1 00:00:05,587 --> 00:00:10,024 Okay, well, I did not get the job in New York, 2 00:00:10,858 --> 00:00:13,656 but I got the real prize, domestic bliss. 3 00:00:14,929 --> 00:00:17,159 Jan made me breakfast this morning. 4 00:00:18,199 --> 00:00:20,133 Well, she bought the milk. 5 00:00:21,436 --> 00:00:22,698 It's soy. 6 00:00:23,771 --> 00:00:25,636 This is why I do it. 7 00:00:26,774 --> 00:00:29,265 (JAN SNORING) That's what I have to come home to. 8 00:00:30,245 --> 00:00:31,473 (SIGHS) 9 00:00:33,548 --> 00:00:36,108 She probably won't be up for a few hours. 10 00:00:36,384 --> 00:00:39,979 This is going to be a very good year. Very good. 11 00:00:40,355 --> 00:00:46,726 Jan is at home. Jim is back. My protégé Ryan is at corporate. Good stuff. 12 00:00:47,729 --> 00:00:52,166 Andy and Dwight are rocking the sales team. I feel very blessed. 13 00:00:52,233 --> 00:00:53,666 (GRUNTS) 14 00:01:34,575 --> 00:01:37,339 You know, generally it's not a good idea to click on any Internet offers 15 00:01:37,412 --> 00:01:40,540 that you haven't requested. What was the exact offer? 16 00:01:41,049 --> 00:01:43,176 It was for a video. 17 00:01:43,251 --> 00:01:44,650 Yeah. What kind of video? 18 00:01:45,653 --> 00:01:47,746 A celebrity sex tape. 19 00:01:49,590 --> 00:01:51,615 Really? What kind of celebrity? 20 00:01:51,859 --> 00:01:53,622 It's not relevant. How much did you pay for it? 21 00:01:53,695 --> 00:01:55,026 Not relevant. You paid for it? 22 00:01:55,096 --> 00:01:56,927 It all happened so fast. 23 00:01:56,998 --> 00:01:59,728 I broke up with Karen after the job interview. 24 00:02:00,234 --> 00:02:02,429 And it was 25 00:02:02,503 --> 00:02:05,097 a little awkward when she came back from the city. 26 00:02:05,173 --> 00:02:07,767 She told me very clearly that just because we were broken up 27 00:02:07,842 --> 00:02:09,503 didn't mean that she was going anywhere, 28 00:02:09,577 --> 00:02:12,341 because she had worked really hard for her career, 29 00:02:12,413 --> 00:02:14,813 but the next day her desk was empty. 30 00:02:15,550 --> 00:02:19,281 And as for me and my current romantic life... 31 00:02:20,021 --> 00:02:23,115 I am single now and looking. 32 00:02:24,392 --> 00:02:26,383 So, if you know anybody... 33 00:02:27,061 --> 00:02:30,326 Jim and I went to dinner a few times when he got back from New York. 34 00:02:30,398 --> 00:02:32,491 I talked him through his breakup. 35 00:02:33,234 --> 00:02:35,725 It's really nice to be good friends again. 36 00:02:36,504 --> 00:02:41,498 Are you kidding me? Pam and Jim are totally hooking up. 37 00:02:41,876 --> 00:02:43,468 All they do is smile. 38 00:02:43,544 --> 00:02:46,445 They're just keeping it a secret. Right? 39 00:02:46,514 --> 00:02:49,915 I don't know. There is no evidence of intimacy. 40 00:02:49,984 --> 00:02:51,918 They've been in remarkably good moods. 41 00:02:51,986 --> 00:02:53,044 It could be other things. 42 00:02:53,121 --> 00:02:54,986 Are you kidding me? 43 00:02:55,490 --> 00:02:59,187 And Sunday, I'm thinking of going to that flea market at the drive-in. 44 00:02:59,260 --> 00:03:03,663 That sounds fun. I'm mountain biking on Sunday on Montage Mountain. 45 00:03:03,731 --> 00:03:04,755 Cool. Yeah. 46 00:03:04,832 --> 00:03:06,231 Well, have fun with that. 47 00:03:13,574 --> 00:03:15,269 Ladies and gentlemen, 48 00:03:16,644 --> 00:03:18,168 I have some bad news. 49 00:03:19,046 --> 00:03:20,570 Meredith was hit by a car. 50 00:03:20,648 --> 00:03:22,377 What? Where? Oh, my God. 51 00:03:22,450 --> 00:03:24,509 It happened this morning in the parking lot. 52 00:03:24,585 --> 00:03:29,420 I took her to the hospital and the doctors tried to save her life. 53 00:03:29,490 --> 00:03:31,583 They did the best that they could 54 00:03:32,393 --> 00:03:34,520 and she is going to be okay. 55 00:03:34,595 --> 00:03:38,691 What is wrong with you? Why did you have to phrase it like that? 56 00:03:38,766 --> 00:03:40,199 So she's really going to be fine? 57 00:03:40,268 --> 00:03:45,069 Yes. She has a slight pelvical fracture, 58 00:03:45,139 --> 00:03:47,505 but people have survived far worse. 59 00:03:48,276 --> 00:03:50,267 Thank God you were there. 60 00:03:51,112 --> 00:03:52,340 Yeah. 61 00:03:52,413 --> 00:03:54,040 Did you see who did it? 62 00:03:54,348 --> 00:03:56,316 Oh, no need. We can just check the security tapes. 63 00:03:56,384 --> 00:03:58,284 Yeah. Kind of a good-news-bad-news there. 64 00:03:58,352 --> 00:04:03,119 I was able to be on the scene so quickly because I was in the car that hit her. 65 00:04:06,093 --> 00:04:07,583 Who was driving? 66 00:04:11,399 --> 00:04:12,866 Oh, Michael. 67 00:04:13,334 --> 00:04:17,100 One day Michael came in complaining about a speed bump on the highway. 68 00:04:19,340 --> 00:04:21,501 I wonder who he ran over then. 69 00:04:22,410 --> 00:04:23,434 It's only Meredith. 70 00:04:23,511 --> 00:04:27,208 Yeah. It's only Meredith. Thank God. 71 00:04:27,281 --> 00:04:29,272 But did you see the way they looked at me? 72 00:04:29,350 --> 00:04:31,511 Like I was a murderer or something. 73 00:04:31,586 --> 00:04:32,985 Hey... 74 00:04:34,755 --> 00:04:35,813 Why did you do it? 75 00:04:35,890 --> 00:04:37,084 It was an accident. 76 00:04:37,158 --> 00:04:38,386 Was she talking back? 77 00:04:38,459 --> 00:04:39,517 No. 78 00:04:39,594 --> 00:04:42,222 Just got sick of that face? Did she owe you money? 79 00:04:43,531 --> 00:04:45,362 Is this downsizing? 80 00:04:45,433 --> 00:04:47,196 Did she spurn your advances? 81 00:04:49,604 --> 00:04:52,402 Hey, guys. We're all going to visit Meredith at lunch 82 00:04:52,473 --> 00:04:54,532 and we're kicking in $5 for flowers. 83 00:04:54,609 --> 00:04:56,474 Who's "we," you and Jim? 84 00:04:56,711 --> 00:04:59,009 No. Me and Stanley and Phyllis, so far. 85 00:04:59,580 --> 00:05:01,707 Oh, I bet Jim goes, too. 86 00:05:02,917 --> 00:05:04,145 Yeah, I haven't asked him yet. 87 00:05:04,218 --> 00:05:05,810 Oh, I bet you ask. 88 00:05:05,887 --> 00:05:07,047 I was planning on it. 89 00:05:07,989 --> 00:05:09,456 I bet you were. 90 00:05:10,858 --> 00:05:11,916 Subtle. 91 00:05:11,993 --> 00:05:13,187 What? Are you coming? 92 00:05:13,261 --> 00:05:15,388 I can't. Sprinkles is sick. 93 00:05:15,463 --> 00:05:16,987 She's been sick for some time. 94 00:05:17,064 --> 00:05:20,898 Thank you for asking. No one asks about Sprinkles. 95 00:05:22,503 --> 00:05:24,971 I have to give her her meds. I have to pet her. 96 00:05:25,039 --> 00:05:26,802 And who will she eat lunch with? 97 00:05:26,874 --> 00:05:28,739 Can't your other cats keep her company? 98 00:05:28,809 --> 00:05:31,801 There's bad blood, jealousies, cliques... 99 00:05:31,879 --> 00:05:34,973 Angela, you're the chairman of the Party Planning Committee. 100 00:05:35,049 --> 00:05:38,212 I shouldn't even be planning this. It's your job. 101 00:05:39,587 --> 00:05:40,918 All right. 102 00:05:42,323 --> 00:05:44,416 My lord, my liege! RYAN: Yes, Michael? 103 00:05:44,492 --> 00:05:46,392 So Ryan got promoted to corporate 104 00:05:46,460 --> 00:05:49,156 where he is a little fish in a big pond. 105 00:05:49,230 --> 00:05:51,391 Whereas, back here in Scranton, 106 00:05:51,465 --> 00:05:53,126 I am still top dog 107 00:05:54,068 --> 00:05:57,526 in a fairly large pond. 108 00:05:58,839 --> 00:06:01,637 So, who is the real boss, 109 00:06:03,578 --> 00:06:05,842 the dog or a fish? 110 00:06:06,847 --> 00:06:09,338 So I need a little treat for the gang, 111 00:06:09,417 --> 00:06:11,510 something to win their affections back. 112 00:06:11,586 --> 00:06:13,952 RYAN: Back? Why is that, Michael? 113 00:06:14,388 --> 00:06:16,948 Well, I ran down Meredith in my car. 114 00:06:17,024 --> 00:06:19,219 Oh! Did you do this on purpose? 115 00:06:19,293 --> 00:06:23,229 No, I was being negligent, but she's in the hospital, she's fine. 116 00:06:23,297 --> 00:06:26,164 Recovering nicely, tiny little crack in her pelvis, 117 00:06:26,334 --> 00:06:28,427 but she will be up and... Did this happen on company property? 118 00:06:28,502 --> 00:06:34,168 Yes. It was on company property with company property, so double jeopardy. 119 00:06:34,241 --> 00:06:35,230 We are fine. 120 00:06:35,309 --> 00:06:37,243 I don't think you understand 121 00:06:37,311 --> 00:06:39,074 how jeopardy works. 122 00:06:39,146 --> 00:06:42,445 Oh, right. I'm sorry. What is "We're fine"? 123 00:06:42,717 --> 00:06:44,184 (RYAN SIGHS) 124 00:06:44,885 --> 00:06:48,946 People keep calling me a "wunderkind." I don't even know what that means. 125 00:06:49,056 --> 00:06:52,924 I mean, I know what it means. It means very successful for your age. 126 00:06:52,994 --> 00:06:56,327 So I guess it makes sense, but it's a weird word. 127 00:06:57,765 --> 00:06:59,858 ANGELA: Hey, D. Hey, monkey, what's up? 128 00:06:59,934 --> 00:07:01,162 Can you do me a little favor? 129 00:07:01,235 --> 00:07:03,396 Go to my place at lunch and give Sprinkles her medicine? 130 00:07:03,471 --> 00:07:04,563 Sure. 131 00:07:04,639 --> 00:07:05,731 I have to visit the alkie. 132 00:07:06,407 --> 00:07:07,806 Check to see if she's faking. 133 00:07:08,643 --> 00:07:11,111 If a car hit me, it wouldn't crack my pelvis. 134 00:07:11,178 --> 00:07:13,646 You know what? I bet she cracked it at home, 135 00:07:13,714 --> 00:07:16,376 jumped in front of the car to get some worker's comp. 136 00:07:16,450 --> 00:07:18,247 I wouldn't put it past her. 137 00:07:20,321 --> 00:07:21,618 So what do you need me to do? 138 00:07:21,689 --> 00:07:24,089 I wrote it out. There's a diabetes shot. 139 00:07:24,158 --> 00:07:26,592 Roll the insulin in your hands. Don't shake it. 140 00:07:26,661 --> 00:07:29,960 She gets an ACE inhibitor with her meal. You have to put her right in front of the dish 141 00:07:30,031 --> 00:07:32,363 or she won't see it because of the cataracts. 142 00:07:32,433 --> 00:07:36,392 Mix one capsule of omega fatty acid in with her kidney medicine. 143 00:07:36,470 --> 00:07:40,770 And you want to give that to her 15 minutes after she's eaten. 144 00:07:40,841 --> 00:07:42,706 And... Oh, there's a fungal cream 145 00:07:42,777 --> 00:07:44,404 because she has this infection under her tail, 146 00:07:44,478 --> 00:07:46,002 so you're going to have to lift her tail 147 00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:48,173 and put the cream right at the base of her tail. 148 00:07:48,783 --> 00:07:51,217 Okay, I have an announcement. 149 00:07:51,285 --> 00:07:52,809 You pushed Darryl out the window? No. 150 00:07:52,887 --> 00:07:55,185 You shot Dwight? No. No. That is not funny. 151 00:07:55,256 --> 00:07:59,158 I love my employees even though I hit one of you with my car, 152 00:07:59,827 --> 00:08:02,489 for which I take full responsibility. 153 00:08:02,563 --> 00:08:07,432 Look, I'm just trying to take everybody's mind off of this unavoidable tragedy 154 00:08:07,501 --> 00:08:10,197 and on to more positive things, 155 00:08:10,271 --> 00:08:13,536 so I thought we should plant a tree. 156 00:08:14,241 --> 00:08:16,038 Oh, good. At least we don't have to work. 157 00:08:16,143 --> 00:08:17,906 Okay, we're leaving for the hospital at 1:00. 158 00:08:17,978 --> 00:08:19,707 So, like, a freedom tree. 159 00:08:19,780 --> 00:08:20,747 I can take three people. 160 00:08:20,815 --> 00:08:21,975 I can also take three people. 161 00:08:22,049 --> 00:08:23,073 Separate cars. 162 00:08:23,150 --> 00:08:24,913 MICHAEL: Pam? All right, we'll get a card at the hospital 163 00:08:24,985 --> 00:08:26,247 and we'll sign it outside her room. 164 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,550 Pam? Sales people can go later in the day. 165 00:08:28,622 --> 00:08:29,816 Hourly workers can go at lunch. 166 00:08:29,890 --> 00:08:33,087 Okay, good, good, so we'll just all go down there together at lunch. 167 00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:34,457 Excellent. I was thinking that we... 168 00:08:34,528 --> 00:08:35,825 Good work, Pam. But if we... 169 00:08:35,896 --> 00:08:37,523 Yay! I think it would be a lot... 170 00:08:37,598 --> 00:08:38,690 Pam! 171 00:08:39,233 --> 00:08:41,758 All right, since I am the boss, I will drive as well. 172 00:08:41,836 --> 00:08:43,827 Who wants shotgun? You can't be serious. 173 00:08:43,904 --> 00:08:45,394 You ran a woman over this morning. 174 00:08:45,473 --> 00:08:49,170 Everyone inside the car was fine, Stanley! 175 00:08:50,177 --> 00:08:53,442 Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? 176 00:08:53,514 --> 00:08:55,880 Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. 177 00:08:56,650 --> 00:08:59,175 Sometimes, I spend too much time volunteering. 178 00:08:59,253 --> 00:09:02,984 Occasionally, I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me. 179 00:09:03,390 --> 00:09:08,191 No, don't sue me. That's the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make. 180 00:09:16,170 --> 00:09:21,403 MICHAEL: I hate hospitals. In my mind, they are associated with sickness. 181 00:09:24,612 --> 00:09:26,307 She looks like an angel. 182 00:09:26,380 --> 00:09:27,779 She looks awful. 183 00:09:27,848 --> 00:09:30,874 No? Okay, she always looks like that. It was not my fault. 184 00:09:30,951 --> 00:09:32,680 I think she's awake. 185 00:09:32,753 --> 00:09:35,085 No, she's in a coma. 186 00:09:37,558 --> 00:09:38,616 No. 187 00:09:40,327 --> 00:09:43,694 Okay. Meredith? 188 00:09:44,064 --> 00:09:46,089 (TAUNTING) 189 00:09:47,535 --> 00:09:50,026 I brought all your friends from the office, dear. 190 00:09:50,104 --> 00:09:51,799 At the same time. Yeah. 191 00:09:51,872 --> 00:09:52,861 Hello, Meredith. 192 00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:53,964 This is weird. 193 00:09:54,041 --> 00:09:55,838 Brought you some balloons. 194 00:09:55,910 --> 00:09:57,935 Why don't we... Here you go. 195 00:09:59,146 --> 00:10:02,479 Tie these up. Cheer up your tubes. Oh, shoot. 196 00:10:02,550 --> 00:10:04,279 Oh, for God's sake. 197 00:10:04,351 --> 00:10:05,613 Nurse! 198 00:10:05,686 --> 00:10:08,416 No, don't bother the nurse. Just put it back in. 199 00:10:09,456 --> 00:10:12,357 I'm going to be sick. I'm going to puke. 200 00:10:12,426 --> 00:10:14,621 I'm going to puke. I wouldn't worry about it. Don't touch it. 201 00:10:14,695 --> 00:10:17,562 What... What are you doing? Just give me that. 202 00:10:20,568 --> 00:10:21,626 Thanks. 203 00:10:23,804 --> 00:10:25,294 Does it hurt terribly? 204 00:10:25,372 --> 00:10:26,737 No. It's not too bad. 205 00:10:26,807 --> 00:10:28,035 They have me on a lot of painkillers. 206 00:10:28,108 --> 00:10:29,439 CREED: Oh, really? What kind? 207 00:10:29,510 --> 00:10:34,846 Codeine? Vicodin? Percocet? F'entanyl? OxyContin? Palladone? 208 00:10:34,915 --> 00:10:36,246 What? I have no idea. 209 00:10:36,383 --> 00:10:37,372 (SCOF'F'S) 210 00:10:39,253 --> 00:10:44,020 Well, it was really great of all of you to come and visit me at the same time. 211 00:10:44,091 --> 00:10:45,183 I'll see you guys at the office. 212 00:10:45,259 --> 00:10:46,419 Okay. 213 00:10:46,493 --> 00:10:49,656 Okay. Wait up. Wait up. Guys, guys, guys. Hold on a sec. 214 00:10:49,730 --> 00:10:52,597 You know what I was thinking might be sort of fun, 215 00:10:52,666 --> 00:10:56,033 is if you forgave me in front of everybody. 216 00:10:56,103 --> 00:10:57,627 Michael, I'm not going to do that. 217 00:10:57,705 --> 00:11:01,368 'Cause you know what they say in the Bible about forgiveness? 218 00:11:01,976 --> 00:11:05,707 F'orgiveness is next to godliness. 219 00:11:06,180 --> 00:11:08,444 No, that's not what they... Well, just... Just... 220 00:11:08,515 --> 00:11:09,743 You cracked my pelvis. 221 00:11:09,817 --> 00:11:12,012 Look, I just... I don't understand 222 00:11:12,086 --> 00:11:14,077 what is preventing you from laughing this off 223 00:11:14,154 --> 00:11:15,416 and giving me a big hug. 224 00:11:15,489 --> 00:11:17,116 You are not forgiven. 225 00:11:17,191 --> 00:11:18,317 Come on. 226 00:11:18,993 --> 00:11:20,551 Michael! Michael! 227 00:11:20,628 --> 00:11:22,061 (GROANS) Michael! 228 00:11:22,129 --> 00:11:26,566 Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. 229 00:11:26,634 --> 00:11:29,967 I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, 230 00:11:30,471 --> 00:11:35,875 but it's not like this compulsive need to be liked, 231 00:11:36,143 --> 00:11:38,668 like my need to be praised. 232 00:11:42,516 --> 00:11:43,505 Hey. 233 00:11:43,584 --> 00:11:45,017 Hey, monkey. 234 00:11:45,219 --> 00:11:46,516 Any problems? 235 00:11:46,587 --> 00:11:49,385 Well, you left the TV on, and your cat is dead. 236 00:11:50,724 --> 00:11:52,624 What? Sparkles, the white one, is dead. 237 00:11:52,693 --> 00:11:53,819 Sprinkles. 238 00:11:54,561 --> 00:11:56,586 That was the sick one, right? 239 00:11:58,966 --> 00:11:59,955 (SOBS) 240 00:12:00,834 --> 00:12:02,665 I thought she had more time. 241 00:12:02,736 --> 00:12:04,169 No. 242 00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:08,733 Did she look... 243 00:12:09,610 --> 00:12:11,544 When you saw her, how was she looking? 244 00:12:11,612 --> 00:12:13,011 Really dead. 245 00:12:13,647 --> 00:12:15,478 Like, just a dead cat. 246 00:12:16,583 --> 00:12:20,110 So... Hey, come on, don't be sad. 247 00:12:20,187 --> 00:12:22,587 Just... Okay? Just... 248 00:12:23,390 --> 00:12:24,379 She's in a better place. 249 00:12:24,458 --> 00:12:25,618 All right. 250 00:12:26,694 --> 00:12:31,893 Actually, the place that she's in is the freezer because of the odor. 251 00:12:37,271 --> 00:12:38,431 It's going to be okay. 252 00:12:38,505 --> 00:12:40,097 Okay, you know what? 253 00:12:40,174 --> 00:12:43,234 Everybody, let's just get over the whole Meredith thing. 254 00:12:43,310 --> 00:12:47,406 She cracked her pelvis, a tiny little crack, and she's going to be fine. 255 00:12:47,481 --> 00:12:48,470 So, let's just... 256 00:12:48,549 --> 00:12:50,210 Michael, Angela's cat died. 257 00:12:51,819 --> 00:12:53,081 Sprinkles? 258 00:13:02,029 --> 00:13:03,587 Oh, shoot. 259 00:13:04,732 --> 00:13:08,099 I'm sorry, Angela. Man, what a day, huh? 260 00:13:09,436 --> 00:13:10,994 How could it get any worse? 261 00:13:11,071 --> 00:13:13,062 The computer crashes with the porn, 262 00:13:13,140 --> 00:13:15,836 and then Meredith with the accident, and then... 263 00:13:16,443 --> 00:13:18,741 Prinkles! God... 264 00:13:19,913 --> 00:13:21,141 That's three things. 265 00:13:21,215 --> 00:13:24,651 I'll tell you what's going on. This office is cursed. 266 00:13:27,688 --> 00:13:29,417 And we need to do something about it. 267 00:13:29,490 --> 00:13:33,017 Well, I am taking responsibility, and it is up to me 268 00:13:33,093 --> 00:13:37,723 to get rid of the curse that hit Meredith with my car. 269 00:13:38,866 --> 00:13:43,166 I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. 270 00:13:46,106 --> 00:13:49,303 Did anyone do anything involving an Indian burial ground? 271 00:13:50,110 --> 00:13:52,408 Like what? Like park on it. 272 00:13:52,479 --> 00:13:54,071 Or dig up a body. 273 00:13:55,783 --> 00:13:58,479 Toby, do you have anything you want to tell us? 274 00:13:58,752 --> 00:14:03,121 No. I did not violate an Indian burial ground. 275 00:14:03,424 --> 00:14:06,416 In fact, I had some good luck recently. Alfredo's Pizza picked 276 00:14:06,493 --> 00:14:10,259 my business card out of the basket. So, I get a week of free pies. 277 00:14:10,330 --> 00:14:11,627 PAM: That's cool. Yeah. 278 00:14:11,698 --> 00:14:14,963 Perfect. So our tragedy is your good luck. 279 00:14:16,703 --> 00:14:17,965 Satan. 280 00:14:18,038 --> 00:14:20,131 Sprinkles never hurt a soul. 281 00:14:20,207 --> 00:14:23,370 God, in your infinite wisdom, how can you do this? 282 00:14:23,444 --> 00:14:26,538 She wasn't ready. She had so much left to accomplish. 283 00:14:26,613 --> 00:14:28,581 It is only a cat. 284 00:14:28,649 --> 00:14:31,447 You never... You don't like them. 285 00:14:32,386 --> 00:14:34,616 Cats do not provide milk or wool or meat. 286 00:14:34,688 --> 00:14:35,814 ALL: Dwight. 287 00:14:35,889 --> 00:14:37,413 Dwight, you haven't seen Meredith yet, have you? 288 00:14:37,491 --> 00:14:38,515 No, I have not. Well, 289 00:14:38,592 --> 00:14:41,720 I think you should go to the hospital and pay your respects. 290 00:14:42,129 --> 00:14:44,324 I do not respect her, but I will go. 291 00:14:45,866 --> 00:14:47,163 All right, 292 00:14:47,234 --> 00:14:52,536 I would now like to talk about each of your individual religious beliefs. 293 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:55,806 Michael, you can't ask about religious beliefs. 294 00:14:55,876 --> 00:14:58,367 Satan is a master of lies. 295 00:14:58,445 --> 00:15:01,107 Everything he says is the opposite. 296 00:15:01,181 --> 00:15:03,809 All right, well, then you can ask about religious beliefs. 297 00:15:03,884 --> 00:15:06,011 Thank you for the permission. Psych. 298 00:15:06,086 --> 00:15:09,681 All right, let's just go around the room and tell me what you believe in. 299 00:15:09,756 --> 00:15:11,724 I'm a Catholic. 300 00:15:11,792 --> 00:15:13,555 Okay. Presbyterian. 301 00:15:13,627 --> 00:15:14,753 All right. Me, too. 302 00:15:14,828 --> 00:15:15,920 F'or real? Same religion. 303 00:15:15,996 --> 00:15:18,260 All right. 304 00:15:18,332 --> 00:15:20,732 I'm a Lutheran and Bob is a Unitarian. 305 00:15:20,801 --> 00:15:22,200 It keeps things spicy. 306 00:15:22,269 --> 00:15:23,964 That's why we're cursed. 307 00:15:24,338 --> 00:15:28,035 I've been involved in a number of cults, both as a leader and a follower. 308 00:15:28,108 --> 00:15:29,803 You have more fun as a follower. 309 00:15:29,877 --> 00:15:31,845 But you make more money as a leader. 310 00:15:32,312 --> 00:15:35,406 Kelly, you are Hindu, so you believe in Buddha. 311 00:15:35,482 --> 00:15:37,211 That's Buddhists. 312 00:15:37,284 --> 00:15:39,411 Are you sure? No. 313 00:15:40,687 --> 00:15:41,949 What are you? 314 00:15:42,022 --> 00:15:46,482 Well, if you're going to reduce my identity to my religion, then I'm Sikh. 315 00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:48,994 But I also like hip-hop and NPR, 316 00:15:49,062 --> 00:15:52,361 and I'm restoring a 1967 Corvette in my spare time. 317 00:15:52,432 --> 00:15:56,835 Okay. So one Sikh and... 318 00:15:58,071 --> 00:16:01,006 DWIGHT: As a farmer, I know that when an animal is sick, 319 00:16:01,074 --> 00:16:04,601 sometimes the right thing to do is to put it out of its misery. 320 00:16:05,145 --> 00:16:07,613 With the electricity we're using to keep Meredith alive, 321 00:16:07,681 --> 00:16:10,741 we could power a small fan for two days. 322 00:16:10,817 --> 00:16:12,842 You tell me what's unethical. 323 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:15,684 Blink once if you want me to pull the plug. 324 00:16:16,423 --> 00:16:18,482 Don't pull any plugs. All right. 325 00:16:18,559 --> 00:16:20,686 How are you doing, Ms. Palmer? Better. 326 00:16:20,761 --> 00:16:23,355 Excellent. Are you a doctor or a male nurse? 327 00:16:23,430 --> 00:16:25,091 I'm an intern, which makes me a doctor. 328 00:16:25,165 --> 00:16:26,154 (SCOF'F'S) 329 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:29,769 Her chart doesn't indicate that she had a hysterectomy. 330 00:16:29,836 --> 00:16:32,634 But she did, or at least she got time off for one. 331 00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:36,336 So that is where her uterus went. 332 00:16:37,811 --> 00:16:39,005 Ms. Palmer, your last tetanus shot 333 00:16:39,079 --> 00:16:40,944 was when you were bitten by a bat a few months ago? 334 00:16:41,014 --> 00:16:44,745 Yes. Dwight, here, trapped it in a bag against my head. 335 00:16:45,852 --> 00:16:46,910 Just doing my job. 336 00:16:46,987 --> 00:16:48,978 It also says you were recently bitten by a raccoon. 337 00:16:49,056 --> 00:16:50,489 And a rat. 338 00:16:50,757 --> 00:16:52,224 Separate occasions. 339 00:16:53,493 --> 00:16:56,724 You spend your whole life trying to get people to like you, 340 00:16:56,797 --> 00:17:00,597 and then you run over one person with your car, 341 00:17:00,667 --> 00:17:04,433 and it's not even one of the popular ones, and everybody gets on your case. 342 00:17:04,504 --> 00:17:06,563 It doesn't make any sense. 343 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:08,301 God is dead. 344 00:17:08,375 --> 00:17:11,538 If there was a God, then Ryan and I would be married by now. 345 00:17:11,612 --> 00:17:14,308 Maybe believing in God was a mistake. 346 00:17:15,582 --> 00:17:17,516 What did people believe in before? 347 00:17:19,086 --> 00:17:20,383 The sun? 348 00:17:20,754 --> 00:17:23,655 Maybe there's some sort of animal 349 00:17:23,724 --> 00:17:26,022 that we could make a sacrifice to, 350 00:17:26,093 --> 00:17:29,324 like a giant buffalo, 351 00:17:29,596 --> 00:17:33,293 or some sort of monster, 352 00:17:33,367 --> 00:17:36,768 like something with the body of a walrus 353 00:17:37,704 --> 00:17:39,865 with the head of 354 00:17:40,574 --> 00:17:42,201 a sea lion. 355 00:17:42,743 --> 00:17:45,803 Or something with the body of an egret 356 00:17:48,248 --> 00:17:50,148 with the head of a meerkat. 357 00:17:50,884 --> 00:17:52,749 Or just 358 00:17:54,688 --> 00:17:57,156 the head of a monkey with 359 00:17:57,624 --> 00:17:59,956 the antlers of a reindeer 360 00:18:02,529 --> 00:18:04,019 with the body of 361 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:07,424 a 362 00:18:10,170 --> 00:18:11,467 porcupine. 363 00:18:13,974 --> 00:18:15,066 I will do some research. 364 00:18:15,142 --> 00:18:16,200 Okay. 365 00:18:16,276 --> 00:18:17,265 I can help you with that. 366 00:18:17,344 --> 00:18:18,504 Okay. 367 00:18:21,648 --> 00:18:24,310 So, just to be safe, they are giving her the rabies vaccine. 368 00:18:24,384 --> 00:18:26,443 Oh, God, rabies? 369 00:18:27,354 --> 00:18:29,914 I was in the hospital room with her. 370 00:18:29,990 --> 00:18:31,014 How contagious is that? 371 00:18:31,091 --> 00:18:32,353 Is that like an STD? No. No. 372 00:18:32,426 --> 00:18:33,450 You've got to be bitten by something. 373 00:18:33,527 --> 00:18:35,427 This place is so cursed. 374 00:18:35,495 --> 00:18:37,986 Actually, the doctor said it was lucky she came into the hospital, 375 00:18:38,065 --> 00:18:39,259 because the only way to beat rabies 376 00:18:39,333 --> 00:18:41,995 is to start treatment before the symptoms set in. 377 00:18:42,069 --> 00:18:43,502 Lockjaw. 378 00:18:50,043 --> 00:18:53,877 I know a lot of you are very upset with me for endangering Meredith's life 379 00:18:53,947 --> 00:18:56,381 by hitting her with my car. 380 00:18:57,384 --> 00:19:01,343 But it may make you feel a little bit better to know that before that happened, 381 00:19:01,421 --> 00:19:05,517 Dwight endangered her life by putting a garbage bag over her head 382 00:19:05,592 --> 00:19:07,389 that had a bat in it. 383 00:19:08,161 --> 00:19:09,321 Six of one, really. 384 00:19:09,396 --> 00:19:14,129 Turns out Meredith has been exposed to rabies, 385 00:19:14,201 --> 00:19:18,729 which is like 10 times worse than a little crack in your pelvis. 386 00:19:19,005 --> 00:19:22,873 Thanks to me, she went to the hospital and that saved her life. 387 00:19:22,943 --> 00:19:24,535 Curse is broken. 388 00:19:24,845 --> 00:19:29,009 Curse is broken, people. Oh, there is a God. 389 00:19:29,082 --> 00:19:31,175 And he has a plan for us after all. 390 00:19:31,251 --> 00:19:35,779 So go home, get some rest. Very, very good work today. 391 00:19:37,023 --> 00:19:38,752 Got a lot accomplished. 392 00:19:40,727 --> 00:19:44,493 Is there a God? If not, what are all these churches for? 393 00:19:45,265 --> 00:19:48,291 And who is Jesus' dad? 394 00:19:51,872 --> 00:19:52,861 (CAR BEEPS) 395 00:19:57,511 --> 00:20:01,971 Oh, well, if they aren't together now, then they probably never will be. 396 00:20:04,317 --> 00:20:08,219 I thought they'd be good together, like PB and J. 397 00:20:09,656 --> 00:20:12,750 Pam Beasley and Jim. 398 00:20:14,694 --> 00:20:16,184 What a waste. 399 00:20:16,830 --> 00:20:19,094 What a waste. 400 00:20:19,766 --> 00:20:22,098 PAM: I told you I'm not dating anyone. 401 00:20:22,169 --> 00:20:23,966 And even if I was, 402 00:20:24,037 --> 00:20:26,699 I don't think it's anyone's business. 403 00:20:26,773 --> 00:20:30,903 I mean, when I do fall in love, like, when it's for real, 404 00:20:30,977 --> 00:20:34,378 the last person I'm going to talk about it to is a camera crew 405 00:20:34,448 --> 00:20:36,279 or my co-workers. 406 00:20:40,921 --> 00:20:44,118 Almost marrying Roy Anderson was as close to Pamela Anderson 407 00:20:44,191 --> 00:20:45,715 as I ever want to be. 408 00:20:46,526 --> 00:20:48,960 Trust me, when I fall in love, you'll know. 409 00:20:54,134 --> 00:20:56,227 (PHONE RINGS) 410 00:20:56,837 --> 00:20:58,395 Michael Scott's Dunder Mifflin Scranton 411 00:20:58,472 --> 00:21:00,406 Meredith Palmer Memorial 412 00:21:00,474 --> 00:21:03,307 Celebrity Rabies Awareness F'un Run Race for the Cure. 413 00:21:03,376 --> 00:21:04,968 This is Pam. Pro-Am. 414 00:21:05,512 --> 00:21:07,707 Pro-Am Race for the... They hung up. 415 00:21:08,982 --> 00:21:12,941 A woman shouldn't have to be hit by a car to learn that she may have rabies, 416 00:21:13,019 --> 00:21:15,749 but that is where we are in America. 417 00:21:16,156 --> 00:21:19,489 And that does not sit right with me. 418 00:21:19,726 --> 00:21:25,096 And that is why I am hosting a fun run race for the cure for rabies. 419 00:21:25,165 --> 00:21:29,864 To raise awareness of the fact that there is a cure for rabies, 420 00:21:29,936 --> 00:21:34,066 a disease that has been largely eradicated in the US, 421 00:21:34,140 --> 00:21:36,506 but not very many people know that. 422 00:21:36,576 --> 00:21:38,510 No, rabies. 423 00:21:39,212 --> 00:21:41,077 Babies would be a good idea. 424 00:21:41,147 --> 00:21:42,808 Can I put you down for a dime? 425 00:21:45,051 --> 00:21:47,281 Hi, Stankley, how many sponsors so far? 426 00:21:47,354 --> 00:21:48,446 Zero. 427 00:21:49,556 --> 00:21:53,117 Come on, man, got to step it up. It's for a good cause. 428 00:21:53,193 --> 00:21:56,026 Jan called this morning and pledged $500. 429 00:21:56,096 --> 00:21:58,030 And isn't that your money? 430 00:21:59,799 --> 00:22:03,030 It is for a good cause. 431 00:22:04,771 --> 00:22:06,534 Phyllis, how's the rabies quilt coming? 432 00:22:06,606 --> 00:22:09,006 It's coming. Oh, look at that, three. 433 00:22:09,075 --> 00:22:10,770 Way to honor Meredith, Phyllis. Michael? 434 00:22:10,844 --> 00:22:12,641 Yes. You cannot make me run. 435 00:22:12,712 --> 00:22:14,907 Okay. It is not a real charity. 436 00:22:14,981 --> 00:22:16,972 It's stupid, Michael, and I'm not going to do it. 437 00:22:17,050 --> 00:22:18,540 All right. All right. You didn't run for me 438 00:22:18,618 --> 00:22:20,210 (SHUSHING) When I thought I had skin cancer. 439 00:22:20,587 --> 00:22:25,115 I know that you're probably scared of people seeing your fat legs in shorts. 440 00:22:25,191 --> 00:22:26,249 No. 441 00:22:26,326 --> 00:22:29,386 Okay. Well, back in olden times, 442 00:22:29,462 --> 00:22:33,865 a large, fat person like this was a person of power. 443 00:22:34,367 --> 00:22:38,701 A person who had money, could buy food, a person of respect, 444 00:22:38,772 --> 00:22:40,933 like the regional manager of the day. 445 00:22:41,007 --> 00:22:44,340 Whereas someone athletic and trim like myself 446 00:22:44,411 --> 00:22:46,140 was someone who worked in the fields 447 00:22:46,212 --> 00:22:47,702 and I was a peasant. 448 00:22:47,781 --> 00:22:49,271 I just don't want to run. 449 00:22:49,349 --> 00:22:51,214 I didn't bring my sneakers or my clothes. 450 00:22:51,284 --> 00:22:52,512 Well, you're going to have to run 451 00:22:52,586 --> 00:22:55,077 or you're going to be in a lot of trouble. 452 00:22:56,890 --> 00:22:59,154 It is not olden times anymore. 453 00:23:01,061 --> 00:23:05,828 I'm petrified of nipple chafing. Once it starts, it is a vicious circle. 454 00:23:06,933 --> 00:23:10,494 You have sensitive nipples, they chafe. So they become more sensitive, 455 00:23:10,570 --> 00:23:12,197 so they chafe more. 456 00:23:12,272 --> 00:23:14,866 So I take precautions. 457 00:23:17,177 --> 00:23:18,303 Hey, Angela. 458 00:23:20,013 --> 00:23:23,608 Hey, I'm sorry about your cat. 459 00:23:26,119 --> 00:23:27,416 (SOBBING) 460 00:23:30,056 --> 00:23:33,457 This is Sprinkles. She was my best friend. 461 00:23:34,527 --> 00:23:37,519 I kept her going through countless ailments. 462 00:23:38,031 --> 00:23:42,661 I asked Dwight Schrute to feed her once and she is now deceased. 463 00:23:47,641 --> 00:23:49,768 This is Halloween last year. 464 00:23:51,478 --> 00:23:53,173 Just a couple of kittens 465 00:23:54,414 --> 00:23:55,904 out on the town. 466 00:24:01,621 --> 00:24:02,781 Pssst. 467 00:24:08,628 --> 00:24:10,994 I'm having relationship problems, 468 00:24:11,064 --> 00:24:13,965 and since you're always having relationship problems, 469 00:24:14,034 --> 00:24:15,899 I thought you'd be able to give me some advice. 470 00:24:15,969 --> 00:24:17,129 What's wrong? 471 00:24:17,203 --> 00:24:19,068 I have this crazy thought 472 00:24:19,139 --> 00:24:20,800 that I know is crazy, 473 00:24:21,908 --> 00:24:24,206 that maybe Dwight killed my cat. 474 00:24:24,744 --> 00:24:25,768 Hmm. 475 00:24:25,845 --> 00:24:28,439 When I got home, Sprinkles' body was in the freezer 476 00:24:28,515 --> 00:24:30,312 where Dwight said he left her. 477 00:24:30,383 --> 00:24:33,944 But all my bags of frozen F'rench fries had been clawed to shreds. 478 00:24:34,287 --> 00:24:36,187 Something's not right. 479 00:24:36,523 --> 00:24:38,252 The vet's doing an autopsy. 480 00:24:38,324 --> 00:24:39,814 Angela, I'm sorry. 481 00:24:39,893 --> 00:24:42,157 Did Roy ever kill one of your cats? 482 00:24:42,729 --> 00:24:44,720 I'm more of a dog person. 483 00:24:49,302 --> 00:24:50,963 JIM: So what's your strategy for this race? 484 00:24:51,037 --> 00:24:52,470 Well, I'm going to start fast. 485 00:24:52,539 --> 00:24:54,234 Then I'm going to run fast in the middle. What? 486 00:24:54,307 --> 00:24:55,774 Then I'm going to end fast. 487 00:24:55,842 --> 00:24:57,104 Why won't more people do that? 488 00:24:57,177 --> 00:24:58,974 'Cause they're stupid. 489 00:25:01,548 --> 00:25:02,606 What? 490 00:25:15,528 --> 00:25:16,620 (STAMMERING) 491 00:25:16,696 --> 00:25:18,129 No, that's not... 492 00:25:18,198 --> 00:25:19,324 I mean, that wasn't... 493 00:25:19,399 --> 00:25:21,026 Yeah, that was... 494 00:25:21,101 --> 00:25:24,628 I mean, I can see how it would seem a bit like we... 495 00:25:24,904 --> 00:25:27,805 How it looks like... 496 00:25:27,874 --> 00:25:29,842 But, I mean, nowadays you can edit anything, right? 497 00:25:29,909 --> 00:25:34,539 You can edit anything to look like anything. 498 00:25:34,647 --> 00:25:36,877 Yeah, I gave him a ride home because... 499 00:25:36,950 --> 00:25:38,941 Right. 500 00:25:39,018 --> 00:25:40,542 ...we're dating. 501 00:25:41,955 --> 00:25:44,446 Wow! There it is. 502 00:25:45,625 --> 00:25:47,092 Yeah. 503 00:25:47,227 --> 00:25:50,492 We haven't told anybody, but it's going really great. 504 00:25:52,265 --> 00:25:53,493 Right? 505 00:25:53,566 --> 00:25:55,090 It is going really great. 506 00:25:56,302 --> 00:25:57,326 Ow! 507 00:25:57,403 --> 00:25:58,927 Shut up! 508 00:25:59,005 --> 00:26:01,701 You're taking this out on me, but I was only the messenger. 509 00:26:01,775 --> 00:26:03,140 Oh, really? 510 00:26:08,481 --> 00:26:11,075 You'll feel better after the 5K. 511 00:26:11,284 --> 00:26:13,411 Exercise is good for depression. 512 00:26:13,486 --> 00:26:16,114 I'm not depressed. I'm grieving. 513 00:26:18,124 --> 00:26:21,059 We have raised almost $700, 514 00:26:21,127 --> 00:26:22,924 most of it from me and Jan. 515 00:26:24,130 --> 00:26:26,496 When do they put that on the giant check, 516 00:26:26,566 --> 00:26:28,693 or is that something that we write in later? 517 00:26:28,968 --> 00:26:31,732 Well, a giant check costs about $200 to make up. 518 00:26:32,739 --> 00:26:35,731 I have a print shop standing by, but what do you think, Michael? 519 00:26:35,809 --> 00:26:37,709 That's over 25%% of our funds. 520 00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:42,441 That's a tough decision. 521 00:26:43,750 --> 00:26:45,615 I always imagined it with a giant check. 522 00:26:45,685 --> 00:26:48,586 Yeah, I mean, I personally am definitely on board for the giant check. 523 00:26:48,655 --> 00:26:49,679 Giant check it is. 524 00:26:49,756 --> 00:26:51,155 I don't know. 525 00:26:51,224 --> 00:26:55,160 On the other hand, it does leave less money for bat birth control. 526 00:26:55,228 --> 00:26:56,889 Bat birth control? 527 00:26:57,564 --> 00:26:59,589 Wait, this money is going to bat birth control, right, Michael? 528 00:26:59,666 --> 00:27:01,156 That's what you told me when I contributed. 529 00:27:01,234 --> 00:27:02,963 You didn't contribute very much. 530 00:27:03,036 --> 00:27:07,473 I was also hoping to hand the giant check to a rabies doctor. 531 00:27:07,540 --> 00:27:09,064 And how's that going? 532 00:27:09,342 --> 00:27:13,039 Not well. A doctor won't come out to collect a check for $700. 533 00:27:13,112 --> 00:27:14,977 Or $500, if we go with the giant check. 534 00:27:15,048 --> 00:27:16,174 Which we are. 535 00:27:16,249 --> 00:27:19,548 And also, there is no such thing as a rabies doctor. 536 00:27:20,620 --> 00:27:21,780 What about a rabies nurse? 537 00:27:21,855 --> 00:27:22,947 I don't think so. 538 00:27:23,022 --> 00:27:26,753 You know what, though? I've actually seen ads for nurses that you can hire by the hour 539 00:27:26,826 --> 00:27:28,885 for parties and bachelor events. 540 00:27:28,962 --> 00:27:31,522 That's possible. Look into that. Great. 541 00:27:31,598 --> 00:27:35,864 It's going to cost a couple hundred bucks and... Actually more with tips. 542 00:27:35,935 --> 00:27:37,732 Maybe we should skip the ceremony 543 00:27:37,804 --> 00:27:40,602 and just set up a college fund for Meredith's son. 544 00:27:41,207 --> 00:27:44,005 Have you met that kid? Not going to college. 545 00:27:46,613 --> 00:27:47,705 Michael... 546 00:27:49,015 --> 00:27:53,213 5K means five kilometers, not 5,000 miles. 547 00:27:53,753 --> 00:27:55,380 MICHAEL: Come in! 548 00:27:55,455 --> 00:27:56,581 Hey! Oh, my God! 549 00:27:56,656 --> 00:27:57,850 What are you doing? What are you doing? 550 00:27:57,924 --> 00:27:59,721 You said, come in! No, I didn't! 551 00:27:59,792 --> 00:28:01,589 Just, please, get out. Oh, my God! 552 00:28:03,363 --> 00:28:05,593 So I closed the door but the image of his... 553 00:28:05,665 --> 00:28:07,656 Baguette? ...dangling participle 554 00:28:07,734 --> 00:28:10,066 still burned in my eyes. 555 00:28:10,136 --> 00:28:11,364 (KNOCKING AT DOOR) I can imagine. 556 00:28:13,273 --> 00:28:14,433 Come in. 557 00:28:14,974 --> 00:28:16,236 May I enter the room? 558 00:28:16,309 --> 00:28:18,777 Yes, or come in. 559 00:28:21,147 --> 00:28:22,910 See how I did that? 560 00:28:24,017 --> 00:28:25,279 That's the way you should enter a room. 561 00:28:25,351 --> 00:28:26,841 You knock and then you wait for the all clear. 562 00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:28,888 You couldn't have taken off all your clothes in the men's room? 563 00:28:28,955 --> 00:28:31,549 Yes, but I have an office, so why would I do that? 564 00:28:31,624 --> 00:28:35,287 On average, how many hours a day do you spend naked in your office, just ballpark? 565 00:28:35,361 --> 00:28:38,194 European offices are naked all the time. They're so not. 566 00:28:38,264 --> 00:28:39,993 Besides, my shirttail covered most of it, so... 567 00:28:40,066 --> 00:28:42,227 I didn't see where it started, but I saw where it ended. 568 00:28:42,302 --> 00:28:44,031 Gross. That's not gross. 569 00:28:44,103 --> 00:28:46,594 It is a human body. What is your problem? 570 00:28:46,673 --> 00:28:48,573 Pam, you're an artist, right? 571 00:28:48,641 --> 00:28:50,939 Think of me as one of your models. 572 00:28:51,010 --> 00:28:52,068 Okay, you know what? 573 00:28:52,145 --> 00:28:55,672 I don't want this to detract from what we really need to be thinking about today. 574 00:28:55,748 --> 00:28:58,080 It's not fair to people with rabies. 575 00:28:58,151 --> 00:29:01,177 And that's the point. Right? 576 00:29:01,487 --> 00:29:02,715 Okay. Let's go have some fun. 577 00:29:02,789 --> 00:29:03,949 All right. 578 00:29:04,524 --> 00:29:08,085 They say if you're nervous around someone you should picture them naked. 579 00:29:08,161 --> 00:29:10,595 I do not recommend this strategy. 580 00:29:10,730 --> 00:29:14,598 Try picturing them with more clothes on or a funny coat. 581 00:29:16,536 --> 00:29:19,505 Oh, I'm sorry. Is this a working office? 582 00:29:19,706 --> 00:29:21,537 And not a F'rench beach? 583 00:29:23,176 --> 00:29:24,473 Okay, name please. 584 00:29:24,544 --> 00:29:26,569 Creed Bratton. 75-plus division. 585 00:29:26,646 --> 00:29:28,204 You're over 75 years old? 586 00:29:28,281 --> 00:29:29,441 Eighty-two, November 1st. 587 00:29:29,515 --> 00:29:30,641 How much is the prize money? 588 00:29:30,717 --> 00:29:32,582 There's no prize money. 589 00:29:32,652 --> 00:29:34,085 What? Is any of this real? 590 00:29:34,153 --> 00:29:35,415 Check that out. 591 00:29:35,488 --> 00:29:38,252 "Look at me. I'm Toby. I'm stretching. 592 00:29:38,324 --> 00:29:40,884 "I know what I'm doing." Why is he even here? 593 00:29:44,664 --> 00:29:48,623 So I heard that you were peeping on Michael. 594 00:29:48,701 --> 00:29:50,168 What? No, it was not... 595 00:29:50,236 --> 00:29:54,366 Look, I don't know what your deal is, but he's mine, okay? So, hands off. 596 00:29:55,174 --> 00:29:57,574 Okay, everybody! Listen up! 597 00:29:58,778 --> 00:30:00,712 Thank you for coming. Before we get started, 598 00:30:00,780 --> 00:30:02,873 I want to say a few words 599 00:30:02,949 --> 00:30:06,316 about this deadly disease called rabies. 600 00:30:06,419 --> 00:30:10,719 And I'd like you to take a look into the face of rabies. 601 00:30:13,726 --> 00:30:16,354 That should scare you. It scares me. 602 00:30:16,429 --> 00:30:18,158 You people need to educate yourselves. 603 00:30:18,231 --> 00:30:22,190 Myth: Three Americans every year die from rabies. 604 00:30:22,268 --> 00:30:26,830 F'act: Four Americans every year die from rabies. 605 00:30:27,173 --> 00:30:29,903 How many of you know someone 606 00:30:29,976 --> 00:30:32,945 who has been afflicted or affected by rabies? 607 00:30:33,312 --> 00:30:36,748 Show of hands. One, two, three... Too many to count. 608 00:30:36,816 --> 00:30:38,977 It is truly the silent killer. 609 00:30:39,052 --> 00:30:42,510 No, it is the foaming, barking killer. 610 00:30:42,588 --> 00:30:45,955 And it is something that comes... Darryl, what are you doing? 611 00:30:46,025 --> 00:30:47,049 I'm giving him a peanut. 612 00:30:47,126 --> 00:30:51,654 No, don't give him... Just... Did you hear anything I said? 613 00:30:51,731 --> 00:30:52,789 Look how happy he is. 614 00:30:52,865 --> 00:30:54,560 He's happy because he's insane. 615 00:30:54,634 --> 00:30:56,397 You know what? That's a perfect example 616 00:30:56,469 --> 00:30:59,495 of the kind of awareness we need to generate. 617 00:30:59,572 --> 00:31:03,303 Where's the nurse? This is the reason we're here. 618 00:31:03,376 --> 00:31:04,502 Hello, Michael. 619 00:31:04,577 --> 00:31:06,374 Oh, hey, I know you. Elizabeth? 620 00:31:06,446 --> 00:31:08,311 Yeah. Right? Wow! 621 00:31:08,381 --> 00:31:10,815 Very cool. You went back and got your degree. 622 00:31:10,883 --> 00:31:13,943 I would like you to accept this check 623 00:31:15,755 --> 00:31:17,985 for $340, 624 00:31:18,724 --> 00:31:20,385 made out to "Science." 625 00:31:21,494 --> 00:31:23,325 Make sure that that gets into the right hands. 626 00:31:23,396 --> 00:31:24,488 Great. 627 00:31:24,564 --> 00:31:26,395 (ALL APPLAUDING) 628 00:31:28,668 --> 00:31:30,158 MICHAEL: You got it? 629 00:31:30,236 --> 00:31:31,294 Okay. 630 00:31:33,539 --> 00:31:35,803 F'ettuccine Alfredo. 631 00:31:36,742 --> 00:31:38,209 Time to carbo-load. 632 00:31:42,915 --> 00:31:46,544 Just remember, folks, it's not about winning. It is about finishing! 633 00:31:47,587 --> 00:31:49,452 On your marks, 634 00:31:50,556 --> 00:31:52,387 get set... 635 00:31:52,725 --> 00:31:53,714 Hey! 636 00:31:53,860 --> 00:31:55,521 (GUN F'IRES) 637 00:32:08,708 --> 00:32:10,300 On your left! Wow, you're fast. 638 00:32:10,376 --> 00:32:13,072 Doing great, Michael! Look at you go! 639 00:32:13,146 --> 00:32:14,443 That's my boss! Yeah! 640 00:32:14,514 --> 00:32:16,209 Think I'm fast? 641 00:32:16,582 --> 00:32:19,710 I'm very fast. I'm like F'orrest Gump, 642 00:32:19,785 --> 00:32:22,413 except I am not an idiot. 643 00:32:24,757 --> 00:32:26,987 STANLEY: Oh, yes, I will work out today. 644 00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:31,096 I will work out a way to avoid running for a stupid cause. 645 00:32:32,899 --> 00:32:36,699 I've walked two marathons. I'm pretty sure I can handle a 5K. 646 00:32:37,637 --> 00:32:40,538 Key is drafting, eliminate wind resistance. 647 00:32:45,845 --> 00:32:47,142 Yeah. 648 00:32:48,948 --> 00:32:50,279 Oh, we're in last place. 649 00:32:50,349 --> 00:32:51,316 Oh, would you look at that? 650 00:32:51,384 --> 00:32:52,612 Darn it. 651 00:32:57,356 --> 00:32:59,586 Water? Water? 652 00:33:02,261 --> 00:33:04,161 Water, babe? No! No water for me! 653 00:33:04,230 --> 00:33:07,427 Not while rabies causes fear of water! Solidarity! 654 00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:09,358 Michael, that's irrational. 655 00:33:09,435 --> 00:33:10,959 Rabies victims 656 00:33:11,771 --> 00:33:16,435 have to live with an irrational hatred of water their entire lives. 657 00:33:16,509 --> 00:33:19,000 So, the least I can do... 658 00:33:20,513 --> 00:33:24,574 Oh, God, my nipples. It's starting. 659 00:33:26,385 --> 00:33:28,012 Can we get another round? Okay. 660 00:33:28,087 --> 00:33:29,145 Thanks. 661 00:33:31,424 --> 00:33:34,052 So we've got what, another 20 minutes? 662 00:33:34,126 --> 00:33:35,457 More or less. 663 00:33:38,297 --> 00:33:42,233 That fettuccine is sitting in my stomach like a rock. 664 00:33:43,169 --> 00:33:46,161 You got nothing to worry about. I put lmodium in Toby's coffee 665 00:33:46,239 --> 00:33:47,900 before the race. 666 00:33:47,974 --> 00:33:49,441 Excellent! 667 00:33:49,675 --> 00:33:51,700 Simpsons. 668 00:33:51,777 --> 00:33:53,506 Wait, lmodium or Ex-Lax? 669 00:33:55,081 --> 00:33:56,810 I'm making great time. 670 00:33:56,882 --> 00:34:00,079 Usually, I'd have to take a bathroom break halfway through a race like this, 671 00:34:00,152 --> 00:34:02,586 but not today. 672 00:34:05,925 --> 00:34:08,359 An estate sale. Want to go in? 673 00:34:09,362 --> 00:34:11,159 I don't know. I'm really committed to winning. 674 00:34:11,230 --> 00:34:13,698 Okay, but what if I told you that all the money you spend here 675 00:34:13,766 --> 00:34:16,496 goes to preventing a disease that's already been cured? 676 00:34:16,569 --> 00:34:17,934 Yes. That's what I thought. 677 00:34:18,004 --> 00:34:19,266 Yeah. Right? 678 00:34:19,805 --> 00:34:21,534 Let's do some good. 679 00:34:21,607 --> 00:34:23,165 (TELEPHONE RINGS) 680 00:34:23,242 --> 00:34:24,709 PAM ON ANSWERING MACHINE: You have reached the offices 681 00:34:24,777 --> 00:34:25,903 of Dunder Mifflin Scranton. 682 00:34:25,978 --> 00:34:27,502 Currently, the entire staff is out 683 00:34:27,580 --> 00:34:32,347 doing the Michael Scott DMSMPMC Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race. 684 00:34:32,752 --> 00:34:34,447 MICHAEL ON ANSWERING MACHINE: For the cure. 685 00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:35,646 PAM: Leave a message. 686 00:34:38,291 --> 00:34:41,954 Oh, God. Alfredo sauce. 687 00:34:43,195 --> 00:34:44,355 I'm getting a stitch. 688 00:34:44,430 --> 00:34:45,419 (GROANING) 689 00:34:47,700 --> 00:34:50,965 God! Watch the nipples, Kevin! 690 00:34:51,037 --> 00:34:52,766 Back off me. 691 00:34:53,139 --> 00:34:54,231 How are you feeling? Better? 692 00:34:54,307 --> 00:34:55,433 No. 693 00:34:55,541 --> 00:34:58,635 Well, you look cute as a button. You've worked up quite a sweat. 694 00:34:58,711 --> 00:35:01,009 The vet is removing all of Sprinkles' organs right now 695 00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:02,877 and sending them to the lab. 696 00:35:03,082 --> 00:35:04,777 I am a farmer, Angela. 697 00:35:04,850 --> 00:35:05,908 What does that mean? 698 00:35:05,985 --> 00:35:07,885 Okay, when a farmer sees an animal that is in pain, 699 00:35:07,953 --> 00:35:10,717 that has no quality of life, that has no utility, 700 00:35:10,790 --> 00:35:14,191 a farmer does what city folk don't have the stomach to do. 701 00:35:14,927 --> 00:35:16,792 You did kill her? 702 00:35:16,862 --> 00:35:19,524 I sang her her favorite songs. 703 00:35:19,598 --> 00:35:21,031 You put her in my freezer. 704 00:35:21,100 --> 00:35:23,330 It was beautiful and gentle and respectful. 705 00:35:23,402 --> 00:35:25,996 I fed her antihistamines and she gradually fell asleep. 706 00:35:26,072 --> 00:35:28,563 Well, then, she barfed them up in the freezer and tried to get out. 707 00:35:28,641 --> 00:35:30,006 Well, I'm not responsible for that! Get! 708 00:35:30,076 --> 00:35:31,407 Hey! 709 00:35:32,478 --> 00:35:33,536 It's okay. It's nothing! 710 00:35:33,612 --> 00:35:34,670 I'm robbing her. 711 00:35:34,747 --> 00:35:36,078 It's nothing! It's nothing! It's fine! 712 00:35:36,148 --> 00:35:37,137 What? 713 00:35:37,216 --> 00:35:39,081 How could you do that without telling me? 714 00:35:39,151 --> 00:35:42,177 I thought I was helping you. I expected a hug. 715 00:35:42,254 --> 00:35:46,088 I took care of that cat the best way I knew how. 716 00:35:46,726 --> 00:35:49,320 Cat heaven is a beautiful place, 717 00:35:49,395 --> 00:35:51,727 but you don't get there if you're euthanized. 718 00:35:52,198 --> 00:35:55,326 I know a great taxidermist. I'll pay to have her stuffed. 719 00:35:55,401 --> 00:35:57,494 Well, he's not great, but he's pretty good. 720 00:35:57,570 --> 00:35:59,401 You don't understand. 721 00:35:59,472 --> 00:36:01,872 Take bat bites seriously. Don't get bit. 722 00:36:04,276 --> 00:36:07,609 Or we can have her buried out at the east field, by mother. 723 00:36:09,315 --> 00:36:10,373 Huh? Angela? 724 00:36:10,449 --> 00:36:11,473 Don't touch me, Dwight. 725 00:36:23,929 --> 00:36:26,295 You like it? It's kind of designy and cool. 726 00:36:26,365 --> 00:36:27,696 It was $8. 727 00:36:28,434 --> 00:36:30,299 Oh, and I get to carry it. 728 00:36:45,050 --> 00:36:47,450 And the winner is Toby F'lenderson. 729 00:36:49,021 --> 00:36:51,046 Have a seat. I'll write it down. 730 00:36:55,761 --> 00:36:57,058 Where are we? 731 00:36:57,129 --> 00:36:59,996 I don't know, like five kilometers from the office. 732 00:37:01,734 --> 00:37:03,759 He couldn't have made it a circle? 733 00:37:12,178 --> 00:37:13,873 I am not going to finish. 734 00:37:16,549 --> 00:37:18,380 I can't beat rabies. 735 00:37:19,351 --> 00:37:20,477 Nobody can beat rabies. 736 00:37:20,553 --> 00:37:23,545 Rabies has been around for a thousand years 737 00:37:23,622 --> 00:37:26,284 and I was a fool to think that I could beat it. 738 00:37:32,231 --> 00:37:34,290 Yeah, probably. Hey. 739 00:37:36,168 --> 00:37:37,260 Michael? 740 00:37:38,871 --> 00:37:41,567 What are you doing here? Did you come back for us? 741 00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:43,130 I can't finish. 742 00:37:44,109 --> 00:37:45,906 I feel so weak. I just... 743 00:37:45,978 --> 00:37:47,275 Well, you're probably dehydrated. 744 00:37:47,346 --> 00:37:48,938 What do you want me to do, Jim? 745 00:37:49,014 --> 00:37:50,174 Glass of water would be a start. 746 00:37:50,249 --> 00:37:53,275 No. There are people 747 00:37:53,352 --> 00:37:58,255 all over the world with all sorts of problems and afflictions and diseases. 748 00:37:58,324 --> 00:38:00,121 They're deformed 749 00:38:00,726 --> 00:38:03,524 and they're abnormal and 750 00:38:03,596 --> 00:38:06,622 they're illiterate and ugly. 751 00:38:06,932 --> 00:38:08,866 Symphonies don't have any money. 752 00:38:08,934 --> 00:38:11,164 Public TV is bust. 753 00:38:11,237 --> 00:38:14,070 I can't do anything about it. I can't, you know... 754 00:38:15,140 --> 00:38:17,005 There's just one of me. 755 00:38:17,476 --> 00:38:19,740 And there's a thousand of them. 756 00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:22,211 And rabies wins. 757 00:38:22,314 --> 00:38:24,782 Wow! You are a downer. 758 00:38:25,518 --> 00:38:27,349 We were having a pretty nice day. 759 00:38:27,419 --> 00:38:28,681 I'm still having a nice day. 760 00:38:28,754 --> 00:38:30,688 You are? Yeah. 761 00:38:30,756 --> 00:38:34,715 Hey, Michael, look at this lamp. $8. 762 00:38:34,793 --> 00:38:36,454 That's a good deal. 763 00:38:37,897 --> 00:38:40,889 And Michael, you don't have rabies, 764 00:38:40,966 --> 00:38:44,333 and chances are you're not going to get it anytime soon. 765 00:38:44,403 --> 00:38:47,702 So, you don't really have to think about it too much. 766 00:38:47,773 --> 00:38:51,709 Pam, if everybody felt that way, nothing would get done. 767 00:38:52,878 --> 00:38:57,838 Yeah, but there's other, better people out there who are helping. 768 00:38:57,917 --> 00:39:02,183 You just don't think I am capable of making a difference. 769 00:39:03,322 --> 00:39:06,758 I know you, Michael. I saw you naked. 770 00:39:07,493 --> 00:39:08,926 You don't... 771 00:39:09,762 --> 00:39:11,491 You don't know me. 772 00:39:11,664 --> 00:39:14,827 You've just seen my penis. I can make a difference. 773 00:39:14,900 --> 00:39:18,097 Remember, I'm the one who started this whole thing off 774 00:39:18,170 --> 00:39:20,138 by hitting Meredith with my car. 775 00:39:20,673 --> 00:39:25,167 And I owe it to her to finish this GD 5K. 776 00:39:30,583 --> 00:39:31,914 No! No! 777 00:39:31,984 --> 00:39:33,679 (PANTING) 778 00:39:45,364 --> 00:39:51,234 MICHAEL: Finishing that 5K was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. 779 00:39:54,139 --> 00:39:58,371 I ate more fettuccine Alfredo and drank less water 780 00:39:58,444 --> 00:40:00,503 than I have in my entire life. 781 00:40:00,579 --> 00:40:02,137 (ALL CHEERING) 782 00:40:02,214 --> 00:40:05,274 People always talk about triumphs of the human spirit. 783 00:40:05,351 --> 00:40:10,186 Well, today, I had a triumph of the human body. 784 00:40:10,589 --> 00:40:13,023 That's why everybody was applauding for me at the end, 785 00:40:13,092 --> 00:40:14,889 my guts and my heart. 786 00:40:17,529 --> 00:40:21,556 And while I eventually puked my guts out, I never 787 00:40:22,935 --> 00:40:25,028 puked my heart out. 788 00:40:25,437 --> 00:40:28,133 I'm very, very proud of that. 789 00:40:31,443 --> 00:40:33,035 Hey, Michael. 790 00:40:33,112 --> 00:40:34,238 Hey, Mere. 791 00:40:34,813 --> 00:40:36,781 How are you doing? Better. 792 00:40:36,849 --> 00:40:38,441 It's ironic, isn't it? 793 00:40:38,517 --> 00:40:41,145 I mean, I'm in the hospital for not getting enough water 794 00:40:41,220 --> 00:40:44,621 and you're in it for a disease that causes a fear of water. 795 00:40:45,724 --> 00:40:47,851 I'm in because you hit me with your car. 796 00:40:48,727 --> 00:40:52,857 But I want to say, I heard you were trying really hard, so 797 00:40:53,732 --> 00:40:55,529 I'm not mad at you anymore. 798 00:40:56,268 --> 00:40:57,496 Thanks. 799 00:40:58,303 --> 00:41:00,498 I'm not mad at you anymore. 800 00:41:08,380 --> 00:41:09,642 Want to share? 801 00:41:10,849 --> 00:41:11,873 Sure. 802 00:41:11,950 --> 00:41:13,247 I'm not really sick. 803 00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:22,525 No, I'm good.