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We climbed 'cause it's fun.
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And mainly it was fun.
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That's all we ever did.
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00:00:51,711 --> 00:00:55,590
And we were fairly anarchic
and fairly irresponsible,
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00:00:55,591 --> 00:00:58,719
and we didn't give a damn about
anyone else or anything else,
6
00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:00,416
and we just wanted to climb
the world. And it was fun.
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It was just brilliant fun.
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And every now and then it went
wildly wrong. And then it wasn't.
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Got into Peru when I was 25, Simon 21.
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But we had done a lot
of climbing in the Alps.
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To climb mountains that have not been
climbed before, or a new route at a mountain
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is what my climbing life
had been moving towards.
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00:02:18,581 --> 00:02:22,006
A friend of us, who'd done an amazing
amount of climbing in South-America
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had seen this face in the mid-70's.
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I think he said it would
be a challenging day out.
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It was the last big mountain
face in this range of mountains,
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that hadn't been climbed.
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There's a great unknown there.
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What's so compelling is
stepping into that unknown.
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It was an isolated spot, a 2
- days walk from a road.
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The mountains all around seemed very big,
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compared to the mountains
I'd seen in the Alps.
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We eventually reached a spot,
on the approach to Siula Grande.
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You couldn't really take the
donkeys any further than this point.
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I guess it would be 7-8 km from
the bottom of the mountains.
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We knew Siula Grande was at
the back, but we didn't see it.
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We'd met this lad called Richard Hawking
in Lima. He'd been travelling on his own.
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And I think we said, "Why don't
you just join us on our trip?"
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I think he said that he didn't
know anything about mountaineering.
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I didn't really know
what pot of brew I was in.
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or quite, what I was
letting myself in for.
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We wanted Richard because
when we were on the mountain,
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if he were at base camp he
could look after our kit.
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I got to know Simon quite well.
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I don't know whether it was
because of his personality,
36
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or whether it was because he
was more forgiving towards me,
37
00:04:51,186 --> 00:04:54,959
being a non-climber
in that environment.
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But I found it very
hard to get to know Joe.
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I was much more ambitious
about doing it than Simon was.
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Siula Grande meant a lot.
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We knew, a number of
expeditions had failed on it.
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If no one had tried, it
wouldn't be quite the same.
43
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It was the the fact that people had
tried and failed, so we knew it was hard.
44
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And my feeling was, "Well, we'll
just do it. We're better than them."
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00:05:37,824 --> 00:05:40,952
Since the 1970s people
have been trying to climb
46
00:05:40,953 --> 00:05:45,124
mountains in the great ranges
in what's called "Alpine style".
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00:05:46,749 --> 00:05:50,292
And essentially, Alpine style
means you pack a rucksack
48
00:05:50,293 --> 00:05:53,582
full of all your clothing, your
food and your climbing equipment,
49
00:05:53,583 --> 00:05:56,711
and you start off from a base camp
and you try and climb the mountain
50
00:05:56,712 --> 00:05:59,278
you're gonna climb in a single push.
51
00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:02,215
You don't fix the line of
ropes uphill beforehand,
52
00:06:02,216 --> 00:06:06,386
you don't have a set of camps
that you stock and come down from.
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00:06:07,136 --> 00:06:11,307
That's the purest style and that's the style
that Joe and I had climbed Siula Grande.
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It's a very committing way of climbing,
because you have no line of retreat.
55
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If something goes wrong,
it can be very very serious.
56
00:06:27,506 --> 00:06:31,677
There's no rescue, there's no helicopter
rescue and there's no other people.
57
00:06:32,547 --> 00:06:34,763
There's no margin for error.
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If you get badly hurt,
you'I probably die.
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00:06:46,473 --> 00:06:50,073
I hadn't seen it from this
angle, and it looked steep.
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I sort of thought, you
know, "Christ, that's big".
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Looks harder than I
thought and than I expected.
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But I was excited.
63
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Starting doing it was brilliant.
64
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This is what we live for.
65
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I love the actual movement of climbing.
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00:07:56,457 --> 00:07:59,223
When you're climbing well
it just feels brilliant.
67
00:07:59,224 --> 00:08:03,000
It's like a combination
between ballet and gymnastics.
68
00:08:03,001 --> 00:08:07,172
It's that mixture of power and grace.
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00:08:11,972 --> 00:08:16,143
For me, mountains are the most
beautiful places in the world.
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When I go into these places I
feel an amazing sense of space,
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an amazing sense of
freedom, when I get away
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from all of the clutter
that we have in the world.
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00:09:00,219 --> 00:09:04,390
I think we surprised ourselves as
we got up the icefield about 300m,
74
00:09:04,421 --> 00:09:08,477
and got up to a point where the
ice is running through rock bands,
75
00:09:08,478 --> 00:09:12,648
and you've got vertical cascades.
76
00:09:14,474 --> 00:09:18,645
We started intricately
climbing through these.
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00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:34,273
The fact, that you are
tied to your partner,
78
00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:38,445
means that you put an immense amount of
trust in someone else's skill and ability.
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00:09:40,769 --> 00:09:43,593
But at some point, you may be thinking,
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00:09:43,594 --> 00:09:47,765
"For god's sake, Simon, don't fall
here, for god's sake, don't fall here"
81
00:09:53,424 --> 00:09:57,420
The rope can be something that rather
than save your life, could kill you.
82
00:09:57,421 --> 00:10:00,549
If your mate falls off then all
this gear rips out, you're dead,
83
00:10:00,550 --> 00:10:04,437
you're gonna go with him.
84
00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:08,609
If you're gonna do that sort of climbing
at some point you're gonna have to rely
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00:10:08,999 --> 00:10:13,169
wholly on your partner.
86
00:10:20,589 --> 00:10:23,718
I think we were very pleased
at the end of that first day.
87
00:10:23,719 --> 00:10:25,806
We had done a lot of
climbing, good climbing.
88
00:10:25,807 --> 00:10:29,978
And we were very confident at
that point that we should make it.
89
00:10:34,938 --> 00:10:38,742
That altitude, you dehydrate enormously.
90
00:10:38,743 --> 00:10:41,799
You have to drink a lot
of fluid, 4-5 liters a day.
91
00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:45,971
And the only way you can
get it, is by melting snow.
92
00:10:47,501 --> 00:10:49,459
Everything is so time-consuming.
93
00:10:49,461 --> 00:10:53,209
To make a single brew at that
altitude takes a very long time,
94
00:10:53,210 --> 00:10:57,380
You're perhaps looking at an hour
just to make a couple of cups.
95
00:10:57,685 --> 00:11:01,104
For that reason, we perhaps didn't
brew up as much as we should have done
96
00:11:01,105 --> 00:11:05,276
but we didn't have an awful lot
of spare gas with us, either.
97
00:11:15,986 --> 00:11:20,156
There's not a lot of risk
in our lives normally now.
98
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And to put an element of risk back
into it takes us out of the humdrum.
99
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In that sense, it makes
you feel more alive.
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00:11:41,110 --> 00:11:43,781
I've never been that
high before, and it's
101
00:11:43,782 --> 00:11:47,953
very very strenuous
to climb ice like that.
102
00:11:51,343 --> 00:11:54,137
Not only is it technically difficult
and unstable and frightening,
103
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but your heart is going like
crazy because of the altitude.
104
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It would now go very cold indeed.
105
00:12:53,149 --> 00:12:57,319
And we were up
5800-6000m, it was windy.
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00:12:57,690 --> 00:12:59,053
Then it started snowing, and it meant
107
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that the whole face was pooring
with powdersnow avalanches.
108
00:13:17,479 --> 00:13:20,371
The snow would actually stick
on the outside of your clothing.
109
00:13:20,372 --> 00:13:24,543
It would then freeze on top of you,
like you're wearing a suit of armor.
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00:13:34,197 --> 00:13:36,260
The last section on the face
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00:13:36,261 --> 00:13:40,432
was about 100m of the
most nightmarish climbing.
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Completely unstable powder snow.
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No anchors at any point.
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00:13:48,274 --> 00:13:52,444
It was physically very, very
tiring, full-body climbing really.
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It took us the best part of 5 or
6 hours to climb about 65 meters.
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Carried on way after it got dark.
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I was getting extremely cold,
'cause I was sitting still
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while Simon was trying to climb.
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00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:28,327
I was getting near hypothermic.
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00:14:28,328 --> 00:14:31,045
You just knew that if you'd
just carried on, regardless,
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it was gonna go tits up.
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So we dug a snow cave.
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In the morning, in good weather,
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we actually saw what
we'd been trying to climb.
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00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:10,566
It was this undeering nightmare of
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00:15:10,567 --> 00:15:14,737
flutings of the finest powder
gouged out by snow falling down
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00:15:16,215 --> 00:15:20,385
meringues, and mushrooms, and
cornices all over the place.
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00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:26,893
We'd heard about these strange powder
snow conditions you get in the Andes,
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00:15:26,979 --> 00:15:29,814
and we've never seen it before.
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00:15:29,815 --> 00:15:33,986
I don't know the physics that explains why
powder snow can stay on such steep slopes.
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In the Alps it would just slide off
if the slope was about 40 degrees.
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00:15:44,305 --> 00:15:48,475
It is some of the most precarious, unnerving
and dangerous climbing I've ever done.
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We were actually scared, that
we would get to an impass,
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where we couldn't climb any further up.
135
00:16:04,189 --> 00:16:07,317
Because we knew we wouldn't
be able to get back down,
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not what we've already climbed.
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We were climbing ourselves into a trap.
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And not only that, we could see this
150 meter drop that was waiting for us.
139
00:16:27,060 --> 00:16:30,942
And so it was with great
relief that by 14:00,
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00:16:30,943 --> 00:16:34,590
we got onto the north
ridge and on the west face.
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00:16:34,592 --> 00:16:38,762
And we vowed that we didn't want to
go near any of the flutings again.
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00:16:47,783 --> 00:16:51,954
We were pretty tired, by the
time we got onto the ridge,
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I was knackered. And
I remember thinking,
144
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"Oh sod it, we've done the face,"
145
00:16:58,415 --> 00:17:01,448
"now I can't really be bothered
to go all the way up there"
146
00:17:01,449 --> 00:17:05,620
And then we thought, "Hang
on, we've come all this way,"
147
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"we might as well stand on the top"
148
00:18:27,074 --> 00:18:31,245
I don't particularly like summits,
because 80% of accidents happen on descent.
149
00:18:38,395 --> 00:18:41,729
We decided before we even climbed the
face that we were going to come down
150
00:18:41,730 --> 00:18:44,037
the north ridge of the
mountain, down to a cul
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00:18:44,038 --> 00:18:47,964
between the mountain Siula Grande
and another mountain called Yerupaja.
152
00:18:47,965 --> 00:18:52,136
and then we'd be able to abseil
down the smaller section of the face.
153
00:18:58,575 --> 00:19:02,746
Already the clouds were coming
in from the east. Big clouds.
154
00:19:11,193 --> 00:19:14,321
We expected this ridge to
be quite straightforward,
155
00:19:14,323 --> 00:19:15,631
quite an easy way to descend.
156
00:19:15,632 --> 00:19:18,411
We were hoping, we would
be able to sort of walk.
157
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And it turned out to be very difficult.
158
00:19:22,292 --> 00:19:24,485
It was horrendous.
159
00:19:24,486 --> 00:19:27,901
Vertical on the west side, with the
cornices overhanging the west side,
160
00:19:27,902 --> 00:19:32,073
and on the east side steep
fleetings running down 100m below us.
161
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It was a shock. And
it was quite dangerous.
162
00:19:39,253 --> 00:19:43,424
It all got a bit out of
control. That stage of things.
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Half an hour to an hour after
leaving the summit, we were lost.
164
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We were in the wild now,
we couldn't see anything.
165
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Then we got like a little break
in the clouds and I saw the ridge,
166
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so I started climbing back up to it.
167
00:20:29,051 --> 00:20:31,374
I didn't know it was the side
of the ridge I was on, but
168
00:20:31,375 --> 00:20:35,545
it was actually an enormous
cornice, an overhang of snow and ice,
169
00:20:36,223 --> 00:20:40,394
and I was walking up over the top of it.
170
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I was left hanging, looking
down, as all this snow and ice
171
00:21:05,035 --> 00:21:09,206
then fell away from me, down the
west side of the Siula Grande.
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I got back up on the ridge
and shouted then to Joe
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00:21:15,635 --> 00:21:17,596
that I'd found the
ridge, like that, I said,
174
00:21:17,598 --> 00:21:21,767
"I found the ridge, Joe!"
175
00:21:22,365 --> 00:21:25,211
We'd hoped to go down that day,
176
00:21:25,212 --> 00:21:28,664
but by the time it got dark,
we were still very high.
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Still at 6000m.
178
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:35,770
And that night, as we made
a brew, the gas ran out.
179
00:21:55,572 --> 00:21:57,411
It was pretty obvious
the following morning
180
00:21:57,412 --> 00:22:00,434
that we descended the
worst part of the ridge.
181
00:22:00,435 --> 00:22:04,606
And I was pretty confident that we'd
get back down to the base camp that day.
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00:22:05,866 --> 00:22:10,037
I thought at that stage it was pretty
much in the bag I suppose, the whole climb.
183
00:22:12,505 --> 00:22:15,910
I was ahead of Simon,
184
00:22:15,911 --> 00:22:20,082
and suddenly there was this
vertical wall, bisecting the ridge.
185
00:22:21,489 --> 00:22:25,660
I then get on my hands and knees, and
hammer both my axes into the ice at the top
186
00:22:25,876 --> 00:22:30,047
and then lower myself off the ice cliff.
187
00:22:33,391 --> 00:22:37,561
When you hammer the axe in, you listen
to the sound it makes. And you look at it.
188
00:22:39,761 --> 00:22:43,461
Now I was hanging with both axes,
right. I took the hammer out, and
189
00:22:43,462 --> 00:22:45,745
what I wanted to do is now
place it in the vertical wall.
190
00:22:45,746 --> 00:22:49,917
And I swung, and the pick
went in, and it just made a...
191
00:22:50,775 --> 00:22:54,895
just a strange sound.
192
00:22:54,896 --> 00:22:57,762
And I thought, "Well, I'll take
it out, make a good placement."
193
00:22:57,764 --> 00:23:01,934
So I just wanted to put bona... dead
solid axe placements in. All the way down.
194
00:23:04,336 --> 00:23:08,506
And I was about to
swing at the ice again
195
00:23:25,746 --> 00:23:28,811
The pain is... came
flooding down my thigh
196
00:23:28,812 --> 00:23:32,983
and my knee was very, very very painful
197
00:23:37,360 --> 00:23:41,531
The impact drove my lower leg
straight through my knee joint.
198
00:23:45,390 --> 00:23:49,561
As the bone went into my tibia it
split the tibial plateau straight off
199
00:23:52,660 --> 00:23:56,831
and carried on up.
200
00:24:02,468 --> 00:24:06,639
Quite wild, the pain now. I
couldn't cope with it at first.
201
00:24:11,167 --> 00:24:14,589
I just breathed on and it started to
go and I can remember looking across
202
00:24:14,590 --> 00:24:17,749
to the west and seeing that we
were level with the summit of Rasac,
203
00:24:17,750 --> 00:24:20,954
so I had a height gauge, where we were.
204
00:24:20,955 --> 00:24:24,487
and I just thought, "fuck,
I can't have broken my leg",
205
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"If I have broken my leg I'm dead."
206
00:24:47,396 --> 00:24:50,071
And then the rope went slack.
207
00:24:50,072 --> 00:24:54,242
I knew that meant that
Simon was coming towards me.
208
00:25:07,805 --> 00:25:10,826
I couldn't feel any bone under anything.
209
00:25:10,827 --> 00:25:13,760
I brought my hand down,
there's no blood on it,
210
00:25:13,761 --> 00:25:15,189
and the pain had gone down a little bit.
211
00:25:15,190 --> 00:25:18,235
And I thought, maybe I
was being a bit whacked,
212
00:25:18,236 --> 00:25:22,407
I'd just torn a ligament or something.
213
00:25:26,108 --> 00:25:30,279
I tried to stand on it
214
00:25:30,945 --> 00:25:35,116
I felt all the bone go, all grating and
everything and I knew it was broken then.
215
00:25:46,505 --> 00:25:49,354
The look that he gave
to me sticks in my mind
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00:25:49,355 --> 00:25:53,383
A look of shock and desperation
and a sort of terror.
217
00:25:53,384 --> 00:25:57,554
Lots of things in a single look.
218
00:25:58,447 --> 00:26:00,594
And he said, "Are you ok?"
219
00:26:00,595 --> 00:26:04,766
I think it did occur to me to say,
"Yeah, I'm fine". That was stupid.
220
00:26:05,658 --> 00:26:09,828
I think I said, "No,
I've broken my leg".
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00:26:11,410 --> 00:26:15,581
Immediately, just doom. I
thought "god, we're stuffed".
222
00:26:18,141 --> 00:26:22,312
We're gonna be doing well if
either of us gets out of this now.
223
00:26:25,490 --> 00:26:27,225
It did come into my mind, just thinking,
224
00:26:27,226 --> 00:26:31,397
"If he slips off the side of the
mountain now, then I can just clear off,"
225
00:26:31,790 --> 00:26:35,961
"and leave him and get myself down and
I don't have to have all the hassle,"
226
00:26:36,957 --> 00:26:41,127
"of trying to deal with him and
with the situation we're in".
227
00:26:45,222 --> 00:26:48,350
He gave me these painkillers which
were effectively headache tablets.
228
00:26:48,351 --> 00:26:52,522
And he didn't really
talk about anything.
229
00:26:53,741 --> 00:26:57,688
It was almost as if he...
He knew, what this meant.
230
00:26:57,689 --> 00:27:01,860
He knew, and I knew, that he
was going to have to leave me.
231
00:27:04,066 --> 00:27:07,195
He could have said something like
"I'm just going to get some help"
232
00:27:07,196 --> 00:27:11,207
and I'd gone "right, yeah"
233
00:27:11,208 --> 00:27:13,424
'Cause I knew there wasn't any help.
234
00:27:13,425 --> 00:27:17,097
That'd been an easy
way for him to say it.
235
00:27:17,098 --> 00:27:21,269
I didn't think we really seriously
thought that there was any choice
236
00:27:30,876 --> 00:27:35,047
I couldn't put my finger on it, why
I thought something had happened.
237
00:27:36,706 --> 00:27:40,876
And I started to think "Is one of
them dead, or are both of them dead?"
238
00:27:42,476 --> 00:27:46,034
Even "If one of them is dead", not
"which one do I want to be dead", but
239
00:27:46,035 --> 00:27:50,206
"if one comes back,
who do I want it to be?"
240
00:27:51,508 --> 00:27:53,424
It's kind of, quite cold
to say it, but I guess
241
00:27:53,425 --> 00:27:57,595
I would rather have it
would have been Simon.
242
00:28:00,657 --> 00:28:04,827
I thought, "oh, he's not leaving"
243
00:28:08,727 --> 00:28:12,897
I calmed down a bit and
managed to focus myself again
244
00:28:13,089 --> 00:28:17,260
to think how I was going to
get him down the mountain.
245
00:28:20,702 --> 00:28:24,604
We discussed, between us, what
we were going to have to do.
246
00:28:24,605 --> 00:28:27,579
We thought, well, we got
2 ropes that are 50m long.
247
00:28:27,580 --> 00:28:31,751
And if we tie them together we have a
100m rope with a knot in the middle of it.
248
00:28:32,230 --> 00:28:35,359
So I tied to one end and
Simon tied to the other,
249
00:28:35,360 --> 00:28:39,531
in theory he could lower me down 100m.
250
00:28:42,181 --> 00:28:45,455
To really get anchors to
lower him from that do matter,
251
00:28:45,456 --> 00:28:49,627
what I did was cut a bucket in the
snow, sit in there and brace myself.
252
00:28:49,990 --> 00:28:54,161
And I sort of lay down between his legs.
253
00:28:55,503 --> 00:28:59,673
And Simon started lowering then.
254
00:29:03,642 --> 00:29:07,405
I'd lower him one rope length, 50m,
255
00:29:07,406 --> 00:29:10,174
and then the knot would come
up between the two ropes.
256
00:29:10,175 --> 00:29:13,382
Now the knot would not go
through the belay plates.
257
00:29:13,383 --> 00:29:15,246
So he would stop me.
258
00:29:15,247 --> 00:29:17,156
I would stand on my
left leg, my good leg,
259
00:29:17,157 --> 00:29:20,224
so that I could get
the weight off the rope.
260
00:29:20,225 --> 00:29:23,284
I gave him enough slack to
be able to unclip the rope
261
00:29:23,285 --> 00:29:27,455
thread the rope back through the lowering
device, with the knot on the other side
262
00:29:28,059 --> 00:29:32,230
clip it back to himself and
lower me the remaining 50m.
263
00:29:39,755 --> 00:29:43,925
He'd make himself reasonably secure,
and I down climbed to join him.
264
00:29:44,436 --> 00:29:48,606
And we'd repeat the process again.
265
00:29:50,980 --> 00:29:52,934
Simon was trying to lower me fast,
266
00:29:52,935 --> 00:29:57,106
and it meant that my foot kept jabbing
in and jabbing in and bending the knee.
267
00:29:58,856 --> 00:30:01,273
Excruciatingly painful.
268
00:30:01,274 --> 00:30:04,876
I can remember feeling angry with
him because he was hurting me,
269
00:30:04,877 --> 00:30:06,299
and I was thinking "do it slow",
270
00:30:06,300 --> 00:30:10,470
and I also knew that he had to do
it this fast. He hadn't got a choice.
271
00:30:12,138 --> 00:30:16,308
And he was very grim faced,
I remember looking at him,
272
00:30:17,847 --> 00:30:22,018
wondering if he was pissed
off with the whole thing.
273
00:30:22,693 --> 00:30:26,864
I couldn't take too much notice
unfortunately of these cries of pain,
274
00:30:27,468 --> 00:30:31,638
because we got to go down.
275
00:30:36,661 --> 00:30:39,980
We would dig these holes from
the sitting in the powder snow,
276
00:30:39,981 --> 00:30:44,111
and they would last about the length
of the time it took to lower me.
277
00:30:44,112 --> 00:30:46,768
And in fact they were
crumbling around him.
278
00:30:46,769 --> 00:30:50,796
And he was lowering me on a 9mm,
well 8.8mm rope. That's that thick.
279
00:30:50,797 --> 00:30:53,857
But hands sort of frozen.
280
00:30:53,858 --> 00:30:55,463
What he did was quite extraordinary,
281
00:30:55,464 --> 00:30:59,634
and I've never heard of any single
handed mountain rescue like that.
282
00:31:14,114 --> 00:31:17,931
We were now lowering in a full storm. I
don't know what the wind chill factor was,
283
00:31:17,932 --> 00:31:21,134
but it would be like -80
or something like that.
284
00:31:21,135 --> 00:31:25,306
I lost a liter of blood in my leg,
I was in shock and severly dehydrated
285
00:31:27,752 --> 00:31:31,532
It was a point where we should have
dug a snow cave and taken shelter,
286
00:31:31,533 --> 00:31:35,703
got in our sleeping bags and
made a hot brew, and rehydrate.
287
00:31:36,885 --> 00:31:39,278
We couldn't, 'cause we'd run out of gas.
288
00:31:39,279 --> 00:31:43,192
And we just lost control at this point
because we couldn't dig a snow cave,
289
00:31:43,193 --> 00:31:47,363
and risk getting trapped by
a storm that didn't break.
290
00:32:43,841 --> 00:32:48,011
It was all starting to look up in many ways
at that point, as we were virtually down.
291
00:32:54,580 --> 00:32:56,309
And I started to slowly think,
292
00:32:56,310 --> 00:33:00,481
"maybe after this one we will have
one more, and we'll be on the glacier".
293
00:33:02,777 --> 00:33:05,641
And suddenly all got hard
on my elbows, and icy,
294
00:33:05,642 --> 00:33:09,519
and it got steeper, going down a
slope and suddenly it's steeper,
295
00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:13,691
and I just was full of alarm.
296
00:33:16,464 --> 00:33:20,635
I was screaming at Simon to stop as loud
as I could, and he just couldn't hear me.
297
00:33:34,116 --> 00:33:38,085
I did notice that more
weight came onto the rope,
298
00:33:38,086 --> 00:33:41,214
but didn't really think a lot
about this. And I just thought,
299
00:33:41,215 --> 00:33:44,760
"Well, he's going over
some steeper ground"
300
00:33:44,761 --> 00:33:48,931
When I looked down, and I glimpsed
'cause there was a big drop underneath me,
301
00:33:50,945 --> 00:33:55,116
I was horrified to
discover what I'd gone over.
302
00:33:55,419 --> 00:33:59,590
And I could clearly see that there was
a large crevice directly under the cliff,
303
00:33:59,702 --> 00:34:03,872
about 25m below me.
304
00:34:04,900 --> 00:34:09,071
I was trying to get my axes to see if I
could reach this wall that was out there,
305
00:34:09,155 --> 00:34:13,326
I think, almost as I start and try to
do that, I started being lowered again.
306
00:34:15,169 --> 00:34:16,973
And I was thinking, "Christ,
don't do it, don't do it",
307
00:34:16,974 --> 00:34:21,145
'cause I knew, that there wasn't
enough rope to get me to the bottom.
308
00:34:21,634 --> 00:34:23,475
And if I couldn't get
my weight off the rope,
309
00:34:23,476 --> 00:34:25,566
he couldn't disconnect the
rope, to get on the other side.
310
00:34:25,567 --> 00:34:29,010
And I knew all this, and I was
screaming again, not to lower me.
311
00:34:29,011 --> 00:34:33,181
I carried on lowering him, until I
reached the knot, then shook the rope.
312
00:34:34,221 --> 00:34:38,392
My signal to him, to take
the weight off the rope.
313
00:34:40,116 --> 00:34:43,367
And nothing happened.
314
00:34:43,368 --> 00:34:47,538
And nothing continued to happen.
315
00:35:13,934 --> 00:35:18,104
I knew, that the only way out of
this is if I could climb up the rope.
316
00:35:33,233 --> 00:35:37,404
I had two prusik loops. Prusik
loops are thin cords of rope.
317
00:35:39,313 --> 00:35:43,484
And if you use a special twisting knot
on the rope, you can slide it up the rope,
318
00:35:44,387 --> 00:35:46,491
and pull on it, and
the knot grips the rope.
319
00:35:46,492 --> 00:35:49,756
Clip a snapping to it and then a
sling to it, and you can stand up.
320
00:35:49,757 --> 00:35:53,652
And if you got another one, tied
above it, you slide that one up,
321
00:35:53,653 --> 00:35:57,824
Standing this loop is now higher.
322
00:36:06,770 --> 00:36:10,800
I was trying to hold myself
upright, to keep the rope in place.
323
00:36:10,801 --> 00:36:13,740
And then trying to put this knot
through itself, and through itself,
324
00:36:13,741 --> 00:36:17,912
and this fiddly bloody rope... it is just
hard to describe how I couldn't do it.
325
00:36:17,961 --> 00:36:20,652
Because my fingers, I just
couldn't feel the fingers at all.
326
00:36:20,653 --> 00:36:24,414
And I'd be looking and trying to
push the thing in, and using my teeth,
327
00:36:24,415 --> 00:36:28,586
and getting it round,
and getting it round.
328
00:36:32,565 --> 00:36:36,735
My hands were cold, my feet
were... I was very very cold.
329
00:36:40,546 --> 00:36:44,452
It was a desperate position, made worse
by the fact that that I had no idea
330
00:36:44,454 --> 00:36:48,624
what Joe was doing, or
what position he was in.
331
00:36:48,950 --> 00:36:53,120
I just couldn't figure out why it was taking
him so long to get his weight off the rope,
332
00:36:55,271 --> 00:36:59,442
there was no sensible
explanation for it.
333
00:37:04,083 --> 00:37:08,253
I got one on, and I clipped it to my
chest, because that would keep me upright.
334
00:37:09,355 --> 00:37:13,526
And I tried to put the other one on,
and I had real trouble with my hands.
335
00:37:22,060 --> 00:37:26,231
And I dropped the bloody
thing, and I watched it fall.
336
00:37:27,268 --> 00:37:31,439
And I knew that I was stuffed then.
337
00:37:32,432 --> 00:37:35,221
I just thought, "Well,
I can't climb the rope",
338
00:37:35,222 --> 00:37:36,924
this idea that you can climb a
rope hand over hand, you can't,
339
00:37:36,925 --> 00:37:41,096
especially when your hands are
frozen. You just can't do it.
340
00:37:50,503 --> 00:37:54,674
Nothing I can do, and I
felt completely helpless.
341
00:37:55,043 --> 00:37:59,214
And really angry.
342
00:38:08,494 --> 00:38:12,421
There was nothing I could do. I
couldn't get the weight off the rope,
343
00:38:12,422 --> 00:38:16,593
I was just there, and this went
on for maybe an hour and a half,
344
00:38:17,196 --> 00:38:20,698
during which time my position
became more and more desperate.
345
00:38:20,699 --> 00:38:24,870
I was struggling to maintain the,
sort of shivery seat that I sat in,
346
00:38:26,973 --> 00:38:31,144
and the snow was gradually
sliding away from under me.
347
00:38:33,716 --> 00:38:37,886
So my position was getting desperate.
348
00:38:45,585 --> 00:38:49,756
I think psychologically I was beaten.
349
00:38:50,079 --> 00:38:51,942
'Cause there was nothing I could do,
350
00:38:51,943 --> 00:38:56,114
so I just hung on the
rope and waited to die.
351
00:38:57,368 --> 00:39:01,538
And I think I would have died pretty soon,
actually. The wind chill was very low.
352
00:39:15,524 --> 00:39:19,695
I was literally going down the
mountain in little, jerky stages.
353
00:39:20,476 --> 00:39:24,645
'Cause this soft, sugary snow
collapsed away underneath me.
354
00:39:26,598 --> 00:39:30,769
I was expecting him to come off,
and couldn't do anything about it.
355
00:39:31,180 --> 00:39:34,834
He was gonna fall about 100m.
356
00:39:34,835 --> 00:39:39,005
50m away from me, he was gonna
fall double that, he was gonna die.
357
00:39:41,169 --> 00:39:45,132
And he really didn't know, whether I was
meters off the ground, or centimeters,
358
00:39:45,133 --> 00:39:49,304
he just didn't know. But he knew, I
think, pretty sadly, that he was gonna die.
359
00:39:54,784 --> 00:39:58,954
Then I remembered that I've got a
pen knife in the top of my rucksack.
360
00:40:01,843 --> 00:40:06,014
I took the decision pretty quickly.
361
00:40:06,223 --> 00:40:10,393
To me, it just seemed like the right
thing to do under the circumstances.
362
00:40:15,115 --> 00:40:19,286
Because there was no way that
I could maintain where I was,
363
00:40:19,390 --> 00:40:23,560
sooner or later, I was going
to be pulled from the mountain.
364
00:40:26,557 --> 00:40:30,065
I took the rucksack off, and then
unzipped the top pocket with one hand,
365
00:40:30,066 --> 00:40:34,237
and got the pen knife out.
366
00:40:50,139 --> 00:40:54,309
Boof!
367
00:41:28,181 --> 00:41:30,163
It was an awful night.
368
00:41:30,164 --> 00:41:34,221
My mind was plagued with the
thoughts of what had happened to Joe.
369
00:41:34,222 --> 00:41:38,393
It took a long time to warm myself
up. And I didn't properly, I guess.
370
00:41:39,657 --> 00:41:43,828
Had a very, very cold night.
371
00:41:46,952 --> 00:41:51,032
The overriding memory is just feeling
desperately, desperately thirsty.
372
00:41:51,033 --> 00:41:55,203
To the point where I felt I could
smell the water in the snow around me.
373
00:41:56,848 --> 00:41:59,359
I felt that very strongly.
374
00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:03,531
It was quite a strange thing.
375
00:42:55,493 --> 00:42:57,438
I didn't know what had happened.
376
00:42:57,439 --> 00:43:00,568
What I landed on wasn't flat,
it was sloped on each side.
377
00:43:00,569 --> 00:43:04,740
And I was sliding, in the dark.
378
00:43:09,050 --> 00:43:13,121
I think I must have
fallen about 50m in total.
379
00:43:13,122 --> 00:43:17,293
I was pretty surprised to be alive.
380
00:43:31,201 --> 00:43:34,329
The head torch beam just
went down, and down, and down,
381
00:43:34,330 --> 00:43:38,501
and the darkness just ate it, just gone.
382
00:43:38,911 --> 00:43:42,451
I felt very unnerved,
very very vulnerable.
383
00:43:42,452 --> 00:43:46,623
If I had landed less than
1m further to the right,
384
00:43:47,145 --> 00:43:51,316
I would have just gone
down this huge hole.
385
00:43:52,857 --> 00:43:57,027
I got this ice screw in, pretty quickly.
386
00:44:04,695 --> 00:44:08,191
And then looked around, and thinking,
387
00:44:08,192 --> 00:44:12,361
"Jezus, it's gonna be nearly
impossible to get out of"
388
00:44:21,116 --> 00:44:25,287
My rope was going all the way up,
25m, up to this small entry hall.
389
00:44:25,472 --> 00:44:29,642
And I thought, Simon
is on the end of that.
390
00:44:31,683 --> 00:44:35,854
But I felt sure he was dead.
And it didn't mean anything.
391
00:44:35,987 --> 00:44:39,592
I just thought, "If I pull on this
rope, it will come tight on his body".
392
00:44:39,593 --> 00:44:43,763
Because he would have flown off the
cliff, on to the downside of the crevice,
393
00:44:44,097 --> 00:44:47,002
and then, Iying dead
there, like a counterweight,
394
00:44:47,003 --> 00:44:51,041
the rope would have come back up
and then dropped into the crevice.
395
00:44:51,042 --> 00:44:55,213
So I thought, if I pull on this
rope it will come tight on his body".
396
00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:14,490
And it just kept coming,
and coming, and coming,
397
00:45:29,140 --> 00:45:33,311
As soon as I saw it,
I knew it had been cut.
398
00:45:41,424 --> 00:45:45,594
I thought, "you're gonna die in here".
399
00:45:47,048 --> 00:45:51,219
I had a pleased feeling, that
it meant that Simon was alive.
400
00:45:54,833 --> 00:45:59,003
Simon!
401
00:46:09,123 --> 00:46:13,292
Looking where I was
was an awful prospect.
402
00:46:13,437 --> 00:46:17,608
You don't die of a broken leg.
403
00:46:27,550 --> 00:46:31,720
I think I did turn my head
torch off to save the batteries.
404
00:46:45,980 --> 00:46:50,151
It was dark, and it began to get to me.
405
00:46:59,124 --> 00:47:02,308
There is something about crevices,
406
00:47:02,309 --> 00:47:06,480
they have a dread feel, not
the place for the living.
407
00:47:14,586 --> 00:47:18,757
I could hear the ice cracking,
and wind noises in the ice.
408
00:47:23,377 --> 00:47:27,547
I turned the light on again,
'cause I didn't like it in the dark.
409
00:47:40,754 --> 00:47:44,924
I felt very, very alone.
410
00:47:46,326 --> 00:47:50,497
And I was very scared.
411
00:47:50,859 --> 00:47:55,030
I was 25, I was fit,
I was super ambitious.
412
00:47:58,508 --> 00:48:02,678
And this was the first trip I've
been on. I wanted to climb the world,
413
00:48:03,383 --> 00:48:07,554
and it just didn't seem... this
hadn't been part of our game plan.
414
00:48:14,462 --> 00:48:16,590
It must have been quite late.
415
00:48:16,591 --> 00:48:20,762
I think that I pretty much was
thinking that I wasn't gonna get out.
416
00:48:24,597 --> 00:48:28,768
Fuck. Stupid, stupid...
417
00:49:06,220 --> 00:49:10,391
As a climber you should always be in
control, you have to be in control.
418
00:49:10,820 --> 00:49:14,991
So doing that, you could be seen
as half a failure. You lost it.
419
00:49:38,645 --> 00:49:41,773
This is childish. I
just cried and cried.
420
00:49:41,774 --> 00:49:45,944
I thought,
421
00:49:47,250 --> 00:49:51,421
I'd be tougher than that.
422
00:50:20,425 --> 00:50:24,596
It was getting light, as it was 5 or 6.
423
00:50:25,541 --> 00:50:29,712
And I started screaming
Simon's name again.
424
00:50:34,726 --> 00:50:38,897
I got myself up, got dressed inside the
snow home and packed everything away,
425
00:50:45,373 --> 00:50:47,126
Just a horrible feeling of dread.
426
00:50:47,127 --> 00:50:51,297
By this stage, I strongly felt that
Joe had been killed the previous day.
427
00:50:51,970 --> 00:50:56,141
And that now I was going to
die, as some form of retribution.
428
00:51:00,264 --> 00:51:04,434
But rather than just sit here,
feeling sorry for myself or whatever,
429
00:51:05,295 --> 00:51:09,466
"I'll get on with it and
I'll die on the way down".
430
00:51:13,184 --> 00:51:15,837
Very quickly, the ground
dropped away steeply.
431
00:51:15,838 --> 00:51:20,008
So I skirted around this
area of steeper ground.
432
00:51:26,856 --> 00:51:30,388
As I abseiled down, I could
see this overhanging ice cliff,
433
00:51:30,390 --> 00:51:32,693
which was what I had lowered him over,
434
00:51:32,694 --> 00:51:35,575
so I knew that he'd had
actually been hanging in space,
435
00:51:35,576 --> 00:51:39,747
which is the reason he couldn't
get his weight off the rope.
436
00:51:41,473 --> 00:51:44,252
And as I went down lower,
I could see to my horror,
437
00:51:44,253 --> 00:51:48,423
that the base of this ice cliff
was an absolutely enormous crevice,
438
00:51:50,380 --> 00:51:54,551
that's 12m wide and just bottomless
from where I was looking at it.
439
00:52:01,933 --> 00:52:05,075
SIMON!
440
00:52:05,076 --> 00:52:07,001
He would have been up with
first light, I thought.
441
00:52:07,002 --> 00:52:09,375
'Cause I was desperately,
desperately thirsty.
442
00:52:09,376 --> 00:52:13,547
And he would have been. And he would
have wanted to get down, and get water.
443
00:52:14,447 --> 00:52:17,158
And he would have wanted to find me.
444
00:52:17,159 --> 00:52:20,750
Now I did stop and pause, and I
shouted across into the crevice,
445
00:52:20,751 --> 00:52:24,922
and I yelled and yelled, "Joe, Joe".
446
00:52:25,146 --> 00:52:29,316
And I suppose again, with
the benefit of hindsight,
447
00:52:29,404 --> 00:52:33,574
after I got off the rope, I
should have gone and looked,
448
00:52:33,627 --> 00:52:37,007
into the crevice, to see where he was.
449
00:52:37,008 --> 00:52:41,179
But to be quite honest, the thought
didn't occur to me at that time.
450
00:52:43,700 --> 00:52:47,871
I was just convinced he was dead.
451
00:52:54,388 --> 00:52:58,559
Absolutely convinced, by 10, totally
convinced, that I was on my own.
452
00:53:00,808 --> 00:53:04,978
That no one was coming to get me.
453
00:53:09,205 --> 00:53:12,759
I was brought up as a devout Catholic.
454
00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:15,746
I had long since
stopped believing in God.
455
00:53:15,747 --> 00:53:19,917
I always wondered, if things really hit
the fan, whether I would, under pressure,
456
00:53:20,935 --> 00:53:25,106
turn around and say a few Hail
Mary's, and say "get me out of here".
457
00:53:27,565 --> 00:53:31,263
It never once occurred to me.
458
00:53:31,264 --> 00:53:33,741
It meant that I really don't believe.
459
00:53:33,742 --> 00:53:37,912
And I really do think that when you die,
you die. That's it, there's no afterlife.
460
00:53:38,600 --> 00:53:42,771
There's nothing.
461
00:53:45,680 --> 00:53:49,850
And I was thinking, "Could
I climb out of here?"
462
00:54:36,335 --> 00:54:40,506
25 meter of overhanging ice. No way,
I couldn't do it with a good leg.
463
00:54:44,335 --> 00:54:48,506
I knew that they were both dead. But I
couldn't just clear off and leave the camp.
464
00:54:50,977 --> 00:54:54,128
For one thing, I didn't
know anything about them,
465
00:54:54,129 --> 00:54:56,982
except for their first
names, Joe and Simon.
466
00:54:56,983 --> 00:55:01,093
I didn't know their family names,
I really knew nothing about them.
467
00:55:01,095 --> 00:55:05,036
And I had this bizarre idea, that
if they'd fallen off the mountain,
468
00:55:05,037 --> 00:55:08,452
they would have just
landed at the bottom of it.
469
00:55:08,453 --> 00:55:12,624
And I thought, perhaps from the bottom
of the glacier, I'd be able to see them.
470
00:55:14,230 --> 00:55:18,401
And set off with the aim
of going as far as I could.
471
00:55:21,208 --> 00:55:24,419
I started to go down
the glacier on my own.
472
00:55:24,420 --> 00:55:28,591
In this stage I was still certain
that I was gonna die myself.
473
00:55:29,751 --> 00:55:33,357
Crossing a glacier is very
very dangerous on your own,
474
00:55:33,358 --> 00:55:37,528
because there are crevices in
the ice, and the snow covers them.
475
00:55:39,022 --> 00:55:42,509
Fortunately I managed to find
a faint outline of our tracks,
476
00:55:42,510 --> 00:55:45,665
from when we walked in.
477
00:55:45,666 --> 00:55:49,837
It was only when I got off the glacier,
I realized that I was going to get down,
478
00:55:51,982 --> 00:55:54,343
I was going to get out of it,
479
00:55:54,344 --> 00:55:58,515
I was gonna live.
480
00:56:08,975 --> 00:56:13,146
I can't really describe how
scary the night had been.
481
00:56:18,445 --> 00:56:22,615
I thought, it would
be like that, for days.
482
00:56:25,166 --> 00:56:28,507
You gotta make decisions, you
gotta keep making decisions,
483
00:56:28,508 --> 00:56:32,679
even if they're wrong decisions.
484
00:56:33,638 --> 00:56:37,808
If you don't make
decisions you're stuffed.
485
00:56:54,479 --> 00:56:58,650
Short of dying on the
ledge, my only chance was to
486
00:56:59,713 --> 00:57:03,884
lower myself deeper into the crevice.
487
00:57:03,907 --> 00:57:07,215
I didn't what I would find down there.
488
00:57:07,216 --> 00:57:11,386
I was just hoping there might be some
way out of the labyrinth of ice and snow.
489
00:57:16,923 --> 00:57:21,094
And I really struggled to make that
decision, I was so scared of going deeper.
490
00:57:32,372 --> 00:57:35,463
The other option was
to just to sit there,
491
00:57:35,464 --> 00:57:37,760
blindly hoping that
somehow it might get better,
492
00:57:37,761 --> 00:57:41,931
and I just knew it wasn't
going to get better.
493
00:58:08,658 --> 00:58:11,930
I didn't want to look down,
494
00:58:11,931 --> 00:58:16,102
I was horrified at the thought
that it was just empty down there.
495
00:58:34,023 --> 00:58:37,056
I didn't put a knot
near the end of the rope,
496
00:58:37,057 --> 00:58:40,953
and if there was nothing down there
I wouldn't be able to hold the rope,
497
00:58:40,954 --> 00:58:45,125
and then I would fall,
and it would be quick.
498
00:59:06,212 --> 00:59:10,382
And I thought "Jesus, this is big!"
499
00:59:20,433 --> 00:59:24,604
By this stage I was
completely physically done in,
500
00:59:25,500 --> 00:59:29,671
staggering back down these
meringues, still desperately thirsty.
501
00:59:30,964 --> 00:59:33,492
There werre all these sort of
thoughts swirling around in my mind,
502
00:59:33,493 --> 00:59:37,664
guilt, worry, thinking about how on earth
am I going to explain this to Joe's parents,
503
00:59:39,719 --> 00:59:43,889
my friends, to Richard.
504
00:59:44,969 --> 00:59:49,132
The thought did cross my mind that
maybe I could think up a decent story,
505
00:59:49,133 --> 00:59:53,304
that would make me look better.
506
00:59:53,596 --> 00:59:57,766
And I did quite think about
that, for quite a while.
507
01:00:04,235 --> 01:00:08,406
Really the only image that sticks
in my mind from all the time in Peru,
508
01:00:09,304 --> 01:00:12,940
is seeing this figure.
509
01:00:12,942 --> 01:00:17,112
And it was fairly close
before I could see who it was.
510
01:00:20,717 --> 01:00:24,309
But he looked absolutely horrendous.
511
01:00:24,310 --> 01:00:28,480
You wouldn't recognize him.
512
01:00:30,489 --> 01:00:34,257
And I said, "Where is Joe?"
513
01:00:34,258 --> 01:00:36,976
And he just said, "Joe is dead".
514
01:00:36,978 --> 01:00:41,147
I told him the whole story,
as we walked back to the camp,
515
01:00:41,274 --> 01:00:45,445
I told him the whole
story of what had happened.
516
01:00:45,586 --> 01:00:49,757
He wasn't in the slightest bit
judgemental about me or what I'd done,
517
01:00:54,149 --> 01:00:58,319
he took it very well.
518
01:01:12,778 --> 01:01:16,949
I must have lowered myself about 25m from
where the ice screw was at the bridge.
519
01:01:25,290 --> 01:01:28,956
I was now in what seemed to
be the base of the crevice,
520
01:01:28,957 --> 01:01:32,277
that was shaped like a big hourglass.
521
01:01:32,278 --> 01:01:35,305
To the ceiling, was probably about 50m.
522
01:01:35,306 --> 01:01:39,477
I think it's as big as the
St. Paul's dome in scale.
523
01:01:41,922 --> 01:01:46,093
I remember looking down, and
there was just solid snow.
524
01:01:46,363 --> 01:01:50,534
And I thought, "this is
the bottom of the crevice!"
525
01:01:55,802 --> 01:01:59,972
About 15m away from me,
there was a slope leading up.
526
01:02:01,279 --> 01:02:05,450
Right at the top, there was the
sun coming through this hole.
527
01:02:06,929 --> 01:02:11,100
And it was shining, just this
big beam of sunlight coming in.
528
01:02:14,631 --> 01:02:18,801
This was the way out
I'd been looking for!
529
01:02:20,483 --> 01:02:24,654
I remember thinking, "Whoo, I can climb that
slope, I bloody well will climb that slope!"
530
01:02:27,406 --> 01:02:31,576
I crawled across this flat floor, and
I started crawling across on my stomach.
531
01:02:43,406 --> 01:02:47,577
Then I heard things
breaking away underneath me.
532
01:02:48,783 --> 01:02:52,954
I realized that this wasn't a solid floor,
it seemed to be hollow underneath it.
533
01:02:56,886 --> 01:03:01,056
I was absolutely horrified.
534
01:03:02,805 --> 01:03:06,976
It was suddenly, as if
I was on an egg shell.
535
01:03:08,615 --> 01:03:12,786
If I break through, I'll never be
able to get across to this slope,
536
01:03:13,028 --> 01:03:17,198
and that was my way out.
537
01:03:33,079 --> 01:03:37,250
Alright, I'm on it, this is solid now.
538
01:03:42,708 --> 01:03:46,878
I started to get my axe in and hop up.
539
01:03:50,821 --> 01:03:54,991
That is extremely painful, as your legs
hopped up, they both came down together.
540
01:03:58,646 --> 01:04:02,816
I was trying to get into a better
position, so that my left foot ain't first.
541
01:04:03,981 --> 01:04:08,152
But I inevitably went
onto my broken leg.
542
01:04:09,081 --> 01:04:12,250
I feel the displacement
go, the bone move,
543
01:04:12,251 --> 01:04:16,254
so every hop I nearly faint.
544
01:04:16,255 --> 01:04:20,426
It was just excruciatingly painful.
545
01:05:14,511 --> 01:05:18,294
And it was a bright sunny day.
546
01:05:18,295 --> 01:05:22,466
Wow, the whole world has come back.
547
01:05:24,958 --> 01:05:29,129
I was Iying on the snow, just laughing.
548
01:05:37,686 --> 01:05:41,857
That was the relief of
getting out that place.
549
01:06:16,507 --> 01:06:19,635
And I then looked at the
glacier and I thought,
550
01:06:19,636 --> 01:06:21,743
"Well, you haven't even started, mate".
551
01:06:21,744 --> 01:06:25,915
It's kilometers and kilometers
and on really bad ground.
552
01:06:45,191 --> 01:06:49,361
But I think I was contemplating just
sitting there, because I was coming at this,
553
01:06:50,065 --> 01:06:54,236
having done the most
serious climb in my life.
554
01:06:54,282 --> 01:06:58,029
You come down safe from a climb like
that, you'd be exhausted for days.
555
01:06:58,030 --> 01:07:01,666
You'd just eat and drink and sleep.
556
01:07:01,667 --> 01:07:05,837
I'd just come out of that, I'd badly
broken a leg, I was in great pain,
557
01:07:07,650 --> 01:07:11,821
highly dehydrated, I had no food, and
I was looking at trying to do that.
558
01:07:12,214 --> 01:07:16,385
Just no way, just no way
you're physically gonna do that.
559
01:07:17,218 --> 01:07:21,389
And then it occurred to me that
I should set definite targets.
560
01:07:24,179 --> 01:07:26,998
I started to look at things and think,
561
01:07:26,999 --> 01:07:30,520
"right, if I can get to that
crevice over there in 20 minutes",
562
01:07:30,521 --> 01:07:33,973
"that's what I'm gonna do".
563
01:07:33,974 --> 01:07:38,145
If I got there in 18 minutes I
was hysterically happy about it,
564
01:07:38,446 --> 01:07:42,617
and if I'd gotten 22 or 24 minutes, I
was upset almost to the point of tears,
565
01:07:42,995 --> 01:07:47,166
and it became obsessive.
566
01:07:48,663 --> 01:07:52,834
I don't know why I did it, I think I knew
the big picture of what had happened to me,
567
01:07:53,657 --> 01:07:57,828
and what I had to do was so
big I couldn't deal with it.
568
01:08:41,778 --> 01:08:45,320
I stayed on Simon's tracks, and
they were weaving around over humps,
569
01:08:45,321 --> 01:08:47,718
and past obvious crevices and stuff.
570
01:08:47,719 --> 01:08:51,428
I thought, "Well, unless I come to a
hole with his body in the bottom of it,"
571
01:08:51,429 --> 01:08:55,600
"these tracks will lead me
through the minefield of crevices".
572
01:09:05,029 --> 01:09:09,200
All these huge mountains
around you, big mountain walls.
573
01:09:10,685 --> 01:09:13,776
And they do make you
feel small and vulnerable.
574
01:09:13,777 --> 01:09:17,948
And you wonder whether there's
some malign presence out to get you.
575
01:09:31,764 --> 01:09:34,737
It was like somebody
was just teasing an ant,
576
01:09:34,738 --> 01:09:36,448
and putting something
in its way all the time,
577
01:09:36,449 --> 01:09:40,620
and eventually gonna stand on it.
578
01:10:41,421 --> 01:10:45,126
I could see Simon's
tracks were filling in.
579
01:10:45,127 --> 01:10:49,298
They were my lifeline off the glacier.
580
01:10:49,811 --> 01:10:53,981
And I started to get very desperate.
581
01:11:08,775 --> 01:11:12,593
I carried on crawling in the dark, a stupid
thing to do on the slope of the glacier.
582
01:11:12,594 --> 01:11:16,765
But I was frightened and I was
just trying to see Simon's tracks.
583
01:11:40,095 --> 01:11:44,266
In the morning, it was a bright,
sunny day, all the tracks had gone.
584
01:11:54,217 --> 01:11:56,650
I started quite early,
585
01:11:56,651 --> 01:12:00,822
and every now and then I had to stand
up on one leg to try see the way,
586
01:12:00,826 --> 01:12:04,997
and then sit down again, and shuffle on.
587
01:12:34,448 --> 01:12:38,418
There was one very horrendous
crevice bit right near the edge,
588
01:12:38,419 --> 01:12:42,590
and I got into a maze of them.
589
01:13:08,239 --> 01:13:12,410
I suddenly came to a point where I could
see ice running down, then I could see rocks.
590
01:13:24,849 --> 01:13:29,020
It was probably me, who brought
up the subject of leaving.
591
01:13:29,710 --> 01:13:31,792
Partly 'cause I was worried about Simon.
592
01:13:31,793 --> 01:13:35,964
I just felt it was best to get as far away
as possible from where it had happened.
593
01:13:39,864 --> 01:13:42,519
I didn't want to leave immediately,
594
01:13:42,520 --> 01:13:46,691
I felt I needed a day or two
just to collect my thoughts,
595
01:13:48,271 --> 01:13:52,442
and to regain some strength.
596
01:13:57,621 --> 01:14:01,792
Spend a long time washing myself.
597
01:14:06,145 --> 01:14:10,315
That felt good, to wash my hair and
to wash my face, to have a shave, to...
598
01:14:13,696 --> 01:14:17,105
get the...
599
01:14:17,106 --> 01:14:21,277
get the remnants, the
mountain out of my system.
600
01:14:54,260 --> 01:14:57,783
I was desperately thirsty, because it
doesn't matter how much snow you eat,
601
01:14:57,784 --> 01:15:01,955
you just can't get enough
water into your system.
602
01:15:02,198 --> 01:15:06,368
And I saw the rocks, I knew how big these
boulders would be and how far it was,
603
01:15:06,533 --> 01:15:09,660
and that was the first time
that I really thought about,
604
01:15:09,661 --> 01:15:13,832
whether I could get the distance.
605
01:15:18,290 --> 01:15:22,461
I got rid of all my gear.
606
01:15:36,102 --> 01:15:40,003
I knew that I couldn't crawl over these
rocks, they were just too big and jumbled,
607
01:15:40,004 --> 01:15:44,175
and that the only way to
do it was to try and hop.
608
01:15:45,235 --> 01:15:49,406
I knew I was gonna fall a lot.
609
01:16:45,383 --> 01:16:47,453
I'd fallen virtually every hop,
610
01:16:47,454 --> 01:16:50,970
and it's just like having your leg
broken about every time, and I remember
611
01:16:50,971 --> 01:16:55,010
looking back where I'd come
from, it was just over 20m,
612
01:16:55,011 --> 01:16:59,181
and it had taken me ages. And
the pain, just of the 20+m...
613
01:17:12,012 --> 01:17:15,179
I can be insanely stubborn.
614
01:17:15,180 --> 01:17:19,295
And I do like to have things my way.
615
01:17:19,296 --> 01:17:23,467
And things were seriously not
going my way over these days.
616
01:17:29,942 --> 01:17:34,113
I'd look at a rock and then I'd go,
"Right, I get there in 20 minutes".
617
01:17:35,285 --> 01:17:39,395
Once I decided I was going to
get that distance in 20 minutes,
618
01:17:39,396 --> 01:17:43,566
I bloody well was gonna do it.
619
01:17:44,829 --> 01:17:47,958
And it would help me, because I'd
get halfway through the distance,
620
01:17:47,959 --> 01:17:49,269
and I'd be in such pain,
621
01:17:49,270 --> 01:17:52,910
I just couldn't bear the thought
of getting up and falling on again,
622
01:17:52,911 --> 01:17:57,081
but I'd look at the target and
think "I've got to get there".
623
01:18:07,576 --> 01:18:10,140
And I'd think, when I was
Iying a bit long, and I think,
624
01:18:10,141 --> 01:18:14,311
"no, you gotta get there. You only got
10 minutes left, only 10 minutes left!"
625
01:18:16,675 --> 01:18:20,845
It seemed like there was a very cold,
pragmatic part of me that was saying,
626
01:18:21,678 --> 01:18:25,848
"You have to do this, this and
this, if you're gonna get there".
627
01:18:41,656 --> 01:18:45,826
"Come on, keep moving, keep moving"
628
01:18:52,072 --> 01:18:56,243
"Right, get up, and do it again"
629
01:19:00,977 --> 01:19:05,148
It was quite insistent, and quite clear.
630
01:19:06,046 --> 01:19:10,217
It was almost like a voice or a separate
part of me, telling me to do something.
631
01:19:14,617 --> 01:19:18,175
Very uncaring. No sympathy,
632
01:19:18,176 --> 01:19:22,347
no acknowledgement of the fact
that I might be tired or hurt.
633
01:19:23,480 --> 01:19:27,651
It was very, very odd.
634
01:19:36,259 --> 01:19:40,430
That part of me kept saying, "Keep
moving, stop resting, keep moving",
635
01:19:41,512 --> 01:19:45,682
and the other part of me, my
mind, anyway, just was, "Alright.",
636
01:19:46,233 --> 01:19:48,851
looking around and absorbing things.
637
01:19:48,852 --> 01:19:51,980
And as the hours went, and
certainly as the days started to go,
638
01:19:51,981 --> 01:19:56,152
it became weirder and weirder.
639
01:20:43,010 --> 01:20:47,179
So I was very, very, very
thirsty. Very dehydrated.
640
01:20:50,581 --> 01:20:54,288
And the agonizing thing is, all
these boulders, these meringues,
641
01:20:54,289 --> 01:20:58,460
are on top of the glacier. And
you could hear water running.
642
01:20:58,858 --> 01:21:03,028
All the time.
643
01:21:08,773 --> 01:21:12,944
I'd fall over a lot and I'd hear water and
I'd start digging around searching for it.
644
01:21:37,029 --> 01:21:39,189
Couldn't find it, couldn't get it.
645
01:21:39,190 --> 01:21:43,361
And it was driving me mad,
to be able to hear water.
646
01:22:08,262 --> 01:22:10,465
I was worried about Simon.
647
01:22:10,466 --> 01:22:14,637
About his health, 'cause his fingertips
were still quite bad from frostbite.
648
01:22:16,482 --> 01:22:20,653
And I just felt it wasn't
a place to be lingering in.
649
01:22:21,519 --> 01:22:25,690
We just started getting
ready to leave in the morning.
650
01:22:32,371 --> 01:22:36,542
I did eventually collapse amidst the
rocks, and I didn't sleep very well.
651
01:22:36,698 --> 01:22:40,864
My leg was very painful. It was agony.
652
01:22:40,865 --> 01:22:43,765
It was the first night, I
think, it hadn't stormed.
653
01:22:43,766 --> 01:22:47,936
It didn't snow on me, and it didn't
rain. And I could see the stars.
654
01:22:48,221 --> 01:22:52,392
I can remember Iying on my back for
what seemed endless periods of time,
655
01:22:52,927 --> 01:22:57,098
staring at the stars.
656
01:22:57,425 --> 01:23:01,305
At one point I had this weird sensation
that I had been lain there, conscious,
657
01:23:01,306 --> 01:23:04,066
for centuries, for lifetimes.
658
01:23:04,067 --> 01:23:08,238
Becoming part of the rocks, and part
of where I was never gonna move from.
659
01:23:31,057 --> 01:23:33,932
The sun came up, and
it started to warm me.
660
01:23:33,933 --> 01:23:38,104
And I thought it'd be just so nice to
just lie there, don't move, and never hurt,
661
01:23:38,861 --> 01:23:43,032
and christ, I got so,
so close to doing that.
662
01:23:50,884 --> 01:23:54,012
I genuinely believed that I
wouldn't make the distance,
663
01:23:54,013 --> 01:23:56,099
and I also believed
that I was going to die,
664
01:23:56,100 --> 01:24:00,271
and I sort of acknowledged it
in a very matter-of-fact way.
665
01:24:03,473 --> 01:24:05,574
And it seemed very rational
to keep on crawling,
666
01:24:05,575 --> 01:24:09,746
if you didn't think it
was gonna be of any good.
667
01:24:11,555 --> 01:24:15,726
I think that it was that loneliness,
that sense of being abandoned.
668
01:24:16,419 --> 01:24:20,589
It was there all the time.
669
01:24:22,386 --> 01:24:25,808
I didn't crawl, because
I thought I would survive,
670
01:24:25,809 --> 01:24:29,980
I think I wanted to be
with somebody when I died.
671
01:24:58,713 --> 01:25:02,884
Probably just a symbolic act to
say goodbye to him, in my own mind,
672
01:25:05,796 --> 01:25:09,967
by doing that.
673
01:26:13,806 --> 01:26:17,977
I drank liters and liters of it.
674
01:26:20,654 --> 01:26:23,338
And it was just like putting fuel in,
675
01:26:23,339 --> 01:26:27,510
I could feel myself immediately
just getting stronger.
676
01:27:34,668 --> 01:27:36,119
I kept wetting myself.
677
01:27:36,121 --> 01:27:40,291
And I can remember actually quite
liking the sensation, the warmth of it.
678
01:27:46,575 --> 01:27:50,746
It was just a slow, steady reduction.
679
01:27:52,031 --> 01:27:55,159
Not just physically.
Physically is very obvious,
680
01:27:55,160 --> 01:27:58,181
but you, everything, yourself.
681
01:27:58,182 --> 01:28:01,551
I felt left with nothing.
682
01:28:01,552 --> 01:28:05,723
And I didn't care anymore.
683
01:28:05,788 --> 01:28:09,958
Didn't have any dignity, you didn't care
whether you're brave or weak or anything.
684
01:28:11,392 --> 01:28:15,563
You just became almost
nothing. It was strange.
685
01:28:25,181 --> 01:28:29,352
I was still doing these test 20
minutes things, get here, get there.
686
01:28:31,387 --> 01:28:35,558
And then I saw these footprints.
687
01:28:36,523 --> 01:28:40,456
Then I got convinced, that
it was Simon and Richard.
688
01:28:40,457 --> 01:28:43,585
They were up above me, and
they were just following on,
689
01:28:43,586 --> 01:28:47,199
and I carried on crawling down,
690
01:28:47,200 --> 01:28:51,371
utterly convinced that they
were wandering along behind me.
691
01:28:53,210 --> 01:28:57,381
And I can remember thinking, "that is
really stupid, they would come and help you",
692
01:28:58,595 --> 01:29:01,402
and I think I persuaded myself
that they were just following on,
693
01:29:01,404 --> 01:29:05,574
because they didn't want to embarass me
'cause I peed myself and I was crying.
694
01:29:08,211 --> 01:29:12,381
I don't know how long it
lasted, maybe about an hour.
695
01:29:13,925 --> 01:29:18,096
I totally believed it, and then
suddenly it was like popping a bubble.
696
01:29:21,589 --> 01:29:25,759
And then I realized that they weren't
there, and I felt utterly shattered.
697
01:29:39,802 --> 01:29:43,973
It was about 4 o'clock
when I reached the lake.
698
01:29:45,719 --> 01:29:49,816
And I that at the far end of
it, there was a meringue dam.
699
01:29:49,817 --> 01:29:51,291
And from the top of that meringue dam,
700
01:29:51,292 --> 01:29:55,462
I would be able to look down into
the valley where the base camp was.
701
01:29:55,850 --> 01:29:59,696
In fact, I would be
able to see the tents.
702
01:29:59,698 --> 01:30:01,248
This was the first time I thought it,
703
01:30:01,249 --> 01:30:05,420
I thought, "I'm gonna make the distance,
I can actually make the distance".
704
01:30:08,668 --> 01:30:12,839
Almost as soon I thought it, the next
thought that popped into my head was,
705
01:30:13,000 --> 01:30:17,114
"Will there be anyone there?"
706
01:30:17,115 --> 01:30:21,286
I thought, "Christ, this is the
fourth day since I saw Simon",
707
01:30:23,882 --> 01:30:28,053
and as I worked it out, I thought,
"Why on earth would they be there?"
708
01:30:31,262 --> 01:30:35,087
I knew it got dark at six, and thought
"I got to get there, I got to get there",
709
01:30:35,088 --> 01:30:39,258
and I was trying to do
it as fast as possible.
710
01:30:44,405 --> 01:30:46,071
The rest of that afternoon,
711
01:30:46,072 --> 01:30:50,243
I was plagued by this dreadful
feeling that they would have gone.
712
01:30:54,562 --> 01:30:58,733
I hadn't paid attention to what
was happening with the weather.
713
01:30:59,164 --> 01:31:02,550
Between leaving at four and getting
to the top of the meringues, about six,
714
01:31:02,551 --> 01:31:05,483
the weather had changed.
715
01:31:05,485 --> 01:31:09,654
So when I looked down at the
valley, it was just full of clouds.
716
01:31:14,547 --> 01:31:18,718
I listened intently, hoping to hear a
whistle or an answer, a cry back, something,
717
01:31:19,963 --> 01:31:24,133
and I didn't hear anything at all.
718
01:31:30,515 --> 01:31:34,686
and I spend a long time, sat
there, crying, not sure what to do.
719
01:31:36,511 --> 01:31:40,274
I thought about getting
in my sleeping bag.
720
01:31:40,275 --> 01:31:43,558
For some reason it just seemed a
bit of a pathetic way to end things,
721
01:31:43,559 --> 01:31:47,730
just in a sleeping bag.
722
01:31:47,996 --> 01:31:52,167
I thought, "Well, nice but just keep
going, you'll end it down there, somewhere".
723
01:32:03,439 --> 01:32:07,610
I don't know entirely what
happened for the rest of that night.
724
01:32:11,385 --> 01:32:15,556
I stopped looking at the watch, and
everything just started to go apart.
725
01:32:36,218 --> 01:32:39,300
And I think I just got lost.
726
01:32:39,301 --> 01:32:43,471
And I didn't know what
I was doing anymore.
727
01:32:45,198 --> 01:32:49,369
I don't remember thinking of anyone,
728
01:32:49,891 --> 01:32:54,062
anybody I loved or any of that.
729
01:32:56,979 --> 01:33:00,756
I did have one time, when I got
a song going through my head.
730
01:33:00,757 --> 01:33:04,133
And it was by a band called Boney M.
731
01:33:04,134 --> 01:33:08,305
And I don't really like Boney M's music.
732
01:33:36,153 --> 01:33:40,026
Brown girl in the ring,
733
01:33:40,027 --> 01:33:44,197
there's a brown girl in the ring,
734
01:33:45,545 --> 01:33:49,481
brown girl in the ring,
735
01:33:49,482 --> 01:33:53,082
she looks like a sugar in a plum,
736
01:33:53,083 --> 01:33:54,927
plum, plum!
737
01:33:54,928 --> 01:33:59,097
Show me your motion,
738
01:34:00,422 --> 01:34:04,593
come on show me your motion,
739
01:34:05,236 --> 01:34:07,832
show me your motion,
740
01:34:07,833 --> 01:34:12,003
And it just went on and
on and on, for hours.
741
01:34:13,794 --> 01:34:17,719
I found it very upsetting, 'cause I
wanted to try and get it out of my head.
742
01:34:17,720 --> 01:34:21,891
And I wanted to think of other things.
743
01:34:28,104 --> 01:34:32,275
I was thinking, "Bloody hell,
I'm gonna die to Boney M".
744
01:34:48,083 --> 01:34:51,058
I remember sometimes not waking up,
745
01:34:51,059 --> 01:34:55,230
I think I was awake all the time,
but coming to, it was like waking up,
746
01:34:55,380 --> 01:34:58,743
and sort of find myself sitting there,
747
01:34:58,744 --> 01:35:02,307
I didn't know where I was.
748
01:35:02,308 --> 01:35:05,605
It was pitch black and snowing, and
I'd think I was back on the glacier,
749
01:35:05,606 --> 01:35:09,192
or I'd think I was in a public car
park, and had been beaten up again,
750
01:35:09,193 --> 01:35:13,363
and then I'd just drift off again.
751
01:35:24,857 --> 01:35:28,971
I remember smelling something.
752
01:35:28,972 --> 01:35:32,304
It was a really strong smell.
753
01:35:32,305 --> 01:35:36,476
And it acted like a smelling salt,
to cut through all this delerium.
754
01:35:40,013 --> 01:35:43,140
And I remember being really confused,
I couldn't understand what it meant.
755
01:35:43,141 --> 01:35:46,389
It took me ages to to try
and work out what it meant.
756
01:35:46,391 --> 01:35:49,879
I thought it was me.
757
01:35:49,881 --> 01:35:52,212
And very slowly, I worked
it out, and I thought,
758
01:35:52,213 --> 01:35:56,384
"I've crawled through the
latrine area of our camp site".
759
01:35:58,894 --> 01:36:03,065
And I realized then, that
I was close to the tents.
760
01:36:13,125 --> 01:36:17,295
As I was shouting it, I thought, "This
is it, this is as far as this game goes".
761
01:36:22,618 --> 01:36:26,789
I'm not capable of going any further.
762
01:36:31,643 --> 01:36:35,814
I made the mistake of having a little
bit of hope, that they'd still be there.
763
01:36:37,530 --> 01:36:41,129
And when I shouted,
and they weren't there,
764
01:36:41,130 --> 01:36:45,300
I sort of knew I was dead then.
765
01:36:58,197 --> 01:37:02,367
That moment, when no
one answered the call,
766
01:37:13,099 --> 01:37:17,269
it was... I lost something.
767
01:37:20,324 --> 01:37:24,495
I lost me.
768
01:37:26,961 --> 01:37:30,410
I woke up, not knowing why.
769
01:37:30,411 --> 01:37:33,875
And was aware of this
kind of strange atmosphere,
770
01:37:33,876 --> 01:37:37,326
I could hear the wind
howling outside the tent.
771
01:37:37,327 --> 01:37:41,498
And started hearing something.
772
01:37:44,472 --> 01:37:46,644
It did slowly dawn on me,
773
01:37:46,645 --> 01:37:49,465
that really the only thing it could be,
774
01:37:49,466 --> 01:37:53,237
would be Joe outside shouting.
775
01:37:53,238 --> 01:37:57,409
But that was completely
impossible, because he was dead,
776
01:37:57,880 --> 01:38:02,050
and he died 3 or 4 days ago.
777
01:38:02,424 --> 01:38:06,595
And then head it again, much sharper,
778
01:38:07,038 --> 01:38:11,209
and it really sounded like
somebody shouting. Simon.
779
01:38:15,886 --> 01:38:19,375
I can have gotten into a panic,
but first, it couldn't be Joe,
780
01:38:19,376 --> 01:38:22,417
because Joe's dead.
781
01:38:22,418 --> 01:38:26,589
And then, if he is out there,
it's gonna be this horrible thing,
782
01:38:28,734 --> 01:38:31,321
it can't be a human being, because,
783
01:38:31,322 --> 01:38:35,493
no human being can possibly go
through that, and be outside the tent.
784
01:38:41,498 --> 01:38:45,669
I was just kind of Iying there,
really not knowing what to do.
785
01:38:46,311 --> 01:38:48,929
And then Simon woke up.
786
01:38:48,930 --> 01:38:53,101
"Simon!", it was quite
clearly a shout of my name.
787
01:38:54,069 --> 01:38:58,240
I knew it was Joe actually,
I knew immediately.
788
01:38:59,302 --> 01:39:03,472
I was looking around, and then
I saw this thing, floating.
789
01:39:07,904 --> 01:39:12,075
Of course Simon exploded into action.
790
01:39:14,435 --> 01:39:18,605
Suddenly I heard voices.
791
01:39:19,337 --> 01:39:20,902
Is that you?
792
01:39:20,903 --> 01:39:25,073
I was holding back, because I didn't
feel that was a human being out there.
793
01:39:41,771 --> 01:39:45,939
And we went back up the stream, right
from where these cries had come from,
794
01:39:45,940 --> 01:39:50,109
about maybe 60-80 m outside
the camp, and there was Joe.
795
01:39:57,042 --> 01:40:01,212
I couldn't completely believe
it, until I actually saw him,
796
01:40:01,648 --> 01:40:04,776
but then it was still a little
difficult to believe that,
797
01:40:04,777 --> 01:40:08,947
because of the eerie night
and the state he was in.
798
01:40:09,441 --> 01:40:11,695
Absolutely awful state.
799
01:40:11,696 --> 01:40:15,413
It was almost like he was
a sort of ghost-like figure.
800
01:40:15,415 --> 01:40:19,584
It was like I had to sort of pinch
myself almost to believe this was true,
801
01:40:21,986 --> 01:40:25,114
that this was really happening.
802
01:40:25,115 --> 01:40:29,286
Help me!
- Oh fuck, Joe!
803
01:40:30,888 --> 01:40:33,838
Simon,
804
01:40:33,839 --> 01:40:38,010
he was swearing a lot. Swearing a lot.
805
01:40:39,537 --> 01:40:41,506
Richard, lift him!
806
01:40:41,507 --> 01:40:45,678
Richard, hold him, you
stupid bastard! Lift him!
807
01:40:46,284 --> 01:40:50,453
I remember Simon grabbing my shoulders,
808
01:40:51,171 --> 01:40:55,080
and holding me.
809
01:40:55,081 --> 01:40:57,961
I remember that.
810
01:40:57,962 --> 01:41:02,133
That feeling of being held.
811
01:41:25,026 --> 01:41:29,197
He thanked me for trying to
get him down the mountain,
812
01:41:32,072 --> 01:41:36,242
for all that I'd done up to the point,
813
01:41:36,759 --> 01:41:40,200
where I cut the rope,
814
01:41:40,201 --> 01:41:44,372
and he said to me, "I'd
have done the same".
815
01:41:47,143 --> 01:41:51,313
Those were the first
words he uttered to me.
816
01:42:02,196 --> 01:42:06,058
And I remember, before we'd done anything
to him, before we'd even close the door,
817
01:42:06,059 --> 01:42:08,586
he said, "Where are my trousers?"
818
01:42:08,588 --> 01:42:12,758
We had to explain, that we burned his
trousers, which made him quite angry.
819
01:42:14,846 --> 01:42:19,017
And I think that kind of brought
me back into life, to some extend.
820
01:42:19,055 --> 01:42:23,225
realizing it was the
same old Joe, back again.