1 00:00:05,438 --> 00:00:07,167 Where is my desk? 2 00:00:08,875 --> 00:00:10,137 That is weird. 3 00:00:10,377 --> 00:00:13,574 This is not funny. This is totally unprofessional. 4 00:00:13,646 --> 00:00:15,170 Okay, well, you're the one who lost the desk. 5 00:00:15,248 --> 00:00:16,510 I didn't lose my desk. 6 00:00:16,583 --> 00:00:19,245 Hey, calm down. Where was the last place you saw it? 7 00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:21,480 Okay, who moved my desk? 8 00:00:21,554 --> 00:00:22,953 I think you should retrace your steps. 9 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:25,958 Okay, I am going to tell Michael 10 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,995 and this entire office will be punished. 11 00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:30,991 Colder. 12 00:00:33,733 --> 00:00:34,791 Warmer. 13 00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:37,567 A little warmer. 14 00:00:38,838 --> 00:00:40,362 There you go. Warmer. 15 00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:42,267 Warmer. 16 00:00:42,809 --> 00:00:44,470 Warmer. Warmer. Warmer. 17 00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:45,772 Cold. Cold. Cold. 18 00:00:45,845 --> 00:00:46,971 Back up. 19 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,852 Warmer. Hot. Red hot. 20 00:00:52,919 --> 00:00:55,251 Hot. Very hot. 21 00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:10,600 Dwight Schrute. Hi, Dwight. 22 00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:14,269 What sort of discounts are we giving on the 20-Ib. White bond? 23 00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:16,570 Jim, I've given you this information, like, 20 times. 24 00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:17,871 I know. 25 00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:22,946 It's by the ream? 26 00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:24,040 Yeah. Ream... 27 00:01:24,117 --> 00:01:26,085 It is now $9.78, 28 00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:27,881 so it's a discount of 7%. 29 00:01:28,221 --> 00:01:30,621 Okay, thank you. Got to get back to work. 30 00:01:35,161 --> 00:01:36,958 Wash your hands, Kevin. 31 00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:12,890 Right. 32 00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:15,797 Oh, let me just check the pricing list. Hold on one second. 33 00:02:15,869 --> 00:02:18,804 Sensei, hello, it's Sempai. 34 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:21,334 Dwight. 35 00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:23,308 You know what, let me give you a call right back. 36 00:02:23,376 --> 00:02:26,345 I'm gonna find it and then I'll call you back. Thanks. 37 00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:30,012 Yes, I just had a question... Yes, Sensei. 38 00:02:36,422 --> 00:02:38,049 Was that your mom? 39 00:02:38,191 --> 00:02:39,783 No, that was my sensei. 40 00:02:40,727 --> 00:02:42,160 Oh, I thought it was your mom. 41 00:02:42,228 --> 00:02:46,221 I am now Sempai, which is Assistant Sensei. 42 00:02:46,699 --> 00:02:48,257 Assistant to the Sensei, that's pretty cool. 43 00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:49,392 Assistant Sensei. 44 00:02:49,469 --> 00:02:50,493 Okay. 45 00:02:50,570 --> 00:02:53,903 I am a practitioner of Goju-Ryu Karate 46 00:02:54,574 --> 00:02:55,734 here in Scranton. 47 00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:58,070 SENSEl: Two! 48 00:02:58,311 --> 00:02:59,642 Dwight, snap your kick back. 49 00:02:59,712 --> 00:03:00,701 Three! 50 00:03:01,147 --> 00:03:05,550 My sensei, Ira, recently promoted me to purple belt. 51 00:03:06,085 --> 00:03:08,679 And gave me the duties of a sempai. 52 00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:12,519 Not that a lot of people here in America know what a sempai is. 53 00:03:12,592 --> 00:03:15,686 But it's equally as respected as a sensei. 54 00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:23,128 I don't wanna stay until 7:00 again this year. 55 00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:26,403 I don't really have any control over that, Stanley. 56 00:03:31,010 --> 00:03:35,379 Michael tends to procrastinate a bit whenever he has to do work. 57 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:40,383 Time cards, he has to sign these every Friday. 58 00:03:40,453 --> 00:03:43,286 Purchase orders have to be approved at the end of every month. 59 00:03:43,356 --> 00:03:45,256 And expense reports, 60 00:03:45,525 --> 00:03:49,120 all he has to do is initial these at the end of every quarter. 61 00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:52,992 But once a year it all falls on the same Friday. That's today. 62 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,659 I call it the perfect storm. 63 00:03:55,802 --> 00:03:58,066 I don't wanna work 64 00:03:58,137 --> 00:04:00,662 I just wanna bang on this mug all day 65 00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:02,799 Did you ask me here for any specific reason? 66 00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:04,706 Yes, I did. 67 00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:06,401 Here's the dizzle. 68 00:04:07,046 --> 00:04:10,413 I have a very top-secret mission for you. 69 00:04:10,483 --> 00:04:13,782 I want you to update all the emergency contact information. 70 00:04:14,287 --> 00:04:15,652 Why is that secret? 71 00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:19,283 Hello. Oh, God. Busywork. Oh, get away, cretin. 72 00:04:19,459 --> 00:04:21,393 I put stickers, so you know where to sign. 73 00:04:21,461 --> 00:04:23,019 Yes, thanks, I know where to sign. 74 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,154 It's just that last year you... 75 00:04:24,230 --> 00:04:27,290 Yeah, well, last year they were out of order, weren't they, Pam? 76 00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:31,235 Well, the last pick-up for overnight deliveries is at 7:00. 77 00:04:31,404 --> 00:04:34,430 So you need to have them signed by then, or much earlier. 78 00:04:34,507 --> 00:04:36,441 Chillax, Pam. 79 00:04:36,509 --> 00:04:39,603 Stop Pam-MS-ing. That's pretty good. 80 00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:42,846 Actually I'm sending Ryan on a top-secret mission. 81 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,606 Tell her what it is. 82 00:04:44,984 --> 00:04:46,815 Updating emergency contacts. 83 00:04:48,421 --> 00:04:50,286 Well, is that really a priority? 84 00:04:50,356 --> 00:04:52,483 Is it a priority? Oh, I don't know. 85 00:04:52,892 --> 00:04:54,883 What if there's a tornado, Pam? 86 00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:57,053 People's legs are crushed under rubble? 87 00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:59,655 Please, would you be so kind as to call my wife? 88 00:04:59,732 --> 00:05:03,429 No, I can't, because we don't have any emergency contact information, 89 00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:05,698 because Pam said it wasn't a priority. 90 00:05:05,772 --> 00:05:07,262 Think. Think with your head, Pam. 91 00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:09,399 Okay, well, she walks out. 92 00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:11,136 That's the problem with being a boss, 93 00:05:11,210 --> 00:05:13,838 is that when you are tough they resent you 94 00:05:13,913 --> 00:05:16,473 and when you are cool they walk all over you. 95 00:05:17,016 --> 00:05:18,142 Catch-22. 96 00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:21,142 Catch-22. Yes. 97 00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:26,924 Why don't you give me your contact information to start with? 98 00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:28,620 Okay, what's your cell? 99 00:05:29,595 --> 00:05:31,062 Larissa Halpert. 100 00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:32,858 What's her address? 101 00:05:32,932 --> 00:05:34,365 117 Von Bergen Street. 102 00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:36,824 Hello? 103 00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:38,268 Hey, Ryan! 104 00:05:40,306 --> 00:05:42,866 This is Michael Jackson 105 00:05:42,942 --> 00:05:44,807 calling from Wonderland. 106 00:05:45,578 --> 00:05:47,546 You mean Neverland? 107 00:05:48,648 --> 00:05:50,081 This is Tito. 108 00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:54,980 What? 109 00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:58,220 Calling from... 110 00:05:59,125 --> 00:06:02,288 Your major and minor lines cross at a ridge. 111 00:06:03,262 --> 00:06:04,388 That sucks. 112 00:06:04,597 --> 00:06:06,656 You're making this up as you go along, aren't you? 113 00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:08,496 I am just following the website. 114 00:06:08,568 --> 00:06:11,002 Well, at least I don't have cavities. 115 00:06:11,237 --> 00:06:13,330 Yes, you have very nice teeth. 116 00:06:13,406 --> 00:06:14,464 Thanks. 117 00:06:15,408 --> 00:06:16,898 Who's your emergency contact? 118 00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:19,237 Stacey. 119 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,142 Pick up! 120 00:06:27,854 --> 00:06:28,946 Hello? 121 00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:32,023 This is Mike Tyson. 122 00:06:35,294 --> 00:06:36,454 Hey, Dwight? 123 00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:40,694 As sempai, do you ever think that there's gonna be a day 124 00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:44,100 where humans and robots can peacefully coexist? 125 00:06:44,937 --> 00:06:47,701 Impossible. The way they're programmed... 126 00:06:50,443 --> 00:06:51,808 You're mocking me. No, I'm not. 127 00:06:51,878 --> 00:06:54,608 Well, let me offer you a little piece of advice. 128 00:06:54,847 --> 00:06:58,044 I am not afraid to make an example out of you. 129 00:06:58,117 --> 00:06:59,880 Well, that's not advice. 130 00:06:59,952 --> 00:07:01,943 What advice sounds like is this: 131 00:07:02,955 --> 00:07:05,753 Don't ever bring your purple belt to work 132 00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:08,019 because someone might steal it. 133 00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:09,118 Okay, give that back to me. 134 00:07:09,195 --> 00:07:10,321 Okay. Say "please. " 135 00:07:10,396 --> 00:07:12,023 No. That is not a toy. 136 00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:13,258 Please? Please! 137 00:07:13,332 --> 00:07:15,562 Good. And it absolutely is a toy. 138 00:07:15,635 --> 00:07:16,659 Arigato. 139 00:07:16,736 --> 00:07:18,328 Arigato. This is not a toy. 140 00:07:18,571 --> 00:07:21,938 This is a message for the entire office. 141 00:07:22,074 --> 00:07:26,010 So that everyone can see that I am capable of physically dominating them. 142 00:07:28,581 --> 00:07:31,709 And this is more of a ying-yang thing. 143 00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:34,776 The "Michael" is all cursives, "Scott" all caps. 144 00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:38,720 Left brain, right brain, or duality of man. 145 00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:41,950 Could you practice on the forms? 146 00:07:46,232 --> 00:07:47,529 No women or children, unless provoked. 147 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:48,624 Okay. 148 00:07:48,701 --> 00:07:49,827 Roy. 149 00:07:49,902 --> 00:07:51,267 Warehouse guy, doesn't count. 150 00:07:51,337 --> 00:07:52,326 Okay. 151 00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:54,498 Michael. Could you beat up Michael? 152 00:07:54,574 --> 00:07:55,905 Yeah, I don't think that would happen. 153 00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:56,999 Because we're friends. 154 00:07:57,076 --> 00:07:59,135 Because I would kick his ass. 155 00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:01,373 Well, Dwight's a purple belt, so... 156 00:08:01,447 --> 00:08:02,505 So? 157 00:08:02,949 --> 00:08:04,814 I've beat up black belts. Yeah. 158 00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:06,909 And how did you know they were black belts? 159 00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:08,453 They told me after. 160 00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:13,017 See, I used to run with a very tough crowd, street fighter types. 161 00:08:13,593 --> 00:08:17,689 Real, real bad people. I'm just lucky I got out. 162 00:08:18,731 --> 00:08:20,460 Is your wife still your contact? 163 00:08:20,733 --> 00:08:22,633 Ex-wife. Yeah. 164 00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:25,366 Her last name's Becker now. 165 00:08:27,206 --> 00:08:28,264 Okay. 166 00:08:28,407 --> 00:08:30,466 You don't need to write "Ex. " 167 00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:35,208 And after that, nobody ever messed with the Damn Rascals ever again. 168 00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:37,146 Sounds tough. 169 00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:39,684 When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way, right? 170 00:08:39,752 --> 00:08:40,810 You're a jet? 171 00:08:40,887 --> 00:08:42,252 Have you signed the expense reports yet? 172 00:08:42,321 --> 00:08:43,913 Yes, in theory I have. 173 00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:46,618 I just need to cross some t's and dot some i's. 174 00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:49,459 All right. 175 00:08:49,762 --> 00:08:53,926 I am going to be in my office, if anybody needs me. 176 00:08:55,735 --> 00:08:57,100 Michael! Oh, wow! 177 00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:59,534 Sleeper hold! Bedtime for Bonzo. 178 00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:04,469 You are the weakest link! 179 00:09:05,678 --> 00:09:08,169 I'm friends with everybody in this office. 180 00:09:08,247 --> 00:09:11,114 We're all best friends. I love everybody here. 181 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:16,344 But sometimes your best friends start coming into work late, 182 00:09:16,656 --> 00:09:19,853 and start having dentist appointments that aren't dentist appointments, 183 00:09:19,926 --> 00:09:24,090 and that is when it's nice to let them know that you could beat them up. 184 00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:25,993 Just hit me, you'll see. 185 00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:28,533 I can't, 'cause I just got a manicure, so... 186 00:09:28,601 --> 00:09:30,592 Oh, queer! Eye... 187 00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:33,605 Queer Eye, that's a good show. Important show. 188 00:09:33,739 --> 00:09:35,104 Go ahead. Do it. 189 00:09:35,207 --> 00:09:37,437 Just have Dwight punch you. Oh, yeah. 190 00:09:37,543 --> 00:09:39,534 Well, that would be kind of worthless because I know 191 00:09:39,612 --> 00:09:41,603 a ton of 14-year-old girls who could kick his ass. 192 00:09:41,681 --> 00:09:43,478 You know a ton of 14-year-old girls? 193 00:09:43,549 --> 00:09:44,846 What belt are they? 194 00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:46,908 Look, Dwight is a wuss. 195 00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:48,620 When we rented Armageddon... No. 196 00:09:48,688 --> 00:09:50,053 ...he cried at the end of it. He did. 197 00:09:50,122 --> 00:09:52,249 Michael, I told you. That was because it was New Year's Eve 198 00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:54,725 and it started to snow at exactly midnight. 199 00:09:54,794 --> 00:09:57,456 "Bruce Willis, they're gonna leave him on the asteroid. " 200 00:09:57,530 --> 00:09:58,724 Okay, I'll punch you. 201 00:09:58,798 --> 00:09:59,958 Oh, okay, here we go. 202 00:10:00,032 --> 00:10:01,499 All right, come on. 203 00:10:07,473 --> 00:10:11,068 Did I want to harm Michael? The one man I've been hired to protect? 204 00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:12,507 No, I did not. 205 00:10:12,745 --> 00:10:14,076 Are you okay? Yes. 206 00:10:14,513 --> 00:10:16,811 Are you sure you're all right? Yep, yep. 207 00:10:17,883 --> 00:10:19,214 Thank you. 208 00:10:24,056 --> 00:10:26,081 I come from a long line of fighters. 209 00:10:26,158 --> 00:10:29,457 My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. 210 00:10:29,528 --> 00:10:32,395 World War II veteran, killed 20 men, 211 00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:35,593 then spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp. 212 00:10:35,901 --> 00:10:40,861 My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. 213 00:10:41,907 --> 00:10:43,602 Different kind of fight. 214 00:10:44,944 --> 00:10:46,741 Okay, he has to be stopped. 215 00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:49,743 Please, please, please, please, just ask Michael. 216 00:10:51,784 --> 00:10:53,012 I don't know. 217 00:10:56,422 --> 00:10:58,356 Okay, I'll buy you a bag of chips. 218 00:10:58,424 --> 00:10:59,686 French onion? 219 00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:01,853 Obviously. Why are you spinning around? 220 00:11:01,927 --> 00:11:03,258 Okay. Yes. 221 00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:06,030 Take this pen, okay, 222 00:11:06,465 --> 00:11:07,955 stab me with it. 223 00:11:08,367 --> 00:11:09,391 Go away. 224 00:11:09,468 --> 00:11:10,765 I just have a quick question. 225 00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:12,736 I haven't signed them, okay? 226 00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:14,772 No, it's not that. 227 00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:18,907 I was just wondering, since I'm probably gonna have to stay late, 228 00:11:18,978 --> 00:11:22,914 could you ask Dwight to stay late, too, so he can walk me to my car? 229 00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:26,784 Come in. 230 00:11:29,455 --> 00:11:31,218 Pam, I hate to break this to you, 231 00:11:31,290 --> 00:11:33,588 but Dwight can't stop you from being mugged. 232 00:11:33,659 --> 00:11:35,354 He's just not tough enough. 233 00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:36,895 He's a purple belt, that's really high. 234 00:11:36,962 --> 00:11:38,623 Oh, God, I could beat up Dwight. 235 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,325 That's ridiculous. I can murder him. 236 00:11:40,399 --> 00:11:41,991 It's just that out there you... 237 00:11:42,068 --> 00:11:43,296 Oh, is that what they're saying? 238 00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:44,393 Yeah, kind of. 239 00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:46,301 Okay, all right. 240 00:11:47,406 --> 00:11:48,805 Where's Dwight? Kitchen. 241 00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:49,966 Okay. 242 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:55,640 All right. Here we go. 243 00:11:56,816 --> 00:11:58,716 Good. Wow, that's actually pretty cool, Dwight. 244 00:11:58,784 --> 00:12:00,479 Excellent. Now, watch. Let me take you from behind. 245 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:01,679 What? Watch out, Kelly, 246 00:12:01,754 --> 00:12:03,153 he might sucker punch you. 247 00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:04,484 I didn't sucker punch you, Michael. 248 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:05,581 No, really? 249 00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:07,819 In case you'd remember, I was defending my honor. 250 00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:09,087 Oh, is that it? Like a samurai. 251 00:12:09,161 --> 00:12:11,254 Yeah. Really? Well, the offer, Dwight, 252 00:12:11,330 --> 00:12:14,163 was for one punch, which I absorbed. 253 00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:16,667 I had no idea that there would be a second punch. 254 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,567 So, catch-22. 255 00:12:18,637 --> 00:12:19,661 Okay, fine. 256 00:12:20,639 --> 00:12:23,699 Tit for tit. Give it your best shot. Two punches. Go! 257 00:12:24,043 --> 00:12:27,535 Look, if we were in a bar right now, there would be two punches. 258 00:12:27,613 --> 00:12:29,205 Me punching you and you hitting the floor. 259 00:12:29,281 --> 00:12:30,805 No, I'd block your first punch... Yeah? 260 00:12:30,883 --> 00:12:31,907 ...rendering you ineffective. Oh, really? 261 00:12:31,984 --> 00:12:32,973 Yeah. You know what, 262 00:12:33,052 --> 00:12:34,644 you're just lucky that we're at work right now. 263 00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:36,415 What about, uh, Dwight's dojo? 264 00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:38,013 No, they just have classes. 265 00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:39,921 No, it's free during the day. It's fine. Look... 266 00:12:39,992 --> 00:12:41,220 I got the key. 267 00:12:41,293 --> 00:12:42,590 Hey, Michael. Hey, Toby. 268 00:12:42,661 --> 00:12:44,151 Any word on those time cards? I have an idea. 269 00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:45,822 Why don't you leave right now? 270 00:12:45,898 --> 00:12:48,423 Why don't you walk away from the room, okay? 271 00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,900 Fine. We'll go at lunch. 272 00:12:53,172 --> 00:12:55,902 Pam, make an announcement. 273 00:12:56,809 --> 00:12:58,299 Figure out car pools. 274 00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:03,941 Well, we're all getting excited to see this fight. 275 00:13:04,016 --> 00:13:07,645 The Albany branch is working right through lunch to prevent downsizing, 276 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:11,315 but Michael, he decided to extend our lunch by an hour 277 00:13:11,390 --> 00:13:15,087 so that we could all go down to the dojo and watch him fight Dwight. 278 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,821 Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! 279 00:13:19,665 --> 00:13:21,064 I'm coming. Fight! 280 00:13:25,070 --> 00:13:26,435 Sorry. 281 00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:36,671 I recognize that. 282 00:13:37,216 --> 00:13:39,411 That is Japanese for California Roll. 283 00:13:39,685 --> 00:13:40,709 No, it's not. 284 00:13:40,786 --> 00:13:42,048 I think it is, a guy told me about that. 285 00:13:42,121 --> 00:13:43,816 Actually it's a symbol for eternal discipline. 286 00:13:43,889 --> 00:13:44,913 Oh. 287 00:13:45,257 --> 00:13:46,690 Wow. That is really interesting. 288 00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:48,021 What? 289 00:13:48,093 --> 00:13:50,584 Your love line... I'm just kidding. I can't see anything. 290 00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:51,891 Look closer. 291 00:13:52,932 --> 00:13:54,559 Oh, okay. One point for me. 292 00:13:54,633 --> 00:13:55,827 Tied up. Oh, you're dead. 293 00:13:55,901 --> 00:13:58,267 What? What are you gonna do? Bring it, Beesley, bring it. 294 00:13:59,405 --> 00:14:00,770 Oh, yeah. Good move. 295 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,535 Not such an ultimate fighter now, huh? 296 00:14:02,608 --> 00:14:05,202 Hey, put me down. Put me down! 297 00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:07,904 Oh, my God! Hey, put me down! Hey! 298 00:14:13,219 --> 00:14:15,016 Okay, gentlemen, listen up. 299 00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:18,922 After a clean strike to the chest, stomach or kidneys, 300 00:14:19,058 --> 00:14:21,049 I will separate you and award a point. 301 00:14:21,126 --> 00:14:23,321 The first person to three wins, all right? Yes, Sensei. 302 00:14:23,395 --> 00:14:24,555 Lot of rules, lot of rules. 303 00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:27,155 On the street, we didn't have any rules. Maybe one. 304 00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:29,531 No kicks to the groin, home for dinner. 305 00:14:31,470 --> 00:14:33,233 Hey, what the hell was that? 306 00:14:33,305 --> 00:14:34,329 Yes! 307 00:14:34,406 --> 00:14:35,668 Dwight, one point. No way! Okay! 308 00:14:35,741 --> 00:14:36,730 Eat it! 309 00:14:36,809 --> 00:14:38,071 All right, that's the way you wanna do it? 310 00:14:38,143 --> 00:14:40,771 You wanna play dirty, huh? Okay, game on, man! 311 00:14:40,846 --> 00:14:41,972 Sweep the leg. 312 00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:43,378 Yeah, I'm coming at you, man! 313 00:14:49,655 --> 00:14:52,123 Okay, purple belt, okay. 314 00:14:52,191 --> 00:14:53,522 I got it. No. 315 00:14:53,592 --> 00:14:55,685 I got his pants. That was my pants. 316 00:14:55,761 --> 00:14:57,422 No points for pants. 317 00:14:57,997 --> 00:15:01,728 Dwight, you have... No, look. No, you have something, you have some... 318 00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:04,226 God, you look like such an idiot! 319 00:15:13,178 --> 00:15:15,078 Clean technique, gentlemen. Come on, do that again! 320 00:15:15,147 --> 00:15:16,876 Do that again, I dare you. 321 00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:20,915 Okay, break. Break! No holding! Break. 322 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,816 Oh, you can't see! You can't see! 323 00:15:24,156 --> 00:15:26,556 One point, two points, three points! 324 00:15:26,792 --> 00:15:28,259 Break! How many points was that? 325 00:15:28,327 --> 00:15:30,090 I win! I win! 326 00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:34,224 No, you didn't! No, you... 327 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,932 Eight points, nine points. 328 00:15:38,203 --> 00:15:39,500 Stop it! No! 329 00:15:39,838 --> 00:15:41,430 Come on, Michael! 330 00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:43,475 Open your mouth! No, Michael! 331 00:15:59,258 --> 00:16:00,657 You talking to me? 332 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:02,559 You talking to me? 333 00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:05,521 Raging Bull. Pacino. 334 00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:08,259 Oh, I want that footage, I want it. I need it. 335 00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:11,829 Oh, I have to get back to work. I have lots of work to... 336 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,700 Check this out. Come here. 337 00:16:14,006 --> 00:16:15,166 There he is. 338 00:16:15,274 --> 00:16:19,142 Mr. Temp having lunch by the car. 339 00:16:19,578 --> 00:16:23,105 Let us play with him. This is going to be hilarious. 340 00:16:30,456 --> 00:16:32,856 Oh, we're playing phone tag. 341 00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:35,490 Seven new messages. 342 00:16:35,594 --> 00:16:37,118 First new message.; 343 00:16:37,196 --> 00:16:40,256 Hi, Ryan. This is Saddam Hussein. 344 00:16:40,899 --> 00:16:41,923 Next message.; 345 00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:44,299 Hey, Ryan, this is your girlfriend 346 00:16:44,636 --> 00:16:46,536 and I'm mad. 347 00:17:08,260 --> 00:17:11,696 My emergency contact is Todd Packer. 348 00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:14,294 Todd F. Packer. 349 00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:16,898 Know what the "F" stands for? Fudge? 350 00:17:18,070 --> 00:17:20,334 Yeah. Come in. 351 00:17:20,672 --> 00:17:22,333 Oh, hey, Karate Kid. 352 00:17:22,641 --> 00:17:24,302 The Hilary Swank version. 353 00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:26,003 Hi. How are you? 354 00:17:26,578 --> 00:17:29,046 I need to change my emergency contact information 355 00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:30,775 from Michael Scott. 356 00:17:30,983 --> 00:17:31,972 Okay, to what? 357 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,177 Just put 358 00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:36,111 "The Hospital. " 359 00:17:36,455 --> 00:17:39,288 Contact number, just put 911. 360 00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:42,989 He is such a sore loser. 361 00:17:43,095 --> 00:17:46,997 You heard, obviously, that I mopped the floor with him this afternoon. 362 00:17:48,967 --> 00:17:50,093 You know what, 363 00:17:50,169 --> 00:17:52,763 do yourself a favor. Just leave me as his contact 364 00:17:52,838 --> 00:17:54,703 and I will call the hospital. 365 00:17:54,773 --> 00:17:56,365 Cut out the middleman. 366 00:18:06,285 --> 00:18:08,082 Later, Jim. Later, Kev. 367 00:18:14,993 --> 00:18:16,392 Have a good weekend. 368 00:18:16,462 --> 00:18:17,690 Yeah, you, too. 369 00:18:29,808 --> 00:18:30,866 Yeah? 370 00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:32,570 I have the emergency contacts. 371 00:18:32,644 --> 00:18:35,169 Just lay them on a chair. I'll take it from here. 372 00:18:35,247 --> 00:18:37,875 So, what you up to this weekend? 373 00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:40,983 Hanging out with some friends, probably. 374 00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:43,214 Well, if you do anything crazy, give me a shout. 375 00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:45,222 Yeah. All right, I will see you Monday. 376 00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:46,314 All right. 377 00:18:47,259 --> 00:18:48,453 Bye. 378 00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:57,325 Dwight? 379 00:18:57,402 --> 00:18:59,427 Michael, did you finish yet? This close. 380 00:18:59,505 --> 00:19:00,733 Dwight, may I speak with you for a minute? 381 00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:01,830 I'm busy. 382 00:19:01,907 --> 00:19:04,137 Well, busier, but I'm making the time. 383 00:19:04,209 --> 00:19:06,439 Michael, can't your conversation wait till Monday? 384 00:19:06,512 --> 00:19:07,604 We wanna go home. 385 00:19:07,679 --> 00:19:10,011 Well, you don't even have anybody to go home to, Toby, so... 386 00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:11,674 The shipping place closes in a half hour. 387 00:19:11,750 --> 00:19:12,774 I know, 388 00:19:12,851 --> 00:19:16,446 but I have been carrying the load on my back all day. 389 00:19:16,522 --> 00:19:19,889 And if everyone would just chip in a little bit, 390 00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:22,020 it might help me out. 391 00:19:22,227 --> 00:19:25,094 What do you say? Let's gang-bang this thing and go home. 392 00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:26,756 Good? Dwight. 393 00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:36,374 This is illegal. I don't care. 394 00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:43,144 I have been testing you the entire day. Did you know that? 395 00:19:45,717 --> 00:19:46,911 Of course. 396 00:19:47,219 --> 00:19:49,414 And I'm happy to say that you passed. 397 00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:52,915 So, effective immediately, I am promoting you 398 00:19:53,225 --> 00:19:57,184 from Assistant to the Regional Manager, to Assistant Regional Manager. 399 00:20:00,632 --> 00:20:02,532 Michael, I don't know... 400 00:20:02,601 --> 00:20:03,625 I know, 401 00:20:03,702 --> 00:20:05,431 I know, I know, I know. 402 00:20:05,504 --> 00:20:08,064 I wouldn't be offering it if I didn't think you could handle it. 403 00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:09,368 I can handle it. I can. 404 00:20:09,441 --> 00:20:10,601 I know. Okay. 405 00:20:13,979 --> 00:20:17,005 So, I guess, this will just be my office. 406 00:20:17,082 --> 00:20:19,983 No, no, title change only. 407 00:20:20,152 --> 00:20:22,211 I'll have Pam send out a memo. No, no. 408 00:20:22,287 --> 00:20:23,754 Three month probationary period. 409 00:20:23,822 --> 00:20:26,655 Let's just not tell anybody about this right now. 410 00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:29,717 Just a formality. Absolutely. But not really. 411 00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:31,527 Michael, 412 00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:38,728 I have so much to learn from you. 413 00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:40,433 Yes, you do. 414 00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:45,870 Thank you, 415 00:20:47,279 --> 00:20:48,439 Sensei. 416 00:20:51,883 --> 00:20:53,714 And, ditto. 417 00:20:55,020 --> 00:20:58,217 I told Dwight that there is honor in losing, 418 00:20:58,290 --> 00:21:01,020 which, as we all know, is completely ridiculous. 419 00:21:01,326 --> 00:21:04,693 But there is, however, honor in making a loser feel better, 420 00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:06,991 which is what I just did for Dwight. 421 00:21:07,633 --> 00:21:10,329 Would I rather be feared or loved? 422 00:21:11,370 --> 00:21:12,735 Easy. Both. 423 00:21:13,238 --> 00:21:16,139 I want people to be afraid of how much they love me, 424 00:21:16,675 --> 00:21:19,542 and I think I proved that today at the dojo. 425 00:21:19,678 --> 00:21:21,373 Typewriter torture! Sensei! 426 00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:23,038 Typewriter torture! Stop! 427 00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:24,446 Typewriter!