1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:08,200 This programme contains some strong language 2 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,760 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 3 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:34,600 Good evening and welcome to QI, 4 00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:37,200 where tonight we'll be weaving a web of words. 5 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:39,440 Let's meet our cunning linguists. 6 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:42,040 The wryly articulate Michael Odewale. 7 00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:45,240 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 8 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:46,960 The widely read Cally Beaton. 9 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:50,200 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 10 00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:52,960 A winsome windbag - it's Gyles Brandreth. 11 00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:56,280 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 12 00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:58,160 And words fail me - it's Alan Davies. 13 00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:00,200 CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 14 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:06,080 Their buzzers tonight are wordly, wibbly, wobbly. 15 00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:07,560 Michael goes... 16 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:11,800 Yeah! 17 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:13,000 Cally goes... 18 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:18,000 Giles goes... 19 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,440 Dooby-dooby, mm, dooby 20 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:23,120 And Alan goes... 21 00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:30,400 LAUGHTER 22 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:31,520 I love that. Love that. 23 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:32,960 So, talking of silly words, 24 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:35,600 what's the worst thing to wake up to? 25 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:37,520 Is it a wobbulator, 26 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:42,000 a wood pussy or feeling absolutely womblescropt? 27 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,400 Wow. Yeah. 28 00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:46,560 Wood pussy - that sounds like an ethical, 29 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:49,040 sustainable sex toy that got rejected. 30 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:52,720 Do you know the name Havelock Ellis? 31 00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:55,040 He was a pioneer sexologist. 32 00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:56,600 Oh, yes, of course! He was the sex therapist. 33 00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:59,360 In 1897 he wrote a big book about homosexuality. 34 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:02,840 And a couple of years later he wrote a book about autoeroticism, 35 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:05,400 in which these three words feature. 36 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:09,160 The wobbulator was to assist you, 37 00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:11,320 the wood pussy was to inspire you, 38 00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:14,640 and the womblescropt is how you felt afterwards. 39 00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:16,840 LAUGHTER 40 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:20,360 APPLAUSE 41 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:25,760 Gyles, I think you need an OnlyFans. 42 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:28,600 I mean, that was... Yeah! LAUGHTER 43 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:29,840 It's educational. 44 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:31,080 I have to say, the whole lot 45 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:32,760 sounds a bit like menopause, as well - 46 00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:34,920 or midlife dating. Yeah, wood pussy sounds a bit 47 00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:36,760 not-lubricated, doesn't it? It does. 48 00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:38,240 LAUGHTER 49 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:40,040 Wood pussy is a word from 1899. 50 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:42,920 It is North American slang for a skunk. 51 00:02:42,920 --> 00:02:44,160 OK. 52 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:46,320 LAUGHTER 53 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:48,680 Ooh, look at that pose! I know. 54 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:50,960 Is it trying to pretend to be something else? 55 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:53,640 Yeah, I think so. Is it giving a signal? I think so. 56 00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:57,120 Either that or it's being beamed up by an alien. 57 00:02:57,120 --> 00:03:00,760 An alien ship run by tiny rodents from another galaxy. 58 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:02,360 What, just...? SHE IMITATES UFO BEAM 59 00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:04,800 I love that. What if that was the case, though, Sandi? 60 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:07,360 What? What?! The aliens who come to Earth 61 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:10,920 in ships are tiny and furry and really, really small. 62 00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:13,160 And they're not interested in all the big mammals - 63 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,280 only the tiny ones. They only want the skunks. 64 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:18,760 And they're off being probed and no-one cares. 65 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:20,080 LAUGHTER Have you... 66 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:22,440 Have you recently incurred a knock to the head? 67 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:31,040 So, I grew up in New York and we had these striped skunks. 68 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:32,800 They're very common in North America. 69 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:35,920 It comes from an Algonquin word meaning "urinating fox". 70 00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:37,000 And that's because of 71 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:39,400 the extraordinary way it sprays this stink behind. 72 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:42,600 Anybody know what you do if you've been sprayed by a skunk? 73 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:43,920 Tomatoes. 74 00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:47,760 Is what everybody thinks it is, and it doesn't work. Oh. 75 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:49,560 So, people used to take a bath in tomato juice, 76 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:51,680 but in fact, it's just that it smells stronger, 77 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:53,920 briefly, than the skunk. 78 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:55,600 And then, once the tomato juice wears off... 79 00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:58,960 LAUGHTER 80 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:00,200 Lynx. 81 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:03,280 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 82 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:09,120 I mean, I'm going to give you a point because that is so true. 83 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:10,480 Let's come on to the next word. 84 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:11,680 What about wobbulator? 85 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:13,360 What do we think about wobbulator? 86 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:15,920 I do know this word, I think. Oh, dear God. 87 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:18,960 LAUGHTER 88 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:22,640 I think it's going to be a word to do with the early days of radio 89 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:25,240 and trying to get the waves working properly. 90 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:27,360 "How are you doing on the wobbulator?" 91 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:28,920 You are correct. 92 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:30,080 Wow! 93 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:32,440 CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 94 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:37,760 In the very simplest terms, 95 00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:40,320 it is a gadget that is able to make noises. 96 00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:41,880 So, it looked like that. 97 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:44,480 But in these modern times, we have created our own, 98 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:46,120 which now looks like this. 99 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:47,240 What it can do is, 100 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:51,240 it can send out infinite sound frequencies within a certain range. 101 00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:52,320 So, it can make very low sounds, 102 00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:54,760 it can make very high sounds, and every sound in between. 103 00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:56,000 So, I just turn it on here. 104 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,240 WOBBULATOR WOBBULATES 105 00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:59,520 So, then you can make these... 106 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:02,160 Ooh, Doctor Who is arriving. LAUGHTER 107 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:03,760 Well, funnily enough... 108 00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:06,120 Do you want to have a play, darling? You can make... Yes, I do. 109 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:07,840 I thought you might. 110 00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:11,760 The BBC sound department used this for entertainment purposes, 111 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:14,360 and used it to create the Doctor Who theme tune. 112 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:15,440 Oh, did they? Yeah. 113 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,840 So, the woman in this photo - that's Delia Derbyshire. 114 00:05:17,840 --> 00:05:20,680 She produced the Doctor Who theme tune in 1963. 115 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:22,840 That's her working at the BBC Radiophonic Workshop 116 00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:24,560 in Maida Vale in London. 117 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:26,920 And she is the mother of electronic music, 118 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:29,240 influencing Pink Floyd, The Chemical Brothers, 119 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:30,440 Paul McCartney - lots of people. 120 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:33,160 Fabulous woman. This is a reproduction of the wobbulator, 121 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,680 which was designed by the technologist Nina Richards 122 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:39,720 for the Delia Derbyshire Day charity for Doctor Who's 60th anniversary. 123 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:42,120 Do you want to have a bang on that? 124 00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:44,680 What I don't know about playing with a little switch on a board! 125 00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:46,160 LAUGHTER 126 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:48,800 How familiar are you at your age with radios, Michael? 127 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:50,840 Yeah, I'm familiar. You are familiar? 128 00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:53,640 They are, like, yeah... But I'm aware of them, yeah. 129 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:56,040 Cos you probably haven't ever tuned a radio. 130 00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:57,520 You've just gone on your phone and... 131 00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:59,680 Yeah, I just kind of use... I've never really tuned one, though. 132 00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:00,720 No. No. 133 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:02,840 Siri, tune the radio. Exactly. 134 00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:05,520 On my radio, 135 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:08,400 I can still get the Light Programme and the Home Service. 136 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,840 Oh! You don't even know what they are. I don't know what that means. 137 00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:12,600 I was just... LAUGHTER 138 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:14,160 I was happy for you, though. 139 00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:16,640 He's easily pleased, Michael. 140 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:18,440 I had a crystal radio when I was a little boy. 141 00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:21,240 Fantastic. And I had a torch with three colours. 142 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:23,760 Oh, that's cool. Happy days. Happy days. 143 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:25,120 LAUGHTER 144 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:27,920 Red, yellow, and when I wanted to frighten myself, 145 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:29,240 I put on the green. 146 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:31,360 LAUGHTER 147 00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:37,120 Anybody got a follow-up anecdote? No. 148 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:39,960 OK, let's move on to womblescropt. 149 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:42,280 I love the Wombles. Yeah. Is it to do with the Wombles? 150 00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:43,840 It's nothing to do with the Wombles. 151 00:06:43,840 --> 00:06:44,960 Who was your favourite? 152 00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:48,000 Orinoco. Oh, yeah, Orinoco. Orinoco - cos he was an idiot. 153 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:49,760 LAUGHTER 154 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:51,600 They're wombling free in Wimbledon still. 155 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:54,320 Yeah? The Wombles are the wood pussy of our generation. 156 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:55,440 Really? That's right. 157 00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:57,880 I understand, like, one in three of your sentences. 158 00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:00,920 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 159 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:06,840 Now, here's the thing, Michael, 160 00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:08,600 if you want to sit closer to me, that's fine. 161 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:12,840 I spent five years doing a podcast with Susie Dent. 162 00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:16,040 Ah, yes. And she loves these old words. 163 00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:20,000 And she would say, "I'm feeling a bit womblescropt this morning." 164 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:22,120 And I'd say, "Does that mean you're feeling a bit queasy?" 165 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:26,720 And she says, "Yes, probably more indigestion than being hungover." 166 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:28,560 Yeah, it is absolutely correct, darling. 167 00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:29,960 You do get two points for that. 168 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:31,520 APPLAUSE 169 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:35,440 I will send them to Susie Dent, 170 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:37,120 and I'll show you a picture of her later. 171 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:39,280 LAUGHTER 172 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:40,360 So, it's indigestion, 173 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:43,280 but particularly after drinking - after excess. 174 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:45,040 Can I just tell you about one of my favourite studies? 175 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:47,560 This was one of last year's Ig Nobel Prizes. 176 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:50,000 So, it was for womblescropt worms. 177 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,720 And it was the chemists at the University of Amsterdam. 178 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:57,720 And they figured out, if you flush worms through a maze, 179 00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:00,520 the drunk ones take longer to escape. 180 00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:02,840 LAUGHTER 181 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:05,160 I wonder why this happened in Amsterdam. 182 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:06,600 So, these are sludge worms, 183 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:09,000 and they are found in the sediment of lakes and rivers, and so on. 184 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:12,640 And what they found is that the drunk ones initially would go limp, right? 185 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:14,000 And they'd be less resistant, 186 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,760 and they would float through the maze. 187 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:19,400 But it turned out that they got stuck on corners and pillars 188 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:20,640 along the way, 189 00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:23,120 a bit like drunk people latch onto lampposts. 190 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,360 So, they were going, going, going, and they were just like... 191 00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:27,320 SHE GROANS GROGGILY 192 00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:29,160 And so they took longer. 193 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:30,560 Let's look at some other words. 194 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:32,880 Anybody want to pick a word from there? 195 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,880 I quite like woodener. Is that like an Edwardian Viagra? 196 00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:37,800 What is that? LAUGHTER 197 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:39,960 Ah, that's very good. Any thoughts? 198 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:43,160 Well, Daddy Woodentop was woodener than Mummy Woodentop. 199 00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:44,560 Yes. Woodentop... 200 00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:47,520 When I'm telling you later about the Wombles... Yeah. 201 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:50,480 ..I'll show you. I've got some lovely old Woodentop annuals. 202 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:52,160 OK. Michael... 203 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,560 ..say no. Say no. 204 00:08:57,560 --> 00:09:00,240 I'm just asking for Angela. I want Angela. 205 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:03,040 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 206 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,880 Oh, it worries me that you know that. Now... 207 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:16,680 So, no, it's a knockout punch, a woodener. 208 00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:19,840 So, it makes the target seem to be like an unmoving plank. 209 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:22,080 It's from the early 20th century. A woodener. 210 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:23,120 Michael, pick one. 211 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:25,320 Weequashing. OK, what do you reckon? 212 00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:27,360 Is it toilet-based? No. 213 00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:30,280 It comes from one of the Algonquian languages. 214 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:32,240 So, that's North American, like Cree or Blackfoot, 215 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:33,360 or Delaware or something. 216 00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:35,080 Mm-hm. Does that help you? 217 00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:37,400 Like a... Like a tribe? Yes, darling. 218 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:39,760 Like a Native American tribe. OK. 219 00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:42,360 Yeah, it's a Native American tribe. No? 220 00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:44,680 LAUGHTER 221 00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:49,560 It's the spearing of eels from a canoe by candlelight. 222 00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:51,280 Oh, wow. LAUGHTER 223 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:53,880 That sounds like it's making it disproportionately difficult. Yeah. 224 00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:57,680 So, unlike fish-spearing, where you actually stab the thing, 225 00:09:57,680 --> 00:10:01,040 the eel spears are designed to hold the eel between the tines. 226 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:02,160 So, this is a... Wow. 227 00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:04,480 You can see how Havelock Ellis would have been interested in 228 00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:07,000 all this sort of stuff, can't you? Yeah, yeah. 229 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:09,160 What other words have we got? 230 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:10,360 Alan, do you want to choose one? 231 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:14,000 A wheeple is a wonky steeple. 232 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:15,720 It's a wonky something. 233 00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:17,480 Is it a dyslexic nun's wimple? 234 00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:21,000 "There was this dyslexic nun..." 235 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,960 It's the beginning of a Barry Cryer joke. I like that. 236 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:26,800 Something man-made. A wheeple. Is it a garment? 237 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:30,640 No, it's a very feeble whistle. 238 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:32,040 - A wheeple. - Oh! 239 00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:33,200 A wheeple, yeah. 240 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,680 It's 18th-century Scottish... Do you know about Jiminy Cricket? 241 00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:38,040 Of course! I've heard the name. 242 00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:39,600 GYLES WHISTLES 243 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:41,560 Can you do a proper whistle? MICHAEL ATTEMPTS TO WHISTLE 244 00:10:41,560 --> 00:10:43,680 No, I'm not good at it. 245 00:10:43,680 --> 00:10:46,080 So you are, in fact, a person who does a wheeple. 246 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:47,920 So, the people most prone to wheeples, 247 00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:50,120 apart from Michael, are astronauts. 248 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:53,280 In 1999, the Nasa astronaut Daniel Barry 249 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:56,000 discovered he could not whistle in a spacesuit 250 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,520 because the air pressure inside 251 00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:01,120 is 3.5 times lower than normal atmospheric pressure on Earth, 252 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:03,680 and so there's not enough air molecules to blow through the lips. 253 00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:05,000 So you just do a wheeple. 254 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,160 I never could whistle until I got a dog. 255 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:08,880 And I love my dog so much 256 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:11,040 that I realised another range of communication would 257 00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:13,960 be denied between us if I didn't learn to whistle. 258 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:15,440 So my wheeple turned into a whistle 259 00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:17,680 because of a little wire-haired dachshund. 260 00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:19,080 Oh, I love that. 261 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:21,240 And if the dachshund could speak, it'd go, "Shut the fuck up!" Yes. 262 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:23,880 LAUGHTER 263 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:26,360 If it had longer legs, it would go like that. 264 00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:28,600 LAUGHTER 265 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:35,280 I think we've got one word left on our list, Gyles. 266 00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:37,200 Wherry-go-nimble. 267 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:39,720 Is it a kind of jackanapes? A wherry-go-nimble. 268 00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:41,560 It sounds like a Victorian hen party. 269 00:11:41,560 --> 00:11:42,760 Off for a wherry-go-nimble. 270 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:44,080 Well, after you've been to a hen party, 271 00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:46,000 you might have this. It is... 272 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,760 It's a loosening of the bowels. Oh! 273 00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:51,200 What sort of hen parties have you been going to? 274 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:52,400 That's not... 275 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:55,280 It's diarrhoea, basically. One of my worst things. 276 00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:56,680 Oh, I love it. What, diarrhoea? Yeah. 277 00:11:56,680 --> 00:11:58,240 Just ONE of your worst things? Yeah. 278 00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:00,200 It's one of my worst discharges. Is it? 279 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:04,240 Oh, it's not one of my worst discharges. No? 280 00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:07,440 Not even in the top three. No. 281 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:12,320 Well, if you two might discuss that later. 282 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:15,160 All right, moving on. 283 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:18,200 What is the use of handwriting now that we've all got computers? 284 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:21,240 Everything. I mean this seriously. OK. 285 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:24,360 You can't write a love poem on a computer. 286 00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:26,080 If you want something from the heart, 287 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:27,720 it has to come through the hand. 288 00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:29,200 I really believe this. 289 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:30,680 But I don't think you're far off, Gyles, 290 00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:32,560 because the thing is that the movements 291 00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:33,880 that you do in handwriting 292 00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:36,680 require you to process information actively. 293 00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:38,120 And that means there are many more links 294 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:40,480 between regions of the brain which process information 295 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:42,440 and the ones responsible for memory, for example. 296 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:45,200 So I think you're right. I think there is an unlocking 297 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:46,960 of creativity when you use handwriting. 298 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:49,000 Do you handwrite anything, Michael? Yeah, 299 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:52,640 I mean, I like, you know, like love notes, you know. 300 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:54,920 Exactly. "You up?" you know, send that by... 301 00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:56,560 LAUGHTER 302 00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:12,360 How old were you when you first began to practise your autograph? 303 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:13,480 Uh... 304 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:16,200 Must have been about four, I suppose. 305 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:17,960 But not because I thought of it as my autograph. 306 00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:19,760 Oh, didn't you develop it? Most people, I think, 307 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:21,760 will have developed their autograph over the years. 308 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,480 Worked out the full name. 309 00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:25,920 For an Alan - one L, two L's, all this. 310 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:28,400 No? I feel the male psyche is fascinating. 311 00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:32,240 I know, isn't it? I was always writing people I fancied names, 312 00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:35,720 that's what I was doing. Yeah, I spent lots of time doing that. 313 00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:37,720 Did you practise, Michael? Did you practise writing your name out? 314 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:40,080 Just my autograph. Just normally, like, in detention, 315 00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:42,720 you know, just be writing your name down. 316 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:44,440 Were you a naughty boy? A little bit. 317 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:46,560 It's getting more exciting by the minute. 318 00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:52,440 Practising my signature came into its own 319 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:56,120 when I signed the largest cheque in the history of this country. 320 00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:57,880 When you were the Lord Commissioner of the Treasury? 321 00:13:57,880 --> 00:13:59,480 I was the Lord Commissioner of the Treasury 322 00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:03,040 and I signed a cheque for £137 billion. 323 00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:04,360 What did you buy? 324 00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:08,280 Social security payments, first quarter. 325 00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:10,320 Every bit of government expenditure 326 00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:13,680 has to be signed off by a Treasury minister, 327 00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:15,280 and I was the junior Treasury minister - 328 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:17,480 the Lord Commissioner of the Treasury who had to do this. 329 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,160 They explained to me with these big cheques, 330 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:20,240 the billion-pound cheques, 331 00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:22,040 you'll be doing them with the head of the Treasury. 332 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:24,120 I said, "Who's that?" They said it was the Queen. 333 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:26,400 So I would go down the Mall with the government chequebook 334 00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:28,840 to sign these huge cheques with the Queen, 335 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:30,120 our signatures together. 336 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:31,960 And the first time, I wasn't sure what the etiquette was. 337 00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:33,440 You know, I didn't want to patronise her 338 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,200 because she was a woman saying, "After you." 339 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,360 Or indeed pull rank, because I was the elected one. 340 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:39,520 Anyway, she was... LAUGHTER 341 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:45,560 She was holding the pen 342 00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:47,280 and she seemed to think she should sign first, 343 00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:49,920 so I let her. Big loopy handwriting, Elizabeth R, 344 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:52,800 and then I put mine underneath - almost as big, 345 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:54,560 but I know my place and... LAUGHTER 346 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:58,760 And the last time we did this, this was the cheque for £137 billion, 347 00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:01,560 it was she who told me it was the largest cheque she had ever signed. 348 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:02,640 And she said, "You know, 349 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:05,400 "the way the government insists on the two of us signing these cheques, 350 00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:06,960 "I can't help wondering which of 351 00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:09,840 "the two of us it is the government doesn't entirely trust." 352 00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:23,160 Somebody dies without making a will, 353 00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:27,120 what's a fun way to decide who gets what? 354 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:28,720 Ooh. A race. 355 00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:32,760 Yeah, that's a good idea. The money's over there. 356 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:33,960 Go! Go! 357 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,080 What do you reckon? I don't know. 358 00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:40,880 Whoever loved them most and you just kind of go from there. 359 00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:43,000 You've had no dealings with the law, have you? No. 360 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,640 I feel very bad about this. Oh, do you, darling? 361 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:48,200 Well, because over the years, 362 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:50,920 I have inadvertently killed a number of people. 363 00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:52,800 LAUGHTER 364 00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:58,240 I have just realised the Queen is no longer with us. 365 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:08,680 Oh, dear! When I was a child, I was 366 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:11,240 in the choir at Holy Trinity Brompton, 367 00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:14,560 and we were paid a shilling a week for services, 368 00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:16,840 two shillings for weddings, but five shillings - 369 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:18,360 I'll tell you what they are later - 370 00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:22,160 five shillings for funerals. So we wanted funerals. 371 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:25,280 We were little boys who wanted death in our midst. 372 00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:29,440 So, during the prayers, we would eye up the congregation 373 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:31,800 as we were praying through our hands like this. 374 00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:36,040 And we'd focus on the frailest looking member of the congregation. 375 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:42,240 And then we would all simultaneously pray for this person to die. 376 00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:50,400 And God loves a young entrepreneur. 377 00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:54,440 Because week after week, 378 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:57,240 these old buggers fell off the perch. 379 00:16:57,240 --> 00:17:00,640 Many of them unfortunately dying intestate because they... 380 00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:02,520 Without a will. Without a will. 381 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:04,520 So that is the point. So I feel guilty 382 00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:06,840 that people do die without leaving a will. 383 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,280 But if they were old and frail, by then they really should 384 00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:11,320 have had wills. They should have known better. 385 00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:13,120 They weren't like... If Michael didn't have a will, 386 00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:14,560 it would be more understandable 387 00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:16,920 than - no offence - if you didn't have a will. 388 00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:17,960 So... 389 00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:23,120 I've got stuff. I've got like Tamagotchis. I can give... 390 00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:25,440 I got valuable stuff. 391 00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:26,560 Have you made a will? 392 00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:29,080 I've not made a will. No. In the UK, 393 00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:32,000 if you die without a will, your assets automatically will go 394 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:34,360 to your spouse or to your civil partner or, 395 00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:36,640 you know, apportioned to your children if you have any. 396 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:38,160 So we're going to South America. 397 00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:41,480 In the indigenous communities like the Aymara people of the Andes, 398 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:44,280 so Ecuadorians, Salasacans, the Canelos, 399 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:49,320 they traditionally gambled for the deceased's possessions 400 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:52,160 in a game with dice called huayru. 401 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:54,120 So they use dice which looked like this, 402 00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:57,440 made from the bones of donkeys or llamas or oxen and so on. 403 00:17:57,440 --> 00:18:01,280 And what I like about this, they play the game at the wake, right? 404 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:04,000 Yeah. So the person has died, there's no will 405 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:07,280 and then they play with these dice to work out who's going to do... 406 00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:09,800 So they put the coffin beside the players, 407 00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:12,320 and it's believed that their spirit will reach out 408 00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:15,000 to affect the game, to affect the rolls and so on, 409 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:16,840 and that means that their intentions will be honoured, 410 00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:19,000 even if it hasn't been written down. 411 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:22,280 I think this is a fantastic way of doing it. 412 00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:24,320 If somebody from the Salascan community dies 413 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:27,080 without getting married, what they do is they place a chicken 414 00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:32,360 or a cockerel by the coffin to stand in for the would-be spouse, 415 00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:34,120 and the dead person's hand is made 416 00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:37,120 to touch the chicken so that they are married. 417 00:18:37,120 --> 00:18:40,080 And the idea is they then have a companion in afterlife, 418 00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:43,600 and afterwards the chicken gets to live with the bereaved family, 419 00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,320 and then it gets a funeral of its own when it dies. 420 00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:48,560 Aw! Yes, I know, aren't we weird? 421 00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:50,880 We're aw-ing a chicken. 422 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:53,160 So they let the chicken die of natural causes? 423 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:55,160 Yes. They don't eat it. They're not fried. 424 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:57,600 No, no, no. Add some seasoning. Yeah. 425 00:18:57,600 --> 00:18:59,520 I mean, suddenly you're making it sound very tempting. 426 00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:02,040 Yeah, it does sound good. In India, 427 00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:05,200 there's a group of people who eat their own relatives. 428 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:06,480 They eat them... Well, actually, 429 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:09,640 they eat their grandparents when they've died. 430 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:13,560 I don't know what to do with that. I'll be honest with you, Gyles. 431 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:16,400 I don't know what you wanted from me from that moment. I can't lie. 432 00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:23,080 What happens is this, you see, they actually... The grandparents die. 433 00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:26,040 They put them into the river, and then the fish eat them. 434 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:29,200 And then the children and the grandchildren eat the fish. 435 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:32,680 It's to carry on... Michael, you don't have to believe all of it. 436 00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:35,480 Stay away from the man on your... 437 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:38,840 It's gone to one in five. one in five. I've got you. 438 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:42,240 What do you think a holographic will is? 439 00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:44,720 Oh, is it like in Star Wars? 440 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:48,720 Carrie Fisher comes up and says, "I'm leaving you half the house." 441 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:50,440 LAUGHTER 442 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,360 "You're getting..." Maybe just does a bit of pointing. 443 00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:57,000 "You're getting nothing. You're getting nothing. 444 00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:59,240 "I'm giving it all to the cat." 445 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:02,960 So, a holographic will is one that's written entirely by hand, 446 00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:04,320 and it can be problematic, 447 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:06,000 because it doesn't have the right terminology. 448 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:07,640 There's a very famous court case. 449 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,800 It's called Thorn and Dickens in 1906, 450 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:12,000 and it was a three-word holographic will, 451 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:15,360 and it just said, "All for Mother." OK? 452 00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:17,360 And it's often used as an example of the importance 453 00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:18,760 of clarity in documents. 454 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:21,720 The man's widow claimed that Mother referred to her, 455 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:23,680 that they used to refer to each other 456 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:27,800 as Father and Mother, and his actual mother challenged it. 457 00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:30,240 But in the end, the court ruled in the wife's favour. 458 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:31,840 But you can see how it's complicated, right? 459 00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:34,600 You just think, what does that exactly mean? 460 00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:36,000 What words spring to mind 461 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:39,840 when you think of a steamy, blowing room full of male strippers? 462 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:41,280 Members of Parliament. 463 00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:43,040 LAUGHTER 464 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,800 It's a question about weaving. Weaving? 465 00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:52,080 Yes. These are all terms from Victorian cotton mills. 466 00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:55,400 Now does that help anybody at all? Can you say the sentence again? 467 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:58,840 The steamy, blowing room full of male strippers. 468 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,320 A spinning jenny. I remember learning about those... 469 00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:04,680 Is the only thing you know about weaving. That's it. Yeah. 470 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:07,680 What is a spinning jenny? Something about a loom. 471 00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:09,160 You didn't have to do it yourself... 472 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:10,720 Because you've got Jenny to do it. 473 00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:16,440 There's steam in the room? There is, yes. 474 00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:19,120 So, here's the thing about cotton - is that you need 475 00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:20,560 to keep it artificially hot 476 00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:23,360 and moist in order to keep the threads from breaking. 477 00:21:23,360 --> 00:21:24,400 This is very, very important. 478 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,240 And it's one of the reasons why Lancashire, 479 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:28,000 for example, was very famous for cotton weaving 480 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,360 because it often rains and the air is very damp. 481 00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:33,240 But first of all, they have to smooth the raw cotton 482 00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:34,960 by passing steam through it. 483 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:37,760 So this is in the blowing room. Then there is the carding room 484 00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:39,680 and then there is drawing and roving. 485 00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:41,040 This is what's happening here. 486 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:43,680 But you mentioned male strippers and these are girls. Yes. 487 00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:46,320 So stripping was seen as a man's job because it required more strength, 488 00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:47,840 and the women on the whole did the weaving. 489 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:50,280 But why do you think there was so much kissing going on in...? 490 00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:52,400 Kissing?! Just bored, innit? Yes. 491 00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:55,480 APPLAUSE 492 00:21:57,560 --> 00:22:00,840 It's a technique. It's a delicate technique 493 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:04,040 for plucking of something that needed to be plucked. 494 00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:05,400 I mean, you're heading in the right direction. 495 00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:07,160 So I don't know if you've ever seen a shuttle. 496 00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:08,480 I do a lot of weaving myself, 497 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:09,760 and I have many of these old shuttles. 498 00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:11,600 You do a lot of weaving?! I do, darling. 499 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:13,040 And so you get an old shuttle, 500 00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,240 and the thread has to go through the eye of the shuttle. 501 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:17,760 And so the easiest way to do it was to suck it in. 502 00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:19,960 And it was called kissing the shuttle. 503 00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:22,720 When your wife said, let's do some kissing the shuttle, 504 00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:25,440 she didn't think you were going to get a loom, Sandi. 505 00:22:27,120 --> 00:22:28,240 She's from Lancashire. 506 00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:29,880 I didn't understand anything she was saying. 507 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:33,160 But once industrialisation kicked in, 508 00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:35,960 then kissing the shuttle became incredibly unhygienic. 509 00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:38,080 The government set up a shuttle-kissing committee 510 00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:39,400 in order to deal with it. 511 00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:42,040 It had to be banned because it was unhygienic. 512 00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:44,880 But the machinery was so loud, 513 00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:47,080 in order to get their point across to each other, 514 00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:48,600 they would exaggerate the mouthing 515 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,560 and the miming and the lip reading, and it's known as mee-mawing. 516 00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:55,920 Mee-mawing? Mee-mawing. Yeah, and every mill had its own dialect, 517 00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:58,600 even though this is... You're mouthing words 518 00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:00,800 and people were able even to have private conversations 519 00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:02,880 by holding their hands over their mouth like that. 520 00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:06,240 And I know this because my wife's family all mee-maw, 521 00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:09,240 and I went to a party at a working men's club, 522 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:11,960 and it was a bingo and karaoke night, 523 00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:15,320 and the bingo and the karaoke was happening at the same time. 524 00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:18,920 And they were all having these long conversations, 525 00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:20,480 but they were mee-mawing to each other. 526 00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:23,920 You have married very well, haven't you? 527 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:25,560 They're absolutely the most glorious people. 528 00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:28,840 And Debbie's Auntie Betty came up to me and she looked at me 529 00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:30,840 and she went... SHE MOUTHS 530 00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:32,600 Which was, "You're off the telly." 531 00:23:34,360 --> 00:23:36,320 But we get a lot, we get a lot from weaving. 532 00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:38,680 The word rocket that we use comes from weaving. 533 00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:42,280 It means the bobbin. It comes from an Italian word, rocchetto. 534 00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:44,160 It's the cylindrical shape. 535 00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:47,320 And shuttle. We use the shuttle like trains, for example. 536 00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:49,400 So things that are going very fast backwards and forwards. 537 00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:52,120 What's the biggest thing you've ever woven? 538 00:23:52,120 --> 00:23:56,240 I once did a complete tapestry of the story of The Wizard Of Oz. 539 00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:57,640 What?! 540 00:23:57,640 --> 00:23:59,280 The Bayeux Of Oz. 541 00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:00,600 LAUGHTER 542 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,120 Who was with William Wordsworth when he wandered 543 00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:08,560 as lonely as a cloud in a field of golden daffodils? 544 00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:10,120 Was it Alan Titchmarsh? 545 00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:14,320 Wandered lonely as a cloud. There's stuff about that, isn't there? 546 00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:17,160 There was jiggery pokery around how that got written and when. 547 00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:19,040 Well, some people think he originally wrote, 548 00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:21,560 "I wandered lonely as a cow," which I rather prefer. 549 00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:24,440 Yeah. But who do you think he was with? 550 00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:26,960 Gyles knows. I think I do know. 551 00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:28,240 Yes, darling? 552 00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:30,760 He was with his sister. Is right. Yeah. Absolutely. 553 00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:33,240 He was ALWAYS with his sister. OK. 554 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:36,720 Even when he was with his wife, he was with his sister. 555 00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:38,320 It's quite a strange relationship. 556 00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:42,040 His sister was the meaning of his life in many ways. 557 00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:43,960 They were brought up, I think, separately. 558 00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,280 Yes. And when they came together, 559 00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:48,080 they really became almost inseparable. 560 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:51,680 They loved one another, I think in a perfectly lovely way. 561 00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:54,640 They loved gambolling across the moors together, the hills - 562 00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:56,800 this all happening in Cumbria, Lake District - 563 00:24:56,800 --> 00:25:00,400 and then he got married and that created a bit of tension. 564 00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:02,120 His wife was called Mary. Is that right? 565 00:25:02,120 --> 00:25:03,320 Yes. So she's called Dorothy. 566 00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:06,840 And Mary became a friend of Dorothy, but in a nice way. 567 00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:08,800 LAUGHTER 568 00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:11,600 He got a better artist to do his drawing. 569 00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:12,960 Yes. 570 00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:14,400 LAUGHTER 571 00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,000 But it is quite a strange relationship. 572 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:17,800 The night before he got married to Mary, 573 00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:20,320 he allowed Dorothy to wear the wedding ring. 574 00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:24,360 And in the morning he took the ring off Dorothy's finger 575 00:25:24,360 --> 00:25:26,920 and she refused to go to the actual ceremony. 576 00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:28,480 And when she learned it was done, 577 00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:30,840 she became, as they say, insensible. 578 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:32,360 And she never married. 579 00:25:32,360 --> 00:25:35,000 That dog's got stories to tell, hasn't he? 580 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:38,400 But... So, the story of the poem - 581 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:40,360 they were exploring Ullswater together, 582 00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:42,640 Dorothy and William, 1802. 583 00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:44,800 So this is the lovely footpath... Isn't that lovely? 584 00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:46,880 ..from Gowbarrow down to Ullswater. Isn't it beautiful? Beautiful. 585 00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:48,720 And she wrote about it in her diary, 586 00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:50,840 which he would have read because he was... 587 00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:54,640 So this is where he did his sister? Is that what we're saying? 588 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:57,080 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 589 00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:01,480 If that's what you're into, 590 00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:04,720 what you need to know about is Lord Byron. OK! 591 00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:08,440 Is this your specialist subject? Well, Lord Byron, 592 00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:11,640 I think possibly did have it away with his half sister, 593 00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:14,680 who was called Aurora. There's no evidence that the act 594 00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:17,760 of darkness took place between Dorothy and William. 595 00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:20,240 But what you should know is all of these poets, they were constantly 596 00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,520 bickering with each other. Because you mentioned Lord Byron - 597 00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:24,560 William once badmouthed the works of Alexander Pope, 598 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:28,320 who was another poet, and he was seriously admired by Lord Byron. 599 00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:30,440 And Byron was so angry, he renamed 600 00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:32,840 William Wordsworth William Turdsworth, so... 601 00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:37,720 But she talks about the fact that they were in Gowbarrow Park 602 00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:39,720 and saw daffodils close to the water, 603 00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:43,080 so it was definitely a thing that they did together. 604 00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:45,840 But he becomes quite a grumpy old man, 605 00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:48,480 because originally... Look at this place, it's fantastic. 606 00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:50,040 And when he was young, he said, 607 00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:52,360 everybody must have access to this place, 608 00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:55,440 equal access to nature and so on, and he wanted the Lake District 609 00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:57,560 to become a sort of national park and everything. 610 00:26:57,560 --> 00:26:59,200 But then, as he got older, 611 00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:02,880 he got very cross with the working class invading the place by train. 612 00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:04,840 And also he'd become a sort of tourist attraction. 613 00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:06,520 People used to go and knock on his window 614 00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:10,280 when he was sitting and they wanted to go, "Hi, you're Willie Wordsworth. 615 00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:11,800 "Hi!" 616 00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:13,360 But anyway, wonderful poet. 617 00:27:13,360 --> 00:27:15,520 If you haven't read it, The Prelude. Oh! 618 00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:18,280 Oh, it's magnificent. It's one of the greatest poems ever. 619 00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:23,320 This poem, basically, it tells the story of his poetic awakening. 620 00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:25,720 And it's almost the story of his life. 621 00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:28,880 And he and the people around him, they really invented 622 00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:30,560 our modern view of the world, 623 00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:33,560 our view of childhood and nature. Would you not agree? 624 00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:35,560 I would. I mean, the way he talks about nature, 625 00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:38,320 both being in awe and in fear of it is just magnificent. 626 00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:41,080 But did he write that or did Dorothy? 627 00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:43,680 I mean, that's a very good question. And we'll never know. 628 00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:45,760 But the opening of The Prelude is so beautiful. 629 00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:48,280 It talks about a pinnace, which is a kind of ship. 630 00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:50,680 "She was an elfin pinnace, lustily, 631 00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:53,200 "I dipped my oars into the silent lake, 632 00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:55,160 "And, as I rose upon the stroke, 633 00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:58,880 "My boat went heaving through the water like a swan." 634 00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:00,520 Isn't it magnificent? Wonderful. 635 00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:02,280 Or...filth. 636 00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:03,920 LAUGHTER 637 00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:12,040 "Rose upon the stroke?!" 638 00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,920 "Plunged." I spend my whole career trying to get us back on track. 639 00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:19,960 Now for a question 640 00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:23,040 about some very famous books with no words. 641 00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:26,320 I'm going to show you a picture of our live studio audience. 642 00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:29,160 Let's settle this once and for all. Where is Wally? 643 00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:32,160 One point to the first person who can spot him on the panel. 644 00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:34,000 Alan was first. Have you seen him? Can you...? 645 00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:36,160 There. You see him? In the hat. Put your hand up. 646 00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:40,400 There he is. OK. Oh! OK. How did you discover him? 647 00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:42,920 I mean, you were the first. It was quickest. Stripey top. 648 00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:45,440 But also, I'd spotted him before you asked and thought, why...? 649 00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:49,440 Why is that man wearing a hat? 650 00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:52,040 How annoying for the fella behind him. 651 00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:54,400 You can take it off. One of our wonderful elves, Joe. 652 00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:00,880 These are these books, they were published in 1987, 653 00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:02,880 Where's Wally? and its books by an illustrator 654 00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:03,960 called Martin Handford. 655 00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:05,480 But what I love is that somebody has done 656 00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:07,040 a mathematical calculation 657 00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:09,280 as to the quickest way to find Wally, 658 00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:11,880 and it's the optimal search path 659 00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:14,640 for where he is going to be in any picture. 660 00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:18,360 Can we put the graph over the top so that we can see? 661 00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:19,520 It's a WAL-GORITHM. 662 00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:22,040 It looks like the way to Uranus, doesn't it? Yes, it does. 663 00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:23,600 It has sold more copies, 664 00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:26,080 these Where's Wally? books than Winnie-the-Pooh. Has it?! 665 00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:28,760 I know. And in the beginning there was no Wally in them. 666 00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:29,840 OK. There was... LAUGHTER 667 00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:31,840 I know. It was just something that was added in 668 00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:34,720 to give the reader something to do. Did you have these books when you...? 669 00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:36,800 Yeah, I caught them. Nobody asked, How is Wally? 670 00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:38,160 So, making sure... You're good? 671 00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:39,600 You're good, Wally? Yeah. 672 00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:41,800 I'd love a whole book of Wally's thoughts. 673 00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:46,800 Just, "Jesus, I can get no peace. 674 00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:50,240 "Every time I go out it's, 'THERE'S WALLY!' 675 00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,560 "I just came out for some fags." 676 00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:56,080 "WALLY! WALLY!" 677 00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:02,800 "No-one gives a shit about me. No-one... 678 00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:05,280 "..literally no-one cares." 679 00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:07,720 Only Michael, the first person who's ever thought 680 00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:10,200 of how Wally is. You know. 681 00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:12,480 So, this is the optimal search path. 682 00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:15,240 If you have a look that has been calculated by a data... 683 00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:18,600 I love this - a data analyst has sorted this out, Randal Olson. 684 00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:20,760 The white line is an approximation. 685 00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:23,480 But these books, called swarming picture books - 686 00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:25,880 books with lots and lots of pictures full of movement - 687 00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:28,120 they've been really popular since the 16th century, 688 00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:31,320 and probably the most famous of these wimmelbilders 689 00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:34,720 is Hieronymus Bosch's The Garden Of Earthly Delights, 690 00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:36,440 painted in the early 1500s. 691 00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:39,760 And if we zoom in to the bottom right-hand corner, 692 00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:42,000 one of the hidden features of the painting 693 00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:46,440 is a naked woman with a small piece of written music across her bottom. 694 00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:47,640 That's Cheryl Cole. 695 00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:49,800 LAUGHTER 696 00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:51,080 The earliest tattoo. 697 00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:52,960 Right, that says Girls Aloud. 698 00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:57,240 But what I love is that somebody thought, 699 00:30:57,240 --> 00:30:59,520 "Oh, I'll see if I can play that." 700 00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:01,640 Yeah, there's a woman called Amelia Hamrick, 701 00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:03,920 she's a student from Oklahoma Christian University, 702 00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:07,640 and she recorded it on a combination of lute, harp and hurdy-gurdy. 703 00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:11,200 And she called the piece the 500-year-old Butt Song From Hell. 704 00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:12,600 LAUGHTER 705 00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:15,800 We don't have a copy of it, 706 00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:18,240 but apparently she described it as not very good. 707 00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:22,680 We have these books in Denmark, but everybody uses a different name. 708 00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:24,360 Where's Waldo? is the American version. 709 00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:27,440 That's the American version. So in Denmark it's Find Holger. 710 00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:29,440 So, Holger is the person and find, to look for. 711 00:31:29,440 --> 00:31:31,320 Willy in Norway, Charlie in France. 712 00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:33,400 Apparently Waldo in the United States, 713 00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:36,200 it was changed because Wally - the publisher 714 00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:38,960 thought it sounded too much like Wallis Simpson. 715 00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:41,880 No! Yes. And for a while, the first Where's Waldo? 716 00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:43,600 was briefly banned in the United States 717 00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:46,320 because one page had a topless sunbather. 718 00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:48,720 Ooh! She now wears a bikini. 719 00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:50,960 Quite right. That's Martin Handford, who did all the drawings. 720 00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:53,640 He's terrible at it. He's right there. Yeah. 721 00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:54,840 Absolutely right. 722 00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:57,880 I know. 723 00:31:57,880 --> 00:32:00,480 Are you going to share with us the myth, 724 00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:04,840 or is it the truth about the origin of the phrase Where's Wally? 725 00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:07,920 Are you talking about the story from the 1970 Isle of Wight Festival? 726 00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:10,440 Is that not true? Well, I mean, it's such a good story 727 00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:13,160 that I think it probably could be true. Share. 728 00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:15,880 So during the 1970 Isle of Wight Festival, 729 00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:18,120 somebody called Wally got lost in the crowds. 730 00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:20,360 There are people who say it was actually a dog called Wally 731 00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:24,240 Anyway, either way, people started calling Wally during the festival 732 00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:26,320 and it began sort of resonating through the festival, 733 00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:28,800 and people took it up and it became repeated 734 00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:30,440 at British festivals for years afterwards, 735 00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:32,600 because there's nothing we like better than an old joke. 736 00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:36,200 We love an old joke. I am Spartacus. Yes, exactly that. 737 00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:38,080 You're supposed to say that after me. 738 00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:39,160 Anyway. Go on. 739 00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:42,040 I think you're fine. Yeah. 740 00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:45,040 Honestly, we don't really know. 741 00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:48,440 And I think the potential for altered minds 742 00:32:48,440 --> 00:32:51,200 at a festival may mean this is misremembered. 743 00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:53,720 Isn't it funny that they always draw glasses 744 00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:55,560 as if the whole eye...? As if the eye... 745 00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:58,840 Yes. Right in the middle. Does Homer Simpson have that, 746 00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:00,800 or have I imagined that? Oh, no. He... What? 747 00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:03,200 He put glasses on with eyes on, didn't he? 748 00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:04,760 Yeah, but that... So he could sleep 749 00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:08,400 when he was on jury duty and it looked like he was awake. 750 00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:10,040 You have a busy life, don't you? 751 00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:14,760 And now for a question about...about... 752 00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:17,000 Oh, what the hell is it called? You know, when you... 753 00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:18,880 What's the thing when you can't remember a word? 754 00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:21,480 Tott. What? Tip of the tongue. Yes. 755 00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:22,960 Tip of the tongue syndrome. 756 00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:24,840 What's it called in sign language? 757 00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:31,320 I mean, that almost looked offensive. 758 00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:34,920 Tof - tip of the finger syndrome. 759 00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:37,440 Ah! Yeah. Really? Tip of the tongue, tip of the finger syndrome. 760 00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:40,280 Oh! It's lovely. Do you ever have it happen to you? It's really... 761 00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:42,600 I mean, it's... I think it might... 762 00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:45,280 I can't even remember what I'm trying to say. What's the question? 763 00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:48,280 At this stage in life, the brain fog... 764 00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:51,000 They say it's the nouns that go first. 765 00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:53,240 I forgot the word for polyamory today. 766 00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:55,680 The other people in the bed didn't care, but... 767 00:33:58,240 --> 00:33:59,840 I did care, but I had to get up. 768 00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:03,720 There's a very... I was right down the bottom. 769 00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:09,320 It was the most, most wonderful old Barry Cryer joke. 770 00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:11,560 There's two old men sitting chatting at the kitchen table, 771 00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:14,640 and the wives are just obviously busy washing up. 772 00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:16,560 And bloke says to the other bloke, he says, 773 00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:18,320 "Oh, I went to the most fantastic restaurant last night." 774 00:34:18,320 --> 00:34:19,760 And he says, "Oh, yeah, what was it called?" 775 00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:22,120 He said, "Oh, what the hell was it called? 776 00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:26,080 "What's that thing? What's that lovely-smelling flower with thorns?" 777 00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:27,240 And he goes, "Rose?" 778 00:34:27,240 --> 00:34:29,800 And he goes, "Yeah. Rose, what was the name of that restaurant?" 779 00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:31,320 LAUGHTER 780 00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:38,280 Anyway, people use placeholders when they can't remember a word. 781 00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:41,600 So, there are some fantastic words that have been used over many, 782 00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:45,120 many years - washical, which is like whatchamacallit. 783 00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:47,880 Yeah. That's good. There is a whangdoodle. 784 00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:50,200 Oh, a whangdoodle! Thingum-thangum is very good. 785 00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:52,360 From 1684, thingum-thangam, 786 00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:53,840 Oojah capivvy, do you think? 787 00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:56,200 Oojah capivvy... Don't know. You said that in quite an Italian way. 788 00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:58,240 I did.Oojah capivvy! 789 00:34:58,240 --> 00:35:01,320 Yes. Did you read about the lady who had a stroke 790 00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:03,440 and woke up speaking with an Italian accent? 791 00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:05,600 There's a black lady on TikTok. Yeah. 792 00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:08,000 Really?! Now we're talking. Exactly. 793 00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:12,640 If I may say so, you up. Yeah. 794 00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:14,120 LAUGHTER No, no. No. 795 00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:18,040 I don't think that one. Not the two of you. 796 00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:20,600 If the chemistry is right, then, you know. 797 00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:21,800 But... Yeah, OK. Go on. 798 00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:24,800 Me not up? No, you're not up. 799 00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:26,280 Stay down, stay down. Stay down. 800 00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:27,520 LAUGHTER 801 00:35:28,880 --> 00:35:30,400 There's some great Dutch ones, actually. 802 00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:32,280 What do these mean? These are all sort of place words 803 00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:34,640 that you use when you can't think of a thing. 804 00:35:34,640 --> 00:35:36,480 Huppeldepup. 805 00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:38,360 Zamazingo was Turkish. Dingskirchen. 806 00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:41,680 I like dingskirchen. It's German for when you forget a place 807 00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:45,400 and it just means thing-church. You know, what's-her-name? 808 00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:47,160 Yeah. What about the remote control? 809 00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:49,120 Would you call the remote control for the television, 810 00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:51,680 just call it remote control? Or do you have...? Some thingamajig. 811 00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:53,080 Sometimes I call it thingamajig. Yeah. 812 00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:55,440 Thingamabob. Yeah. Which one do you want? 813 00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:58,040 I mean, there are several normally lying around the house. 814 00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:01,320 There is that. TV Licensing in 2016 did a survey and they found that 815 00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:05,120 people in the UK have over 100 words for the remote control. 816 00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:09,080 After remote, the second most common was doofer, zapper, clicker, 817 00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:11,800 flicker, thingamajig and whatchamacallit. 818 00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:15,600 In Oxford, it's the thing. In Wales they call them panic buttons, 819 00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:18,480 and Wolverhampton - the turny-over machine. 820 00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:23,360 In Holland, lots of the houses 821 00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:27,000 have floor-to-ceiling glass windows, big glass. 822 00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:29,400 And there's a tradition you don't shut your curtains in the evening. 823 00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:32,360 And one of the things that the youths of the neighbourhood used to 824 00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:35,440 do, where my parents-in-law used to live, is they used to just go by 825 00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:37,760 with remote controls and change the channel. 826 00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:41,960 Now it's time to horse around with some General Ignorance. 827 00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:45,240 Fingers on buzzers, please. What feature can BBC viewers turn on 828 00:36:45,240 --> 00:36:48,560 to let them read exactly what I am saying? 829 00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:51,400 Subtitles, I'd assume. 830 00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:53,600 Exactly. 831 00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:58,360 So subtitles translate speech from different languages, right. 832 00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:00,200 So you can be watching a Korean programme, 833 00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:01,840 and then you can watch it in English, 834 00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:03,400 or you can read it in English. 835 00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:06,600 What is the thing, if I want somebody who speaks English 836 00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:09,920 to exactly see written down what it is I'm saying? 837 00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:13,040 Closed captions. It's closed captions. 838 00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:15,240 You're absolutely right. But don't trust them, Michael, 839 00:37:15,240 --> 00:37:17,600 because they're often done by a computer. 840 00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:20,560 Yes. I know this because when I was watching 841 00:37:20,560 --> 00:37:23,080 the replay of Margaret Thatcher's funeral... 842 00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:24,280 Yeah. 843 00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:32,440 When I was watching this, it had these closed captions, 844 00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:36,840 and when they got to the bit where the voice-over was... I read it. 845 00:37:36,840 --> 00:37:39,560 It said, "The Archbitch will now speak." 846 00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:41,280 LAUGHTER 847 00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:47,120 That was an error. That was an error. 848 00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:49,160 How long ago do you think that they were 849 00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:51,840 able to put written speech on to a film? 850 00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:54,640 Oh. 1972. Long time ago. It is a long time ago. 851 00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:58,920 1872? No, I'd say before. I'm going to say the 1930s or something. 852 00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:00,960 No, 1903. 1903! 853 00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:03,200 Yes. Before my time. 854 00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:04,720 I mean, just. 855 00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:07,880 Uncle Tom's Cabin in 1903 - 856 00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:10,680 Edwin Porter's - had inter-titles between the scenes. 857 00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:13,240 And then his 1907 film College Chums, he managed to... 858 00:38:13,240 --> 00:38:15,200 I have to say, this is really impressive. 859 00:38:15,200 --> 00:38:19,440 This is 1907. Look at that embedded into the picture. 860 00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:20,480 Don't you think that's...? 861 00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:22,440 Looks like a Wes Anderson, doesn't it? It's brilliant. 862 00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:24,360 I think it's really impressive. 863 00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:26,400 "Darling, yes." What's he saying, "Darling..." 864 00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:30,280 "Don't darling me." Oh, they're having a row in text! 865 00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:33,040 "Who was that girl you were with in the park today?" 866 00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:38,200 No! What was the problem with using text in pictures like this in 1903? 867 00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:41,080 Going international? Maybe? People couldn't read. Yes. 868 00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:44,080 The high degree of illiteracy. Yeah. It was a serious issue. 869 00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:45,960 I'm just worried the first-ever dick pic's 870 00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:47,560 about to fly across the screen. 871 00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:52,120 It was 1909 that the very first were put at the bottom of the screen. 872 00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:54,080 That's when we get the closed captions. 873 00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:55,800 The words on your screen are captions, 874 00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:58,000 subtitles are subtly different. Now, you may know 875 00:38:58,000 --> 00:38:59,440 that Frankenstein is not the name of the monster, 876 00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:01,720 but the person who created it, Victor Frankenstein. 877 00:39:01,720 --> 00:39:04,320 What qualifications did he have? 878 00:39:04,320 --> 00:39:06,400 Was he a butcher? 879 00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:09,080 Do you know, of all the things we thought you might say... 880 00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:10,800 LAUGHTER 881 00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:15,040 I remember years ago going to see Edna Everage live, 882 00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:16,840 and she said to somebody 883 00:39:16,840 --> 00:39:19,920 in the audience, "What colour is your house, darling?" 884 00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:21,400 And the person said, "Beige." 885 00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:23,680 And there was a really long pause, and she went, 886 00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:25,920 "Yes, you forget about beige, don't you?" 887 00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:29,880 She'd obviously got a joke for very single colour. 888 00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:33,200 Not that. I've got nothing for butcher. 889 00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:34,480 Nothing. I've got nothing at all. 890 00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:36,360 Well, it's not going to be doctor, is it? 891 00:39:36,360 --> 00:39:39,640 No. It isn't doctor. We don't get him to be a doctor 892 00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:42,400 until he's first portrayed in a romantic play. 893 00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:44,760 He has no qualifications whatsoever. 894 00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:46,320 Oh, he's an influencer! 895 00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:48,360 LAUGHTER 896 00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:57,800 So, Mary Shelley wrote the book in 1818. 897 00:39:57,800 --> 00:39:59,880 Can I just say this is one of my favourite stories of 898 00:39:59,880 --> 00:40:01,640 all time about misunderstanding something. 899 00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:04,080 So part of her inspiration for Frankenstein came - 900 00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:06,880 and this was in her own introduction to the book - 901 00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:10,840 from a belief that pasta could come to life. 902 00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:13,840 Pasta? Yes. So she discussed an experiment 903 00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:16,080 which was performed by Erasmus Darwin, 904 00:40:16,080 --> 00:40:18,400 who was Charles Darwin's grandfather, 905 00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:23,000 in which, and this is quoting her, "preserved a piece of vermicelli 906 00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:26,160 "in a glass case, till by some extraordinary means it began 907 00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:28,720 "to move with a voluntary motion." 908 00:40:28,720 --> 00:40:31,320 And she had misremembered the word. 909 00:40:31,320 --> 00:40:34,880 Erasmus Darwin claimed to have reanimated vorticelle, 910 00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:37,840 which are tiny, wriggly, worm-like creatures, 911 00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:40,720 and not vermicelli, which is pasta. 912 00:40:42,720 --> 00:40:45,680 During the Cold War, if you crossed the Berlin Wall 913 00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:47,800 coming from East Germany, 914 00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:49,880 which country would you end up in? 915 00:40:49,880 --> 00:40:51,480 West Germany? 916 00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:57,840 You're going to be in West Berlin, right? 917 00:40:57,840 --> 00:40:59,040 And the thing about West Berlin, 918 00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:02,200 it wasn't legally or constitutionally a part of either West or East. 919 00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:03,880 Was it in the Soviet Union at that stage? 920 00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:05,720 It sort of weirdly wasn't anything. 921 00:41:05,720 --> 00:41:08,040 So you get the partition of the city. 922 00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:09,920 It's divided between the US, the UK, 923 00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:14,680 France and the Soviet Union by the Yalta Conference in 1945. 924 00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:17,720 But the West was run by France, Britain and the United States 925 00:41:17,720 --> 00:41:19,800 as a completely independent territory. 926 00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:21,760 It wasn't officially part of any country. 927 00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:24,360 It was sort of a no-man's land. 928 00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:25,760 I wish I'd known you were bringing this up, 929 00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:28,000 because I've got at home a bit of the Berlin Wall. 930 00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:29,560 Oh, so have I. A little fragment of it. 931 00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:32,600 Did you go? Yes. We took our children, 932 00:41:32,600 --> 00:41:35,040 thinking this was going to be... It was too important not to go. 933 00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:37,200 And we went with our children and we helped... 934 00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:38,720 There were lots of East Germans 935 00:41:38,720 --> 00:41:40,960 and West Germans were helping pull it down. 936 00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:42,800 And so there are lots of souvenirs everywhere. 937 00:41:42,800 --> 00:41:45,160 And each of our children took a souvenir home. 938 00:41:45,160 --> 00:41:47,280 It was extraordinary. 1990, it was. 939 00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:49,400 I'm glad we've kept our bit, because they may be putting it 940 00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:51,480 up again soon and we could take it back. 941 00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:53,560 LAUGHTER 942 00:41:53,560 --> 00:41:56,000 There's technically a bit of East Germany that still exists. 943 00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:57,960 Anybody know where it is? 944 00:41:57,960 --> 00:41:59,080 It's in Cuba. 945 00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:03,720 Ah! 1972, Fidel Castro gave one of the Cuban islands to East Germany 946 00:42:03,720 --> 00:42:05,960 as a gift for their communist alliance, 947 00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:08,000 and it was called Cayo Blanco del Sur. 948 00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:11,360 And Castro renamed it Ernst Thalmann Island. 949 00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:14,240 So Ernst Thalmann ran the German Communist Party 950 00:42:14,240 --> 00:42:16,480 in 1925 to 1933, 951 00:42:16,480 --> 00:42:21,200 and when the Berlin Wall came down, nobody mentioned the island. 952 00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:25,320 So strictly speaking, still East Germany. 953 00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:26,960 Michael, you have been just wonderful. 954 00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:29,000 I just want to apologise for the seating arrangements. 955 00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:33,160 This is my best friend now. Yes. 956 00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:34,360 Aw! Lovely man. 957 00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:37,560 Thank you. Now, I'm afraid the writing is on the wall, 958 00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:40,040 as we come to the matter of the scores. 959 00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:41,960 Our winner tonight, well, I'm lost for words - 960 00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:44,160 six whole points - it's Cally! 961 00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:46,400 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 962 00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:48,080 Finally, I've won! 963 00:42:48,080 --> 00:42:49,960 In second place, as good as their word, 964 00:42:49,960 --> 00:42:51,840 with four points, it's Michael! 965 00:42:51,840 --> 00:42:53,920 Yay! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 966 00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:56,560 In third place, on the streets, with one point, 967 00:42:56,560 --> 00:42:59,040 Alan! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 968 00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:02,640 In last place... Oh, dear. It's a complete write off. 969 00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:04,400 Minus one, it's Gyles! 970 00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:06,400 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE We did well. 971 00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:14,640 So it's a big thank you to Michael, Gyles, Cally and Alan, 972 00:43:14,640 --> 00:43:17,680 and I leave you with the last words of the poet Dylan Thomas. 973 00:43:17,680 --> 00:43:21,680 "I just had 18 straight whiskies. I think that's a record." 974 00:43:21,680 --> 00:43:23,000 Goodnight. 975 00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:25,200 APPLAUSE