 00:02:25,977
- No.
- No!
62
00:02:26,012 --> 00:02:27,562
- Done, right?
- No.
63
00:02:27,596 --> 00:02:28,930
I want tropical Christmas.
64
00:02:28,981 --> 00:02:31,766
- Topless Christmas.
- Tapas Swiss miss!
65
00:02:31,817 --> 00:02:35,153
Spanish tapas
and Swiss miss hot cocoa--
66
00:02:35,187 --> 00:02:36,955
what's so hard to understand?
67
00:02:36,989 --> 00:02:39,724
Or, who was it that suggested
68
00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:41,409
the authentic
Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas?
69
00:02:41,444 --> 00:02:42,744
I think
it was someone really popular.
70
00:02:42,778 --> 00:02:44,562
- We already said no.
- No, no, no.
71
00:02:44,580 --> 00:02:45,830
Too weird.
72
00:02:45,865 --> 00:02:47,082
This is me and my family
73
00:02:47,116 --> 00:02:48,500
celebrating
Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas
74
00:02:48,534 --> 00:02:50,335
in 1982 on the farm.
75
00:02:50,369 --> 00:02:52,070
There's me and my brother jeb
76
00:02:52,088 --> 00:02:53,905
breaking
the ceremonial pig rib.
77
00:02:53,939 --> 00:02:56,508
He doesn't come back
for Christmas anymore.
78
00:02:56,542 --> 00:02:59,577
The sepia tint
is from an app on my phone.
79
00:02:59,595 --> 00:03:03,848
This is the same photo,
Matrix style.
80
00:03:03,883 --> 00:03:05,300
I'm not understanding
the confusion.
81
00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:06,685
Am I the only one
who wants to try
82
00:03:06,719 --> 00:03:09,054
hufflepuffs and schnauzerhosen,
83
00:03:09,088 --> 00:03:10,254
and meet this glenpickle guy?
84
00:03:10,272 --> 00:03:11,523
[Shrill whistle blows]
85
00:03:11,557 --> 00:03:13,808
Party planning committee,
emergency meeting.
86
00:03:13,859 --> 00:03:17,445
Now.
87
00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:19,764
- I'm on it.
- Right.
88
00:03:19,782 --> 00:03:20,932
I'm just hoping
German terrorists
89
00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:22,350
don't take over
this Christmas party.
90
00:03:22,385 --> 00:03:24,736
Make me go
all John McClane on their asses.
91
00:03:24,770 --> 00:03:27,155
Wait, German terrorists?
That's oddly specific.
92
00:03:27,206 --> 00:03:29,624
And I think--
I think you mean John McCain.
93
00:03:29,658 --> 00:03:31,442
Die Hard reference.
94
00:03:31,460 --> 00:03:33,878
- I haven't seen it.
- You haven't seen Die Hard?
95
00:03:33,913 --> 00:03:36,047
- Mm-mmm.
- Why haven't you seen Die Hard?
96
00:03:36,082 --> 00:03:38,083
I don't know, I just haven't.
97
00:03:38,117 --> 00:03:40,451
Come on, you had to have
at least seen some of it.
98
00:03:40,469 --> 00:03:41,469
No.
99
00:03:41,504 --> 00:03:44,723
"Now, I have a machine gun.
100
00:03:44,757 --> 00:03:46,674
Ho, ho, ho."
101
00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:48,226
[As Bruce Willis]
"Come out to the coast,
102
00:03:48,260 --> 00:03:50,178
we'll get together,
have a few laughs."
103
00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:52,480
None of this
makes any sense to me!
104
00:03:52,515 --> 00:03:54,983
Oh, yeah, and when he takes
the gun off his back,
105
00:03:55,017 --> 00:03:57,569
and he's like,
"yippie-ki-yay, mother--"
106
00:03:57,603 --> 00:03:59,687
Actually,
he doesn't say that there.
107
00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:04,025
He says it earlier when
he's on the radio with Hans.
108
00:04:04,076 --> 00:04:06,644
Yes, you are right.
Forgive me.
109
00:04:06,662 --> 00:04:08,747
- Oh, that's okay, bud.
- Nope.
110
00:04:08,781 --> 00:04:10,582
- Common mistake.
- No, it's not.
111
00:04:10,616 --> 00:04:12,200
Nerd!
112
00:04:12,251 --> 00:04:14,318
Do you know
every line of the movie?
113
00:04:14,336 --> 00:04:16,087
My brother dared me
to memorize it,
114
00:04:16,122 --> 00:04:18,923
and I did it,
and I loved doing it.
115
00:04:18,958 --> 00:04:20,992
Okay, let's hear it.
116
00:04:21,010 --> 00:04:23,294
- Hear what?
- Die Hard.
117
00:04:23,328 --> 00:04:25,663
Every line.
Go.
118
00:04:25,681 --> 00:04:26,931
You don't like flying, do you?
119
00:04:26,966 --> 00:04:29,017
Don't change the subject.
120
00:04:29,051 --> 00:04:30,552
No, that's the--
121
00:04:30,586 --> 00:04:31,970
Movie is starting.
122
00:04:32,004 --> 00:04:33,504
We're thinking of collaborating
123
00:04:33,522 --> 00:04:35,356
with Mike Schmidt
on some of his charity work.
124
00:04:35,391 --> 00:04:37,892
I love Philly.
Dirty town.
125
00:04:37,943 --> 00:04:40,812
Ah-ha-ha!
Philly!
126
00:04:40,846 --> 00:04:44,199
- Exciting stuff, man.
- Whoo!
127
00:04:44,233 --> 00:04:46,350
So you sure you remembered
everything for your trip?
128
00:04:46,368 --> 00:04:50,321
- Yeah, I think so.
- Think that through for a sec.
129
00:04:50,355 --> 00:04:52,157
Yeah, Jim's going
to Philly tomorrow.
130
00:04:52,191 --> 00:04:53,408
He said he was gonna
take me with him,
131
00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:54,876
but that was two months ago.
132
00:04:54,910 --> 00:04:57,445
And I haven't heard
anything since.
133
00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:00,515
I mean, he said that, right?
134
00:05:00,549 --> 00:05:03,218
What else could you possibly
be forgetting?
135
00:05:03,252 --> 00:05:06,037
- Uh--
- Things? People?
136
00:05:06,055 --> 00:05:07,538
[Chuckles nervously]
137
00:05:07,556 --> 00:05:09,424
You know who's not
gonna get to work
138
00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:11,042
on some exciting
new startup this year?
139
00:05:11,060 --> 00:05:13,311
George Howard Skub,
140
00:05:13,345 --> 00:05:16,264
AKA the alleged
Scranton strangler,
141
00:05:16,315 --> 00:05:18,266
because he's in prison
142
00:05:18,317 --> 00:05:20,218
for something
he may not have done.
143
00:05:20,236 --> 00:05:22,904
I'm sorry, the--
uh, the Scranton who?
144
00:05:22,938 --> 00:05:25,573
The Scranton strangler.
George Howard Skub.
145
00:05:25,608 --> 00:05:26,891
Haven't I told you
about the jury
146
00:05:26,909 --> 00:05:28,026
I was on a couple years ago?
147
00:05:28,060 --> 00:05:30,328
[Gasps] Oh, what happened?
148
00:05:30,362 --> 00:05:31,830
I mean, if you can
talk about it, obviously.
149
00:05:31,864 --> 00:05:33,031
Because if you can't,
I mean, I understand.
150
00:05:33,065 --> 00:05:37,168
I-- I could--
I could talk about it.
151
00:05:37,203 --> 00:05:38,402
See you next Christmas.
152
00:05:38,420 --> 00:05:39,704
I could, sure.
Have a seat.
153
00:05:39,738 --> 00:05:41,422
I would start at the beginning,
154
00:05:41,457 --> 00:05:45,510
but I think I need
to go farther back.
155
00:05:45,544 --> 00:05:47,595
We're the party
planning committee,
156
00:05:47,630 --> 00:05:49,297
and we did not get where we are
157
00:05:49,348 --> 00:05:50,765
by playing it safe.
158
00:05:50,799 --> 00:05:52,717
We got here
by being risk takers.
159
00:05:52,751 --> 00:05:54,969
And, yeah,
160
00:05:55,020 --> 00:05:57,856
Dwight's party
is gonna be terrible.
161
00:05:57,890 --> 00:06:00,608
Maybe.
162
00:06:00,643 --> 00:06:04,028
Maybe it's not.
163
00:06:04,063 --> 00:06:05,947
Maybe it's going to be great.
164
00:06:05,981 --> 00:06:11,486
And, if it's great...
165
00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:12,954
I think we all know
166
00:06:12,988 --> 00:06:17,275
what that would mean to us.
167
00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:19,127
Let's do it.
168
00:06:19,161 --> 00:06:20,962
Yes.
Phyllis!
169
00:06:20,996 --> 00:06:22,297
No.
170
00:06:22,331 --> 00:06:24,132
I don't want my name
attached to this party.
171
00:06:24,166 --> 00:06:25,133
What does that even mean?
172
00:06:25,167 --> 00:06:26,284
Where would your name appear?
173
00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:27,302
Please just take my name
174
00:06:27,336 --> 00:06:28,419
off of everything.
175
00:06:28,453 --> 00:06:31,589
Just take her name
off of everything.
176
00:06:31,623 --> 00:06:33,174
[Clears throat]
177
00:06:33,225 --> 00:06:35,760
The party planning committee,
minus Angela,
178
00:06:35,794 --> 00:06:41,349
has decided that we're all going
to do Dwight's Christmas.
179
00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:42,850
Yes!
Yeah!
180
00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:44,903
Yeah!
Okay!
181
00:06:44,937 --> 00:06:47,355
Yes!
It's a Christmas miracle!
182
00:06:47,406 --> 00:06:48,823
Yeah!
183
00:06:48,857 --> 00:06:51,192
- Whoo-hoo!
- Dwight, there is one rule
184
00:06:51,243 --> 00:06:53,027
that you need
to take very seriously.
185
00:06:53,078 --> 00:06:54,946
- Uh-huh.
- And that is...
186
00:06:54,980 --> 00:06:56,080
Uh-oh.
187
00:06:56,115 --> 00:06:57,498
That there are no rules.
188
00:06:57,533 --> 00:07:01,319
You have never been cooler.
189
00:07:01,337 --> 00:07:03,204
Best Christmas ever.
190
00:07:03,255 --> 00:07:06,507
- You're welcome.
- Thank you.
191
00:07:11,943 --> 00:07:16,330
And Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas
has officially begun.
192
00:07:16,382 --> 00:07:18,966
Ugh.
What is this stuff, lava?
193
00:07:19,001 --> 00:07:21,952
That is gluhwein,
otherwise known as glow-wine,
194
00:07:21,970 --> 00:07:23,921
also used to sterilize
medical instruments.
195
00:07:23,955 --> 00:07:26,891
And, interesting factoid,
196
00:07:26,925 --> 00:07:29,477
this is the very spoon
that guided my soft skull
197
00:07:29,511 --> 00:07:31,846
through the birth canal
when I was born.
198
00:07:31,897 --> 00:07:33,798
- Enjoy.
- What is it?
199
00:07:33,816 --> 00:07:35,933
Don't touch it.
200
00:07:35,967 --> 00:07:38,820
- Somebody's found the hog maw.
- Oh!
201
00:07:38,854 --> 00:07:39,904
What?
202
00:07:39,938 --> 00:07:41,305
It's a Pennsylvania
Dutch specialty.
203
00:07:41,323 --> 00:07:43,107
Hog maw.
That's a beauty, isn't it?
204
00:07:43,141 --> 00:07:44,942
I don't even want
to tell you what it's made of
205
00:07:44,976 --> 00:07:46,477
until after you try it.
206
00:07:46,495 --> 00:07:48,579
Ugh.
I'm not eating mystery meat.
207
00:07:48,614 --> 00:07:50,198
It is stuffed pig stomach.
208
00:07:50,249 --> 00:07:52,667
And, after we finish it,
we get to break the pig rib.
209
00:07:52,701 --> 00:07:54,035
- Can't wait.
- Weird.
210
00:07:54,086 --> 00:07:55,653
Where are the sugar cookies?
211
00:07:55,671 --> 00:07:57,338
Where's the karaoke machine?
212
00:07:57,372 --> 00:07:59,156
This is austere, Meredith.
213
00:07:59,174 --> 00:08:03,177
This is celebrating Christmas
for all of the right reasons.
214
00:08:03,212 --> 00:08:06,848
The cookies and toys and sweets
are mere distractions.
215
00:08:06,882 --> 00:08:08,999
I mean, most people
don't even know
216
00:08:09,017 --> 00:08:11,385
that a candy cane
represents a shepherd's crook,
217
00:08:11,437 --> 00:08:13,855
which I assure you
does not taste like peppermint.
218
00:08:13,889 --> 00:08:15,339
It tastes like sheep feces.
219
00:08:15,357 --> 00:08:16,724
How would anyone even know--
220
00:08:16,775 --> 00:08:18,175
Have you ever tasted
a shepherd's crook?
221
00:08:18,193 --> 00:08:19,944
I don't know.
Is it what you expected?
222
00:08:19,978 --> 00:08:23,397
I feel like--
Dwight is holding a candle
223
00:08:23,449 --> 00:08:25,867
and reading a poem.
224
00:08:25,901 --> 00:08:29,620
So happy right now.
225
00:08:29,655 --> 00:08:33,858
[Speaking German]
226
00:08:33,876 --> 00:08:35,409
Wait, what is that I hear?
227
00:08:35,461 --> 00:08:36,861
Is someone on the roof?
228
00:08:36,879 --> 00:08:38,746
How strange.
229
00:08:38,797 --> 00:08:41,666
Excuse me.
I have to run to my car
230
00:08:41,700 --> 00:08:44,201
to take a dump.
231
00:08:45,871 --> 00:08:48,539
I wish my car had a bathroom.
232
00:08:48,557 --> 00:08:49,874
"Let Heinrich
plant the detonators
233
00:08:49,892 --> 00:08:51,142
and Theo prepare the vault.
234
00:08:51,176 --> 00:08:53,594
- After that--"
- Eh. That wasn't the line.
235
00:08:53,645 --> 00:08:55,429
I'm sorry, Pete.
236
00:08:55,481 --> 00:08:57,115
That is transcribed
by some fan.
237
00:08:57,149 --> 00:08:58,616
They make mistakes.
238
00:08:58,650 --> 00:09:01,285
I don't know.
This looks pretty legit.
239
00:09:01,319 --> 00:09:02,670
[Cell phone chimes]
240
00:09:02,704 --> 00:09:05,656
Oh, my gosh.
I just got an email from Andy.
241
00:09:05,674 --> 00:09:07,592
That means they hit land.
242
00:09:07,626 --> 00:09:09,961
"What up, shorty?
We got in last night,
243
00:09:09,995 --> 00:09:13,264
sold the boat,
went out, got drunk,
244
00:09:13,298 --> 00:09:16,350
saw Life of Pi,
got super depressed
245
00:09:16,385 --> 00:09:18,803
and introspective.
246
00:09:18,837 --> 00:09:21,038
Gonna hang out here a while.
247
00:09:21,073 --> 00:09:22,824
Maybe a couple of weeks.
248
00:09:22,858 --> 00:09:26,043
Figure
this whole life thing out.
249
00:09:26,061 --> 00:09:29,430
Maybe see Hobbit.
Lates."
250
00:09:31,883 --> 00:09:33,851
Hey.
Everything okay?
251
00:09:33,885 --> 00:09:36,220
So what comes next?
252
00:09:36,238 --> 00:09:39,941
Right, um, okay.
253
00:09:39,992 --> 00:09:42,743
So he says,
"after we call the police,
254
00:09:42,778 --> 00:09:44,779
they'll waste hours
trying to negotiate--"
255
00:09:44,830 --> 00:09:46,447
We should just watch the movie.
256
00:09:46,498 --> 00:09:47,565
That makes much more sense.
257
00:09:47,583 --> 00:09:49,784
Or we can just sit
and talk, though.
258
00:09:49,835 --> 00:09:50,868
No.
No more talking.
259
00:09:50,902 --> 00:09:51,919
It's movie time.
260
00:09:51,954 --> 00:09:55,590
I mean, are you sure...
261
00:09:55,624 --> 00:09:58,409
Yeah, I probably have
a copy or two in my car.
262
00:09:58,427 --> 00:09:59,877
Oh, great.
Great!
263
00:09:59,911 --> 00:10:01,512
So we're
watching Die Hard, now.
264
00:10:01,547 --> 00:10:03,381
Good! This is a good plan.
265
00:10:03,415 --> 00:10:05,049
Okay.
266
00:10:05,083 --> 00:10:07,218
Here's the thing
about moonlight.
267
00:10:07,252 --> 00:10:09,086
It's not sunlight.
268
00:10:09,104 --> 00:10:11,755
[Mouth full]
I love this hog mama.
269
00:10:11,773 --> 00:10:13,307
Dwight said it's "hog maw."
270
00:10:13,358 --> 00:10:14,525
[Chokes]
271
00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:15,943
What is maw?
272
00:10:15,978 --> 00:10:18,112
It's the lining
of the stomach of--
273
00:10:18,146 --> 00:10:19,197
[Cackling] Ohh...
274
00:10:19,231 --> 00:10:20,982
[German accent]
Judgment is nigh,
275
00:10:21,033 --> 00:10:23,401
for the Belsnickel ist I!
276
00:10:23,435 --> 00:10:25,453
Yes, he is finally nigh.
277
00:10:25,487 --> 00:10:27,455
I am nigh!
278
00:10:27,489 --> 00:10:29,940
Every year, my grandfather
would dress up as Belsnickel
279
00:10:29,958 --> 00:10:30,958
at Christmas.
280
00:10:30,993 --> 00:10:34,462
He was... okay at it.
281
00:10:34,496 --> 00:10:36,581
I am great.
282
00:10:36,615 --> 00:10:38,449
You know how they say some
people were born to be bad?
283
00:10:38,467 --> 00:10:42,003
Well, I was born
to be Belsnickel.
284
00:10:42,054 --> 00:10:44,005
Ohh, Belsnickel
285
00:10:44,056 --> 00:10:46,257
has traveled from distant lands
286
00:10:46,291 --> 00:10:48,459
to discover how
all the boys and the girls
287
00:10:48,477 --> 00:10:50,478
have been behaving
this last year.
288
00:10:50,512 --> 00:10:53,764
Whoo hoo hoo hoo hoo!
Ohh... too much strudel.
289
00:10:53,798 --> 00:10:56,851
So he's kind of like Santa,
except dirty and worse.
290
00:10:56,902 --> 00:10:58,802
No, much better--
no one fears Santa
291
00:10:58,820 --> 00:11:00,655
the way they fear Belsnickel.
292
00:11:00,689 --> 00:11:02,356
Wow. It's my favorite
part of Christmas.
293
00:11:02,407 --> 00:11:03,407
The authority.
294
00:11:03,442 --> 00:11:05,359
- And the fear.
- Yes, exactly!
295
00:11:05,410 --> 00:11:07,278
Come on, Dwight,
you're making this up.
296
00:11:07,312 --> 00:11:09,363
- No...
- This is a real thing.
297
00:11:09,414 --> 00:11:11,866
"Belsnickel is a crotchety,
fur-clad gift giver
298
00:11:11,917 --> 00:11:14,201
related to other companions
of St. Nicholas
299
00:11:14,253 --> 00:11:16,320
in the folklore
of Southwestern Germany."
300
00:11:16,338 --> 00:11:17,622
- Ah.
- Wow.
301
00:11:17,656 --> 00:11:19,123
Okay, great.
Seriously, you guys?
302
00:11:19,157 --> 00:11:20,791
Now you believe
in Dwight's traditions,
303
00:11:20,825 --> 00:11:22,843
when some Democrat looks it up
on Wikipedia?
304
00:11:22,878 --> 00:11:27,815
"His partner, Zwarte Piet,
or Black Peter, a slave boy,
305
00:11:27,849 --> 00:11:31,602
often portrayed in colorful
pantaloons and blackface."
306
00:11:31,636 --> 00:11:34,355
Uh-uh.
No, Dwight. No.
307
00:11:34,406 --> 00:11:35,823
Oh, come on.
308
00:11:35,857 --> 00:11:38,309
We don't blindly stick
to every outmoded aspect
309
00:11:38,327 --> 00:11:39,577
of our traditions.
310
00:11:39,611 --> 00:11:42,530
Come on, get with the spirit
of it, you guys.
311
00:11:46,585 --> 00:11:47,835
[Phone blips]
312
00:11:47,869 --> 00:11:49,920
[Cell phone buzzes]
313
00:11:57,162 --> 00:11:58,462
[Suspenseful music]
314
00:11:58,497 --> 00:11:59,830
Okay, Karl was actually
315
00:11:59,848 --> 00:12:01,849
a ballet dancer in real life.
316
00:12:01,883 --> 00:12:04,302
- Isn't that crazy?
- Mm. [Chuckles]
317
00:12:06,855 --> 00:12:09,223
Jim, that guy.
318
00:12:09,274 --> 00:12:10,391
[Scoffs]
319
00:12:10,442 --> 00:12:12,226
You gotta stick to your word!
320
00:12:12,277 --> 00:12:14,478
Like when you say something
to a buddy,
321
00:12:14,512 --> 00:12:16,981
a real buddy...
322
00:12:17,015 --> 00:12:18,699
what are you gonna do, lie?
323
00:12:18,734 --> 00:12:19,817
To your buddy?
324
00:12:19,851 --> 00:12:22,019
[Sighs] It's awful.
325
00:12:22,037 --> 00:12:24,071
Take a bowl and pass it down.
326
00:12:24,122 --> 00:12:25,740
Thank you, Dwight.
These are nice.
327
00:12:25,791 --> 00:12:26,907
No, these are gift bowls.
328
00:12:26,958 --> 00:12:29,043
When you receive a gift,
it will go in the bowl,
329
00:12:29,077 --> 00:12:30,361
but the bowls must be
returned at the end.
330
00:12:30,379 --> 00:12:31,412
They're a set.
331
00:12:31,463 --> 00:12:34,498
Now, hold your bowls forward.
332
00:12:34,532 --> 00:12:38,169
The Belsnickel will decide
if you are impish
333
00:12:38,203 --> 00:12:39,720
or admirable.
334
00:12:39,755 --> 00:12:41,555
Oh, it's like naughty or nice.
335
00:12:41,590 --> 00:12:43,724
No, impish or admirable.
336
00:12:43,759 --> 00:12:45,042
Quick question--
do you just decide
337
00:12:45,060 --> 00:12:47,044
who gets what in the moment,
or did you make a list?
338
00:12:47,062 --> 00:12:49,546
- I decided earlier.
- Oh. Nice.
339
00:12:49,564 --> 00:12:51,715
- Did you check that list?
- Of course I checked it.
340
00:12:51,733 --> 00:12:53,234
But more than once? 'Cause you
could have made a mistake.
341
00:12:53,268 --> 00:12:55,019
- I checked it more than once.
- Okay, so you made a list,
342
00:12:55,053 --> 00:12:57,554
you checked it twice, and now
you're gonna find out who's--
343
00:12:57,572 --> 00:12:58,823
Impish or admirable.
344
00:12:58,857 --> 00:12:59,824
Damn.
345
00:12:59,858 --> 00:13:02,193
Phyllis Vance!
Cheer or fear?
346
00:13:02,227 --> 00:13:03,394
Belsnickel is here.
347
00:13:03,412 --> 00:13:07,081
I judge your year as...
348
00:13:07,115 --> 00:13:10,084
admirable.
349
00:13:10,118 --> 00:13:11,619
There you are.
350
00:13:11,670 --> 00:13:13,037
Oh. What are these?
351
00:13:13,071 --> 00:13:15,239
It's a set of rubber gaskets
for canning jars.
352
00:13:15,257 --> 00:13:18,042
- I'd rather have the bowl.
- You can't have the bowl!
353
00:13:18,076 --> 00:13:19,794
Oscar Martinez,
354
00:13:19,845 --> 00:13:21,929
cheer or fear?
355
00:13:21,963 --> 00:13:23,297
Belsnickel is here.
356
00:13:23,348 --> 00:13:26,934
I judge your year...
357
00:13:26,968 --> 00:13:28,135
as impish!
358
00:13:28,186 --> 00:13:30,971
Ow! You hit people
with that thing?
359
00:13:31,022 --> 00:13:32,089
No, I'm carrying
around the stick
360
00:13:32,107 --> 00:13:33,557
in order to look cool.
361
00:13:33,591 --> 00:13:34,725
For the kinder.
362
00:13:34,759 --> 00:13:35,976
Ooh.
363
00:13:36,027 --> 00:13:36,977
Mouse trap.
364
00:13:37,028 --> 00:13:38,396
In a head-to-head contest,
365
00:13:38,430 --> 00:13:41,315
people prefer Belsnickel
over Santa every time.
366
00:13:41,366 --> 00:13:42,616
There aren't as many songs
about him,
367
00:13:42,651 --> 00:13:45,403
but I attribute that more
to rhyming difficulties.
368
00:13:45,437 --> 00:13:47,071
My brother and I
wrote one once.
369
00:13:47,105 --> 00:13:48,906
It was about
a fickle pickle salesman
370
00:13:48,940 --> 00:13:50,607
who would tickle you
for a nickel.
371
00:13:52,544 --> 00:13:53,911
[Giggling] Oh, you know what?
372
00:13:53,945 --> 00:13:55,746
- I gotta go.
- Stop giggling.
373
00:13:55,780 --> 00:13:57,281
Oh, really?
Already?
374
00:13:57,299 --> 00:13:58,416
- Yeah, it's all right.
- It's a punishment.
375
00:13:58,450 --> 00:13:59,417
Hey, where are you going?
376
00:13:59,451 --> 00:14:01,118
I have to go to Philly.
377
00:14:01,136 --> 00:14:02,503
But this was amazing.
378
00:14:02,554 --> 00:14:04,088
- Okay?
- But you work tomorrow.
379
00:14:04,122 --> 00:14:05,172
Yeah, I know,
I'd just like to settle in
380
00:14:05,223 --> 00:14:06,290
and get a good night's sleep.
381
00:14:06,308 --> 00:14:07,925
But we were gonna
break the pig rib.
382
00:14:07,959 --> 00:14:09,427
- Ohh.
- Remember?
383
00:14:09,461 --> 00:14:11,846
That's right.
384
00:14:11,897 --> 00:14:14,098
No matter!
Belsnickel cares not
385
00:14:14,132 --> 00:14:16,434
about this--
off with you!
386
00:14:16,468 --> 00:14:18,152
Perfect.
Merry Christmas, everybody.
387
00:14:18,186 --> 00:14:19,653
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
388
00:14:19,688 --> 00:14:21,305
Don't you want to know
your present?
389
00:14:21,323 --> 00:14:23,274
You know what?
Yeah. Have at it.
390
00:14:23,308 --> 00:14:26,193
Jim Halpert, cheer or fear?
391
00:14:26,244 --> 00:14:28,162
Belsnickel is here.
392
00:14:28,196 --> 00:14:30,314
I judge your year as impish.
393
00:14:30,332 --> 00:14:32,116
Ohh! Are you nuts?
394
00:14:32,150 --> 00:14:33,317
- I judge you impish!
- Ow! Ow!
395
00:14:33,335 --> 00:14:34,502
Okay, that is three,
396
00:14:34,536 --> 00:14:35,986
and you didn't
hit anybody that hard.
397
00:14:36,004 --> 00:14:37,204
They're not
abandoning the party.
398
00:14:37,255 --> 00:14:38,622
Just-- just-- hey!
399
00:14:38,656 --> 00:14:40,324
[Shouts indistinctly]
That's enough, I'm done!
400
00:14:40,342 --> 00:14:41,959
- Okay? Agh!
- Impish!
401
00:14:41,993 --> 00:14:44,044
Aah! Ow!
402
00:14:44,095 --> 00:14:47,181
Belsnickel,
I gotta run out early too.
403
00:14:47,215 --> 00:14:49,683
[All groan]
404
00:14:49,718 --> 00:14:52,686
Oh...
what was that?
405
00:14:52,721 --> 00:14:56,507
Now I'm gonna be all whipped
for my first day at work.
406
00:14:56,525 --> 00:14:59,860
God.
407
00:14:59,895 --> 00:15:01,812
One second.
408
00:15:01,846 --> 00:15:03,697
- Oh...
- Well...
409
00:15:03,732 --> 00:15:05,733
this is it.
410
00:15:05,784 --> 00:15:07,851
I'm probably never gonna
see you again.
411
00:15:07,869 --> 00:15:10,354
Shut up.
I'm trying to be serious.
412
00:15:10,372 --> 00:15:13,741
Okay, sorry, sorry.
413
00:15:13,792 --> 00:15:16,076
I can't believe
this is actually happening.
414
00:15:16,127 --> 00:15:17,878
Listen, thank you so much
415
00:15:17,913 --> 00:15:19,580
for putting that all together.
416
00:15:19,631 --> 00:15:22,366
That was the perfect
last Christmas party.
417
00:15:25,253 --> 00:15:26,921
All right, wish me luck?
418
00:15:26,972 --> 00:15:29,056
Okay.
419
00:15:29,090 --> 00:15:30,891
Good luck.
You're gonna be great.
420
00:15:30,926 --> 00:15:32,042
I'll call you when I get in.
421
00:15:32,060 --> 00:15:33,928
- Okay.
- All right.
422
00:15:33,979 --> 00:15:35,930
- Love you.
- Love you.
423
00:15:45,106 --> 00:15:47,992
[Laughter, indistinct chatter]
424
00:16:04,175 --> 00:16:05,876
[Elevator bell dings]
425
00:16:05,910 --> 00:16:07,711
- What's going on?
- Party's over.
426
00:16:07,745 --> 00:16:11,915
You quit on Christmas,
Christmas quits on you.
427
00:16:11,933 --> 00:16:14,018
And guess what, kids.
428
00:16:14,052 --> 00:16:17,938
Belsnickel isn't real.
It's me, Dwight!
429
00:16:22,008 --> 00:16:24,608
We found some old decorations
on the warehouse.
430
00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:27,227
Oscar ran to the store
for some food and drink,
431
00:16:27,278 --> 00:16:29,312
and I dipped into
my stash of eggnog.
432
00:16:29,346 --> 00:16:31,114
I guess they needed me
after all.
433
00:16:31,149 --> 00:16:33,016
It's like in
It's a Wonderful Life
434
00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:35,252
when Jimmy Stewart realizes
that all those people
435
00:16:35,286 --> 00:16:37,304
at the building and loan
were just jerks,
436
00:16:37,338 --> 00:16:39,072
and he was the real hero.
437
00:16:39,107 --> 00:16:42,709
Kevin. Kevin! Aaah.
Stop it!
438
00:16:42,743 --> 00:16:45,128
Oh, it sounds like the party's
439
00:16:45,163 --> 00:16:47,214
- starting up out there.
- Yeah.
440
00:16:47,248 --> 00:16:51,518
So anyway, the entire jury
wants me to vote guilty.
441
00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:53,753
But then I did a little
research of my own,
442
00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:55,889
and forget everything
you thought you knew
443
00:16:55,923 --> 00:16:57,340
about fingerprinting.
444
00:16:57,374 --> 00:16:59,509
Meredith's a little cute.
445
00:16:59,543 --> 00:17:02,229
I'm just realizing.
446
00:17:02,263 --> 00:17:04,564
She got, like,
a Emma Stone thing.
447
00:17:04,599 --> 00:17:07,567
[We Wish You a Merry Christmas
playing]
448
00:17:07,602 --> 00:17:09,236
♪
449
00:17:09,270 --> 00:17:12,656
Boo!
450
00:17:25,069 --> 00:17:28,038
For what it's worth,
I liked your party better.
451
00:17:28,072 --> 00:17:29,572
Everyone thought
the food was gross,
452
00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:32,742
and that Belsnickel was some
darkly erotic freak.
453
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:35,929
I don't think anyone
thought that.
454
00:17:35,963 --> 00:17:38,798
Jim couldn't even stay
till the end of the party.
455
00:17:38,850 --> 00:17:40,884
Well, that didn't have
anything to do with you.
456
00:17:40,918 --> 00:17:43,103
I don't care.
Guess how much I care
457
00:17:43,137 --> 00:17:44,804
- on a scale of one to ten.
- Zero.
458
00:17:44,856 --> 00:17:46,606
Damn it!
459
00:17:54,765 --> 00:17:58,885
I'm gonna tell Jim
to go fuck himself.
460
00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:01,821
[Groaning]
461
00:18:01,873 --> 00:18:05,325
Do you think Andy would ever
jump off an exploding building
462
00:18:05,376 --> 00:18:08,611
tied to a hose for me?
463
00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:12,582
Yeah.
Definitely.
464
00:18:12,616 --> 00:18:15,752
[Explosions, screams on TV]
465
00:18:15,786 --> 00:18:18,638
[Sobs]
466
00:18:18,673 --> 00:18:20,390
Hey, what's--
467
00:18:20,424 --> 00:18:22,959
oh, no, come here.
Hey, hey.
468
00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:26,229
Come on, huh?
469
00:18:30,601 --> 00:18:32,435
I'm still Andy's girlfriend.
470
00:18:32,469 --> 00:18:35,438
Oh, yeah, of course.
I know.
471
00:18:35,472 --> 00:18:38,275
But you can leave your arm.
472
00:18:44,415 --> 00:18:49,452
[Overlapping chatter]
473
00:18:49,486 --> 00:18:50,954
Dwight, want me
to get you some eggnog?
474
00:18:50,988 --> 00:18:53,673
No, thanks. I'll just have
another Dumatril.
475
00:18:53,708 --> 00:18:56,343
Jim taught me
this really cool way to take it.
476
00:18:56,377 --> 00:18:59,162
You crush it into a powder,
and you snort it up your butt.
477
00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:00,630
Yep, I did say that.
478
00:19:00,664 --> 00:19:02,682
- Jim!
- What's going on?
479
00:19:02,717 --> 00:19:03,934
Where's the Belsnickel?
480
00:19:03,968 --> 00:19:05,001
Oh--
481
00:19:05,019 --> 00:19:08,388
oh, my God!
482
00:19:08,439 --> 00:19:10,673
What are you doing?
483
00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:12,559
Last time I saw you, you were
whipping me out of the building.
484
00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:14,677
Shh.
Let's not speak of that.
485
00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:16,363
The pig rib.
486
00:19:16,397 --> 00:19:18,181
We could totally break
the pig rib!
487
00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:21,201
I'm gonna dig it out
of the trash.
488
00:19:21,235 --> 00:19:24,020
What happened?
Did you miss your bus?
489
00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:26,656
No. I just missed
my wife.
490
00:19:28,459 --> 00:19:29,576
I found it!
491
00:19:29,627 --> 00:19:31,244
And I found out
492
00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:32,712
that there's a bus
at 5:00 AM.
493
00:19:32,747 --> 00:19:37,083
[All cheering and chanting]
494
00:19:42,723 --> 00:19:43,723
Oh!
495
00:19:43,758 --> 00:19:46,760
[All groan]
496
00:19:46,811 --> 00:19:48,895
Damn it!
497
00:19:48,929 --> 00:19:52,349
Jim got the bigger half.
498
00:19:52,383 --> 00:19:53,716
Back for more, huh?
499
00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:57,387
Ooh, nog it.
Let me get some nog.
500
00:19:57,421 --> 00:20:00,607
[Indistinct chatter]
501
00:20:00,641 --> 00:20:03,360
Thanks, Phyllis.
Where's Andy?
502
00:20:03,394 --> 00:20:06,529
- You!
- Oh, hey, man.
503
00:20:06,563 --> 00:20:07,947
Oh, you know what?
Before I forget again,
504
00:20:07,999 --> 00:20:09,899
I talked to the guys
about hiring you.
505
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:14,037
They're gonna bring you in
for an interview.
506
00:20:18,876 --> 00:20:20,093
That's great.
507
00:20:20,127 --> 00:20:21,544
Right?
508
00:20:21,578 --> 00:20:24,714
- Thanks, man.
- Hey, of course.
509
00:20:24,748 --> 00:20:27,550
I shall come by
at your convenience.
510
00:20:27,584 --> 00:20:29,052
Thank you, sir.
511
00:20:29,086 --> 00:20:31,087
- Whoo!
- Go get 'em.
512
00:20:31,105 --> 00:20:33,256
Oh! Whoa!
[Alarmed shouts]
513
00:20:35,026 --> 00:20:38,194
[Alarmed shouts]
514
00:20:38,229 --> 00:20:40,096
Very impish.
515
00:20:49,595 --> 00:20:55,000
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
516
00:20:55,433 --> 00:20:58,055
Two dimes, seven nickels--
well, okay,
517
00:20:58,073 --> 00:20:59,157
no, that doesn't add up.
518
00:20:59,191 --> 00:21:02,827
- It was one quarter and--
- Shh.
519
00:21:02,862 --> 00:21:03,862
What?
I was just explaining--
520
00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:05,864
Shh.
521
00:21:05,898 --> 00:21:07,165
- Why wouldn't it--
- Shh.
522
00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:13,070
- But why?
- No... more... talking.
523
00:21:13,088 --> 00:21:15,456
Are you gonna kiss me?
524
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:20,244
Yes.