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Today is the first day
of Sabre's new project:
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00:00:03,973 --> 00:00:05,765
Develop a chain of retail stores.
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I am meeting my new boss,
Nellie Bertram.
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Head of Special Projects.
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Work starts at 9:00.
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Sabre HQ is 30 minutes away,
driving the speed limit.
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Giving everyone 20 minutes to shower,
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plus 50 for Jim to style his hair,
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20 for breakfast,
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00:00:21,876 --> 00:00:24,895
40 for Erin to get lost
between her room and the lobby,
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90 for Ryan to do his morning ecstasy.
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We're already 20 minutes late.
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Wake up!
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Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Wake up!
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Ah!
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Why are you sleeping that way?
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Oh.
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I was reading the mattress tag,
and I fell asleep.
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Stanley!
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Wake up! You've got to wake up,
the hotel's on fire!
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Stanley, wake up, it's pretzel day!
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Mmm!
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Good morning.
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Hey, wake up.
Let's have some fun.
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We're in Florida now.
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Hey, you.
I'm so glad this is happening.
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I actually came to your door
twice last night.
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Come on in, the water's fine.
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I am on the two kid sleep schedule,
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so I'm up and at 'em
at 4:15,
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but no kids,
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so I honestly didn't know
what to do with myself,
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and then I thought of something.
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Uh--
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He-e-ere's Dwi--
What the--?
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- Oh, man.
- What do you think happened?
37
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Looks like Jim got
mixed up with some bad apples.
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Oh, no, no, no, no.
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It wasn't me.
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I gotta find Luwanda
at the Alcohol Club.
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Oh.
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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- Puppet.
- Cool, for your kids?
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Yeah. It's weird
being away from them.
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Never done this before.
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Attention, Dunder Mifflin Group.
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Proceed outside.
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The vehicle is waiting.
Seats have been assigned.
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Shotgun goes to Ryan.
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Congratulations, Ryan.
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00:02:36,495 --> 00:02:39,046
I need to make Nellie
see me as a leader today.
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First impressions
get locked in forever.
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When I first met Pam,
she said something
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that slightly rubbed me the wrong way.
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Since then I've loved
working with Pam,
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and she's frankly wonderful,
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but I hate her.
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I'll have a bottle of the antacid.
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Also, I want to get a souvenir
for my son,
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but his mother doesn't
acknowledge my paternity.
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Do you have anything for that?
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Also, I want it to have
a Florida feel.
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- What does he like?
- Power.
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Okay, and this one is,
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"Huh, don't see too many museums
around here."
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Okay, Twiggy, that's enough.
Get in the car.
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Hey, are you okay?
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00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:15,199
I'm fine, okay?
It's just stress.
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You know, 'cause I care
about this project.
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00:03:17,452 --> 00:03:18,786
And frankly, the fact that none of you
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are vomiting or diarrheal
right now I find very alarming.
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Who says none of us are diarrheal?
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Are you sure it's stress?
Because I did poison you.
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Very funny, Jim.
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00:03:29,998 --> 00:03:31,198
Oh, no, I'm serious.
I was thinking,
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"For this trip
I have to do something epic,
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so what should that be?"
And then I thought of it.
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I'll poison you.
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What are you gonna do?
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You gonna steal my newspaper,
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or put a cricket in my cereal,
or something?
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I'm gonna set your face on fire.
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00:03:41,426 --> 00:03:45,112
That's a good one.
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00:03:45,147 --> 00:03:46,514
Whoa, Stanley.
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00:03:46,548 --> 00:03:48,715
Did you just come back from
burning down a rival nightclub?
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00:03:48,733 --> 00:03:49,984
Laugh it up, Halpert.
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I'm in Florida for a month
without my family.
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I'm gonna enjoy this.
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Want to get in?
You can work the iPod.
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Yes.
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00:03:58,527 --> 00:04:00,444
Ah.
You're a nice guy, Jim,
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00:04:00,495 --> 00:04:02,563
but have no idea how to vacation.
93
00:04:02,581 --> 00:04:03,864
Find some Kenny Loggins.
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00:04:03,899 --> 00:04:04,949
Loggins and Messina.
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00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:07,434
Did I say "Messina?"
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Ahh!
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Sorry, I couldn't resist.
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It's so quiet.
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I like it.
It's so peaceful,
100
00:04:16,094 --> 00:04:18,579
I've already written, like,
12 plays today.
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00:04:18,597 --> 00:04:22,933
It's so quiet, one might say,
you could hear a pin...
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00:04:26,104 --> 00:04:27,638
I thought that would be cooler.
103
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I loved it.
104
00:04:29,107 --> 00:04:30,424
Hey, can you pick up the pin?
105
00:04:30,442 --> 00:04:31,758
Some of us like to work
in our bare feet.
106
00:04:31,776 --> 00:04:34,361
Of course, I will pick up the pin.
107
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It is right here.
108
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Got it.
109
00:04:39,651 --> 00:04:40,968
Can we see that?
Did you really find it?
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00:04:41,002 --> 00:04:42,769
Yes, right here.
Got it.
111
00:04:42,787 --> 00:04:45,122
Dink, ow.
112
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In the trash.
113
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Hey, why is it so quiet?
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Shouldn't the phone be ringing?
115
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Uh-oh. Erin set the phone
to voicemail.
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Oh, great.
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We're screwed.
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There.
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Oh! There we go.
Pam?
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00:05:01,022 --> 00:05:02,339
Yeah?
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Can you get the phone?
122
00:05:04,159 --> 00:05:05,292
Well, I'm not the receptionist.
123
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Mm, well, you used to be.
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I know, but I can't cover reception.
125
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I have a lot of work to do.
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Phone's ringing.
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Will one of you get the phone?
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I am freaking out.
I know it's for me.
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Are you guys kidding me?
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Stop flirting
and someone get the phone!
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Answer the phone.
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- Andy, pick up the phone!
- Get the damn phone!
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You're the closest one to it.
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Fine.
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00:05:33,088 --> 00:05:35,155
Hello, Dunder Mifflin.
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Hello, you've reached Dunder Mifflin.
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How may I be of service?
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Man.
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- How was the drive?
- Fantastic.
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Stanley drives so fast.
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Life is short. "Drive fast
and leave a sexy corpse."
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That's one of my mottos.
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I would love to hear the other mottos.
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- Quick query, Halpert.
- No way.
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- Still queer?
- Packer.
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You can't put me down.
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Too strong.
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00:06:00,789 --> 00:06:03,817
Yeah, Dwight and Jim
tried to get me fired,
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but I landed on my feet
down here in Florida.
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You see, this cat's got nine lives,
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and a nine-inch--
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Psst.
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Say, "So who's leading
this thing, anyway?"
154
00:06:14,996 --> 00:06:19,066
So who's leading this thing, anyway?
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Psst. Say, "I can't wait
to meet him."
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I can't wait to meet him.
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Him, you say?
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Don't think a woman can be a leader?
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I--
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You poor, simple boy.
161
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Expected a man, did you?
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Strong, powerful,
huge, whopping penis?
163
00:06:40,655 --> 00:06:42,556
Well, sorry to disappoint,
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but my huge, whopping penis
is right here,
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and I'm not afraid to use it.
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So stop looking at my breasts,
and start looking at my penis.
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I'm Nellie Bertram,
president of Special Projects.
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In the next few weeks
we're going to throw
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everything you know about
business out of the window,
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and do it our own way.
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Are your minds blown?
172
00:07:08,266 --> 00:07:11,769
So, how did this special
project come about anyway?
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Well, I interviewed to be
the manager of your branch,
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after you decided I wasn't
"a good fit."
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- It was--
- Ah. Mm-mmm.
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It was.
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I went on a shopping spree.
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Very destructive, I bought 13 pianos.
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Then I realized,
what if Sabre had a store?
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00:07:32,974 --> 00:07:34,158
Hmm?
181
00:07:34,209 --> 00:07:37,277
So I called Jo, old friend,
founder of Sabre,
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and I told her, and
she grabbed me by the shoulders,
183
00:07:39,614 --> 00:07:41,048
and she said, "Yes!"
184
00:07:41,082 --> 00:07:43,550
So let's talk about
this Sabre store then.
185
00:07:43,585 --> 00:07:46,520
Probably gonna look stupid, right?
186
00:07:46,554 --> 00:07:49,156
Like a big turd
with a door on the front, right?
187
00:07:49,190 --> 00:07:50,808
What do you think it should look like?
188
00:07:50,842 --> 00:07:52,125
Um, it might be fun
189
00:07:52,143 --> 00:07:53,961
if each store had a different theme,
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like a beach one, a winter one,
a jungle one.
191
00:07:56,347 --> 00:07:58,399
No, not a big fan
of the winter aesthetic.
192
00:07:58,433 --> 00:07:59,967
Well, that was just one idea.
It doesn't have to be winter.
193
00:08:00,001 --> 00:08:01,635
Oh, no, it does.
194
00:08:01,653 --> 00:08:03,804
It does, it has to be winter,
195
00:08:03,822 --> 00:08:04,905
and I reject it.
196
00:08:04,939 --> 00:08:08,609
So I drew up a design concept.
197
00:08:08,643 --> 00:08:10,110
Probably gonna be rubbish, right?
198
00:08:11,246 --> 00:08:12,479
Would you like to look at it?
199
00:08:12,514 --> 00:08:14,698
- Just so you could laugh at it.
- Yeah.
200
00:08:14,749 --> 00:08:16,050
Let me just get the projector working.
201
00:08:17,452 --> 00:08:18,852
You got to stop with the antacids.
202
00:08:18,887 --> 00:08:20,354
It's not the antidote.
203
00:08:20,388 --> 00:08:22,172
You didn't poison me,
it's just stress.
204
00:08:22,207 --> 00:08:23,924
Okay.
205
00:08:23,958 --> 00:08:24,992
What is the antidote?
206
00:08:25,026 --> 00:08:26,126
True love's kiss.
207
00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:28,062
Jim, help me lower this screen.
208
00:08:28,096 --> 00:08:29,663
You're a big, tall man.
209
00:08:29,681 --> 00:08:32,132
You'd be hilarious trying to do it,
210
00:08:32,166 --> 00:08:33,350
like a little boy.
211
00:08:33,384 --> 00:08:35,185
Just let go of his balloon.
212
00:08:35,220 --> 00:08:37,604
I'll do it.
213
00:08:37,639 --> 00:08:39,673
I always say,
"You want something done right?
214
00:08:39,691 --> 00:08:41,075
Ask Dwight."
215
00:08:41,109 --> 00:08:42,443
Right? Dwight.
216
00:08:42,477 --> 00:08:44,611
Right? Dwight.
Right Dwight, right Dwight.
217
00:08:44,646 --> 00:08:47,231
Sorry, now you'll never be able
to get that out of your head.
218
00:08:49,367 --> 00:08:50,350
Ah.
219
00:08:50,385 --> 00:08:52,152
- I can do it.
- Mmm!
220
00:08:56,791 --> 00:08:59,793
There we go.
221
00:09:03,531 --> 00:09:06,733
Yes, a complete inability
to pass gas, pervert.
222
00:09:06,768 --> 00:09:08,201
Ugh, yeah, it's tender.
223
00:09:08,219 --> 00:09:11,371
It can't be appendicitis,
I eat more than enough bacon.
224
00:09:11,389 --> 00:09:14,708
Okay, what poison mimics
the symptoms of appendicitis?
225
00:09:14,726 --> 00:09:16,426
Oh, you don't know.
Hold on.
226
00:09:22,851 --> 00:09:25,185
What kind of poison did you use?
227
00:09:25,219 --> 00:09:28,355
Dwight, I didn't poison you.
I was kidding.
228
00:09:31,576 --> 00:09:33,110
Yeah, I'm gonna need an ambulance.
229
00:09:34,946 --> 00:09:39,232
Hold on, I have the address
in my phone. Hold on.
230
00:09:39,250 --> 00:09:41,101
Hold on one second.
231
00:09:41,136 --> 00:09:42,903
Uh, quick question.
232
00:09:42,921 --> 00:09:45,422
Vice president, uh, who is that?
233
00:09:45,456 --> 00:09:47,374
- There's no name listed.
- Is there not?
234
00:09:47,408 --> 00:09:50,744
Maybe I'm just waiting
for someone to wow me.
235
00:09:53,748 --> 00:09:56,950
Sir? Sir, where
should we send the ambulance?
236
00:09:56,985 --> 00:09:59,219
Send it to the frickin' moon, idiot.
237
00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:03,561
I tell you what.
Since I moved down to Florida,
238
00:10:03,963 --> 00:10:06,181
I've really gotten back
into hunting big time.
239
00:10:06,215 --> 00:10:08,934
Hunting's so primal.
Almost sexual.
240
00:10:08,968 --> 00:10:10,218
Totally.
241
00:10:10,269 --> 00:10:12,053
I mean, I'd never bang an animal,
242
00:10:12,104 --> 00:10:13,104
you can hardly tell the difference
243
00:10:13,139 --> 00:10:14,439
between a boy or a girl, you know,
244
00:10:14,473 --> 00:10:15,840
but hunting's intense.
245
00:10:15,875 --> 00:10:17,225
You talking about hunting?
246
00:10:17,276 --> 00:10:19,644
I love hunting.
I'm a master hunter.
247
00:10:19,678 --> 00:10:20,779
Did you say,
"masturbator?"
248
00:10:20,813 --> 00:10:21,947
I'm a decent baiter.
249
00:10:21,981 --> 00:10:23,782
My cousin, Mose,
that's a master baiter.
250
00:10:23,816 --> 00:10:25,917
Why are you sitting down like that?
251
00:10:25,952 --> 00:10:27,886
Why is everyone else standing up?
252
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:29,821
Okay, team, let's get back to work!
253
00:10:29,855 --> 00:10:31,856
Break's over!
254
00:10:31,891 --> 00:10:35,243
Wow. Are that bored?
255
00:10:35,278 --> 00:10:38,263
It's just rum.
I'm not bored, I'm a pirate.
256
00:10:38,297 --> 00:10:39,530
Is that another motto?
257
00:10:39,548 --> 00:10:41,866
It's whatever you want.
258
00:10:41,901 --> 00:10:43,034
Mmm.
259
00:10:43,052 --> 00:10:44,936
Or do you only drink with your kids?
260
00:10:44,971 --> 00:10:46,087
Ah, let's do it.
261
00:10:46,138 --> 00:10:47,372
Oh, that's healthy.
262
00:10:47,390 --> 00:10:49,841
I've spent so much of my life
telling myself,
263
00:10:49,875 --> 00:10:53,511
"Please, don't end up like Stanley,"
264
00:10:53,546 --> 00:10:58,083
and now I'm wondering
if I even have what it takes.
265
00:10:58,117 --> 00:11:01,886
We have the Sabre pyramid, right?
266
00:11:01,921 --> 00:11:05,223
Hmm? We've got
a bunch of humans, you guys,
267
00:11:05,241 --> 00:11:07,442
humans... pyramid.
268
00:11:07,493 --> 00:11:09,778
Human pyramid.
Do you follow?
269
00:11:09,829 --> 00:11:12,731
It's a team-building
exercise.
270
00:11:12,765 --> 00:11:14,783
You'll love it.
Who's in? Hmm?
271
00:11:14,834 --> 00:11:15,784
- Yup.
- Yeah.
272
00:11:15,835 --> 00:11:17,168
Tallahassee, let's go.
273
00:11:17,203 --> 00:11:18,253
Jim, are you in?
274
00:11:18,287 --> 00:11:19,287
Oh, I don't know.
275
00:11:19,338 --> 00:11:21,406
Sounds like a hoot.
I'm in.
276
00:11:21,424 --> 00:11:24,309
All right, what the heck?
Let's do it.
277
00:11:24,343 --> 00:11:26,628
This is great.
This is gonna be great.
278
00:11:26,679 --> 00:11:29,047
I feel like I'm in ancient Egypt.
279
00:11:29,081 --> 00:11:30,548
I'll be on top.
280
00:11:30,582 --> 00:11:31,582
It's the most important position.
281
00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:33,101
Dude, I think you have appendicitis.
282
00:11:33,135 --> 00:11:34,419
Ahh!
283
00:11:34,437 --> 00:11:35,586
- Dwight?
- Dwight, why don't we just
284
00:11:35,604 --> 00:11:37,755
hold off with
the human pyramids for a while?
285
00:11:37,773 --> 00:11:39,958
Everyone stop moving!
Everyone stop wiggling!
286
00:11:39,992 --> 00:11:41,359
Oh, I feel like I'm gonna vomit!
287
00:11:41,394 --> 00:11:42,661
Dude, don't you yak on me.
288
00:11:42,695 --> 00:11:43,812
This shirt is Van Heusen.
289
00:11:43,863 --> 00:11:44,946
Stop moving!
290
00:11:44,981 --> 00:11:46,097
No one's moving.
291
00:11:46,115 --> 00:11:47,699
Ohh!
292
00:11:48,767 --> 00:11:51,269
Oh, oh!
293
00:11:51,287 --> 00:11:53,288
Arrest Jim.
He poisoned me.
294
00:11:53,322 --> 00:11:56,107
Wha--no.
No, it was not a poisoning.
295
00:11:56,125 --> 00:11:58,209
The one thing Pam made sure I knew,
296
00:11:58,244 --> 00:12:00,645
Florida's pretty loose
with the death penalty.
297
00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:02,447
You need an operation.
You have appendicitis.
298
00:12:02,465 --> 00:12:03,781
Oh! Who called it?
299
00:12:03,799 --> 00:12:05,166
Nothing but net.
300
00:12:05,217 --> 00:12:06,468
How long will he be gone?
301
00:12:06,502 --> 00:12:08,003
Two or three days.
302
00:12:08,054 --> 00:12:10,088
Don't remember me like this.
303
00:12:10,122 --> 00:12:12,474
Remember me as the man
who pulled down the screen.
304
00:12:12,508 --> 00:12:15,510
Drama queen, am I right?
305
00:12:17,013 --> 00:12:19,314
Philip, if you're hearing this memo,
306
00:12:19,348 --> 00:12:22,350
that can only mean one thing,
I'm dead.
307
00:12:22,401 --> 00:12:24,686
You are the rightful heir
to Shrute Farms.
308
00:12:24,737 --> 00:12:27,272
Please, you must do one thing.
309
00:12:27,306 --> 00:12:31,876
Kill Mose before he kills you.
310
00:12:33,529 --> 00:12:35,697
Mose, hey, it's Dwight.
311
00:12:35,748 --> 00:12:37,332
Listen, yeah, I just
want to give you a heads-up.
312
00:12:37,366 --> 00:12:39,150
That was an interesting diversion.
313
00:12:39,168 --> 00:12:41,586
Shall we get back to the meeting?
314
00:12:41,620 --> 00:12:43,254
Whoa, are those mini pizzas?
315
00:12:43,289 --> 00:12:45,173
Yeah, I figured
we'd keep things savory
316
00:12:45,207 --> 00:12:47,559
while Oscar's mouth
is in canker country.
317
00:12:47,593 --> 00:12:50,045
I also have some
bacon-wrapped dates on deck.
318
00:12:50,096 --> 00:12:52,630
Look at these little mini pizzas.
319
00:12:52,664 --> 00:12:54,299
Does this make me look huge?
320
00:12:55,384 --> 00:12:58,503
Hey, guys, look at me, I'm huge.
321
00:12:58,521 --> 00:12:59,838
Hey, Darryl,
322
00:12:59,872 --> 00:13:01,523
good news, your fax went through.
323
00:13:01,557 --> 00:13:04,476
Oh, yeah.
324
00:13:04,510 --> 00:13:05,560
- Up high.
- Yes, sir. Thanks.
325
00:13:06,912 --> 00:13:08,380
Dunder Mifflin, this is Andy.
326
00:13:08,414 --> 00:13:09,397
I put out some new magazines.
327
00:13:09,448 --> 00:13:10,482
Check it out.
328
00:13:10,516 --> 00:13:13,568
A dwell.
329
00:13:15,571 --> 00:13:17,405
I'm acting like I like reception,
330
00:13:17,456 --> 00:13:18,856
and I'm a really good actor,
331
00:13:18,874 --> 00:13:22,327
so people are actually buying
that I actually like reception,
332
00:13:22,361 --> 00:13:24,662
but I mean, seriously,
reception sucks.
333
00:13:24,697 --> 00:13:27,499
Oh, there's the phone.
334
00:13:29,568 --> 00:13:31,970
What's going on?
Fill me in.
335
00:13:32,004 --> 00:13:33,405
Well, we broke into groups,
336
00:13:33,439 --> 00:13:35,090
and the groups
are giving presentations later.
337
00:13:35,141 --> 00:13:36,975
Who's doing the presentations?
338
00:13:37,009 --> 00:13:39,394
Packer's giving one.
339
00:13:39,428 --> 00:13:40,445
Jim will probably give ours, I guess.
340
00:13:40,479 --> 00:13:42,597
Damn it!
341
00:13:42,648 --> 00:13:44,682
Let's see, what else have you missed?
342
00:13:44,717 --> 00:13:46,885
Ryan switched his name tag
to his pants,
343
00:13:46,919 --> 00:13:48,853
so now it's like,
if you wear yours on your shirt,
344
00:13:48,888 --> 00:13:52,273
you're a total dick, but
if you switch, you're a copycat.
345
00:13:52,324 --> 00:13:55,026
But I think I figured out a solution.
346
00:13:55,060 --> 00:13:56,661
What else?
347
00:13:56,695 --> 00:13:58,763
My shoes are gonna--
348
00:13:58,798 --> 00:14:00,198
Features a tech support area.
349
00:14:00,232 --> 00:14:02,283
Bring in your product,
a bunch of nerdy virgins
350
00:14:02,334 --> 00:14:03,535
fix it on the spot.
351
00:14:03,569 --> 00:14:05,286
Huge for building loyalty.
352
00:14:05,337 --> 00:14:07,088
Yes, that is a very good point.
353
00:14:07,123 --> 00:14:09,090
Yeah, Todd, decent idea.
354
00:14:09,125 --> 00:14:11,543
Obvious, but interesting.
355
00:14:11,577 --> 00:14:13,428
Dwight, are you all right?
356
00:14:13,462 --> 00:14:15,930
I'm great.
How are you?
357
00:14:15,965 --> 00:14:19,434
Mmm.
358
00:14:19,468 --> 00:14:22,470
Uh.
359
00:14:22,521 --> 00:14:23,921
What's our presentation about?
360
00:14:23,939 --> 00:14:25,557
Dwight, will you go back
to the hospital?
361
00:14:25,591 --> 00:14:26,941
You were there for like three hours.
362
00:14:26,976 --> 00:14:28,660
I got the surgery,
what else is there to do?
363
00:14:28,694 --> 00:14:30,094
Do 100 jumping Jacks.
364
00:14:30,112 --> 00:14:31,863
No, I don't feel like it.
You do 100 jumping Jacks.
365
00:14:31,897 --> 00:14:33,231
I don't feel like it, either.
366
00:14:33,265 --> 00:14:35,967
97, 98, 99--
367
00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:37,535
I want that vice presidency.
368
00:14:37,570 --> 00:14:38,769
You haven't done any of the research.
369
00:14:38,787 --> 00:14:40,405
"You're too slow, you're too small,
370
00:14:40,439 --> 00:14:41,706
Seabiscuit
is a stupid name."
371
00:14:41,740 --> 00:14:43,541
You guys sound just like
the enemies of Seabiscuit.
372
00:14:43,576 --> 00:14:47,612
- I'm going to do it.
- Aw, let him do it.
373
00:14:47,646 --> 00:14:49,297
Stanley, are you listening to music?
374
00:14:49,331 --> 00:14:51,082
Yup.
375
00:14:51,116 --> 00:14:54,302
All right, who's ready
for the next presentation?
376
00:14:54,336 --> 00:14:56,971
Ah, what is your topic?
377
00:14:57,006 --> 00:15:00,091
What is our topic?
Oh, what a topic it is.
378
00:15:00,125 --> 00:15:01,676
Retail consumer habits.
379
00:15:01,727 --> 00:15:03,795
Really? Okay.
380
00:15:03,829 --> 00:15:07,098
Retail consumer habits is...
381
00:15:09,101 --> 00:15:11,069
The only thing you need to know
about retail consumer habits
382
00:15:11,103 --> 00:15:14,022
is that consumers
are mindless lemmings.
383
00:15:14,073 --> 00:15:18,409
They just want to be told what to do.
384
00:15:18,444 --> 00:15:20,078
Fast-forward to today,
385
00:15:20,112 --> 00:15:23,248
and the retail consumer
is independent,
386
00:15:23,282 --> 00:15:26,784
well-informed,
super-smart.
387
00:15:26,818 --> 00:15:29,220
Super-smart.
Okay.
388
00:15:32,007 --> 00:15:33,254
Shopping habits
389
00:15:33,374 --> 00:15:35,489
are both seasonal and cyclical.
390
00:15:36,032 --> 00:15:37,111
What does this mean?
391
00:15:37,203 --> 00:15:39,238
- I can field this one.
- No, sit down.
392
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:42,441
"Seasonal." Well,
the Christmas shopping season
393
00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:46,028
is certainly a busy one,
back-to-school is, as well,
394
00:15:46,062 --> 00:15:47,946
and in early summer,
it seems to slow down a bit,
395
00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:50,549
but shopping is also cyclical.
396
00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:54,736
The menstrual cycle determines
every choice a woman makes.
397
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,922
You see, during ovulation,
398
00:15:56,956 --> 00:16:00,259
a woman's only goal
is to get pregnant,
399
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:03,795
and during menses,
she is sad that she has failed,
400
00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:06,431
and how does the woman
console herself?
401
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:09,234
Shopping.
Shopping.
402
00:16:09,269 --> 00:16:10,602
Just--
403
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:14,056
Jim, could you fetch me
some ice chips?
404
00:16:14,090 --> 00:16:16,008
Thank you.
Just gonna...
405
00:16:16,042 --> 00:16:18,977
Take a... brief pause
at this point.
406
00:16:19,012 --> 00:16:21,847
Thank you.
407
00:16:21,881 --> 00:16:24,549
Oh, God.
408
00:16:26,769 --> 00:16:29,821
Next slide.
409
00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:32,074
Mail call!
410
00:16:32,108 --> 00:16:35,027
♪ His name is Oscar,
and he got some mail ♪
411
00:16:35,061 --> 00:16:37,262
♪ and he better open it,
or go to jail ♪
412
00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:38,747
♪ 'cause it's your taxes
413
00:16:38,781 --> 00:16:40,199
♪ his name is Kevin
414
00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:41,750
♪ and no mail for him
415
00:16:41,784 --> 00:16:44,870
♪ but he got a coupon
for some frozen ♪
416
00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:46,338
Yogurt.
417
00:16:46,372 --> 00:16:48,957
Are those the lyrics?
418
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,926
"Anderson's
Three Pillars of Retail."
419
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:55,414
Crucial.
So important.
420
00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:57,633
Next.
421
00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:59,518
Are there any questions?
422
00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:02,554
What are the three pillars of retail?
423
00:17:04,991 --> 00:17:06,124
Convenience.
424
00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:07,292
Ingredients.
425
00:17:07,327 --> 00:17:08,293
Service.
426
00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:09,328
Burgers.
427
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:10,495
Building loyalty.
428
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,331
Killing royalty.
429
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:14,816
The truth be told,
we should really disregard
430
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,101
Anderson's three pillars.
431
00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:18,670
He was later diagnosed with dementia.
432
00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:21,607
You know what is important?
433
00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:25,127
Is Dwight's pillars,
and there is only one:
434
00:17:25,161 --> 00:17:26,461
desire.
435
00:17:26,496 --> 00:17:29,965
Do we have a desire
to dominate the retail space?
436
00:17:29,999 --> 00:17:32,284
Not just succeed in it,
but to dominate,
437
00:17:32,302 --> 00:17:34,653
and looking around this room,
I'm not so sure that we do,
438
00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:37,639
but we can get there,
and I can lead us there,
439
00:17:37,674 --> 00:17:39,925
and that is all that matters.
440
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:41,193
Very true.
441
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:42,594
Where there's a will, there's a way.
442
00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:47,349
I once spent a passionate night
with Hugh Grant's brother,
443
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,835
John grant.
He's older than Hugh,
444
00:17:49,869 --> 00:17:51,570
just a little bit uglier.
445
00:17:51,604 --> 00:17:53,138
How did I pull that off?
446
00:17:53,172 --> 00:17:54,740
Sheer force of will.
447
00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:56,842
That is very good, Dwight.
448
00:17:56,876 --> 00:17:59,661
Thank you very much.
Any other questions?
449
00:17:59,696 --> 00:18:01,146
Jim.
450
00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:04,333
You are bleeding through your shirt.
451
00:18:04,367 --> 00:18:06,668
Oops.
452
00:18:06,703 --> 00:18:08,587
That's embarrassing.
453
00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:11,823
Egg on my face.
454
00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:13,992
Ah.
455
00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:16,995
Hey, having fun?
456
00:18:17,013 --> 00:18:19,097
Yes, I am, as a matter of fact.
457
00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:21,833
Well, I know how it is.
I know it's a lot of fun.
458
00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:23,235
I don't know how it is.
459
00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:26,471
Andy, this is a lame job.
What are you doing here?
460
00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:27,939
I found my calling.
461
00:18:27,974 --> 00:18:30,008
Andy, when I was 12 years old,
462
00:18:30,043 --> 00:18:33,912
we did a field trip,
a lock-in at the zoo.
463
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:37,949
I met this girl,
I thought she was so perfect.
464
00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:39,318
I was in love with her,
465
00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:42,487
but when the sun came up,
I knew it wasn't real,
466
00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:46,425
'cause she was ugly,
and I had grown tired of her.
467
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,060
I know you want reception today,
468
00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:49,761
but tomorrow you won't want to do her.
469
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,997
She's a dog.
470
00:18:52,031 --> 00:18:55,367
Guys, I don't like this analogy.
471
00:18:55,401 --> 00:18:56,918
Ohh!
472
00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:59,771
Fine.
473
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:05,277
Did you see this?
474
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:07,562
- It's nice.
- I mean...
475
00:19:09,932 --> 00:19:12,818
- How are you feeling?
- Amazing.
476
00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:14,552
Just lost four ounces of appendix,
477
00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:16,488
already replaced it with muscle.
478
00:19:16,522 --> 00:19:19,291
Can I see the wound?
479
00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:25,614
- Oh, God.
- Oh! That's disgusting!
480
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:27,499
That's barely healed.
481
00:19:27,533 --> 00:19:30,669
You're not paying me to heal,
you're paying me to kick ass.
482
00:19:30,703 --> 00:19:35,340
A few hours ago, your body
was open like a cabinet.
483
00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:37,709
- That's right.
- That is amazing.
484
00:19:37,744 --> 00:19:40,545
- Todd, look at that.
- Oh, yikes.
485
00:19:40,579 --> 00:19:42,764
- Incom--
- Ah! Not so fast.
486
00:19:42,799 --> 00:19:44,549
Would you come in early tomorrow,
487
00:19:44,583 --> 00:19:46,685
so we can talk about the store
over breakfast?
488
00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:49,754
I feel you have a lot to offer.
489
00:19:49,772 --> 00:19:51,223
It would be an honor, ma'am.
490
00:19:51,257 --> 00:19:54,092
I'll go ahead and cancel
my post-op check-up right now.
491
00:19:54,127 --> 00:19:55,961
I had two goals today.
492
00:19:55,995 --> 00:19:57,129
The first was to make myself
493
00:19:57,163 --> 00:19:59,197
the clear candidate
for vice president.
494
00:19:59,232 --> 00:20:02,067
I achieved that,
no thanks to my appendix.
495
00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:04,936
The second was to find
a memorable souvenir for Philip.
496
00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:09,374
For that, I do have to
thank my appendix.
497
00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:21,353
Dunder Mifflin, how can I
help you save money on paper?
498
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:22,421
This is Andrew.
499
00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:24,756
Hi, Andrew.
What happened to Erin?
500
00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:26,791
Oh, she's on an assignment in Florida
501
00:20:26,809 --> 00:20:28,727
- for a couple of weeks.
- Oh, good for her.
502
00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:30,028
She's such a sweetheart.
503
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:31,997
You tell her Donna Muraski misses her.
504
00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:35,033
Yeah, we all kind of miss her.
505
00:20:37,472 --> 00:20:39,473
Everyone, we have a very special guest.
506
00:20:39,507 --> 00:20:44,167
He turned an idea into a store,
into hundreds of stores.
507
00:20:44,287 --> 00:20:48,024
I give you Wally Amos,
founder of famous Amos Cookies.
508
00:20:48,144 --> 00:20:48,682
Yeah!
509
00:20:48,717 --> 00:20:50,217
Ah.
510
00:20:50,251 --> 00:20:53,016
Aloha, aloha, aloha.
511
00:20:53,136 --> 00:20:54,387
So I hear you're all
512
00:20:54,421 --> 00:20:57,223
looking to bake up some dough
in the sales game?
513
00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:59,022
Well, back when I was
514
00:20:59,245 --> 00:21:01,457
- a regular Amos...
- What's under the cloth?
515
00:21:01,577 --> 00:21:02,853
We'll get to that.
516
00:21:02,973 --> 00:21:04,770
***
517
00:21:04,890 --> 00:21:05,794
It's cookies.
518
00:21:06,377 --> 00:21:08,989
Let me... Let me finish my speech first.
519
00:21:09,109 --> 00:21:13,154
***, isn't it?
520
00:21:13,274 --> 00:21:15,496
*** make with the cookies.
521
00:21:15,616 --> 00:21:17,970
Okay, yes.
522
00:21:19,751 --> 00:21:23,686
Amos. Hi. I'm sure you get ideas
for your cookies all the time.
523
00:21:23,806 --> 00:21:27,248
- But...
- Is it oatmeal with no rasins?
524
00:21:27,368 --> 00:21:29,976
I'm sorry, I was wasting your time.