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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Brain teaser.
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I have two coins totaling 15 cents.
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One of them is not a nickel.
What are they?
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A dime and a nickel.
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No, I said one of them is not a nickel--
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But the other one is.
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I've heard that before.
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Okay, a man and his
son get into a car accident.
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They are rushed to the hospital.
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The doctor says,
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"There's no way I
can operate on this boy."
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"Because he's my son."
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The doctor is the boy's mother.
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A man is found hanging from the ceiling.
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He stepped on a block of ice,
hung himself,
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and the ice melted.
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A hunter...
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It's a polar bear because
you're at the North Pole.
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Damn it!
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Episode 5
"Initiation"
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The catch 22 team
Raceman
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www.theofficeus.fr
www.1000fr.com present
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Tell me what you did yesterday.
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Uh, nothing.
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Nothing? Yeah, nothing.
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How was your day?
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I don't care how your day was, Michael.
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Wow.
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Well, okay.
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I don't care how your
day was either, Jan.
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I was just asking you
because you asked me.
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Tell me what you did yesterday.
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I worked.
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And then I went home to my condo.
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And Carol came over.
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And we had sex.
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Is that what you want to hear?
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Never, ever, ever sleep with your boss.
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I'm so lucky that Jan and I
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only got to second base.
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Hi, Pam.
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a log of everything
Michael does hour by hour
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so that we can analyze
it at corporate, okay?
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- Oh, I don't know...
- Thanks, Pam.
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It's weird.
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Jan used to treat Michael
like he was a 10-year-old.
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But lately it's like he's five.
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So, are you excited?
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Yeah.
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Very excited?
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Yes, I'm very excited.
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Extremely excited?
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Just very. That's cool.
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I have spent a year here.
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And I have to commit or get out, so...
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Dwight's the top salesman
in the company,
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and he's taking me
on my first sales call today.
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And, I'm excited.
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I am very excited.
Ryan hasn't made a sale yet.
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But more importantly,
he hasn't made an ally yet.
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Is he gonna be a slacker-
loser-wise-ass like Jim was,
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or is he gonna join the
Dwight Army of Champions?
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So, what if they're not talking much?
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Then does it make sense
to kind of lead the conversation?
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You know, just until it
gets to a point where
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they are asking questions?
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So, where's the sales office?
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When you are ready
to see the sales office,
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the sales office will
present itself to you.
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Your journey begins now.
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H ey.
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What?
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My chair's squeaking.
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Is it?
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You took my chair.
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No, I didn't.
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I took back the chair
that you took from me.
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But I didn't take your chair.
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When you get up, I'm just
gonna take it back anyway, so...
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So I guess I can't get up.
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Hey, Coselli!
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The Coz! The Cosby.
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Hey, hey, hey!
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I love Jell-O Pudding Pops!
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My son Theo love
Jell-O Pudding Pops too.
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Do you know where we are, Temp?
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I know where we're not.
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I hold in my hand a beet seed.
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Take it.
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When you...
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Damn it.
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Hey, Big Tuna.
Can I talk to you for a second ?
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Sure.
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Can you stand up
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and talk to me over there?
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That's it?
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That's what you came up with?
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I'm acting my heart out here.
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Really, huh? Yeah, really.
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You asked for my help, so I helped.
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Attention, Scranton Business Park.
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There will be complimentary pretzels
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available in the
lobby from now until 4:00
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as a thank-you to our loyal tenants.
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Once a year, they bring
in a little cart.
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And they give away free pretzels.
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It's really not a big deal.
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To some people it is.
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Productivity is important.
But how can I be productive
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if I have this one little
thing in my brain
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that I cannot get out?
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And that one little
thing is a soft pretzel.
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So I'm just gonna have my soft pretzel.
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And I'll get to work.
And I'll be super productive.
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Look at for me.
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Oh, sh...
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Come on.
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And just as you have
planted your seed in the ground,
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I am going to plant my seed in you.
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I don't think you
know what you're saying.
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Smells pretty bad, doesn't it?
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Uh-huh.
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It's called bullcrap.
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And a client can
smell it from a mile away.
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- Gotcha.
- Oh, hey...
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I forgot something in my car.
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- I'll be right back.
- Okay.
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Of course.
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I wake up every morning
in a bed that's too small.
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Drive my daughter to
a school that's too expensive.
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And then I go to work to a job
for which I get paid too little.
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But on pretzel day...
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Well, I like pretzel day.
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Cause they're acting
all tough and everything.
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But what they were rapping
about was cupcakes
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and The Chronicles of Narnia.
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Who invented cupcakes, right?
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I want to kill them.
Hey! Hey, Phyllis !
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What are you doing?
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I'm just saying hi to Bob.
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No, I think you're cutting in line.
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Well, settle down, Scott.
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- No, I'm not gonna settle down.
- No, no way.
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Uh-uh, boo! Get in the back, please.
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- Boo! Back of the line!
- Thank you!
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That's right.
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What a pair of Marys.
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This is pretzel day.
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"Hey, Dwight, you're a great salesman.
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Can you teach me?"
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Sure, Ryan.
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I'll make you kneel in cow manure.
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And I'll abandon you in a beet field."
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Oh, that sounds great, Dwight.
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"I really appreciate that.
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Thank you so much for your mentorship."
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Congratulations, resourceful salesman.
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You have passed the second challenge.
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Welcome to Schrute Farm!
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"Love me, love me"
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"Say that you love me"
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- "Fool me, fool me"
- Stop.
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"Go on and fool me"
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"Love me, love me"
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- "Say that you love me"
- This is not fair.
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It's gonna be in my head all day.
Please?
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- "Go on and fool me"
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"Love me, love me"
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This is not a proportionate response.
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"Say that you love me"
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"Fool me, fool me"
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"Go on and fool me"
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"I don't care 'bout anything but you"
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Whatever happened to those guys?
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- Michael.
- No cuts!
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Pam.
Just the woman I'd like to see.
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- You read my mind.
- Great.
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I thought you might
want to use this time
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to authorize some checks.
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I thought that maybe you could
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wait in line for me
while I go to the bathroom.
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You're an angel.
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Hey, why don't you
just go up to your office,
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get some work done,
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and I'll bring you a pretzel?
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Because I like them a certain way.
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And if it gets screwed up,
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then this whole thing's blown.
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You know, I just think
it's really important that
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you be productive today.
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Pam, productivity starts with
patience and determination.
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I ll be back..
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It is time for your next test.
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You have planted the beet seed.
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You have walked the long,
lonely walk of loneliness.
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Look, man.
I was in a frat in college.
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So I know what you're doing.
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I get it.
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You know what your problem is?
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You know why you haven't made any sales?
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Because you think you know everything.
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You have to trust that maybe
there are other people
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that can teach you things.
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Are you ready to learn?
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Are you ready for the final test?
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- Yeah.
- Come on!
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Thank you.
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Hi, please tell me you have
a sweet pretzel left.
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- We do.
- Thank God.
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And we have 18 different toppings.
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We have sweet glaze, cinnamon sugar,
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chocolate, white chocolate,
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fudge, M&Ms, caramel dip,
mint chip, chocolate chip,
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00:09:53,636 --> 00:09:55,393
marshmallows, nuts,
toffee nuts, coconuts,
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peanut butter drizzle, Oreos,
sprinkles, cotton candy bits,
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and powdered sugar.
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Is there any way that you could do all?
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All of them?
The works? You got it.
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All right!
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Thank you.
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00:10:07,907 --> 00:10:09,661
Please be seated.
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What was that?
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00:10:16,706 --> 00:10:18,132
Pay no attention to the spirits
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00:10:18,136 --> 00:10:20,402
- that haunt this hallowed ground.
- Is that your cousin Mose?
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00:10:21,795 --> 00:10:22,211
Yes.
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Mose is my cousin, and he lives here.
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He will always be my best friend.
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Unless things go well with Ryan today.
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00:10:30,136 --> 00:10:32,341
In which case I won't hang
out with Mose so much anymore.
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00:10:32,697 --> 00:10:36,442
What is the greatest danger
facing Dunder-Mifflin?
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00:10:36,535 --> 00:10:38,933
Outsourcing and consolidation
of competition.
234
00:10:39,027 --> 00:10:41,291
Wrong. Flash floods.
235
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:46,031
What is the true cause
of Robert Mifflin's suicide?
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00:10:48,005 --> 00:10:48,691
Depression?
237
00:10:48,705 --> 00:10:50,493
Wrong. He hated himself.
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00:10:50,506 --> 00:10:52,942
What is the Dharma Initiative?
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00:10:53,796 --> 00:10:56,003
I can't believe that
Ryan is not back yet.
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Where could they be?
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Sales take a long time.
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Oh, my God. I'm so worried.
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00:11:00,608 --> 00:11:02,481
I'm sure Dwight will protect him.
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00:11:02,488 --> 00:11:05,191
I don't know. Dwight's so weird.
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He's not weird.
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He's just individualistic.
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No, he's a freak.
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You're a freak!
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00:11:15,006 --> 00:11:16,692
Final question,
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young Ryan Howard.
251
00:11:21,805 --> 00:11:23,051
What...
252
00:11:26,117 --> 00:11:29,431
is Michael Scott's greatest fear?
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Loneliness.
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00:11:35,096 --> 00:11:36,032
Maybe women.
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Wrong.
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He's not afraid of anything.
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Also, I would've accepted snakes.
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Fear is what it's all about.
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You cannot sell while undergoing fear.
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You need to vanquish fear!
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00:11:51,706 --> 00:11:56,403
One must wrestle fear to the ground.
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00:11:56,707 --> 00:11:59,133
You will now wrestle my cousin Mose!
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00:11:59,237 --> 00:12:00,682
No! Okay, all right!
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- Wrestle him to the ground!
- This is over, okay?
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00:12:03,216 --> 00:12:04,090
You're a freak.
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00:12:04,207 --> 00:12:05,911
I'm not doing this
anymore and this is over.
267
00:12:05,997 --> 00:12:06,822
- Ryan.
- Goodbye.
268
00:12:07,008 --> 00:12:07,992
Ryan, you don't have to wrestle him.
269
00:12:08,088 --> 00:12:10,292
Ryan, just get in the coffin.
270
00:12:11,706 --> 00:12:14,490
Ryan...
271
00:12:14,505 --> 00:12:15,991
Bye, Ryan.
272
00:12:18,208 --> 00:12:19,540
He seemed nice.
273
00:12:21,005 --> 00:12:23,053
Where are all the animals?
274
00:12:26,797 --> 00:12:28,732
Ryan, come on. I am sorry.
275
00:12:28,736 --> 00:12:29,492
I am sorry.
276
00:12:29,507 --> 00:12:30,833
Mose is sorry too.
277
00:12:30,835 --> 00:12:31,390
Look!
278
00:12:31,405 --> 00:12:34,433
He sent over a basket with eggs
279
00:12:34,435 --> 00:12:36,331
and some fat back bacon.
280
00:12:36,336 --> 00:12:37,922
And look-
Something he whittled.
281
00:12:57,178 --> 00:12:59,200
You still mad?
282
00:13:03,406 --> 00:13:04,702
It's just...
283
00:13:05,207 --> 00:13:06,390
Jim and I didn't get along.
284
00:13:06,406 --> 00:13:10,760
And...I didn't want
it to be that way again.
285
00:13:11,706 --> 00:13:13,892
You know, I wanted us to be a team.
286
00:13:13,905 --> 00:13:15,433
An unstoppable team
287
00:13:15,608 --> 00:13:19,182
- that competed against other teams.
- Look, that's not what I wanted, okay?
288
00:13:19,425 --> 00:13:21,912
I just wanted to go on a sales call.
289
00:13:22,306 --> 00:13:24,911
"Screw gun! The sales call!"
290
00:13:45,705 --> 00:13:46,911
"Hey"
291
00:13:49,206 --> 00:13:50,770
"Hey"
292
00:13:51,508 --> 00:13:52,792
Mr. Coselli.
293
00:13:52,808 --> 00:13:55,682
Hey, hey, hey!
The Cos! What's going on?
294
00:13:55,955 --> 00:13:57,103
Do we have a deal?
295
00:13:57,107 --> 00:13:58,691
Deal or no deal?
296
00:13:58,705 --> 00:13:59,761
Let's make a deal.
297
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,522
So what is the deal?
298
00:14:01,608 --> 00:14:02,993
Establish time frames.
299
00:14:03,006 --> 00:14:05,152
Keep the phrase
"real dollars" in their heads.
300
00:14:05,197 --> 00:14:07,153
And always keep the
power in the conversation.
301
00:14:07,157 --> 00:14:09,233
That's why you're losing
them on the cold calls.
302
00:14:09,238 --> 00:14:11,491
Because you say the
word "please" too much.
303
00:14:11,505 --> 00:14:14,763
- Wait, can you go back?
- Michael always says K-I-S-S.
304
00:14:14,917 --> 00:14:16,232
"Keep it simple, stupid."
305
00:14:16,308 --> 00:14:17,592
Great advice.
306
00:14:17,606 --> 00:14:19,792
Hurts my feelings every time.
307
00:14:19,807 --> 00:14:22,131
Okay, I'm gonna establish time frames.
308
00:14:22,137 --> 00:14:22,492
Good.
309
00:14:22,507 --> 00:14:24,322
I'm gonna put everything
in terms of real dollars.
310
00:14:24,438 --> 00:14:25,890
- Right.
- I'm gonna ask a lot of questions
311
00:14:25,907 --> 00:14:27,433
that all have sort of positive answers.
312
00:14:27,437 --> 00:14:28,992
So they'll say "That would be better" or
313
00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:31,042
- "We would like that."
- Exactly, yes, good.
314
00:14:31,106 --> 00:14:32,831
I'm going to try to be confident
315
00:14:32,838 --> 00:14:33,670
"but not cocky."
316
00:14:35,607 --> 00:14:37,402
Oh, hey, everyone.
317
00:14:37,508 --> 00:14:40,833
I am officially streamlining
the efficiency of this corporation.
318
00:14:40,908 --> 00:14:41,810
- Second.
- Second.
319
00:14:41,906 --> 00:14:43,893
Yes, second, Toby.
320
00:14:43,907 --> 00:14:46,532
Second, I am insisting on
increased accountability
321
00:14:46,538 --> 00:14:47,993
from every single one of you.
322
00:14:48,007 --> 00:14:49,582
Account. Michael, what's going on?
323
00:14:49,586 --> 00:14:51,092
And I will be taking questions.
324
00:14:51,106 --> 00:14:52,533
Did you have a lot
of sugar today, Michael?
325
00:14:52,535 --> 00:14:54,331
What's on your suit?
326
00:14:54,335 --> 00:14:54,993
Caramel dip.
327
00:14:55,008 --> 00:14:56,530
But one question at a time, please.
328
00:14:56,538 --> 00:14:58,620
Phyllis, Stanley...
I want you to switch desks.
329
00:14:58,786 --> 00:15:00,092
I'm going to reorganize
330
00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:02,112
and restructure the physical layout
331
00:15:02,228 --> 00:15:04,283
of the office to maximise everything.
332
00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:06,040
I think we're getting maxi
a lot done, don't you?
333
00:15:06,136 --> 00:15:07,291
On paper, at least.
334
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:09,232
And we are, after all, a paper company.
335
00:15:09,237 --> 00:15:10,193
Are we not? Are we not?
336
00:15:10,205 --> 00:15:11,291
Are we not? Are you with me?
337
00:15:11,305 --> 00:15:13,932
Are you with me? Thank you very much.
338
00:15:16,108 --> 00:15:17,630
They really didn't like me.
339
00:15:17,638 --> 00:15:18,792
They did not.
340
00:15:18,808 --> 00:15:20,890
But they didn't have
to say it to your face.
341
00:15:20,908 --> 00:15:22,890
I don't get it.
342
00:15:22,908 --> 00:15:24,432
I don't get what I did wrong.
343
00:15:24,435 --> 00:15:25,933
Not everything's a lesson, Ryan.
344
00:15:25,935 --> 00:15:27,692
Sometimes you just fail.
345
00:15:27,707 --> 00:15:29,433
It's those online paper jerks.
346
00:15:29,438 --> 00:15:31,131
The whole business is changing.
347
00:15:31,138 --> 00:15:32,081
You know what?
They're gonna be screwed
348
00:15:32,117 --> 00:15:34,210
once this whole Internet fad is over.
349
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,230
What are you doing?
Oh, no, no, no!
350
00:15:37,235 --> 00:15:40,152
No, no, no! No, Ryan!
351
00:15:40,155 --> 00:15:42,862
Yes! Ryan the Temp, yeah!
352
00:15:42,868 --> 00:15:45,492
Come on, come on!
353
00:15:45,508 --> 00:15:47,030
Courtesy of Dunder-Mifflin!
354
00:15:47,035 --> 00:15:49,190
Oh, come on!
355
00:15:49,208 --> 00:15:54,390
Drive! You drive!
356
00:15:54,406 --> 00:15:56,432
Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam.
357
00:15:56,718 --> 00:15:58,200
Oh, hi, Jan.
358
00:15:59,205 --> 00:16:01,423
He's, on a sales call.
359
00:16:01,677 --> 00:16:03,021
No message?
360
00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:06,221
Bye, Jan.
361
00:16:18,768 --> 00:16:21,450
Temp! Temp!Temp! Temp!
362
00:16:22,475 --> 00:16:27,191
Ryan! Ryan!
Yes!
363
00:16:27,348 --> 00:16:30,750
Just think. That temp agency
could've sent you anywhere.
364
00:16:31,047 --> 00:16:32,881
I think about that all the time.
365
00:16:35,606 --> 00:16:37,872
Good night, Pam. Good night.
366
00:16:39,108 --> 00:16:40,592
Hey, what time is it?
367
00:16:40,606 --> 00:16:41,672
5:20.
368
00:16:41,796 --> 00:16:42,913
AM or PM?
369
00:16:43,158 --> 00:16:43,992
PM.
370
00:16:44,008 --> 00:16:45,163
Oh, good.
371
00:16:45,287 --> 00:16:46,533
These came for you.
372
00:16:46,538 --> 00:16:47,902
Contracts.
373
00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:49,190
Brent Coselli.
374
00:16:49,207 --> 00:16:52,533
Oh, Coselli. With the Jell-O.
375
00:16:52,537 --> 00:16:54,352
This is a huge sale.
376
00:16:54,465 --> 00:16:56,163
Yes, right. Good.
377
00:16:58,796 --> 00:17:00,610
- Good night, Michael.
- Good night.
378
00:17:06,608 --> 00:17:07,633
Dunder-Mifflin.
379
00:17:07,635 --> 00:17:08,711
Oh, hey.
380
00:17:08,837 --> 00:17:10,530
Oh, my God.
381
00:17:10,536 --> 00:17:12,193
- Hi.
- Hi.
382
00:17:12,206 --> 00:17:14,130
Sorry, I forgot Kevin's extension.
383
00:17:14,135 --> 00:17:16,031
It's a fantasy football thing.
384
00:17:16,038 --> 00:17:16,593
Oh.
385
00:17:16,607 --> 00:17:18,180
And I was just gonna
go through the system,
386
00:17:18,185 --> 00:17:21,290
because I didn't think you'd be there.
387
00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:23,033
Why are you still there?
388
00:17:23,035 --> 00:17:25,292
I had to work late.
389
00:17:25,308 --> 00:17:28,830
Jan's making me keep a log
of everything Michael does all day.
390
00:17:29,407 --> 00:17:33,290
Wow.
391
00:17:33,305 --> 00:17:35,223
Do you think you could send
me a copy of that?
392
00:17:35,435 --> 00:17:37,252
Yeah, totally.
393
00:17:40,647 --> 00:17:41,742
So...So...
394
00:17:42,158 --> 00:17:43,750
- Do you
- Oh, I'm sorry, go ahead.
395
00:17:43,838 --> 00:17:45,590
- Uh, no-- I, um...
396
00:17:45,608 --> 00:17:47,733
Everything's pretty much the same here.
397
00:17:47,738 --> 00:17:48,693
Oh, good.
398
00:17:48,705 --> 00:17:50,011
A little different
399
00:17:51,306 --> 00:17:53,040
What time is it there?
400
00:17:54,157 --> 00:17:56,062
What time is it here?
401
00:17:57,605 --> 00:17:59,633
We're in the same time zone.
402
00:17:59,637 --> 00:18:01,283
Oh, yeah. Right.
403
00:18:02,007 --> 00:18:03,832
How far away did you think we were?
404
00:18:03,837 --> 00:18:05,893
I don't know. It felt far.
405
00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:10,992
Yeah.
406
00:18:11,007 --> 00:18:12,730
- I have a question for you.
- What?
407
00:18:12,737 --> 00:18:16,061
How many words per minute
does the average person type?
408
00:18:16,435 --> 00:18:17,453
I type 90.
409
00:18:17,587 --> 00:18:18,980
Shut up.
410
00:18:19,207 --> 00:18:21,231
Mavis Beacon doesn't even type 90.
411
00:18:21,238 --> 00:18:22,392
It's true.
412
00:18:22,407 --> 00:18:23,930
Okay, I said average.
413
00:18:23,935 --> 00:18:24,793
70?
414
00:18:24,807 --> 00:18:26,063
How many do you type?
415
00:18:26,115 --> 00:18:28,543
Forget it.
I was just about to brag. Forget it.
416
00:18:28,736 --> 00:18:30,592
Come on, tell me. No.
417
00:18:30,608 --> 00:18:32,430
You have to tell me now.
418
00:18:32,437 --> 00:18:33,602
65.
419
00:18:34,536 --> 00:18:36,563
Okay, no need to laugh.
420
00:18:37,606 --> 00:18:39,702
No, it's...
That's respectable.
421
00:18:39,805 --> 00:18:40,893
Respectable?
422
00:18:40,907 --> 00:18:43,451
So, okay, I'm watching the movie.
423
00:18:43,586 --> 00:18:46,102
By myself, because I just wanted
424
00:18:46,236 --> 00:18:48,492
a relaxing evening at home.
425
00:18:48,668 --> 00:18:49,490
Okay.
426
00:18:49,507 --> 00:18:52,033
And I'm freaking out!
427
00:18:52,036 --> 00:18:52,490
Yeah.
428
00:18:52,505 --> 00:18:54,793
That movie is so scary.
429
00:18:54,808 --> 00:18:58,441
But I'm holding on because I keep
waiting for Sandra Bullock to show up.
430
00:18:58,538 --> 00:18:59,792
No way!
431
00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:03,332
How do you confuse
28 Days with 28 Days Later?
432
00:19:03,335 --> 00:19:06,382
Because I got it at Blockbuster and
they don't put the pictures on the box.
433
00:19:06,437 --> 00:19:08,601
No,You're making this up.
434
00:19:08,608 --> 00:19:10,720
Would I make that up?
435
00:19:10,835 --> 00:19:12,193
Yes!
436
00:19:12,208 --> 00:19:14,330
Fancy New Beesly would make that up.
437
00:19:14,337 --> 00:19:16,751
New apartment, new stories...
438
00:19:16,755 --> 00:19:18,940
Oh, yeah, My fancy new apartment.
439
00:19:19,108 --> 00:19:22,530
I have one bedroom,
one bathroom, and a closet.
440
00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:23,800
And how many kitchens?
441
00:19:23,806 --> 00:19:24,990
I have one kitchen.
442
00:19:25,006 --> 00:19:28,311
Wow, you got totally taken
for a ride, Beesly.
443
00:19:29,167 --> 00:19:30,003
It's actually.
444
00:19:30,058 --> 00:19:32,381
"Most apartments these
days have, like, three."
445
00:19:32,738 --> 00:19:33,530
Three kitchens?
446
00:19:33,537 --> 00:19:35,100
Yes.
447
00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:37,580
How are you gonna cook every meal
of the day in one kitchen?
448
00:19:37,706 --> 00:19:39,692
Hey, Ryan. Are you okay?
449
00:19:39,705 --> 00:19:40,390
Pam?
450
00:19:40,408 --> 00:19:41,210
Yeah.
451
00:19:42,047 --> 00:19:42,851
Yeah.
452
00:19:43,038 --> 00:19:44,213
Pam?
453
00:19:44,905 --> 00:19:46,431
Um, okay.
454
00:19:46,437 --> 00:19:47,890
Bye.
455
00:19:47,906 --> 00:19:50,033
Oh, yeah. I should probably...
456
00:19:50,035 --> 00:19:51,341
Oh, no-- I was,
457
00:19:51,436 --> 00:19:52,390
I don't know.
458
00:19:52,408 --> 00:19:53,983
-You have to go?
- Yeah.
459
00:19:54,165 --> 00:19:55,432
No, I should probably go too.
460
00:19:55,438 --> 00:19:56,091
Okay.
461
00:19:56,106 --> 00:19:58,062
I mean, yeah.
462
00:19:58,688 --> 00:19:59,490
Yeah.
463
00:20:02,206 --> 00:20:03,930
Bye, Pam.
464
00:20:04,558 --> 00:20:05,881
Bye, Jim.
465
00:20:33,397 --> 00:20:37,702
364 days... Until the next pretzel day.