Anyone watching, thinking they know fuck
all about knowing fuck all about owt, needs to watch their back.
So you've had your Labour reclassifying skunk,
sending prices sky-high, literally, literally, taking
the grass from its own roots.
Now you've got your Con-Dem-Nation, liberals
noshing Tories like altar boys picking dimps up.
Have we had a national fucking stroke or what?
Is "revolution" a word, or was it never?
Anybody watching needs to know we cope better than average
with irony in Chatsworth.
Well, for fuck's sake, we live in Manchester.
And they charge us for water.
I wandered lonely as a clown, necking mushrooms rarely found.
This green and pleasant land in ancient times.
Fucking yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak!
It's not theirs anymore.
This is our England now.
Party!
I'm sorry.
KELLY (VOICEOVER): They say that it only takes two generations
for people to forget your name.
I thought this was bullshit until I realized I didn't know
my grandmother's, never mind my great-grandmother's,
or my grandad's.
Two generations, and gone.
We're told you live on through your kids, but I ain't got any,
so that's that theory fucked.
Get your tits out.
KELLY (VOICEOVER): You can live on through your deeds,
and that's great, so long as you're discovering penicillin
or landing on the moon.
Oh, fuck.
Who's gonna remember me giving a punter his best orgasm yet?
Beside the punter, obviously.
Oi, dickless.
Have a chip.
Slag.
KELLY (VOICEOVER): So for me and you, the ordinary folk,
the cannon fodder, once we've popped our clogs, that's it.
So the best idea would be to spread
a little happiness while we're still in the here and now.
Shine a little light into the dark corner.
Make a difference.
Absolutely, gone with the wind.
Ahem.
- What else was it, Frank? - Sorry, Mimi.
Voddy, double.
Oh.
Crisps, nuts.
And change.
I gave you 20.
Two pints, two double vodkas, crisps, nuts, nine pound 60,
please.
No charge for taking the piss out of my mum,
but if you do it again, I'll take
it out on your fucking face.
Mum, what was going on with you today?
Frank Gallagher with a fucking 20?
Ches taking the piss.
Don't know if I'm coming or fucking going.
Mimi, do you wanna get off and have a kip?
You look knackered.
Keep hold of her a minute.
I've just got to run to the bog.
And Auntie Anna was only 42.
They said two years.
She barely lasted six months.
Oh yeah, I knew a bloke got three years.
He was on remand that long. He was out before he was in.
Cat burglar, name of Pussywillow.
Well, I'm not gonna get maudlin.
I've got things to do, plans to make.
Less work, more play, and I'm gonna try like fuck to put
a smile on your mother's face.
We'll have that place like a palace by the time
we're finished. A little oasis for her.
Diddy Noel and lickle Liam of her very own.
Like a, you know, welcome home party.
It's invitation-only, Frank.
Shane wants me to do a bit of stripping.
Come, if you can handle it, but it might get dirty.
Settled in OK?
Loving it.
All Bonnie's work.
This is fantastic.
So much done in so little time.
She's a logistical genius.
That's easy for you to say.
Believe me, it isn't.
I've been on at you for years to get this place done up.
Never listened.
Knew Bonnie would work her magic.
They used to call me the anal girl at school.
Early starter?
On account of my organizing skills.
120 quid a go they were.
Nearly gave me a thrombo.
Get out of your box, Lillian.
Dream big.
Broaden your horizons.
Plus, you'll make that back in no time with the money
you don't need to spend on replacing the curtains.
Dirty bastards.
Been wiping their cocks on them.
We're doing a bit of decorating for Mimi.
Mean Do you fancy popping around after you knock off
here, give us a bit of advice?
I'd love to.
Typical Micky.
A bit of work to be done, and he fucks off.
Where's he gone?
A team-building exercise.
You know, for a few days with college.
SONG: Club Tropicana!
Fun and sunshine!
There's enough for--
Sooner him than me.
So anyway, yeah, Kel, she's been having a tough time, mate,
so she came up with the idea of decorating this place for Mum.
Don't sounds too keen.
Chesney, the last thing I wanna be doing in my spare time
is decorating.
Now, it'd be different if it were our own place.
You do live here.
Yeah, but it's not like we have much choice, mate.
Couldn't afford a place of our own.
Council more or less told us to fuck off.
You've got it made.
Mimi's got tea on the table every night.
Ironing done.
Yes, but the price that you pay for that
is complete lack of privacy.
It's not like you, doing what you like, to who you like,
when you like.
Have I missed the stripping?
Oh, ha fucking ha.
SONG: Got to, got to, got to.
Where's Mum?
Don't you ever knock?
Out with the girls.
Girls?
From work.
There aren't any girls at Mum's work.
There's no one under the age of 60.
And where are you off?
Parents' evening.
In fancy dress?
Meeting up with your mum later for a drink.
On a Wednesday?
Since when have you started to go out on Wednesdays?
Will you piss off?
What's with the third degree?
It's usually a Friday or a Saturday.
And what about my tea?
Downstairs cupboard, open, big green tin
with beans on the front.
He said he was going to a parents' evening,
but I know for a fact that there isn't a parents' evening.
And he was dressed like he was on "Pimp My Ride,"
and stunk like an air freshener.
What's he up to?
He's playing away.
I'm telling Mum.
And blow a golden opportunity?
No, let him know that you've rumbled him.
Put the squeeze on, sit back and watch the rewards just roll in.
I can't blackmail my own dad. It's not right.
And him banging some slapper is?
Ladies.
Typical Gallagher.
Only turns up when the job's nearly finished.
Yeah, fuck off, glory boy.
I'll just go home, then.
Hey, hey, Carlos, me old mucker!
We didn't see the bag, did we?
And it's like a little thank you, isn't it?
For putting a roof over your heads and all that?
Exactly.
But she's forgotten it was her kicked
the whole thing off in the first place,
accused us of interfering.
Forgotten?
What, like dementia?
Well, it runs in the family.
She had a cousin who thought he were Bono.
I've Nelson Mandela on speed dial.
Fuck have you done?
Doing the place up.
I don't want a doing up.
See what I mean?
You'll love it.
Honest, look at the new carpet we've got coming.
Get out.
I said, get out!
All right.
Think we'd better call it a night.
Thanks, everyone.
Thanks very much for your help.
Grub up!
Hardly appropriate attire for dinner.
Hardly the appropriately time.
It's 4:00 in the morning, Mimi.
It's the middle of the night.
Cilla's in our bed.
You must think I'm stupid.
Mimi, what's wrong?
Nothing.
Gotta get this lot tidied.
It'll do for our tea tomorrow.
Leave it. It'll keep.
Get to bed.
This needs sorting.
Then let me help.
I said, get to bed!
[baby crying]
[sobbing]
Go on, then.
Dig in.
I don't actually think I'm worthy to sit
at your table, Mum.
Don't go all biblical on me, son.
I'm just a dead weight, human language.
I'm neither use nor ornament.
You're my flesh and blood.
You might have the intellectual capacity of an amoeba,
but you've a heart of gold.
And what mother wouldn't love you?
After all I've done, the pain I've caused?
You're too like your dad for your own good.
No one knows better than Jamie.
That'll be your downfall, your arrogance, your vanity.
You're too good to me.
I know.
There's even a space in my heart for you, you mad fucking slut.
[laughter]
Even though I tried to thieve your house
from under your nose, thrown back every ounce of love
you've ever shown me back in your face?
You have embarrassed the fuck out of me
by not being able to father a child of your own.
You look like a tramp.
You smell like a night on a wet riverbank,
and you're married to a woman who
sells her fanny for less than the price
of a variety bucket of KFC.
But I still love you.
That's just the woman I am.
Now, this chicken won't carve itself.
Room for a little one?
No.
No, no!
Oh no!
And I'm going off to have to insist on payment in kind.
Well, if your husband's out, I'll
come around soon as I sort your pipes out, Mrs. Smith.
I'll see you shortly.
You were right.
The old bastard's shagging some slapper called Mrs. Smith.
Just keep me your eye on the big picture, yeah?
Big picture's my family falling apart.
And it's all his fault.
So?
Start small.
Say, 20 quid.
Piled on the pressure over a few weeks
and work your way up to an iPod.
Oi, come on!
Make him pay!
Agh!
This is the devil's work.
Who you calling?
Fucking Ghostbusters!
Who do you think?
Father McKenzie, the place needs to be exorcised!
Fuck's sake, Mimi!
Dark forces are at work here.
[knocking on door]
What the fuck?
Get the door, will you?
The house is haunted, possessed.
Hi, lads.
Yeah, anywhere in there.
What if it was built over a loony bin, an orphanage,
a red Indian burial site?
Mimi, Mimi!
When was the last time you slept?
Tuesday.
You've gone two whole nights without sleep.
Last Tuesday.
What have you done to my fucking house?
It's part of the makeover.
We talked about it, remember?
I've gotta go to work.
She needs help.
Get her some!
Yeah, Mum, do us a favor, will you?
Go upstairs, get yourself changed,
take Cilla out for a walk, OK?
Fresh air might do you good.
When you get back, everything'll be back to normal.
All right?
I've sewn nametags into all our work gear.
Good idea.
Stockings, suspenders, strap-ons.
It'll save time and mix-ups.
Oh, and thanks for the other night.
I had a great time.
You made me feel really welcome.
It's nice to see you away from work.
And if you need anyone to cover
your shifts while you're doing the place up, give us a shot.
What, you don't mind babysitting Lillian?
I really like her.
Well, sooner you than me.
Thanks.
I might take you up on that.
Are you done yet, Chief Inspector?
No, no, no, no. Keep going.
This finishes him off.
CHIEF INSPECTOR: Ooh.
[farting]
Ooh.
Ah.
[baby crying]
Oh, for fuck's sake.
It's getting that way I don't wanna be there.
Me own house.
My fucking house, not theirs.
Like a stranger, like I'm the lodger!
It looks great.
It's bit of a disaster, my mum, though.
She's fucked off out and left me holding the baby again.
[gasp]
Shit.
You all right?
That was just a little bit too hot.
Just try and get her to sleep and crack on, OK.
Laters.
It's looking good, isn't it?
Oh, I like my pelt au naturel.
I did have it shaved once, but my Brendan said it was
like shagging a welcome mat.
Lillian, dry gag.
-
Are you sure you don't want to give your boyfriend a treat?
You're not too old for the nubile look.
Hmm, too old for boyfriends.
Don't be daft.
You're in your prime.
What I mean, is they're too old for me.
I like the element of surprise a younger man can bring.
Creeping up and being slotted one
when you're least expecting it.
I was once taken bending down to tie my shoelaces.
The best thing about the youngins
is, they're ready to go again in 10 minutes.
Now, my Brendan needed a fortnight's notice in writing.
[gasp]
You're home early.
The music teacher's sick.
You might fool Mum, but you don't fool me.
- What? - I know.
Know what?
I know.
What are you talking about?
Your dirty little secret.
I saw you on the phone.
It was a one off.
I was stressed.
- 20 quid. - What?
Or Mum hears the lot.
And it won't be pretty.
Hiya.
Bit of extra pocket money.
Isn't it a bit extravagant?
The old one's knackered, so you've been going
to the bag-wash every week.
Reloads wash and dry, so 20 quid a trip minimum.
What's that over a year?
1,400.
Fuck me.
Profit's been going down the plug hole.
This is your business, Lillian.
You need it working for you, not the other way around.
[doorbell rings]
How's it feeling?
Hot, and not in a good way.
Sorry, my fault. I'll make it up to you some time.
Your 12:00's in.
Make it up to me now.
I really wanna spend more time at home.
Oh, go on, then.
Mwah.
Mr. Ethelridge, this is Bonnie.
She's new, and I mean new.
Where's Cilla?
Bed.
How come you're still on this?
It's hardly rocket science, Shane.
Because the last leg won't go on.
The special bolt needed to attach it is missing.
[inaudible] then we'll take it back.
I phoned.
We bought the last one.
They've got no spare parts.
Get a refund.
The receipt's--
They don't do refunds.
Tonight 200 notes for a three legged table.
Only us, eh?
Hard day at the office, dear?
Hooray for Hollywood.
Oh, shaving haven.
Punters love it, crabs hate it.
No hiding place, according to Bonnie.
Approve?
Well, I'd sooner have a a little bit of grass
on the pitch. You know what I mean?
Jesus, Shane, you look like you've been whipped!
I feel as sick as a dog, light-headed.
It's definitely got worse.
You need to see a doctor.
We were about to call out a search party.
Is she OK?
Tired.
Cunts, you've moved everything.
KELLY: Didn't you tell her?
SHANE: Tell her what?
That you're messing with her head,
and telling everyone she's mad so that you can have her
carted off to the fucking nut-house
and out of your way for good!
No, that we moved the knives and forks
to a different drawer.
Somebody's having a good time.
[moaning]
Never had a multiple.
You?
Just one.
Made me feel sick like the waltzers.
Oh, it's nice to have a bit of company.
You've got friends.
You're close to Kelly.
Oh, she's always busy these days.
Yeah, she's got Shane, I suppose.
She's bound to put him first.
But you go to the pub and see people.
And then I come home alone.
I don't know what I did with meself before you moved in.
Feels like a new beginning, another chance at happiness.
I'm not a muff diver, by the way.
Don't be daft.
I know.
It's just nice having a bit of company, isn't it, Mum?
Yeah. Yeah, it is.
This your Rodney?
LILLIAN: Mm.
He looks nice.
You're just being polite.
He looks a twat.
And he looks a twat because he is a twat.
Let's see what's on the telly.
All that money and effort spent fixing the place up,
and look at it.
Yeah, I'll--
I'll get Chesney and Carl together
and have it sorted in no time.
Stop worrying, will you?
I just wanted it nice for your mum.
It will be.
[wheezing]
You OK?
[wheezing]
Shit!
MIMI: - No, no!
What is it?
What's wrong?
[baby crying]
Help me!
It's Cilla!
[siren wailing]
Doctor said there are two other people
in here with the same thing.
Carpet fitters.
Carpets made them sick.
Impregnated with chemicals to make it easy to clean.
It was overtreated and rejected, so the shop
had carpet they couldn't sell.
Till they saw you coming.
You nearly killed my baby.
Don't be stupid!
You brought that carpet into my house!
We had no idea it was--
It's all down to you.
'Cause my baby's in intensive care, and Shane's fucking not!
Mimi, they're both--
Liar, liar!
Listen, if you're looking for someone to blame,
if you hadn't taken a bag of spuds
to the park instead of your daughter,
maybe this would all be playing out differently.
Maybe it'd just be Shane lying in a hospital bed!
Or is that what you would have wanted?
Yes.
Yes, it is!
I may not look it, but I'm due for retirement soon.
You'll never retire.
Oh, give it another year and I'm calling it a day.
What about the business?
Hand it over to Rodney?
Oh, he'd have the place closed down within a week.
He'd either be dead or back inside.
You should think about asking Kelly.
You know, like a manager.
But make sure you're looked after.
She'd do a great job, and you'd get peace of mind.
I want my egg sunny side up.
You making breakfast?
Don't act so surprised.
[laughter]
I'm fucking floored
Dad's taking me into town later
to buy me some new trainers.
I'm not.
You are.
You promised, remember?
I promised you breakfast.
What's going on?
You're right.
Thanks for reminding me, babes.
A treat for doing well in school.
I did promise.
I don't fancy this anymore.
Think I might have some cereal instead.
Well, if you won't--
Corn flakes.
Waiting!
You OK?
Never better.
Managed to pull Micky out of a bonding session
to let him know.
Why don't we find a doctor, see if they can give you something
to help you get some rest?
Knock me out, you mean.
My face has got to be the face Cilla sees when she wakes up.
Why don't you go and get us some coffees?
[phone ringing]
Lillian.
Will I get used to it?
What?
Feeling like this?
Being mad.
One in four people in this country are mentally unstable.
So who are your three closest relatives?
Jamie, Micky, and Shane.
They seem OK. You're probably the one.
I know mad when I see it.
And you are not it.
You're tired, Mimi.
You're overwhelmed.
Look, and I've got to say, it can't be easy
bringing a little one when you thought
you'd put that behind you.
She was my new start, Karen, my new beginning.
That's what I keep telling meself.
I just wanna do right by her, and I can't.
Christ knows I've tried, but I can't.
Mimi, don't talk like that.
If anything happens to her, it's all down to me, all of it.
I've searched me conscience and searched me heart,
and I swear down, I don't know what I've done to deserve this.
[gunshot]
Our Father who art in heaven.
Oh!
I mean, apart from the obvious, like.
Oh, will you shut your fucking moaning?
You ought to be ashamed of yourself?
For what?
Swearing like a tupenny whore.
You're Mary, the mother of Christ.
Mandy, the mother of Little Joe.
After that ginger gobshite?
You're dead, and you're still sweet on him?
How?
Why?
Still kind of seeing each other.
Back to you.
What's going on?
Hang on.
What are you doing here?
You're not after taking my Cilla to the other side,
escorting her to the bosom of Jesus?
Mum, I'm not here to take Cilla.
I'm here to try and sort you.
I'm at me wit's end.
Micky's buggered off, and Jamie's got that much
to sort with him and Karen.
He's no use to me.
And Shane and Kelly are hellbent on seeing me homeless.
Shane and Kelly?
Redecorating, chucking me furniture.
In a few months time, there'll be no sign
I was ever there at all.
They're erasing me.
They want me out.
They want you in.
That's why they're doing it, you dozy mare.
To make the place nicer for you.
They're finishing off the job you can't.
There are people taking advantage, Mum, but not
your own flesh and blood.
You just can't see it.
I see everything.
I'm omnipresent.
I thought that was just God.
He decided we all should be.
One of the perks.
You need to sort this, Mum.
Get your house in order.
I know someone's pulling a fast one.
And I know who.
- You're wrong. - I know.
You're wrong.
I'm not, you are.
No, you are.
I'm fucking not!
Fucking are.
I'm so fucking not!
Get fucked!
Hey, if that's the insurance company, you can forget it.
You won't be cashing in on me just yet.
Bang goes the dream holiday, then.
You really had me going there.
Nah, constitution of an ox, me.
Ain't I right, Mum?
She's upset.
Don't take much notice.
How dare you walk away.
He's your son!
My son who wants me dead.
Everything we've done-- and it's been a fucking
disaster from start to finish--
is not just for me and Shane.
It's for all of us!
For you, Cilla, Micky.
It's for the family. He loves you, Mimi.
You're his mum.
He needs you.
I want the pair of yous out my house.
You're not welcome.
Do you wanna sign Shane and Cilla's get well card?
What's wrong?
My bracelet.
I left it over there on the dressing table,
and it's vanished.
Was it a punter?
I don't know.
It was my mum's.
Lost her last year.
Was she sick?
Sick of living.
Stepped in front of a train.
She gave it to me the day before,
and I knew something wasn't right.
But I was all "Oh, thanks, Mum."
I still blame myself.
You mustn't do that.
Did you talk to anyone after?
Your dad?
I haven't seen him in years.
I'll talk to the girls.
No, Lillian.
Please, don't.
I don't want any fuss.
Promise you won't.
Mum, it's all right.
Cilla's gonna be fine.
Female Mimi, Mimi.
Look, there's one of your kids out there needs you.
Well, more than one, but there's one who's relying on you.
Fuck, Mimi!
She's been sick, and she's scared,
and there's only one person can make her feel better.
And unfortunately for her, that's you!
So whatever it is you're on or going through, drop the fucker
and get your arse out there and see to your daughter!
I wanted her dead.
What kind of warped fuck am I, where I want me own
flesh and blood not to make it?
But the thought of letting go, of not being responsible
for the first time in over 30 years,
of not being just someone's mum anymore, being me?
Do you know how much I just wanna be me?
She deserves better than that.
She's beautiful and everything I'm not.
She needs someone better than me.
I'm not good enough, Kelly.
Well, you didn't do such a bad job with Shane, Mimi.
Found it in her room.
No, Lillian, I lent it to her.
Remember, Trix?
You asked if you could borrow my bracelet, and I said yes.
I completely forgot.
You're lying to me, aren't you?
Bonnie, love, you can't make people like Trixie
take the piss.
Come here.
You're all heart.
That's your trouble.
Hello, Cilla.
Hello, yeah.
Take her?
You're all right, then.
I'm sorry, so sorry.
You know what?
I'm actually glad she threw us out.
Sometimes, you need that kick up the arse
to make you go see what's really important, what
you really want.
Well, need.
You know what?
This is it.
Me and you.
Auntie Anna dying taught me that.
This is it.
Mr. and Mrs.
You weren't even gonna say goodbye?
I can't stay.
Much as I'd love to.
After that thing with the bracelet,
the other girls have turned against me.
What have they said?
Nothing.
I try and talk to them, and they blank me.
Then I see them whispering.
It's just, I can't stay where I'm not wanted.
have love a word.
I I blame them.
I come in here, and everything starts changing.
Suddenly, you and me are best friends.
It's obvious they're going to resent me.
It's just after all that stuff with my mom,
I think I saw you as a replacement for her.
I'm in a vulnerable place right now.
look after you, then.
It's not fair on you.
Bye.
And thank you for everything.
I need you, I think you need me.
Not in a lezzy way.
And I've never been a big fan of muff.
Tried it once.
Gave me lockjaw.
So why can't we have each other, be friends, family even?
Come on, please.
I want a bottle of vodka.
And I want a voice like James Brown.
I'll tell Mum your little secret.
Have you any idea how hurtful this is?
How distasteful?
Cider or nothing, OK?
I'll be 10 minutes.
Do you know what?
No, you can't have it.
I'll tell her.
Then tell her.
It'll be embarrassing.
You'll put her and me in a position
we don't really want to be in, but if you wanna
risk all that, then tell her.
Tell her what?
Dad's been--
I'll tell her.
Pot the pink!
And that's it.
It's not pretty.
I'm not proud.
That's what I did, and I'm sorry.
Happy now?
That's not what I meant, you dirty bastard.
Watch your mouth.
He's Having an affair.
What?
Overnight all dressed up to meet some skank.
Tried to say he was going to a parents' evening.
SONG: Baby, please don't do that.
You got it wrong.
I heard you on the phone, talking filth.
You can't deny it.
I know her name.
Mrs. Smith.
Hang on a minute.
I'm Mrs. Smith.
What?
SONG: Now that I'm here, no more--
Now and then, to spice things up,
your dad and I pretend, pretend we're someone else.
It's a game, Letitia.
I don't know what's wrong with it.
It's just dripping.
It's very wet.
It needs fixing, but I'm skim.
Then I'm gonna have to insist on payment in kind.
Grown up game.
Consenting adults.
Sniffing my knickers?
Dirty twat!
You're asleep.
All night.
Amazing, isn't it?
- She all right? - She's perfect.
No fucking thanks to you, you selfish
bastard, pissing off with your mates when she needed you.
SONG: Boys, boys, boys.
I'm looking for a good time.
How's penis colado?
Never mind, but.
Get home and get the place tidied.
They've said we can take her home today.
And I want everything just right.
And Micky, I want all the locks changing.
Front and back.
All the keys to me.
Good to have you back.
Did you change the locks?
Haven't had a chance yet.
MANDY (VOICEOVER): That's why they're
doing it, you dozy mare, to make the place nicer for you!
Don't.
A few bridges to build, haven't I?
SONG: I can't seem to face up to the facts.
Excuse me.
Yes.
You the manager?
I am.
You need to reassess your refunds policy!
No!
SONG: I'm a real live wire.
Psycho killer, qu'est-ce que c'est?
Voddy, crisps.
I gave you 20.
Nice to see you, Frank.
SONG: Run away.
Oh!
Psycho killer, qu'est-ce que c'est.
Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa--
Get it in without a mark, and we'll throw
in a complementary handjob.
How the fuck did you talk Lillian
into forking out for that?
- It's an investment. - In what?
Skin cancer.
Punters'll pay extra for a healthy-looking girl.
Pasty and fat they can get at home.
It's got to be what, two grand?
Three and a half.
Fuck me!
What next?
A website.
Punters book online.
Double your trade overnight with the right web designer.
I hate to break it to you, but this
is not Spearmint fucking Rhino.
Just leave the thinking to me and Lillian, yeah?
Where is she?
Where's Lillian?
Out on business.
- What kind of business? - Her own!
Hey, what man-made object built over 2,000 years ago is
said to be visible from space?
The Trafford Center.
[laughter]
That's one of hell of a bronzy that,
for a few days' team-building in the sticks.
Yeah, It's out of a bottle.
Yeah, it'll wash off in a few days.
Was hard, though?
SONG: I'm sure you will find many ways to have a good time.
Go on, get it all in.
Oh.
Pretty much all the time.
Yeah, they had us up all hours.
KAREN: What liquid is also known as H2O.
By the way, we're sorted.
Jamie says we can crash here for a bit.
And what was Hitler's first name?
Heil.
[laughter]
Chocka tonight.
I just wanted to apologize for earlier.
You know, when the men were delivering the tanning beds.
I was stressed out really bad.
I think I was a bit off with you.
A bit?
Trixie told me about the bracelet.
Yeah, it was a misunderstanding.
It's all sorted now.
But not really.
'Cause she reckons she'd never seen it before Lillian
started waving it in her face.
She never asked to borrow it, and defo never stole it.
I'm not a liar.
Neither's Trixie.
And she's not a thief.
[flushing]
You know what?
It really is none of my business as long as Lillian's happy.
Oh, she is.
KAREN: Who wrote "Robinson Crusoe?"
What did Sir Walter Raleigh bring back to England
from the New World?
The bike.
Lillian, will you shut the fuck up?
What's up?
KAREN: All right, all right.
Little Miss Sunshine over there joined at the hip
with Lillian.
I thought you were letting go, living your life.
There's something up there, Shane.
Look, Lillian's run that place for donkeys.
She survived two recessions, fought off police,
nutters in rubber, her husband's getting
shot, and a son with all the charm and appeal
of a young Charles Manson.
Bonnie, I think she can handle
KAREN: And your last question this round
is who was the architect of--
Now, we just grab our stuff and go, yeah?
Come in.
But first, close your eyes.
Open them now.
Karen told me the way to inner peace
was to finish what you started.
So I looked around me house to see the things I'd
started but hadn't finished.
As well as this room, I finished a bottle of wine,
bottle of Bailey's, tub of ice cream, packet of penguins,
the last of the Prozac, the rest of the cheesecake,
and a box of Black Magic.
Can't tell you how good I feel!
Will you stay?
Course we will.
But there are rules, OK?
My rules.
KELLY (VOICEOVER): And sometimes, when
you get it right, it works.
Cheers.
KELLY (VOICEOVER): Extend the hand of friendship.
Might get it slapped now and again,
but keep on putting it out there.
And one day, someone will take it.
And you can make that difference.
And who knows?
In years to come, you might prove that theory wrong.
Everyone will remember your name.
Not 'cause you were just there, but
because you shone a little light, filled a hole,
made a difference.
- Is that it? - That's it.
All legal?
Yup.
I can't believe that's it.
You're a bit too old for a formal adoption.
But a legal name change?
That's a step in the right direction.
Welcome to the family, Bonnie Tyler.
Thanks, Mum.
[theme music]
[dramatic music playing]