1 00:00:08,160 --> 00:00:15,200 This programme contains some strong language 2 00:00:26,080 --> 00:00:29,040 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 3 00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:35,200 Good evening, and welcome to QI 4 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:37,840 where, tonight, we've gone a bit woo-woo, 5 00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:39,840 because it's all about wooing. 6 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,600 Let's meet our star-crossed lovers - 7 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:44,800 the lovelorn Rosie Jones... 8 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:47,760 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 9 00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:50,200 ..the lovesick Maisie Adam... 10 00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:53,160 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 11 00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:55,640 ..the lovestruck Larry Dean... 12 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:58,240 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 13 00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:01,640 ..and lord love a duck, it's Alan Davies. 14 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:04,160 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 15 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:08,920 And in case their wooing goes well, 16 00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:10,840 here are their wedding marches. 17 00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:12,280 Rosie goes... 18 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:15,160 Bridal Chorus 19 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:19,680 Maisie goes... 20 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,200 Prince Of Denmark's March 21 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:29,240 Is that meant to turn you on? 22 00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:32,160 No, I think, by the time you're getting married, 23 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:33,920 that's all behind you. 24 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:35,200 Larry goes... 25 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:37,440 A Midsummer Night's Dream Wedding March 26 00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:41,920 And Alan goes... 27 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:46,960 D-I-V-O-R-C-E by Tammy Wynette 28 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:54,560 Oh, I like that. 29 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:56,600 Now, then, my lovebirds, 30 00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:59,920 let's start with the first point of contact. 31 00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:03,960 How would you set about wooing your partner? 32 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:05,400 Prenup. 33 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,680 LAUGHTER 34 00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:15,000 I am currently single. 35 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:17,720 I know. 36 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,440 BELATED "AWW" 37 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:21,920 I know. 38 00:02:21,920 --> 00:02:24,200 I'm beautiful and funny, 39 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:26,720 and clever, 40 00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:28,640 and very rich. 41 00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:30,680 LAUGHTER 42 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:37,680 So, I'm now using QI as a dating service. 43 00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:39,360 LAUGHTER 44 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:42,440 I'm very single. 45 00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:46,960 As I've said, extremely rich. 46 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:50,040 Call me. 47 00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:51,840 LAUGHTER 48 00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:54,200 APPLAUSE 49 00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:57,800 Are you a good wooer? 50 00:02:57,800 --> 00:02:59,480 I don't think so, to be fair. 51 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,800 I always get told advice from people of what to do. 52 00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:04,840 Like negging is the one, apparently. What? 53 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:08,960 So, basically, negging is when somebody will pick on 54 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:12,560 the insecurities of another person and it makes them doubt themselves 55 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:16,040 and it makes them determined to try and please them. 56 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:19,320 It's not a nice thing to do but, 95% of the time, 57 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:20,920 it works when they do it to me. 58 00:03:20,920 --> 00:03:23,080 LAUGHTER 59 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:25,440 Have you heard of negging? Negging? Yeah. 60 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:27,280 Just where you're mean to people, isn't it? 61 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:30,160 I've just got visions of you being bullied at school, and you're going, 62 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:31,520 "You flirt!" 63 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:32,920 LAUGHTER 64 00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:35,240 As they push you against the lockers for your lunch money, 65 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,360 you're going. "I think there's a vibe." 66 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:39,840 OK, so the word that you just used 67 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:42,200 is the traditional way in which wooing begins. 68 00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:43,600 Bullying? 69 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:44,960 LAUGHTER 70 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,200 No, it's flirting. 71 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:51,000 Oh, flirting. 72 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,400 Flirting is the traditional way of beginning, 73 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:58,000 so what is the first rule of Anti-Flirt Club? 74 00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:59,520 Oh! 75 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:00,880 Is it, 76 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:04,640 "Don't talk about Anti-Flirt Club"? 77 00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:07,440 KLAXON 78 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:09,800 No! 79 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:12,600 No! APPLAUSE 80 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,720 What do we think? An Anti-Flirt Club. 81 00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:16,200 It was a genuine thing. 82 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:17,800 It was in Washington DC. 83 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:20,000 We're going back a bit now. No winking? 84 00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:22,800 J... Winking. "Winking!" 85 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,240 LAUGHTER 86 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:28,080 No winking? Oh, thank God. OK. Erm... 87 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:30,280 LAUGHTER 88 00:04:30,280 --> 00:04:33,000 So, 1923, a woman called Alice Reighly, 89 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:36,320 she set up an Anti-Flirt Club in Washington DC. 90 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:38,200 And it's partly to do with 91 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:41,120 the increase in popularity of cars, right? 92 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:43,560 So, cars are becoming quite the thing, 93 00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:45,840 and men are doing drive-by flirting. 94 00:04:45,840 --> 00:04:47,440 "Drive-by flirting"? 95 00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:49,000 Drive-by flirting 96 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:50,680 or auto invitation. 97 00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:52,200 LAUGHTER 98 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:55,080 I know. And so there were a lot of women and young girls 99 00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:57,360 who were embarrassed by men kind of catcalling to them 100 00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:59,440 from the windows or offering them a lift, and so on. 101 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:02,400 The first rule of the Anti-Flirt Club was, "Don't flirt. 102 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:04,040 "Those who flirt in haste 103 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:05,800 "often repent in leisure." 104 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:07,160 LAUGHTER 105 00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:08,360 There were all sorts of things. 106 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:10,400 "Don't use your eyes for ogling," 107 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:11,640 which I quite like. 108 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:13,480 "They were made for worthier purposes." 109 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,000 What's ogling? 110 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:18,440 Basically means kind of staring at somebody, to ogle at them. 111 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,520 So don't use your eyes to look at them? 112 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:23,080 I love this, because it's like you and I have learned English 113 00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:24,480 in two different countries. 114 00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:26,160 LAUGHTER 115 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:29,680 I've learnt negging and you've learnt ogling. 116 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:31,320 I'd say "oh-gling." 117 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:33,440 Do you say "oh-gling," not "ogg-ling"? 118 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:34,880 Yeah. I might be wrong, though. 119 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:36,320 Let's have a vote. 120 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:37,840 LAUGHTER 121 00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:39,360 Who says "oh-gling"? 122 00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:40,600 CHEERING 123 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,000 Who says "ogg-ling"? 124 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,440 LOUDER CHEERING 125 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:45,400 Who didn't know what it meant as well? 126 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,680 LAUGHTER 127 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:50,240 About 60% "ogg-ling" in here, dirty sods. 128 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:52,040 LAUGHTER 129 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:53,920 OK, here's one of my favourites. 130 00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:56,640 "Do not let elderly men with an eye for flirtation 131 00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:59,920 "pat you on the shoulder and take a fatherly interest in you..." 132 00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:01,200 Oh! 133 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:05,000 "..because they're usually the kind who forget that they are fathers." 134 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:06,440 It's a good rule. 135 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,280 They've got the money, though. 136 00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:09,920 LAUGHTER 137 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:12,880 I'm very worried about you. 138 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:14,720 LAUGHTER 139 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:17,000 Is it all right if I take you under my wing? 140 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:18,360 You've got money 141 00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:19,840 so, aye, yeah, sure. 142 00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:21,440 LAUGHTER 143 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:23,760 APPLAUSE 144 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:28,400 I like this one. 145 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:31,480 "Don't fall for the slick dandified cake eater." 146 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:33,520 Oh! We've all got a type, Sandi. 147 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:36,440 What do you think that is, a "cake eater"? 148 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:39,160 Yeah. Is the cake...? Is the cake the...? 149 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:42,360 A part? A body part, you think? Yeah, the spon... You know... 150 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:43,760 "Spongy bits"? 151 00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:45,040 LAUGHTER 152 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:49,800 You're doing three different mimes. You're doing different mimes. 153 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:52,880 I'm just trying to... LAUGHTER 154 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:55,480 Just trying to articulate it 155 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:57,920 whilst remembering that my grandma watches this show. 156 00:06:57,920 --> 00:06:59,720 LAUGHTER 157 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:03,040 Is it the...? You know, the cake would maybe be a metaphor...? 158 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:04,800 Fanny! Yeah. 159 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,040 Fanny! 160 00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:08,200 Even grannies have a minge, don't they? 161 00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:09,960 LAUGHTER 162 00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:12,360 APPLAUSE 163 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:18,240 I know we don't like to think... 164 00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:20,200 Hands up whose granny's got a minge. No! 165 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:23,040 What does that word mean? 166 00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:24,960 LAUGHTER 167 00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:27,320 This was her favourite show! 168 00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:29,120 LAUGHTER 169 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:32,640 So, a cake eater is a person with multiple sex partners, basically. 170 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:35,040 Oh. Oh! 171 00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:37,160 So, none of that conversation needed to happen. 172 00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:38,800 LAUGHTER 173 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:41,880 So, the villains of this particular movement, the Anti-Flirt Club, 174 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:43,200 were the mashers. 175 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:44,600 Who do you think "mashers" were? 176 00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:46,080 This can't be real. 177 00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:47,520 It's 1923, darling. 178 00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:49,200 What do we think about ma...? 179 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:50,800 Come on, you're so good with words. 180 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,240 LAUGHTER 181 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:54,360 Is it about potatoes? Can we rule that out? 182 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:55,880 Yes, it is about potatoes. 183 00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:57,160 So, it's an... 184 00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:58,480 Yes. 185 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:04,200 Sorry, Alan's just having a massive wink. 186 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:05,560 LAUGHTER 187 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,800 APPLAUSE 188 00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:11,840 I was miming a masher 189 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:13,360 and the disapproval... Sure! 190 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:16,120 Honestly thought you were telling somebody off while canoeing. 191 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:18,640 LAUGHTER 192 00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:20,760 OK, so aggressive suitors are mashers. 193 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:23,480 So, these are men who wanted to make women, 194 00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:25,240 the objects of their attention, 195 00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:27,000 soft and pliable 196 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:28,840 as you would mash the potato. 197 00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:31,960 Oh. Ew! So, weirdly, you get a point for mentioning potato, 198 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:33,840 so well done there. That's fantastic. 199 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:35,800 That got us a point? Yeah. Incredible. 200 00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:40,680 Have they been put up there by a masher? 201 00:08:40,680 --> 00:08:44,520 Our president of this Anti-Flirt Club, Alice Reighly, 202 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:47,040 we don't really know that much about her 203 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:49,880 except that she worked as a cashier. She's winking. 204 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:53,360 Winking. 205 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:57,200 That's a form of flirtation. 206 00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:01,480 Well, it also may be that she was actually part of a publicity stunt, 207 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:02,840 is the thing about her. 208 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:04,720 So, she and another member of the 209 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:07,840 Anti-Flirt Club both worked for a film company 210 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:10,760 involved in making a film the year before called 211 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,480 The Flirt. 212 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:14,120 So... Oh! I know. 213 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:15,800 What are the chances, eh? 214 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:18,080 So, it may be the whole thing was a publicity stunt. 215 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:20,240 I've had a look at this film. Don't bother. 216 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:21,840 LAUGHTER 217 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:23,160 So, what I want to know is, 218 00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:26,720 how can you tell that you are being flirted with? 219 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:28,920 Because I'm handing them the money. 220 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:30,560 LAUGHTER 221 00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,840 They did a study at the University of Kansas, 222 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:37,080 and only a quarter of straight people in these studies 223 00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:39,240 realised that they were being flirted with - 224 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:40,720 and women, it was much fewer. 225 00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:43,280 18% of women realised that a man was flirting with them. 226 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:47,240 But people were very bad at detecting flirting. 227 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:48,560 And maybe it's... 228 00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:50,880 One of the reasons might be that we all think that the signals 229 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:53,560 that we are sending out are clearer than they are. 230 00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:57,440 Apparently, if somebody looks at your mouth whilst you're speaking... 231 00:09:57,440 --> 00:09:59,520 Yeah, but apparently that is meant to be a thing of, like, 232 00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:00,880 if you're looking at someone's mouth. 233 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:02,360 I know. But it's rubbish, isn't it? 234 00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:04,160 Somebody's looking at your mouth and you think, 235 00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:06,160 "Oh, they really fancy me." And eventually you go to the loo 236 00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:08,760 and discover there's a big bit of something just here. Yeah. 237 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:09,920 I've been told it's a triangle. 238 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:11,520 Apparently you're supposed to look in one eye, 239 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:13,200 then the other eye, and then their mouth, 240 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:15,440 and then keep making your way around the triangle. 241 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:16,920 Tit, tit, minge. 242 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:18,120 Tit, tit, minge. 243 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:20,800 LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE 244 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:30,000 I am mortified, Alan. 245 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:35,000 Granny, go to bed, go to bed, go to bed. 246 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,800 I'm mortified that Alan and I have so much in common. Now... 247 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:40,920 LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE 248 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:46,320 Now, some practical wooing tips. 249 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:48,840 You've each got an object under your desk. 250 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:51,760 I want you to show me how you would use it to make yourself 251 00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:54,040 either more or less attractive. 252 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:56,640 I'm going to start with you, Alan. What have you got? 253 00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:59,040 I've got magnetised things. 254 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:00,520 Magnetised blocks there. 255 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:02,360 How might you use those? 256 00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:06,360 Well, I would build the ideal home for raising a family in. 257 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:11,000 I mean, I wouldn't do that on a first date. 258 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:13,720 I'd build a love nest. 259 00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:16,800 This is feeling like, you know when people go and interview murderers? 260 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:18,200 Yeah. 261 00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:20,080 LAUGHTER 262 00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:22,880 Oh, look, it flops over. 263 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:24,360 LAUGHTER 264 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:30,480 I don't... There's nothing I can think of to do with these 265 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:32,200 that makes me more attractive... 266 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:34,680 Or perhaps I am, in fact, perhaps I'm being more attractive 267 00:11:34,680 --> 00:11:36,240 even as we speak. 268 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:38,240 What do you think, viewers? 269 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:39,880 CHEERING 270 00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:41,880 Wow! 271 00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:45,200 So Texas A&M University did a study with magnets. 272 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,920 Weirdly, people who played with magnets 273 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:51,440 said that they felt more attracted to their partners 274 00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:54,040 and more committed, and satisfied in their relationships, 275 00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:56,040 than those who played with ordinary blocks. 276 00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:59,360 I mean, it may be that it makes you think about the metaphorical 277 00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:01,960 magnetic attraction, I don't know. 278 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,320 I mean, it's one study in Texas. What can I tell you? 279 00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:05,960 You can offer someone a segment. 280 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:09,760 Yeah. Again, it's giving real school shooter vibes. 281 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:12,600 LAUGHTER 282 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:15,480 You're not an easy woman to flirt with, Maisie Adam. 283 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:19,480 Rosie, can we swap? 284 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:23,200 No! Maisie, you want to put that on your poster. 285 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:26,520 "Not an easy woman to flirt with." - Alan Davies. 286 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:29,080 Right, Larry, what have you got, darling? Er, I have... 287 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:31,280 No, darling, you've picked up the wrong thing. 288 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:33,080 I think that's literally just tissues. 289 00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:36,040 LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE 290 00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:45,680 I don't know how to say it. 291 00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:47,520 It's between your legs, darling. Just... 292 00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:50,560 LAUGHTER 293 00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:52,160 Let me... These are... 294 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:54,920 These are wet wipes and these are tissues. 295 00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:58,120 OK. 296 00:12:58,120 --> 00:12:59,920 APPLAUSE 297 00:12:59,920 --> 00:13:01,640 Right, Larry, what have you got there? 298 00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:04,280 I was like, "Oh, fuck, they've got me bang on today." 299 00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:06,400 LAUGHTER 300 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:08,880 It's just a sign saying, 301 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:11,000 "Beer, wine, drunk, 302 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,640 "trollied, keg..." 303 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:14,680 Yeah, so we've got it up behind you, 304 00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:18,240 and these are all words to do with alcohol. 305 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:19,960 So, lots of studies show that, 306 00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:21,400 after a couple of drinks, 307 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,800 people find each other a little bit more attractive. 308 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,800 But they have beer goggles on. 309 00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:29,320 Beer goggles, weirdly, works better for women than it does for men. 310 00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:32,040 Does it? That's one of those strange things, isn't it? Good tip! 311 00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:33,840 LAUGHTER 312 00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:37,560 Just play with your magnets, Alan. 313 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,520 You don't have to buy them an actual drink. 314 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:45,040 It's enough to show them a word related to drink. 315 00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:47,560 LAUGHTER No! 316 00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:51,040 Yep. So they took a group of, again, heterosexual men, 317 00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:53,160 the University of Missouri, Columbia, 318 00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:55,920 and they just showed them words like "beer" and "keg" and so on, 319 00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:57,720 "drunk" and so on, for a split second. 320 00:13:57,720 --> 00:14:00,320 And then they asked them to rate photographs of women, 321 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:03,240 and they always rated them as more attractive 322 00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:04,720 after they'd seen the words. 323 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:06,600 You know those T-shirts you see, 324 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,680 when people have got, like, a brand of beer on their T-shirt? 325 00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:12,240 So, that would actually make you more attractive in theory, 326 00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:15,160 just because there's a word right there? 327 00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:18,200 Yes, but the thing is there's no tests on gay people at all. 328 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:21,200 There's no... I know! I don't know why we're doing this whole show, 329 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:23,360 because, three of us, it's got no relevance. Yeah! 330 00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,200 LAUGHTER 331 00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:27,280 "Why have you got Carlsberg written on your pants?" 332 00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:29,120 LAUGHTER 333 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:31,600 Maisie, what have you got? 334 00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:33,160 I have a face mask. 335 00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:34,320 OK. 336 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:35,600 To make myself less attractive, 337 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,680 I would wear the face mask wrong, 338 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:39,360 like this. Oh, that's bad. 339 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:40,840 That used to do my nut... 340 00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:42,880 Do you remember in the pandemic, and people would just go...? 341 00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:45,680 And sometimes they'd come and talk to you and go, "Just so you know..." 342 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:47,160 LAUGHTER 343 00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:48,400 Fuck off! 344 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:52,280 I used to see people who'd cut a hole in them so they could eat. 345 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,000 So Japanese researchers, in 2016, 346 00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,320 they coined the term "sanitary mask effect." 347 00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:02,080 So, in Japan, it is quite common to wear a mask... 348 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:04,520 Yeah. ..at times other than during a pandemic. 349 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:05,760 And there were quite a lot of women 350 00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:07,640 who didn't want to put their make-up on 351 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,440 because they couldn't be bothered. 352 00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:11,640 So they thought, "I'll just wear a mask," right? 353 00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:13,800 "Because I'll be much more attractive with the mask 354 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:15,360 "because I haven't bothered with my make-up." 355 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:17,800 But in fact, the masks make you less 356 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:20,720 attractive and maybe people are put off. 357 00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,640 It's the association with disease or something. 358 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:25,320 Yeah. Right. Rosie, what have you got, love? 359 00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:27,840 Got some lovely 360 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:29,680 croissants. 361 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:34,600 I think they will make you 362 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,760 more attractive. 363 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:38,520 OK. Why? 364 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:42,760 Here's what I would do with croissants. 365 00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:44,680 I would go, 366 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,600 "Oh. Have you..." 367 00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:55,080 "Oh. Have you seen my croissant?" 368 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,440 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 369 00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:04,920 And then'd it would be going really well. 370 00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:07,240 Yeah. 371 00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:09,280 No. 372 00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:15,200 Tit, tit, breakfast. Tit, tit, breakfast. 373 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:18,560 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 374 00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:22,800 University of Montpellier in France, 375 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:24,240 they did a study in 2024. 376 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:27,520 Eating croissants make you appear less attractive 377 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,080 about two hours later. 378 00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:31,480 I know. So, what they did was they had two groups. 379 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:34,680 Half the subjects ate food full of refined carbohydrates - 380 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:37,000 so that's croissants or white bread - 381 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:40,000 and the other half ate food low in bad carbs. 382 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:43,000 So they had porridge, or wholemeal bread and so on. 383 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:44,800 And two hours later, photographs were taken 384 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:46,920 and the attractiveness was rated, 385 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:50,560 and the ones who'd had the good stuff were consistently rated 386 00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:54,120 as more attractive than the people who had had the bad carbohydrates. 387 00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:55,400 This is two hours later. 388 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:58,200 And we think the reason is foods like croissants, 389 00:16:58,200 --> 00:16:59,920 they make your blood sugar spike 390 00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:04,440 and then it plummets and it drains the blood from your skin. 391 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:08,280 So, a couple of hours after eating croissants, 392 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:10,280 you know, ironically, you look pasty. 393 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,360 LAUGHTER 394 00:17:12,360 --> 00:17:13,960 Could it not be like, if you eat, 395 00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:15,920 like, something stinky the night before, 396 00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:19,240 if you go out running the day after, 397 00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:22,160 you come back stinking of last night's dinner? 398 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:24,360 No. I've never... Please don't tell me that's just me! 399 00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:26,720 Please! 400 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:28,640 Right. For wooing purposes, 401 00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:30,200 let's move on to smell. 402 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:33,720 What smell does make you more attractive? 403 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:37,040 Is it sweat? 404 00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:38,640 Yes, it is to do with body odour. 405 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:40,160 Let's call it that. OK. So... 406 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:43,040 You mean it's not the great smell of Brut? 407 00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:45,360 KLAXON 408 00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:47,640 APPLAUSE 409 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:55,600 Good shout. Good shout, backstage. Nicely done. 410 00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:57,120 How about this? Old Spice. 411 00:17:57,120 --> 00:17:58,800 KLAXON 412 00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:03,440 Lynx. Is that one? 413 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:04,520 KLAXON 414 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:05,680 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 415 00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:09,480 So, body odour. Right. 416 00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:11,200 They have discovered that single men 417 00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:15,240 have a stronger body odour than men in long-term relationships. 418 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:16,520 This is a study. 419 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:19,000 They get 80 men to donate their BO. 420 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:21,120 How do you think they did that? How do you do donate your...? 421 00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:23,160 Well, any thoughts about how you might do it? 422 00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:24,800 What I need is to study 423 00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:26,200 with 80 men donating their BO. 424 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:28,440 I'll get them to hand their laundry over. 425 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,760 Yeah, so they wore a T-shirt for the day, and then... 426 00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:33,120 "We'll do your laundry." "Oh, thanks." 427 00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:36,400 So, what they did was they just cut out the armpit, 428 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:38,280 and they put it in a bottle with a nozzle, 429 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:40,640 and then they got women to smell... 430 00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:42,400 AUDIENCE GROANS 431 00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:45,600 And what they discovered is the women consistently rated 432 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:47,840 single men's BO as stronger 433 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:50,400 than men who had partners. 434 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:52,480 Why do you think that might be? 435 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:53,760 Pheromones. 436 00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:56,480 Interestingly, humans don't have pheromones. Mm! 437 00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:58,640 No, we have the receptors for pheromones, 438 00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:01,440 and they're certainly there all through the natural world. 439 00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:03,120 But they've looked and looked and looked, 440 00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:04,360 but we don't have pheromones. 441 00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:05,560 If I catch my wife on a good day 442 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:07,280 and she allows me to give her a hug in the kitchen... 443 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:08,720 Oh, yes. 444 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:11,560 ..one of the children will go, "Sex," 445 00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:13,960 and then another child will go, "Oh, God." 446 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:16,880 And then the dog will come in from the garden and try to get involved. 447 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:18,880 LAUGHTER 448 00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:21,480 Probably something to do with... 449 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:22,920 ..exercise, 450 00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:24,680 survival kind of stuff. 451 00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:27,000 Well, it's to do with levels of testosterone. 452 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,120 So, single men have significantly higher testosterone levels 453 00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:31,360 than married men. 454 00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:34,320 And that makes sense, because testosterone enhances the qualities 455 00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:36,320 that are useful for attracting a mate. 456 00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:39,480 So, libido and confidence, and competitiveness, and so on. 457 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,040 And what's interesting is that, 458 00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:42,600 when men go into a partnership, 459 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:45,600 the testosterone stays at the single level 460 00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:48,600 for about a year before it drops... 461 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:51,360 What about after 20 years, then? 462 00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:53,560 I mean, you might as well just get slippers. 463 00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:56,880 Oh, I've got slippers. 464 00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:58,440 How many kids have you got, Alan? 465 00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:00,240 Three? Three. Yeah, well, fatherhood causes 466 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:01,920 a steep decline in testosterone. 467 00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:03,640 No shit. 468 00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:09,560 APPLAUSE 469 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:11,640 And both men and women 470 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:13,440 are attracted to the smells of people 471 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:15,280 who have a better immune system. 472 00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:16,560 And of course, it makes sense, 473 00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:18,760 because that's the person you want to procreate with. 474 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:21,240 And disease can change your body odour. 475 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:24,560 So acute diabetes, for example, makes you smell like rotten apples. 476 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:27,720 Oh! And typhoid smells like baked bread. What smells like baked bread? 477 00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:30,800 Typhoid. Really? Because that's what they tell you to, like... 478 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,360 When you go to house viewings, they tell you to have baked bread. 479 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:36,360 Don't they? They do. 480 00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:38,560 I'd love to go round some flat and go, 481 00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:40,160 "Stinks of typhoid in here." 482 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:43,880 That would knock the price down, wouldn't it? 483 00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:45,280 Put you off straight away. Yeah. 484 00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:48,240 Straight in the door. "Typhoid in here." Yeah. 485 00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:49,960 I've... 486 00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:53,800 I've heard that about illnesses 487 00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:57,520 because cerebral palsy 488 00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:00,560 make you smell like 489 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:02,280 a goddess. 490 00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:12,000 You'll like this, Alan. 491 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,720 One study found that vegetarian men 492 00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:15,720 smell more pleasant to women. 493 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:17,480 Oh, well, no doubt about that. 494 00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:19,880 Are you sure? 495 00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:26,640 No. But, like, have you ever followed a vegan into the loo? 496 00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:28,160 Oh. 497 00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:29,560 Oh, my God. At uni, 498 00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:32,080 I lived with two vegetarians and two vegans. 499 00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:34,080 I've never smelt stuff like it. 500 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,240 When we used to have house parties, 501 00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:38,880 I demanded that my housemates 502 00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,160 had gone to the loo three hours in advance 503 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,400 because I couldn't have that wafting round. 504 00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,600 It's funny, I've got a weird thing 505 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:48,360 that I've noticed, 506 00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:50,680 every single time I've kissed, or whatever, 507 00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:52,000 a vegan or a vegetarian, 508 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,360 they're not good at kissing 509 00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:54,600 and other activities. 510 00:21:57,120 --> 00:21:58,880 It's because they're too weak. 511 00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:00,040 Yeah. 512 00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:03,080 Boo! 513 00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:06,720 Someone's accepted the challenge. 514 00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:10,400 "I want to boo, but... Eurgh-arghh-urgh. 515 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:12,600 "..I literally can't." 516 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:14,720 "I want to boo, but I've not had my tofu." 517 00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:19,120 The World's Strongest Man is a vegan. 518 00:22:19,120 --> 00:22:20,440 I'm not having this. 519 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:21,920 I'm not one, 520 00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:24,040 but this is a load of nonsense, and you know it. 521 00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:25,680 The gladiators used to eat beans. 522 00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:27,320 They were called bean munchers. 523 00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:31,640 Not a euphemism. It's just literal. 524 00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:35,880 Talking of pulling, name three 525 00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:37,920 quite interesting things 526 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:40,840 that you can pull through a wedding ring. 527 00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:44,000 LAUGHTER 528 00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:47,400 What did you think of then? 529 00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:53,200 She laughed as if to go, "What can't you pull through it?" 530 00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:57,240 Does anybody want to say what the elephant is in the room? 531 00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:58,760 Do you mean a penis? 532 00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:06,360 I don't think I'm going to get a very good score this evening. 533 00:23:06,360 --> 00:23:09,760 Is there not some old tradition thing, 534 00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:12,240 if you put your partner's hair or something on it? 535 00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:15,040 Yes. It's a superstition to do with the wedding ring. 536 00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:17,360 You attach a piece of the mother-to-be's hair, 537 00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:18,840 and you hold it over the belly. 538 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:20,880 If it goes round in a circle, it's supposed to be a girl. 539 00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:23,160 And if it goes backwards and forwards, it's supposed to be a boy. 540 00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:24,440 And it does do one or the other 541 00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:26,440 cos I did it with all three. Yeah. 542 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,920 And then, when it was going backwards and forwards, 543 00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:30,120 round and round, 544 00:23:30,120 --> 00:23:31,520 and then, which one is it? 545 00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:33,040 Nobody knew. 546 00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:34,120 If you looked online, 547 00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:36,600 some websites said one, some websites said the other. 548 00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:37,920 So, either it was always right or wrong. 549 00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:40,120 What does that mean the baby's doing then? 550 00:23:40,120 --> 00:23:41,760 Like a pinata. 551 00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:45,080 Foetuses, they all have the powers of Derren Brown 552 00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:47,160 and then, when they're born, they lose it. 553 00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:50,560 Oh. So that's about tying the hair on. 554 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:52,640 I'm looking for things that you pull. 555 00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:58,320 Sorry, I was being Doctor Strange in the Marvel Universe. 556 00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:01,240 Benedict Cumberbatch. You know, 557 00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:03,600 he's a very well-thought-of classical actor 558 00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:05,920 and, suddenly, he's given the most stupid costume, 559 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:07,160 and he's going like this. 560 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:08,680 There's nothing there, 561 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:09,720 they add it all in later. 562 00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:11,080 And he had to do it for months. 563 00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:12,280 Yeah. 564 00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:14,000 And then he laughed all the way to the bank. 565 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:15,280 Oh, God! 566 00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:16,560 And he went like that 567 00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:17,880 because his cheque was so large. 568 00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:21,240 No. He's lovely. I am going to focus you. 569 00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:23,360 What are we going to pull through a wedding? 570 00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:25,880 My first thought was 571 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:27,400 food. 572 00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:30,360 So I will go 573 00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:32,840 classic 574 00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:34,440 Wotsit. 575 00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:40,880 Then you go for a French fry. 576 00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:44,040 I don't mean, "How many tiny things will go through a wedding?" 577 00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:46,360 I mean... What do you mean? 578 00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:47,520 Surprising things. 579 00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:48,840 Quite interesting things. 580 00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:50,040 Oh! 581 00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:51,560 A car. 582 00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:02,920 How do you...? I don't know. 583 00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:05,080 Why am I asking what kind of car? No. 584 00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:07,200 It's a weasel. A weasel?! 585 00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:10,080 A weasel can go through a wedding ring. 586 00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:11,600 I've seen a weasel. Have you? 587 00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:14,040 Yes. In the wild. They look like stoats 588 00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:15,760 but there's a little difference. 589 00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:17,560 One's wearing a wedding ring. 590 00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:22,640 So, weasels have the ability 591 00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:24,600 to compress their skull momentarily, 592 00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:27,600 and they can get through very tiny tunnels 593 00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:29,000 in order to catch mice. 594 00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:31,600 Do they do it by the power of thought? 595 00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:33,240 Can I just say, your impression of a weasel 596 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:35,520 is a lot like your impression of Benedict Cumberbatch. 597 00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:44,640 That did look like Benedict - Doctor Strange on the loo. 598 00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:53,920 With you at the door going, "Get out there! 599 00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:55,080 "The guests are arriving!" 600 00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:58,640 The other things that you could, which are sort of surprising, 601 00:25:58,640 --> 00:25:59,880 a bikini. 602 00:25:59,880 --> 00:26:02,640 So, when the bikini was first invented in 1946, 603 00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:06,680 the inventor, Louis Reard, said that they weren't a proper bikini 604 00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:08,360 unless they were so small you could 605 00:26:08,360 --> 00:26:09,680 pull it through a wedding ring. 606 00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:11,800 You're not supposed to say, "Bikini," are you? 607 00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:13,840 Because it was on the Bikini Atoll 608 00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:15,720 where they did nuclear tests, 609 00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:17,360 and lots and lots of people 610 00:26:17,360 --> 00:26:19,760 became terribly ill as a consequence. 611 00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:21,320 So the very word "bikini" 612 00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:22,760 ought to be associated 613 00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:25,080 with this terrible injustice 614 00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:26,320 and not 615 00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:27,600 sexy lady. 616 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:31,600 You're supposed to say, "Two-piece." 617 00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:35,360 Can I have a point? Yes. 618 00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:37,440 Woohoo! 619 00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:39,840 APPLAUSE 620 00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:44,200 How has he gone from being able to go, 621 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:45,960 "Tit, tit, vaj..." 622 00:26:47,120 --> 00:26:48,640 "Bikini, you shouldn't say?" 623 00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:54,480 The other thing is a Shetland shawl. 624 00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:58,120 So traditional Shetland fine lace wool shawls weigh less than 7oz, 625 00:26:58,120 --> 00:27:01,280 and they can also be pulled through a wedding ring. A Shetland shawl. 626 00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:04,120 I know. It's an odd combination of things, isn't it? 627 00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:06,760 It's a bizarre graphic. 628 00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:08,320 It is like the weasel's thinking, 629 00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:09,440 "Will that fit me?" 630 00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:14,560 "I can get through that. Watch this, watch this. I can get through that." 631 00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:16,920 So my apologies if this sounds a bit gross, 632 00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:19,080 but who is the goddess of the manhole? 633 00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:20,480 Oh! 634 00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:22,160 I know this. OK. 635 00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:24,480 Is it Maisie? 636 00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:26,520 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 637 00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:30,200 Don't clap that. 638 00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:36,920 I'm not rising to it. 639 00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:38,680 All I ask is that you tell me 640 00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:41,440 when this is going to TX so I can inform my grandmother. 641 00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:45,160 The goddess of the manhole. 642 00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:51,080 Granddaughter of Granny Minge. 643 00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:53,720 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 644 00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:57,240 Sandy! 645 00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:00,080 Sandy! 646 00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:07,160 She's 93. Sorry. 647 00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:08,400 We're in Roman times. 648 00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:09,800 It's a Roman goddess. 649 00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:11,160 And we are talking about manholes. 650 00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:13,440 It's the Roman goddess of the great sewer, 651 00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:15,400 which was called the Cloaca Maxima. 652 00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:17,080 They have a goddess of a sewer. 653 00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:18,400 Yes, they did. 654 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:19,720 Bet she's vegan. 655 00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:25,440 Bean muncher. 656 00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:26,880 Venus Cloacina. 657 00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:29,840 So you have to understand that this was the most incredible thing 658 00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:32,200 because it kept the city clean, right? 659 00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:34,880 It was started in 600 BC. 660 00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:36,360 By the time it was finished, 661 00:28:36,360 --> 00:28:37,880 it was 20m wide, 662 00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:42,280 it was over a mile long, and it took all the waste away from the city. 663 00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:44,440 It was considered one of Rome's greatest achievements. 664 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:47,520 In fact, some of it is still in use today. 665 00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:49,520 The sewer lasted longer than the Empire. 666 00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:51,880 Eventually, she was sort of conflated 667 00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:53,360 with Venus, the goddess of love. 668 00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:55,960 I guess both symbolising purity. 669 00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:57,320 And eventually she became 670 00:28:57,320 --> 00:28:59,720 the goddess who presided over sexual intercourse on the wedding night. 671 00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:00,920 "Presided" over it? 672 00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:02,280 Like, what...? 673 00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:06,120 Sounds judgmental. It does, doesn't it? 674 00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:08,040 It sounds like she's there with a clipboard, 675 00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:10,160 like on your driving test. Yeah. 676 00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:16,680 "You're going to have to retake that, I'm afraid." 677 00:29:16,680 --> 00:29:18,720 Oh, yes. 678 00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:20,680 "You can't reverse round corners." 679 00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:24,240 "It's three minors." No, no, no. 680 00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:27,280 "You didn't understand any of the signals." 681 00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:29,880 But that's it, at the bottom there, 682 00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:31,120 going into the River Tiber, 683 00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:32,760 and you could throw anything 684 00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:34,880 you wanted into the street under Roman law, 685 00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:38,240 because most of it would wash out of the town through the Cloaca Maxima. 686 00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:39,440 It is weird, though. 687 00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:41,600 If you threw something out of an apartment... 688 00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:43,840 So there were some buildings that were like five storeys high, 689 00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:45,920 you had to be very careful not to hit anybody 690 00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:48,040 because they could sue you for inconvenience. 691 00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:50,040 They do that on New Year's Eve. 692 00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:52,400 What? Throw things out the window. 693 00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:54,120 What? In Rome? Yeah, in Rome. 694 00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:55,240 I went there once. 695 00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:56,480 Things come out of windows. 696 00:29:56,480 --> 00:29:58,000 There's a lot of glass thrown. 697 00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:00,480 It is brilliant, but really frightening. 698 00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:02,720 I love the image that this is not Italian tradition, 699 00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:04,760 they just saw you walking down the street. 700 00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:10,640 Anyway, moving on. 701 00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:15,480 How did the big bad wolf get Little Red Riding Hood's attention? 702 00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:17,400 He negged her. 703 00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:26,680 He dressed up, didn't he, as this granny? 704 00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:28,280 And then learnt to speak. OK. 705 00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:33,080 What is the thing that sometimes men do to get a woman's attention? 706 00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:36,920 Dress up as a granny. "Wolf whistle" is what I was going to go for. Oh! 707 00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:38,400 Yeah. Well, it gets its name 708 00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:41,400 from a series of Little Red Riding Hood cartoons. 709 00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:43,560 They were directed by Tex Avery. 710 00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:44,760 That was his nickname. 711 00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:46,160 He was also Fred Avery. 712 00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:48,680 So he was the animator behind all the first 713 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:50,280 big Looney Tunes successes like 714 00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:52,320 Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck and so on. 715 00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:54,880 And in Little Red Walking Hood, 716 00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:58,360 which was the first of these, 1937, the Big Bad Wolf 717 00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:01,360 whistles lecherously at Red Riding Hood in the street. 718 00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:03,520 And then there was a sequel in 1943, 719 00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:05,760 Red Hot Riding Hood. 720 00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:07,720 Oh, no. I'm just going to remind everybody 721 00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:09,680 that cartoons were originally designed 722 00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:11,480 for adults in the movie theatre. Yeah. 723 00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:13,240 They were not intended for children. 724 00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:15,680 And Miss Hood is now a sexy nightclub singer. 725 00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:18,080 This is the follow-up. What? I know, right? 726 00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:20,000 And he wolf-whistles at her, 727 00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:21,880 and then pulls out a machine 728 00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:23,760 that wolf-whistles for him, 729 00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:25,840 and, eventually, he's chased off by 730 00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:29,160 a, frankly, even more sexually voracious grandma. 731 00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:30,880 I don't know why I'm looking at you. 732 00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:33,040 LAUGHTER 733 00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:38,800 Anyway, the wolf-whistle became 734 00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:39,880 a thing that people knew about. 735 00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:41,040 A wolf... Is that the...? 736 00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:42,600 HE WOLF-WHISTLES 737 00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:44,000 Yeah. So wolves actually do that? 738 00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:45,600 No. So... 739 00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:46,800 LAUGHTER 740 00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:50,960 I do like those, like, two sort of milliseconds 741 00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:52,280 after a wolf-whistle 742 00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:53,840 where you dart around to see 743 00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:55,880 if it's, like, someone, like, that's your friend, 744 00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:57,680 so you can be like, "Aw, stop it." 745 00:31:57,680 --> 00:32:00,240 Or a stranger where you go, "Fuck off!" 746 00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:04,920 I don't know how to tell you this, but wolves can't whistle. 747 00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:07,280 They can make lots of noises. 748 00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:08,640 In fact, they can make 11 different noises. 749 00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:09,960 They can yelp and they can whimper, 750 00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:11,440 and they can whine, and that kind of thing. 751 00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:12,840 Think how different we'd see, 752 00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:14,120 like, a full moon 753 00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:16,720 if we just saw wolves going up going... 754 00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:21,240 They can howl. Oh, my goodness. 755 00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:23,160 I mean, I say "howling," it sounds more like singing. 756 00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:25,960 So, some years ago, I was... One of those weird documentaries 757 00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:28,320 ..I went with, you know, the wonderful Deborah Meaden... 758 00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:29,720 Oh, yeah. ..who does Dragons Den. 759 00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:31,720 She and I went to a place called Wolf Lodge, 760 00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:33,160 which is about 1,000 miles 761 00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:35,280 north of Oslo, in Norway, 762 00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:36,840 in a place called Tromso. 763 00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:39,880 And you go there, and you stay inside an enclosure 764 00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:41,960 where the wolves are living wild. 765 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:43,160 It's phenomenally expensive. 766 00:32:43,160 --> 00:32:44,520 We wouldn't have been there 767 00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:46,160 if it wasn't being paid for by somebody else. 768 00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:49,040 And then, during the day, you go out, 769 00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:50,880 and you are with the wild wolves, and you, 770 00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:53,640 in order to greet them, they get you to kneel down. 771 00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:55,920 And then the wolves come and they lick your face. 772 00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:57,520 Oh, no. Anyway, I was fine, 773 00:32:57,520 --> 00:32:59,720 and I was letting them lick my face. 774 00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:02,120 Deborah Meaden, first time she met a wolf, 775 00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:04,560 she let it do tongues. Just going to say. 776 00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:12,000 But more importantly, did she invest in the proposal? 777 00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:17,160 That is, without doubt, the best celebrity gossip I've ever heard. 778 00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:20,360 What is amazing is you can stroke them. 779 00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:22,320 And I put my hand into the fur, and it's like it disappears. 780 00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:24,040 It's the thickest thing I have ever 781 00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:27,200 put my hand in because, of course, it's so effing cold. 782 00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:29,160 But when they start howling, 783 00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:31,960 what happens is one of them begins and then another one joins in. 784 00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:34,480 And for some reason, they don't seem to do the same note. 785 00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:36,520 They do a slightly different tone. 786 00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:38,920 And the range of noises 787 00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:40,400 that they make is done on purpose, 788 00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:42,720 because it shows that the pack is enormous 789 00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:43,760 and that the prey will think, 790 00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:45,240 "Oh, my goodness, they're terrifying." 791 00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:47,080 Let's have a quick look. 792 00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:48,240 CHORUS OF HOWLS 793 00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:54,440 Nah, that's dubbed. Fake. 794 00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:55,960 LAUGHTER 795 00:33:55,960 --> 00:33:58,560 A wolfpack likes a bit of a singsong, 796 00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:01,120 but this wolf-gang is no Mozart. 797 00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:02,400 Oh. 798 00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:03,840 AUDIENCE GROANS 799 00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:06,320 I feel I had you till that moment. 800 00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:08,920 I didn't know if they were groaning 801 00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:10,680 or doing an impression of the wolves. 802 00:34:11,720 --> 00:34:16,680 Er, what's the cheesiest thing you can imagine at a wedding? 803 00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:19,040 The Vengaboys. 804 00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:22,400 Do you mean, like, their song 805 00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:24,880 or the actual Vengaboys at the wedding? 806 00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:28,120 The actual Vengaboys. 807 00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:29,480 What is that? What is that? 808 00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:30,920 Popular music combo. 809 00:34:30,920 --> 00:34:33,840 You know the Vengaboys. You know! 810 00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:37,480 MAISIE HUMS "WE LIKE TO PARTY" 811 00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:42,480 AUDIENCE CLAPS ALONG 812 00:34:44,720 --> 00:34:46,920 You see! Who needs wolves?! 813 00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:49,160 ALAN HOWLS 814 00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:51,240 I feel you've all gone mad! 815 00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:55,000 Is it cheese? Is it actual cheese? It is cheese. Wedding cheese. 816 00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:56,520 Very famous wedding. 817 00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:57,880 Very famous piece of cheese. 818 00:34:57,880 --> 00:35:00,480 Queen Victoria. Queen Victoria is correct. 819 00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:01,960 Go on, Alan! 820 00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:03,960 CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 821 00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:08,880 So she married Prince Albert, 1840, 822 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:12,720 and Somerset farmers gave them a great big round of cheese. 823 00:35:12,720 --> 00:35:14,240 It weighed over 1,000lb... 824 00:35:14,240 --> 00:35:15,800 Oh, my God! ..this piece of cheese. 825 00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:18,720 And it was made from the milk of 780 cows. 826 00:35:18,720 --> 00:35:20,920 You know, you're going to need a lot of crackers. 827 00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:22,520 Yeah. But then the farmers said, 828 00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:24,760 "Could we send it round the country on a publicity tour 829 00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:27,120 "to show what an amazing piece of cheese we've made?" 830 00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:29,040 And then it went all around 831 00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:30,960 the country to fairs and things, 832 00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:32,920 and people prodded and poked it. 833 00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:36,480 And then she didn't want it back because... People had touched it. 834 00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:39,560 People have been touching it. Nobody knows what happened to it. 835 00:35:39,560 --> 00:35:41,080 I would imagine they put it on 836 00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:43,360 the biggest bit of toast that had ever been. 837 00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:45,360 Oh, I do like a melted bit of cheese. 838 00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:47,440 Melted cheese. I've lived on that when I was a student. 839 00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:48,960 I was very constipated. 840 00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:55,360 You'd have fit in perfectly well with my uni flatmates. 841 00:35:56,720 --> 00:35:58,760 When Elizabeth II got married, 842 00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:00,240 the people of Leamington Spa 843 00:36:00,240 --> 00:36:01,840 clubbed together 844 00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:03,440 and got her a washing machine. 845 00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:06,040 A washing machine? Possibly THE richest woman in the world. 846 00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:08,720 Somebody gave her 500 tins of pineapple. 847 00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:12,080 It's... It's really popular now, isn't it, 848 00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:14,680 to have cheese, like, as your cake at weddings? 849 00:36:14,680 --> 00:36:17,080 People do that. I don't really like cake. 850 00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:19,080 I love cheese. I'm allergic to dairy 851 00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:21,160 so, if I eat that, then that extractor fan's 852 00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:22,960 going to have a lot of work that night. 853 00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:26,800 My neighbours will think I'm announcing a new Pope. 854 00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:28,800 LAUGHTER 855 00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:36,600 Charles and Diana's wedding. 856 00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:38,880 They got gifted a ton of peat. 857 00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:40,640 Peat? Peat. Yes. Oh, peat. 858 00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:43,080 Soil. Big lad. 859 00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:47,080 Hello, Pete! 860 00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:50,840 The Crown Prince Haakon of Norway and his fiance 861 00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:53,520 were given a quit smoking course. 862 00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:54,680 As a gift? Yeah. 863 00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:57,400 Prince Carl Philip of Sweden and Sofia Hellqvist - 864 00:36:57,400 --> 00:36:59,760 two-person kayak, an electric guitar 865 00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:01,200 and a nature reserve. 866 00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:04,400 What vibe were they giving off as a couple? 867 00:37:05,720 --> 00:37:07,800 Oh, expensive royal wedding. 868 00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:10,040 The most anybody's ever spent. 869 00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:14,440 Crown Prince of Abu Dhabi and Princess Salama, 870 00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:17,720 estimated cost $100 million. 871 00:37:17,720 --> 00:37:19,240 Oh! Wooo! 872 00:37:19,240 --> 00:37:21,680 They got married in a 20,000-seater stadium. 873 00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:23,280 The gifts for the bride 874 00:37:23,280 --> 00:37:25,600 were carried on 20 bejewelled camels. 875 00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:26,840 No. No. 876 00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:30,280 King Charles II married Catherine of Braganza in 1662. 877 00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:32,720 Her dowry included £500,000, 878 00:37:32,720 --> 00:37:35,800 which is about £77 million in today's money. What? 879 00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:37,640 As well as - I love this - 880 00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:40,080 Bombay, Tangier, and the right of free trade 881 00:37:40,080 --> 00:37:41,840 with the Portuguese colonies. 882 00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:44,960 That's... That's what you're talking about. 883 00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:47,160 That's a catch, isn't it? That's the stuff. 884 00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:48,600 My wedding was very emotional, 885 00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:50,360 even the cake was in TIERS. Now... 886 00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:51,960 AUDIENCE GROANS 887 00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:55,480 APPLAUSE 888 00:37:58,400 --> 00:37:59,760 We've talked a lot about marriage, 889 00:37:59,760 --> 00:38:01,520 but nothing lasts forever. 890 00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:04,520 What's the upside to being a widow? 891 00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:06,480 Oh! 892 00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:09,320 You don't need to live with a man. 893 00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:12,800 I mean, that's very straightforward, isn't it? 894 00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:14,360 Yes. That's very straightforward. 895 00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:17,120 So there was an advantage sometimes to being a widow. 896 00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:19,560 So, in the 19th century in France, 897 00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:23,240 the only women who could legally own a business were widows. 898 00:38:23,240 --> 00:38:26,440 Oh. So this woman, Barbe Nicole Clicquot, 899 00:38:26,440 --> 00:38:29,600 she took over her husband's wine business. 900 00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:32,320 He passed away in 1810. She was just 27. 901 00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:34,880 And she renamed it Veuve Clicquot, 902 00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:37,400 and Veuve is the French for widow. 903 00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:39,520 Oh! She is the Widow Clicquot, 904 00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:41,040 and she began selling champagne, 905 00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:44,640 and she became one of the very first international businesswomen ever. 906 00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:47,240 And she even managed to get her wines through 907 00:38:47,240 --> 00:38:49,240 the blockades in Imperial Russia 908 00:38:49,240 --> 00:38:52,720 so that champagne could be drunk to celebrate Napoleon's defeat. 909 00:38:52,720 --> 00:38:55,280 That's pretty cool. There's a very interesting connection 910 00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:57,200 between widows and champagne houses. 911 00:38:57,200 --> 00:38:58,840 So Louise Pommery, 912 00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:01,840 she took over Pommery when her husband Alexander died in 1860, 913 00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:03,400 and by 1890 she passed away. 914 00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:05,360 She was the very first French woman 915 00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:06,680 to be given a state funeral, 916 00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:09,040 because she'd done such an amazing job with her business. 917 00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:11,240 The next one is Mathilde Emilie Perrier. 918 00:39:11,240 --> 00:39:13,080 She created Laurent-Perrier 919 00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:16,440 when her husband, Eugene Laurent, died in 1887. 920 00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:20,920 Then we have Camille Orly-Roederer who took over Roederer in 1932. 921 00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:23,760 And then when Jacques Bollinger died in 1941, 922 00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:25,960 his widow - on the right there - Lily Bollinger... 923 00:39:25,960 --> 00:39:28,760 Oh. ..who just looks so happy, she... 924 00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:31,320 Are we looking at a gallery of murderers? 925 00:39:31,320 --> 00:39:33,200 Yes... 926 00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:35,040 This is one of my favourite quotes of all time. 927 00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:37,320 It's by Lily Boulanger - so the one on the right there. 928 00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:40,800 She said, "I drink champagne when I'm happy and when I'm sad. 929 00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:42,840 "Sometimes I drink it when I'm alone. 930 00:39:42,840 --> 00:39:44,000 "When I have company, 931 00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:45,880 "I consider it obligatory. 932 00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:48,080 "I trifle with it if I'm not hungry, 933 00:39:48,080 --> 00:39:49,480 "and drink it when I am. 934 00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:51,680 "Otherwise I never touch it. 935 00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:55,360 "Unless I'm thirsty." 936 00:39:58,960 --> 00:40:00,400 Very good. 937 00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:05,120 Now, fingers on buzzers, please. 938 00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:06,720 It's General Ignorance. 939 00:40:06,720 --> 00:40:09,000 Where does sushi come from? 940 00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:11,600 Bridal Chorus 941 00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:15,000 Boots. 942 00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:17,920 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 943 00:40:20,240 --> 00:40:21,440 Japan. 944 00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:23,160 KLAXON 945 00:40:26,280 --> 00:40:27,520 Birmingham. 946 00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:31,480 China. The method did spread through China, 947 00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:34,440 but the origins is along the banks of the Mekong River. 948 00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:38,160 So we're talking about what is now Cambodia, Thailand and Laos. 949 00:40:38,160 --> 00:40:40,400 So, seafood would be skinned and it would be gutted, 950 00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:42,960 stuffed with salt and then left to ferment 951 00:40:42,960 --> 00:40:45,400 in a barrel for six months. 952 00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:46,960 And then, in the second century, 953 00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:49,400 the Chinese started to put rice with the fish 954 00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:51,200 because the rice helped to ferment the fish. 955 00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:52,280 So, basically, the rice 956 00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:54,600 became really stinky, and they would throw the rice away. 957 00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:56,400 And then, by the 1500s, they were thinking, 958 00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:59,280 let's keep the rice as well. And that whole process 959 00:40:59,280 --> 00:41:01,080 was called narezushi, 960 00:41:01,080 --> 00:41:02,880 meaning "matured fish" 961 00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:04,800 and it took about a year. About a year. 962 00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:07,520 They did eventually make the process a bit quicker. 963 00:41:07,520 --> 00:41:10,120 And they used rice vinegar, which made it just a few days 964 00:41:10,120 --> 00:41:11,720 instead of it having to be a year. 965 00:41:11,720 --> 00:41:15,680 I've got one sushi question. 966 00:41:17,040 --> 00:41:20,600 Who invented the conveyor belt? 967 00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:23,360 Yes. I love those. 968 00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:27,280 I want one in my house. Yeah. 969 00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:29,320 We've all eaten dinner and thought, "Do you know what? 970 00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:31,320 "I'd like this mixed with baggage reclaim." 971 00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:33,040 LAUGHTER 972 00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:38,480 Now, what's another name for a cardiac arrest? 973 00:41:38,480 --> 00:41:39,920 A Midsummer Night's Dream Wedding March 974 00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:41,080 Yes, darling. 975 00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:42,360 Oh. Heart attack. 976 00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:44,400 KLAXON Oh, Larry. 977 00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:48,680 A myocardial infarction. 978 00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:51,880 What? Wow. OK. 979 00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:54,840 APPLAUSE 980 00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:56,200 Want to know how I know that? 981 00:41:56,200 --> 00:41:58,600 Yeah. Because it's on the warning label 982 00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:00,160 if you buy a packet of Viagra. 983 00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:12,600 Sandi, you can't let him disclose that and it be wrong. 984 00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:15,320 So a cardiac arrest is when a person's heart 985 00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:16,880 stops pumping blood around the body. 986 00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:18,640 And so they basically stop breathing normally. 987 00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:20,560 That can be caused by a heart attack. 988 00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:22,800 OK. But a heart attack is when one of the arteries 989 00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:24,280 in your heart becomes blocked 990 00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:26,320 and if it's left untreated, then the heart tissue will, 991 00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:27,760 it will eventually die. 992 00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:30,280 It's a curious thing. If you get a flu vaccine, 993 00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:33,160 it decreases your risk of having a heart attack by about 25%. 994 00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:34,720 That's extraordinary. 995 00:42:34,720 --> 00:42:37,400 If you take cocaine, it increases the risk 996 00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:39,560 by nearly 24 times within an hour. 997 00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:41,080 So that's a curious thing. 998 00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:46,320 So really, every time you do a line, 999 00:42:46,320 --> 00:42:49,400 just have a flu jab. 1000 00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:55,720 Imagine if you directed The Wolf Of Wall Street. 1001 00:42:59,440 --> 00:43:01,320 Now, if any of you know cause 1002 00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:03,840 or just impediment why these four persons 1003 00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:07,600 should not be humiliated by the scores, ye are to declare it. 1004 00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:09,040 No, it's too late. 1005 00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:10,520 Living happily ever after, 1006 00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:12,160 in first place tonight 1007 00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:14,720 with two whole points, 1008 00:43:14,720 --> 00:43:16,160 Maisie! 1009 00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:18,160 CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 1010 00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:20,760 Thank you. 1011 00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:23,400 Always the bridesmaid, in second place with -6, 1012 00:43:23,400 --> 00:43:25,040 it's Larry. 1013 00:43:25,040 --> 00:43:27,320 CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 1014 00:43:27,320 --> 00:43:30,320 Getting cold feet with -8, it's Rosie. 1015 00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:32,040 CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 1016 00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:34,240 And left at the altar, 1017 00:43:34,240 --> 00:43:36,320 in last place, 1018 00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:38,760 with a magnificent -54... 1019 00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:40,040 LAUGHTER 1020 00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:41,440 ..it's Alan. 1021 00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:43,760 CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 1022 00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:51,200 Right. That's it for this episode of QI. 1023 00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:53,200 Thanks to Rosie, Larry, Maisie and Alan. 1024 00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:54,760 That's the end of the show. 1025 00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:56,160 So I'd just like to say to my wife, 1026 00:43:56,160 --> 00:43:58,440 I know I'm always working, but I really love you. 1027 00:43:58,440 --> 00:44:00,240 See, I've still got it. I've still got it, right. 1028 00:44:00,240 --> 00:44:01,920 Goodnight.