1 00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,000 www.tvsubtitles.net 2 00:00:01,067 --> 00:00:04,093 Attention, everyone! Jim and I, on behalf 3 00:00:04,170 --> 00:00:05,432 of the Party Planning Committee have an... 4 00:00:05,505 --> 00:00:06,972 Too loud. Too, too loud. Too loud. 5 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:11,409 But effective. Look. On behalf of Jim and I, Merry Christmas. 6 00:00:13,213 --> 00:00:14,305 ALL: Merry Christmas. 7 00:00:14,381 --> 00:00:15,678 Merry Christmas. Good. 8 00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:18,684 My diabolical plot is on hold for Christmas. 9 00:00:19,219 --> 00:00:23,019 My heart just melts with the sound of children singing. 10 00:00:24,357 --> 00:00:25,722 (LAUGHING) 11 00:00:26,493 --> 00:00:30,429 Not really. I'm just tired. The days are short. I don't know. 12 00:00:30,897 --> 00:00:32,660 Maybe I'm depressed. 13 00:00:33,066 --> 00:00:34,693 It is time to unveil the tree. 14 00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:35,928 Hey, Rockefeller Center! 15 00:00:36,002 --> 00:00:37,094 JIM: Yeah. 16 00:00:37,170 --> 00:00:38,535 Uh, I've actually been to Rock Center 17 00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:39,663 and this is nothing like that. 18 00:00:39,739 --> 00:00:41,206 This is all we have. Ugh! 19 00:00:41,274 --> 00:00:42,673 Nope, it's not "ugh." 20 00:00:43,309 --> 00:00:44,970 It is office camaraderie. 21 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,239 It is warm feelings. 22 00:00:46,312 --> 00:00:48,109 Why don't we talk more about it instead of doing it? 23 00:00:48,181 --> 00:00:50,877 Thirty, 29, 28... 24 00:00:50,950 --> 00:00:52,349 Why would you start so high? ...27... 25 00:00:52,419 --> 00:00:53,408 Three, two, one. 26 00:00:53,486 --> 00:00:54,475 ...26... 27 00:00:54,654 --> 00:00:55,712 PHYLLIS: Ooh! 28 00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:56,983 You didn't decorate it. 29 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,046 No. Exactly. 30 00:00:58,124 --> 00:01:01,184 We didn't, because we think it would be better to do it together. 31 00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:03,126 Everyone. Why would you wrap it in a sheet 32 00:01:03,196 --> 00:01:05,255 if you're not covering anything up? 33 00:01:05,331 --> 00:01:07,231 Is... Is it fake? Pam. 34 00:01:07,434 --> 00:01:12,462 Yes! We are unveiling an artificial tree that will never die. 35 00:01:12,539 --> 00:01:13,528 Yes. 36 00:01:13,606 --> 00:01:14,732 Like the spirit of Christmas. 37 00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:16,036 And we're supposed to applaud you 38 00:01:16,109 --> 00:01:18,100 for taking a giant diaper off a fake tree? 39 00:01:18,178 --> 00:01:21,341 This was a successful unveiling! Go back to work! 40 00:01:21,481 --> 00:01:23,073 Merry Christmas. 41 00:01:44,070 --> 00:01:46,937 Hello. Sorry, guys. Sorry, guys. 42 00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:50,075 I'm not sure I've earned the right to make announcements yet, 43 00:01:50,143 --> 00:01:52,509 but whoever is giving me the 12 Days of Christmas 44 00:01:52,579 --> 00:01:54,376 as my Secret Santa, 45 00:01:54,714 --> 00:02:00,277 please stop. I can't take it anymore. My cat killed a turtledove. 46 00:02:00,553 --> 00:02:03,989 The French hens have started pulling out my hair to make a nest. 47 00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:05,718 Please stop. 48 00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:07,817 What psycho would send that as a gift? 49 00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:14,891 I begged Dwight and Jim to give me Erin for Secret Santa, 50 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:17,300 and I decided to give Erin the 12 Days of Christmas. 51 00:02:17,370 --> 00:02:18,530 Bowtie time. 52 00:02:18,605 --> 00:02:22,598 Is it my fault that the first eight days there's basically 30 birds? 53 00:02:23,042 --> 00:02:24,339 Ho! Ho! Ho! 54 00:02:24,410 --> 00:02:29,074 Merry Christmas, boys and girls. It's me, Santa Claus. 55 00:02:29,249 --> 00:02:30,614 Hey, Santa. 56 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:32,374 They finally let you do it. Yeah. 57 00:02:32,452 --> 00:02:33,544 Congrats, Phyl. 58 00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:34,678 It's so edgy. 59 00:02:34,754 --> 00:02:36,984 PHYLLIS: I have been wanting to be Santa for years. 60 00:02:37,056 --> 00:02:39,047 I believe I have the right temperament 61 00:02:39,125 --> 00:02:41,059 and the figure to do the job well. 62 00:02:41,127 --> 00:02:45,393 I slipped a note to Jim 11 weeks ago, and he said I could do it. 63 00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:46,927 (PHYLLIS LAUGHS) 64 00:02:48,635 --> 00:02:50,626 It's been a long journey. 65 00:02:53,406 --> 00:02:55,203 But I'm Santa Claus! 66 00:02:56,609 --> 00:02:59,373 So, Santa, what can we expect from this party? 67 00:02:59,445 --> 00:03:02,539 It's going to be a very jolly time if you've been good. 68 00:03:02,615 --> 00:03:03,946 What if you've been bad? 69 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,951 Then nothing but a lump of coal for you. 70 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,782 What if you've been really, really bad? 71 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,084 More evil than strictly wrong. 72 00:03:10,156 --> 00:03:12,647 Hey, Creed? We covered it. Lump of coal. 73 00:03:12,725 --> 00:03:13,783 Yeah. 74 00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:15,084 For the past several weeks, 75 00:03:15,161 --> 00:03:18,028 my Secret Santa has been giving me pieces of a machine 76 00:03:18,097 --> 00:03:19,758 that I've been attempting to assemble. 77 00:03:19,832 --> 00:03:23,825 I'm suspicious of this, because I had the exact same idea 78 00:03:24,103 --> 00:03:26,298 for catching Osama bin Laden. 79 00:03:26,406 --> 00:03:29,671 I would simply send him a different piece each day. 80 00:03:29,909 --> 00:03:32,469 He would assemble it to find himself 81 00:03:33,112 --> 00:03:34,340 in jail! 82 00:03:36,015 --> 00:03:38,210 You know, Oscar, every time I make this lasagna 83 00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:40,548 people ask me if it's a family recipe, 84 00:03:40,620 --> 00:03:43,817 but really, I just get the recipe from the box. 85 00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:46,055 That's funny. 86 00:03:46,125 --> 00:03:49,822 Is it funny? I thought it was more interesting than funny. 87 00:03:55,802 --> 00:03:57,497 I think my water just broke. 88 00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:58,901 That's too funny. 89 00:03:59,205 --> 00:04:01,332 Oscar and the warehouse guy. 90 00:04:01,674 --> 00:04:04,700 Go, Oscar! Go, gay warehouse guy! 91 00:04:05,945 --> 00:04:08,072 Here's Santa! 92 00:04:08,548 --> 00:04:11,881 Hey, little girl, what would you like for Christmas? 93 00:04:12,051 --> 00:04:15,817 Ooh! You have been a very naughty girl, I see. 94 00:04:15,888 --> 00:04:18,015 Michael, we already have a Santa. Phyllis. 95 00:04:18,424 --> 00:04:20,449 What the hell is going on? 96 00:04:21,961 --> 00:04:24,259 Phyllis, Jim? Phyllis is Santa? 97 00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:25,655 Yeah. Phyllis. 98 00:04:25,732 --> 00:04:27,199 Yeah. I told her a long time ago she could do it. 99 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,427 Take it back. That is absurd. 100 00:04:28,501 --> 00:04:29,559 No. I'm not gonna do that. 101 00:04:29,636 --> 00:04:31,103 No, Jim, come on! 102 00:04:31,170 --> 00:04:32,330 I think she's doing a good job. 103 00:04:32,405 --> 00:04:35,101 It's insane! A woman Santa? Where does it stop? 104 00:04:35,174 --> 00:04:38,735 No! Jim, this may be the last Christmas that we have here. 105 00:04:38,811 --> 00:04:41,575 Doesn't it make you a tiny bit anxious, 106 00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:43,980 me not playing Santa? Come on! 107 00:04:44,917 --> 00:04:46,885 I'm not gonna go tell Phyllis that she can't be Santa. 108 00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:50,650 Fine. Then do it anonymously. Ransom-note style. You can... 109 00:04:51,491 --> 00:04:53,049 You know what? I have a bunch of letters 110 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,616 cut out of magazines in my desk. 111 00:04:54,694 --> 00:04:55,718 You can use those. 112 00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:57,387 If this were Russia, yeah, sure, 113 00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:58,987 everybody would go to one Santa, 114 00:04:59,065 --> 00:05:00,999 and there would be a line around the block, 115 00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:02,295 and once you sat on her lap 116 00:05:02,368 --> 00:05:03,460 and she asked you what you wanted, 117 00:05:03,536 --> 00:05:05,936 you would say, probably, freedom, 118 00:05:06,072 --> 00:05:09,633 at which point the KGB would arrest you and send you to Siberia. 119 00:05:09,709 --> 00:05:12,439 It's a good thing Russia doesn't exist anymore. 120 00:05:12,512 --> 00:05:16,004 Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! 121 00:05:16,382 --> 00:05:21,752 Why pay more to sit next to old Trannie Claus over there 122 00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:23,721 when you can sit on my lap? 123 00:05:23,790 --> 00:05:28,352 Phyllis is only pretending to be a man. I'm the real thing! 124 00:05:28,795 --> 00:05:31,263 Sit down on my lap and there will be no doubt! 125 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,355 Okay. Okay. 126 00:05:32,432 --> 00:05:34,992 No, it's not, like, penis-wise. 127 00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:37,263 Hello, little boy! What's your name? 128 00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:39,865 Michael, it's me, Kevin. 129 00:05:39,939 --> 00:05:41,907 Phyllis says I'm too big for her lap. 130 00:05:41,974 --> 00:05:47,879 Oh, I am so sorry that Phyllis hates you and hates your body, 131 00:05:48,414 --> 00:05:50,780 but Santa remembers a reindeer 132 00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:54,081 that was just a tiny bit different as well. 133 00:05:54,153 --> 00:05:55,745 When can I sit on your lap? 134 00:05:55,822 --> 00:05:58,450 Right now! Come on over here, big boy! 135 00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:01,853 There we go! Oh, my God. 136 00:06:03,396 --> 00:06:05,421 That's really comfortable. 137 00:06:07,467 --> 00:06:10,459 What would you like for Christmas, little boy? 138 00:06:12,572 --> 00:06:15,905 I don't know. I didn't know you were gonna ask me that. 139 00:06:15,975 --> 00:06:18,375 Well, what did you think was going to happen? 140 00:06:18,444 --> 00:06:22,403 I didn't know. Nobody's ever let me sit on their lap before. 141 00:06:22,482 --> 00:06:24,973 (SOFTLY) All right, just say some toys, please. 142 00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:26,746 Can you give me some choices? 143 00:06:26,986 --> 00:06:29,011 'Cause I really don't want to mess up on this list. 144 00:06:29,088 --> 00:06:31,056 Damn it, Kevin. Come on. 145 00:06:31,691 --> 00:06:34,319 What about if I tell you the things I don't want? 146 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,521 Okay, get off! Get off! Off! 147 00:06:36,863 --> 00:06:37,887 (GROANS) 148 00:06:37,964 --> 00:06:39,932 Oh, God! 149 00:06:39,999 --> 00:06:41,933 I didn't even get to tell you what I wanted. 150 00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:43,525 Okay, you know what you get? 151 00:06:43,603 --> 00:06:45,901 You get a thousand helium balloons attached to you 152 00:06:45,972 --> 00:06:49,032 so Santa doesn't have to go through this again. 153 00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:50,601 Awesome. 154 00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:52,202 Well? 155 00:06:52,278 --> 00:06:53,939 I'm trying, Phyllis. You're Santa. 156 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,048 The only Santa. That's what I want. 157 00:06:56,115 --> 00:06:59,482 You promised me this. Don't make me get Bob involved. 158 00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:01,184 What would Bob do? 159 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,552 Never mind. I shouldn't have said that. 160 00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:05,517 Does it hurt? 161 00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:06,717 It stings a lot. 162 00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:08,449 Hmm. 163 00:07:08,561 --> 00:07:11,121 I keep trying to figure out who's sending me these gifts. 164 00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:12,289 I know, right? 165 00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:14,299 So far no one will admit to it. 166 00:07:14,367 --> 00:07:16,062 (CHUCKLES) Is it you? 167 00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:19,997 Yeah! 168 00:07:22,708 --> 00:07:24,300 Totally. I admit it. It's me. 169 00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:25,605 (LAUGHS) Seriously? 170 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,645 Seriously? Are you serious? 171 00:07:28,714 --> 00:07:29,840 Is... What... Is it you? 172 00:07:30,082 --> 00:07:34,542 Yeah. Totally serious. I'm your Secret Santa. Busted! 173 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:35,812 (LAUGHS) 174 00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:37,788 There he is. 175 00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:39,113 Hey, man. 176 00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:40,853 Is Matt around? I've got his check. 177 00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:44,454 Matt is on a delivery. Just leave it here. I'll take it. 178 00:07:44,964 --> 00:07:46,864 I'll just wait for him. 179 00:07:47,333 --> 00:07:49,096 Matt's a pretty good-looking dude, don't you think? 180 00:07:49,168 --> 00:07:51,568 I'll just leave it here with you. 181 00:07:56,008 --> 00:07:57,600 Come here! Come here! Come here! 182 00:07:57,677 --> 00:08:00,339 I'm doing something over here. Come on! Ah! 183 00:08:00,413 --> 00:08:01,437 Ho! Ho! Ho! 184 00:08:01,514 --> 00:08:03,414 MICHAEL: Come on, I need this. Come over here! 185 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:04,541 Just sit down! 186 00:08:04,617 --> 00:08:05,777 No, no, no, no, no, no! 187 00:08:05,852 --> 00:08:07,114 Is everything okay? Yeah. Yeah. 188 00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:08,414 Ryan and I are just having some fun. 189 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:09,580 Can I just talk to you for a second? Yeah. 190 00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:11,486 No, now. Okay, what? 191 00:08:11,924 --> 00:08:14,085 You can't yell out, "I need this, I need this," 192 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,991 as you pin down an employee on your lap. 193 00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:18,053 Okay. You know what, Jim? 194 00:08:18,197 --> 00:08:21,325 With two Santas in the room, things get ruthless. 195 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:22,992 Yeah. Do you understand? You forced my hand. 196 00:08:23,069 --> 00:08:24,934 Michael, it's Phyllis. We want Phyllis as Santa. 197 00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:27,734 Do we? Do we? Is that what we want? 198 00:08:27,807 --> 00:08:29,172 Why don't we take a vote on it? 199 00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:30,231 Great. 200 00:08:30,309 --> 00:08:31,708 Hey! Okay, everybody. 201 00:08:31,944 --> 00:08:34,811 The office is being pulled apart. I realize that. 202 00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:37,782 There are traditions at stake. 203 00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:39,442 And there are women... Who wants Phyllis as Santa? 204 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:42,545 No, no, no! Wait! No! There are other choices. 205 00:08:42,688 --> 00:08:45,748 There's information that we... Are you kidding me, Kevin? 206 00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:47,292 After you almost killed me? 207 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:50,022 Michael, I had you. I just want to try Phyllis. 208 00:08:50,096 --> 00:08:53,293 And if you want Michael as Santa, raise your hand. 209 00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:56,159 Can I get you some punch? 210 00:08:56,235 --> 00:08:59,500 I... No, I'll get some punch. That looks delicious. 211 00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:01,433 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 212 00:09:01,507 --> 00:09:02,735 KELLY: Michael! 213 00:09:05,811 --> 00:09:06,903 Excuse me. 214 00:09:06,979 --> 00:09:09,675 Whoever has been sending me the parts to this gun, 215 00:09:09,749 --> 00:09:12,684 I think you sent me a gear instead of a trigger. 216 00:09:12,752 --> 00:09:14,720 How do you know it's a gun? 217 00:09:14,787 --> 00:09:16,379 What else does it look like? 218 00:09:17,690 --> 00:09:19,317 Not a gun. 219 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:20,950 Well, I don't have all the pieces yet. 220 00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:25,697 Well, unless the missing piece is a gun, you don't have a gun. 221 00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:28,631 Not a gun. 222 00:09:29,468 --> 00:09:33,461 In the North Pole, I spend many nights alone tinkering with toys. 223 00:09:33,673 --> 00:09:38,940 So today, let's put a twinkle in old Kris Kringle's eye. 224 00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:41,442 Let the party begin! 225 00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:44,314 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 226 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:51,180 I don't ask for much for Christmas. I really don't. 227 00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:55,250 It's not like I am begging people to buy me diamonds 228 00:09:56,462 --> 00:09:58,623 and broach pendants. 229 00:09:59,065 --> 00:10:00,123 Oh! 230 00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:04,032 "Buy me something expensive, or I'm gonna kill myself." That's not... 231 00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:07,368 I don't care about that! All I want to be is Santa. 232 00:10:07,707 --> 00:10:11,302 And you want to take that away from me, fine. 233 00:10:11,978 --> 00:10:13,240 Go ahead. 234 00:10:13,746 --> 00:10:15,179 But when you need my help 235 00:10:15,247 --> 00:10:16,646 because I am ruining everything, 236 00:10:16,716 --> 00:10:17,808 don't look at me! 237 00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:23,148 Behold, 238 00:10:24,390 --> 00:10:25,857 Jesus Christ. 239 00:10:26,025 --> 00:10:30,257 And I bring to you glad Christmas tidings. 240 00:10:30,329 --> 00:10:33,856 I want to remind everyone the true meaning of Christmas. 241 00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:37,692 Those of you who wish to join me, that's great. 242 00:10:37,770 --> 00:10:39,032 I am excited by that, 243 00:10:39,338 --> 00:10:40,965 and those of you who don't, 244 00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:43,531 I forgive you, but I never forget. 245 00:10:43,609 --> 00:10:47,010 Wow, Michael. This must be obvious how wrong this is. 246 00:10:47,513 --> 00:10:48,741 The Antichrist. 247 00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:50,008 Okay, you can't... (EXCLAIMS) 248 00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:52,175 Look, you cannot push religion. 249 00:10:52,251 --> 00:10:54,116 But I can push drugs in here. 250 00:10:54,186 --> 00:10:55,346 Is that what you're saying? No. 251 00:10:55,421 --> 00:10:57,946 Well, you have to pick one or the other. Your choice. 252 00:10:58,024 --> 00:11:00,720 Pick your poison. Get back to me. In the meantime, 253 00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:04,285 I am going to spread my goodness all over this company! 254 00:11:05,798 --> 00:11:07,129 Hey, Phyllis? 255 00:11:07,199 --> 00:11:10,600 Could you not reveal to Erin that I'm her secret Santa? 256 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,501 All right, sweetie, I'll just tell her it's Michael. 257 00:11:12,571 --> 00:11:13,663 Okay. 258 00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:16,998 BOTH: (SINGING) I saw three ships come sailing in 259 00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:18,335 PAM: Have you talked to him? 260 00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:19,469 What? 261 00:11:20,279 --> 00:11:21,371 Matt. 262 00:11:21,447 --> 00:11:22,641 OSCAR: Is it that obvious? 263 00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:26,112 No. Hey. 264 00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:28,877 Hmm. 265 00:11:28,954 --> 00:11:33,152 Good pâté, right? Oscar made it. Have you met Oscar? 266 00:11:33,893 --> 00:11:34,882 I don't think so. 267 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:36,689 Hey, Oscar, come here. 268 00:11:40,933 --> 00:11:45,165 Oscar, this is Matt, and Matt loves your pâté. 269 00:11:46,105 --> 00:11:47,333 I had some. 270 00:11:47,406 --> 00:11:48,566 Oscar's pâté's great. 271 00:11:49,975 --> 00:11:53,240 I could eat it all day, every day. Mmm. 272 00:11:55,581 --> 00:11:58,744 How come the good ones are never straight, right? 273 00:11:58,984 --> 00:12:00,611 Okay, Pam. Okay. 274 00:12:01,353 --> 00:12:05,687 Yes. They're the only two gay guys I know. But they should be together. 275 00:12:06,859 --> 00:12:10,351 This just arrived from the Dunder Mifflin North Pole branch. 276 00:12:10,429 --> 00:12:13,227 We don't have a North Pole branch. Idiot! 277 00:12:13,332 --> 00:12:18,099 Uh-oh! What's Dwight gonna get? What is it? 278 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:19,595 Yes! 279 00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:21,640 Oh, yes! It's space garbage. 280 00:12:21,707 --> 00:12:24,369 Dwight's gonna be able to build himself a friend. 281 00:12:24,443 --> 00:12:26,638 Deck the halls with crappy gifts 282 00:12:26,712 --> 00:12:30,910 And Stanley, you've been very good this year. 283 00:12:30,983 --> 00:12:32,041 I have. 284 00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:34,086 Yeah, except for cheating on your wife. 285 00:12:34,153 --> 00:12:36,917 Adultery's a sin. Look it up in the Bible, people. 286 00:12:36,989 --> 00:12:38,013 What'd he get? 287 00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:39,990 He got scented candles. 288 00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:43,156 Well, that's appropriate. A lot of fire where you're going. 289 00:12:43,229 --> 00:12:44,662 Better get used to it. 290 00:12:44,730 --> 00:12:47,392 You're going to H-E-L-L, double hockey sticks. 291 00:12:47,466 --> 00:12:48,660 Going to hell, Stanley. 292 00:12:48,734 --> 00:12:49,860 ANGELA: Amen. 293 00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:52,897 And this brings us to you, little one. 294 00:12:53,139 --> 00:12:55,972 I can't see from here, people. Somebody shout it out. 295 00:12:56,041 --> 00:12:57,838 Don't make me get up. 296 00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:01,605 It's fabric. I really wanted this. 297 00:13:01,814 --> 00:13:05,409 That's fantastic! You can make another dress that goes past your feet. 298 00:13:05,484 --> 00:13:06,644 Andy, was this you? 299 00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:07,743 It's a secret. 300 00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:10,345 No, Andy had Erin. PHYLLIS: It was a secret. 301 00:13:10,422 --> 00:13:11,684 PAM: Michael! PHYLLIS: You... 302 00:13:11,757 --> 00:13:14,317 What? Was I not supposed to say? 303 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:15,651 What? Turn it back on. 304 00:13:15,728 --> 00:13:16,717 No. 305 00:13:23,035 --> 00:13:24,195 (DOOR CLOSING) 306 00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:26,999 DAVID: Yes, Michael. What is so urgent? 307 00:13:27,072 --> 00:13:29,472 David, guess who I am sitting here dressed as. 308 00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:32,238 I'm not going to guess. You can tell me, or I will hang up. 309 00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:35,246 I will give you a hint. His last name is Christ. 310 00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:38,977 He has the power of flight. He can heal leopards. 311 00:13:39,051 --> 00:13:40,075 Michael... 312 00:13:40,152 --> 00:13:41,881 I am Jesus, David, and you know why? 313 00:13:41,954 --> 00:13:46,357 Because Phyllis, a woman, has uslurped my role as Santa. 314 00:13:46,425 --> 00:13:47,414 Michael... What? 315 00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:49,757 This is a very, very bad time. 316 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:52,389 Really? What's going on? 317 00:13:53,899 --> 00:13:55,491 Stephanie, can you hop off, please? 318 00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:56,796 STEPHANIE: Sure, David. 319 00:13:56,869 --> 00:14:00,327 What the hell? How rude! Does she do that all the time? 320 00:14:00,606 --> 00:14:02,198 ERIN: Do you want me off this call too, Michael? 321 00:14:02,274 --> 00:14:05,607 Hey, what? Get off! Get off the phone! 322 00:14:08,247 --> 00:14:11,410 DAVID: Listen, I shouldn't tell you this, but the company has a buyer. 323 00:14:11,483 --> 00:14:13,974 The board will have no choice but to approve, 324 00:14:14,053 --> 00:14:16,317 and they are going to clean house. 325 00:14:16,388 --> 00:14:17,616 What does that mean? 326 00:14:17,890 --> 00:14:19,380 I'll be fired. 327 00:14:19,458 --> 00:14:21,983 Well, can't Alan protect you? 328 00:14:22,061 --> 00:14:23,585 Alan will be out, too. All of us. 329 00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:25,288 All of us? 330 00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:26,388 Goodbye, Michael. 331 00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:27,897 Oh, my God. 332 00:14:30,970 --> 00:14:33,632 MICHAEL: Earlier today, this office needed a Santa. 333 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:38,837 And then it needed a second Santa. And then it needed a Jesus. 334 00:14:40,512 --> 00:14:41,740 And now, 335 00:14:43,249 --> 00:14:44,978 it needs a Michael. 336 00:14:46,452 --> 00:14:49,250 And that's one suit Phyllis cannot fit into. 337 00:14:51,123 --> 00:14:53,614 Hey, how's everybody doing? 338 00:14:54,326 --> 00:14:56,886 Not great. You heckled Santa for an hour and a half. 339 00:14:56,962 --> 00:14:59,055 That was a different guy. That was Jesus. 340 00:14:59,131 --> 00:15:01,395 Jesus sort of ruined the party. 341 00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:03,127 Hurt, petulant Jesus. 342 00:15:03,202 --> 00:15:05,534 Are you serious? That is so offensive. 343 00:15:06,872 --> 00:15:08,772 You know what's even more offensive, 344 00:15:08,841 --> 00:15:13,869 is bailing on this party because some jerk ruined the first part of it. 345 00:15:15,214 --> 00:15:16,875 Dwight, come here. 346 00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:20,145 Here's my debit card. I want you to go pick up a bunch of pizzas 347 00:15:20,219 --> 00:15:21,311 and meet me in the conference room. 348 00:15:21,387 --> 00:15:22,445 What's your pin number? 349 00:15:22,521 --> 00:15:24,386 I don't want to say. 350 00:15:24,690 --> 00:15:26,920 But it's fun to stay at the... 351 00:15:29,194 --> 00:15:30,991 It's fun to stay at the... 352 00:15:31,063 --> 00:15:33,964 Where? Holiday Inn. I don't... 353 00:15:34,833 --> 00:15:36,528 (HUMMING) 354 00:15:39,838 --> 00:15:42,602 I thought that you would like it. 355 00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:44,108 It was a little much, Andy. 356 00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:47,268 Well, it's the thought that counts. 357 00:15:47,346 --> 00:15:49,007 What were you thinking? 358 00:15:51,050 --> 00:15:55,077 I suppose a gentleman might throw in the towel at this point. 359 00:15:57,389 --> 00:15:59,380 Guess what. Not gonna happen. 360 00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:03,518 You know what? Christmas isn't about Santa or Jesus. 361 00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:07,857 It's about the workplace. All of you feel like my family. 362 00:16:08,367 --> 00:16:13,828 Ryan, you are my son, and Pam, you're my wife, and Jim... 363 00:16:15,074 --> 00:16:19,010 And Angela and Phyllis, you are my grandmas. 364 00:16:19,244 --> 00:16:22,407 And Stanley, you're our mailman. 365 00:16:23,215 --> 00:16:26,207 And I can't help but look at all of your wonderful, beautiful faces 366 00:16:26,285 --> 00:16:28,048 and think, "How could they do this to us?" 367 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:29,109 What? (ALL MURMURING) 368 00:16:29,188 --> 00:16:30,314 How could we do what to you? 369 00:16:30,389 --> 00:16:31,413 That's not... Never... Nothing. 370 00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:32,479 Why would we... 371 00:16:32,558 --> 00:16:33,752 We deserve to know. 372 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:34,952 MICHAEL: I didn't say anything! 373 00:16:35,027 --> 00:16:36,289 We're going out of business! 374 00:16:36,362 --> 00:16:37,386 What? What? 375 00:16:37,463 --> 00:16:38,452 ANDY: You are kidding me. 376 00:16:38,530 --> 00:16:39,588 Wait, wait, wait. Who said that? 377 00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,462 David told me on the phone. David told me. 378 00:16:41,533 --> 00:16:42,659 ANDY: When? When did he tell you, today? 379 00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:46,603 Earlier today, he said we have been sold. 380 00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:47,730 JIM: What? 381 00:16:47,806 --> 00:16:48,795 (YELLING) 382 00:16:49,241 --> 00:16:51,209 JIM: Dwight! Jesus. PAM: Come on! 383 00:16:51,543 --> 00:16:54,273 Michael, wait. So they said we are sold. 384 00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:56,246 David is gone, Alan is gone. We're all gone. 385 00:16:56,315 --> 00:16:57,782 Okay, but we haven't gone under. 386 00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:59,875 We've been sold, and that can mean many different things. 387 00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:02,216 It's hard for me to imagine a scenario 388 00:17:02,287 --> 00:17:04,847 where Meredith Palmer keeps her job and David Wallace does not. 389 00:17:04,923 --> 00:17:06,618 No offense, Meredith. No, I get it. 390 00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:07,818 I'll call him. I'll call David. 391 00:17:07,893 --> 00:17:10,020 No you won't, because he's not picking up his phone. 392 00:17:10,095 --> 00:17:13,895 Yes, I will, because I always know how to get through to him. 393 00:17:14,566 --> 00:17:17,126 He told me where his kids go to school. 394 00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:19,727 I call the school. I tell them I'm the pediatrician. 395 00:17:19,805 --> 00:17:23,571 They patch me through to his secretary. I use my little girl voice. 396 00:17:23,642 --> 00:17:24,802 (EXCLAIMS) 397 00:17:25,444 --> 00:17:26,604 DAVID: Hey, sweetie, what is it? 398 00:17:26,678 --> 00:17:29,169 It's not sweetie. It's Michael Scott. 399 00:17:29,248 --> 00:17:31,216 What the hell? Stephanie, could you hop off, please? 400 00:17:31,283 --> 00:17:33,114 Michael, I have never... 401 00:17:33,185 --> 00:17:34,209 David... ... never, ever... 402 00:17:34,286 --> 00:17:35,548 David, you are on speakerphone 403 00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:38,351 with the entire branch and the warehouse. 404 00:17:38,424 --> 00:17:40,324 Hi, David. ALL: Hey, David. 405 00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:41,784 Hi, everyone. 406 00:17:41,860 --> 00:17:44,021 David, they do not believe me 407 00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:47,396 when you told me that everyone was canned. 408 00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,291 You weren't supposed to tell anyone, Michael. 409 00:17:49,368 --> 00:17:50,858 Well, I think we're past that now. 410 00:17:50,936 --> 00:17:52,494 I am not supposed... 411 00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:54,630 Okay, fine. Guys, I was really 412 00:17:54,706 --> 00:17:56,537 only talking about Alan, myself, 413 00:17:56,608 --> 00:17:58,371 and a few other execs you don't know. 414 00:17:58,444 --> 00:18:00,844 Oh, my God. David, that's horrible. 415 00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:05,509 How about us? It's Meredith. By the way, your wife is a very lucky woman. 416 00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:08,981 Look, they're buying the company for the distribution. 417 00:18:09,054 --> 00:18:11,921 You guys are the only thing about this company that works. 418 00:18:11,990 --> 00:18:13,116 So congratulations. 419 00:18:13,192 --> 00:18:14,216 We're not fired? 420 00:18:14,293 --> 00:18:15,726 No. Congratulations. 421 00:18:15,794 --> 00:18:17,455 All right! Yeah! 422 00:18:17,529 --> 00:18:18,723 (ALL CHEERING) 423 00:18:18,797 --> 00:18:20,094 Come on! 424 00:18:20,165 --> 00:18:21,393 It's a Christmas miracle! 425 00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:22,759 DWIGHT: Yeah! 426 00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:28,596 (SINGING) Walk a lonely road 427 00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:31,837 Only one that I have ever known 428 00:18:32,344 --> 00:18:34,471 Don't know where it goes 429 00:18:34,546 --> 00:18:37,640 But it's all to me and I walk alone 430 00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:40,375 It's true. Yes. 431 00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:42,420 DWIGHT: We all walk alone. Jim. 432 00:18:43,889 --> 00:18:44,947 Jim. 433 00:18:47,526 --> 00:18:48,584 Jim. 434 00:18:49,661 --> 00:18:54,598 My shadow's the only one That walks beside me 435 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,698 My shallow heart's... 436 00:18:59,037 --> 00:19:00,095 Wow. 437 00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:05,475 Yeah. That was the idea. Thank you. 438 00:19:05,544 --> 00:19:07,444 Awesome. Thanks, man. 439 00:19:09,781 --> 00:19:14,741 (SINGING) Christmas tree Thou leaves are so unchanging 440 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,219 Of course! 441 00:19:18,056 --> 00:19:19,421 You got it? 442 00:19:20,259 --> 00:19:21,351 What is that? 443 00:19:21,426 --> 00:19:22,484 I have no idea. 444 00:19:24,463 --> 00:19:27,159 Well, maybe those will help. 445 00:19:27,232 --> 00:19:28,961 Michael, please. Come on. 446 00:19:30,402 --> 00:19:31,528 Sorry. Sure. 447 00:19:31,603 --> 00:19:32,592 Nice to meet you, Oscar. 448 00:19:32,671 --> 00:19:33,660 Nice to meet you, Mark. 449 00:19:33,739 --> 00:19:35,707 It's Matt. Right, Matt. 450 00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:39,400 I know what I'm doing, Pam. 451 00:19:46,451 --> 00:19:48,180 Oh, man! 452 00:19:49,421 --> 00:19:51,013 I can use this for so many nuts. 453 00:19:51,089 --> 00:19:53,956 Macadamias, Brazil nuts, pecans, 454 00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:57,257 almonds, clams, snails. 455 00:19:58,630 --> 00:19:59,927 Hi, Santa. 456 00:19:59,998 --> 00:20:01,226 Hi, Michael. 457 00:20:03,735 --> 00:20:04,861 (GRUNTS) 458 00:20:04,937 --> 00:20:06,029 Okay. 459 00:20:08,006 --> 00:20:09,268 I'd like to make a wish. 460 00:20:09,341 --> 00:20:10,365 What? 461 00:20:11,577 --> 00:20:16,913 I would like an Xbox and a TV that's compatible with an Xbox. 462 00:20:19,751 --> 00:20:21,241 And I'm sorry. 463 00:20:24,256 --> 00:20:28,386 An Xbox it is, because I've decided you're a good boy. 464 00:20:29,428 --> 00:20:32,158 Scott, what in the hell is going on here? 465 00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,062 No, no, no. We worked it out. You called Bob? Phyllis! 466 00:20:34,132 --> 00:20:36,566 I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. It was earlier today. 467 00:20:36,635 --> 00:20:37,761 Okay. 468 00:20:38,270 --> 00:20:39,362 Hi, sweetheart. You okay, baby? 469 00:20:39,438 --> 00:20:40,530 I'm good, baby. 470 00:20:40,606 --> 00:20:42,870 Oh, God. Get a room, Santas. 471 00:20:45,544 --> 00:20:47,478 DWIGHT: Thank you, Santa. 472 00:20:47,546 --> 00:20:48,877 Okay, happy holidays. 473 00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:52,212 It's real slippery out here. 474 00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:57,317 Oh, my God. 475 00:20:57,389 --> 00:20:58,822 Twelve drummers drumming. 476 00:21:12,204 --> 00:21:15,037 Merry Christmas, Erin. Take it away, boys! 477 00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:16,665 (RHYTHMIC DRUMBEATS)