1 00:00:03,469 --> 00:00:04,868 Vancouver Court Hotel, how may I help you? 2 00:00:04,937 --> 00:00:07,030 Hello, Vancouver, this is Michael Scott 3 00:00:07,106 --> 00:00:09,540 calling from the United States of America. 4 00:00:09,608 --> 00:00:11,701 I have a reservation in your fair city 5 00:00:11,777 --> 00:00:14,245 from February 12th to the 19th. 6 00:00:14,446 --> 00:00:15,845 First week of the Olympics. 7 00:00:15,914 --> 00:00:17,279 Well, we're looking forward to having you, 8 00:00:17,349 --> 00:00:18,941 so let me just pull up your information here. 9 00:00:19,018 --> 00:00:20,042 Oki-doke. 10 00:00:20,119 --> 00:00:21,814 Uh, I don't seem to have it, sir. 11 00:00:22,221 --> 00:00:23,245 What? 12 00:00:23,322 --> 00:00:24,653 I'm not seeing anything under confirmation... 13 00:00:24,723 --> 00:00:26,782 No. No. Could it be under "affirmation?" 14 00:00:26,859 --> 00:00:27,883 'Cause you have thousands of those. 15 00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:29,791 We're just trying to look it up right now. 16 00:00:29,862 --> 00:00:32,023 You did get the e-vite to my barbeque. 17 00:00:32,097 --> 00:00:33,530 Come on, Dwight. Michael. 18 00:00:33,599 --> 00:00:36,625 Sir, a lot of people are trying to get last-minute reservations 19 00:00:36,702 --> 00:00:38,226 at hotels here for the Olympics, 20 00:00:38,303 --> 00:00:39,793 but we've been fully booked for months. 21 00:00:39,872 --> 00:00:43,672 Well, I have been booked for three years, so you should have that. 22 00:00:43,742 --> 00:00:46,233 I have always heard that British Columbia is a very nice place, 23 00:00:46,311 --> 00:00:48,939 but I'm not getting that from this conversation. 24 00:00:49,014 --> 00:00:53,314 Wait, I got it! Confirmation code, X-V-2-R-D-M. 25 00:00:54,586 --> 00:00:55,644 Oh. 26 00:00:55,721 --> 00:00:57,188 Here it is. Yeah. Oh. 27 00:00:57,256 --> 00:00:58,314 Uh-huh. Thank you. 28 00:00:58,390 --> 00:01:00,688 Seven nights in our street-view economy single. 29 00:01:00,759 --> 00:01:01,919 That's it. Yeah. 30 00:01:01,994 --> 00:01:05,088 We changed systems a while back. I do apologize. 31 00:01:05,197 --> 00:01:06,323 Okay. Okay. 32 00:01:06,398 --> 00:01:07,797 How may I help you, Mr. Scott? 33 00:01:07,866 --> 00:01:11,199 All right. I would like to cancel my reservation, please. 34 00:01:11,270 --> 00:01:13,135 There is a cancellation fee for this, sir. 35 00:01:13,205 --> 00:01:15,298 Okay, put it on my card. 36 00:01:36,328 --> 00:01:38,489 Today, Jo Bennett, the CEO from Sabre 37 00:01:38,564 --> 00:01:41,260 is coming to see us here for the first time. 38 00:01:41,834 --> 00:01:45,133 She bought us sight unseen, like a mail-order bride, 39 00:01:45,304 --> 00:01:48,432 so she's gotta be kind of nervous. I mean, are we ugly? 40 00:01:48,507 --> 00:01:51,340 Are we smart? Are we cool? Are we too cool? 41 00:01:51,643 --> 00:01:53,406 Do we speak English? 42 00:01:58,317 --> 00:02:00,308 Why, hello! 43 00:02:00,385 --> 00:02:01,579 This is Michael Scott, 44 00:02:01,653 --> 00:02:03,211 co-regional manager of this branch. 45 00:02:03,288 --> 00:02:04,482 Pleasure to meet you, Miss Bennett. 46 00:02:04,556 --> 00:02:06,148 Uh, that's Mrs. Bennett, sweetheart. 47 00:02:06,225 --> 00:02:08,523 My husband and I are divorced but I kept the "missus" 48 00:02:08,594 --> 00:02:10,858 just to piss off the new wife. Oh. 49 00:02:10,929 --> 00:02:12,988 Well, let's take a gander around this place. 50 00:02:13,065 --> 00:02:14,657 These sure are pretty dogs. 51 00:02:14,733 --> 00:02:16,496 They love a good crotch. 52 00:02:16,768 --> 00:02:18,030 They sure do. 53 00:02:18,103 --> 00:02:19,593 You should take that as a compliment. 54 00:02:19,671 --> 00:02:21,070 Oh, I do. 55 00:02:23,675 --> 00:02:25,165 Hello. Hello. 56 00:02:25,511 --> 00:02:28,036 Do you always stay seated when a lady enters the room? 57 00:02:28,113 --> 00:02:29,444 I am treating you the same as a man, 58 00:02:29,515 --> 00:02:31,244 for whom I would also not stand. 59 00:02:31,316 --> 00:02:34,217 Unless it was the president, or Judge Judy. 60 00:02:35,587 --> 00:02:36,781 I like that. 61 00:02:36,855 --> 00:02:38,686 - This is Accounting. - Uh-huh. 62 00:02:38,757 --> 00:02:39,781 Hi. 63 00:02:39,858 --> 00:02:40,950 Good-looking group. 64 00:02:41,026 --> 00:02:43,392 Over here is Meredith Palmer, Creed Bratton. 65 00:02:43,462 --> 00:02:45,020 Another couple of heartbreakers. 66 00:02:45,097 --> 00:02:46,587 Who's this tall drink of sun tea? 67 00:02:46,665 --> 00:02:50,157 That is Jim Halpert. He is the co-regional manager of this office. 68 00:02:50,235 --> 00:02:51,759 I thought this guy was the manager. 69 00:02:51,837 --> 00:02:54,738 Oh, he is. He's the co-manager. That's the other co-manager. 70 00:02:54,806 --> 00:02:56,398 Two guys doing one job? 71 00:02:57,709 --> 00:02:59,472 We gotta do something about that. 72 00:03:02,314 --> 00:03:03,872 I've got some Valentine's cards 73 00:03:03,949 --> 00:03:06,713 for my co-workers and my bro-workers. 74 00:03:06,785 --> 00:03:08,252 No. No. 75 00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:09,514 What? No candy? 76 00:03:09,922 --> 00:03:11,617 Valentine's Day. Right around the corner. 77 00:03:11,690 --> 00:03:14,557 Erin and I have been on zero dates. 78 00:03:14,626 --> 00:03:16,457 So I got her a Valentine's Day card, 79 00:03:16,528 --> 00:03:18,655 but I didn't want to seem too eager, 80 00:03:18,730 --> 00:03:20,721 so I got cards for everyone in the whole office 81 00:03:20,799 --> 00:03:22,767 to kind of dilute it a little bit. 82 00:03:22,834 --> 00:03:24,927 Look alive. 83 00:03:25,003 --> 00:03:27,164 Jeez, you gave me a paper cut on my throat. 84 00:03:27,406 --> 00:03:29,271 Yeah, I have this thing about men cutting 85 00:03:29,341 --> 00:03:31,275 or threatening to cut my throat. 86 00:03:31,343 --> 00:03:33,208 Don't try to cut my throat. 87 00:03:33,278 --> 00:03:36,770 Jo, I don't know how things work in Florida, which from your description 88 00:03:36,848 --> 00:03:39,908 sounds like a colorful, lawless swamp, 89 00:03:40,152 --> 00:03:43,952 but here it takes two men to do one job, 90 00:03:44,423 --> 00:03:46,050 where in Florida, it might take 91 00:03:46,124 --> 00:03:48,285 one very strong woman to do such a job. 92 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:49,725 Whoa. Whoa. 93 00:03:49,995 --> 00:03:53,260 I'll take over. Um, what we're doing here, 94 00:03:53,332 --> 00:03:55,664 Michael handles more of the big picture stuff, 95 00:03:55,734 --> 00:03:58,134 and I handle more of the day-to-day stuff. 96 00:03:58,203 --> 00:03:59,500 Yeah. - So, together... 97 00:03:59,571 --> 00:04:01,266 I think I understand. All right. 98 00:04:01,340 --> 00:04:03,331 Each of you is doing half a job. 99 00:04:03,408 --> 00:04:05,000 No. And sometimes I can hardly handle that. 100 00:04:06,278 --> 00:04:09,179 Now this is knucklehead talk. I'm not going to abide it, you know. 101 00:04:09,248 --> 00:04:12,706 You can't give me gravy and tell me it's jelly, 'cause gravy ain't sweet. 102 00:04:12,784 --> 00:04:14,479 Is it, Jim? I don't think so. 103 00:04:14,553 --> 00:04:15,645 Michael? 104 00:04:15,721 --> 00:04:16,779 Forget the question. 105 00:04:16,922 --> 00:04:19,254 I think one of you should return to Sales, 106 00:04:19,324 --> 00:04:21,349 and the other one will be a manager. 107 00:04:21,426 --> 00:04:24,452 I humbly accept the management position. 108 00:04:24,529 --> 00:04:25,621 Why would you just automatically get it? 109 00:04:25,697 --> 00:04:29,690 Because, well, Jim, where I'm from, there are two types of folk, 110 00:04:29,768 --> 00:04:33,568 those who ain't and those who are knee-high on a grasshopper. 111 00:04:34,072 --> 00:04:37,473 Which type ain't you ain't? Y'all come back now. 112 00:04:39,344 --> 00:04:41,244 Do you even know what that means? Yes. 113 00:04:41,313 --> 00:04:43,474 Well, I'm gonna let this marinate. So you can go. 114 00:04:43,548 --> 00:04:44,606 Um... 115 00:04:44,683 --> 00:04:46,446 You can go on. Yeah. 116 00:04:48,353 --> 00:04:52,289 I'm Jolene Bennett, Jo for short. I'm a breast cancer survivor, 117 00:04:52,357 --> 00:04:54,484 close personal friends with Nancy Pelosi, 118 00:04:54,559 --> 00:04:57,187 and Truman Capote and I slept with three of the same guys. 119 00:04:57,329 --> 00:04:59,889 When I was a little girl, I was terrified to fly, 120 00:04:59,965 --> 00:05:01,933 and now I have my own pilot's license. 121 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:03,934 I am CEO of Sabre International 122 00:05:04,002 --> 00:05:07,699 and I sell the best damn printers and all-in-one machines Korea can make. 123 00:05:07,773 --> 00:05:08,797 Pleased to meet you. 124 00:05:09,007 --> 00:05:10,167 Traffic jam. 125 00:05:10,242 --> 00:05:12,210 Uh-oh. Traffic jam on route three. 126 00:05:13,645 --> 00:05:15,272 Twenty people dead in a pileup. 127 00:05:15,347 --> 00:05:17,338 There's blood everywhere. 128 00:05:17,783 --> 00:05:20,183 Um, I got you a Valentine's card. 129 00:05:20,252 --> 00:05:21,776 You did? Yeah. 130 00:05:23,188 --> 00:05:24,678 A bird and a dog! 131 00:05:24,756 --> 00:05:26,519 Yeah, well, it's Snoopy and Woodstock. 132 00:05:26,591 --> 00:05:27,649 You named them? 133 00:05:27,726 --> 00:05:29,125 Uh, Charles Schulz did. 134 00:05:29,928 --> 00:05:30,917 I thought it was relevant 135 00:05:30,996 --> 00:05:33,089 'cause I got you all those birds for Christmas, remember? 136 00:05:33,165 --> 00:05:36,862 Yeah, I do remember. Oh, they love each other. 137 00:05:36,935 --> 00:05:39,335 Oh, look at that. They sure do. I hadn't noticed. 138 00:05:39,938 --> 00:05:41,667 Oh, it smells really good, too. 139 00:05:41,740 --> 00:05:43,105 Yeah, it's Roger Federer for Men. 140 00:05:43,175 --> 00:05:44,665 I sprayed some in there. 141 00:05:44,743 --> 00:05:47,610 Andy, whoa! Thank you very much. 142 00:05:47,679 --> 00:05:49,476 It's got pheromones in it. 143 00:05:49,748 --> 00:05:51,113 - Hey. - Hi. 144 00:05:51,950 --> 00:05:56,080 Just choosing seats, not getting married. Chop, chop, little onion. 145 00:05:56,254 --> 00:05:58,085 Jo, there's books in my chair. 146 00:05:58,156 --> 00:05:59,521 That's right, darling. 147 00:05:59,591 --> 00:06:02,822 Now you're the proud new owner of a Sabre handbook, 148 00:06:02,894 --> 00:06:04,725 and my autobiography. 149 00:06:04,830 --> 00:06:08,231 Now, you all must be in a tizzy. I can see it on your faces. 150 00:06:08,300 --> 00:06:11,565 I mean, what's going on now? I mean, who owns Dunder Mifflin? 151 00:06:11,636 --> 00:06:14,469 Right? I mean, Sabre? What's that? 152 00:06:14,973 --> 00:06:18,932 Some company we never heard of from down in Tallahassee? 153 00:06:19,010 --> 00:06:21,638 I mean, where is that? Near Mars? 154 00:06:21,713 --> 00:06:23,510 No, we know. Texas. 155 00:06:23,949 --> 00:06:26,440 Now, Dunder Mifflin has an arm's reach 156 00:06:26,518 --> 00:06:29,112 into all these small businesses all over the northeast, 157 00:06:29,287 --> 00:06:31,687 and now we're gonna take that arm 158 00:06:32,057 --> 00:06:36,391 and we're going to start selling printers. 159 00:06:36,461 --> 00:06:37,894 I could manage my way around that. 160 00:06:37,963 --> 00:06:39,794 They're the easiest-to-use printers in the market. 161 00:06:39,865 --> 00:06:42,356 I will try to manage my excitement. 162 00:06:43,268 --> 00:06:46,465 I have been saying the word "manager" a lot, 163 00:06:46,538 --> 00:06:49,632 so whenever Jo thinks manager, she thinks of me. 164 00:06:51,243 --> 00:06:53,211 Camel cigarettes did the same thing with Joe Camel 165 00:06:53,278 --> 00:06:55,178 by making him look like a penis. 166 00:06:55,247 --> 00:06:58,011 I can't even go near a cigarette now 167 00:06:58,083 --> 00:07:00,574 without thinking of a penis, and vice versa. 168 00:07:01,253 --> 00:07:03,346 I think that's it. So we're all good. 169 00:07:03,422 --> 00:07:05,219 Okay. Thanks, y'all. 170 00:07:13,398 --> 00:07:14,763 Oh, my God. 171 00:07:15,300 --> 00:07:18,963 I guess Andy likes me. I never thought of him in that way. 172 00:07:19,171 --> 00:07:20,968 But I guess in most romantic comedies, 173 00:07:21,039 --> 00:07:22,529 the guy you're supposed to be with is the one 174 00:07:22,607 --> 00:07:24,302 that you never thought of in that way. 175 00:07:24,376 --> 00:07:28,176 You might have even thought he was annoying or possibly homosexual. 176 00:07:28,447 --> 00:07:29,846 So check this out. 177 00:07:29,915 --> 00:07:32,349 According to the handbook, you could make more money 178 00:07:32,417 --> 00:07:34,009 as a salesman than as a manager. 179 00:07:34,085 --> 00:07:36,144 They have all these incentive programs. 180 00:07:36,221 --> 00:07:37,779 I ran your numbers from last year. 181 00:07:37,856 --> 00:07:39,687 This is way more than I make now. 182 00:07:39,758 --> 00:07:41,919 I don't think I'm gonna miss being manager. 183 00:07:41,993 --> 00:07:43,790 You know how some people say they're not in it for the money? 184 00:07:43,862 --> 00:07:45,727 Well, with all due respect to this job, 185 00:07:45,797 --> 00:07:47,958 I think I'm definitely in it for the money. 186 00:07:48,033 --> 00:07:49,898 And, quite honestly, the women. 187 00:07:50,936 --> 00:07:52,301 Hey. Got a second? 188 00:07:52,370 --> 00:07:53,462 Sure. All right. 189 00:07:53,538 --> 00:07:56,336 You here to tell me that you think I would be a better manager, 190 00:07:56,408 --> 00:07:58,933 and that you are sorry for being such a jerk? 191 00:07:59,010 --> 00:08:00,534 Actually, yeah. 192 00:08:01,713 --> 00:08:03,544 What? Exactly that. 193 00:08:03,615 --> 00:08:08,018 I think that you absolutely deserve the manager position more than I do. 194 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:11,588 What? Really? Yeah. 195 00:08:12,290 --> 00:08:14,224 Wow! Wow! 196 00:08:15,994 --> 00:08:17,791 Hello, Oscar. 197 00:08:17,863 --> 00:08:19,057 Michael, reading. 198 00:08:19,130 --> 00:08:20,154 What are you reading? 199 00:08:20,232 --> 00:08:21,256 The Atlantic. 200 00:08:21,333 --> 00:08:23,528 Oh, that is my favorite ocean. I love it. 201 00:08:23,602 --> 00:08:27,663 I'm so happy right now. No, I can't keep it a secret any longer. 202 00:08:27,973 --> 00:08:29,270 Jim's stepping down to salesman. 203 00:08:29,341 --> 00:08:31,605 I am going to be the sole manager once again. 204 00:08:31,676 --> 00:08:33,644 I should step into Sales myself. 205 00:08:33,712 --> 00:08:36,078 Why? Is there an untapped gay market? 206 00:08:36,548 --> 00:08:38,743 Sabre has no caps on commissions. 207 00:08:38,817 --> 00:08:40,944 He can make a lot more money in Sales. 208 00:08:46,458 --> 00:08:47,720 Where did you get that information? 209 00:08:47,792 --> 00:08:50,192 Manual. Manuel who? 210 00:08:50,896 --> 00:08:53,797 Mmm-hmm. Well, according to the manual, 211 00:08:53,865 --> 00:08:56,095 there is no cap on commissions. 212 00:08:56,167 --> 00:08:57,930 I have been hustled. 213 00:09:00,138 --> 00:09:01,469 Son of a bitch. 214 00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:03,405 This is... Pardon me. 215 00:09:03,475 --> 00:09:05,170 Speak of the devil. We were just talking about you. 216 00:09:05,243 --> 00:09:06,676 Have a seat. Okay. 217 00:09:06,745 --> 00:09:09,805 Now, Jim here is thinking about taking himself 218 00:09:09,881 --> 00:09:11,542 out of the running for being manager. Yep. 219 00:09:11,616 --> 00:09:15,677 Oh, really? That is so sweet of you! 220 00:09:16,454 --> 00:09:20,322 But I cannot accept, because I have been thinking about it, 221 00:09:20,792 --> 00:09:22,783 and I think I want to go back to Sales. 222 00:09:22,861 --> 00:09:24,089 Really? - Really? 223 00:09:24,162 --> 00:09:25,993 Yeah, you can take the man out of the salesman, 224 00:09:26,064 --> 00:09:28,259 but you can't take the sales out of salesman. 225 00:09:28,333 --> 00:09:30,028 Well, I think you're both being a little too modest. 226 00:09:30,101 --> 00:09:33,867 No, I really, really think Michael is better at being manager 227 00:09:33,939 --> 00:09:35,429 for so many reasons. Mmm-mmm. 228 00:09:35,507 --> 00:09:40,638 No. I think I would be bad. I would sleep in my office... 229 00:09:40,712 --> 00:09:42,737 Okay... And I would sexually harass people. 230 00:09:42,814 --> 00:09:44,714 Why would you do that? I'm turning myself in right now. 231 00:09:44,783 --> 00:09:47,980 You know, Michael, you have more experience in sales and management, 232 00:09:48,053 --> 00:09:49,748 so I'm going to defer to your judgment. 233 00:09:49,821 --> 00:09:50,845 Thank you. 234 00:09:50,922 --> 00:09:53,413 I think you will become the salesman, 235 00:09:53,491 --> 00:09:55,686 and congratulations, 236 00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:58,285 you're gonna be the new manager of this branch. 237 00:09:58,797 --> 00:10:01,027 That's great. Congratulations. 238 00:10:01,399 --> 00:10:04,300 Have fun signing my commission checks, boss. 239 00:10:08,540 --> 00:10:11,907 Michael marked his heights. He's grown. 240 00:10:18,249 --> 00:10:22,515 Bobcat, this is Dragon. Listen, he's been promoted to sole manager. 241 00:10:22,921 --> 00:10:27,255 We have got to step this up. Meet me behind the dumpster in 90 seconds. 242 00:10:27,659 --> 00:10:29,456 Eighty-nine, 88... 243 00:10:30,228 --> 00:10:31,695 You're 20 minutes late. 244 00:10:32,764 --> 00:10:35,198 Um, I was at another dumpster. 245 00:10:35,333 --> 00:10:37,767 Just admit you lost track of time. 246 00:10:38,036 --> 00:10:41,733 Ryan and I have been meeting up to work on our diabolical plot against Jim. 247 00:10:41,806 --> 00:10:44,400 Ryan is always late for our meetings. 248 00:10:45,010 --> 00:10:46,773 I wish I had a lair. 249 00:10:47,612 --> 00:10:49,079 Did you see Saw? 250 00:10:49,147 --> 00:10:51,707 Of course I seesaw. Mose and I seesaw all the time. 251 00:10:51,783 --> 00:10:54,581 No, the movie. Did you see the movie Saw? 252 00:10:54,953 --> 00:10:58,650 Oh. Yeah. Great film. Almost as fun as going on a seesaw. 253 00:10:58,723 --> 00:11:01,624 Okay. The reason these movies are so popular... Mmm-hmm. 254 00:11:01,726 --> 00:11:04,456 ...is the element of psychological torment. 255 00:11:04,696 --> 00:11:07,756 I like where you're going with this. Continue. 256 00:11:07,966 --> 00:11:10,935 Could we lure him into an old warehouse or something? 257 00:11:11,002 --> 00:11:12,731 I have an old barn. It's kind of smelly. Yes. 258 00:11:12,804 --> 00:11:14,635 But that might be a plus. And then what? Okay. 259 00:11:14,706 --> 00:11:16,799 We do what they did in Saw. 260 00:11:20,278 --> 00:11:22,769 I mean, we don't kill him, obviously. 261 00:11:22,847 --> 00:11:23,836 I have a mask. 262 00:11:23,915 --> 00:11:24,973 Okay, that's your idea? 263 00:11:25,050 --> 00:11:26,881 Exactly like in the movie? 264 00:11:26,951 --> 00:11:29,784 That is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard in my life. 265 00:11:29,854 --> 00:11:31,344 Well, suggest something else then. Don't just... 266 00:11:31,423 --> 00:11:32,720 Are you supposed to cut his leg off? 267 00:11:32,791 --> 00:11:34,053 Don't just criticize my idea! Think! 268 00:11:34,125 --> 00:11:36,252 You think of something then. 269 00:11:37,629 --> 00:11:41,224 Michael, I'm worried that not all your toys are gonna fit on your new desk. 270 00:11:41,299 --> 00:11:42,561 How is that possible? 271 00:11:42,634 --> 00:11:45,296 Well, in your old office, there were all those ledges and extra space. 272 00:11:45,370 --> 00:11:48,203 No excuses, Erin, come on. Make it happen. 273 00:11:48,873 --> 00:11:50,773 You know, I actually think that I should get back to work. 274 00:11:50,842 --> 00:11:53,936 Jim asked me to do some stuff, and he's manager. 275 00:11:55,413 --> 00:11:57,347 Oh, yeah, fine, fine. Leave it here. 276 00:11:57,415 --> 00:11:58,507 Okay. All right. 277 00:11:58,583 --> 00:12:00,346 I have to make some sales anyway. 278 00:12:00,418 --> 00:12:03,410 Who should I call with my magic sales fingers? 279 00:12:09,260 --> 00:12:10,727 Michael Scott, Head of Sales. 280 00:12:10,795 --> 00:12:14,231 You gotta do something, man. You can't just sit there. 281 00:12:18,837 --> 00:12:21,397 The new IT guy. Nick. 282 00:12:21,473 --> 00:12:22,531 Nick. 283 00:12:22,607 --> 00:12:25,576 I think he's the key. He's very trusting. He's looking for friends. 284 00:12:25,643 --> 00:12:27,838 He's been given an awesome amount of power, 285 00:12:27,912 --> 00:12:29,675 and does not know how to wield it. 286 00:12:29,748 --> 00:12:31,010 Like Frodo. 287 00:12:31,583 --> 00:12:36,020 Why don't you just let me handle the Tolkien references, okay, dumb jock? 288 00:12:36,387 --> 00:12:39,447 Well, I think he can be corrupted. Like Gollum. 289 00:12:40,191 --> 00:12:43,820 Smeagol was corrupted and became Gollum. 290 00:12:44,362 --> 00:12:47,126 I might start a diabolical plot against him after this one. 291 00:12:48,867 --> 00:12:50,129 Who's hungry? 292 00:12:50,201 --> 00:12:51,259 What is that? 293 00:12:51,336 --> 00:12:53,827 It's ants on a log. Michael would always have me bring them in at 2:30 294 00:12:53,905 --> 00:12:55,805 and say, "Who's hungry?" 295 00:12:55,874 --> 00:12:58,206 Oh. I'm fine. Thank you, though. 296 00:12:58,810 --> 00:13:00,641 Do you want me to spin you in your chair and make you dizzy? 297 00:13:00,712 --> 00:13:01,906 Why would I want to do that? 298 00:13:01,980 --> 00:13:04,744 It's a thinking technique. All the top executives do it. 299 00:13:04,816 --> 00:13:08,115 It keeps the brain moving, and a spinning brain's a working brain. 300 00:13:08,186 --> 00:13:11,178 For now I'm just gonna go back to work here. 301 00:13:11,256 --> 00:13:12,621 Oh, sure. Yeah, thank you. 302 00:13:12,690 --> 00:13:13,884 Well... 303 00:13:15,493 --> 00:13:19,452 It will be a pleasure doing business with you. Thanks. Bye, bye. 304 00:13:22,901 --> 00:13:26,632 I just got a new account. The gentlemen's club in Carbondale. 305 00:13:26,704 --> 00:13:30,572 It is called Curves. I went by there the other day, 306 00:13:31,075 --> 00:13:34,135 saw some of the women walking in. Not really my cup of tea. 307 00:13:34,212 --> 00:13:36,305 Actually, Kevin, you might like it. 308 00:13:36,381 --> 00:13:37,439 Nice. 309 00:13:37,849 --> 00:13:41,683 You know, we really don't announce out loud our sales that much. 310 00:13:41,753 --> 00:13:43,880 Why not? It's part of the sales experience. 311 00:13:43,955 --> 00:13:46,185 It's not really 1992 anymore. 312 00:13:46,257 --> 00:13:47,349 Okay. 313 00:13:50,094 --> 00:13:52,255 "You brighten my day with the sound of your voice. 314 00:13:52,330 --> 00:13:55,527 "You bring so much laughter and love. You're everything to me, 315 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:58,034 "and I was so blessed when God sent you here to me." 316 00:13:58,102 --> 00:13:59,194 Jeez Louise. 317 00:13:59,270 --> 00:14:00,794 I know. Obsessed with me much? 318 00:14:00,872 --> 00:14:01,930 Well, everyone got one. 319 00:14:02,006 --> 00:14:03,735 What did yours say? 320 00:14:04,209 --> 00:14:06,973 "Friends are worth sharing a dog house with." 321 00:14:07,045 --> 00:14:10,606 It's no wonder that Andy gave Kelly such a romantic card. 322 00:14:10,715 --> 00:14:12,410 I can't compete with her. 323 00:14:12,483 --> 00:14:16,715 That girl can sing and dance and gets all of her clothes at the mall. 324 00:14:17,355 --> 00:14:20,847 And I feel like such a fool for thinking that Andy was only going after one girl, 325 00:14:21,092 --> 00:14:24,892 because Andy Bernard is a playboy. And why shouldn't he be? 326 00:14:25,630 --> 00:14:27,222 He's got it all. 327 00:14:30,602 --> 00:14:32,570 There he is. The IT guy. 328 00:14:33,838 --> 00:14:35,271 I see you discovered the break room. 329 00:14:35,340 --> 00:14:36,364 Yep. 330 00:14:36,441 --> 00:14:38,773 I imagine one of the best things about being an IT guy is, 331 00:14:38,843 --> 00:14:41,107 you get to know everyone's computer passwords. 332 00:14:41,179 --> 00:14:42,976 No, I actually don't. 333 00:14:44,315 --> 00:14:46,545 Listen, I know you have to say that, 334 00:14:46,618 --> 00:14:48,313 but we got a little problem here. 335 00:14:48,386 --> 00:14:50,820 There is an employee named Jim Halpert, 336 00:14:50,889 --> 00:14:52,652 and he's doing some terrible things. Okay? 337 00:14:52,724 --> 00:14:56,683 He's molesting people via the Internet, and we need to stop him. 338 00:14:57,662 --> 00:14:59,254 I think that you should call the cops. 339 00:14:59,330 --> 00:15:01,628 No, the cops called us. 340 00:15:02,533 --> 00:15:07,368 So I'm gonna need you to give me the password to Jim Halpert's computer. 341 00:15:07,572 --> 00:15:09,005 I don't know what to tell you, man. I'm sorry. 342 00:15:09,073 --> 00:15:10,631 I just can't give out his password like that. 343 00:15:10,708 --> 00:15:15,441 Nick, we can make things very difficult for you. 344 00:15:17,482 --> 00:15:20,042 Are you threatening me? 345 00:15:20,118 --> 00:15:21,176 Threatening you? 346 00:15:23,288 --> 00:15:24,312 No. 347 00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:38,128 What is that smell? Do you smell that? 348 00:15:38,670 --> 00:15:42,436 What is that? Like a sulfur deposit under here? 349 00:15:42,507 --> 00:15:44,304 Michael, stop. 350 00:15:44,375 --> 00:15:46,240 No, I'm serious. We don't have to put up... 351 00:15:47,412 --> 00:15:49,403 Is it the dogs? Michael. 352 00:15:49,547 --> 00:15:51,845 You know what? We don't have to deal with this. 353 00:15:51,916 --> 00:15:54,146 I am going to Google sulfur maps. 354 00:15:54,218 --> 00:15:55,549 Michael, it's Phyllis. 355 00:15:57,889 --> 00:15:59,379 No, this is geological. 356 00:15:59,457 --> 00:16:02,255 I sent an email out to everyone in this area 357 00:16:02,327 --> 00:16:04,318 that this might be a side effect 358 00:16:04,395 --> 00:16:06,659 to my new allergy medication I'm on. 359 00:16:06,731 --> 00:16:08,699 Are you kidding me? No. 360 00:16:12,036 --> 00:16:13,469 And you guys are okay with this? 361 00:16:13,538 --> 00:16:15,062 She sent an email. 362 00:16:15,139 --> 00:16:16,299 I did. 363 00:16:34,192 --> 00:16:35,682 It's not 'cause of the smell. 364 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:38,024 I'm just expecting a nose bleed. 365 00:16:40,565 --> 00:16:41,623 Oh, my God. 366 00:16:45,903 --> 00:16:47,200 You scared me. 367 00:16:47,271 --> 00:16:48,829 I'm sorry. I thought you saw me. 368 00:16:48,906 --> 00:16:51,966 I didn't see you. And you were there all along. 369 00:16:53,811 --> 00:16:57,372 Well, warmed it up for you, so it should be good to go. 370 00:16:57,849 --> 00:16:59,840 Cool. Thanks. Bye, Andy. 371 00:17:05,590 --> 00:17:07,114 That was weird. 372 00:17:07,225 --> 00:17:10,524 No, it ain't. We all saw the valentine you gave her. 373 00:17:10,628 --> 00:17:12,289 I don't even know what that card said. 374 00:17:12,363 --> 00:17:14,888 Believe me, if I got that card, 375 00:17:14,966 --> 00:17:18,367 we'd be in the bathroom doing it right now. 376 00:17:24,242 --> 00:17:25,334 Hey. 377 00:17:25,977 --> 00:17:27,069 Hey. 378 00:17:27,378 --> 00:17:30,779 You know, it's funny. I used to stand in here and wish I was out there. 379 00:17:30,848 --> 00:17:32,577 Now I'm out there, and I wish I was in here. 380 00:17:32,650 --> 00:17:34,083 Well, the grass is always greener. 381 00:17:34,152 --> 00:17:36,882 Yeah, except there's no grass out there. 382 00:17:37,655 --> 00:17:39,680 It's just a farty dirt-patch. 383 00:17:39,757 --> 00:17:40,883 Well, it's what you wanted. 384 00:17:40,958 --> 00:17:44,655 I really need my job back. We made a terrible mistake here. 385 00:17:44,762 --> 00:17:47,526 For the record, I fought this. All right? 386 00:17:47,598 --> 00:17:50,032 And now, I'm not really sure what we do. 387 00:17:51,469 --> 00:17:53,562 We make a poster that says, "Happy Opposite Day" 388 00:17:53,638 --> 00:17:56,300 and she sees it on the way out. That's stupid. 389 00:17:56,374 --> 00:18:00,834 Oh, I wish we had one of those amnesia flashlights from Men In Black. 390 00:18:01,179 --> 00:18:04,876 Hey. What was that movie where their boss was within earshot 391 00:18:04,949 --> 00:18:07,383 and they could have just gone and talked to her? 392 00:18:07,452 --> 00:18:08,942 Lethal Weapon? That's it. 393 00:18:09,020 --> 00:18:10,578 I think we should do it the Lethal Weapon way. 394 00:18:10,922 --> 00:18:13,891 You two are grown-assed men. What do I have to do? 395 00:18:13,958 --> 00:18:15,357 Fire you and get two people in here 396 00:18:15,426 --> 00:18:16,552 who don't need so much management? 397 00:18:16,627 --> 00:18:17,651 Ah! 398 00:18:17,728 --> 00:18:19,457 What I... Michael's saying that he's better 399 00:18:19,530 --> 00:18:20,656 at being a manager, and I agree. 400 00:18:20,731 --> 00:18:22,961 I'm just... He's a better people person, weirdly. 401 00:18:23,034 --> 00:18:25,502 And weirdly, I'm a good dog person, right, guys? 402 00:18:25,570 --> 00:18:27,538 Come on. See? They love me. 403 00:18:27,605 --> 00:18:30,472 Fine. I don't care which one of you does which job, 404 00:18:30,541 --> 00:18:33,408 just stop meeting with me to talk about it. 405 00:18:34,612 --> 00:18:35,874 All right. All right. 406 00:18:35,947 --> 00:18:37,312 Oh. 407 00:18:37,381 --> 00:18:41,875 I gotta take this. Yeah. Finish walking my dogs for me. 408 00:18:42,286 --> 00:18:45,722 And don't ride them. A lot of people try to ride them. 409 00:18:50,261 --> 00:18:52,092 Excuse me, everyone, please check your emails. 410 00:18:52,163 --> 00:18:54,358 I just sent you the following message, 411 00:18:54,432 --> 00:18:57,367 "Coworkers, you may have received a valentine from me. 412 00:18:57,435 --> 00:19:00,302 "Please understand this does not mean that I like you in any way." 413 00:19:00,371 --> 00:19:02,805 You don't even like us as friends? 414 00:19:03,074 --> 00:19:06,168 Phyllis, you guys are, like, my closest friends. 415 00:19:06,377 --> 00:19:08,538 I just mean I don't like-like you. 416 00:19:08,613 --> 00:19:09,671 What are we, five? 417 00:19:09,747 --> 00:19:11,374 "Please don't read into this card. 418 00:19:11,449 --> 00:19:14,077 "Yours in professionalism, Nard Dog." 419 00:19:14,519 --> 00:19:16,578 Um, why did I just receive a mass email from you 420 00:19:16,654 --> 00:19:18,121 that said that you don't like me? 421 00:19:18,189 --> 00:19:20,714 Do you realize how hard that makes me like you, Andy? 422 00:19:20,791 --> 00:19:23,191 It's not... That wasn't... 423 00:19:25,329 --> 00:19:27,160 I like someone else. 424 00:19:27,231 --> 00:19:28,289 Who? 425 00:19:30,568 --> 00:19:32,468 It's not... 426 00:19:34,238 --> 00:19:35,865 Whether or not... 427 00:19:39,277 --> 00:19:40,335 Who? What? 428 00:19:40,411 --> 00:19:43,403 Yeah, I guess Andy never liked Kelly. 429 00:19:44,048 --> 00:19:45,174 How about that? 430 00:19:48,085 --> 00:19:49,609 It smells good in here. 431 00:19:49,687 --> 00:19:54,124 It sure does. Okay, we have your space heater, your humidifier, 432 00:19:54,192 --> 00:19:57,821 your dehumidifier, your fan, your foot fan and your food dehydrator. 433 00:19:57,895 --> 00:20:00,420 Erin, what about my keyboard? 434 00:20:03,901 --> 00:20:05,027 Ah. 435 00:20:06,304 --> 00:20:08,033 So good to be home. 436 00:20:10,508 --> 00:20:11,634 How about a little Bossa Nova? 437 00:20:24,555 --> 00:20:25,817 He looks happy. 438 00:20:26,857 --> 00:20:27,983 Yep. 439 00:20:28,426 --> 00:20:32,692 Well, well, well. Hmm. Boss for... 440 00:20:32,763 --> 00:20:34,287 What was it? Oh. 441 00:20:34,398 --> 00:20:38,630 Four-and-a-half hours. New record. Low. 442 00:20:39,370 --> 00:20:41,736 Previous record, Henry Rostin. 443 00:20:41,806 --> 00:20:43,535 Boss for nine years, four months. 444 00:20:43,608 --> 00:20:46,076 And he only left because he had family matters to attend to, 445 00:20:46,143 --> 00:20:47,701 and he... What? 446 00:20:53,551 --> 00:20:54,779 Michael! 447 00:20:57,788 --> 00:21:00,621 I can't help but think that something we did made this possible. 448 00:21:00,691 --> 00:21:05,151 Jim dug his own grave, but maybe we provided the shovel. 449 00:21:05,463 --> 00:21:09,763 Temp, I like that. I'm gonna engrave that into a piece of wood. 450 00:21:10,101 --> 00:21:11,568 Care to celebrate with a drink? 451 00:21:11,636 --> 00:21:13,035 I would love to. 452 00:21:16,841 --> 00:21:17,865 Why not? 453 00:21:17,942 --> 00:21:19,773 Because martini bars are pretentious. 454 00:21:19,844 --> 00:21:21,334 No, thank you. I'm sorry that I don't want 455 00:21:21,412 --> 00:21:22,879 farm-boy swill like you do, you know? 456 00:21:22,947 --> 00:21:24,847 It is not farm-boy swill. I will show you. 457 00:21:24,915 --> 00:21:26,974 It is beet vodka and it is delicious. 458 00:21:27,051 --> 00:21:29,713 I'm not interested in anything I have to make myself.