1
00:00:04,955 --> 00:00:08,322
So have you found a band yet
for your wedding?

2
00:00:08,726 --> 00:00:10,717
No.
'Cause I'm in a band.

3
00:00:10,828 --> 00:00:12,125
We really rock.

4
00:00:12,196 --> 00:00:13,356
Yeah. I mean, it's inevitable.

5
00:00:13,431 --> 00:00:17,197
I definitely overhear some wedding
preparation, but I'm fine with it.

6
00:00:17,568 --> 00:00:19,866
She hears me
arranging my social life.

7
00:00:19,970 --> 00:00:23,633
And we both have to hear Dwight
order deer urine over the Internet.

8
00:00:23,841 --> 00:00:25,206
So it evens out.

9
00:00:26,043 --> 00:00:27,476
Oh, I got the Save-the-Date.
Yeah?

10
00:00:27,545 --> 00:00:29,445
Yeah. Pretty stationery.
Oh, thanks.

11
00:00:29,513 --> 00:00:31,105
I didn't get mine yet.

12
00:00:34,285 --> 00:00:35,309
Oh.

13
00:00:35,386 --> 00:00:38,082
There are a few people
I decided not to invite,

14
00:00:38,823 --> 00:00:42,190
and that might make things
kind of awkward,

15
00:00:42,827 --> 00:00:44,192
but it's my wedding.

16
00:00:44,895 --> 00:00:48,058
And I don't want anyone there
who has called me a hussy.

17
00:01:21,599 --> 00:01:24,898
Yes, thanks. Fantastic Sams,
Adult Cut Plus.

18
00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:27,596
Comes with a shampoo
and blow-dry.

19
00:01:28,372 --> 00:01:31,500
We're doing ID photos today.
Gotta represent.

20
00:01:32,676 --> 00:01:34,803
On or off?
Off.

21
00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:36,001
Okay.

22
00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:40,676
Oh, what is on your face?
Is that a disguise?

23
00:01:41,519 --> 00:01:42,577
Excuse me.

24
00:01:44,054 --> 00:01:45,282
Clown paint.

25
00:01:45,923 --> 00:01:49,791
ID badges are long overdue. Security
in this office park is a joke.

26
00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:53,227
Last year, I came to work with
my spud gun in a duffel bag.

27
00:01:53,497 --> 00:01:55,362
I sat at my desk all day

28
00:01:55,533 --> 00:01:58,832
with a rifle that shoots potatoes
at 60 pounds per square inch.

29
00:01:59,370 --> 00:02:01,804
Can you imagine
if I was deranged?

30
00:02:02,606 --> 00:02:04,005
That's a nice tie.

31
00:02:06,310 --> 00:02:07,368
Thank you.

32
00:02:07,444 --> 00:02:10,538
That is... Who makes that?
I don't know.

33
00:02:10,614 --> 00:02:13,082
Do you mind if I
wear that for the photo?

34
00:02:13,584 --> 00:02:16,109
Let's... Let's keep
our clothes.

35
00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:18,813
It's like child abuse!

36
00:02:20,024 --> 00:02:24,427
I say, if Jesus saw that, he'd
freak out! He'd freak out, Toby!

37
00:02:24,528 --> 00:02:26,155
I mean, on so many levels!

38
00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:28,027
And I'm supposed to work
there? I'm supposed to...

39
00:02:28,098 --> 00:02:29,622
What's the dealio?

40
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:33,094
Just letting Oscar vent a little.
We would use the break room,

41
00:02:33,170 --> 00:02:34,432
but the photographer's
back there.

42
00:02:34,505 --> 00:02:36,302
What's the problem?
Angela.

43
00:02:36,373 --> 00:02:40,139
There's just a little dispute
over a poster in their workspace.

44
00:02:40,244 --> 00:02:41,302
Since Christmas.

45
00:02:41,378 --> 00:02:43,039
So, what,
you're having a little spat?

46
00:02:43,113 --> 00:02:45,047
I forget, are you guys dating?
No.

47
00:02:45,115 --> 00:02:48,050
Michael, can I talk to you
for a second, please?

48
00:02:48,118 --> 00:02:49,107
Yes.

49
00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:52,380
Here's how I usually handle this.
All I do is listen, you know?

50
00:02:52,456 --> 00:02:54,720
These things just have a way
of working themselves out.

51
00:02:54,792 --> 00:02:57,761
It's like if you write someone a
letter when you're really angry,

52
00:02:57,828 --> 00:02:59,557
they say to keep it in a
drawer for a couple of days

53
00:02:59,630 --> 00:03:01,564
and then you just
never end up sending it.

54
00:03:01,632 --> 00:03:03,566
What do you know
about conflict resolution?

55
00:03:03,634 --> 00:03:06,467
Your answer to everything
is to get divorced. So...

56
00:03:06,537 --> 00:03:07,663
Okay.
Okay, what?

57
00:03:07,738 --> 00:03:08,796
That was the right decision

58
00:03:08,872 --> 00:03:11,102
for me and my marriage. Yeah.
Well, that's not gonna fly here,

59
00:03:11,175 --> 00:03:13,905
because in this office
it is till death do us part.

60
00:03:13,978 --> 00:03:15,946
Assuming that we don't
get downsized.

61
00:03:16,013 --> 00:03:20,575
Pam, would you get Angela and meet
us in the conference room, please?

62
00:03:21,418 --> 00:03:23,978
A "Mediators Toolchest. "

63
00:03:26,390 --> 00:03:29,757
Okay. Well, before we get
started, you should know

64
00:03:29,827 --> 00:03:33,661
that there are five
different styles of conflict.

65
00:03:33,731 --> 00:03:37,690
My Shaolin temple style
defeats your monkey style.

66
00:03:37,768 --> 00:03:40,896
Can we go? I have a lot of work
to do. No. This is important.

67
00:03:40,971 --> 00:03:43,906
Okay. The first style is
lose-lose. What's the next one?

68
00:03:43,974 --> 00:03:47,501
Just hold on, please. Okay.

69
00:03:47,811 --> 00:03:51,474
If we do lose-lose, neither
of you gets what you want.

70
00:03:52,516 --> 00:03:53,915
Do you understand?

71
00:03:56,153 --> 00:03:58,417
You would both lose.

72
00:03:58,956 --> 00:04:03,723
Now, I need to ask you, do you want
to pursue a lose-lose negotiation?

73
00:04:05,129 --> 00:04:08,428
Can we just skip to whatever
number five is, win-win or whatever.

74
00:04:08,499 --> 00:04:10,524
Win-win is number four.

75
00:04:11,068 --> 00:04:13,730
And number five
is win-win-win.

76
00:04:13,804 --> 00:04:17,797
The important difference here
is with win-win-win, we all win.

77
00:04:17,875 --> 00:04:22,778
Me, too. I win for having successfully
mediated a conflict at work.

78
00:04:24,148 --> 00:04:27,049
Okay. So this is
the disputed poster.

79
00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:32,053
Now, one at a time, I want
you to express your feelings,

80
00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:35,317
using "I" emotion language,

81
00:04:35,392 --> 00:04:38,520
and no judging
or "you" statements.

82
00:04:38,696 --> 00:04:42,723
I got this poster for Christmas and
I feel I want to see it every day.

83
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:45,560
It makes me feel like the
babies are the true artists,

84
00:04:45,636 --> 00:04:48,002
and God has
a really cute sense of humor.

85
00:04:48,072 --> 00:04:51,337
Come on. Seriously, that?
I don't like looking at it.

86
00:04:51,408 --> 00:04:54,343
It's creepy and in bad taste,
and it's just offensive to me.

87
00:04:54,411 --> 00:04:57,175
It makes me think of the
horrible, frigid stage mothers

88
00:04:57,247 --> 00:04:59,078
who forced the babies into it.

89
00:04:59,149 --> 00:05:03,552
It's kitsch. It's the opposite of art.
It destroys art, it destroys souls.

90
00:05:03,620 --> 00:05:05,884
This is so much more offensive
to me than hard-core porn.

91
00:05:05,956 --> 00:05:08,857
Okay, okay, okay.
Stop. Stop. Stop.

92
00:05:08,926 --> 00:05:13,727
Let's see if we can't just brainstorm
and find some creative alternatives

93
00:05:13,797 --> 00:05:15,230
that are win-win.
Win.

94
00:05:15,299 --> 00:05:16,391
Yes. Thank you, Pam.

95
00:05:16,467 --> 00:05:20,335
How about Angela makes
the poster into a t-shirt,

96
00:05:20,404 --> 00:05:24,101
which Oscar wears.
That way he can never see it

97
00:05:24,174 --> 00:05:27,803
and whenever she looks
at Oscar, she can see it.

98
00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:29,909
Win-win-win.
No.

99
00:05:29,980 --> 00:05:31,004
That's... No.

100
00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:33,311
Okay. Well, brainstorm.
Own the solution.

101
00:05:33,384 --> 00:05:34,817
How about I leave it up?

102
00:05:34,885 --> 00:05:36,443
How about she takes it down?

103
00:05:36,587 --> 00:05:40,546
How about Angela can keep it
up on Tuesdays and Thursdays?

104
00:05:40,624 --> 00:05:44,025
Okay. That is called
a compromise.

105
00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:47,427
And it is style three,
and it is not ideal.

106
00:05:47,498 --> 00:05:51,127
To sum up, win-win: Make
the poster into a t-shirt.

107
00:05:51,201 --> 00:05:53,533
Win-lose:
Take the poster down.

108
00:05:53,604 --> 00:05:55,538
Compromise:
Tuesdays and Thursdays.

109
00:05:55,606 --> 00:05:57,699
And the answer is

110
00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:01,843
make the poster
into a t-shirt. Win-win.

111
00:06:01,912 --> 00:06:02,936
Win.
Fine.

112
00:06:03,013 --> 00:06:04,981
But...
It is done.

113
00:06:08,385 --> 00:06:10,353
No, you're all good.
Great.

114
00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:18,728
Hey, Angela.
I didn't have your zip code.

115
00:06:19,029 --> 00:06:20,621
Oh. Thanks.

116
00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:26,925
It was hand-delivered. But I did
get a Save-the-Date after all.

117
00:06:28,071 --> 00:06:29,595
It's not my taste.

118
00:06:30,107 --> 00:06:32,234
You solved it?
Yes.

119
00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:35,506
Well, good.
We can throw that one out.

120
00:06:36,814 --> 00:06:38,679
Are those all the other
complaints? Mmm-hmm.

121
00:06:38,749 --> 00:06:40,614
I would like to see those,
please.

122
00:06:40,684 --> 00:06:43,847
I can't do that.
You can't do that, huh?

123
00:06:44,221 --> 00:06:45,245
Okay.

124
00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:49,088
Now you and I have a conflict.
I order you to give me that file.

125
00:06:49,726 --> 00:06:52,160
That...
Okay.

126
00:06:55,232 --> 00:06:56,927
There. No more conflict.

127
00:06:57,868 --> 00:06:59,927
I had to use win-lose on that.
It was not pretty.

128
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:01,834
All right. Is that it?

129
00:07:08,645 --> 00:07:10,010
It's all Dwight's.

130
00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:13,538
Every Friday at 4:00 I have a
standing appointment with Dwight

131
00:07:13,617 --> 00:07:15,881
for him to file
a grievance against Jim.

132
00:07:15,953 --> 00:07:19,252
I tell him that I'm sending them
to a special file in New York.

133
00:07:19,323 --> 00:07:21,951
That box is the special file
in New York.

134
00:07:22,025 --> 00:07:24,550
Oh, God. All right.

135
00:07:25,229 --> 00:07:27,060
Why do I
have to do everything?

136
00:07:27,130 --> 00:07:29,963
Are you sure?
Oh, he's sure. Just shoot.

137
00:07:34,605 --> 00:07:36,505
This is from Kevin.

138
00:07:36,574 --> 00:07:40,032
He says Stanley uses his
Miracle Whip without asking.

139
00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:43,911
Meredith complains that everyone
talks too loud in the morning

140
00:07:43,981 --> 00:07:45,915
and the lights are too bright.

141
00:07:46,317 --> 00:07:47,443
Creed...

142
00:07:49,387 --> 00:07:52,515
Creed is sick of looking
at the redhead all day,

143
00:07:52,590 --> 00:07:56,526
and wants a seat facing
the receptionist. Nice.

144
00:07:56,594 --> 00:08:00,963
You will notice that not one of
these complaints is against me.

145
00:08:01,399 --> 00:08:05,096
Actually, I have a separate folder
for complaints against Michael.

146
00:08:05,236 --> 00:08:08,069
This is January

147
00:08:08,839 --> 00:08:10,898
through March of this year.

148
00:08:14,011 --> 00:08:17,469
How many of you have,
at one time, gone to Toby

149
00:08:17,548 --> 00:08:19,709
to complain
about another employee?

150
00:08:21,485 --> 00:08:23,385
And did you get
what you wanted?

151
00:08:23,454 --> 00:08:25,513
Or were you merely
listened to,

152
00:08:25,923 --> 00:08:28,323
you forget about your problem
and you move on?

153
00:08:28,392 --> 00:08:29,882
Merely
listened to and forgotten.

154
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:31,518
That is outrageous.

155
00:08:31,929 --> 00:08:33,624
I love this place,

156
00:08:34,265 --> 00:08:39,032
and it pains me to see all
of the negativity festering.

157
00:08:40,404 --> 00:08:41,462
Okay.

158
00:08:41,605 --> 00:08:46,565
Today we are going to get everything
out of these files and into the open

159
00:08:46,777 --> 00:08:48,176
where it can be resolved.

160
00:08:48,245 --> 00:08:51,840
All right. How about
the Phyllis-Angela dispute.

161
00:08:51,916 --> 00:08:54,476
You already did me.
That's what she said.

162
00:08:54,785 --> 00:08:58,949
The thing is, Angela,
you are in here an awful lot.

163
00:08:59,023 --> 00:09:02,151
You have complained about everybody
in the office, except Dwight,

164
00:09:02,226 --> 00:09:05,889
which is odd because everyone
else has had run-ins with Dwight.

165
00:09:06,230 --> 00:09:08,425
Toby, by the way,
what does "redacted" mean?

166
00:09:08,499 --> 00:09:11,491
There is a file full of complaints
in here marked "redacted"?

167
00:09:11,569 --> 00:09:14,561
Yeah. It just means whoever complained
came to me later and withdrew it.

168
00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:17,334
So, I just took their name off. Okay.

169
00:09:17,575 --> 00:09:20,009
There were a bunch
of complaints about Dwight

170
00:09:20,077 --> 00:09:22,238
that were put in the redacted
file about six months ago.

171
00:09:22,313 --> 00:09:26,750
Wait. If someone has a problem with me,
why would they withdraw it six months ago?

172
00:09:30,921 --> 00:09:32,183
Let's move on.

173
00:09:32,756 --> 00:09:35,452
I volunteer. Did anyone
have a problem with me?

174
00:09:35,526 --> 00:09:38,086
All right. Pamela!
Come on down!

175
00:09:38,429 --> 00:09:39,657
Let's do it.

176
00:09:40,030 --> 00:09:43,727
And... Okay.
Just one complaint.

177
00:09:44,034 --> 00:09:47,595
Actually, it has been withdrawn.
So that is no help to us. Next!

178
00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:49,002
Wait. What did it say?

179
00:09:49,073 --> 00:09:51,940
"Does she have to plan
her wedding on office time?"

180
00:09:52,076 --> 00:09:54,101
"Shouldn't she
do that at home?"

181
00:09:55,112 --> 00:09:56,136
Who else?

182
00:09:56,847 --> 00:10:00,112
Why don't we just warm up first?
Warm up emotionally. All right?

183
00:10:00,251 --> 00:10:02,378
I have this kind of
big secret about Angela.

184
00:10:02,453 --> 00:10:06,116
And I've been really nice to her,
and I haven't told anyone, and...

185
00:10:06,790 --> 00:10:08,052
What the hell!

186
00:10:08,292 --> 00:10:10,783
Here is a Kelly complaint.

187
00:10:10,928 --> 00:10:14,125
"Ryan never returns my calls. "
Join the club.

188
00:10:15,366 --> 00:10:17,891
My voicemail's
real spotty sometimes.

189
00:10:17,968 --> 00:10:19,993
I didn't file a complaint.
I was just talking.

190
00:10:20,070 --> 00:10:21,503
To your HR representative.

191
00:10:21,572 --> 00:10:24,268
To my friend, I thought.
I want that withdrawn.

192
00:10:24,542 --> 00:10:27,978
Fine. I'll take your name off
so no one will know.

193
00:10:29,813 --> 00:10:31,644
Making progress. Yes?

194
00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:32,977
Dwight tried to kiss me.
What?

195
00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:35,541
And I didn't tell anyone 'cause I'm
not really sure how I feel about it.

196
00:10:35,619 --> 00:10:38,144
That is not true.
Redact it. Redact it.

197
00:10:38,222 --> 00:10:39,689
Well, I'm not actually
making a formal complaint.

198
00:10:39,757 --> 00:10:41,452
I just really think
we should talk about it.

199
00:10:41,525 --> 00:10:44,323
Okay. Question. When a name is
withdrawn, does that also apply

200
00:10:44,395 --> 00:10:47,091
to the permanent
misbehavior file in New York?

201
00:10:47,965 --> 00:10:49,023
Sure.

202
00:10:50,167 --> 00:10:52,601
Stanley, you got a lot of
anger under there, buddy...

203
00:10:52,670 --> 00:10:55,298
Hey, thanks for ratting
me out. I didn't do it.

204
00:10:55,372 --> 00:10:58,535
I find that hard to believe, considering
you have problems with every single person

205
00:10:58,642 --> 00:11:01,509
in this entire office
except Bobblehead Joe.

206
00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:08,440
Someone complained that the
men's room is whites only.

207
00:11:08,852 --> 00:11:11,844
Stanley, you know that's
not true. I didn't say that.

208
00:11:11,922 --> 00:11:14,982
Then why is there a picture
of a white man on the door.

209
00:11:18,929 --> 00:11:22,660
Okay. Phyllis, you complained that
Angela is giving you dirty looks

210
00:11:22,733 --> 00:11:25,258
and you tried to get off
the party-planning committee.

211
00:11:25,336 --> 00:11:28,533
I never said any such thing.
Angela and I are close.

212
00:11:28,672 --> 00:11:32,699
And, also, Phyllis, Stanley
says that you cry too much

213
00:11:32,776 --> 00:11:33,970
and that that bugs him.

214
00:11:34,044 --> 00:11:37,036
Stanley and I are close, too.
We sit close.

215
00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:38,172
Okay.

216
00:11:40,684 --> 00:11:41,946
Just take it.

217
00:11:43,854 --> 00:11:45,446
I can't believe Angela.

218
00:11:45,823 --> 00:11:48,917
And I went against my better judgment
and I gave her a Save-the-Date.

219
00:11:48,993 --> 00:11:51,223
And now it turns out she
complained about me to Toby.

220
00:11:51,295 --> 00:11:52,887
Well, it was redacted.

221
00:11:53,897 --> 00:11:57,230
Look, if she wants an invite, maybe
she's just trying to be friends.

222
00:11:57,301 --> 00:11:58,962
Don't take her side.

223
00:12:01,372 --> 00:12:03,033
Well, what does Roy think
about everything?

224
00:12:03,107 --> 00:12:05,575
I don't know. I try not to bother
him about this kind of stuff.

225
00:12:05,643 --> 00:12:07,577
You mean, like your thoughts
and feelings.

226
00:12:07,645 --> 00:12:08,669
Yeah.
Yeah.

227
00:12:09,913 --> 00:12:13,041
I know you keep saying it's your space
even though there's no assigned parking,

228
00:12:13,117 --> 00:12:14,209
but I keep forgetting.

229
00:12:14,285 --> 00:12:16,549
Yes, that's the problem.
I guess so.

230
00:12:17,855 --> 00:12:19,720
Okay. Well, all settled then.

231
00:12:21,925 --> 00:12:23,517
I don't like you.

232
00:12:24,495 --> 00:12:26,463
Okay. Ryan, you told Toby

233
00:12:26,530 --> 00:12:30,057
that Creed has a distinct
old man smell?

234
00:12:32,403 --> 00:12:34,064
I know exactly
what he's talking about.

235
00:12:34,138 --> 00:12:37,471
I sprout mung beans on damp
paper towel in my desk drawer.

236
00:12:37,641 --> 00:12:40,269
Very nutritious,
but they smell like death.

237
00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:45,338
All right, Kevin. You are accused of
making sexually suggestive remarks to Angela

238
00:12:45,416 --> 00:12:47,509
that made her feel
uncomfortable.

239
00:12:47,584 --> 00:12:52,317
Solution: Angela, you are to make
sexually suggestive remarks to Kevin

240
00:12:52,423 --> 00:12:55,950
that will make him uncomfortable.
I accept your decision.

241
00:12:57,328 --> 00:13:00,354
Hey, you know what, Dwight? Maybe we
should get our photo ID taken together.

242
00:13:00,431 --> 00:13:03,400
That doesn't make any sense.
Well, it saves time, you know.

243
00:13:03,467 --> 00:13:06,493
'Cause we could just meet in the parking
lot every morning, walk in together.

244
00:13:06,570 --> 00:13:07,628
Perfect.

245
00:13:07,705 --> 00:13:09,036
Smile.
No.

246
00:13:10,074 --> 00:13:11,541
I never smile,
if I can help it.

247
00:13:11,608 --> 00:13:14,577
Showing one's teeth is a
submission signal in primates.

248
00:13:14,645 --> 00:13:19,014
When someone smiles at me, all I see
is a chimpanzee begging for its life.

249
00:13:21,518 --> 00:13:23,213
This came out really well.

250
00:13:24,288 --> 00:13:25,846
There you go.

251
00:13:30,194 --> 00:13:33,163
This is humongous.
I am not a security threat.

252
00:13:33,530 --> 00:13:37,330
And my middle name
is Kurt, not fart.

253
00:13:37,534 --> 00:13:38,865
What did I write?

254
00:13:42,506 --> 00:13:44,974
I have another complaint
for Jim's permanent file.

255
00:13:45,042 --> 00:13:47,237
Talk to Michael.
I gave him the box.

256
00:13:47,945 --> 00:13:49,412
What box?

257
00:13:51,715 --> 00:13:53,615
I didn't report
your snoring...

258
00:13:56,420 --> 00:13:59,548
Over here. God, God, God!

259
00:13:59,623 --> 00:14:01,147
No! No!

260
00:14:01,892 --> 00:14:03,860
Four years of malfeasance
unreported. This cannot stand.

261
00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:06,122
Okay. Calm down.
No, you calm down.

262
00:14:06,196 --> 00:14:07,788
Whose side is Toby on?
Whose side are you on?

263
00:14:07,865 --> 00:14:09,856
Hey!
Him or me? Him or me?

264
00:14:09,933 --> 00:14:12,731
I cannot work with Jim
anymore. Either he goes or I go.

265
00:14:12,803 --> 00:14:14,270
Dwight. Stop.
You choose!

266
00:14:14,338 --> 00:14:16,966
One of us is out of here
by the end of today!

267
00:14:20,444 --> 00:14:21,433
Okay.

268
00:14:23,798 --> 00:14:25,519
I am not bluffing. Okay?
Okay. Yes.

269
00:14:25,917 --> 00:14:27,179
Do the right thing here,
Michael.

270
00:14:27,251 --> 00:14:31,620
Okay. I have served you loyally for
years. I deserve this. You know I do.

271
00:14:34,258 --> 00:14:36,988
You know, your ID says
you're a security threat.

272
00:14:37,628 --> 00:14:39,095
You have till 5:00.

273
00:14:43,367 --> 00:14:45,096
Oh, look, Jim.

274
00:14:45,436 --> 00:14:48,564
There's a sales manager
position open in Stamford.

275
00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:52,073
Want me to call Jan and
tell her you're interested?

276
00:14:52,143 --> 00:14:55,909
I could put in a good word for you
'cause I'll still be working here.

277
00:14:56,414 --> 00:14:58,075
Transfer. Transfer.

278
00:14:58,149 --> 00:15:01,778
Everybody! Transfer!
Transfer! Transfer!

279
00:15:01,852 --> 00:15:04,980
Okay, you two. In the
conference room with me.

280
00:15:05,489 --> 00:15:08,549
Nobody leaves
until we work this out.

281
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:10,587
Cage match.

282
00:15:11,028 --> 00:15:13,963
Cage matches? Yeah, they work.
How could they not work?

283
00:15:14,031 --> 00:15:17,262
If they didn't work, everybody
would still be in the cage.

284
00:15:17,335 --> 00:15:19,098
Okay. So, Dwight,
in your own words,

285
00:15:19,170 --> 00:15:23,573
"Someone replaced all my pens and pencils
with crayons. I suspect Jim Halpert.

286
00:15:24,508 --> 00:15:28,968
"Everyone has called me Dwayne all
day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to. "

287
00:15:30,781 --> 00:15:34,376
Yes. 5 bucks each
and it was totally worth it.

288
00:15:34,618 --> 00:15:37,849
"This morning I found a
bloody glove in my desk drawer,

289
00:15:37,922 --> 00:15:41,187
"and Jim Halpert tried to
convince me I committed murder.

290
00:15:41,459 --> 00:15:43,723
"I think he may be
the real murderer. "

291
00:15:43,794 --> 00:15:46,957
" Jim Halpert said there was an
abandoned infant in the women's room.

292
00:15:47,031 --> 00:15:50,296
"When I went to save the child,
I saw Meredith on the can. "

293
00:15:51,168 --> 00:15:52,294
Gag.

294
00:15:53,337 --> 00:15:57,171
"This morning, I knocked myself
in the head with the phone. "

295
00:15:59,510 --> 00:16:00,704
That actually
took a while.

296
00:16:00,778 --> 00:16:03,713
I had to put more and more
nickels into his handset,

297
00:16:04,148 --> 00:16:07,743
till he got used to the weight.
And then I just took them all out.

298
00:16:08,119 --> 00:16:11,953
"Every time I typed my name,
it said diapers. "

299
00:16:13,991 --> 00:16:15,549
Just a simple macro.

300
00:16:16,527 --> 00:16:20,190
You know, these actually don't
sound that funny, one after another.

301
00:16:20,598 --> 00:16:22,395
But he does
deserve it, though.

302
00:16:22,466 --> 00:16:26,425
"By the end of the day, my desk was
about two feet closer to the copier. "

303
00:16:27,338 --> 00:16:30,899
Yeah. I just moved it an inch
every time he went to the bathroom.

304
00:16:32,143 --> 00:16:34,771
And that's how I spent
my entire day, that day.

305
00:16:57,868 --> 00:17:02,066
The Japanese have this
thing called shiatsu massage,

306
00:17:02,139 --> 00:17:05,199
where they dig
into your body very hard.

307
00:17:05,276 --> 00:17:09,007
And it is very painful and,
apparently, some people throw up.

308
00:17:09,513 --> 00:17:11,606
But the next day
they feel great.

309
00:17:12,116 --> 00:17:14,710
I've never had one.
They sound awful.

310
00:17:21,459 --> 00:17:23,359
Maybe Stamford would be cool.

311
00:17:25,463 --> 00:17:26,896
It's a good market.

312
00:17:28,499 --> 00:17:30,865
Higher volume.
Yeah.

313
00:17:33,337 --> 00:17:35,271
Maybe we should both go.

314
00:17:35,506 --> 00:17:36,996
I have a girlfriend.

315
00:17:37,141 --> 00:17:38,938
Sure you do, Dwight. Sure.

316
00:17:39,009 --> 00:17:42,638
Hey. There's, like,
300 more of these.

317
00:17:42,713 --> 00:17:44,237
Let's get to them later.

318
00:17:44,315 --> 00:17:45,873
So, are you going to
transfer Jim or not?

319
00:17:45,950 --> 00:17:49,408
Maybe. I haven't decided yet.
Let's get to work.

320
00:17:49,487 --> 00:17:51,682
I want an answer by tomorrow.
Okay.

321
00:17:52,389 --> 00:17:55,790
Actually, tomorrow's not good.
How about later in the week?

322
00:17:56,827 --> 00:17:59,455
Fine.
Good. Okay.

323
00:18:04,335 --> 00:18:08,271
Hey! Wait. How about a group
picture, while you're here?

324
00:18:08,339 --> 00:18:10,068
I can't. I only get reimbursed
for the ID photos.

325
00:18:10,141 --> 00:18:12,666
Well, it's a
computer camera, right?

326
00:18:13,244 --> 00:18:16,270
You mean digital? Yeah.
It'll take like two seconds.

327
00:18:16,847 --> 00:18:17,973
20 bucks.

328
00:18:19,183 --> 00:18:20,241
All right.

329
00:18:20,317 --> 00:18:23,184
Everybody, come on! Group
photo for the newsletter!

330
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:24,912
You've gotta be kidding.

331
00:18:24,989 --> 00:18:26,513
Come on, everybody.
Come on. Let's go.

332
00:18:26,590 --> 00:18:29,388
Creed, Kevin, Oscar,
andale! Let's go.

333
00:18:30,194 --> 00:18:32,424
One, two, three, smile.

334
00:18:32,930 --> 00:18:33,919
Try to smile.

335
00:18:33,998 --> 00:18:36,057
We resolved a lot today,
everybody. Think happy thoughts.

336
00:18:36,133 --> 00:18:37,225
All right, I'm just gonna
take it on three,

337
00:18:37,301 --> 00:18:38,325
whether you smile or not.

338
00:18:38,402 --> 00:18:39,733
One, two, three.

339
00:18:39,803 --> 00:18:41,964
Good. Let's check that out.

340
00:18:43,474 --> 00:18:45,942
Okay. All right. One more.
Take one more.

341
00:18:46,076 --> 00:18:48,010
That'll be another $20.
What?

342
00:18:48,245 --> 00:18:49,769
Angela, I want to
talk to you about something.

343
00:18:49,847 --> 00:18:50,871
What?
No, Pam.

344
00:18:50,948 --> 00:18:52,006
I am.

345
00:18:52,082 --> 00:18:54,016
It's about the Save-the-Date.
Pam, it wasn't her.

346
00:18:54,084 --> 00:18:55,142
What?

347
00:18:56,420 --> 00:18:58,684
I'm the one
who complained about you.

348
00:19:01,192 --> 00:19:04,025
I didn't know that Toby
was going to write it down.

349
00:19:04,094 --> 00:19:05,118
Good.

350
00:19:05,196 --> 00:19:06,561
I was just venting.
Check that out.

351
00:19:06,630 --> 00:19:08,120
You know, it was just...
It was one day.

352
00:19:08,199 --> 00:19:09,393
That's terrible.

353
00:19:09,466 --> 00:19:11,661
I took it right back.
It was just like...

354
00:19:13,837 --> 00:19:15,065
Okay.

355
00:19:15,139 --> 00:19:16,197
Oh, dear.

356
00:19:19,310 --> 00:19:20,470
Okay.

357
00:19:20,578 --> 00:19:23,046
We can do this.
Come on, everybody.

358
00:19:25,583 --> 00:19:28,108
All right. Here we go.

359
00:19:28,719 --> 00:19:32,553
It was really hard getting
a good picture of 15 people.

360
00:19:32,723 --> 00:19:35,954
He would not give me a discount,
and eight tries added up.

361
00:19:36,193 --> 00:19:37,922
One, two...

362
00:19:39,129 --> 00:19:40,426
Didn't say "three," did I?

363
00:19:40,497 --> 00:19:43,193
But I'm sort of
an expert at Photoshop,

364
00:19:43,267 --> 00:19:45,326
so it turned out fine
in the end.

365
00:19:45,402 --> 00:19:48,371
When people work together,
there is going to be conflict.

366
00:19:48,439 --> 00:19:51,169
You can't outrun
your problems.

367
00:19:51,508 --> 00:19:54,409
Hey, Pam. It's Jim. I have a
doctor's appointment in the city,

368
00:19:54,478 --> 00:19:57,038
so I probably won't be in
till the late afternoon.

369
00:19:57,114 --> 00:19:58,809
Just thought I'd let you know.
Okay, bye.

370
00:20:00,084 --> 00:20:03,019
Okay, Jan will see you now.
Oh, thanks.

371
00:20:03,220 --> 00:20:06,053
And that is why
the idea of a cage match

372
00:20:06,123 --> 00:20:08,591
is so universally appealing.

373
00:20:08,759 --> 00:20:11,284
But here's the thing
about cage matches,

374
00:20:11,362 --> 00:20:14,695
sometimes you have
to open the cage.

375
00:20:15,332 --> 00:20:19,894
And that is something that
Toby will never understand.