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(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
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Michael! D'oh! God
! Dwight, come on!
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00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:02,956
I wanted to talk to you
about the downsizing...
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00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:04,439
There's no downsizing. Ai'ight.
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00:01:04,523 --> 00:01:05,708
But if there were,
I'd be protected
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00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,025
as Assistant Regional Manager?
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00:01:07,109 --> 00:01:08,628
(SIGHS) Assistant to the
Regional Manager, Dwight.
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00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:10,372
Yeah, so I don't have
to worry, right? Look.
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Look, look, look... I
talked to corporate
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00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:14,061
about protecting
the sales staff,
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00:01:14,116 --> 00:01:15,426
and they said they
couldn't guarantee it
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00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:16,702
if there's downsizing, okay?
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But, there's no
downsizing, so just don't...
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Bottom line, do I
need to be worried?
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Mmm, mmm, mmm, maybe.
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00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:26,271
MICHAEL: It looks like
there's gonna be downsizing.
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And it's part of my
job, but... Blech.
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I... I hate it.
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I think the main difference
between me and Donald Trump
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is that, uh, I get no pleasure
out of saying the words,
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"You're fired."
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00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:40,100
(IMITATING
TRUMP) "You're fired."
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"Uh, you're fired."
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He just makes people sad,
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and an office can't
function that way.
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No way. "You're fired."
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I think if I had a catchphrase,
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it would be, "You're hired."
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"And you can work here
as long as you want."
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But, that's unrealistic, so...
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DWIGHT: It's a real shame
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00:02:00,871 --> 00:02:02,748
'cause studies have
shown that more information
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00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:04,458
gets passed through
water cooler gossip
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00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:05,661
than through official memos.
35
00:02:06,168 --> 00:02:08,378
Which puts me at a
disadvantage because...
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I bring my own water to work.
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Why'd you do
this? I didn't do it.
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What do you mean?
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Oh, the water cooler
was brought over here
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for... Maintenance.
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00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,894
So, what do you guys hear?
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00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:24,978
What's the scuttlebutt?
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Get set for Operation
Morale Improvement
44
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starring Michael Scott.
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Now, I think I've had
a little stroke of genius,
46
00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:38,325
in that I have had
my assistant, Pam...
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Smile, Pam.
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00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:41,995
I have had her go out
and find out whose birthday
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00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:43,080
is coming up,
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00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,499
so we can have a little
celebration for them.
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00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:47,042
Not bad! Not bad at all!
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All right! And the
birthday person is...
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Drum roll please...
(TAPPING RHYTHMICALLY)
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Who is it? Who's the person
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00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:03,642
with the birthday? Um, actually, we
don't have any staff birthdays coming up.
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00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:06,895
Next person on
the, uh, calendar.
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00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:09,314
Okay, um, that
would be Meredith.
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00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:10,607
Yes! All right!
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00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:13,360
Come on down, Meredith!
But it's not until next month.
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(SIGHS) Um. Uh, okay.
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00:03:17,322 --> 00:03:19,574
Well, great. Well, you
know, it'll be a surprise.
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You still want to have a party?
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Yeah. Why not? Sure. Go ahead.
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Live a little. Come on, Pam.
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Come on. Shake
it up. Shake it up.
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Shake it up!
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(IMITATES STAR TREK
COMMUNICATOR TRILL)
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00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:36,299
Uh, Spock, are there any
signs of life down there?
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Well, let me check, Captain.
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(IMITATES DEVICE BEEPING)
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No Captain, no signs
of life down here.
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Just a wet blanket named Pam.
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00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,272
(LAUGHS)
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00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:52,107
(IMITATES STAR TREK
COMMUNICATOR TRILL)
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00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,609
Star Trek...
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00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:58,739
Well, for decorations,
maybe we could...
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It's stupid, forget it.
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What?
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00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:02,576
Well, I was just gonna say
80
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:03,869
maybe we could have streamers,
81
00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:07,414
but that's dumb, everybody
has streamers. Never mind.
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00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:09,416
No, yeah, I think
that's a good idea.
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00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,293
What color do you guys think?
84
00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:14,045
Well, there's green...
85
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:16,548
Uh, blue...
86
00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:21,219
Yellow, red... How about green?
87
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I think green is
kind of whoreish.
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PAM: This was tough.
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00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:27,350
I suggested we flip a coin,
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00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:30,604
but Angela said she
doesn't like to gamble.
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00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:31,855
Of course, by saying that,
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she was gambling that
I wouldn't smack her.
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00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,986
These are my
party-planning bee-otches.
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Pulled off an amazing '80s
party last year. Off the hook!
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MICHAEL: So I was thinking,
if you haven't already gotten
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00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:46,203
a cake, um, maybe go in
97
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,538
for one of those ice cream
cakes from Baskin Robbins.
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They're very good.
Very delicious.
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00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:52,834
Meredith's allergic
to dairy, so...
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She's not the only one that's
going to be eating it, right?
101
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And I think everybody
likes ice cream cake.
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It's not, uh... Not
just about her, so...
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It is her birthday...
Mint chocolate chip!
104
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:06,556
Would be good. How about
some mint chocolate chip?
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Hey.
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00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:13,188
So, listen, I was thinking
that it might be a good idea
107
00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:16,107
if you and I formed an alliance.
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'Cause of the downsizing.
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I think an alliance
might be a good idea.
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You know, help each other out.
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Do you want to form
an alliance with me?
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Absolutely, I do.
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Good, good, excellent.
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Okay, now we need to figure out
115
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who's vulnerable and who's
protected. There may be...
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At that moment, I
was just so happy.
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I mean, everything
Dwight does annoys me.
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Did you get your tickets?
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To what?
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The gun show.
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(LAUGHS SOFTLY)
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And I spend hours
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thinking of ways
to get back at him,
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but only in ways that
would get me arrested.
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00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:03,263
And then here he
comes and he says,
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"No, Jim, here's a way."
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And there's one other
thing, and this is important.
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Let's keep this
alliance totally a secret.
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(WHISPERS) Yeah.
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Don't tell anyone.
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An alliance? JIM: Oh, yeah.
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What does that even mean?
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I think it has something to do
with Survivor, but I'm not sure.
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Um... (LAUGHS)
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I know that it involves
spying on people,
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and we may build a
fort in accounting...
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Jim. Hey. Hey. Hi, Pam.
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Listen, could I talk
to you for a second
139
00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:33,602
about the paper products?
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Did you tell Pam
about the Alliance?
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What? No... Just now!
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00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:39,274
Oh, no, no, no, no. Dwight, no.
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I'm using her, for the alliance.
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JIM: Who knows the most
information about this office? Pam.
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Right. That's good.
Good. Pursue this.
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00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:46,549
Well, I'm trying to. Mmm-hmm.
147
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Do you see what I'm
doing? Mmm-hmm.
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00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:50,118
But listen, I'm gonna have
to talk to her a lot. All right?
149
00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:52,621
And there may be
chatting and giggling.
150
00:06:52,704 --> 00:06:54,264
And you gotta just
pretend to ignore it.
151
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Wipe it away. Done.
152
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All right.
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00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:58,043
(SIGHS)
154
00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:05,425
Can you get her? She's
right there. That is Meredith.
155
00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:07,844
The birthday girl.
156
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:11,056
And this is Meredith's card.
157
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"Happy Bird-Day."
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(LAUGHS)
159
00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:16,645
Um, let's see. Jim.
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Jim wrote, "Meredith, I
heard you're turning 46."
161
00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:22,067
"But, come on,"
162
00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:24,945
"you're an accountant,
just fudge the numbers."
163
00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:26,363
Not bad. Pretty funny.
164
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,782
I don't appreciate condoning
corporate fraud, though.
165
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Uh, here's the thing.
166
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Whatever I write here
167
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has to be really, really funny.
168
00:07:35,497 --> 00:07:38,083
Because people out
there are expecting it.
169
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:40,502
I've already set
the bar really high.
170
00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:43,338
And they're all worried
about their jobs, you know?
171
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It's kinda dark out there.
172
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Can you imagine if I
wrote something like, uh,
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"Oh, Meredith. Um,
Happy Birthday."
174
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:53,765
"You're great. Love, Michael."
175
00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:55,058
(SCOFFS)
176
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:57,143
(IMITATES GAGGING AND RETCHING)
177
00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:00,021
(LAUGHS)
178
00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:03,274
They seem awfully chummy,
don't you think? Yeah.
179
00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:05,276
What do you think that's about?
180
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,112
Only one way to find out.
181
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,364
I'm on it.
182
00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:14,953
You are not going to
believe this. What? I believe it.
183
00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:16,514
Well, tensions were
high in the kitchen.
184
00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:17,932
I could tell from
the body language.
185
00:08:17,956 --> 00:08:20,208
Hey, that looks good.
What is that, turkey?
186
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,043
KEVIN: Italian.
187
00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:24,421
Oh, Italian. Nice. Wow.
188
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:25,505
You got the works there.
189
00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:28,341
Red onion, provolone. Yeah.
190
00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:30,844
JIM: Toby and Kevin, they're
trying to get Angela kicked off.
191
00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:32,929
Good. Let 'em. That's
fine. It helps our cause.
192
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:34,264
Well, I don't know.
193
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:35,658
Because if Kevin's
in accounting, Yeah...
194
00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:37,892
and Toby's in human
resources, and they're talking?
195
00:08:37,976 --> 00:08:39,602
(SIGHS) They're
forming an alliance.
196
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:40,687
I love their sandwiches.
197
00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:42,480
I love their sandwiches, too.
198
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:43,666
Yeah, their bread's really good.
199
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,233
Their bread is very good.
200
00:08:45,316 --> 00:08:48,361
Damn it! God!
(FRUSTRATED GRUNTING)
201
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,864
(CAR ALARM BLARING)
202
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:54,367
Okay, listen.
203
00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:57,829
We need to assume that everyone
in the office is forming an alliance,
204
00:08:57,912 --> 00:08:59,672
and is therefore trying
to get us kicked off.
205
00:08:59,748 --> 00:09:02,333
God damn it! Why us?
206
00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:05,045
Because we're strong,
Dwight. Because we're strong.
207
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:07,130
MICHAEL: Meredith, Meredith.
208
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:09,632
Mary... Mary had a little lamb.
209
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:11,926
Mary... Meredith
had a little lamb.
210
00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:14,280
Don't bring that lamb to
work, or it'll poop on the floor...
211
00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:16,306
(DOOR KNOCKS) Hey! Oscar.
212
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,391
Come on in, what's up?
Uh, I'm sorry to bother you.
213
00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:20,477
Oh, not at all. Come
on in. What's goin' on?
214
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,980
My nephew is involved
with, um, a charity
215
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,940
for cerebral palsy. Mmm-hmm.
216
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,318
And I was wondering
if maybe you'd like to...
217
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:30,904
You know...
218
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,364
What? Uh, donate to the charity.
219
00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:35,658
Oh, God. Of course I would.
220
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:37,702
(SCOFFS) Get it over here!
221
00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:39,704
Get that over here. Thank you.
222
00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:44,334
You know, I'm always good
for some serious buckage.
223
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:46,586
Wow. Two dollars? Three dollars?
224
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:51,132
People out here do
not care about diseases.
225
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:54,469
I'm going to give you $25.
226
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:59,557
That's... That's...
That's very generous.
227
00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:01,810
Oh, my gosh.
Well, listen, Oscar.
228
00:10:01,893 --> 00:10:04,521
Generosity, and togetherness,
229
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,064
and community,
230
00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:10,443
all convalescences into morale.
231
00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:13,154
That's what I say, so...
(CLICKS TONGUE)
232
00:10:16,407 --> 00:10:18,660
Hey, Jim. Can I talk
to you for a second?
233
00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:20,120
Sure. What's up?
234
00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:23,081
Um, I don't know. I'm just,
like, going a little crazy.
235
00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:26,376
'Cause I keep overhearing
all of these conversations
236
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,044
between Michael and corporate
237
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,213
about, like, staff issues.
238
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:31,422
Oh, no. Yeah.
239
00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:34,217
He's making me take
notes on these meetings,
240
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:36,970
and I'm like, "These people
are my friends," Right.
241
00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:40,431
But he's all like, "This is
confidential, you can't tell anybody."
242
00:10:40,515 --> 00:10:43,768
But I don't know, I just feel like I
wanna... (IMITATES RETCHING)
243
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,538
Just promise me you're
not gonna say anything?
244
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,814
I will not... I'm not
gonna tell anybody.
245
00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:48,958
Okay. This is
between you and me.
246
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,483
PAM: Yeah.
247
00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:55,113
Jackpot.
248
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:56,656
JIM: That was beautiful.
249
00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:58,408
All her idea, too.
250
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:02,078
Awesome. She's so great.
251
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:07,292
Meredith. Bad breath.
Meredith has bad breath.
252
00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:08,459
(DOOR OPENS)
253
00:11:08,543 --> 00:11:09,544
Hey. Hey.
254
00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:11,379
You wanted to see me?
255
00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:12,690
Uh, yeah. What do you
know about Meredith?
256
00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:13,923
I don't think she'd be missed.
257
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,594
There's not going to be
downsizing, Dwight, okay?
258
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:20,680
I just... I need to know
a little bit more about
259
00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:21,890
my friend.
260
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:23,933
Name, Meredith Palmer.
261
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:27,020
Uh, personal information,
divorced twice, two kids.
262
00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:29,522
Uh, employer, Dunder
Mifflin Paper, Inc.
263
00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:31,232
Awards, multiple Dundies...
264
00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:32,751
I know all that. I
Know... I know all that.
265
00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:34,712
I just... I need something kind
of embarrassing, you know?
266
00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:36,529
Kinda fun, inside...
267
00:11:37,071 --> 00:11:38,531
She had a hysterectomy.
268
00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:40,825
Which one is that again?
269
00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:41,969
It's where they
remove the uterus.
270
00:11:41,993 --> 00:11:43,786
Oh, God, Dwight, no!
271
00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:47,207
I'm trying to write
something funny here, okay?
272
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:48,890
What am I gonna do
with a removed uterus?
273
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:49,998
It could be kind of funny.
274
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,545
You know what? I
am on a deadline here.
275
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:53,963
And, just... Okay.
276
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:56,174
Thanks. Thanks
for your help. I'm...
277
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:58,259
I'll work it out.
Thank you, Dwight.
278
00:11:59,928 --> 00:12:01,721
That wasn't a waste of time.
279
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:04,766
Okay, here's the
deal. All right?
280
00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:06,517
Pam says that
one of the alliances
281
00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:08,829
is meeting in the warehouse
during Meredith's birthday party.
282
00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:10,331
Oh, my God, we have
to be there. I know.
283
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:11,415
But it's gonna
be a little tough,
284
00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:12,666
because there's no good
place to hide down there.
285
00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:15,193
No, no, yes there is. Behind
the shelves... oh, my God.
286
00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:16,319
What, what, what? I know.
287
00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:19,280
I know... I know exactly
what to do. Great.
288
00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:20,404
DWIGHT: I'm a deer hunter.
289
00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:22,575
I go all the time with my dad.
290
00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:26,037
One thing about deer,
they have very good vision.
291
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:27,914
One thing about me,
292
00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:32,418
I'm better at hiding
than they are at vision.
293
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:35,588
This is gonna be perfect, okay?
294
00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:37,423
Centrally located.
Perfect cover.
295
00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:39,550
I can hear and see everything.
296
00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:40,635
Good.
297
00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:42,095
Michael. Just a sec.
298
00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:44,305
Are you done yet? Almost
there. Just a second.
299
00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:47,350
It is perfect. Thank
you. Excellent.
300
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:49,352
Here we go. It is
time. Thank you.
301
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:50,687
Okay! Come on, let's go!
302
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,564
Get the cake! Here we go.
Come on, come on, come on!
303
00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:55,108
Shh! Be quiet!
304
00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:57,026
Wait, this isn't gonna
work. The lid's open.
305
00:12:57,568 --> 00:12:59,737
So, tape it down.
I can't do that.
306
00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:01,322
Then you won't
be able to breathe.
307
00:13:01,406 --> 00:13:03,324
Look, I can breathe
just fine, okay?
308
00:13:03,408 --> 00:13:04,468
But if it makes you feel better,
309
00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:05,785
I'll poke holes in the box.
310
00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:07,829
Thank you. Thank you. Okay.
311
00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:09,914
(DOOR OPENS)
312
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,209
Surprise!
313
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:14,794
Oh! Surprise!
314
00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:16,004
No, it's a...
315
00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:17,922
It's surprise, Meredith!
316
00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:19,173
One, two...
317
00:13:19,257 --> 00:13:22,844
ALL: (SINGING)
Happy Birthday to you
318
00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:23,928
Find the key.
319
00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:25,013
ALL: Happy Birthday...
320
00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:26,681
So, you want me to stay here
321
00:13:26,764 --> 00:13:29,225
and, you know, stand
next to the box, or...
322
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:32,186
No! You need to go
upstairs to the party
323
00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:33,831
so people don't notice
that we're both gone.
324
00:13:33,855 --> 00:13:35,481
Right. That's good.
325
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,234
Can I trust Jim? I don't know.
326
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:41,821
Do I have a choice?
No. Frankly, I don't.
327
00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:45,116
Will I trust Jim? Yes.
Should I trust Jim?
328
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:47,744
You tell me.
329
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:51,289
STAFF: (CONTINUE SINGING)
Happy Birthday, dear Meredith
330
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:54,459
Happy Birthday to you
331
00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:57,420
MICHAEL: And many more
332
00:13:58,629 --> 00:14:00,631
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
333
00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:05,803
You were surprised, weren't you?
334
00:14:05,887 --> 00:14:08,014
Yes. You looked freaked, man.
335
00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:10,308
We said, "Surprise,"
and you were, like, "What?
336
00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:12,477
"What the hell's goin' on here?"
337
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:13,561
(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
338
00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:14,913
Good cake. Why
don't you have some?
339
00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:16,230
I... I can't, um.
340
00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:17,583
Come on. A little
bit. A little bit.
341
00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:18,647
No, no, I can't eat dairy.
342
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,777
Oh, right. Oh, God.
Too bad, it's so good.
343
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:21,861
Yeah, it makes me sick.
344
00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:25,239
You know what? If I
were allergic to dairy,
345
00:14:25,323 --> 00:14:26,407
I think I'd kill myself.
346
00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:28,826
'Cause this is
way, way too good.
347
00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:33,915
PAM: He's in a box?
348
00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:36,209
JIM: Pam, he's in a box.
349
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,336
He's downstairs in a box
350
00:14:38,419 --> 00:14:40,046
on the floor near the shelves.
351
00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:42,256
(LAUGHS) I'm
serious. Go down there.
352
00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,620
And work your
magic... (CHUCKLES)
353
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:49,097
PAM: Hey, where are you?
354
00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:51,641
Yeah, we were
supposed to meet here.
355
00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:53,851
What?
356
00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:57,188
Oh, my gosh!
357
00:14:57,688 --> 00:14:59,023
That ties in perfectly
358
00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:02,110
with something that
Michael was telling me earlier.
359
00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:05,154
I just don't know what
some of the people
360
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,240
in, like, accounting,
are gonna do.
361
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,409
It said specifically that...
362
00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:10,993
(DWIGHT GRUNTS)
363
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:12,328
Oh...
364
00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:15,248
Hey, Jim. Good party, huh?
365
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,559
Just a little something I
whipped up, you know,
366
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:18,644
a little morale boost. Yeah?
367
00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:19,669
No big deal.
368
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:20,813
Speaking of which,
I meant to tell you.
369
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:21,838
Very impressive.
370
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,507
The, uh, donation you
gave to Oscar's charity.
371
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:25,651
Oh. What was that, 25 bucks?
372
00:15:25,675 --> 00:15:29,554
Yeah, well, you know,
money isn't everything, Jim.
373
00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:31,180
It's not the key to happiness.
374
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:32,265
You know what is?
375
00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:34,308
Joy.
376
00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:36,269
You should remember that.
377
00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:38,472
Maybe you'd give more than
$3.00 next time. (CHUCKLES)
378
00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:42,316
Yeah, well, $3.00 a mile is going
to end up being, like, 50 bucks.
379
00:15:43,234 --> 00:15:45,862
So... God, (SCOFFS)
I can't even calculate
380
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,655
what you're gonna have to give.
381
00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:56,038
Is Oscar around?
382
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:57,790
I just thought it was a,
383
00:15:57,874 --> 00:16:00,668
kind of a flat, you know, $25
384
00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:02,420
one-time donation.
385
00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:04,255
I didn't think it was
a per-mile kinda deal,
386
00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:05,840
you know, so...
387
00:16:05,923 --> 00:16:08,259
Well, that's what a
walk-a-thon is. I know...
388
00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:10,303
It says it right on the
sheet. Mmm-hmm.
389
00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:11,762
Look. Look at the sheet.
390
00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:14,056
It says it's however many
dollars per mile. Right.
391
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:15,808
Got it. Yes. So, it does.
392
00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:18,227
Um... I just think
it's kind of cheap
393
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:19,591
to "undonate"
money to a charity.
394
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:21,189
No. No, no, no, no, no.
395
00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:23,399
I... I wasn't... That
wasn't what I was... No.
396
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,526
I... It's not about the money.
397
00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:26,986
It's just... It... (SIGHS)
398
00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:30,364
It's the ethics of
the thing, Oscar.
399
00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:34,452
How's your nephew?
400
00:16:34,744 --> 00:16:36,204
Is he in good shape? Yeah.
401
00:16:36,287 --> 00:16:37,598
How many miles
did he do last year?
402
00:16:37,622 --> 00:16:38,831
Last year, he walked 18 miles.
403
00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:40,541
Son of a bitch.
404
00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:42,168
That is impressive!
Good for him.
405
00:17:04,899 --> 00:17:05,900
Happy birthday, Meredith.
406
00:17:05,983 --> 00:17:07,023
MICHAEL: Read it out loud.
407
00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:08,170
And say who wrote everything,
408
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,238
so we know whose is the best.
409
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:13,074
"Happy Bird-Day." (ALL CHUCKLE)
410
00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:15,368
Um...
411
00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:17,870
"Meredith, good news."
412
00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:19,664
"You're not actually
a year older,"
413
00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:22,875
"because you work here,
where time stands still."
414
00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:24,085
(ALL CHUCKLE)
415
00:17:24,752 --> 00:17:25,792
I don't know about that...
416
00:17:25,836 --> 00:17:26,916
MEREDITH: That was Stanley.
417
00:17:27,296 --> 00:17:30,091
"Meredith, Happy Birthday."
418
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,760
"You're the best, Love, Pam."
419
00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:34,095
ALL: Aw.
420
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:36,138
(IMITATES GAGGING AND RETCHING)
421
00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,598
Thanks, downer. (SCOFFS)
422
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,183
MEREDITH: This is from Michael.
423
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:42,353
"Meredith, let's hope
the only downsizing"
424
00:17:42,436 --> 00:17:43,688
"that happens to you"
425
00:17:43,771 --> 00:17:46,357
"is that someone
downsizes your age."
426
00:17:49,652 --> 00:17:51,112
Because of the downsizing.
427
00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:52,196
Rumors.
428
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,574
And because you're gettin' old.
429
00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:55,658
MEREDITH: No...
430
00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:58,911
I get it. It's funny.
(MICHAEL CHUCKLING)
431
00:17:58,995 --> 00:17:59,996
You didn't get the joke.
432
00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:01,872
So, that's cool.
433
00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:05,501
That's... You know what?
Actually, I have a bunch of these.
434
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:07,128
Good ones that I didn't use.
435
00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:10,339
Um, oh, where's that, uh...
436
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:11,882
Oh, okay, here's a good one.
437
00:18:11,966 --> 00:18:14,051
Um, "Hey, Meredith,
Liz Taylor called."
438
00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:17,013
"She wants her age back
and her divorces back."
439
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:19,807
'Cause Meredith's been
divorced, like, twice? Is that right?
440
00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:21,309
Uh, you're right.
441
00:18:21,392 --> 00:18:22,911
MICHAEL: Did I get
that right? Okay. Right.
442
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:24,478
Yes. Divorce.
443
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,608
Um, oh, okay.
444
00:18:28,691 --> 00:18:30,151
"Meredith is so old..."
445
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:31,611
How old is she?
446
00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:33,654
Well, if everybody
could do it. Everybody...
447
00:18:33,738 --> 00:18:34,947
"Meredith is so old..."
448
00:18:35,573 --> 00:18:36,741
ALL: How old is she?
449
00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:37,825
"She's so old,"
450
00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:39,201
"she went into an antique store"
451
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:40,286
"and they kept her."
452
00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:46,393
MICHAEL: Well,
that wasn't even mine.
453
00:18:46,417 --> 00:18:48,919
I got that off the
internet website.
454
00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:50,921
So, don't get mad at me. Uh...
455
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:52,882
Nice party, Michael.
456
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:54,091
This isn't my fault.
457
00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:58,596
Um, ladies, not
your best effort.
458
00:18:58,679 --> 00:18:59,680
The streamers?
459
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,868
I think we could have done
better than that, don't you think?
460
00:19:02,892 --> 00:19:04,894
Phyllis wanted red. I didn't.
461
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,145
Oh, boy, you...
462
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:08,856
Okay, wait, all right, people,
463
00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:10,858
hold on, hold on, hold
on just a second, okay?
464
00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:13,486
I think we're losing sight of
what is really important here.
465
00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:16,155
And, that is that we are...
466
00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:19,075
A group of people
467
00:19:19,742 --> 00:19:20,743
who work together.
468
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:24,372
I was... I really wasn't
gonna flaunt this.
469
00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:27,333
I have made a very
sizeable donation
470
00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:29,794
to Oscar's nephew's...
471
00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:32,672
Walk-A-Thon.
472
00:19:34,048 --> 00:19:35,049
$25.
473
00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:36,884
Per mile. Per mile, yes.
474
00:19:37,551 --> 00:19:39,553
When I retire, I...
475
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,556
I don't want to just disappear
to an island somewhere.
476
00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:45,434
I want to be the guy who
gives everything back.
477
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,311
A check for the kids.
478
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,188
And for the team.
479
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:50,606
I want it to be like,
480
00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:54,235
"Hey, who donated
that hospital wing"
481
00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:56,112
"that is saving so many lives?"
482
00:19:56,487 --> 00:19:58,781
"Uh, well, I don't...
I don't know."
483
00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:00,157
"It was anonymous."
484
00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:04,954
"Well, guess what?
That was Michael Scott."
485
00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:07,540
"But, uh, it was anonymous,"
486
00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:08,874
"how do you know?"
487
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,044
"Because I'm him."
488
00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:16,006
Thank you, Michael.
489
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:19,343
MICHAEL: Come here.
490
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,096
Don't cash that
until Friday, okay?
491
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:23,973
Really? Today? Yeah.
492
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,057
Huh.
493
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:26,559
Happy Birthday. Thanks.
494
00:20:26,809 --> 00:20:27,911
Huh. I could say something...
495
00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:30,229
Don't do that. Okay.
496
00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:35,192
Okay, okay. I have something
that totally tops the box!
497
00:20:35,276 --> 00:20:36,736
Oh, tell me! Tell me! Okay.
498
00:20:36,819 --> 00:20:38,320
I have just convinced Dwight
499
00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:40,656
that he needs to go to Stamford,
500
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:43,117
and spy on our other branch.
No, no, no. (LAUGHING)
501
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:44,702
JIM: But before he does so,
502
00:20:44,785 --> 00:20:47,788
I told him that he should
dye his hair to go undercover.
503
00:20:47,872 --> 00:20:49,039
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
504
00:20:49,123 --> 00:20:51,125
If we can get him to
drive to Connecticut
505
00:20:51,208 --> 00:20:53,335
and put peroxide in his hair...
506
00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:54,604
(DOOR OPENS) ROY:
What the hell is this?
507
00:20:54,628 --> 00:20:56,106
What, are you trying to cop
a feel or somethin', Halpert?
508
00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:57,607
No, dude, no... Dude,
no, I was just... Hey! Hey!
509
00:20:57,631 --> 00:20:59,175
JIM: Listen. Whoa. PAM: Hold on.
510
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:01,278
God, I don't even... I don't
even know how to explain this.
511
00:21:01,302 --> 00:21:03,220
Um, uh...
512
00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:05,181
Dwight asked me
to be in an alliance.
513
00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:09,226
(LAUGHS) And, then,
um, um, we were...
514
00:21:09,393 --> 00:21:10,936
We've just been
messing with him,
515
00:21:11,020 --> 00:21:12,980
uh, because of the
whole alliance thing.
516
00:21:13,314 --> 00:21:15,399
Um... It's just office pranks.
517
00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:17,151
It's stupid. It's
just office pranks.
518
00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:19,111
An alliance? What the
hell's he talking about?
519
00:21:21,030 --> 00:21:23,073
I have absolutely no idea.
520
00:21:25,326 --> 00:21:26,327
ROY: Come on.
521
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:33,876
DWIGHT: Do I feel
bad about betraying Jim?
522
00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:36,003
Not at all.
523
00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:37,713
That's the game.
524
00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:39,673
Convince him
we're in an alliance,
525
00:21:39,757 --> 00:21:41,759
get some information,
throw him to the wolves.
526
00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:43,469
That's politics, baby.
527
00:21:43,552 --> 00:21:45,137
Get what you can out of someone,
528
00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:46,889
then crush them.
529
00:21:47,431 --> 00:21:49,642
I think Jim might have
learned a very valuable lesson.