Anyone watching, thinking we know
fuck all about knowing fuck all about,
needs to watch their backs.
So you've had your Labour reclassifying skunk,
sending prices sky high.
Literally, literally, taking the grass from its own roots.
Now, you got your condemnation.
Liberals noshing Tories like altar boys picking dimps up.
Have we had a national fucking stroke or what?
Is revolution a word or was it never?
Anybody watching needs to know we cope better than average
with the irony in Chatsworth.
Well, for fuck's sake, we live in Manchester,
and they charge us for water.
I wandered lonely as a cloud necking mushrooms rarely found.
This green and pleasant land in ancient times.
Yak, yak, yak, yak yak, yak.
It's not theirs anymore.
This is our England now.
Party!
AIDAN (VOICEOVER): Yeah, it's all right
around here, apart from the smack heads, and the alkies,
and the dealers.
Murderers, rapists, racists, mentalists, wife beaters,
man eaters, fat ass spongers, and toothless chain-smoking
shit-mongers.
Apart from that, it's nice.
But if home's what you make it, try as I might, it's not home.
Not my home.
Thank fuck.
That's for calling me a tramp on your Facebook,
you hairy slag.
What the fuck?
You little bastard.
Wait till I get my hands on ya.
I'll string you up by your bollocks.
[police siren wailing]
Why is there a foreign bloke upstairs in the cupboard?
Sorting the water heater.
What?
Housing?
Fucking joke, aren't you?
We'll wait till Dick docks before they
pull a finger out their asses. - What?
You paid someone?
Has he shite.
He's doing it for free?
[phone ringing]
I'll answer that, shall I?
No food, he's homeless.
Well, don't blame me.
He'd have done it for a blow job.
Selfish cow in there refused.
You want hot water, don't you?
OK, done?
Yeah?
You fix?
Very good.
Aidan's gone and got himself arrested.
One of you'll have to go to the police station.
I've got my wheelchair dance formation class.
God.
Oh my god.
Mimi Maguire.
All right, Evie, love.
I didn't recognize you.
You look fab.
Ta, hon.
I've tried so many diets, protein, cabbage, baby food.
How did you get from the size of a bus
to the size of a bus stop?
The shake died.
What's that?
Every time you're offered food, shake your head,
you fat Now, do one.
Cilla!
Cilla.
Stop.
Man of the match again.
How old?
14.
I'm 15 next year.
What is it you want?
Just you.
I told you to disappear.
No.
I see you again, I'll kill you.
I've just remembered, she's with her brother.
My head's up my ass.
I must be going through the change.
Tell the police, it's a false alarm.
[cellphone ringing]
Billy?
I know it's you.
Where are you?
If you hurt her, I'll kill you, you bastard.
If you think I'll be dragged through the courts because
of you, you've another think coming.
Theft and criminal damage.
Police can't touch me.
I'm a minor.
Got the law on my side.
Oh, fuck it.
No, it'll be us that he'll get stung with a hefty fine
for his shenanigans.
I'm not getting out of pocket to protect your ass,
so you better buck your ideas or you can fuck
off back to your own family?
Lay off him.
Hey.
Things are tough enough as it is, but don't
shit on your own doorstep.
I'll be gone by the time it gets to court.
Mom's out tomorrow.
Aidan.
"Macho Health" Magazine" says this is the best
proven way for males to bond.
It'll help us open up, build a trust.
Friends that bruise together, stay together.
Get off, you little wanker.
Fuck off.
It's weird.
I'm trying to improve our situation.
Can't we just carry on getting pissed instead?
You've been a closed book since I moved in.
I was opening to get you to open up and talk
about your feelings and shit, so we'd have a better connection.
Like what?
Like your kids.
If you're so bothered about losing your visiting right,
then why aren't you fighting for them?
Fuck you then.
Sad.
I feel sad.
I miss my kids.
I won't ever see them again.
Sue won't let me.
Said I have to match her standards of a home
before she'd let them visit.
Best I can do is this place.
I'm a bad daddy, a failure.
You can't give up.
Dad's are important.
Look, kids need the father's love.
It's obvious you need theirs.
Let me help.
Aidan's left his room.
Smell you laters.
It means, he's fucked off.
We both know where he's going.
It's out of our hands now.
18 months, and this is how he shows his gratitude.
Not even so much as a thank you, Auntie?
Or even a goodbye?
Like
He's desperate for his mom, that's all.
You can't blame him.
I blame his mother.
The degree of violence that put her in prison worries me.
What if next time is not a punter?
What if it's Aidan?
You're overreacting.
From what I know, the gypsy father
left to marry one of his own kind
before Aidan was out of nappies.
After that, his mother changed for the worse,
drugs and prostitution.
Aidan was dragged up, passed from pillar to post.
Had to fend for himself since he could walk.
If that's true, why would he want to go back to that?
Doesn't know any better, I suppose.
[cellphone ringing]
I'm ready for you now.
Meet me.
Aidan.
She's already out.
Sorry, mate.
Where is she?
Where's Mom?
What?
Tell me, you old bitch.
You know.
Talk sense.
Evil cow.
Shitebag, show some respect for the dead.
People at the prison says she's been out for two months.
- And I'm to blame because? - What?
You didn't know?
Of course not.
So what about Aidan?
Until his mother turns up, if it all, we put up with him.
Who whoa.
Hang on, do we keep collecting his readies?
It's like old times, Carl, isn't it?
You all right?
Mom will come for me.
Probably waiting to get back on her feet and settled.
Isn't she?
Mate, Patty cares, you know.
She was out with me searching the streets for you
until 3:00 this morning.
She doesn't.
She wants to keep me as a slave.
It isn't her fault. Ride it out.
Till you know what's happened, you're stuck here.
And you've got a court date coming up.
Dad won't want you going down because we need
the money you're bringing in.
What money?
Your benefits.
You've got the advantage, so make the most of the situation,
yeah?
Let me explain.
I get it.
Me and you got unresolved shift to sort,
but that doesn't give you the right to take my baby.
Our baby.
I'd never do anything to hurt her, hurt you.
I just had to get your attention.
Get you somewhere where you'd listen,
and I badly wanted to see my daughter.
OK, whatever it is you want, Billy.
I'll do anything.
I promise.
Just let me hold my baby, please?
You'll listen?
Please?
Don't you ever, ever, ever take my baby
away from me, do you hear me?
There was no reason for this fucking palaver.
I'm a reasonable woman.
[soft music playing]
Everyone, feck off.
Get lost for a couple of hours.
Piss off.
I'll get on to social services, find a foster family.
And it'll be bye-bye benefits.
Up to you.
I will do it.
Hey, look, I can understand you
don't want no cripple cramping your style,
but, come on, at least--
I couldn't live with what I'd done.
What you did to get rid of me.
So this is your revenge, is it?
No.
I just wanted to see for myself, that's all.
See you.
But then I saw her, so I left school, got a job,
and saved up for this place.
Well, you needn't have bothered.
Everything's perfect as it is.
Can you get off me now, please?
Lucky for you, my piles are giving me jip.
So what now?
I can't think straight.
You're still in shock.
I know that's my fault, but you can't leave like this.
Next door is empty.
So once I've knocked this through and decorated,
this place will be like a palace.
You doing this is giving him false hope.
What?
You think Sue is going to drop everything and fly over here?
Sue agreed.
She's coming over with the kids.
Told you.
We'll never get it done in time though, I mean,
not the way Sue would want.
If me and you work together we will.
I'll help with the decorating.
I'm not being funny, but this is man's work.
Shane don't mind you helping?
I mean, you don't have to.
It's fine.
Shane's fine.
I want to help.
I'll leave you men to it.
Hammer time.
Got you an en suite.
- Wake up. - That's mine.
Get off.
Everyone out, now.
Get out.
Move.
Up now.
Get out.
Where have you been?
Celebrating by Polish friends--
No, no,no.
New job.
Hungary.
Oh, yeah, me too.
Packet of turkey flavored crisps, do you.
And Aidan's demise.
Money isn't worth it.
Why?
I was throw out my own house.
Man of my age shouldn't have to put up with that.
I should be living in comfort.
Men of your age are usually out working.
I've had more jobs than Mr. Benn.
I am not work shy.
It's my back, you see?
Yeah, I know you're not, you're fucking allergic.
This is just a blip. I'll sort Aidan.
You've done enough damage.
For his own sake, he needs to be reminded who's in charge.
He's due in court tomorrow.
His solicitor says it's up to yours truly
whether he's packed off to a young offenders or not.
Best place for him.
You can't.
Nothing gets past you, does it?
The way you treated the house, me
and Frank, after everything I've done for you, is that fair?
Patty.
I could get you off.
I could persuade Frank to keep you
at home, if you promise your days
of taking the piss are over.
Room for a little one?
Time you've finished, the water will be cold.
It took me an hour to fill up this.
What's the matter?
You were the one who said we should bond, get closer.
There are certain boundaries you just don't cross.
What's the matter?
I'm not gay.
Plum fiddler.
Cock jockey.
Ass bandit.
Bollock ninja.
Brother fucker.
This is exactly why I didn't say anything.
I am capable of being mates with another man
without being pervy, you know?
I see you as a mate.
Nothing more, so don't flatter yourself.
You're not even my type anyway.
So who is your type?
Go on.
Just someone nice and loving.
Who I can tell anything to and just
know that it will be safe with him.
Someone who's easy to talk to, and who'll always
be there for me no matter what.
And when I'm sad, he'd comfort me.
Just tell me that everything's going to be OK.
Big dick.
Yeah.
What about you?
There is someone.
Trust her with my life.
She's perfect.
I'd be with her now, but it's difficult.
I know who it is.
Well, it's Sue, isn't it?
You just don't want your kids back, you want her back too.
You want to be a family again.
You snore like a jumbo jet.
If you're hungry, there's cereal or toast.
I like a full English.
In the grill.
Kept it warm for you.
Smart ass.
Can't deny Cilla her dad.
What kind of mother would that make me?
I want to tell my kids.
I didn't want to be a dad.
I'm her dad.
I want to be in Cilla's life for the rest of my life.
And--
Don't be getting ahead of yourself.
Things need to be sorted between me
and my family first, understand?
Cheese and tomato pizza?
Cheese and tomato garlic bread.
I got you a meat feast.
Shane.
She is vegetarian.
Yeah, well--
Fuck have you been?
Where do you think?
With that snidey twitching twat, Marty.
- He's all right. - He's scum.
You're scum.
All of you fucking drop it.
I got something to tell ya.
It's about-- it's about--
it's about--
Are you gonna keep us in suspenders or what, Mom?
- It's about Cilla's dad. - We know.
Billy Tutton. - You fucking what?
I only told Shane.
[interposing voices]
I've been worrying myself sick for months keeping it a secret
because I was ashamed.
Mimi, you shagged a 14-year-old.
Did she, fuck?
Mom's not a paedo.
Well, how's Cilla Billy's if they didn't shag, dickhead?
He got his--
well, she opened--
Mom, tell her you're not a paedo.
Are you?
I didn't know how old he was.
I gave him wanks, and sometimes I'd--
I'd lie on the bed and flick my bean while he
stood over me tugging off.
Ah, no.
One time he got too close, and there
was an accident of spillage. [screaming]
That time Billy warned that I could get pregnant.
I never thought I--
See?
It just a jizz finger, that's all.
You've done nothing to be ashamed of, and we love you.
He's back.
He wants access to Cilla. - No way.
I'll tear his fucking bollocks off.
I will carve him a new asshole.
Murder the fucking cunt.
Electronic tag and 6 PM curfew.
How is that punishment?
Fucking human rights gone mad.
Oi.
What's he doing in my room?
That's our contingency.
We rented it out.
Your mother could turn up any day.
We have to cover our bets.
Till then, you won't be taking the proverbial anymore,
and if you don't like it, you're welcome to give your mates
at social services a call.
You'll get used to sharing.
He works nights, security, so he'll sleep all day.
You won't even know he's still there.
And I'm obliged to let you know
he's on the sex offenders register,
some lost in translation thing.
It's a stupid law anyway.
You have to leave now.
The news about you didn't go down well.
They want your blood, and I can't protect you.
I didn't come back, do all this, to just run away.
Are you daft?
You can't just show up and act like everything's normal.
It's not. It's fucked up.
I'm older. I'm not a kid anymore.
I'm 16.
If you give me a chance, we can make it work.
I have to know I'm doing the right thing by Cilla.
And without my lads on side, you can't be in her life.
You need to prove to me and them that you're
ready to be her father.
And if you can't, I understand.
But it's that or nothing.
The three billy goats gruff had to cross a river,
but there was only one bridge across it, and under the bridge
lived a nasty troll.
The smallest billy goat gruff was
the first to get to the bridge.
The next billy goat gruff crossed the bridge clip,
clop, clip, clop.
Who's that clip, clopping over my bridge, shouted the troll.
The third billy goat gruff approached the bridge--
You're shaking all over.
That's not my fucking problem, is it?
Just do what you're fucking told,
or I'll rip you in fucking two.
I know it's what you wanted, but I can't do it.
I'm not meeting Jamie.
It would be suicide.
And with Cilla, I can't be reckless with my life.
Please don't take her away from me.
What the fuck?
I love you.
I've been up the wall trying to get
a grip of how to make this week, and all this time
you've been lying to me.
You don't want Cilla, you want to get into my knockers again.
I do want Cilla and I want you.
You can't have us both.
Why not?
You love me. I know it.
We can be a family.
I don't love, Billy.
And if you can't accept that, the deal's off.
You finish with Lillian's toolbox?
Because I've got a few decorating ideas.
Fuck me.
Where did you?
Hey, you bastard.
We couldn't wait for you.
Sue's flying over tomorrow.
Do you like it?
I love it.
If, if, you was a high maintenance kind of girl,
would this sort of place give you a wide on?
I beg your pardon?
Well, Marty's trying to get back with Sue, so any ideas?
I didn't realize.
Mainly for the kids.
I mean, one step at a time.
How we supposed to put a shelf up with that?
I best get off.
I'm helping Shane with Mimi's party.
I'm really excited for you, Marty.
I hope it works out.
Come tomorrow.
Meet me kids.
I don't want to be in the way.
You won't.
An old work mate heard where Mom is.
Gave me the address.
Excuse me, have you seen her.
She's my mom.
She's got blacky brown hair.
About this big.
Ta for keeping hold of my tag.
I tried it on, but I can't get it off.
Soak your ankle in warm water.
Either tell me now, or three glasses later
when the truth juice kicks in.
I'm fine.
I was going to give Billy a chance,
and he tried it on, said he loved me, so I called it off.
That because you don't love him back, or because you do?
Neither.
Can't do right for doing wrong.
Me too.
He's not ready anyway.
He's 16.
Truthfully, when is anyone ready to be a parent?
Doesn't matter.
My lads have made it clear they'll never accept it.
This is the best thing for everyone.
Except Cilla.
Well, you'll have to tell her one
day why you rejected her dad.
Because he said he loved you.
Want some advice?
Grow a clit, for fuck's sake, and stop hiding behind
your boys making excuses.
Take control before you regret it.
Don't talk to me like that.
You're right though.
She'll find out for herself when she's old enough,
then she'll hate me.
Thanks.
Pleasure.
Do him, son. Do him.
Yeah.
I kicked your ass again.
That's the third side.
Do you want another round?
I know where Mom is.
I may not agree with Patty, but she's
better at this stuff than me.
Don't tell her.
Listen, when people like your mom disappear,
it's because they don't want to be found.
I thought you'd be on my side.
I am.
Look, I've been through it.
I was just like you at your age, except better looking.
Hey, from one mate to another, just be careful.
Made the stew for everyone.
Oh, grand.
What did you do, piss in it?
Lovely.
If I promise to be good, will you get rid of Poley?
What and lose an extra 50 notes a week?
Fuck if I'm going to let that go.
Leave off, Frank, he's making an effort.
We should embrace it.
Actually, I've suddenly acquired a hunger.
I made it for tea.
Fancy any, Patty?
You're offering an olive branch,
do you want me to accept or snap it in two?
Hi, kiddo.
Come on in.
Take a seat, and I shall serve you
some of Aidan's lovely stew.
Tastes like asshole.
Ah, salt.
This will be Patty and Frank at Mimi's party
when the stew kicks in.
[farting noises]
You will come back and visit?
Of course.
Poley?
You were only supposed to shit yourself.
Carl.
Wake up.
Help.
Wake up.
Help.
Someone help.
Help.
get your mom.
My baby.
Your mom, she'll know what to do.
She's at Mimi's party.
It's the stew.
Ambulance, please?
- Poley's dead. - What?
I'm sorry.
Aidan!
What you doing out here?
I went to the airport to pick Sue and the kids up
and they weren't there.
The bitch didn't even book a flight.
I checked.
How's Marty?
He's in the flat waiting.
How am I going to tell him?
It will crush him.
No.
It took me ages to put that up.
Fuck.
I'm sorry, Marty.
I am, but just calm down.
Look, I'm here for you.
Come here.
It's never going to happen, is it?
No matter how hard I try.
I've lost them.
I am not going to let you give up.
Trust me.
(SINGING) Happy birthday, dear Mimi--
Awkward.
Clear the pub.
We've got some family issues to sort.
Mom?
So why didn't you come for me then?
What?
At this place?
I'm not ready for you.
Wait till you see the wallpaper I've
picked out for your new room.
You could have phoned.
Or a letter.
It was supposed to be a surprise.
Anyway, it's not just the flat.
I needed to sort myself out as well.
Been clean for 12 months.
Couldn't have done it without Eddie.
Eddie?
Volunteer at the prison.
Patty know you're here?
I'm not going back.
A couple of days, tops, while I get your room ready.
I can help decorate.
Come here.
I missed you.
I'll just get you that drink.
[door slamming]
[door locking]
No. Mom.
You don't know what I've done.
What have you done?
What are you talking about?
Left this in his bedsit.
Getting to be fucking sloppy, aren't you?
Shane saw how stressed you were,
so we put the feelers out.
Turns out the little fuckers dealing for Joe Jangles.
So we got his address, went around there, and gave
him the full Maguire treatment.
He won't be coming back.
Ta-da.
Happy birthday, Mom.
Due on the 6 o'clock to Billericay.
God give me patience, because if he gave me strength,
I'd twat the pair of you.
Untie him now.
Marty likes you.
No, he loves you.
Do you love him?
Marty's like family to me.
You liar.
I'm not.
Don't insult me.
I've seen the way you held him, the way
you stared at each other.
You put me up with him so you'd have
a nice little excuse to see him, the same reason
why he let me stay.
The pair of you have been taking me for a right fucking mug.
Mickey, whatever feelings you think I've got for Marty,
you're wrong.
Believe me, Shane is the man I love.
He's the reason that you and Shane have been fighting.
Shane blames Marty.
It's not his fault. Nothing's going on.
Me and Shane are working it out.
I'm not going to interfere.
It's your business.
But if You can't be honest with me, be honest with yourself,
for your marriage.
Whoa, where's the party?
Where the fuck have you been?
She's been helping me with some stuff.
Billy's staying, and he's moving in.
Not happening.
No fucking way he's staying here.
Billy is Cilla's dad.
Your sister's father.
Like it or not, you have to respect that,
like I did for you, when Karen cheated
and ran away with Connor.
I thought good riddance to the slopper,
but when you forgave her, who was the only one to welcome
her back with open arms?
I nearly disowned you when you came home with a prossie,
but you didn't give a shit.
And you stood by her, and I'm glad you
did, because Kelly's turned out to be fucking quality.
And you.
Me?
We were all mortified when you came home with a pink limo.
It's--
Fucking fuchsia, whatever.
I know my own mind like you lot do.
And he may not be perfect, but he is everything Cilla needs,
and I know he'll make a good dad.
And he's boss at footy, too.
There's No way he'll ever be one of us.
Billy, this arrangement is for Cilla.
You dare attempt to look sexy eyed at me,
and I'll send you back to Billericay a fucking eunuch.
Right?
What's going on?
I live here.
It's my son, Carl. - Aidan!
Where's Aidan? What happened to him?
Is he OK?
Carl!
Aidan pulled Carl from the house.
If he'd Do there any longer--
- Where is he? - Carl.
Is he alive? Talk to me, son.
Talk to me. It's your dad.
Didn't jump out the window then?
Your stew didn't finish Poley off.
Carbon monoxide poisoning from his own half
arsed effort on the water heater did.
Carl's going to be OK because of you.
Could you give us a moment, please?
I'm not taking Aidan.
The boy needs to be with his mother.
I'll be good.
I promise.
I'll stay in school and I won't cause trouble.
Please, Mom?
No, you've got to.
Or he'll have to go into care.
What?
I'm clean and I want to stay that way.
If I took him back, I'd be on the streets
and shooting up in days.
You want me better, don't you?
Don't you dare blame him for your shortcomings.
It's true.
I wonder where my years have gone.
Wonder how I'm 29 and look 40.
I wonder why my life so shit.
I wonder.
I'm not supposed to be a mother.
He's more than you deserve.
Shut up.
You are and always have been a snotty nosed,
no good, selfish-- - Shut up!
- Spiteful whore. - Shut up!
You don't justify an ounce of pity.
Patty?
Wait outside.
Please?
You wasn't coming for me, was you?
You always promised things would get better.
That you'd change.
You never did.
Because of me?
I'm better off without you.
I'll hold you to that.
Love you.
[MUSIC - ELIZA DOOLITTLE, "BACK TO FRONT"]
If I woke up in the morning, and the world was back to front,
there was sunshine in the evening,
and the moon came out for lunch, I wouldn't mind
walking backwards with you.
At least we'd always know where we'd be going to.
We could talk till we forget how to talk.
And we can learn to laugh again, like when we were children.
We could learn to dance again, like nobody is watching.
If everyone was getting young, there'd
be a smile on your face.
if all the friends that passed away came back to this place.
AIDAN (VOICEOVER): I get it now.
Home isn't bricks and mortar.
Home is family.
You can't demolish that.
We're grade one, we're listed.
Come.
AIDAN (VOICEOVER): But don't take that for granted,
because things will fall apart.
There's nothing like a carbon monoxide
poisoned house to bring a family back together.
Get me?
[theme music]
The ultimate test of trust.
You lift me up like Swayze does in "Dirty Dancing."
We do this, we're solid.
Oh.
Sorry.
No, I'm not.