1
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:06,901
Wow! Late every day
this week.
2
00:00:06,969 --> 00:00:08,766
We signed Cece up
for this daycare,
3
00:00:08,838 --> 00:00:10,032
and it's on
the other side
of town.
4
00:00:10,106 --> 00:00:12,131
The traffic...
Why didn't I
think of this before?
5
00:00:12,208 --> 00:00:14,608
Did you know
that there is
a daycare center
6
00:00:14,677 --> 00:00:16,338
opening right here
in this building?
7
00:00:16,813 --> 00:00:17,837
Is there really?
8
00:00:18,147 --> 00:00:21,048
Now that I own the building,
I'm looking for new
sources of revenue.
9
00:00:21,117 --> 00:00:22,914
And a daycare center?
10
00:00:22,985 --> 00:00:25,180
11
00:00:28,558 --> 00:00:29,820
Well, I guess it's
not an evil idea.
12
00:00:29,892 --> 00:00:34,226
It's just a regular idea,
but there's no good
laugh for a regular idea.
13
00:00:35,665 --> 00:00:37,997
Welcome to the
Sesame Avenue
Daycare Center
14
00:00:38,067 --> 00:00:40,058
for infants
and toddlers.
15
00:00:41,971 --> 00:00:43,529
16
00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:45,102
You remember
my cousin Mose?
17
00:00:45,174 --> 00:00:46,402
Welcome, children.
18
00:00:46,476 --> 00:00:48,068
Were you painting
in the dark?
19
00:00:48,778 --> 00:00:50,405
Wait, is this your
place, Dwight?
20
00:00:50,613 --> 00:00:52,808
DWIGHT: No, no,
I like to think of it
as the kids' place.
21
00:00:52,882 --> 00:00:54,008
Would you like a tour?
22
00:00:54,550 --> 00:00:55,539
I don't think we
really need it...
23
00:00:55,618 --> 00:00:56,778
Ooh, let's take
the tour, Pam.
24
00:00:56,853 --> 00:00:57,979
Yeah.
Come on.
25
00:00:59,088 --> 00:01:02,524
Here is the language
skills and cognitive
development area.
26
00:01:02,592 --> 00:01:05,083
These are
English letters.
27
00:01:05,461 --> 00:01:07,292
I see you found
our magical
toy box, Jim.
28
00:01:07,363 --> 00:01:09,263
These are actually
forks and knives
from the break room.
29
00:01:09,532 --> 00:01:12,365
Jim, to you and me,
maybe. But, come on.
30
00:01:12,435 --> 00:01:14,266
To a child's imagination,
that's Mr. Fork,
31
00:01:14,337 --> 00:01:16,737
and Lieutenant Knife
and Miss Fork.
32
00:01:16,973 --> 00:01:18,873
And a soy sauce packet.
33
00:01:21,844 --> 00:01:23,675
That shouldn't
have been in there.
I'm embarrassed.
34
00:01:23,746 --> 00:01:24,906
Don't beat yourself up.
35
00:01:24,981 --> 00:01:27,711
We come fully equipped
with a restroom,
36
00:01:27,784 --> 00:01:29,649
feeding trough,
play bucket,
37
00:01:29,986 --> 00:01:31,783
and room for a plant,
in success.
38
00:01:31,854 --> 00:01:33,014
Who will be watching
the children?
39
00:01:33,089 --> 00:01:35,649
No one. The door
locks from the outside.
Escape is impossible.
40
00:01:35,858 --> 00:01:37,291
Prove it.
41
00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:39,487
What... No.
We're gonna
head outside.
42
00:01:39,562 --> 00:01:41,928
Just give it a whirl.
I just wanna see
how it works.
43
00:01:41,998 --> 00:01:43,522
No, no, no, I...
But I'll tell you this.
44
00:01:43,599 --> 00:01:46,363
If this works out,
I think we're
looking real good.
45
00:01:46,436 --> 00:01:48,734
I promise you,
that door locks.
46
00:01:49,272 --> 00:01:50,500
47
00:02:27,543 --> 00:02:29,875
What's something you did...
This is the worst!
This is the worst!
48
00:02:29,946 --> 00:02:32,005
You are the worst.
I hate looking
at your face.
49
00:02:32,081 --> 00:02:33,412
I wanna smash it!
50
00:02:33,483 --> 00:02:35,849
MICHAEL: Okay,
you know what?
I made a mistake.
51
00:02:35,918 --> 00:02:37,545
I committed
corporate punishment.
52
00:02:37,620 --> 00:02:39,451
My bad.
53
00:02:39,522 --> 00:02:41,956
It's over, it's done.
54
00:02:42,024 --> 00:02:48,190
But, my punishment
is worse than hell.
55
00:02:48,698 --> 00:02:51,064
Michael's been
assigned six hours
of mandatory counseling
56
00:02:51,167 --> 00:02:52,327
with a trained professional.
57
00:02:52,535 --> 00:02:54,594
I actually have
a degree in social work.
58
00:02:54,704 --> 00:02:58,037
I mean, I know a lot
of people would just ask
a few standard questions
59
00:02:58,107 --> 00:02:59,665
and tick off
a few boxes,
60
00:03:00,376 --> 00:03:03,004
but I've got a chance
to do some good here.
61
00:03:03,079 --> 00:03:06,014
I know what
you wanna ask me.
62
00:03:06,082 --> 00:03:07,515
"Did your mom ever
see you naked?"
63
00:03:07,750 --> 00:03:09,843
We can do this
with more privacy.
64
00:03:10,186 --> 00:03:11,414
So you can molest me?
65
00:03:11,654 --> 00:03:13,144
Okay. I don't think so.
66
00:03:13,856 --> 00:03:14,948
We're gonna leave
the blinds open,
67
00:03:15,024 --> 00:03:17,356
so everybody
can see what a big
failure you are.
68
00:03:21,764 --> 00:03:23,197
That's the key.
69
00:03:23,399 --> 00:03:24,423
70
00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:26,331
Boycott the Steamtown Mall!
71
00:03:26,969 --> 00:03:28,493
Everyone, you heard me.
72
00:03:28,571 --> 00:03:31,199
Cancel all your businesses
with the Steamtown Mall!
73
00:03:31,274 --> 00:03:33,435
The mall itself,
or the stores
in the mall?
74
00:03:33,509 --> 00:03:35,977
All of it! The mall,
the stores, the kiosks.
75
00:03:36,045 --> 00:03:37,410
America's one big mall.
76
00:03:37,513 --> 00:03:38,537
Did something
happen, Dwight?
77
00:03:38,614 --> 00:03:40,741
Yeah, something happened.
Oh, yeah.
78
00:03:40,816 --> 00:03:42,147
Something happened, Jim.
79
00:03:42,218 --> 00:03:43,207
Well, tell us what it is.
80
00:03:43,286 --> 00:03:46,483
I mean, it'll help
to get some context
so we can get on board.
81
00:03:46,556 --> 00:03:47,614
You don't wanna know.
82
00:03:49,125 --> 00:03:52,253
I'd like you to imagine
a place where you
feel very peaceful.
83
00:03:53,029 --> 00:03:56,260
For me, it's the walk
from the yogurt shop
to my car,
84
00:03:56,332 --> 00:03:58,994
after I drop my daughter off
on Sunday afternoons.
85
00:04:03,406 --> 00:04:06,000
I'm glad
Michael's getting help.
86
00:04:06,075 --> 00:04:08,873
He has a lot of issues
and he's stupid.
87
00:04:08,945 --> 00:04:13,848
Look, I'm not gonna
tell you that we
have lower prices.
88
00:04:13,916 --> 00:04:16,851
Is price something
that is important to you?
89
00:04:18,354 --> 00:04:21,289
Okay, well,
let me know if
anything changes.
90
00:04:23,559 --> 00:04:24,548
91
00:04:24,827 --> 00:04:25,851
Pam?
92
00:04:27,463 --> 00:04:29,226
I can't do this.
93
00:04:29,298 --> 00:04:32,995
I don't have this sales
gene or whatever it is.
94
00:04:34,870 --> 00:04:36,428
Tell me everything's
gonna be okay.
95
00:04:37,073 --> 00:04:38,597
Everything's gonna
be okay.
96
00:04:39,675 --> 00:04:41,142
Tell me
I'm good at sales.
97
00:04:41,944 --> 00:04:44,674
You're good...
You're good at sales.
98
00:04:45,848 --> 00:04:47,645
The unfair thing
about working in sales
99
00:04:47,717 --> 00:04:50,117
is that your salary is
almost all commission.
100
00:04:50,186 --> 00:04:53,383
So if you suck
at sales, you make
almost no money.
101
00:04:56,859 --> 00:04:58,690
I guess that's fair.
102
00:04:58,794 --> 00:05:00,261
Dwight.
103
00:05:00,329 --> 00:05:01,318
What?
104
00:05:01,397 --> 00:05:04,332
Did you call all my
clients at the mall
105
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:10,498
and cancel all my business
while using the "F" word?
106
00:05:10,573 --> 00:05:11,767
Yes, I did.
107
00:05:11,841 --> 00:05:14,332
And I'm gonna
do the same with
all of your clients.
108
00:05:14,410 --> 00:05:15,638
No, you will not.
109
00:05:15,711 --> 00:05:18,771
Oh, yes, I will.
That mall is corrupt.
110
00:05:18,848 --> 00:05:20,076
Okay, they're appearancist!
111
00:05:20,149 --> 00:05:22,549
Okay, Dwight,
we can't do that.
112
00:05:22,618 --> 00:05:24,085
So why don't you
just tell us
what happened?
113
00:05:24,186 --> 00:05:25,414
Yeah. What happened,
Dwight?
114
00:05:25,888 --> 00:05:26,980
JIM: Okay?
115
00:05:29,592 --> 00:05:34,188
You guys know me.
You know that I'm not
one for fancy things.
116
00:05:34,263 --> 00:05:35,890
But there was
this one thing.
117
00:05:35,965 --> 00:05:38,160
It was in a fancy store,
and it caught
the corner of my eye
118
00:05:38,234 --> 00:05:40,862
when I took Mose
down to the mall
119
00:05:40,936 --> 00:05:42,904
to get his blood
pressure at the Rite Aid.
120
00:05:43,005 --> 00:05:45,872
And I thought, "You know,
maybe I deserve this."
121
00:05:45,941 --> 00:05:48,842
You know,
I've had a great
crop yield this fall.
122
00:05:48,911 --> 00:05:50,037
So what happened?
123
00:05:50,112 --> 00:05:52,080
I went to the store
and I pressed the buzzer,
124
00:05:52,148 --> 00:05:54,981
and they looked right at me,
and then they looked away.
125
00:05:55,251 --> 00:05:57,583
And then I pressed
the buzzer again,
126
00:05:57,653 --> 00:06:01,316
and they started
taking pictures of me
with their mobile phones.
127
00:06:01,824 --> 00:06:03,451
I guess I'm not
the kind of guy
128
00:06:03,526 --> 00:06:06,324
that's good enough
for precious heirlooms.
129
00:06:06,395 --> 00:06:08,260
You know what, Dwight?
You need to go back there,
130
00:06:08,330 --> 00:06:10,355
and you need to
Pretty Woman
their asses.
131
00:06:10,433 --> 00:06:12,628
We should start
our own mall.
Yeah!
132
00:06:12,702 --> 00:06:14,966
Wait, wait, wait.
Actually, that's
a really good idea, Kelly.
133
00:06:15,037 --> 00:06:16,129
What did I say?
134
00:06:16,205 --> 00:06:19,106
I talk a lot,
so I've learned to
just tune myself out.
135
00:06:19,175 --> 00:06:20,369
Dwight,
how about this?
136
00:06:20,443 --> 00:06:21,637
Instead of a boycott,
137
00:06:21,711 --> 00:06:24,646
you and I, together,
go down to that store
138
00:06:24,714 --> 00:06:26,875
and we teach those
snobs a lesson.
139
00:06:26,949 --> 00:06:31,477
No, you and I, and I.
140
00:06:32,154 --> 00:06:34,452
I'm gonna
come with you.
Okay.
141
00:06:35,157 --> 00:06:36,715
Good. All right.
142
00:06:36,792 --> 00:06:38,657
Did you assume
that I would
automatically side
143
00:06:38,728 --> 00:06:41,128
with the rich,
snobby shop owner?
144
00:06:43,666 --> 00:06:45,156
How about now?
145
00:06:48,938 --> 00:06:50,428
How about now?
146
00:06:52,975 --> 00:06:54,465
How about now?
147
00:06:56,946 --> 00:06:58,504
How about now?
148
00:06:58,581 --> 00:07:00,742
What's your
favorite flavor of...
149
00:07:00,816 --> 00:07:02,078
One hour.
What?
150
00:07:02,151 --> 00:07:04,517
One hour.
We've done one hour.
151
00:07:04,587 --> 00:07:06,919
Let's just speed this up.
152
00:07:06,989 --> 00:07:09,583
Okay, keep it moving.
I wanna do all
six hours today.
153
00:07:09,658 --> 00:07:11,649
Look, I can't
count the hour
if you don't talk.
154
00:07:11,727 --> 00:07:13,786
No, no, no. No.
155
00:07:14,029 --> 00:07:17,556
I know my rights,
all I had to do is
sit here for six hours.
156
00:07:17,633 --> 00:07:18,691
Do my time.
157
00:07:18,768 --> 00:07:20,292
Michael, it's up to me
to check off the boxes,
158
00:07:20,369 --> 00:07:22,303
and I can't do that
unless I honestly...
Do you know how...
159
00:07:22,371 --> 00:07:24,566
Do you have
any idea how angry
that is making me?
160
00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:26,198
Tell me.
161
00:07:27,543 --> 00:07:30,512
I think we might be
about to maybe really
get somewhere.
162
00:07:30,913 --> 00:07:33,939
Yes, I will.
I will talk all right.
163
00:07:34,016 --> 00:07:36,507
Be careful what
you wish for, Toby.
164
00:07:38,020 --> 00:07:39,749
Apparently, there's
a famous Hollywood movie
165
00:07:39,855 --> 00:07:42,847
from the 1980s,
Beautiful Girl.
166
00:07:42,925 --> 00:07:44,859
Pretty Woman.
167
00:07:44,927 --> 00:07:46,861
Pretty Woman.
Apparently, it's one of the
168
00:07:46,929 --> 00:07:49,420
best revenge stories
of all time,
169
00:07:49,498 --> 00:07:53,457
in which this sex worker,
who is the protagonist...
170
00:07:53,536 --> 00:07:55,731
That can't be right.
Andy, how does it...
JIM: No, no, no.
171
00:07:55,805 --> 00:07:57,102
What?
I wanna hear you tell it.
172
00:07:57,173 --> 00:07:58,936
Okay.
173
00:07:59,008 --> 00:08:01,442
The sex worker
is denied service
at a fancy store
174
00:08:01,510 --> 00:08:03,341
because she does
not look wealthy.
175
00:08:03,412 --> 00:08:05,880
She later returns,
dressed in all
the trappings
176
00:08:05,948 --> 00:08:07,040
of extravagant wealth,
177
00:08:07,116 --> 00:08:08,174
but instead
of shopping...
178
00:08:08,250 --> 00:08:09,239
Julia Roberts
goes in the store,
179
00:08:09,318 --> 00:08:10,478
she's like,
"I was in here yesterday,
180
00:08:10,553 --> 00:08:11,747
"and you people
wouldn't help me."
181
00:08:11,821 --> 00:08:13,152
And the shop girl
goes, "Oh."
182
00:08:13,222 --> 00:08:16,453
And then Julia Roberts goes,
"You girls work on commission,
right?"
183
00:08:16,525 --> 00:08:18,015
And the girl's
like, "Yeah."
184
00:08:18,093 --> 00:08:19,082
And Julia Roberts goes...
185
00:08:19,161 --> 00:08:21,186
"Big mistake. Huge."
186
00:08:22,598 --> 00:08:24,498
I was telling...
I was telling that.
187
00:08:24,567 --> 00:08:27,297
...paper supplies
and ink cartridges
to go with that?
188
00:08:27,369 --> 00:08:29,360
Okay, sure.
189
00:08:29,438 --> 00:08:30,996
Who can I speak
to in this office
190
00:08:31,073 --> 00:08:32,734
about saving on
window treatments?
191
00:08:33,509 --> 00:08:34,498
I don't know.
192
00:08:34,577 --> 00:08:36,977
Is one of you
the office
administrator?
193
00:08:39,448 --> 00:08:40,540
I am.
194
00:08:42,685 --> 00:08:44,175
I'm the office
administrator!
195
00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:45,987
Can I show you
a few samples?
196
00:08:46,388 --> 00:08:49,755
We're not interested.
We're not interested
at all.
197
00:08:52,962 --> 00:08:54,953
There are a few ways
to get promoted.
198
00:08:55,030 --> 00:08:58,022
One is to wait
for an opening
and apply for it.
199
00:08:58,100 --> 00:09:00,227
That's the main way.
200
00:09:00,302 --> 00:09:01,769
But this could work.
201
00:09:02,171 --> 00:09:03,832
Toby, can I really
tell you anything?
202
00:09:04,106 --> 00:09:05,266
Of course.
203
00:09:05,875 --> 00:09:08,537
Well, the other night,
I was sitting
at the table,
204
00:09:08,611 --> 00:09:10,670
eating my penis...
205
00:09:10,746 --> 00:09:11,940
I mean peas.
206
00:09:13,415 --> 00:09:14,575
That was weird.
207
00:09:14,984 --> 00:09:16,383
Ah, that's weird.
208
00:09:16,452 --> 00:09:19,615
I think it all
stems from the fact
that I was...
209
00:09:21,757 --> 00:09:23,224
I was probed.
210
00:09:24,059 --> 00:09:26,823
By an alien life force.
An ALF.
211
00:09:28,731 --> 00:09:30,130
ALF.
212
00:09:30,599 --> 00:09:33,500
You know, I might
have actually been
probed by ALF.
213
00:09:34,436 --> 00:09:37,132
You might think
he's a puppet.
214
00:09:37,206 --> 00:09:40,107
You never see the lower half,
but there's a lower half.
215
00:09:40,209 --> 00:09:41,699
Office administrator.
216
00:09:41,777 --> 00:09:43,745
So when did
this happen?
217
00:09:44,546 --> 00:09:46,138
A few months ago.
218
00:09:46,215 --> 00:09:48,479
I was talking to
someone at corporate,
219
00:09:48,550 --> 00:09:49,744
who isn't there anymore.
Mmm-hmm.
220
00:09:49,818 --> 00:09:53,151
And I think
the paperwork just got
lost in the shuffle.
221
00:09:53,322 --> 00:09:54,584
Can you believe that?
Typical.
222
00:09:54,657 --> 00:09:56,454
Yeah, totally.
Well, congrats.
223
00:09:56,525 --> 00:10:00,291
Thanks, yeah.
So, I'm just gonna take care
of stuff around the office
224
00:10:00,362 --> 00:10:02,762
and get paid
a reasonable salary.
We need that, right?
225
00:10:02,831 --> 00:10:03,855
Totally. That's great.
226
00:10:03,933 --> 00:10:05,195
I get paid
$40,000 a year.
227
00:10:05,267 --> 00:10:06,325
Great.
228
00:10:06,402 --> 00:10:07,994
Maybe $50,000.
$50,000?
229
00:10:08,103 --> 00:10:09,832
No, not $50,000.
230
00:10:09,905 --> 00:10:11,873
$41,000, I think.
231
00:10:11,941 --> 00:10:12,930
$41,000.
232
00:10:13,042 --> 00:10:14,100
$41,500.
233
00:10:14,543 --> 00:10:16,010
That's great.
234
00:10:20,516 --> 00:10:23,144
Before me
stands your coworker,
Dwight Kurt Schrute.
235
00:10:24,453 --> 00:10:26,182
Dwight, show them
all sides. Turn around.
236
00:10:26,255 --> 00:10:29,656
Now, today we need
your help turning Dwight
into a gentleman.
237
00:10:29,892 --> 00:10:32,884
A gentleman,
who is a rich snob,
238
00:10:32,962 --> 00:10:34,554
who will go into
shopping malls
239
00:10:34,630 --> 00:10:37,098
and drop huge
amounts of cash
on clothes.
240
00:10:37,199 --> 00:10:38,723
Is he still
doing this boycott?
241
00:10:38,801 --> 00:10:41,361
No, no, this is
instead of the
boycott. Yeah.
242
00:10:41,804 --> 00:10:44,364
Your shirt and tie
are disgusto-barfo.
243
00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:45,668
Agreed.
Really?
244
00:10:45,741 --> 00:10:47,504
OSCAR: Maybe something
not so monochromatic.
245
00:10:47,576 --> 00:10:48,634
Not so matching.
246
00:10:48,711 --> 00:10:51,236
Wait, less matching
to appear more rich?
247
00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:53,341
The glasses
are a little...
248
00:10:56,151 --> 00:10:57,345
I liked them.
249
00:10:57,419 --> 00:10:59,046
I thought they
were kind of cute.
250
00:10:59,121 --> 00:11:01,089
Yeah, I liked
them, too.
251
00:11:02,057 --> 00:11:03,081
I can't see.
252
00:11:03,158 --> 00:11:04,955
Say stuff like,
"Good morning,
good afternoon."
253
00:11:05,027 --> 00:11:06,016
People appreciate that.
254
00:11:06,128 --> 00:11:09,097
Wait, I see you every day.
Can I say, "Good month?"
255
00:11:09,631 --> 00:11:11,223
I'm telling you
how to do this, man.
256
00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:12,961
If someone offers
you a cocktail,
257
00:11:13,035 --> 00:11:15,333
accept, but keep
your wits about you.
258
00:11:15,404 --> 00:11:17,531
Okay.
"Please" and "thank
you" go a long way.
259
00:11:17,906 --> 00:11:20,966
Copy. Thank you.
260
00:11:21,310 --> 00:11:22,641
Thank you.
261
00:11:23,145 --> 00:11:25,136
Please.
262
00:11:25,214 --> 00:11:26,977
I think he's got it.
263
00:11:27,750 --> 00:11:30,480
And I was raised
by wolves.
264
00:11:30,753 --> 00:11:33,745
I was 25 years old
before I saw my
first human being.
265
00:11:34,123 --> 00:11:36,455
Wait, is it
a full moon tonight?
266
00:11:37,126 --> 00:11:38,388
267
00:11:40,329 --> 00:11:41,318
268
00:11:41,897 --> 00:11:44,889
Come on, Michael.
These are all fake stories.
269
00:11:46,268 --> 00:11:48,293
Yes, yes, they are
all fake stories.
270
00:11:48,404 --> 00:11:51,840
What sort of twisted mind
would come up with
weird stories like that?
271
00:11:51,907 --> 00:11:53,204
Three hours,
we're halfway done.
272
00:11:53,342 --> 00:11:55,003
How?
273
00:11:56,612 --> 00:11:58,807
274
00:12:02,284 --> 00:12:05,253
Hey, do you
have a second?
Yeah.
275
00:12:05,421 --> 00:12:07,446
Well, as I'm sure you know
for the past few months,
276
00:12:07,523 --> 00:12:09,047
I've been
the office administrator,
277
00:12:09,124 --> 00:12:10,648
since right before
you guys took over.
278
00:12:10,993 --> 00:12:12,187
Right, of course.
279
00:12:12,494 --> 00:12:14,052
And I haven't
gotten paid yet.
280
00:12:14,129 --> 00:12:15,255
I'm not blaming you.
281
00:12:16,131 --> 00:12:17,962
Thank you so much.
282
00:12:18,033 --> 00:12:20,126
I just think
somebody lost
the paperwork.
283
00:12:20,202 --> 00:12:21,692
Oh, boy.
284
00:12:21,770 --> 00:12:23,704
Can you get every
department head's
signature on this
285
00:12:23,772 --> 00:12:24,796
so I can back
this up to corporate?
286
00:12:24,873 --> 00:12:27,842
Yes, absolutely,
right away.
287
00:12:29,578 --> 00:12:32,206
You know what, Michael?
You're right. You win.
288
00:12:32,281 --> 00:12:34,442
This is pointless.
We're not getting anywhere.
289
00:12:35,317 --> 00:12:38,980
I got a bunch of fun stuff,
in case my daughter
ever comes over.
290
00:12:39,054 --> 00:12:41,045
Why don't we just
run out the clock
291
00:12:41,123 --> 00:12:45,457
by playing games,
drawing some pictures,
talking?
292
00:12:49,565 --> 00:12:52,033
293
00:12:52,601 --> 00:12:55,331
We present to you,
for your final comments
and approval,
294
00:12:55,404 --> 00:12:57,065
Dwight K. Schrute.
295
00:12:59,408 --> 00:13:00,773
Go get them, Dwight.
296
00:13:00,843 --> 00:13:01,901
Wish us luck.
297
00:13:02,644 --> 00:13:04,544
Thank you.
Dwight.
298
00:13:08,016 --> 00:13:09,415
All done.
299
00:13:09,485 --> 00:13:12,716
Disposable cameras
are fun, although
it does seem wasteful
300
00:13:12,788 --> 00:13:15,484
and you don't ever get
to see your pictures.
301
00:13:15,557 --> 00:13:18,082
If it's an important event
that you want to remember,
302
00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:19,855
I recommend
using a real camera.
303
00:13:19,928 --> 00:13:22,419
But I don't care
if I forget today.
304
00:13:24,133 --> 00:13:26,101
We could play something
more complicated
if you'd like.
305
00:13:26,168 --> 00:13:27,658
This is plenty
complicated.
306
00:13:27,736 --> 00:13:29,135
So you've played
it before?
307
00:13:29,204 --> 00:13:31,297
I played it once
or twice with Jeff.
308
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:32,629
Who's Jeff?
309
00:13:32,708 --> 00:13:34,573
Jeff was my
mother's boyfriend,
310
00:13:34,643 --> 00:13:35,735
who she married.
311
00:13:35,978 --> 00:13:39,004
So, her husband
and your stepdad.
312
00:13:39,248 --> 00:13:40,340
Yeah.
313
00:13:40,415 --> 00:13:43,145
Yeah, I guess
I never thought of
it that way, though.
314
00:13:44,753 --> 00:13:46,812
Did you guys do
much stuff together?
315
00:13:46,889 --> 00:13:49,289
Yeah, you know what,
he took me to a baseball
game once,
316
00:13:49,358 --> 00:13:50,825
I remember.
317
00:13:50,893 --> 00:13:53,726
It was weird, though.
They took the pitcher
out of the game,
318
00:13:53,795 --> 00:13:54,819
and I felt
really bad
319
00:13:55,430 --> 00:13:56,863
because the pitcher
wasn't gonna be able
320
00:13:56,932 --> 00:13:58,024
to play with his
friends anymore.
321
00:13:58,100 --> 00:14:00,625
But Jeff said that
the manager was making
322
00:14:00,702 --> 00:14:02,966
a really good move by
taking the pitcher out.
323
00:14:03,038 --> 00:14:04,596
He really respected
the manager.
324
00:14:07,509 --> 00:14:08,976
It's working.
325
00:14:10,078 --> 00:14:11,545
I'm doing it.
326
00:14:12,748 --> 00:14:14,272
327
00:14:16,818 --> 00:14:17,807
What?
328
00:14:17,886 --> 00:14:20,013
My place, tonight.
Wear this.
329
00:14:20,088 --> 00:14:21,112
Do you have your card?
330
00:14:21,190 --> 00:14:22,248
Yes.
331
00:14:24,793 --> 00:14:26,420
ANGELA: Don't forget the pipe.
332
00:14:26,495 --> 00:14:27,928
It's really sad
that your dog ran away,
333
00:14:27,996 --> 00:14:31,830
but why did it keep you
from going to the park?
334
00:14:31,900 --> 00:14:34,596
I was afraid I would
find him in the park
playing with another kid.
335
00:14:34,670 --> 00:14:35,659
Why?
336
00:14:35,737 --> 00:14:38,001
I guess that's why
I thought he ran away
in the first place,
337
00:14:38,073 --> 00:14:39,438
to find a kid
he liked better.
338
00:14:39,508 --> 00:14:40,532
Dogs don't do that.
339
00:14:40,609 --> 00:14:41,598
Right?
340
00:14:41,677 --> 00:14:42,769
Why would
a dog do that?
341
00:14:42,844 --> 00:14:43,833
I don't know.
342
00:14:43,912 --> 00:14:46,403
When I hear myself say it,
it just sounds ridiculous.
343
00:14:46,481 --> 00:14:48,972
But I never said
it out loud, so...
344
00:14:52,054 --> 00:14:55,717
It's very important
for you to be liked,
isn't it?
345
00:14:55,791 --> 00:14:59,625
Well, let's not get too...
346
00:14:59,695 --> 00:15:02,027
This isn't
a counseling session.
347
00:15:05,133 --> 00:15:06,225
Okay.
348
00:15:08,971 --> 00:15:10,336
You son of a gun.
349
00:15:12,441 --> 00:15:15,035
You son of a bitch.
Wow, okay.
350
00:15:15,110 --> 00:15:16,543
I'm just trying to
help you, Michael.
351
00:15:16,612 --> 00:15:17,977
You bitch, God!
352
00:15:18,213 --> 00:15:20,272
Michael.
You're very helpful,
aren't you?
353
00:15:20,349 --> 00:15:22,112
You try to help everybody.
I'm trying to.
354
00:15:22,184 --> 00:15:23,981
Do you wanna
play another game?
355
00:15:24,052 --> 00:15:25,178
I just wanna...
You are good.
356
00:15:25,254 --> 00:15:26,812
But you know what?
You can't help people.
357
00:15:26,888 --> 00:15:28,082
You couldn't help
your marriage.
358
00:15:28,523 --> 00:15:29,717
Hey...
Lose. You lose.
359
00:15:29,791 --> 00:15:30,780
I don't need your help.
360
00:15:31,026 --> 00:15:32,254
Nobody needs your help.
361
00:15:32,327 --> 00:15:35,421
Nobody wants it!
You can't help anybody.
362
00:15:35,530 --> 00:15:37,430
I don't need your help!
363
00:15:38,367 --> 00:15:39,959
Am I gonna
make you cry?
364
00:15:40,068 --> 00:15:41,535
Just fill them out
any way you want.
365
00:15:41,603 --> 00:15:42,968
Okay.
366
00:15:43,038 --> 00:15:44,767
Have Erin fax them
back to corporate.
367
00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:45,829
Will do.
368
00:15:45,907 --> 00:15:48,171
Okay, filled out. Good.
369
00:15:48,243 --> 00:15:50,677
Thank you, doctor.
Take two of these
and call me in the morning.
370
00:15:53,081 --> 00:15:54,548
PAM: Hey, Michael?
371
00:15:55,317 --> 00:15:58,047
About three months ago,
I was talking...
372
00:16:04,726 --> 00:16:06,660
PAM: There are
a lot of one-person
departments here,
373
00:16:06,728 --> 00:16:09,356
so there's a lot
of department heads.
374
00:16:09,431 --> 00:16:11,490
But I'm off
to a good start.
375
00:16:11,566 --> 00:16:16,663
Oh, man, if I can pull
this off, it will be
the scam of all scams.
376
00:16:17,472 --> 00:16:19,736
And yet,
very helpful
to everyone.
377
00:16:20,809 --> 00:16:22,800
So corporate got
your evaluations,
378
00:16:22,878 --> 00:16:24,209
and they wanted
me to double-check.
379
00:16:24,279 --> 00:16:26,975
Is that really how you feel
about Michael's situation?
380
00:16:27,249 --> 00:16:28,910
Yes.
381
00:16:28,984 --> 00:16:31,316
That is not how
he seemed to me.
382
00:16:32,321 --> 00:16:33,310
I thought
he seemed fine.
383
00:16:33,388 --> 00:16:35,879
You marked "severe"
in all the categories,
384
00:16:35,957 --> 00:16:37,822
including "at risk
for homicidal behavior."
385
00:16:41,730 --> 00:16:44,756
I saw a TLC show
on Kate Walsh's
home office.
386
00:16:44,833 --> 00:16:45,891
All corkboard.
387
00:16:45,967 --> 00:16:46,991
We can do that.
388
00:16:47,069 --> 00:16:48,400
Right in here?
Easily.
389
00:16:48,470 --> 00:16:50,631
Knock, knock.
Pam? Perfect.
390
00:16:51,373 --> 00:16:53,398
I was hoping
to talk to the
office administrator
391
00:16:53,475 --> 00:16:55,568
about a little office
administration problem.
392
00:16:56,278 --> 00:16:57,643
But of course.
Great.
393
00:16:59,881 --> 00:17:02,543
The problem,
unfortunately,
is about
394
00:17:02,617 --> 00:17:04,141
the office administrator.
395
00:17:05,587 --> 00:17:07,680
I have gone through
everything from the
past three years.
396
00:17:08,023 --> 00:17:11,015
There is nothing
that says that you're
office administrator.
397
00:17:11,827 --> 00:17:13,818
So weird that
there's no paperwork.
398
00:17:13,895 --> 00:17:15,089
At all.
399
00:17:15,831 --> 00:17:19,392
Although, like,
unlikely things happen
all the time.
400
00:17:19,501 --> 00:17:20,991
My best friend
in high school,
401
00:17:21,069 --> 00:17:22,696
she went to Australia,
Canberra I think,
402
00:17:22,771 --> 00:17:26,138
and she met this guy
who lived only two streets
away from her in America.
403
00:17:26,208 --> 00:17:29,006
Pam, I don't want
to accuse you
of anything.
404
00:17:29,077 --> 00:17:32,069
I just want everything
to be back the way
it's supposed to be.
405
00:17:33,949 --> 00:17:36,782
Can you just admit... Admit...
406
00:17:38,120 --> 00:17:39,178
Admit what?
407
00:17:39,254 --> 00:17:40,687
I don't want to say it.
408
00:17:47,129 --> 00:17:48,153
Say it.
409
00:17:48,430 --> 00:17:49,454
Mmm-mmm.
410
00:17:49,531 --> 00:17:51,726
Say that I'm lying,
or say I have the job.
411
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:53,131
Make a definitive
statement, Gabe.
412
00:17:53,201 --> 00:17:55,692
Statements of such a nature,
while they have their place,
are overused
413
00:17:55,771 --> 00:17:57,500
in a competitive
business environment.
414
00:17:57,572 --> 00:18:00,541
Great. Well, let me know
if you need a new chair,
415
00:18:00,609 --> 00:18:03,009
or anything that
an office administrator
can handle.
416
00:18:04,179 --> 00:18:05,237
Will do.
417
00:18:08,784 --> 00:18:13,585
Could I get one
of those nameplates
that says "Gabe Lewis"?
418
00:18:13,889 --> 00:18:15,857
For sure.
Anything else?
419
00:18:17,325 --> 00:18:18,553
I'll get it right away.
420
00:18:20,061 --> 00:18:23,292
The first lesson of watching
World Poker Tour at 2:00 a.m.,
421
00:18:23,365 --> 00:18:26,459
you play the opponent,
not the cards.
422
00:18:29,438 --> 00:18:30,530
JIM: Is that what
we're here for?
423
00:18:30,939 --> 00:18:33,134
A crystal wizard.
I like it.
424
00:18:33,208 --> 00:18:35,802
It's a pewter wizard
holding a crystal.
425
00:18:36,344 --> 00:18:37,606
426
00:18:37,679 --> 00:18:39,112
Wait a second.
427
00:18:39,181 --> 00:18:41,945
You know you can't
buy that now, right?
428
00:18:42,017 --> 00:18:43,541
And I can come back
and get it for you later.
429
00:18:43,618 --> 00:18:45,279
But I'm saying right now,
we can't do that.
430
00:18:45,353 --> 00:18:46,342
Right.
431
00:18:46,455 --> 00:18:47,922
'Cause I'm here for
one thing, revenge.
432
00:18:47,989 --> 00:18:49,081
That's it.
Okay.
433
00:18:49,157 --> 00:18:50,419
Let me know if I can
help you with anything.
434
00:18:51,793 --> 00:18:52,919
Excuse me, sir.
435
00:18:52,994 --> 00:18:54,291
Yes?
436
00:18:54,362 --> 00:18:57,331
I was here yesterday,
and you refused
to wait on me.
437
00:18:57,399 --> 00:18:59,560
I remember, yes.
I'm terribly sorry
about what happened.
438
00:18:59,634 --> 00:19:01,124
You work on commission,
don't you?
439
00:19:01,203 --> 00:19:02,636
No.
Stop, stop, stop.
Hold on one second.
440
00:19:02,737 --> 00:19:04,136
Did you just say
you remember him?
441
00:19:04,206 --> 00:19:05,195
Of course.
442
00:19:05,273 --> 00:19:07,673
But he looks much
less threatening now.
443
00:19:07,742 --> 00:19:08,731
What does that mean?
444
00:19:08,810 --> 00:19:10,334
We had a safety concern.
445
00:19:10,412 --> 00:19:12,880
We very politely
indicated that he'd
be welcomed back...
446
00:19:12,948 --> 00:19:14,415
Good morning.
...if he were in accordance
447
00:19:14,483 --> 00:19:16,075
with our dress policy.
What?
448
00:19:16,151 --> 00:19:18,517
But the
bloodstained hands...
449
00:19:23,158 --> 00:19:25,319
It was beet juice.
450
00:19:25,393 --> 00:19:27,418
I'm a beet farmer...
I'm very sorry.
451
00:19:27,496 --> 00:19:31,933
Good sir, I happened
to have been working
a very long day that day.
452
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,491
When I came
to your fine...
453
00:19:34,569 --> 00:19:37,470
You are so...
I'm gonna... Okay.
454
00:19:37,539 --> 00:19:41,475
Listen, you can't treat...
Thank you. Good morning, sir!
455
00:19:41,543 --> 00:19:43,067
Okay, let's go.
Come on.
456
00:19:43,178 --> 00:19:45,772
You made a big
mistake! Huge!
457
00:19:47,015 --> 00:19:49,074
There it is.
All right.
458
00:19:51,086 --> 00:19:52,075
That was pretty good.
459
00:19:52,153 --> 00:19:53,950
Thank you.
Please. After you.
460
00:19:54,890 --> 00:19:56,881
I'll take the wizard.
SALESMAN: Okay.
461
00:20:00,829 --> 00:20:04,356
You forged them.
You forged the forms.
462
00:20:04,432 --> 00:20:06,900
You filled them in
and faxed them yourself.
Yes.
463
00:20:06,968 --> 00:20:08,595
You remember that.
Yes.
464
00:20:08,670 --> 00:20:11,798
But you had me
so worked up that
I made a mistake.
465
00:20:11,873 --> 00:20:14,808
Unless a part of you
made that mistake
on purpose.
466
00:20:14,876 --> 00:20:17,401
You don't make
a mistake on
purpose, Toby.
467
00:20:17,479 --> 00:20:18,810
Then it's no longer
a mistake.
468
00:20:19,147 --> 00:20:20,136
469
00:20:21,550 --> 00:20:24,280
Gabe. He messed it up.
470
00:20:24,352 --> 00:20:25,819
He messed up
the forms, I bet.
471
00:20:27,389 --> 00:20:30,017
"I wanna mess everything up
so I can fix it
and keep my job.
472
00:20:30,492 --> 00:20:31,823
473
00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:34,920
"Good thing I'm here,
'cause I do nothing.
474
00:20:34,996 --> 00:20:37,362
"I make everybody nervous."
475
00:20:37,999 --> 00:20:39,591
Okay.
476
00:20:39,668 --> 00:20:40,692
That's your notebook?
477
00:20:41,536 --> 00:20:44,369
All right. All right.
Let's bang this out.
478
00:20:45,507 --> 00:20:46,735
Let's do it to it.
479
00:20:50,879 --> 00:20:52,540
That's the office, huh?
Mmm.
480
00:20:53,682 --> 00:20:55,172
Look at that.
481
00:20:55,350 --> 00:20:57,580
Angela's cat, yes.
482
00:20:58,386 --> 00:21:00,684
Why is Angela
taller than Dwight?
483
00:21:03,625 --> 00:21:04,990
Right. Oh.
484
00:21:05,093 --> 00:21:07,926
I wonder why it
feels like that.
485
00:21:07,996 --> 00:21:11,796
Psychiatrists
tend to be more crazy
than their patients.
486
00:21:11,866 --> 00:21:14,266
Therapists are whores.
487
00:21:14,336 --> 00:21:16,827
Psychiatry is
a narcissism machine.
488
00:21:17,772 --> 00:21:20,639
I learn more
from Dr. Seuss
than Dr. Freud.
489
00:21:20,709 --> 00:21:23,678
Earth. You don't have
to be crazy to live here.
490
00:21:23,745 --> 00:21:25,212
But it helps.
491
00:21:25,947 --> 00:21:27,812
I don't know,
just use the best one.