1 00:00:03,002 --> 00:00:04,697 Good morning, everybody. 2 00:00:04,770 --> 00:00:08,206 Who would like an authentic New York bagel, hmm? 3 00:00:08,273 --> 00:00:09,604 Stanley? Thank you. 4 00:00:09,675 --> 00:00:13,202 Oh, no, no, no. I got a pumpernickel just for you. 5 00:00:13,278 --> 00:00:15,644 Wow, H&H. 6 00:00:15,714 --> 00:00:18,774 You went all the way to New York City to get us bagels? 7 00:00:18,851 --> 00:00:21,479 Why? Is there a place closer that sells them? 8 00:00:21,553 --> 00:00:23,077 This is really nice, Dwight. Thanks. 9 00:00:23,155 --> 00:00:24,179 Thanks. 10 00:00:24,256 --> 00:00:25,553 Oh, don't mention it. 11 00:00:25,624 --> 00:00:28,559 You owe me one. You all owe me one. 12 00:00:28,627 --> 00:00:30,561 Good morning, Michael. Morning, Dwight. 13 00:00:30,629 --> 00:00:31,618 Hungry? 14 00:00:31,697 --> 00:00:33,631 No, I had a fish stick sandwich. 15 00:00:33,699 --> 00:00:35,394 Actually, I had two fish stick sandwiches. 16 00:00:35,467 --> 00:00:37,230 My girlfriend didn't want hers, 17 00:00:37,302 --> 00:00:39,862 because I guess I'm the only aphrodisiac she needs. 18 00:00:39,938 --> 00:00:41,496 Fish sticks are not an aphrodisiac. Yeah. 19 00:00:41,573 --> 00:00:43,370 You're thinking of deer penis. It worked. 20 00:00:43,442 --> 00:00:45,774 Regardless, that was over two hours ago, 21 00:00:45,844 --> 00:00:48,574 and it is now a scientific fact that you are hungry. 22 00:00:48,647 --> 00:00:50,046 Bagel? 23 00:00:50,115 --> 00:00:51,480 I don't mind if I do. 24 00:00:51,550 --> 00:00:53,245 Okay, I brought cheese, too. 25 00:00:53,318 --> 00:00:54,512 I'm taking one for my lady friend. 26 00:00:54,586 --> 00:00:55,644 Excellent. 27 00:00:55,721 --> 00:00:57,382 Brain food. Thank you very much. 28 00:00:57,456 --> 00:00:58,445 Okay. 29 00:00:59,925 --> 00:01:00,983 You owe me. 30 00:01:01,060 --> 00:01:03,392 Can't a guy just buy some bagels for his friends, 31 00:01:03,462 --> 00:01:05,327 so they'll owe him a favor which he can use 32 00:01:05,397 --> 00:01:10,232 to get someone fired who stole a co-manager position from him anymore? 33 00:01:10,302 --> 00:01:14,329 Jeez, when did everyone get so cynical? 34 00:01:36,595 --> 00:01:38,460 Pam, would you care for a bagel? 35 00:01:38,530 --> 00:01:39,554 Oh, no, thank you. 36 00:01:39,631 --> 00:01:42,862 Oh, that's right, you're a woman and you need to refuse food the first time. 37 00:01:42,935 --> 00:01:44,903 I'll try again. 38 00:01:44,970 --> 00:01:47,200 Please, Pam, reconsider and have a bagel. 39 00:01:47,272 --> 00:01:49,103 I have an early lunch. 40 00:01:50,042 --> 00:01:52,169 Michael's been trying to get Jim and me to hang out 41 00:01:52,244 --> 00:01:54,269 ever since he started dating my mom. 42 00:01:54,346 --> 00:01:57,179 I don't know. I really hoped this thing would just die out, 43 00:01:57,249 --> 00:02:00,343 but today he's planning a birthday lunch for my mom. 44 00:02:00,419 --> 00:02:02,080 And we have to go. 45 00:02:02,788 --> 00:02:04,153 No way out. 46 00:02:05,757 --> 00:02:07,122 No way out. 47 00:02:07,993 --> 00:02:10,120 These are amazing. You took all these? 48 00:02:10,195 --> 00:02:13,289 I've always found beauty in uncommon places. 49 00:02:13,365 --> 00:02:15,663 Homeless people, graffiti. 50 00:02:15,734 --> 00:02:17,998 Photography lets me capture all that. 51 00:02:18,070 --> 00:02:19,662 Have you ever been photographed before? 52 00:02:19,738 --> 00:02:20,966 Oh, just by, like, friends. 53 00:02:21,039 --> 00:02:24,167 Well, here's what I've been doing around here. 54 00:02:24,243 --> 00:02:27,041 It's for a series on exposure in the workplace. 55 00:02:27,112 --> 00:02:29,205 Pammy? Hey! 56 00:02:30,082 --> 00:02:31,674 Hey! 57 00:02:31,750 --> 00:02:33,274 Happy birthday. Thank you. 58 00:02:33,352 --> 00:02:35,946 Girls, there they are. 59 00:02:36,021 --> 00:02:37,352 Birthday lunch. Birthday lunch. 60 00:02:37,422 --> 00:02:41,290 There's no better medicine than birthday lunch. 61 00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:43,851 It'll cure all of your, 62 00:02:43,929 --> 00:02:46,864 "Gee, I don't know if Michael should be dating my mother." 63 00:02:46,932 --> 00:02:49,958 And fixes all occurrences of, 64 00:02:50,035 --> 00:02:52,367 "I don't really see them together." 65 00:02:52,437 --> 00:02:53,961 So, open wide, Pam, 66 00:02:54,039 --> 00:02:57,065 and take a big old spoonful of birthday lunch medicine. 67 00:02:57,142 --> 00:02:58,473 Take with food. 68 00:02:59,711 --> 00:03:03,374 Pam, aren't you going to introduce us to Michael's girlfriend? 69 00:03:03,448 --> 00:03:05,439 I think you guys all remember my mom from the wedding. 70 00:03:05,517 --> 00:03:07,314 Yeah, I think everyone's met Helene. Hi. 71 00:03:07,386 --> 00:03:08,375 Shall we? Wait a minute, 72 00:03:08,453 --> 00:03:10,250 is that another birthday present for me? 73 00:03:10,322 --> 00:03:12,552 'Cause you already gave me a necklace. 74 00:03:12,624 --> 00:03:13,613 Oh, my God, I love it. 75 00:03:13,692 --> 00:03:15,683 Tell her how you gave it to me. No, that wouldn't be... 76 00:03:15,761 --> 00:03:19,162 He put it around my neck while I was still asleep this morning. 77 00:03:19,231 --> 00:03:20,459 Nice way to wake up. - Yeah. 78 00:03:20,532 --> 00:03:24,468 The rest of the story has been censored due to inappropriocity. 79 00:03:24,536 --> 00:03:26,333 Because of sex? Kevin! 80 00:03:26,405 --> 00:03:28,703 Hey, please, Kevin. You're fired. 81 00:03:29,641 --> 00:03:32,075 Sorry, sorry, work with a bunch of idiots. Shall we go? 82 00:03:32,144 --> 00:03:33,509 Yes, let's go. 83 00:03:34,279 --> 00:03:35,576 Oh, wait. 84 00:03:35,647 --> 00:03:38,844 Swartz Lumber's on the phone for you, Pam. And they say it's urgent. 85 00:03:38,917 --> 00:03:41,181 Oh, you guys, just one second. 86 00:03:43,222 --> 00:03:44,621 Oh, my gosh. 87 00:03:45,257 --> 00:03:46,884 Are you serious? 88 00:03:47,559 --> 00:03:48,719 Shipping emergency. 89 00:03:48,794 --> 00:03:50,056 I don't think I can go to lunch. 90 00:03:50,128 --> 00:03:53,461 Oh, man, that's crazy. Right as we were on our way out, too. 91 00:03:53,532 --> 00:03:55,500 I know. Isn't that always how it goes? 92 00:03:55,567 --> 00:03:57,831 Rarely, if ever. 93 00:03:57,903 --> 00:03:59,131 Let me give it a whirl, I'll talk to them. 94 00:03:59,204 --> 00:04:00,432 I will handle it. That's okay. 95 00:04:00,505 --> 00:04:02,268 I feel like it's... It's my pleasure. 96 00:04:02,341 --> 00:04:04,502 Hello? Well, that's great. 97 00:04:04,576 --> 00:04:06,567 Turns out, the paper was there all along. 98 00:04:06,645 --> 00:04:08,135 Oh, thank God. 99 00:04:09,214 --> 00:04:12,411 Something's up. That paper was never supposed to arrive. 100 00:04:12,851 --> 00:04:15,376 So, Pammy, are you still liking sales? 101 00:04:15,454 --> 00:04:17,081 Yeah, it's exciting. 102 00:04:18,624 --> 00:04:21,991 You know, Michael and I were talking, 103 00:04:22,060 --> 00:04:24,187 and maybe, if you put in a little more 104 00:04:24,263 --> 00:04:28,029 face-to-face time with your clients, you could improve your sales. 105 00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:29,567 Pam's sales are fine, actually. 106 00:04:29,635 --> 00:04:32,069 Just want you to succeed, Pammy. 107 00:04:32,137 --> 00:04:34,503 You know what, we shouldn't even be talking about business today. 108 00:04:34,573 --> 00:04:35,562 Thank you. 109 00:04:35,641 --> 00:04:37,472 Today's about family. 110 00:04:37,542 --> 00:04:40,636 Why did I get in the car? I could've struggled. 111 00:04:41,179 --> 00:04:43,306 I have a whistle in my purse, I didn't even blow it. 112 00:04:45,183 --> 00:04:47,708 Oh, Dwight, I have a little surprise for you. 113 00:04:47,786 --> 00:04:50,721 Let me guess, you ate the bagel I gave you and loved it. 114 00:04:50,789 --> 00:04:51,983 Yes. 115 00:04:52,891 --> 00:04:54,825 And I wanted to return the favor. 116 00:04:54,893 --> 00:04:57,123 I was polishing my loafers and I happened to look over 117 00:04:57,195 --> 00:05:00,221 and notice that your briefcase was a little worse for the wear, 118 00:05:00,299 --> 00:05:01,994 so a little elbow grease, 119 00:05:02,067 --> 00:05:05,525 and she's polished right up, back to her former glory. 120 00:05:05,604 --> 00:05:08,038 Well. Feel it against your cheek. 121 00:05:08,874 --> 00:05:09,898 I will. 122 00:05:09,975 --> 00:05:11,943 You give me a gift, bam, thank you note. 123 00:05:12,010 --> 00:05:14,444 You invite me somewhere, pow, RSVP. 124 00:05:15,147 --> 00:05:18,241 You do me a favor, wham, favor returned. 125 00:05:20,218 --> 00:05:22,448 Do not test my politeness. 126 00:05:22,521 --> 00:05:24,182 Let me get that door for you. There we go. 127 00:05:24,256 --> 00:05:25,951 Thank you very much, and I got it for you. 128 00:05:26,024 --> 00:05:28,857 Oh! Goodness. Thanks. 129 00:05:28,927 --> 00:05:31,157 You know, here's a healthy fitness tip, 130 00:05:31,229 --> 00:05:32,924 if you clench your buttocks together while walking, 131 00:05:32,998 --> 00:05:34,693 you can really take the pressure off your knees. 132 00:05:34,766 --> 00:05:36,393 - Is that right? - Observe. 133 00:05:38,970 --> 00:05:39,994 Right? That really works. 134 00:05:40,072 --> 00:05:42,165 Yeah. Feel free to use that. Anytime, okay. 135 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:43,935 Hey, hold on a second. 136 00:05:44,009 --> 00:05:47,274 Do not walk around with your jacket catawampus. 137 00:05:47,346 --> 00:05:49,177 And that needs to be straight as an arrow. 138 00:05:49,247 --> 00:05:51,442 Thank you very much. 139 00:05:51,783 --> 00:05:54,513 Oh, boy. Hey, thank you very much for that. 140 00:05:54,586 --> 00:05:57,350 You are welcome. Have a seat. Allow me. 141 00:05:57,422 --> 00:05:59,322 Have a seat yourself. 142 00:05:59,391 --> 00:06:01,291 You know what? I am going to preemptively 143 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:04,329 change the batteries in your wireless mouse. 144 00:06:04,396 --> 00:06:05,488 Not necessary. No, no, no! 145 00:06:05,564 --> 00:06:07,930 You didn't have to do that. 146 00:06:07,999 --> 00:06:09,694 Andy is complicating things. 147 00:06:09,768 --> 00:06:12,396 But I'm not worried. This will only up my game. 148 00:06:14,039 --> 00:06:16,166 Hello. Scott. Table for four. 149 00:06:16,241 --> 00:06:19,733 Welcome, Scott family. It'll be just a moment. 150 00:06:19,811 --> 00:06:22,837 I used to love coming here. The chicken parm is good. 151 00:06:22,914 --> 00:06:27,476 Big part of my childhood. Maybe Michael will start dating that, too. 152 00:06:27,552 --> 00:06:30,521 What table should we take? So many to choose from. 153 00:06:30,589 --> 00:06:33,285 Wow. Oh, my God. 154 00:06:33,358 --> 00:06:38,762 What? All I see are boring old tables with no birthday decorations. 155 00:06:38,830 --> 00:06:42,425 Oh, wait a second, you mean this one? Wow! 156 00:06:43,001 --> 00:06:44,468 Michael, you did all this? 157 00:06:44,536 --> 00:06:46,731 It's not about taking credit. Let's just say we all did it. 158 00:06:46,805 --> 00:06:48,796 Well, thank you, all of you. 159 00:06:48,874 --> 00:06:52,105 Well, it was actually me alone, so... 160 00:06:52,177 --> 00:06:53,576 Wow, look at this place. 161 00:06:53,645 --> 00:06:55,510 It really makes me want to go to Italy someday. 162 00:06:55,580 --> 00:06:58,481 Oh, you'll love it. You can have my guidebooks. 163 00:06:58,550 --> 00:07:00,415 I think I'm done with those really long plane rides. 164 00:07:00,485 --> 00:07:02,316 Thank you for... 165 00:07:02,387 --> 00:07:04,082 Thanks for lending me the books. 166 00:07:04,189 --> 00:07:07,647 So, Mom, which birthday are we celebrating this year? 167 00:07:07,726 --> 00:07:08,852 Sticking with 49. 168 00:07:08,927 --> 00:07:10,258 Forty-nine again? 169 00:07:10,328 --> 00:07:13,388 That's nine years in a row. This is now our longest family tradition. 170 00:07:13,465 --> 00:07:15,194 That's funny. 171 00:07:15,267 --> 00:07:17,064 Well, as long as we're running numbers, Pam, 172 00:07:17,135 --> 00:07:18,363 help me out with this one. 173 00:07:18,437 --> 00:07:20,871 Let's see, honey, you're six months pregnant, 174 00:07:20,939 --> 00:07:24,500 but you've only been married for 30 days, so what does that add up to? 175 00:07:24,576 --> 00:07:28,512 Ooh, burn, burn on you. And a little bit on me, too. 176 00:07:28,580 --> 00:07:30,639 You're 54 years old. 177 00:07:30,715 --> 00:07:32,580 No, I'm 58. 178 00:07:33,952 --> 00:07:35,214 You're 58 years old? 179 00:07:35,287 --> 00:07:36,447 Uh-huh. 180 00:07:37,022 --> 00:07:38,649 Congratulations. 181 00:07:38,723 --> 00:07:41,283 The only time you should care about a woman's age 182 00:07:41,359 --> 00:07:42,883 is if she is too young for you. 183 00:07:42,961 --> 00:07:46,021 And I am not robbing the cradle. 184 00:07:46,097 --> 00:07:49,464 If anything, I am robbing the grave. 185 00:07:50,769 --> 00:07:52,464 Mom, have you decided what you want to be called? 186 00:07:52,537 --> 00:07:56,473 I mean, I like Nana, but I also like the classic Grandma. 187 00:07:56,541 --> 00:07:58,566 Please be Grandma. I want you to be Grandma. Definitely a Grandma. 188 00:07:58,643 --> 00:08:01,134 Michael. What do you think? Grandma? 189 00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:02,904 Uh-huh. 190 00:08:02,981 --> 00:08:04,448 Yay! Grandma. 191 00:08:09,888 --> 00:08:12,880 Hey, would you guys ever do a triathlon, you think? 192 00:08:12,958 --> 00:08:14,084 Maybe. 193 00:08:14,159 --> 00:08:15,251 Helene? 194 00:08:15,327 --> 00:08:16,885 No. I don't think so. 195 00:08:16,962 --> 00:08:19,226 I am. I'm definitely going to do it. 196 00:08:19,297 --> 00:08:21,629 I've already got the run and the bike thing down, 197 00:08:21,700 --> 00:08:24,635 just need to learn how to swim. Come on, you in? 198 00:08:24,703 --> 00:08:28,434 No, no. I think a triathlon is pretty much something I can rule out. 199 00:08:28,507 --> 00:08:30,668 I don't know, it just doesn't interest me. 200 00:08:30,742 --> 00:08:33,506 So, it's a matter of interest. Good. Okay. 201 00:08:33,578 --> 00:08:36,547 It's not anything you would have ever done? 202 00:08:36,615 --> 00:08:38,014 I might have done it when I was younger, 203 00:08:38,083 --> 00:08:40,074 but now there are just other things I'd rather be doing 204 00:08:40,151 --> 00:08:41,618 than running and jumping and swimming... 205 00:08:41,686 --> 00:08:44,120 Well, there's no jumping in a triathlon. Oh! 206 00:08:44,189 --> 00:08:45,588 You're thinking the broad jump. 207 00:08:45,657 --> 00:08:48,683 Would you try bungee jumping? No. 208 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:50,921 Snowboarding? No, no, you want to go snowboarding? 209 00:08:50,996 --> 00:08:52,691 I might, I might. 210 00:08:52,764 --> 00:08:54,595 Michael, what are you talking about? 211 00:08:56,201 --> 00:08:58,499 Nothing, just life 212 00:09:00,238 --> 00:09:05,039 and doing things before you die. I don't know. 213 00:09:05,610 --> 00:09:08,807 Do I really want to go snowboarding? No. 214 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:12,077 But I would like to if I wanted to. 215 00:09:17,822 --> 00:09:18,880 What's going on in here? 216 00:09:18,957 --> 00:09:20,049 Andy bought lunch. 217 00:09:20,125 --> 00:09:21,752 Oh, no, really? 218 00:09:21,826 --> 00:09:22,850 Yep, yep. 219 00:09:22,928 --> 00:09:25,419 Took a page right out of the old Schrute book of niceness. 220 00:09:25,497 --> 00:09:27,658 There is no book, there's only a survival guide. 221 00:09:27,732 --> 00:09:29,996 You bought breakfast for everyone, 222 00:09:30,068 --> 00:09:31,399 so I got lunch for everyone. 223 00:09:31,469 --> 00:09:34,370 Okay, well, allow me. You know what? 224 00:09:34,439 --> 00:09:37,237 Gosh, these tacos are awfully complicated to make. 225 00:09:37,309 --> 00:09:39,436 I will make everyone's tacos! 226 00:09:41,780 --> 00:09:42,974 So we should get the check. 227 00:09:43,048 --> 00:09:44,948 What about your gift, Michael? Whoa, no, no, no. 228 00:09:45,016 --> 00:09:47,576 No, it's stupid. You'd hate it, I hate it. 229 00:09:47,652 --> 00:09:49,176 I'm sure I won't. Yes, you will. 230 00:09:49,254 --> 00:09:52,121 He locked himself in his office all morning working on it. 231 00:09:52,190 --> 00:09:54,158 Give me. Look at this wrapping paper. 232 00:09:54,225 --> 00:09:56,659 It's got the word "love" on it in every language. 233 00:09:56,728 --> 00:10:00,926 I literally... I put no thought into the wrapping at all. 234 00:10:00,999 --> 00:10:03,365 Might as well have been toilet paper. 235 00:10:03,435 --> 00:10:05,733 Toilet paper. Let's see. 236 00:10:05,804 --> 00:10:10,434 "A scrapbook of our first memories, by Michael Gary Scott, 237 00:10:10,508 --> 00:10:13,875 "for my girlfriend, Helene, on your birthday." 238 00:10:13,945 --> 00:10:16,539 That's just an arbitrary title. 239 00:10:16,615 --> 00:10:17,980 Okay, here's a penny. 240 00:10:18,049 --> 00:10:19,539 What's that from? Penny for your thoughts. 241 00:10:19,618 --> 00:10:21,347 It was from the wishing well at the mall. 242 00:10:21,419 --> 00:10:25,515 You threw it in, I went back later, waded in, and I found it. 243 00:10:25,590 --> 00:10:26,579 That's amazing. 244 00:10:26,658 --> 00:10:30,992 It's not amazing at all. It's sort of weird that I went and did that. 245 00:10:31,062 --> 00:10:34,225 And now your wish won't come true, so that blows. 246 00:10:34,299 --> 00:10:37,200 A poem. Oh, that I plagiarized, I think. 247 00:10:37,268 --> 00:10:41,204 "I cannot go to school today said little Peggy Ann McKay" 248 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:43,068 Shel Silverstein? Yeah. 249 00:10:43,141 --> 00:10:44,665 "I have the measles and the mumps 250 00:10:44,743 --> 00:10:47,007 "a gash, a rash, and purple bumps 251 00:10:47,078 --> 00:10:48,670 "And my teacher's really mean 252 00:10:48,747 --> 00:10:52,183 "Happy Birthday, I love you, Helene." 253 00:10:52,250 --> 00:10:54,218 It's really nice, Michael. 254 00:10:54,285 --> 00:10:55,513 I think it sucks. 255 00:10:56,488 --> 00:10:58,217 I think it's wonderful, absolutely wonderful. 256 00:10:58,289 --> 00:11:00,280 Well, that's because you and I have very different tastes, 257 00:11:00,358 --> 00:11:02,258 and you like lame things. 258 00:11:02,327 --> 00:11:05,455 It's a generational sort of gap between us. 259 00:11:05,530 --> 00:11:08,158 Oh, God, a scrapbook. 260 00:11:08,233 --> 00:11:09,495 Home run, Michael. 261 00:11:09,567 --> 00:11:10,932 You set the bar so high. 262 00:11:11,002 --> 00:11:12,060 That was a bunt. 263 00:11:13,838 --> 00:11:15,999 Whoa, whoa, whoa, Dwight, I'm going to do this. 264 00:11:16,074 --> 00:11:18,201 Hey, hey, hey, relax. I got it covered. 265 00:11:18,276 --> 00:11:19,470 No, I insist. 266 00:11:19,544 --> 00:11:21,478 No, no, no, no, no, I insist. 267 00:11:23,148 --> 00:11:25,013 Okay, Dwight, this is ridiculous. 268 00:11:25,083 --> 00:11:27,278 Don't worry about it, you can just owe me. 269 00:11:27,686 --> 00:11:30,018 Hey, where'd you go? 270 00:11:30,088 --> 00:11:31,521 Oh, I just went to the bathroom. 271 00:11:31,589 --> 00:11:33,989 And then you stopped at the bar on the way back? 272 00:11:34,059 --> 00:11:35,583 Got thirsty. 273 00:11:35,660 --> 00:11:38,026 Okay, weirdo. Come on, it's time for cake. 274 00:11:38,096 --> 00:11:39,393 Okay. 275 00:11:39,464 --> 00:11:40,692 Honestly, for a long time, 276 00:11:40,765 --> 00:11:43,563 I thought I was going to grow old with Holly. 277 00:11:44,102 --> 00:11:47,902 And then I met Helene, and she is great, 278 00:11:47,972 --> 00:11:51,567 and she already knows and has done everything 279 00:11:51,643 --> 00:11:56,410 that I have ever wanted to do and can tell me about it. 280 00:11:57,782 --> 00:12:01,912 But I think I want to do those things myself. 281 00:12:02,220 --> 00:12:03,244 Cake's really good. 282 00:12:03,321 --> 00:12:06,256 I know. I love when they use butter-cream frosting. 283 00:12:06,324 --> 00:12:07,916 Finish your cake, Helene. 284 00:12:08,827 --> 00:12:11,227 I want you to enjoy that cake 285 00:12:11,296 --> 00:12:13,696 because I have something terrible I need to tell you. 286 00:12:13,765 --> 00:12:17,326 And I want you to enjoy your cake 287 00:12:17,402 --> 00:12:20,530 before I tell you this terrible, terrible thing. 288 00:12:23,875 --> 00:12:27,311 Helene, I think you're a wonderful person and I... 289 00:12:27,378 --> 00:12:29,243 God, I've enjoyed dating you 290 00:12:29,314 --> 00:12:31,111 and being your boyfriend so much, 291 00:12:31,182 --> 00:12:36,950 but I have to consider Pam's feelings as a friend and a coworker. 292 00:12:37,021 --> 00:12:41,287 I cannot, in good conscience, continue to date you, 293 00:12:41,359 --> 00:12:43,418 when I know what this is doing to her. 294 00:12:43,495 --> 00:12:46,396 Michael. Michael, it's okay. 295 00:12:46,464 --> 00:12:47,761 No, it's not. 296 00:12:47,832 --> 00:12:50,300 I know that it took me a little while to come around, 297 00:12:50,368 --> 00:12:53,360 and it's still a little weird to get used to, 298 00:12:54,672 --> 00:12:57,505 but you obviously make my mom very happy. 299 00:12:58,209 --> 00:13:00,177 And that makes me happy. 300 00:13:01,045 --> 00:13:03,775 Wow, that just... You've really grown. 301 00:13:04,816 --> 00:13:07,410 Well... Oh, thank you, Pam. 302 00:13:07,485 --> 00:13:11,785 And I hope you are as gracious during this next part. 303 00:13:13,491 --> 00:13:16,551 Helene, once again, you are a wonderful person, 304 00:13:16,628 --> 00:13:18,095 and you have lived a great life, 305 00:13:18,163 --> 00:13:21,894 and I envy it, and I want it someday, but just in the future. 306 00:13:22,867 --> 00:13:25,358 You need somebody who understands your references. 307 00:13:25,436 --> 00:13:26,562 Who is Kafka-esque? 308 00:13:26,638 --> 00:13:28,731 I've never... I don't know him. 309 00:13:30,441 --> 00:13:33,774 There's another woman, and her name is Italy, 310 00:13:33,845 --> 00:13:36,143 and skydiving, and bungee jumping. 311 00:13:36,447 --> 00:13:37,641 Okay, so... 312 00:13:37,715 --> 00:13:39,080 And I want kids. 313 00:13:39,150 --> 00:13:42,051 And you, unfortunately, have already completed 314 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:43,951 that part of your journey down there. Michael. 315 00:13:44,022 --> 00:13:46,047 It's not my decision, it's Mother Nature. 316 00:13:46,124 --> 00:13:48,922 And Mother has very strict rules about 317 00:13:57,035 --> 00:13:58,502 fertility. 318 00:13:58,570 --> 00:14:00,765 I got it. 319 00:14:01,739 --> 00:14:04,731 I'm 58. What am I supposed to do now? 320 00:14:05,877 --> 00:14:07,708 Well, hobbies. Stop. 321 00:14:11,282 --> 00:14:13,477 What's going on? Stupid thing wedged up there. 322 00:14:13,551 --> 00:14:14,745 No one in this office will help me. 323 00:14:14,819 --> 00:14:16,252 Yeah, move it. 324 00:14:16,321 --> 00:14:18,789 What if Dwight dies and I still owe him something? 325 00:14:18,857 --> 00:14:20,791 That is a recipe for a ghost. 326 00:14:20,859 --> 00:14:22,759 Oh, yeah, you're gonna owe me big time. 327 00:14:22,827 --> 00:14:24,158 Looks like a little envelope, there you go. 328 00:14:24,229 --> 00:14:26,197 Yup. Got it. "To Dwight"? 329 00:14:30,201 --> 00:14:31,327 Starbucks gift card. 330 00:14:31,402 --> 00:14:32,960 Surprise! 331 00:14:33,838 --> 00:14:36,807 It's from everybody. $15 value. 332 00:14:38,877 --> 00:14:41,539 Damn it! I am no closer to taking Jim down. 333 00:14:41,913 --> 00:14:43,676 What a waste of a day. 334 00:14:43,748 --> 00:14:47,582 I could've grown poison mushrooms that'd be this high by now! 335 00:14:48,419 --> 00:14:50,683 They're mushrooms, they don't get that high. 336 00:14:51,556 --> 00:14:53,717 Pamela Beesly-Halpert. What? 337 00:14:53,791 --> 00:14:55,383 May I have a word with you in my office, please? 338 00:14:55,460 --> 00:14:56,449 I am working. 339 00:14:56,527 --> 00:14:59,519 Well, this is a work-related matter. 340 00:14:59,597 --> 00:15:01,064 Really? Yes. 341 00:15:01,933 --> 00:15:03,264 Really? Yes. 342 00:15:03,334 --> 00:15:04,995 Join me, please, won't you? 343 00:15:09,274 --> 00:15:10,935 I'm going to give you a raise, Pam. 344 00:15:11,009 --> 00:15:12,067 Why? 345 00:15:12,143 --> 00:15:14,304 Because of all the good work you've done. 346 00:15:14,379 --> 00:15:16,347 I have the lowest sales record of anyone here. 347 00:15:16,414 --> 00:15:18,575 Don't, no. It's not about numbers Pam, 348 00:15:18,650 --> 00:15:19,981 it's about attitude. 349 00:15:20,051 --> 00:15:22,884 I have the worst attitude of any person here. 350 00:15:22,954 --> 00:15:25,514 Do you want the raise or what? 351 00:15:25,590 --> 00:15:26,648 Yeah, I'll take it. 352 00:15:26,724 --> 00:15:28,749 Okay, hey. Pam, Pam. 353 00:15:28,826 --> 00:15:31,420 With this raise, there are strings attached. 354 00:15:31,496 --> 00:15:37,264 And that string is attached from my heart to your mean attitude. 355 00:15:37,335 --> 00:15:38,597 You're bribing me? 356 00:15:38,670 --> 00:15:41,833 No, no. No, I am not. Unless you want me to. 357 00:15:41,906 --> 00:15:43,032 Do you want me to? 358 00:15:43,107 --> 00:15:45,371 Because I will, I will bribe you. 359 00:15:45,443 --> 00:15:51,848 No, your face is saying don't, unless I haven't offered you enough. 360 00:15:53,685 --> 00:15:55,676 Your face isn't changing. 361 00:15:56,387 --> 00:15:58,617 What is it? Talk to me, face. 362 00:15:58,690 --> 00:16:00,590 Tell me what Pam's brain is thinking. 363 00:16:02,193 --> 00:16:04,559 Come on, what do you want? What do you want? 364 00:16:04,629 --> 00:16:07,120 Do you want a million dollars? Do you want to hit me? 365 00:16:07,198 --> 00:16:08,825 Do you want me to get down on one knee and beg you? 366 00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:10,925 I want to hit you. What? 367 00:16:11,002 --> 00:16:12,697 I want to hit you. I'll do that. 368 00:16:13,871 --> 00:16:15,634 Okay. 369 00:16:15,707 --> 00:16:18,005 What? I don't... Are you kidding? 370 00:16:18,076 --> 00:16:19,168 No, are you kidding? 371 00:16:19,243 --> 00:16:21,438 No, I don't... 372 00:16:21,512 --> 00:16:23,412 All right. Come on, I'll take off my jacket 373 00:16:23,481 --> 00:16:25,915 and tense my stomach and you just... 374 00:16:25,984 --> 00:16:29,750 No, I don't think I can hit you in the office. 375 00:16:29,821 --> 00:16:31,288 Okay. 376 00:16:31,356 --> 00:16:33,824 So, we'll do it after work. Hmm. 377 00:16:33,891 --> 00:16:36,519 In the parking lot, in front of everyone. 378 00:16:37,428 --> 00:16:38,759 I'm going to hit you as hard as I can. 379 00:16:38,830 --> 00:16:40,593 Okay. 380 00:16:40,665 --> 00:16:41,689 Okay. Okay. 381 00:16:41,766 --> 00:16:43,700 See you then. See you. 382 00:16:47,572 --> 00:16:48,664 Hey. Hi. 383 00:16:48,740 --> 00:16:50,605 Quick question. Yeah. 384 00:16:51,409 --> 00:16:53,070 Are you scared? 385 00:16:53,144 --> 00:16:54,509 Never. 386 00:16:54,579 --> 00:16:56,706 About what? A little. What are you talking about? 387 00:16:56,781 --> 00:16:58,715 We heard about the punch. What punch? 388 00:16:58,783 --> 00:17:01,650 Pam. She's going to punch the crap out of your face after work. 389 00:17:01,719 --> 00:17:03,687 I'm pretty sure we said slap. 390 00:17:03,755 --> 00:17:06,656 No, it's a punch and Pam has that crazy pregnancy strength now. 391 00:17:06,724 --> 00:17:09,750 I'm getting concerned that you don't seem to understand 392 00:17:09,827 --> 00:17:12,193 what's going to happen. Do you? 393 00:17:13,097 --> 00:17:15,327 I'm good. 394 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:16,389 All right. See you there. 395 00:17:17,969 --> 00:17:19,527 Hey. Hey. 396 00:17:19,604 --> 00:17:21,868 Do you and Pam ever get frisky? Inappropriate. 397 00:17:21,939 --> 00:17:24,772 I mean, do you ever wrestle with each other? 398 00:17:24,842 --> 00:17:26,070 All the time. Really? 399 00:17:26,144 --> 00:17:27,168 Yeah. She's strong? 400 00:17:27,245 --> 00:17:28,269 She wants it bad, Michael. 401 00:17:28,346 --> 00:17:29,540 Can you stop this? 402 00:17:29,614 --> 00:17:31,548 I can. Okay. 403 00:17:31,616 --> 00:17:33,550 And I don't support her choice to hit you. 404 00:17:33,618 --> 00:17:34,778 I don't, either. 405 00:17:34,852 --> 00:17:37,184 But at the same time, she goes crazy, 406 00:17:37,255 --> 00:17:39,689 and I do understand her reasoning. 407 00:17:39,757 --> 00:17:41,884 Mmm-hmm. I know. 408 00:17:41,959 --> 00:17:43,950 I just need some time. I need some time to think about it. 409 00:17:44,028 --> 00:17:45,757 You got to do... Give me some time to make a decision. 410 00:17:45,830 --> 00:17:48,390 How much time do you need? No more than a week, maybe two weeks. 411 00:17:48,466 --> 00:17:49,455 Come on, man. 412 00:17:49,801 --> 00:17:51,962 Pam, can I talk to you for a second? 413 00:17:52,036 --> 00:17:54,300 I heard about the hit. Just to be sure, 414 00:17:54,372 --> 00:17:55,964 it's off company property, right? Right. 415 00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:58,440 Yeah, okay, I think we should probably be okay. 416 00:17:58,509 --> 00:17:59,942 Okay. Okay. 417 00:18:00,445 --> 00:18:05,508 And the power comes from the back foot. 418 00:18:06,350 --> 00:18:09,444 So, it's all one motion through the body. 419 00:18:10,088 --> 00:18:14,252 So, there's... You stay a little low and there's a twist, 420 00:18:14,325 --> 00:18:15,656 and you keep your shoulder down. 421 00:18:15,726 --> 00:18:17,956 And you kind of throw out the arm. 422 00:18:19,764 --> 00:18:23,359 Okay, wait, you're saying it comes from the foot? 423 00:18:23,434 --> 00:18:24,423 Yes. 424 00:18:24,502 --> 00:18:25,526 Okay. 425 00:18:26,504 --> 00:18:28,096 Yeah. Okay. 426 00:18:29,207 --> 00:18:30,231 Hey, everybody. 427 00:18:30,308 --> 00:18:32,902 He's not in the men's room, although the seat was warm, 428 00:18:32,977 --> 00:18:34,410 so we may have just missed him. 429 00:18:34,479 --> 00:18:35,741 My money's on Pam. 430 00:18:35,813 --> 00:18:38,577 It's not a fight. What other outcome could there be? 431 00:18:38,649 --> 00:18:39,707 Michael could win. 432 00:18:39,784 --> 00:18:41,615 How? He can't hit back. 433 00:18:41,686 --> 00:18:44,712 Why can't you just agree with me sometimes? 434 00:18:44,789 --> 00:18:47,155 Am I scared of getting hit in the face? No. 435 00:18:47,225 --> 00:18:50,251 Every day, weirdos pay dominatrixes hundreds of dollars 436 00:18:50,328 --> 00:18:52,023 for that very privilege. 437 00:18:52,096 --> 00:18:55,793 I'm scared I'm going to love it. Let's do this. 438 00:18:56,734 --> 00:18:59,726 It's okay, guys. I can handle this. Everybody can go home. 439 00:18:59,804 --> 00:19:01,772 We're here for the show, Michael. 440 00:19:01,839 --> 00:19:03,932 You're just a bunch of voyeurs. 441 00:19:04,008 --> 00:19:05,100 Are you eating popcorn? 442 00:19:05,176 --> 00:19:06,473 It has almost no calories. 443 00:19:06,544 --> 00:19:07,875 You ready? 444 00:19:09,046 --> 00:19:10,138 Yes. 445 00:19:11,349 --> 00:19:14,045 You have to keep your hands down. I know. 446 00:19:14,886 --> 00:19:17,013 Okay. All right. 447 00:19:18,422 --> 00:19:19,446 Oh, God! 448 00:19:19,524 --> 00:19:20,821 Michael, you have to keep your hands down. 449 00:19:20,892 --> 00:19:22,189 Put your hands in your pockets. 450 00:19:22,260 --> 00:19:23,557 Okay! 451 00:19:29,934 --> 00:19:31,231 Pam, Pam. 452 00:19:33,204 --> 00:19:35,138 I'm really sorry. I'm sorry. 453 00:19:35,206 --> 00:19:37,071 What are you sorry for? So many things. 454 00:19:37,141 --> 00:19:38,608 I don't know, it's hard to choose. 455 00:19:38,676 --> 00:19:39,768 How about for dating my mom? 456 00:19:39,844 --> 00:19:40,902 Maybe that's it. 457 00:19:40,978 --> 00:19:42,309 And dumping her on her birthday? 458 00:19:42,380 --> 00:19:43,608 Yes. 459 00:19:46,851 --> 00:19:53,222 Okay, just don't ever date a member of my family again. 460 00:19:55,026 --> 00:19:56,653 Okay, I promise. 461 00:19:57,862 --> 00:20:00,592 For the record, your mom came on to me. 462 00:20:02,233 --> 00:20:03,564 Holy crap! 463 00:20:06,070 --> 00:20:08,197 Are you okay? No! 464 00:20:08,272 --> 00:20:09,671 You're okay. 465 00:20:11,008 --> 00:20:12,066 Feel better? 466 00:20:12,143 --> 00:20:13,542 No, you were right. 467 00:20:16,581 --> 00:20:17,639 Wait, why are you limping? 468 00:20:17,715 --> 00:20:19,046 I don't know. 469 00:20:19,116 --> 00:20:20,879 Let's get some raw meat on that face. 470 00:20:20,952 --> 00:20:22,977 I've got a chicken in the freezer upstairs. 471 00:20:23,054 --> 00:20:27,514 As I watched Pam's big, strong hand coming toward my face, 472 00:20:27,592 --> 00:20:30,686 I saw my entire life flash before my eyes. 473 00:20:30,761 --> 00:20:33,229 And guess what? I have four kids. 474 00:20:34,699 --> 00:20:38,157 And I have a hover car and a hover house. 475 00:20:38,236 --> 00:20:41,137 And my wife is a runner, and it shows. 476 00:20:42,173 --> 00:20:46,701 And Pam and Jim are my best friends, and our kids play together. 477 00:20:46,777 --> 00:20:49,974 And I'm happy. 478 00:20:50,047 --> 00:20:52,538 And I am rich and I never die. 479 00:20:54,919 --> 00:20:58,184 It doesn't sound like much, but it's enough for me. 480 00:20:59,790 --> 00:21:01,781 Good, good, just keep it on there for another five minutes. 481 00:21:01,859 --> 00:21:04,760 It's cold, Dwight. Let the swelling go down. 482 00:21:04,829 --> 00:21:08,287 Oh, thank you. Thanks. I owe you one, Dwight. 483 00:21:10,968 --> 00:21:12,094 Fire Jim. 484 00:21:12,169 --> 00:21:13,636 No. 485 00:21:13,704 --> 00:21:15,433 I'm cashing in the favor, fire him. 486 00:21:15,506 --> 00:21:16,564 What are you talking... Do it. 487 00:21:16,641 --> 00:21:18,370 Promote me. Tri-managers. 488 00:21:18,442 --> 00:21:19,500 Forget that. 489 00:21:19,577 --> 00:21:20,635 Can I have an office? No. 490 00:21:20,711 --> 00:21:22,440 You know what, you can keep your stupid favor. 491 00:21:22,513 --> 00:21:23,844 It's worthless. 492 00:21:23,914 --> 00:21:27,179 And this is my dinner on your face, I'm keeping it. 493 00:21:27,985 --> 00:21:29,850 Oh, that feels better.