[tapping on glass]
Anyone watching thinking you know
fuck all about knowing fuck all about
needs to watch their back.
Ow!
So you've had your Labour reclassifying skunk,
sending prices sky high-- literally, literally.
Taking the grass from its own roots!
Now you've got ConDemNation Liberals
noshing Tories like altar boys picking dimps up.
Have we had a national fucking stroke or what?
Is revolution a word or was it never?
Anybody watching needs to know we cope better than average
with irony in Chatsworth.
Well, for fuck's sake, we live in Manchester,
and they charge us for water!
I wandered lonely as a cloud, making mushrooms rarely found.
This green and pleasant land in ancient times.
Yak, yak, yak.
[screaming] Yak, yak, yak.
It's not theirs any more.
This is our England now!
[cheering]
[theme music]
MIMI (VOICEOVER): My family's everything to me.
They are me.
I made them.
Made them strong and resilient.
It's a mother's duty to prepare kids for the harsh realities
of life.
I mean, it's not easy, is it?
Taught them from day one, it's family first.
I'll stick this up your fucking ass.
MIMI (VOICEOVER): To look out for each other,
watch each other's backs, because as we all know,
blood is thicker than water.
I doubt you'd find it.
You missed every other fucking hole.
MIMI (VOICEOVER): And you know what?
They're a credit to me.
Shut up, Micky!
Mum!
[music playing]
Somebody you just love to burn.
Fuck's sake!
You shouldn't have got in the way of that, should ya?
Shit, soft arse.
MIMI (VOICEOVER): Family is everything.
Family's the be all and end all, the start and the finish.
Family is king.
Even when the king's long since departed, family lives on.
And the hard fist that keeps you in line.
[music playing]
It's a family affair.
I'd have to leave it parked around there.
You're going to have to sort this out with the brewery.
I ain't got that kind of cash on me.
It's been fine to park around here for years.
Who the fuck's clamped it?
Comes to something when you can't
get a tit roll without your vehicle being impounded.
[sighing]
That wasn't tackling.
You were trying to put me in hospital.
You saw it, Mark.
Went in heavier than a fucking prop forward.
It's footy, mate. Not rugby.
Stop whining, you losers!
Ooh!
Defend yourself.
Should have given the bastard a slap.
It's a game.
A game with rules.
Forget them and you're fucked.
We're all fucked.
Get real, will you, Jackson?
The world's full of dirty little no marks
like him just waiting to take what's yours.
Don't get me wrong.
You try it again in a replay, and I'll have your--
You reckon?
Anyone can make a mistake, but do it again,
and I'll eat you alive.
- Oooh! - That's like it.
You know it.
Quick scoop before you head off?
Too right.
Ches!
Not me.
I've got an early start.
Jackson, better luck next time, lad.
Surprised you asked him.
Why?
His lot don't drink, do they?
[music playing]
At least there's one name.
I think it's one name.
Conchita Maria Teresa Bonita Ricardo Martinez.
No, that's me.
Just wanted to get the ball rolling.
I thought you were doing a course on wiping babies' asses.
I'm doing drama, contemporary dance, and needlecraft now.
Needlecraft?
We've got to put a variety show on.
The best act gets to perform in front of Royalty.
So long as it's not fucking Edward or that ginger one.
Or Charles or Willy.
The one with the teeth and the horses.
Or the old Greek one or the other ginger one.
I just want to win it.
All that lot think I'm a right retard.
Did you know the student's union only
thought I was there as part of the mental health awareness
week?
Am I the only one serving here?
- Yeah! - Cheeky fuckers.
You've got showbiz running through your veins.
He's got a lot of stuff running
through his veins, Mimi.
I don't know if any of it's showbiz.
My brother, his Uncle Robert, toured the clubs as a magician
and worked the liners, too.
Uncle Bobby, yeah.
Robert.
I remember him saying cruising was his life in the magic ring
and all that.
Circle.
How come I've never met him?
I got married and moved away.
And he had his career, showbiz pals.
I loved the bones of him.
But we moved in different worlds.
He was globetrotting, and I was rearing a family.
You should get in touch.
You think I haven't tried?
With ya now, love.
[laughing]
Crack.
[music playing]
Jesus, what charity is it this time?
Are you serious?
- BAP. - Tit.
BAP.
Tit.
BAP!
B-A-P. British Alliance Party.
Raffle tickets for their social club.
Wouldn't have thought you'd have fit
in their demograph, Jackson.
And why would that be?
On account of you being black, black, black, black, and black.
That's not what they're about.
Compulsory repatriation, a complete ban on immigration,
and laws discriminating against gays and women.
What else could they be about?
Whatever.
See ya!
[music playing]
Jamie's doing his nut.
Shouldn't have clamped him. - Bastards!
Uh, we shouldn't have clamped him, Micky.
That's me, you, and Manchester Clamping Solutions.
He won't pay up, will he?
You know what he's like.
Who gives a shit?
Well, I do.
I put money into it.
I've got a say.
No, you haven't!
You're a silent partner.
Now shut the fuck up!
It'll kick off.
Fuck's sake!
Stop whining, will ya!
I'll take it off, all right?
Why do you and Jamie always have
to have a pop at each other?
Why can't you just get on?
You're brothers, for fuck's sake.
Nothing more than a biological accident, Micky.
If I hadn't been the fast swimmer,
or Dad decided to have one off the wrist instead
of impregnating Mum, we wouldn't even
be having this conversation.
Look, Jamie is a cunt.
A prize cunt who thinks and cares about
no one other than himself.
Believe.
Fuck's sake!
[music playing]
Fucking amateurs.
Won't they charge you more?
Look, you'll be destroying their property,
and them clamps aren't cheap.
It's a scam!
You get yourself a phony license,
stick a few photocopied signs up.
You're wrong there, Jamie.
No, they're subcontracted and endorsed by Manchester Clamping
Solutions, and they're operating according to local bylaws
and governmental legislations.
How the fuck would you know?
I heard it somewhere.
Look, why don't you go back in the pub?
I'll handle this.
You?
You don't want to mess with these guys, Jamie.
I've seen them.
You've seen them?
What do they look like?
About that big.
Chinese Triads.
Hard fuckers.
Micky, do me a favor, will ya?
Look, this is too dangerous!
Look, we can't afford to lose you.
I'll handle it. You go back in there.
You'll make Connor an orphan.
The poor kid will grow up not knowing his dad.
I mean, I'll talk about you, obviously,
and keep your memory alive.
Micky, will you fuck off!
Oi!
The fuck you doing?
Oh, it's all right.
I'm on it.
That's my property.
You?
I thought you said it belonged to a Chinese dwarf.
No, it's my new business.
Look, it's all sorted now, innit?
No harm done.
You parked illegally.
You've damaged a clamp.
That'll be 70 quid.
In your dreams.
Pay the fine, or I'll just keep putting it on.
And I'll just keep cutting it off.
I'll pay it.
You keep your fucking nose out.
I won't tell you again!
Who the fuck do you think you are?
What?
He's your brother.
You know, we're brothers.
The guy who's about to reach down
and rip out your fucking lungs!
That's enough!
[grunting]
Oh, for fuck's sake!
[chatter]
Guess who won the raffle?
Fix!
What the fuck?
[laughing]
Really?
What have you won?
Dinner at the Meat and Two Veg restaurant.
In Burnley?
Fucking Burnley?
Wow.
All homegrown produce, British beef.
Ever heard of Stockholm symptom, Jackson?
They're not brainwashing me.
It's sport, not politics.
They're decent people, once you get to know them.
They used to say the same thing about Mengele.
He's not too bad once you scratch the surface.
Get over that whole genocide thing!
They just want us to look after ourselves.
Brits.
The state the economy is in, charity begins at home.
We need to take care of our own before we
can help anybody else.
You'll be invading Poland next.
What are you up to?
They're obliged by law to accept membership
from all walks of life--
black, Asian, gay, whatever.
And I want to see if they will.
I want to see if they genuinely accept me,
or they're just paying lip service.
And what if they are?
I expose the two-faced fascist bastards for who
they are and close them down.
I thought we were going to have to call an ambulance.
I'm all right.
Do you want help getting there?
I bit my tongue.
Did you do this to your own?
None of this would have happened if Shane hadn't
clamped the delivery van.
Jamie should have paid up.
And what's it got to do with you, little Hitler?
We're business partners.
Fuck business partners.
Your brother's sitting here concussed,
and you're still tearing at each other.
What's it going to take for you to grow the fuck up?
I'm ashamed to call you family.
BOBBI: I recognize those dulcet tones.
- Robert? - You came.
Uncle Robert!
Bobbi, with an I, like Liza--
Minnelli, that is.
Not Tarbuck.
No kiss for your little sis?
Fuck me!
BOBBI: Sorry to hear about you and Paddy.
You hated the fucking sight of him.
Well, true enough.
Micky traced me down via my agent,
said you'd been looking for me, said you'd been missing me.
I missed you, too, you know.
It's just one minute you were seeing that gobshite.
Next minute you were up the duff, married.
Then at the wrong end of the M62.
Whirlwind romance.
Shotgun wedding.
You know, I did try and keep in touch.
I did a few gigs here years back.
Gave you a knock, but you were never in.
Meems!
[knocking]
Meems?
Did write.
[music playing]
I just thought you were dropping a hint.
So it's OK.
You're me little baby brother.
If only we had mobiles in them days, eh?
Emails?
Oh, well, we're here now, aren't we?
Hepburn sisters back together again at last.
I'll be Audrey.
You can be the one with a voice like a man.
[chuckling]
Robert, listen, I hate to say this--
Bobbi!
Nobody's called me Robert in an age.
Bobbi! - Bob.
Bee!
Bobbi, it might be an idea to tone
down the whole, erm, showbiz angle while you're here.
Just cut the camp shit.
People round here like the women to be
women and the men to be men.
Oh, don't we all?
No, I hear you.
I hear you.
Good.
Suitcase is at ours.
No brother of mine's staying in a scabby B
and B. Micky's on the couch.
You'll have his room.
Did you change the sheets?
Yeah.
Get rid of the wanky hankies?
Thanks very much, Micky love.
It's very kind of you.
You're family.
The only other uncles I've got are either dead or in--
Argentina.
I need to get back to work.
And how about I take my favorite nephew
for a proper drink?
A real drink.
Come on.
Two days max, and he's out of here.
Get that!
Shane.
You kept that fucking quiet.
Yeah, when I was a kid, I always thought
he was a magician, not the fucking assistant.
What's the big deal?
He looks like a woman.
Hey, Mum's been singing his praises for years.
Why wouldn't she mention he was a tranny?
Because it obviously doesn't matter to her.
They were dead happy to see each other.
He's the only family she's got besides you lot.
Don't go spoiling it!
The fuck is that supposed to be?
A transvestite.
A man who likes to eat, drink, and be merry.
It takes balls to be a tranny, and a penis.
I should know.
MAN: Hey, love, what big hands you've got!
What big feet you've got.
WOMAN: What a big cock you've got!
[laughter]
Have I got cunt written on my forehead?
No, Mimi.
Then don't treat me like one.
And the same goes for my sis--
brother.
Spread the word!
[dull slapping]
Cheers.
That's eight pound please, guys.
Third cup replay we've lost on the trot.
We need to up the training regime.
A few less lagers and a few more 5K runs.
10K runs.
We'll put a program together.
There's still time to finish the season with a bit of dignity.
That's what I like, a bit of positivity.
A bit of delusion.
There you go.
Hey, lads, what do blondes say after sex?
Thanks, guys.
Lads, we're off for a bit of scran if you fancy it.
We've got plans for later.
Where you off?
Chinky.
Prick.
It's a joke.
Like the one you just laughed along with.
Come on, mate.
He's just having a bit of fun.
It's just a word.
Like Paki or nigger.
But that never fails to have me pissing
myself laughing every time I hear it, eh, Jackson?
Rolling around on the floor, splitting my fucking sides.
Everyone knows he's in the wrong.
Shane's a dickhead.
You're smarter.
Just shrug it off for the sake of the family.
The bigger man walks away.
You know you're in the right.
We know you're in the right.
It's not like you're losing face.
It's another bit of hassle we could do without.
Please.
For me.
OK, for you.
My little West End Wendy.
Now, I just want to frighten you.
But you've got a show in a few days,
and you haven't got one fucking act.
So can I get everyone's attention, please?
Now, anyone with an artistic flair that they don't mind
showing, nothing pornographic, can sign up
for Micky's variety show.
This is your chance to show us what you can do.
Forgot to say, anyone who is participating,
it's free ale all night.
What the fuck you doing?
I can't shell out for this?
You don't have to.
Charge at the door, you'll make your money back in no time.
Mum, sort this out, will you?
Oh, Mimi, isn't he gorgeous when he's riled?
If I wasn't his auntie.
[muffled music playing]
You all right?
Why wouldn't I be?
It's just you don't look like somebody's whose
found a long lost brother, the one that you told us you
worshipped.
I've made up to see him.
So made up, you want him out of the house in 24 hours?
Drop it, eh?
Leave it, Micky.
Karen said she needs some more vodka, chips,
and nuts from the seller.
Gullability obviously runs in the family.
Micky.
Micky!
Let me out of here, you bastard.
Just sort it.
He reckons it's about time me and you ought to talk.
And I think he's right.
All the wives take their turn.
That's so considerate.
Thanks.
Otherwise it means that one person ends up doing
the whole lot, week after week.
Which will be right at all, would it?
Oops.
Oh for fuck's--
I do yours out of some misplaced sense of obligation.
The SS can do their own.
Take turns cooking for each other, too?
Oh, fuck right off.
It will help me infiltrate the group.
You're a trainee teacher!
You're not a member of MI bleeding 5.
No way. - Please.
No!
If I stand any chance of bringing him down.
And who put you in charge of social justice?
Someone needs to make a stand.
And that someone is you?
Jackson, you can't even even put a fucking shelf up.
I'm coming for dinner tonight.
[door slams]
[liquid trickling]
What are you fucking doing?
Oh, that vodka's gone right through me.
I'm pissing like a shire horse.
Well I don't want to see your dangly bits.
Try standing up against the wall and doing it like a normal man.
Normal?
And what the fuck is normal?
Certainly not you.
You have no idea what it's like to be me.
Oh yeah?
You're not the only one with facial hair and hemorrhoids.
How bad my life has when you pissed off.
At least had a life.
All my life was spent coping with being your sister,
while were swanning around being Quentin fucking Crisp.
I had to deal with the fallout.
Quentin fucking Crisp?
I'm not a gay man.
I'm a woman. OK?
Born with a cock.
Yeah.
Definition of a woman with a cock, man.
- I feel like a woman inside. - Oh yeah?
Well I feel like bleedi Pamela Anderson inside.
But not much chance of seeing me in fucking "Baywatch" is there?
- I'm a woman. - Cock.
- Woman. - Cock.
Cock. Cock.
[punching sound]
I've been fighting your battles for you,
defending you while you were prancing round
the street in my Ma's heels.
You were a self-indulgent spoiled little bastard.
You've got no idea what I went through!
The pain that I suffered.
All that time you were laughing at me, Mimi.
I was screaming for help.
I was begging for somebody to give me their hand.
And all that time you were laughing
at me, taking the piss.
While I was drowning.
I was drowning.
Oh, your bollock's out.
It was like "The Crying Game" all over again, only in 3D.
Are you two OK now?
If I'd had known.
If we'd had talked, your burden could have been lighter.
We could have gone on Trisham or that gobshite on Granada.
Talked things through.
Reached and understanding.
A resolution.
But from now on, mi casa es su casa.
English, please.
It means her house is my house, love.
As long as you want to stay, you've a welcome here.
Such a lot to catch up on.
Come here, love.
And one more thing you need to now.
Jamie and Shane obviously aren't too comfortable with me around.
So I might as well say this here.
We had a homo play for the football team last year,
and we're cool with him.
I mean, apart from touching him during a tackle.
Or bending down for the ball.
Or him kissing them if they scored.
And the showers, and well, having him on the team.
I've rehearsed this a million times,
and I never got it right, so forgive my bluntness.
Robert Hepburn's days on Earth are numbered.
It's the AIDS, isn't it!
It's God's judgment.
You've been smitten, I fucking knew it.
Oh, sweet Jesus.
I'm going to be next.
Mimi--
I told your dad more than once it's not in God's plan.
Mimi, love.
If he'd had meant us to do it like that,
he'd have made it easier to get it in.
[slapping sound]
Mimi!
It's not fucking AIDS, OK.
It's not AIDS.
I've been living as a woman for years.
- With a woman? - As.
Undergoing psychiatric evaluation, hormone therapy.
And now I'm just waiting to get the nod.
Come on, I've always said that my John Thomas gets in the way.
Well, pretty soon it won't.
John Thomas?
Snip.
Ooh.
Oh.
[knocking at door]
They're here.
You're fucking kidding.
One word out of place and I will rip their heads off
and shit down necks.
All right.
Come in.
You must be Avril.
Hope you like white.
I like most whites.
Thanks for coming, mate.
Our pleasure.
Welcome.
This is Ellen.
Jackson?
Coats.
Thanks, mate.
Going through.
Two G and Ts please, Micky.
The Scouse transvestite.
Hardly convincing.
Why is that?
The wrong shade of orange for a start.
[punching sound]
Dana wants to audition for the talent night.
Hardly talent.
Even I can do that.
She's got a grip like a python.
The punters call her the penis flytrap.
The things she can do with her labia.
Anyone can smoke a cigar.
What, like that?
[farting noises]
Admittedly not.
No, no, no.
But I'm going to fucking learn one day.
Right, Micky.
Get her third on the bill behind the deaf kid
that did the yodeling you know?
[yodeling]
Audience is going to a picking up after that I think.
And er, me and Bobbi will be rehearsing a
little special something, too.
Won't we? - Yeah.
Sister act.
Shane's clamping anything with wheels.
I'm worried for my mobility.
They've only clamped the bloody pram!
MAN: Bastards.
My punters or too scared to park.
How are the acts going to get their gear in here, Micky?
Where are your tutors expected to park their cars?
What have you done to Shane?
I don't know what you're talking about.
He's not answering his phone.
Well, maybe he's tied up.
You've done something.
Where is he?
Bastards!
I'll fucking kill you.
[shouting]
- You said you'd back off. - What is going on?
I'm just showing our Shane what an inconvenience
it is when you're clamped?
[punching sound]
Pack it in!
You said you'd walk!
You'd do best to remember who pays your wages.
Yeah, time for you to nail your colors, Micky.
He's in on the business.
Silent partner.
You work for me, or you work for him.
Not both. It's time to choose.
Smells fantastic, don't you think Ellen?
It's an old family recipe.
Braised crocodile cheeks in an apricot and prickly pear sauce.
It's a delicacy where my family come from.
Just pulling your leg. Creole chicken.
Really nice of you to invite us.
That's entirely down to Jackson.
I wouldn't normally piss on a member of the BAP
if he were on fire.
We've got a bad reputation, something we're working on.
How, exactly?
Well, we're opening the doors.
If you're British born and bred, you're welcome.
We all know that's to fit in with the legal requirement.
You wouldn't do it if you didn't have to.
Eat.
Avril has every right to be suspicious.
Country's gone to the dogs.
Agreed?
We're all getting ready for that spring, summer, autumn,
and winter of discontent.
So your party isn't waging a war against race anymore?
It's a class war now?
The country's is being run by gang of public school boys
who don't know the meaning of doing without.
A millionaire boys' club who've got the temerity
to tell us to tighten our belts, while they're
heading off to their holiday homes in Barbados.
So it's equality you're after?
Half the British people being treated fairly, put first.
We've got a march this Saturday.
Lefties and students are onto it.
Some contacts at the police have told me they're
going to meet us mob handed.
You're canceling, I hope?
We've got democratic rights of our opinion.
The march is going ahead.
They won't be able to chant their usual racist insults
at us.
Not once they've clocked our poster boy.
You up for it?
Deffo.
You know as well as I do that march will turn into a riot.
You'll be at the front of it. - It won't come to that.
If you're lucky enough not to end up a slab in the morgue,
you'll lose your job.
That won't happen.
Will you take your fucking head from up your ass and wake
up to what it is you're getting involved in, Jackson.
Anyone accuses me of actually going along
with what that lunatic's preaching,
and I remind them that I was the one that leaked this.
What is it?
A list of every BAP member registered to vote in the UK.
Where do you get it?
[keys jangling]
I get this to the papers before the march,
and I save a few heads being kicked.
They'll know it's you.
Not me.
I asked Chesney to do it.
Stop worrying.
Come here. I've got it covered.
[applause]
You nervous, Michael?
You have every fucking right to be.
These are your two choices.
It's all down to you.
And over to the lovely Roberta for that last minute reminder.
Thank you.
Oh, stop it, cheeky.
OK, choose Jamie, and you condemn Shane and Kelly
to a life on the outside, with absolutely no backup whatsoever
from any Maguire.
Within weeks, they'll be sleeping
rough, forced to sell what little they
do have in order to survive.
And choice B, please, Roberta.
Choice B, Shane.
By choosing him, you'll essentially
be dismantling the family business, which means that you
and Jamie will not be able to work for the family,
therefore rendering the family business, by definition,
redundant.
You remember though, Michael choice B
carries the hidden bonus of a return for your Ma
to the Holy Land.
That's right.
Mom will get an all expenses paid
one way trip all the way back to the banks of the Mersey.
Michael, it's time to.
ANNOUNCER: Make your choice.
Choose, choose, choose, choose.
[voices chanting "choose"]
It's time, Micky.
We need a decision.
Not yet.
Do it now.
I can't.
You're going to have to.
I need more time.
Well you haven't got it.
I need an extension.
There's too much to consider on such short notice.
You know what I'm like.
It takes me half an hour to decide which side of bed
to get out of in the morning.
There's only side you can get out, you daft twat.
Your bed's against the wall.
It was a metaphor.
Cornflakes, Weetabix, Cocoa Pops.
Black socks, white socks, sports socks,
boxers, y-front, g-string!
There's too many decisions to make as it is.
Micky, what color do you want these?
How the fuck should I know?
Sorry, Karen.
Two soft whites, please.
Is it true then?
You're just waiting for the snip?
Oh, jungle drums been banging, have they?
What do you do with it while you waiting?
I mean, where do you put it?
Well, let me get the drinks in,
and then I'll tell you all you need to know.
Mimi, can I get a G and T, and whatever
my new best M are having?
These are on me, love.
Oh.
You know, I was always the one with the talent, and the looks.
People used to say to me, I was more of a woman
than she could ever be.
No, they did.
Spag bol all right for you, Bobby?
You know me.
Love a bit of spick.
My slacks ready yet, Mims?
MIMI: Oh, upstairs.
I'll just give them a quick once over with the iron.
You know, we're not that different, me and you.
No, you mean apart from you been
a two-faced shit and slagging off my mom behind her back.
It's grown teeth.
She's my mom.
She's my sister.
I'll tell her.
No, you won't.
You know as well as I do if you let her know that I really
think she's a fat fucking ugly embarrassing waste of space,
it will break her heart.
Don't.
Leaving me alone in Liverpool is the best favor she ever did.
The only reason I'm here is because I've
got nowhere else to go.
You going to tell her that as well?
No.
You haven't got the balls, Micky.
Why don't wait a few weeks? You can have mine.
I'll tell her.
Mimi, Micky's he's got something
he'd like to say I was just saying
I'm really looking forward to your duet with Uncle Robert.
Steal the show.
It's Bobby.
Fucking Robert.
All right, Frank?
[rock music playing]
I'm so high, I don't want to come down, Jimi.
See you on the flip side.
Wanker.
I was hoping you'd be in.
Get in the car.
Some fucker robbed the membership list.
We got a lot of support up on high,
but people would be terrified to back us if this gets out.
If it gets out?
I always keep this memory stick on me.
A mate of My a journo at the paper that got contacted.
He dialed 1-4-7-1.
Got the number.
We did a bit of research, found out who it was.
Go on.
That little Paki bastard you know.
Chesney.
Listen, Chesney isn't politically minded.
Not in that sense.
He's been through my stuff in the changing rooms
while we've been playing footie.
So are you going to do?
You're going to give him a hiding?
I'm going to make an example of him.
What do you mean, an example?
A couple of the lads are on their way over, tooled up.
We're going to have a few cocktails.
Cocktails?
Always have a few drinks at a barbie, don't you?
- Mimi, same again. - OK.
It can't have been easy growing up, knowing what you
knew, that you were trapped.
I can't imagine what that must feel like.
- I can. - Oh, well.
Everyone's got their burden, haven't they?
How come it's taken this long?
You mean, having his cock cut off?
I didn't have the confidence.
It's not like I had the backing of my family, either.
To be fair, it can't have been easy news for your mother
and father to absorb.
When Rodney told me he was a philatelist,
I couldn't get out of bed for a month.
Expect that from the older generation.
But the one place I expected just a little bit of support
was from my own sister.
And it never came.
Tried to end it all a few times, scream for help
that was never answered.
Abandoned at 16.
Mom and dad dead.
With burden of a penis you never wanted.
When I had my appendix out, they gave it to me in a jar.
Are you thinking-- - No.
Here you go, girls.
Run off my feet here.
Everything all right?
Fine.
Need to get some scram, need to get some bread
rolls, mayo, cans of tuna.
Cans of ham.
We can rustle up a decent buffet between us.
Well, you know what they say?
When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping.
I'll get a few bob out of petty cash.
Will you go for it?
In these heels?
Well, I'd rather have ham.
I'll put cheese on the bit.
Come here! You shit.
I know your dad!
Well, I fucking don't.
Dickhead.
At least we know he's in.
Soon as the lads arrive, we're on.
It's time for you to prove yourself.
We're shaping history, Jackson.
You should be proud.
It'll be fine, son, the show.
It'll be great, I can feel it.
You reckon?
The whole estate's buzzing.
It's going to be one to remember.
Proud of you.
Yeah.
Well, not everyone could organize a night like this.
Takes a lot of dedication and skill.
And don't forget, there's a little of Bobby's
DNA running through them veins.
Decision time.
Time to make your choice, Micky.
I can't.
I need a slash.
Straight in, straight out.
Come on, we've got plans to make.
We've got plans to make.
[sound of urinating]
BOBBI: We need some bread rolls.
MIMI: Could you go for it?
BOBBI: What, in these heels?
You can work this to your advantage.
Soft ass.
All you've ever done is give to those bastards.
And what they given you in return?
Their respect?
Their love?
Fuck off, they love me.
They've got a fucked up way of showing it.
It's hardly surprising, with the parenting you've had.
50/50?
Come on.
Come away with me.
Sun all year round.
Sandy beaches.
And all the cock you can handle.
Come on.
Jamie!
Shane!
They're going to shit on you the rest of your life
if you let them.
Bang on time.
You know the drill, boys.
Soon as it's alight, chuck the can into the flames, and walk.
No.
Everything I've worked for, everything
I've built up over the past 10 years,
has been fucked over good and proper by that little bastard.
And he's going to pay.
Get your fucking bala on.
Mark, Mark, Mark.
I'll do anything.
Stand up for your rights Jackson.
That's all I'm asking for you to do.
Get out!
Everyone out!
Get out!
Fuck!
[punching sound]
Piss off, love.
[man grunting]
[rock music playing]
FRANK GALLAGHER: I've Go back, Jimi!
Cheers, Frank!
[punching sounds]
Fucker!
It was me you copied your membership list.
And when I see you again, if I have any trouble from you,
it will find its way to the national press.
You got that?
Good.
And this is for Ches.
You robbed the takings from your own sister?
Well what can I say?
I'm sorry.
I'm still trying to get my head around this.
From your own flesh and blood.
Oh, cut the bullshit, please.
Will you, girl?
Flesh and blood?
We never even fucking liked each other.
We misunderstood each other.
We will young, immature.
Mimi, can I just set the record straight here?
You've said often enough I was never
the brother that you wanted.
Well, here's funny thing.
You were never the fucking sister I wanted.
You watch your fucking mouth.
You think I'm frightened of you?
You think cause I act like this, dress like this,
I can't handle myself.
Back the fuck off, pretty boy. - Leave it, Jamie.
Your Ma said she used to be embarrassed of me.
Well, it was nothing to what I felt when I'd see her waddling
down the street with her fucking bobble perm,
and her fucking shellsuits.
More of a woman than you'll ever be, though.
It's debatable.
There wasn't one ounce of femininity about you
when we were being dragged up.
When I got up in the morning, it was to get the house ready,
and you to school.
Then I nursed my Ma until she died.
Then I helped my dad deal with the grief.
When was I supposed to find time to paint my nails
and do my hair?
Oh the trials of Saint Mimi.
You have to be careful, the stigmata will start playing up.
Watch your mouth.
If you want fucking knocking out by a pre-op,
Shane, you just go for it.
Leave us, the three of you.
What will it cost?
To go from pole to hole?
You mean to complete my dream?
Give me the life you should have had, but never did?
Give me the start I should have had?
Priceless.
Bye, Bobbi.
You let Bobbi go?
With the cash, why?
Cause he's my brother.
Sort of.
And that's what you do.
And any more talk of choosing sides, and Bobbi
won't be the only one getting his cock cut off.
Comprende?
She might have a point.
Yeah.
But you're fucking barred.
Listen, listen.
Right, if anything goes wrong, improvise, yeah?
The audience won't give a fuck.
They'll be pissed anyway.
So let's get our royal seal of approval.
Remember, there's no "I" in showbiz.
Yeah, there is.
Ready?
Go break your legs!
[drumroll]
[squishing sound]
Someone get that pin off her, for fuck's sake.
[crowd gasping]
MIMI: (SINGING) For a special treat.
Yeah, one can take a walk in the moonlight,
thinking that it's really nice.
(SINGING) But two walking hand in hand
is like adding just a pinch off--
(SINGING) It takes two, baby.
Me and you.
MIMI: Face facts.
No family is perfect.
Might appear to be on the surface, but open it up,
and you find all the shit no one wants
to acknowledge even exists.
You've got to take your head out of the sand in the end.
All families are fucked.
Ignore that advice at your peril.
[music playing]
[screaming]