1 00:00:00,017 --> 00:00:03,316 I am actually looking forward to "Take Your Daughter to Work Day. " 2 00:00:03,387 --> 00:00:06,254 I am not great with kids, but I wanna get better 3 00:00:06,624 --> 00:00:08,455 because I'm getting married. 4 00:00:08,726 --> 00:00:10,626 So I put out a bunch of extra candy on my desk 5 00:00:10,695 --> 00:00:12,788 so the kids will come talk to me. 6 00:00:14,498 --> 00:00:16,932 Like the witch in Hansel and Gretel. 7 00:00:17,668 --> 00:00:20,102 Bribery. Nice. Oh, I have more. 8 00:00:20,871 --> 00:00:23,635 Name's Pam. Miss Beesly, if you're nasty. 9 00:00:24,241 --> 00:00:26,675 Janet Jackson. Hey, you having a wardrobe malfunction there... 10 00:00:26,744 --> 00:00:29,577 Michael, you can't be nasty today. Because of that. 11 00:00:29,981 --> 00:00:33,075 Oh, God. Is that today? I reminded you last night. 12 00:00:33,417 --> 00:00:34,748 Listen, I like kids. 13 00:00:34,819 --> 00:00:36,411 But this is not a kids' environment. 14 00:00:36,487 --> 00:00:39,217 This is like HBO. No limits. 15 00:00:39,457 --> 00:00:41,891 Who knows what I'm gonna say? Crazy stuff. 16 00:00:42,093 --> 00:00:45,085 And it is "R" rated. It is not rated "G." 17 00:00:45,162 --> 00:00:47,995 I am like Eddie Murphy in Raw. 18 00:00:48,199 --> 00:00:50,064 And they are trying to make me 19 00:00:50,134 --> 00:00:51,624 into Eddie Murphy in Daddy Day Care. 20 00:00:51,702 --> 00:00:53,829 Both great movies, but still. 21 00:00:55,306 --> 00:00:56,466 Well, I'll be in my office. 22 00:00:56,540 --> 00:00:58,565 Don't you think you should say something? They're cool. 23 00:00:58,642 --> 00:01:00,667 Michael, I think that as the boss you should really... 24 00:01:00,745 --> 00:01:03,680 Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. Hi, children. 25 00:01:04,448 --> 00:01:08,908 I'm Michael Scott and I am in charge of this place. 26 00:01:09,687 --> 00:01:12,121 How do I make you understand... 27 00:01:12,189 --> 00:01:14,589 I am like Superman. 28 00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:18,257 And the people who work here are like citizens of Gotham City. 29 00:01:18,329 --> 00:01:19,557 That's Batman. That's Batman. 30 00:01:19,630 --> 00:01:22,656 Okay. I'm Aquaman. Where does he live, guys? 31 00:01:22,733 --> 00:01:23,893 The ocean. 32 00:01:24,502 --> 00:01:26,402 I work with a bunch of nerds. 33 00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:10,737 Hello, tiny one. Come on. 34 00:02:12,083 --> 00:02:13,641 You are the future. 35 00:02:16,387 --> 00:02:19,356 This is my file cabinet. 36 00:02:27,031 --> 00:02:30,194 Oh, this is the partition 37 00:02:30,401 --> 00:02:33,666 between my desk and Angela's. 38 00:02:35,372 --> 00:02:37,670 Abby's my fiancee Stacey's daughter. 39 00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:39,402 I think she'll have a good time. 40 00:02:39,477 --> 00:02:42,002 I just hope she doesn't look on my computer. 41 00:02:44,415 --> 00:02:46,679 Actually, I better go check. 42 00:02:50,020 --> 00:02:51,851 Michael, you remember my daughter, Melissa. 43 00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:54,652 Oh, yes. Hello, how are you? Good to see you. 44 00:02:54,725 --> 00:02:56,556 Wow, you've really grown up. 45 00:02:56,861 --> 00:02:58,954 You know what? If you don't mind me saying so, 46 00:02:59,029 --> 00:03:01,395 she is turning into a stone cold fox. 47 00:03:01,465 --> 00:03:04,366 Better keep the frat boys away from her. 48 00:03:04,902 --> 00:03:06,392 I'm in eighth grade. 49 00:03:06,470 --> 00:03:07,937 She's in middle school. 50 00:03:08,005 --> 00:03:10,974 Yeah, middle school's amazing. It is extraordinary. 51 00:03:11,142 --> 00:03:12,632 An extraordinary time. 52 00:03:12,710 --> 00:03:14,575 It's not that children make me uncomfortable. 53 00:03:14,645 --> 00:03:17,705 It's just that, why be a dad when you can be a fun uncle? 54 00:03:17,781 --> 00:03:20,750 I've never heard of anyone rebelling against their fun uncle. 55 00:03:20,818 --> 00:03:24,185 They want how many spiral pads? Well, 50... 56 00:03:24,588 --> 00:03:27,216 I over-ordered because they had a back-order. 57 00:03:27,291 --> 00:03:28,280 Okay. 58 00:03:28,359 --> 00:03:29,883 I got permission to bring Jakey in to work. 59 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,588 Which is great because he got suspended this week 60 00:03:32,663 --> 00:03:34,927 and now I don't have to pay for a sitter. 61 00:03:35,266 --> 00:03:37,200 Will you pull that down there? 62 00:03:38,502 --> 00:03:40,197 Okay, tell them what you wanted to say. 63 00:03:40,271 --> 00:03:43,399 Do you need any help? No. Thanks. 64 00:03:44,241 --> 00:03:46,266 We'd have to explain everything. 65 00:03:46,343 --> 00:03:49,210 It's probably just easier if we do it ourselves. 66 00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:53,344 All right, I wasn't expecting that. Let's go draw. 67 00:03:53,951 --> 00:03:56,476 Oh, my God. She is so cute I wanna die. 68 00:03:56,554 --> 00:03:58,579 Don't you just love kids, Angela? 69 00:03:59,490 --> 00:04:02,789 I guess I wouldn't mind a pair of small, well-behaved boys. 70 00:04:02,860 --> 00:04:05,954 God, I cannot wait to get pregnant and have babies. 71 00:04:07,698 --> 00:04:10,326 Kelly and I both agreed that we would just have fun. 72 00:04:10,401 --> 00:04:12,892 And I'm learning that fun for Kelly 73 00:04:12,970 --> 00:04:15,962 is getting married and having babies, 74 00:04:16,707 --> 00:04:19,107 immediately, with me. 75 00:04:19,910 --> 00:04:22,640 Just compare last year's order to this year's. 76 00:04:23,781 --> 00:04:25,908 Yeah, I'm looking at it right now. 77 00:04:29,553 --> 00:04:30,918 Yes. 78 00:04:32,623 --> 00:04:33,715 We... 79 00:04:35,359 --> 00:04:37,350 Yeah, they're very... 80 00:04:38,329 --> 00:04:39,956 They're different. 81 00:04:40,664 --> 00:04:42,461 Yeah, we can stick with last year's, 82 00:04:42,533 --> 00:04:44,831 we're just gonna have to supplement it, somehow. 83 00:04:44,902 --> 00:04:49,100 Hey, Abby, do you wanna help me shred some old documents? 84 00:04:49,673 --> 00:04:52,301 It's actually pretty cool. No thanks. 85 00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:57,977 I only have one goal today. To make one kid like me. 86 00:04:59,717 --> 00:05:00,741 Just one. 87 00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:02,382 What are you reading? 88 00:05:02,453 --> 00:05:05,422 From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler. 89 00:05:06,190 --> 00:05:07,748 Best book. 90 00:05:07,958 --> 00:05:10,791 Yeah, but I've read it before. So have I. 91 00:05:11,462 --> 00:05:12,588 Hey, question: 92 00:05:12,663 --> 00:05:14,494 If you had to spend the night in the Met 93 00:05:14,565 --> 00:05:16,396 or the aquarium, which would it be? 94 00:05:16,467 --> 00:05:19,959 Definitely the aquarium. Definitely. Yes. Glad you said that. 95 00:05:21,405 --> 00:05:23,305 You don't wanna help me with some of my sales, do you? 96 00:05:23,374 --> 00:05:24,705 'Cause I'm kind of swamped. 97 00:05:24,775 --> 00:05:27,243 Sure. Really? Yes. 98 00:05:27,578 --> 00:05:28,875 And you're Abby, right? Yeah. 99 00:05:28,946 --> 00:05:30,072 I'm Jim. 100 00:05:31,148 --> 00:05:33,616 And, let's sell some paper. All right. 101 00:05:33,684 --> 00:05:36,676 Let's start with your mom. 102 00:05:36,754 --> 00:05:39,416 Yes. Well, we can... 103 00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:45,023 Hey, you know what? Can I call you back? I'll call you right back. 104 00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:46,392 Yes, I promise. 105 00:05:50,301 --> 00:05:52,565 Hello. Can I help you? 106 00:05:55,205 --> 00:05:58,106 You can pick that up if you want. That's all right. 107 00:05:59,677 --> 00:06:01,338 You wanna bring it over... 108 00:06:01,412 --> 00:06:03,437 Here, I'll make some room. 109 00:06:11,088 --> 00:06:14,182 My name's Michael. What's your name? Sasha. 110 00:06:14,258 --> 00:06:15,589 Nice to meet you. 111 00:06:16,093 --> 00:06:19,654 Oh, you know what that is? That is a train whistle. 112 00:06:19,830 --> 00:06:21,491 Like I'm the conductor. 113 00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:25,260 But I'm sort of the conductor of the office here. Right? 114 00:06:26,603 --> 00:06:28,230 You wanna try? Sure. 115 00:06:29,206 --> 00:06:30,696 All aboard for sales! 116 00:06:32,176 --> 00:06:35,475 Next stop, Kukabonga. 117 00:06:38,248 --> 00:06:40,944 You broke my hand! There is no way that hurt. 118 00:06:41,051 --> 00:06:43,542 Really? 'Cause she's pretty strong, Dwight. 119 00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:45,679 Little girl, come over here. 120 00:06:46,890 --> 00:06:48,323 Shake my hand. 121 00:06:48,826 --> 00:06:50,760 Come on. I don't have all day. 122 00:06:53,130 --> 00:06:56,657 I don't feel anything. Nothing. You're so weak. 123 00:07:01,438 --> 00:07:04,737 Excuse me. These are expensive collectors' items, okay? 124 00:07:04,942 --> 00:07:06,136 Do you have any computer games? 125 00:07:06,210 --> 00:07:08,610 No, I don't have computer games on my work computer. 126 00:07:08,679 --> 00:07:09,668 That would be inappropriate. 127 00:07:09,747 --> 00:07:12,739 Yeah, Meredith doesn't have any either. It's so lame here. 128 00:07:12,816 --> 00:07:16,377 You call your mom, Meredith? That's very disrespectful. 129 00:07:16,453 --> 00:07:18,148 Whatever, okay? 130 00:07:18,288 --> 00:07:20,722 You can refer to me as Mr. Schrute. 131 00:07:20,891 --> 00:07:22,290 That's your name? 132 00:07:22,659 --> 00:07:24,251 Mr. Poop? Schrute. 133 00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:27,221 Mr. Schrute. Sure, Mr. Poop. 134 00:07:30,634 --> 00:07:31,862 Schrute. 135 00:07:39,443 --> 00:07:41,240 Are you Mother Goose? 136 00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:47,744 I drink like a hundred iced macchiatos a day and practically nothing else. 137 00:07:47,818 --> 00:07:48,842 Wow. 138 00:07:48,919 --> 00:07:52,377 There's a really cool coffee place, Jitterz, at the Steamtown Mall. 139 00:07:52,456 --> 00:07:54,424 You ever been there? No. 140 00:07:54,691 --> 00:07:58,457 You've never been to Jitterz? Ryan, you are so dorky. 141 00:07:58,929 --> 00:08:01,227 Give me your number so I can text you. 142 00:08:04,435 --> 00:08:05,663 Come on. 143 00:08:06,203 --> 00:08:07,602 Do you have an e-mail address? 144 00:08:07,671 --> 00:08:10,231 I may be wrong, but I just thought you should know. 145 00:08:10,307 --> 00:08:12,605 I think something a little fishy is going on. 146 00:08:12,676 --> 00:08:14,303 A little fishy? Yeah. 147 00:08:14,378 --> 00:08:17,677 I mean, I've been noticing them all day, and I just think... 148 00:08:17,948 --> 00:08:19,575 That little girl is a child! 149 00:08:19,650 --> 00:08:23,051 I don't wanna see you sniffing around her anymore this afternoon. 150 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:24,178 Do you understand? Yes, sir. 151 00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:25,551 Boy, have you lost your mind? No. 152 00:08:25,622 --> 00:08:27,590 'Cause I'll help you find it. What you looking for? 153 00:08:27,658 --> 00:08:28,920 Ain't nobody gonna help you out there. 154 00:08:28,992 --> 00:08:30,118 Jesus can come through that door 155 00:08:30,194 --> 00:08:31,183 and he's not gonna help you 156 00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:33,252 if you don't stop sniffing after my child. Okay. 157 00:08:33,497 --> 00:08:35,294 Stanley yelled at me today. 158 00:08:35,866 --> 00:08:39,165 That was one of the most frightening experiences of my life. 159 00:08:50,981 --> 00:08:53,882 That was Greensleeves, a traditional English ballad 160 00:08:53,951 --> 00:08:55,885 about the beheaded Anne Boleyn. 161 00:08:55,953 --> 00:08:58,387 And now, a very special treat. 162 00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:01,390 A book my grom-mutter used to read me when I was a kid. 163 00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:05,519 This is a very special story. It's called Struwwelpeterl 164 00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:09,323 by Heinrich Hoffmann from 1864. 165 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:13,233 "The great tall tailor always comes 166 00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:15,271 "to little girls that suck their thumbs. " 167 00:09:15,339 --> 00:09:17,102 Are you listening, Sasha? Right? 168 00:09:17,174 --> 00:09:19,165 "And ere they dream what he's about, 169 00:09:19,243 --> 00:09:21,677 "he takes his great sharp scissors out 170 00:09:21,812 --> 00:09:24,110 "and then cuts their thumbs clean off. " 171 00:09:24,181 --> 00:09:25,239 Dwight, Dwight... There's a photo. 172 00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:26,407 What the hell are you reading to them? 173 00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:27,848 These are cautionary tales for kids. 174 00:09:27,918 --> 00:09:28,942 My grom-mutter used to read them... 175 00:09:29,019 --> 00:09:30,179 Yeah, you know what? No, no, no, no. 176 00:09:30,254 --> 00:09:32,552 They... No. The kids don't wanna hear some weirdo book 177 00:09:32,623 --> 00:09:34,887 that your Nazi war criminal grandmother gave you. 178 00:09:34,958 --> 00:09:36,892 What's a Nazi? What's a Nazi? 179 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:38,427 Nazi was a fascist movement... Don't... 180 00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:40,588 From the 1930s in Germany... Don't, don't talk about Nazis 181 00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:42,859 in front of... You know what? They're gonna have nightmares. 182 00:09:42,933 --> 00:09:43,957 Why don't you just shut it? 183 00:09:44,034 --> 00:09:47,299 I was gonna teach the children how to make cornhusk dolls. 184 00:09:47,371 --> 00:09:50,807 Why don't you just leave, okay? Okay. 185 00:09:51,975 --> 00:09:54,739 Bye, Mr. Poop. All right. There goes Mr. Poop. 186 00:09:54,845 --> 00:09:56,779 Now, who likes Dane Cook? 187 00:09:56,847 --> 00:09:58,109 I do! I do! 188 00:09:58,181 --> 00:10:01,014 Children cannot lie. They are innocent and they speak the truth. 189 00:10:01,084 --> 00:10:03,416 And out of the mouths of babes, 190 00:10:03,487 --> 00:10:06,149 Michael Scott is freaking cool. 191 00:10:12,745 --> 00:10:15,111 You know, I never misbehaved in front of my father 192 00:10:15,182 --> 00:10:18,049 because he was a very strict disciplinarian. 193 00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:21,986 I can only hope my mate has some of those same qualities. 194 00:10:27,094 --> 00:10:30,325 This is where the magic happens. Right over here. 195 00:10:30,398 --> 00:10:31,763 Let me show you this. 196 00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:35,859 See all these? You know what that is? That's paper. 197 00:10:35,970 --> 00:10:38,996 This is where paper comes from. Any questions? 198 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:42,175 So, you cut the paper and dye it and stuff? 199 00:10:42,376 --> 00:10:45,311 No, we don't actually cut the paper. That's a good question. 200 00:10:45,379 --> 00:10:49,713 The paper is sent to us, cut and dyed, from a paper manufacturer. 201 00:10:49,817 --> 00:10:53,844 And then we sell it to a business for more than we paid for it. 202 00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:55,183 That's not fair. No. 203 00:10:55,256 --> 00:10:57,247 Yes, it is. Well... No. 204 00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:59,349 You need someone in the middle to facilitate... 205 00:10:59,427 --> 00:11:01,361 You're just a middleman. I'm not just a middleman. 206 00:11:01,429 --> 00:11:04,364 Wait. Why doesn't the sawmill just sell the paper directly to people? 207 00:11:04,432 --> 00:11:06,730 You are describing Office Depot. 208 00:11:06,801 --> 00:11:08,735 And they're kind of running us out of business. 209 00:11:08,803 --> 00:11:10,998 We have better service than they do. 210 00:11:13,174 --> 00:11:15,005 There's Creed! Let's take a look 211 00:11:15,076 --> 00:11:17,237 at what he's doing, everybody. 212 00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:20,112 This is Creed. 213 00:11:20,214 --> 00:11:22,978 And he is in charge of something. 214 00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:24,074 Right? That is correct. 215 00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:26,085 Say hi to the kids. Hi, kids. 216 00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:29,648 Have you ever seen a foot with four toes? 217 00:11:30,124 --> 00:11:32,684 What are you doing? Stop it! Stop it! Just... No, no, no, no, no! 218 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,022 Would you cut it out? 219 00:11:34,095 --> 00:11:36,188 What is your problem? The hair covers it up mostly. 220 00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:39,323 No, no, no, we're not gonna see the four-toed Creed, okay? 221 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:41,231 You know, there's something interesting about me 222 00:11:41,302 --> 00:11:45,136 that you might want to know. I used to be the star of a kids' show. 223 00:11:45,206 --> 00:11:47,140 No way! It's true. I did. 224 00:11:47,208 --> 00:11:49,108 You serious? I am totally serious. 225 00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:52,668 There was a show called Fundle Bundle and I was the star. 226 00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:54,407 That doesn't sound like a show. It's true. 227 00:11:54,482 --> 00:11:56,177 I can prove it. I can prove it. Watch this. 228 00:11:56,250 --> 00:11:58,343 Ryan! Can you come here a second? 229 00:11:59,887 --> 00:12:02,788 I would like you to go to my mother's house in Dickson City. 230 00:12:02,857 --> 00:12:03,983 And if she is at the pool, 231 00:12:04,058 --> 00:12:05,889 the back kitchen window should be unlocked. 232 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:07,518 I want you to boost yourself up. All right. 233 00:12:07,595 --> 00:12:10,086 I want you to go down to the basement. In the basement is a tape 234 00:12:10,164 --> 00:12:11,358 labeled "Fundle Bundle. " 235 00:12:11,432 --> 00:12:13,400 I want you to grab it. I want you to get my guitar. 236 00:12:13,467 --> 00:12:14,798 Right. Okay. I want you to get a tambourine. 237 00:12:14,869 --> 00:12:16,234 Do you know how to play the tambourine? 238 00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:18,294 I'm already getting the pizzas from Brunetti's, so... 239 00:12:18,372 --> 00:12:20,237 You know, I can go with him. No! 240 00:12:20,307 --> 00:12:23,401 I will go. Okay. Thank you, Ryan. 241 00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:25,438 Good attitude. Hottest in the office. 242 00:12:25,513 --> 00:12:28,277 All right. Now, what kind of pizza do you like? 243 00:12:28,349 --> 00:12:30,180 I don't get why parents are always complaining 244 00:12:30,251 --> 00:12:32,446 about how tough it is to raise kids. 245 00:12:32,887 --> 00:12:33,979 You joke around with them, 246 00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:36,284 you give them pizza, you give them candy, 247 00:12:36,357 --> 00:12:39,383 you let them live their lives. They're adults, for God's sake. 248 00:12:39,460 --> 00:12:42,793 I am going to give you a little blast from the past 249 00:12:42,863 --> 00:12:45,696 of Michael Gary Scott, when he was a child star 250 00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:49,096 and a show that you might remember called Fundle Bundle. 251 00:12:49,170 --> 00:12:51,331 Okay, without further ado, Ryan. 252 00:12:51,405 --> 00:12:53,430 Fundle, are you ready 253 00:12:53,507 --> 00:12:54,906 Yeah! 254 00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:56,203 Let's have some fun! 255 00:12:56,277 --> 00:12:58,871 That is Miss Trudy. You can't tell from the costume, 256 00:12:58,946 --> 00:13:00,937 but she had an amazing body. 257 00:13:01,715 --> 00:13:04,115 Okay, you can fast-forward. 258 00:13:04,185 --> 00:13:06,278 And I want you... Is that a real, 259 00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:08,412 functioning windmill? Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop. 260 00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:13,915 Yes! That is Edward R. Meow. 261 00:13:14,528 --> 00:13:17,019 That's pretty funny. Yes. 262 00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:20,066 Recess! Hey, what's your name? 263 00:13:20,134 --> 00:13:22,261 My name's Chet. Well, hi, Chet. 264 00:13:22,336 --> 00:13:24,998 Is that Chet Montgomery? I don't know. 265 00:13:25,072 --> 00:13:28,838 That is! He's the meteorologist from channel 5. 266 00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:31,173 "Checking in with Chet. Doppler 7." 267 00:13:32,246 --> 00:13:33,474 That guy's legit. 268 00:13:33,547 --> 00:13:37,347 What do you wanna be when you grow up? I wanna be on TV. 269 00:13:37,952 --> 00:13:39,977 And he is on TV now! 270 00:13:40,054 --> 00:13:43,490 Would everybody please shut up? Please. So you don't miss it. 271 00:13:44,592 --> 00:13:45,957 Okay, next. 272 00:13:46,227 --> 00:13:49,025 So, what's your name? Oh, that's me! That's me! 273 00:13:50,864 --> 00:13:53,332 What's your favorite subject in school? 274 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,961 Recess. 275 00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:59,699 So, tell me, what do you wanna be when you grow up? 276 00:14:00,107 --> 00:14:04,544 I wanna be married and have a 100 kids so I can have 100 friends, 277 00:14:04,645 --> 00:14:07,443 and no one can say no to being my friend. 278 00:14:13,821 --> 00:14:17,985 Okay. Well, nice talking with you, Michael. Back to you, Miss Trudy. 279 00:14:18,325 --> 00:14:21,385 Hi, everyone. It's one of my favorite... I could have sworn there was... 280 00:14:21,462 --> 00:14:24,090 Did you get married? No. 281 00:14:24,331 --> 00:14:26,697 Why not? It just never happened. 282 00:14:27,501 --> 00:14:30,868 So, do you have any kids? Nope. 283 00:14:31,472 --> 00:14:33,406 Do you have a girlfriend? I do okay. 284 00:14:33,474 --> 00:14:34,907 Was Chet Montgomery cool back then? Yes. 285 00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:37,443 Even I have a girlfriend. Okay. All right. Okay. 286 00:14:37,511 --> 00:14:40,207 So, you didn't get to be what you wanted to be? 287 00:14:41,582 --> 00:14:42,981 I guess not. 288 00:14:45,386 --> 00:14:47,854 You know, I have a load of work to do. 289 00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:51,448 So, I am going to grab a slice of this delish pizza 290 00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:54,524 and I'm gonna go do my work. 291 00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:56,253 Bye. 292 00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:09,269 He's not coming out. He won't pick up the phone. 293 00:15:09,477 --> 00:15:11,138 I can't believe his mom dressed him like that. 294 00:15:11,212 --> 00:15:12,907 That's the real tragedy. 295 00:15:14,048 --> 00:15:16,346 Pam, Pam! I love this guy! 296 00:15:17,619 --> 00:15:18,711 Come on! 297 00:15:26,895 --> 00:15:30,228 So, Melissa, I met your mom a couple times. 298 00:15:30,298 --> 00:15:31,788 She's so nice. 299 00:15:32,434 --> 00:15:33,958 Who, Teri? 300 00:15:35,036 --> 00:15:37,903 That woman is not my mother. That is my stepmother. 301 00:15:43,044 --> 00:15:44,204 Mr. Poop, I have to tell you something. 302 00:15:44,279 --> 00:15:46,804 Okay. But first, that's not my name. 303 00:15:46,881 --> 00:15:48,143 You're ugly. 304 00:15:50,685 --> 00:15:53,381 Well, at least I'm not a horrible little latchkey kid 305 00:15:53,455 --> 00:15:55,548 who got suspended from school. 306 00:15:56,090 --> 00:15:57,284 So... 307 00:15:57,792 --> 00:15:59,054 Meredith! 308 00:16:12,173 --> 00:16:13,265 Yeah? 309 00:16:14,776 --> 00:16:16,971 I think these belong to you. 310 00:16:18,813 --> 00:16:20,804 Oh, that's okay. She can keep those. 311 00:16:20,882 --> 00:16:23,146 Believe me, she has enough toys. 312 00:16:23,451 --> 00:16:25,578 She doesn't need your watch. 313 00:16:26,321 --> 00:16:27,652 Thank you. 314 00:16:30,992 --> 00:16:32,516 Is everything okay? 315 00:16:34,362 --> 00:16:37,820 You have to ask me that because you work for Human Resources. 316 00:16:39,033 --> 00:16:40,261 That's true. 317 00:16:40,401 --> 00:16:43,768 You know, sure, playing the field is great. Don't get me wrong. 318 00:16:43,838 --> 00:16:46,739 But there's more to life than notches on my bedpost. 319 00:16:47,475 --> 00:16:48,635 Tell me something honestly. 320 00:16:48,710 --> 00:16:53,511 Do you think that it is too late for me to have kids? 321 00:16:53,882 --> 00:16:57,045 Well, you need a wife first. Or at least a girlfriend. 322 00:16:57,118 --> 00:16:58,881 What about... Not Jan. 323 00:16:58,953 --> 00:16:59,942 Okay. 324 00:17:00,054 --> 00:17:03,888 If you really wanna have kids, I guess you could somehow... 325 00:17:06,561 --> 00:17:08,756 A foster parent or something. 326 00:17:10,965 --> 00:17:12,557 Or biologically. 327 00:17:13,434 --> 00:17:14,696 Somehow. 328 00:17:16,137 --> 00:17:19,004 Thanks. That's... No, that really means a lot to me. 329 00:17:22,610 --> 00:17:25,545 Hey, does Sasha have a godfather? Because... 330 00:17:25,613 --> 00:17:27,308 Yes. Okay. 331 00:17:29,651 --> 00:17:32,119 Is it okay if I take one? Sure. 332 00:17:32,487 --> 00:17:34,284 Thank you. You're welcome. 333 00:17:35,390 --> 00:17:38,587 Is your job hard? It's not too bad. 334 00:17:39,661 --> 00:17:42,255 I get to shred things sometimes. Do you wanna see? 335 00:17:42,330 --> 00:17:43,388 Yeah! 336 00:17:43,464 --> 00:17:44,829 Really? Yeah. 337 00:17:45,233 --> 00:17:46,325 Okay. 338 00:17:49,070 --> 00:17:52,005 Here it is. Don't put your fingers in there. 339 00:17:55,209 --> 00:17:56,836 Cool, huh? That's so cool, yeah! 340 00:17:58,379 --> 00:18:00,142 Yeah, I get to do this, like, every week. 341 00:18:00,214 --> 00:18:01,681 That's so awesome. I know. 342 00:18:01,883 --> 00:18:03,976 Yes, it is true. 343 00:18:04,052 --> 00:18:08,352 I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. 344 00:18:08,456 --> 00:18:11,516 Thousands of people have done it. And I am going to do it. 345 00:18:11,593 --> 00:18:14,960 I need a username. And I have a great one. 346 00:18:20,835 --> 00:18:21,961 Little Kid Lover. 347 00:18:22,036 --> 00:18:25,836 That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at. 348 00:18:28,776 --> 00:18:30,073 Go ahead. 349 00:18:30,979 --> 00:18:33,504 Do you wanna come over for dinner tonight? 350 00:18:33,581 --> 00:18:35,811 Oh, man, I would love to. 351 00:18:35,883 --> 00:18:38,750 I can't tonight. But can I come over some other time? 352 00:18:38,820 --> 00:18:41,618 What are you doing? You never have plans. 353 00:18:42,190 --> 00:18:43,316 Thanks, Kev. 354 00:18:43,858 --> 00:18:46,588 I'm actually going on a date. Nice. 355 00:18:47,729 --> 00:18:49,890 Hey, no please. You can't leave yet. 356 00:18:49,964 --> 00:18:52,489 There's still one more thing we need to do. 357 00:18:53,434 --> 00:18:57,234 You who are on the road 358 00:18:57,972 --> 00:19:00,304 Must have a code 359 00:19:00,975 --> 00:19:04,172 that you can live by 360 00:19:04,445 --> 00:19:08,848 And so become yourself 361 00:19:09,851 --> 00:19:11,819 Because the past 362 00:19:12,887 --> 00:19:15,617 is just a good bye 363 00:19:16,591 --> 00:19:20,391 And teach your children well 364 00:19:20,461 --> 00:19:23,191 Why does he own a guitar if he doesn't know how to play. 365 00:19:23,264 --> 00:19:26,233 I think he thought his ukulele skills would transfer. 366 00:19:28,903 --> 00:19:32,862 And feed them on your dreams 367 00:19:32,940 --> 00:19:34,498 My theory is that... 368 00:19:34,575 --> 00:19:36,668 The one they picks 369 00:19:37,512 --> 00:19:41,243 the one you'll know by 370 00:19:42,350 --> 00:19:45,751 Don't you ever ask them why 371 00:19:45,820 --> 00:19:48,721 If I told you, you would cry 372 00:19:48,790 --> 00:19:52,988 You just look at them and sigh 373 00:19:56,064 --> 00:19:59,192 and know they love you 374 00:19:59,767 --> 00:20:02,429 And they do. Your parents love you very much. 375 00:20:02,503 --> 00:20:03,765 One more time. 376 00:20:03,838 --> 00:20:04,827 You... 377 00:20:05,625 --> 00:20:07,923 The Schrutes consider children very valuable. 378 00:20:07,994 --> 00:20:10,929 In the olden days, the women would bear many children, 379 00:20:10,997 --> 00:20:13,329 so we would have enough laborers to work the fields. 380 00:20:13,399 --> 00:20:15,424 And if it was an especially cold winter 381 00:20:15,502 --> 00:20:18,062 and there weren't enough grains or vegetables, 382 00:20:18,138 --> 00:20:20,698 they would eat the weakest of the brood. 383 00:20:21,775 --> 00:20:24,573 No, they didn't eat the children. 384 00:20:25,078 --> 00:20:26,670 It never came to that.