1
00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:03,144
So, coasting time.
It's officially over.
2
00:00:03,179 --> 00:00:06,864
Big changes are coming,
and they're coming fast.
3
00:00:06,932 --> 00:00:08,866
And if you don't like them,
4
00:00:08,934 --> 00:00:10,067
this is called a door,
5
00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:11,936
you can walk right
through it, all right?
6
00:00:11,987 --> 00:00:13,137
I'm not here to be your friend.
7
00:00:13,205 --> 00:00:15,806
I like my life
outside of this place.
8
00:00:15,874 --> 00:00:17,675
I live to
leave at 5:00.
9
00:00:17,743 --> 00:00:20,411
Change number one: Darryl.
10
00:00:20,478 --> 00:00:22,647
Per your request,
the company is sending you
11
00:00:22,714 --> 00:00:24,549
to business school at night.
12
00:00:24,616 --> 00:00:26,617
Full ride, deal with it.
13
00:00:26,668 --> 00:00:28,052
Seriously?
14
00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:30,338
Stone cold seriously.
15
00:00:30,422 --> 00:00:31,856
They are trying
to figure me out,
16
00:00:31,924 --> 00:00:36,093
and I don't like it.
17
00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:37,328
Once they figure me out
18
00:00:37,396 --> 00:00:39,864
they start to tell me
what I want to hear.
19
00:00:39,932 --> 00:00:42,800
And I need to quickly figure out
who's a good worker,
20
00:00:42,868 --> 00:00:46,237
and who is simply
a good mind reader.
21
00:00:46,305 --> 00:00:48,940
Because as soon as
I'm hearing what I wanna hear,
22
00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:50,908
I'm not gonna care.
23
00:00:50,976 --> 00:00:54,478
Toby.
You're getting a new chair.
24
00:00:54,546 --> 00:00:56,397
- Nice.
- Don't thank me.
25
00:00:56,481 --> 00:00:58,316
Hey, don't thank me, guy.
26
00:00:58,367 --> 00:00:59,750
Okay?
27
00:00:59,818 --> 00:01:01,519
And I don't care
if you like it.
28
00:01:01,587 --> 00:01:04,372
These sound like good ideas,
why wouldn't we like them?
29
00:01:04,456 --> 00:01:07,575
I don't care what
your favorite flavor is.
30
00:01:07,659 --> 00:01:08,659
Here's a bowl of ice cream,
31
00:01:08,727 --> 00:01:10,328
you either like it
or you don't.
32
00:01:10,395 --> 00:01:12,797
That's my attitude
right now in this room,
33
00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:17,001
that's my attitude
on ice cream Thursdays.
34
00:01:17,052 --> 00:01:18,502
All right?
35
00:01:18,553 --> 00:01:20,037
Clear?
Any questions?
36
00:01:20,088 --> 00:01:25,576
This all sounds great to me.
37
00:01:25,644 --> 00:01:28,346
But I could see how
some people might
38
00:01:28,413 --> 00:01:31,048
think that they're bad.
39
00:01:31,116 --> 00:01:33,050
I don't know what to think.
40
00:01:33,101 --> 00:01:35,519
That is a--
41
00:01:35,570 --> 00:01:37,721
An astute observation, Kevin.
42
00:01:37,773 --> 00:01:39,457
Kev's got me pegged.
43
00:01:47,342 --> 00:01:52,014
Sync by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
44
00:02:14,109 --> 00:02:16,160
It blows away
Vermont in the fall.
45
00:02:16,228 --> 00:02:17,311
Snap, for real?
46
00:02:17,396 --> 00:02:18,595
- Not even--
- Good morning, Deangelo.
47
00:02:18,647 --> 00:02:19,897
- Hold on, Pam.
- Okay.
48
00:02:19,965 --> 00:02:21,332
And if you're really serious,
49
00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:23,234
you should go in the spring.
50
00:02:23,301 --> 00:02:25,269
- 'Cause of the flowers.
- No.
51
00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:28,239
Because the entire state
smells like earth.
52
00:02:28,306 --> 00:02:29,440
Dogwoods, or just the earth?
53
00:02:29,508 --> 00:02:31,175
Yes, Pam.
54
00:02:31,243 --> 00:02:32,609
Hey, well, good morning.
55
00:02:32,661 --> 00:02:34,412
I think I have good
news for you today.
56
00:02:34,463 --> 00:02:36,113
I found your new
executive assistant.
57
00:02:36,164 --> 00:02:37,281
My friend Carla.
58
00:02:37,332 --> 00:02:39,116
She's got great experience,
59
00:02:39,167 --> 00:02:40,985
we even considered
making her Cece's godmother.
60
00:02:41,053 --> 00:02:42,420
But she had this
boyfriend at the time.
61
00:02:42,487 --> 00:02:44,138
But here's her resume.
Put it with the rest.
62
00:02:44,222 --> 00:02:45,956
Okay.
63
00:02:46,007 --> 00:02:47,291
Hey, dudes.
Hey.
64
00:02:47,342 --> 00:02:48,793
Hey.
65
00:02:48,860 --> 00:02:50,811
- Oh, my God, he hates me.
- No, he doesn't.
66
00:02:50,896 --> 00:02:52,246
You just get so nervous
and hyper around him.
67
00:02:52,314 --> 00:02:53,330
I know.
68
00:02:53,398 --> 00:02:54,482
Every time there's a silence,
69
00:02:54,566 --> 00:02:56,467
you're brain's, like...
70
00:02:56,535 --> 00:02:57,601
Is that what he tells you
71
00:02:57,652 --> 00:02:58,652
at your little
inner-circle meetings?
72
00:02:58,737 --> 00:03:01,689
Careful, there
is no inner circle.
73
00:03:01,773 --> 00:03:03,357
Oh, there's an inner circle.
74
00:03:03,442 --> 00:03:04,842
Oh, yeah.
75
00:03:04,910 --> 00:03:06,711
There is no inner circle.
76
00:03:06,778 --> 00:03:09,747
Deangelo just prefers
to delegate a few things
77
00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:11,182
to a few guys.
78
00:03:11,249 --> 00:03:15,519
Jim only says that because
he's in the inner circle.
79
00:03:15,587 --> 00:03:17,121
I also say that,
80
00:03:17,189 --> 00:03:21,425
because I am also
in the inner circle.
81
00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:22,626
Did you get that, ma?
82
00:03:22,694 --> 00:03:27,865
Your boy, Kevin Malone,
is in the inner circle.
83
00:03:30,769 --> 00:03:35,573
Which doesn't exist.
84
00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:36,907
There he is.
85
00:03:36,975 --> 00:03:38,142
Got you a coffee.
86
00:03:38,210 --> 00:03:41,746
Oh, wow, thank you,
that was so kind of you.
87
00:03:43,782 --> 00:03:45,649
Not a coffee guy
I take it, huh?
88
00:03:45,700 --> 00:03:47,017
It's just that I
own the coffee shop.
89
00:03:47,085 --> 00:03:50,070
So once you've seen
sausage being made,
90
00:03:50,155 --> 00:03:51,388
all you wanna do
is make sausage.
91
00:03:51,456 --> 00:03:52,656
'Cause it's so much fun.
92
00:03:52,707 --> 00:03:55,092
Listen, I've got a sixer.
93
00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:57,244
"Automatic for the people,"
on the jukebox.
94
00:03:57,329 --> 00:03:59,563
Let's hit the park
after sundown, come on.
95
00:03:59,631 --> 00:04:01,081
Pick up some sausage
if you want.
96
00:04:01,166 --> 00:04:06,837
I think you'll find what
you're looking for over there.
97
00:04:09,674 --> 00:04:11,425
No matter how many times
98
00:04:11,510 --> 00:04:12,943
I reach out to Dwight,
99
00:04:13,011 --> 00:04:15,946
he doesn't seem to want
anything to do with me.
100
00:04:16,014 --> 00:04:18,182
It reminds me of my
relationship with my son.
101
00:04:18,250 --> 00:04:20,951
Except there, I'm the Dwight.
102
00:04:21,019 --> 00:04:23,220
Who's the biggest
client in the state?
103
00:04:23,288 --> 00:04:24,888
I say we go get 'em,
whatever it takes.
104
00:04:24,940 --> 00:04:26,357
Huh, what do you guys say?
105
00:04:26,408 --> 00:04:27,558
- Yes.
- Yeah.
106
00:04:27,609 --> 00:04:28,759
- Huh, right?
- Let's do it.
107
00:04:28,827 --> 00:04:32,029
Or my other idea,
50,000 tiny clients.
108
00:04:32,097 --> 00:04:36,417
Yeah, I say that
we just go for it.
109
00:04:36,501 --> 00:04:37,701
Whoa, is that ball
lighter than usual?
110
00:04:37,769 --> 00:04:39,003
Is that a
Chinatown knock-off?
111
00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:40,104
That's "toys r' us" I think.
112
00:04:40,172 --> 00:04:41,422
No, that's
definitely a knock-off.
113
00:04:41,506 --> 00:04:42,873
You can feel the
center of gravity is off.
114
00:04:42,924 --> 00:04:44,925
Feel that, what do you think?
115
00:04:45,010 --> 00:04:46,343
Oh, yeah, totally.
116
00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:48,078
Jim, you got
ripped off big time.
117
00:04:48,129 --> 00:04:50,314
Deangelo!
118
00:04:50,382 --> 00:04:51,298
See what I did there?
119
00:04:51,383 --> 00:04:52,716
Oh, that's what you need to do.
120
00:04:52,767 --> 00:04:54,585
Just add a little English.
The British are coming.
121
00:04:54,653 --> 00:04:56,120
- Yes.
- Deangelo's open!
122
00:04:56,188 --> 00:04:57,822
Hey, Ry.
123
00:04:57,889 --> 00:04:59,757
Your department's
killing it, baby.
124
00:04:59,825 --> 00:05:02,226
Hey!
My pleasure, my treasure.
125
00:05:02,277 --> 00:05:03,310
Keep it up.
126
00:05:03,395 --> 00:05:05,496
The problem with having "it,"
127
00:05:05,564 --> 00:05:07,865
or, "the x-factor,"
128
00:05:07,932 --> 00:05:10,067
or whatever it is
you wanna call it,
129
00:05:10,135 --> 00:05:13,737
is that it's impossible
to put into words
130
00:05:13,805 --> 00:05:16,707
what you're bringing
to the table.
131
00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:18,509
So to make things
simpler for Deangelo,
132
00:05:18,577 --> 00:05:21,345
I just, without lying,
strongly implied that
133
00:05:21,413 --> 00:05:22,780
I'm Kelly's supervisor.
134
00:05:22,848 --> 00:05:24,715
It's not even that
much of a stretch.
135
00:05:24,783 --> 00:05:26,483
She pretty much does
whatever I say.
136
00:05:26,551 --> 00:05:27,718
What?
137
00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:29,637
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
138
00:05:29,721 --> 00:05:31,188
Why should I pretend
that you are my boss?
139
00:05:31,256 --> 00:05:32,790
Because what would you have
done in that situation, Kelly?
140
00:05:32,858 --> 00:05:34,124
I'll tell you what
I would have done for you.
141
00:05:34,192 --> 00:05:35,142
I'd lie for you.
142
00:05:35,227 --> 00:05:36,627
Yeah, but you lie all the time.
143
00:05:36,695 --> 00:05:37,862
You lie for no reason.
144
00:05:37,929 --> 00:05:39,346
Ryan, you just like to lie.
145
00:05:39,431 --> 00:05:40,764
I'd die for you too.
146
00:05:40,832 --> 00:05:42,700
You really would?
147
00:05:42,767 --> 00:05:44,635
Hey, Kelly Kapoor,
if I don't have
148
00:05:44,686 --> 00:05:47,004
those call logs on my desk,
149
00:05:47,072 --> 00:05:48,022
we're just gonna
have to evaluate
150
00:05:48,106 --> 00:05:50,941
your future at the company.
151
00:05:50,992 --> 00:05:52,526
- Sure thing, Mr. Howard.
- Whoo.
152
00:05:52,611 --> 00:05:54,645
Glad he's not my boss.
153
00:05:56,448 --> 00:06:01,952
Ooh, you're
the best, thank you.
154
00:06:02,020 --> 00:06:04,955
You know I have a cousin
who cracked the secret formula
155
00:06:05,006 --> 00:06:07,258
for a certain popular cola
that I shall not name.
156
00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:09,960
So I've never had to buy it.
157
00:06:10,028 --> 00:06:11,362
True story.
158
00:06:11,429 --> 00:06:13,364
I just drink my cousin's.
159
00:06:13,431 --> 00:06:14,632
Congratulations
on your one cousin.
160
00:06:14,699 --> 00:06:18,302
I have 70-- Each one
better than the last.
161
00:06:18,370 --> 00:06:19,603
You know what?
162
00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:22,806
Straight up, why
don't you like me?
163
00:06:22,874 --> 00:06:25,609
I'm just not a suck-up like
everyone else around here, okay?
164
00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:28,011
I do my job well,
so why don't you just
165
00:06:28,063 --> 00:06:31,198
leave me alone,
and let me do it.
166
00:06:31,283 --> 00:06:33,367
Okay?
167
00:06:33,451 --> 00:06:34,785
Oh, no.
168
00:06:34,852 --> 00:06:36,019
- Wha--?
- Okay?
169
00:06:36,071 --> 00:06:38,222
I'm gonna win you over.
No, you're not.
170
00:06:38,290 --> 00:06:39,206
- Yes, I am.
- No.
171
00:06:39,291 --> 00:06:40,357
- Oh, yes.
- No.
172
00:06:40,425 --> 00:06:41,358
- Yes.
- No.
173
00:06:41,426 --> 00:06:42,626
- No.
- Yes!
174
00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:43,627
- Yes!
- No!
175
00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:44,695
- No.
- Yes.
176
00:06:44,746 --> 00:06:45,629
- Yes, yes, yes, yes!
- No, no!
177
00:06:45,697 --> 00:06:47,030
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
178
00:06:47,082 --> 00:06:49,633
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
179
00:06:49,701 --> 00:06:53,370
Uh-oh, this former
administrative assistant
180
00:06:53,438 --> 00:06:55,172
misspelled "administrative,"
and "assistant."
181
00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:56,874
The winner.
182
00:06:56,942 --> 00:07:02,379
Under "special skills,"
Mr. Don finer put "juggling."
183
00:07:04,449 --> 00:07:06,884
What's wrong with
juggling, Darryl?
184
00:07:06,952 --> 00:07:08,552
I'm a big juggler.
185
00:07:08,620 --> 00:07:11,021
I actually perform a
motivational juggling routine.
186
00:07:11,089 --> 00:07:14,325
- Seriously?
- Oh, yeah.
187
00:07:14,392 --> 00:07:15,943
I'd do it for you here but, uh,
188
00:07:16,027 --> 00:07:17,995
what would you
say this room is?
189
00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:19,096
3oo square feet?
320?
190
00:07:19,164 --> 00:07:22,700
320, just freeballin' it.
191
00:07:22,767 --> 00:07:24,702
It's a little cramped.
192
00:07:24,753 --> 00:07:25,836
How many square feet out there?
193
00:07:25,903 --> 00:07:27,705
17-18 hundo?
194
00:07:27,756 --> 00:07:30,741
Oh, I think it's 18 hundo.
195
00:07:30,792 --> 00:07:32,209
Give or take.
196
00:07:32,277 --> 00:07:33,927
Sorry, gang.
197
00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:35,729
Thought my juggling stuff
was in the trunk of my car,
198
00:07:35,797 --> 00:07:37,014
but it's not.
199
00:07:37,082 --> 00:07:39,416
Oh, no, do you
think it was stolen?
200
00:07:39,467 --> 00:07:40,851
I got you covered, boss.
201
00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:43,854
Used to play with
the parabolas myself.
202
00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:45,856
Got some extra balls.
203
00:07:45,923 --> 00:07:47,524
Hey!
Whoa!
204
00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:53,464
Sorry, I never touch
another juggler's instruments.
205
00:07:53,531 --> 00:07:55,566
You know, we're all here,
I've got the music cued.
206
00:07:55,633 --> 00:07:57,901
Why don't I just do my routine
without the juggling balls.
207
00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:02,706
Prepare to go
into the danger zone.
208
00:08:07,379 --> 00:08:09,246
Oh, wow, you weren't kidding.
209
00:08:09,314 --> 00:08:11,281
No, never.
210
00:08:11,332 --> 00:08:14,668
Can someone please
throw me a fifth ball?
211
00:08:14,753 --> 00:08:17,755
If you dare.
212
00:08:17,822 --> 00:08:19,640
Incoming!
213
00:08:19,724 --> 00:08:20,641
And we're on.
214
00:08:21,726 --> 00:08:24,395
Remember, nothing's impossible.
215
00:08:39,194 --> 00:08:41,945
- Phyllis, where's Phyllis?
- Here.
216
00:08:41,996 --> 00:08:44,014
Do you believe in me, Phyllis?
217
00:08:44,082 --> 00:08:45,916
- Yes.
- 'Cause I believe in you.
218
00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:47,951
Oh, okay.
219
00:08:52,207 --> 00:08:54,458
Feel that connection?
220
00:08:54,509 --> 00:08:57,928
Don't move your head,
please, thank you.
221
00:08:57,995 --> 00:08:59,663
Aah!
Big hand for Phyllis.
222
00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:03,517
That took a lot of guts.
223
00:09:10,859 --> 00:09:13,060
I'm Deangelo Vickers,
thank you so much.
224
00:09:13,144 --> 00:09:14,778
Hope you learned something.
225
00:09:14,846 --> 00:09:15,863
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
226
00:09:18,283 --> 00:09:21,652
He didn't drop a single ball.
227
00:09:21,703 --> 00:09:22,853
Look.
228
00:09:22,904 --> 00:09:24,855
I'm juggling eggs
and bowling balls.
229
00:09:24,906 --> 00:09:27,691
I'm juggling with one hand.
230
00:09:27,759 --> 00:09:30,794
No hands.
231
00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:32,496
What could he
possibly stand to gain
232
00:09:32,547 --> 00:09:33,597
from a fake juggling routine?
233
00:09:33,665 --> 00:09:35,215
What could he
possibly stand to gain
234
00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:36,917
from a real juggling routine?
235
00:09:37,001 --> 00:09:38,969
How can you keep defending him?
236
00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:40,204
He's good at his job,
237
00:09:40,271 --> 00:09:41,872
and I like working for him.
238
00:09:41,923 --> 00:09:43,407
Of course you do, Jim.
239
00:09:43,475 --> 00:09:44,975
You're a man.
240
00:09:45,042 --> 00:09:46,376
Deangelo is a huge sexist.
241
00:09:46,444 --> 00:09:47,678
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
242
00:09:47,745 --> 00:09:50,848
I think if he was a sexist
I'd be able to tell.
243
00:09:50,899 --> 00:09:52,850
I took a crapload of women's
studies courses at Cornell.
244
00:09:52,901 --> 00:09:55,519
And I wrote my own companion
piece to the vagina monologues
245
00:09:55,587 --> 00:09:57,121
called the penis apologies.
246
00:09:57,188 --> 00:09:58,388
So I know a thing or two.
247
00:09:58,456 --> 00:09:59,423
Okay.
248
00:09:59,491 --> 00:10:00,407
Then how about I'm the head
249
00:10:00,492 --> 00:10:01,425
of the accounting department,
250
00:10:01,493 --> 00:10:03,360
but he only ever
talks to Kevin.
251
00:10:03,411 --> 00:10:04,912
What about Pam and Kelly?
252
00:10:04,996 --> 00:10:08,432
Also department heads,
but has he ever met with you?
253
00:10:08,500 --> 00:10:12,202
Or even asked you
to do anything?
254
00:10:12,253 --> 00:10:14,938
Huh, how could I not see it?
255
00:10:15,006 --> 00:10:16,039
You're so right.
256
00:10:16,107 --> 00:10:17,674
Why don't you
talk to him about it?
257
00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:18,942
And say what?
258
00:10:19,010 --> 00:10:20,878
Hey, Deangelo, are you shy
or just a sexist?
259
00:10:20,929 --> 00:10:22,346
Why don't you just
tell him how his actions
260
00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:24,598
are being perceived
by the women in this office.
261
00:10:26,851 --> 00:10:30,053
And if he doesn't listen then he
can kiss his penis goodbye.
262
00:10:30,104 --> 00:10:31,688
Snip snip.
Am I right, girls?
263
00:10:34,265 --> 00:10:35,344
Hey, do you have a second?
264
00:10:36,017 --> 00:10:38,385
Yeah, I got tons of time,
this job's a joke.
265
00:10:38,436 --> 00:10:39,920
So what's up?
266
00:10:39,988 --> 00:10:42,389
Um, really, it's nothing.
267
00:10:42,457 --> 00:10:44,391
I was just talking to Angela.
- Mm-hmm.
268
00:10:44,459 --> 00:10:46,727
- And she was--
- Hey.
269
00:10:46,795 --> 00:10:48,429
Saw Jim come in,
are we meeting?
270
00:10:48,496 --> 00:10:50,230
Yeah, sure,
let's make it a meeting.
271
00:10:50,281 --> 00:10:51,665
If it's all right,
272
00:10:51,733 --> 00:10:53,117
can I just have, like, one
minute alone, just to go over--
273
00:10:53,201 --> 00:10:54,901
What's the big secret?
274
00:10:54,953 --> 00:10:57,071
Why are you even whispering?
Come on, it's the guys.
275
00:10:57,138 --> 00:10:59,673
I know, just the guys.
276
00:10:59,741 --> 00:11:03,010
Well, maybe that's part
of the problem, I think.
277
00:11:03,077 --> 00:11:04,261
So what happened was,
278
00:11:04,346 --> 00:11:06,046
I was talking to some
of the department heads.
279
00:11:06,097 --> 00:11:07,214
Right.
280
00:11:07,282 --> 00:11:09,216
Uh, some of the
female department heads.
281
00:11:09,284 --> 00:11:10,467
- Uh-oh.
- Yeah.
282
00:11:10,552 --> 00:11:11,635
- Right?
- Hot.
283
00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:13,454
Maybe there's a vibe out there
284
00:11:13,521 --> 00:11:15,622
with certain members
of the office
285
00:11:15,690 --> 00:11:21,595
that you are
a little sexist, or--
286
00:11:21,646 --> 00:11:22,629
- Damn!
- Whoa.
287
00:11:22,697 --> 00:11:23,731
Whoa, wait.
288
00:11:23,798 --> 00:11:25,432
Are you serious?
289
00:11:25,500 --> 00:11:27,534
Who feels this way?
290
00:11:27,602 --> 00:11:28,702
- Oh, like, nobody, it was--
- Uh, Pam?
291
00:11:28,770 --> 00:11:30,838
Was it Pam?
Oh, my gosh.
292
00:11:30,905 --> 00:11:31,905
That sounds like Pam.
Yeah.
293
00:11:31,956 --> 00:11:33,073
You know how she gets.
294
00:11:33,141 --> 00:11:36,143
Deangelo, she can
get really bitchy.
295
00:11:36,211 --> 00:11:37,578
Kevin, wah-wah.
296
00:11:37,629 --> 00:11:39,446
- Guys.
- Hold on.
297
00:11:39,497 --> 00:11:41,715
Doesn't matter who, okay?
298
00:11:41,783 --> 00:11:43,667
I'm just happy that Jim
brought it to my attention.
299
00:11:43,752 --> 00:11:46,520
Because honestly,
I had no idea.
300
00:11:46,588 --> 00:11:48,622
- That's awesome.
- Thank you.
301
00:11:48,690 --> 00:11:50,657
Mom, Ryan's taking us
out to dinner tonight.
302
00:11:50,725 --> 00:11:54,094
No, no, he's not gonna stand
us up like he did last time.
303
00:11:54,162 --> 00:11:57,014
He won't ever
stand us up again.
304
00:11:57,098 --> 00:11:58,365
So I am the new customer
service supervisor.
305
00:11:58,433 --> 00:12:01,101
When deangelo's around.
306
00:12:01,169 --> 00:12:04,638
- And I'm also a very
dutiful boyfriend when--
307
00:12:04,706 --> 00:12:07,307
- All the time.
- All the time.
308
00:12:07,375 --> 00:12:10,144
Erin, do you mind
running down to the lobby
309
00:12:10,211 --> 00:12:12,646
and bringing up my
brand-new executive assistant?
310
00:12:12,697 --> 00:12:13,714
Absolutely.
311
00:12:13,782 --> 00:12:14,698
Hey, who'd you end up hiring?
312
00:12:14,783 --> 00:12:16,884
I'm glad you asked, Jim.
313
00:12:16,951 --> 00:12:18,685
Because apparently there's
a rumor running around
314
00:12:18,753 --> 00:12:20,287
here that I'm a sexist.
315
00:12:22,424 --> 00:12:23,674
I can't work here effectively
316
00:12:23,758 --> 00:12:25,893
if you guys think I'm
something that I'm not.
317
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:28,529
I'm not a sexist.
318
00:12:28,596 --> 00:12:31,565
Raise your hand
if you have a vagina.
319
00:12:39,557 --> 00:12:43,727
Raise your hand if someone
you love has a vagina.
320
00:12:43,812 --> 00:12:45,345
Yeah, yeah, okay.
321
00:12:45,413 --> 00:12:47,347
Just about everyone.
322
00:12:47,398 --> 00:12:49,817
What about deangelo's hand?
323
00:12:49,868 --> 00:12:51,385
Oh, wow.
324
00:12:51,453 --> 00:12:53,654
He's got 'em both up.
325
00:12:53,705 --> 00:12:55,923
Yeah.
326
00:12:55,990 --> 00:12:58,024
Uh-huh, yeah.
327
00:12:58,076 --> 00:13:02,045
So it bothers me when
I hear that there's gossip
328
00:13:02,130 --> 00:13:05,065
around here that I
treat women lesser than men.
329
00:13:05,133 --> 00:13:06,600
Okay?
330
00:13:06,668 --> 00:13:10,971
Frankly, we all look a little
ridiculous when that happens.
331
00:13:11,038 --> 00:13:13,373
I'm not a feminist,
but I think that
332
00:13:13,441 --> 00:13:15,559
the men in this office
are being given chances
333
00:13:15,643 --> 00:13:17,811
that the women aren't.
334
00:13:17,879 --> 00:13:19,813
Dwight.
What's your take?
335
00:13:19,881 --> 00:13:20,898
What's the argument here?
336
00:13:20,982 --> 00:13:22,816
NBA, WNBA.
337
00:13:22,884 --> 00:13:24,451
One is a sport, one is a joke.
338
00:13:24,519 --> 00:13:26,687
I love sports, I love jokes.
339
00:13:26,754 --> 00:13:27,821
Room for all.
340
00:13:27,889 --> 00:13:30,223
Man, your smart.
341
00:13:30,275 --> 00:13:31,992
Oh, hey, hi.
342
00:13:32,060 --> 00:13:33,076
Hello.
Hi.
343
00:13:33,161 --> 00:13:34,077
Welcome.
344
00:13:34,162 --> 00:13:35,329
Uh, everyone.
345
00:13:35,396 --> 00:13:39,900
I'd like you to please
welcome Jordan garfield.
346
00:13:39,951 --> 00:13:41,435
This is everyone.
Hello.
347
00:13:41,503 --> 00:13:43,921
So Jordan, uh, where
did you work before?
348
00:13:44,005 --> 00:13:45,839
Uh, a law office?
349
00:13:45,907 --> 00:13:47,841
No, anthropologie.
350
00:13:47,909 --> 00:13:49,626
"We don't have this
and that size."
351
00:13:49,711 --> 00:13:50,944
Pretty--pretty lame.
- Hm.
352
00:13:51,012 --> 00:13:51,945
Lame?
353
00:13:52,013 --> 00:13:53,246
You worked at anthropologie?
354
00:13:53,298 --> 00:13:55,015
- Yes.
- That's, like, my dream job.
355
00:13:55,082 --> 00:13:56,082
How did you even get that job?
356
00:13:56,134 --> 00:13:57,117
Well, I, um--
357
00:13:57,185 --> 00:13:58,418
You chose this
job over that job?
358
00:13:58,469 --> 00:13:59,469
Okay, okay,
back to work, Kelly.
359
00:13:59,554 --> 00:14:02,489
We have a lot
to get done today.
360
00:14:02,557 --> 00:14:05,492
So, um, is this your
first office job then?
361
00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:07,227
- Yeah.
- Yup.
362
00:14:07,295 --> 00:14:08,362
Wow.
363
00:14:08,429 --> 00:14:09,897
No corporate
experience whatsoever.
364
00:14:09,964 --> 00:14:15,469
I didn't want anyone
with any bad habits.
365
00:14:15,537 --> 00:14:17,437
Jim, you coming?
366
00:14:17,505 --> 00:14:19,473
Oh, yeah, did he text us?
367
00:14:19,541 --> 00:14:21,274
Yeah.
368
00:14:23,878 --> 00:14:26,313
No!
369
00:14:26,381 --> 00:14:27,948
Jim, what are you doing?
Get in there.
370
00:14:27,999 --> 00:14:29,182
This is not the time
to take a stand,
371
00:14:29,250 --> 00:14:30,450
at least he likes one of us.
372
00:14:30,501 --> 00:14:31,919
He didn't text me.
373
00:14:31,970 --> 00:14:33,470
Yes!
374
00:14:33,555 --> 00:14:34,521
I'm in.
375
00:14:34,589 --> 00:14:36,990
Andy, what are you doing?
376
00:14:37,058 --> 00:14:39,593
Uh, I'm going in
to the belly of the beast.
377
00:14:39,644 --> 00:14:44,765
I'm gonna infiltrate
and change from within.
378
00:14:44,816 --> 00:14:45,933
What's up, man cave!
379
00:14:50,071 --> 00:14:51,305
- Just go in.
- Hm?
380
00:14:51,372 --> 00:14:52,990
Just go in, he probably
just forgot to text you.
381
00:14:53,074 --> 00:14:56,777
Internally for office use.
382
00:14:56,844 --> 00:14:58,195
Where do we get our paper from?
383
00:14:58,279 --> 00:15:01,281
Do we go and--do we
have that system?
384
00:15:01,332 --> 00:15:02,950
Don't worry, the
first day's always the hardest.
385
00:15:03,017 --> 00:15:04,617
Yeah.
386
00:15:08,056 --> 00:15:10,207
- Hey, Jim.
- Yeah.
387
00:15:10,291 --> 00:15:11,224
Can I help you?
388
00:15:11,292 --> 00:15:14,528
Nope, just...
389
00:15:21,903 --> 00:15:24,972
Okay.
390
00:15:38,536 --> 00:15:40,554
So, he kicked you out
of the inner circle, huh?
391
00:15:40,622 --> 00:15:42,406
No, there is no inner circle.
392
00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:47,737
Dwight? Deangelo wanted me
to ask you
393
00:15:47,805 --> 00:15:48,738
if there's anything
I could help you with?
394
00:15:48,806 --> 00:15:50,707
Really?
395
00:15:50,758 --> 00:15:51,908
Anything?
396
00:15:51,976 --> 00:15:53,743
Do you need anything?
397
00:15:53,811 --> 00:15:54,944
Deangelo?
398
00:15:55,012 --> 00:15:59,048
Tell your whore
to leave me alone!
399
00:15:59,099 --> 00:16:00,917
Okay, I do not
wanna waste your time,
400
00:16:00,985 --> 00:16:04,053
so I will keep
this brrrrrrrrief!
401
00:16:04,104 --> 00:16:06,723
Now, word on the street
is mercy hospital.
402
00:16:06,790 --> 00:16:08,124
Back on the market.
403
00:16:08,192 --> 00:16:09,459
Deangelo would like you
to put together
404
00:16:09,526 --> 00:16:10,893
a sales pitch for next week.
405
00:16:10,961 --> 00:16:13,095
Deangelo has also
recently learned
406
00:16:13,147 --> 00:16:15,882
about the barnacle project,
407
00:16:15,949 --> 00:16:17,066
which is a non-profit
organization
408
00:16:17,117 --> 00:16:18,468
based in mystic, Connecticut,
409
00:16:18,535 --> 00:16:21,270
that assists in the
scraping of barnacles--
410
00:16:21,321 --> 00:16:23,973
So this is my life.
411
00:16:24,041 --> 00:16:27,577
Until I win the lottery.
412
00:16:27,644 --> 00:16:30,313
Or Pam finally writes that
series of young adult books.
413
00:16:30,381 --> 00:16:32,982
So one afternoon while
walking home from school,
414
00:16:33,050 --> 00:16:34,550
quirky tenth grader
Becky Walters
415
00:16:34,618 --> 00:16:36,919
finds a wounded Pegasus
in the woods.
416
00:16:36,987 --> 00:16:42,091
And she becomes
"the horse flyer."
417
00:16:42,142 --> 00:16:44,060
Hey, Kelly,
that's the last time
418
00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:45,995
I'm gonna talk to you
about your paycheck, okay?
419
00:16:46,063 --> 00:16:47,764
We pay you a fair salary here
420
00:16:47,815 --> 00:16:48,815
and if you're only
here for the money,
421
00:16:48,899 --> 00:16:50,349
maybe you shouldn't
be here at all.
422
00:16:50,434 --> 00:16:53,669
No one likes
a money-grubber.
423
00:16:53,737 --> 00:16:54,737
I'm sorry, Mr. Howard.
424
00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:57,740
I apologize for
grubbing for money--
425
00:16:57,808 --> 00:16:59,492
I can't do this,
I can't do this.
426
00:16:59,576 --> 00:17:00,877
I--I'm sorry,
I just can't do it.
427
00:17:00,944 --> 00:17:03,579
Deangelo, Ryan
is not my boss, okay?
428
00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:05,515
Frankly, he hasn't had
a real job here in years.
429
00:17:06,983 --> 00:17:08,851
Oh, that's hilarious, Kelly.
430
00:17:08,919 --> 00:17:10,720
No, he's just
a big fraud, Deangelo.
431
00:17:10,788 --> 00:17:12,004
He's like Rango.
432
00:17:12,089 --> 00:17:13,790
He doesn't work
here, basically,
433
00:17:13,841 --> 00:17:16,158
just like the way Rango
didn't save those animals.
434
00:17:16,210 --> 00:17:19,128
It was just a big
misunderstanding.
435
00:17:19,196 --> 00:17:20,363
Is this true, Ryan?
436
00:17:20,431 --> 00:17:22,348
I did not see Rango.
437
00:17:22,433 --> 00:17:25,034
Okay, I don't have time for
this "he said, she said."
438
00:17:25,102 --> 00:17:26,352
He's not saying anything!
439
00:17:26,437 --> 00:17:28,471
It's too murky.
440
00:17:28,539 --> 00:17:32,024
I like Ryan, you seem
kind of hysterical to me.
441
00:17:32,109 --> 00:17:35,344
Ryan's your supervisor.
Let's just leave it that way.
442
00:17:35,395 --> 00:17:37,213
But it's not fair,
I've been working here
443
00:17:37,281 --> 00:17:38,881
for such a long ti--
444
00:17:38,949 --> 00:17:40,867
Close call.
445
00:17:40,951 --> 00:17:42,385
Okay, why don't you
just finish this up
446
00:17:42,453 --> 00:17:44,253
and leave it on my desk
and I will see you
447
00:17:44,321 --> 00:17:47,757
at your place
around 2:00 A.M., huh?
448
00:17:51,211 --> 00:17:55,214
Oh-ho-ho, yeah!
449
00:17:55,299 --> 00:17:57,583
Oh, angry, angry dunk.
450
00:17:57,668 --> 00:17:58,801
Hey.
451
00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:00,803
It sounds like you guys
are having a lot of fun,
452
00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:02,805
but it's really loud and some
of us are trying to work, so...
453
00:18:02,873 --> 00:18:04,140
Okay.
454
00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:05,725
Do you think you could
do it a little more quietly?
455
00:18:05,809 --> 00:18:06,843
Well, that's gonna be tough
456
00:18:06,910 --> 00:18:07,977
because we're getting
a dunking clinic
457
00:18:08,044 --> 00:18:09,879
from magic Jordan himself.
458
00:18:09,930 --> 00:18:12,932
Oh, you mean,
uh, Michael Jordan?
459
00:18:15,185 --> 00:18:16,119
Total brain-burp.
460
00:18:16,186 --> 00:18:17,920
I'm no MJ.
461
00:18:17,988 --> 00:18:19,238
Please.
462
00:18:19,323 --> 00:18:21,190
I can do his dunk, from
the free-throw line though.
463
00:18:23,594 --> 00:18:25,228
Damn!
464
00:18:25,295 --> 00:18:28,230
Mad respect from a brother!
465
00:18:28,282 --> 00:18:29,398
The man is paying me
to take Chinese.
466
00:18:29,449 --> 00:18:31,367
I will say what I need to say.
467
00:18:31,435 --> 00:18:35,238
And soon, I will
say it in Chinese.
468
00:18:35,305 --> 00:18:36,973
Okay, well,
it's just really loud.
469
00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:38,875
Okay.
470
00:18:38,942 --> 00:18:40,126
We'll keep that in mind.
471
00:18:40,210 --> 00:18:41,127
All right, ladies.
472
00:18:41,211 --> 00:18:42,929
Back to the game.
Do it!
473
00:18:43,013 --> 00:18:44,881
And Jim.
474
00:18:44,932 --> 00:18:46,766
Come on in.
475
00:18:46,850 --> 00:18:50,419
You're back in.
476
00:18:50,487 --> 00:18:51,754
You know what?
477
00:18:51,822 --> 00:18:53,890
Instead of a game,
why don't we do an exhibition?
478
00:18:53,957 --> 00:18:56,309
Love to see that dunk of yours.
479
00:18:56,393 --> 00:18:57,310
Yeah, we'll set
that up one day.
480
00:18:57,394 --> 00:18:59,111
Today.
Now, maybe.
481
00:18:59,196 --> 00:19:01,397
'Cause we have
a hoop downstairs.
482
00:19:01,448 --> 00:19:04,266
And a real ball, so
you don't have to mime it.
483
00:19:04,318 --> 00:19:05,902
Yeah, I don't know.
484
00:19:05,969 --> 00:19:07,653
Why not?
485
00:19:07,738 --> 00:19:10,489
Only because no one
has called NASA
486
00:19:10,574 --> 00:19:11,774
to request a lift-off.
487
00:19:14,211 --> 00:19:15,995
- Let's go downstairs, okay?
- Let's definitely do that.
488
00:19:16,079 --> 00:19:18,130
- Let's do it.
- Pass.
489
00:19:18,215 --> 00:19:19,448
If I wanted to see
a pissing contest
490
00:19:19,499 --> 00:19:20,783
I'd lock Mose
in the chicken Coop.
491
00:19:20,851 --> 00:19:23,853
Damn it, Dwight, enough!
492
00:19:23,921 --> 00:19:24,954
Get your ass downstairs,
493
00:19:25,022 --> 00:19:30,626
or find a new place
to sell paper!
494
00:19:30,694 --> 00:19:31,661
Okay, a little about me.
495
00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:37,633
I respond to strong leadership.
496
00:19:37,684 --> 00:19:39,134
- All right, there you go.
- Seems a little close.
497
00:19:39,186 --> 00:19:40,469
You're sure that's
the real foul line?
498
00:19:40,537 --> 00:19:41,637
15 feet from the baseline.
499
00:19:41,705 --> 00:19:43,689
So you need me to move it in?
500
00:19:43,774 --> 00:19:45,491
Nah, that's 15.
501
00:19:45,576 --> 00:19:46,809
Yeah.
Okay.
502
00:19:46,860 --> 00:19:49,478
And, uh, you know what,
to make it interesting,
503
00:19:49,529 --> 00:19:51,313
Jordan, why don't you
sit underneath the basket?
504
00:19:51,365 --> 00:19:52,982
- Seriously?
- Yeah, come on.
505
00:19:53,033 --> 00:19:54,834
I'll dunk over you,
best seat in the house.
506
00:19:54,918 --> 00:19:56,219
- I don't--I don't
think I can do that.
507
00:19:56,286 --> 00:19:58,854
I'm holding your jewelry.
Right, yeah.
508
00:19:58,922 --> 00:20:00,990
Okay, fair enough.
Kevin, you do it.
509
00:20:01,041 --> 00:20:03,542
- Yes, okay.
- Why don't you?
510
00:20:03,627 --> 00:20:05,378
Here?
511
00:20:05,462 --> 00:20:06,495
Someone wanna
sit in Kevin's lap?
512
00:20:06,563 --> 00:20:07,496
- Angela?
- No.
513
00:20:07,547 --> 00:20:09,181
- Oscar?
- No, thank you.
514
00:20:09,266 --> 00:20:10,299
Okay, Jimmy, this is for you,
515
00:20:10,350 --> 00:20:11,517
to show you that
anything is possible.
516
00:20:11,585 --> 00:20:12,768
- Fantastic.
- All right?
517
00:20:12,836 --> 00:20:16,389
- Yup.
- This is also for the troops.
518
00:20:24,514 --> 00:20:26,749
Doctor is in!
519
00:20:39,463 --> 00:20:41,330
Now what?
520
00:20:46,178 --> 00:20:48,045
- Deangelo?
- Tablab.
521
00:20:48,113 --> 00:20:49,447
Oh, my God, are you all right?
522
00:20:51,116 --> 00:20:53,317
Erin, would you
call 911 please?
523
00:20:53,368 --> 00:20:54,752
Who should I say is calling?
524
00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:55,820
Erin.
525
00:20:55,888 --> 00:20:59,634
Chea three thead twa to bar.
526
00:21:00,237 --> 00:21:03,594
Scoince?
Paunch and loud.
527
00:21:04,155 --> 00:21:08,079
Paunch says to barter
how's gonna tha.
528
00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:11,009
Barte sayce four tha pa.
529
00:21:11,368 --> 00:21:13,819
Everybody tine, everybody tha.
530
00:21:14,126 --> 00:21:15,868
Everybody tha.
531
00:21:16,809 --> 00:21:18,769
Dra tweb.
532
00:21:19,455 --> 00:21:20,172
Yeah.
533
00:21:20,568 --> 00:21:21,486
Dra sweb.
534
00:21:21,851 --> 00:21:23,085
Treasure, yeah, I get it.
535
00:21:23,367 --> 00:21:25,716
Okay, we're gonna
work on treasure.
536
00:21:26,032 --> 00:21:27,532
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