1
00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:15,970
Stop it!
Stop what?

2
00:00:16,048 --> 00:00:18,016
You're talking
about me in Morse Code.

3
00:00:18,083 --> 00:00:20,517
But you know what? Joke's on
you 'cause I know Morse Code.

4
00:00:20,586 --> 00:00:21,575
Ha!

5
00:00:22,888 --> 00:00:24,446
Yeah, that's what
we're doing.

6
00:00:24,823 --> 00:00:27,417
In our very limited free time
and with our very limited budget,

7
00:00:27,493 --> 00:00:30,257
we went and got a nanny, and
then we went out and took a class

8
00:00:30,329 --> 00:00:33,230
on a very outmoded and very
unnecessary form of communication

9
00:00:33,298 --> 00:00:35,858
just so we can talk
about you in front of you.

10
00:00:36,468 --> 00:00:38,766
Yep, that's exactly
what we did.

11
00:00:39,805 --> 00:00:43,468
It all started when Dwight was tapping
his foot against the leg of his desk.

12
00:00:43,809 --> 00:00:45,071
When I asked him
to stop, he said,

13
00:00:45,144 --> 00:00:48,307
"I will when you
lose the baby weight."

14
00:00:50,015 --> 00:00:54,008
Very well. I must have
imagined it. I apologize.

15
00:01:07,132 --> 00:01:10,295
Detonator? Detonator. Where?

16
00:01:10,836 --> 00:01:12,098
Michael!

17
00:01:12,471 --> 00:01:15,440
Jim, are you
clicking a detonator?

18
00:01:16,141 --> 00:01:17,733
It's a pen.
Michael, come on.

19
00:01:17,810 --> 00:01:20,142
Get back to work,
Dwight. Please.

20
00:01:22,448 --> 00:01:23,437
Fine.

21
00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:29,651
Hey, tap away.

22
00:02:06,825 --> 00:02:07,052
Whoo!

23
00:02:07,926 --> 00:02:11,760
Things with Donna are so...
They're going great!

24
00:02:13,232 --> 00:02:17,225
I... We're just
clicking on every level.

25
00:02:17,936 --> 00:02:22,669
Emotionally, and sexually, and orally.

26
00:02:22,975 --> 00:02:27,878
And I am not used to
relationships going this well.

27
00:02:27,946 --> 00:02:31,245
I'm actually having trouble
focusing on my job.

28
00:02:32,050 --> 00:02:34,678
And I like it

29
00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:37,650
Who enjoys the weekends?

30
00:02:38,790 --> 00:02:41,953
Of course. Now the
weekend is always great

31
00:02:42,027 --> 00:02:46,123
if you have someone, which I
do. I have Donna, she is hot.

32
00:02:46,365 --> 00:02:47,730
She has a Pilates butt.

33
00:02:47,799 --> 00:02:51,200
But we need to find something to
do this weekend beside have sex.

34
00:02:52,004 --> 00:02:53,369
Did I say that?
Yes, I did.

35
00:02:53,438 --> 00:02:56,407
And the reason you are here
is that I need ideas

36
00:02:56,475 --> 00:02:59,273
for things that Donna and I can do
on the weekend. So just shout it out.

37
00:02:59,344 --> 00:03:01,175
I have an idea for your weekend. Okay.

38
00:03:01,246 --> 00:03:03,441
Let me go back to my
desk right now. Okay.

39
00:03:03,515 --> 00:03:05,710
You get out of here,
big dog.

40
00:03:05,784 --> 00:03:07,718
No, no, no, no, you guys
sit down. I need ideas.

41
00:03:07,786 --> 00:03:08,775
Stanley got to go.

42
00:03:08,854 --> 00:03:10,219
Yeah, Well, Stanley
doesn't help with anything.

43
00:03:10,289 --> 00:03:11,551
Come on, shout them out.
Shout them out.

44
00:03:11,623 --> 00:03:12,885
Walk around apple orchards.
Oh!

45
00:03:12,958 --> 00:03:14,220
Super romantic.
That's fun.

46
00:03:14,293 --> 00:03:15,419
Eel fishing.
All right.

47
00:03:15,494 --> 00:03:17,121
Curl up with
your favorite DVD.

48
00:03:17,196 --> 00:03:18,629
You and Donna
should hit the Poconos.

49
00:03:18,697 --> 00:03:21,461
They have heart-shaped
Jacuzzis, room enough for three.

50
00:03:21,533 --> 00:03:23,694
We actually went to the
Poconos last Tuesday.

51
00:03:23,769 --> 00:03:28,672
We headed up there, we went to a
little Chinese bistro, P.F. Chang's.

52
00:03:28,974 --> 00:03:31,067
Why would you go all the way
to the Poconos to P.F. Chang's

53
00:03:31,143 --> 00:03:32,872
when we have
the Great Wall in Scranton?

54
00:03:33,078 --> 00:03:34,511
Because when your
super-hot girlfriend

55
00:03:34,580 --> 00:03:35,945
says, "I want to
go to Mount Pocono,"

56
00:03:36,014 --> 00:03:38,812
you go to Mount Pocono,
and you do her.

57
00:03:38,884 --> 00:03:41,148
And we screwed. Whoops!
TMI!

58
00:03:41,220 --> 00:03:43,484
Wait, that's crazy far. Are
you sure she's not cheating?

59
00:03:43,555 --> 00:03:45,682
You know what, Kelly,
this is the real world.

60
00:03:45,757 --> 00:03:48,191
Not,
The Real World, Scranton.

61
00:03:48,260 --> 00:03:49,818
Oh, my God,
this is super weird.

62
00:03:49,895 --> 00:03:50,953
When Ryan had
two girlfriends,

63
00:03:51,029 --> 00:03:52,724
he used to take me to
some diner in Hazleton

64
00:03:52,798 --> 00:03:53,924
just so the other
girl wouldn't see.

65
00:03:53,999 --> 00:03:56,467
Some diner?
It was the Starlight Diner.

66
00:03:56,535 --> 00:03:59,595
It's in a Life magazine
spread about Americana.

67
00:03:59,671 --> 00:04:01,332
You guys think
Donna's cheating on me?

68
00:04:01,607 --> 00:04:03,541
No. Michael, no.

69
00:04:03,609 --> 00:04:07,010
You had a nice meal with your
girlfriend in a lovely place.

70
00:04:07,079 --> 00:04:08,671
And sex. We had sex, too. That is right.

71
00:04:08,747 --> 00:04:10,647
Don't make any more of it.
How?

72
00:04:10,716 --> 00:04:12,809
How what? How do I not
make any more of it?

73
00:04:12,884 --> 00:04:14,715
You could start by
concluding this meeting.

74
00:04:14,786 --> 00:04:15,810
All right.

75
00:04:16,121 --> 00:04:19,022
Okay. And she won't say, "I love you."

76
00:04:19,091 --> 00:04:20,080
Oh, no.

77
00:04:20,158 --> 00:04:21,455
How many dates
have you been on?

78
00:04:21,526 --> 00:04:24,154
Nine dates. I said
it on the second date.

79
00:04:24,730 --> 00:04:28,257
That seems quick,
even for lesbians.

80
00:04:28,467 --> 00:04:30,526
Does she keep her phone
locked around you, Michael?

81
00:04:30,602 --> 00:04:32,934
Does she watch how much she
drinks around you, Michael?

82
00:04:33,005 --> 00:04:34,905
Does she leave the room
when she takes phone calls?

83
00:04:34,973 --> 00:04:37,441
Does she keep perfume in her
purse? Does she shower before sex?

84
00:04:37,509 --> 00:04:39,340
Does she shower
after sex? Does she...

85
00:04:39,411 --> 00:04:40,708
Yeah, she does all that.

86
00:04:40,779 --> 00:04:42,007
Sorry, dude.
Oh, no, no, no, no.

87
00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:43,980
Michael, do not let
your imagination run amok.

88
00:04:44,049 --> 00:04:45,311
Run what?
Amok.

89
00:04:45,384 --> 00:04:47,511
It means don't let your
imagination run out of control.

90
00:04:47,586 --> 00:04:49,281
Why didn't you
just say that, Pam?

91
00:04:49,354 --> 00:04:51,515
Michael, do not let your
imagination run out of control.

92
00:04:51,590 --> 00:04:53,023
Well, that's easy
for you to say.

93
00:04:53,091 --> 00:04:54,991
You have a bad imagination, it's stupid.

94
00:04:55,060 --> 00:04:56,550
I live in a fantasy world.

95
00:04:56,628 --> 00:04:57,754
You do?

96
00:04:57,829 --> 00:04:59,558
Yes, Jim, I do.

97
00:04:59,631 --> 00:05:01,462
And I can't stay
in a relationship

98
00:05:01,533 --> 00:05:03,330
that is full of
lies and deceit.

99
00:05:03,402 --> 00:05:05,233
But you didn't believe any of
this was true five minutes ago.

100
00:05:05,304 --> 00:05:07,431
That's what makes it so raw.

101
00:05:07,506 --> 00:05:09,838
Ever since I found out that
Donna might be cheating on me,

102
00:05:09,908 --> 00:05:11,933
I have not eaten or slept.

103
00:05:13,345 --> 00:05:16,314
It's the not knowing,
that's what's killing me.

104
00:05:19,618 --> 00:05:21,984
Oh, God, that tickles.
What do you...

105
00:05:22,888 --> 00:05:25,152
I want
someone to follow Donna.

106
00:05:25,223 --> 00:05:26,554
I want her tailed.

107
00:05:27,659 --> 00:05:29,684
I need the name of a
good private investigator.

108
00:05:29,995 --> 00:05:32,156
I think
I've got one for you.

109
00:05:33,598 --> 00:05:35,361
This is you.
How much do you charge?

110
00:05:35,434 --> 00:05:36,992
$100 a day plus expenses.

111
00:05:37,069 --> 00:05:38,434
I'll give you 50.
Money's no object.

112
00:05:38,503 --> 00:05:39,561
Done.

113
00:05:39,638 --> 00:05:41,868
I'm just going to warn you, and
I say this to all my clients,

114
00:05:41,940 --> 00:05:43,271
you might not
like what I find.

115
00:05:43,342 --> 00:05:44,400
Okay.

116
00:05:44,476 --> 00:05:46,910
And you might not
like how I find it.

117
00:05:50,682 --> 00:05:53,014
Of course.
Yeah, that's terrible.

118
00:05:53,085 --> 00:05:55,280
Okay, let me get back to you.

119
00:05:56,388 --> 00:05:59,653
Hey, Stanley, one of my clients just
called and said that their Sabre printer

120
00:05:59,725 --> 00:06:01,989
started smoking
and caught on fire.

121
00:06:02,394 --> 00:06:06,421
My doctor told me to cut out
hotdogs. We all got problems.

122
00:06:09,801 --> 00:06:12,770
Hey, Gabe, I need to talk to you
about something. It's really important.

123
00:06:12,838 --> 00:06:14,897
There's no way that you guys
have any almond butter, right?

124
00:06:14,973 --> 00:06:17,168
Yeah, I don't know. Look,
one of my clients called.

125
00:06:17,242 --> 00:06:18,504
He was in the middle
of a big printing job

126
00:06:18,577 --> 00:06:20,477
and the back of the
printer started smoking

127
00:06:20,545 --> 00:06:22,206
and then the paper
tray caught on fire.

128
00:06:22,447 --> 00:06:25,541
That's weird. I haven't
heard of that happening.

129
00:06:25,751 --> 00:06:27,378
I would even settle
for apricot preserves.

130
00:06:27,719 --> 00:06:28,879
What are we going
to do about this?

131
00:06:28,954 --> 00:06:31,514
I don't know. Call HQ,
see if they know anything.

132
00:06:32,257 --> 00:06:36,751
Yeah, that's what I'll
do today. All right.

133
00:06:36,828 --> 00:06:38,318
Let me know what they say.

134
00:06:40,599 --> 00:06:43,227
Wow, that dude is good.

135
00:06:43,301 --> 00:06:44,427
What do you mean?

136
00:06:44,669 --> 00:06:46,728
You didn't feel like
he was hiding something?

137
00:06:47,005 --> 00:06:48,063
I don't know.

138
00:06:48,140 --> 00:06:50,768
Like he was
covering something up?

139
00:06:51,410 --> 00:06:52,399
Maybe.

140
00:07:02,487 --> 00:07:04,580
Two years ago,
Andy blamed the warehouse

141
00:07:04,656 --> 00:07:07,181
for a late shipment
that he forgot to process.

142
00:07:07,259 --> 00:07:10,251
We got yelled at pretty bad,
almost lost my job.

143
00:07:10,328 --> 00:07:12,694
Man, I was mad as
hell at the time.

144
00:07:12,764 --> 00:07:16,131
But I said, "Darryl,
just wait. He's a fool.

145
00:07:16,201 --> 00:07:19,693
"There's going to be an
opportunity. Just be patient."

146
00:07:22,507 --> 00:07:23,701
Hey, stranger.

147
00:07:23,775 --> 00:07:25,868
Oh, hi.
You work for Michael.

148
00:07:25,944 --> 00:07:27,844
I work with Michael.
Right.

149
00:07:27,913 --> 00:07:29,744
Dwight Schrute.
Donna, hi.

150
00:07:29,915 --> 00:07:32,008
All cases are
solved with logic.

151
00:07:32,083 --> 00:07:35,575
The only logical way to find out if
Donna is a cheater is to seduce her,

152
00:07:35,654 --> 00:07:39,818
bring her to orgasm, then call
Michael and tell him the sad news.

153
00:07:41,259 --> 00:07:43,022
Wow. It's a little early for
ice cream, don't you think?

154
00:07:43,094 --> 00:07:45,562
It's never too early
for ice cream, Jim.

155
00:07:45,630 --> 00:07:47,621
But we didn't
have any ice cream,

156
00:07:47,699 --> 00:07:49,428
so this is mayonnaise
and black olives.

157
00:07:49,501 --> 00:07:50,525
Oh!
Oh, my God.

158
00:07:50,602 --> 00:07:51,762
It's comfort food,
all right?

159
00:07:52,370 --> 00:07:53,394
God!

160
00:07:53,472 --> 00:07:55,337
Michael, this whole Donna
thing is going to be okay.

161
00:07:55,407 --> 00:07:56,806
You just...
Stop beating yourself up.

162
00:07:56,875 --> 00:07:58,536
I know. Well,
I hope you're right.

163
00:07:58,610 --> 00:07:59,634
We'll see what Dwight says.

164
00:07:59,711 --> 00:08:00,939
Why do we have to
see what Dwight says?

165
00:08:01,012 --> 00:08:02,741
Because I have him
investigating her.

166
00:08:02,814 --> 00:08:03,940
I'm waiting for
a text update.

167
00:08:04,015 --> 00:08:05,175
Michael,
no, no, no, no, no, no.

168
00:08:05,250 --> 00:08:06,376
No, no, no, no, no.
Undo that.

169
00:08:06,451 --> 00:08:08,646
Undo that.
It's too late to undo it.

170
00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:11,553
I need to know, otherwise this
thing is going to spiral out of amok.

171
00:08:11,623 --> 00:08:14,820
Michael, okay, I'm going
to talk straight to you

172
00:08:14,893 --> 00:08:16,155
because I think you need
to hear it. Michael...

173
00:08:16,228 --> 00:08:17,525
This
is so disgusting.

174
00:08:17,596 --> 00:08:20,394
Stop eating it.
Do you want to be happy?

175
00:08:20,465 --> 00:08:24,231
Look at you. You have a major
self-destructive streak in you.

176
00:08:24,503 --> 00:08:26,130
I know.
And you...

177
00:08:26,204 --> 00:08:29,833
You kind of torpedo every
romantic relationship you're in.

178
00:08:29,908 --> 00:08:31,068
That's not true.

179
00:08:34,312 --> 00:08:36,212
You're right.
I ruin everything.

180
00:08:37,148 --> 00:08:39,082
And I have known
some wonderful women.

181
00:08:39,317 --> 00:08:41,444
Holly, Carole, Jan.

182
00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:42,646
Helene.

183
00:08:42,721 --> 00:08:43,779
Helene?

184
00:08:43,855 --> 00:08:45,550
My mother.
Oh!

185
00:08:45,624 --> 00:08:46,613
My mother, Helene.

186
00:08:46,691 --> 00:08:48,318
Oh, yeah. Yes, yes, yes.

187
00:08:48,393 --> 00:08:51,385
All of the greatest
loves of my life.

188
00:08:51,796 --> 00:08:56,062
You should stop this. You
should call Dwight right now.

189
00:08:57,903 --> 00:08:59,234
All right.

190
00:09:05,176 --> 00:09:07,804
Oh, gosh, we're both going for
the same weight at the same time.

191
00:09:07,879 --> 00:09:08,971
You go ahead.
Thank you.

192
00:09:09,047 --> 00:09:10,139
It's all yours.

193
00:09:28,066 --> 00:09:29,055
You okay?

194
00:09:29,134 --> 00:09:30,362
Yeah, I'm good.

195
00:09:30,635 --> 00:09:33,433
Hey, you know an exercise for two
people that uses the whole body?

196
00:09:35,340 --> 00:09:37,308
Yeah, I think I know
what you're talking about.

197
00:09:37,375 --> 00:09:39,206
Tractor pull.

198
00:09:39,277 --> 00:09:41,370
Too bad there's
not a tractor here.

199
00:09:49,220 --> 00:09:50,619
One thing you need
to know about me,

200
00:09:50,689 --> 00:09:52,953
I don't quit until
something tears or pops.

201
00:09:54,693 --> 00:09:56,991
You look like you're
getting a good workout.

202
00:09:57,095 --> 00:09:58,119
Can I feel your pulse?

203
00:09:58,196 --> 00:10:00,096
Nope,
I'm good. Thanks.

204
00:10:00,165 --> 00:10:01,393
Really?

205
00:10:01,633 --> 00:10:02,895
Hey. All right.

206
00:10:02,968 --> 00:10:04,492
Young man, can you
wipe down that seat?

207
00:10:04,569 --> 00:10:05,866
Get out of my way.

208
00:10:06,004 --> 00:10:08,996
Tomorrow's
fertilizer, am I right?

209
00:10:09,207 --> 00:10:10,231
I'm out of here.

210
00:10:10,308 --> 00:10:11,673
Donna, Donna, wait. Please.

211
00:10:11,743 --> 00:10:13,438
I'm sorry, okay?

212
00:10:13,511 --> 00:10:16,639
Listen, we both know
why I'm here.

213
00:10:16,982 --> 00:10:20,145
To see you naked

214
00:10:20,418 --> 00:10:24,252
while I'm naked.

215
00:10:24,689 --> 00:10:27,123
You stay away from me
or I'm calling security.

216
00:10:28,259 --> 00:10:29,817
Donna, come...

217
00:10:32,831 --> 00:10:34,025
You're back. What happened?

218
00:10:34,199 --> 00:10:36,724
I pulled muscles in both my
thighs. Thanks for asking.

219
00:10:36,801 --> 00:10:38,234
No. What happened with Donna?

220
00:10:38,303 --> 00:10:39,998
Yeah, no.
She's not cheating.

221
00:10:40,138 --> 00:10:43,369
Oh, man! Will you help me
work out this knot? Right here.

222
00:10:43,475 --> 00:10:45,443
Put your fingers here.
Ugh! No, no.

223
00:10:45,510 --> 00:10:46,738
Are you sure?
I'm positive.

224
00:10:46,811 --> 00:10:49,939
Yeah, here's your expense
receipts. Right there.

225
00:10:50,015 --> 00:10:51,676
Who eats eight
protein bars?

226
00:10:52,617 --> 00:10:53,914
People who don't
trust egg whites.

227
00:10:53,985 --> 00:10:56,419
Okay. Well, I am just
glad this is all over.

228
00:10:56,488 --> 00:10:57,546
Oh! Me, too.

229
00:10:57,622 --> 00:10:59,453
And by the way,
I told her not to,

230
00:10:59,524 --> 00:11:01,253
but she's coming over
here and she's furious.

231
00:11:01,526 --> 00:11:03,153
What? No, she didn't
say that. You're right.

232
00:11:03,928 --> 00:11:05,589
I was paraphrasing.

233
00:11:05,997 --> 00:11:08,522
What she actually said was,
"What is with him?

234
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:10,966
"He is crazy. I'm coming
over there to talk to him."

235
00:11:11,269 --> 00:11:12,759
And this was after
I had no other recourse

236
00:11:12,837 --> 00:11:14,805
but to tell her
and gym security

237
00:11:14,873 --> 00:11:17,808
that you had sent me there
to see if she was cheating.

238
00:11:18,510 --> 00:11:22,412
Also, I joined the gym.
You'll be billed monthly.

239
00:11:25,316 --> 00:11:27,841
I am not
paying for that membership.

240
00:11:36,928 --> 00:11:39,522
Maybe you'd be more
comfortable in your own office.

241
00:11:39,597 --> 00:11:41,827
No, I like the attention.

242
00:11:44,235 --> 00:11:45,224
Is she here yet?

243
00:11:45,303 --> 00:11:46,361
No.

244
00:11:47,539 --> 00:11:48,972
Wait, yes.
That's her?

245
00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:50,564
Yeah.

246
00:11:51,676 --> 00:11:52,700
Mmm-hmm.

247
00:11:52,777 --> 00:11:56,941
Right. Right. Right.
Okay, I'll talk to you later.

248
00:12:01,086 --> 00:12:03,145
How could you think
I would cheat on you?

249
00:12:03,221 --> 00:12:05,689
I didn't, everybody
else here did.

250
00:12:05,757 --> 00:12:08,954
Everybody convinced me
that something was up.

251
00:12:09,027 --> 00:12:10,585
They poisoned my mind.

252
00:12:10,662 --> 00:12:11,788
That's pathetic.

253
00:12:13,264 --> 00:12:15,664
Well, no, it's a lie.

254
00:12:16,334 --> 00:12:17,733
That's not what happened.

255
00:12:18,136 --> 00:12:21,037
I just like you. I can't
believe I get to be with you.

256
00:12:22,006 --> 00:12:24,167
You work at
an adult arcade.

257
00:12:25,210 --> 00:12:26,575
You could have
any man you want.

258
00:12:27,579 --> 00:12:31,982
When I tell you I like you,
you need to trust me.

259
00:12:32,183 --> 00:12:33,650
Not some freak.

260
00:12:34,986 --> 00:12:36,647
If you want to dump me,
I totally get it.

261
00:12:36,721 --> 00:12:38,245
I told you I like you.

262
00:12:39,557 --> 00:12:42,458
Well, you are bonerific.

263
00:12:45,864 --> 00:12:49,994
Hey, if I said that we should go
away for a couple days, you would...

264
00:12:50,335 --> 00:12:51,393
Poop my pants.

265
00:12:51,469 --> 00:12:53,300
Have you ever
been to Vero Beach?

266
00:12:53,371 --> 00:12:55,168
Oh, my God, Vero Beach?

267
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:58,141
No. Is that on the water?

268
00:12:58,209 --> 00:12:59,198
We're going.

269
00:12:59,277 --> 00:13:00,403
We are?
Yeah.

270
00:13:00,478 --> 00:13:01,945
What's up?
I read your e-mail.

271
00:13:02,013 --> 00:13:03,674
Close the door.

272
00:13:04,149 --> 00:13:05,673
Okay.

273
00:13:05,750 --> 00:13:09,117
I don't have a plan exactly,
more of a loose structure.

274
00:13:09,954 --> 00:13:13,082
Gives me freedom to
improvise. It's like jazz.

275
00:13:16,127 --> 00:13:18,095
* Andy don't mess with me *

276
00:13:19,931 --> 00:13:21,159
I'll figure something out.

277
00:13:21,733 --> 00:13:23,496
Some freaky stuff going on.

278
00:13:23,568 --> 00:13:25,763
I was walking by Gabe
and I heard some things.

279
00:13:26,137 --> 00:13:27,468
Such as?

280
00:13:27,539 --> 00:13:29,871
It was kind of mumbled.
I don't know.

281
00:13:29,941 --> 00:13:34,310
The only thing I could make out
clearly was, "Andy, problem, eliminate."

282
00:13:34,379 --> 00:13:35,471
Something. I don't
know what it meant.

283
00:13:35,547 --> 00:13:37,139
What? You don't
know what it meant?

284
00:13:37,215 --> 00:13:40,776
How about, "Andy is a problem
and we must eliminate him."

285
00:13:41,119 --> 00:13:43,280
Oh! I hadn't even
thought of that.

286
00:13:43,354 --> 00:13:44,981
Yeah.

287
00:13:50,228 --> 00:13:51,889
Oh, hey,
I love your earrings.

288
00:13:51,963 --> 00:13:53,021
Thank you.

289
00:13:53,097 --> 00:13:54,724
Did Michael
get them for you?

290
00:13:54,799 --> 00:13:56,824
No, I bought them myself.

291
00:13:57,202 --> 00:13:58,430
Where?

292
00:13:58,603 --> 00:14:00,161
Steamtown Mall.

293
00:14:00,238 --> 00:14:02,968
Claire's? Zales? Ricky's?
Earrings, Earrings, Earrings?

294
00:14:03,041 --> 00:14:04,565
Fancy Girl? Platinum Cat?

295
00:14:04,709 --> 00:14:05,733
Where?

296
00:14:05,810 --> 00:14:08,108
You know, I actually
got them in Philadelphia.

297
00:14:08,179 --> 00:14:09,373
In a mall down there.

298
00:14:09,447 --> 00:14:10,471
Franklin Mills?

299
00:14:10,548 --> 00:14:13,711
King of Prussia?
Springfield? Governor's Place?

300
00:14:14,319 --> 00:14:15,752
Franklin Mills.

301
00:14:19,657 --> 00:14:20,851
What?
Hmm.

302
00:14:21,593 --> 00:14:22,582
Oh!

303
00:14:23,394 --> 00:14:25,055
It's probably nothing.

304
00:14:25,129 --> 00:14:29,190
Okay, heart-shaped jewelry is not
something that a woman buys for herself,

305
00:14:29,267 --> 00:14:32,031
a man definitely
bought it for her recently,

306
00:14:32,103 --> 00:14:34,003
and it wasn't Michael.

307
00:14:34,239 --> 00:14:36,867
Wait, so you like heart-shaped
jewelry, though, right?

308
00:14:36,941 --> 00:14:38,306
No.

309
00:14:38,409 --> 00:14:40,809
Except for the pendant
that you bought me.

310
00:14:40,879 --> 00:14:42,403
Which I love.

311
00:14:45,016 --> 00:14:46,005
Psst!

312
00:14:53,758 --> 00:14:55,919
Creed's head
of Quality Assurance,

313
00:14:56,327 --> 00:14:58,227
so he'd definitely
be wrapped up in this.

314
00:14:58,596 --> 00:15:00,894
So there I am
minding my own business,

315
00:15:00,965 --> 00:15:03,229
and Darnell offers me
three bucks.

316
00:15:03,301 --> 00:15:06,202
All I've got to do is walk
by Andy and go like this.

317
00:15:06,271 --> 00:15:09,172
Darnell's a chump. I
would've done it for anything.

318
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,174
I've done a lot
more for a lot less.

319
00:15:13,244 --> 00:15:17,305
So, it turns out Donna and I have
a Facebook friend of a friend in common,

320
00:15:17,382 --> 00:15:20,613
so I was able to see
some of her pictures online.

321
00:15:21,819 --> 00:15:23,980
This was taken
two weeks ago.

322
00:15:25,023 --> 00:15:28,356
And this was
taken the same night.

323
00:15:30,161 --> 00:15:32,629
This photo was
taken this morning.

324
00:15:33,197 --> 00:15:34,562
It's Cece.

325
00:15:34,632 --> 00:15:37,362
She's never going
to do anything wrong.

326
00:15:37,468 --> 00:15:40,403
Isn't that something?
Wow. That's exciting.

327
00:15:40,471 --> 00:15:42,234
Hey, Michael.
Hey.

328
00:15:42,340 --> 00:15:43,864
Sorry to interrupt you.

329
00:15:43,942 --> 00:15:46,274
I actually have something very
important to talk to you about.

330
00:15:46,344 --> 00:15:47,538
Well, it can wait.
Business related.

331
00:15:47,612 --> 00:15:49,375
It can wait.
I lied, it's personal.

332
00:15:49,447 --> 00:15:50,744
It's about me
and Jim, we're...

333
00:15:50,815 --> 00:15:53,113
You're the only
person I can talk to.

334
00:15:53,184 --> 00:15:55,049
Jim is her husband.
Oh.

335
00:15:55,119 --> 00:15:56,746
And... And they're
having problems...

336
00:15:56,821 --> 00:15:58,311
No, no, we're not...
...and so she comes to me.

337
00:15:58,389 --> 00:16:00,721
We're not having problems,
but it is personal.

338
00:16:00,792 --> 00:16:02,692
And I was...
In bed.

339
00:16:03,895 --> 00:16:07,661
Yes, yes, I desperately
want to speak with you

340
00:16:07,732 --> 00:16:09,290
about my sex life with Jim.

341
00:16:09,367 --> 00:16:11,631
Oh, my God, look at how
cheap street-level rooms are.

342
00:16:11,703 --> 00:16:14,399
Am I the only person
who enjoys people-watching?

343
00:16:14,472 --> 00:16:15,905
I need you to sign this!

344
00:16:16,507 --> 00:16:18,441
So bad!
Okay, weirdo.

345
00:16:19,210 --> 00:16:21,474
I love...
This idea is neat.

346
00:16:21,546 --> 00:16:22,535
I've never been.
Yeah.

347
00:16:22,613 --> 00:16:23,671
It sounds lovely.

348
00:16:23,748 --> 00:16:25,875
Yeah, I think it'll be a nice
trip. We're going to get a lot done.

349
00:16:25,950 --> 00:16:27,941
You're going to want to
look at the date on that.

350
00:16:28,987 --> 00:16:30,818
Oh! Wow. Look at golfing.

351
00:16:30,888 --> 00:16:31,946
Are you a golfer?

352
00:16:32,023 --> 00:16:33,547
I am, but I gave
my clubs away.

353
00:16:33,624 --> 00:16:35,114
Swear too much.

354
00:16:39,197 --> 00:16:40,221
Hey, you okay?

355
00:16:40,298 --> 00:16:43,233
Yeah, I just remembered that
I have to go to the bathroom.

356
00:16:43,301 --> 00:16:44,700
Pam?
Absolutely.

357
00:16:48,106 --> 00:16:50,939
Look, I'm not down anymore, so if
the guys start making fun of you,

358
00:16:51,009 --> 00:16:52,874
you've just gotta
stand up for yourself.

359
00:16:53,211 --> 00:16:55,941
- I know. It's just, I'm scared...
- I got your text.

360
00:16:56,014 --> 00:16:57,140
It said, "911."

361
00:16:57,749 --> 00:16:58,977
Glen, could you
excuse us?

362
00:17:05,556 --> 00:17:06,989
It's bad.
What's bad?

363
00:17:07,058 --> 00:17:08,047
It's real bad.

364
00:17:08,126 --> 00:17:09,320
Still no plan.

365
00:17:09,594 --> 00:17:11,528
Oh, God.
It's getting bigger.

366
00:17:11,596 --> 00:17:15,464
I might have to go public here, but
no one's going to believe me. Uh...

367
00:17:15,533 --> 00:17:17,797
I need proof. I need, like,
a printer to catch on fire.

368
00:17:17,869 --> 00:17:19,496
I can videotape it.
Yeah.

369
00:17:22,573 --> 00:17:23,699
There it is.

370
00:17:23,775 --> 00:17:24,867
There what is?

371
00:17:25,043 --> 00:17:26,169
What?

372
00:17:26,377 --> 00:17:29,175
Who the hell is this?
Who is this guy?

373
00:17:29,247 --> 00:17:30,737
I don't know who it is.
God!

374
00:17:30,815 --> 00:17:32,908
Lowest of the low, that guy.

375
00:17:32,984 --> 00:17:34,451
Just a notch above Toby.

376
00:17:34,519 --> 00:17:35,611
You know what?
What?

377
00:17:35,686 --> 00:17:38,849
I'm going to kill him.
No, I'm not. I feel... No.

378
00:17:38,923 --> 00:17:41,016
I'm not going to kill him.

379
00:17:41,092 --> 00:17:42,923
You just have to go in there.
You have to hear it from her.

380
00:17:42,994 --> 00:17:45,019
I have to hear it from her. But
you have to settle down first.

381
00:17:45,096 --> 00:17:47,758
I need to have her
tell me herself. Okay.

382
00:17:47,832 --> 00:17:48,821
Okay.
Right?

383
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:49,958
Yes.
I need to have her say...

384
00:17:50,034 --> 00:17:51,626
I need to say, "What the
hell is that? Calm down first.

385
00:17:51,702 --> 00:17:52,964
"What the hell is that?"
Hey, look at this.

386
00:17:53,037 --> 00:17:54,197
Look at this baby picture.

387
00:17:54,272 --> 00:17:55,705
Oh, God,
no. Oh, my God.

388
00:17:55,773 --> 00:17:56,831
Hi, Michael.

389
00:17:56,908 --> 00:17:58,739
Hi, Michael.
Okay.

390
00:17:58,810 --> 00:17:59,970
Okay.

391
00:18:00,611 --> 00:18:01,771
Okay.

392
00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:06,239
I talked to corporate. Turns out there
have been 12 reports of faulty printers.

393
00:18:06,317 --> 00:18:07,716
Out of 400,000.

394
00:18:08,453 --> 00:18:10,614
We've investigated. Every
time it's been user error.

395
00:18:10,688 --> 00:18:12,656
They block the vents
or something, I don't know.

396
00:18:12,723 --> 00:18:14,315
That's why we have
the fine print.

397
00:18:14,692 --> 00:18:16,250
Thank you for bringing
this to our attention.

398
00:18:16,327 --> 00:18:17,817
So, I'd like to
reward you for that.

399
00:18:21,332 --> 00:18:24,665
That's good for five bucks at
Dunkin' Donuts. Any Dunkin' Donuts.

400
00:18:25,670 --> 00:18:26,659
Oh.

401
00:18:37,281 --> 00:18:39,715
You know what? We should really
do something fun this week.

402
00:18:39,917 --> 00:18:41,179
Yeah.
Wouldn't that be fun?

403
00:18:41,252 --> 00:18:42,446
Yeah.

404
00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:43,714
How about Thursday?

405
00:18:43,788 --> 00:18:44,948
Thursday works, yeah.

406
00:18:45,022 --> 00:18:47,388
What do you want to do? I
can't do it Thursday, book club.

407
00:18:47,458 --> 00:18:48,857
How about Friday?

408
00:18:48,926 --> 00:18:50,553
Oh! Friday doesn't work.

409
00:18:50,628 --> 00:18:54,064
Oh, really? 'Cause I was thinking
we could go to this concert.

410
00:18:54,132 --> 00:18:57,659
Spice Girls are opening
for Weird Al. Front row.

411
00:18:57,735 --> 00:18:59,362
Be a great, great concert.

412
00:18:59,437 --> 00:19:01,029
Shoot. I'm working.

413
00:19:01,139 --> 00:19:02,834
Oh! Okay, well,
maybe I should stop by.

414
00:19:04,008 --> 00:19:05,441
Well, won't you
be at the concert?

415
00:19:05,510 --> 00:19:06,909
Nope, that's Tuesday.

416
00:19:07,044 --> 00:19:08,534
Well, I can make it
on Tuesday.

417
00:19:09,213 --> 00:19:10,805
You're cheating.

418
00:19:12,717 --> 00:19:14,116
You're cheating on me.

419
00:19:16,554 --> 00:19:18,419
How do you know?

420
00:19:19,190 --> 00:19:20,248
Pam told me.

421
00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:24,157
Did she see me?

422
00:19:24,729 --> 00:19:25,957
Nice effort.

423
00:19:26,230 --> 00:19:29,256
We're printing on 24-pound
premium stock paper,

424
00:19:29,333 --> 00:19:33,030
approximately 300 sheets in.
So far no signs of distress.

425
00:19:33,104 --> 00:19:35,072
You haven't even
introduced yourself. Right.

426
00:19:35,139 --> 00:19:37,664
My name is Andrew Baines Bernard
and if you're watching this,

427
00:19:37,742 --> 00:19:40,267
it's because I've turned state's
witness, because I'm in danger,

428
00:19:40,344 --> 00:19:41,675
because I know too much.

429
00:19:41,846 --> 00:19:42,972
You should talk
in a higher voice

430
00:19:43,047 --> 00:19:44,639
'cause the camera
makes you sound weird.

431
00:19:44,715 --> 00:19:45,704
Higher, okay?

432
00:19:45,783 --> 00:19:48,251
Recently certain events
have come to my attention...

433
00:19:48,352 --> 00:19:49,341
Higher.
Make it higher?

434
00:19:49,420 --> 00:19:53,049
Okay. I have come to the conclusion
that the Sabre Corporation...

435
00:19:53,124 --> 00:19:54,148
One more, yeah.

436
00:19:54,225 --> 00:19:56,693
May be
overlooking certain safety regulations.

437
00:19:56,761 --> 00:19:58,524
At the danger...

438
00:20:00,798 --> 00:20:01,787
It's smoking.

439
00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:04,424
I knew it!

440
00:20:05,002 --> 00:20:07,630
This...
We are blowing the roof off!

441
00:20:08,573 --> 00:20:10,507
Blowing the roof off!

442
00:20:11,709 --> 00:20:13,677
Nice, nice.

443
00:20:13,878 --> 00:20:16,472
This is my partner,
Darryl Philbin.

444
00:20:16,547 --> 00:20:19,015
He's been my partner
through this entire thing.

445
00:20:19,083 --> 00:20:21,381
I don't want to
prank anymore.

446
00:20:21,752 --> 00:20:24,084
Things get real.
It's not funny.

447
00:20:24,589 --> 00:20:27,649
I'm just going to be good.
Stay in my room,

448
00:20:27,725 --> 00:20:30,922
go to church, try to do
one nice thing per day.

449
00:20:31,429 --> 00:20:34,557
I do not want
to prank anymore.

450
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,160
Who is he?

451
00:20:38,069 --> 00:20:39,627
Wait, what do you mean?
The other man.

452
00:20:39,704 --> 00:20:41,228
Who's the guy?
Who is it?

453
00:20:41,806 --> 00:20:44,206
It's you. I'm married.

454
00:20:47,111 --> 00:20:48,840
I'm the mistress?

455
00:20:51,215 --> 00:20:53,376
Okay, everybody,
let's take this next hill!

456
00:20:53,451 --> 00:20:56,420
Excuse me. Yeah, I'd appreciate
it if you'd just let me run this.

457
00:20:56,487 --> 00:20:58,580
You know what? You had your
chance, you're no leader.

458
00:20:58,656 --> 00:21:00,624
Up, out of your seat! Let's
blast! Don't listen to him.

459
00:21:00,691 --> 00:21:03,489
We're approaching a
cool-down, down a gentle hill.

460
00:21:03,561 --> 00:21:06,257
No! The hill's a trap. Let's take
the dirt road off to the side.

461
00:21:06,330 --> 00:21:08,161
No, guys, no.
We're just cooling down.

462
00:21:08,232 --> 00:21:10,166
If they catch us,
they will rape us.

463
00:21:10,234 --> 00:21:14,193
Go for the cliff.
And three, two, one, jump!

464
00:21:14,372 --> 00:21:17,500
No! You're dead, you're
dead, you're dead. Good jump.

465
00:21:17,742 --> 00:21:21,041
You're barely alive.
Okay, now, nice cool-down.

466
00:21:21,112 --> 00:21:22,136
Check your pulse rate.