1 00:00:02,301 --> 00:00:07,466 The fundamentals of business. The fundamentals of business. 2 00:00:07,539 --> 00:00:11,100 "Mental" is a part of the word. I have underlined it. 3 00:00:11,176 --> 00:00:14,009 Because you're mental if you don't have a good time. 4 00:00:14,079 --> 00:00:15,444 You have to enjoy it. 5 00:00:15,514 --> 00:00:17,607 "Fun" is in it. 6 00:00:19,218 --> 00:00:20,207 "Fun" -damental. 7 00:00:20,285 --> 00:00:21,650 Oh, right. 8 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:23,620 Get out. I know, I know. 9 00:00:23,689 --> 00:00:26,954 Yes, so, it all starts with a handshake. 10 00:00:27,026 --> 00:00:31,929 But you can't just go right to the selling. You need small talk. 11 00:00:31,997 --> 00:00:34,727 What topics can you use for small talk? 12 00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:37,428 Golf, stock market, Dave Matthews. 13 00:00:37,503 --> 00:00:38,936 Yes, what else? 14 00:00:39,004 --> 00:00:41,404 Small things. Peas, ball bearings, dimes. 15 00:00:41,473 --> 00:00:42,497 No. 16 00:00:42,574 --> 00:00:44,371 The weekend. Yeah! That's good. 17 00:00:44,443 --> 00:00:48,243 Come on up. Meredith, come up here. Let's do a little something. 18 00:00:48,313 --> 00:00:51,749 So, Meredith and I have just started conversing, 19 00:00:51,817 --> 00:00:54,149 and I will say, "So, Meredith, 20 00:00:54,219 --> 00:00:56,084 "how was your weekend? What did you do?" 21 00:00:57,089 --> 00:01:00,115 Well, I caught my son taking a dump on the upper part of the toilet. 22 00:01:00,192 --> 00:01:01,716 All right. He calls it an "upper-decker." 23 00:01:01,794 --> 00:01:03,989 Okay, okay. God. 24 00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:07,362 What you people don't know about business, I could fill a book with. 25 00:01:07,433 --> 00:01:08,991 Then do it. What? 26 00:01:09,068 --> 00:01:10,535 Write a book. 27 00:01:12,738 --> 00:01:15,730 The Fundamentals of Business by Michael Scott. 28 00:01:16,141 --> 00:01:18,006 Over one billion sold. 29 00:01:19,144 --> 00:01:22,443 More than the Bible. I'm not surprised. Chapter One. 30 00:01:26,251 --> 00:01:27,912 The businessman... 31 00:01:52,111 --> 00:01:53,601 Mr. Grotti, this is Michael Scott. 32 00:01:53,679 --> 00:01:54,907 He's the person you should talk to. 33 00:01:54,980 --> 00:01:57,005 Hi. I'm sorry, just a sec. 34 00:01:58,150 --> 00:01:59,811 Erin, you're supposed to be the gatekeeper. 35 00:01:59,885 --> 00:02:02,547 Do you have any idea how valuable my time is? 36 00:02:02,621 --> 00:02:05,419 In your schedule, it just says 9:00 till noon is creative space. 37 00:02:05,491 --> 00:02:06,480 I thought this could be part of that. 38 00:02:06,558 --> 00:02:09,049 Do you know how creative space works? 39 00:02:09,128 --> 00:02:10,993 Okay, fine. Just cancel my afternoon. 40 00:02:11,063 --> 00:02:13,327 You don't have anything in the afternoon. It just says "free play." 41 00:02:13,398 --> 00:02:15,229 Push free play till tomorrow morning. 42 00:02:15,300 --> 00:02:19,737 Hi. Sorry, crazy day. You're seeing how the sausage gets made. 43 00:02:19,805 --> 00:02:23,969 Come in the conference room and I will show you a finished sausage. 44 00:02:26,678 --> 00:02:29,203 As a manager of business, you've got a lot of pride. 45 00:02:29,281 --> 00:02:30,305 Hmm. 46 00:02:30,382 --> 00:02:32,976 But you also got a lot of responsibility. 47 00:02:33,051 --> 00:02:34,075 Yep. 48 00:02:34,153 --> 00:02:36,883 None greater, perhaps, than the need to be sure 49 00:02:36,955 --> 00:02:42,359 that your small or large business is secure in the event of a covered loss. 50 00:02:42,427 --> 00:02:43,587 Okay. 51 00:02:45,664 --> 00:02:49,156 There's nothing more insulting to a great salesman 52 00:02:49,234 --> 00:02:51,964 than having to listen to a bad salesman. 53 00:02:53,238 --> 00:02:55,069 It's like a great basketball player 54 00:02:55,140 --> 00:02:58,075 having to listen to a bad basketball player. 55 00:03:03,582 --> 00:03:05,174 Jim's gone on his honeymoon. 56 00:03:05,517 --> 00:03:09,214 So, I started borrowing his office to fart in. 57 00:03:09,288 --> 00:03:12,815 Then one day, I came in and I just stayed. 58 00:03:12,891 --> 00:03:16,725 'Cause this place is awesome. It feels like home now. 59 00:03:16,795 --> 00:03:20,458 Even better than my home. My home sucks. 60 00:03:21,867 --> 00:03:23,266 What do you think? 61 00:03:23,335 --> 00:03:24,393 I think you're right. 62 00:03:24,469 --> 00:03:26,528 Definitely looks suspicious. 63 00:03:26,605 --> 00:03:29,904 And his southern Italian heritage raises some flags. 64 00:03:31,009 --> 00:03:34,501 God forbid you should have a fire in the warehouse. 65 00:03:34,580 --> 00:03:38,676 Oh! Yep. Yeah. Definitely. All that paper burning up. 66 00:03:38,750 --> 00:03:42,379 Yeah, and the truck goes off the side of the road, there's injury. 67 00:03:42,454 --> 00:03:44,649 Mmm-hmm, I hear you. The truck. 68 00:03:44,723 --> 00:03:46,486 You will be hearing from me, Mr. Scott. 69 00:03:46,558 --> 00:03:47,582 Okay, well... 70 00:03:47,659 --> 00:03:49,752 I can be very, very persistent. 71 00:03:49,828 --> 00:03:50,817 Do your worst. 72 00:03:55,167 --> 00:03:56,691 All right. 73 00:03:58,270 --> 00:04:00,204 Would you look at that, people? 74 00:04:00,272 --> 00:04:03,036 What an unpredictable world we live in, huh? 75 00:04:04,610 --> 00:04:05,975 Thank you. 76 00:04:07,613 --> 00:04:09,012 What happened in there? Nothing, 77 00:04:09,081 --> 00:04:12,141 other than once again, I am just thankful that I am a paper salesman. 78 00:04:12,217 --> 00:04:13,241 Did he threaten you? 79 00:04:13,318 --> 00:04:15,343 No, Dwight. Not everything is a threat. 80 00:04:15,420 --> 00:04:16,409 Mobsters are. 81 00:04:16,488 --> 00:04:18,786 There is no such thing as monsters. 82 00:04:18,857 --> 00:04:20,825 - He drives an SUV. - I knew it. 83 00:04:20,892 --> 00:04:23,258 More trunk space, or should I say corpse space. 84 00:04:23,328 --> 00:04:26,092 Okay, guys, I drive an SUV. Does that mean I'm in the mob? 85 00:04:26,164 --> 00:04:29,656 No, not that by itself, but look at all the facts. 86 00:04:29,735 --> 00:04:31,896 He seems like a mobster. 87 00:04:31,970 --> 00:04:34,029 Wait, when did we start talking about the mob? 88 00:04:34,106 --> 00:04:35,573 The guy was trying to sell me insurance. 89 00:04:35,641 --> 00:04:37,199 All mobsters have a front. 90 00:04:37,276 --> 00:04:38,971 Sometimes it's selling insurance, 91 00:04:39,044 --> 00:04:41,945 sometimes it's waste management or sanitation. 92 00:04:42,014 --> 00:04:44,642 For the record, not all Italian-Americans are in the Mafia. 93 00:04:44,716 --> 00:04:47,583 I think he just seemed like he was trying to sell me insurance. 94 00:04:47,653 --> 00:04:50,417 Yeah. "Buy my insurance or I burn your warehouse down." 95 00:04:50,489 --> 00:04:51,513 Exactly. 96 00:04:51,590 --> 00:04:54,081 He did talk about a fire in the warehouse. 97 00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:57,285 And he also vaguely threatened me with testicular cancer. 98 00:04:58,830 --> 00:05:00,195 All right. Who else is here? 99 00:05:00,265 --> 00:05:02,130 Pam and Jim are on their honeymoon, 100 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:05,795 so there's not the usual balance between sane and others. 101 00:05:05,871 --> 00:05:08,772 Toby has mentally checked out since June. 102 00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:13,368 It's a very dangerous time. The coalition for reason is extremely weak. 103 00:05:13,979 --> 00:05:16,140 Oscar says I checked out, huh? 104 00:05:17,616 --> 00:05:18,605 Huh! 105 00:05:19,117 --> 00:05:20,414 This is bad. All right. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 106 00:05:20,485 --> 00:05:22,350 Calm down, calm down, calm down. 107 00:05:22,421 --> 00:05:23,979 Ryan, you lived in New York, what do you think? 108 00:05:24,056 --> 00:05:26,820 Well, first of all, there's no such thing as the Mafia. 109 00:05:26,892 --> 00:05:29,884 Okay. What you have are specific families. 110 00:05:29,961 --> 00:05:31,428 What's the guy's last name? 111 00:05:31,496 --> 00:05:33,589 Um, it is Grotti. 112 00:05:33,665 --> 00:05:35,292 Oh, no. That is... 113 00:05:35,367 --> 00:05:36,459 What? What? 114 00:05:36,535 --> 00:05:38,503 John Gotti, you idiot. 115 00:05:38,570 --> 00:05:40,765 It's a completely different name. 116 00:05:40,839 --> 00:05:42,363 So he won't get caught. DWIGHT: Yeah. 117 00:05:42,441 --> 00:05:43,499 It's pretty close. 118 00:05:43,575 --> 00:05:44,564 What are you talking about? 119 00:05:44,643 --> 00:05:47,840 What mobster would change his name from Gotti to Grotti? It weakens it. 120 00:05:47,913 --> 00:05:51,542 No, I disagree. "R" is among the most menacing of sounds. 121 00:05:51,616 --> 00:05:53,777 That's why they call it "murder," not "mukduk." 122 00:05:53,852 --> 00:05:58,118 Okay, too many different words coming at me from too many different sentences. 123 00:05:58,190 --> 00:05:59,179 Lock your door. 124 00:05:59,257 --> 00:06:01,316 I'm not going to lock my door. 125 00:06:04,029 --> 00:06:06,429 Hello? Jim, it's Oscar. 126 00:06:06,498 --> 00:06:08,591 I'm so sorry to be calling you on your honeymoon. 127 00:06:08,667 --> 00:06:10,794 Oscar, what is going on? 128 00:06:12,304 --> 00:06:15,330 It's Michael. He thinks he's being shaken down by the mob. 129 00:06:15,407 --> 00:06:17,204 I don't know how you usually handle this. 130 00:06:17,275 --> 00:06:19,004 We're in Puerto Rico, so... 131 00:06:19,077 --> 00:06:21,204 Hey, Oscar. It's Pam, hey. Hey. 132 00:06:21,279 --> 00:06:22,303 We're on our honeymoon. 133 00:06:22,381 --> 00:06:23,370 Pam, I'm sorry. 134 00:06:23,448 --> 00:06:24,745 Unless someone very close to us 135 00:06:24,816 --> 00:06:26,078 is in immediate physical danger, 136 00:06:26,151 --> 00:06:27,482 you should not be calling us. 137 00:06:27,552 --> 00:06:28,849 You're right, you're right. 138 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:31,320 All right. Okay, bye. 139 00:06:34,493 --> 00:06:36,518 It's from Grotti. He's following up. 140 00:06:36,595 --> 00:06:37,653 Already? 141 00:06:37,729 --> 00:06:40,095 This guy's persistent. 142 00:06:40,165 --> 00:06:43,498 Okay. "I feel that you will regret 143 00:06:43,568 --> 00:06:46,230 "missing this great opportunity to be in business." 144 00:06:47,339 --> 00:06:49,204 That's bad. That's bad. Yeah. Yeah. 145 00:06:49,274 --> 00:06:52,072 What are my options here? Do I just ignore it or... 146 00:06:52,144 --> 00:06:54,635 Yeah, right. You heard him, 147 00:06:54,713 --> 00:06:56,112 he's going to burn the warehouse down 148 00:06:56,181 --> 00:06:57,546 or run one of our trucks off the road. 149 00:06:57,616 --> 00:06:59,083 Okay, I'm calling the police. 150 00:07:01,319 --> 00:07:03,719 That is the stupidest thing you could do right now. 151 00:07:03,789 --> 00:07:05,450 No, he's right. Cops can't do anything 152 00:07:05,524 --> 00:07:06,718 until a crime has been reported. 153 00:07:06,792 --> 00:07:07,781 All right. Not only that, 154 00:07:07,859 --> 00:07:09,451 but if they find out you snitched, 155 00:07:09,528 --> 00:07:12,588 you get a dead horse's chopped off head in your bed. 156 00:07:12,664 --> 00:07:14,097 You know what? That's not going to happen. 157 00:07:14,166 --> 00:07:15,531 That's an exaggeration. - That's how it works. 158 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:16,828 What am I supposed to do here? 159 00:07:16,902 --> 00:07:20,201 When somebody threatens you, you give in right away. 160 00:07:20,272 --> 00:07:22,832 Okay, you need to buy insurance from this guy and get him off your back. 161 00:07:22,908 --> 00:07:24,000 I was thinking exactly the same thing. 162 00:07:24,075 --> 00:07:26,339 No. Criminals are like raccoons, okay? 163 00:07:26,411 --> 00:07:27,435 You give them a taste of cat food, 164 00:07:27,512 --> 00:07:29,309 pretty soon they'll be back for the whole cat. 165 00:07:29,381 --> 00:07:31,110 Dwight. The only way to defeat a bully 166 00:07:31,183 --> 00:07:34,346 is to stand up to him. Trust me, I have bullied a lot of people. 167 00:07:34,419 --> 00:07:35,647 I don't know. I don't know about that. 168 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:37,745 Wait. Let's hear him out. This is interesting. 169 00:07:37,823 --> 00:07:40,690 Here's what we do. We meet him in a public place, 170 00:07:40,759 --> 00:07:42,522 ask him to lunch or something like that. 171 00:07:42,594 --> 00:07:44,562 Someplace where he can't be openly violent. 172 00:07:44,629 --> 00:07:45,789 Okay. Let him know 173 00:07:45,864 --> 00:07:48,355 that you are not the typical kind of guy that he can shake down, 174 00:07:48,433 --> 00:07:52,096 that you're stubborn, that you might even be a little bit dangerous. 175 00:07:52,170 --> 00:07:54,434 I like this plan. I'd like to officially withdraw my plan. 176 00:07:54,506 --> 00:07:55,871 Hold on, hold on, just... 177 00:07:55,941 --> 00:07:57,238 No, no, no, no. My plan is out. 178 00:07:57,309 --> 00:07:58,742 We do it the hard way. 179 00:07:58,810 --> 00:08:02,211 All right, I will meet with him, but I'm not going alone. 180 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:05,408 Well, you're going to have to. We'll be right beside you. 181 00:08:05,484 --> 00:08:06,508 What? 182 00:08:10,722 --> 00:08:12,053 All right. 183 00:08:20,866 --> 00:08:23,096 What are you wearing? Who's Pat? 184 00:08:23,168 --> 00:08:26,626 If I'm going to back you up, I need a weapon without drawing suspicion. 185 00:08:26,705 --> 00:08:28,172 And I have to justify it somehow, 186 00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:30,504 so I'm a mechanic with a tire thing. 187 00:08:30,575 --> 00:08:31,735 Do you know how to use it? 188 00:08:31,810 --> 00:08:33,334 To change tires, no. 189 00:08:33,411 --> 00:08:35,811 But, I mean, it's metal, I can hit somebody with it. 190 00:08:35,881 --> 00:08:37,576 Let's go, come on. 191 00:08:38,316 --> 00:08:40,409 God. God. 192 00:08:41,820 --> 00:08:43,287 Should I change? You're wearing loafers. 193 00:08:43,355 --> 00:08:45,346 Forget it. Forget it. 194 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:51,788 Take that thing off the table. Please. 195 00:08:52,264 --> 00:08:55,631 Well, then I can't use it. I'm just going to hide it. 196 00:08:57,502 --> 00:09:00,494 Hey. The bathroom checks out clean. 197 00:09:00,572 --> 00:09:02,472 Nothing behind the toilet except this roach motel. 198 00:09:02,541 --> 00:09:04,406 No! God! Oh, my God. 199 00:09:04,476 --> 00:09:06,103 You'll never kill it that way. Guys. 200 00:09:06,177 --> 00:09:07,508 You want to separate the head from the thorax. 201 00:09:07,579 --> 00:09:10,241 Guys, guys. Cool it. 202 00:09:10,982 --> 00:09:12,973 There he is, there he is. 203 00:09:14,853 --> 00:09:16,411 Hello. Mr. Scott, hello. 204 00:09:16,488 --> 00:09:20,481 Mr. Grotti, we meet again. These are my associates. 205 00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:21,821 Hi, Angelo Grotti. 206 00:09:21,893 --> 00:09:22,951 Hi. Hello. 207 00:09:23,028 --> 00:09:25,053 So... You got this table? 208 00:09:25,130 --> 00:09:26,927 Yes. What's this, one of them half-booths, 209 00:09:26,998 --> 00:09:28,295 can't-decide-what-it-is type of thing? 210 00:09:28,366 --> 00:09:29,526 Well... 211 00:09:29,601 --> 00:09:32,593 Waitress, we're going to sit over here. 212 00:09:32,671 --> 00:09:33,899 That's fine. 213 00:09:33,972 --> 00:09:35,064 Okay. 214 00:09:43,448 --> 00:09:44,437 Hello? 215 00:09:44,516 --> 00:09:45,574 Hello, Mr. Halpert. 216 00:09:45,650 --> 00:09:48,676 I'm calling from the Identity Theft department at Capital One. 217 00:09:48,753 --> 00:09:51,745 We've detected some unusual activity on your credit card. 218 00:09:51,823 --> 00:09:54,383 Oh, man. Do you think it was stolen? 219 00:09:54,459 --> 00:09:57,553 First, would you mind verifying your home address? 220 00:09:57,629 --> 00:09:58,755 Um... Yes. 221 00:10:01,399 --> 00:10:05,392 383 Linden Ave., Scranton, PA. 222 00:10:05,470 --> 00:10:07,961 And may I have the last four digits of your social security? 223 00:10:08,039 --> 00:10:09,666 Six-six-five-zero. 224 00:10:09,741 --> 00:10:13,734 Well, Mr. Halpert, you're obviously not in San Juan, Puerto Rico. 225 00:10:13,812 --> 00:10:15,143 Wait a minute. Yes, I am. 226 00:10:15,213 --> 00:10:17,010 I'm going to go ahead and put a hold on your card. 227 00:10:17,082 --> 00:10:19,346 No. That... I... 228 00:10:19,985 --> 00:10:24,251 I think that we should let the criminal use the card a little longer. 229 00:10:24,556 --> 00:10:27,582 Very funny, sir. We'll get a new card out to you right away. 230 00:10:27,659 --> 00:10:30,184 No. Have a nice day and thank you. 231 00:10:33,531 --> 00:10:35,021 Shoot. 232 00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:38,297 If you want to supplement your coverage, we can do that. 233 00:10:38,370 --> 00:10:41,931 If you want to replace your current coverage, all the better. 234 00:10:42,007 --> 00:10:43,201 Hey, you seem like a nice guy. 235 00:10:43,274 --> 00:10:44,468 Oh, he's not that nice. 236 00:10:44,576 --> 00:10:46,009 That's true. Mmm-hmm. 237 00:10:46,578 --> 00:10:48,205 That's very true. Okay, shut up. 238 00:10:48,279 --> 00:10:50,076 Have you decided? 239 00:10:50,148 --> 00:10:53,242 Yeah, I'll have the linguini, red sauce on the side. 240 00:10:53,318 --> 00:10:56,845 If the sauce does not come on the side, I will send it back. 241 00:10:56,921 --> 00:10:59,355 I want garlic bread, toasted, not burnt. 242 00:10:59,424 --> 00:11:01,790 If it comes burnt, I will send it back. 243 00:11:01,860 --> 00:11:04,795 Okay, then. And for you, sir? 244 00:11:04,863 --> 00:11:06,228 I will have the gabbagool. 245 00:11:06,898 --> 00:11:08,160 The what? 246 00:11:09,634 --> 00:11:11,033 The gabbagool. 247 00:11:11,770 --> 00:11:13,499 I don't really know what that is. 248 00:11:13,571 --> 00:11:15,266 You know, gabbagool. 249 00:11:15,340 --> 00:11:16,705 I don't have to have that. 250 00:11:16,775 --> 00:11:18,572 What he's trying to say is, gabbagool. 251 00:11:18,643 --> 00:11:19,632 Guys, guys, all right. 252 00:11:19,711 --> 00:11:20,803 I don't really think that we have that. 253 00:11:20,879 --> 00:11:22,540 That's okay. Bring him the gabbagool. 254 00:11:22,614 --> 00:11:25,981 I will have the spaghetti with a side salad. 255 00:11:26,051 --> 00:11:27,143 Okay. 256 00:11:27,318 --> 00:11:30,014 If the salad is on top, I send it back. 257 00:11:30,722 --> 00:11:33,088 Why would you cancel Jim's credit cards? 258 00:11:33,158 --> 00:11:35,149 I usually can think quick on my feet, 259 00:11:35,226 --> 00:11:37,126 but they were so fast on the phone. 260 00:11:37,195 --> 00:11:39,095 This constitutes identity fraud. 261 00:11:39,164 --> 00:11:40,392 Oh, God. 262 00:11:40,632 --> 00:11:43,829 I wouldn't last in jail, Oscar. I'm not like you. 263 00:11:44,969 --> 00:11:46,800 What's that supposed to mean? 264 00:11:46,871 --> 00:11:48,771 What, you don't know about jail? 265 00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:50,967 You would love jail. 266 00:11:51,276 --> 00:11:52,709 Why would I love jail? 267 00:11:52,777 --> 00:11:56,213 Because... You would love it. 268 00:11:58,116 --> 00:12:03,213 I don't think our company actually needs any more insurance. So, I am out. 269 00:12:03,288 --> 00:12:06,917 Look closely, Michael. I feel there's a plan here for you. 270 00:12:07,625 --> 00:12:09,820 Maybe we have a plan for you. 271 00:12:10,428 --> 00:12:11,725 How about you? 272 00:12:11,796 --> 00:12:14,788 Maybe you can use supplemental coverage of some kind. 273 00:12:14,866 --> 00:12:16,493 Anybody can get hurt. 274 00:12:16,568 --> 00:12:18,968 You always think it can't happen to you, and... 275 00:12:21,072 --> 00:12:22,403 Think about it. 276 00:12:22,474 --> 00:12:24,704 Excuse me. Sorry to bother you. 277 00:12:24,776 --> 00:12:25,936 Are you a mechanic? 278 00:12:26,010 --> 00:12:27,068 Yeah. 279 00:12:27,145 --> 00:12:29,511 My battery's dead. I've got my kid. Can you please help? 280 00:12:29,581 --> 00:12:30,570 Yes, I can. 281 00:12:30,648 --> 00:12:31,842 No, no, no, no, come on. 282 00:12:31,916 --> 00:12:33,349 I'm sorry, we're having our salads. 283 00:12:33,418 --> 00:12:35,750 Come on, lady in distress. 284 00:12:35,820 --> 00:12:36,809 Go, go. 285 00:12:36,888 --> 00:12:38,685 Okay. Sorry. 286 00:12:39,224 --> 00:12:42,022 Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. 287 00:12:42,093 --> 00:12:43,253 Hey, do you need any help? 288 00:12:43,328 --> 00:12:46,092 I'm sure he can handle a simple jumpstart. 289 00:12:46,164 --> 00:12:47,654 Now, come on, sit down. 290 00:12:47,732 --> 00:12:48,721 He's a good mechanic. 291 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:50,028 Sit down. 292 00:12:50,101 --> 00:12:52,262 Where were we? I don't... 293 00:12:52,337 --> 00:12:54,635 He was trying to force you to sign a policy. Okay, okay, okay. 294 00:12:54,706 --> 00:12:56,697 So, we're choosing... Okay. Yep. 295 00:12:56,775 --> 00:12:59,744 Did you check out Dental? All right, put it down. 296 00:12:59,811 --> 00:13:05,306 Black goes on the red with the... If we... Positive... 297 00:13:06,618 --> 00:13:10,179 It being a motor drive, it's probably down. 298 00:13:10,255 --> 00:13:12,086 He seems bad at this. 299 00:13:12,157 --> 00:13:15,126 You want to do this, junior? I didn't think so. 300 00:13:16,194 --> 00:13:20,255 I'm sorry, just had kind of a long day at the mechanic store. 301 00:13:26,504 --> 00:13:27,994 You've got a leaky spark tube. 302 00:13:28,072 --> 00:13:29,061 What? 303 00:13:29,140 --> 00:13:30,801 So, your car's totaled. 304 00:13:30,875 --> 00:13:33,173 You're gonna want to get a refund on that. 305 00:13:33,244 --> 00:13:36,611 Or my guy could do it, he's great. But I can't do that for you. 306 00:13:36,681 --> 00:13:39,377 I work exclusively on motorcycles. 307 00:13:41,219 --> 00:13:42,550 All right. 308 00:13:45,023 --> 00:13:47,253 Now, if you could just sign this letter of intent, 309 00:13:47,325 --> 00:13:49,452 I'll bring this back to my boss 310 00:13:49,527 --> 00:13:50,892 and we can get this in motion. 311 00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:56,889 You okay, Pat? 312 00:13:56,968 --> 00:13:57,957 Yeah, I was just thinking 313 00:13:58,069 --> 00:14:03,530 about how I had this car. It was this Italian car. 314 00:14:03,608 --> 00:14:05,439 And I was driving it, 315 00:14:05,510 --> 00:14:07,444 and it kept telling me how much 316 00:14:07,512 --> 00:14:09,980 it needed oil, but I wouldn't give it any oil. 317 00:14:10,048 --> 00:14:12,949 And then, one day it exploded and it killed everyone, 318 00:14:13,017 --> 00:14:14,644 and that's what I'm afraid of. 319 00:14:14,719 --> 00:14:17,244 Aren't you a mechanic? Why wouldn't you put oil in a car? 320 00:14:17,322 --> 00:14:19,847 It was before my technical training. 321 00:14:20,425 --> 00:14:22,154 Don't do it. 322 00:14:23,094 --> 00:14:24,118 Do it. 323 00:14:24,195 --> 00:14:25,753 Don't. Just do it. 324 00:14:25,830 --> 00:14:27,923 Okay. Don't do it. 325 00:14:27,999 --> 00:14:31,662 Look, Mike, I don't know what your friends are telling you, 326 00:14:31,736 --> 00:14:34,637 but you have to decide for yourself. 327 00:14:34,706 --> 00:14:36,697 I mean, are these guys going to take care 328 00:14:36,774 --> 00:14:38,298 of your things if you die tomorrow? 329 00:14:38,376 --> 00:14:39,434 Yes. 330 00:14:41,779 --> 00:14:42,768 Okay. 331 00:14:43,915 --> 00:14:45,644 I don't understand. Why would you buy a policy? 332 00:14:45,717 --> 00:14:48,743 It's just the cost of a cup of coffee an hour. 333 00:14:48,953 --> 00:14:51,478 You were man enough to back down, Michael. I'm proud of you. 334 00:14:51,556 --> 00:14:53,421 I had to make a snap decision, Dwight. 335 00:14:53,491 --> 00:14:55,789 It wasn't a snap decision. You were sitting there for an hour. 336 00:14:55,860 --> 00:14:58,055 It was a lot of snap decisions. 337 00:14:58,129 --> 00:14:59,858 - Do you know what "snap decision" means? - Yes. 338 00:14:59,931 --> 00:15:00,920 It means like this. 339 00:15:00,999 --> 00:15:02,762 Just get in the car. 340 00:15:04,869 --> 00:15:06,393 Hello? Jim? 341 00:15:06,471 --> 00:15:08,439 Michael? Oh, thank God. 342 00:15:08,506 --> 00:15:10,440 How did you get this number? 343 00:15:10,508 --> 00:15:11,532 Michael, we're on a catamaran. 344 00:15:11,609 --> 00:15:12,598 It wasn't easy. 345 00:15:12,677 --> 00:15:15,339 I had to tell the hotel that it was a medical emergency. 346 00:15:15,413 --> 00:15:16,812 I chose a massive coronary because 347 00:15:16,881 --> 00:15:19,042 you told me that your dad had a bad heart. 348 00:15:19,117 --> 00:15:22,746 Listen, man, I got a problem. 349 00:15:22,820 --> 00:15:26,847 I think I'm in trouble with the mob or a major insurance carrier. 350 00:15:26,925 --> 00:15:28,790 That sounds bad. Yeah, I know. 351 00:15:28,860 --> 00:15:31,294 And you usually can get out of stuff like this, 352 00:15:31,362 --> 00:15:32,852 so I'm turning to you, my friend. 353 00:15:32,931 --> 00:15:33,955 I'm going to help you through it, all right? 354 00:15:34,032 --> 00:15:35,021 Okay. 355 00:15:35,099 --> 00:15:36,999 All you're going to need... 356 00:15:38,803 --> 00:15:39,997 And then go to... 357 00:15:40,071 --> 00:15:41,265 Jim. Are you... 358 00:15:41,339 --> 00:15:42,863 And you'll be saved. 359 00:15:42,941 --> 00:15:45,205 What? Wait. I didn't hear a thing you just said. 360 00:15:45,276 --> 00:15:47,244 Just... And then you'll be saved. 361 00:15:47,312 --> 00:15:50,008 No! God, I missed the important part again. 362 00:15:51,215 --> 00:15:52,580 No. Oh, my God. 363 00:15:52,650 --> 00:15:54,174 And you'll be saved. No, Jim. 364 00:15:54,252 --> 00:15:57,187 Please repeat what you're saying, I can't understand you. 365 00:15:58,156 --> 00:16:01,887 Bermuda Triangle... Please don't call again. 366 00:16:04,062 --> 00:16:05,086 Jim? 367 00:16:06,664 --> 00:16:08,029 Oh, my God. 368 00:16:16,374 --> 00:16:19,343 Hey, question for you. 369 00:16:20,645 --> 00:16:25,776 I recently purchased some insurance that I can't afford given my present salary. 370 00:16:26,551 --> 00:16:28,143 Is there anything accounting-wise I can do 371 00:16:28,219 --> 00:16:30,710 to sort of make it all go away? 372 00:16:30,788 --> 00:16:34,280 Accounting-wise, no, but phone-wise, just call up and cancel it. 373 00:16:34,359 --> 00:16:35,621 No, no. 374 00:16:36,260 --> 00:16:37,352 Um... 375 00:16:37,829 --> 00:16:40,559 What about this Cash for Clunkers thing? 376 00:16:41,766 --> 00:16:44,257 Just, no. No. 377 00:16:44,335 --> 00:16:47,736 Okay. All right, well, it was a thought. Thanks. 378 00:16:54,879 --> 00:16:58,440 We have let Michael down, and it's 85% your fault. 379 00:16:58,516 --> 00:17:00,381 He's alive, so you're welcome. 380 00:17:00,451 --> 00:17:02,681 Not on the inside, he's not. 381 00:17:02,754 --> 00:17:08,488 Look at his life. Broke, living in fear, no friends, dead-end job. 382 00:17:08,559 --> 00:17:10,823 Yeah, some of that existed before. 383 00:17:10,895 --> 00:17:12,692 Not the living in fear, that's new. 384 00:17:12,764 --> 00:17:13,753 You're right, that is new. 385 00:17:13,831 --> 00:17:15,458 Yes. 386 00:17:15,533 --> 00:17:17,433 He's got to stand up to this Mafia guy. 387 00:17:17,502 --> 00:17:19,060 Well, I don't see that happening. 388 00:17:19,137 --> 00:17:20,263 Me neither. 389 00:17:20,338 --> 00:17:22,363 Not the way things are now. 390 00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:26,638 But what if Michael felt no fear toward the Mafia guy? 391 00:17:26,711 --> 00:17:27,700 Are you saying... Yeah. 392 00:17:27,779 --> 00:17:31,078 ...that we surgically remove the fear center from Michael's brain? 393 00:17:31,149 --> 00:17:32,241 What is wrong with you? 394 00:17:32,316 --> 00:17:35,285 I am talking about convincing Michael that the guy's not Mafia. 395 00:17:35,353 --> 00:17:36,911 That seems a little farfetched. 396 00:17:36,988 --> 00:17:39,889 What, more farfetched than a mobster walking into a paper company 397 00:17:39,957 --> 00:17:42,892 for a low-level shakedown? And that happened. 398 00:17:44,462 --> 00:17:48,728 Michael, incredible news. Grotti is clean. 399 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:52,226 No, he's not. He's just good. 400 00:17:53,171 --> 00:17:55,696 Nothing sticks to him. You still don't understand how this works. 401 00:17:55,773 --> 00:17:57,866 No, Michael, what we're trying to say is, 402 00:17:57,942 --> 00:18:00,502 we made a mistake assuming he was Mafia. 403 00:18:00,578 --> 00:18:04,639 I have a buddy who's a Fed and we did a background check on the guy, 404 00:18:04,715 --> 00:18:06,376 his background is perfectly clean. 405 00:18:06,451 --> 00:18:07,543 It's true, he's clean. 406 00:18:07,618 --> 00:18:10,382 I have a couple of friends still on the force, checked with them, 407 00:18:10,455 --> 00:18:13,117 ran his Fed friend up the flagpole to make sure he wasn't on the take. 408 00:18:13,191 --> 00:18:14,556 Turns out he's a totally lovely guy. 409 00:18:14,625 --> 00:18:15,922 Sweetest guy on the force, really. 410 00:18:15,993 --> 00:18:17,585 Class act. Boy scout. 411 00:18:17,662 --> 00:18:19,562 But Grotti acts like he's Mafia, though. 412 00:18:19,630 --> 00:18:21,495 He's trying to intimidate you to close sales. 413 00:18:21,566 --> 00:18:23,056 He's just a pushy salesman. 414 00:18:23,134 --> 00:18:25,796 And he made us all look like chumps. 415 00:18:28,339 --> 00:18:32,241 If there is one thing I hate more than the Mafia, it is a liar. 416 00:18:32,710 --> 00:18:35,702 I wish the Mafia would go out and kill all the liars. 417 00:18:35,780 --> 00:18:40,080 And bury them in my yard. And I wouldn't tell the cops a thing. 418 00:18:41,085 --> 00:18:42,746 Not that I would be lying, per se, 419 00:18:42,820 --> 00:18:45,516 but I would just get really quiet all of a sudden. 420 00:18:45,590 --> 00:18:47,558 This is Grotti. This is Scott. 421 00:18:47,625 --> 00:18:51,288 Oh! Great, Michael. I'm just finishing up your paperwork right now. 422 00:18:51,362 --> 00:18:53,956 Oh, really? Is that supposed to scare me? 423 00:18:54,532 --> 00:18:55,794 I thought you'd be pleased. 424 00:18:55,867 --> 00:18:57,994 Well, you thought wrong. 425 00:18:58,136 --> 00:19:00,502 Because I am not pleased. I'm actually kind of p.o.'d. 426 00:19:00,571 --> 00:19:02,334 Why? I think you know exactly why. 427 00:19:02,406 --> 00:19:06,467 Because you were trying to scare me into buying insurance. 428 00:19:06,544 --> 00:19:08,273 I don't get it. How was I scaring you? 429 00:19:08,346 --> 00:19:10,541 I think you knew exactly what you were doing, 430 00:19:10,615 --> 00:19:13,448 and frankly, I think you were being a total and utter jerk. 431 00:19:13,518 --> 00:19:14,542 Ooh, okay. 432 00:19:14,619 --> 00:19:16,052 You suck. - Okay. That's... 433 00:19:16,120 --> 00:19:17,883 And I'm not going to buy your stupid insurance. 434 00:19:17,955 --> 00:19:19,650 That's good, let's wrap it up. Okay. How about that? 435 00:19:19,724 --> 00:19:21,885 The only person that actually needs insurance is you, 436 00:19:21,959 --> 00:19:23,950 if you show your face around here again. Got it? 437 00:19:24,028 --> 00:19:26,622 Look, Michael, when we all calm down here, 438 00:19:26,697 --> 00:19:28,289 maybe at some point in the future, 439 00:19:28,366 --> 00:19:30,527 you change your mind, why don't you give me a call? 440 00:19:30,601 --> 00:19:31,863 Doubt it. 441 00:19:34,772 --> 00:19:35,864 Oh, man. 442 00:19:35,940 --> 00:19:37,601 What a tool. 443 00:19:41,979 --> 00:19:42,968 What? 444 00:19:43,047 --> 00:19:44,173 Next time you look in the mirror, 445 00:19:44,248 --> 00:19:48,685 you're going to be looking at a guy who stood down the Mafia. 446 00:19:49,420 --> 00:19:51,615 No. What do you mean? 447 00:19:51,689 --> 00:19:55,420 We just told you he wasn't Mafia so you wouldn't be scared. 448 00:19:56,627 --> 00:19:57,616 What? 449 00:19:57,695 --> 00:20:00,186 You successfully backed down the mob. 450 00:20:00,264 --> 00:20:04,928 You made the Mafia apologize to you. You made the Mafia be polite. 451 00:20:05,536 --> 00:20:07,265 Oh, man. 452 00:20:10,074 --> 00:20:12,235 I should be mad at you guys. 453 00:20:13,344 --> 00:20:14,868 But I'm not. 454 00:20:14,946 --> 00:20:17,574 So, I looked him in the eye and I said, 455 00:20:17,648 --> 00:20:20,116 "Not today, Grotti. Not today. 456 00:20:20,184 --> 00:20:24,280 "And not tomorrow, and not the next day, or the day after that. 457 00:20:24,355 --> 00:20:26,346 "And you can tell all your friends that 458 00:20:26,424 --> 00:20:29,587 "if I see them, then they are already dead." 459 00:20:29,660 --> 00:20:30,922 I said something like that. 460 00:20:30,995 --> 00:20:32,019 Very close. 461 00:20:32,096 --> 00:20:33,085 Just to be clear, he backed down 462 00:20:33,164 --> 00:20:35,189 an insurance agent from Mutual of Harrisburg. 463 00:20:35,266 --> 00:20:36,255 Erin? - Yes? 464 00:20:36,334 --> 00:20:37,528 Coffee. Okay. 465 00:20:37,602 --> 00:20:39,900 Not from the kitchen, Stop & Shop. 466 00:20:39,971 --> 00:20:41,461 If it's not Stop & Shop, I send it back. 467 00:20:41,539 --> 00:20:42,528 Okay. 468 00:20:42,607 --> 00:20:44,632 Large. If it's a medium, I send it back. 469 00:20:44,709 --> 00:20:46,939 If it's an extra large, I send it back. 470 00:20:47,011 --> 00:20:48,376 How do you return coffee? 471 00:20:48,446 --> 00:20:49,470 Go. 472 00:20:51,249 --> 00:20:52,739 Any questions? 473 00:20:55,152 --> 00:20:56,414 Are you kidding me? 474 00:20:56,487 --> 00:20:58,648 Hi, Pam. Is Jim there? 475 00:20:58,723 --> 00:21:01,283 Listen, our credit card has been canceled and we have to deal with that. 476 00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:04,385 And I really can't handle the fact that you're calling us here. 477 00:21:04,462 --> 00:21:07,829 Okay, that sounds good. I'll let you go. 478 00:21:07,898 --> 00:21:12,426 Just tell Jim that I said hi. 479 00:21:12,503 --> 00:21:16,837 I will. I will, Kevin. I will make that my top priority. 480 00:21:16,907 --> 00:21:18,602 Cool. Okay. Bye. 481 00:21:22,046 --> 00:21:24,378 They have no idea what happened.