1
00:00:00,601 --> 00:00:01,671
Hello, Son.

2
00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:04,763
If you're watching this,
that means I'm already dead.

3
00:00:06,107 --> 00:00:08,062
Life is a... How do you
know it's gonna be a boy?

4
00:00:08,090 --> 00:00:10,867
How... Would you stop
interrupting, please?

5
00:00:11,145 --> 00:00:13,204
Yesterday,
I was scraping some gunk

6
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:15,373
off my wall sockets
with a metal fork

7
00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:18,700
and I gave myself
the nastiest shock.

8
00:00:19,854 --> 00:00:22,550
And when I came to,
I had an epiphery.

9
00:00:24,759 --> 00:00:26,083
Life is precious.

10
00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:32,755
And if I die,
I want my son

11
00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:38,372
to know the dealio.
The dealio of life.

12
00:00:39,073 --> 00:00:40,836
Here are some things
that I want to teach you

13
00:00:40,908 --> 00:00:42,603
that your mother
won't be able to.

14
00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:45,622
To jump-start a car,
first, pop the hood.

15
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:51,614
Then you take these bad boys and
clip them anywhere on the engine.

16
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:56,349
Then, you take these
and clip them wherever.

17
00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:01,929
Number eight, learn how to
take off a woman's bra.

18
00:01:02,063 --> 00:01:03,424
What...
We will demonstrate on Pam.

19
00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:04,590
No.
And...

20
00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:05,858
No.
Come on.

21
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:11,934
You just twist your hand
until something breaks.

22
00:01:12,006 --> 00:01:13,132
Ow!

23
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:15,801
Well, you get the picture.
Thanks, Pam.

24
00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:20,173
And remember, no matter what,
I will always love you.

25
00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:21,585
What if he's a murderer?

26
00:01:22,335 --> 00:01:23,812
He's not gonna be a murderer.

27
00:01:23,884 --> 00:01:25,044
Maybe that's how you die?

28
00:01:25,119 --> 00:01:28,093
You know what, Dwight,
do you want to do this or no?

29
00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:30,436
I wanna do this.
Okay.

30
00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:32,710
From the top. Ready?

31
00:01:33,226 --> 00:01:34,454
Three...
Action.

32
00:01:55,683 --> 00:01:56,914
Hello, everyone.

33
00:01:57,384 --> 00:02:01,977
As you know, we are six days
away from Phyllis' wedding.

34
00:02:03,491 --> 00:02:06,221
So get your suits to the dry
cleaners and get your hair did.

35
00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,696
And Karen,
you might wanna invest

36
00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:11,630
in a dress or
a skirt of some kind

37
00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:13,360
if you don't
already have one.

38
00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:16,096
This may be
Phyllis' only wedding ever.

39
00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:19,039
It's my job to insure that none
of you look like ragamuffins.

40
00:02:19,206 --> 00:02:24,289
So I am
instituting prima nocta.

41
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:29,188
Prima nocta, I believe,
from the movie Braveheart

42
00:02:29,524 --> 00:02:31,429
and confirmed on Wikipedia,

43
00:02:31,563 --> 00:02:34,086
is when the king got to deflower

44
00:02:34,357 --> 00:02:36,680
every new bride on
her wedding night.

45
00:02:38,726 --> 00:02:39,886
So...

46
00:02:40,995 --> 00:02:44,795
I'm sorry, I had a very
different understanding

47
00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:46,765
as to what prima nocta meant.

48
00:02:47,101 --> 00:02:49,695
I'm trying to get everyone
excited about Phyllis' wedding

49
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:53,305
because I want her to get
people excited about my wedding

50
00:02:53,541 --> 00:02:55,907
when the time comes,
which won't be hard,

51
00:02:56,180 --> 00:02:57,466
because it's
gonna be awesome.

52
00:02:57,545 --> 00:02:59,133
A lot better than hers,
that's for sure.

53
00:02:59,203 --> 00:03:00,795
It'll probably be on a boat.

54
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:03,009
What's up, spinsters?

55
00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:04,107
Nothing.

56
00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:06,000
You know,
this is a luncheon shower.

57
00:03:06,078 --> 00:03:07,112
Girls only.

58
00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:08,348
No problem.

59
00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:11,452
The guys are having a little
shindig of their own

60
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:14,336
in the warehouse
from 2:30 to 3:15.

61
00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:17,313
It is the only time
that Bob was available.

62
00:03:17,765 --> 00:03:19,164
Sort of a guys' night out.

63
00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:21,969
A G.N.O., if you will.
A gno.

64
00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:24,934
Actually, it's more
of a guys' afternoon in.

65
00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:27,496
A G.A.I. A gay.

66
00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:32,608
Not... Not... It's not gay.
It's just a...

67
00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:37,227
It's a bridal shower for guys.
A guy shower.

68
00:03:38,452 --> 00:03:40,586
An hour-long
shower with guys.

69
00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:50,853
KAREN: I guess Jim and I
have had a little bit

70
00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:53,195
of a rough patch for
the past couple weeks,

71
00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:55,667
but we had some
really good talks

72
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:59,374
and, actually now, I think
that we're better than ever.

73
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:04,234
Karen and I had
a long talk last night

74
00:04:05,212 --> 00:04:07,112
and the night before that

75
00:04:07,181 --> 00:04:13,538
and every night for
the last five nights.

76
00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:28,824
PAM: Something's up
with Jim and Karen.

77
00:04:29,503 --> 00:04:31,166
Not that I've
been eavesdropping.

78
00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:33,588
It's not really
any of my business.

79
00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:38,243
But I've gotten pretty good at
reading the back of Jim's neck.

80
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,676
Halpert!

81
00:04:40,748 --> 00:04:43,376
Tall, queer,
handsome as ever.

82
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,884
"Hey, everybody,
it's me, Jim."

83
00:04:47,755 --> 00:04:51,227
Hello, hello.
Todd Packer.

84
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:53,593
Karen Filippelli,
Jim's girlfriend.

85
00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:54,797
Shut up!
Yep.

86
00:04:55,195 --> 00:04:56,184
Shut it!

87
00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:57,230
That's rude.

88
00:04:57,298 --> 00:05:01,530
Either this chick is a dude or
Halpert got scared straight.

89
00:05:02,036 --> 00:05:03,435
MICHAEL: Yes! Yes!

90
00:05:03,504 --> 00:05:05,267
(EXCLAIMS)

91
00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:06,446
There...

92
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:08,972
What happened? What?

93
00:05:09,043 --> 00:05:10,010
Oh, God...

94
00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:12,813
Quick! Somebody help!
Help the man!

95
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:14,713
No! No! No!

96
00:05:14,782 --> 00:05:15,942
MICHAEL: I can't believe
you're not gonna be there.

97
00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,142
It's gonna be good.

98
00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:20,152
It's gonna be a great
bachelor party, man.

99
00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:21,876
TODD: I have a full day
of sales calls.

100
00:05:21,921 --> 00:05:23,081
You should get out of them.

101
00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:25,550
Oh, God.

102
00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:27,025
It's the only time
he can do it.

103
00:05:27,428 --> 00:05:30,454
2:30 to 3:15.
It's gonna be great.

104
00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:32,021
We're going to be
doing some darts,

105
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:34,033
we're gonna be
grilling up some steaks.

106
00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:38,868
Got some pie,
going to be very delicious.

107
00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:41,567
And what kind of
stripper did you get?

108
00:05:42,076 --> 00:05:44,670
I did not order a stripper.

109
00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:46,144
What do you mean you
didn't order a stripper?

110
00:05:46,212 --> 00:05:46,920
No...

111
00:05:46,991 --> 00:05:49,100
You ever even been
to a bachelor party?

112
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:53,012
(MUMBLES)

113
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:56,748
Not personally, no.

114
00:05:57,091 --> 00:06:00,322
Mike, okay. A stripper
is Bachelor Party 101.

115
00:06:00,394 --> 00:06:01,418
I... I...

116
00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:03,575
If you don't get a stripper,
your party's gonna suck.

117
00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:05,121
I can't get a stripper here.

118
00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:06,666
Sexual harassment.

119
00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:11,070
Get one for the girls, too.
That evens it out.

120
00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:12,662
Like, you know,
separate but equal.

121
00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:14,907
So that's what that means.

122
00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:17,235
Okay, everybody,
a slight change of plans.

123
00:06:17,311 --> 00:06:19,302
We are still going to
be having two parties,

124
00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:22,941
but each is going to get a
little extra dose of naughty.

125
00:06:23,317 --> 00:06:24,249
(EXCLAIMS)

126
00:06:24,318 --> 00:06:25,410
All right!

127
00:06:25,486 --> 00:06:26,510
(EXCLAIMS)

128
00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:27,713
Okay.
What?

129
00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:31,485
Okay, co-ed naked strippers
in this office, for realsies.

130
00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:33,082
Under no circumstance
should a man

131
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,025
strip off his clothes
in this office.

132
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:37,222
Shut up, Angela!

133
00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:43,670
PAM: Hey.

134
00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:44,919
Hey!

135
00:06:50,711 --> 00:06:51,843
Everything okay?

136
00:06:52,346 --> 00:06:54,327
Oh, yeah. Why?

137
00:06:55,349 --> 00:06:57,249
Well,
you seem a little tired.

138
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:03,314
Yeah, well, I guess there's
been a couple of late nights.

139
00:07:04,158 --> 00:07:06,523
Karen and I have
been up talking.

140
00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:11,247
You should get more sleep.

141
00:07:12,166 --> 00:07:13,793
Yeah, I know I should.

142
00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:16,294
Never underestimate the power
of a good night's sleep.

143
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,030
No, I'm sure you're right.

144
00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:21,541
When I get eight hours
compared to like, six hours,

145
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,286
it's like, big difference.

146
00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:24,661
Really?

147
00:07:24,913 --> 00:07:26,005
Oh, yeah.

148
00:07:26,447 --> 00:07:28,395
You've got to
get your REM cycle

149
00:07:29,183 --> 00:07:34,485
going with the whole
sleeping better than not.

150
00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:38,604
Good advice, Beesly.
Thanks.

151
00:07:38,826 --> 00:07:40,275
See you out there?
Yeah.

152
00:07:42,496 --> 00:07:44,057
Don't fall asleep
at your desk!

153
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:45,927
Oh, my God.

154
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,664
Okay. We are off.

155
00:07:48,735 --> 00:07:51,213
Ryan and I are going
to go get some supplies

156
00:07:51,405 --> 00:07:56,638
and I need you to handle
hiring the strippers.

157
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,541
Absolutely not.
I'm on it.

158
00:07:58,612 --> 00:08:00,978
Well, get on it
and make it happen.

159
00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:05,007
Ruddy cheeks, thick calves,
no tats, no moles.

160
00:08:05,452 --> 00:08:06,655
No tats.

161
00:08:07,254 --> 00:08:08,881
No, tats.
Of course, I want...

162
00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:11,117
Stop. That's disgusting.

163
00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:13,159
Leave me alone and get
the male stripper. Fine.

164
00:08:13,227 --> 00:08:14,421
I knew you would, Nancy.

165
00:08:14,495 --> 00:08:15,587
Sally.

166
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:17,922
No preference.

167
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,989
What do you think,
redhead or brunette?

168
00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:22,397
Blonde.

169
00:08:22,964 --> 00:08:24,226
Nice.

170
00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:27,671
Do you have any blonde women?

171
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:35,542
He hasn't even
said a word yet.

172
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:36,845
Just giggling.

173
00:08:40,888 --> 00:08:42,913
Got you. Got... Whoa!

174
00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:45,120
(CELL PHONE RINGING)

175
00:08:49,308 --> 00:08:50,288
Yes?

176
00:08:50,364 --> 00:08:51,129
JIM: Are you okay?

177
00:08:51,183 --> 00:08:53,660
I'm in...
I'm in the sex shop.

178
00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:54,928
Got you.

179
00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:56,735
Okay, so they
have Albert Einstein,

180
00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:59,533
Ben Franklin or
SpongeBob SquarePants.

181
00:08:59,606 --> 00:09:00,691
SquarePants?

182
00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:02,316
Yep, SpongeBob SquarePants.

183
00:09:03,477 --> 00:09:04,774
And you think
that'd be sexy?

184
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:09,276
Michael referred me to a male
strip club called Banana Slings.

185
00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:13,621
Instead, I called the Scholastic
Speakers of Pennsylvania.

186
00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:16,718
FRANKLIN:
Hold the door, please!

187
00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:18,724
Thank you.

188
00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:20,316
Hello.
Hello.

189
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,259
You wearing a thong?

190
00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:24,322
What?

191
00:09:27,068 --> 00:09:29,161
Sparkling cider is very good.

192
00:09:29,604 --> 00:09:31,044
I think that's champagne.

193
00:09:31,806 --> 00:09:32,966
MICHAEL: Hello, ladies.

194
00:09:33,608 --> 00:09:35,661
Who, here, is a history buff?

195
00:09:36,130 --> 00:09:37,104
I.

196
00:09:37,178 --> 00:09:39,510
Who's a fan of buff naked?

197
00:09:41,382 --> 00:09:42,857
Without further ado,

198
00:09:43,484 --> 00:09:49,252
the one, the only, the sexy,
Mr. Benjamin Franklin!

199
00:09:50,091 --> 00:09:52,719
Thank you for that
introduction, Mr. Scott!

200
00:09:52,794 --> 00:09:57,959
And good afternoon, fine
gentlewomen of Dunder Mifflin.

201
00:09:59,434 --> 00:10:01,629
Half pants, right,
Mr. Franklin?

202
00:10:01,703 --> 00:10:02,931
Knickers, in fact. Yes.

203
00:10:03,004 --> 00:10:04,750
He's in his knickers.

204
00:10:05,039 --> 00:10:08,475
Mr. Franklin,
I would say you are probably

205
00:10:08,543 --> 00:10:10,841
one of the sexiest
presidents ever.

206
00:10:10,912 --> 00:10:14,164
Well, actually,
I never was President.

207
00:10:15,049 --> 00:10:17,074
Yes, but Ben Franklin was.

208
00:10:20,121 --> 00:10:23,955
I'm here to teach you
a little bit about my life

209
00:10:24,025 --> 00:10:26,493
and the era of
the Founding Fathers...

210
00:10:26,561 --> 00:10:27,585
(CLEARING THROAT)

211
00:10:28,563 --> 00:10:31,108
And when they came
over on the Mayflower.

212
00:10:33,768 --> 00:10:36,669
Wait.
This is the entertainment?

213
00:10:36,738 --> 00:10:39,571
Yeah, all right, so,
I want you to give him

214
00:10:39,641 --> 00:10:41,199
your undivided attention.

215
00:10:41,275 --> 00:10:44,802
And Mr. Franklin. If any
of these ladies misbehave,

216
00:10:44,879 --> 00:10:47,382
I give you
permission to spank them,

217
00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:49,133
especially that one.

218
00:10:53,421 --> 00:10:55,116
Have you ever
seen a stripper before?

219
00:10:55,189 --> 00:10:56,315
Yes.

220
00:10:56,958 --> 00:10:59,119
Jennifer Garner
portrayed one on Alias.

221
00:10:59,193 --> 00:11:00,965
It was one of
her many aliases.

222
00:11:01,362 --> 00:11:02,488
Yeah, me neither.

223
00:11:02,563 --> 00:11:03,587
Hey.
Hi.

224
00:11:03,665 --> 00:11:06,463
I'm Elizabeth. I'm the
dancer that was requested.

225
00:11:06,534 --> 00:11:07,543
Okay.

226
00:11:08,636 --> 00:11:11,104
I specifically
ordered a stripper.

227
00:11:11,673 --> 00:11:12,935
I'm the stripper.

228
00:11:13,007 --> 00:11:14,304
Oh, okay. Good.

229
00:11:14,442 --> 00:11:16,933
Well, in the future, please
identify yourself as such.

230
00:11:17,011 --> 00:11:18,638
Oh, God.
Okay.

231
00:11:18,813 --> 00:11:20,280
"Is she hot?"

232
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:27,917
Text back, "Kind of."

233
00:11:29,457 --> 00:11:33,018
It was a warm
June evening in 1752,

234
00:11:33,094 --> 00:11:35,392
the night of my
fateful kite flight...

235
00:11:35,463 --> 00:11:36,691
Mr. Franklin?
Yes.

236
00:11:36,764 --> 00:11:38,026
Do you have a girlfriend?

237
00:11:38,099 --> 00:11:40,177
I have a lovely wife,
Deborah.

238
00:11:40,501 --> 00:11:42,966
But don't you also
have girlfriends in Paris?

239
00:11:44,305 --> 00:11:45,795
Like, a lot of them?

240
00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:49,138
Well, that is
a gray area of my life.

241
00:11:49,343 --> 00:11:53,044
Okay? So it was
a warm June evening...

242
00:11:54,048 --> 00:11:55,317
Look at that.

243
00:11:55,708 --> 00:11:58,130
Nothing like grilling
in the great outdoors.

244
00:11:59,620 --> 00:12:01,896
Is it the same grill
you grilled your foot on?

245
00:12:02,323 --> 00:12:03,396
No.

246
00:12:04,435 --> 00:12:05,872
Yes, but I got
all the foot off of it.

247
00:12:05,957 --> 00:12:07,049
Oh, gross.

248
00:12:07,187 --> 00:12:08,916
Okay, Ben Franklin.

249
00:12:11,566 --> 00:12:14,399
Ben Franklin tied
a cherry stem in his mouth!

250
00:12:14,469 --> 00:12:17,563
Well, that is because
I am a Renaissance man.

251
00:12:17,638 --> 00:12:21,880
Ben Franklin? Do you wear
boxers, briefs or pantaloons?

252
00:12:23,077 --> 00:12:26,308
Well, you're very saucy.

253
00:12:30,118 --> 00:12:33,952
Guys! Beef,
it's what's for dinner.

254
00:12:35,209 --> 00:12:36,574
Who wants some man meat?

255
00:12:36,644 --> 00:12:38,267
I do! I want some man meat!

256
00:12:38,326 --> 00:12:39,987
Michael, Dwight
would like your man meat.

257
00:12:40,061 --> 00:12:42,735
Well, then,
my man meat he shall have.

258
00:12:43,631 --> 00:12:45,121
There you go.

259
00:12:45,900 --> 00:12:47,424
Deliciosity.

260
00:12:47,502 --> 00:12:48,594
Of course.

261
00:12:48,669 --> 00:12:49,860
Here we go.

262
00:12:50,738 --> 00:12:54,504
So I guess, you have the Ben
Franklin wig and the costume

263
00:12:54,575 --> 00:12:56,941
and you figure, "How can I
put this to practical use?"

264
00:12:57,011 --> 00:12:58,535
Well, I'd like to
think that his dad

265
00:12:58,613 --> 00:13:00,274
was a Ben Franklin
impersonator,

266
00:13:00,548 --> 00:13:03,319
and he really
pressured him into it.

267
00:13:04,685 --> 00:13:07,347
Hey, I wanted to talk to you.

268
00:13:07,421 --> 00:13:10,049
I know this is
weird or whatever,

269
00:13:10,292 --> 00:13:12,954
but Jim told me
about you guys.

270
00:13:13,828 --> 00:13:14,920
What do you mean?

271
00:13:15,363 --> 00:13:16,686
Well, that you kissed.

272
00:13:17,465 --> 00:13:20,195
And we talked it through
and it's totally fine.

273
00:13:20,268 --> 00:13:22,623
It's not a big deal,
it's just a kiss.

274
00:13:25,239 --> 00:13:27,754
But you're not
still interested in him?

275
00:13:28,209 --> 00:13:29,246
Oh, yeah.

276
00:13:30,645 --> 00:13:31,746
Really?

277
00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:36,027
Oh, no! I was
confused by your phrasing.

278
00:13:36,384 --> 00:13:38,147
You should definitely
go out with Jim.

279
00:13:38,512 --> 00:13:39,910
I mean,
you're going out with Jim.

280
00:13:40,154 --> 00:13:41,644
I'm not going out with Jim.

281
00:13:41,722 --> 00:13:43,815
You're dating him,
which is awesome,

282
00:13:43,856 --> 00:13:45,410
because you guys
are great together.

283
00:13:46,285 --> 00:13:47,320
Okay.

284
00:13:47,395 --> 00:13:48,953
And I'm not into Jim.

285
00:13:49,564 --> 00:13:50,724
Yeah.

286
00:13:51,575 --> 00:13:53,387
So, well, good.

287
00:13:53,972 --> 00:13:55,074
Yeah.

288
00:13:56,470 --> 00:13:57,488
Sorry.

289
00:13:58,506 --> 00:13:59,793
What are you sorry about?

290
00:14:02,301 --> 00:14:03,210
What?

291
00:14:03,277 --> 00:14:04,707
What are you sorry about?

292
00:14:05,713 --> 00:14:08,231
Nothing. I was just
thinking of something else.

293
00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:12,682
Okay, the game is No-Limit
Deuce-To-Seven Lowball.

294
00:14:12,753 --> 00:14:15,187
Blinds 25l50.
Nickels are worth 10,

295
00:14:15,256 --> 00:14:18,225
dimes, 25, and quarters, 50.
Nothing wild.

296
00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:21,159
I call shuffle! Here we go.

297
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:26,965
Michael...

298
00:14:29,937 --> 00:14:33,065
Gentlemen,
the entertainment is here.

299
00:14:33,140 --> 00:14:35,594
Everybody, I'd like to
introduce you to Elizabeth.

300
00:14:36,043 --> 00:14:37,237
Hi, guys.

301
00:14:37,311 --> 00:14:38,471
That's a nice outfit.

302
00:14:38,546 --> 00:14:41,305
I hear there's
an important meeting here.

303
00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:44,969
I'm not really
into strippers.

304
00:14:45,553 --> 00:14:48,147
You know what I find sexy?
Pam's art.

305
00:14:48,789 --> 00:14:51,446
She's an artist
and I appreciate that.

306
00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:58,189
It's very moving
and sexy, the art.

307
00:14:59,533 --> 00:15:00,697
Hit it!

308
00:15:01,035 --> 00:15:02,986
(MUSIC PLAYING)

309
00:15:05,373 --> 00:15:06,736
So where's the groom?

310
00:15:06,771 --> 00:15:08,939
Oh, he's right there.

311
00:15:09,076 --> 00:15:10,236
There he is.

312
00:15:10,311 --> 00:15:11,403
Absolutely not.

313
00:15:11,946 --> 00:15:13,777
That's all you,
that's all you.

314
00:15:15,016 --> 00:15:17,064
Okay! All right, I'll do it.

315
00:15:17,718 --> 00:15:20,564
Yeah, let's do it!
Let's do this thing.

316
00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:21,977
Yeah? What do I...

317
00:15:22,056 --> 00:15:23,306
Just sit on down.

318
00:15:23,376 --> 00:15:24,853
All right.
All right.

319
00:15:24,926 --> 00:15:26,291
Okay.
Here we go.

320
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:27,822
Oh, here we go. All right!

321
00:15:27,908 --> 00:15:28,619
Yes!

322
00:15:28,696 --> 00:15:30,027
(WHOOPING)

323
00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:32,189
Not bad! Not bad!

324
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,391
You smell nice, like Tide.

325
00:15:34,502 --> 00:15:36,094
What's that?

326
00:15:36,470 --> 00:15:38,400
You smell like
Tide detergent.

327
00:15:39,340 --> 00:15:41,365
Do you use Tide detergent?

328
00:15:46,681 --> 00:15:48,273
I have a girlfriend, so...

329
00:15:48,392 --> 00:15:50,019
I bet she'd be jealous!

330
00:15:51,686 --> 00:15:54,246
Yeah, she probably...
Yeah, she would be.

331
00:15:54,322 --> 00:15:55,812
You know what?
Okay. Excuse me.

332
00:15:55,890 --> 00:15:57,915
This is sick, please.
Stop it, stop it.

333
00:15:57,992 --> 00:15:59,323
Turn off the music,
because this is wrong.

334
00:15:59,393 --> 00:16:01,190
This is wrong! This is wrong.

335
00:16:03,297 --> 00:16:05,925
I have a girlfriend. I...

336
00:16:07,068 --> 00:16:08,057
And you are engaged

337
00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:11,300
and I'm sure you have a boyfriend
in prison or something, so...

338
00:16:12,106 --> 00:16:15,355
Let's just clear out, okay?
Shame on you.

339
00:16:17,745 --> 00:16:18,980
Go back to work!

340
00:16:21,717 --> 00:16:23,651
Elizabeth,
I want you to sit here.

341
00:16:23,719 --> 00:16:25,254
When the phone rings,
answer it.

342
00:16:25,620 --> 00:16:28,988
You want me to answer phones
with my clothes on?

343
00:16:29,658 --> 00:16:33,059
We hired you for three hours'
work, and we're gonna get it.

344
00:16:38,232 --> 00:16:39,871
I love your poster.

345
00:16:41,636 --> 00:16:42,902
Thank you.

346
00:16:53,348 --> 00:16:55,439
You know,
I invented electricity.

347
00:16:55,845 --> 00:16:56,810
I know.

348
00:16:56,885 --> 00:17:00,082
Well, I'm sensing a little
electricity right here.

349
00:17:01,323 --> 00:17:03,439
Didn't Ben Franklin
have syphilis?

350
00:17:04,259 --> 00:17:06,625
Yes, but I don't.

351
00:17:07,596 --> 00:17:09,158
My name is Gordon.

352
00:17:11,433 --> 00:17:14,231
On one hand, I want to be honest
with Jan and tell her the truth.

353
00:17:14,302 --> 00:17:16,814
On the other hand, I'm
afraid she's gonna dump me.

354
00:17:18,073 --> 00:17:21,291
You know, Michael, I fathered
an illegitimate son.

355
00:17:21,310 --> 00:17:22,095
Really?

356
00:17:22,119 --> 00:17:24,939
But I kept all this
from my wife, Deborah.

357
00:17:25,047 --> 00:17:27,914
These things only serve
to upset the women.

358
00:17:28,483 --> 00:17:30,416
They are the gentler sex.

359
00:17:31,887 --> 00:17:32,876
Wow.

360
00:17:33,955 --> 00:17:36,617
Ben Franklin, you're really
kind of a sleazebag.

361
00:17:40,162 --> 00:17:41,188
Stripper?

362
00:17:41,496 --> 00:17:44,016
Could I ask you
a question about women?

363
00:17:47,502 --> 00:17:50,461
Should I tell my girlfriend
that you danced up on me?

364
00:17:54,776 --> 00:17:57,468
"Secrets, secrets are no fun.

365
00:17:57,679 --> 00:18:00,671
"Secrets,
secrets hurt someone."

366
00:18:02,517 --> 00:18:03,506
Wow.

367
00:18:05,342 --> 00:18:06,492
Thank you.

368
00:18:10,309 --> 00:18:11,445
Care for
a piece of chocolate?

369
00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:13,915
Chocolate?
Where did you acquire it?

370
00:18:13,995 --> 00:18:15,622
That is a delicacy
in the Amazon,

371
00:18:15,697 --> 00:18:18,609
but it has not yet been
imported to the United States.

372
00:18:19,201 --> 00:18:20,930
Who is the king of Austria?
Joseph II.

373
00:18:21,002 --> 00:18:22,731
Who is the king of Prussia?
Friedrich Wilhelm III.

374
00:18:22,804 --> 00:18:24,101
Who is the king of England?

375
00:18:24,172 --> 00:18:26,640
Why, the tyrant,
King George, of course!

376
00:18:27,075 --> 00:18:28,440
I don't care what Jim says.

377
00:18:28,510 --> 00:18:30,843
That is not
the real Ben Franklin.

378
00:18:30,979 --> 00:18:33,209
I am 99% sure.

379
00:18:34,249 --> 00:18:37,878
JAN: Michael, I left
a meeting. What is so urgent?

380
00:18:37,953 --> 00:18:40,217
Are you... Are you okay?

381
00:18:41,317 --> 00:18:42,351
Not really.

382
00:18:43,058 --> 00:18:45,937
Look, I don't know how to
say this, so I just will.

383
00:18:46,094 --> 00:18:47,118
Okay.

384
00:18:47,195 --> 00:18:51,825
I went to a bachelor party

385
00:18:53,468 --> 00:18:55,708
and things got
a little out of hand.

386
00:18:57,739 --> 00:19:00,367
When... When did...
When, last night?

387
00:19:00,775 --> 00:19:02,138
No, today at work.

388
00:19:02,644 --> 00:19:03,804
You went to
a bachelor party at work?

389
00:19:03,879 --> 00:19:06,074
Yes, I kind of arranged it.

390
00:19:06,414 --> 00:19:08,245
Well, I don't even think
the stripper was that hot.

391
00:19:08,316 --> 00:19:10,079
Did you guys
think she was hot?

392
00:19:10,152 --> 00:19:11,278
Kelly, don't do this.

393
00:19:11,353 --> 00:19:12,445
Do what?
I just asked you a question.

394
00:19:12,521 --> 00:19:13,943
You know
what you're doing.

395
00:19:14,356 --> 00:19:17,966
Anyway, you know who was totally
flirting with Ben Franklin? Pam.

396
00:19:18,393 --> 00:19:21,328
Really? Looks like
I hired the right guy.

397
00:19:21,396 --> 00:19:24,013
I'm glad. Any real
potential there, Beesly?

398
00:19:25,300 --> 00:19:26,733
Yeah, right.

399
00:19:27,802 --> 00:19:29,474
God, I need a boyfriend.

400
00:19:32,274 --> 00:19:33,298
You know, Ryan, I'm...

401
00:19:33,375 --> 00:19:34,603
I'm totally
ready to be set up

402
00:19:34,668 --> 00:19:36,278
with one of your
business school friends.

403
00:19:36,444 --> 00:19:37,468
Whenever.

404
00:19:37,546 --> 00:19:38,672
RYAN: Okay.

405
00:19:41,616 --> 00:19:44,585
Oh, my God, I would get
so fat if I worked here.

406
00:19:44,653 --> 00:19:46,917
Yeah? I lose
my appetite all the time.

407
00:19:48,523 --> 00:19:49,922
You could strip, you know.

408
00:19:50,625 --> 00:19:51,821
Thanks.

409
00:19:52,260 --> 00:19:53,921
So you don't want to
end our relationship?

410
00:19:54,062 --> 00:19:55,571
I'm closer to firing you.

411
00:19:55,797 --> 00:19:57,461
That is so sweet.

412
00:19:58,632 --> 00:20:01,547
You are the best GD girlfriend 
in the world. Do you know that?

413
00:20:01,610 --> 00:20:03,134
I'll talk to you later.

414
00:20:03,205 --> 00:20:04,467
You are. You are.

415
00:20:04,573 --> 00:20:07,041
So you know who turned out
to be kind of a creep?

416
00:20:08,310 --> 00:20:09,586
Ben Franklin.

417
00:20:10,645 --> 00:20:15,711
And, Elizabeth, the stripper, gave
me great advice which rhymed.

418
00:20:17,886 --> 00:20:22,448
It really makes you wonder how Ben
Franklin can become President,

419
00:20:22,524 --> 00:20:25,031
but someone like
Elizabeth can't.

420
00:20:27,863 --> 00:20:29,763
Are you near-sighted
or far-sighted?

421
00:20:29,832 --> 00:20:32,528
Both. That's why I
invented the bifocals.

422
00:20:32,602 --> 00:20:34,352
(EXCLAIMS)