1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:02,834 --> 00:00:05,354
She's absolutely adorable!
2
00:00:05,434 --> 00:00:06,465
He.
3
00:00:07,283 --> 00:00:08,331
Oh, sorry.
4
00:00:08,980 --> 00:00:10,377
He's dressed all in pink.
5
00:00:10,407 --> 00:00:11,900
That's his favorite color.
6
00:00:12,932 --> 00:00:14,276
That's... fun for him.
7
00:00:14,397 --> 00:00:15,488
Fantastic.
8
00:00:17,155 --> 00:00:19,216
Look at that. How cute!
9
00:00:19,276 --> 00:00:20,428
Thank you.
10
00:00:21,034 --> 00:00:22,559
- May I?
- Sure.
11
00:00:26,704 --> 00:00:28,744
Look at me! I'm a baby!
12
00:00:28,976 --> 00:00:31,401
I'm one of those babies
from "Look Who's Talking".
13
00:00:31,441 --> 00:00:32,582
What am I thinking?
14
00:00:33,865 --> 00:00:35,017
Look at all those staplers.
15
00:00:35,057 --> 00:00:37,411
What's a stapler?
I don't even know. I'm a baby.
16
00:00:37,512 --> 00:00:38,522
Hey, Mom!
17
00:00:38,722 --> 00:00:39,722
I'm thirsty.
18
00:00:40,535 --> 00:00:42,007
I'm thirsty, Mama!
19
00:00:42,098 --> 00:00:43,315
I want some milk.
20
00:00:43,396 --> 00:00:45,729
And you know where milk comes from?
21
00:00:46,412 --> 00:00:47,412
Breasts!
22
00:00:55,070 --> 00:00:55,169
T
23
00:00:55,170 --> 00:00:55,269
Tr
24
00:00:55,270 --> 00:00:55,369
Tra
25
00:00:55,370 --> 00:00:55,469
Tran
26
00:00:55,470 --> 00:00:55,569
Trans
27
00:00:55,570 --> 00:00:55,669
Transc
28
00:00:55,670 --> 00:00:55,769
Transcr
29
00:00:55,770 --> 00:00:55,869
Transcri
30
00:00:55,870 --> 00:00:55,969
Transcrip
31
00:00:55,970 --> 00:00:56,069
Transcript
32
00:00:56,070 --> 00:00:56,169
Transcript
33
00:00:56,170 --> 00:00:56,269
Transcript :
34
00:00:56,270 --> 00:00:56,369
Transcript :
35
00:00:56,370 --> 00:00:56,469
Transcript : S
36
00:00:56,470 --> 00:00:56,569
Transcript : Su
37
00:00:56,570 --> 00:00:56,669
Transcript : Sub
38
00:00:56,670 --> 00:00:56,769
Transcript : Sub-
39
00:00:56,770 --> 00:00:56,869
Transcript : Sub-W
40
00:00:56,870 --> 00:00:56,969
Transcript : Sub-Wa
41
00:00:56,970 --> 00:00:57,069
Transcript : Sub-Way
44
00:00:57,270 --> 00:00:57,369
Transcript : Sub-Way
Syn
45
00:00:57,370 --> 00:00:57,469
Transcript : Sub-Way
Sync
46
00:00:57,470 --> 00:00:57,569
Transcript : Sub-Way
Synch
47
00:00:57,570 --> 00:00:57,669
Transcript : Sub-Way
Synchr
48
00:00:57,670 --> 00:00:57,769
Transcript : Sub-Way
Synchro
49
00:00:57,770 --> 00:00:57,869
Transcript : Sub-Way
Synchro
50
00:00:57,870 --> 00:00:57,969
Transcript : Sub-Way
Synchro :
51
00:00:57,970 --> 00:00:58,069
Transcript : Sub-Way
Synchro :
52
00:00:58,070 --> 00:00:58,169
Transcript : Sub-Way
Synchro : D
53
00:00:58,170 --> 00:00:58,269
Transcript : Sub-Way
Synchro : Da
54
00:00:58,270 --> 00:00:58,369
Transcript : Sub-Way
Synchro : Dar
55
00:00:58,370 --> 00:00:58,469
Transcript : Sub-Way
Synchro : DarK
56
00:00:58,470 --> 00:00:58,569
Transcript : Sub-Way
Synchro : DarKs
57
00:00:58,570 --> 00:01:01,570
Transcript : Sub-Way
Synchro : DarKsh
58
00:01:23,177 --> 00:01:24,828
- Hey!
- Hey.
59
00:01:27,444 --> 00:01:28,595
Almost done ?
60
00:01:29,484 --> 00:01:31,272
Just about, yeah.
61
00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:33,626
Now.
62
00:01:33,848 --> 00:01:36,313
Yes, I've started to see Karen.
63
00:01:36,414 --> 00:01:37,556
It's very new.
64
00:01:37,859 --> 00:01:38,909
And...
65
00:01:39,062 --> 00:01:41,022
I'm not really ready
to talk about it openly yet
66
00:01:41,062 --> 00:01:43,719
just because I think
once the word gets out there,
67
00:01:44,052 --> 00:01:46,860
it might affect the way people
behave around us, or...
68
00:01:48,228 --> 00:01:49,278
I don't know.
69
00:01:50,195 --> 00:01:51,195
Just not yet.
70
00:01:52,319 --> 00:01:54,804
Yeah, Jan, it...
71
00:01:55,067 --> 00:01:56,208
looks like a check.
72
00:01:56,249 --> 00:01:57,821
A piece of paper of some sort.
73
00:01:57,966 --> 00:01:59,299
- A receipt.
- Jan?
74
00:01:59,350 --> 00:02:01,299
This is Angela Martin from accounting.
75
00:02:01,693 --> 00:02:04,066
Look, we have a rebate from
76
00:02:04,097 --> 00:02:07,086
the Federal Work Opportunity Program,
and no one knows what that means.
77
00:02:07,177 --> 00:02:09,571
We get that money
for hiring an ex-convict.
78
00:02:10,490 --> 00:02:12,061
I didn't hire an ex-convict.
79
00:02:12,975 --> 00:02:14,345
Unless they mean Toby.
80
00:02:15,016 --> 00:02:16,329
Convicted rapist.
81
00:02:18,067 --> 00:02:19,197
I'm just kidding.
82
00:02:20,198 --> 00:02:22,402
- When did the check come?
- Last week.
83
00:02:22,554 --> 00:02:24,059
That's when the branches merged,
84
00:02:24,099 --> 00:02:26,362
so Josh must've been
taking advantage of this program.
85
00:02:26,463 --> 00:02:27,473
Smart move.
86
00:02:27,523 --> 00:02:29,463
One of the Stamford people
is a criminal?
87
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:32,783
Hey, Jan, speaking of Stamford,
Hannah brought in her baby.
88
00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:35,978
Jan, which one
of new employees is a criminal?
89
00:02:36,250 --> 00:02:37,675
A reformed convict.
90
00:02:37,833 --> 00:02:39,341
And I'm not sure.
91
00:02:39,523 --> 00:02:42,139
Though hang on. Let me email our H.R.
Stay on the line.
92
00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:43,786
Who is it?
93
00:02:45,008 --> 00:02:46,008
Hannah?
94
00:02:47,773 --> 00:02:48,773
Andy?
95
00:02:49,585 --> 00:02:50,585
Andy...
96
00:02:52,585 --> 00:02:53,585
Martin?
97
00:02:54,746 --> 00:02:56,443
You are such a racist.
98
00:02:56,503 --> 00:02:57,645
Wait, why am I a racist?
99
00:02:57,675 --> 00:02:59,438
Because you think he's black.
100
00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:01,331
He is black...
101
00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:03,715
- ... right?
- Stop it. Just stop...
102
00:03:03,796 --> 00:03:05,220
Just stop it right now!
103
00:03:05,331 --> 00:03:07,210
Okay, it's someone named Martin Nash.
104
00:03:07,261 --> 00:03:08,261
Yeah!
105
00:03:09,412 --> 00:03:11,998
Why did a convict
have to be a black guy?
106
00:03:12,624 --> 00:03:15,280
It is such a stereotype.
107
00:03:16,008 --> 00:03:19,079
I just wish that Josh had made
a more progressive choice,
108
00:03:19,251 --> 00:03:20,392
like a white guy...
109
00:03:22,150 --> 00:03:24,796
who went to prison for...
110
00:03:25,251 --> 00:03:27,200
polluting a black guy's lake.
111
00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:30,604
I wonder what he did.
112
00:03:30,675 --> 00:03:32,401
In our society...
113
00:03:33,169 --> 00:03:36,957
a black man
can be arrested for almost anything.
114
00:03:38,876 --> 00:03:41,320
He was probably at a sporting event
115
00:03:41,714 --> 00:03:44,138
and saw some people pushing each other.
116
00:03:44,835 --> 00:03:46,250
And he intervened.
117
00:03:47,381 --> 00:03:48,944
Why would anyone go to jail for that?
118
00:03:48,977 --> 00:03:50,543
So...
119
00:03:51,593 --> 00:03:53,219
What we need to do
120
00:03:53,593 --> 00:03:54,946
is to forget
121
00:03:55,229 --> 00:03:57,684
about this whole
"Martin in prison" thing.
122
00:03:57,898 --> 00:04:02,381
People will draw further conclusions
about Martin and/or black people.
123
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:03,978
- Cool.
- Okay.
124
00:04:06,502 --> 00:04:07,502
Ingela?
125
00:04:08,886 --> 00:04:09,957
Sure.
126
00:04:10,644 --> 00:04:12,209
Let's protect the convicts
127
00:04:12,654 --> 00:04:16,118
at the expense of the general feeling
of safety in the workplace.
128
00:04:16,219 --> 00:04:18,835
As a 90-pound female
that sits in an ill-lit,
129
00:04:19,118 --> 00:04:21,047
rarely-visited corner of the office,
130
00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:23,340
naturally I agree with that.
131
00:04:24,024 --> 00:04:25,024
Good.
132
00:04:25,391 --> 00:04:26,391
All right.
133
00:04:32,768 --> 00:04:34,809
- Jim Halpert.
- I am so horny.
134
00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:41,687
Okay, I can't help you with that.
135
00:04:42,394 --> 00:04:44,465
Oh, I think you can, Big Tuna.
136
00:04:46,162 --> 00:04:48,580
Tell me about that Indian chick, Kelly.
137
00:04:48,965 --> 00:04:51,935
She seems pretty slutty,
good for a romp in the sack.
138
00:04:52,177 --> 00:04:54,915
She is dating Ryan, I think.
139
00:04:55,289 --> 00:04:57,157
Oh, and I care why?
140
00:04:57,511 --> 00:04:58,965
She's high maintenance.
141
00:04:59,006 --> 00:05:01,177
Next. How about...
142
00:05:07,866 --> 00:05:10,061
Blondes are more fun.
Come on, trust me on that.
143
00:05:10,193 --> 00:05:11,246
Yeah, trust me.
144
00:05:11,263 --> 00:05:13,181
That would be fun for no one.
145
00:05:14,425 --> 00:05:15,981
- Okay, fine.
- Okay.
146
00:05:16,153 --> 00:05:17,557
Pam, the receptionist.
147
00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:19,495
Pam...
148
00:05:20,577 --> 00:05:21,734
Should I go for it?
149
00:05:28,824 --> 00:05:30,562
Absolutely you should.
150
00:05:31,006 --> 00:05:32,182
Jackpot.
151
00:05:32,299 --> 00:05:33,350
Just...
152
00:05:33,471 --> 00:05:34,915
- Try to be cool.
- I am cool.
153
00:05:35,128 --> 00:05:37,299
- Are you cool really?
- I'm so cool.
154
00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:38,764
Tell me what's going on.
155
00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:42,360
Martin...
156
00:05:42,775 --> 00:05:43,876
from Stamford
157
00:05:44,068 --> 00:05:46,078
was at one time
158
00:05:46,482 --> 00:05:47,522
in prison.
159
00:05:51,146 --> 00:05:53,055
No, Dwight.
Be cool! Be cool.
160
00:05:53,106 --> 00:05:57,197
I am greatly concerned
about having a convict in the office.
161
00:05:57,632 --> 00:06:00,672
And I do not care
if that convict is white, black,
162
00:06:00,783 --> 00:06:02,419
Asian, German,
163
00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:04,197
or some kind of halfsie.
164
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,601
I do not like criminals.
165
00:06:19,496 --> 00:06:20,597
Oh, God.
166
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:26,021
All righty, let's get started.
167
00:06:26,071 --> 00:06:27,465
What is she into?
168
00:06:27,712 --> 00:06:29,112
I know Pam pretty well.
169
00:06:29,263 --> 00:06:32,375
I know the things that she likes,
and just as important,
170
00:06:32,577 --> 00:06:34,304
I know the things that she hates.
171
00:06:34,385 --> 00:06:36,905
So one of the things
that she likes is pranks.
172
00:06:37,648 --> 00:06:39,749
And things that she hates...
173
00:06:40,982 --> 00:06:42,540
Frisbee-based competitions.
174
00:06:42,618 --> 00:06:43,749
Are you kidding?
175
00:06:44,184 --> 00:06:47,658
I started the main
Frisbee Golf Club at Cornell
176
00:06:47,911 --> 00:06:49,083
where I went to college.
177
00:06:49,194 --> 00:06:50,477
I live to frolf.
178
00:06:51,041 --> 00:06:52,041
Lead off with at.
179
00:06:53,082 --> 00:06:54,294
She loves hunting.
180
00:06:54,850 --> 00:06:58,012
She also loves those ads for Six Flags
181
00:06:58,254 --> 00:06:59,254
with the old guy.
182
00:07:00,770 --> 00:07:01,780
Got it.
183
00:07:02,385 --> 00:07:03,385
Also...
184
00:07:04,557 --> 00:07:05,759
Do you speak pig Latin?
185
00:07:06,123 --> 00:07:07,123
Hey, Martin.
186
00:07:07,214 --> 00:07:08,931
- How's it going?
- Good.
187
00:07:09,682 --> 00:07:10,879
Getting settled, you know.
188
00:07:10,940 --> 00:07:12,374
Good, good.
189
00:07:13,869 --> 00:07:14,869
Just a second.
190
00:07:14,980 --> 00:07:17,465
Everybody,
may I have your attention please?
191
00:07:18,303 --> 00:07:21,423
I realize that lot of you
have already heard
192
00:07:21,605 --> 00:07:22,949
that Martin here
193
00:07:23,312 --> 00:07:25,110
has had some trouble with the law.
194
00:07:25,504 --> 00:07:27,686
But I just want to declare publicly
195
00:07:27,727 --> 00:07:30,979
that I trust him completely.
196
00:07:31,373 --> 00:07:33,867
And that anybody who doesn't
197
00:07:33,978 --> 00:07:35,968
is an ignorant, dumb
198
00:07:36,554 --> 00:07:38,069
person, okay?
199
00:07:38,150 --> 00:07:41,291
As a matter of fact,
you show me a white man you trust,
200
00:07:41,331 --> 00:07:43,766
and I will show you a black man
201
00:07:43,836 --> 00:07:45,261
that I trust even more!
202
00:07:46,180 --> 00:07:48,372
Pam, tell me a white person you trust.
203
00:07:49,180 --> 00:07:50,242
My dad.
204
00:07:51,118 --> 00:07:52,118
Danny Glover.
205
00:07:53,847 --> 00:07:55,370
- Yeah?
- Jonas Salk.
206
00:07:55,746 --> 00:07:57,123
- Who?
- Justin Timberlake.
207
00:07:58,204 --> 00:07:59,619
Please. Colin Powell!
208
00:07:59,679 --> 00:08:00,941
- Hey, I got one.
- Yeah?
209
00:08:00,996 --> 00:08:01,996
Jesus.
210
00:08:02,556 --> 00:08:03,779
Apollo Creed.
211
00:08:05,941 --> 00:08:07,009
Close your eyes.
212
00:08:07,448 --> 00:08:08,829
Picture a convict.
213
00:08:10,112 --> 00:08:11,258
What's he wearing?
214
00:08:12,374 --> 00:08:15,818
Nothing special :
baseball cap on backward, baggy pants.
215
00:08:16,425 --> 00:08:18,142
He says something ordinary like :
216
00:08:18,233 --> 00:08:19,839
"Yo, that's shizzle."
217
00:08:21,364 --> 00:08:23,203
Now slowly open your eyes again.
218
00:08:24,385 --> 00:08:25,718
Who were you picturing?
219
00:08:26,134 --> 00:08:27,134
A black man?
220
00:08:28,283 --> 00:08:29,283
Wrong.
221
00:08:29,333 --> 00:08:30,605
That was a white woman.
222
00:08:32,947 --> 00:08:33,947
Surprised?
223
00:08:35,612 --> 00:08:37,440
Well, shame on you.
224
00:08:38,098 --> 00:08:39,108
So...
225
00:08:39,239 --> 00:08:40,936
You all wanna know what I was in for?
226
00:08:40,987 --> 00:08:42,987
No! That's not cool.
227
00:08:43,411 --> 00:08:44,583
You don't have to tell them.
228
00:08:44,947 --> 00:08:46,118
I real don't mind.
229
00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:47,878
It was a stupid mistake.
230
00:08:49,401 --> 00:08:50,722
I was working in finance,
231
00:08:50,792 --> 00:08:53,853
and I got involved
in some insider trading.
232
00:08:54,237 --> 00:08:57,398
So I spent a little time in the clink.
233
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,580
That is awesome.
234
00:09:04,206 --> 00:09:07,085
I had Martin explain to me three times
235
00:09:07,126 --> 00:09:10,004
what he got arrested for, because...
236
00:09:11,610 --> 00:09:13,570
it sounds an awful lot
237
00:09:13,661 --> 00:09:15,438
like what I do here
238
00:09:15,671 --> 00:09:17,348
every day.
239
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:19,901
What was prison like?
240
00:09:20,095 --> 00:09:21,519
Not terrible.
241
00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:24,287
Boring.
We do the same thing every day.
242
00:09:25,175 --> 00:09:27,105
But at least we'd get outdoors time.
243
00:09:27,156 --> 00:09:28,408
You got outdoors time?
244
00:09:28,449 --> 00:09:29,843
Two hours every day.
245
00:09:30,610 --> 00:09:32,802
Sometimes we'd play
pickup football games.
246
00:09:32,860 --> 00:09:35,146
Michael, why don't we get outdoors time?
247
00:09:35,263 --> 00:09:36,893
Yeah. Somedays I never go outside.
248
00:09:36,954 --> 00:09:38,519
Well, we are running a business.
249
00:09:38,598 --> 00:09:39,962
What was your cell like?
250
00:09:40,012 --> 00:09:41,073
Not good.
251
00:09:41,154 --> 00:09:44,164
It's... a little bit bigger
than Michael's office.
252
00:09:45,235 --> 00:09:49,124
But you know, I really only slept there.
You know, during the day
253
00:09:49,477 --> 00:09:51,144
our time was our own.
254
00:09:51,422 --> 00:09:53,053
They had classes.
255
00:09:53,073 --> 00:09:55,467
I took some watercolor classes.
256
00:09:55,507 --> 00:09:56,507
They have art classes?
257
00:09:56,538 --> 00:09:57,558
Yeah.
258
00:09:57,588 --> 00:09:58,992
They have business classes there?
259
00:09:59,023 --> 00:10:02,174
They did, taught by some
Harvard Business School guys.
260
00:10:02,297 --> 00:10:05,114
A lot of the guys also that were
in the class the inmates...
261
00:10:05,164 --> 00:10:06,634
a lot of them have gone to do
262
00:10:06,674 --> 00:10:08,907
extraordinary things in business.
263
00:10:08,977 --> 00:10:11,725
Kind of sounds like
prison's better than Dunder-Mifflin.
264
00:10:11,775 --> 00:10:13,896
Okay, well, that's not true.
265
00:10:13,997 --> 00:10:15,997
I would so rather be in prison.
266
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,482
- Prison sounds great.
- No, you would not.
267
00:10:18,876 --> 00:10:20,967
This place is not prison. It's...
268
00:10:21,836 --> 00:10:23,199
way better than prison.
269
00:10:24,411 --> 00:10:25,484
Baby!
270
00:10:25,846 --> 00:10:28,322
Hello, baby!
You want to play with this?
271
00:10:28,353 --> 00:10:29,979
You can't give paperclips to a baby.
272
00:10:30,019 --> 00:10:32,817
- He could swallow.
- It's okay. I've got tons of 'em.
273
00:10:32,878 --> 00:10:34,048
You like that?
274
00:10:36,703 --> 00:10:38,181
Pam-a-lama-ding-dong.
275
00:10:40,222 --> 00:10:41,525
Listen, you're cute.
276
00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:43,846
There's no getting around it.
277
00:10:44,622 --> 00:10:46,824
So I don't know
if you like country music,
278
00:10:46,844 --> 00:10:49,954
but I was thinking maybe one of these
days we could drive out to the fields,
279
00:10:49,955 --> 00:10:51,601
crank up some tunes,
280
00:10:51,723 --> 00:10:53,632
smoke a few Macanudos...
281
00:10:54,420 --> 00:10:56,091
Maybe even toss a disc around.
282
00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:59,393
Utway ooday ooyay inkthay, Amp?
283
00:11:05,236 --> 00:11:06,236
Think about it.
284
00:11:07,112 --> 00:11:08,112
I'll hit you back.
285
00:11:21,531 --> 00:11:23,046
That was...
286
00:11:27,524 --> 00:11:28,534
Okay!
287
00:11:29,211 --> 00:11:30,544
Listen up, everybody.
288
00:11:31,544 --> 00:11:33,874
You guys said that prison
289
00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:35,545
was better than this place.
290
00:11:36,050 --> 00:11:37,838
And I heard you loud and clear!
291
00:11:37,879 --> 00:11:42,262
So I am instituting some changes
to make this more like prison.
292
00:11:42,932 --> 00:11:46,134
We are going to start
with an hour of outdoor time.
293
00:11:46,679 --> 00:11:47,674
So let's go!
294
00:11:55,833 --> 00:11:57,540
Michael, it's freezing out.
295
00:11:57,621 --> 00:11:58,841
I can't feel my toes.
296
00:12:00,015 --> 00:12:01,206
Why don't we...
297
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:02,721
pump some iron?
298
00:12:02,792 --> 00:12:05,044
Anybody want to... pump up?
299
00:12:05,216 --> 00:12:07,138
What is that?
Like... five pounds?
300
00:12:07,235 --> 00:12:08,235
It's two and half.
301
00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:10,846
I'm not going for bulk.
I'm going for tone.
302
00:12:10,847 --> 00:12:14,197
- I'm going back inside.
- Yeah, it is freaking cold out here.
303
00:12:14,227 --> 00:12:17,854
Anybody wants to stay out?
You got about 27 minutes of rec time.
304
00:12:20,793 --> 00:12:22,742
Oh, hey, Martin!
305
00:12:24,216 --> 00:12:25,438
You've TV in the *joi*?
306
00:12:25,641 --> 00:12:26,812
Yeah, in the rec room.
307
00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:28,986
Ah, got a ten-inch black and white?
308
00:12:29,287 --> 00:12:31,567
Actually,
our TV was bigger than that one.
309
00:12:33,398 --> 00:12:36,145
These people don't realize
how lucky they are.
310
00:12:36,580 --> 00:12:39,024
This office is the American Dream.
311
00:12:39,620 --> 00:12:41,681
And they would rather be in the hole.
312
00:12:44,023 --> 00:12:45,114
Oh, Andy.
313
00:12:46,276 --> 00:12:48,379
I thought of one last tack
you can take with Pam.
314
00:12:48,409 --> 00:12:49,682
- What?
- Quick question.
315
00:12:49,712 --> 00:12:51,070
Do you play the guitar?
316
00:12:51,127 --> 00:12:52,170
I play the banjo.
317
00:12:52,349 --> 00:12:54,804
Hold on, let me think about that.
Yes, that'll work.
318
00:12:54,915 --> 00:12:57,773
But can you sing
in a sexy high falsetto voice?
319
00:13:00,425 --> 00:13:02,850
You know I can, my man!
320
00:13:02,982 --> 00:13:04,122
Yep, that's perfect.
321
00:13:04,173 --> 00:13:05,294
Hey.
322
00:13:05,617 --> 00:13:06,670
Hey.
323
00:13:06,759 --> 00:13:09,224
- I'm gonna get my banjo out of my car.
- Perfect.
324
00:13:09,335 --> 00:13:10,840
What is going on?
325
00:13:12,123 --> 00:13:13,405
I'm messing with Andy.
326
00:13:13,455 --> 00:13:15,767
I'm sending him
to all the women the office with
327
00:13:15,828 --> 00:13:19,424
just terrible information
on how to get them to go out with him.
328
00:13:19,526 --> 00:13:20,839
I love it, I want in.
329
00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:21,980
Who's the target?
330
00:13:23,869 --> 00:13:25,010
Oh, you know what?
331
00:13:26,116 --> 00:13:28,086
- It was gonna be Pam, b...
- Perfect.
332
00:13:28,126 --> 00:13:29,127
What do I do?
333
00:13:29,166 --> 00:13:31,713
- Just give me an assignment.
- Oh, you know what, though?
334
00:13:32,482 --> 00:13:34,612
I feel like I already sicced him on Pam.
335
00:13:34,693 --> 00:13:35,945
We'll give her a break.
336
00:13:36,006 --> 00:13:38,066
Let's think of someone else.
337
00:13:38,592 --> 00:13:40,339
All right, everybody.
There has been
338
00:13:40,379 --> 00:13:43,294
a lot of name-calling
against our office today.
339
00:13:43,733 --> 00:13:46,147
Corporate maligning, slurring.
340
00:13:46,319 --> 00:13:48,460
Much of it coming from one of you
341
00:13:49,389 --> 00:13:52,743
who claims that prison is better...
342
00:13:53,632 --> 00:13:55,137
than here.
343
00:13:55,228 --> 00:13:59,296
And none of us can say "Boo" because
none of us have ever been to prison.
344
00:14:00,562 --> 00:14:01,582
Well...
345
00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:04,784
There's somebody I'd like you to meet.
Somebody else...
346
00:14:05,188 --> 00:14:06,723
who has been to prison
347
00:14:07,158 --> 00:14:11,067
who can tell you what it is really like.
348
00:14:12,815 --> 00:14:13,918
I'm Prison Mike.
349
00:14:15,512 --> 00:14:17,623
You know why they call me Prison Mike?
350
00:14:17,693 --> 00:14:20,017
Do you really expect us to believe
you're somebody else?
351
00:14:20,067 --> 00:14:23,825
Do you really expect me to not push you
up against the wall, beeyotch?
352
00:14:25,087 --> 00:14:28,532
Hey, that's just the way
we talk in the clink.
353
00:14:28,875 --> 00:14:31,369
Been a lot of fun
talk about prison today.
354
00:14:31,602 --> 00:14:33,493
But I am here to scare you straight.
355
00:14:35,178 --> 00:14:37,612
I am here to scare you straight!
356
00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:41,340
In prison, you are somebody's bitch.
357
00:14:42,128 --> 00:14:43,128
Oh, and you.
358
00:14:43,168 --> 00:14:47,077
You, my friend,
would be da belle of da ball.
359
00:14:47,472 --> 00:14:48,593
Don't drop the soap.
360
00:14:48,735 --> 00:14:49,844
Don't drop the soap.
361
00:14:49,957 --> 00:14:51,088
Michael, please.
362
00:14:53,472 --> 00:14:55,421
Where did you learn all of this?
363
00:14:55,855 --> 00:14:57,482
- Internet.
- So not in prison.
364
00:14:57,522 --> 00:14:59,653
And prison. It's 50/50...
365
00:15:00,936 --> 00:15:01,980
Both.
366
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:04,643
Look, prison stinks is what I'm saying.
367
00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:06,320
It's not like you can go home
368
00:15:06,431 --> 00:15:09,956
and recharge your batteries
and come back in the morning and be
369
00:15:10,128 --> 00:15:12,552
with your friends
having fun in the office.
370
00:15:14,219 --> 00:15:15,826
What did you do, Prison Mike?
371
00:15:16,321 --> 00:15:17,481
I stole.
372
00:15:18,735 --> 00:15:19,796
And I robbed.
373
00:15:21,230 --> 00:15:24,101
And I kidnapped the President's son...
374
00:15:24,838 --> 00:15:26,323
and held him for ransom.
375
00:15:27,030 --> 00:15:29,242
That is quite the rap sheet,
Prison Mike.
376
00:15:29,293 --> 00:15:30,962
An I never got caught neither.
377
00:15:31,020 --> 00:15:33,243
Well, you're in prison, but, mm-hmm.
378
00:15:33,303 --> 00:15:35,856
Prison Mike,
what was the food like in prison?
379
00:15:36,081 --> 00:15:37,107
Gruel...
380
00:15:37,284 --> 00:15:38,405
sandwiches.
381
00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:40,169
Gruel omelets.
382
00:15:40,223 --> 00:15:41,364
Nothing but gruel.
383
00:15:41,516 --> 00:15:43,546
Plus, you can eat your own hair.
384
00:15:45,334 --> 00:15:47,011
Prison sounds horrible.
385
00:15:47,082 --> 00:15:48,213
Yeah, yeah.
386
00:15:48,254 --> 00:15:50,516
Well, thank you, Andy. Thanks.
387
00:15:50,567 --> 00:15:51,577
Prison Mike?
388
00:15:51,769 --> 00:15:54,395
What's the very,
very worst thing about prison?
389
00:15:54,436 --> 00:15:56,184
Don't encourage him, Dwight.
390
00:15:56,366 --> 00:15:58,547
The worst thing about prison was...
391
00:15:58,840 --> 00:15:59,891
was the Dementors.
392
00:15:59,931 --> 00:16:03,136
They were flying all over the place,
and they were scary.
393
00:16:03,176 --> 00:16:06,125
They'd come down and they'd suck
the soul out of your body, and it hurt.
394
00:16:06,145 --> 00:16:08,287
Dementors like in Harry Potter?
395
00:16:08,660 --> 00:16:10,408
No, not Harry Potter.
396
00:16:10,963 --> 00:16:12,884
There were no movies in prison.
397
00:16:12,983 --> 00:16:14,045
This is my point.
398
00:16:14,165 --> 00:16:16,448
You guys got it soft and cushy.
399
00:16:16,545 --> 00:16:18,529
This place is freaking awesome!
400
00:16:18,681 --> 00:16:19,802
The people are awesome.
401
00:16:19,843 --> 00:16:21,045
Your boss is nice.
402
00:16:21,125 --> 00:16:22,651
Everybody seems to get along.
403
00:16:22,795 --> 00:16:24,277
People are tolerant.
404
00:16:24,468 --> 00:16:28,088
People who would jump
to conclusions can redeem themselves.
405
00:16:28,274 --> 00:16:30,803
Nobody's nobody's bitch.
406
00:16:30,860 --> 00:16:32,484
I hope that this scared you.
407
00:16:32,581 --> 00:16:36,113
And from me, Prison Mike,
to you, I just want to thank you...
408
00:16:36,549 --> 00:16:37,689
for listening to me.
409
00:16:38,553 --> 00:16:40,864
And letting me
be a part of your life today.
410
00:16:41,357 --> 00:16:42,857
'Cause you got a good life!
411
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:45,781
You got a good life.
412
00:16:46,457 --> 00:16:47,475
A good life.
413
00:16:54,177 --> 00:16:55,535
So, what do you think?
414
00:16:55,729 --> 00:16:58,274
It doesn't sound so great, does it?
415
00:17:01,608 --> 00:17:02,605
Thank you.
416
00:17:03,546 --> 00:17:05,979
That must have been hard
for you to relive that.
417
00:17:06,060 --> 00:17:07,062
Both of you.
418
00:17:07,474 --> 00:17:08,480
Yeah, that...
419
00:17:08,917 --> 00:17:10,840
wasn't really at all
420
00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:12,343
my experience.
421
00:17:12,908 --> 00:17:15,728
There were certain elements
of what you performed...
422
00:17:15,858 --> 00:17:17,683
I've seen on television,
423
00:17:18,265 --> 00:17:20,811
but it didn't remind me
of my time in prison.
424
00:17:23,599 --> 00:17:24,642
Okay, okay.
425
00:17:24,666 --> 00:17:25,731
Fine.
426
00:17:26,217 --> 00:17:28,472
You guys think prison is so great?
427
00:17:28,698 --> 00:17:29,856
All right.
428
00:17:30,314 --> 00:17:31,357
Well...
429
00:17:32,246 --> 00:17:33,304
Here you go.
430
00:17:33,749 --> 00:17:35,526
- Okay, Michael.
- Come on, let us out.
431
00:17:35,583 --> 00:17:39,285
No! If you think prison
is so wonderful, then enjoy prison.
432
00:17:40,011 --> 00:17:42,233
They are such sabies.
433
00:17:42,306 --> 00:17:44,326
I am going to leave them in there
434
00:17:44,391 --> 00:17:46,694
until they can appreciate what it's like
435
00:17:46,945 --> 00:17:47,922
to have freedom.
436
00:17:48,625 --> 00:17:51,809
And if this doesn't bother them,
then I am out of ideas.
437
00:17:56,432 --> 00:17:58,985
Hey! Let us out of here!
438
00:18:02,023 --> 00:18:03,333
Hey, I have...
439
00:18:09,759 --> 00:18:10,826
This is Toby.
440
00:18:11,610 --> 00:18:12,612
Hey, Pam.
441
00:18:13,428 --> 00:18:14,947
Where are you calling from?
442
00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:20,288
Michael, why is everyone locked
in the conference room?
443
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:23,439
They were very disrespectful
to me and to the office.
444
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:26,429
And Martin has had a bad influence.
445
00:18:26,882 --> 00:18:29,362
To think that I gave him
the benefit of a doubt.
446
00:18:29,605 --> 00:18:30,607
It's...
447
00:18:31,002 --> 00:18:33,354
Well, you're gonna have
to let them out...
448
00:18:33,564 --> 00:18:34,574
or I will.
449
00:18:34,607 --> 00:18:36,052
Okay, you know what, Toby?
450
00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:39,390
I am teachg them a lesson, so...
451
00:18:40,597 --> 00:18:42,342
You know they're teasing you.
452
00:18:42,884 --> 00:18:43,886
I mean...
453
00:18:44,759 --> 00:18:49,001
Obviously this is a much
a nicer place than an actual prison.
454
00:18:50,391 --> 00:18:51,724
We get paid to be here.
455
00:18:51,821 --> 00:18:54,495
We go home afterwards
and have social lives and...
456
00:18:55,473 --> 00:18:57,340
We have parties here.
457
00:18:59,917 --> 00:19:01,156
They're teasing you.
458
00:19:01,873 --> 00:19:02,907
To be funny.
459
00:19:11,756 --> 00:19:13,897
Okay, nutcases.
Get out of there.
460
00:19:14,422 --> 00:19:15,545
Good work!
461
00:19:15,882 --> 00:19:17,044
Long day.
462
00:19:17,174 --> 00:19:19,943
Really long.
Why don't you guys head home early?
463
00:19:21,225 --> 00:19:23,386
Time off for good behavior!
464
00:19:25,902 --> 00:19:27,104
Good job.
465
00:19:27,982 --> 00:19:29,447
Enjoy your freedoms!
466
00:19:35,254 --> 00:19:39,567
Martin went from being
a new guy from Stamford
467
00:19:39,648 --> 00:19:43,315
to a convict, to my friend.
468
00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:45,870
Back to a convict,
469
00:19:46,749 --> 00:19:50,850
then to kind of a nuisance, actually,
if we can be completely honest...
470
00:19:51,981 --> 00:19:54,597
And finally to a quitter.
471
00:19:55,739 --> 00:19:57,270
And I will not miss him.
472
00:19:58,512 --> 00:20:01,158
And that is not because
473
00:20:01,279 --> 00:20:02,986
he is black.