1
00:00:03,537 --> 00:00:05,471
Hey, how you doing?

2
00:00:05,739 --> 00:00:07,332
Been thinking about
my grandmother a lot.

3
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:10,538
Yeah.
She was about to turn 97.

4
00:00:10,943 --> 00:00:13,812
At least she lived
a very long, and I'm sure,
a very happy life.

5
00:00:14,081 --> 00:00:15,242
Mmm.

6
00:00:15,315 --> 00:00:16,715
Got you this card.

7
00:00:16,783 --> 00:00:17,842
When you're ready,
we all signed it.

8
00:00:17,951 --> 00:00:19,681
We just wanted you to know
we're thinking about you.

9
00:00:19,987 --> 00:00:21,216
Thank you.

10
00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:27,020
"Congratulations, Darryl.
Let's get wasted."

11
00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:29,586
"Have fun today, big guy."

12
00:00:29,663 --> 00:00:31,325
"Oh, yeah. Party time.

13
00:00:31,398 --> 00:00:33,196
"Whoop-whoop."

14
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:36,666
It's possible that
some people thought
it was your birthday.

15
00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:38,205
"Hooray. Live it up, big D."

16
00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:40,131
"Days like this don't
come often enough.

17
00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:42,699
"Time to celebrate.

18
00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:44,039
"You deserve this"?

19
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,704
(LAUGHING)

20
00:00:48,415 --> 00:00:50,975
Birthday punches!
One, two, three,
four, five, six...

21
00:00:51,084 --> 00:00:52,177
I'm so sorry.

22
00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:56,485
...13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19,
20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25...

23
00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:04,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

24
00:01:18,312 --> 00:01:20,804
So, I got an early
res at Blu Wasabi,

25
00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:22,782
and I'm taking Rachel.

26
00:01:22,849 --> 00:01:24,147
She's picking
me up after work.

27
00:01:24,217 --> 00:01:25,344
Rachel from the party?

28
00:01:26,119 --> 00:01:27,917
Oh, yeah.
Nice.

29
00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:29,751
Do the damn thing.

30
00:01:29,823 --> 00:01:32,190
Blu Wasabi is so good,
but get the cheeseburger.

31
00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:33,249
They say they won't do it,

32
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:34,350
but they will if
you make a scene.

33
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,090
Okay, bye.
Okay, bye.

34
00:01:36,163 --> 00:01:37,756
(BOTH MOAN)
I'll miss you.

35
00:01:37,831 --> 00:01:39,163
Miss you.

36
00:01:39,866 --> 00:01:42,358
Okay. I'll be in my
office if you need me.
Bye-bye.

37
00:01:42,469 --> 00:01:43,767
(KISSING)
HOLLY: Bye.

38
00:01:43,870 --> 00:01:44,894
MICHAEL: Okay, bye.
Bye.

39
00:01:44,972 --> 00:01:46,702
All right, bye. Bye.
Bye. Okay.

40
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,435
HOLLY: One more big one.
Don't go. I don't
want you to go.

41
00:01:48,508 --> 00:01:50,340
Let go.
Don't go.

42
00:01:55,482 --> 00:01:57,474
Holly and I are dating.

43
00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:01,619
It's been a week,
and I still can't
believe it.

44
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,082
(MICHAEL SIGHS)

45
00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:04,614
It goes to show
that everything

46
00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:06,091
you want in life,
you get.

47
00:02:06,159 --> 00:02:09,459
And you can't work for it.
It just comes to you.

48
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:11,292
And what do we have here?

49
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:14,261
From my secret admirer.
That's you.

50
00:02:14,334 --> 00:02:15,768
Caught.
(GIGGLING)

51
00:02:15,902 --> 00:02:17,427
I dominate Valentine's Day.

52
00:02:17,504 --> 00:02:20,406
I practically make
romance into a science.

53
00:02:20,507 --> 00:02:21,907
"Roses are red.
Violets are blue.

54
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:24,604
"Look in the vase
to find your first clue."

55
00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:26,544
Oh, my gosh.
It's a romantic
scavenger hunt.

56
00:02:26,613 --> 00:02:28,343
Close. It's a romantic
treasure hunt.

57
00:02:28,415 --> 00:02:31,351
A scavenger hunt is where you
find items from a master list.

58
00:02:31,418 --> 00:02:33,319
This is where you follow
clues that lead to a prize.

59
00:02:33,387 --> 00:02:34,787
Common misuse. Good luck.

60
00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:35,982
But there's no clue.

61
00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:37,456
Well, get to work.

62
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,387
I can't 'cause
there's no clue.

63
00:02:39,459 --> 00:02:41,052
The puzzle is the clue.

64
00:02:44,297 --> 00:02:45,629
(CLEARS THROAT LOUDLY)

65
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:47,490
Are these numbers correct?

66
00:02:47,567 --> 00:02:49,092
The numbers are
correct, Michael.

67
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:51,070
Okay.

68
00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:52,762
(CLEARS THROAT)

69
00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:55,064
(CLEARS THROAT AGAIN)

70
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:57,534
(CLEARS THROAT AGAIN)

71
00:02:57,611 --> 00:02:59,477
Are you... Are
you sick, Oscar?

72
00:02:59,546 --> 00:03:00,570
Do you need to go home?

73
00:03:00,647 --> 00:03:02,206
'Cause you're grossing me out.

74
00:03:02,282 --> 00:03:03,545
I just need a signature.

75
00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:10,654
JIM: There you go. Thanks.

76
00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:12,488
Thank you.

77
00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:14,489
(BOTH LAUGH)

78
00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:16,392
How much did you give him?
Big tip.

79
00:03:16,463 --> 00:03:17,726
Wait. I don't have my scarf.

80
00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:19,926
What?
I'm missing my scarf. Oh...

81
00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:25,328
(BOTH LAUGH)

82
00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:28,703
We decided to have
a Valentine's Day lunch,

83
00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:31,006
and then that way we can spend
the entire night with Cece,

84
00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:34,879
and avoid the Valentine's
Day dinner thing.

85
00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:36,848
It's a whole thing.

86
00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:38,681
Yeah, lunch was wonderful!

87
00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:40,846
(SHUSHING)
Um, there was
an amazing buffet,

88
00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:43,652
and there was
a chocolate
fondue station.

89
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:45,022
And what else was there?

90
00:03:45,092 --> 00:03:47,152
Uh, bottomless champagne.
Yes.

91
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:50,756
Never found that
bottom, did we?
No.

92
00:03:51,264 --> 00:03:53,995
Pssst! Pssst!

93
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:55,794
What's up?

94
00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:57,098
Are you good
at jigsaw puzzles?

95
00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:58,297
Are you kidding me?
It's all I did every summer

96
00:03:58,371 --> 00:03:59,703
when my brothers
were out sailing.

97
00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:02,208
Okay.
But if this is a romantic
thing with Gabe,

98
00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:03,334
I should probably...

99
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:06,244
Oh! No, no, no, no.
It's not weird at all.

100
00:04:06,313 --> 00:04:07,941
You have your new
girlfriend, I have Gabe.

101
00:04:08,014 --> 00:04:09,312
This is just as friends.

102
00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:11,076
Well, okay then.

103
00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:14,086
Yes!
At least until
Stanley calms down.

104
00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:16,055
Oh, is he...
(STAMMERING) Don't look.

105
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:18,988
I accidentally did his sudoku.

106
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:21,291
Andy.

107
00:04:21,661 --> 00:04:23,823
All right, I will
fax over it to you.

108
00:04:24,664 --> 00:04:28,192
I will fax it over to you.
Okay. Thank you.

109
00:04:30,537 --> 00:04:32,028
Okay, my name is

110
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:36,634
(STAMMERING) Jim Halpert,
and I will fax it in to you.

111
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,269
Under you.
I'll fax it under you.

112
00:04:38,345 --> 00:04:41,281
(STAMMERING) Oh, excuse me.
I just pissed my pants.

113
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:43,974
Not really. I didn't really.

114
00:04:44,050 --> 00:04:45,040
(CLEARS THROAT)

115
00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:49,121
Wait.

116
00:04:49,389 --> 00:04:50,687
You're just filling
that out right now?

117
00:04:50,757 --> 00:04:52,453
That wasn't meant for me.

118
00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:54,584
I will not be your valentine.

119
00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:57,089
Oh, nuts.

120
00:04:58,431 --> 00:05:00,195
I don't know if anyone
else feels this way,

121
00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:03,829
and don't get me wrong,
I love Michael and Holly.

122
00:05:04,504 --> 00:05:07,030
And maybe I'm being
overly sensitive, but

123
00:05:07,207 --> 00:05:08,300
the PDA...

124
00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:10,606
Yes! The freaking PDA!
Uh-huh.

125
00:05:10,677 --> 00:05:12,168
Thank you!

126
00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:13,611
I mean, I'm thrilled for them.

127
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:16,047
No one is more thrilled
for them than I am...
Yes. Yes, absolutely.

128
00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:17,914
...but it's totally
inappropriate.

129
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:20,579
Yeah, it's a little much.

130
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:23,488
Obviously, so happy
for them both.
CREED: So happy. Yeah.

131
00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:25,389
I don't know, guys.
I, for one,

132
00:05:25,458 --> 00:05:27,984
enjoy watching
them, because...
No, stop. Just don't...

133
00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:31,225
Can I finish? Can I finish?
Is that okay?
OSCAR: No, no, no.

134
00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:33,426
I was saying,

135
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:36,368
I enjoy watching them

136
00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:38,131
because it makes me horny.

137
00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:39,229
(ALL GROAN IN DISGUST)

138
00:05:39,306 --> 00:05:40,399
God! Kevin!

139
00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:42,840
So, tell me about
your new girlfriend.

140
00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:44,510
She's neat.

141
00:05:44,578 --> 00:05:46,103
Uh, I met her
at Darryl's
cousin's party.

142
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,647
We were the only two
white people there.

143
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:49,316
Oh, cute.

144
00:05:49,382 --> 00:05:51,408
Hey, look at that. Done.

145
00:05:51,718 --> 00:05:53,084
ERIN: That's Gabe's boom box.

146
00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:54,883
Come on, we have
to go find it.

147
00:05:55,388 --> 00:05:56,879
I wish you well on your quest.

148
00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:57,981
No, come on.

149
00:05:58,058 --> 00:05:59,117
I mean...

150
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:00,759
Come on!

151
00:06:00,827 --> 00:06:02,352
Okay.
(EXCLAIMS IN EXCITEMENT)

152
00:06:02,762 --> 00:06:04,526
I hear them kissing
all the time.

153
00:06:04,631 --> 00:06:06,327
It's this horrible
plipping sound.

154
00:06:06,399 --> 00:06:07,833
You know, it's like
Chinese water torture.

155
00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:09,425
Just...
(IMITATING KISSING)

156
00:06:09,502 --> 00:06:10,993
Like it's coming
from my own head.

157
00:06:11,638 --> 00:06:13,266
MICHAEL: Okay, sit. Okay.

158
00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:16,071
(MOANS)
Just close your eyes.

159
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:18,309
HOLLY: Can you get lower?

160
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,404
Oh, yeah.
A little lower.

161
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:22,976
I cannot keep myself
from Michael.

162
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:25,518
Everything he does is sexy.

163
00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:30,317
He has this undeniable
animal magnetism.
He's a jungle cat.

164
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:33,087
The man exudes sex.

165
00:06:33,159 --> 00:06:36,357
He can put both his
legs behind his head.

166
00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:39,227
Thank you all for meeting
on such short notice.

167
00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:40,460
(CLEARS THROAT LOUDLY)
Yes?

168
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,430
Yes. Michael Scott,
Dunder Mifflin.

169
00:06:42,502 --> 00:06:44,130
What is the purpose
of this meeting?

170
00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:45,805
Seeing as it's
Valentine's Day,

171
00:06:45,872 --> 00:06:47,397
I felt it would
be apropos to have

172
00:06:47,474 --> 00:06:50,137
a little refresher course
on romance in the workplace.

173
00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:53,874
Perfect. Yes. It is quite
apro-propriate. Carry on.

174
00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:56,978
First things first,
an office romance
is permissible.

175
00:06:57,350 --> 00:07:00,548
Not something you'd expect
to hear from corporate.
Well, guess what?

176
00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:03,715
Sabre is 100% tolerant
of office romances.

177
00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:06,659
Speaking of, Gabe,
I don't see Erin
at this meeting.

178
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,826
Uh, I also don't see Andy.

179
00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:10,954
ALL: Ooh.

180
00:07:11,698 --> 00:07:12,791
Boom! Face!

181
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,164
(CHUCKLES)
I get it. Andy's
slamming my girlfriend.

182
00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:16,703
Very funny.
(LAUGHING)

183
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:20,935
What I do not approve of,
however, is public
displays of affection,

184
00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:22,635
or PDAs.

185
00:07:22,709 --> 00:07:26,476
PDAs are totally
superfluous to a happy,
healthy office romance.

186
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,742
A perfect example,
look at Jim and Pam.

187
00:07:28,815 --> 00:07:31,683
Yeah. What? Us?

188
00:07:31,751 --> 00:07:33,811
They don't touch.
They don't kiss.

189
00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:36,049
You would hardly even
know that they were
husband and wife.

190
00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:37,246
Did it.
Yeah!

191
00:07:37,324 --> 00:07:38,792
Love it.
Keep it going.

192
00:07:38,858 --> 00:07:40,486
Okay. So, PDAs.

193
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:43,689
That's gonna include
behaviors such as
hugging, kissing...

194
00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:45,590
Uh...
Booby honking.

195
00:07:45,832 --> 00:07:47,266
Yeah, booby honking. Sure.

196
00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:48,358
Butt honking.

197
00:07:48,435 --> 00:07:49,562
Butt honking.
Yup, all the honkings.

198
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,662
The one where you
start in a crouched
position, then you leap...

199
00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:54,105
Sure. Basically, there's
no precise definition,

200
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:55,802
but you know
it when you see it.

201
00:07:55,875 --> 00:07:57,104
(PLAYFUL SNORTING)

202
00:07:58,345 --> 00:07:59,335
(CLEARS THROAT)

203
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:01,910
Are you guys
listening to this?

204
00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:06,516
What? Are you talking
about me and Holly?

205
00:08:07,253 --> 00:08:08,277
PAM: Yeah!

206
00:08:08,955 --> 00:08:10,947
Maybe you find
your own chair.

207
00:08:12,692 --> 00:08:14,058
So, we kiss occasionally.

208
00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:15,857
Not occasionally.
All the time.

209
00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:17,429
Yeah, and it's not
just the kissing.

210
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,193
It's the flirtatious
whispering.

211
00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:20,665
The flirtatious tickling.

212
00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:23,396
Whispering and tickling
have their place in business.

213
00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:26,599
That thing where you
softly exhale on her neck.

214
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:27,868
I...

215
00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:30,001
Okay, yeah, that's pretty hot.
I will give you that.

216
00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:33,136
Look, you are
all hypocrites.
You all do it.

217
00:08:33,212 --> 00:08:35,580
Michael? Confession.

218
00:08:35,648 --> 00:08:37,048
I have done PDA in the office.

219
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:38,207
Thank you.

220
00:08:38,284 --> 00:08:40,275
I've had intercourse
in the office.
All right.

221
00:08:40,352 --> 00:08:41,719
As has Angela.
Dwight!

222
00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:44,314
As has Ryan.
As has Kelly.
As has Meredith.

223
00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:49,659
As has Phyllis. As has Darryl.
As has Creed. As has Michael.
As has Holly.

224
00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:51,129
As has Kevin.

225
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,221
With who?

226
00:08:52,298 --> 00:08:54,233
She goes to another school.

227
00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:56,462
Okay, fine. No more PDA.

228
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,004
Good.
You win.

229
00:08:58,505 --> 00:08:59,837
But here's what
we are gonna do.

230
00:08:59,906 --> 00:09:02,671
We are going to designate
one of our closets
as a hook-up zone.

231
00:09:02,742 --> 00:09:03,903
No.
Anything goes!

232
00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:06,276
Just leave it how you said...
DWIGHT: Michael,
that's absurd.

233
00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:08,110
What if two couples want
to go at the same time?

234
00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:09,205
ANGELA: Ugh, Dwight!
Okay, then we have two...

235
00:09:09,282 --> 00:09:11,410
No, no, we're gonna
have three closets,

236
00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:13,680
one for each base,
no homers. Yes?

237
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:15,722
And what is the hook-up zone
policy on masturbation?

238
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,122
Pro.
Yes.

239
00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:20,683
What? Problem solved.

240
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:23,389
No, no, it's great.
I love working
at Dunder Mifflin,

241
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:26,592
a division of
Taliban enterprises.

242
00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:28,492
That's weird.

243
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:31,561
I mean, that's weird
to have sex in the office.

244
00:09:31,638 --> 00:09:33,072
That's where you work, right?

245
00:09:33,139 --> 00:09:34,129
Mmm-hmm.

246
00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:36,936
You know, you're in a meeting,

247
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:40,105
and nobody knows that
you've had sex there,

248
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:42,046
except for you and him.

249
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:43,139
(SNORTS)

250
00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:44,940
Ew.

251
00:09:47,353 --> 00:09:49,584
Don't mind us.
You keep working.

252
00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:52,050
Okay, I'll keep working.

253
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:53,582
(GASPS)

254
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:56,725
Oh, my God. It's a song.

255
00:09:56,863 --> 00:09:57,887
(WHISPERING) Whoa.

256
00:09:57,964 --> 00:09:59,592
(WHISPERING)
What do you think is on it?

257
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:01,797
We should actually probably
talk about it outside,

258
00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:03,894
or we might make Darryl mad.

259
00:10:03,970 --> 00:10:05,734
Not if we're talking
like this. I think it's okay.

260
00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:07,637
He doesn't seem to hear us.

261
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:10,968
I think he's just being nice.

262
00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:13,843
That makes sense 'cause
I feel like I'd be able
to hear us at this level.

263
00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:15,040
Darryl?

264
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:17,016
Darryl is a jerk.

265
00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:18,142
No, he's not.

266
00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:19,811
No, I'm just testing
if he can hear.

267
00:10:19,886 --> 00:10:21,081
I can hear you.
Okay.

268
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:23,123
Then no more talking.
Let's just play the song.

269
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:26,320
GABE ON STEREO: (SINGING)
The temp at night

270
00:10:26,392 --> 00:10:28,657
The temp at night

271
00:10:28,728 --> 00:10:30,924
The temp at night

272
00:10:30,997 --> 00:10:32,898
The temp at night

273
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,795
Temp at night?

274
00:10:36,035 --> 00:10:37,128
What do you...

275
00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:39,172
You got it.

276
00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:40,468
Pick it up. Take it out.

277
00:10:40,740 --> 00:10:41,730
Pick?

278
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,102
Pick it up.
Okay.

279
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:46,145
Take it out.
Pick it up.
Pick it up.

280
00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:47,612
Pick it up. Take it out.

281
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,808
Right. Okay.

282
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:02,628
Sorry to interrupt.
Forgot to collect my things.

283
00:11:02,695 --> 00:11:06,063
Ah, the old leave behind.
Oldest trick in the book.

284
00:11:06,132 --> 00:11:07,566
Good thing it's working.

285
00:11:07,634 --> 00:11:09,967
No. Michael, I don't want
to make people uncomfortable.

286
00:11:10,703 --> 00:11:12,934
Since when is comfort
the most important thing?

287
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,635
I mean, I don't sit
on your lap because
it's comfortable.

288
00:11:15,708 --> 00:11:18,303
I sit on your lap
because I like the way
your thighs feel on my butt.

289
00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:21,174
Yeah, but if they're
uncomfortable, it makes
me uncomfortable.

290
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:25,307
Oh, okay. Well,
if it makes you
uncomfortable,

291
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:26,944
then we'll stop.
Okay.

292
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,818
Holly and I are like
Romeo and Juliet,

293
00:11:28,888 --> 00:11:32,222
and this office is like the
dragon that kept them apart.

294
00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:36,120
Hey, you know the only
reason why people
here are complaining?

295
00:11:36,462 --> 00:11:40,866
They are jealous of two people
in love on Valentine's Day.

296
00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:42,432
Two people in love?

297
00:11:44,904 --> 00:11:46,395
I love you.

298
00:11:47,106 --> 00:11:49,598
Wait, wait, wait.
What do you mean
you love me?

299
00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:51,372
We've only been
dating for a week.

300
00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:54,546
Do you mean you love
me like, "Hey, there's
Holly. I love that girl,"

301
00:11:54,614 --> 00:11:58,779
or do you mean you
love me like you
"love me" love me?

302
00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:01,012
I "love you" love you.

303
00:12:01,487 --> 00:12:02,511
(GASPS)

304
00:12:02,589 --> 00:12:04,581
You "love me" love me.

305
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:09,059
I "love you" love you.

306
00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:27,038
I am really disappointed
in the office's policy
on PDA at this moment.

307
00:12:32,885 --> 00:12:34,444
I love you.

308
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:35,715
I love you.

309
00:12:40,226 --> 00:12:42,855
Yeah, whatever. No big deal.

310
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:45,558
Just the hottest girl
in the world loves me.

311
00:12:50,169 --> 00:12:52,502
Okay, Ryan's the temp.
What does he do at night?

312
00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:55,132
I guess we just have
to wait until night and see.

313
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:56,932
Oh.

314
00:12:57,043 --> 00:12:59,137
Or maybe not.

315
00:12:59,979 --> 00:13:01,072
(GASPS)

316
00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:03,039
Oh.

317
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,380
Cool.

318
00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:08,950
ANDY: How romantic is this?

319
00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:10,888
ERIN: Super romantic.
Right?

320
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:13,723
Do you see a clue or...

321
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:14,954
Did you not see it?

322
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:17,292
Oh, my gosh.
Hanks.

323
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,289
(EXCLAIMS)

324
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:21,925
Oh, hey.
Hey. No time to chat!

325
00:13:22,001 --> 00:13:23,970
Sorry.
Well, we were just
looking for Ryan.

326
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:26,233
So, he's not here.
Hey, you're looking for me?

327
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:29,242
Oh, yeah, we were.
We were just looking
to say hi. So, hey.

328
00:13:30,943 --> 00:13:32,002
No, you weren't.

329
00:13:32,078 --> 00:13:33,068
No, we weren't.

330
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,580
You wanted to have
sex in my office.

331
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,309
No.
Definitely not.
That's disgusting.

332
00:13:36,382 --> 00:13:37,850
(STAMMERING) It's cool.

333
00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:41,319
Just, um, try to put
everything back
where you found it.

334
00:13:41,854 --> 00:13:43,720
Text me when you're
finished. I'll be out here.

335
00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:46,049
Hey, you don't have to...

336
00:13:47,026 --> 00:13:48,460
That was so embarrassing.
I'm gonna die.

337
00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:50,156
That was really rough.

338
00:13:53,866 --> 00:13:55,391
PAM: Let me make
something clear.

339
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:59,196
Jim and I have never
and will never have
sex in the office.

340
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:03,504
JIM: No, because the office
isn't what I'd consider
a romantic place.

341
00:14:04,977 --> 00:14:07,640
PAM: Besides, we have
something those other
people don't have,

342
00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:09,580
which is a home and a bed.

343
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:11,817
And a shower.

344
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:14,720
Hello, Holly.
Hello.

345
00:14:14,787 --> 00:14:15,914
Here, shake. No!

346
00:14:15,988 --> 00:14:18,253
No, don't touch.
No, we can't.

347
00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:20,259
No touching.
No touching.

348
00:14:20,326 --> 00:14:23,387
Ah, I'm trying
not to touch you.

349
00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:24,553
BOTH: Oh.

350
00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:26,462
Almost got you.
No, so close.

351
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:27,795
BOTH: Oh!

352
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:30,530
No, we can't do that.
We can't do this.

353
00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:31,866
You're not touching me.

354
00:14:31,938 --> 00:14:35,966
I don't know what your
body feels like, 'cause
I can't touch it.

355
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:37,738
Okay, this is much
worse than before.

356
00:14:37,810 --> 00:14:39,870
Yeah, I agree. This is nasty.

357
00:14:39,946 --> 00:14:41,812
Grab you here.
And here.

358
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,941
MICHAEL: And I will
grab you here anyway.

359
00:14:44,016 --> 00:14:45,040
(MICHAEL LAUGHS)

360
00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:46,177
You have to cut it out.

361
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:47,445
Never.
Okay.

362
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,386
You said you would.
I did say I would,

363
00:14:49,455 --> 00:14:51,447
but I was wrong.
I can't stop.

364
00:14:51,991 --> 00:14:55,052
You don't know what
it is like to love a woman

365
00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:59,896
and have her love you back.
It is a feeling that cannot,
and will not,

366
00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:03,095
and frankly cannot
be contained.

367
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:06,695
No one is a bigger fan
of sexual touching than me.

368
00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:10,038
But with you two,
it's reaching the level
of a complex.

369
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:12,234
I can think of
three explanations.

370
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:15,711
One, you're taking MDMA,
street name, Ecstasy.

371
00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:17,341
I've done it,
and I know the feeling.

372
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:19,412
No, I don't think so.

373
00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:23,445
Number two, you're
desperately trying to fit
in a whole relationship

374
00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:27,994
before Toby comes back
from jury duty and Holly
has to go back to Nashua.

375
00:15:28,060 --> 00:15:31,360
Or three, you're at an age

376
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:34,663
where your sexual climaxes
aren't as powerful,

377
00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:39,638
so you need to overcompensate
with foreplay, taboo behavior.

378
00:15:40,706 --> 00:15:43,335
Yes, it was that.
It's that one.

379
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:45,469
Yes. Number three.

380
00:15:48,848 --> 00:15:50,976
Give me all your money
and take off your clothes.

381
00:15:51,050 --> 00:15:52,484
We're not supposed to PDA.

382
00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:54,851
Come on. Nobody's looking.

383
00:16:01,227 --> 00:16:02,559
What's wrong?

384
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:03,618
(SIGHS)

385
00:16:06,365 --> 00:16:09,096
I hadn't thought about you
having to go back to Nashua.

386
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,166
Maybe we didn't want
to think about it.

387
00:16:14,373 --> 00:16:16,171
We can make it work.
We'll date long-distance.

388
00:16:16,342 --> 00:16:19,176
That's what we said
last time, remember?

389
00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:21,646
We broke up on the drive.

390
00:16:22,748 --> 00:16:23,977
How's this gonna
be any different?

391
00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:25,245
We weren't in love last time.

392
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:26,752
I was in love with you.

393
00:16:28,020 --> 00:16:31,957
I'm not saying
it won't be hard,
but we can make it work.

394
00:16:33,059 --> 00:16:34,391
That's what she said.

395
00:16:34,927 --> 00:16:35,917
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

396
00:16:38,197 --> 00:16:39,187
(EXCLAIMS)

397
00:16:40,366 --> 00:16:41,959
One Erin special, please.

398
00:16:42,201 --> 00:16:43,999
Here's your bottle
of sparkling cider.

399
00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:45,728
That's my favorite.

400
00:16:45,805 --> 00:16:47,068
I'm now supposed to tell you

401
00:16:47,139 --> 00:16:52,203
to enjoy a mid-hunt
break, and look for
a heart or some (BLEEP)

402
00:16:52,278 --> 00:16:53,507
in the break room
when you're through.

403
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:56,171
(KNOCK ON WINDOW)

404
00:16:56,282 --> 00:16:57,580
Hey, buck up, buddy.

405
00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:00,420
Make that face he likes.

406
00:17:02,388 --> 00:17:05,517
Hey. Hey, come on.
You're hurting him.

407
00:17:08,294 --> 00:17:10,991
It's like a time bomb
is ticking down.
(SHUSHING)

408
00:17:11,063 --> 00:17:14,157
When it goes off,
no more kissing,
no more hugging.

409
00:17:14,233 --> 00:17:15,291
Just hush.

410
00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:17,165
Sexual time bomb.

411
00:17:17,236 --> 00:17:18,897
Just rock.

412
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:24,143
"Boner Bomb" starring
Jason Statham,

413
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:26,679
or we go against type
with an Eisenberg
or a Michael Cera.

414
00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:28,942
Movie idea?
No.

415
00:17:29,015 --> 00:17:32,144
Saving the world has
never been this hard.

416
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:34,244
Okay.
(SHUSHING)

417
00:17:34,353 --> 00:17:37,221
Have you talked to her
about our feelings? Women
really go for that crap.

418
00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:38,622
No, I can't talk to her.

419
00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:42,423
I can't even look
at her without thinking
about it ending.

420
00:17:44,463 --> 00:17:46,830
Kevin, do more stupid faces.

421
00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:48,057
Which one?

422
00:17:48,134 --> 00:17:50,160
I have a lot of stupid faces.
I don't know.

423
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:51,864
Do a monkey face.
Do a monkey face.

424
00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:55,804
I love that.
I love that face.
Good. He loves it.

425
00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:57,977
(IMITATING MONKEY SOUNDS)

426
00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:00,505
Good. Jump. Jump up and down.

427
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:02,310
No, monkey!
Go back to the monkey.

428
00:18:02,381 --> 00:18:03,542
Don't do the squirrel.

429
00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:06,110
Throw your poop.
Hurl your feces.

430
00:18:06,552 --> 00:18:07,815
MICHAEL: That's good.
Good.

431
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:09,116
That's good. He's throwing it.

432
00:18:09,188 --> 00:18:11,419
They really do that.
I know.

433
00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:13,149
ERIN: B-9.
ANDY: B-9.

434
00:18:13,225 --> 00:18:14,625
Like benign tumor.

435
00:18:14,794 --> 00:18:17,696
Maybe it's just
more like "Be mine."

436
00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:20,164
Oh, yes. There's a note.

437
00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:22,201
"A little cookie
for you, my miss.

438
00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:25,534
"But the real treasure
is your Valentine's kiss."

439
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:27,298
BOTH: Mmm.

440
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,030
So...

441
00:18:29,508 --> 00:18:31,704
We're supposed to...

442
00:18:32,979 --> 00:18:34,003
Hmm...

443
00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:49,962
Holly, hey.
Hi.

444
00:18:50,029 --> 00:18:53,227
Holly, I love you
so, so, so much.

445
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:55,097
And I think that
we need to break up.

446
00:18:55,534 --> 00:18:56,729
What? What are
you talking about?

447
00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:57,929
Actually, it's
Valentine's Day.

448
00:18:58,004 --> 00:19:00,473
Shouldn't be doing this today.
I'll talk to you tomorrow.

449
00:19:00,539 --> 00:19:02,269
No, we're gonna talk now.

450
00:19:02,341 --> 00:19:03,468
You're not breaking
up with me.

451
00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:09,038
You're gonna go back
to Nashua eventually,
and I can't handle it.

452
00:19:09,348 --> 00:19:11,874
So let's just... Let's...

453
00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:13,351
What if I said
it wasn't up to them?

454
00:19:13,419 --> 00:19:15,888
Who?
The company.

455
00:19:15,955 --> 00:19:17,355
Nobody knows our future,

456
00:19:17,423 --> 00:19:19,654
but it's not gonna be
decided by the company.

457
00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:22,361
It's not gonna be decided
by anybody but us.

458
00:19:22,561 --> 00:19:26,054
And what we are
is up to you and me.

459
00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:30,095
Okay. Okay.

460
00:19:32,304 --> 00:19:34,899
Ladies and gentlemen,
I have an announcement
to make.

461
00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:38,539
As of today, officially,

462
00:19:38,611 --> 00:19:40,580
Holly and I are
moving in together.

463
00:19:40,646 --> 00:19:42,308
Yay!
(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)

464
00:19:42,381 --> 00:19:43,576
Thank you. Thank you.

465
00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:47,049
Oscar, this must
be tough for you,
watching this go down.

466
00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:49,850
You could not stand
in the way of true love,
my friend.

467
00:19:49,955 --> 00:19:51,890
Are you kidding?
I wasn't trying
to break you guys up.

468
00:19:51,957 --> 00:19:53,892
Better luck next time, pal.

469
00:19:53,959 --> 00:19:58,761
Well, the point is, there
will no longer be any need
for PDA here at the office

470
00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:01,300
between us, because
when we get home,

471
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:05,099
we are going to make love
to and with one another,

472
00:20:05,237 --> 00:20:08,674
and that, to me, is the best
Valentine's Day present

473
00:20:08,774 --> 00:20:13,337
that a person could receive.
So, I bid you all adieu.

474
00:20:13,412 --> 00:20:15,574
You do?
I do.

475
00:20:16,148 --> 00:20:18,014
Go on. Kiss each
other already.

476
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:22,948
Suck it, Oscar.
This must kill you.

477
00:20:23,022 --> 00:20:24,456
I just told them to do it.

478
00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:38,467
What?
No.

479
00:20:38,971 --> 00:20:40,462
No.

480
00:20:40,539 --> 00:20:42,872
We took a walk.
We took a walk.

481
00:20:46,645 --> 00:20:48,944
My perfect Valentine's Day?

482
00:20:49,048 --> 00:20:52,314
I'm at home, three cell
phones in front of me,

483
00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:54,353
fielding desperate calls
from people who want to buy

484
00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:58,585
one of the 50 restaurant
reservations I made over
six months ago.

485
00:20:58,657 --> 00:21:01,991
Anybody can be Prince
Charming one day a year

486
00:21:02,061 --> 00:21:04,394
with the dinner
and the flowers
and all that.

487
00:21:04,463 --> 00:21:06,193
But you know what
impresses me?

488
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:09,394
When a guy can do
that no days a year.

489
00:21:10,402 --> 00:21:13,031
Flowers, diamonds,
three-course meal,

490
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:15,301
violinist comes to my
table to serenade me.

491
00:21:15,374 --> 00:21:18,173
Pizza, soda, the moon,

492
00:21:18,244 --> 00:21:19,837
someone to share it with.

493
00:21:19,912 --> 00:21:22,472
What are our plans
for tonight?

494
00:21:22,548 --> 00:21:23,538
Um...

495
00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:25,676
(IMITATING BED CREAKING)

496
00:21:26,305 --> 00:21:32,201
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