1 00:00:06,133 --> 00:00:08,400 Anyone watching thinking they know fuck 2 00:00:08,500 --> 00:00:11,167 all about knowing fuck all about aught 3 00:00:11,267 --> 00:00:12,933 needs to watch their backs. 4 00:00:13,033 --> 00:00:15,600 So you've had your Labour reclassifying skunk, 5 00:00:15,700 --> 00:00:19,767 sending prices sky high literally, literally taking 6 00:00:19,867 --> 00:00:21,800 the grass from its own roots. 7 00:00:21,900 --> 00:00:24,267 Now you've got your Con-Dem-Nation. 8 00:00:24,367 --> 00:00:29,100 Liberals noshing Tories like altar boys picking dimps up. 9 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:31,567 Have we had a national fucking stroke or what? 10 00:00:31,667 --> 00:00:35,733 Is "revolution" a word, or was it never? 11 00:00:35,833 --> 00:00:39,633 Anybody watching needs to know we cope better than average 12 00:00:39,733 --> 00:00:41,267 with irony in Chatsworth. 13 00:00:41,367 --> 00:00:44,400 Well, for fuck's sake, we live in Manchester, 14 00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:47,933 and they charge us for water. 15 00:00:48,033 --> 00:00:52,933 I wandered lonely as a clown, necking mushrooms rarely found. 16 00:00:53,033 --> 00:00:56,500 This green and pleasant land in ancient times. 17 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:58,833 Fucking yak yak, yak yak, yak yak, yak yak. 18 00:00:58,933 --> 00:01:02,167 It's not theirs anymore. 19 00:01:02,267 --> 00:01:05,833 This is our England now! 20 00:01:05,933 --> 00:01:06,733 Party! 21 00:01:14,167 --> 00:01:15,733 KELLY (VOICEOVER): The first throes 22 00:01:15,833 --> 00:01:19,033 of love are all about passion. 23 00:01:19,133 --> 00:01:23,300 Eyes, hands, lips, limbs, kisses, 24 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:26,500 "I love you's" and promises of never ending devotion. 25 00:01:28,933 --> 00:01:33,633 Burnt into memory every nook and cranny of that face, that body, 26 00:01:33,733 --> 00:01:37,033 drowning in each other, getting your fill, getting more than 27 00:01:37,133 --> 00:01:40,100 your fill, that thirst you can never really quench, 28 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,000 no matter how much you try. 29 00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:45,500 And fuck knows we try, don't we? 30 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:48,300 I read in some mag, in a waiting room years back, 31 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:52,200 that if you put a coin in a jar every time you made love 32 00:01:52,300 --> 00:01:54,900 in the first three years of your relationship, 33 00:01:55,000 --> 00:02:00,133 then took one out every time you did it after three years, 34 00:02:00,233 --> 00:02:06,533 you'd never ever, ever, ever be able to empty it. 35 00:02:28,267 --> 00:02:29,767 Come again, and soon. 36 00:02:29,867 --> 00:02:32,600 Not too soon, though, eh, tiger? 37 00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:33,567 Give me some time to recover. 38 00:02:36,467 --> 00:02:37,900 Rawr. 39 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:38,933 Dickhead. 40 00:02:39,033 --> 00:02:40,000 He's tipped you? 41 00:02:40,100 --> 00:02:41,067 He thinks he made me come. 42 00:02:41,167 --> 00:02:43,500 Screams were almost convincing. 43 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:44,567 The yelps helped. 44 00:02:44,667 --> 00:02:45,500 I had cramp. 45 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:46,333 It came in handy. 46 00:02:46,433 --> 00:02:47,767 I can spot a fake a mile off. 47 00:02:47,867 --> 00:02:50,467 Well, I guess you've pulled a few in your time. 48 00:02:50,567 --> 00:02:51,667 Didn't need to. 49 00:02:51,767 --> 00:02:54,200 My Brendan were gifted in the trouser department. 50 00:02:54,300 --> 00:02:56,433 When he stripped off, put me in mind of a tripod. 51 00:02:59,033 --> 00:03:00,633 Any chance of you finishing early? 52 00:03:00,733 --> 00:03:03,133 We've got a stud due in any minute now. 53 00:03:03,233 --> 00:03:04,367 I'd leave the girls to it, but we need 54 00:03:04,467 --> 00:03:05,867 all hands on deck for this one. 55 00:03:05,967 --> 00:03:08,333 Lillian just took a call, and the lads have been chewing 56 00:03:08,433 --> 00:03:09,567 Viagra since they left Burnley. 57 00:03:09,667 --> 00:03:10,300 They weren't walking. 58 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:12,767 They'll be pole vaulting. 59 00:03:12,867 --> 00:03:14,300 No worries. 60 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:15,367 I'll catch you later, OK? 61 00:03:18,267 --> 00:03:20,500 He knows that you're lying. 62 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:22,767 Orgasms aren't the only thing I'm good at faking. 63 00:03:22,867 --> 00:03:25,100 He hasn't got a clue. 64 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:26,933 Don't know what's wrong with her lately. 65 00:03:27,033 --> 00:03:28,000 I do. 66 00:03:33,700 --> 00:03:35,033 It's too small. 67 00:03:35,133 --> 00:03:36,633 Well, it'll keep the wind off your back. 68 00:03:36,733 --> 00:03:38,767 Yeah, and give me twatting frostbite at the front. 69 00:03:42,367 --> 00:03:43,800 I'll look like a fucking nutter. 70 00:03:43,900 --> 00:03:45,667 But you are a fucking nutter! 71 00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:47,133 Take no notice. 72 00:03:47,233 --> 00:03:48,600 Look, beggars can't be choosers. 73 00:03:48,700 --> 00:03:50,367 Look, as soon as you get a few bob rolling in, it's me 74 00:03:50,467 --> 00:03:53,933 and you straight down to Primani for a proper makeover. 75 00:03:54,033 --> 00:03:56,400 But until then, it's our Shane's castoffs. 76 00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:57,133 It suits you. 77 00:03:57,233 --> 00:03:59,367 Yeah, it looks nice. 78 00:03:59,467 --> 00:04:01,200 It's pink, and it smells of perfume. 79 00:04:01,300 --> 00:04:03,100 Only real men can wear pink. 80 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:04,233 And it's aftershave, that. 81 00:04:04,333 --> 00:04:06,000 This is a bird's fluffy jumper. 82 00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:07,233 Angora! 83 00:04:07,333 --> 00:04:08,900 He's allergic to man-made. 84 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:10,233 Why's it got tit shapes in it? 85 00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:11,733 It must have been me mum's. 86 00:04:11,833 --> 00:04:13,167 You need to try it on. 87 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:22,433 You look lovely. 88 00:04:25,033 --> 00:04:26,500 None of it fits! 89 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,167 I can't survive much longer on two pairs of socks, three 90 00:04:29,267 --> 00:04:30,400 t-shirts, and a pair of undies. 91 00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:33,100 Just one pair? 92 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:36,233 I wish I'd known that sooner. 93 00:04:36,333 --> 00:04:38,533 I'm only on a tea break. 94 00:04:38,633 --> 00:04:39,433 Laters. 95 00:04:43,667 --> 00:04:47,033 Look, just go commando whilst they wash and dry, eh? 96 00:04:47,133 --> 00:04:48,267 Ready for action. 97 00:04:48,367 --> 00:04:49,000 Homo! 98 00:04:49,100 --> 00:04:50,000 Sorry. 99 00:04:50,100 --> 00:04:50,900 I can't. 100 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:52,000 I'll chafe. 101 00:04:57,233 --> 00:04:58,300 It was only gonna go into a bottle 102 00:04:58,400 --> 00:04:59,667 of baby oil and some poppers. 103 00:05:05,533 --> 00:05:07,267 You've been a pal to me, Micky. 104 00:05:07,367 --> 00:05:09,433 And if I were queer, I'd bum you here and now. 105 00:05:09,533 --> 00:05:10,333 Thanks, mate. 106 00:05:12,833 --> 00:05:15,867 You're gonna make someone a lovely life partner one day. 107 00:05:15,967 --> 00:05:18,800 But I've gotta stand up on me own two feet. 108 00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:22,333 I need cash, so I'll have to do a job. 109 00:05:22,433 --> 00:05:23,267 Get a job. 110 00:05:26,533 --> 00:05:27,833 [screaming] 111 00:05:27,933 --> 00:05:29,800 Everybody get down! 112 00:05:29,900 --> 00:05:31,767 Shut up. 113 00:05:31,867 --> 00:05:33,767 This is a fuck up. 114 00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:34,733 Shut the fuck up. 115 00:05:34,833 --> 00:05:35,733 This is a stick-up! 116 00:05:35,833 --> 00:05:38,767 Rectal prolapse! 117 00:05:38,867 --> 00:05:39,667 Give me the money. 118 00:05:39,767 --> 00:05:41,233 Give me the money! 119 00:05:45,700 --> 00:05:48,567 Wicked, evil bastard! 120 00:05:48,667 --> 00:05:50,433 Fuck off! 121 00:05:50,533 --> 00:05:51,667 [chuckling] 122 00:05:51,767 --> 00:05:52,567 Sit down. 123 00:05:52,667 --> 00:05:53,567 Wait till you see this. 124 00:05:53,667 --> 00:05:54,467 It's glass. 125 00:05:54,567 --> 00:05:55,400 Come on. 126 00:05:55,500 --> 00:05:57,833 In my seat. 127 00:05:57,933 --> 00:06:00,533 Soon Soon have you smiling again, girl. 128 00:06:00,633 --> 00:06:03,033 REPORTER (ON TV): This CCTV footage-- 129 00:06:03,133 --> 00:06:05,433 [laughter] 130 00:06:08,300 --> 00:06:10,833 Isn't that the shittest-- 131 00:06:10,933 --> 00:06:13,167 Crappest robber you have ever seen? 132 00:06:13,267 --> 00:06:15,000 How much did he get away with? 133 00:06:15,100 --> 00:06:17,733 Enough for some chips and a taxi home. 134 00:06:17,833 --> 00:06:20,500 The fucking shame of it. 135 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:23,033 [laughter] 136 00:06:30,833 --> 00:06:34,033 You know who that was? 137 00:06:34,133 --> 00:06:36,500 Come on, you know. 138 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:38,533 I don't know. 139 00:06:38,633 --> 00:06:41,667 So why don't you tell me? 140 00:06:41,767 --> 00:06:43,233 - Marty. - How do you know? 141 00:06:43,333 --> 00:06:44,400 He was wearing my old coat. 142 00:06:44,500 --> 00:06:46,000 His style, is it? 143 00:06:46,100 --> 00:06:47,233 Armed robbery, not the coat. 144 00:06:47,333 --> 00:06:48,600 I don't know him well enough to know 145 00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:49,967 what his fucking style is. 146 00:06:50,067 --> 00:06:51,467 But what I do know is, it's only a matter of time 147 00:06:51,567 --> 00:06:54,733 before the filth get their shit together and clock it in. 148 00:06:54,833 --> 00:06:55,667 And? 149 00:06:55,767 --> 00:06:57,467 Arrest him. 150 00:06:57,567 --> 00:06:58,600 You're not arsed? 151 00:06:58,700 --> 00:07:01,467 He's a punter, Shane. 152 00:07:01,567 --> 00:07:03,800 Offering 10 grand reward for some to grass him up. 153 00:07:03,900 --> 00:07:05,167 If 154 00:07:05,267 --> 00:07:06,633 He's daft enough to threaten people with a gun, 155 00:07:06,733 --> 00:07:07,933 he deserves grassing up. 156 00:07:08,033 --> 00:07:09,533 It's a deposit on a house that, you know. 157 00:07:09,633 --> 00:07:10,267 10 grand. 158 00:07:10,367 --> 00:07:11,933 Maguires don't grass. 159 00:07:12,033 --> 00:07:13,000 Hm. 160 00:07:18,033 --> 00:07:19,700 Fucking stupid, though, wasn't it? 161 00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:22,433 Well, he is fucking stupid. 162 00:07:22,533 --> 00:07:23,867 Aren't you? 163 00:07:23,967 --> 00:07:26,267 I said, aren't you? 164 00:07:26,367 --> 00:07:28,167 What the fuck was I supposed to do? 165 00:07:28,267 --> 00:07:30,600 I'm here, skint, I can't work. 166 00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:31,967 I can't-- I can't sign on. 167 00:07:32,067 --> 00:07:33,667 What, in case the police catch you for nonpayment 168 00:07:33,767 --> 00:07:35,167 of maintenance, you mean? 169 00:07:35,267 --> 00:07:37,967 As opposed to armed fucking robbery, you gormless twat! 170 00:07:38,067 --> 00:07:41,133 - I needed money! - Then ask! 171 00:07:41,233 --> 00:07:45,733 Don't go holding up post offices with fucking guns! 172 00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:48,167 You could've killed someone, you poor bastard 173 00:07:48,267 --> 00:07:50,300 collecting their pension. 174 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:51,767 You could've gotten killed yourself. 175 00:07:51,867 --> 00:07:53,000 And then what would I have done? 176 00:07:58,467 --> 00:08:01,067 I mean, how I would explain that to Sue? 177 00:08:01,167 --> 00:08:02,133 Where'd you get the gun? 178 00:08:04,867 --> 00:08:05,667 They're stashed there. 179 00:08:05,767 --> 00:08:06,667 It's family stuff. 180 00:08:06,767 --> 00:08:07,700 You know the score, Kel. 181 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:09,033 You keep him away from guns. 182 00:08:09,133 --> 00:08:09,933 You got that? 183 00:08:10,033 --> 00:08:11,500 Guns and fucking matches! 184 00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:12,433 Sorry! 185 00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:14,400 It could bring a load of trouble. 186 00:08:14,500 --> 00:08:15,533 We've had enough. 187 00:08:15,633 --> 00:08:19,600 That-- that gun could be linked to Shane maybe. 188 00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:20,600 And then-- 189 00:08:34,700 --> 00:08:36,667 You're looking lovely. 190 00:08:36,767 --> 00:08:37,567 You do. 191 00:08:37,667 --> 00:08:38,667 You look dead nice. 192 00:08:38,767 --> 00:08:40,867 Like, nice. 193 00:08:40,967 --> 00:08:45,700 Proper like, glowing healthily. 194 00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:48,033 I was thinking, do you want me to make tea tonight? 195 00:08:48,133 --> 00:08:49,900 What's going on? 196 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,200 Why would anything be going on? 197 00:08:51,300 --> 00:08:53,367 I was married longer than you've been alive. 198 00:08:53,467 --> 00:08:55,367 And I know that when a man's buttering you 199 00:08:55,467 --> 00:08:58,200 up with a string of compliments, it usually means he's 200 00:08:58,300 --> 00:09:00,567 about to do one of two things-- 201 00:09:00,667 --> 00:09:02,500 confess or request. 202 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:03,633 Which is it? 203 00:09:03,733 --> 00:09:04,533 Uh-- 204 00:09:04,633 --> 00:09:05,533 Don't lie. 205 00:09:05,633 --> 00:09:08,433 If you've got something to say, say it. 206 00:09:08,533 --> 00:09:10,200 - I was-- - Speak. 207 00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:13,533 Well, now it's out in the open, who Cilla's dad is. 208 00:09:13,633 --> 00:09:15,233 I was thinking if like-- 209 00:09:15,333 --> 00:09:18,333 if-- if we could, well, you know, when she's christened, 210 00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:20,067 if we could give her a second name? 211 00:09:20,167 --> 00:09:22,200 You know, because her mum gave her her first name. 212 00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:24,900 Her dad can give her a second? 213 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:26,700 - What were you thinking of? - Maureen. 214 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:27,633 Fuck off! 215 00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:28,867 What, it's my mum's name. 216 00:09:28,967 --> 00:09:29,933 She can keep it. 217 00:09:30,033 --> 00:09:31,433 It's It's not fair, Mimi. 218 00:09:31,533 --> 00:09:33,967 You get to do everything, and I just get shit on by you, 219 00:09:34,067 --> 00:09:35,233 Shane, Jamie, and Micky. 220 00:09:35,333 --> 00:09:36,300 OK. 221 00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:38,567 Always taking the piss out of-- out of me. 222 00:09:38,667 --> 00:09:40,100 Did you say OK, then? 223 00:09:43,233 --> 00:09:45,367 On one condition. 224 00:09:45,467 --> 00:09:49,333 That you convert, come over to our side. 225 00:09:49,433 --> 00:09:52,100 You-- you mean support Liverpool? 226 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:54,567 I mean become a Catholic, you knobhead. 227 00:09:54,667 --> 00:09:55,700 Oh. Oh, right. 228 00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:56,667 Yeah, yeah. 229 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,133 You've been named Marty boy. 230 00:10:11,233 --> 00:10:14,433 Armed robber of the post office. 231 00:10:14,533 --> 00:10:17,967 Cuddly little Marty with his funny little ways. 232 00:10:18,067 --> 00:10:19,600 Wouldn't harm a fly, eh? 233 00:10:19,700 --> 00:10:20,833 F-- fuck off. 234 00:10:20,933 --> 00:10:22,267 Terrify a gang of pensioners half to death 235 00:10:22,367 --> 00:10:24,033 in a post office queue, yes. 236 00:10:24,133 --> 00:10:26,000 But wouldn't harm a fly. 237 00:10:26,100 --> 00:10:27,167 Fuck off, Shane. 238 00:10:27,267 --> 00:10:28,100 Come on, for I'm fucking with you. 239 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:29,333 You know what? 240 00:10:29,433 --> 00:10:30,833 I've been doing a bit of research, mate. 241 00:10:30,933 --> 00:10:37,033 All you have to do is type in "arson," and "Fuengerola," 242 00:10:37,133 --> 00:10:41,333 and it's fucking amazing what pops up. 243 00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:43,300 You know, it's funny you never mentioned that your wife 244 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:47,000 and kids died in an house fire. 245 00:10:47,100 --> 00:10:50,700 Anyone'd think you had summat to hide, mate. 246 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,033 Save your breath, Marty. 247 00:10:52,133 --> 00:10:53,100 You're gonna need it. 248 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:55,667 I've just called the filth. 249 00:10:55,767 --> 00:10:58,333 I've told them where you were. 250 00:10:58,433 --> 00:10:59,333 Run. 251 00:10:59,433 --> 00:11:02,800 [siren wailing] 252 00:11:02,900 --> 00:11:03,733 Run! 253 00:11:13,633 --> 00:11:16,067 I've got a few more castoffs for Marty. 254 00:11:19,233 --> 00:11:22,433 I was dragged out of bed last night 255 00:11:22,533 --> 00:11:25,400 by an armed copper with his gun shoved 256 00:11:25,500 --> 00:11:27,533 halfway up me fucking nostril! 257 00:11:27,633 --> 00:11:28,533 What, family stuff? 258 00:11:28,633 --> 00:11:30,967 They were asking me where Marty was. 259 00:11:31,067 --> 00:11:32,667 I said, "I don't know," and spent 260 00:11:32,767 --> 00:11:39,267 the next nine hours helping the police with their inquiries. 261 00:11:39,367 --> 00:11:40,567 Someone must have grassed. 262 00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:43,400 That'd be me. 263 00:11:46,233 --> 00:11:48,400 Since when did you develop a conscience? 264 00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:50,500 When I found out Marty's wife and kids 265 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:52,900 died in an arson attack. 266 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:56,567 Spate of fires across Fuengerola. 267 00:11:56,667 --> 00:11:57,933 Culprit never found. 268 00:11:58,033 --> 00:12:00,033 But you got a fucking nutter out there that's got a history 269 00:12:00,133 --> 00:12:01,033 of that sort of stuff. 270 00:12:01,133 --> 00:12:03,967 And well, one and one is two. 271 00:12:04,067 --> 00:12:06,000 He killed them? 272 00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:08,167 Yup, seems that way. 273 00:12:08,267 --> 00:12:10,500 I was thinking of a trip into town. 274 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:14,233 Get some new gear, something to eat, eh? 275 00:12:14,333 --> 00:12:16,233 That 10 grand you got for grassing him up 276 00:12:16,333 --> 00:12:19,067 burning a hole in your pocket? 277 00:12:19,167 --> 00:12:20,933 It were anonymous. 278 00:12:21,033 --> 00:12:23,633 I'm booked solid all morning. 279 00:12:23,733 --> 00:12:25,900 Who wants a fuck at this hour? 280 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,800 You, once upon a time. 281 00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:33,700 The thing is, I don't really know anything about God 282 00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:35,100 or religion, Father. 283 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:38,767 He's C of E. Is he allowed to change sides, Father? 284 00:12:38,867 --> 00:12:42,300 We don't really think of it as sides, now do we, Mimi? 285 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:43,500 Oh. 286 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:45,333 It'll be a lot of hard work on your part, Billy. 287 00:12:45,433 --> 00:12:48,867 You'll have to research the faith, attend classes. 288 00:12:48,967 --> 00:12:50,900 He's not afraid of a bit of hard work. 289 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:52,133 It's for my daughter. 290 00:12:52,233 --> 00:12:54,167 And for you too. 291 00:12:54,267 --> 00:12:56,133 Front of the queue at the pearly gate if you're 292 00:12:56,233 --> 00:12:58,433 a Catholic, eh, Father? 293 00:12:58,533 --> 00:13:01,567 We'll-- we'll keep it informal for the time being. 294 00:13:01,667 --> 00:13:02,767 Yeah. 295 00:13:02,867 --> 00:13:04,233 I look forward to getting to know you as well as I 296 00:13:04,333 --> 00:13:05,367 know the rest of the family. 297 00:13:05,467 --> 00:13:07,333 Lovely seeing you, Father! 298 00:13:07,433 --> 00:13:08,200 And you, Mimi. 299 00:13:08,300 --> 00:13:09,800 - Take care. - See you later. 300 00:13:09,900 --> 00:13:10,700 I will. 301 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:11,767 See ya. 302 00:13:11,867 --> 00:13:12,700 Micky. 303 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:14,033 Father. 304 00:13:14,133 --> 00:13:15,133 MIMI: Bye, now. 305 00:13:18,100 --> 00:13:18,933 What's he doing here? 306 00:13:19,033 --> 00:13:20,333 Has someone died? 307 00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:21,900 Billy's gonna be a Catholic. 308 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:22,900 What the fuck for? 309 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,167 It's shit. 310 00:13:24,267 --> 00:13:26,033 Thou shall not do this, that, and the other. 311 00:13:26,133 --> 00:13:27,533 And the guilt! 312 00:13:27,633 --> 00:13:30,500 It takes you about a week to get over spilling your seed. 313 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,067 Stay proddy, man. Much more fun. 314 00:13:32,167 --> 00:13:33,300 I'm doing for Cilla. 315 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:34,933 You're doing it to get in with me mum. 316 00:13:35,033 --> 00:13:36,100 I'm doing it for my daughter. 317 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:37,000 Your sister. 318 00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:38,167 She won't thank you. 319 00:13:38,267 --> 00:13:39,867 If I was gonna change, I'd go Muslim. 320 00:13:39,967 --> 00:13:41,933 The food's better and everything. 321 00:13:42,033 --> 00:13:43,600 And all you gotta do is grow a beard. 322 00:13:43,700 --> 00:13:45,500 You won't even pass the exams, you, anyway. 323 00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:46,367 Why is that, then? 324 00:13:46,467 --> 00:13:47,533 Because you're a thick cunt. 325 00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:57,767 Mum, mum! 326 00:13:57,867 --> 00:14:00,633 You, living room now. 327 00:14:00,733 --> 00:14:01,600 It wasn't me! 328 00:14:01,700 --> 00:14:03,267 Don't have me saying it twice! 329 00:14:11,833 --> 00:14:14,333 No matter how hard I try, your lads 330 00:14:14,433 --> 00:14:16,167 are just gonna keep throwing it back in my face. 331 00:14:16,267 --> 00:14:18,000 Nothing I do is ever gonna be good enough for 'em. 332 00:14:18,100 --> 00:14:20,400 It's a lot for them to take on, you being here. 333 00:14:20,500 --> 00:14:22,600 Gonna take time. 334 00:14:22,700 --> 00:14:24,500 You can handle this. 335 00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:25,967 You're a tough lad. 336 00:14:26,067 --> 00:14:28,367 Made of sterner stuff than they know. 337 00:14:28,467 --> 00:14:30,900 Aren't ya? 338 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,700 Now, these spuds aren't gonna peel themselves, are they? 339 00:14:44,667 --> 00:14:45,567 Shane's here. 340 00:14:45,667 --> 00:14:47,967 I told you, tell him I'm occupied. 341 00:14:48,067 --> 00:14:50,067 I did, but he said he'd wait. 342 00:14:50,167 --> 00:14:52,367 Look, if you and him's got a problem, sort it. 343 00:14:52,467 --> 00:14:53,933 'Cause punters don't like looking 344 00:14:54,033 --> 00:14:55,200 at a face like a smacked horse. 345 00:14:55,300 --> 00:14:57,700 They can get that at home. 346 00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:59,033 Give me a minute. 347 00:14:59,133 --> 00:15:01,433 Tell him I'm just tidying and send him up. 348 00:15:01,533 --> 00:15:03,800 [moaning] 349 00:15:16,433 --> 00:15:18,133 The only time I see anything floral 350 00:15:18,233 --> 00:15:20,567 is weddings, funerals, and when you're trying to keep 351 00:15:20,667 --> 00:15:22,133 me sweet after a fuck-up. 352 00:15:22,233 --> 00:15:23,800 My way of an apology. 353 00:15:23,900 --> 00:15:24,933 A fuck-up. 354 00:15:25,033 --> 00:15:27,900 Yeah, a monumental fuck-up. 355 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,733 You know, I've been-- 356 00:15:29,833 --> 00:15:31,067 I've been that busy. 357 00:15:31,167 --> 00:15:33,933 Me mind's been preoccupied with a million 358 00:15:34,033 --> 00:15:35,367 and one different things. 359 00:15:35,467 --> 00:15:39,767 And I've neglected the one thing that I value most. 360 00:15:39,867 --> 00:15:40,700 I said "thing." 361 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:43,900 I don't-- I mean you. 362 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:44,800 And I'm sorry. 363 00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:52,533 I know you've been distracted as well. 364 00:15:52,633 --> 00:15:53,433 Hang on a minute. 365 00:15:53,533 --> 00:15:55,667 I don't blame you. 366 00:15:55,767 --> 00:15:56,567 I forced you away. 367 00:16:04,433 --> 00:16:10,267 It takes two to tango badly. 368 00:16:10,367 --> 00:16:11,767 We are good, us, you know. 369 00:16:11,867 --> 00:16:12,867 We used to be. 370 00:16:12,967 --> 00:16:13,767 We still are. 371 00:16:18,367 --> 00:16:23,967 Let's make a bit of time, get away from here. 372 00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:25,333 I want to be your husband again. 373 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:29,867 I love you, Kelly Maguire. 374 00:16:29,967 --> 00:16:31,400 Yeah? 375 00:16:31,500 --> 00:16:32,300 Yeah. 376 00:16:34,467 --> 00:16:35,367 Yeah? 377 00:16:35,467 --> 00:16:36,267 Yes. 378 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,533 Yeah? 379 00:16:41,633 --> 00:16:42,433 Yes. 380 00:16:53,167 --> 00:16:56,033 [shouting] 381 00:16:56,133 --> 00:16:57,267 Let's go, let's go! 382 00:16:57,367 --> 00:16:59,300 It's lovely, isn't it? 383 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:00,800 Wouldn't think that if you had to spend 384 00:17:00,900 --> 00:17:02,533 as long as I do looking at 'em. 385 00:17:02,633 --> 00:17:03,900 I mean Father Craig. 386 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:08,167 So did I. Ever since Billy started his conversion classes, 387 00:17:08,267 --> 00:17:11,000 we can't get rid him. 388 00:17:11,100 --> 00:17:12,000 A Mars bar. 389 00:17:12,100 --> 00:17:14,400 [laughter] 390 00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:17,100 [MUSIC -- DEPECHE MODE, "PERSONAL JESUS"] 391 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:51,100 Well, He can convert me any time. 392 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,433 Oi, right I heard that. 393 00:17:53,533 --> 00:17:54,367 What? 394 00:17:58,700 --> 00:18:00,000 What's got you smiling? 395 00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:01,467 Wouldn't you like to know? 396 00:18:01,567 --> 00:18:03,067 The look of love, little twinkle in the eye 397 00:18:03,167 --> 00:18:04,733 I can detect. 398 00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:05,633 Come on. 399 00:18:07,367 --> 00:18:09,800 Sorted your differences, then? 400 00:18:09,900 --> 00:18:12,700 Never heard it called that before, but we talked. 401 00:18:17,467 --> 00:18:18,367 Toilets. 402 00:18:18,467 --> 00:18:19,267 Now. 403 00:18:23,900 --> 00:18:25,000 Look, I'm tired. 404 00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:26,300 That's all this is. 405 00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:28,200 I'm relieved your marriage is back on track. 406 00:18:28,300 --> 00:18:31,167 I appreciate the concern, but we've never been close, 407 00:18:31,267 --> 00:18:32,200 and I'm not the sister type. 408 00:18:32,300 --> 00:18:33,700 I just wish I'd have had someone 409 00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:36,167 to talk to when me and Jamie were fucking ourselves over. 410 00:18:36,267 --> 00:18:37,400 We've had a rough few months. 411 00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:39,133 Like I said, we've talked, and we're OK. 412 00:18:39,233 --> 00:18:40,700 Good, I'm glad. 413 00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:42,167 Because it's all be too easy to get 414 00:18:42,267 --> 00:18:44,733 hung up on someone who might let you down, wouldn't it? 415 00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:47,533 You know, someone who might offer a bit of excitement 416 00:18:47,633 --> 00:18:49,367 short term. 417 00:18:49,467 --> 00:18:52,433 But long term, well, you wouldn't 418 00:18:52,533 --> 00:18:55,933 back him if he was a horse at the National, would you? 419 00:18:56,033 --> 00:18:57,567 No, I don't think I would. 420 00:18:57,667 --> 00:18:58,467 Use the men's! 421 00:19:02,267 --> 00:19:04,367 Sometimes, we can get distracted. 422 00:19:04,467 --> 00:19:05,833 Things can seem a bit mundane. 423 00:19:05,933 --> 00:19:08,700 We think the grass is always greener, 424 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:09,900 but then before long, we-- 425 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,867 I lost everything. 426 00:19:12,967 --> 00:19:14,567 This isn't a bollocking, Kel. 427 00:19:14,667 --> 00:19:18,400 I just don't want you to make the same mistake I did. 428 00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:20,500 Joe? 429 00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:21,600 There's no bog roll. 430 00:19:21,700 --> 00:19:22,767 Well, drip dry. 431 00:19:22,867 --> 00:19:24,233 Without going into too much detail, 432 00:19:24,333 --> 00:19:25,600 that approach won't have much effect. 433 00:19:25,700 --> 00:19:26,533 Fine. 434 00:19:32,267 --> 00:19:34,100 You can talk to me, you know. 435 00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:39,133 When it comes to stuff like this, you can trust me. 436 00:19:42,567 --> 00:19:45,000 [chattering] 437 00:19:50,767 --> 00:19:54,233 Jamie, usual, double, and whatever those boring bastards 438 00:19:54,333 --> 00:19:57,400 are having, with a cyanide fucking chaser 439 00:19:57,500 --> 00:19:58,133 for each of them, 440 00:19:58,233 --> 00:19:59,700 not know enjoying it? 441 00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:02,800 He's everywhere I turn, never shuts the fuck up. 442 00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:05,867 God this, God that, God the other. 443 00:20:05,967 --> 00:20:09,100 He's got a bleeding parable for everything. 444 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,167 Can't even wipe your ass without him turning 445 00:20:11,267 --> 00:20:13,867 it into some kind of a lesson. 446 00:20:13,967 --> 00:20:15,067 Hello, Father Craig! 447 00:20:19,967 --> 00:20:20,800 Hiya, Father. 448 00:20:20,900 --> 00:20:21,967 Going already? 449 00:20:22,067 --> 00:20:23,733 Service in the morning, Mimi. 450 00:20:23,833 --> 00:20:25,100 Billy says you'll be there. 451 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:26,400 Not gonna miss out, am I? 452 00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:34,367 Stop this now. 453 00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:35,433 Come! 454 00:20:35,533 --> 00:20:37,733 Well, I-- I just wanted to impress you. 455 00:20:37,833 --> 00:20:39,700 Get rid of that boring bastard. 456 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,267 Then I'll be impressed. 457 00:20:47,767 --> 00:20:48,567 Jamie, over here. 458 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,967 She obviously wants something extreme. 459 00:20:58,067 --> 00:21:00,333 You know, a declaration of your intentions. 460 00:21:00,433 --> 00:21:01,067 Reckon? 461 00:21:01,167 --> 00:21:02,467 Think big, Billy. 462 00:21:02,567 --> 00:21:04,533 It's obviously the way to her heart. 463 00:21:04,633 --> 00:21:06,500 If not heart, it might get you into her knickers. 464 00:21:09,133 --> 00:21:11,367 What do you think she'd really, really like? 465 00:21:11,467 --> 00:21:13,767 What do you reckon would make her happy, her and the boys? 466 00:21:19,700 --> 00:21:20,833 What's going on? 467 00:21:20,933 --> 00:21:22,600 Well, I just want you to be happy. 468 00:21:22,700 --> 00:21:24,367 That's all. 469 00:21:24,467 --> 00:21:26,467 So I did something that'd make you happy. 470 00:21:39,233 --> 00:21:40,967 So you robbed my car. 471 00:21:41,067 --> 00:21:42,167 Borrowed. 472 00:21:42,267 --> 00:21:43,400 Then what the fuck did you give him? 473 00:21:43,500 --> 00:21:45,767 Just a load of ale, bottle of whiskey. 474 00:21:45,867 --> 00:21:47,033 And? 475 00:21:47,133 --> 00:21:48,467 Some pills I found in Micky's sock drawer. 476 00:21:48,567 --> 00:21:50,333 The blue ones? 477 00:21:50,433 --> 00:21:51,900 Orange? 478 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,533 Not the yellow ones. 479 00:21:53,633 --> 00:21:55,233 One of them'd floor all the Happy Mondays! 480 00:21:55,333 --> 00:21:56,633 How many did you slip him? 481 00:21:56,733 --> 00:21:57,533 Four. 482 00:21:57,633 --> 00:21:58,300 Ah! 483 00:21:58,400 --> 00:21:59,967 Well, no wonder he's dead. 484 00:22:00,067 --> 00:22:02,567 They're meant for horses of a nervous disposition! 485 00:22:02,667 --> 00:22:05,033 What in the name of God did you think you were doing? 486 00:22:05,133 --> 00:22:07,600 You said you'd be impressed if I got rid of him. 487 00:22:07,700 --> 00:22:10,467 I didn't mean "kill him, you thick, twat! 488 00:22:10,567 --> 00:22:13,700 I meant, out my line of vision for a split second, 489 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:17,767 out of my range of hearing, not bleeding dead! 490 00:22:17,867 --> 00:22:19,967 So what are we gonna do? 491 00:22:20,067 --> 00:22:21,767 Pray for forgiveness. 492 00:22:21,867 --> 00:22:23,800 He's killed a priest. 493 00:22:23,900 --> 00:22:26,133 Well, let him fucking pray, then. 494 00:22:26,233 --> 00:22:27,633 It's nowt to do with us. 495 00:22:27,733 --> 00:22:28,667 I'm going to Hell. 496 00:22:28,767 --> 00:22:30,200 I'm not even Catholic. 497 00:22:30,300 --> 00:22:32,600 Oh, and you think God's gonna turn a blind eye to the fact 498 00:22:32,700 --> 00:22:36,100 that we're sitting around a table, discussing how to get 499 00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:37,333 shut of the body? 500 00:22:37,433 --> 00:22:38,600 Hey, excuse me. 501 00:22:38,700 --> 00:22:40,733 I just come up with a solution to the problem, which 502 00:22:40,833 --> 00:22:41,833 went down like a lead balloon. 503 00:22:41,933 --> 00:22:43,933 The solution being that we take him 504 00:22:44,033 --> 00:22:45,867 to your mate's sausage factory? 505 00:22:45,967 --> 00:22:47,300 Never objected before. 506 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:50,033 I've never turned a priest into a sausage before. 507 00:22:52,933 --> 00:22:54,733 We'll be excommunicated. 508 00:22:54,833 --> 00:22:57,767 We're already excommunicated! 509 00:22:57,867 --> 00:22:58,733 Call your mate. 510 00:22:58,833 --> 00:23:01,933 Make the arrangements. 511 00:23:02,033 --> 00:23:03,633 Hang on. 512 00:23:03,733 --> 00:23:05,767 You're not actually gonna go through with this? 513 00:23:05,867 --> 00:23:07,500 Have you got a better solution? 514 00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:08,767 Remarkable. 515 00:23:08,867 --> 00:23:10,700 Just when I thought you'd never be able to shock me. 516 00:23:14,133 --> 00:23:15,833 OK, if we're going ahead with this, 517 00:23:15,933 --> 00:23:18,833 you need to make yourself scarce. 518 00:23:18,933 --> 00:23:20,133 No way! 519 00:23:20,233 --> 00:23:21,800 He got us into this shit! 520 00:23:21,900 --> 00:23:22,933 He's gonna help get us out. 521 00:23:23,033 --> 00:23:24,033 They'll get a fair few sausages 522 00:23:24,133 --> 00:23:25,167 out of him, though, won't they? 523 00:23:25,267 --> 00:23:27,600 I mean, he was a big lad, wasn't he? 524 00:23:27,700 --> 00:23:28,533 Fucking arse! 525 00:23:35,833 --> 00:23:38,300 [phone beeping] 526 00:23:51,933 --> 00:23:53,800 MARTY: Kelly. 527 00:23:53,900 --> 00:23:56,633 What do you want? 528 00:23:56,733 --> 00:23:57,733 What? 529 00:23:57,833 --> 00:24:00,433 Played me for a fool, didn't you? 530 00:24:00,533 --> 00:24:01,200 No. 531 00:24:01,300 --> 00:24:02,500 Not that I blame you. 532 00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:05,900 I am a fucking idiot, falling for your lies. 533 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,467 If you think I lied, why did you come? 534 00:24:08,567 --> 00:24:11,567 To tell you to get out of my life, to keep on running, 535 00:24:11,667 --> 00:24:15,367 fuck off so far away from me, and never come back. 536 00:24:15,467 --> 00:24:17,467 Sue left me. 537 00:24:17,567 --> 00:24:20,367 She walked out and took the kids. 538 00:24:20,467 --> 00:24:22,900 She wanted stuff I couldn't give her, 539 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,433 and she found someone who could. 540 00:24:25,533 --> 00:24:28,700 And I begged her, begged her to come back. 541 00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:30,100 And she said "to what?" 542 00:24:32,900 --> 00:24:34,733 "To what?" 543 00:24:34,833 --> 00:24:37,300 I was on me own. 544 00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:40,200 And I was getting pissed most nights, because-- 545 00:24:40,300 --> 00:24:42,767 then I lost me job because I couldn't get 546 00:24:42,867 --> 00:24:44,067 out of bed for the hangovers. 547 00:24:46,700 --> 00:24:48,833 I ended up on the street. 548 00:24:48,933 --> 00:24:50,333 And I was angry with meself. 549 00:24:50,433 --> 00:24:52,267 I was so angry. 550 00:24:52,367 --> 00:24:56,867 I'd lost me wife, me kids, me job, me flat. 551 00:24:56,967 --> 00:24:58,433 So you set fire to them? 552 00:25:05,300 --> 00:25:10,067 Took a while, but here it is at last, eh? 553 00:25:10,167 --> 00:25:12,400 Will the real Marty Fisher please stand up? 554 00:25:12,500 --> 00:25:14,900 The lying, murdering Marty Fisher. 555 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:15,900 No. 556 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:18,233 Save it. 557 00:25:18,333 --> 00:25:20,100 I thought you were different. 558 00:25:23,867 --> 00:25:24,667 Fucking cliche alert! 559 00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,167 I hope they find you, Marty. 560 00:25:29,267 --> 00:25:31,700 I hope the filth drag you in, and I 561 00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:34,700 hope you go down for life. 562 00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:37,700 Sue didn't deserve that. 563 00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:38,600 And your kids-- 564 00:25:42,333 --> 00:25:45,300 - K-- Kelly-- - Fuck off. 565 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:46,233 I love you. 566 00:25:49,233 --> 00:25:50,233 And I love Shane. 567 00:26:06,100 --> 00:26:07,633 Shit. 568 00:26:07,733 --> 00:26:09,067 They're still looking for Marty. 569 00:26:09,167 --> 00:26:11,000 Right, father's Craig's pissed after an all night wake. 570 00:26:11,100 --> 00:26:12,200 We're taking him back to church. 571 00:26:12,300 --> 00:26:14,633 Everyone, stay calm. 572 00:26:14,733 --> 00:26:16,200 May I ask May I ask where you're going, lads? 573 00:26:16,300 --> 00:26:18,667 Ah, just bringing a mate home a bit worse for wear. 574 00:26:18,767 --> 00:26:21,233 I hope you sober up before Sunday, Father. 575 00:26:21,333 --> 00:26:23,100 Me daughter's christening. 576 00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:24,100 He's gonna puke. 577 00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:25,800 Do you wanna get out, Father? 578 00:26:25,900 --> 00:26:27,167 No, he's just rat-arsed. 579 00:26:27,267 --> 00:26:28,667 Don't tell the pope. 580 00:26:28,767 --> 00:26:30,367 Do you wanna open the boot for us, please? 581 00:26:30,467 --> 00:26:32,133 [sobbing] 582 00:26:32,233 --> 00:26:35,167 Shh, shut the fuck up! 583 00:26:38,433 --> 00:26:39,900 Yeah, looks great, mate. 584 00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:41,067 Cheers. 585 00:26:41,167 --> 00:26:42,167 This other mate looks in a bad way too. 586 00:26:42,267 --> 00:26:44,133 Oh, he can't handle his booze. 587 00:26:44,233 --> 00:26:46,000 I think it was the punch what finished him off. 588 00:26:46,100 --> 00:26:47,700 That'll teach him. 589 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:48,667 Cheers, lads. 590 00:26:52,867 --> 00:26:54,233 See you, Father. 591 00:26:57,900 --> 00:26:59,900 Vodka, double. 592 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:00,967 One for yourself, Mimi. 593 00:27:01,067 --> 00:27:02,600 Fuck knows you could do with one. 594 00:27:02,700 --> 00:27:03,567 And what are you having? 595 00:27:03,667 --> 00:27:06,833 A bit early for me. 596 00:27:06,933 --> 00:27:09,100 [beeping] 597 00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:12,333 To the useless, lying, two-faced, 598 00:27:12,433 --> 00:27:16,633 manipulative, deceitful, gang of total bastardry that is men. 599 00:27:16,733 --> 00:27:19,667 Fuck knows I'll drink to that. 600 00:27:19,767 --> 00:27:21,933 Unless it's our Shane you're talking about. 601 00:27:22,033 --> 00:27:24,300 Punter finally revealed his true colors. 602 00:27:28,633 --> 00:27:29,567 Same again, please, Mimi. 603 00:27:29,667 --> 00:27:32,000 supposed to be at work in 10 minutes. 604 00:27:32,100 --> 00:27:33,800 Got the barbershop quartet in. - Fuck 'em yourself. 605 00:27:33,900 --> 00:27:34,900 Turn the light off. 606 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:35,800 They'd never know the difference. 607 00:27:35,900 --> 00:27:37,067 'Course they would. 608 00:27:37,167 --> 00:27:38,133 Lillian, this is the male of the species 609 00:27:38,233 --> 00:27:39,067 we're talking about. 610 00:27:39,167 --> 00:27:40,533 Brains and cocks. 611 00:27:40,633 --> 00:27:42,533 Fuck knows there's not much room in there for a brain. 612 00:27:42,633 --> 00:27:43,733 Fuck 'em yourself. 613 00:27:43,833 --> 00:27:46,567 Or better still, tell 'em to go fuck themselves. 614 00:27:46,667 --> 00:27:48,900 You've had two verbal warnings, Kelly. 615 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:50,367 Third, written. 616 00:27:50,467 --> 00:27:51,133 What? 617 00:27:51,233 --> 00:27:52,867 You're gonna dismiss me? 618 00:27:52,967 --> 00:27:54,967 Then I take you to a tribunal, and-- 619 00:27:55,067 --> 00:27:55,867 oh, no. 620 00:27:55,967 --> 00:27:57,300 That's right. 621 00:27:57,400 --> 00:27:59,967 I can't, on account of how your business is illegal, 622 00:28:00,067 --> 00:28:01,700 and you'd end up in it for being a madam. 623 00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:02,600 Madame! 624 00:28:06,833 --> 00:28:10,367 All you need do sometimes is take a step back to get 625 00:28:10,467 --> 00:28:11,933 a good perspective, isn't it? 626 00:28:12,033 --> 00:28:13,133 Where's all this coming from? 627 00:28:13,233 --> 00:28:14,600 From me being let down once too often. 628 00:28:14,700 --> 00:28:16,333 That's where this is going from, Karen. 629 00:28:16,433 --> 00:28:18,467 - Shane? - No, we're good. 630 00:28:18,567 --> 00:28:19,367 Yeah? 631 00:28:21,433 --> 00:28:22,233 Yeah. 632 00:28:43,067 --> 00:28:44,833 All right, kiddo? 633 00:28:44,933 --> 00:28:45,800 All right, mate? 634 00:28:45,900 --> 00:28:46,700 Not bad, mate? 635 00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:48,333 Yeah, good good. 636 00:28:48,433 --> 00:28:49,267 Nice one. 637 00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:54,833 All irght, boys. 638 00:28:54,933 --> 00:28:56,500 All right, mate. 639 00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:58,400 Right, we need to get him in here, yeah. 640 00:28:58,500 --> 00:28:59,767 And then get him to the processing room. 641 00:28:59,867 --> 00:29:01,867 There's gonna be a tea break in about 10 minutes. 642 00:29:01,967 --> 00:29:03,433 So it's gonna be empty. 643 00:29:03,533 --> 00:29:04,967 I'm gonna need a hand getting him stripped. 644 00:29:05,067 --> 00:29:06,133 I'll do it. 645 00:29:06,233 --> 00:29:07,300 You wanna bring him over here, Micky? 646 00:29:25,067 --> 00:29:26,033 Shit. 647 00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:38,767 Mum, you need to be here. 648 00:29:38,867 --> 00:29:39,733 And quick. 649 00:29:58,900 --> 00:30:01,800 You said you checked he was dead. 650 00:30:01,900 --> 00:30:02,967 I did. 651 00:30:03,067 --> 00:30:04,100 You obviously didn't check properly! 652 00:30:24,433 --> 00:30:25,700 It's a miracle. 653 00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:27,333 I'm telling you, it's a miracle. 654 00:30:27,433 --> 00:30:28,067 Go! 655 00:30:28,167 --> 00:30:29,200 Leave the talking to me. 656 00:30:35,633 --> 00:30:41,367 And I prayed, and prayed to God to find a solution. 657 00:30:41,467 --> 00:30:44,533 And he did. 658 00:30:44,633 --> 00:30:47,367 You OK, Father? 659 00:30:47,467 --> 00:30:49,967 I-- uh, I-- 660 00:30:50,067 --> 00:30:52,433 I don't know. 661 00:30:52,533 --> 00:30:53,167 I'm sorry, Mimi. 662 00:30:53,267 --> 00:30:55,733 I'm not feeling 100%. 663 00:30:55,833 --> 00:30:56,800 I must have nodded off. 664 00:31:00,900 --> 00:31:02,367 I had the weirdest dream. 665 00:31:05,333 --> 00:31:07,533 And the Lord said to me-- 666 00:31:12,367 --> 00:31:15,700 next time you wanna impress me, try a bunch of roses, 667 00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:17,100 a box of chocolates. 668 00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:18,900 We were lucky this time, Billy. 669 00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:21,200 Make sure there isn't a next time, yeah? 670 00:31:21,300 --> 00:31:22,233 You said he was a problem. 671 00:31:22,333 --> 00:31:23,400 I thought you wanted rid. 672 00:31:23,500 --> 00:31:25,133 Why would she go to you if she did? 673 00:31:25,233 --> 00:31:26,967 Because-- because I'm the father of her child. 674 00:31:27,067 --> 00:31:28,933 That was a biological accident. 675 00:31:29,033 --> 00:31:30,167 A happy one! 676 00:31:30,267 --> 00:31:32,533 Yeah, but an accident nonetheless, mum. 677 00:31:32,633 --> 00:31:33,900 Get this straight, Billy. 678 00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:36,233 If there's a problem within this family that needs solving, 679 00:31:36,333 --> 00:31:37,133 this family'll solve it. 680 00:31:37,233 --> 00:31:38,067 You got that? 681 00:31:38,167 --> 00:31:39,833 We don't need you. 682 00:31:39,933 --> 00:31:42,733 We don't want you. 683 00:31:42,833 --> 00:31:44,100 By the way, you pissed yourself. 684 00:31:46,567 --> 00:31:47,400 Ugh. 685 00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:56,167 That hit the spot. 686 00:31:56,267 --> 00:31:57,667 It was lovely, that. 687 00:31:57,767 --> 00:31:58,933 Thought you'd like it. 688 00:31:59,033 --> 00:31:59,833 I liked it? 689 00:31:59,933 --> 00:32:01,367 I loved it. 690 00:32:01,467 --> 00:32:03,533 You don't have to over-do it, Shane. 691 00:32:03,633 --> 00:32:05,700 No, it was nice, that. 692 00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:07,500 It chips, bacon, and egg. 693 00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:09,767 It were great. 694 00:32:09,867 --> 00:32:10,933 I'll do the washing up. 695 00:32:11,033 --> 00:32:12,533 - No. - Come on, I said that I would. 696 00:32:12,633 --> 00:32:13,267 I know what you said. 697 00:32:13,367 --> 00:32:15,600 And I said, I'll do it. 698 00:32:15,700 --> 00:32:16,500 Sorry. 699 00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:18,133 No, it's me. 700 00:32:18,233 --> 00:32:19,733 No, I'm-- I'm probably trying a bit-- 701 00:32:19,833 --> 00:32:20,633 No, don't. 702 00:32:20,733 --> 00:32:21,667 It's not you. 703 00:32:21,767 --> 00:32:23,433 This. It's not-- it's not you. 704 00:32:23,533 --> 00:32:24,200 It's me, Shane. 705 00:32:24,300 --> 00:32:29,600 Just-- It's just me. 706 00:32:32,933 --> 00:32:35,433 That mean I can go watch the footie that I recorded? 707 00:32:41,267 --> 00:32:42,233 I love you, Kelly Maguire. 708 00:32:47,700 --> 00:32:48,600 Yeah, you said. 709 00:32:55,267 --> 00:32:56,233 Thank you, Carmel. 710 00:33:15,300 --> 00:33:16,867 Just thought we'd give you this, Father. 711 00:33:16,967 --> 00:33:20,567 Our contribution to the new room for the vestry, Father. 712 00:33:20,667 --> 00:33:21,767 Oh, that's very kind. 713 00:33:21,867 --> 00:33:22,767 Thank you. 714 00:33:22,867 --> 00:33:25,233 So 10 minutes, yeah? 715 00:33:25,333 --> 00:33:27,467 For? 716 00:33:27,567 --> 00:33:28,800 Nice one. 717 00:33:28,900 --> 00:33:30,767 Making out like he's forgot. 718 00:33:30,867 --> 00:33:32,000 You. 719 00:33:32,100 --> 00:33:33,600 Cilla's christening. 720 00:33:33,700 --> 00:33:35,633 2:00. 721 00:33:35,733 --> 00:33:37,333 You did say 2:00. 722 00:33:37,433 --> 00:33:38,800 Of course I didn't forget. 723 00:33:38,900 --> 00:33:40,567 How could I forget a thing like that? 724 00:33:40,667 --> 00:33:44,700 And Billy is properly excited, yeah. 725 00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:46,633 You know, about getting christened at the same time 726 00:33:46,733 --> 00:33:47,833 as his daughter. 727 00:33:47,933 --> 00:33:50,533 Very kind of you to fast track him. 728 00:33:50,633 --> 00:33:52,433 He's welling up. 729 00:33:52,533 --> 00:33:55,133 He's so proud. 730 00:33:55,233 --> 00:33:56,533 I'm going meself. 731 00:33:56,633 --> 00:33:57,433 I'll just prepare. 732 00:34:17,833 --> 00:34:19,967 What the fuck's going on? 733 00:34:20,067 --> 00:34:22,000 Baptism, Cilla's. 734 00:34:22,100 --> 00:34:24,600 And you're godparents. 735 00:34:24,700 --> 00:34:25,500 Lovely. 736 00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:26,900 When? - Now. 737 00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:28,300 Nice one. 738 00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:31,700 If I snuff it, soft-arse'll get custody of Cilla. 739 00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:33,967 That's not gonna happen. 740 00:34:34,067 --> 00:34:35,667 Look at him. 741 00:34:35,767 --> 00:34:39,433 He's a lovely lad, but a few bricks short of a full lot. 742 00:34:39,533 --> 00:34:40,433 Know what I mean? 743 00:34:40,533 --> 00:34:42,600 Mimi, I don't actually believe in-- 744 00:34:42,700 --> 00:34:43,867 Heard it all before, Kelly. 745 00:34:43,967 --> 00:34:45,467 You don't believe in God. 746 00:34:45,567 --> 00:34:46,567 We now. 747 00:34:46,667 --> 00:34:49,100 Half the congregation'll be in the same boat. 748 00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:51,633 I just want you to nod when you're supposed to, 749 00:34:51,733 --> 00:34:55,300 light a candle, renounce the devil, then get back to the pub 750 00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:57,900 and get pissed with the rest of us. 751 00:34:58,000 --> 00:34:59,567 Got that? 752 00:34:59,667 --> 00:35:01,833 Come on, soft lad. 753 00:35:01,933 --> 00:35:03,567 Did that just happen? 754 00:35:03,667 --> 00:35:04,700 Who does she think she is? 755 00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:06,133 Oh, geez. Come on, Kel. 756 00:35:06,233 --> 00:35:07,267 She's always like that. 757 00:35:07,367 --> 00:35:08,800 Well, she can fuck off. 758 00:35:08,900 --> 00:35:09,900 You know what? 759 00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:11,467 You're always like that, actually. 760 00:35:11,567 --> 00:35:13,167 And you're always like that, sitting on the fucking fence. 761 00:35:13,267 --> 00:35:16,233 What's it gonna take for you to back me up, mommy's boy? 762 00:35:19,367 --> 00:35:22,333 You knew what you were getting into when you took me on. 763 00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:35,467 Hang on, wait for me! 764 00:35:35,567 --> 00:35:38,000 [phone ringing] 765 00:35:49,767 --> 00:35:51,933 Barbara Castle? In her day. 766 00:35:52,033 --> 00:35:53,933 Edwina Currie? 767 00:35:54,033 --> 00:35:54,867 Posh Scouser. 768 00:35:54,967 --> 00:35:56,567 Contradiction in terms. 769 00:35:56,667 --> 00:35:59,767 See, I'd have slotted Thatcher one in her heyday. 770 00:35:59,867 --> 00:36:01,533 From behind, obviously. 771 00:36:01,633 --> 00:36:02,800 Show her who's boss. 772 00:36:02,900 --> 00:36:04,300 "Ooh, not for turning?" 773 00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:06,867 Well, you fucking will be after this, Maggie. 774 00:36:06,967 --> 00:36:09,833 One up the mineshaft in memory of Scargill. 775 00:36:09,933 --> 00:36:11,700 But Widdecombe? 776 00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:15,300 Wouldn't really be an angle that would satisfy, would there? 777 00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:17,267 It's not as if you could half close 778 00:36:17,367 --> 00:36:20,467 your eyes, so they're all fuzzy and convince yourself 779 00:36:20,567 --> 00:36:21,800 it's somebody else. 780 00:36:21,900 --> 00:36:25,133 Fucking Churchill would be a more attractive proposition. 781 00:36:25,233 --> 00:36:28,000 Miliband's got a pretty face. 782 00:36:28,100 --> 00:36:30,567 I think your mistake was going for someone 783 00:36:30,667 --> 00:36:31,533 with such a low profile. 784 00:36:31,633 --> 00:36:32,433 What do you mean? 785 00:36:32,533 --> 00:36:34,133 The priest. 786 00:36:34,233 --> 00:36:36,433 If you wanna impress the Maguires, aim high. 787 00:36:36,533 --> 00:36:38,700 Take out some gangster, and you'd be quids in. 788 00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:40,633 Telling you. 789 00:36:40,733 --> 00:36:43,933 You wanna reach puberty, keep your trap shut. 790 00:36:44,033 --> 00:36:45,000 Bin, now. 791 00:36:50,267 --> 00:36:51,900 If I'd have wanted a gangster, I wouldn't 792 00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:53,100 have gotten rid of Paddy. 793 00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:56,967 I like you because you're you, OK? 794 00:36:57,067 --> 00:36:58,467 Just be you. 795 00:36:58,567 --> 00:37:00,133 [laughter] 796 00:37:00,233 --> 00:37:06,867 A toast to Cilla Maureen Tutton-Maguire. 797 00:37:06,967 --> 00:37:08,767 Welcome to the family. 798 00:37:08,867 --> 00:37:11,033 Welcome to the family! 799 00:37:11,133 --> 00:37:15,000 And to Billy Tutton, welcome to the family. 800 00:37:15,100 --> 00:37:16,800 Welcome to the family! 801 00:37:16,900 --> 00:37:17,733 You're one of us now. 802 00:37:21,433 --> 00:37:23,067 She means Catholic, by the way. 803 00:37:23,167 --> 00:37:24,167 Not one of them. 804 00:37:26,967 --> 00:37:27,767 For fuck's sake! 805 00:37:40,833 --> 00:37:42,433 What the fuck's done that? 806 00:37:42,533 --> 00:37:43,167 Rats. 807 00:37:43,267 --> 00:37:45,000 Big fucking rat. 808 00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:11,033 Excuse I for queue jumping. 809 00:38:11,133 --> 00:38:12,167 I've got a turtle's head. 810 00:38:12,267 --> 00:38:13,433 They're all occupied, and I'm next. 811 00:38:13,533 --> 00:38:14,800 I'm touching cloth. 812 00:38:14,900 --> 00:38:15,733 Gents! 813 00:38:19,667 --> 00:38:21,233 I'm-- 814 00:38:21,333 --> 00:38:22,567 Sorry? 815 00:38:22,667 --> 00:38:26,233 Gonna do the decent thing, hand yourself in? 816 00:38:26,333 --> 00:38:30,167 Admit you're a fucking scumbag for killing your wife and kids? 817 00:38:30,267 --> 00:38:32,867 A pathological liar for leading me on, making me 818 00:38:32,967 --> 00:38:34,333 believe we had some kind of future? 819 00:38:34,433 --> 00:38:36,833 It wasn't supposed to happen this way. 820 00:38:36,933 --> 00:38:38,100 Too right! 821 00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:40,133 I wasn't supposed to fall for the nutter 822 00:38:40,233 --> 00:38:42,800 with fuck all to offer but a criminal record 823 00:38:42,900 --> 00:38:44,367 and an empty wallet! 824 00:38:44,467 --> 00:38:49,767 I wanted the white charger and shining armor, and I get you. 825 00:38:49,867 --> 00:38:53,167 Fucking you! 826 00:38:53,267 --> 00:38:55,200 The lights'll be back on any minute. 827 00:38:55,300 --> 00:38:56,100 Great. 828 00:39:02,100 --> 00:39:04,500 Making sure no one's fallen over. 829 00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:06,567 Broken their neck. 830 00:39:06,667 --> 00:39:07,800 Home soon, eh? 831 00:39:07,900 --> 00:39:08,733 Mhm. 832 00:39:14,033 --> 00:39:14,967 You never asked. 833 00:39:15,067 --> 00:39:16,533 That's what fucking hurt. 834 00:39:16,633 --> 00:39:19,033 After what we'd said, what we'd done, what you said you felt, 835 00:39:19,133 --> 00:39:19,967 you never asked. 836 00:39:20,067 --> 00:39:21,200 Never! 837 00:39:21,300 --> 00:39:22,200 What did I never ask, eh? 838 00:39:22,300 --> 00:39:23,367 You fucking lunatic! 839 00:39:23,467 --> 00:39:24,500 I wanted to tell you what happened, 840 00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:27,333 but I wanted you to know me first! 841 00:39:27,433 --> 00:39:30,933 You wanted me to fall for you first! 842 00:39:31,033 --> 00:39:32,133 I didn't do it. 843 00:39:32,233 --> 00:39:35,233 And if you need me to, I can prove it. 844 00:39:35,333 --> 00:39:38,500 I didn't do it, Kel. 845 00:39:38,600 --> 00:39:39,433 I couldn't! 846 00:39:42,233 --> 00:39:44,867 But even you thought I could. 847 00:39:44,967 --> 00:39:47,900 Even you. 848 00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:50,400 [sobbing] 849 00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:55,600 I'll be at the bus stop. 850 00:39:55,700 --> 00:40:03,100 Corner of Muirfield Avenue and Lytton Street, 9:00. 851 00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:05,767 I wanna start again. 852 00:40:05,867 --> 00:40:08,900 A new life. 853 00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:13,067 Someone I love, someone I never thought I'd 854 00:40:13,167 --> 00:40:15,467 have the luck to come across. 855 00:40:15,567 --> 00:40:17,133 It's a lot to think about, I know. 856 00:40:17,233 --> 00:40:19,100 And I would have done it sooner if-- if all this hadn't 857 00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:25,800 have happened, but I love you. 858 00:40:25,900 --> 00:40:28,600 And I want you with me. 859 00:41:09,033 --> 00:41:11,933 Well, maybe you'll get one if you're lucky. 860 00:41:12,033 --> 00:41:14,533 [chattering] 861 00:41:20,833 --> 00:41:21,667 One, two, three, go. 862 00:41:21,767 --> 00:41:23,533 Ting! 863 00:41:23,633 --> 00:41:26,133 [music playing] 864 00:42:33,967 --> 00:42:34,767 I've not seen you. 865 00:43:24,467 --> 00:43:25,567 Fuck. 866 00:43:25,667 --> 00:43:26,800 KELLY (VOICEOVER): I used to wonder how I'd know 867 00:43:26,900 --> 00:43:29,067 if it was love and not lust. 868 00:43:29,167 --> 00:43:30,600 How could you tell? 869 00:43:30,700 --> 00:43:33,767 Because in the past, I thought it was there, and it wasn't. 870 00:43:33,867 --> 00:43:35,067 It was nice, don't get me wrong. 871 00:43:35,167 --> 00:43:37,633 But it wasn't what it should have been. 872 00:43:37,733 --> 00:43:41,267 It didn't feel like it should have felt. 873 00:43:41,367 --> 00:43:43,867 If just the thought of him doesn't warm you, 874 00:43:43,967 --> 00:43:46,567 if being with him at the end of the day isn't all you need, 875 00:43:46,667 --> 00:43:51,133 if you're not counting the hours until you see them again, if-- 876 00:43:51,233 --> 00:43:53,367 if you don't keep their old messages on your phone 877 00:43:53,467 --> 00:43:58,867 just so you can hear that voice, then it's not love. 878 00:43:58,967 --> 00:44:01,467 [phone ringing] 879 00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:53,267 [theme music] 880 00:45:38,633 --> 00:45:41,133 [growling] 881 00:45:42,067 --> 00:45:44,933 Oh, for fuck's sake, mum. 882 00:45:45,033 --> 00:45:47,767 Is that gastric band playing up again?