Hey, wait! I have the rent money
right here. You don't have
to tear down the orphanage.
Too late, padre.
[CHILDREN SCREAMING]
Kids, come back!
What are you gonna do?
Touch yourselves?
[WHISTLES]
Mmblahh. This job sucks.
I gotta go crap out that burrito,
have a burrito, and get some sleep.
TOOT: Ding dong!
What the hell is wrong wit' you, Toot?
Can't you see I'm bangin' Astro?
Ri rain't rastro, ritch!
Jesus, Foxxy, you're such a whore.
You've had more infected wangs in you
than a Shanghai hospital.
Roh-ro, you ridn't.
You're just jealous 'cause you couldn't get screwed
at a convention of Jewish insurance salesmen.
Rou rid rot rust ro there.
Oh, you don't think I can get laid, huh?
Fine! I'll show you.
I'll start having lots of sex.
And I'll stop having sex
and show you I ain't no ho!
Starting now.
Would you still stick your stiletto heel
up my pooter if I paid you 20 earth dollars?
I meant startin' in $20 from now.
[SPITS]
Baby!
FOXXY, NARRATING: I knew da Foxxy could give up da sex,
no matter what that Toot said.
And she gon' do it, too.
Startin' right now.
[CELLPHONE RINGS] Hell-ow?
Denzel?!
OK. Startin' now.
[CELLPHONE RINGS] Hell-ow?
Magic Johnson?!
Uh, pick up some what?
You don't need those, papa.
I'm on da pill.
OK.
[CELLPHONE RINGS] Hell-ow?
Forest Whitaker?!
Is that droopy eye of yours ready to get busy?
OK. Startin' now.
[CELLPHONE RINGS] Hell-ow?
Al Roker?!
Oh, my god, look at me.
How pathetic.
Toot's right. I is a slut.
[THUNDER]
[SCRAPING]
[FLIES BUZZING] All right,
which one of you butt wipes
wants some of this?
I was going to prove to Foxxy
that my vagina wasn't just a place
for food storage.
[SQUISHES AND POPS]
[CHEWING]
Or a place to keep drinks cold.
[CAN OPENS]
[BELCHES]
It was also a place
for sex-making.
[CHEWING]
OK, last call.
Who wants to make it with the Tooters girl?
Ooh! Not me.
As if. [SPEAKING JAPANESE]
Not a chance. Ruck, no.
No, thank you?
One of you sad-ass jagoffs has to do me.
Oh, I know someone who might toss you one.
Really?
He sounds dreamy.
There he is.
He'll have sex with you.
[COWBELL RINGS]
Because you're a cow!
[ALL LAUGHING] [CRYING]
Good one.
Toot!
So, um, I wasn't expecting
to see you here.
[CHEWING]
Especially since I didn't hear from you
after Santa Barbara.
Look. I think we should just be friends.
All right. Then let's go to the movies.
I don't think that's a very good idea.
Friends go to the movies!
Doc, you gots to help me.
I don't wanna be a ho.
Now why come I can't stop doin'
the Ethiopian boredom dance?
The cure to your nymphomania lies
in unlocking a repressed memory
through hypnosis.
Ooh, that's a nice deuce zero.
Picture yourself in your happy place.
Except this time, there are no men there,
and it's not the bathroom at white castle.
Dig into your past, Foxxy.
Release the repressed memory…
[ECHOING] Memory…memory…
Oh, yeah.
I thinks I'm rememberin' somethin'.
Hey, that kid's like a little girl
goin' into a pretzel store.
Little kid goin' into a pretzel store-buh?
Yeah. She's about to get a-salted.
Uh-oh! Hey!
Yeah! All right!
[PINBALL BUMPERS RINGING]
This-buh is innocent-buh fun.
Jumpin' makes my chest hurt.
WOOLDOOR: That's it.
Awake! Ooh.
Doc, that memory don't mean nothin'.
It's just a episode of one of my most favourite shows.
That was no show. That was your childhood.
Get out!
And that was no little girl.
- That was you! - Well, I'll be!
And the worst part is they violated you.
Oh, lordy!
And that explains your promiscuous behaviour.
Wow! Hypnosis is a powerful tool.
And it must not be abused.
That's strange…
My nose itches!
[SCRATCHES]
[CHICKEN DANCE PLAYS]
[CLUCKING] [APPLAUSE]
[POOT]
I wanted to cheer Toot up.
There must be some way
for disgusting, hairy, ugly fat chicks
to get laid. After all,
Israeli women keep getting pregnant.
Calm down, Toot.
You're not some kind of hideous beast.
Go away, leave me alone. I hate you!
You just need a makeover, Toot!
We'll get you some clothes
that are a bit more flattering on a girl
with your hideous, beastly body type.
Hey, you'll have a guy in no time.
Really? He sounds dreamy.
[LIKE A MONKEY] Ooh ooh, ahh ahh.
Here we are!
The large Bryant really big and fat
and not tall but fat store.
Perhaps you should try
the full-figured gal's best friend…
The muumuu.
Gimme!
Oh, muumuu,
you're amazing.
Wrap it up!
[SCATTING]
You're the cure to all my problems, muumuu.
I love you, muumuu.
[HORN HONKS]
Muu…muu…
Muu…ah.
[INDIAN ACCENT] Oh! Oh, my god.
We have hit the most sacred of all creatures
in our completely sensible religion…
a cow!
Oh, my hundreds of goofy gods!
We must take her back
to our hideously decorated home
and nurse her back to health
with our horrible-tasting food.
[SITAR MUSIC PLAYING]
FOXXY, NARRATING: Now that Wooldoor had released
the memory of my trauma,
I needed to confront my assailants
and demands an apology!
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
I think the brown hornet's
tryin' to tell us something.
What, Phat Allen,
who has absolutely no affiliation
with Bill Cosby's lovable character Fat Albert?
I don't know,
but I think it's about beatin' your meat.
So, what-buh should we-buh
do-buh 'bout it, buh?
I know! Everybody circle up.
[FUNK MUSIC PLAYING]
[RIPS]
Looks like Phat Allen once again
tricked the gang into a circle jerkle.
But little did they know
Foxxy Brown was about to fuck up they fun.
You know what I'm sayin'?
[FLIES BUZZING] Ooh.
Phat Allen and his junkyard pals.
Uh-oh! A girl.
Put your package away.
[ZIPPING]
Who the hell are you?
You know who I is.
When I was younger, you violated me.
Hey, hey, what?
Yeah, and the rest of y'all just watched.
I don't think we'd forget a sexual experience
that doesn't involve us circling up
and droppin' snot on each other's shoes.
Listen, all I lookin' for is a little apology
so I can stop sluttin' around,
and we can put this whole ugly mess behind us.
I can't honestly apologise
for somethin' I'm not even capable of.
Yeah. His diabetes done affected his meat-is.
Hey, Phat Allen. You're like a library on Sunday.
A library on Sunday?
Yeah. No circulation.
[ALL LAUGHING]
You did it!
And you know you did it.
Foxxy, they ought to call you
a German porn star's mouth.
German porn star mouth?
'Cause you full of shit.
[ALL LAUGHING]
Laugh it up, ass holes.
In jail.
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
Popo, arrest these criminals.
Ooh, ooh! Hey, watch the hat, man.
[SCREAMING]
TOOT, NARRATING: It was amazing.
Those morons were worshipping me
like I was some kind of sacred cow.
And as long as they didn't find out
that I was merely cow like,
the world was my deep-fried oyster.
Moo. [COWBELL RINGS]
Oh, beautiful and majestic cow,
may this traditional Indian dance hasten your recovery.
♪♪ Rasta hamara takna ♪♪
♪♪ Darawaza khula rakhna ♪♪
♪♪ Rasta hamara takna ♪♪
♪♪ Darawaza khula rakhna ♪♪
♪♪ Mehndi lagake rakhna ♪♪
♪♪ Doli sajake rakhna ♪♪
♪♪ Sehra sajake rakhna ♪♪
♪♪ Chehra chhupake rakhna ♪♪
♪♪ Shava ♪♪
♪♪ Oh eh, oh eh, oh eh ♪♪
♪♪ Shava ♪♪
♪♪ Oh eh, oh eh, oh eh ♪♪
♪♪ Shava ♪♪
♪♪ Oh eh, oh eh, oh eh ♪♪
♪♪ Shava ♪♪
♪♪ Oh eh, oh eh, oh eh ♪♪
♪♪ Shava ♪♪
Holy crap!
That sucked my balls!
[ALL GASPING] It speaks!
Oh, goddamn it!
I mean, moo?
[COWBELL RINGS]
Well, I guess the jig is up.
OK, ass bags,
thanks for the grub and the retarded dance.
You cannot go, talking cow,
for you are the one!
The one what?
The legendary sacred talking cow.
We must bring her to the second-most powerful Indian,
after Kumar from that white castle movie…
the king of India!
[GASPS] The king of India?
He sounds dreamy!
♪♪ Rasta hamara takna ♪♪
♪♪ Darawaza khu… ♪♪
Oops! Looks like fat ass is on her way to India.
Meanwhile, Foxxy's giving my boys a mess of trouble.
You know what I'm sayin'?
Unh!
[CHEWING]
Now, Missy, are the scoundrels
that perpetrated this unthinkable act
upon your body,
are they here today in this courtroom?
They right over there,
where I usually sit.
Your witness.
Miss Love,
isn't it true you like a bowlin' ball?
A bowlin' ball?
Yeah. You get fingered and thrown in the gutter
20 times a night.
[ALL LAUGHING]
JUDGE: Mm-hmm.
You mind standin' up and showin' the court
your very revealin' outfit?
I stress-u-ously object.
You can'ts put the victim on trial.
Actually, puttin' the victim on trial is
a very successful legal strategy,
and it has worked once again.
Miss Love, I finds you guilty.
[CROWD GASPING]
Oh, lordy.
[ALL LAUGHING]
And as for the rest of y'all,
I order you all to circle up!
[ZIPPING]
[MUSIC LIKE CAPE FEAR PLAYING]
[GRUNTING]
Baby?
- Uh, Foxxy Love? - Yeah?
We need your cell for the guard's break room,
so you're free to go.
I said this prison couldn't hold me.
Whatever.
Now here are your personal effects…
your wallet, your hattori hanzo steel samurai sword,
and the list of people
responsible for putting you in here.
Let me see that list.
[THUNDER CRASHING]
Ohh, yeah, I forgot about those guys.
Gettin' revenge on them
would be an interestin' way to express my anger.
[WHISTLING CAMPTOWN RACES]
ATTENDANT, INDIAN ACCENT: Passengers, if you look out on your left,
you will see a red line
running through a giant map of the world.
And remember, F.D.A. Laws prohibit smoking or crapping
anywhere but the bathroom.
We're not in India yet, people.
[SITAR PLAYING]
Oh, great king of India.
Oh-oh, man.
Did you try control, alt, delete?
Mmm? Mm-hmm.
Mm…how 'bout shutting it off and turning it back on?
No, no. I am not Indian.
I am Steve, an American from Texas-land.
[RECEIVER CLICKS, DIAL TONE HUMS]
Oh! Ohh!
Is it my fault she was kept on hold for 15 minutes?
I don't think so.
[SIGHS]
Now, what is your name, and how may I help you?
Oh, we have something most wonderful to show you.
Behold!
♪♪ Rasta hamara takna ♪♪
♪♪ Darawaza khula rakhna ♪♪
♪♪ Rasta hamara tak… ♪♪
[BONES CRACK]
She is a beautiful cow.
Ohh…ohh…
But so what?
So what?
I'm a goddamn talking cow, that's so what!
Now, who does a talking cow have to screw
to get some goddamn cheese around here?
The prophecy has been fulfilled!
You, talking cow, are now our supreme ruler!
[CROWD CHEERING AND CHANTING]
You want me to be your supreme ruler?
That means you must obey my every command!
OK, everyone, circle up!
[CROWD CHEERS]
[ZIPPING]
What the fuck are you lookin' at?
I've killed a hell of a lots of people
to get to this point.
I went on what the movie advertisements refer to
as a roarin' rampage of revenge.
I roared, and I rampaged.
And I gots bloody satisfaction.
[CLUCKING]
And now I am goin' to kill Bill…
Cosby's most beloved character, Phat Allen.
The sacred cow must be pleasured!
I need more men to service me!
Man, I sure am showin' Foxxy!
I've taken more penises than all the land mines in Vietnam.
[FLATULENCE]
The village of tandoori refuses to send any more men
to have sex with you.
Burn the village to the ground!
And bring me another side of yoghurt sauce.
But, sacred cow, you have already had sex with 9 million men!
That is almost .02 percent
of this town's population!
I said more yoghurt sauce!
This shocking footage of a sex-crazed,
tyrannical cow leader comes to us from India.
Apparently, India is some sort of country
way on the other side of earth.
[LAUGHING]
You heard it here first.
Oh, my. The whole state of India thinks Toot is a cow.
Oh, but it doesn't make any sense.
Uh, I mean, I…
I took her to the mall,
and I bought her a muumuu,
and then… wait a minute.
Muu…muu.
I see what must have happened.
Toot needs us! Let's go to India!
Grab on to my legs.
[GRUNTING]
Oh, Phat Allen…
Come out and play-ee-ay!
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
somebody slaughtered my gang today.
They ought to call you daddy.
Daddy?
'Cause you missed terribly.
Aah! Ehh.
Damn, that was the sword
I was gonna use to kill Phat Allen.
[SPRINGS POP]
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
I ain't lettin' you get away. [CHUCKLES]
[ZAPPING] Yow!
They ought to call you guy who refuses to marry my mother.
The guy who refuses to marry my mama?
'Cause you always just hangin' around.
Looked like things looked pretty bad for the Foxxy.
But then she remembered her ivory ben wa balls.
You know what I'm sayin'?
'Cause I don't.
[CLINKS]
They ought to call you Lance Armstrong.
'Cause I only gots one ball left?
Wait a minute. Isn't Lance Armstrong
that guy who hangs upside down from giant magnets?
Wait!
I swear,
we never touched an innocent girl
in our lives.
We ain't Bill Cosby.
We're just his creations.
Why should I believe you?
Because he's telling the truth, Foxxy.
They never touched you.
[ORGAN NOTE PLAYS]
Oh, lordy!
ATTENDANT: OK, folks, once we have cleared
the giant map, we'll be climbing to our cruising altitude of 138 feet,
so we invite you to sit back and enjoy the flight.
And remember, your seat cushion can double
as the wall to an awesome pillow fort.
Yes, what do you want?
Listen, Indian dude,
there's been a horrible mistake
with your new leader.
You see, I gave our house mate a muumuu,
and now your entire country thinks she's a cow.
Yeah, but she's not a cow.
A cow's 4 stomachs are on the inside.
There is no way anyone could mistake a woman for a cow.
Now, a whale, that would make sense.
As implausible as it seems,
she's not a cow.
They have called the sacred talking cow
a not-cow.
Arrest them!
Take them into the courtyard.
They must be hung!
Well, I don't like to blow my own horn.
Though, for 5 bucks, I can.
Oh, I get it. You have a big penis.
Pretty good. Pretty good.
[ELEPHANT TRUMPETS]
I love public hangings.
[CHEERING]
Today, we are putting to death 4 blasphemous foreigners.
What the Toot? Wait a minute!
Those turd stains are my house mates.
They said you were not a cow.
Aww! They said that?
Of course, if that is true,
we will no longer treat you as a god
and let you screw anyone you want.
Really?
But I was finally proving to Foxxy
that I could be as big a whore as she is.
Come on, Toot.
Would you rather spend your entire life
with people who think you're a cow
or with your friends,
who only call you a cow to hurt your feelings?
Plus, we have a 2-for-1 quiznos coupon.
Oh. You're right, guys.
You do have a 2-for-1 quiznos coupon!
Overeducated, helpful tech support people of India,
get a third eyeful!
I am not a cow!
[ALL GASP]
We have been hosed! Get them!
[ALL YELL]
Go! Go! Get them. Go!
[ZAPPING]
[PLAYING FLUTE]
Aah! Hold on, guys!
[BOWLING PINS CRASH]
Well, now that I've proved I'm desirable
by forcing millions of Indians to make sex with me,
I only need one more thing.
Uh, Ru-486?
Nah, I was, like, 220-somethin' last time I checked.
[RIMSHOT]
Phat Allen never touched you, Foxxy.
I merely implanted a false memory in your slutty brain
when I hypnotised you.
[GIGGLES] Isn't that crazy?
Why would you do that?
Because that's what psychiatrists do.
We plant false memories to help people feel better
about how horrible they are.
They should just call me childhood vaccinations.
Childhood vaccinations?
'Cause I've been killin' innocent kids.
Oh, Phats Allen,
I so sorry for massacring your gang.
I guess the person I should have massacred was Dr. Wooldoor.
Hey, hey, wait! Before you do anything you'll regret,
just remember…
my nose itches.
Scratch, scratch, scratch.
[CLUCKING]
Bawk bawk bawk.
[FUNK MUSIC PLAYING]
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Implanted memories are great!
ALL: ♪♪Na, Na, you can be a total ass hole ♪♪
♪♪ Na, Na, you can be a total shit ♪♪
♪♪ And you won't have to feel bad about it ♪♪
♪♪ No matter how many folks you kill or screw ♪♪
♪♪ 'Cause nothing will ever have to be your fault ♪♪
♪♪ That's what implanted memories do for you ♪♪
And that's why they're cool!
♪♪ Na, Na, you can be a total ass hole ♪♪
♪♪ Na, Na, you can be a total shit ♪♪
[VOMITS]
♪♪ Na, Na, be a child-molesting serial-killer cannibal ♪♪
♪♪ Na, Na, tell the world to suck your fuckin' di… ♪♪
[KIDS LAUGHING]
[ONGOING FLATULENCE]
[FLATULENCE CONTINUING]
[FLATULENCE SPUTTERS AND CONTINUES]
[FLATULENCE FADES]
[FLATULENCE RESURGES]
[FLATULENCE SPUTTERS]