1 00:00:07,381 --> 00:00:11,802 Okay, well, I did not get the job in New York, 2 00:00:12,637 --> 00:00:15,431 but I got the real prize, domestic bliss. 3 00:00:16,724 --> 00:00:18,934 Jan made me breakfast this morning. 4 00:00:19,977 --> 00:00:21,895 Well, she bought the milk. 5 00:00:23,231 --> 00:00:24,482 It's soy. 6 00:00:25,566 --> 00:00:27,401 This is why I do it. 7 00:00:28,569 --> 00:00:31,071 That's what I have to come home to. 8 00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:37,911 She probably won't be up for a few hours. 9 00:00:38,162 --> 00:00:41,748 This is going to be a very good year. Very good. 10 00:00:42,124 --> 00:00:46,624 Jan is at home. Jim is back. My protégé Ryan is at corporate. Good stuff. 11 00:00:49,465 --> 00:00:53,886 Andy and Dwight are rocking the sales team. I feel very blessed. 12 00:01:36,345 --> 00:01:39,097 You know, generally it's not a good idea to click on any Internet offers 13 00:01:39,181 --> 00:01:42,309 that you haven't requested. What was the exact offer? 14 00:01:42,810 --> 00:01:44,937 It was for a video. 15 00:01:45,021 --> 00:01:46,397 Yeah. What kind of video? 16 00:01:47,398 --> 00:01:49,525 A celebrity sex tape. 17 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:53,403 Really? What kind of celebrity? 18 00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:55,364 It's not relevant. How much did you pay for it? 19 00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:56,782 Not relevant. You paid for it? 20 00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:58,659 It all happened so fast. 21 00:01:58,743 --> 00:02:01,495 I broke up with Karen after the job interview. 22 00:02:02,079 --> 00:02:04,247 And it was 23 00:02:04,332 --> 00:02:06,917 a little awkward when she came back from the city. 24 00:02:07,001 --> 00:02:09,586 She told me very clearly that just because we were broken up 25 00:02:09,670 --> 00:02:11,296 didn't mean that she was going anywhere, 26 00:02:11,380 --> 00:02:14,132 because she had worked really hard for her career, 27 00:02:14,216 --> 00:02:16,593 but the next day her desk was empty. 28 00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:21,057 And as for me and my current romantic life... 29 00:02:21,807 --> 00:02:24,893 I am single now and looking. 30 00:02:26,187 --> 00:02:28,189 So, if you know anybody... 31 00:02:28,856 --> 00:02:32,109 Jim and I went to dinner a few times when he got back from New York. 32 00:02:32,193 --> 00:02:34,278 I talked him through his breakup. 33 00:02:35,029 --> 00:02:37,531 It's really nice to be good friends again. 34 00:02:38,282 --> 00:02:42,782 Are you kidding me? Pam and Jim are totally hooking up. 35 00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:45,247 All they do is smile. 36 00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:48,208 They're just keeping it a secret. Right? 37 00:02:48,292 --> 00:02:51,670 I don't know. There is no evidence of intimacy. 38 00:02:51,754 --> 00:02:53,630 They've been in remarkably good moods. 39 00:02:53,714 --> 00:02:54,798 It could be other things. 40 00:02:54,882 --> 00:02:56,717 Are you kidding me? 41 00:02:57,218 --> 00:03:00,930 And Sunday, I'm thinking of going to that flea market at the drive-in. 42 00:03:01,013 --> 00:03:05,475 That sounds fun. I'm mountain biking on Sunday on Montage Mountain. 43 00:03:05,559 --> 00:03:06,560 Cool. Yeah. 44 00:03:06,644 --> 00:03:08,062 Well, have fun with that. 45 00:03:15,403 --> 00:03:17,071 Ladies and gentlemen, 46 00:03:18,447 --> 00:03:19,990 I have some bad news. 47 00:03:20,866 --> 00:03:22,367 Meredith was hit by a car. 48 00:03:22,451 --> 00:03:24,161 What? Where? Oh, my God. 49 00:03:24,245 --> 00:03:26,330 It happened this morning in the parking lot. 50 00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:30,914 I took her to the hospital and the doctors tried to save her life. 51 00:03:31,293 --> 00:03:33,420 They did the best that they could 52 00:03:34,171 --> 00:03:36,298 and she is going to be okay. 53 00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:40,469 What is wrong with you? Why did you have to phrase it like that? 54 00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:41,971 So she's really going to be fine? 55 00:03:42,054 --> 00:03:46,554 Yes. She has a slight pelvical fracture, 56 00:03:46,892 --> 00:03:49,269 but people have survived far worse. 57 00:03:50,062 --> 00:03:52,064 Thank God you were there. 58 00:03:52,898 --> 00:03:54,107 Yeah. 59 00:03:54,191 --> 00:03:55,817 Did you see who did it? 60 00:03:56,110 --> 00:03:58,070 Oh, no need. We can just check the security tapes. 61 00:03:58,154 --> 00:04:00,030 Yeah. Kind of a good-news-bad-news there. 62 00:04:00,114 --> 00:04:04,614 I was able to be on the scene so quickly because I was in the car that hit her. 63 00:04:07,913 --> 00:04:09,414 Who was driving? 64 00:04:13,252 --> 00:04:14,711 Oh, Michael. 65 00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:18,883 One day Michael came in complaining about a speed bump on the highway. 66 00:04:21,135 --> 00:04:23,303 I wonder who he ran over then. 67 00:04:24,221 --> 00:04:25,222 It's only Meredith. 68 00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:28,976 Yeah. It's only Meredith. Thank God. 69 00:04:29,059 --> 00:04:31,061 But did you see the way they looked at me? 70 00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:33,313 Like I was a murderer or something. 71 00:04:33,397 --> 00:04:34,773 Hey... 72 00:04:36,567 --> 00:04:37,609 Why did you do it? 73 00:04:37,693 --> 00:04:38,860 It was an accident. 74 00:04:38,944 --> 00:04:40,153 Was she talking back? 75 00:04:40,237 --> 00:04:41,321 No. 76 00:04:41,405 --> 00:04:44,032 Just got sick of that face? Did she owe you money? 77 00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:47,161 Is this downsizing? 78 00:04:47,244 --> 00:04:48,995 Did she spurn your advances? 79 00:04:51,415 --> 00:04:54,167 Hey, guys. We're all going to visit Meredith at lunch 80 00:04:54,251 --> 00:04:56,336 and we're kicking in $5 for flowers. 81 00:04:56,420 --> 00:04:58,213 Who's "we," you and Jim? 82 00:04:58,464 --> 00:05:00,757 No. Me and Stanley and Phyllis, so far. 83 00:05:01,342 --> 00:05:03,552 Oh, I bet Jim goes, too. 84 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:05,971 Yeah, I haven't asked him yet. 85 00:05:06,055 --> 00:05:07,639 Oh, I bet you ask. 86 00:05:07,723 --> 00:05:08,890 I was planning on it. 87 00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:11,268 I bet you were. 88 00:05:12,686 --> 00:05:13,728 Subtle. 89 00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:14,980 What? Are you coming? 90 00:05:15,064 --> 00:05:17,191 I can't. Sprinkles is sick. 91 00:05:17,274 --> 00:05:18,817 She's been sick for some time. 92 00:05:18,901 --> 00:05:22,738 Thank you for asking. No one asks about Sprinkles. 93 00:05:24,323 --> 00:05:26,783 I have to give her her meds. I have to pet her. 94 00:05:26,867 --> 00:05:28,618 And who will she eat lunch with? 95 00:05:28,702 --> 00:05:30,537 Can't your other cats keep her company? 96 00:05:30,621 --> 00:05:33,624 There's bad blood, jealousies, cliques... 97 00:05:33,707 --> 00:05:36,793 Angela, you're the chairman of the Party Planning Committee. 98 00:05:36,877 --> 00:05:40,005 I shouldn't even be planning this. It's your job. 99 00:05:41,382 --> 00:05:42,716 All right. 100 00:05:44,093 --> 00:05:46,178 - My lord, my liege! - Yes, Michael? 101 00:05:46,262 --> 00:05:48,138 So Ryan got promoted to corporate 102 00:05:48,222 --> 00:05:50,933 where he is a little fish in a big pond. 103 00:05:51,016 --> 00:05:53,143 Whereas, back here in Scranton, 104 00:05:53,227 --> 00:05:54,895 I am still top dog 105 00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:59,316 in a fairly large pond. 106 00:06:00,609 --> 00:06:03,486 So, who is the real boss, 107 00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:07,699 the dog or a fish? 108 00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:11,161 So I need a little treat for the gang, 109 00:06:11,245 --> 00:06:13,330 something to win their affections back. 110 00:06:13,414 --> 00:06:15,791 Back? Why is that, Michael? 111 00:06:16,250 --> 00:06:18,794 Well, I ran down Meredith in my car. 112 00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:21,005 Oh! Did you do this on purpose? 113 00:06:21,088 --> 00:06:25,008 No, I was being negligent, but she's in the hospital, she's fine. 114 00:06:25,092 --> 00:06:27,969 Recovering nicely, tiny little crack in her pelvis, 115 00:06:28,137 --> 00:06:30,222 but she will be up and... Did this happen on company property? 116 00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:34,806 Yes. It was on company property with company property, so double jeopardy. 117 00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:37,021 We are fine. 118 00:06:37,104 --> 00:06:39,022 I don't think you understand 119 00:06:39,106 --> 00:06:40,857 how jeopardy works. 120 00:06:40,941 --> 00:06:44,235 Oh, right. I'm sorry. What is "We're fine"? 121 00:06:46,697 --> 00:06:50,742 People keep calling me a "wunderkind." I don't even know what that means. 122 00:06:50,868 --> 00:06:54,705 I mean, I know what it means. It means very successful for your age. 123 00:06:54,788 --> 00:06:58,124 So I guess it makes sense, but it's a weird word. 124 00:06:59,585 --> 00:07:01,670 Hey, D. Hey, monkey, what's up? 125 00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:02,963 Can you do me a little favor? 126 00:07:03,047 --> 00:07:05,215 Go to my place at lunch and give Sprinkles her medicine? 127 00:07:05,299 --> 00:07:06,383 Sure. 128 00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:07,551 I have to visit the alkie. 129 00:07:08,218 --> 00:07:09,636 Check to see if she's faking. 130 00:07:10,471 --> 00:07:12,931 If a car hit me, it wouldn't crack my pelvis. 131 00:07:13,015 --> 00:07:15,475 You know what? I bet she cracked it at home, 132 00:07:15,559 --> 00:07:18,186 jumped in front of the car to get some worker's comp. 133 00:07:18,270 --> 00:07:20,063 I wouldn't put it past her. 134 00:07:22,149 --> 00:07:23,441 So what do you need me to do? 135 00:07:23,525 --> 00:07:25,902 I wrote it out. There's a diabetes shot. 136 00:07:25,986 --> 00:07:28,405 Roll the insulin in your hands. Don't shake it. 137 00:07:28,489 --> 00:07:31,783 She gets an ACE inhibitor with her meal. You have to put her right in front of the dish 138 00:07:31,867 --> 00:07:34,160 or she won't see it because of the cataracts. 139 00:07:34,244 --> 00:07:38,206 Mix one capsule of omega fatty acid in with her kidney medicine. 140 00:07:38,290 --> 00:07:42,585 And you want to give that to her 15 minutes after she's eaten. 141 00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:44,463 And... Oh, there's a fungal cream 142 00:07:44,546 --> 00:07:46,172 because she has this infection under her tail, 143 00:07:46,256 --> 00:07:47,799 SO you're going to have to lift her tail 144 00:07:47,883 --> 00:07:49,968 and put the cream right at the base of her tail. 145 00:07:50,552 --> 00:07:52,971 Okay, I have an announcement. 146 00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:54,598 You pushed Darryl out the window? No. 147 00:07:54,682 --> 00:07:56,975 You shot Dwight? No. No. That is not funny. 148 00:07:57,059 --> 00:08:00,937 I love my employees even though I hit one of you with my car, 149 00:08:01,605 --> 00:08:04,316 for which I take full responsibility. 150 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:08,900 Look, I'm just trying to take everybody's mind off of this unavoidable tragedy 151 00:08:09,363 --> 00:08:12,032 and on to more positive things, 152 00:08:12,116 --> 00:08:15,410 so I thought we should plant a tree. 153 00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:17,913 Oh, good. At least we don't have to work. 154 00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:19,707 Okay, we're leaving for the hospital at 1:00. 155 00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:21,500 So, like, a freedom tree. 156 00:08:21,583 --> 00:08:22,584 I can take three people. 157 00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:23,835 I can also take three people. 158 00:08:23,919 --> 00:08:24,920 Separate cars. 159 00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:26,714 Pam? All right, we'll get a card at the hospital 160 00:08:26,797 --> 00:08:28,048 and we'll sign it outside her room. 161 00:08:28,132 --> 00:08:30,342 Pam? Sales people can go later in the day. 162 00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:31,635 Hourly workers can go at lunch. 163 00:08:31,719 --> 00:08:34,888 Okay, good, good, so we'll just all go down there together at lunch. 164 00:08:34,972 --> 00:08:36,264 Excellent. I was thinking that we... 165 00:08:36,348 --> 00:08:37,640 Good work, Pam. But if we... 166 00:08:37,725 --> 00:08:39,309 Yay! I think it would be a lot... 167 00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:40,519 Pam! 168 00:08:41,061 --> 00:08:43,563 All right, since I am the boss, I will drive as well. 169 00:08:43,647 --> 00:08:45,649 Who wants shotgun? You can't be serious. 170 00:08:45,733 --> 00:08:47,192 You ran a woman over this morning. 171 00:08:47,276 --> 00:08:50,988 Everyone inside the car was fine, Stanley! 172 00:08:51,989 --> 00:08:55,242 Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? 173 00:08:55,325 --> 00:08:57,702 Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. 174 00:08:58,454 --> 00:09:00,998 Sometimes, I spend too much time volunteering. 175 00:09:01,081 --> 00:09:04,876 Occasionally, I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me. 176 00:09:05,252 --> 00:09:09,752 No, don't sue me. That's the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make. 177 00:09:17,431 --> 00:09:21,931 I hate hospitals. In my mind, they are associated with sickness. 178 00:09:25,856 --> 00:09:27,566 She looks like an angel. 179 00:09:27,649 --> 00:09:29,025 She looks awful. 180 00:09:29,109 --> 00:09:32,112 No? Okay, she always looks like that. It was not my fault. 181 00:09:32,196 --> 00:09:33,906 I think she's awake. 182 00:09:33,989 --> 00:09:36,324 No, she's in a coma. 183 00:09:38,827 --> 00:09:39,869 No. 184 00:09:41,580 --> 00:09:44,958 Okay. Meredith? 185 00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:51,214 I brought all your friends from the office, dear. 186 00:09:51,298 --> 00:09:52,966 At the same time. Yeah. 187 00:09:53,050 --> 00:09:54,051 Hello, Meredith. 188 00:09:54,134 --> 00:09:55,176 This is weird. 189 00:09:55,260 --> 00:09:57,053 Brought you some balloons. 190 00:09:57,137 --> 00:09:59,139 Why don't we... Here you go. 191 00:10:00,349 --> 00:10:03,685 Tie these up. Cheer up your tubes. Oh, shoot. 192 00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:05,479 Oh, for God's sake. 193 00:10:05,562 --> 00:10:06,813 Nurse! 194 00:10:06,897 --> 00:10:09,649 No, don't bother the nurse. Just put it back in. 195 00:10:10,651 --> 00:10:13,570 I'm going to be sick. I'm going to puke. 196 00:10:13,654 --> 00:10:15,822 I'm going to puke. I wouldn't worry about it. Don't touch it. 197 00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:18,783 What... What are you doing? Just give me that. 198 00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:22,829 Thanks. 199 00:10:24,998 --> 00:10:26,499 Does it hurt terribly? 200 00:10:26,583 --> 00:10:27,917 No. It's not too bad. 201 00:10:28,001 --> 00:10:29,210 They have me on a lot of painkillers. 202 00:10:29,336 --> 00:10:30,587 Oh, really? What kind? 203 00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:35,171 Codeine? Vicodin? Percocet? Fentanyl? OxyContin? Palladone? 204 00:10:36,093 --> 00:10:37,427 What? I have no idea. 205 00:10:40,430 --> 00:10:44,930 Well, it was really great of all of you to come and visit me at the same time. 206 00:10:45,269 --> 00:10:46,353 I'll see you guys at the office. 207 00:10:46,436 --> 00:10:47,562 Okay. 208 00:10:47,646 --> 00:10:50,815 Okay. Wait up. Wait up. Guys, guys, guys. Hold on a sec. 209 00:10:50,899 --> 00:10:53,735 You know what I was thinking might be sort of fun, 210 00:10:53,819 --> 00:10:57,197 is if you forgave me in front of everybody. 211 00:10:57,281 --> 00:10:58,782 Michael, I'm not going to do that. 212 00:10:58,866 --> 00:11:02,619 "Cause you know what they say in the Bible about forgiveness? 213 00:11:03,203 --> 00:11:06,956 Forgiveness is next to godliness. 214 00:11:07,416 --> 00:11:09,668 No, that's not what they... Well, just... Just... 215 00:11:09,751 --> 00:11:10,918 You cracked my pelvis. 216 00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:13,213 Look, I just... I don't understand 217 00:11:13,297 --> 00:11:15,257 what is preventing you from laughing this off 218 00:11:15,340 --> 00:11:16,591 and giving me a big hug. 219 00:11:16,675 --> 00:11:18,301 You are not forgiven. 220 00:11:18,385 --> 00:11:19,511 Come on. 221 00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:21,722 Michael! Michael! 222 00:11:21,805 --> 00:11:23,223 Michael! 223 00:11:23,307 --> 00:11:27,728 Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. 224 00:11:27,811 --> 00:11:31,147 I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, 225 00:11:31,648 --> 00:11:36,148 but it's not like this compulsive need to be liked, 226 00:11:37,321 --> 00:11:39,865 like my need to be praised. 227 00:11:43,702 --> 00:11:44,703 Hey. 228 00:11:44,786 --> 00:11:46,204 Hey, monkey. 229 00:11:46,413 --> 00:11:47,705 Any problems? 230 00:11:47,789 --> 00:11:50,583 Well, you left the TV on, and your cat is dead. 231 00:11:51,919 --> 00:11:53,754 What? Sparkles, the white one, is dead. 232 00:11:53,837 --> 00:11:54,963 Sprinkles. 233 00:11:55,714 --> 00:11:57,757 That was the sick one, right? 234 00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:03,889 I thought she had more time. 235 00:12:03,972 --> 00:12:05,390 No. 236 00:12:07,851 --> 00:12:09,978 Did she look... 237 00:12:10,812 --> 00:12:12,730 When you saw her, how was she looking? 238 00:12:12,814 --> 00:12:14,232 Really dead. 239 00:12:14,858 --> 00:12:16,693 Like, just a dead cat. 240 00:12:17,819 --> 00:12:21,322 So... Hey, come on, don't be sad. 241 00:12:21,406 --> 00:12:23,825 Just... Okay? Just... 242 00:12:24,576 --> 00:12:25,577 She's in a better place. 243 00:12:25,661 --> 00:12:26,828 All right. 244 00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:32,413 Actually, the place that she's in is the freezer because of the odor. 245 00:12:38,465 --> 00:12:39,591 It's going to be okay. 246 00:12:39,675 --> 00:12:41,259 Okay, you know what? 247 00:12:41,343 --> 00:12:44,387 Everybody, let's just get over the whole Meredith thing. 248 00:12:44,471 --> 00:12:48,558 She cracked her pelvis, a tiny little crack, and she's going to be fine. 249 00:12:48,642 --> 00:12:49,643 So, let's just... 250 00:12:49,726 --> 00:12:51,394 Michael, Angela's cat died. 251 00:12:52,980 --> 00:12:54,272 Sprinkles? 252 00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:04,825 Oh, shoot. 253 00:13:05,993 --> 00:13:09,329 I'm sorry, Angela. Man, what a day, huh? 254 00:13:10,664 --> 00:13:12,248 How could it get any worse? 255 00:13:12,332 --> 00:13:14,292 The computer crashes with the porn, 256 00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:17,045 and then Meredith with the accident, and then... 257 00:13:17,629 --> 00:13:19,964 Prinkles! God... 258 00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:22,342 That's three things. 259 00:13:22,426 --> 00:13:25,846 I'll tell you what's going on. This office is cursed. 260 00:13:28,890 --> 00:13:30,600 And we need to do something about it. 261 00:13:30,684 --> 00:13:34,229 Well, I am taking responsibility, and it is up to me 262 00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:38,813 to get rid of the curse that hit Meredith with my car. 263 00:13:40,068 --> 00:13:44,363 I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. 264 00:13:46,783 --> 00:13:50,077 Did anyone do anything involving an Indian burial ground? 265 00:13:50,912 --> 00:13:53,164 Like what? Like park on it. 266 00:13:53,248 --> 00:13:54,874 Or dig up a body. 267 00:13:56,585 --> 00:13:59,212 Toby, do you have anything you want to tell us? 268 00:13:59,504 --> 00:14:03,925 No. I did not violate an Indian burial ground. 269 00:14:04,217 --> 00:14:07,220 In fact, I had some good luck recently. Alfredo's Pizza picked 270 00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:11,057 my business card out of the basket. So, I get a week of free pies. 271 00:14:11,141 --> 00:14:12,433 That's cool. Yeah. 272 00:14:12,517 --> 00:14:15,770 Perfect. So our tragedy is your good luck. 273 00:14:17,522 --> 00:14:18,773 Satan. 274 00:14:18,857 --> 00:14:20,942 Sprinkles never hurt a soul. 275 00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:24,154 God, in your infinite wisdom, how can you do this? 276 00:14:24,237 --> 00:14:27,323 She wasn't ready. She had so much left to accomplish. 277 00:14:27,407 --> 00:14:29,367 It is only a cat. 278 00:14:29,451 --> 00:14:32,245 You never... You don't like them. 279 00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:35,415 Cats do not provide milk or wool or meat. 280 00:14:35,499 --> 00:14:36,625 Dwight. 281 00:14:36,708 --> 00:14:38,209 Dwight, you haven't seen Meredith yet, have you? 282 00:14:38,293 --> 00:14:39,294 No, I have not. Well, 283 00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:42,506 I think you should go to the hospital and pay your respects. 284 00:14:42,881 --> 00:14:45,091 I do not respect her, but I will go. 285 00:14:46,635 --> 00:14:47,927 All right, 286 00:14:48,011 --> 00:14:52,511 I would now like to talk about each of your individual religious beliefs. 287 00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:56,561 Michael, you can't ask about religious beliefs. 288 00:14:56,645 --> 00:14:59,147 Satan is a master of lies. 289 00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:01,942 Everything he says is the opposite. 290 00:15:02,025 --> 00:15:04,652 All right, well, then you can ask about religious beliefs. 291 00:15:04,736 --> 00:15:06,821 Thank you for the permission. Psych. 292 00:15:06,905 --> 00:15:10,491 All right, let's just go around the room and tell me what you believe in. 293 00:15:10,575 --> 00:15:12,535 I'm a Catholic. 294 00:15:12,619 --> 00:15:14,370 Okay. Presbyterian. 295 00:15:14,454 --> 00:15:15,580 All right. Me, too. 296 00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:16,748 For real? Same religion. 297 00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:19,084 All right. 298 00:15:19,167 --> 00:15:21,502 I'm a Lutheran and Bob is a Unitarian. 299 00:15:21,586 --> 00:15:22,962 It keeps things spicy. 300 00:15:23,046 --> 00:15:24,756 That's why we're cursed. 301 00:15:25,132 --> 00:15:28,802 I've been involved IN a number of cults, both as a leader and a follower. 302 00:15:28,885 --> 00:15:30,595 You have more fun as a follower. 303 00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:32,639 But you make more money as a leader. 304 00:15:33,098 --> 00:15:36,184 Kelly, you are Hindu, so you believe in Buddha. 305 00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:37,978 That's Buddhists. 306 00:15:38,061 --> 00:15:40,229 Are you sure? No. 307 00:15:41,481 --> 00:15:42,732 What are you? 308 00:15:42,816 --> 00:15:47,278 Well, if you're going to reduce my identity to my religion, then I'm Sikh. 309 00:15:47,362 --> 00:15:49,781 But I also like hip-hop and NPR, 310 00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:53,159 and I'm restoring a 1967 Corvette in my spare time. 311 00:15:53,243 --> 00:15:57,622 Okay. So one Sikh and... 312 00:15:58,874 --> 00:16:01,835 As a farmer, I know that when an animal is sick, 313 00:16:01,918 --> 00:16:05,421 sometimes the right thing to do is to put it out of its misery. 314 00:16:05,964 --> 00:16:08,424 With the electricity we're using to keep Meredith alive, 315 00:16:08,508 --> 00:16:11,552 we could power a small fan for two days. 316 00:16:11,636 --> 00:16:13,638 You tell me what's unethical. 317 00:16:13,722 --> 00:16:16,516 Blink once if you want me to pull the plug. 318 00:16:17,225 --> 00:16:19,310 Don't pull any plugs. All right. 319 00:16:19,394 --> 00:16:21,479 How are you doing, Ms. Palmer? Better. 320 00:16:21,563 --> 00:16:24,148 Excellent. Are you a doctor or a male nurse? 321 00:16:24,232 --> 00:16:25,900 I'm an intern, which makes me a doctor. 322 00:16:27,611 --> 00:16:30,572 Her chart doesn't indicate that she had a hysterectomy. 323 00:16:30,655 --> 00:16:33,449 But she did, or at least she got time off for one. 324 00:16:34,451 --> 00:16:37,162 So that is where her uterus went. 325 00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:39,831 Ms. Palmer, your last tetanus shot 326 00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:41,750 was when you were bitten by a bat a few months ago? 327 00:16:41,833 --> 00:16:45,545 Yes. Dwight, here, trapped it in a bag against my head. 328 00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:47,672 Just doing my job. 329 00:16:47,756 --> 00:16:49,758 It also says you were recently bitten by a raccoon. 330 00:16:49,841 --> 00:16:51,259 And a rat. 331 00:16:51,551 --> 00:16:53,010 Separate occasions. 332 00:16:54,262 --> 00:16:57,473 You spend your whole life trying to get people to like you, 333 00:16:57,557 --> 00:17:01,435 and then you run over one person with your car, 334 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:05,273 and it's not even one of the popular ones, and everybody gets on your case. 335 00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:07,400 It doesn't make any sense. 336 00:17:07,484 --> 00:17:09,152 God is dead. 337 00:17:09,236 --> 00:17:12,364 If there was a God, then Ryan and I would be married by now. 338 00:17:12,447 --> 00:17:15,158 Maybe believing in God was a mistake. 339 00:17:16,409 --> 00:17:18,369 What did people believe in before? 340 00:17:19,913 --> 00:17:21,247 The sun? 341 00:17:21,581 --> 00:17:24,500 Maybe there's some sort of animal 342 00:17:24,584 --> 00:17:26,794 that we could make a sacrifice to, 343 00:17:26,878 --> 00:17:30,131 like a giant buffalo, 344 00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:34,094 or some sort of monster, 345 00:17:34,177 --> 00:17:37,555 like something with the body of a walrus 346 00:17:38,515 --> 00:17:40,683 with the head of 347 00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:43,019 a sea lion. 348 00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:46,606 Or something with the body of an egret 349 00:17:49,067 --> 00:17:50,943 with the head of a meerkat. 350 00:17:51,695 --> 00:17:53,571 Or just 351 00:17:55,490 --> 00:17:57,950 the head of a monkey with 352 00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:00,745 the antlers of a reindeer 353 00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:04,916 with the body of 354 00:18:07,210 --> 00:18:08,252 a 355 00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:12,298 porcupine. 356 00:18:14,801 --> 00:18:15,885 I will do some research. 357 00:18:15,969 --> 00:18:17,011 Okay. 358 00:18:17,095 --> 00:18:18,096 I can help you with that. 359 00:18:18,179 --> 00:18:19,346 Okay. 360 00:18:22,475 --> 00:18:25,144 So, just to be safe, they are giving her the rabies vaccine. 361 00:18:25,228 --> 00:18:27,271 Oh, God, rabies? 362 00:18:28,189 --> 00:18:30,733 I was in the hospital room with her. 363 00:18:30,817 --> 00:18:31,818 How contagious is that? 364 00:18:31,901 --> 00:18:33,152 Is that like an STD? No. No. 365 00:18:33,236 --> 00:18:34,278 You've got to be bitten by something. 366 00:18:34,362 --> 00:18:36,238 This place is SO cursed. 367 00:18:36,323 --> 00:18:38,825 Actually, the doctor said it was lucky she came into the hospital, 368 00:18:38,908 --> 00:18:40,075 because the only way to beat rabies 369 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:42,829 IS to start treatment before the symptoms set in. 370 00:18:42,912 --> 00:18:44,330 Lockjaw. 371 00:18:50,837 --> 00:18:54,632 I know a lot of you are very upset with me for endangering Meredith's life 372 00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:57,176 by hitting her with my car. 373 00:18:58,178 --> 00:19:02,182 But it may make you feel a little bit better to know that before that happened, 374 00:19:02,265 --> 00:19:06,352 Dwight endangered her life by putting a garbage bag over her head 375 00:19:06,436 --> 00:19:08,229 that had a bat in it. 376 00:19:09,022 --> 00:19:10,148 Six of one, really. 377 00:19:10,231 --> 00:19:14,731 Turns out Meredith has been exposed to rabies, 378 00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:19,570 which is like 10 times worse than a little crack in your pelvis. 379 00:19:19,866 --> 00:19:23,703 Thanks to me, she went to the hospital and that saved her life. 380 00:19:23,787 --> 00:19:25,413 Curse is broken. 381 00:19:25,705 --> 00:19:29,834 Curse is broken, people. Oh, there is a God. 382 00:19:29,918 --> 00:19:31,961 And he has a plan for us after all. 383 00:19:32,045 --> 00:19:36,545 So go home, get some rest. Very, very good work today. 384 00:19:37,842 --> 00:19:39,552 Got a lot accomplished. 385 00:19:41,554 --> 00:19:45,307 Is there a God? If not, what are all these churches for? 386 00:19:46,059 --> 00:19:49,103 And who is Jesus' dad? 387 00:19:58,321 --> 00:20:02,783 Oh, well, if they aren't together now, then they probably never will be. 388 00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:09,040 I thought they'd be good together, like PB and ♪. 389 00:20:10,458 --> 00:20:13,544 Pam Beasley and Jim. 390 00:20:15,463 --> 00:20:16,964 What a waste. 391 00:20:17,590 --> 00:20:19,883 What a waste. 392 00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:22,845 I told you I'm not dating anyone. 393 00:20:22,929 --> 00:20:24,722 And even if I was, 394 00:20:24,806 --> 00:20:27,475 I don't think it's anyone's business. 395 00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:31,646 I mean, when I do fall in love, like, when it's for real, 396 00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:35,150 the last person I'm going to talk about it to IS a camera crew 397 00:20:35,233 --> 00:20:37,068 or my co-workers. 398 00:20:41,698 --> 00:20:44,867 Almost marrying Roy Anderson was as close to Pamela Anderson 399 00:20:44,951 --> 00:20:46,494 as I ever want to be. 400 00:20:47,287 --> 00:20:49,747 Trust me, when I fall in love, you'll know. 401 00:20:57,297 --> 00:20:58,881 Michael Scott's Dunder Mifflin Scranton 402 00:20:58,965 --> 00:21:00,925 Meredith Palmer Memorial 403 00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:03,845 Celebrity Rabies Awareness Fun Run Race for the Cure. 404 00:21:03,928 --> 00:21:05,512 This is Pam. Pro-Am. 405 00:21:06,055 --> 00:21:08,265 Pro-Am Race for the... They hung up. 406 00:21:09,517 --> 00:21:13,479 A woman shouldn't have to be hit by a car to learn that she may have rabies, 407 00:21:13,563 --> 00:21:16,315 but that is where we are in America. 408 00:21:16,691 --> 00:21:20,027 And that does not sit right with me. 409 00:21:20,278 --> 00:21:24,778 And that is why I am hosting a fun run race for the cure for rabies. 410 00:21:25,700 --> 00:21:30,200 To raise awareness of the fact that there is a cure for rabies, 411 00:21:30,497 --> 00:21:34,584 a disease that has been largely eradicated in the US, 412 00:21:34,667 --> 00:21:37,002 but not very many people know that. 413 00:21:37,086 --> 00:21:39,004 No, rabies. 414 00:21:39,714 --> 00:21:41,549 Babies would be a good idea. 415 00:21:41,633 --> 00:21:43,301 Can I put you down for a dime? 416 00:21:45,553 --> 00:21:47,763 Hi, Stankley, how many sponsors so far? 417 00:21:47,847 --> 00:21:48,973 Zero. 418 00:21:50,058 --> 00:21:53,603 Come on, man, got to step it up. It's for a good cause. 419 00:21:53,686 --> 00:21:56,522 Jan called this morning and pledged $500. 420 00:21:56,606 --> 00:21:58,524 And isn't that your money? 421 00:22:00,318 --> 00:22:03,612 It is for a good cause. 422 00:22:05,323 --> 00:22:07,074 Phyllis, how's the rabies quilt coming? 423 00:22:07,158 --> 00:22:09,577 It's coming. Oh, look at that, three. 424 00:22:09,661 --> 00:22:11,329 Way to honor Meredith, Phyllis. Michael? 425 00:22:11,412 --> 00:22:13,205 Yes. You cannot make me run. 426 00:22:13,289 --> 00:22:15,457 Okay. It is not a real charity. 427 00:22:15,542 --> 00:22:17,502 It's stupid, Michael, and I'm not going to do it. 428 00:22:17,585 --> 00:22:19,044 All right. All right. You didn't run for me 429 00:22:19,128 --> 00:22:20,754 when I thought I had skin cancer. 430 00:22:21,130 --> 00:22:25,630 I know that you're probably scared of people seeing your fat legs in shorts. 431 00:22:25,718 --> 00:22:26,760 No. 432 00:22:26,845 --> 00:22:29,889 Okay. Well, back in olden times, 433 00:22:29,973 --> 00:22:34,394 a large, fat person like this was a person of power. 434 00:22:34,894 --> 00:22:39,231 A person who had money, could buy food, a person of respect, 435 00:22:39,315 --> 00:22:41,442 like the regional manager of the day. 436 00:22:41,526 --> 00:22:44,862 Whereas someone athletic and trim like myself 437 00:22:44,946 --> 00:22:46,656 was someone who worked in the fields 438 00:22:46,739 --> 00:22:48,240 and I was a peasant. 439 00:22:48,324 --> 00:22:49,783 I just don't want to run. 440 00:22:49,868 --> 00:22:51,744 I didn't bring my sneakers or my clothes. 441 00:22:51,828 --> 00:22:53,037 Well, you're going to have to run 442 00:22:53,121 --> 00:22:55,623 or you're going to be in a lot of trouble. 443 00:22:57,417 --> 00:22:59,627 It is not olden times anymore. 444 00:23:01,629 --> 00:23:06,129 I'm petrified of nipple chafing. Once it starts, it is a vicious circle. 445 00:23:07,468 --> 00:23:11,054 You have sensitive nipples, they chafe. So they become more sensitive, 446 00:23:11,139 --> 00:23:12,723 so they chafe more. 447 00:23:12,807 --> 00:23:15,434 So I take precautions. 448 00:23:17,729 --> 00:23:18,855 Hey, Angela. 449 00:23:20,565 --> 00:23:24,151 Hey, I'm sorry about your cat. 450 00:23:30,617 --> 00:23:33,995 This is Sprinkles. She was my best friend. 451 00:23:35,079 --> 00:23:38,082 I kept her going through countless ailments. 452 00:23:38,583 --> 00:23:43,083 I asked Dwight Schrute to feed her once and she is now deceased. 453 00:23:48,134 --> 00:23:50,302 This is Halloween last year. 454 00:23:51,971 --> 00:23:53,681 Just a couple of kittens 455 00:23:54,933 --> 00:23:56,434 out on the town. 456 00:24:02,190 --> 00:24:03,357 Pssst. 457 00:24:09,197 --> 00:24:11,574 I'm having relationship problems, 458 00:24:11,658 --> 00:24:14,535 and since you're always having relationship problems, 459 00:24:14,619 --> 00:24:16,454 I thought you'd be able to give me some advice. 460 00:24:16,537 --> 00:24:17,704 What's wrong? 461 00:24:17,789 --> 00:24:19,624 I have this crazy thought 462 00:24:19,707 --> 00:24:21,375 that I know is crazy, 463 00:24:22,460 --> 00:24:24,753 that maybe Dwight killed my cat. 464 00:24:25,296 --> 00:24:26,297 Hmm. 465 00:24:26,381 --> 00:24:28,966 When I got home, Sprinkles' body was in the freezer 466 00:24:29,050 --> 00:24:30,843 where Dwight said he left her. 467 00:24:30,927 --> 00:24:34,472 But all my bags of frozen French fries had been clawed to shreds. 468 00:24:34,806 --> 00:24:36,724 Something's not right. 469 00:24:37,058 --> 00:24:38,768 The vet's doing an autopsy. 470 00:24:38,851 --> 00:24:40,352 Angela, I'm sorry. 471 00:24:40,436 --> 00:24:42,688 Did Roy ever Kill one of your cats? 472 00:24:43,272 --> 00:24:45,274 I'm more of a dog person. 473 00:24:49,821 --> 00:24:51,489 So what's your strategy for this race? 474 00:24:51,572 --> 00:24:52,990 Well, I'm going to start fast. 475 00:24:53,074 --> 00:24:54,742 Then I'm going to run fast in the middle. What? 476 00:24:54,826 --> 00:24:56,285 Then I'm going to end fast. 477 00:24:56,369 --> 00:24:57,620 Why won't more people do that? 478 00:24:57,704 --> 00:24:59,497 "Cause they're stupid. 479 00:25:02,166 --> 00:25:03,208 What? 480 00:25:17,265 --> 00:25:18,683 No, that's not... 481 00:25:18,766 --> 00:25:19,892 I mean, that wasn't... 482 00:25:19,976 --> 00:25:21,560 Yeah, that was... 483 00:25:21,644 --> 00:25:25,189 I mean, I can see how it would seem a bit like we... 484 00:25:25,481 --> 00:25:28,358 How it looks like... 485 00:25:28,443 --> 00:25:30,403 But, I mean, nowadays you can edit anything, right? 486 00:25:30,486 --> 00:25:34,986 You can edit anything to look like anything. 487 00:25:35,199 --> 00:25:37,409 Yeah, I gave him a ride home because... 488 00:25:37,493 --> 00:25:39,495 Right. 489 00:25:39,579 --> 00:25:41,122 ...we're dating. 490 00:25:42,498 --> 00:25:45,000 Wow! There it is. 491 00:25:46,127 --> 00:25:47,628 Yeah. 492 00:25:47,754 --> 00:25:51,007 We haven't told anybody, but it's going really great. 493 00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:54,009 Right? 494 00:25:54,093 --> 00:25:55,636 It is going really great. 495 00:25:56,804 --> 00:25:57,846 Ow! 496 00:25:57,930 --> 00:25:59,431 Shut up! 497 00:25:59,515 --> 00:26:02,267 You're taking this out on me, but I was only the messenger. 498 00:26:02,351 --> 00:26:03,727 Oh, really? 499 00:26:09,067 --> 00:26:11,652 You'll feel better after the 5K. 500 00:26:11,861 --> 00:26:13,988 Exercise is good for depression. 501 00:26:14,072 --> 00:26:16,699 I'm not depressed. I'm grieving. 502 00:26:18,701 --> 00:26:21,620 We have raised almost $700, 503 00:26:21,704 --> 00:26:23,497 most of it from me and Jan. 504 00:26:24,707 --> 00:26:27,042 When do they put that on the giant check, 505 00:26:27,168 --> 00:26:29,253 or is that something that we write in later? 506 00:26:29,504 --> 00:26:32,298 Well, a giant check costs about $200 to make up. 507 00:26:33,299 --> 00:26:36,260 I have a print shop standing by, but what do you think, Michael? 508 00:26:36,344 --> 00:26:38,262 That's over 25% of our funds. 509 00:26:40,807 --> 00:26:42,975 That's a tough decision. 510 00:26:44,310 --> 00:26:46,145 I always imagined it with a giant check. 511 00:26:46,229 --> 00:26:49,106 Yeah, I mean, I personally am definitely on board for the giant check. 512 00:26:49,190 --> 00:26:50,232 Giant check it is. 513 00:26:50,316 --> 00:26:51,692 I don't know. 514 00:26:51,776 --> 00:26:55,696 On the other hand, it does leave less money for bat birth control. 515 00:26:55,780 --> 00:26:57,448 Bat birth control? 516 00:26:58,116 --> 00:27:00,118 Wait, this money is going to bat birth control, right, Michael? 517 00:27:00,201 --> 00:27:01,744 That's what you told me when I contributed. 518 00:27:01,828 --> 00:27:03,579 You didn't contribute very much. 519 00:27:03,663 --> 00:27:08,084 I was also hoping to hand the giant check to a rabies doctor. 520 00:27:08,167 --> 00:27:09,626 And how's that going? 521 00:27:09,919 --> 00:27:13,589 Not well. A doctor won't come out to collect a check for $700. 522 00:27:13,673 --> 00:27:15,549 Or $500, if we go with the giant check. 523 00:27:15,633 --> 00:27:16,717 Which we are. 524 00:27:16,801 --> 00:27:20,137 And also, there is no such thing as a rabies doctor. 525 00:27:21,180 --> 00:27:22,347 What about a rabies nurse? 526 00:27:22,431 --> 00:27:23,515 I don't think so. 527 00:27:23,599 --> 00:27:27,311 You know what, though? I've actually seen ads for nurses that you can hire by the hour 528 00:27:27,395 --> 00:27:29,438 for parties and bachelor events. 529 00:27:29,522 --> 00:27:32,066 That's possible. Look into that. Great. 530 00:27:32,150 --> 00:27:36,404 It's going to cost a couple hundred bucks and... Actually more with tips. 531 00:27:36,487 --> 00:27:38,280 Maybe we should skip the ceremony 532 00:27:38,364 --> 00:27:41,158 and just set up a college fund for Meredith's son. 533 00:27:41,784 --> 00:27:44,578 Have you met that kid? Not going to college. 534 00:27:47,165 --> 00:27:48,291 Michael... 535 00:27:49,584 --> 00:27:53,754 5K means five kilometers, not 5,000 miles. 536 00:27:54,297 --> 00:27:55,881 Come in! 537 00:27:55,965 --> 00:27:57,091 Hey! Oh, my God! 538 00:27:57,175 --> 00:27:58,384 What are you doing? What are you doing? 539 00:27:58,467 --> 00:28:00,218 You said, come in! No, I didn't! 540 00:28:00,303 --> 00:28:02,179 Just, please, get out. Oh, my God! 541 00:28:03,723 --> 00:28:05,933 So I closed the door but the image of his... 542 00:28:06,017 --> 00:28:07,977 Baguette? ...dangling participle 543 00:28:08,060 --> 00:28:10,395 still burned in my eyes. 544 00:28:10,479 --> 00:28:11,730 I can imagine. 545 00:28:13,608 --> 00:28:14,775 Come in. 546 00:28:15,318 --> 00:28:16,569 May I enter the room? 547 00:28:16,652 --> 00:28:19,112 Yes, or come in. 548 00:28:21,490 --> 00:28:23,241 See how I did that? 549 00:28:24,368 --> 00:28:25,619 That's the way you should enter a room. 550 00:28:25,703 --> 00:28:27,162 You knock and then you wait for the all clear. 551 00:28:27,246 --> 00:28:29,206 You couldn't have taken off all your clothes in the men's room? 552 00:28:29,290 --> 00:28:31,834 Yes, but I have an office, so why would I do that? 553 00:28:31,918 --> 00:28:35,588 On average, how many hours a day do you spend naked in your office, just ballpark? 554 00:28:35,671 --> 00:28:38,465 European offices are naked all the time. They're so not. 555 00:28:38,549 --> 00:28:40,300 Besides, my shirttail covered most of it, so... 556 00:28:40,384 --> 00:28:42,511 I didn't see where it started, but I saw where it ended. 557 00:28:42,595 --> 00:28:44,305 Gross. That's not gross. 558 00:28:44,388 --> 00:28:46,890 It is a human body. What is your problem? 559 00:28:46,974 --> 00:28:48,850 Pam, you're an artist, right? 560 00:28:48,935 --> 00:28:51,228 Think of me as one of your models. 561 00:28:51,312 --> 00:28:52,354 Okay, you know what? 562 00:28:52,438 --> 00:28:55,983 I don't want this to detract from what we really need to be thinking about today. 563 00:28:56,067 --> 00:28:58,360 It's not fair to people with rabies. 564 00:28:58,444 --> 00:29:01,572 And that's the point. Right? 565 00:29:01,864 --> 00:29:03,073 Okay. Let's go have some fun. 566 00:29:03,157 --> 00:29:04,324 All right. 567 00:29:04,909 --> 00:29:08,454 They say if you're nervous around someone you should picture them naked. 568 00:29:08,537 --> 00:29:10,956 I do not recommend this strategy. 569 00:29:11,082 --> 00:29:14,919 Try picturing them with more clothes on or a funny coat. 570 00:29:16,879 --> 00:29:19,840 Oh, I'm sorry. Is this a working office? 571 00:29:20,049 --> 00:29:21,884 And not a French beach? 572 00:29:23,511 --> 00:29:24,803 Okay, name please. 573 00:29:24,887 --> 00:29:26,889 Creed Bratton. 75-plus division. 574 00:29:26,973 --> 00:29:28,516 You're over 75 years old? 575 00:29:28,599 --> 00:29:29,766 Eighty-two, November 1st. 576 00:29:29,850 --> 00:29:30,976 How much is the prize money? 577 00:29:31,060 --> 00:29:32,895 There's no prize money. 578 00:29:32,979 --> 00:29:34,397 What? Is any of this real? 579 00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:35,731 Check that out. 580 00:29:35,815 --> 00:29:38,567 "Look at me. I'm Toby. I'm stretching. 581 00:29:38,651 --> 00:29:41,236 "I know what I'm doing." Why is he even here? 582 00:29:44,991 --> 00:29:48,953 So I heard that you were peeping on Michael. 583 00:29:49,036 --> 00:29:50,495 What? No, it was not... 584 00:29:50,579 --> 00:29:54,708 Look, I don't know what your deal is, but he's mine, okay? So, hands off. 585 00:29:55,501 --> 00:29:57,878 Okay, everybody! Listen up! 586 00:29:59,046 --> 00:30:00,964 Thank you for coming. Before we get started, 587 00:30:01,048 --> 00:30:03,133 I want to say a few words 588 00:30:03,217 --> 00:30:06,595 about this deadly disease called rabies. 589 00:30:06,721 --> 00:30:11,016 And I'd like you to take a look into the face of rabies. 590 00:30:14,020 --> 00:30:16,647 That should scare you. It scares me. 591 00:30:16,731 --> 00:30:18,441 You people need to educate yourselves. 592 00:30:18,524 --> 00:30:22,486 Myth: three Americans every year die from rabies. 593 00:30:22,570 --> 00:30:27,070 Fact: four Americans every year die from rabies. 594 00:30:27,450 --> 00:30:30,161 How many of you know someone 595 00:30:30,244 --> 00:30:33,247 who has been afflicted or affected by rabies? 596 00:30:33,581 --> 00:30:36,959 Show of hands. One, two, three... Too many to count. 597 00:30:37,043 --> 00:30:39,211 It is truly the silent killer. 598 00:30:39,295 --> 00:30:42,756 No, it is the foaming, barking Killer. 599 00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:46,176 And it is something that comes... Darryl, what are you doing? 600 00:30:46,260 --> 00:30:47,302 I'm giving him a peanut. 601 00:30:47,386 --> 00:30:51,886 No, don't give him... Just... Did you hear anything I said? 602 00:30:51,974 --> 00:30:53,016 Look how happy he is. 603 00:30:53,100 --> 00:30:54,810 He's happy because he's insane. 604 00:30:54,894 --> 00:30:56,645 You know what? That's a perfect example 605 00:30:56,729 --> 00:30:59,732 of the kind of awareness we need to generate. 606 00:30:59,815 --> 00:31:03,610 Where's the nurse? This is the reason we're here. 607 00:31:03,694 --> 00:31:04,820 Hello, Michael. 608 00:31:04,904 --> 00:31:06,655 Oh, hey, I know you. Elizabeth? 609 00:31:06,739 --> 00:31:08,615 Yeah. Right? Wow! 610 00:31:08,699 --> 00:31:11,118 Very cool. You went back and got your degree. 611 00:31:11,202 --> 00:31:14,246 I would like you to accept this check 612 00:31:16,082 --> 00:31:18,292 for $340, 613 00:31:19,043 --> 00:31:20,669 made out to "Science." 614 00:31:21,754 --> 00:31:23,589 Make sure that that gets into the right hands. 615 00:31:23,672 --> 00:31:24,756 Great. 616 00:31:28,928 --> 00:31:30,429 You got it? 617 00:31:30,513 --> 00:31:31,555 Okay. 618 00:31:33,808 --> 00:31:36,060 Fettuccine Alfredo. 619 00:31:37,019 --> 00:31:38,478 Time to carbo-load. 620 00:31:43,192 --> 00:31:46,820 Just remember, folks, it's not about winning. It is about finishing! 621 00:31:47,863 --> 00:31:49,739 On your marks, 622 00:31:50,825 --> 00:31:52,660 get set... 623 00:31:52,993 --> 00:31:53,994 Hey! 624 00:32:09,009 --> 00:32:10,593 On your left! Wow, you're fast. 625 00:32:10,678 --> 00:32:13,347 Doing great, Michael! Look at you go! 626 00:32:13,431 --> 00:32:14,723 That's my boss! Yeah! 627 00:32:14,807 --> 00:32:16,517 Think I'm fast? 628 00:32:16,892 --> 00:32:19,978 I'm very fast. I'm like Forrest Gump, 629 00:32:20,062 --> 00:32:22,731 except I am not an idiot. 630 00:32:25,067 --> 00:32:27,277 Oh, yes, I will work out today. 631 00:32:27,445 --> 00:32:31,407 I will work out a way to avoid running for a stupid cause. 632 00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:36,995 I've walked two marathons. I'm pretty sure I can handle a 5K. 633 00:32:37,913 --> 00:32:40,832 Key is drafting, eliminate wind resistance. 634 00:32:46,088 --> 00:32:47,380 Yeah. 635 00:32:49,216 --> 00:32:50,467 Oh, we're in last place. 636 00:32:50,551 --> 00:32:51,552 Oh, would you look at that? 637 00:32:51,635 --> 00:32:52,886 Darn it. 638 00:32:57,600 --> 00:32:59,852 Water? Water? 639 00:33:02,563 --> 00:33:04,481 Water, babe? No! No water for me! 640 00:33:04,565 --> 00:33:07,734 Not while rabies causes fear of water! Solidarity! 641 00:33:08,110 --> 00:33:09,653 Michael, that's irrational. 642 00:33:09,737 --> 00:33:11,280 Rabies victims 643 00:33:12,072 --> 00:33:16,572 have to live with an irrational hatred of water their entire lives. 644 00:33:16,827 --> 00:33:19,329 So, the least I can do... 645 00:33:20,831 --> 00:33:24,876 Oh, God, my nipples. It's starting. 646 00:33:26,670 --> 00:33:28,296 Can we get another round? Okay. 647 00:33:28,380 --> 00:33:29,422 Thanks. 648 00:33:31,717 --> 00:33:34,302 So we've got what, another 20 minutes? 649 00:33:34,386 --> 00:33:35,720 More or less. 650 00:33:38,557 --> 00:33:42,519 That fettuccine is sitting in my stomach like a rock. 651 00:33:43,437 --> 00:33:46,440 You got nothing to worry about. I put Imodium in Toby's coffee 652 00:33:46,524 --> 00:33:48,150 before the race. 653 00:33:48,234 --> 00:33:49,735 Excellent! 654 00:33:49,944 --> 00:33:51,987 Simpsons. 655 00:33:52,071 --> 00:33:53,781 Wait, Imodium or Ex-Lax? 656 00:33:55,366 --> 00:33:57,076 I'm making great time. 657 00:33:57,159 --> 00:34:00,328 Usually, I'd have to take a bathroom break halfway through a race like this, 658 00:34:00,412 --> 00:34:02,914 but not today. 659 00:34:06,210 --> 00:34:08,670 An estate sale. Want to go in? 660 00:34:09,672 --> 00:34:11,465 I don't know. I'm really committed to winning. 661 00:34:11,549 --> 00:34:13,968 Okay, but what if I told you that all the money you spend here 662 00:34:14,051 --> 00:34:16,803 goes to preventing a disease that's already been cured? 663 00:34:16,887 --> 00:34:18,221 Yes. That's what I thought. 664 00:34:18,305 --> 00:34:19,556 Yeah. Right? 665 00:34:20,099 --> 00:34:21,809 Let's do some good. 666 00:34:23,561 --> 00:34:24,979 You have reached the offices 667 00:34:25,062 --> 00:34:26,188 of Dunder Mifflin Scranton. 668 00:34:26,272 --> 00:34:27,815 Currently, the entire staff is out 669 00:34:27,898 --> 00:34:32,398 doing the Michael Scott DMSMPMC Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race. 670 00:34:33,070 --> 00:34:34,738 For the cure. 671 00:34:34,822 --> 00:34:35,948 Leave a message. 672 00:34:38,576 --> 00:34:42,246 Oh, God. Alfredo sauce. 673 00:34:43,497 --> 00:34:44,664 I'm getting a stitch. 674 00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:51,213 God! Watch the nipples, Kevin! 675 00:34:51,297 --> 00:34:53,048 Back off me. 676 00:34:53,382 --> 00:34:54,466 How are you feeling? Better? 677 00:34:54,550 --> 00:34:55,717 No. 678 00:34:55,801 --> 00:34:58,887 Well, you look cute as a button. You've worked up quite a sweat. 679 00:34:58,971 --> 00:35:01,306 The vet is removing all of Sprinkles' organs right now 680 00:35:01,390 --> 00:35:03,225 and sending them to the lab. 681 00:35:03,392 --> 00:35:05,102 I am a farmer, Angela. 682 00:35:05,185 --> 00:35:06,227 What does that mean? 683 00:35:06,312 --> 00:35:08,188 Okay, when a farmer sees an animal that is in pain, 684 00:35:08,272 --> 00:35:11,024 that has no quality of life, that has no utility, 685 00:35:11,108 --> 00:35:14,528 a farmer does what city folk don't have the stomach to do. 686 00:35:15,237 --> 00:35:17,113 You did kill her? 687 00:35:17,197 --> 00:35:19,824 I sang her her favorite songs. 688 00:35:19,908 --> 00:35:21,326 You put her in my freezer. 689 00:35:21,410 --> 00:35:23,662 It was beautiful and gentle and respectful. 690 00:35:23,746 --> 00:35:26,331 I fed her antihistamines and she gradually fell asleep. 691 00:35:26,415 --> 00:35:28,834 Well, then, she barfed them up in the freezer and tried to get out. 692 00:35:28,917 --> 00:35:30,293 Well, I'm not responsible for that! Get! 693 00:35:30,377 --> 00:35:31,711 Hey! 694 00:35:32,755 --> 00:35:33,797 It's okay. It's nothing! 695 00:35:33,881 --> 00:35:34,965 I'm robbing her. 696 00:35:35,049 --> 00:35:36,341 It's nothing! It's nothing! It's fine! 697 00:35:36,425 --> 00:35:37,426 What? 698 00:35:37,509 --> 00:35:39,344 How could you do that without telling me? 699 00:35:39,428 --> 00:35:42,472 I thought I was helping you. I expected a hug. 700 00:35:42,556 --> 00:35:46,393 I took care of that cat the best way I knew how. 701 00:35:47,019 --> 00:35:49,604 Cat heaven is a beautiful place, 702 00:35:49,688 --> 00:35:52,023 but you don't get there if you're euthanized. 703 00:35:52,483 --> 00:35:55,611 I know a great taxidermist. I'll pay to have her stuffed. 704 00:35:55,694 --> 00:35:57,779 Well, he's not great, but he's pretty good. 705 00:35:57,863 --> 00:35:59,656 You don't understand. 706 00:35:59,740 --> 00:36:02,242 Take bat bites seriously. Don't get bit. 707 00:36:04,620 --> 00:36:07,956 Or we can have her buried out at the east field, by mother. 708 00:36:09,667 --> 00:36:10,709 Huh? Angela? 709 00:36:10,793 --> 00:36:11,794 Don't touch me, Dwight. 710 00:36:23,722 --> 00:36:26,099 You like it? It's kind of designy and cool. 711 00:36:26,183 --> 00:36:27,517 It was $8. 712 00:36:28,227 --> 00:36:30,103 Oh, and I get to carry it. 713 00:36:44,868 --> 00:36:47,245 And the winner is Toby Flenderson. 714 00:36:48,831 --> 00:36:50,874 Have a seat. I'll write it down. 715 00:36:55,546 --> 00:36:56,797 Where are we? 716 00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:59,757 I don't know, like five kilometers from the office. 717 00:37:01,552 --> 00:37:03,595 He couldn't have made it a circle? 718 00:37:12,020 --> 00:37:13,730 I am not going to finish. 719 00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:18,235 I can't beat rabies. 720 00:37:19,194 --> 00:37:20,320 Nobody can beat rabies. 721 00:37:20,404 --> 00:37:23,365 Rabies has been around for a thousand years 722 00:37:23,449 --> 00:37:26,118 and I was a fool to think that I could beat it. 723 00:37:32,082 --> 00:37:34,084 Yeah, probably. Hey. 724 00:37:35,961 --> 00:37:37,045 Michael? 725 00:37:38,672 --> 00:37:41,341 What are you doing here? Did you come back for us? 726 00:37:41,425 --> 00:37:42,926 I can't finish. 727 00:37:43,886 --> 00:37:45,679 I feel so weak. I just... 728 00:37:45,763 --> 00:37:47,055 Well, you're probably dehydrated. 729 00:37:47,139 --> 00:37:48,723 What do you want me to do, Jim? 730 00:37:48,807 --> 00:37:49,974 Glass of water would be a start. 731 00:37:50,058 --> 00:37:53,061 No. There are people 732 00:37:53,145 --> 00:37:57,645 all over the world with all sorts of problems and afflictions and diseases. 733 00:37:58,108 --> 00:37:59,901 They're deformed 734 00:38:00,569 --> 00:38:03,363 and they're abnormal and 735 00:38:03,447 --> 00:38:06,491 they're illiterate and ugly. 736 00:38:06,784 --> 00:38:08,702 Symphonies don't have any money. 737 00:38:08,786 --> 00:38:10,996 Public TV is bust. 738 00:38:11,079 --> 00:38:13,915 I can't do anything about it. I can't, you Know... 739 00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:16,835 There's just one of me. 740 00:38:17,294 --> 00:38:19,546 And there's a thousand of them. 741 00:38:20,714 --> 00:38:22,048 And rabies wins. 742 00:38:22,132 --> 00:38:24,592 Wow! You are a downer. 743 00:38:25,344 --> 00:38:27,137 We were having a pretty nice day. 744 00:38:27,221 --> 00:38:28,472 I'm still having a nice day. 745 00:38:28,555 --> 00:38:30,473 You are? Yeah. 746 00:38:30,557 --> 00:38:34,519 Hey, Michael, look at this lamp. $8. 747 00:38:34,603 --> 00:38:36,271 That's a good deal. 748 00:38:37,731 --> 00:38:40,692 And Michael, you don't have rabies, 749 00:38:40,776 --> 00:38:44,154 and chances are you're not going to get it anytime soon. 750 00:38:44,238 --> 00:38:47,491 So, you don't really have to think about it too much. 751 00:38:47,574 --> 00:38:51,536 Pam, if everybody felt that way, nothing would get done. 752 00:38:52,704 --> 00:38:57,204 Yeah, but there's other, better people out there who are helping. 753 00:38:57,709 --> 00:39:02,046 You just don't think I am capable of making a difference. 754 00:39:03,173 --> 00:39:06,593 I know you, Michael. I saw you naked. 755 00:39:07,344 --> 00:39:08,762 You don't... 756 00:39:09,596 --> 00:39:11,347 You don't know me. 757 00:39:11,515 --> 00:39:14,643 You've just seen my penis. I can make a difference. 758 00:39:14,726 --> 00:39:17,937 Remember, I'm the one who started this whole thing off 759 00:39:18,021 --> 00:39:19,981 by hitting Meredith with my car. 760 00:39:20,524 --> 00:39:25,024 And I owe it to her to finish this GD 5K. 761 00:39:30,409 --> 00:39:31,743 No! No! 762 00:39:45,173 --> 00:39:49,673 Finishing that 5K was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. 763 00:39:53,932 --> 00:39:58,144 I ate more fettuccine Alfredo and drank less water 764 00:39:58,228 --> 00:40:00,313 than I have in my entire life. 765 00:40:02,024 --> 00:40:05,068 People always talk about triumphs of the human spirit. 766 00:40:05,152 --> 00:40:09,652 Well, today, I had a triumph of the human body. 767 00:40:10,407 --> 00:40:12,826 That's why everybody was applauding for me at the end, 768 00:40:12,910 --> 00:40:14,703 my guts and my heart. 769 00:40:17,331 --> 00:40:21,335 And while I eventually puked my guts out, I never 770 00:40:22,711 --> 00:40:24,796 puked my heart out. 771 00:40:25,213 --> 00:40:27,882 I'm very, very proud of that. 772 00:40:30,594 --> 00:40:32,178 Hey, Michael. 773 00:40:32,262 --> 00:40:33,388 Hey, Mere. 774 00:40:33,931 --> 00:40:35,891 How are you doing? Better. 775 00:40:35,974 --> 00:40:37,558 It's ironic, isn't it? 776 00:40:37,643 --> 00:40:40,270 I mean, I'm in the hospital for not getting enough water 777 00:40:40,354 --> 00:40:43,774 and you're in it for a disease that causes a fear of water. 778 00:40:44,858 --> 00:40:46,985 I'm in because you hit me with your car. 779 00:40:47,861 --> 00:40:51,990 But I want to say, I heard you were trying really hard, so 780 00:40:52,866 --> 00:40:54,659 I'm not mad at you anymore. 781 00:40:55,410 --> 00:40:56,619 Thanks. 782 00:40:57,454 --> 00:40:59,706 I'm not mad at you anymore. 783 00:41:07,547 --> 00:41:08,798 Want to share? 784 00:41:10,008 --> 00:41:11,009 Sure. 785 00:41:11,093 --> 00:41:12,427 I'm not really sick. 786 00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:21,936 No, I'm good.