1 00:00:04,003 --> 00:00:05,561 Could you please sign my expense report? 2 00:00:05,637 --> 00:00:08,663 No way, no how. Expense reports are a day-to-day item. 3 00:00:08,741 --> 00:00:12,734 That is Jim's now. I am exclusively big picture. Epic. 4 00:00:21,053 --> 00:00:22,816 Sign this. Uh-uh-uh. 5 00:00:22,888 --> 00:00:24,822 Where's the please? We're not animals. 6 00:00:24,890 --> 00:00:26,414 Sign it. 7 00:00:26,492 --> 00:00:27,823 No. Not without a please. 8 00:00:29,294 --> 00:00:30,488 Idiot. 9 00:00:34,533 --> 00:00:35,795 I have a complaint about Jim. 10 00:00:35,868 --> 00:00:37,893 That is not big picture. 11 00:00:38,437 --> 00:00:43,340 I would like to file a huge, enormous, massive complaint 12 00:00:43,409 --> 00:00:46,207 about the tallest guy in our office. 13 00:00:51,683 --> 00:00:52,809 Okay. 14 00:00:53,619 --> 00:00:55,348 Jim won't sign my expense report. 15 00:00:55,421 --> 00:00:57,548 That is not... Okay. Day-to-day. 16 00:00:57,623 --> 00:00:59,284 That is day-to-day. No. That is huge. 17 00:00:59,358 --> 00:01:02,919 You're trying to trick me. Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out. 18 00:01:06,398 --> 00:01:07,922 I'd like to lodge a complaint. 19 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:10,230 I'm sorry to hear about that. Who is this about? 20 00:01:10,302 --> 00:01:11,428 You. Okay. 21 00:01:11,503 --> 00:01:14,097 Just want to let you know I take complaints very seriously, 22 00:01:14,173 --> 00:01:16,607 so, when did this happen? 23 00:01:16,675 --> 00:01:17,699 One minute ago. 24 00:01:17,776 --> 00:01:20,040 Okay. And how do you feel? 25 00:01:20,112 --> 00:01:21,136 Angry. 26 00:01:21,213 --> 00:01:23,147 All right. Did he hit you? No. 27 00:01:23,215 --> 00:01:24,944 Did you cry? No. 28 00:01:25,017 --> 00:01:26,348 Did you feel like crying? No. 29 00:01:26,418 --> 00:01:29,148 I'm just going to write, "Held back tears." 30 00:01:29,221 --> 00:01:31,382 Wait, stop writing that. That is not true. 31 00:01:31,457 --> 00:01:32,651 If you stop crying, I'll stop writing it. 32 00:01:32,724 --> 00:01:33,816 I'm not... 33 00:01:35,260 --> 00:01:38,024 I deserved that promotion. Not Jim. 34 00:01:38,097 --> 00:01:42,124 Oh, man, makes me want to put him in a triangle choke hold 35 00:01:42,201 --> 00:01:44,328 and force him down to the ground 36 00:01:44,403 --> 00:01:46,462 and just keep pressing and pressing, 37 00:01:46,538 --> 00:01:51,305 and then flip him over and then put him in a hammerlock and he's gasping. 38 00:01:51,376 --> 00:01:53,367 He's panting for every last breath. 39 00:01:53,445 --> 00:01:57,848 And the crowd is going crazy and boom, I emerge victorious! 40 00:01:59,084 --> 00:02:01,882 Eighteen thousand dollars and a chance at the title! 41 00:02:03,555 --> 00:02:06,217 Dwight, Jim wants you to keep it down. 42 00:02:41,126 --> 00:02:43,253 Everyone, now would be a good time to freshen up 43 00:02:43,328 --> 00:02:44,625 because I'd like everyone to meet 44 00:02:44,696 --> 00:02:46,254 in the conference room in five minutes. 45 00:02:46,331 --> 00:02:47,696 And I suggest that you bring a snack 46 00:02:47,766 --> 00:02:49,199 because we may be in there for a while. 47 00:02:49,268 --> 00:02:50,292 Michael. Yes. 48 00:02:50,369 --> 00:02:51,961 Can I talk to you in my office for a second? Mmm... 49 00:02:52,037 --> 00:02:55,165 Sure. But could I first talk to you in my office? 50 00:02:58,043 --> 00:03:00,034 Can I also be a boss? 51 00:03:00,112 --> 00:03:01,545 Look, it doesn't take a genius to know 52 00:03:01,613 --> 00:03:04,980 that any organization thrives when it has two leaders. 53 00:03:06,018 --> 00:03:08,384 Go ahead, name a country that doesn't have two presidents. 54 00:03:08,453 --> 00:03:11,217 A boat that set sail without two captains. 55 00:03:11,290 --> 00:03:14,157 Where would Catholicism be without the popes? 56 00:03:14,226 --> 00:03:15,659 I have noticed that we... 57 00:03:15,727 --> 00:03:17,092 Welcome. 58 00:03:17,162 --> 00:03:18,891 Thank you. I have noticed we've been having 59 00:03:18,964 --> 00:03:20,955 a lot of conference room meetings. Mmm-hmm. 60 00:03:21,033 --> 00:03:24,196 And I'm wondering if perhaps those are a bit... 61 00:03:24,269 --> 00:03:25,361 Disruptive. Yes. 62 00:03:25,437 --> 00:03:29,897 No. I don't think they are. I think the meetings are very important. 63 00:03:29,975 --> 00:03:32,205 Okay. Maybe we should talk specifics. 64 00:03:32,277 --> 00:03:33,904 Let's do. Okay. 65 00:03:33,979 --> 00:03:36,846 Yesterday we had a meeting about planets. 66 00:03:36,915 --> 00:03:41,682 Well, to be fair, Jim, James... Jimothy. 67 00:03:42,354 --> 00:03:45,380 To be fair, Jimothy... That sounds weird. 68 00:03:45,457 --> 00:03:46,549 Are you okay with being called Jim? 69 00:03:46,625 --> 00:03:47,785 I am. All right. 70 00:03:47,859 --> 00:03:49,121 Jim, to be fair, 71 00:03:49,194 --> 00:03:50,491 the conversation wasn't about planets. 72 00:03:50,562 --> 00:03:51,586 Right. 73 00:03:51,663 --> 00:03:53,221 At first, we were talking about 74 00:03:53,298 --> 00:03:55,766 introducing a line of toilet paper. 75 00:03:55,834 --> 00:03:56,960 And what part of the human body 76 00:03:57,035 --> 00:03:59,765 does one use toilet paper upon? 77 00:04:00,305 --> 00:04:03,138 So you draw a line from there to the other planets, 78 00:04:03,208 --> 00:04:04,675 and I think by the end, we all learned 79 00:04:04,743 --> 00:04:06,540 a little bit about how small we are. 80 00:04:06,612 --> 00:04:07,772 Yes, I agree. I just feel... 81 00:04:07,846 --> 00:04:09,108 Because it's a big universe. 82 00:04:09,181 --> 00:04:12,480 And we're all just little tiny specks of dust. 83 00:04:12,551 --> 00:04:16,043 I just think that maybe they're eating large amounts of the day. 84 00:04:16,121 --> 00:04:18,316 You know what eats a large amount of the day are naps. 85 00:04:18,390 --> 00:04:20,620 You go to sleep, it's light out, you wake up, it's dark. 86 00:04:20,692 --> 00:04:24,526 That's the whole day. Where did that day go? I have no idea. 87 00:04:25,497 --> 00:04:27,397 You mean on a weekend? 88 00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:29,558 Yes. 89 00:04:30,636 --> 00:04:32,365 How about this? I think our goal should be 90 00:04:32,437 --> 00:04:35,201 we don't have meetings unless they're absolutely essential. 91 00:04:35,274 --> 00:04:37,970 All right. No more meetings this week. 92 00:04:38,043 --> 00:04:40,705 Really? You just agree to that? 93 00:04:40,779 --> 00:04:42,406 I can be very surprising. 94 00:04:49,421 --> 00:04:50,581 What's going on? 95 00:04:50,656 --> 00:04:53,147 I need to fit into my wedding dress. 96 00:04:53,759 --> 00:04:55,283 However, I'm also pregnant. 97 00:04:59,164 --> 00:05:00,688 You know, it's a myth that women have to gain 98 00:05:00,766 --> 00:05:03,030 more than nine pounds in a pregnancy. 99 00:05:03,101 --> 00:05:06,298 Look at these actresses. Some of them lose weight. 100 00:05:07,739 --> 00:05:09,969 Hey, did you guys register for wedding gifts? 101 00:05:10,042 --> 00:05:13,102 We did, but mostly because people expect us to. 102 00:05:13,979 --> 00:05:17,642 We're also accepting other gifts not on the registry. 103 00:05:19,751 --> 00:05:21,150 However much. 104 00:05:21,219 --> 00:05:25,246 It's awkward asking people for money. But we could really use it. 105 00:05:26,458 --> 00:05:30,861 Why doesn't Crate and Barrel let you register for a toaster full of cash? 106 00:05:30,929 --> 00:05:32,590 Perfect. I hate registries. 107 00:05:32,664 --> 00:05:33,722 Oh, good. 108 00:05:33,799 --> 00:05:37,758 My cousin makes the most amazing romantic birdhouse mailboxes. 109 00:05:37,836 --> 00:05:41,135 I know I shouldn't tell you, but you'll still be surprised when you see it. 110 00:05:41,206 --> 00:05:43,436 You're not registered for a birdhouse, are you? 111 00:05:43,508 --> 00:05:44,975 No, we're not. 112 00:05:45,043 --> 00:05:46,476 Good. Good. 113 00:05:51,183 --> 00:05:52,946 Mmm-hmm. 114 00:05:54,052 --> 00:05:55,883 Okay. I thought I saw people missing. 115 00:05:55,954 --> 00:05:59,981 Yeah. Just focus grouping a product expansion idea to these folks. 116 00:06:00,058 --> 00:06:01,548 Got one of each. Really? 117 00:06:01,626 --> 00:06:03,025 Hey, Stanley, what was the last thing Michael said 118 00:06:03,095 --> 00:06:04,119 before I came through the door? 119 00:06:04,196 --> 00:06:05,424 Stanley, you don't need to answer that. 120 00:06:05,497 --> 00:06:06,862 Stanley? 121 00:06:06,932 --> 00:06:08,900 "If you don't smell this, you're fired." 122 00:06:08,967 --> 00:06:10,457 Okay, Michael, I thought we agreed 123 00:06:10,535 --> 00:06:12,696 to not take up people's time with meetings like these. 124 00:06:12,771 --> 00:06:15,672 What do you mean by "these" people? 125 00:06:15,741 --> 00:06:17,140 Michael, this is a conference room meeting. 126 00:06:17,242 --> 00:06:20,405 Oh, hey, everybody, I think that Jim has gone insane 127 00:06:20,479 --> 00:06:22,970 because he thinks that my office is a conference room. 128 00:06:23,048 --> 00:06:24,037 That's not what I meant. 129 00:06:24,116 --> 00:06:27,517 Listen, Jim, no offense, but when push comes to shove, 130 00:06:27,586 --> 00:06:30,077 what I want is more important than what you want. 131 00:06:30,155 --> 00:06:31,281 I disagree. 132 00:06:31,356 --> 00:06:32,414 What do you guys think? 133 00:06:32,491 --> 00:06:34,118 Can I go back to my desk now? 134 00:06:34,192 --> 00:06:36,183 Great. Guys, can I just have a moment alone with Michael, please? 135 00:06:36,261 --> 00:06:37,853 No, no, no, no. You don't need to go anywhere. 136 00:06:37,929 --> 00:06:39,521 Anything that Jim has to say to me, 137 00:06:39,598 --> 00:06:41,793 he can say in front of these types of people. 138 00:06:41,867 --> 00:06:43,767 That is not what I said. 139 00:06:43,835 --> 00:06:45,359 And also, I am co-manager, 140 00:06:45,437 --> 00:06:47,132 meaning you are not the only manager anymore. 141 00:06:47,205 --> 00:06:48,570 I am also a co-manager. 142 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:49,868 That is not what Wallace told us. 143 00:06:49,941 --> 00:06:51,067 That's exactly what Wallace told us. 144 00:06:51,143 --> 00:06:53,577 That is not the way I heard it. 145 00:06:53,645 --> 00:06:56,079 I love rivalries. Michael or Jim, 146 00:06:56,148 --> 00:06:59,845 Paris or Nicole, Heidi or L.C., it's so much fun. 147 00:06:59,918 --> 00:07:01,909 But I guess if I'm really thinking about it, 148 00:07:01,987 --> 00:07:03,921 and answering your question honestly, 149 00:07:03,989 --> 00:07:08,483 I'd have to go with L.C. Heidi's a bad friend and her skin is terrible. 150 00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:11,620 It is one thing me giving you the co-manager title, 151 00:07:11,696 --> 00:07:13,823 it is another thing you bossing me around. 152 00:07:13,899 --> 00:07:14,888 I'm not bossing you around. 153 00:07:14,966 --> 00:07:17,161 I'm trying to do my job, which is sharing your job. 154 00:07:17,235 --> 00:07:19,066 So maybe we should just call David Wallace. 155 00:07:19,137 --> 00:07:21,264 No, no, no. No! We will not call David Wallace. 156 00:07:21,339 --> 00:07:22,670 I will call David Wallace. 157 00:07:22,741 --> 00:07:24,675 David Wallace is on line two for you guys. 158 00:07:24,743 --> 00:07:27,871 Or David Wallace will call us on line two. Why don't we just... 159 00:07:27,946 --> 00:07:29,743 Hey, David. You got Jim here. Hey, David. 160 00:07:29,815 --> 00:07:31,942 This is Michael, senior co-manager. 161 00:07:32,050 --> 00:07:36,578 Hey, guys. I'm calling because unfortunately 162 00:07:37,022 --> 00:07:38,649 we will not be able to give out 163 00:07:38,723 --> 00:07:40,281 cost of living raises this year 164 00:07:40,358 --> 00:07:42,189 and I know people expect it. 165 00:07:42,294 --> 00:07:45,320 However, there just is only a small amount of money for each branch. 166 00:07:45,397 --> 00:07:47,695 So, we're leaving it up to the managers 167 00:07:47,766 --> 00:07:49,256 to decide how to distribute it. 168 00:07:49,334 --> 00:07:53,395 Got it, Dave. Sounds like your classic big picture decision. 169 00:07:53,472 --> 00:07:56,236 Which will clearly affect the day-to-day wellbeing of our employees. 170 00:07:56,308 --> 00:07:57,536 It's probably a little of both. 171 00:07:57,609 --> 00:07:58,667 Which is it more of? 172 00:07:58,743 --> 00:07:59,835 Excuse me? Hey, David, 173 00:07:59,911 --> 00:08:01,173 I know that I am very new at this, 174 00:08:01,246 --> 00:08:03,237 but I have a very good perspective on how things work... 175 00:08:03,315 --> 00:08:06,614 Wait, I'm sorry. Michael, are you texting me? 176 00:08:08,220 --> 00:08:10,279 I thought maybe we could talk after this is over. 177 00:08:10,355 --> 00:08:12,448 Look, I need you both to take care of this. 178 00:08:12,524 --> 00:08:14,651 This is not going to be a problem, is it? 179 00:08:14,726 --> 00:08:15,715 Nope, not at all. Not at all. Nope. 180 00:08:15,794 --> 00:08:16,818 No, it will not be. 181 00:08:16,895 --> 00:08:17,884 I am on top of it. Very good. 182 00:08:17,963 --> 00:08:19,726 All right. Thanks a lot, David. Talk to you later... 183 00:08:19,798 --> 00:08:22,562 Okay, you didn't let me say goodbye. 184 00:08:23,935 --> 00:08:26,199 All right, I am looking forward to this. 185 00:08:26,271 --> 00:08:27,295 You don't have to lie. 186 00:08:27,372 --> 00:08:29,966 I hate the fact that we have to do this together. 187 00:08:30,041 --> 00:08:31,906 I think we work much better separately. 188 00:08:31,977 --> 00:08:36,107 When I am irritated and I look at you, I don't see you anymore. 189 00:08:36,181 --> 00:08:37,512 Right. All I can see 190 00:08:37,582 --> 00:08:39,914 is how big and gross the pores on your nose are. 191 00:08:39,985 --> 00:08:42,180 All right. Let's get started. 192 00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:50,892 Hey, why haven't we ever... 193 00:08:50,962 --> 00:08:52,190 We have. 194 00:08:56,234 --> 00:08:57,758 You know, there's no easy way to do this. 195 00:08:57,836 --> 00:09:01,397 I say we add 1.5% to their paychecks 196 00:09:01,473 --> 00:09:03,338 and don't say anything about it. 197 00:09:03,408 --> 00:09:05,467 Do you mean, like, break in, in the middle of the night 198 00:09:05,544 --> 00:09:06,772 and change the numbers on payroll? 199 00:09:06,845 --> 00:09:08,369 No, we can do it during the day. 200 00:09:08,446 --> 00:09:09,879 It doesn't have to be that dramatic, Jim. 201 00:09:09,948 --> 00:09:11,313 Okay. 202 00:09:11,383 --> 00:09:15,911 You know what would help is a pros and cons list for our options. 203 00:09:16,321 --> 00:09:17,811 Jim, don't take this the wrong way. 204 00:09:17,889 --> 00:09:19,857 Are you going to take this the wrong way? 205 00:09:19,925 --> 00:09:20,949 It's hard to tell so far. 206 00:09:21,026 --> 00:09:22,357 You use your brain too much. 207 00:09:22,427 --> 00:09:24,224 I'm sorry, are you advocating that I use it less? 208 00:09:24,296 --> 00:09:27,390 Sometimes the smartest people don't think at all. 209 00:09:27,465 --> 00:09:29,262 You just came up with that. As I was saying it. 210 00:09:29,334 --> 00:09:30,665 Yeah. 211 00:09:30,735 --> 00:09:35,297 Okay, so for the 1.5% increase, pro, everyone gets a little bit. 212 00:09:35,373 --> 00:09:37,204 Con, you look like a nerd. 213 00:09:37,275 --> 00:09:40,039 Con, no one gets as much as they did last year. 214 00:09:40,111 --> 00:09:43,376 Pro, you get to share your pros and cons list with the other nerds. 215 00:09:43,448 --> 00:09:45,245 Pro, no favoritism. 216 00:09:45,317 --> 00:09:48,218 Con, you unzip your pants and you'll find 217 00:09:48,286 --> 00:09:50,186 that there's a calculator down there. 218 00:09:51,623 --> 00:09:53,352 I've been studying Michael for years 219 00:09:53,425 --> 00:09:56,553 and I've condensed what I've learned into this chart. 220 00:09:56,628 --> 00:09:58,186 How Michael spends his time. 221 00:09:58,263 --> 00:10:01,130 As you can see, we have procrastinating and distracting others. 222 00:10:01,199 --> 00:10:04,362 And this tiny sliver here is critical thinking. 223 00:10:05,470 --> 00:10:07,938 I made it bigger so that you could see it. 224 00:10:09,574 --> 00:10:14,568 Hey, Pam. I heard that you were registered, but I didn't hear where. 225 00:10:14,779 --> 00:10:20,240 I don't think we registered anywhere. We just want cash. 226 00:10:20,619 --> 00:10:24,817 Like money? Like, you want my money? 227 00:10:24,956 --> 00:10:26,184 Mmm-hmm. 228 00:10:26,391 --> 00:10:28,256 Will you take a check? 229 00:10:28,793 --> 00:10:29,817 Yeah. 230 00:10:29,894 --> 00:10:30,883 Cool. 231 00:10:33,198 --> 00:10:38,261 In the memo line, I'm going to write, "To love's eternal glory." 232 00:10:39,137 --> 00:10:40,627 Okay. 233 00:10:40,705 --> 00:10:41,899 Wait till Monday. 234 00:10:43,475 --> 00:10:48,208 Is this what I've become? Materialistic? Shallow? 235 00:10:49,247 --> 00:10:54,207 I feel horrible. Oh, look! "Mrs. Pam Halpert!" 236 00:10:55,353 --> 00:10:58,413 That's the first time I've seen it in writing. 237 00:10:59,591 --> 00:11:01,024 You know what, the more I think about it, 238 00:11:01,092 --> 00:11:04,220 the more I think we should give it to the salesmen. 239 00:11:04,295 --> 00:11:05,557 That will not go over well. 240 00:11:05,630 --> 00:11:07,257 Yeah, I know, I just think it seems smart 241 00:11:07,332 --> 00:11:08,959 to keep the salesmen happier right now. 242 00:11:09,034 --> 00:11:11,229 Of course, I know this might come off as biased, 243 00:11:11,302 --> 00:11:13,736 so you know what? Let us... 244 00:11:13,805 --> 00:11:15,238 Oh, my God, are you going to make 245 00:11:15,306 --> 00:11:16,933 another pro and con list? I'm going to kill myself. 246 00:11:17,008 --> 00:11:18,771 Well, I'm not going to let you stop me from thinking. 247 00:11:18,843 --> 00:11:20,743 No, I could not do that, Jim. 248 00:11:20,812 --> 00:11:23,007 I can see it in your crusty little eyes 249 00:11:23,081 --> 00:11:25,208 that you are going to make everything perfect. 250 00:11:25,283 --> 00:11:28,081 "If I could just think this through, 251 00:11:28,153 --> 00:11:30,781 "if I could just think it exactly right, 252 00:11:30,855 --> 00:11:33,119 "I can make this perfect. 253 00:11:33,758 --> 00:11:35,726 "And then I can go down every avenue, 254 00:11:35,794 --> 00:11:37,853 "and every avenue off of that avenue. 255 00:11:37,929 --> 00:11:39,419 "And then another avenue..." Michael. 256 00:11:39,497 --> 00:11:40,486 "And then another." 257 00:11:40,565 --> 00:11:41,759 Look, you have a lot of strengths. 258 00:11:41,833 --> 00:11:43,733 Oh, I do? Tell me what they are. 259 00:11:43,802 --> 00:11:46,293 I think that you are able to take 260 00:11:46,371 --> 00:11:47,702 constructive criticism very well. 261 00:11:47,806 --> 00:11:50,639 Ha! That, I am not known for that. 262 00:11:50,709 --> 00:11:52,540 But there is a reason why I'm here. 263 00:11:52,610 --> 00:11:54,271 Yes, you went over my head to Wallace. 264 00:11:54,345 --> 00:11:56,836 No, it's because you also have a lot of weaknesses, Michael. 265 00:11:56,915 --> 00:12:00,681 Okay, well, why don't you tell me what those are, Jim? 266 00:12:00,752 --> 00:12:02,185 Why don't you enliven me? 267 00:12:02,253 --> 00:12:03,982 I don't think you're good at making tough decisions. 268 00:12:04,055 --> 00:12:05,079 Ah! 269 00:12:05,156 --> 00:12:08,592 At thinking out the options and then stating that decision very clearly, 270 00:12:08,660 --> 00:12:10,628 especially when it's an unpopular decision. 271 00:12:10,695 --> 00:12:13,994 Okay. Here's a tough decision for you, you suck. You suck. 272 00:12:14,065 --> 00:12:15,760 Michael, wait. Is that clear enough for you? 273 00:12:15,834 --> 00:12:21,136 Maybe I'm here for a reason, because I might have some good ideas, too. 274 00:12:21,206 --> 00:12:23,436 I've been sitting out there and I've been learning a lot 275 00:12:23,508 --> 00:12:26,636 and maybe I can just bring something different to the table. 276 00:12:26,711 --> 00:12:28,144 Okay, Skippy, here we go. 277 00:12:28,213 --> 00:12:31,444 Why don't you run yourself out there and tell them? 278 00:12:32,083 --> 00:12:33,482 You call it. 279 00:12:39,524 --> 00:12:41,424 This had better be terrible. 280 00:12:41,493 --> 00:12:42,983 Could I have everyone's attention, please? 281 00:12:43,061 --> 00:12:46,053 I have some tough news, so I'm just going to give it to you straight. 282 00:12:46,131 --> 00:12:48,998 Truth is we only have so much money for raises this year. 283 00:12:49,067 --> 00:12:50,056 So the simple fact is, 284 00:12:50,135 --> 00:12:52,535 some people will get raises and some people won't. 285 00:12:52,604 --> 00:12:54,196 Now what we've decided is 286 00:12:54,272 --> 00:12:56,900 we are going to give those raises to the sales staff. 287 00:12:56,975 --> 00:12:58,272 Wait, seriously? 288 00:12:58,343 --> 00:13:01,506 Look, you guys are smart, so I'm just leveling with you, 289 00:13:01,579 --> 00:13:03,069 just trying to treat you like adults. 290 00:13:03,148 --> 00:13:06,549 Thank you, Jim, for thinking that we're smart people. 291 00:13:06,618 --> 00:13:08,245 But I do not understand. 292 00:13:08,319 --> 00:13:11,720 If we're such smart adults, then why don't we get raises? 293 00:13:11,790 --> 00:13:13,485 Excellent question, genius. 294 00:13:13,558 --> 00:13:15,150 It's because Jim wants to give the raises 295 00:13:15,226 --> 00:13:17,091 to his friends and the people he sleeps with. 296 00:13:17,162 --> 00:13:18,220 Ooh! Easy, that's not it at all. 297 00:13:18,296 --> 00:13:19,285 Well? 298 00:13:19,364 --> 00:13:20,763 Really, what it is, is about the money 299 00:13:20,832 --> 00:13:22,459 the sales staff brings in to the office... 300 00:13:22,534 --> 00:13:23,523 What's going on? 301 00:13:23,601 --> 00:13:26,434 Jim is only giving raises to the salesmen. 302 00:13:26,604 --> 00:13:28,469 What the hell? Why are you being such a jerk? 303 00:13:28,540 --> 00:13:31,202 Hold on, Kelly, would it help you to know that Jim thinks you're smart? 304 00:13:31,276 --> 00:13:34,507 No. How is that going to repair Ryan's car? 305 00:13:34,579 --> 00:13:37,104 This is ridiculous! How can he do this to us? 306 00:13:37,182 --> 00:13:38,376 Okay, Dwight, you know what? 307 00:13:38,449 --> 00:13:39,677 You'd be getting the raise, so... 308 00:13:39,751 --> 00:13:42,447 What about all these people? How is it fair to them? 309 00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:43,612 - Exactly. - Totally. 310 00:13:43,688 --> 00:13:46,248 We work just as hard as the salespeople, we deserve raises. 311 00:13:46,324 --> 00:13:47,313 Yes. Yes. 312 00:13:47,392 --> 00:13:49,019 They don't get them if we don't get them. 313 00:13:49,093 --> 00:13:52,756 My kid needs shoes. You want to tell him he doesn't get shoes? 314 00:13:52,831 --> 00:13:53,820 Yeah. 315 00:13:53,898 --> 00:13:55,195 Her kid needs shoes, Jim. 316 00:13:55,266 --> 00:13:56,756 What the hell? 317 00:13:59,470 --> 00:14:04,874 Wow. I'm just going to rewind and back off a bit, so... 318 00:14:13,284 --> 00:14:15,684 That was good. That was good. 319 00:14:15,887 --> 00:14:18,378 Okay, all right. Well, we all know 320 00:14:18,456 --> 00:14:19,787 it's hard to be a boss, right? 321 00:14:19,858 --> 00:14:23,851 You know what? Look around you, these are your best friends. 322 00:14:24,295 --> 00:14:29,096 These are the people who will open their hearts to you. 323 00:14:29,167 --> 00:14:33,399 They all have heart-ons for you. 324 00:14:33,972 --> 00:14:35,701 And that is a gift. 325 00:14:36,207 --> 00:14:39,608 So in terms of gifts, we should be giving each other gifts. 326 00:14:39,677 --> 00:14:43,238 Angela, yes, lend Oscar a cup of sugar. 327 00:14:43,314 --> 00:14:44,679 This is... What are you talking about? Michael! 328 00:14:44,749 --> 00:14:47,582 We just need to hear your plan for our raise. 329 00:14:47,652 --> 00:14:51,918 My plan, a man, Panama. 330 00:14:52,724 --> 00:14:53,986 That's not how that goes. 331 00:14:54,058 --> 00:14:56,993 You're not saying anything. At least Jim was being direct... 332 00:14:57,061 --> 00:14:58,050 Thank you, Meredith. 333 00:14:58,129 --> 00:14:59,687 ...when he was telling us his dumb-ass plan. 334 00:14:59,764 --> 00:15:01,129 We would just like to know what's happening. 335 00:15:01,199 --> 00:15:03,190 Are we getting a raise, yes or no? 336 00:15:03,268 --> 00:15:05,600 All right, let me get this cleared. Does everybody want a raise? 337 00:15:05,670 --> 00:15:06,864 Yes! 338 00:15:06,938 --> 00:15:08,769 All right, everyone wants a raise, 339 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:11,604 so what we're going to do is go into here 340 00:15:11,676 --> 00:15:13,803 and we will not come out until we do. 341 00:15:14,345 --> 00:15:15,573 Again, that gives us no information. 342 00:15:15,647 --> 00:15:18,741 This isn't a game, you know, it's our livelihood. 343 00:15:21,586 --> 00:15:24,020 What about a raise based on merit? 344 00:15:24,589 --> 00:15:25,851 Rank each person individually. 345 00:15:25,924 --> 00:15:27,789 Mmm-hmm. Piece of cake. 346 00:15:28,426 --> 00:15:29,859 Ryan is obviously the best. 347 00:15:29,928 --> 00:15:31,623 Obviously. Too bad he's a temp 348 00:15:31,696 --> 00:15:33,129 and doesn't count, so let's get started. 349 00:15:33,197 --> 00:15:34,494 Are you making a... 350 00:15:34,565 --> 00:15:36,590 Nope, I'm numbering the paper. 351 00:15:36,668 --> 00:15:38,533 Just... Yeah. I don't understand 352 00:15:38,603 --> 00:15:40,969 how they can even consider giving money 353 00:15:41,039 --> 00:15:43,371 to some people and not the rest of us. 354 00:15:43,441 --> 00:15:45,841 It's not like we're not going to see the checks, we're in Accounting. 355 00:15:45,910 --> 00:15:47,673 I am so pissed at this company. 356 00:15:47,745 --> 00:15:48,734 And Jim. 357 00:15:48,813 --> 00:15:50,940 Yeah. Who said that? 358 00:15:51,883 --> 00:15:53,077 I think it was Creed. 359 00:15:53,151 --> 00:15:54,140 Yep. 360 00:15:58,823 --> 00:16:00,688 It's going really well, actually. Mmm-hmm. 361 00:16:00,758 --> 00:16:03,488 Each Boston baked bean represents half-a-percent raise. 362 00:16:03,561 --> 00:16:04,550 We each got 24 beans, 363 00:16:04,629 --> 00:16:06,961 so the idea is, you place the bean 364 00:16:07,031 --> 00:16:09,864 on the picture of who you think deserves... 365 00:16:09,934 --> 00:16:11,731 Who's that? Toby. 366 00:16:11,803 --> 00:16:13,168 Okay, he's not a part of this, you know that. 367 00:16:13,237 --> 00:16:15,171 Just wanted to draw a picture of him. 368 00:16:15,239 --> 00:16:16,638 Okay, your move. 369 00:16:16,708 --> 00:16:18,266 All right. Who to pick? 370 00:16:19,210 --> 00:16:20,234 Who to pick? 371 00:16:20,311 --> 00:16:21,335 Here we go. 372 00:16:21,412 --> 00:16:25,314 I will skip a turn. 373 00:16:25,383 --> 00:16:27,544 Okay, you're going to still have to play that bean, you know that. 374 00:16:27,618 --> 00:16:28,949 I need more time. 375 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,087 Wallace sent an email about a meeting next week, 376 00:16:38,162 --> 00:16:40,392 he wants you both to respond. 377 00:16:57,281 --> 00:17:00,478 People are starting to notice how terrible Jim is. 378 00:17:00,551 --> 00:17:03,918 It's great. Eventually, they will rise up and revolt. 379 00:17:04,489 --> 00:17:07,219 My only hope is that they do it sooner rather than later. 380 00:17:07,291 --> 00:17:09,486 If the people here were our Founding Fathers, 381 00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:12,358 the Revolutionary War would have been delayed 10 years 382 00:17:12,430 --> 00:17:15,593 because Stanley Washington was napping. 383 00:17:15,666 --> 00:17:20,000 And Phyllis Hancock was still signing the Declaration, 384 00:17:20,071 --> 00:17:24,235 and Kevin Jefferson was distracted by a butterfly. 385 00:17:24,308 --> 00:17:28,972 Come on in. That's right. Come in, feast your eyes. 386 00:17:29,047 --> 00:17:33,347 They determine our worth by putting beans on our faces. 387 00:17:33,418 --> 00:17:34,442 What the hell? 388 00:17:34,519 --> 00:17:36,885 Things were not this bad when just Michael was manager. 389 00:17:36,954 --> 00:17:38,353 Hey, what are you guys doing in here? 390 00:17:38,423 --> 00:17:39,651 What does a bean mean? 391 00:17:39,724 --> 00:17:44,354 Why aren't there any beans on this very old, frizzy-haired picture of me? 392 00:17:44,429 --> 00:17:46,761 Michael, what does a bean mean? 393 00:17:46,831 --> 00:17:47,889 Jim? 394 00:17:47,965 --> 00:17:48,989 I was just trying to be unbiased. 395 00:17:49,067 --> 00:17:50,398 What does a bean mean? 396 00:17:50,468 --> 00:17:51,560 Someone please explain it to Kevin. 397 00:17:51,636 --> 00:17:54,161 Why can't you? My time is just as valuable as yours. 398 00:17:54,238 --> 00:17:55,967 Not according to the beans. 399 00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:58,440 This is how you make this important decision? 400 00:17:58,509 --> 00:18:02,707 There's no way that Stanley gets more beans than me, that is ridiculous. 401 00:18:03,981 --> 00:18:05,778 This is how it works. 402 00:18:06,117 --> 00:18:09,518 It's not so much that I might not get a raise, it's just demeaning. 403 00:18:09,587 --> 00:18:14,456 Thank you. That is exactly... But, by the way, I would also like a raise. 404 00:18:14,525 --> 00:18:16,288 Yeah, I would, too. 405 00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:17,827 Are we idiots? 406 00:18:20,531 --> 00:18:23,432 What right does Jim have to claim authority? 407 00:18:24,102 --> 00:18:26,263 Is he as good a salesman as I? 408 00:18:26,337 --> 00:18:29,238 Is he as matronly as Phyllis? 409 00:18:29,707 --> 00:18:33,336 There are moments where we can affect change. 410 00:18:33,911 --> 00:18:38,405 For a few seconds, every decade, we exist. 411 00:18:39,150 --> 00:18:42,244 And these are those seconds. Let us storm his castle. 412 00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:46,154 Come on, tick, let's get him, tock. 413 00:18:46,991 --> 00:18:51,928 Let's get Jim. Tick, and drag Jim out of his office, tock, 414 00:18:51,996 --> 00:18:55,363 take his keys away from him, tick, that's a clock. 415 00:18:55,433 --> 00:18:58,869 The time is getting very close. It's now or never. 416 00:18:58,936 --> 00:19:00,426 What say you? 417 00:19:01,806 --> 00:19:02,898 I say no. 418 00:19:02,974 --> 00:19:05,636 No, I mean, what do you say to my plan? 419 00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:10,542 Michael Scott... Security guard. 420 00:19:10,615 --> 00:19:12,105 Michael, will you help us? 421 00:19:14,218 --> 00:19:15,651 What does a bean mean? 422 00:19:20,491 --> 00:19:21,958 How you doing? 423 00:19:22,527 --> 00:19:25,018 On a scale of one to 10, I'd say I'm about a four. 424 00:19:25,897 --> 00:19:27,296 What are you usually? 425 00:19:27,365 --> 00:19:29,265 Six. You? 426 00:19:29,333 --> 00:19:32,166 Usually a 10, but I'm feeling like a zero. 427 00:19:32,236 --> 00:19:33,794 I mean, a performance-based raise 428 00:19:33,871 --> 00:19:35,304 sounded like a good idea, right? 429 00:19:35,373 --> 00:19:36,897 I know, I know. 430 00:19:36,974 --> 00:19:38,441 We tried to find the fairest way to do it. 431 00:19:38,509 --> 00:19:39,567 Yes, we did. 432 00:19:39,644 --> 00:19:41,009 I just... 433 00:19:44,348 --> 00:19:45,440 What? 434 00:19:45,850 --> 00:19:46,976 Um... 435 00:19:47,652 --> 00:19:49,142 Nothing. I just... 436 00:19:49,220 --> 00:19:52,883 I used to have to do this part alone. And it was the worst. 437 00:19:56,027 --> 00:19:58,086 I have something I would like to give you. 438 00:19:58,162 --> 00:20:00,653 Michael, come on! This isn't fair! KEVIN: Michael! 439 00:20:01,699 --> 00:20:04,668 Michael's my only friend left in the office. 440 00:20:05,236 --> 00:20:08,535 Except Pam. I think. 441 00:20:09,740 --> 00:20:10,968 She still upset? 442 00:20:12,143 --> 00:20:15,340 Michael, you cannot just keep avoiding us like this. 443 00:20:18,749 --> 00:20:19,738 Thank you. 444 00:20:19,817 --> 00:20:20,806 You're welcome. 445 00:20:22,987 --> 00:20:24,477 What's in here? 446 00:20:24,555 --> 00:20:25,613 Gin. 447 00:20:35,533 --> 00:20:36,591 Ooh. 448 00:20:44,675 --> 00:20:46,267 Just pretend we're not here. 449 00:20:50,181 --> 00:20:51,739 Heard you guys are looking for cash for the wedding? 450 00:20:51,816 --> 00:20:54,114 Yeah, I mean, if it's all the same for you. 451 00:20:54,185 --> 00:20:55,209 Question for you, 452 00:20:55,286 --> 00:20:59,416 would you guys rather have $100 now or $5,000 a year from now? 453 00:20:59,490 --> 00:21:00,821 $100 now, for sure. 454 00:21:00,891 --> 00:21:03,621 Because you just give me $50 to cover the broker fee, 455 00:21:03,694 --> 00:21:06,162 I put in $100 of my own money, as the gift. 456 00:21:06,230 --> 00:21:09,757 Yeah. No, no. The $100. I'll just take the $100. 457 00:21:10,835 --> 00:21:13,269 Instead of $5,000 a year from now? 458 00:21:14,672 --> 00:21:16,230 How sure is this? 459 00:21:16,307 --> 00:21:17,831 The guy has an algorithm 460 00:21:17,908 --> 00:21:21,674 to determine the winner of any given college basketball game. 461 00:21:27,785 --> 00:21:29,184 Don't tell Jim.