1 00:00:02,201 --> 00:00:06,604 Oscar, Toby said he left my Girl Scout cookies on my chair. 2 00:00:07,039 --> 00:00:10,099 Have you seen them? Wait, I'm sitting on them. 3 00:00:10,376 --> 00:00:11,536 This is awesome. 4 00:00:11,610 --> 00:00:13,544 Thank you. It didn't even take that long. 5 00:00:13,612 --> 00:00:16,308 What's the difference between a chimichanga, 6 00:00:16,382 --> 00:00:19,044 a chalupa and a tostada? 7 00:00:19,318 --> 00:00:24,255 Call me back ASAP. It's urgent. 8 00:00:24,523 --> 00:00:29,017 Wait, this isn't funny. I don't talk like that. 9 00:00:29,094 --> 00:00:30,527 Say, "Me eat cookie." 10 00:00:30,963 --> 00:00:32,794 No. I won't say it. 11 00:00:32,865 --> 00:00:34,423 Why is everyone clumped around accounting? 12 00:00:34,500 --> 00:00:35,558 Break it up, you clique. 13 00:00:35,634 --> 00:00:38,626 It's Kevin as Cookie Monster from Sesame Street. 14 00:00:38,704 --> 00:00:40,638 Is that the program where all those puppets live in the barrio? 15 00:00:40,706 --> 00:00:42,173 Mmm-hmm. I love that show. 16 00:00:42,241 --> 00:00:44,801 This is Kevin. This is Kevin. 17 00:00:45,444 --> 00:00:47,378 Thank you. That is an amusing link. 18 00:00:47,446 --> 00:00:48,606 I'd like it sent to me, please. 19 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:50,238 Me, too, Oscar, please send it to me. Yeah, totally. 20 00:00:50,315 --> 00:00:52,180 Yeah, me, too. 21 00:00:52,251 --> 00:00:54,276 Angela, this is inappropriate. 22 00:00:54,553 --> 00:00:56,350 This is my favorite day. 23 00:01:17,342 --> 00:01:19,139 It's Secretary's Day. 24 00:01:19,611 --> 00:01:22,910 And it is Erin's and my three-week anniversary, 25 00:01:22,981 --> 00:01:26,508 so perfect storm for a romantic gesture. 26 00:01:27,453 --> 00:01:30,149 Want to make sure the whole office remembers it's Secretary's Day. 27 00:01:30,222 --> 00:01:34,124 I sent an email blast, a text blast, a good old-fashioned talk blast. 28 00:01:34,193 --> 00:01:36,388 I sent a snail-mail blast a week ago, 29 00:01:36,462 --> 00:01:39,090 and a stern reminder via fax at 7:00 this morning, 30 00:01:39,164 --> 00:01:43,066 so people better step up and appreciate the crap out of Erin. 31 00:01:43,135 --> 00:01:44,159 Oh, thank you. 32 00:01:44,236 --> 00:01:45,328 I do. 33 00:01:47,539 --> 00:01:48,870 Thank you. 34 00:01:50,909 --> 00:01:54,436 If it wasn't for secretaries, I wouldn't have a stepmom. 35 00:01:55,047 --> 00:01:56,981 Welcome back. Hey, thanks. 36 00:01:57,049 --> 00:02:01,543 It's my first day back after maternity leave, and I miss Cece, of course. 37 00:02:01,887 --> 00:02:03,752 But we need the money. 38 00:02:04,123 --> 00:02:07,957 What was maternity leave like? Oh. How do I explain it? 39 00:02:08,927 --> 00:02:11,487 It rocked. It rocked my ass off. 40 00:02:13,232 --> 00:02:16,429 Oh. You couldn't have watered it? 41 00:02:16,502 --> 00:02:20,029 I literally did not know that existed until this moment. 42 00:02:20,539 --> 00:02:23,804 Well, I knew it existed, and I chose to let it die. 43 00:02:24,643 --> 00:02:26,076 It's nice to see you again, Dwight. 44 00:02:26,145 --> 00:02:27,237 Hello, Pam. 45 00:02:27,312 --> 00:02:30,076 I was just wondering what you had planned for Secretary's Day. 46 00:02:30,149 --> 00:02:31,912 I'm going to give Erin $15. 47 00:02:31,984 --> 00:02:36,614 I know that Erin would be so psyched if you took her out to lunch. 48 00:02:36,955 --> 00:02:38,217 A one-on-one lunch with Erin? 49 00:02:38,290 --> 00:02:40,690 Yeah. She really looks up to you. 50 00:02:40,759 --> 00:02:43,125 There's only so much we can do as her coworkers. 51 00:02:43,195 --> 00:02:46,756 Secretary's Day is really kind of a boss-secretary thing. 52 00:02:50,169 --> 00:02:52,729 She's kind of a rube. 53 00:02:52,804 --> 00:02:53,998 That's my girlfriend you're talking about. 54 00:02:54,072 --> 00:02:57,508 Okay. All right. All right. Okay, I'll take her to lunch. 55 00:02:57,576 --> 00:02:59,407 She's gonna be so psyched. 56 00:02:59,678 --> 00:03:01,839 Hi, Erin. Happy Secretary's Day. 57 00:03:01,914 --> 00:03:03,313 Well, happy boss's day. 58 00:03:03,482 --> 00:03:05,473 There wouldn't be a secretary if there was no boss. 59 00:03:05,551 --> 00:03:07,485 I wanted to know what your plans for lunch were, 60 00:03:07,553 --> 00:03:11,512 because I was hoping to ask you to lunch. 61 00:03:11,857 --> 00:03:14,690 I got a picture of you asking me to lunch. 62 00:03:15,060 --> 00:03:18,461 I was thinking we could go to Hayworth's, just the two of us. 63 00:03:18,530 --> 00:03:20,430 Well, Hayworth's is more business-casual, 64 00:03:20,499 --> 00:03:22,831 and they always screw up your order, so I'm... 65 00:03:22,901 --> 00:03:26,234 Oh. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that was a stupid suggestion. 66 00:03:26,305 --> 00:03:29,103 I was thinking someplace special, so I thought Hayworth's, but... 67 00:03:29,174 --> 00:03:30,505 Okay, well, we'll figure something out. 68 00:03:30,576 --> 00:03:32,237 Okay. 69 00:03:34,813 --> 00:03:36,110 Okay, let's go to Hayworth's. 70 00:03:36,181 --> 00:03:37,341 Okay! 71 00:03:38,283 --> 00:03:39,944 Have a cookie, Kev. 72 00:03:40,018 --> 00:03:43,454 Yeah, ha, ha, tray of cookies. I'm not falling for that. 73 00:03:43,855 --> 00:03:46,187 I brought those in. It's my birthday. 74 00:03:46,258 --> 00:03:48,419 That's some stone-cold narcissism right there. 75 00:03:48,493 --> 00:03:50,393 Man, Darryl, I'm sorry. 76 00:03:51,063 --> 00:03:53,156 Happy birthday. Thank you. 77 00:03:58,937 --> 00:04:01,667 They're making fun of Cookie Monster. I get that. 78 00:04:01,807 --> 00:04:05,607 But in a strange way, it feels like they're making fun of me. 79 00:04:06,578 --> 00:04:11,038 Oscar, did you eat some of my M&M's? The level... 80 00:04:11,116 --> 00:04:12,674 This is violent and offensive. 81 00:04:12,751 --> 00:04:13,945 Thank you. 82 00:04:14,419 --> 00:04:16,887 And it really makes me self-conscious about my voice. 83 00:04:16,955 --> 00:04:18,422 That's awful. 84 00:04:19,691 --> 00:04:21,318 I'm not crying. 85 00:04:21,393 --> 00:04:22,758 You have some food on your face. 86 00:04:22,828 --> 00:04:25,991 Do my hands feel sweaty to you? 87 00:04:26,331 --> 00:04:28,697 The beginning here has been a little bit of a fiasco. 88 00:04:28,934 --> 00:04:32,563 Either they don't respect me, or they respect me too much. 89 00:04:33,205 --> 00:04:36,368 And some of them still think that I'm the IT guy. 90 00:04:36,775 --> 00:04:39,403 This Cookie Monster thing is an opportunity to show people 91 00:04:39,478 --> 00:04:41,673 that I'm an authority figure. 92 00:04:44,216 --> 00:04:47,674 Hello, everyone. If I might have a moment of your time. 93 00:04:47,986 --> 00:04:50,352 It's come to my attention that people have been watching 94 00:04:50,422 --> 00:04:52,822 and laughing at a hurtful parody video. 95 00:04:52,891 --> 00:04:57,385 It is now forbidden to talk, joke about, or email this around. 96 00:04:57,663 --> 00:04:58,755 Yeah. 97 00:04:59,164 --> 00:05:01,655 And that's straight from corporate, so... 98 00:05:01,733 --> 00:05:04,361 Not to be scary, but, yeah, I would listen to me. 99 00:05:04,436 --> 00:05:05,960 And that's all. 100 00:05:15,247 --> 00:05:17,841 Would you mind if I listened to my book on tape? 101 00:05:17,916 --> 00:05:19,816 I'm kind of a bookworm. 102 00:05:20,319 --> 00:05:24,881 This is a novelization of the movie Precious, Based on the Book Push by Sapphire. 103 00:05:24,956 --> 00:05:28,414 I was thinking it would be fun to talk on the way over. 104 00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:31,825 What decade would you have chosen to be a teenager? 105 00:05:33,932 --> 00:05:35,297 I don't know. 106 00:05:35,367 --> 00:05:37,062 I would have chosen the 1490s. 107 00:05:38,303 --> 00:05:40,134 'Cause America was discovered. 108 00:05:40,205 --> 00:05:41,229 Right. 109 00:05:44,276 --> 00:05:46,801 And then my last job was at a Taco Bell Express, 110 00:05:46,878 --> 00:05:51,247 but then it became a full Taco Bell and, I don't know, I couldn't keep up. 111 00:05:51,316 --> 00:05:54,649 My favorite part about being a receptionist is that I get to have my own desk. 112 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:57,780 At my foster home I never had a desk, so it's like... 113 00:05:57,856 --> 00:06:00,484 I don't mean that I didn't like my foster home. I did like it. 114 00:06:00,559 --> 00:06:02,390 I just didn't have a desk there. 115 00:06:02,461 --> 00:06:05,453 Did you have a favorite age? Or month? 116 00:06:06,965 --> 00:06:08,296 An age or month? 117 00:06:08,367 --> 00:06:12,303 Yeah, like a favorite month. Like, I liked April when I was seven. 118 00:06:12,371 --> 00:06:15,670 I've been trying. I've been trying to keep it going. 119 00:06:18,276 --> 00:06:20,767 Erin is just weird. 120 00:06:21,113 --> 00:06:23,081 How many pillows do you sleep on at night? 121 00:06:23,148 --> 00:06:25,548 So how are things going with Andy? 122 00:06:25,617 --> 00:06:27,881 He's the best boyfriend in the world. 123 00:06:28,820 --> 00:06:30,811 Tell me about him before I met him. 124 00:06:30,889 --> 00:06:32,356 Well, let's see... 125 00:06:34,693 --> 00:06:36,957 Andy plays the banjo. 126 00:06:37,028 --> 00:06:38,689 Yeah, I love that. 127 00:06:39,164 --> 00:06:43,863 Other than the fact that he dated Angela, I don't think he is a snappy dresser. 128 00:06:43,935 --> 00:06:45,061 What? 129 00:06:45,170 --> 00:06:47,900 I don't think he is the best dresser. Reminds me of Easter. 130 00:06:47,973 --> 00:06:52,034 Sorry. About Angela. Did you say he dated Angela? 131 00:06:52,611 --> 00:06:55,671 Mmm-hmm. You didn't know that? 132 00:06:55,747 --> 00:06:57,305 Here we go. Hot plate. 133 00:06:57,382 --> 00:06:58,406 Oh, okay. 134 00:06:58,483 --> 00:07:00,280 And your salad, miss. 135 00:07:01,553 --> 00:07:03,180 Why wouldn't he tell me that? 136 00:07:03,255 --> 00:07:04,483 I don't know. 137 00:07:04,990 --> 00:07:06,480 Probably didn't want you to have a mental image 138 00:07:06,558 --> 00:07:08,992 of him having sex with somebody else. 139 00:07:09,060 --> 00:07:10,084 They had sex? 140 00:07:10,162 --> 00:07:12,130 They were engaged, so... 141 00:07:14,099 --> 00:07:16,124 Okay, you know what, sir? 142 00:07:16,201 --> 00:07:17,259 Yes? 143 00:07:17,335 --> 00:07:20,099 Yeah, I asked for pickles on my burger, and there are only, like, five or six. 144 00:07:20,172 --> 00:07:21,537 Can I get some more pickles? 145 00:07:21,606 --> 00:07:23,801 Of course. I'll get you a bowl of pickles. 146 00:07:23,875 --> 00:07:25,069 Thank you. 147 00:07:25,310 --> 00:07:26,902 They were engaged? 148 00:07:26,978 --> 00:07:28,240 Mmm-hmm. 149 00:07:29,381 --> 00:07:30,507 Yeah. 150 00:07:32,217 --> 00:07:33,343 Uh-oh. 151 00:07:33,418 --> 00:07:34,578 Well... 152 00:07:39,257 --> 00:07:41,452 What are you doing? What are you doing? 153 00:07:41,526 --> 00:07:44,359 In the foster home, my hair was my room. 154 00:07:49,901 --> 00:07:52,802 Okay, okay, you know what? You know what? You know what? 155 00:07:52,871 --> 00:07:55,465 Everybody's looking at you right now. 156 00:07:59,678 --> 00:08:01,805 I'll have what she's having. 157 00:08:06,985 --> 00:08:09,681 Did you have a... Did you like your lunch? 158 00:08:09,754 --> 00:08:11,221 Did you have a good lunch? 159 00:08:12,557 --> 00:08:15,390 Did you like that? Did you enjoy your food? 160 00:08:15,460 --> 00:08:17,121 It was good. I liked my lunch. 161 00:08:20,665 --> 00:08:21,996 What's up? 162 00:08:22,234 --> 00:08:24,429 Her milk is coming in. She's getting uncomfortable. 163 00:08:24,503 --> 00:08:25,527 Dwight, don't be gross. 164 00:08:25,604 --> 00:08:27,435 No, no, he's right. 165 00:08:28,006 --> 00:08:31,271 Same thing happens with my cows if I don't tend them frequently enough. 166 00:08:31,343 --> 00:08:33,834 You gotta milk them, or else they'll moo like crazy. 167 00:08:33,912 --> 00:08:35,436 That's weird, my breast pump is missing. 168 00:08:35,514 --> 00:08:37,038 Have you seen my breast pump? 169 00:08:37,115 --> 00:08:38,742 All right, this is gonna traumatize me 170 00:08:38,817 --> 00:08:41,877 a hell of a lot more than you, believe me. 171 00:08:41,953 --> 00:08:45,616 You know what, Dwight? Let me just check the bathroom first. Okay? 172 00:08:45,690 --> 00:08:48,488 Really? Fine. Let your breasts explode. 173 00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:50,391 Three squeezes and I would drain you. 174 00:08:50,462 --> 00:08:51,895 Mmm. 175 00:08:55,233 --> 00:08:57,064 Meredith! MEREDITH: I just like the way it feels. 176 00:08:57,135 --> 00:08:58,932 - What are you doing? - Just relax, okay? 177 00:08:59,004 --> 00:08:59,993 Relax? 178 00:09:00,071 --> 00:09:01,402 This is like the Cadillac of pumps. 179 00:09:01,473 --> 00:09:02,599 Give it back to me, now! 180 00:09:02,674 --> 00:09:04,699 Okay. I was just warming it up. 181 00:09:04,776 --> 00:09:05,936 That's... It's disgusting! 182 00:09:06,011 --> 00:09:07,205 It's not a big deal. 183 00:09:07,279 --> 00:09:08,610 It's not sterile! 184 00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:10,375 We're both girls. Who cares? 185 00:09:24,029 --> 00:09:27,157 So, how was lunch? 186 00:09:27,666 --> 00:09:28,997 Lunch was fine. 187 00:09:29,067 --> 00:09:32,628 Was it everything that you hoped and dreamed it might be? 188 00:09:33,405 --> 00:09:35,430 I don't know. It was lunch, Andy. 189 00:09:35,507 --> 00:09:38,169 Well, I know, I'm... That's what I'm... 190 00:09:38,910 --> 00:09:41,003 Just wondering... I mean... 191 00:09:43,148 --> 00:09:44,945 Erin, I think we're out of fax cover sheets. 192 00:09:45,016 --> 00:09:48,281 God, Oscar, will you keep your pants on? It's easy. 193 00:09:52,757 --> 00:09:55,749 My name is Kevin. I'm an accountant. 194 00:09:55,827 --> 00:09:57,055 You see? I did the voice. 195 00:09:57,128 --> 00:09:58,857 It's a little derivative. 196 00:09:58,930 --> 00:10:00,295 But parody is always derivative. 197 00:10:00,365 --> 00:10:02,356 It's not organic. Do you know what I mean? 198 00:10:02,434 --> 00:10:04,061 Jim does a really good one. Do yours. 199 00:10:04,135 --> 00:10:06,365 Oh, guys, I really refuse to participate. 200 00:10:06,438 --> 00:10:09,532 "Michael, can I have an advance on my paycheck, 201 00:10:09,608 --> 00:10:13,339 "because a Mrs. Fields Cookies just opened up at the mall!" 202 00:10:13,545 --> 00:10:17,072 Guys, why don't we leave the parodies to the pros at MADtv? 203 00:10:17,148 --> 00:10:20,879 "Sorry, Gabe, but that show hasn't been on in many cookies." 204 00:10:21,086 --> 00:10:22,178 Okay. 205 00:10:23,588 --> 00:10:25,681 Hey, can I have your attention, please? 206 00:10:25,757 --> 00:10:26,746 First of all, thanks to everyone 207 00:10:26,825 --> 00:10:30,124 for helping put this awesome party together, 208 00:10:30,195 --> 00:10:34,689 and a very special shout-out to the chair of the party planning committee, 209 00:10:35,233 --> 00:10:38,259 Miss Angela Martin. You have outdone yourself. 210 00:10:38,737 --> 00:10:39,829 Yeah, you know what? 211 00:10:39,904 --> 00:10:43,340 I think we can all agree that Angela's not so great, so... 212 00:10:43,408 --> 00:10:46,104 I'm saying the exact opposite. Angela is fantastic. 213 00:10:46,177 --> 00:10:47,701 No, no, no. 214 00:10:47,779 --> 00:10:49,110 Specific shout-out. 215 00:10:49,314 --> 00:10:50,508 Stop talking. 216 00:10:50,582 --> 00:10:56,179 Okay. As some of you may know, I have a very special connection to Secretary's Day 217 00:10:56,254 --> 00:11:01,351 in the form of that 115-pound moonbeam over there named Erin Hannon. 218 00:11:01,693 --> 00:11:04,890 To a lot of you she may just be the person who brings you your fax confirmations, 219 00:11:04,963 --> 00:11:07,898 but to me, she is my girlfriend, 220 00:11:08,633 --> 00:11:12,330 in addition to being the person who brings me my fax confirmations. 221 00:11:12,404 --> 00:11:16,431 So, I wrote a little ditty 222 00:11:17,609 --> 00:11:20,874 that I would like to play for all of you right now. 223 00:11:20,979 --> 00:11:26,440 It's a little tune called Secretary of Love. 224 00:11:27,318 --> 00:11:29,786 One, two, one, two, three... 225 00:11:31,189 --> 00:11:32,588 I know about Angela. 226 00:11:32,657 --> 00:11:34,056 I know that you were engaged to her 227 00:11:34,125 --> 00:11:35,183 and that you were sleeping with her. 228 00:11:35,260 --> 00:11:37,285 Michael told me. Oh, God. 229 00:11:38,430 --> 00:11:39,727 Erin, can we talk about this in private? 230 00:11:39,798 --> 00:11:43,427 I don't want it to be in private. Is it true or is it not? 231 00:11:46,204 --> 00:11:48,035 Yes. Who else did you sleep with? 232 00:11:48,106 --> 00:11:52,600 Did you sleep with Phyllis or Kelly or Pam? Maybe all together? 233 00:11:52,677 --> 00:11:53,666 No. No. No. No. 234 00:11:53,745 --> 00:11:55,872 Did everyone know? Was I the only one who didn't know? 235 00:11:55,947 --> 00:11:56,971 Yeah. Pretty much. 236 00:11:57,082 --> 00:11:58,071 Pretty much. Yeah. 237 00:11:58,216 --> 00:12:02,016 Who are you? I don't know you. Get away! 238 00:12:06,691 --> 00:12:08,215 I should probably get involved in this, 239 00:12:08,293 --> 00:12:12,525 but I think my energy is better spent on the Cookie Monster issue. 240 00:12:13,531 --> 00:12:17,467 Erin, you know, if I had been engaged to anybody before you, 241 00:12:17,535 --> 00:12:19,400 I would have told you. 242 00:12:20,271 --> 00:12:21,295 Thanks. 243 00:12:21,372 --> 00:12:24,432 So if you need anything, I'm right over there. 244 00:12:25,510 --> 00:12:31,540 "Hey, Erin, you look delicious! I mean, beautiful." 245 00:12:32,417 --> 00:12:35,784 Okay. Okay. There, I heard that. 246 00:12:35,854 --> 00:12:38,448 So, I'm sorry, Pam, but that's it. 247 00:12:38,857 --> 00:12:42,486 I'm going to have to suspend you without pay for two days. 248 00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:44,926 What? What do you mean, suspend me? 249 00:12:44,996 --> 00:12:46,429 I think you need to go a little easy. 250 00:12:46,498 --> 00:12:47,829 You can't just suspend someone from work. 251 00:12:47,899 --> 00:12:51,699 Yeah, you're right. You know what? You're suspended too, Jim. 252 00:12:55,006 --> 00:12:56,633 Okay. Fine. You too, Dwight. 253 00:12:56,708 --> 00:13:00,109 Wait, what? I was just slow-clapping your no-nonsense decision-making. 254 00:13:00,178 --> 00:13:02,669 I don't want to hear it. Suspended. 255 00:13:04,549 --> 00:13:07,450 "C" is for suspension. 256 00:13:10,188 --> 00:13:14,386 Why would that be something that you would talk about on Secretary's Day? 257 00:13:14,459 --> 00:13:17,758 Andy, she's not the easiest person in the world to have a conversation with. 258 00:13:17,829 --> 00:13:21,265 All right? And besides, who doesn't tell their girlfriend 259 00:13:21,332 --> 00:13:24,790 that they were engaged to someone who works four feet away from them? 260 00:13:24,869 --> 00:13:28,236 That's like... That's... That's like Mr. & Mrs. Smith crap. 261 00:13:28,306 --> 00:13:30,774 I was gonna tell her, just on my own time. 262 00:13:30,842 --> 00:13:34,243 You know what? I resent the implication that I would keep that secret. 263 00:13:34,312 --> 00:13:37,873 Everyone here knows that I can't and won't keep a secret. 264 00:13:39,617 --> 00:13:40,914 Who cares? 265 00:13:41,186 --> 00:13:46,089 I mean, it's not like I killed somebody. Big deal, right? 266 00:13:46,157 --> 00:13:48,057 This is gonna blow over in two seconds. 267 00:13:48,126 --> 00:13:50,560 She never asked me, so if you think about it, it's kind of... 268 00:13:50,628 --> 00:13:54,428 I probably should have told her, I guess. Everybody does stupid things. 269 00:13:56,434 --> 00:13:57,867 Psst. 270 00:13:57,936 --> 00:13:59,961 Hey. Erin. 271 00:14:01,072 --> 00:14:03,802 You want to talk to me, come to my desk. 272 00:14:14,085 --> 00:14:15,985 You embarrassed me earlier. 273 00:14:16,054 --> 00:14:18,147 Take it up with the chief of police. 274 00:14:18,256 --> 00:14:22,522 You think I want people remembering I had sensual relations with Andy? 275 00:14:22,627 --> 00:14:24,390 It's the kind of thing you wish you could have annulled. 276 00:14:24,462 --> 00:14:26,259 I want to throw up just thinking about it. 277 00:14:26,331 --> 00:14:28,697 I want to throw up just thinking about it. 278 00:14:28,766 --> 00:14:31,200 You are throwing up for the wrong reasons. 279 00:14:31,269 --> 00:14:33,863 I don't think this fax is going through. 280 00:14:34,405 --> 00:14:36,066 Oh... 281 00:14:36,140 --> 00:14:40,338 Is there a different... I guess put it through again, you know? 282 00:14:48,419 --> 00:14:49,477 Hey. 283 00:14:51,222 --> 00:14:54,089 You know, I was engaged before Jim. 284 00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:57,218 Really? 285 00:14:57,295 --> 00:14:59,126 Yeah. And he worked here, too. 286 00:15:00,164 --> 00:15:02,223 It was Andy, wasn't it? 287 00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:04,530 No, no, it wasn't Andy. It wasn't. 288 00:15:05,637 --> 00:15:07,298 It doesn't matter. 289 00:15:08,239 --> 00:15:11,037 It's not about who you've been with. 290 00:15:11,109 --> 00:15:12,542 It's about who you end up with. 291 00:15:14,112 --> 00:15:18,708 Sometimes the heart doesn't know what it wants until it finds what it wants. 292 00:15:24,822 --> 00:15:27,552 I hope you find what you're looking for. 293 00:15:30,995 --> 00:15:32,326 Thank you. 294 00:15:44,075 --> 00:15:47,272 So I can reprimand them, but I can't suspend them? 295 00:15:49,213 --> 00:15:51,875 Oh, I can't do either? Uh-huh. 296 00:15:51,950 --> 00:15:53,042 Fair enough. 297 00:15:54,218 --> 00:15:55,879 Hey, Toby. - I called Tallahassee. 298 00:15:55,954 --> 00:15:59,481 Now, he can ask you not to come in, but he can't dock your pay. It's not legal. 299 00:15:59,557 --> 00:16:00,785 Very interesting. 300 00:16:00,858 --> 00:16:03,292 I also learned some interesting things about how they structure their... 301 00:16:03,361 --> 00:16:05,261 Thanks, Toby. 302 00:16:05,330 --> 00:16:06,957 Hey, everyone. Hi. 303 00:16:08,499 --> 00:16:10,467 Quite an afternoon, huh? 304 00:16:10,535 --> 00:16:13,698 Cathartic, in a way. I'm glad that I got to share it with you. 305 00:16:14,038 --> 00:16:16,506 Makes you think about what's really important. 306 00:16:16,574 --> 00:16:20,305 It's not about showing you're in charge or flexing some sort of authority. 307 00:16:20,378 --> 00:16:22,243 It's about forgiveness. 308 00:16:22,313 --> 00:16:25,407 And, yes, I'm talking about you three in this desk clump right here. 309 00:16:25,483 --> 00:16:27,314 I think that if you were to apologize to me, 310 00:16:27,385 --> 00:16:29,649 then I would revoke your suspension. 311 00:16:29,721 --> 00:16:31,848 I don't think an apology is enough. 312 00:16:31,923 --> 00:16:36,690 I really think the only way for me to learn my lesson is to take my suspension. 313 00:16:37,128 --> 00:16:39,619 And I gotta take this bad attitude 314 00:16:39,697 --> 00:16:41,722 and I gotta go home and I got to adjust it. 315 00:16:41,799 --> 00:16:43,596 Oh, come on. I hope the suspension does that. 316 00:16:43,668 --> 00:16:45,295 Yeah. Prideful idiots. 317 00:16:45,370 --> 00:16:49,739 Watch how it's done. Gabriel, I apologize. 318 00:16:50,641 --> 00:16:51,801 Great. 319 00:16:53,111 --> 00:16:54,840 I kneel before you. 320 00:16:56,047 --> 00:16:58,413 Guys, I would even take a contrite look as an apology. 321 00:16:58,483 --> 00:17:02,010 Humbly taking your hand upon which I kiss to show my contrition. 322 00:17:04,122 --> 00:17:06,920 Guys, to... To err is human. 323 00:17:12,730 --> 00:17:15,028 Trust is the most important thing to me. 324 00:17:15,099 --> 00:17:16,691 Is your name Andy Bernard? 325 00:17:16,768 --> 00:17:18,702 What's your real name? Lionel Frankenstein? 326 00:17:18,770 --> 00:17:21,102 Will you stop walking for one second? 327 00:17:21,172 --> 00:17:23,640 That's it. There's no other secrets, okay? 328 00:17:24,675 --> 00:17:28,372 I mean, yeah, my chest is not naturally hairless, 329 00:17:28,446 --> 00:17:30,414 and my parents pay my credit card bill. 330 00:17:30,481 --> 00:17:32,813 How long were you guys together? 331 00:17:32,884 --> 00:17:34,078 A year. 332 00:17:34,986 --> 00:17:36,180 A year? 333 00:17:37,955 --> 00:17:39,388 You were together for a year? 334 00:17:39,457 --> 00:17:42,915 Yeah. But that's it. Now you know everything about me. 335 00:17:44,429 --> 00:17:47,421 I promise. And if I think of anything else... 336 00:17:48,633 --> 00:17:51,363 I think I have to be on my own for a little bit. 337 00:17:51,436 --> 00:17:56,567 Like that girl Precious in Precious, Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire. Okay? 338 00:17:57,675 --> 00:17:59,643 I didn't see that movie. 339 00:18:04,182 --> 00:18:06,446 That was ugly. I'm sorry that you had to see that. 340 00:18:06,517 --> 00:18:07,814 Well, do they still get paid? 341 00:18:07,885 --> 00:18:09,978 It's tacky to discuss finances. 342 00:18:10,054 --> 00:18:11,919 It's best to pretend that this never happened. 343 00:18:11,989 --> 00:18:13,684 Sounds like they just got to go home with pay. 344 00:18:13,758 --> 00:18:15,350 Yeah. Pathetic. 345 00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:17,653 Can I buy everyone coffees? 346 00:18:20,698 --> 00:18:22,461 Or cookies! 347 00:18:24,535 --> 00:18:25,559 - What was that? - So gross. 348 00:18:25,636 --> 00:18:26,762 Are you kidding me? 349 00:18:26,838 --> 00:18:28,863 Was that an impression? All right. 350 00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:34,344 "Guys, I'm now going to apologize for the mess that we're in, 351 00:18:34,979 --> 00:18:36,606 "because corporate told me to. 352 00:18:37,782 --> 00:18:40,842 "I just want you to know, I laugh like a crazy person." 353 00:18:40,918 --> 00:18:42,510 Okay, you gotta be able to... 354 00:18:42,587 --> 00:18:46,250 You gotta be able to laugh at yourself here. One of the gang. 355 00:18:46,324 --> 00:18:50,021 "I have to go back to the zoo to the stick insect exhibit." 356 00:18:50,094 --> 00:18:51,721 Yeah. 357 00:18:53,364 --> 00:18:56,800 "Ciao. " Right? "Ciao. 358 00:18:57,201 --> 00:19:00,295 "I say ciao 'cause I'm fancy from Tallahassee." 359 00:19:00,938 --> 00:19:03,736 Why don't we say ciao to the impressions? 360 00:19:03,808 --> 00:19:06,333 Ciao. 361 00:19:07,945 --> 00:19:09,412 Stick insect. 362 00:19:11,048 --> 00:19:13,073 God. 363 00:19:15,987 --> 00:19:17,079 Erin? Oh. 364 00:19:18,456 --> 00:19:19,514 Sorry. I thought everyone was gone. 365 00:19:19,590 --> 00:19:22,457 No, no. I was just watching Cookie Monster. It finally downloaded. 366 00:19:22,527 --> 00:19:23,585 Do you mind if I sit down? 367 00:19:23,661 --> 00:19:24,685 Yeah. 368 00:19:24,762 --> 00:19:26,024 What's... 369 00:19:28,032 --> 00:19:29,863 I can't trust Andy anymore. 370 00:19:29,934 --> 00:19:35,839 Oh, yeah. I'm sorry about that. I feel... I'm sorry I caused that. 371 00:19:35,907 --> 00:19:37,033 It's Andy's fault. 372 00:19:37,108 --> 00:19:40,100 Well, yeah. Yes. So... But I still feel sorry. 373 00:19:45,216 --> 00:19:48,652 You know what? I wouldn't worry about Angela. She's... 374 00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:51,288 She doesn't hold a candle to you, Erin. 375 00:19:51,355 --> 00:19:55,416 She's old enough to be your mom, for one thing, 376 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:59,223 and she's, like, three feet tall, 377 00:20:01,032 --> 00:20:04,763 And she wears pioneer women clothing, 378 00:20:04,835 --> 00:20:08,794 and I don't think she's ever pooped in her life. 379 00:20:09,373 --> 00:20:14,709 And Andy? You know... Come on. Andy, his butt looks big in those khakis. 380 00:20:14,779 --> 00:20:16,747 Oh, I like his butt. 381 00:20:18,182 --> 00:20:19,911 You said butt. 382 00:20:19,984 --> 00:20:21,246 You tricked me. 383 00:20:25,489 --> 00:20:27,218 You'd love... 384 00:20:27,291 --> 00:20:30,488 This... This guy in my neighborhood, Tom Dizemore. 385 00:20:30,828 --> 00:20:34,594 This is him. "Hey! Hey, Scott..." 386 00:20:34,665 --> 00:20:38,601 Sometimes telling someone something is hard. 387 00:20:40,605 --> 00:20:44,234 Well, at least somebody made her happy on Secretary's Day. 388 00:20:46,177 --> 00:20:49,044 Hey, Kevin, it's Oscar. I'm looking at the sheet you sent me, 389 00:20:49,113 --> 00:20:51,206 and I can't seem to find the column for shipping costs... 390 00:20:51,282 --> 00:20:55,343 I made the most brilliant retaliation video. 391 00:20:56,020 --> 00:20:58,181 It is so awesome. 392 00:20:58,522 --> 00:21:00,046 I don't get it. 393 00:21:00,191 --> 00:21:02,318 Yeah, I mean, the Count has a very distinct voice. 394 00:21:02,393 --> 00:21:03,519 Thank you. 395 00:21:03,594 --> 00:21:05,357 Yeah, "I want to count to 10." 396 00:21:05,429 --> 00:21:06,418 Yeah. 397 00:21:06,497 --> 00:21:07,623 But Oscar is an accountant, 398 00:21:07,698 --> 00:21:09,893 and the Count counts numbers. 399 00:21:09,967 --> 00:21:11,730 You're an accountant, too, so it doesn't... 400 00:21:11,802 --> 00:21:13,360 Why didn't you do Oscar the Grouch? 401 00:21:13,437 --> 00:21:14,995 That would have been funny. That would have been funny. 402 00:21:15,072 --> 00:21:18,132 But the Count is purple, and Oscar wears purple. 403 00:21:18,209 --> 00:21:23,408 Oh! Oh! I was just watching that. Did you do that, man? Oscar! 404 00:21:23,481 --> 00:21:27,975 And the Count! Nailed him. Nailed him! Good work, Cookie Monster. 405 00:21:28,185 --> 00:21:29,516 Thank you.