WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
- Are you listening to me Michael ? - Affirmative.
What did I just say ?
You just said... let me check my notes,
you just said...
Alan and I have created an incentive program-
Hey ! Hey how is Alan ? Tell Alan that the Mets suck.
Ok ? From me, big time. Go Pirates !
- No I'm not gonna do that. - Ok.
We've created an incentive program to increase sales.
At the end of the month you can reward your top seller with a prize,
worth up to one thousand dollars.
Wo ! Howdy-ho. A thousand big ones. That's cool.
Do I get to pick the prize ?
Uh, yes, yes you can.
Question : does top salesman include people who were at one time,
such outstanding salesmen that they've been promoted to...
No Michael, you can't win this prize.
I didn't mean me !
Well, first what we have to do is find out
what motivates people more than anything else ?
Sex.
It's illegal, can't do that. Next best thing.
Torture.
Come on Dwight. Just, help me out here. This is stupid.
- Michael ? - Pam !
- There's... - Burger with cheese.
- There's a person here... - And fries.
- There's... - And shake. What, ? go ahead.
There's a person here who wants to sell handbags.
No vendors in the office. That is a distraction.
- Ok I told her you'd talk to her at least. - Pam come on I'm busy,
- so just tell her to go away. - Ok.
Alright I'll talk to her.
This one is hand-embroidered.
Alright girls, break it up, you're being infiltrated.
Cock in the henhouse.
- Cocks in the henhouse ! - Don't say cocks.
Oh, What is you name my fair lass ?
- Katy. - Oh Katy.
Wow ! Look at you !
You're like the new and improved Pam. Pam 6.0.
- Nobody cares what you think. - Doesn't matter.
So you know what ?
I usually don't allow solicitors in the office,
but today I am going to break some rules,
and you can have the conference room. It's yours, all day.
- Wow, thanks. - There's a H.R. meeting there at 11 :30.
Well, let's put them in the hallway.
We'll give them some chairs. Right ?
Decisiveness, one of the keys to success, according to "Small Businessman".
I do, I read "small businessman",
I also subscribe to "USA today",
and "American Way Magazine".
That's the in-flight magazine, some great articles in that.
They did this great profile last month of Doris Roberts,
and where she likes to eat when she's in Phoenix.
Illuminating.
This is my conference room,
so please, make yourself at home.
Whatever you need, I'm right on the other side of this wall,
there used to be a window here, there's not anymore.
So that's where I will be.
So if you need anything else, something to make you more comfortable,
just don't hesitate to ask, I'm right here.
- I guess a cup of coffee would be great. - Wait a second.
I should have spotted another addict. Gotta love the "bucks".
What ?
It's like a slang for Starbucks, they're all over the place.
Oh man, that place is like the promised land, to me...
What a business model too.
- Too bad we don't have the good stuff here. - A regular coffee is fine.
- No it's not, it's... - No, really, it is.
No, here's the thing, you know,
I do my best to be my own man and...
go by the beat of a different drummer.
And nobody gets me,
and they're always putting up walls, and I'm always tearing them down,
just breaking down barriers, that's what I do all day.
So, a coffee, regular coffee, for you. High test or unleaded ?
- Bring it on. Yeah. - Woo, I will. I'll bring it on. Alright.
So,
are you jealous, because there's another girl around ?
No.
She's prettier than you though.
That's a very rude thing to say, Kevin.
... suit you. I can see you pairing it with gloves.
The purse girl hits everything on my checklist.
Creamy skin,
straight teeth,
curly hair,
amazing breasts...
Not for me... for my children.
The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies.
There you go, nice steaming hot cup of joe.
- Thank you. - I've an idea.
Why don't I introduce you around ?
You know, you can kind of get your foot in the door, meet potential clientele.
Right ?
Gosh I would love to, but my purses, I should...
Oh, we can have Ryan take a look, Ryan would you look after the purses please ?
I'm installing file share on all the computers.
Technobable, just do it ok ? we have company.
Right ?
You should sell a lot here,
because this branch made over a million dollars last year.
Not that we're all millionaires, I'm probably closest,
Here is Oscar ! Oscar, this is Katie.
I'm on the phone.
Ooh ooh, Oscar the Grouch. Right ? Yeah, I thought of that. Yeah.
- That was on "Sesame street" - I know, I made the connection.
Can you believe he'd never heard that before he worked here ?
- No I don't believe that. - I know it's unbelievable.
It's nice having Katie around.
It's another person for Michael to...
interact with.
Here is Toby for human ressources. Katy, Toby. Toby, Katy.
Hey did you go to Bishop O'Hara ?
- Yeah. - Yeah me too.
- What class... - Cool what year were you there ?
89...
Toby's divorced. He...
god, recently right ?
You and your wife, and you have kids ?
- I have a girl. - That's so...
That was really messy.
You slept one night in your car, too ?
- I should probably get back to my table. - Ok, alright. Cool, see you in a bit.
Oh, she's cute.
Cutie pie. Back to work !
I live by one rule :
No office romances. No way, very messy, inapropriate,
No.
But,
I live by another rule :
Just do it.
Nike.
Hey Jimmy, what do you think about that little purse girl ?
Cute sure.
- Why don't you get on that ? - She's not really my type.
What are you, gay ?
I don't think so. Nope.
What is your type ?
Moms, primarily, yeah,
soccer moms, single moms, nascar moms, any type of mom really.
That's disgusting.
- Stay away from my mom. - Too late Kevin.
Man I would be all over that if I wasn't dating Pam.
We're not dating we're engaged.
Engaged yeah.
Pam and I are good buddies.
I'm sort of Pam's go-to guy, for her problems.
You know with stuff like work,
or her fiancé Roy,
Nope those are pretty much her only two problems.
She'd be perfect for you.
- She's been talking to Michael a lot. - So what ?
- You're assistant regional manager. - Assistant to the regional manager.
You know what Dwight, he's your work boss, ok ?
- He's not your relationship boss. - That's true.
Plus you have so much more to talk to this girl about.
You're both salesmen, I mean that's something right there.
True.
Plus I can talk to her about the origins of my last name.
It's all gold.
Guys are usually my best customers,
they buy the high-end stuff, like the beads and the sequins and stuff,
for gifts, you know.
They don't know what they're looking at so... I make suggestions.
Alight, here the thing, ok ? Just keep talking to her.
If you hit a stall you have a perfect fall back.
- What's that ? - You buy a purse.
- I don't want a purse, purses are for girls. - Dwight, that's not necessarily true.
- Do you read GQ ? - No.
Ok I do, they're like mini briefcases. Alright, lots of guys have them.
- Like those ? - Yes !
Listen, you are spending way too much time talking to me
- when you could be talking to her. - Ok I'm just gonna use the bathroom and
No !
You don't need the bathroom. You've got it. Go.
Ok, shh. Stop, whatever you're doing, cause this is going to be good.
"Hi my name is Dwigth Schrute and I would like to buy a purse from you.
Good lord look at these purses ! This is something special.
Oh my god ! Is this Salvatore de Chini... asta ?
Oh definitely, definitely step in and out of it like that.
- Yes. - You put it on...
Well I want to stress test it, you know, in case anything happens.
Oh, that was really...
this is necessary to do, to really give it a good workout.
This is the ohhh, this is the prettiest one of all !
I'm gonna be the prettiest girl in the ball.
- Oh how much ? - Oh god it's sad, it's so sad.
Here he comes, shh.
- He did pick a good one. - You're horrible !
This one's really good for a hot date.
Yeah what's that ? I'm engaged.
Oh congratulations. You need a hot date more than anyone.
I wish, right ?
I get it, I get it. Divine Secrets Of The Ya-Ya Sisterhood over here. Right ?
- So how was that coffee from earlier ? - It was good.
I knew it. Guzzled it down, you greedy little thing.
So Pam, is this your lunch break or
was that earlier when you were eating in the kitchen with those guys ?
- Sorry. - Busted !
- Come back. - Oh hey,
I want to show you something, come here.
I know you are going to like this. I picked it up today, a thousand big ones.
- Is that from starbucks ? - Yes. This is a Starbucks digital barista.
This is the Mack Daddy of espresso makers.
- Is that for the office ? - I know what you're thinking.
You're not prying this out of my hands.
- Don't tempt me because I'll give it to you. - I wouldn't think of it.
Coffee is the great incentivizer in the office.
It's a drug. It is quite literally a drug, that speeds people up.
It's not the only drug that speeds people up.
You hear stories about Dunder Mifflin in the'80s,
before everybody knew how bad cocaine was.
God... MAN, did they move paper.
Oh the rotating steam... wand.
- What ? what's the matter ? - Oh nothing,
my ride just bailed on me.
God, I'm sorry, where are you going ? nearby ? Because I could give you a ride.
No.
- Sure ? - I don't want to inconvenience you.
God !No no no inconvenience. I'm out of here at five sharp.
- At five ? - I can go earlier,
because I'm the boss, you know. Whatever. I'm out of here, slaves.
Ok.
- What ? - Ok.
Ok.
Ok I guess that would be ok.
Sounds good, five o clock sharp, I will give you and your purses a ride home.
- Ok. Cool. - Excellent. Great. Great.
- Cool. - Cool.
I should never have let the temp touch this thing.
I had all these great icons and now I have four folders, so...
- It's actually better this way. - No it's not,
because I could just click on the icon and then I'm onto something
Michael could I ask you something ?
I wanted to ask your permission to ask out Katy.
- I know it's against the rules and everything... - No it's not against the rules,
- She's not a permanent employee so it's not. - Thank you Michael. I appreciate this so much...
But I think that you should just know that I am going to be giving her a ride home later.
What ?
She asked me for a ride, and so I'm going to give her a ride home.
Is that all it is, just a ride home ? Like a taxi-cab ?
Well, might be a ride home,
might be a ride home and we stop for coffee and... dot, dot, dot.
Please, please, I am your inferior, and I'm asking you this favor,
can you promise me that it will just be a ride home ?
- No. I cannot promise you... - You cannot promise me,
- or you won't promise me ? - Listen, Dwight.
- Do you love her ? - Dwight no.
I don't know,
it's too early to tell,
I don't know how I feel.
I think you've made a really good choice she's really gonna like that.
Espresso ?
- Oh thank you. - You're welcome.
Is that from the machine that was in your office ?
I thought that was the incentive prize for the top salesperson ?
Very easy to clean.
Ok.
Like he's gonna win it anyway. Right ?
- So did we get any mail ? - Yeah I gave it to you.
Yes you did.
Just checking, double checking, checking on the check.
Thoroughness is very important in an office.
- And... - So can I...
Yeah of course.
Pam, one more thing, how do girls of your age feel about futons ?
A futon ? He's a grown man.
- That's what he said. - That's sad.
Or it's innovative. You know the futon in a bed and couch all rolled into one.
- What's up ? - Hey !
- Are you still mad at me ? - Roy.
- Come on. - Cut it out.
- Come on, are you mad at me ? - Stop it.
- Are you still mad at me now ? - Cut it out !
Come on !
Come on Pammy !
- Stop I can't breathe. - I was just kidding.
You know I didn't mean it.
Jim is a great guy, he's like a brother to me.
We're like best friends in the office.
I really hope he finds someone.
You seem to like to touch things, you should try the velvet.
I don't like to necessarily touch things, I'm just... I'm shopping.
Oh no it's fine that you...
Here. What about the raspberry one ?
It's really kind of festive, it's got a lot of personality.
Yeah no.
Hey, how's it going, good can I talk to you for a second, in private ?
- I don't think so, I'm busy. - It'll just take a second.
- I can't. - Just for a minute,
- Please. - I really can't.
I wanted to talk to you in private because I wanted to ask you out on a date.
No !
Okay, was that no to talking to me in private or was that no to the date ?
Both.
- What colors do you like ? - Grey, dark grey, charcoal...
- Ryan ? - Yeah ?
- Would you like to help me with a special project ? - I'd love to.
- OK just throw out all the empties. - You don't want to recycle them ?
Yes, throw them away in the recycling bin.
Do you want this ?
No.
What about this bottle of power drink ?
- What flavor ? - Blue.
- Blue is not a flavor. - It says flavor : blue blast.
Oh blue blast. Yes, put that in the trunk.
And there should be an unopened Arctic Chill back there.
I want that in the passanger's cup holder. Thank you.
- Hi. - Hi !
- I'm Jim, by the way. - I'm Katy.
- Hi Katy, nice to meet you. - You sit out there don't you ?
I do. That's what I'm best known for,
sitting out there.
Alright let's talk about purses.
- Ok uh... - Katy, but,
you know what ? Don't try to sell me one, ok ? Seriously.
Because I'm just here to learn.
Ok.
- So I know about most of these, but... - Ok.
What's up ? Whoa ! That's my Drakkar Noir.
- No, this is Rite Aid - Night Sweat. - No, it is a perfect smell-alike.
I'm not paying for the label. Right here, give it.
- Well it's empty. - No it's not, there's some in the straw.
There now you may throw it out.
- How many Filet-O-Fishes did you eat ? - That's over several months, Ryan.
Still.
- What's up ? - I'm bored.
Thank you, for chosing me.
No I'm kidding. So you got big plans this weekend ?
Well I think I'm gonna see Katie.
- Really ? - Yeah.
- What are you guys going to do ? - Oh man, I don't know. Dinner.
Drinks, movie, matching tattoos.
- That's great. That's cool. - Big stuff. Yeah.
- What are you doing ? - I was going to say that I think,
- We're going to help Roy's cousin move. - Okay.
Because Roy's got a truck.
That's cool.
- Yes. - That is cool.
- I'll see you Monday, though, right ? - Great.
- I'm gonna head back. - Alright.
I think in order to be a ladies'man,
it's imperative that people don't know you're a ladies'man,
so I kind of play that close to the chest.
I don't know, what can I say ? women are attracted to power. And I think,
other people have told me I have a very symmetrical face.
So I don't know, maybe they're right, I don't know.
Sure you don't want me to help you with that ? Cause I can grab that no problem.
Goodnight. It was nice to meet some of you.
See you later. Goodnight.
- Goodnight Jim. - Goodnight Michael.
Where are you going ?
I do'nt know, grab a drink, I think.
With us ?
I probably should have told you. I don't need a ride now cause Jim can take me home after. So,
- You're off the hook. - Okay great. Off the hook, excellent. Okay cool.
- I got this. - Alright, have fun.
- Thank you - Don't drink and drive.
- Take it easy ! - Have a good night !
- You too. Have a good night. - You got that ?
- You sold a lot, so it's lighter. - Yeah.
Here.
Squeeze it inside.
Now, I'm gonna warn you,
- Don't freak out. Okay ? - Why ?
This is a really nice car. In case you haven't noticed, this is a Corolla. Okay ?
- It's a- It's a very nice car. - So you're not going to freak out.
Do I have a special someone ?
Well, yeah. Of course. A bunch of them.
My employees.
If I had to choose between a one-night stand with some stupid cow I'd pick up at a bar,
and these people, I'd pick them every time.
Because with them, it is an every-day stand.
And I still know their names in the morning.