1 00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:04,565 The * of conduct * the government principles 2 00:00:04,647 --> 00:00:07,000 key to establishing and maintaining trust with 3 00:00:07,087 --> 00:00:10,906 - their employees, clients... - Oh, my God. Kill me! 4 00:00:11,047 --> 00:00:14,090 Hey! All right, obviously we're all gonna die. 5 00:00:14,171 --> 00:00:16,054 But we gotta get through this, so, Gabe... 6 00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:19,507 Go ahead. It's okay. 7 00:00:19,642 --> 00:00:21,414 Is it okay with you? 8 00:00:21,449 --> 00:00:23,621 Because if it's not, you work for me, so... 9 00:00:23,656 --> 00:00:25,757 "Comply with all applicable laws, regulations, 10 00:00:25,791 --> 00:00:27,759 "policies, and contracts governing our business. 11 00:00:27,793 --> 00:00:29,227 - "Be honest, fair... - I'm gonna do it. 12 00:00:29,261 --> 00:00:31,145 "And trustworthy in all your business activities 13 00:00:31,180 --> 00:00:32,146 and relationships..." 14 00:00:32,181 --> 00:00:36,067 Oh! I'm going into labor! 15 00:00:36,101 --> 00:00:38,152 Okay, she's going into labor. Make way, everybody! 16 00:00:38,187 --> 00:00:40,872 I know it's wrong to fake going into labor 17 00:00:40,906 --> 00:00:43,491 just to get out of things, but sometimes it's necessary. 18 00:00:43,525 --> 00:00:45,410 I'm going into labor. 19 00:00:45,444 --> 00:00:47,311 Or should I have corndogs. I mean-- 20 00:00:47,329 --> 00:00:48,663 - I'm going into labor! 21 00:00:48,697 --> 00:00:50,815 Okay, three reasons you are wrong about true blood. 22 00:00:50,849 --> 00:00:53,151 - Number one-- - I'm going into labor. 23 00:00:56,038 --> 00:00:57,005 Here we go! 24 00:00:57,039 --> 00:00:58,623 Hey, guys, uh, 25 00:00:58,657 --> 00:01:00,324 can't keep saying you're going into labor. 26 00:01:00,342 --> 00:01:01,592 Everyone knows you're full of it. 27 00:01:01,627 --> 00:01:03,361 - Yeah. - It's not fair, you guys. 28 00:01:03,395 --> 00:01:04,879 - Pitiful. - It's stupid. 29 00:01:04,930 --> 00:01:06,014 Never cry wolf. 30 00:01:06,048 --> 00:01:07,598 - Okay. - Okay. 31 00:01:07,633 --> 00:01:09,133 Oh. 32 00:01:09,167 --> 00:01:10,635 Oh! Oh! 33 00:01:10,669 --> 00:01:11,836 Oh, my gosh! 34 00:01:11,854 --> 00:01:13,638 Oh, my God! Okay. 35 00:01:13,672 --> 00:01:16,224 I'm really in labor! This is happening. 36 00:01:16,275 --> 00:01:17,241 - Okay, guys. - Okay. 37 00:01:17,276 --> 00:01:18,359 Here we go. See you. 38 00:01:18,394 --> 00:01:20,344 - Oh! - How do you feel? 39 00:01:20,362 --> 00:01:21,863 - Drive carefully! - Good luck! 40 00:01:21,897 --> 00:01:23,147 - Bye! - Good-bye! Good luck! 41 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:30,038 False alarm. 42 00:01:33,181 --> 00:01:38,741 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 43 00:01:50,909 --> 00:01:52,176 What? 44 00:01:52,210 --> 00:01:55,012 They took another client from us? 45 00:01:55,046 --> 00:01:57,849 Okay, bye. 46 00:01:57,883 --> 00:02:01,903 Man! Business is war! 47 00:02:01,937 --> 00:02:05,757 Customers, clients-- It's like a war out there. 48 00:02:05,791 --> 00:02:08,025 I am a leader. 49 00:02:08,060 --> 00:02:12,063 But you can only inspire people so much in a place like this. 50 00:02:12,097 --> 00:02:16,100 So today I'm turning the inspire-factor up to ten, 51 00:02:16,135 --> 00:02:19,003 with a little help from my friend-- 52 00:02:19,037 --> 00:02:21,439 America's bloodiest battle. 53 00:02:21,473 --> 00:02:24,675 Why even read business books? We should be studying war. 54 00:02:24,710 --> 00:02:27,545 Going to places like Gettysburg. Where is that? 55 00:02:27,579 --> 00:02:29,347 It's right here in PA. 56 00:02:31,216 --> 00:02:33,250 Well, we should take a fieldtrip there. 57 00:02:33,268 --> 00:02:35,636 I mean, that would be so cool. 58 00:02:35,687 --> 00:02:37,922 I wonder if that bus downstairs is-- 59 00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:40,424 Okay, Andy, we get it. It's a trip to Gettysburg. 60 00:02:40,459 --> 00:02:42,443 That sounds super inspiring. I'm in! 61 00:02:42,478 --> 00:02:44,695 Gettysburg? Hmm. Could be interesting. 62 00:02:44,730 --> 00:02:46,931 Second-most northern battle in the Civil War. 63 00:02:46,949 --> 00:02:49,367 Actually it is the northernmost. 64 00:02:49,401 --> 00:02:51,285 Ha! 65 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:54,906 The Civil War history industry has conveniently forgotten 66 00:02:54,940 --> 00:02:56,941 about the battle of Schrute Farms. 67 00:02:56,959 --> 00:02:59,076 Whatever. I'm over it. 68 00:02:59,111 --> 00:03:02,046 It's just grossly irresponsible. 69 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:04,298 Charge! 70 00:03:04,333 --> 00:03:06,651 Well, this could be fun. I-- 71 00:03:06,685 --> 00:03:08,452 Yeah, well, the bus has free wi-fi, 72 00:03:08,470 --> 00:03:11,672 and I made special low-sugar lunches for everyone. 73 00:03:11,723 --> 00:03:14,959 And is anyone Kosher or Halal? 74 00:03:14,977 --> 00:03:16,160 What's the halal option? 75 00:03:16,195 --> 00:03:17,461 Dates, tabbouleh, 76 00:03:17,479 --> 00:03:19,730 - and a bagel with cream cheese. - Out. 77 00:03:19,765 --> 00:03:21,499 You know, it's the same as the Kosher option. 78 00:03:21,533 --> 00:03:23,568 There's a lesson in there. 79 00:03:23,602 --> 00:03:25,136 I mean, I can't force you to go. 80 00:03:25,170 --> 00:03:28,489 You're not my slaves. Thanks to Gettysburg. 81 00:03:28,524 --> 00:03:30,575 But... Who's coming with me? 82 00:03:30,609 --> 00:03:33,528 - I'm in. - I'm in too. 83 00:03:33,579 --> 00:03:37,215 Guess I'm a sucker for historical fiction. 84 00:03:37,249 --> 00:03:39,417 Anyone who's not going, you're dead to me. 85 00:03:39,451 --> 00:03:41,485 You're uninvited. I don't want you to come. 86 00:03:41,503 --> 00:03:43,654 But, FYI, there will be 87 00:03:43,672 --> 00:03:45,790 leftover turkey and pesto sammies in the fridge. 88 00:03:45,824 --> 00:03:47,041 Yes. 89 00:03:47,092 --> 00:03:49,210 - One for you. - Cool. Thanks. 90 00:03:49,261 --> 00:03:51,429 - And one for you. - Cool. Thanks. 91 00:03:51,463 --> 00:03:52,830 And-- Oh. You missed your head. 92 00:03:52,848 --> 00:03:55,366 There you go. 93 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:58,336 Phyllis, think fast. 94 00:03:58,370 --> 00:03:59,337 All right, guys, 95 00:03:59,371 --> 00:04:01,372 a little foreplay before we do it. 96 00:04:01,406 --> 00:04:03,173 Fans of Ken Burnjazz 97 00:04:03,192 --> 00:04:05,309 will most certainly enjoy Civil War. 98 00:04:05,344 --> 00:04:07,478 You know, I just got Limitless on my iPad. 99 00:04:07,512 --> 00:04:08,980 I bet I could get it on the tv. 100 00:04:09,014 --> 00:04:12,416 Ooh. Isn't the the one where the guy becomes Limitless? 101 00:04:12,451 --> 00:04:14,202 It's just not appropri-- I mean, if we were going 102 00:04:14,236 --> 00:04:15,686 to visit Bradley Cooper's birthplace, 103 00:04:15,704 --> 00:04:16,821 I'd be the first one suggesting it. 104 00:04:16,855 --> 00:04:18,873 I'd be rooting for it. 105 00:04:18,907 --> 00:04:21,209 Limitless! Limitless! Limitless! Limitless! 106 00:04:21,243 --> 00:04:22,393 All right, all right, all right. 107 00:04:22,427 --> 00:04:24,345 Not food and stuff. 108 00:04:24,379 --> 00:04:25,496 Here. Like it? 109 00:04:25,530 --> 00:04:27,882 Oh, if you buy the picnic table, 110 00:04:27,916 --> 00:04:29,383 then you've got to get the fire pit. 111 00:04:29,418 --> 00:04:32,036 I can't get a fire pit. I have two babies. 112 00:04:32,054 --> 00:04:33,237 The fire pit is a no-brainer. 113 00:04:33,272 --> 00:04:35,439 - Oh, hi there. - Plants and-- Hi, Robert. 114 00:04:35,474 --> 00:04:38,259 Hey, um, how are you doing? Good to see you again. 115 00:04:38,310 --> 00:04:40,711 Where is everyone? Where is Andy? 116 00:04:40,729 --> 00:04:42,179 Andy took some of the other people 117 00:04:42,214 --> 00:04:43,547 on a corporate retreat to Gettysburg. 118 00:04:43,565 --> 00:04:49,420 Well, I was hoping to talk out some ideas with Andy. 119 00:04:49,454 --> 00:04:53,824 But what we have here... 120 00:04:53,859 --> 00:04:56,260 Is perhaps better. 121 00:04:56,295 --> 00:04:57,778 By not going on the trip, 122 00:04:57,829 --> 00:05:01,265 you've shown you're the free-thinkers of the office. 123 00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:04,252 Robert, you got your sheep and you got your black sheep, 124 00:05:04,286 --> 00:05:05,569 and I'm not even a sheep. 125 00:05:05,604 --> 00:05:07,204 I'm on the freaking moon. 126 00:05:08,941 --> 00:05:11,309 So, here's what we can do. 127 00:05:11,343 --> 00:05:14,312 Game changers-- Changes to the game 128 00:05:14,346 --> 00:05:18,299 such that the game can never be played the same way again. 129 00:05:18,350 --> 00:05:22,320 Everyone, brainstorm some innovations. 130 00:05:22,354 --> 00:05:25,973 Don't be afraid to get weird with it. 131 00:05:26,024 --> 00:05:28,359 Meredith! 132 00:05:29,494 --> 00:05:33,281 Excited. 133 00:05:33,315 --> 00:05:36,233 Okay. 134 00:05:45,377 --> 00:05:48,179 You guys. 135 00:05:48,213 --> 00:05:49,830 - J-j-j-ju... - Get excited. 136 00:05:49,881 --> 00:05:53,084 Shh! Movie's almost over. 137 00:05:53,118 --> 00:05:54,385 All right! 138 00:05:54,419 --> 00:05:57,505 We're here. Limitless can wait. 139 00:05:57,556 --> 00:06:01,092 Fun fact-- In France, they call Limitless 140 00:06:01,126 --> 00:06:02,810 "The Man With Many Capabilities." 141 00:06:02,844 --> 00:06:04,962 Whoo-hoo! Ladies and gentlemen, 142 00:06:04,997 --> 00:06:08,149 the 1800s await you. 143 00:06:08,183 --> 00:06:10,985 We can watch Limitless on the way back. 144 00:06:11,019 --> 00:06:12,737 I got us Source Code on the way back. 145 00:06:12,771 --> 00:06:14,805 - Ooh. - All right. 146 00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:15,990 Whoo! 147 00:06:19,144 --> 00:06:21,044 Wait, where are you going? 148 00:06:21,062 --> 00:06:22,712 Gonna grab a map for the memorials, right? 149 00:06:22,730 --> 00:06:24,431 Yeah, we're not going to the visitor center. 150 00:06:24,482 --> 00:06:25,516 We're not tourists. 151 00:06:25,550 --> 00:06:27,101 No, of course we're not tourists. 152 00:06:27,152 --> 00:06:29,403 We're just people that aren't from here who are taking a tour. 153 00:06:29,437 --> 00:06:31,855 Yeah, sign says "begin tour here." 154 00:06:31,890 --> 00:06:35,292 Unless you're going on the very specially-created 155 00:06:35,326 --> 00:06:38,128 and meticulously-researched Andy Bernard Tour. 156 00:06:38,163 --> 00:06:40,397 After Chancellorsville, 157 00:06:40,415 --> 00:06:43,433 Lee brought his army up the Shenandoah Valley 158 00:06:43,468 --> 00:06:45,002 right through here! 159 00:06:45,036 --> 00:06:47,805 They stopped in this field for a picnic, 160 00:06:47,839 --> 00:06:49,273 which they called lunch. 161 00:06:49,307 --> 00:06:51,074 Yeah, but I'm confused. 162 00:06:51,092 --> 00:06:52,576 Total deaths belongs to Gettysburg, 163 00:06:52,594 --> 00:06:54,077 but when you're talking about DPA, 164 00:06:54,095 --> 00:06:55,629 - that's deaths per acre... - Mm-hmm. 165 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:57,381 Nothing beats the battle of Schrute Farms. 166 00:06:57,415 --> 00:06:59,983 Oh. DPA sounds way more important than total deaths. 167 00:07:00,018 --> 00:07:01,919 Oh, it is. And you should read some of these letters 168 00:07:01,953 --> 00:07:03,053 that the soldiers wrote home. 169 00:07:03,087 --> 00:07:04,805 I mean, it makes the battle of Gettysburg 170 00:07:04,856 --> 00:07:06,106 sound like a bunch of schoolgirls 171 00:07:06,141 --> 00:07:08,725 wrestling over a hairbrush. 172 00:07:08,759 --> 00:07:10,811 I'm telling you, they're heartbreaking too. 173 00:07:10,862 --> 00:07:12,996 So beautifully written. 174 00:07:13,031 --> 00:07:15,432 Dwight, what are you telling this girl? 175 00:07:15,450 --> 00:07:16,567 The truth. 176 00:07:16,601 --> 00:07:18,168 Stop filling her head with nonsense, okay? 177 00:07:18,203 --> 00:07:19,336 She doesn't know any better. 178 00:07:19,370 --> 00:07:21,572 Oscar, I am so glad you just got here. 179 00:07:21,606 --> 00:07:23,157 I would've believed everything he said. 180 00:07:23,208 --> 00:07:25,342 No, no, no! You' filling her head with nonsense. 181 00:07:25,376 --> 00:07:27,711 You and the history books. I'm telling the truth. 182 00:07:27,745 --> 00:07:30,164 - Interesting. - Yes, thank you. 183 00:07:30,215 --> 00:07:32,716 All of history has been whitewashed. 184 00:07:32,750 --> 00:07:35,002 Really? Why don't you tell us the real history, Gore Vidal. 185 00:07:35,053 --> 00:07:37,120 Okay, I will. I don't know who that is, 186 00:07:37,138 --> 00:07:38,455 but I'm gonna to tell you this-- 187 00:07:38,473 --> 00:07:41,175 - He's a historian. - Gettysburg was very important. 188 00:07:41,226 --> 00:07:42,626 Credit where credit is due, okay? 189 00:07:42,644 --> 00:07:46,263 Big mad props to Gettysburg. Was it, however, 190 00:07:46,297 --> 00:07:48,765 the most northern battle of the Civil War? 191 00:07:48,799 --> 00:07:50,334 - Not by a long shot! - Yes, yes, yes! 192 00:07:50,368 --> 00:07:51,518 - No! - No! 193 00:07:51,569 --> 00:07:53,136 - No, it was not! - Oh! 194 00:07:53,154 --> 00:07:56,823 No, it was not! Was it the second-most northern? 195 00:07:56,858 --> 00:07:58,141 - What? - Sure! 196 00:07:58,176 --> 00:08:01,695 I will cede it was the second-most northernmost battle! 197 00:08:01,746 --> 00:08:03,113 Was it the northernmost? No. 198 00:08:03,147 --> 00:08:04,681 - Get out of here, Oscar. - Get out of here! 199 00:08:04,716 --> 00:08:09,052 I am so eager to hear your game-changers. 200 00:08:09,087 --> 00:08:10,487 Let's dig in, shall we? 201 00:08:10,505 --> 00:08:13,207 - May I go first? - Absolutely. 202 00:08:15,260 --> 00:08:18,528 Raw fish-- The disgusting food from Japan 203 00:08:18,563 --> 00:08:20,230 that Americans would never want to eat. 204 00:08:20,265 --> 00:08:22,332 Now we can't get enough of it. 205 00:08:22,367 --> 00:08:24,968 From movie stars to construction workers, 206 00:08:25,003 --> 00:08:27,137 Sushi is what's for dinner. 207 00:08:27,171 --> 00:08:30,190 Let me throw another idea at you. 208 00:08:30,225 --> 00:08:32,209 Origami. 209 00:08:32,243 --> 00:08:33,777 What? 210 00:08:33,811 --> 00:08:37,848 The crazy art of paper folding from, that's right, Japan. 211 00:08:37,882 --> 00:08:40,050 Don't you wish you could go back to 1980 212 00:08:40,084 --> 00:08:43,220 and open the first Sushi restaurant in Manhattan? 213 00:08:43,254 --> 00:08:46,990 We can do that! With... 214 00:08:47,025 --> 00:08:48,425 Origami. 215 00:08:48,459 --> 00:08:50,928 It's the Sushi of paper. 216 00:08:50,962 --> 00:08:53,897 This idea hasn't gripped me. 217 00:08:53,932 --> 00:08:55,365 What else did you come up with? 218 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,334 Well, I had to memorize the presentation, Robert, 219 00:08:57,368 --> 00:08:59,269 and it took a long time to build the swan, so-- 220 00:08:59,304 --> 00:09:02,272 That was bad. 221 00:09:02,307 --> 00:09:04,541 If your woman is like mine, 222 00:09:04,575 --> 00:09:07,044 I bet you come home to hear the same thing all the time. 223 00:09:07,078 --> 00:09:09,846 "This paper is so hard. It scratches. 224 00:09:09,881 --> 00:09:13,049 Why can't there be a paper just for me?" 225 00:09:13,067 --> 00:09:14,851 Well, now there is. 226 00:09:14,886 --> 00:09:17,988 "Papyr." Paper for women. 227 00:09:18,022 --> 00:09:21,925 It's pink, scented, and silky soft. 228 00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:23,927 Now you can watch the game 229 00:09:23,962 --> 00:09:26,630 and she can write a letter to her sister. 230 00:09:26,664 --> 00:09:30,367 The situation you described, returning home to a wife 231 00:09:30,401 --> 00:09:32,202 complaining about her paper being too masculine, 232 00:09:32,236 --> 00:09:33,737 is not one I'm familiar with. 233 00:09:33,771 --> 00:09:35,872 In the African-American community-- 234 00:09:35,907 --> 00:09:37,274 No. 235 00:09:37,308 --> 00:09:40,410 Thought it was worth a try. 236 00:09:40,428 --> 00:09:42,045 That's fascinating. 237 00:09:42,079 --> 00:09:45,265 Tell me, what's the significance of the Peach Orchard, though? 238 00:09:45,300 --> 00:09:46,633 Oh, well, that's a great question. 239 00:09:46,684 --> 00:09:47,884 Actually, some of the most... 240 00:09:47,919 --> 00:09:49,252 Excuse me, I had a question for you. 241 00:09:49,270 --> 00:09:50,604 - Sure. - Can you tell us 242 00:09:50,638 --> 00:09:52,055 about the battle of Schrute Farms? 243 00:09:52,090 --> 00:09:53,957 Uh, I haven't heard of that one. 244 00:09:53,992 --> 00:09:55,959 Really. Okay, follow-up question. 245 00:09:55,994 --> 00:09:58,829 How much are they paying you to keep your mouth shut? 246 00:09:58,863 --> 00:10:00,864 I apologize for my friend, 247 00:10:00,898 --> 00:10:03,483 and for the Republicans who are cutting your funding. 248 00:10:03,534 --> 00:10:05,235 We don't need to bother this poor gentleman. 249 00:10:05,269 --> 00:10:08,005 I know exactly where we're going. Giddyap! 250 00:10:09,207 --> 00:10:11,074 Tallyho! 251 00:10:12,477 --> 00:10:14,328 Are you Lincoln? 252 00:10:14,379 --> 00:10:16,129 No, no, I'm-- 253 00:10:16,164 --> 00:10:19,783 Apparently, I bear a passing resemblance to Abraham Lincoln. 254 00:10:19,817 --> 00:10:22,652 Makes it kind of hard for me to go to places like museums, 255 00:10:22,687 --> 00:10:25,055 historical monuments, elementary schools. 256 00:10:25,089 --> 00:10:26,590 I don't see it. 257 00:10:26,624 --> 00:10:28,025 Chelsea, give Mr. Lincoln your hat 258 00:10:28,059 --> 00:10:32,179 - so I can take a picture. - Okay. Quick. 259 00:10:32,230 --> 00:10:35,315 Hey! Lincoln's starting. 260 00:10:35,350 --> 00:10:38,001 Oh, uh, no. No, no, no, no. 261 00:10:38,036 --> 00:10:40,103 I'm actually with a tour group myself, so-- 262 00:10:43,241 --> 00:10:46,159 Hello, I'm Abraham Lincoln. 263 00:10:46,194 --> 00:10:49,012 Some people call me the Great Emancipator, 264 00:10:49,047 --> 00:10:51,365 but, uh, you might know me from the penny. 265 00:10:52,750 --> 00:10:55,652 Okay. You know the test booklets 266 00:10:55,686 --> 00:10:57,921 that they give out in all the schools. 267 00:10:57,955 --> 00:11:00,624 I was thinking that we could put a coupon in the back 268 00:11:00,658 --> 00:11:02,025 that people would mail in to us, 269 00:11:02,060 --> 00:11:04,661 and as-- You know, 270 00:11:04,695 --> 00:11:07,264 as I tell it, I don't like it. 271 00:11:07,298 --> 00:11:09,199 Unless, of course, you are responding to it. 272 00:11:09,233 --> 00:11:11,718 - I am not. - Um, excuse me. 273 00:11:11,769 --> 00:11:12,969 I'm gonna go to the bathroom. 274 00:11:13,003 --> 00:11:15,338 At this point, when you're this pregnant, 275 00:11:15,373 --> 00:11:17,541 it's kind of like senior spring. 276 00:11:17,575 --> 00:11:21,044 The other day I spit my gum out on the carpet. 277 00:11:21,079 --> 00:11:23,246 Kevin, you've been quiet. 278 00:11:23,281 --> 00:11:26,550 I'm curious to know what your game-changer is. 279 00:11:26,584 --> 00:11:28,735 Well, you know how in the vending machine 280 00:11:28,786 --> 00:11:32,722 they have the chocolate chip cookies in the A1 spot? 281 00:11:32,757 --> 00:11:35,025 They do that 'cause they think 282 00:11:35,059 --> 00:11:37,861 a-1's the best spot for the best cookie. 283 00:11:37,895 --> 00:11:40,330 But the real best spot is D4. 284 00:11:40,364 --> 00:11:43,216 Right? That's where the eyes go. 285 00:11:43,251 --> 00:11:45,368 So... 286 00:11:45,403 --> 00:11:47,971 Cookies. 287 00:11:48,005 --> 00:11:50,006 Cookie placement. 288 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:53,877 Yeah. But not just the cookies, though. 289 00:11:53,911 --> 00:11:55,212 That was just a "for instance." 290 00:11:55,246 --> 00:11:57,981 Who else agrees with Kevin, 291 00:11:58,015 --> 00:12:00,734 that we're wasting facilities, manpower, 292 00:12:00,768 --> 00:12:02,552 on our underselling products, 293 00:12:02,587 --> 00:12:06,072 when we should be pushing our top-performers? 294 00:12:14,933 --> 00:12:16,833 There you go. Consensus. 295 00:12:16,868 --> 00:12:18,435 Okay, we are now on a planet 296 00:12:18,469 --> 00:12:21,271 where Kevin is the most creative person around, 297 00:12:21,305 --> 00:12:25,876 and I am just some good-looking guy. 298 00:12:25,910 --> 00:12:27,677 I just don't understand. 299 00:12:27,712 --> 00:12:31,080 It's 1865, victory is ours, 300 00:12:31,098 --> 00:12:34,484 I've saved the very soul of our nation, and yet... 301 00:12:34,519 --> 00:12:37,137 Happiness eludes me. 302 00:12:39,474 --> 00:12:43,260 Oh, perhaps a trip to the theater will enliven my spirits. 303 00:12:43,294 --> 00:12:44,778 No! 304 00:12:44,812 --> 00:12:48,031 'Kay, so another thing about oatmeal cookies-- 305 00:12:48,065 --> 00:12:49,399 Who even wants them? 306 00:12:49,433 --> 00:12:52,936 I mean, I've seen Toby eat one, like, once, 307 00:12:52,970 --> 00:12:54,704 but other than that... 308 00:12:54,739 --> 00:12:56,973 Like, forget it. 309 00:12:57,008 --> 00:13:00,210 Interesting. 310 00:13:00,244 --> 00:13:04,798 So what is Dunder Mifflin's oatmeal cookie? 311 00:13:04,832 --> 00:13:08,301 What is the product that no one wants? 312 00:13:08,336 --> 00:13:10,687 How about that two-hole-punch letter? 313 00:13:10,721 --> 00:13:14,357 Only the lawyers want that punch at the top, 314 00:13:14,392 --> 00:13:17,227 and they use legal. 315 00:13:17,261 --> 00:13:18,962 That's the oatmeal cookie. 316 00:13:18,996 --> 00:13:21,982 Fantastic, Kevin. Fantastic. 317 00:13:22,016 --> 00:13:23,850 Thank you. 318 00:13:23,901 --> 00:13:26,319 By the way, did we leave all the food on the bus? 319 00:13:26,354 --> 00:13:28,138 Let's talk about food for a second. 320 00:13:28,172 --> 00:13:30,106 Food for thought. 321 00:13:30,141 --> 00:13:31,658 Yeah, that's what I had for breakfast, 322 00:13:31,692 --> 00:13:33,543 and I think that's probably why I'm still hungry. 323 00:13:33,578 --> 00:13:36,863 Hunger! Hunger for victory. 324 00:13:36,914 --> 00:13:39,482 Hunger for honor. Hunger for pride. 325 00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:40,617 Hunger for hamburger. 326 00:13:40,651 --> 00:13:42,485 Hunger for chicken chimichangas. 327 00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:43,687 - Right, Darryl? - That's good. 328 00:13:43,721 --> 00:13:45,839 Exactly. Now do you know 329 00:13:45,873 --> 00:13:49,526 what the Civil War soldiers were hungry for? Pride! 330 00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:51,595 Now each battalion had it's own flag, 331 00:13:51,629 --> 00:13:53,380 and they guarded these flags with their lives. 332 00:13:53,431 --> 00:13:57,551 Colonel Harrison Jeffords of the Fourth Michigan Infantry 333 00:13:57,602 --> 00:14:00,103 saw his flag being carried away. 334 00:14:00,137 --> 00:14:02,355 Chased it down with nothing but a sword. 335 00:14:02,390 --> 00:14:05,492 Fought tooth and nail at the foot of that flag 336 00:14:05,526 --> 00:14:07,911 until he died. 337 00:14:07,945 --> 00:14:09,812 He wasn't about to let them have that flag. 338 00:14:09,830 --> 00:14:11,181 Pride. 339 00:14:11,215 --> 00:14:13,350 Right, guys? 340 00:14:15,286 --> 00:14:18,321 I commissioned this flag for Dunder Mifflin. 341 00:14:18,339 --> 00:14:21,207 - Cost me $200. - Only $200? 342 00:14:21,259 --> 00:14:23,660 We are all branches on this tree. 343 00:14:23,694 --> 00:14:25,845 And from the tree comes paper. 344 00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:28,732 We're all part of a business. 345 00:14:28,766 --> 00:14:30,667 But business is war. 346 00:14:30,685 --> 00:14:32,552 What's that I hear? 347 00:14:32,603 --> 00:14:35,305 Uh, a rebel paper company 348 00:14:35,339 --> 00:14:37,440 is coming to take our flag! 349 00:14:37,475 --> 00:14:38,675 Wha-- What's going on here? 350 00:14:38,693 --> 00:14:39,842 Whoo-hoo! 351 00:14:39,860 --> 00:14:41,728 Come and get it! Who's gonna get the flag? 352 00:14:41,779 --> 00:14:43,847 Who's getting it? Whoa! Hey! Ho! 353 00:14:43,881 --> 00:14:45,031 Don't look where I am, look where I'm going. 354 00:14:45,066 --> 00:14:46,182 Juke right, juke left. 355 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:48,084 Andy, this in inappropriate. 356 00:14:48,119 --> 00:14:49,402 People died here, man. 357 00:14:49,453 --> 00:14:50,687 Get the flag! Get the flag! 358 00:14:50,705 --> 00:14:51,871 Come on, big tuna. 359 00:14:51,906 --> 00:14:53,456 What you gonna do about it? 360 00:14:53,491 --> 00:14:54,958 We got a flag right here. Whoo-hoo! 361 00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,800 ♪ is a mile this way. 362 00:15:00,003 --> 00:15:01,336 Oh, wow. 363 00:15:01,371 --> 00:15:03,071 So that's two miles 364 00:15:03,106 --> 00:15:06,808 if you incorporate the walk back. 365 00:15:06,826 --> 00:15:10,045 It's-- I mean, come on. 366 00:15:10,079 --> 00:15:11,647 Ooh, I don't think I should walk anymore. 367 00:15:11,681 --> 00:15:13,648 You know, all I had for breakfast 368 00:15:13,666 --> 00:15:15,751 was oatmeal, yoghurt, um, 369 00:15:15,785 --> 00:15:18,020 coffee, orange juice, and toast. 370 00:15:18,054 --> 00:15:19,588 Two poached eggs, 371 00:15:19,622 --> 00:15:21,590 and then that half a sandwich on the bus. 372 00:15:21,624 --> 00:15:22,991 I-- 373 00:15:23,026 --> 00:15:24,293 All right, fine. You know what? 374 00:15:24,327 --> 00:15:26,128 I guess this place just hasn't rubbed off on you 375 00:15:26,162 --> 00:15:27,429 the way that I hoped it would. 376 00:15:28,631 --> 00:15:30,699 I'm still going. 377 00:15:30,733 --> 00:15:34,369 And I'm not going to ask anymore. 378 00:15:34,404 --> 00:15:36,171 I'm not even gonna look back. 379 00:15:36,189 --> 00:15:39,107 I'm just gonna assume that you're with me. 380 00:15:46,749 --> 00:15:49,284 Said you weren't gonna look back. 381 00:15:51,754 --> 00:15:54,623 And why is Blackrock suddenly the paragon 382 00:15:54,657 --> 00:15:58,526 by which all hedge funds must now be compared? 383 00:15:58,544 --> 00:16:00,879 I don't know. 384 00:16:00,914 --> 00:16:03,698 Right? I mean, you're an accountant. 385 00:16:03,716 --> 00:16:06,718 Those bogus prospectuses must drive you insane. 386 00:16:06,753 --> 00:16:11,406 Yes. I am an accountant. 387 00:16:11,441 --> 00:16:15,210 Dwight, this is one of the archivists here. 388 00:16:15,228 --> 00:16:16,812 I thought maybe we can consult him. 389 00:16:16,846 --> 00:16:17,813 - Really? - Yeah. 390 00:16:17,847 --> 00:16:20,048 Well, anyone employed 391 00:16:20,083 --> 00:16:21,683 by the Gettysburg industrial complex 392 00:16:21,718 --> 00:16:23,151 is certainly gonna want to keep quiet 393 00:16:23,186 --> 00:16:25,020 about the battle of Schrute Farms. 394 00:16:25,054 --> 00:16:27,289 Schrute Farms, did you say? 395 00:16:27,323 --> 00:16:30,609 That is a fascinating little chapter of the Civil War. 396 00:16:30,660 --> 00:16:31,927 You've heard about it? 397 00:16:31,961 --> 00:16:33,495 Yes! Ha! 398 00:16:33,529 --> 00:16:36,564 Prepare to be refuted. Go on. Come on. 399 00:16:36,582 --> 00:16:39,835 There you go. 400 00:16:39,869 --> 00:16:41,603 Families and sweethearts back home 401 00:16:41,638 --> 00:16:44,756 waited desperately for letters from the front. 402 00:16:44,791 --> 00:16:46,808 "Dearest mother, 403 00:16:46,843 --> 00:16:48,710 "I'm sorry it has been so long since my last letter. 404 00:16:48,745 --> 00:16:51,580 "It is three months since I arrived at Schrute Farms, 405 00:16:51,614 --> 00:16:54,049 and I fear I may never leave this place alive." 406 00:16:54,083 --> 00:16:56,785 Melvin Feiffer Garrison. 407 00:16:56,819 --> 00:16:58,804 Hallowed ground. 408 00:16:58,855 --> 00:17:00,422 But the battle at Schrute Farms 409 00:17:00,456 --> 00:17:02,107 was no battle at all. 410 00:17:02,141 --> 00:17:05,594 It was a code used by pacifists from both north and South 411 00:17:05,628 --> 00:17:07,062 who turned the Pennsylvania farmhouse 412 00:17:07,096 --> 00:17:10,649 into an artistic community and a refuge from the war. 413 00:17:10,700 --> 00:17:12,067 You have to understand, 414 00:17:12,101 --> 00:17:14,870 poets, artists, dancers, 415 00:17:14,904 --> 00:17:17,072 these kinds of men preferred peace to war. 416 00:17:17,106 --> 00:17:21,143 These delicate, lovely men found a place of refuge 417 00:17:21,177 --> 00:17:23,045 among the Schrutes at Schrute Farm. 418 00:17:23,079 --> 00:17:25,280 Amidst the macho brutality of war, 419 00:17:25,314 --> 00:17:28,500 this was a place where dandies and dreamers 420 00:17:28,551 --> 00:17:31,820 could put on plays, sing tender ballads, 421 00:17:31,854 --> 00:17:33,288 and dance in the moonlight. 422 00:17:33,306 --> 00:17:37,142 I like to think of Schrute Farm as, uh, the underground railroad 423 00:17:37,176 --> 00:17:41,563 for the sensitive and, well, fabulous. 424 00:17:41,597 --> 00:17:44,599 Wow. This is so much better than the story you made up. 425 00:17:44,633 --> 00:17:47,569 - I've seen enough. - You're right. 426 00:17:47,603 --> 00:17:49,304 There should be a monument to this. 427 00:17:49,322 --> 00:17:53,658 Never trust a cookie with a woman's name. 428 00:17:53,693 --> 00:17:55,527 Pecan Sandie. 429 00:17:55,578 --> 00:17:56,678 Lorna Doone. 430 00:17:56,713 --> 00:17:58,163 Madeleine. 431 00:17:58,197 --> 00:18:01,333 Oh, they'll just break your heart. 432 00:18:04,387 --> 00:18:06,371 Kevin, you are-- 433 00:18:06,422 --> 00:18:08,056 Robert, I hate to interrupt, 434 00:18:08,091 --> 00:18:10,092 but I would love to pitch you one last idea. 435 00:18:10,126 --> 00:18:12,394 I call it the Big Mac Idea. 436 00:18:12,428 --> 00:18:13,862 What? No. 437 00:18:13,896 --> 00:18:15,881 Big Mac Idea. It sounds encouraging. 438 00:18:15,932 --> 00:18:17,432 It's really, really good, Robert. 439 00:18:17,467 --> 00:18:18,467 Let me explain it. 440 00:18:18,501 --> 00:18:20,602 No, this is not fair. This is my idea. 441 00:18:20,636 --> 00:18:23,538 He's trying to steal it because he's jealous of me. 442 00:18:23,573 --> 00:18:26,174 Well, what is the idea? 443 00:18:26,209 --> 00:18:28,443 Every time you buy a Big Mac, 444 00:18:28,478 --> 00:18:31,346 yet set one ingredient aside. 445 00:18:31,380 --> 00:18:33,615 Then, at the end of the week, 446 00:18:33,649 --> 00:18:35,751 you have a free Big Mac. 447 00:18:35,785 --> 00:18:37,685 And you love it even more, 448 00:18:37,703 --> 00:18:40,188 because you made it with your own hands. 449 00:18:40,206 --> 00:18:42,190 You know what? 450 00:18:42,225 --> 00:18:44,376 Now I remember. That was your idea. 451 00:18:44,410 --> 00:18:47,546 That is 100% your idea. 452 00:18:47,580 --> 00:18:51,933 Oh-ho, my. 453 00:18:53,236 --> 00:18:56,588 It was just actually cookies the whole time. 454 00:18:58,691 --> 00:18:59,908 Damn it. 455 00:18:59,942 --> 00:19:02,677 Hey. 456 00:19:02,712 --> 00:19:04,229 You guys came. 457 00:19:04,263 --> 00:19:05,897 Where's everyone else? 458 00:19:05,932 --> 00:19:08,049 Back at the bus. We were locked out. 459 00:19:08,084 --> 00:19:10,786 Phyllis is sitting on the ground, eating a dirty sandwich. 460 00:19:10,820 --> 00:19:13,155 Yeah, I asked the bus driver to lock it, 461 00:19:13,189 --> 00:19:14,356 'cause our stuff was in there. 462 00:19:14,390 --> 00:19:15,590 I guess he follows orders. 463 00:19:15,625 --> 00:19:17,109 Yeah, sorry everybody else didn't come. 464 00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:18,527 I think they're just tired. 465 00:19:18,561 --> 00:19:21,580 With holes in their shoes, and they have dysentery. 466 00:19:21,614 --> 00:19:23,999 Even without an audience you're still at it. 467 00:19:24,033 --> 00:19:25,600 What are you talking about? 468 00:19:25,635 --> 00:19:27,402 Our office has a disease, 469 00:19:27,420 --> 00:19:29,704 and it goes by many names-- 470 00:19:29,738 --> 00:19:34,459 Sarcasm, snark, wisecracks. 471 00:19:34,510 --> 00:19:36,128 You take things that people care about, 472 00:19:36,179 --> 00:19:39,764 and you make them feel lame about it with your jokes. 473 00:19:39,799 --> 00:19:41,766 That's what you did with this trip. 474 00:19:41,801 --> 00:19:44,586 Andy, this whole idea 475 00:19:44,620 --> 00:19:46,488 of our situation being just like war, 476 00:19:46,522 --> 00:19:47,989 it's just not true. 477 00:19:48,024 --> 00:19:50,475 We just work at a paper company, 478 00:19:50,526 --> 00:19:52,627 and you're our regional manager. And guess what, man? 479 00:19:52,662 --> 00:19:54,896 You don't have to prove anything. 480 00:19:54,931 --> 00:19:57,199 We like you as regional manager. 481 00:19:57,233 --> 00:19:59,000 Andy, if you don't believe me, 482 00:19:59,035 --> 00:20:01,203 take a look at what's on my head. 483 00:20:01,237 --> 00:20:03,155 I'm wearing a very pink hat. 484 00:20:03,206 --> 00:20:05,073 I've been getting weird looks all day 485 00:20:05,107 --> 00:20:07,209 because I'm pretty sure "DM does GB" 486 00:20:07,243 --> 00:20:08,827 means something kind of sexual. 487 00:20:08,878 --> 00:20:10,295 But guess who's wearing them? 488 00:20:10,329 --> 00:20:11,546 All of us. 489 00:20:11,581 --> 00:20:13,048 Just for you, man. 490 00:20:13,082 --> 00:20:15,050 That's huge. 491 00:20:15,084 --> 00:20:17,519 You don't like the hats? 492 00:20:17,553 --> 00:20:19,721 - They're terrible. - I hate myself. 493 00:20:19,755 --> 00:20:21,673 They just didn't turn out how I wanted. 494 00:20:21,724 --> 00:20:23,308 In my head, they were cooler, 495 00:20:23,342 --> 00:20:24,693 but they do look weird. 496 00:20:24,727 --> 00:20:28,513 The world will little note nor long remember 497 00:20:28,564 --> 00:20:31,633 the fight that Jim and I had here at Gettysburg. 498 00:20:31,651 --> 00:20:34,803 And that's good, because I was basically wrong. 499 00:20:34,837 --> 00:20:37,355 I wanted my team to be, like, this army, 500 00:20:37,406 --> 00:20:38,523 and I was their general, 501 00:20:38,574 --> 00:20:40,742 but I guess it's really just more like 502 00:20:40,776 --> 00:20:42,194 they're people who work in an office, 503 00:20:42,245 --> 00:20:45,013 and I'm their manager. 504 00:20:45,047 --> 00:20:47,215 Yeah, that's really probably a better analogy, 505 00:20:47,250 --> 00:20:49,050 now that I think about it. 506 00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:53,367 Abe and Mary are seated, watching the show. 507 00:20:56,081 --> 00:20:58,587 Oh, Mary, this is wonderful! 508 00:21:00,257 --> 00:21:02,474 Okay, Mary. Stop your scolding. 509 00:21:02,564 --> 00:21:03,698 I'll be quiet. 510 00:21:04,730 --> 00:21:07,701 I need her like I need a hole in the head. 511 00:21:12,012 --> 00:21:13,772 Mm. Oh... 512 00:21:14,857 --> 00:21:16,156 Bang! 513 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:30,500 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com