1 00:00:02,502 --> 00:00:04,045 Hello, Son. 2 00:00:04,128 --> 00:00:06,631 If you're watching this, that means I'm already dead. 3 00:00:07,965 --> 00:00:09,884 Life is a... How do you know it's gonna be a boy? 4 00:00:09,967 --> 00:00:12,678 How... Would you stop interrupting, please? 5 00:00:13,012 --> 00:00:15,056 Yesterday, I was scraping some gunk 6 00:00:15,139 --> 00:00:17,225 off my wall sockets with a metal fork 7 00:00:17,308 --> 00:00:20,478 and I gave myself the nastiest shock. 8 00:00:21,729 --> 00:00:24,440 And when I came to, I had an epiphery. 9 00:00:26,651 --> 00:00:28,319 Life is precious. 10 00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:34,617 And if I die, I want my son 11 00:00:37,036 --> 00:00:40,164 to know the dealio. The dealio of life. 12 00:00:40,957 --> 00:00:42,708 Here are some things that I want to teach you 13 00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:44,460 that your mother won't be able to. 14 00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:47,630 To jump-start a car, first, pop the hood. 15 00:00:47,713 --> 00:00:53,427 Then you take these bad boys and clip them anywhere on the engine. 16 00:00:53,511 --> 00:00:58,182 Then, you take these and clip them wherever. 17 00:01:00,893 --> 00:01:03,896 Number eight, learn how to take off a woman's bra. 18 00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:05,273 What... We will demonstrate on Pam. 19 00:01:05,356 --> 00:01:06,482 No. And... 20 00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:07,775 Come on. 21 00:01:08,109 --> 00:01:13,823 You just twist your hand until something breaks. 22 00:01:13,906 --> 00:01:15,032 Ow! 23 00:01:15,116 --> 00:01:17,702 Well, you get the picture. Thanks, Pam. 24 00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:22,081 And remember, no matter what, I will always love you. 25 00:01:22,164 --> 00:01:23,833 What if he's a murderer? 26 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,710 He's not gonna be a murderer. 27 00:01:25,793 --> 00:01:26,919 Maybe that's how you die? 28 00:01:27,003 --> 00:01:30,298 You know what, Dwight, do you want to do this or no? 29 00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:32,466 I wanna do this. Okay. 30 00:01:33,009 --> 00:01:35,011 From the top. Ready? Three... 31 00:01:35,094 --> 00:01:36,304 Action. 32 00:01:57,533 --> 00:01:59,160 Hello, everyone. 33 00:01:59,243 --> 00:02:03,831 As you know, we are six days away from Phyllis' wedding. 34 00:02:05,416 --> 00:02:08,127 So get your suits to the dry cleaners and get your hair did. 35 00:02:08,210 --> 00:02:10,546 And Karen, you might wanna invest 36 00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:13,507 in a dress or a skirt of some kind 37 00:02:13,591 --> 00:02:15,217 if you don't already have one. 38 00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:17,970 This may be Phyllis' only wedding ever. 39 00:02:18,054 --> 00:02:21,015 It's my job to insure that none of you look like ragamuffins. 40 00:02:21,098 --> 00:02:25,978 So I am instituting prima nocta. 41 00:02:27,980 --> 00:02:31,317 Prima nocta, I believe, from the movie Braveheart 42 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:33,402 and confirmed on Wikipedia, 43 00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:35,905 is when the king got to deflower 44 00:02:36,030 --> 00:02:38,491 every new bride on her wedding night. 45 00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:41,786 So... 46 00:02:42,870 --> 00:02:46,666 I'm sorry, I had a very different understanding 47 00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:48,668 as to what prima nocta meant. 48 00:02:49,001 --> 00:02:51,587 I'm trying to get everyone excited about Phyllis' wedding 49 00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:55,299 because I want her to get people excited about my wedding 50 00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:57,718 when the time comes, which won't be hard, 51 00:02:57,802 --> 00:02:59,303 because it's gonna be awesome. 52 00:02:59,387 --> 00:03:00,930 A lot better than hers, that's for sure. 53 00:03:01,013 --> 00:03:02,682 It'll probably be on a boat. 54 00:03:03,265 --> 00:03:04,892 What's up, spinsters? 55 00:03:04,975 --> 00:03:06,018 Nothing. 56 00:03:06,310 --> 00:03:07,812 You know, this is a luncheon shower. 57 00:03:07,895 --> 00:03:09,021 Girls only. 58 00:03:09,105 --> 00:03:10,272 No problem. 59 00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:13,359 The guys are having a little shindig of their own 60 00:03:13,442 --> 00:03:16,153 in {he warehouse from 2:30103:15. 61 00:03:16,779 --> 00:03:19,573 It is the only time that Bob was available. 62 00:03:19,657 --> 00:03:21,075 Sort of a guys' night out. 63 00:03:21,158 --> 00:03:23,828 A G.N.O., if you will. A gno. 64 00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:26,831 Actually, it's more of a guys' afternoon in. 65 00:03:26,914 --> 00:03:29,417 A G.A.I. A gay. 66 00:03:29,750 --> 00:03:34,463 Not... Not... It's not gay. It's just a... 67 00:03:36,173 --> 00:03:39,176 It's a bridal shower for guys. A guy shower. 68 00:03:40,302 --> 00:03:42,555 An hour-long shower with guys. 69 00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:52,732 I guess Jim and I have had a little bit 70 00:03:52,815 --> 00:03:55,067 of a rough patch for the past couple weeks, 71 00:03:55,151 --> 00:03:57,528 but we had some really good talks 72 00:03:57,611 --> 00:04:01,073 and, actually now, I think that we're better than ever. 73 00:04:01,615 --> 00:04:06,162 Karen and I had a long talk last night 74 00:04:07,163 --> 00:04:09,039 and the night before that 75 00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:15,463 and every night for the last five nights. 76 00:04:28,225 --> 00:04:30,728 Something's up with Jim and Karen. 77 00:04:31,395 --> 00:04:33,439 Not that I've been eavesdropping. 78 00:04:33,564 --> 00:04:35,649 It's not really any of my business. 79 00:04:36,233 --> 00:04:40,154 But I've gotten pretty good at reading the back of Jim's neck. 80 00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:42,573 Halpert! 81 00:04:42,656 --> 00:04:45,242 Tall, queer, handsome as ever. 82 00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:47,787 "Hey, everybody, it's me, Jim." 83 00:04:49,663 --> 00:04:53,000 Hello, hello. Todd Packer. 84 00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:55,461 Karen Filippelli, Jim's girlfriend. 85 00:04:55,544 --> 00:04:56,879 Shut up! 86 00:04:56,962 --> 00:04:57,963 Shut it! 87 00:04:58,047 --> 00:04:59,048 That's rude. 88 00:04:59,131 --> 00:05:03,469 Either this chick is a dude or Halpert got scared straight. 89 00:05:03,969 --> 00:05:05,346 Yes! Yes! 90 00:05:07,264 --> 00:05:08,641 There... 91 00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:10,810 What happened? What? 92 00:05:10,893 --> 00:05:11,894 Oh, God... 93 00:05:11,977 --> 00:05:14,480 Quick! Somebody help! Help the man! 94 00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:16,607 No! No! No! 95 00:05:16,690 --> 00:05:17,858 I can't believe you're not gonna be there. 96 00:05:17,942 --> 00:05:19,068 It's gonna be good. 97 00:05:19,151 --> 00:05:22,071 It's gonna be a great bachelor party, man. 98 00:05:22,154 --> 00:05:23,405 I have a full day of sales calls. 99 00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:24,657 You should get out of them. 100 00:05:26,367 --> 00:05:27,451 Oh, God. 101 00:05:27,535 --> 00:05:28,953 It's the only time he can do it. 102 00:05:29,328 --> 00:05:32,373 2:30 to 3:15. It's gonna be great. 103 00:05:32,456 --> 00:05:33,916 We're going to be doing some darts, 104 00:05:33,999 --> 00:05:35,960 we're gonna be grilling up some steaks. 105 00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:40,714 Got some pie, going to be very delicious. 106 00:05:40,798 --> 00:05:43,467 And what kind of stripper did you get? 107 00:05:43,968 --> 00:05:46,554 I did not order a stripper. 108 00:05:46,637 --> 00:05:47,972 What do you mean you didn't order a stripper? 109 00:05:48,055 --> 00:05:49,056 No... 110 00:05:49,139 --> 00:05:51,016 You ever even been to a bachelor party? 111 00:05:56,981 --> 00:05:58,774 Not personally, no. 112 00:05:58,983 --> 00:06:02,236 Mike, okay. A stripper is Bachelor Party 101. 113 00:06:02,319 --> 00:06:03,362 I... I... 114 00:06:03,445 --> 00:06:05,447 If you don't get a stripper, your party's gonna suck. 115 00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:07,074 I can't get a stripper here. 116 00:06:07,157 --> 00:06:08,617 Sexual harassment. 117 00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:12,997 Get one for the girls, too. That evens it out. 118 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:14,915 Like, you know, separate but equal. 119 00:06:15,416 --> 00:06:16,834 So that's what that means. 120 00:06:17,084 --> 00:06:19,169 Okay, everybody, a slight change of plans. 121 00:06:19,253 --> 00:06:21,213 We are still going to be having two parties, 122 00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:24,842 but each is going to get a little extra dose of naughty. 123 00:06:26,218 --> 00:06:27,303 All right! 124 00:06:28,470 --> 00:06:29,597 Okay. What? 125 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:33,392 Okay, co-ed naked strippers in this office, for realsies. 126 00:06:33,475 --> 00:06:34,977 Under no circumstance should a man 127 00:06:35,060 --> 00:06:36,896 strip off his clothes in this office. 128 00:06:36,979 --> 00:06:39,148 Shut up, Angela! 129 00:06:44,486 --> 00:06:45,487 Hey. 130 00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:46,572 Hey! 131 00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:54,163 Everything okay? 132 00:06:54,246 --> 00:06:56,165 Oh, yeah. Why? 133 00:06:57,249 --> 00:06:59,501 Well, you seem a little tired. 134 00:07:01,670 --> 00:07:05,257 Yeah, well, I guess there's been a couple of late nights. 135 00:07:06,091 --> 00:07:08,510 Karen and I have been up talking. 136 00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:13,641 You should get more sleep. 137 00:07:14,099 --> 00:07:15,726 Yeah, I know I should. 138 00:07:15,809 --> 00:07:18,729 Never underestimate the power of a good night's sleep. 139 00:07:18,812 --> 00:07:19,939 No, I'm sure you're right. 140 00:07:20,022 --> 00:07:23,442 When I get eight hours compared to like, six hours, 141 00:07:23,525 --> 00:07:25,402 it's like, big difference. 142 00:07:25,486 --> 00:07:26,612 Really? 143 00:07:26,695 --> 00:07:27,696 Oh, yeah. 144 00:07:28,364 --> 00:07:30,824 You've got to get your REM cycle 145 00:07:31,116 --> 00:07:36,413 going with the whole sleeping better than not. 146 00:07:37,998 --> 00:07:40,668 Good advice, Beesly. Thanks. 147 00:07:40,751 --> 00:07:42,836 See you out there? Yeah. 148 00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:46,465 Don't fall asleep at your desk! 149 00:07:46,548 --> 00:07:47,800 Oh, my God. 150 00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:50,552 Okay. We are off. 151 00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:53,222 Ryan and I are going to go get some supplies 152 00:07:53,305 --> 00:07:58,519 and I need you to handle hiring the strippers. 153 00:07:58,602 --> 00:08:00,396 Absolutely not. I'm on it. 154 00:08:00,479 --> 00:08:02,898 Well, get on it and make it happen. 155 00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:06,986 Ruddy cheeks, thick calves, no tats, no moles. 156 00:08:07,403 --> 00:08:09,113 No tats. 157 00:08:09,196 --> 00:08:10,823 No, tats. Of course, I want... 158 00:08:10,906 --> 00:08:13,075 Stop. That's disgusting. 159 00:08:13,158 --> 00:08:15,077 Leave me alone and get the male stripper. Fine. 160 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:16,370 I knew you would, Nancy. 161 00:08:16,453 --> 00:08:17,538 Sally. 162 00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:19,873 No preference. 163 00:08:19,957 --> 00:08:21,959 What do you think, redhead or brunette? 164 00:08:23,210 --> 00:08:24,461 Blonde. 165 00:08:24,586 --> 00:08:25,796 Nice. 166 00:08:27,214 --> 00:08:29,591 Do you have any blonde women? 167 00:08:36,223 --> 00:08:37,433 He hasn't even said a word yet. 168 00:08:37,516 --> 00:08:38,976 Just giggling. 169 00:08:42,813 --> 00:08:44,815 Got you. Got... Whoa! 170 00:08:51,071 --> 00:08:52,197 Yes? 171 00:08:52,281 --> 00:08:53,782 Are you okay? 172 00:08:53,866 --> 00:08:55,576 I'm in... I'm in the sex shop. 173 00:08:55,659 --> 00:08:56,827 Got you. 174 00:08:57,202 --> 00:08:58,620 Okay, so they have Albert Einstein, 175 00:08:58,704 --> 00:09:01,415 Ben Franklin or SpongeBob SquarePants. 176 00:09:01,498 --> 00:09:03,083 SquarePants? 177 00:09:03,167 --> 00:09:04,543 Yep, SpongeBob SquarePants. 178 00:09:05,461 --> 00:09:06,712 And you think that'd be sexy? 179 00:09:07,004 --> 00:09:11,216 Michael referred me to a male strip club called Banana Slings. 180 00:09:12,342 --> 00:09:15,846 Instead, I called the Scholastic Speakers of Pennsylvania. 181 00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:18,640 Hold the door, please! 182 00:09:19,183 --> 00:09:20,642 Thank you. 183 00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:22,269 Hello. Hello. 184 00:09:22,811 --> 00:09:24,188 You wearing a thong? 185 00:09:25,147 --> 00:09:26,273 What? 186 00:09:29,985 --> 00:09:32,112 Sparkling cider is very good. 187 00:09:32,529 --> 00:09:34,406 I think that's champagne. 188 00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:36,450 Hello, ladies. 189 00:09:36,533 --> 00:09:38,786 Who, here, is a history buff? 190 00:09:38,869 --> 00:09:40,037 I- 191 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:42,456 Who's a fan of buff naked? 192 00:09:44,333 --> 00:09:46,335 Without further ado, 193 00:09:46,418 --> 00:09:52,132 the one, the only, the sexy, Mr. Benjamin Franklin! 194 00:09:52,966 --> 00:09:55,594 Thank you for that introduction, Mr. Scott! 195 00:09:55,677 --> 00:10:00,849 And good afternoon, fine gentlewomen of Dunder Mifflin. 196 00:10:02,309 --> 00:10:04,520 Half pants, right, Mr. Franklin? 197 00:10:04,603 --> 00:10:05,813 Knickers, in fact. Yes. 198 00:10:05,896 --> 00:10:07,856 He's in his knickers. 199 00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:11,360 Mr. Franklin, I would say you are probably 200 00:10:11,443 --> 00:10:13,737 one of the sexiest presidents ever. 201 00:10:13,821 --> 00:10:16,865 Well, actually, I never was President. 202 00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:19,993 Yes, but Ben Franklin was. 203 00:10:22,996 --> 00:10:26,834 I'm here to teach you a little bit about my life 204 00:10:26,917 --> 00:10:29,378 and the era of the Founding Fathers... 205 00:10:31,421 --> 00:10:34,007 And when they came over on the Mayflower. 206 00:10:36,635 --> 00:10:39,513 Wait. This is the entertainment? 207 00:10:39,596 --> 00:10:42,391 Yeah, all right, so, I want you to give him 208 00:10:42,474 --> 00:10:44,059 your undivided attention. 209 00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:47,646 And Mr. Franklin. If any of these ladies misbehave, 210 00:10:47,729 --> 00:10:50,274 I give you permission to spank them, 211 00:10:50,357 --> 00:10:51,775 especially that one. 212 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:57,948 Have you ever seen a stripper before? 213 00:10:58,031 --> 00:10:59,158 Yes. 214 00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:02,035 Jennifer Garner portrayed one on Alias. 215 00:11:02,119 --> 00:11:04,204 It was one of her many aliases. 216 00:11:04,288 --> 00:11:05,372 Yeah, me neither. 217 00:11:05,455 --> 00:11:06,456 Hi. 218 00:11:06,540 --> 00:11:09,293 I'm Elizabeth. I'm the dancer that was requested. 219 00:11:09,376 --> 00:11:10,377 Okay. 220 00:11:11,545 --> 00:11:13,964 I specifically ordered a stripper. 221 00:11:14,548 --> 00:11:15,799 I'm the stripper. 222 00:11:15,883 --> 00:11:17,176 Oh, okay. Good. 223 00:11:17,301 --> 00:11:19,803 Well, in the future, please identify yourself as such. 224 00:11:19,887 --> 00:11:21,513 Oh, God. Okay. 225 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:23,140 "Is she hot?" 226 00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:30,814 Text back, "Kind of." 227 00:11:32,316 --> 00:11:35,903 It was a warm June evening in 1752, 228 00:11:35,986 --> 00:11:38,238 the night of my fateful kite flight... 229 00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:39,573 Mr. Franklin? Yes. 230 00:11:39,656 --> 00:11:40,908 Do you have a girlfriend? 231 00:11:40,991 --> 00:11:43,285 I have a lovely wife, Deborah. 232 00:11:43,368 --> 00:11:45,996 But don't you also have girlfriends in Paris? 233 00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:48,665 Like, a lot of them? 234 00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:52,127 Well, that is a gray area of my life. 235 00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:55,714 Okay? So it was a warm June evening... 236 00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:58,800 Look at that. 237 00:11:58,926 --> 00:12:00,802 Nothing like grilling in the great outdoors. 238 00:12:02,512 --> 00:12:05,140 Is it the same grill you grilled your foot on? 239 00:12:05,224 --> 00:12:06,225 No. 240 00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:08,602 Yes, but I got all the foot off of it. 241 00:12:08,685 --> 00:12:09,811 Oh, gross. 242 00:12:10,103 --> 00:12:11,813 Okay, Ben Franklin. 243 00:12:14,483 --> 00:12:17,277 Ben Franklin tied a cherry stem in his mouth! 244 00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:20,447 Well, that is because I am a Renaissance man. 245 00:12:20,530 --> 00:12:24,785 Ben Franklin? Do you wear boxers, briefs or pantaloons? 246 00:12:25,994 --> 00:12:29,206 Well, you're very saucy. 247 00:12:33,001 --> 00:12:36,797 Guys! Beef, it's what's for dinner. 248 00:12:38,131 --> 00:12:39,466 Who wants some man meat? 249 00:12:39,549 --> 00:12:41,093 I do! I want some man meat! 250 00:12:41,176 --> 00:12:42,844 Michael, Dwight would like your man meat. 251 00:12:42,928 --> 00:12:45,639 Well, then, my man meat he shall have. 252 00:12:46,473 --> 00:12:47,975 There you go. 253 00:12:48,767 --> 00:12:50,269 Deliciosity. 254 00:12:50,352 --> 00:12:51,436 Of course. 255 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:52,646 Here we go. 256 00:12:53,605 --> 00:12:57,359 So I guess, you have the Ben Franklin wig and the costume 257 00:12:57,442 --> 00:12:59,778 and you figure, "How can I put this to practical use?" 258 00:12:59,861 --> 00:13:01,405 Well, I'd like to think that his dad 259 00:13:01,488 --> 00:13:03,198 was a Ben Franklin impersonator, 260 00:13:03,490 --> 00:13:06,076 and he really pressured him into it. 261 00:13:07,619 --> 00:13:10,247 Hey, I wanted to talk to you. 262 00:13:10,330 --> 00:13:13,000 I know this is weird or whatever, 263 00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:15,794 but Jim told me about you guys. 264 00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:18,171 What do you mean? 265 00:13:18,255 --> 00:13:19,840 Well, that you kissed. 266 00:13:20,340 --> 00:13:23,051 And we talked it through and it's totally fine. 267 00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:25,679 It's not a big deal, it's just a kiss. 268 00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:30,851 But you're not still interested in him? 269 00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:32,394 Oh, yeah. 270 00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:34,771 Really? 271 00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:38,817 Oh, no! I was confused by your phrasing. 272 00:13:39,276 --> 00:13:41,028 You should definitely go out with Jim. 273 00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:42,946 I mean, you're going out with Jim. 274 00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:44,531 I'm not going out with Jim. 275 00:13:44,614 --> 00:13:46,700 You're dating him, which is awesome, 276 00:13:46,825 --> 00:13:48,952 because you guys are great together. 277 00:13:49,077 --> 00:13:50,203 Okay. 278 00:13:50,287 --> 00:13:51,830 And I'm not into Jim. 279 00:13:52,456 --> 00:13:53,623 Yeah. 280 00:13:54,499 --> 00:13:56,460 So, well, good. 281 00:13:56,543 --> 00:13:57,961 Yeah. 282 00:13:59,296 --> 00:14:00,547 Sorry. 283 00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:02,966 What are you sorry about? 284 00:14:05,093 --> 00:14:06,094 What? 285 00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:07,929 What are you sorry about? 286 00:14:08,638 --> 00:14:11,600 Nothing. I was just thinking of something else. 287 00:14:11,808 --> 00:14:15,562 Okay, the game is No-Limit Deuce-To-Seven Lowball. 288 00:14:15,645 --> 00:14:18,065 Blinds 25/50. Nickels are worth 10, 289 00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:21,109 dimes, 25, and quarters, 50. Nothing wild. 290 00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:24,071 I call shuffle! Here we go. 291 00:14:28,492 --> 00:14:29,868 Michael... 292 00:14:32,829 --> 00:14:35,957 Gentlemen, the entertainment is here. 293 00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:38,877 Everybody, I'd like to introduce you to Elizabeth. 294 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:40,128 Hi, guys. 295 00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:41,338 That's a nice outfit. 296 00:14:41,421 --> 00:14:44,132 I hear there's an important meeting here. 297 00:14:45,801 --> 00:14:48,053 I'm not really into strippers. 298 00:14:48,428 --> 00:14:51,014 You know what I find sexy? Pam's art. 299 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,559 She's an artist and I appreciate that. 300 00:14:56,019 --> 00:15:00,941 It's very moving and sexy, the art. 301 00:15:02,484 --> 00:15:03,693 Hit it! 302 00:15:08,323 --> 00:15:10,075 So where's the groom? 303 00:15:10,158 --> 00:15:11,910 Oh, he's right there. 304 00:15:11,993 --> 00:15:13,161 There he is. 305 00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:14,329 Absolutely not. 306 00:15:14,871 --> 00:15:16,706 That's all you, that's all you. 307 00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:20,127 Okay! All right, I'll do it. 308 00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:23,296 Yeah, let's do it! Let's do this thing. 309 00:15:23,797 --> 00:15:24,798 Yeah? What do I... 310 00:15:24,881 --> 00:15:25,882 Just sit on down. 311 00:15:25,966 --> 00:15:27,717 All right. All right. 312 00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:29,177 Okay. Here we go. 313 00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:30,387 Oh, here we go. All right! 314 00:15:30,470 --> 00:15:31,513 Yes! 315 00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:34,808 Not bad! Not bad! 316 00:15:35,308 --> 00:15:37,310 You smell nice, like Tide. 317 00:15:37,394 --> 00:15:38,979 What's that? 318 00:15:39,354 --> 00:15:40,981 You smell like Tide detergent. 319 00:15:42,232 --> 00:15:44,276 Do you use Tide detergent? 320 00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:51,158 I have a girlfriend, so... 321 00:15:51,324 --> 00:15:52,951 I bet she'd be jealous! 322 00:15:54,578 --> 00:15:57,122 Yeah, she probably... Yeah, she would be. 323 00:15:57,205 --> 00:15:58,707 You know what? Okay. Excuse me. 324 00:15:58,790 --> 00:16:00,792 This is sick, please. Stop it, stop it. 325 00:16:00,876 --> 00:16:02,252 Turn off the music, because this is wrong. 326 00:16:02,335 --> 00:16:04,129 This is wrong! This is wrong. 327 00:16:06,214 --> 00:16:08,842 I have a girlfriend. I... 328 00:16:09,968 --> 00:16:10,969 And you are engaged 329 00:16:11,052 --> 00:16:14,931 and I'm sure you have a boyfriend in prison or something, so... 330 00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:17,976 Let's just clear out, okay? Shame on you. 331 00:16:20,645 --> 00:16:22,355 Go back to work! 332 00:16:25,650 --> 00:16:27,569 Elizabeth, I want you to sit here. 333 00:16:27,652 --> 00:16:29,446 When the phone rings, answer it. 334 00:16:29,529 --> 00:16:32,741 You want me to answer phones with my clothes on? 335 00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:36,995 We hired you for three hours' work, and we're gonna get it. 336 00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:43,877 I love your poster. 337 00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:46,880 Thank you. 338 00:16:57,224 --> 00:16:59,434 You know, I invented electricity. 339 00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:00,685 I know. 340 00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:04,022 Well, I'm sensing a little electricity right here. 341 00:17:05,273 --> 00:17:07,692 Didn't Ben Franklin have syphilis? 342 00:17:08,193 --> 00:17:10,570 Yes, but I don't. 343 00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:13,281 My name is Gordon. 344 00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:18,161 On one hand, I want to be honest with Jan and tell her the truth. 345 00:17:18,245 --> 00:17:21,456 On the other hand, I'm afraid she's gonna dump me. 346 00:17:21,998 --> 00:17:25,293 You know, Michael, I fathered an illegitimate son. 347 00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:26,461 Really? 348 00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:28,880 But I kept all this from my wife, Deborah. 349 00:17:28,964 --> 00:17:31,800 These things only serve to upset the women. 350 00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:34,386 They are the gentler sex. 351 00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:36,805 Wow. 352 00:17:37,847 --> 00:17:40,517 Ben Franklin, you're really kind of a sleazebag. 353 00:17:44,062 --> 00:17:45,313 Stripper? 354 00:17:45,397 --> 00:17:47,774 Could I ask you a question about women? 355 00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:54,781 Should I tell my girlfriend that you danced up on me? 356 00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:01,496 "Secrets, secrets are no fun. 357 00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:04,666 "Secrets, secrets hurt someone." 358 00:18:06,501 --> 00:18:07,502 Wow. 359 00:18:09,337 --> 00:18:10,672 Thank you. 360 00:18:14,259 --> 00:18:16,052 Care for a piece of chocolate? 361 00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:17,846 Chocolate? Where did you acquire it? 362 00:18:17,929 --> 00:18:19,556 That is a delicacy in the Amazon, 363 00:18:19,639 --> 00:18:23,059 but it has not yet been imported to the United States. 364 00:18:23,143 --> 00:18:24,853 Who is the king of Austria? Joseph II. 365 00:18:24,936 --> 00:18:26,646 Who is the king of Prussia? Friedrich Wilhelm III. 366 00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:28,023 Who is the king of England? 367 00:18:28,106 --> 00:18:30,567 Why, the tyrant, King George, of course! 368 00:18:30,984 --> 00:18:32,360 I don't care what Jim says. 369 00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:34,821 That is not the real Ben Franklin. 370 00:18:34,904 --> 00:18:37,157 I am 99% sure. 371 00:18:38,158 --> 00:18:41,786 Michael, I left a meeting. What is so urgent? 372 00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:44,164 Are you... Are you okay? 373 00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:46,666 Not really. 374 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,878 Look, I don't know how to say this, so I just will. 375 00:18:49,961 --> 00:18:51,004 Okay. 376 00:18:51,087 --> 00:18:55,717 I went to a bachelor party 377 00:18:57,344 --> 00:18:59,971 and things got a little out of hand. 378 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,309 When... When did... When, last night? 379 00:19:04,726 --> 00:19:06,519 No, today at work. 380 00:19:06,603 --> 00:19:07,729 You went to a bachelor party at work? 381 00:19:07,812 --> 00:19:10,023 Yes, I kind of arranged it. 382 00:19:10,357 --> 00:19:12,192 Well, I don't even think the stripper was that hot. 383 00:19:12,275 --> 00:19:14,027 Did you guys think she was hot? 384 00:19:14,110 --> 00:19:15,236 Kelly, don't do this. 385 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:16,404 Do what? I just asked you a question. 386 00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:18,239 You know what you're doing. 387 00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:22,243 Anyway, you know who was totally flirting with Ben Franklin? Pam. 388 00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:25,246 Really? Looks like I hired the right guy. 389 00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:28,249 I'm glad. Any real potential there, Beesly? 390 00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:30,669 Yeah, right. 391 00:19:31,711 --> 00:19:33,713 God, I need a boyfriend. 392 00:19:36,174 --> 00:19:37,217 You know, Ryan, I'm... 393 00:19:37,300 --> 00:19:38,510 I'm totally ready to be set up 394 00:19:38,593 --> 00:19:40,261 with one of your business school friends. 395 00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:41,388 Whenever. 396 00:19:41,471 --> 00:19:42,597 Okay. 397 00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:48,478 Oh, my God, I would get so fat if I worked here. 398 00:19:48,561 --> 00:19:50,814 Yeah? I lose my appetite all the time. 399 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:54,150 You could strip, you know. 400 00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:56,069 Thanks. 401 00:19:56,152 --> 00:19:57,821 So you don't want to end our relationship? 402 00:19:57,987 --> 00:19:59,614 I'm closer to firing you. 403 00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:01,491 That is so sweet. 404 00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:05,412 You are the best GD girlfriend in the world. Do you know that? 405 00:20:05,495 --> 00:20:07,038 I'll talk to you later. 406 00:20:07,122 --> 00:20:08,373 You are. You are. 407 00:20:08,498 --> 00:20:10,959 So you know who turned out to be kind of a creep? 408 00:20:12,210 --> 00:20:13,712 Ben Franklin. 409 00:20:14,504 --> 00:20:19,467 And, Elizabeth, the stripper, gave me great advice which rhymed. 410 00:20:21,761 --> 00:20:26,307 It really makes you wonder how Ben Franklin can become President, 411 00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:28,810 but someone like Elizabeth can't. 412 00:20:33,022 --> 00:20:34,899 Are you near-sighted or far-sighted? 413 00:20:34,983 --> 00:20:37,694 Both. That's why I invented the bifocals.