1 00:00:04,750 --> 00:00:05,869 - Uh-oh. 2 00:00:05,869 --> 00:00:07,191 Okay, okay, nobody panic. 3 00:00:07,191 --> 00:00:10,033 Listen up, listen up. 4 00:00:10,033 --> 00:00:12,035 Everyone, follow me to the shelter. 5 00:00:12,035 --> 00:00:14,195 We've got enough food for 14 days. 6 00:00:14,195 --> 00:00:16,955 After that, we have a difficult conversation. 7 00:00:16,955 --> 00:00:18,078 - My bad. 8 00:00:18,078 --> 00:00:20,037 Space Heater and Fan were both on high, 9 00:00:20,037 --> 00:00:22,839 plugged into the same outlet, so... 10 00:00:22,839 --> 00:00:24,520 - uh, it's saying the server went down? 11 00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:26,842 Does Anybody know that password? 12 00:00:26,842 --> 00:00:28,162 'cause otherwise, we can't do any work. 13 00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:30,603 - Uh...try "password." 14 00:00:30,603 --> 00:00:31,563 - Nope. 15 00:00:31,563 --> 00:00:35,126 - Try zero, Zero, Zero, Zero, zero, zero. 16 00:00:35,126 --> 00:00:36,766 - No. 17 00:00:36,766 --> 00:00:40,648 - Okay, now try Zero, Zero, Zero, Zero, zero, one. 18 00:00:40,648 --> 00:00:42,210 - Okay, I'm not doing every number. 19 00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:44,771 - Wait, um, does anyone remember when it was set up? 20 00:00:44,771 --> 00:00:47,652 - Uh...it was, like, eight years ago? 21 00:00:47,652 --> 00:00:49,173 - Lord of the rings stuff? 22 00:00:49,173 --> 00:00:50,574 I don't know, I'm just trying to think of things 23 00:00:50,574 --> 00:00:52,135 that were happening at the time. 24 00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:54,135 - Um, everyone was getting their driver's license. 25 00:00:54,135 --> 00:00:57,497 - Why don't we just call the I.T. Guy who set it up? 26 00:00:57,497 --> 00:00:58,818 What's the name of the guy in Glasses, again? 27 00:00:58,818 --> 00:01:01,619 - Okay, moving backwards, our I.T. Guys have been... 28 00:01:01,619 --> 00:01:04,141 glasses, turban, ear hair, 29 00:01:04,141 --> 00:01:06,781 fatty 3, shorts, fatty 2, lozenge, 30 00:01:06,781 --> 00:01:08,063 and fatso. 31 00:01:08,063 --> 00:01:10,784 I think lozenge was the one who installed it. 32 00:01:10,784 --> 00:01:11,784 - I got it. 33 00:01:11,784 --> 00:01:15,587 Try, um-- [coughs] 34 00:01:15,587 --> 00:01:18,148 - you know what, it made me laugh when I heard it, 35 00:01:18,148 --> 00:01:19,548 but Pam got really offended. 36 00:01:19,548 --> 00:01:22,549 - Big boobs. 37 00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:23,551 - Drama queen? 38 00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:25,231 - Nosy? 39 00:01:25,231 --> 00:01:26,551 - You're typing "big boobs"? 40 00:01:26,551 --> 00:01:27,553 - I'm trying everything. 41 00:01:27,553 --> 00:01:28,874 - Try "big boobs" with a "z." 42 00:01:28,874 --> 00:01:29,874 - That's-- 43 00:01:29,874 --> 00:01:31,796 [ding] the password. We're in. 44 00:01:31,796 --> 00:01:33,035 - All right. - Wow. 45 00:01:33,035 --> 00:01:34,036 - Yes. 46 00:01:34,036 --> 00:01:35,037 - The important thing is... 47 00:01:35,037 --> 00:01:39,877 this kept us secure, people. 48 00:01:39,877 --> 00:01:44,001 [cheerful music] 49 00:01:44,001 --> 00:02:05,972 ♪ ♪ 50 00:02:05,972 --> 00:02:09,734 - Morning. - How's it going? 51 00:02:09,734 --> 00:02:11,334 - Hey, I'm wuphf. - I'm facebook. 52 00:02:11,334 --> 00:02:12,495 - What's up, facebook? 53 00:02:12,495 --> 00:02:14,416 - I sent you a facebook message yesterday, 54 00:02:14,416 --> 00:02:15,738 I still haven't heard anything back. 55 00:02:15,738 --> 00:02:16,737 - You should've sent me a wuphf. 56 00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:17,738 - A what? 57 00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:18,697 - When you send a wuphf, 58 00:02:18,697 --> 00:02:19,820 it goes to your home phone, cell phone, 59 00:02:19,820 --> 00:02:21,821 Email, Facebook, twitter, and home screen. 60 00:02:21,821 --> 00:02:22,821 All at the same time. 61 00:02:22,821 --> 00:02:24,142 [phone rings] 62 00:02:24,142 --> 00:02:25,501 [melodic tone] 63 00:02:25,501 --> 00:02:26,504 [robotic voice] Wuphf. 64 00:02:26,504 --> 00:02:27,503 [together] - Wuphf! 65 00:02:27,503 --> 00:02:28,308 - Dot-com! 66 00:02:35,308 --> 00:02:36,547 - Thanks, Erin. 67 00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:37,750 - Sure. 68 00:02:39,750 --> 00:02:41,311 Pam. - Mm-hmm? 69 00:02:41,311 --> 00:02:42,470 - I don't wanna be a lousy snitch. 70 00:02:42,470 --> 00:02:44,590 - Okay. 71 00:02:44,590 --> 00:02:46,754 - Ryan has been using the color printer for his business a lot, 72 00:02:46,754 --> 00:02:47,754 and as office administrator-- 73 00:02:47,754 --> 00:02:48,875 - Oh, it's okay. 74 00:02:48,875 --> 00:02:50,755 - But it's not for-- 75 00:02:50,755 --> 00:02:51,875 - let it go. 76 00:02:51,875 --> 00:02:53,596 - Yes, I invested in wuphf. 77 00:02:53,596 --> 00:02:55,157 It's actually a really great idea, 78 00:02:55,157 --> 00:02:57,358 and I can't believe it didn't exist before. 79 00:02:57,358 --> 00:02:59,600 And I know Ryan's kind of a sketchy guy, 80 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:01,121 but Hey, I married Jim. 81 00:03:01,121 --> 00:03:02,761 I've done my part for the nice guy. 82 00:03:02,761 --> 00:03:04,442 Now I want a bedroom set. 83 00:03:04,442 --> 00:03:06,603 - I think an INVESTORS ski trip, frankly, 84 00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:08,924 is the best idea. 85 00:03:08,924 --> 00:03:10,684 It will be a bonding experience. 86 00:03:10,684 --> 00:03:11,807 - I love it. 87 00:03:11,807 --> 00:03:13,327 - I was looking at a Trail map, 88 00:03:13,327 --> 00:03:15,128 and I was thinking that We should start on a Bunny hill, 89 00:03:15,128 --> 00:03:17,087 because I've never actually been skiing. 90 00:03:17,087 --> 00:03:18,970 And then work our way up 91 00:03:18,970 --> 00:03:21,290 to death drop. 92 00:03:21,290 --> 00:03:23,852 - Great, so we got our first offer to buy the company. 93 00:03:23,852 --> 00:03:24,852 [slaps desk] - You're kidding. 94 00:03:24,852 --> 00:03:27,414 - We could sell, but why think so small? 95 00:03:27,414 --> 00:03:29,776 We can just get a couple more people involved, 96 00:03:29,776 --> 00:03:30,775 really do this thing our way. 97 00:03:30,775 --> 00:03:32,016 - You and me, baby. 98 00:03:32,016 --> 00:03:33,097 - New Investors are key, though. 99 00:03:33,097 --> 00:03:34,617 That's actually why I came in today. 100 00:03:34,617 --> 00:03:36,699 - Don't you work here full time? 101 00:03:36,699 --> 00:03:37,740 - [chuckles] 102 00:03:37,740 --> 00:03:39,180 Today I was thinking I would sit down 103 00:03:39,180 --> 00:03:40,701 with a few of the people who haven't invested yet. 104 00:03:40,701 --> 00:03:42,861 - Mm-hmm. - Or we could do that together. 105 00:03:42,861 --> 00:03:44,022 If that sounds fun to you. 106 00:03:44,022 --> 00:03:46,264 - That does sound fun to me. 107 00:03:46,264 --> 00:03:47,665 - Awesome. 108 00:03:49,665 --> 00:03:51,146 - Ah, this is good hay. 109 00:03:51,146 --> 00:03:52,748 Yeah. 110 00:03:52,748 --> 00:03:55,109 This is the good stuff. Mattress quality. 111 00:03:55,109 --> 00:03:56,788 Every fall, growing up, 112 00:03:56,788 --> 00:03:59,630 my Uncle Eldred used to build us a Maze out of hay Bales 113 00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:01,231 for us kids to play in. 114 00:04:01,231 --> 00:04:03,313 We called it hay place. 115 00:04:03,313 --> 00:04:05,073 Eldred called it hay world. 116 00:04:05,073 --> 00:04:07,154 Eventually, lawyers were brought in. 117 00:04:07,154 --> 00:04:09,596 But that's all behind us. 118 00:04:09,596 --> 00:04:11,797 Hay place lives on. 119 00:04:11,797 --> 00:04:13,917 Watch it, watch it. 120 00:04:13,917 --> 00:04:15,798 Hello! Welcome to hay place. 121 00:04:15,798 --> 00:04:17,321 A place for hay. 122 00:04:17,321 --> 00:04:18,801 - Don't forget to make a Broom. 123 00:04:18,801 --> 00:04:20,642 - Oh, the petting zoo closes at 2:00, 124 00:04:20,642 --> 00:04:22,601 and the goat roast is at 3:00. 125 00:04:22,601 --> 00:04:24,162 Come on in, enjoy! 126 00:04:24,162 --> 00:04:25,685 - Hey. 127 00:04:25,685 --> 00:04:28,966 I'm kind of in the mood for a roll in the hay. 128 00:04:28,966 --> 00:04:30,805 - Roll in the hay, five dollars. 129 00:04:30,805 --> 00:04:32,808 - No, I meant... 130 00:04:33,808 --> 00:04:35,649 - Oh, our contract. 131 00:04:35,649 --> 00:04:36,889 - Mm-hmm. 132 00:04:36,889 --> 00:04:39,891 - Yes, why don't we meet at the usual spot. 133 00:04:39,891 --> 00:04:42,132 Uh... 134 00:04:42,132 --> 00:04:43,653 I've got a half an hour during lunch 135 00:04:43,653 --> 00:04:45,094 in-between the historical reenactment 136 00:04:45,094 --> 00:04:47,735 of the dunmore farm slaughters and the onion boil. 137 00:04:47,735 --> 00:04:48,815 - Perfect. - So, uh... 138 00:04:48,815 --> 00:04:49,936 excuse me, get off of there. 139 00:04:49,936 --> 00:04:51,897 Those are show Bales, not play Bales. 140 00:04:53,097 --> 00:04:54,380 - All right, Thank you, I will-- 141 00:04:54,380 --> 00:04:56,459 I will send the contracts over right away. 142 00:04:56,459 --> 00:04:57,043 All right. 143 00:05:02,743 --> 00:05:03,324 Whoo! 144 00:05:04,824 --> 00:05:06,705 I am on the first hot sale streak of my life. 145 00:05:06,705 --> 00:05:08,266 I think it all comes from feeding cece, 146 00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:10,827 because no matter how much she resists, 147 00:05:10,827 --> 00:05:12,668 I sell her those carrots. 148 00:05:12,668 --> 00:05:13,948 Let's be honest-- 149 00:05:13,948 --> 00:05:17,110 if I can make mushed carrots seem better than a boob... 150 00:05:17,110 --> 00:05:19,793 I can pretty much sell anything. 151 00:05:19,793 --> 00:05:21,912 - Commission comes out to... 152 00:05:21,912 --> 00:05:24,155 dunh-duh-na-dah! 153 00:05:24,155 --> 00:05:25,515 Zero. 154 00:05:25,515 --> 00:05:27,475 - Mm-Kay, Well, it can't be zero, kev. 155 00:05:27,475 --> 00:05:28,676 - I entered the sale, 156 00:05:28,676 --> 00:05:31,158 and I hit enter, 157 00:05:31,158 --> 00:05:32,479 and I said, "dunh-duh-na-dah!" 158 00:05:32,479 --> 00:05:35,240 I'm pretty sure I timesed it right. 159 00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:36,840 - You met your commission cap last week. 160 00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:38,761 So from here until the end of the fiscal year, 161 00:05:38,761 --> 00:05:39,722 your commission will be zero. 162 00:05:39,722 --> 00:05:40,722 - What are you talking about? 163 00:05:40,722 --> 00:05:42,123 We--we have a commission cap? 164 00:05:42,123 --> 00:05:43,804 - It's a new corporate policy. 165 00:05:43,804 --> 00:05:46,645 - Dunh-duh-na-dah! 166 00:05:46,645 --> 00:05:49,407 - Is this job really about the money for you, Jim? 167 00:05:49,407 --> 00:05:52,249 I mean, isn't this where you fell in love? 168 00:05:52,249 --> 00:05:54,289 - A commission cap takes away my incentive to sell. 169 00:05:54,289 --> 00:05:56,812 So you realize I now have no reason to work, right? 170 00:05:56,812 --> 00:05:59,733 - When you're dealing with a large organization, 171 00:05:59,733 --> 00:06:03,013 sometimes you have to put up with policies you don't like. 172 00:06:03,013 --> 00:06:06,976 I wish my gym didn't allow full nudity in the locker room. 173 00:06:06,976 --> 00:06:09,256 Okay, seeing these old guys walking around naked 174 00:06:09,256 --> 00:06:11,539 feels almost passive-aggressive. 175 00:06:11,539 --> 00:06:13,019 But I deal with it. 176 00:06:13,019 --> 00:06:14,621 'cause it's policy. See what I mean? 177 00:06:14,621 --> 00:06:15,620 - Nope. 178 00:06:15,620 --> 00:06:17,141 - Nudity makes me uncomfortable. - Okay. 179 00:06:17,141 --> 00:06:19,221 - My gym allows it. 180 00:06:19,221 --> 00:06:20,822 I wish they didn't, but it's policy. 181 00:06:20,822 --> 00:06:23,105 So I respect it, and I just-- 182 00:06:23,105 --> 00:06:25,866 keep a low--you know, I look away. 183 00:06:25,866 --> 00:06:27,945 Think about your commission cap 184 00:06:27,945 --> 00:06:33,069 as a naked old man in a gym locker room. 185 00:06:33,069 --> 00:06:34,270 - Excuse me, everyone. 186 00:06:34,270 --> 00:06:35,589 Sex! 187 00:06:35,589 --> 00:06:37,752 Now that I have your attention... 188 00:06:37,752 --> 00:06:39,272 - you don't have our attention. 189 00:06:39,272 --> 00:06:40,274 - Money! 190 00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:41,753 - I'm listening. 191 00:06:41,753 --> 00:06:42,875 - You had me at "sex." 192 00:06:42,875 --> 00:06:43,875 - Pervert. 193 00:06:43,875 --> 00:06:44,875 - You have all of our attention 194 00:06:44,875 --> 00:06:46,156 just by screaming anything. 195 00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,277 - That's good to know. 196 00:06:47,277 --> 00:06:48,878 [screams] 197 00:06:48,878 --> 00:06:49,878 - What do you want to say, Michael? 198 00:06:49,878 --> 00:06:52,279 - Wuphf! 199 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:53,519 All right, I've warmed them up for you. 200 00:06:53,519 --> 00:06:54,601 You have the floor, Ryan. 201 00:06:54,601 --> 00:06:57,402 - How's everybody doing? - Whoo! 202 00:06:57,402 --> 00:06:58,842 - Good! 203 00:06:58,842 --> 00:06:59,923 Now, a lot of you have already staked out 204 00:06:59,923 --> 00:07:01,643 your corner of the wuphf empire. 205 00:07:01,643 --> 00:07:06,047 Raise your hand if I'm describing you. 206 00:07:06,047 --> 00:07:07,326 Great. 207 00:07:07,326 --> 00:07:08,767 - Yes, I have a dream. 208 00:07:08,767 --> 00:07:12,529 And It's not some m.L.K. Dream for equality. 209 00:07:12,529 --> 00:07:17,053 I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. 210 00:07:17,053 --> 00:07:19,092 And I want to live at the top. 211 00:07:19,092 --> 00:07:21,774 And nobody knows I live there. 212 00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:25,055 And there's a button that I can press, 213 00:07:25,055 --> 00:07:29,299 and it'll launch that lighthouse into space. 214 00:07:29,299 --> 00:07:30,459 - For my current Investors, 215 00:07:30,459 --> 00:07:31,900 things are going great. 216 00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:32,979 - We already have a buyer. 217 00:07:32,979 --> 00:07:33,980 - Really? Who? 218 00:07:33,980 --> 00:07:35,381 - Washington university. 219 00:07:35,381 --> 00:07:37,262 I don't even want to think about selling 220 00:07:37,262 --> 00:07:38,302 until our numbers get into the billions. 221 00:07:38,302 --> 00:07:39,903 - At least. 222 00:07:39,903 --> 00:07:42,906 - So I've decided to open up a second round of investment 223 00:07:42,906 --> 00:07:45,066 to friends and family. 224 00:07:45,066 --> 00:07:47,507 - Oh, god. Hold on to your wallets, ladies. 225 00:07:47,507 --> 00:07:48,508 - Did you ever think of wuphf 226 00:07:48,508 --> 00:07:50,789 as an EMERGENCY notification system, 227 00:07:50,789 --> 00:07:52,789 like, for college campuses with shooters or gas leaks? 228 00:07:52,789 --> 00:07:54,751 - No, no--Oscar, it's not-- 229 00:07:54,751 --> 00:07:56,032 it's not a digital rape whistle. 230 00:07:56,032 --> 00:07:57,753 Wuphf is about fun. - That's right. 231 00:07:57,753 --> 00:07:59,753 - Fun, communication, connection. 232 00:07:59,753 --> 00:08:01,554 - What's your money situation? 233 00:08:01,554 --> 00:08:03,675 - Well, it's tight, as with any start-up. 234 00:08:03,675 --> 00:08:05,797 - Sure, how long can you sustain this without a cash infusion? 235 00:08:05,797 --> 00:08:07,317 - We have nine solid days. 236 00:08:07,317 --> 00:08:09,240 I love these questions. Keep 'em coming. 237 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,200 - I'm sorry, nine days until what? 238 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:12,560 - Bankruptcy? 239 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,281 - Wait, Ryan, so this could be over by the weekend? 240 00:08:15,281 --> 00:08:17,283 - How long do you think a week is? 241 00:08:17,283 --> 00:08:19,043 - No, not this weekend; next weekend. 242 00:08:19,043 --> 00:08:21,885 We were gonna go on the investors ski trip. 243 00:08:21,885 --> 00:08:24,492 I bought poles. 244 00:08:27,070 --> 00:08:29,071 - Well, since I have no incentive to sell, 245 00:08:29,071 --> 00:08:31,352 I've cleaned my car, organized my desk, 246 00:08:31,352 --> 00:08:32,712 and taken a multivitamin. 247 00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:35,355 So... 248 00:08:35,355 --> 00:08:36,314 what now? 249 00:08:36,314 --> 00:08:39,756 Pam. 250 00:08:39,756 --> 00:08:41,157 [sighs] 251 00:08:41,157 --> 00:08:42,998 Okay, now I've tried everything. 252 00:08:42,998 --> 00:08:44,198 - Did you prank Dwight? 253 00:08:44,198 --> 00:08:46,240 - No. - Well, you like that. 254 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:48,522 - Yeah, it's not as fun if I'm not blowing off work. 255 00:08:48,522 --> 00:08:50,322 - I love you, but I'm kinda busy, 256 00:08:50,322 --> 00:08:58,205 so I need you to figure this one out on your own. 257 00:08:58,205 --> 00:09:01,528 - [blows raspberry] 258 00:09:01,528 --> 00:09:02,928 - [chuckling] 259 00:09:02,928 --> 00:09:04,208 - Oscar said Wuphf only has 260 00:09:04,208 --> 00:09:05,569 enough money for nine days. 261 00:09:05,569 --> 00:09:08,531 - Check this out. 262 00:09:08,531 --> 00:09:10,252 - All that color. - Look at that. 263 00:09:10,252 --> 00:09:12,613 Triple your investment by January. 264 00:09:12,613 --> 00:09:15,014 - Anyone can just throw numbers up on a chart. 265 00:09:15,014 --> 00:09:16,336 What are you doing to make it happen? 266 00:09:16,336 --> 00:09:18,176 - Well, earlier today, I was emailing 267 00:09:18,176 --> 00:09:19,416 someone by the name of John legend. 268 00:09:19,416 --> 00:09:21,377 - There you go. - You have his email? 269 00:09:21,377 --> 00:09:22,899 - A lot of these guys are just Mac.Com, 270 00:09:22,899 --> 00:09:24,539 @ their website whatever. 271 00:09:24,539 --> 00:09:26,580 We get that guy wuphfing, 272 00:09:26,580 --> 00:09:27,581 it's all over. 273 00:09:27,581 --> 00:09:29,342 - I want my money back. 274 00:09:29,342 --> 00:09:30,742 - Do not talk like that, Stanley. 275 00:09:30,742 --> 00:09:32,943 - Ryan, just tell us your plan. 276 00:09:32,943 --> 00:09:34,385 - Okay, all right. 277 00:09:34,385 --> 00:09:35,585 I know what you wanna see. 278 00:09:35,585 --> 00:09:36,629 I'll be right back. 279 00:09:42,629 --> 00:09:43,749 [smacking door] 280 00:09:43,749 --> 00:09:45,309 Hey, kids, was that fun? 281 00:09:45,309 --> 00:09:46,309 - [all] Yeah! 282 00:09:46,309 --> 00:09:47,311 - All right. 283 00:09:47,311 --> 00:09:48,393 - I wanna go on it again. 284 00:09:48,393 --> 00:09:49,912 - Oh, I bet you do. 285 00:09:49,912 --> 00:09:50,913 You know what? 286 00:09:50,913 --> 00:09:52,033 When I was a little kid, 287 00:09:52,033 --> 00:09:53,354 they couldn't get me off the hayride. 288 00:09:53,354 --> 00:09:55,795 But it's gonna cost you three more bucks. 289 00:09:55,795 --> 00:09:58,076 Wow! This brings back memories. 290 00:09:58,076 --> 00:09:59,277 [inhales deeply] 291 00:09:59,277 --> 00:10:01,678 Hay stacking, hay throwing... 292 00:10:01,678 --> 00:10:02,919 and at the end of it all, 293 00:10:02,919 --> 00:10:06,401 one lucky boy would be crowned hay king. 294 00:10:06,401 --> 00:10:08,562 I always wanted to be hay king. 295 00:10:08,562 --> 00:10:10,906 The world shines on Mose. 296 00:10:18,206 --> 00:10:19,247 - Where have you been? I've been waiting. 297 00:10:19,247 --> 00:10:20,848 - Uh, can we move this to the end of the day? 298 00:10:20,848 --> 00:10:22,969 - No, I--I think you should make time for it. 299 00:10:22,969 --> 00:10:24,330 - I found the needle in the haystack! 300 00:10:24,330 --> 00:10:26,290 - Hey, congratulations. Do you know what your prize is? 301 00:10:26,290 --> 00:10:27,612 - I don't know. 302 00:10:27,612 --> 00:10:31,253 - Nothing. Life lesson? Some tasks are not worth doing. 303 00:10:31,253 --> 00:10:33,415 - Dwight? 304 00:10:33,415 --> 00:10:34,935 - Wuphf T-shirts. 305 00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:36,376 Who wants one? 306 00:10:36,376 --> 00:10:38,696 Just imagine that you're at spring break daytona beach. 307 00:10:38,696 --> 00:10:39,699 - Here we go. - Okay? 308 00:10:39,699 --> 00:10:41,219 Everyone's like, "hey dude, 309 00:10:41,219 --> 00:10:43,660 what's up with all the hotties in the wuphf shirts?" 310 00:10:43,660 --> 00:10:46,382 Or, Uh, "hey, what's up with that helicopter?" 311 00:10:46,382 --> 00:10:48,183 "It's Ryan from wuphf!" 312 00:10:48,183 --> 00:10:50,263 - "It's Ryan the wuphf guy!" - "Yo, Ryan from wuphf!" 313 00:10:50,263 --> 00:10:51,903 - "He's up there." - "What's he dropping?" 314 00:10:51,903 --> 00:10:53,826 "Wow, what's falling on us, man?" 315 00:10:53,826 --> 00:10:55,266 Wuphf condoms! 316 00:10:55,266 --> 00:10:58,067 50,000 condoms out of the sky. 317 00:10:58,067 --> 00:10:59,388 - Look at that! He threw 'em on the ground! 318 00:10:59,388 --> 00:11:01,069 - Look, this is a marketing campaign. 319 00:11:01,069 --> 00:11:02,109 You got nine days. 320 00:11:02,109 --> 00:11:03,150 Let's say you do get the money. 321 00:11:03,150 --> 00:11:04,269 What are you going to do with it? 322 00:11:04,269 --> 00:11:06,392 - The first lesson of silicon valley, actually, 323 00:11:06,392 --> 00:11:09,433 is that you only think about the user, the experience. 324 00:11:09,433 --> 00:11:10,954 You actually don't think about the money. 325 00:11:10,954 --> 00:11:11,955 Ever. 326 00:11:11,955 --> 00:11:14,275 - That sounds weird. 327 00:11:14,275 --> 00:11:16,277 - No, it's not weird, Andy, and you know what else? 328 00:11:16,277 --> 00:11:18,557 We have an offer from Washington university. 329 00:11:18,557 --> 00:11:20,360 So monetize that. 330 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:21,399 - Are you guys meeting about wuphf? 331 00:11:21,399 --> 00:11:23,560 You know that that was my idea, right? 332 00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:24,681 - [gasps] 333 00:11:24,681 --> 00:11:25,681 - I said to Ryan, "I try to call you, 334 00:11:25,681 --> 00:11:27,002 "and you don't have your phone. 335 00:11:27,002 --> 00:11:28,683 "I try to I.M. You, and you're not online. 336 00:11:28,683 --> 00:11:30,444 "I wish there was a way that I could do everything all at once, 337 00:11:30,444 --> 00:11:31,644 "and I could just be like this little dog going, 338 00:11:31,644 --> 00:11:33,085 'Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!'" 339 00:11:33,085 --> 00:11:35,246 - baby, baby, baby-- - I think I'm gonna stay here. 340 00:11:35,246 --> 00:11:36,327 - No, no, no, no, no. - I do, I do. 341 00:11:36,327 --> 00:11:37,848 This isn't right. 342 00:11:37,848 --> 00:11:39,169 - I help you with your things, and you help me with my things. 343 00:11:39,169 --> 00:11:40,368 - But I--it's not right. 344 00:11:40,368 --> 00:11:41,369 - [whIspering] I got this, it's okay, 345 00:11:41,369 --> 00:11:42,849 don't worry about this. 346 00:11:42,849 --> 00:11:45,453 - Is it any particular branch of Washington university? 347 00:11:45,453 --> 00:11:47,653 - The Washington university Public health fund. 348 00:11:47,653 --> 00:11:50,974 - W.U.P.H.F. 349 00:11:50,974 --> 00:11:52,215 - Oh, god. 350 00:11:52,215 --> 00:11:53,576 - They only want it for the initials. 351 00:11:53,576 --> 00:11:55,376 - The domain name. Yeah, they do. 352 00:11:55,376 --> 00:11:56,337 - I move we sell. 353 00:11:56,337 --> 00:11:58,177 - What? - Yeah, sell. 354 00:11:58,177 --> 00:11:59,339 - Sell. - Get us out of this. 355 00:11:59,339 --> 00:12:00,940 - Have some faith in this idea. 356 00:12:00,940 --> 00:12:02,820 - If everybody wants to sell, we sell, right? 357 00:12:02,820 --> 00:12:03,981 - I won't sell. 358 00:12:03,981 --> 00:12:05,102 And you know what? 359 00:12:05,102 --> 00:12:07,423 Ryan and I have the majority of shares. 360 00:12:07,423 --> 00:12:08,582 Isn't that right? - Yes. 361 00:12:08,582 --> 00:12:09,584 You alone do, actually. 362 00:12:09,584 --> 00:12:10,585 - I--yes. 363 00:12:10,585 --> 00:12:11,986 We're not selling. 364 00:12:11,986 --> 00:12:13,946 I will not sell. 365 00:12:13,946 --> 00:12:15,867 [children laughing] 366 00:12:15,867 --> 00:12:16,469 - Awesome. 367 00:12:20,469 --> 00:12:22,871 - Do you mind if we share this bale? 368 00:12:22,871 --> 00:12:24,511 - Sure. 369 00:12:24,511 --> 00:12:26,793 - There's no charge to sit on the hay, is there? 370 00:12:26,793 --> 00:12:28,393 - Probably. 371 00:12:28,393 --> 00:12:30,234 - I mean, wouldn't you think 372 00:12:30,234 --> 00:12:32,035 the Ten dollars to build your own Broom 373 00:12:32,035 --> 00:12:33,556 would include the hay and not just the instructions? 374 00:12:33,556 --> 00:12:34,956 - Mm-hmm. - I mean, I'm starting to think 375 00:12:34,956 --> 00:12:37,278 this guy is just trying to make money off the holiday. 376 00:12:37,278 --> 00:12:39,599 - Yeah, instead of hay place it should be pay place. 377 00:12:39,599 --> 00:12:40,600 - [laughs] 378 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:41,640 - Don't laugh at me. 379 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:42,681 - No, no, no, I wasn't-- 380 00:12:42,681 --> 00:12:44,563 I was just laughing at your joke. 381 00:12:44,563 --> 00:12:45,164 - Oh. 382 00:12:48,164 --> 00:12:49,684 - Pay place. - Mm. 383 00:12:49,684 --> 00:12:53,447 Yeah, so we can celebrate Thanksgiving-me-your-money day. 384 00:12:53,447 --> 00:12:54,526 - [laughs] 385 00:12:54,526 --> 00:12:55,687 That's humorous. 386 00:12:55,687 --> 00:12:56,730 - Thank you. 387 00:12:59,730 --> 00:13:01,290 - You guys know how to get out? 388 00:13:01,290 --> 00:13:03,133 [kids shouting] 389 00:13:06,133 --> 00:13:07,494 - Hi, Michael. 390 00:13:07,494 --> 00:13:09,373 - Can't talk, saving the planet. 391 00:13:09,373 --> 00:13:10,896 - Oh, we don't recycle. 392 00:13:10,896 --> 00:13:12,335 - We don't? 393 00:13:12,335 --> 00:13:13,578 Well, why have I been separating the trash 394 00:13:13,578 --> 00:13:14,817 into Whites and colors? 395 00:13:14,817 --> 00:13:15,300 - I'm sure no one asked you to do that. 396 00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:21,501 - Eight years. 397 00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:24,062 - Listen, I know you really like Ryan-- 398 00:13:24,062 --> 00:13:25,783 - no, I won't even consider it. 399 00:13:25,783 --> 00:13:27,465 - Michael, I... 400 00:13:28,465 --> 00:13:31,506 I hate to say this, but... 401 00:13:31,506 --> 00:13:33,387 You know this special bond 402 00:13:33,387 --> 00:13:35,268 that you've always felt with Ryan, 403 00:13:35,268 --> 00:13:37,068 where, like, you're best friends 404 00:13:37,068 --> 00:13:38,549 or you're his mentor or something? 405 00:13:38,549 --> 00:13:42,672 - Right, Yes, yeah. Best friend/mentor. 406 00:13:42,672 --> 00:13:46,913 - Michael, I think that that feeling only goes one way. 407 00:13:46,913 --> 00:13:49,916 And I think that Ryan knows that, 408 00:13:49,916 --> 00:13:52,358 and he's taking advantage of you. 409 00:13:54,358 --> 00:13:56,118 - I think you are wrong. 410 00:13:56,118 --> 00:13:58,761 - And there are a lot of other people in This office 411 00:13:58,761 --> 00:14:01,201 who have money at stake. 412 00:14:01,201 --> 00:14:03,404 Other people you care about. 413 00:14:06,404 --> 00:14:08,405 - You may be right. 414 00:14:09,405 --> 00:14:11,406 I may be crazy. 415 00:14:11,406 --> 00:14:12,767 - Don't. 416 00:14:12,767 --> 00:14:15,407 - I'm just saying that I think I agree with your point. 417 00:14:15,407 --> 00:14:19,291 - Yeah, but in a jokey way where you're gonna start singing. 418 00:14:20,291 --> 00:14:22,132 - I thought it might make me feel better. 419 00:14:22,132 --> 00:14:24,053 - Okay. 420 00:14:24,053 --> 00:14:25,234 Go ahead. 421 00:14:26,934 --> 00:14:31,138 - ♪ But it just may be a lunatic... ♪ 422 00:14:31,138 --> 00:14:33,183 no. 423 00:14:34,923 --> 00:14:36,644 - Ooh, nice, wasting time, here we go. 424 00:14:36,644 --> 00:14:38,806 - Hey, back off. It's solitaire. 425 00:14:39,806 --> 00:14:41,687 - Hey, kid-- 426 00:14:41,687 --> 00:14:42,686 hear you're looking for work. 427 00:14:42,686 --> 00:14:43,688 - Talk to me. 428 00:14:43,688 --> 00:14:44,689 - How far can you reach 429 00:14:44,689 --> 00:14:47,570 those Lovely long arms of yours? 430 00:14:47,570 --> 00:14:48,651 Eh, put 'em down. 431 00:14:48,651 --> 00:14:49,972 How long 432 00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:52,131 can you hold that pretty little breath of yours? 433 00:14:52,131 --> 00:14:53,333 - [inhales] 434 00:14:53,333 --> 00:14:54,653 - Good. 435 00:14:55,653 --> 00:14:57,176 - Hey, Jim? 436 00:14:57,176 --> 00:14:58,776 Are you distracting these people? 437 00:14:58,776 --> 00:15:01,737 - We're working. 438 00:15:01,737 --> 00:15:03,499 - Can you at least try to look busy? 439 00:15:03,499 --> 00:15:05,259 - [exhales] 440 00:15:05,259 --> 00:15:07,380 - The moment Darla put the cupcake in her mouth, 441 00:15:07,380 --> 00:15:08,819 her daddy pulled her aside and said, 442 00:15:08,819 --> 00:15:10,142 "you're too fat. 443 00:15:10,142 --> 00:15:15,144 No one's gonna like you if you're too fat." 444 00:15:15,144 --> 00:15:18,225 The next time I saw David Geffen was at the buffalo club. 445 00:15:18,225 --> 00:15:21,307 "I love you, you gay bastard," I said. 446 00:15:21,307 --> 00:15:23,629 "You gay bastard," I s-- 447 00:15:23,629 --> 00:15:25,189 "gay ba--" 448 00:15:25,189 --> 00:15:26,672 "gay B--" 449 00:15:31,272 --> 00:15:32,913 - Michael, how's it going, bro? 450 00:15:32,913 --> 00:15:34,313 - Good, good, bro. 451 00:15:34,313 --> 00:15:35,836 - Hey, thanks so much for having my back out there. 452 00:15:35,836 --> 00:15:37,356 - Always have your back. 453 00:15:37,356 --> 00:15:40,437 So any ideas on how we can get over this nine-day hump here? 454 00:15:40,437 --> 00:15:42,678 - I have nothing but ideas. 455 00:15:42,678 --> 00:15:44,280 The thing is, they all require money. 456 00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:46,840 - Nine days, though. That's, like... 457 00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:48,441 - look, I know I've tapped you so hard. 458 00:15:48,441 --> 00:15:50,442 - Yes, you have tapped this. Hard. 459 00:15:50,442 --> 00:15:51,883 - [laughs] 460 00:15:51,883 --> 00:15:53,404 Oh, you are funny, Michael. 461 00:15:53,404 --> 00:15:55,446 You--people--people don't give you enough credit. 462 00:15:55,446 --> 00:15:58,206 - Maybe I could take a second mortgage on my condo. 463 00:15:58,206 --> 00:15:59,566 - Well, a lot of people are doing that. 464 00:15:59,566 --> 00:16:01,208 And there don't seem to be any consequences. 465 00:16:01,208 --> 00:16:03,369 And they say the rates have never been lower. 466 00:16:03,369 --> 00:16:06,650 - So you would think that's a good idea for me to do? 467 00:16:06,650 --> 00:16:08,130 - Think about this: 468 00:16:08,130 --> 00:16:10,653 You and me on a private plane 469 00:16:10,653 --> 00:16:13,215 flown by our private pilot-- - Mm-hmm. 470 00:16:13,215 --> 00:16:15,896 - Eating our private meal cooked by our private chef. 471 00:16:15,896 --> 00:16:18,217 - Yeah, well, we never even have dinner now, so... 472 00:16:18,217 --> 00:16:19,217 - we totally should. 473 00:16:19,217 --> 00:16:20,217 - Tonight? 474 00:16:20,217 --> 00:16:21,779 - I gotta work on this. 475 00:16:21,779 --> 00:16:23,418 - Oh, right. What am I saying? 476 00:16:23,418 --> 00:16:24,420 Rain check. 477 00:16:24,420 --> 00:16:25,902 - Yeah. 478 00:16:27,902 --> 00:16:31,302 - And now, by show of applause, 479 00:16:31,302 --> 00:16:33,463 we will crown this year's hay king. 480 00:16:33,463 --> 00:16:35,786 All in favor of purebred. 481 00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:36,786 [applause] 482 00:16:36,786 --> 00:16:38,666 Put your hands together for... 483 00:16:38,666 --> 00:16:39,668 mixed bread. 484 00:16:39,668 --> 00:16:41,228 [applause] 485 00:16:41,228 --> 00:16:42,750 And Let's hear it for... 486 00:16:42,750 --> 00:16:43,750 purebred. 487 00:16:43,750 --> 00:16:44,790 [applause] 488 00:16:44,790 --> 00:16:46,350 Mm. 489 00:16:46,350 --> 00:16:48,000 It would appear we have a three-way tie. 490 00:16:48,272 --> 00:16:50,393 I have no choice but to pick the hay king myself. 491 00:16:51,393 --> 00:16:55,196 I pick... 492 00:16:55,196 --> 00:16:56,556 me! 493 00:16:56,556 --> 00:16:58,357 I am your hay king! 494 00:16:58,357 --> 00:17:01,079 All Hail your hay king! 495 00:17:04,079 --> 00:17:06,520 Did I truck 300 Bales of hay 496 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:09,083 to a parking lot to rectify some childhood disappointment? 497 00:17:11,483 --> 00:17:13,004 Yes. 498 00:17:13,004 --> 00:17:14,485 - So if I were to call dunder Mifflin 499 00:17:14,485 --> 00:17:16,507 and ask for miss Angela Martin, 500 00:17:16,607 --> 00:17:19,287 would I get through to you? 501 00:17:19,287 --> 00:17:22,169 - You would. 502 00:17:22,169 --> 00:17:24,611 And if I were to call your House and ask for your wife, 503 00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:25,200 would I get through to you? 504 00:17:25,690 --> 00:17:28,892 - My wife passed away a few years ago. 505 00:17:28,892 --> 00:17:30,814 - How tragic. 506 00:17:30,814 --> 00:17:32,255 Very sorry to hear that. 507 00:17:32,255 --> 00:17:34,296 - Thank you. 508 00:17:34,696 --> 00:17:37,056 - Help! 509 00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:39,097 Hello? 510 00:17:39,697 --> 00:17:41,861 Oh! Help! 511 00:17:46,261 --> 00:17:48,063 - Consider it a wuphf in person. 512 00:17:48,663 --> 00:17:50,144 - You're doing the wrong thing. 513 00:17:50,144 --> 00:17:51,264 You're gonna lose Michael's investment, 514 00:17:51,264 --> 00:17:52,625 you're gonna lose ours. 515 00:17:52,625 --> 00:17:55,266 - You got this crazy opportunity to get our money back. 516 00:17:55,266 --> 00:17:56,708 Tell Mike to sell. 517 00:17:56,708 --> 00:17:58,668 - If you tell Michael to sell, he'll sell. 518 00:17:58,668 --> 00:18:00,990 - I'm betting on myself. 519 00:18:00,990 --> 00:18:02,509 - It's a bad bet. 520 00:18:02,509 --> 00:18:03,510 - Hello. 521 00:18:03,510 --> 00:18:05,711 - Hey. It's an ambush here. 522 00:18:05,711 --> 00:18:07,113 Nobody here believes in this company. 523 00:18:07,113 --> 00:18:08,313 Will you tell them they're wrong? 524 00:18:08,313 --> 00:18:09,954 - It's not that we don't believe in the company. 525 00:18:09,954 --> 00:18:11,034 We don't believe in you. 526 00:18:11,034 --> 00:18:12,795 - All those in favor of selling, say aye. 527 00:18:12,795 --> 00:18:13,796 - Aye. - Aye. 528 00:18:13,796 --> 00:18:16,077 - Aye. - Aye. 529 00:18:16,077 --> 00:18:19,038 - Aye. 530 00:18:19,438 --> 00:18:22,801 Do not agree to sell, which is to say nay. 531 00:18:22,801 --> 00:18:24,401 - What is wrong with you? 532 00:18:24,401 --> 00:18:26,281 What happened to you in high school? 533 00:18:26,281 --> 00:18:27,603 - Michael, are you that blind? 534 00:18:27,603 --> 00:18:28,722 - I'm not blind! 535 00:18:28,722 --> 00:18:30,684 I know exactly who he is. 536 00:18:30,684 --> 00:18:33,926 He is selfish and lazy and image-obsessed, 537 00:18:33,926 --> 00:18:37,047 and he is a bad friend. 538 00:18:37,047 --> 00:18:39,049 And he's also clever. 539 00:18:39,049 --> 00:18:41,450 And he shoots incredibly high. 540 00:18:41,450 --> 00:18:43,370 And he may just make it. 541 00:18:43,370 --> 00:18:45,091 But you know what, even If he doesn't, 542 00:18:45,091 --> 00:18:48,374 I would rather go broke betting on my people 543 00:18:48,374 --> 00:18:50,414 than get rich all by myself 544 00:18:50,414 --> 00:18:52,455 on some island like a castaway. 545 00:18:52,455 --> 00:18:54,297 And there is no middle ground. 546 00:18:54,297 --> 00:18:56,378 - You're gonna lose all of our money. 547 00:18:56,378 --> 00:18:57,818 - Only If he fails. 548 00:18:57,818 --> 00:18:59,419 And you know what? 549 00:18:59,419 --> 00:19:00,821 Ryan, I believe in you. 550 00:19:00,821 --> 00:19:04,782 Just like I believe in all of you. 551 00:19:04,782 --> 00:19:07,903 You have nine days to save Everybody's money. 552 00:19:07,903 --> 00:19:09,384 - Oh... 553 00:19:09,384 --> 00:19:10,624 that's a lot of pressure. 554 00:19:10,624 --> 00:19:12,626 I--I'm gonna need some more time. 555 00:19:12,626 --> 00:19:13,467 - You can't have it. 556 00:19:16,467 --> 00:19:18,308 - Okay. 557 00:19:18,308 --> 00:19:19,674 I won't let you down. 558 00:19:27,674 --> 00:19:30,355 - Angela? 559 00:19:30,355 --> 00:19:31,201 Angela! 560 00:19:40,601 --> 00:19:44,402 - The world sends people your way... 561 00:19:44,402 --> 00:19:46,484 Ryan came to me through a temp agency. 562 00:19:46,484 --> 00:19:49,684 Andy was transferred here. 563 00:19:49,684 --> 00:19:51,485 No idea where Creed came from. 564 00:19:51,485 --> 00:19:53,087 The point is 565 00:19:53,087 --> 00:19:56,448 you just have to play with the cards that you're dealt. 566 00:19:56,448 --> 00:19:58,930 Jim, that guy is an ace. 567 00:19:58,930 --> 00:20:00,611 Dwight is my king Up my sleeve. 568 00:20:00,611 --> 00:20:02,051 Phyllis is my old maid. 569 00:20:02,051 --> 00:20:03,452 Oscar is my queen. 570 00:20:03,452 --> 00:20:04,412 That's easy. 571 00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:05,734 Gimme a hard one. 572 00:20:05,734 --> 00:20:07,814 That's what Oscar said. 573 00:20:07,814 --> 00:20:10,535 Toby is the instruction card you throw away. 574 00:20:10,535 --> 00:20:12,338 Pam's a solid seven. 575 00:20:12,338 --> 00:20:13,337 And Yeah, you know what? 576 00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:15,217 Ryan is probably, like, a two. 577 00:20:15,217 --> 00:20:17,299 But sometimes twos can be wild. 578 00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:18,381 So watch out. 579 00:20:18,381 --> 00:20:21,261 And I am obviously the joker. 580 00:20:21,261 --> 00:20:23,622 So... [phone rings] 581 00:20:23,622 --> 00:20:25,303 [phone rings] that's, uh-- 582 00:20:25,303 --> 00:20:27,305 [melodic tone] 583 00:20:27,305 --> 00:20:28,664 [robotic voice] - wuphf from Ryan Howard. 584 00:20:28,664 --> 00:20:30,345 Decided to sell company. 585 00:20:30,345 --> 00:20:32,947 Thanks, bro. Hell of a ride. 586 00:20:32,947 --> 00:20:35,182 - Thank god. 587 00:20:42,870 --> 00:20:44,511 [phone rings] 588 00:20:44,511 --> 00:20:45,911 - Gabe Lewis. 589 00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:49,193 - Now, listen here, gabe, you're too fat. 590 00:20:49,193 --> 00:20:50,953 No one's gonna like you if you're too fat. 591 00:20:50,953 --> 00:20:52,915 I made some changes to my book. 592 00:20:52,915 --> 00:20:54,635 See if you like them. - Well, jo-- 593 00:20:54,635 --> 00:20:57,798 - now, I love reading, and I hate being interrupted. 594 00:20:57,798 --> 00:21:00,319 Shut up and listen, you gay bastard. 595 00:21:00,319 --> 00:21:01,479 Chapter one. 596 00:21:01,479 --> 00:21:05,080 I was born, not into luxury Nor poverty, 597 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:07,562 but into adversity, and for that, I thank the lord. 598 00:21:07,562 --> 00:21:09,923 My father was a man. That's all we can know. 599 00:21:09,923 --> 00:21:10,884 After I learned to ride a bike, 600 00:21:10,884 --> 00:21:12,285 there was no stopping me. 601 00:21:12,285 --> 00:21:15,766 I would ride up Magnolia Street and down Azalea Lane. 602 00:21:15,766 --> 00:21:16,766 Which would later become my-- 603 00:21:16,766 --> 00:21:17,807 - All right, good night, gabe. 604 00:21:17,807 --> 00:21:19,088 Just wanted to say thanks again, 605 00:21:19,088 --> 00:21:22,809 'cause I really think I made good use of my day, oh! 606 00:21:22,809 --> 00:21:24,931 Sorry. 607 00:21:24,931 --> 00:21:27,372 - And fate has obliged me with plenty of battles, 608 00:21:27,372 --> 00:21:28,892 the first being a hard--