1 00:00:02,067 --> 00:00:06,060 And then, I think I'm going to go to the garlic festival. 2 00:00:06,138 --> 00:00:08,197 Wow. Sounds like fun. You guys would love it. 3 00:00:08,273 --> 00:00:10,070 No, we wouldn't. They have a TCBY booth. 4 00:00:10,142 --> 00:00:11,973 Cool. Same stuff you get downtown. 5 00:00:12,044 --> 00:00:13,636 Do you like TCBY? Who doesn't? 6 00:00:13,712 --> 00:00:18,911 "I can't believe it's yogurt." It'll be fun. 7 00:00:18,984 --> 00:00:22,283 I confirmed with Raskin Design and they're expecting the both of you in an hour. 8 00:00:22,354 --> 00:00:24,049 Oh, actually, it's just going to be me. 9 00:00:24,123 --> 00:00:25,750 They said the both of you. 10 00:00:25,824 --> 00:00:26,984 That's a mistake. 11 00:00:27,059 --> 00:00:29,186 You should give them a call, check that out. 12 00:00:29,261 --> 00:00:31,627 All right, just clear this up. 13 00:00:31,697 --> 00:00:33,995 Well, there's actually been a few changes in the company, 14 00:00:34,066 --> 00:00:36,500 and Michael and I are actually at the same level. 15 00:00:36,568 --> 00:00:38,832 So, I can... No. 16 00:00:39,838 --> 00:00:41,635 No, why would that be a problem? 17 00:00:41,707 --> 00:00:43,504 Jim's a good kid, he can handle a lot, 18 00:00:43,575 --> 00:00:47,443 but sometimes you have to call in a master. 19 00:00:48,647 --> 00:00:52,583 Why would you date an amateur when you could date a professional? 20 00:00:53,052 --> 00:00:55,179 Great. See you then. 21 00:00:55,254 --> 00:00:56,619 What? 22 00:00:56,688 --> 00:00:59,714 They said that they would feel more comfortable if you came along. 23 00:00:59,792 --> 00:01:01,726 Why don't they just want you to go by yourself? 24 00:01:01,794 --> 00:01:04,228 Why do they want me to come, too? I don't understand. 25 00:01:04,296 --> 00:01:06,264 I absolutely don't understand, either. 26 00:01:06,331 --> 00:01:10,233 I don't want you to feel like I'm babysitting you or something. 27 00:01:10,669 --> 00:01:12,637 All right. All right. 28 00:01:12,704 --> 00:01:15,298 Let me go get your stroller. 29 00:01:16,141 --> 00:01:18,473 Sure. Michael's a good teacher. 30 00:01:18,544 --> 00:01:20,409 A teacher is someone who stands 31 00:01:20,479 --> 00:01:21,912 right next to you your whole life 32 00:01:21,980 --> 00:01:23,880 and never lets you do anything. 33 00:01:23,949 --> 00:01:25,814 That's what a teacher is, right? 34 00:01:47,139 --> 00:01:48,231 What are you going to call him? Dave. 35 00:01:48,307 --> 00:01:50,207 No. What is his name? Dave. 36 00:01:50,275 --> 00:01:52,334 Mr. Borchard. They're very formal. 37 00:01:52,411 --> 00:01:53,810 Yeah. I've spoken to them on the phone. 38 00:01:53,879 --> 00:01:56,347 Yeah, well, this is not the phone. 39 00:01:56,415 --> 00:01:59,816 This is real life, baby, and you got to own it. 40 00:01:59,885 --> 00:02:01,250 Is that what you are wearing? 41 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:02,344 Yes, it is. 42 00:02:02,421 --> 00:02:05,447 And that is the watch that you are going to wear? 43 00:02:05,524 --> 00:02:08,584 No, it is not. You should wear this watch. 44 00:02:08,660 --> 00:02:09,888 I will loan it to you. 45 00:02:09,962 --> 00:02:12,487 It is a Tankard. I highly recommend you wear that. 46 00:02:12,564 --> 00:02:14,498 No, thanks. They are into style. 47 00:02:14,566 --> 00:02:15,555 Mmm-hmm. 48 00:02:15,634 --> 00:02:17,602 They are into appearance. We are selling success. 49 00:02:17,669 --> 00:02:20,263 And paper. That's sort of secondary. 50 00:02:20,839 --> 00:02:22,466 Nope. No. 51 00:02:22,808 --> 00:02:25,675 He's trying to micro co-manage me. 52 00:02:25,744 --> 00:02:29,942 Or co-micromanage me. 53 00:02:31,150 --> 00:02:33,118 Here we are outside of the Wilkes-Barre... W.B. 54 00:02:33,185 --> 00:02:35,619 ...lndustrial Park. Industrial P. 55 00:02:36,288 --> 00:02:37,721 Making cold calls. 56 00:02:37,789 --> 00:02:39,552 The two people with the lowest sales 57 00:02:39,625 --> 00:02:40,819 in the quarter have to do them. 58 00:02:42,127 --> 00:02:45,688 Palpabon Drilling, where are you 59 00:02:45,764 --> 00:02:49,723 Dean Trophies, suite 100 60 00:02:49,801 --> 00:02:53,032 Sherman Blinds & Rugs, suite 202 61 00:02:53,105 --> 00:02:54,129 Here it is. 62 00:02:54,206 --> 00:02:55,366 Palpabon Drilling 63 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:56,964 Suite 401. 64 00:02:57,042 --> 00:02:58,532 Yeah, I was going to sing that part. 65 00:02:58,610 --> 00:02:59,736 I know. Now you don't have to. 66 00:02:59,811 --> 00:03:02,006 Well, except it was going to resolve the melody, 67 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:03,741 so now my head hurts. 68 00:03:03,815 --> 00:03:05,749 It feels like I held in a sneeze. 69 00:03:05,817 --> 00:03:08,786 I hate this feeling. 70 00:03:10,422 --> 00:03:13,550 Suite 401 71 00:03:16,662 --> 00:03:18,254 All right. 72 00:03:19,331 --> 00:03:20,423 Hi. Any messages? 73 00:03:20,499 --> 00:03:21,523 You're soaking wet. 74 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:23,591 Oh, well, Jim and I got caught in a little 75 00:03:23,669 --> 00:03:26,866 flash rain, flash winds, flash lightning. 76 00:03:26,939 --> 00:03:28,566 Wow. Sounds scary. 77 00:03:28,640 --> 00:03:32,132 It was. It was. And then in an instant, it wasn't. 78 00:03:32,578 --> 00:03:33,704 Why isn't Jim wet? 79 00:03:33,779 --> 00:03:34,837 I outran it. 80 00:03:34,913 --> 00:03:37,814 I don't think it rained. My hip would be throbbing. 81 00:03:37,883 --> 00:03:39,817 It rained. Michael, can I get you something? 82 00:03:39,885 --> 00:03:41,011 A towel, some cocoa? 83 00:03:41,086 --> 00:03:42,849 Nothing. Cocoa. 84 00:03:43,555 --> 00:03:44,988 I'll just leave that suit in your office, then? 85 00:03:45,057 --> 00:03:47,025 Good, yeah. 86 00:03:47,192 --> 00:03:49,319 Must be nice to have company on these cold calls. 87 00:03:49,394 --> 00:03:51,919 We're kind of a dynamic duo. 88 00:03:51,997 --> 00:03:53,225 Or trio. 89 00:03:53,498 --> 00:03:56,467 How exciting! Do you guys know the sex yet? 90 00:03:57,069 --> 00:03:58,434 Oh, no, no. 91 00:04:00,072 --> 00:04:03,007 We're not together. No, no, no. Definitely not. 92 00:04:04,076 --> 00:04:07,045 Definitely not. No, we just work together. 93 00:04:07,713 --> 00:04:11,012 Looks like somebody's got a case of the definitelys. 94 00:04:14,853 --> 00:04:17,913 Michael, the custodian from Raskin Design is on the line. 95 00:04:17,990 --> 00:04:19,719 He said they found your keys in the koi pond. 96 00:04:19,791 --> 00:04:21,383 Okay, thank you. 97 00:04:22,394 --> 00:04:24,089 Did you say koi pond? 98 00:04:25,897 --> 00:04:28,695 Yeah? Michael, people are asking questions. 99 00:04:28,767 --> 00:04:31,133 Okay. Put them on speaker. 100 00:04:31,203 --> 00:04:32,397 Hey, guys, what's going on? 101 00:04:32,471 --> 00:04:35,099 Hey, Michael, did you fall into a koi pond? 102 00:04:35,173 --> 00:04:38,506 I can't really hear you. I think we have sort of a bad connection. 103 00:04:38,577 --> 00:04:41,205 Jim, did Michael fall into a koi pond? 104 00:04:43,015 --> 00:04:46,007 It's like Michael said. It was something else. 105 00:04:46,084 --> 00:04:49,212 Okay, this is what it was. It was these bunch of idiots 106 00:04:49,288 --> 00:04:53,725 that had put a fish tank in the ground with no cover and no railing. 107 00:04:53,792 --> 00:04:54,918 So you fell in? No. 108 00:04:54,993 --> 00:04:57,461 Maybe I was trying to save a child that had fallen in. 109 00:04:57,529 --> 00:04:58,757 So a child had fallen in? 110 00:04:58,830 --> 00:05:00,024 Not yet. 111 00:05:00,098 --> 00:05:01,429 That is hilarious. 112 00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:03,991 No. Don't. I'm not going to bump. I'm not going to bump. 113 00:05:04,069 --> 00:05:07,732 And it was not hilarious. It was very, very terrifying. 114 00:05:09,908 --> 00:05:11,933 Truthfully, it wasn't the way he fell in. 115 00:05:12,010 --> 00:05:15,537 It was how long it took him to get out. 116 00:05:15,614 --> 00:05:18,481 And we'd like to offer you 15% off your first purchase 117 00:05:18,550 --> 00:05:20,916 as our way of welcoming you to the area. 118 00:05:20,986 --> 00:05:22,749 Well, that sounds like a really nice deal. 119 00:05:22,821 --> 00:05:23,845 Sha-bow! 120 00:05:23,922 --> 00:05:26,652 And I must say that since we are a family business, 121 00:05:26,725 --> 00:05:28,317 it's nice to see that you are, too. 122 00:05:28,393 --> 00:05:29,860 Oh! 123 00:05:29,928 --> 00:05:33,022 Wow. You thought that... 124 00:05:33,098 --> 00:05:35,658 Oh, my gosh. Definitely not. 125 00:05:35,734 --> 00:05:37,361 My mistake. I'm sorry. 126 00:05:37,436 --> 00:05:38,460 It's okay. 127 00:05:38,537 --> 00:05:41,529 Nah, actually, it's kind of not okay. 128 00:05:42,174 --> 00:05:44,642 I date models. Face models. 129 00:05:45,143 --> 00:05:49,375 My girlfriend, on a scale of one-to-Gisele, 130 00:05:51,116 --> 00:05:52,242 a nine. 131 00:05:52,317 --> 00:05:53,375 That's good for you. 132 00:05:53,452 --> 00:05:55,886 Anyway, we also have a special on envelopes... 133 00:05:55,954 --> 00:05:58,149 Pam's carrying our surrogate 134 00:05:58,223 --> 00:06:02,990 because my girlfriend needed to keep her figure for Fashion Week. 135 00:06:03,495 --> 00:06:05,725 So, we put our baby in Pam. 136 00:06:05,797 --> 00:06:07,560 It doesn't matter what Pam looks like. 137 00:06:08,633 --> 00:06:09,657 Yeah. 138 00:06:09,735 --> 00:06:11,965 You were way meaner to me than I was to you. 139 00:06:12,037 --> 00:06:13,868 No, I wasn't, okay? 140 00:06:13,939 --> 00:06:16,669 The very idea of us together made you burst out laughing 141 00:06:16,742 --> 00:06:19,711 like you just bit into an Adam Sandler and jelly sandwich. 142 00:06:19,778 --> 00:06:22,576 You blew the sale, you idiot! 143 00:06:22,647 --> 00:06:24,114 Let me tell you something. 144 00:06:24,182 --> 00:06:26,707 I was never going to make that sale. 145 00:06:27,519 --> 00:06:30,215 Erin, do we have any of those clips that hold paper together? 146 00:06:30,288 --> 00:06:31,516 Staples? 147 00:06:33,625 --> 00:06:35,058 David Wallace called. 148 00:06:35,127 --> 00:06:36,526 Oh, he did? What did he say? 149 00:06:36,595 --> 00:06:38,688 He heard you made a big splash at the meeting. 150 00:06:38,764 --> 00:06:40,959 Oh, my God, that was so mean what I just said, and I didn't mean it. 151 00:06:41,032 --> 00:06:42,522 It was Kevin and Meredith who put me up to it. 152 00:06:43,568 --> 00:06:44,626 Okay. 153 00:06:44,703 --> 00:06:46,330 I'm going to kill you. 154 00:06:46,405 --> 00:06:48,236 Michael, don't listen to them. 155 00:06:48,306 --> 00:06:49,295 Thank you, Stanley. 156 00:06:49,374 --> 00:06:51,433 You just ignore their carping. 157 00:06:51,510 --> 00:06:52,534 Okay. 158 00:06:52,611 --> 00:06:53,635 Michael? Yes. 159 00:06:53,712 --> 00:06:56,374 A carp is both a fish and a term for complaining. 160 00:06:56,448 --> 00:06:57,847 They're mocking you with word play. 161 00:06:57,916 --> 00:07:00,146 Hey, boss, did you find Nemo? 162 00:07:00,218 --> 00:07:02,345 I can name Pixar movies, too. 163 00:07:02,421 --> 00:07:04,855 Toy Story. Don't you mean Koi Story? 164 00:07:06,091 --> 00:07:08,787 And when you fell in, did you flounder? 165 00:07:09,761 --> 00:07:12,195 Michael, flounder is both a kind of a fish... 166 00:07:12,264 --> 00:07:13,595 I know what a flounder is. 167 00:07:14,099 --> 00:07:15,657 Hey, Michael. No! No! 168 00:07:15,734 --> 00:07:17,361 No more! That is it! 169 00:07:17,436 --> 00:07:19,199 Everybody in the conference room, right now! 170 00:07:19,738 --> 00:07:22,206 I'm not usually the butt of the joke. 171 00:07:22,274 --> 00:07:24,071 I'm usually the face of the joke. 172 00:07:26,511 --> 00:07:28,706 I wish Jim had fallen into that pond. 173 00:07:28,780 --> 00:07:30,407 Then he'd have to put on my suit, 174 00:07:30,482 --> 00:07:33,383 and it would be too short, and he'd look... 175 00:07:34,519 --> 00:07:36,453 Damn it, he'd still look good. 176 00:07:37,689 --> 00:07:40,180 The most fundamental thing about sensitivity training 177 00:07:40,258 --> 00:07:44,854 is that you cannot make fun of a person for something or some action 178 00:07:44,930 --> 00:07:47,330 that they have done that they regret. 179 00:07:47,432 --> 00:07:50,526 You can only make fun of things that they have control over. 180 00:07:51,069 --> 00:07:54,835 Like, Oscar is gay. That is his choice. 181 00:07:54,906 --> 00:07:59,343 We can make fun of that. I did not choose to fall into a koi pond. 182 00:07:59,411 --> 00:08:01,504 Michael, you still can't make fun of people 183 00:08:01,580 --> 00:08:04,310 for race or gender or sexual orientation or religion... 184 00:08:04,382 --> 00:08:06,680 Who let the lemonhead into the room? 185 00:08:06,751 --> 00:08:08,582 You are a waste of life and you should give up. 186 00:08:11,056 --> 00:08:13,820 Is what I want to say but I won't, 187 00:08:13,892 --> 00:08:16,861 because that is why we are doing this right now. 188 00:08:16,928 --> 00:08:20,523 So, Toby, welcome to sensitivity training for real. Show of hands. 189 00:08:20,866 --> 00:08:23,892 Who here has been koi-ponded? 190 00:08:24,503 --> 00:08:28,132 Who here has been the butt of a joke that has gone too far? 191 00:08:28,206 --> 00:08:31,369 Phyllis. Michael, you make fun of us every day. 192 00:08:31,443 --> 00:08:33,240 Yeah. Every single day. 193 00:08:33,311 --> 00:08:34,676 You never said anything. 194 00:08:34,746 --> 00:08:36,213 We have. Countless times. 195 00:08:36,281 --> 00:08:40,342 Well, it is hard to tell the difference between you guys saying, 196 00:08:40,418 --> 00:08:42,010 "Stop, because I want you to stop," 197 00:08:42,087 --> 00:08:46,023 or stop as in, "Stop, you're making me laugh so hard. 198 00:08:46,091 --> 00:08:48,855 "What you're doing is so funny. You're on a roll. 199 00:08:48,927 --> 00:08:50,690 "I am busting a gut. Stop!" 200 00:08:51,663 --> 00:08:53,153 That's never been the case. 201 00:08:53,231 --> 00:08:55,563 We are going to make 202 00:08:55,634 --> 00:09:01,595 a Do Not Mock list. 203 00:09:01,673 --> 00:09:06,838 Okay? Anything that we think might be out of bounds, we put on this list. 204 00:09:07,279 --> 00:09:10,612 Anything you put on this list, you cannot be teased about. 205 00:09:10,682 --> 00:09:11,740 Got it? 206 00:09:11,816 --> 00:09:13,374 I'm going to kick it off. 207 00:09:13,451 --> 00:09:19,219 Let's see what I have to put on the list, right? 208 00:09:19,291 --> 00:09:20,622 Okay. 209 00:09:20,692 --> 00:09:24,651 I also have fallen into the fountain at the Steamtown Mall. 210 00:09:24,729 --> 00:09:26,890 You fell into a second fountain? 211 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:30,461 Can you kick me out of the meeting now? 212 00:09:30,535 --> 00:09:31,968 Go. Go. 213 00:09:34,940 --> 00:09:38,341 Starting today, teasing will no longer be tolerated. 214 00:09:38,443 --> 00:09:41,139 You mean there's no teasing of any kind? 215 00:09:41,212 --> 00:09:44,648 No, no, no, just things that are on the list. That is the beauty of it. 216 00:09:44,716 --> 00:09:47,116 Okay, who else? Who else? Dwight, come on. 217 00:09:47,185 --> 00:09:49,085 I don't want people making fun of my nose. 218 00:09:49,154 --> 00:09:50,621 Your nose? 219 00:09:51,289 --> 00:09:52,586 It's too small. 220 00:09:52,657 --> 00:09:56,593 The geometric proportions of my face are perfect in every way but one. 221 00:09:57,495 --> 00:09:59,429 My nose is too small. 222 00:09:59,497 --> 00:10:01,488 I mean, it still works. I can smell things. 223 00:10:01,566 --> 00:10:04,763 I just have to be a lot closer than most people. 224 00:10:05,503 --> 00:10:06,629 Oh, my. That is small. 225 00:10:06,705 --> 00:10:08,332 Just write it down, please. 226 00:10:08,406 --> 00:10:09,600 Can you breathe okay? 227 00:10:09,674 --> 00:10:11,266 What keeps your glasses on? 228 00:10:11,343 --> 00:10:12,742 Hey, it's on the list, everybody. 229 00:10:12,811 --> 00:10:15,109 No, I haven't finished writing. 230 00:10:15,180 --> 00:10:19,480 Did you sneeze it off? That's it. No more. Okay. 231 00:10:19,551 --> 00:10:21,576 Who else, who else? Everybody's going to get their chance. 232 00:10:21,653 --> 00:10:24,486 I don't want people making fun of my weight. 233 00:10:24,556 --> 00:10:26,751 Okay, that's too broad. It's got to be something else. 234 00:10:26,825 --> 00:10:28,986 How about your stomach? Yeah? 235 00:10:31,096 --> 00:10:34,327 Who else? I'm very sensitive about my petite figure. 236 00:10:34,599 --> 00:10:35,588 Oh, God. 237 00:10:36,267 --> 00:10:39,395 I am. I'm afraid of being thrown around like a football. 238 00:10:39,804 --> 00:10:42,204 Well, you know, Nicole Richie might think that you are fat. 239 00:10:42,273 --> 00:10:44,002 Does that make you feel better? 240 00:10:44,109 --> 00:10:45,133 Meredith? 241 00:10:45,210 --> 00:10:46,370 I don't want to say it out loud. 242 00:10:46,444 --> 00:10:49,072 Okay, fine. Come on up here, write it yourself. 243 00:10:49,147 --> 00:10:52,207 And don't sign your name to it, and nobody look. 244 00:10:53,518 --> 00:10:55,816 Everybody, look away, look away. 245 00:10:56,221 --> 00:10:58,416 Well, I really didn't want to put it on the board, 246 00:10:58,490 --> 00:11:00,754 but I thought maybe it was going to come out somehow. 247 00:11:00,825 --> 00:11:03,020 So, what are you going to do? 248 00:11:08,667 --> 00:11:09,656 Okay. 249 00:11:09,734 --> 00:11:11,429 Some of you may have noticed 250 00:11:11,503 --> 00:11:17,806 I'm in that kind of ill-defined relationship type of thing. 251 00:11:17,876 --> 00:11:19,309 Okay, what do you want me to write? 252 00:11:19,377 --> 00:11:21,072 Just put Kelly. Aw! 253 00:11:21,146 --> 00:11:22,135 That still going on? 254 00:11:22,213 --> 00:11:23,737 I will claw your tiny nose off. 255 00:11:23,815 --> 00:11:25,248 It's on the list. 256 00:11:25,316 --> 00:11:26,681 Creed, your turn. 257 00:11:26,751 --> 00:11:29,117 If I write it down, I can't be charged with it. 258 00:11:29,554 --> 00:11:30,714 No one said that. 259 00:11:31,156 --> 00:11:34,353 That is our sales pitch, and we are sticking to it. 260 00:11:35,660 --> 00:11:39,391 Well, you two are quite the salesmen, and a very cute couple. 261 00:11:40,532 --> 00:11:42,193 Well, it's... Oh... 262 00:11:44,069 --> 00:11:45,502 Thank you. Thank you. 263 00:11:45,570 --> 00:11:49,529 Some couples don't seem like a good match, but you two do. 264 00:11:49,607 --> 00:11:50,835 Well, you know. 265 00:11:50,909 --> 00:11:53,537 Yeah, you know, two peas in a pod. 266 00:11:53,611 --> 00:11:55,238 We complete each other. 267 00:11:55,313 --> 00:11:57,008 What can I say? She loves to cook... 268 00:11:57,082 --> 00:11:58,709 He loves to eat. 269 00:11:59,217 --> 00:12:00,445 I love to dance... 270 00:12:00,518 --> 00:12:01,678 I love to watch him dance. 271 00:12:01,753 --> 00:12:04,916 Yeah, right. Sometimes I'll just dance for hours in the living room. 272 00:12:04,989 --> 00:12:06,217 And I'll watch him. 273 00:12:06,291 --> 00:12:09,089 And a baby on the way? You must be so excited. 274 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:10,650 Mmm. Yes. 275 00:12:10,729 --> 00:12:12,959 Yeah, we are thrilled. Mmm-hmm. 276 00:12:13,031 --> 00:12:14,521 In fact, we spent the whole weekend 277 00:12:14,599 --> 00:12:16,863 researching various birthing coaches. 278 00:12:16,935 --> 00:12:17,924 Wasn't that fun, honey? 279 00:12:18,002 --> 00:12:19,128 It was, sweetie. Yeah. 280 00:12:19,204 --> 00:12:22,105 Oh, I know the best teacher. Her name is Miss Janet. 281 00:12:22,173 --> 00:12:23,401 Yeah, on Clearview Avenue. 282 00:12:23,475 --> 00:12:24,499 Yeah! 283 00:12:24,576 --> 00:12:25,668 Yeah. 284 00:12:26,377 --> 00:12:31,144 This sounds ridiculous, I know, but some people say that I eat like a squirrel. 285 00:12:31,216 --> 00:12:34,743 So now you're comparing yourself to a cute, tiny animal? 286 00:12:35,954 --> 00:12:36,978 Michael? Hmm? 287 00:12:37,055 --> 00:12:40,650 The custodian called again. Apparently a koi has died. 288 00:12:40,725 --> 00:12:41,817 Oh, man! 289 00:12:41,893 --> 00:12:42,917 It's a fish. 290 00:12:43,128 --> 00:12:44,891 They want you to pay for it. 291 00:12:44,963 --> 00:12:46,555 It could have died of natural causes, though. 292 00:12:46,631 --> 00:12:50,328 Well, they said you stepped on its head. He did not suffer. 293 00:12:51,836 --> 00:12:53,167 When is the funeral? 294 00:12:53,238 --> 00:12:55,706 Do not mock, Oscar. Do not mock. 295 00:12:55,774 --> 00:12:57,605 How much do they want? $300. 296 00:12:57,675 --> 00:13:01,304 What? No. I could get a fish for a five-cent worm. 297 00:13:01,379 --> 00:13:05,372 You're paying way too much for worms, man. Who's your worm guy? 298 00:13:05,450 --> 00:13:08,647 Okay, great meeting, everybody. That's it. No, no. 299 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:12,053 Thank you. No, we are not done here. This... 300 00:13:14,526 --> 00:13:15,618 One of the baby books suggests 301 00:13:15,693 --> 00:13:19,026 the best birthing posture is on all fours, like an animal. 302 00:13:19,097 --> 00:13:20,724 I just wish I had a special telephone 303 00:13:20,799 --> 00:13:23,962 so I could find out exactly what the little soybean wants. 304 00:13:24,035 --> 00:13:27,163 Right? Hey, little soybean. What do you want? 305 00:13:27,739 --> 00:13:29,331 Right? How do... 306 00:13:32,110 --> 00:13:33,907 I felt it kick. Oh, that's great! 307 00:13:33,978 --> 00:13:37,141 Oh, my gosh, like a little magical foot just high-fived me. 308 00:13:37,215 --> 00:13:38,614 Yeah, well, that'll happen. 309 00:13:38,683 --> 00:13:40,014 Oh, my gosh. 310 00:13:40,552 --> 00:13:43,885 It's like he's trying to say, "I love you, too, Daddy. 311 00:13:43,955 --> 00:13:45,115 "I love you, too." 312 00:13:45,190 --> 00:13:47,317 Sometimes we're so excited, we forget where we are. 313 00:13:48,459 --> 00:13:50,586 Like at a business meeting. 314 00:13:51,496 --> 00:13:53,521 Message received, little soybean. 315 00:13:53,765 --> 00:13:55,198 I think you just got to ride this one out, man. 316 00:13:55,266 --> 00:13:57,564 No, Jim, you don't understand. 317 00:13:57,635 --> 00:13:59,728 Things like this just don't die. 318 00:14:00,505 --> 00:14:03,440 Kids in high school still call me "Ponytail." No, they don't. 319 00:14:03,508 --> 00:14:06,068 Yes, they do, Jim. Because of the time 320 00:14:06,144 --> 00:14:08,669 I got my ponytail stuck in the power drill. 321 00:14:08,746 --> 00:14:11,374 Maybe if you make fun of yourself, it'll all go away. 322 00:14:11,449 --> 00:14:12,711 I want to make fun of you right now. 323 00:14:12,784 --> 00:14:17,221 Really? Do it. I am a big, stupid goofball. 324 00:14:17,288 --> 00:14:19,882 No, don't do that. You're not stupid. 325 00:14:21,292 --> 00:14:22,350 See? 326 00:14:23,628 --> 00:14:24,720 Oh, my God. 327 00:14:25,096 --> 00:14:30,398 Hey, I just want to say that I cannot believe 328 00:14:30,468 --> 00:14:32,299 that I walked into a koi pond. 329 00:14:32,370 --> 00:14:34,565 I mean, seriously, walk much? 330 00:14:35,540 --> 00:14:36,734 Oh! 331 00:14:36,808 --> 00:14:39,902 I should wear a snorkel to the next business meeting that I go to. 332 00:14:39,978 --> 00:14:42,879 Michael, you know, when you think about it, it's not all your fault. 333 00:14:42,947 --> 00:14:44,812 I mean, who puts a koi pond in a lobby? 334 00:14:44,883 --> 00:14:46,612 Well, you know what? 335 00:14:46,684 --> 00:14:49,653 You're right, Phyllis, but I've been there before. 336 00:14:49,721 --> 00:14:51,985 I've seen that pond. This is the thing, 337 00:14:52,056 --> 00:14:53,956 I am a world-class moron, is the problem. 338 00:14:54,025 --> 00:14:56,585 Michael, please stop it now. You're embarrassing yourself. 339 00:14:56,661 --> 00:14:57,992 It's okay. We're having fun. 340 00:14:58,062 --> 00:15:01,225 It's actually not the first time I've been embarrassed by a pond. 341 00:15:02,467 --> 00:15:03,491 In high school, 342 00:15:03,568 --> 00:15:06,503 the girls volleyball team always used to throw me into the frozen lake. 343 00:15:06,571 --> 00:15:08,334 Four years in a row. 344 00:15:10,375 --> 00:15:14,971 It was freezing! No, no, no. This is even worse. 345 00:15:15,346 --> 00:15:17,837 Couple of weeks ago, I went to get a new cell phone 346 00:15:17,916 --> 00:15:19,474 and I wanted one of those packages 347 00:15:19,550 --> 00:15:20,744 where you have the five, you know, 348 00:15:20,818 --> 00:15:22,809 the friends and family thing? 349 00:15:22,887 --> 00:15:24,912 And the guy was like, "Who are your five friends?" 350 00:15:24,989 --> 00:15:27,719 And I'm like... I didn't even know. 351 00:15:27,792 --> 00:15:31,922 I couldn't even think. Oh, my God, it was so embarrassing. 352 00:15:32,430 --> 00:15:33,920 That was so... 353 00:15:34,399 --> 00:15:37,960 I don't even have Jan's cell phone number, and I hate her. 354 00:15:38,636 --> 00:15:42,572 She won't give it to me. I was like, "I guess I'm a loser." 355 00:15:42,974 --> 00:15:46,569 A loser! 356 00:15:47,045 --> 00:15:49,377 Too far! God! 357 00:15:50,815 --> 00:15:53,978 Thanks a lot, man. Thanks for the advice. 358 00:16:03,494 --> 00:16:05,018 Enjoying your nut? 359 00:16:05,096 --> 00:16:06,085 Why? - Kevin. 360 00:16:06,164 --> 00:16:07,153 I'm not mocking. 361 00:16:07,231 --> 00:16:10,826 I was just making an observation about her nut. 362 00:16:10,902 --> 00:16:12,460 I was. 363 00:16:12,537 --> 00:16:15,335 Hey, who wants to watch Michael's pond dive? 364 00:16:15,406 --> 00:16:18,967 My roommate's friend is the night janitor over there. 365 00:16:19,043 --> 00:16:22,706 He swiped the security tape for me, and he's bringing it over. 366 00:16:22,780 --> 00:16:26,580 Mmm. You know what? Maybe we should go easy on Michael, guys. 367 00:16:26,651 --> 00:16:27,675 You know, you watch that tape, 368 00:16:27,752 --> 00:16:31,347 and you're going to have to stay late for more sensitivity training, so. 369 00:16:31,422 --> 00:16:33,322 We'll stay late. Yeah. 370 00:16:34,926 --> 00:16:37,019 You are not a joke. 371 00:16:37,095 --> 00:16:38,119 I am. 372 00:16:38,196 --> 00:16:39,254 You are smart. 373 00:16:39,330 --> 00:16:40,354 Jim is smarter than me. 374 00:16:40,431 --> 00:16:42,399 You are handsome. Jim is more handsome. 375 00:16:42,467 --> 00:16:47,370 No, Jim is ugly. Please. I mean, I'd give anything for his nose. It's true. 376 00:16:47,438 --> 00:16:50,032 The rest of him, God, he looks like Popeye's wife. 377 00:16:50,108 --> 00:16:52,042 Wow, Wilma. 378 00:16:52,410 --> 00:16:54,844 See, that is funny. That is a joke. 379 00:16:54,946 --> 00:16:57,540 I know jokes and you are not a joke. 380 00:16:58,516 --> 00:16:59,983 Her name's not Wilma. 381 00:17:00,952 --> 00:17:02,817 Stop making me laugh. 382 00:17:03,254 --> 00:17:04,312 Well, that went pretty well. 383 00:17:04,389 --> 00:17:05,378 Yeah, I guess. 384 00:17:05,456 --> 00:17:07,481 We got a maybe. It was our first maybe. 385 00:17:07,558 --> 00:17:10,527 Going by the Nard-Dog curve, I'd say we nailed it. 386 00:17:10,595 --> 00:17:11,584 If I'm being completely honest, 387 00:17:11,662 --> 00:17:13,289 I could have done without the belly kiss. 388 00:17:13,364 --> 00:17:14,922 You know what? I'm sorry, 389 00:17:14,999 --> 00:17:18,264 'cause in that moment, I knew I was kissing your belly too much. 390 00:17:18,336 --> 00:17:19,735 Yeah, way too much. Yeah. 391 00:17:19,804 --> 00:17:21,567 I mean, what the hell was that? 392 00:17:21,639 --> 00:17:23,038 What the heck was that? 393 00:17:23,107 --> 00:17:24,096 When you cried. 394 00:17:24,175 --> 00:17:26,700 Try "almost cried." Okay? 395 00:17:26,778 --> 00:17:28,712 I just got caught up in the fantasy. 396 00:17:28,780 --> 00:17:32,011 Your fantasy involves comparison shopping birthing classes? 397 00:17:32,083 --> 00:17:35,348 No. I know I'm going to go with Miss Janet. 398 00:17:35,420 --> 00:17:38,753 I just... I don't know, it was fun to role-play, right? 399 00:17:38,823 --> 00:17:39,847 Hmm. 400 00:17:39,924 --> 00:17:43,360 It was fun for me, having a wife and a little baby. 401 00:17:44,495 --> 00:17:46,827 I'm so sick of being single. 402 00:17:46,898 --> 00:17:49,196 Well, are you dating anyone? 403 00:17:49,267 --> 00:17:52,998 What do you think of Erin? I mean, she's kind of cool. 404 00:17:54,906 --> 00:17:55,998 You think I can do better? 405 00:17:58,076 --> 00:18:00,169 Got to get my going out on. 406 00:18:01,446 --> 00:18:02,435 Hey, let's watch this thing. 407 00:18:02,513 --> 00:18:03,980 Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, yeah. 408 00:18:04,048 --> 00:18:05,140 We're not watching this. 409 00:18:05,216 --> 00:18:06,581 How can we not watch this? 410 00:18:06,651 --> 00:18:08,141 What happened to "Do not mock"? 411 00:18:08,219 --> 00:18:09,652 We're not mocking, we're watching. 412 00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:11,688 That will inevitably lead to mocking, so. 413 00:18:11,756 --> 00:18:13,018 Well, we'll deal with it as it comes. 414 00:18:13,091 --> 00:18:14,251 Is this the tape of me falling? 415 00:18:14,325 --> 00:18:15,417 Yes, put the DVD in. Yep. 416 00:18:15,493 --> 00:18:16,892 Open up QuickTime. It starts on its own. 417 00:18:16,961 --> 00:18:18,826 No, use QuickTime, trust me, I've done this. 418 00:18:18,896 --> 00:18:20,955 Guys, Michael can't handle this. 419 00:18:21,032 --> 00:18:23,364 And as your boss, I'm saying, we're not watching it. 420 00:18:23,434 --> 00:18:26,096 No, it's okay, watch it. He can't fire all of you. 421 00:18:26,170 --> 00:18:27,194 What are you doing? 422 00:18:27,271 --> 00:18:28,704 It's all right. I can handle it. 423 00:18:28,773 --> 00:18:30,104 No. I am a grownup, Jim. 424 00:18:30,174 --> 00:18:31,163 It's on. 425 00:18:31,242 --> 00:18:32,231 There they come. 426 00:18:34,312 --> 00:18:35,643 Boom! 427 00:18:35,713 --> 00:18:37,408 Oh! Did you see that? See what? 428 00:18:37,482 --> 00:18:38,744 Wait, why did you stop it? 429 00:18:38,816 --> 00:18:40,545 Oscar, yes, you're right to stop it. 430 00:18:40,618 --> 00:18:41,880 Thank you, eject it. 431 00:18:41,953 --> 00:18:43,750 Jim, you let Michael fall in. 432 00:18:43,821 --> 00:18:44,947 Play it again. 433 00:18:48,159 --> 00:18:51,151 He purposefully leaned away and let you fall. 434 00:18:51,395 --> 00:18:53,454 Oh, man! 435 00:18:56,467 --> 00:18:59,766 I think when I started to see you go in, I think I just froze. 436 00:18:59,837 --> 00:19:01,805 I don't think you froze. 437 00:19:04,275 --> 00:19:06,573 It's a killer new dance move. 438 00:19:08,379 --> 00:19:10,006 Do you want to talk in your office? 439 00:19:10,081 --> 00:19:11,105 No. 440 00:19:11,883 --> 00:19:15,182 I didn't ask you. Would you like to talk? 441 00:19:17,855 --> 00:19:19,186 Judas. 442 00:19:19,257 --> 00:19:20,952 Jim is my enemy, but it turns out 443 00:19:21,025 --> 00:19:23,152 that Jim is also his own worst enemy. 444 00:19:23,227 --> 00:19:27,857 And the enemy of my enemy is my friend, so Jim is actually my friend. 445 00:19:29,834 --> 00:19:32,667 But, because he is his own worst enemy, 446 00:19:32,737 --> 00:19:34,534 the enemy of my friend is my enemy, 447 00:19:34,605 --> 00:19:36,732 so actually Jim is my enemy. 448 00:19:37,575 --> 00:19:38,564 But... 449 00:19:38,976 --> 00:19:41,740 I should have grabbed you. I'm sorry. 450 00:19:42,813 --> 00:19:46,613 Look, I thought I could have done today's sales call alone. 451 00:19:47,118 --> 00:19:49,211 I mean, I may never be as good a salesman as you are, 452 00:19:49,287 --> 00:19:52,279 but I at least need the chance to do the job. 453 00:19:53,858 --> 00:19:55,655 Jim is jealous of me? 454 00:19:58,996 --> 00:20:00,793 Jim is jealous of me. 455 00:20:04,902 --> 00:20:06,494 Hey, what's up, lifeguard? 456 00:20:06,571 --> 00:20:08,539 Jim, I think I'm in your way. 457 00:20:15,479 --> 00:20:17,106 Oscar's a douche. 458 00:20:19,684 --> 00:20:21,083 He's all right. No. 459 00:20:21,152 --> 00:20:23,416 He's... Yeah, he's all right. 460 00:20:26,157 --> 00:20:27,249 Okay. 461 00:20:31,963 --> 00:20:33,157 Thanks, Michael. You're welcome. 462 00:20:33,431 --> 00:20:35,729 Whoa! Almost fell. 463 00:20:41,539 --> 00:20:44,531 Hey, Erin, do you mind faxing this for me? Oh, sure. 464 00:20:44,609 --> 00:20:46,338 Wait, hand them to me upside down, 465 00:20:46,410 --> 00:20:48,844 so I don't accidentally read them. 466 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:50,704 Okay. Thanks. 467 00:20:50,781 --> 00:20:51,805 Mmm-hmm. 468 00:20:51,882 --> 00:20:54,544 How did today go, by the way? Did you make any sales? 469 00:20:54,619 --> 00:20:57,019 No, it was a total waste of time. 470 00:21:00,224 --> 00:21:01,282 It was fun, though, 471 00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:02,917 because I got to spend the day 472 00:21:02,994 --> 00:21:05,258 with Andy Bernard and he's really cool. 473 00:21:05,329 --> 00:21:06,694 Yeah, he is. 474 00:21:06,764 --> 00:21:08,061 Yeah, he is. 475 00:21:08,132 --> 00:21:10,293 He's like the coolest person I've ever met. 476 00:21:10,368 --> 00:21:12,233 That's right. 477 00:21:13,337 --> 00:21:15,305 He's like Marlon Brando. 478 00:21:18,042 --> 00:21:21,443 Oh, do you mean Marlon Wayans? 'Cause he is. 479 00:21:22,213 --> 00:21:24,681 I actually do mean Marlon Wayans. Yeah.